All language subtitles for The Muppet Show S02E05 Guest Judy Collins 1080p DSNP WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-LAZY_track3_[eng]

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American) Download
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,417 --> 00:00:01,793 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 2 00:00:01,876 --> 00:00:05,255 Judy Collins. Oh, 15 seconds to curtain, Miss Collins. 3 00:00:06,214 --> 00:00:09,092 I'm ready. I'm ready for anything. 4 00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,927 [DYNAMITE EXPLODES THEN JUDY SCREAMS] 5 00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:14,556 Ha-ha-ha! You weren't ready for that! 6 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,475 [SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY] 7 00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:24,274 It's The Muppet Show, with our very special guest star, Miss Judy Collins! 8 00:00:25,483 --> 00:00:27,610 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 9 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,790 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 10 00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:42,917 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 11 00:00:43,001 --> 00:00:46,004 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 12 00:00:47,380 --> 00:00:49,466 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 13 00:00:49,549 --> 00:00:51,634 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 14 00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,595 ♪ It's time to get things started ♪ 15 00:00:53,678 --> 00:00:55,930 Do we have to watch this? 16 00:00:56,014 --> 00:01:00,352 ♪ It's time to get things started On the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 17 00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,520 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 18 00:01:02,604 --> 00:01:05,315 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 19 00:01:05,398 --> 00:01:09,235 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 20 00:01:10,528 --> 00:01:12,113 [HONKS] 21 00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,117 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 22 00:01:16,201 --> 00:01:20,372 Okay, thank you, thank you, thank you, and welcome to The Muppet Show. 23 00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:24,250 Hey, we really have a terrific show for you tonight because we have with us 24 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:28,088 one of the most beautiful and talented singers in the world-- 25 00:01:28,171 --> 00:01:30,548 Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you. 26 00:01:30,632 --> 00:01:33,426 It's about time you said something nice about me. 27 00:01:33,510 --> 00:01:36,596 Uh, Piggy, I was referring to Miss Judy Collins. 28 00:01:37,847 --> 00:01:40,183 Oh. Ahem. 29 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:45,271 Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Judy Collins. 30 00:01:45,355 --> 00:01:47,565 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 31 00:01:47,649 --> 00:01:49,943 [BAND PLAYING MELANCHOLY FOLK MUSIC] 32 00:01:56,574 --> 00:01:58,535 Oh, hello there. 33 00:01:58,618 --> 00:02:01,246 -♪ Hi ♪ -♪ Said the little brown leatherwing bat ♪ 34 00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:06,251 ♪ "I'll tell you the reason that The reason that I fly in the night" ♪ 35 00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:09,212 ♪ Is because I've lost My heart's delight ♪ 36 00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,840 ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 37 00:02:11,923 --> 00:02:14,467 ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 38 00:02:14,551 --> 00:02:17,137 ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 39 00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:20,890 BOTH: ♪ How dow dee dee-dit dee doe ♪ 40 00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:23,601 I have to go and sing now with Woodpecker. 41 00:02:23,685 --> 00:02:26,021 Find out what "how dow dee dee-dit doe dum" means. 42 00:02:26,104 --> 00:02:27,897 I will. 43 00:02:30,275 --> 00:02:32,902 -♪ Hi ♪ -♪ Said the woodpecker on the fence ♪ 44 00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,530 ♪ "Once I courted a handsome wench ♪ 45 00:02:35,613 --> 00:02:38,074 ♪ She got saucy and from me fled" ♪ 46 00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:40,660 ♪ Ever since then, my head's been red ♪ 47 00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:43,329 ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 48 00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,957 ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 49 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:48,585 ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 50 00:02:48,668 --> 00:02:51,546 BOTH: ♪ How dow dee dee-dit dee doe ♪ 51 00:02:51,629 --> 00:02:53,757 What does "how dow dee dee-dit dee doe" mean? 52 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,384 -Go sing with the owl. -Oh. 53 00:03:01,681 --> 00:03:04,267 -♪ Who ♪ -♪ Said the hoot owl sitting in the tree ♪ 54 00:03:04,351 --> 00:03:06,895 ♪ "All night long I watch and see" ♪ 55 00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:09,564 -♪ Who ♪ -♪ "Goes where and what they do" 56 00:03:09,647 --> 00:03:13,568 -♪ He knows what and he knows ♪ -♪ Who ♪ 57 00:03:13,651 --> 00:03:16,154 ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 58 00:03:16,237 --> 00:03:18,740 BAT & WOODPECKER: ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 59 00:03:18,823 --> 00:03:21,618 ALL: ♪ Howdy dowdy diddle all day ♪ 60 00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:25,080 ♪ How dow dee ♪ 61 00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,875 ♪ Dee-dit dee ♪ 62 00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:33,963 ♪ Doe ♪ 63 00:03:40,261 --> 00:03:44,265 You know, when I see that Judy Collins, I'm glad I left my wife. 64 00:03:44,349 --> 00:03:45,684 You left your wife? 65 00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,102 Yeah, I left her at home. 66 00:03:47,185 --> 00:03:48,687 [BOTH LAUGH] 67 00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:49,813 That's good. 68 00:03:49,896 --> 00:03:53,566 Yeah, well, sell the hotel on Pennsylvania Avenue, 69 00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:57,487 buy all your railroads, forget the 200, and let them go straight to jail. 70 00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:58,780 Right. 71 00:03:58,863 --> 00:04:01,032 Oh, boy, look who's here. 72 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,034 Oh, Kermit, you know my uncle. 73 00:04:03,118 --> 00:04:04,285 J.P. Grosse. 74 00:04:04,369 --> 00:04:06,871 Yeah, I own the theater, the ground it stands on, 75 00:04:06,955 --> 00:04:08,957 and the mineral rights underneath it. 76 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:11,918 In fact, I probably own you too, frog. 77 00:04:12,002 --> 00:04:14,504 Uh, kid, make a note: 78 00:04:14,587 --> 00:04:17,549 See if we own the frog. If not, take an option. 79 00:04:17,632 --> 00:04:20,885 Uh, well, J.P., I suppose you're here on a little inspection tour. 80 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:22,887 -Yeah, well, you could call it that. -Uh-huh. 81 00:04:22,971 --> 00:04:26,224 Well, attendance is up, revenue is up. Just about everything is up. 82 00:04:26,307 --> 00:04:29,185 -Yeah, well, the theater's coming down. -What? 83 00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:31,980 I'm tearing it down, putting in a junkyard. 84 00:04:32,063 --> 00:04:33,606 [STAMMERING] But why? 85 00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:37,444 Because there's more money in real junk than this junk you got here. 86 00:04:37,527 --> 00:04:39,404 Come on, kid, this well's dry. 87 00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:40,905 [KERMIT STAMMERING] 88 00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:44,743 Don't forget the option on the frog. Get a lien on his legs. 89 00:04:47,370 --> 00:04:49,372 I think my stock just dropped. 90 00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:57,881 NARRATOR: And now Pigs in Space. 91 00:04:59,549 --> 00:05:02,886 Featuring the stouthearted Captain Link Hogthrob, 92 00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:05,180 the fetching First Mate Miss Piggy, 93 00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:11,061 and the ubiquitous Dr. Julius Strangepork. 94 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:14,689 Last week, the spaceship Swinetrek was rapidly approaching 95 00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:17,942 the electrifying midcourse correction maneuver. 96 00:05:19,694 --> 00:05:21,946 Stand by for midcourse correction. 97 00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,657 Oh, isn't this electrifying? 98 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:27,410 Dr. Strangepork, ready to count me down? 99 00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:29,913 Oh, Captain Link, would it be all right 100 00:05:29,996 --> 00:05:32,624 if I performed the midcourse correction? 101 00:05:32,707 --> 00:05:34,250 -Well... -After all, 102 00:05:34,334 --> 00:05:39,047 I did go to school for this particular maneuver for 11 years. 103 00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,965 Still, you are a woman. 104 00:05:41,049 --> 00:05:44,594 Yes, captain, just as you are a man. 105 00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,640 Technically, you're both pigs, but we know what you're talking about. 106 00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:52,894 Oh, captain, may I please perform the maneuver? 107 00:05:52,977 --> 00:05:54,688 Well, I suppose so. 108 00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,982 -Oh, thank you, Herr Kapitän! Oh! HOGTHROB: Unh! 109 00:05:58,066 --> 00:06:00,694 Twenty-five seconds to midcourse correction. 110 00:06:00,777 --> 00:06:02,278 -Now, First Mate Piggy... -Mm? 111 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,072 ...don't forget which button to push. 112 00:06:04,155 --> 00:06:06,533 -Ah. I know which button to push. -Mm-hm. 113 00:06:06,616 --> 00:06:08,743 I studied it for 11 years. 114 00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,328 Fifteen seconds. 115 00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:13,581 -It's this button right here. -I know it's that button. 116 00:06:13,665 --> 00:06:15,875 -Ten seconds. -Push it when he tells you. 117 00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:18,128 -I know, I know! -Five seconds. 118 00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,880 -Don't panic, First Mate Piggy. -Will you shut up?! 119 00:06:20,964 --> 00:06:23,049 Don't tell me to shut up. I'm your captain. 120 00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:25,885 Now! Push the button! Push the button! 121 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:29,222 -Push the button! -I know! Don't shout at me! I'm a lady! 122 00:06:29,305 --> 00:06:32,142 If you don't push that button, I'll push it. 123 00:06:38,982 --> 00:06:43,153 You pushed the wrong button, bacon brain. 124 00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:47,323 I spent 11 years learning which button to push, 125 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:49,951 and you pushed one of those other buttons. 126 00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:52,328 Captain, you know what that means? 127 00:06:52,412 --> 00:06:54,789 -Not...? -Yes, I'm afraid so. 128 00:06:54,873 --> 00:06:56,249 You don't mean...? 129 00:06:56,332 --> 00:06:58,001 Yes, undoubtedly. 130 00:06:59,085 --> 00:07:00,128 Does this mean...? 131 00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:02,088 ALL: Yes, it does. 132 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:03,798 [BAND PLAYS DRAMATIC MUSIC] 133 00:07:03,882 --> 00:07:07,886 NARRATOR: Tune in next week and miss the continuation of... 134 00:07:07,969 --> 00:07:12,057 Pigs in Space! 135 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,225 [BAND PLAYING STATELY MUSIC] 136 00:07:19,731 --> 00:07:25,320 I just want it known that, following that last piece of material, 137 00:07:25,403 --> 00:07:27,697 I am disassociating myself 138 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:32,911 from this whole weird, sick show. 139 00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,662 Where do I go? 140 00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:39,167 Ladies and gentlemen, at this time, 141 00:07:39,250 --> 00:07:42,504 we have a very special, uh, um... 142 00:07:42,587 --> 00:07:44,798 Uh, I'm trying to make an introduction. 143 00:07:44,881 --> 00:07:47,842 Oh, go right ahead. I'm just checking the floor. 144 00:07:47,926 --> 00:07:49,594 [STAMPING] 145 00:07:49,678 --> 00:07:51,846 -Uh, ladies and gentlemen-- -Scooter, make a note: 146 00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,973 Some of these boards are rotten. 147 00:07:54,057 --> 00:07:55,433 That's too bad. 148 00:07:55,517 --> 00:07:57,852 If you dried your flippers before you came out here, 149 00:07:57,936 --> 00:07:59,646 this wouldn't happen. 150 00:08:01,481 --> 00:08:05,443 Um, ladies and gentlemen, Miss Judy Collins. 151 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:07,404 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 152 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,572 [PLAYING FOLK MUSIC] 153 00:08:11,908 --> 00:08:14,536 ♪ I know an old lady Who swallowed a fly ♪ 154 00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:18,373 ♪ I don't know why She swallowed that fly ♪ 155 00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:22,002 ♪ I guess I'll die ♪ 156 00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,712 [LAUGHS] 157 00:08:27,007 --> 00:08:29,342 ♪ I know an old lady Who swallowed a spider ♪ 158 00:08:29,426 --> 00:08:32,637 ♪ That wriggled and tickled And jiggled inside her ♪ 159 00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:35,557 ♪ She swallowed the spider To catch the fly ♪ 160 00:08:35,640 --> 00:08:38,977 ♪ But I don't know Why she swallowed the fly ♪ 161 00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:43,148 ♪ I guess I'll die ♪ 162 00:08:43,231 --> 00:08:45,316 [LAUGHS] 163 00:08:48,278 --> 00:08:50,697 ♪ I know an old lady Who swallowed a bird ♪ 164 00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:54,159 How absurd. She swallowed a bird. Heh. 165 00:08:54,242 --> 00:08:56,286 ♪ She swallowed the bird To catch the spider ♪ 166 00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,831 ♪ That wriggled and tickled And jiggled inside her ♪ 167 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,875 ♪ She swallowed the spider To catch the fly ♪ 168 00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:06,212 ♪ But I don't know why She swallowed the fly ♪ 169 00:09:06,296 --> 00:09:08,757 ♪ I guess I'll die ♪ 170 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,925 [LAUGHS] 171 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:17,223 JUDY: ♪ I know an old lady Who swallowed a cat ♪ 172 00:09:17,307 --> 00:09:20,685 Imagine that. She swallowed a cat. Heh. 173 00:09:20,769 --> 00:09:22,729 ♪ She swallowed the cat To catch the bird ♪ 174 00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,856 ♪ She swallowed the bird To catch the spider ♪ 175 00:09:24,939 --> 00:09:28,109 ♪ That wriggled and tickled And jiggled inside her ♪ 176 00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,695 ♪ She swallowed the spider To catch the fly ♪ 177 00:09:30,779 --> 00:09:34,157 ♪ But I don't know why She swallowed the fly ♪ 178 00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:36,826 Well, I guess I'll die. 179 00:09:36,910 --> 00:09:38,036 Come here, puppy. 180 00:09:38,119 --> 00:09:39,454 [LAUGHS] 181 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:45,502 ♪ I know an old lady Who swallowed a dog ♪ 182 00:09:45,585 --> 00:09:48,880 What a hog! She swallowed a dog! 183 00:09:48,963 --> 00:09:51,424 ♪ Well, she swallowed the dog To catch the cat ♪ 184 00:09:51,508 --> 00:09:53,677 ♪ She swallowed the cat To catch the bird ♪ 185 00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:55,595 ♪ Swallowed the bird To catch the spider ♪ 186 00:09:55,679 --> 00:09:58,598 ♪ That wriggled and tickled And jiggled inside her ♪ 187 00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:01,101 ♪ She swallowed the spider To catch the fly ♪ 188 00:10:01,184 --> 00:10:04,854 ♪ But I don't know why She swallowed the fly ♪ 189 00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:09,359 ♪ I guess I'll die ♪ 190 00:10:09,442 --> 00:10:11,319 Come here, Billy. 191 00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,700 ♪ I know an old lady Who swallowed a goat ♪ 192 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:20,328 STATLER: Just opened her throat and swallowed a goat! Heh-heh-heh. 193 00:10:20,412 --> 00:10:22,664 ♪ She swallowed the goat To catch the dog ♪ 194 00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:24,582 ♪ She swallowed the dog To catch the cat ♪ 195 00:10:24,666 --> 00:10:26,710 ♪ She swallowed the cat To catch the bird ♪ 196 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:28,628 ♪ Swallowed the bird To catch the spider ♪ 197 00:10:28,712 --> 00:10:31,631 ♪ That wriggled and tickled And jiggled inside her ♪ 198 00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:34,467 ♪ She swallowed the spider To catch the fly ♪ 199 00:10:34,551 --> 00:10:37,721 ♪ But I don't know why She swallowed the fly ♪ 200 00:10:39,014 --> 00:10:44,310 ♪ I guess I'll die ♪ 201 00:10:50,775 --> 00:10:54,279 ♪ I know an old lady Who swallowed a horse ♪ 202 00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:58,074 ♪ She's dead, of course ♪ 203 00:11:04,873 --> 00:11:06,332 [BOTH LAUGH] 204 00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,459 Wonderful! Yeah! 205 00:11:07,542 --> 00:11:09,836 -Wonderful! -Yes, but I swallowed my gum. 206 00:11:09,919 --> 00:11:12,464 How very dumb, to swallow your gum. 207 00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:16,634 Here is a Muppet news flash. 208 00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:17,802 [YELPS] 209 00:11:18,928 --> 00:11:20,388 There it was, folks. 210 00:11:21,389 --> 00:11:25,602 Yeah, well, I'm tearing the theater down, putting in a junkyard. 211 00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:27,687 Mm. Yeah, course I will. 212 00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:33,318 Ahh! Oh, look, it's Scooter's uncle, the famous J.P. Grosse. 213 00:11:33,401 --> 00:11:39,074 Oh, I had no idea that someone so rich could be so good-looking. Ahem. 214 00:11:39,157 --> 00:11:42,952 Listen, I don't want excuses. Just get the widow's wheelchair. 215 00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:48,375 Hello, my name is Miss Piggy, the singing star of The Muppet Show. 216 00:11:48,458 --> 00:11:50,001 Well, sue, then. 217 00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:52,879 I wonder, would you like to hear me sing? 218 00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,214 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 219 00:11:54,297 --> 00:11:56,424 Oh, all right. Ahem. 220 00:11:56,508 --> 00:12:00,053 ♪ Call me irresponsible ♪ 221 00:12:00,136 --> 00:12:02,764 ♪ Call me unreliable ♪ 222 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:03,890 ♪ Call me-- ♪ 223 00:12:03,973 --> 00:12:07,018 Call you? What for? No money in hog-calling. 224 00:12:08,687 --> 00:12:10,772 Well, call this, cigar breath! 225 00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,148 Hi-yah! 226 00:12:12,232 --> 00:12:13,316 [KERMIT YELPS] 227 00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:20,907 For a second there, I thought somebody was gonna get hurt around here. 228 00:12:20,990 --> 00:12:22,367 [GROANS] 229 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:25,495 [BAND PLAYING TENDER BALLAD] 230 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:34,129 ♪ I talk to the trees ♪ 231 00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:37,924 ♪ But they don't listen to me ♪ 232 00:12:38,008 --> 00:12:40,844 TREE 1: I'm not listening to any more of this. 233 00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:42,470 TREE 2: Yeah, let's leaf. 234 00:12:42,554 --> 00:12:44,597 Oh, boy. 235 00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,392 TREE 3: Ah, that turkey talks ragtime. 236 00:12:47,475 --> 00:12:50,228 TREE 4: Blah, blah, blah. 237 00:12:53,023 --> 00:12:56,568 This is Kermit the Frog speaking to you from the planet Koozebane. 238 00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:59,154 Today I am interviewing a most unfortunate creature, 239 00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,947 the Koozebanian Phoob. 240 00:13:01,031 --> 00:13:02,741 Thank you. I'm pleased to be here. 241 00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:05,326 As a matter of fact, I'm pleased to be anywhere. 242 00:13:05,410 --> 00:13:07,620 I can believe that, because, folks, 243 00:13:07,704 --> 00:13:10,832 the Phoob is known as the most delicious creature on Koozebane. 244 00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:13,251 True. We have a saying on this world: 245 00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:17,881 "I never met a Phoob I didn't like, especially with mushroom gravy." 246 00:13:17,964 --> 00:13:21,843 I suppose this tends to hold down the Phoob population pretty effectively. 247 00:13:21,926 --> 00:13:25,472 Not really. Actually, my species is flourishing. 248 00:13:25,555 --> 00:13:28,558 -Really? Well, how do you manage that? -Evolution. 249 00:13:28,641 --> 00:13:30,518 I don't think I understand. 250 00:13:30,602 --> 00:13:33,855 We Phoobs tend to evolve rather faster than most creatures. 251 00:13:33,938 --> 00:13:35,982 Mm-hm. Well, what do you evolve into? 252 00:13:36,066 --> 00:13:38,026 Oh, you know, whatever's handy. 253 00:13:38,109 --> 00:13:41,029 Uh, I beg your pardon? 254 00:13:41,112 --> 00:13:44,407 We try to blend in with the crowd as best we can. 255 00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:46,785 Say, are you changing? 256 00:13:46,868 --> 00:13:49,871 "Evolving." Evolving is the accurate term. 257 00:13:49,954 --> 00:13:52,415 Yeah, but you're starting to look familiar. 258 00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,793 [MIMICKING KERMIT] I should certainly hope so. 259 00:13:54,876 --> 00:13:57,253 This is very weird. 260 00:13:57,337 --> 00:14:00,423 Good grief! Even your clothes are the same! 261 00:14:00,507 --> 00:14:03,718 It's called the survival of the trench-coated. 262 00:14:03,802 --> 00:14:05,845 Yeah, but you can't do this. 263 00:14:05,929 --> 00:14:07,972 Uh, this is Kermit the Frog, returning you to-- 264 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:09,849 -I'm Kermit the Frog! -I am! 265 00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,101 I am! 266 00:14:11,184 --> 00:14:13,269 [BOTH GRUNTING] 267 00:14:15,271 --> 00:14:18,983 BOTH: These are Kermit the Frogs, returning you to The Muppet Show. 268 00:14:19,067 --> 00:14:20,193 You can't do that! 269 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:21,403 Will you stop?! 270 00:14:21,486 --> 00:14:22,696 [BOTH GRUNTING] 271 00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,572 I'm the real Kermit, folks. 272 00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:29,452 Wonderful! Very funny, eh, Waldorf? Uh... 273 00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:30,995 I wonder where he went. 274 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,247 He was here a minute ago, 275 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:35,166 watching the Phoob and falling down laughing. 276 00:14:35,250 --> 00:14:38,670 I'm still falling, but I've stopped laughing. 277 00:14:38,753 --> 00:14:40,672 Help! 278 00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:43,925 Uh, Mr. Statler, 279 00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:47,762 there aren't too many people on this show I like to talk to. 280 00:14:47,846 --> 00:14:49,931 -Well, I can understand that. -Mm. 281 00:14:50,015 --> 00:14:51,766 They're kind of weird. 282 00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:55,186 -Weird is too nice a word. -Mm, mm. 283 00:14:55,270 --> 00:15:00,150 But you and your friend seem to be very distinguished gentlemen. 284 00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:03,153 Uh, by the way, where is your friend? 285 00:15:03,236 --> 00:15:07,032 Oh, uh, I don't know. He must have stepped out for a minute. 286 00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:10,452 Uh, "stepped out" is right. Hey, give me a hand, huh? 287 00:15:10,535 --> 00:15:12,871 Well, I'm sure he didn't go far. 288 00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:15,999 Yeah, he's probably hanging around somewhere. 289 00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,294 Uh, "hanging around" is right. Help! 290 00:15:19,377 --> 00:15:23,381 Mr. Statler, what I find hard to understand 291 00:15:23,465 --> 00:15:26,259 is why you come here every night. 292 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,970 Well, uh, it gets me out of the house. 293 00:15:29,054 --> 00:15:34,309 But there are many better places to go than this freak show. 294 00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:37,562 There's the symphony, the ballet, the opera... 295 00:15:37,645 --> 00:15:39,397 -Help! Help! -Mm. 296 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:41,274 -Never go to the opera. -Help! 297 00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,568 Can't stand all that screaming and yelling. 298 00:15:43,651 --> 00:15:44,778 Help! 299 00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:47,155 You just don't understand opera. 300 00:15:47,238 --> 00:15:49,616 Oh, I understand it, all right. 301 00:15:49,699 --> 00:15:53,828 I just hate it. I'd rather go to a public hanging. 302 00:15:53,912 --> 00:15:56,706 You are at a public hanging. Pull me up. 303 00:15:56,790 --> 00:16:00,502 Does your friend Waldorf feel as strongly as you? 304 00:16:00,585 --> 00:16:03,588 I don't have any feeling at all. My hand is numb. 305 00:16:03,672 --> 00:16:05,799 I don't know. Why don't you ask him? 306 00:16:05,882 --> 00:16:08,551 Maybe I will. I will drop by later. 307 00:16:08,635 --> 00:16:12,972 Oof. I'm gonna drop right now if somebody doesn't help me. 308 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:17,602 But... But wherever he is, it's good to know 309 00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:20,689 that at least we have you two gentlemen here 310 00:16:20,772 --> 00:16:23,566 to provide dignity and decency. 311 00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:25,276 [WALDORF YELLS] 312 00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,445 [CRASHING] 313 00:16:27,529 --> 00:16:29,698 [PLAYING FINGER EXERCISES] 314 00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:41,918 Hey, thank you, Judy. 315 00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:44,713 I wanna thank you for wanting to play this number with me. 316 00:16:44,796 --> 00:16:46,006 I'm just honored. 317 00:16:46,089 --> 00:16:48,925 Oh, it's a pleasure for me, Rowlf. Thank you. 318 00:16:49,009 --> 00:16:51,219 Uh, what is that you're playing right now? 319 00:16:51,302 --> 00:16:56,558 Oh, these are just finger exercises. I play them to warm up before I play. 320 00:16:56,641 --> 00:16:58,101 Really? 321 00:16:58,184 --> 00:16:59,310 What do you do to warm up? 322 00:16:59,394 --> 00:17:01,563 Oh, I chase cars. 323 00:17:03,940 --> 00:17:08,153 Oh, dear. I'd much rather play finger exercises. 324 00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:10,030 When I was a kid, I used to play these 325 00:17:10,113 --> 00:17:13,033 and put a book up in front of me and read while I practiced. 326 00:17:13,116 --> 00:17:16,369 Oh. I guess that's easy for you. 327 00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:20,165 But it's tough to play the piano and chase cars at the same time. 328 00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:25,086 How about playing a duet with me? 329 00:17:25,170 --> 00:17:27,922 Oh, listen, that's why I'm here, 330 00:17:28,006 --> 00:17:29,758 Okay. 331 00:17:32,594 --> 00:17:34,679 [BOTH PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC] 332 00:17:48,985 --> 00:17:53,156 ♪ Doe, a deer, a female deer ♪ 333 00:17:53,239 --> 00:17:57,243 ♪ Ray, a drop of golden sun ♪ 334 00:17:57,327 --> 00:18:01,414 ♪ Me, a name I call myself ♪ 335 00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:05,377 ♪ Far, a long, long way to run ♪ 336 00:18:05,460 --> 00:18:09,381 ♪ Sew, a needle pulling thread ♪ 337 00:18:09,464 --> 00:18:13,385 ♪ La, a note to follow so ♪ 338 00:18:13,468 --> 00:18:16,888 ♪ Tea, a drink with jam and bread ♪ 339 00:18:16,971 --> 00:18:23,687 BOTH: ♪ That will bring us back to do ♪ 340 00:18:34,781 --> 00:18:38,243 Oh, no, what am I gonna do? 341 00:18:38,326 --> 00:18:40,412 Hi, Kermit, what's happening? 342 00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:43,289 -Oh, Gonzo, haven't you heard the news? -No. 343 00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,960 Well, Scooter's uncle's gonna tear this theater down. 344 00:18:47,043 --> 00:18:48,169 No! 345 00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:52,215 Yes. And he's gonna build a junkyard on this very spot. 346 00:18:52,298 --> 00:18:54,592 -No! -Yes. 347 00:18:54,676 --> 00:18:59,347 Oh, what a terrific idea for an act! Ahh. 348 00:18:59,431 --> 00:19:02,600 -What? -I wish I'd thought of it. 349 00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:04,769 [MUTTERING] 350 00:19:06,271 --> 00:19:07,939 There goes a real trouper. 351 00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,609 [BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC] 352 00:19:11,693 --> 00:19:13,778 [SINGING IN GIBBERISH] 353 00:19:19,617 --> 00:19:21,327 ♪ Bork, bork, bork ♪ 354 00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:25,957 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 355 00:19:26,041 --> 00:19:29,586 ...salad... lettuce... 356 00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:31,713 [CONTINUES SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 357 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:35,884 ...boom-boom... lettuce... up. 358 00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:42,182 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 359 00:19:42,265 --> 00:19:43,266 ...salad. 360 00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:46,227 Ever eat any of that Swedish chef's food? 361 00:19:46,311 --> 00:19:48,897 Are you kidding? If I did, I'd be dead. 362 00:19:48,980 --> 00:19:51,107 That's why I asked. 363 00:19:51,191 --> 00:19:53,318 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 364 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,331 ...Brussels sprouts. 365 00:20:07,791 --> 00:20:10,752 Oh, they're going to get that Swedish chef someday. 366 00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:14,506 -Who is? -The "Smorgas-board" of Health. 367 00:20:16,633 --> 00:20:18,510 -Scooter. -What is it, Kermit? 368 00:20:18,593 --> 00:20:19,719 You're the only one 369 00:20:19,803 --> 00:20:22,347 who can talk your uncle out of tearing this theater down. 370 00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,057 Oh, gee, I don't think so, Kermit. 371 00:20:24,140 --> 00:20:26,810 Well, sure, you can. Appeal to his sense of art. 372 00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:29,354 Tell him about the people who'll be out of work. 373 00:20:29,437 --> 00:20:31,773 -Sorry, Kermit. -Including you. 374 00:20:31,856 --> 00:20:33,024 Wait right here. 375 00:20:34,401 --> 00:20:35,985 -Hey, Uncle J.P. -Huh? 376 00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:38,738 -You can't tear this theater down. -Oh, sure, I can. 377 00:20:38,822 --> 00:20:40,824 I've got the junkyard all planned. 378 00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:44,577 Gonna put the old cars right here and the old tires over there. 379 00:20:44,661 --> 00:20:47,622 Well, what about your sense of art? 380 00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:48,915 Art who? 381 00:20:48,998 --> 00:20:51,835 Well, what will all these people do for money? 382 00:20:51,918 --> 00:20:53,753 Oh, let them spend cake. 383 00:20:53,837 --> 00:20:55,922 Well, what about me? 384 00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:59,259 Oh, well, I was gonna put you in charge of the junkyard. 385 00:20:59,342 --> 00:21:01,177 What do you say to that, kid? 386 00:21:03,304 --> 00:21:06,224 Let's get started, Uncle Partner. 387 00:21:09,269 --> 00:21:11,187 Scooter! Aah! 388 00:21:13,857 --> 00:21:15,900 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 389 00:21:15,984 --> 00:21:19,738 ...coconut... boom-boom. 390 00:21:19,821 --> 00:21:21,906 [CONTINUES SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 391 00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:24,409 [CHICKEN SCREAMS] 392 00:21:25,660 --> 00:21:27,746 [SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH] 393 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,504 Well, did you find all that interesting? 394 00:21:36,588 --> 00:21:39,799 No, I was "smorgas-bored." 395 00:21:40,884 --> 00:21:43,219 -"Bored"! -"Bored"! 396 00:21:43,303 --> 00:21:47,057 ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Judy Collins. 397 00:21:47,140 --> 00:21:49,642 [BAND PLAYING MELANCHOLY FOLK MUSIC] 398 00:21:56,107 --> 00:21:59,652 ♪ Isn't it rich? ♪ 399 00:22:01,446 --> 00:22:05,158 ♪ Are we a pair? ♪ 400 00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:10,497 ♪ Me here at last on the ground ♪ 401 00:22:10,580 --> 00:22:15,794 ♪ You in midair ♪ 402 00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:20,882 ♪ Where are the clowns? ♪ 403 00:22:25,470 --> 00:22:30,433 ♪ Isn't it bliss? ♪ 404 00:22:30,517 --> 00:22:35,397 ♪ Don't you approve? ♪ 405 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,983 ♪ One who keeps tearing around ♪ 406 00:22:39,067 --> 00:22:44,030 ♪ One who can't move ♪ 407 00:22:44,114 --> 00:22:48,576 ♪ Where are the clowns? ♪ 408 00:22:48,660 --> 00:22:53,540 ♪ Send in the clowns ♪ 409 00:22:53,623 --> 00:22:57,794 ♪ Just when I'd stopped ♪ 410 00:22:57,877 --> 00:23:01,965 ♪ Opening doors ♪ 411 00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:06,886 ♪ Finally knowing the one that I wanted ♪ 412 00:23:06,970 --> 00:23:10,890 ♪ Was yours ♪ 413 00:23:10,974 --> 00:23:13,977 ♪ Making my entrance again ♪ 414 00:23:14,060 --> 00:23:19,524 ♪ With my usual flair ♪ 415 00:23:19,607 --> 00:23:24,863 ♪ Sure of my lines ♪ 416 00:23:24,946 --> 00:23:31,453 ♪ No one is there ♪ 417 00:23:35,623 --> 00:23:41,254 ♪ Don't you love farce? ♪ 418 00:23:41,338 --> 00:23:46,259 ♪ My fault, I fear ♪ 419 00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:50,221 ♪ I thought that you'd want what I want ♪ 420 00:23:50,305 --> 00:23:55,018 ♪ Sorry, my dear ♪ 421 00:23:56,311 --> 00:24:00,440 ♪ But where are the clowns? ♪ 422 00:24:00,523 --> 00:24:06,613 ♪ Quick, send in the clowns ♪ 423 00:24:06,696 --> 00:24:10,492 ♪ Don't bother ♪ 424 00:24:10,575 --> 00:24:15,914 ♪ They're here ♪ 425 00:24:33,932 --> 00:24:37,686 ♪ But where are the clowns? ♪ 426 00:24:39,104 --> 00:24:44,192 ♪ There ought to be clowns ♪ 427 00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:50,615 ♪ Well, maybe ♪ 428 00:24:50,699 --> 00:24:57,497 ♪ Next year ♪ 429 00:25:08,049 --> 00:25:09,718 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING] 430 00:25:09,801 --> 00:25:11,511 Well, we made it through another one, 431 00:25:11,594 --> 00:25:16,850 mostly with the help of our wonderful guest star, Miss Judy Collins! Yay! 432 00:25:16,933 --> 00:25:18,977 [AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND WHISTLING] 433 00:25:19,060 --> 00:25:20,979 Thank you. It's been wonderful. 434 00:25:21,062 --> 00:25:22,397 Oh, I'm very glad, 435 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:24,941 you know, mostly because this may be our last show. 436 00:25:25,025 --> 00:25:26,067 -Oh, no. -Yeah. 437 00:25:26,151 --> 00:25:28,236 Scooter's uncle wants to tear this place down. 438 00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:32,240 No, cancel that plan. I'm not gonna tear this place down. 439 00:25:32,323 --> 00:25:34,701 -You're not? -It'd be a waste of money. 440 00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:37,871 This dump's gonna fall in on its own. Look at this floor. 441 00:25:37,954 --> 00:25:39,289 [STAMPS THEN YELLS] 442 00:25:39,372 --> 00:25:40,457 -Oh! -Oh. 443 00:25:40,540 --> 00:25:43,543 We'll see you next time on The Muppet Show-- Aah! 444 00:25:43,626 --> 00:25:45,712 [ALL SHOUTING INDISTINCTLY] 445 00:25:45,795 --> 00:25:47,881 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 446 00:26:22,874 --> 00:26:26,044 This theater is as solid as a rock. Watch this. 447 00:26:26,127 --> 00:26:27,337 [YELPS THEN CRASHES] 33908

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.