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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:33,708 --> 00:00:36,267 What are you? A dog or a cow? 2 00:00:36,291 --> 00:00:38,601 I'm a dog, but not just a dog. 3 00:00:38,625 --> 00:00:41,041 I'm a dog with a boner. Check it out! 4 00:00:44,083 --> 00:00:47,517 Well, there it is. Is the poop ready? 5 00:00:47,541 --> 00:00:49,458 That's a roger on the poop. 6 00:00:49,958 --> 00:00:51,934 Oh, holy crap, how big was that dog? 7 00:00:51,958 --> 00:00:53,833 Small, but there was seven of them. 8 00:00:55,666 --> 00:00:58,309 I'll give you three reasons why this is a bad idea. 9 00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:00,434 One, cops. Two, dogs. 10 00:01:00,458 --> 00:01:02,934 Three, NRA front door. 11 00:01:02,958 --> 00:01:05,184 Quit worrying, Dean. These people deserve it. 12 00:01:05,208 --> 00:01:07,184 They never give out candy. 13 00:01:07,208 --> 00:01:09,517 Yeah, but remember last time we pulled something like this? 14 00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:11,101 Dean got his arm broke. 15 00:01:11,125 --> 00:01:13,517 That's because he ran off alone and fell in a ditch. 16 00:01:13,541 --> 00:01:15,267 If he just sticks with us, he'll be fine. 17 00:01:15,291 --> 00:01:18,041 Come on! Let's do this. 18 00:01:18,666 --> 00:01:20,208 Okay... 19 00:01:33,125 --> 00:01:35,208 Go! 20 00:01:48,666 --> 00:01:50,559 Ahh, uh-oh... 21 00:01:50,583 --> 00:01:52,625 It's getting kinda big-ish. 22 00:01:54,583 --> 00:01:56,666 - Come on! - Quick! 23 00:02:05,083 --> 00:02:06,083 No! 24 00:02:09,500 --> 00:02:11,559 Doo-doo in mouth! Doo-doo in mouth! 25 00:02:11,583 --> 00:02:12,642 Let's get out of here! 26 00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:14,541 We can't - there's people in there! 27 00:02:18,250 --> 00:02:19,851 Don't shoot! Don't shoot! 28 00:02:19,875 --> 00:02:21,416 The scarecrow set your house on fire. 29 00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:25,642 No one's home. We gotta call 911! 30 00:02:25,666 --> 00:02:28,666 Dude! You're seriously overreacting. 31 00:02:31,250 --> 00:02:32,642 Call 911! 32 00:02:32,666 --> 00:02:35,625 Hey, look! They do give out candy. 33 00:02:36,625 --> 00:02:37,851 We're so dead! 34 00:02:37,875 --> 00:02:40,184 Oh, my God! My father's going to kill me. 35 00:02:40,208 --> 00:02:42,601 Come on, let's go. Let's get out of here. 36 00:02:42,625 --> 00:02:45,333 Wait! Wait a second, I got an idea. 37 00:02:48,791 --> 00:02:50,851 - Who's got a pen? - Use Wes's dick! 38 00:02:50,875 --> 00:02:52,892 Quick! Give me a first name. 39 00:02:52,916 --> 00:02:54,017 Zeus! 40 00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,059 A kid's name! 41 00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:56,958 - Ricky! - Okay. 42 00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,184 Now a last name. 43 00:02:59,208 --> 00:03:00,333 I got it! Stanton. 44 00:03:02,541 --> 00:03:04,267 Wait, no! What? That's my last name. 45 00:03:04,291 --> 00:03:06,750 So? Your first name's not Ricky. 46 00:03:09,625 --> 00:03:11,166 - Come on. - Come on. 47 00:03:11,875 --> 00:03:13,541 Go! 48 00:03:21,583 --> 00:03:22,892 Check this out. 49 00:03:22,916 --> 00:03:25,809 Numb-nuts kid caught his jacket on fire during his prank. 50 00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:26,892 Here's the best part. 51 00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:28,708 His mommy wrote his name on the collar. 52 00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:31,684 'Ricky Stanicky'? 53 00:03:31,708 --> 00:03:32,892 Dumb shit. 54 00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:34,434 Bad news, Chief. Just heard back. 55 00:03:34,458 --> 00:03:36,309 No Stanickys in the school district. 56 00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:37,892 Kid must be from out of town. 57 00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:39,041 Shit. 58 00:03:40,666 --> 00:03:43,351 I can't believe that actually worked. 59 00:03:43,375 --> 00:03:47,875 Guys, I think we just made a friend for life. 60 00:04:21,833 --> 00:04:25,267 ♪ Then I put my codes ♪ 61 00:04:25,291 --> 00:04:27,541 ♪ In the machine ♪ 62 00:04:29,375 --> 00:04:31,601 ♪ But the world I found ♪ 63 00:04:31,625 --> 00:04:34,726 ♪ Was made of faulty dreams ♪ 64 00:04:34,750 --> 00:04:36,976 ♪ Of faulty dreams ♪ 65 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,726 ♪ Fairy-like companions ♪ 66 00:04:40,750 --> 00:04:44,476 ♪ To the dark maths That catapult ♪ 67 00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:48,184 ♪ Us into imagined worlds ♪ 68 00:04:48,208 --> 00:04:51,750 ♪ Seems a mockery remote ♪ 69 00:05:00,916 --> 00:05:02,750 Want to grab a quick drink? 70 00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:05,875 Why would you have a quick drink 71 00:05:07,416 --> 00:05:09,476 when you can have the long drink? 72 00:05:09,500 --> 00:05:11,559 In Finland, the happiest country on Earth, 73 00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:13,517 we invented the long drink... 74 00:05:13,541 --> 00:05:15,351 That's it for the beer in the garage. 75 00:05:15,375 --> 00:05:17,142 Do we need to run out and get more? 76 00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:18,726 No. That's perfect. 77 00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,125 You sure? 78 00:05:20,916 --> 00:05:23,184 - Yeah. The place looks amazing. - Yeah? 79 00:05:23,208 --> 00:05:25,008 Maybe this would be a good side hustle for us. 80 00:05:25,916 --> 00:05:27,726 Erin and Dean's baby showers. 81 00:05:27,750 --> 00:05:29,476 - I like it. - Yeah. 82 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,184 And that's when Gilbert Gines realized 83 00:05:31,208 --> 00:05:33,434 that the answer to gang violence 84 00:05:33,458 --> 00:05:36,934 may be found in the spit-valve of a well-worn trumpet. 85 00:05:36,958 --> 00:05:38,059 What is this? 86 00:05:38,083 --> 00:05:39,851 Uh, it's a show called 'Hero of the Week'. 87 00:05:39,875 --> 00:05:42,642 It's about everyday people who do these incredible things. 88 00:05:42,666 --> 00:05:44,851 My producer at Channel 6 wants me to submit for it. 89 00:05:44,875 --> 00:05:46,559 He says he has a good contact there. 90 00:05:46,583 --> 00:05:47,809 Well, what are you waiting for? 91 00:05:47,833 --> 00:05:50,184 Well, if I want MFMBC to notice me, 92 00:05:50,208 --> 00:05:52,101 what I need are better assignments, 93 00:05:52,125 --> 00:05:55,375 but all I get are these babies-who-Tweet stories. 94 00:05:55,958 --> 00:05:56,935 Mm! 95 00:05:56,959 --> 00:05:58,226 Speaking of babies, 96 00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:01,017 can you please hang these pictures up for me, over there. 97 00:06:01,041 --> 00:06:02,875 It's JT and Susan's baby pictures. 98 00:06:03,791 --> 00:06:07,101 Jesus, God! Was JT born with adult teeth? 99 00:06:07,125 --> 00:06:09,892 Oh, come on, his teeth are cute. Look at that. 100 00:06:09,916 --> 00:06:12,541 Cute? He looks like hillbilly Hitler. 101 00:06:13,625 --> 00:06:15,892 - You think all babies are cute. - All babies are cute. 102 00:06:15,916 --> 00:06:17,642 Yeah, sure. 103 00:06:17,666 --> 00:06:19,934 And the remotes are sticky for like 20 years. 104 00:06:19,958 --> 00:06:21,184 Well, there are good things 105 00:06:21,208 --> 00:06:22,517 about having kids too, you know. 106 00:06:22,541 --> 00:06:24,309 - Really? - Yeah. 107 00:06:24,333 --> 00:06:26,625 I don't remember my parents feeling that way. 108 00:06:27,375 --> 00:06:29,666 You don't think your parents enjoyed having kids? 109 00:06:30,375 --> 00:06:32,767 It doesn't matter. What we have is way better. 110 00:06:32,791 --> 00:06:34,267 It's what we always talked about. 111 00:06:34,291 --> 00:06:35,291 Hmm. 112 00:06:35,875 --> 00:06:37,166 I love you. 113 00:06:38,041 --> 00:06:39,125 You love me. 114 00:06:39,625 --> 00:06:42,041 - We love Paul. - Hmm. 115 00:06:43,375 --> 00:06:45,267 And we don't need anyone else. 116 00:06:45,291 --> 00:06:47,434 Oh, my God! JT, leave me alone! 117 00:06:47,458 --> 00:06:50,642 It is my baby shower, I'm going to have one drink. One! 118 00:06:50,666 --> 00:06:52,559 Dr. Kurihara said it is perfectly fine. Hello. 119 00:06:52,583 --> 00:06:55,142 Dr. Kurihara is part of the medical industrial complex, 120 00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:57,351 and Midwife Maggie said you're on a strict vegan diet 121 00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:59,017 and absolutely no alcohol. 122 00:06:59,041 --> 00:07:01,892 Okay, well you are not Midwife Maggie, you are my husband. 123 00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:04,184 Yeah, I know, but I'm also Daddy Doula. 124 00:07:04,208 --> 00:07:05,851 - That's my job. - You gotta stop saying that. 125 00:07:05,875 --> 00:07:07,351 You're going to make the baby throw up. 126 00:07:07,375 --> 00:07:09,267 They can't... Can they throw up inside of there? 127 00:07:09,291 --> 00:07:10,726 Wait, JT's your doula? 128 00:07:10,750 --> 00:07:13,142 Yeah, he also wants to be naked when the baby is born. 129 00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,851 - Don't you? - I don't want to be naked. 130 00:07:14,875 --> 00:07:16,392 I just want my shirt off, okay, 131 00:07:16,416 --> 00:07:18,184 for the first embrace, skin to skin. 132 00:07:18,208 --> 00:07:20,059 It's a bonding thing. 133 00:07:20,083 --> 00:07:21,517 - Good. - Hey, you better get that. 134 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,434 That's the fourth time Ricky called in, like, 20 minutes. 135 00:07:23,458 --> 00:07:24,517 Yeah, see what he wants, man. 136 00:07:24,541 --> 00:07:25,726 He's been blowing me up all day. 137 00:07:25,750 --> 00:07:27,559 - Really? - Yeah. 138 00:07:27,583 --> 00:07:29,000 All right. 139 00:07:29,875 --> 00:07:32,309 Stanicky! What up, man? How's it going? 140 00:07:32,333 --> 00:07:34,434 I'm going to get you a tea, not wine, don't drink. 141 00:07:34,458 --> 00:07:37,541 Yeah, hey I'm in the middle of something right now. I just... 142 00:07:40,458 --> 00:07:41,791 Are you serious? 143 00:07:43,875 --> 00:07:46,333 Uh-huh. Okay. 144 00:07:48,916 --> 00:07:51,267 Well, just do me a favor and have someone call me 145 00:07:51,291 --> 00:07:53,083 when you get out of surgery, all right? 146 00:07:56,041 --> 00:07:57,541 So you're all alone? 147 00:07:58,666 --> 00:08:00,375 Shit, man, that sucks. 148 00:08:00,875 --> 00:08:01,934 All right, hang in there. 149 00:08:01,958 --> 00:08:03,517 We'll all be sending you positive vibes 150 00:08:03,541 --> 00:08:05,083 from over here, buddy. 151 00:08:07,125 --> 00:08:08,375 Love you too, man. 152 00:08:09,166 --> 00:08:11,208 What's going on? What did he say? 153 00:08:12,208 --> 00:08:13,666 It's back. 154 00:08:14,166 --> 00:08:15,166 What's back? 155 00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:18,101 - The cancer. - Oh, God. 156 00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,892 I thought he was out of the woods. 157 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:20,958 Poor guy. 158 00:08:21,916 --> 00:08:23,976 Are they going to have to remove the 159 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:25,601 other testicle? 160 00:08:25,625 --> 00:08:27,184 And can they even do that? 161 00:08:27,208 --> 00:08:28,934 I thought you needed at least one to live. 162 00:08:28,958 --> 00:08:30,976 What? No! That's kidneys, dumbo. 163 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:32,684 Where is he? 164 00:08:32,708 --> 00:08:34,434 He's in a hospital in Albany. 165 00:08:34,458 --> 00:08:36,434 Albany? Why is he in Albany? 166 00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:38,684 He flew in from Nairobi to meet with some non-profits 167 00:08:38,708 --> 00:08:40,851 and he had an attack. 168 00:08:40,875 --> 00:08:42,476 They're gonna open him up tonight. 169 00:08:42,500 --> 00:08:44,059 Dean, you should drive out there. 170 00:08:44,083 --> 00:08:45,226 The poor guy's all alone. 171 00:08:45,250 --> 00:08:47,309 I can't go tonight. What about the baby shower? 172 00:08:47,333 --> 00:08:48,892 And Summerhayes is going to be here. 173 00:08:48,916 --> 00:08:50,434 What? You're worried about your boss? 174 00:08:50,458 --> 00:08:51,726 Come on, he's just business. 175 00:08:51,750 --> 00:08:53,851 Ricky's been there for you guys your whole lives. 176 00:08:53,875 --> 00:08:56,142 Dude, just go. I've got Summerhayes covered. 177 00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:58,059 What? No, no, no, no. 178 00:08:58,083 --> 00:08:59,142 You should call him 179 00:08:59,166 --> 00:09:00,809 and tell him you have a family emergency. 180 00:09:00,833 --> 00:09:02,059 You should go with Dean. 181 00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,476 Are you serious? Babe, we can't both bail on the boss. 182 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:05,934 Yes! Yes, you can. 183 00:09:05,958 --> 00:09:07,434 I mean, he'll probably be relieved 184 00:09:07,458 --> 00:09:09,375 that he doesn't have to go to a baby shower. 185 00:09:11,541 --> 00:09:14,809 Well, looks like we're going to Albany. 186 00:09:14,833 --> 00:09:15,851 You were right, man 187 00:09:15,875 --> 00:09:17,892 the Summerhayes thing totally put it over the top. 188 00:09:17,916 --> 00:09:19,559 The Devil's in the details, my friend. 189 00:09:19,583 --> 00:09:21,017 What the hell took y'all so long? 190 00:09:21,041 --> 00:09:22,726 - The flight leaves in an hour. - Oh, sorry. 191 00:09:22,750 --> 00:09:23,934 We were doing all the work 192 00:09:23,958 --> 00:09:25,976 executing our brilliant last-minute plan. 193 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:27,184 Who made the Stanicky calls? 194 00:09:27,208 --> 00:09:29,142 Who cares who did what, Wes? The point is it worked. 195 00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:30,476 We got out of a baby shower, 196 00:09:30,500 --> 00:09:32,142 and we got tickets to Marc-fucking-Rebillet! 197 00:09:32,166 --> 00:09:33,143 Whoo! 198 00:09:33,167 --> 00:09:35,226 - How'd you score those babies? - Yeah, this guy we work with 199 00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:36,642 broke one of his ankles last night. 200 00:09:36,666 --> 00:09:39,184 He fell out of a tree trying to get his kid's balloon. 201 00:09:39,208 --> 00:09:40,767 - Poor guy. - So we got his tickets. 202 00:09:40,791 --> 00:09:42,309 Goddamn, y'all so lucky, man! 203 00:09:42,333 --> 00:09:44,059 This kind of shit happens to you all the time. 204 00:09:44,083 --> 00:09:46,226 Hey! Good things happen to good people. 205 00:09:46,250 --> 00:09:48,392 That's right. Atlantic City, here we come. 206 00:09:48,416 --> 00:09:49,601 Let's tear New Jersey a new armpit! 207 00:09:49,625 --> 00:09:50,625 Whoa! 208 00:09:51,916 --> 00:09:53,892 It's not the same but it feels just as good. 209 00:09:53,916 --> 00:09:56,375 I mean, you just have to have sex on the side like a walrus. 210 00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:58,517 Won't that dent the baby's head? 211 00:09:58,541 --> 00:10:01,375 I had a friend named Liam, and his head got all dick-dented. 212 00:10:01,916 --> 00:10:04,976 I think maybe his mother had a short vagina. 213 00:10:05,000 --> 00:10:06,892 Just looking out for baby Whitaker. 214 00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:08,309 So you still going with Whitaker, huh? 215 00:10:08,333 --> 00:10:10,101 We are! It's a family name. All right? 216 00:10:10,125 --> 00:10:11,517 - Oh, that's nice. - Yeah, thank you. 217 00:10:11,541 --> 00:10:13,226 You guys know the rules. 218 00:10:13,250 --> 00:10:15,017 Phones off, so we don't get tracked. 219 00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:16,208 - Mm-hm. - Yep. 220 00:10:17,333 --> 00:10:18,892 - All right. Wes. - I'm Wes. 221 00:10:18,916 --> 00:10:20,041 - Bible! - Ooh. 222 00:10:20,583 --> 00:10:22,375 All right... 223 00:10:23,125 --> 00:10:24,601 What we got? 224 00:10:24,625 --> 00:10:26,434 - Ricky's cancer's back. - Oh, no. 225 00:10:26,458 --> 00:10:28,517 Emergency surgery in Albany. 226 00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:31,976 Oh, that's terrible. Emergency surgery... 227 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,767 Hey, why does it have to be cancer? 228 00:10:33,791 --> 00:10:35,267 Like, won't everybody get worried? 229 00:10:35,291 --> 00:10:36,559 That mean I gotta do chemo again? 230 00:10:36,583 --> 00:10:39,851 Yeah, and that's going to take us right into the World Series. 231 00:10:39,875 --> 00:10:41,583 - Ahh. - Boom! 232 00:10:42,291 --> 00:10:45,351 All right, one final bit of business before we land. 233 00:10:45,375 --> 00:10:47,601 Stanicky phone. Let's get this Instagram out of the way. 234 00:10:47,625 --> 00:10:49,083 There we go. 235 00:10:51,333 --> 00:10:53,517 - "Life is precious." - It is. 236 00:10:53,541 --> 00:10:55,809 - "And so is friendship." - Hmm. 237 00:10:55,833 --> 00:10:58,500 "Thanks to my boys for being here for me." 238 00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:00,102 Good. 239 00:11:00,126 --> 00:11:02,059 All right, are we done? Is it get drunk time? 240 00:11:02,083 --> 00:11:03,976 - Yeah. - A toast! 241 00:11:04,000 --> 00:11:05,351 To Ricky Stanicky. 242 00:11:05,375 --> 00:11:07,059 To Ricky Stanicky. 243 00:11:07,083 --> 00:11:09,291 The best friend we never had. 244 00:11:09,875 --> 00:11:11,000 Yoo! 245 00:11:16,875 --> 00:11:18,500 ♪ Get the fuck out of bed Bitch, go! ♪ 246 00:11:22,625 --> 00:11:24,750 ♪ Get up, get up! You gotta go, gah! ♪ 247 00:11:28,166 --> 00:11:29,916 ♪ Wake up, time to wake up Bitch, get up! ♪ 248 00:11:51,958 --> 00:11:53,851 Woo-hoo-hoo! 249 00:11:53,875 --> 00:11:56,309 God, that was good! That was amazing! 250 00:11:56,333 --> 00:11:59,101 - Thank you, Ricky Stanicky. - The fucking Loop Daddy! 251 00:11:59,125 --> 00:12:00,267 Unbelievable, dude. 252 00:12:00,291 --> 00:12:02,476 It makes all that guilt I'm feeling totally worthwhile. 253 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:04,351 Why do we even have to feel guilt? 254 00:12:04,375 --> 00:12:05,601 We could have just told them. 255 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:07,351 You know, and cut out that whole angst part. 256 00:12:07,375 --> 00:12:09,101 No, because the Rebillet tickets 257 00:12:09,125 --> 00:12:10,726 fell into our lap this morning, 258 00:12:10,750 --> 00:12:12,851 and the girls have had the baby shower planned for weeks. 259 00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:14,434 Yeah. Yeah, but they're strong women. 260 00:12:14,458 --> 00:12:16,101 I'm sure they would've gotten over 261 00:12:16,125 --> 00:12:17,601 us skipping one little party. 262 00:12:17,625 --> 00:12:20,958 It's not one little party. It's my baby shower. 263 00:12:22,250 --> 00:12:23,767 Oh, a Jack and Coke. 264 00:12:23,791 --> 00:12:25,892 I'll have a Dos Equis, please. Hoo! 265 00:12:25,916 --> 00:12:28,916 Do you have, uh... do you have organic vodka? 266 00:12:31,041 --> 00:12:32,726 Just any vodka, it's all... 267 00:12:32,750 --> 00:12:34,250 - Anything. - Thank you. 268 00:12:34,750 --> 00:12:36,767 Speaking of vodka, I'll take a Belvedere, neat, 269 00:12:36,791 --> 00:12:38,351 and a plate of your crispiest calamari. 270 00:12:38,375 --> 00:12:40,559 No, no, Rod. No! Bad! 271 00:12:40,583 --> 00:12:42,184 You keep freeloading off the customers 272 00:12:42,208 --> 00:12:43,309 and you're out of here. 273 00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:45,101 He loves giving me the business. 274 00:12:45,125 --> 00:12:47,309 Just to be clear, I'm anything but a freeloader. 275 00:12:47,333 --> 00:12:49,392 Just going to give you guys a little 'squid pro quo' 276 00:12:49,416 --> 00:12:50,892 for the calamari. 277 00:12:50,916 --> 00:12:52,601 Really? Meaning? 278 00:12:52,625 --> 00:12:54,559 Oh, I do a midnight show at the Slot Swamp Casino. 279 00:12:54,583 --> 00:12:56,851 I'll get you guys in, half price. 280 00:12:56,875 --> 00:12:59,166 - What kind of show? - Ah. Check this out. 281 00:13:00,875 --> 00:13:01,852 Boom! 282 00:13:01,876 --> 00:13:03,642 Oh, shit! Yo! 283 00:13:03,666 --> 00:13:05,059 "Rock Hard Rod 284 00:13:05,083 --> 00:13:08,333 "South Jersey's premier X-rated rock'n'roll impersonator". 285 00:13:09,750 --> 00:13:11,601 That's not as crazy as it sounds. 286 00:13:11,625 --> 00:13:14,226 I mean, most of the songs are just about masturbation, 287 00:13:14,250 --> 00:13:15,583 and we all do that, right? 288 00:13:16,125 --> 00:13:17,309 Yeah! 289 00:13:17,333 --> 00:13:19,726 Actually, Rod, I don't think we'll be able to make the show, 290 00:13:19,750 --> 00:13:20,892 but we'll buy you a drink 291 00:13:20,916 --> 00:13:22,309 if you put your jerk-off hand down. 292 00:13:22,333 --> 00:13:23,934 You drive a hard bargain, sir. 293 00:13:23,958 --> 00:13:27,476 So, you do a bunch of jerk-off songs to make a living? 294 00:13:27,500 --> 00:13:28,809 Yeah, I do a whole act. 295 00:13:28,833 --> 00:13:30,892 Wall-to-wall, top-to-bottom jizz jams! 296 00:13:30,916 --> 00:13:32,976 You'll be surprised at how much material lends itself to it. 297 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:34,226 I mean, 'Beat It', Michael Jackson. 298 00:13:34,250 --> 00:13:35,851 'Wind Beneath My Wings', Bette Midler. 299 00:13:35,875 --> 00:13:37,559 - Anything by The Strokes! - Mm. 300 00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,017 Yeah, and I'm the only one in the world 301 00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:40,059 that's figured it out. 302 00:13:40,083 --> 00:13:43,226 Yeah, it's almost hard to believe. 303 00:13:43,250 --> 00:13:44,809 Oh, Barry, my dear friends here 304 00:13:44,833 --> 00:13:46,291 will buy me that drink after all. 305 00:13:46,791 --> 00:13:47,976 Oh, yeah, I also do impressions. 306 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,059 You name it, I can do it. I'm a trained actor, you know. 307 00:13:50,083 --> 00:13:51,976 - I got a good one for you, Rod. - Yeah? 308 00:13:52,000 --> 00:13:53,976 Why don't you do the guy that gets the fuck out of here 309 00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:55,559 before I call security? 310 00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:57,392 No, no, no, it's okay. It's okay. 311 00:13:57,416 --> 00:13:58,517 I think we'd like to see this. 312 00:13:58,541 --> 00:14:00,101 And go ahead and bring him that drink. 313 00:14:00,125 --> 00:14:03,434 Ha! And the calamari, Bar-ry! 314 00:14:03,458 --> 00:14:05,601 Dickhead! Love that guy. 315 00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:07,309 So, who do you guys want me to do? 316 00:14:07,333 --> 00:14:09,916 You, er, I don't know, you like Owen Wilson? 317 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,934 - Sure. - We love Owen Wilson. 318 00:14:11,958 --> 00:14:14,250 - Yeah, that's fine. - I would love some Owen Wilson. 319 00:14:17,250 --> 00:14:19,017 Wow! 320 00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:20,892 Where in the history of our relationship 321 00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:22,934 did you think I couldn't do an impersonation 322 00:14:22,958 --> 00:14:24,976 of somebody as adorable as The Big O? 323 00:14:25,000 --> 00:14:27,809 That is an excellent Owen Wilson. That's a good Owen. 324 00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:28,934 - It's okay. - Wow. 325 00:14:28,958 --> 00:14:30,892 - It's not that good. - Thank you. Oh, er... 326 00:14:30,916 --> 00:14:33,083 - I'm just... - Calamari's here, man. 327 00:14:36,916 --> 00:14:38,458 All right, an oldie but a goodie. 328 00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:42,351 Take a look at this tit, kid. 329 00:14:42,375 --> 00:14:44,142 Probably the last one you're ever going to see 330 00:14:44,166 --> 00:14:45,416 for the rest of your life. 331 00:14:45,916 --> 00:14:47,726 Don't drink no more, Momma. 332 00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:49,226 You're real mean when you drink stuff. 333 00:14:49,250 --> 00:14:51,476 Quit your bitchin', ya sloppy punk. 334 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:53,142 You wanna know how you was hatched? 335 00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:55,851 Your old man was basting my rump roast 336 00:14:55,875 --> 00:14:57,934 and some of it dribbled into my woolly burger. 337 00:14:57,958 --> 00:14:59,726 You know what that makes you? 338 00:14:59,750 --> 00:15:01,726 A shit baby! 339 00:15:01,750 --> 00:15:03,726 That's right, you're nothing but shit, 340 00:15:03,750 --> 00:15:05,416 and you always will be! 341 00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:08,458 Is... is that from 'Downton Abbey'? 342 00:15:09,666 --> 00:15:11,809 That was, er 343 00:15:11,833 --> 00:15:14,375 just a little skit from my childhood. 344 00:15:19,625 --> 00:15:20,642 Er, yeah... 345 00:15:20,666 --> 00:15:22,809 I think it's time to hit the tables, boys. Huh? 346 00:15:22,833 --> 00:15:24,767 Right on. Where are we going? 347 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,392 Copper Bonnet's the only place on the boardwalk 348 00:15:26,416 --> 00:15:27,393 with 50-cent tables. 349 00:15:27,417 --> 00:15:29,267 Not as many hookers, but they're friendlier 350 00:15:29,291 --> 00:15:30,392 they don't get weirded out 351 00:15:30,416 --> 00:15:31,809 when you just wanna brush their hair. 352 00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:34,017 Yeah, Rod, I think we're just going to stay around here. 353 00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:36,541 Oh, here's great. I'm friends with the bartender, Barry. 354 00:15:38,000 --> 00:15:41,309 Hey, Hard-on Ronnie, we are doing our own thing. 355 00:15:41,333 --> 00:15:43,101 We got our thing going on, 356 00:15:43,125 --> 00:15:46,142 and we're probably just gonna 357 00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:47,958 leave you. 358 00:15:52,500 --> 00:15:54,375 Okay, I can take a hint. 359 00:15:55,375 --> 00:15:56,352 You guys look at me 360 00:15:56,376 --> 00:15:58,309 and you just see another scumbag impersonator, right? 361 00:15:58,333 --> 00:16:01,083 Thanks for understanding, man. You're a good dude. 362 00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:07,767 - What the hell, man? - What? 363 00:16:07,791 --> 00:16:09,666 You didn't have to be so mean about it. 364 00:16:10,416 --> 00:16:12,333 What? I wasn't... What did I do? 365 00:16:13,208 --> 00:16:14,684 What? Was I being an asshole? 366 00:16:14,708 --> 00:16:16,767 Well, you called him 'Hard-on Ronnie'. 367 00:16:16,791 --> 00:16:18,642 It's 'Rock Hard Rod'. 368 00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:20,601 Ohh, right, I'm so sorry. 369 00:16:20,625 --> 00:16:22,142 I didn't know Weird Al Wankovic 370 00:16:22,166 --> 00:16:23,833 would be so sensitive. 371 00:16:25,250 --> 00:16:27,083 Rod! Hey, Rod! 372 00:16:27,916 --> 00:16:28,893 These are mine. 373 00:16:28,917 --> 00:16:31,559 I just wanted to say sorry for what happened back there. 374 00:16:31,583 --> 00:16:32,976 My friends 375 00:16:33,000 --> 00:16:35,476 they just want it to be some kind of reunion, just us, 376 00:16:35,500 --> 00:16:37,125 but that wasn't cool, so... 377 00:16:38,458 --> 00:16:40,750 Whatever, I get it. Happens all the time. 378 00:16:41,666 --> 00:16:43,434 You guys come in to AC 379 00:16:43,458 --> 00:16:46,101 with your Toyota Avalons and your anesthesiologist money. 380 00:16:46,125 --> 00:16:47,976 Strutting around like a bunch of big shots. 381 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:49,392 Let me tell you something. 382 00:16:49,416 --> 00:16:50,892 We lost Joan Rivers and Michael Jackson 383 00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:52,267 because of you fuckers, okay? 384 00:16:52,291 --> 00:16:54,500 None of us are anesthesiologists. 385 00:16:55,500 --> 00:16:56,976 Not here for the convention? 386 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:58,208 No. 387 00:16:59,833 --> 00:17:01,476 Hey, I get it, man. 388 00:17:01,500 --> 00:17:04,017 You look at me and see another asshole sideshow freak, right? 389 00:17:04,041 --> 00:17:05,684 - Not at all. - I'm more than that. 390 00:17:05,708 --> 00:17:07,666 I'm a damn good actor. 391 00:17:08,375 --> 00:17:09,708 You'll see. 392 00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,500 Shit! 393 00:17:18,583 --> 00:17:20,059 Who are they? 394 00:17:20,083 --> 00:17:21,708 Crazy fans I was trying to avoid. 395 00:17:22,291 --> 00:17:25,208 Anyway, I gotta run. Hey, take my card. 396 00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:28,142 Remember that name. 397 00:17:28,166 --> 00:17:30,101 I promise it's going to mean something to you some day. 398 00:17:30,125 --> 00:17:32,041 I would not be surprised. 399 00:17:42,125 --> 00:17:43,875 Oh! Jeez. 400 00:18:00,416 --> 00:18:02,916 Oh, my God! Yes! Yes! 401 00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:05,934 - Give me my money right now! - JT! JT! 402 00:18:05,958 --> 00:18:08,184 Not now, Dean. I'm on fire! 403 00:18:08,208 --> 00:18:10,392 And for once I'm going to leave Atlantic City a winner! 404 00:18:10,416 --> 00:18:12,000 Susan's in labor. 405 00:18:16,375 --> 00:18:18,476 This was a bad idea. I knew this was a bad idea. 406 00:18:18,500 --> 00:18:19,684 Don't friggin' do that, man. 407 00:18:19,708 --> 00:18:21,726 You're 'Monday morning quarterbacking' right now. 408 00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:23,809 Who could've figured she'd go into labor six weeks early? 409 00:18:23,833 --> 00:18:27,101 Six weeks! My baby's going to be born six weeks early. 410 00:18:27,125 --> 00:18:29,267 - Is he going to be okay? - The baby's going to fine. 411 00:18:29,291 --> 00:18:31,476 Babies are born six weeks early all the time. 412 00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:33,184 I was born six weeks early. 413 00:18:33,208 --> 00:18:35,250 Oh, shit! Go, go, go! Go! 414 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:46,708 Susan Levine. What room is she in? 415 00:18:47,666 --> 00:18:49,416 - Levine? - Yeah, Levine. 416 00:18:49,958 --> 00:18:53,083 Ah, here we are. She and the baby are in 208. 417 00:18:54,125 --> 00:18:55,684 She had the baby?! 418 00:18:55,708 --> 00:18:57,541 Oh, baby Whitaker. 419 00:18:58,041 --> 00:18:59,916 This was not the birth plan I had for you. 420 00:19:00,541 --> 00:19:02,601 I wanted you born on the shores of Goosewing Beach. 421 00:19:02,625 --> 00:19:04,309 You know what my birth plan was? 422 00:19:04,333 --> 00:19:06,267 For you to actually be here. 423 00:19:06,291 --> 00:19:08,184 Why isn't he wearing a shirt? 424 00:19:08,208 --> 00:19:10,642 I'm having skin-to-skin contact with my son, Leona. 425 00:19:10,666 --> 00:19:13,101 It's a proven way of regulating a newborn baby's temperature, 426 00:19:13,125 --> 00:19:14,601 and it calms him, thank you. 427 00:19:14,625 --> 00:19:16,166 Don't blankets do that? 428 00:19:16,666 --> 00:19:19,476 Oh, he is such a little peanut. 429 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:22,059 We should call him Shrimpy, he's such a little peanut. 430 00:19:22,083 --> 00:19:25,059 Please don't call my grandson 'Shrimpy'. 431 00:19:25,083 --> 00:19:27,333 Shrimps are the cockroaches of the sea. 432 00:19:27,833 --> 00:19:30,559 6lbs is pretty good for a month and a half early, right, Mom? 433 00:19:30,583 --> 00:19:32,684 Oh, he's perfect. He's perfect. 434 00:19:32,708 --> 00:19:35,434 I want to know where the hell you guys were tonight. 435 00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:37,601 We called every hospital in Albany 436 00:19:37,625 --> 00:19:40,184 and there was no record of a Ricky Stanicky. 437 00:19:40,208 --> 00:19:41,809 Yeah, and the last thing you tell me 438 00:19:41,833 --> 00:19:44,142 is you got to go see him because he's got... 439 00:19:44,166 --> 00:19:45,625 What kind of cancer? 440 00:19:46,208 --> 00:19:48,416 Er... anal. 441 00:19:49,000 --> 00:19:50,601 I thought it was testicular. 442 00:19:50,625 --> 00:19:54,166 It was testicular, but then it spread to his anus. 443 00:19:54,750 --> 00:19:56,892 Yeah, they had to remove it. 444 00:19:56,916 --> 00:19:58,208 They removed his asshole? 445 00:19:59,333 --> 00:20:02,434 Er... just the outer lip part. 446 00:20:02,458 --> 00:20:05,267 Outer lip part? What is he, a fucking baboon? 447 00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:07,351 Come on, Wes. What's going on here? 448 00:20:07,375 --> 00:20:08,958 Where were you? 449 00:20:12,750 --> 00:20:14,500 Okay. 450 00:20:16,416 --> 00:20:17,833 It was a lie. 451 00:20:19,125 --> 00:20:21,041 It's all been a lie. 452 00:20:21,583 --> 00:20:23,208 What's a lie? 453 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,208 The whole Ricky Stanicky thing. 454 00:20:27,083 --> 00:20:29,309 It was, uh... 455 00:20:29,333 --> 00:20:30,476 It's bullshit. 456 00:20:30,500 --> 00:20:32,476 JT, what's he talking about? 457 00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:34,208 Yeah, Dean, what is he talking about? 458 00:20:35,833 --> 00:20:37,767 He's saying... 459 00:20:37,791 --> 00:20:40,267 Ricky Stanicky lied to us. 460 00:20:40,291 --> 00:20:42,684 Okay? There was no cancer. 461 00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:44,976 When we got to the hospital, Ricky was standing out front 462 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:46,684 with a bottle of champagne and a limo. 463 00:20:46,708 --> 00:20:48,726 Turns out that it was his five-year anniversary 464 00:20:48,750 --> 00:20:50,517 being cancer free. 465 00:20:50,541 --> 00:20:53,601 So he pretended to have cancer 466 00:20:53,625 --> 00:20:56,351 just so he could celebrate not having cancer? 467 00:20:56,375 --> 00:20:58,267 I... Yeah. 468 00:20:58,291 --> 00:20:59,392 It's typical Rick. 469 00:20:59,416 --> 00:21:01,351 You know, he's got such a weird sense of humour. 470 00:21:01,375 --> 00:21:02,934 - He does, yep. - Okay... 471 00:21:02,958 --> 00:21:05,476 He was in Albany meeting with the Give Green Foundation, 472 00:21:05,500 --> 00:21:07,684 and I guess he just wanted to celebrate with us. 473 00:21:07,708 --> 00:21:09,184 So he pranked us. 474 00:21:09,208 --> 00:21:11,767 The Give Green Foundation? 475 00:21:11,791 --> 00:21:14,392 Yeah. You've heard of them, Leona. They're wonderful. 476 00:21:14,416 --> 00:21:17,976 Wait, why didn't you call us and tell us that he was okay? 477 00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,767 And why was your phone off all night? 478 00:21:19,791 --> 00:21:21,309 Oh, baby, it was a whirlwind. 479 00:21:21,333 --> 00:21:22,892 Ricky took us to a stand-up comedy show 480 00:21:22,916 --> 00:21:24,583 and they didn't allow cell phones, so... 481 00:21:25,125 --> 00:21:27,184 And after that, the night turned into a blur. 482 00:21:27,208 --> 00:21:29,434 You know I wanted to be here for you for this. 483 00:21:29,458 --> 00:21:31,000 I wanted this more than you did. 484 00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,184 Oh, get that baby off that thing 485 00:21:33,208 --> 00:21:34,309 and give him to his mother. 486 00:21:34,333 --> 00:21:35,892 Oh, that is disgusting! 487 00:21:35,916 --> 00:21:39,208 No. It's dangerous to detach. Let him suck it out. 488 00:21:40,250 --> 00:21:42,226 Yeah. Good boy. 489 00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:43,976 This hippie-dippy crap. 490 00:21:44,000 --> 00:21:45,976 Well, I'm certainly going to give Ricky an earful 491 00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,059 when I see him at the bris next week. 492 00:21:48,083 --> 00:21:49,392 What's a bris? 493 00:21:49,416 --> 00:21:51,017 It's the circumcision ceremony. 494 00:21:51,041 --> 00:21:54,017 Oh! It sounds like a soup. 495 00:21:54,041 --> 00:21:56,434 You know, I doubt he's going to be able to be there, sadly. 496 00:21:56,458 --> 00:21:57,541 Why not? 497 00:21:58,375 --> 00:22:00,101 He has work in Nairobi. 498 00:22:00,125 --> 00:22:01,434 No, he doesn't. 499 00:22:01,458 --> 00:22:03,184 Wes is helping him out with some fundraiser 500 00:22:03,208 --> 00:22:04,750 in Providence on Saturday night. 501 00:22:06,333 --> 00:22:08,625 I remember telling... I told you. 502 00:22:09,708 --> 00:22:10,809 Yeah. 503 00:22:10,833 --> 00:22:14,809 Great. Well, the bris is on Sunday, so he can make it. 504 00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:18,142 Yeah, maybe. Unless he's got to fly out early on Sunday. 505 00:22:18,166 --> 00:22:19,351 Well, that's ridiculous. 506 00:22:19,375 --> 00:22:20,892 Come on, if he's in town on Saturday, 507 00:22:20,916 --> 00:22:23,184 why wouldn't he spend an extra day to meet baby Whitaker? 508 00:22:23,208 --> 00:22:25,333 Yeah, why wouldn't he? 509 00:22:26,208 --> 00:22:29,434 You're absolutely right. He should stay an extra day. 510 00:22:29,458 --> 00:22:31,416 In fact, I'm going to make sure of it. 511 00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:33,392 What the fuck, Dean? 512 00:22:33,416 --> 00:22:34,851 What did you want me to say, man? 513 00:22:34,875 --> 00:22:36,226 They were all staring at me. 514 00:22:36,250 --> 00:22:38,892 I look at you. You've got baby Whitaker nursing on you. 515 00:22:38,916 --> 00:22:40,392 Horrible name, by the way. 516 00:22:40,416 --> 00:22:42,226 - I just... - You panicked. 517 00:22:42,250 --> 00:22:43,500 I panicked?! 518 00:22:44,166 --> 00:22:46,476 What are you talk...?! You're the one who almost outed us! 519 00:22:46,500 --> 00:22:47,809 And you made plans with Stanicky! 520 00:22:47,833 --> 00:22:50,017 Ricky Stanicky is not a one-man show. You know that! 521 00:22:50,041 --> 00:22:51,517 It's a fragile fabric, man. 522 00:22:51,541 --> 00:22:54,101 Ricky Stanicky is only to be used as a three-man team. 523 00:22:54,125 --> 00:22:55,102 Huh. 524 00:22:55,126 --> 00:22:56,767 So, what about the golf rounds with Ricky 525 00:22:56,791 --> 00:22:58,226 that JT charged to your company? 526 00:22:58,250 --> 00:22:59,434 - You weren't there. - What? 527 00:22:59,458 --> 00:23:00,976 I charged the rounds of golf 528 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:02,559 because you didn't have any money. 529 00:23:02,583 --> 00:23:05,625 Seriously, Wes. What happened in there, man? 530 00:23:06,500 --> 00:23:07,767 Look. 531 00:23:07,791 --> 00:23:10,226 Keith's been on my ass about finding a job, 532 00:23:10,250 --> 00:23:12,476 and sleeping all day, 533 00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:14,726 and pumicing my foot-skin over the sink. 534 00:23:14,750 --> 00:23:16,809 What the fuck does this have to do with Stanicky? 535 00:23:16,833 --> 00:23:18,642 I needed a break! 536 00:23:18,666 --> 00:23:20,476 Keith can be very oppressive. 537 00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,101 Sometimes I feel like I'm living 538 00:23:22,125 --> 00:23:23,541 in a gay 'Handmaid's Tale'. 539 00:23:24,333 --> 00:23:29,142 So I went to a pot farm, where they make cannabis milk. 540 00:23:29,166 --> 00:23:31,142 You played the Stanicky card to get pot milk? 541 00:23:31,166 --> 00:23:33,059 You never had milk like this before. 542 00:23:33,083 --> 00:23:34,434 - No, I haven't. - It's delicious. 543 00:23:34,458 --> 00:23:35,517 I hope! 544 00:23:35,541 --> 00:23:37,642 They must feed these lucky cows weed all day, 545 00:23:37,666 --> 00:23:39,601 because when they milk 'em - boom! 546 00:23:39,625 --> 00:23:41,267 Dream cream! 547 00:23:41,291 --> 00:23:42,601 What did you just say? 548 00:23:42,625 --> 00:23:43,750 Dream cream. 549 00:23:44,458 --> 00:23:45,583 Huh! 550 00:23:48,625 --> 00:23:51,392 We're fucked. We're majorly fucked. 551 00:23:51,416 --> 00:23:53,101 You know, we don't deserve this shit. 552 00:23:53,125 --> 00:23:54,517 All we did was tell one lie. 553 00:23:54,541 --> 00:23:57,083 Hundreds and hundreds of times over many, many years. 554 00:23:58,083 --> 00:23:59,309 Hey, maybe they'll forget 555 00:23:59,333 --> 00:24:01,517 that they invited Stanicky to the bris. 556 00:24:01,541 --> 00:24:03,642 They'll be so busy with the family and friends, 557 00:24:03,666 --> 00:24:04,726 and cutting of penises. 558 00:24:04,750 --> 00:24:06,710 They're not going to forget they invited him, Wes. 559 00:24:07,791 --> 00:24:09,392 I got it. My boy Jonesy. 560 00:24:09,416 --> 00:24:11,184 He works for one of those online obituaries. 561 00:24:11,208 --> 00:24:13,059 We could kill Stanicky off. 562 00:24:13,083 --> 00:24:14,892 I like that. Let's kill his ass. 563 00:24:14,916 --> 00:24:16,392 Put your hands down, shit nuts. 564 00:24:16,416 --> 00:24:19,892 Obituaries give details. Friends, family, cemeteries. 565 00:24:19,916 --> 00:24:22,142 Plus then everyone's going to want to go to the funeral. 566 00:24:22,166 --> 00:24:25,375 Okay, Dean, your negativity is not helping. 567 00:24:27,458 --> 00:24:32,250 Or, uh, we could go do my original plan, 568 00:24:33,166 --> 00:24:34,726 and tell everybody the truth. 569 00:24:34,750 --> 00:24:36,934 Shut your mouth. Shut your stupid mouth. 570 00:24:36,958 --> 00:24:38,267 We're not telling the truth. 571 00:24:38,291 --> 00:24:39,892 There'll be no truth told, okay? 572 00:24:39,916 --> 00:24:41,684 We're going to do the right thing here. 573 00:24:41,708 --> 00:24:43,267 Some would argue that telling the truth 574 00:24:43,291 --> 00:24:44,476 is the right thing to do. 575 00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:45,642 Yeah - assholes! 576 00:24:45,666 --> 00:24:48,101 Let me remind you guys of what the truth is, dream cream. 577 00:24:48,125 --> 00:24:49,559 Last night, when I was in New Jersey 578 00:24:49,583 --> 00:24:51,726 secretly partying my face off at the Marc Rebillet concert, 579 00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:53,142 my wife was giving birth to my son. 580 00:24:53,166 --> 00:24:54,267 Alone! Okay? 581 00:24:54,291 --> 00:24:56,351 And if the truth does come out, my marriage is over. 582 00:24:56,375 --> 00:24:58,392 And later, if my son finds out, that's over too. 583 00:24:58,416 --> 00:24:59,559 Is that what you want, Wes? 584 00:24:59,583 --> 00:25:02,750 You want to destroy an entire family, huh? Huh? 585 00:25:04,041 --> 00:25:06,267 - Huh? - Hey, hey, hey, wait a minute. 586 00:25:06,291 --> 00:25:10,458 What if we hire an actor to play Stanicky? 587 00:25:11,000 --> 00:25:12,559 We give him the whole run-down. 588 00:25:12,583 --> 00:25:14,250 Tell him everything he needs to know. 589 00:25:15,750 --> 00:25:17,309 Okay, okay, I like this. Keep going. 590 00:25:17,333 --> 00:25:19,934 We could give him the bible, right? 591 00:25:19,958 --> 00:25:22,392 He studies it for a few days, 592 00:25:22,416 --> 00:25:24,684 and then he comes to the bris for a couple of hours 593 00:25:24,708 --> 00:25:27,250 and he plays Ricky Stanicky. 594 00:25:28,666 --> 00:25:31,375 Okay, but where are we going to find an actor? 595 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:34,517 Gary Polisner! He's in that Red Robin commercial. 596 00:25:34,541 --> 00:25:36,476 - He is? - Yeah. 597 00:25:36,500 --> 00:25:38,726 He's that dude that goes, "Seconds on steak fries?" 598 00:25:38,750 --> 00:25:39,976 "Uh, yeah!" 599 00:25:40,000 --> 00:25:41,184 - That's Gary? - That's Gary. 600 00:25:41,208 --> 00:25:42,767 - Good for him! - Good for him. 601 00:25:42,791 --> 00:25:44,059 I love those commercials. 602 00:25:44,083 --> 00:25:45,559 Guys, minor wrinkle 603 00:25:45,583 --> 00:25:48,142 Gary's dating Carly, Erin's cousin. 604 00:25:48,166 --> 00:25:49,351 Oh, Cousin It? 605 00:25:49,375 --> 00:25:51,226 That girl with the hair that touches the floor? 606 00:25:51,250 --> 00:25:53,083 Yeah, but don't worry. 607 00:25:53,750 --> 00:25:56,250 I know an actor that nobody knows. 608 00:26:06,875 --> 00:26:08,791 ♪ Grab that stick ♪ 609 00:26:09,875 --> 00:26:11,916 ♪ Lube your hand with spit ♪ 610 00:26:12,916 --> 00:26:15,000 ♪ Lay down on your back ♪ 611 00:26:16,125 --> 00:26:18,125 ♪ Now it's time to whack ♪ 612 00:26:20,458 --> 00:26:23,351 ♪ When a boner comes along You must grip it ♪ 613 00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:25,226 ♪ To make the cream Come out your dong ♪ 614 00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:26,476 ♪ Just unzip it... ♪ 615 00:26:26,500 --> 00:26:31,625 ♪ Spoooge out my penis ♪ 616 00:26:33,541 --> 00:26:39,541 ♪ Spoooge on my tummy... ♪ 617 00:26:40,500 --> 00:26:43,184 ♪ It's a nice day for some ♪ 618 00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:45,291 ♪ Wood whackin' ♪ 619 00:26:47,291 --> 00:26:50,059 ♪ It's a nice day to ♪ 620 00:26:50,083 --> 00:26:54,375 ♪ Jizz again... ♪ 621 00:27:01,458 --> 00:27:04,934 ♪ Ooh, baby, I masturbate ♪ 622 00:27:04,958 --> 00:27:06,458 ♪ Every day ♪ 623 00:27:08,458 --> 00:27:13,000 ♪ I want to tell you I masturbate every way ♪ 624 00:27:15,083 --> 00:27:18,434 ♪ Want to beat my meat Night and day ♪ 625 00:27:18,458 --> 00:27:20,250 ♪ Ay, yeah... ♪ 626 00:27:21,125 --> 00:27:23,184 Thanks for coming out tonight, ladies and gentlemen. 627 00:27:23,208 --> 00:27:26,333 So horny to be here. So horny to be here. 628 00:27:31,583 --> 00:27:32,767 Great show, Rod. 629 00:27:32,791 --> 00:27:34,541 Good crowd. 630 00:27:38,875 --> 00:27:42,083 Hey, Rod. Those guys are out there again. 631 00:27:56,208 --> 00:27:58,083 Hey, we need more beer mugs. 632 00:28:25,541 --> 00:28:28,541 Rod Rimestead, trained actor. How can I help you? 633 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:31,208 Yeah, Dean, I remember you. 634 00:28:32,875 --> 00:28:34,166 A gig? 635 00:28:35,125 --> 00:28:37,500 Let me... Er, you know what? Let me just check my schedule. 636 00:28:43,416 --> 00:28:45,666 Yeah, man. Looks like I'm free. 637 00:28:46,291 --> 00:28:48,267 And so our feathered friend 638 00:28:48,291 --> 00:28:50,309 still has not gotten off the golf ball 639 00:28:50,333 --> 00:28:53,101 that Dr. Dominic DiPasquale of East Greenwich 640 00:28:53,125 --> 00:28:56,559 hit near this green side bunker six days ago. 641 00:28:56,583 --> 00:28:58,684 But you can count on Channel 6 to be here 642 00:28:58,708 --> 00:29:00,851 until this exciting saga ends. 643 00:29:00,875 --> 00:29:05,375 Or, you can go to Channel6.com and log onto our live duck-cam. 644 00:29:09,041 --> 00:29:10,976 Can you believe I spent three years 645 00:29:11,000 --> 00:29:13,142 in journalism grad school for this crap? 646 00:29:13,166 --> 00:29:15,267 Are you kidding? I love this story. It's fun. 647 00:29:15,291 --> 00:29:16,767 Don't patronize me. 648 00:29:16,791 --> 00:29:19,142 Okay. It sucks. I'm embarrassed for you. 649 00:29:19,166 --> 00:29:20,642 Thank you. 650 00:29:20,666 --> 00:29:23,434 You're really sweet to hang out with me, though, honestly. 651 00:29:23,458 --> 00:29:24,767 - Are you kidding? - Thank you. 652 00:29:24,791 --> 00:29:26,791 Who else gets the chance to watch history unfold? 653 00:29:28,083 --> 00:29:29,184 Oh, wait. 654 00:29:29,208 --> 00:29:31,934 You know who's looking forward to meeting Ricky tomorrow? 655 00:29:31,958 --> 00:29:33,726 Yeah, Leona. I know. 656 00:29:33,750 --> 00:29:35,750 Uh-uh. Carly. 657 00:29:36,250 --> 00:29:37,392 Carly with the hair? 658 00:29:37,416 --> 00:29:39,267 Mm-hm, my cousin, yeah. 659 00:29:39,291 --> 00:29:40,767 What happened to Gary Polisner? 660 00:29:40,791 --> 00:29:42,892 Oh, you know, they're together, 661 00:29:42,916 --> 00:29:45,392 but she follows Ricky on Instagram. 662 00:29:45,416 --> 00:29:48,309 - Loves his charity work. - Hmm. 663 00:29:48,333 --> 00:29:50,625 That duck's not going anywhere. 664 00:29:51,458 --> 00:29:53,642 Let's go get some lunch. Come back in an hour. 665 00:29:53,666 --> 00:29:56,351 I would, but I can't. I'm on duck duty for four more hours. 666 00:29:56,375 --> 00:29:58,666 Unless she gets up, I'm stuck here. 667 00:30:00,583 --> 00:30:01,875 Unless she gets up, huh. 668 00:30:03,833 --> 00:30:05,250 No! Paul! 669 00:30:06,416 --> 00:30:08,041 Paul! Paul, come back here. 670 00:30:12,666 --> 00:30:14,791 Hey, Paul. Paul, get back here. 671 00:30:17,041 --> 00:30:18,541 - Paul! - Oh, my God! 672 00:30:19,791 --> 00:30:21,208 Paul! 673 00:30:22,875 --> 00:30:24,083 Oh, my God! 674 00:30:24,791 --> 00:30:26,291 Come on! Paul! 675 00:30:28,500 --> 00:30:30,059 Paul! Get out of there! 676 00:30:30,083 --> 00:30:31,434 Hold your breath, Paul! 677 00:30:31,458 --> 00:30:32,851 Hang in there, buddy! 678 00:30:32,875 --> 00:30:34,000 - Bad duck! - Ow! 679 00:30:34,916 --> 00:30:38,250 Dean, do something! You have to pull him out of there. 680 00:30:43,416 --> 00:30:45,601 Let's take a rain check on the lunch, all right? 681 00:30:45,625 --> 00:30:46,833 Sorry. 682 00:30:57,458 --> 00:30:59,250 Such an asshole! 683 00:31:03,916 --> 00:31:05,809 I just want to go on the record and say 684 00:31:05,833 --> 00:31:08,309 this is a really bad idea. 685 00:31:08,333 --> 00:31:10,267 Why? He does impersonations of famous people. 686 00:31:10,291 --> 00:31:12,017 How hard could it be to impersonate someone 687 00:31:12,041 --> 00:31:13,684 - that no one's ever met before? - Yeah. 688 00:31:13,708 --> 00:31:15,934 We're going to be fine. This is going to be totally fine. 689 00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,476 - You gave him the bible, right? - Yeah. 690 00:31:17,500 --> 00:31:19,392 - Good. - And the Stanicky phone, 691 00:31:19,416 --> 00:31:20,976 everything on it, his Insta. 692 00:31:21,000 --> 00:31:23,309 I FaceTimed him. I took him through everything, man. 693 00:31:23,333 --> 00:31:25,017 For a sloppy drunk, he's a real pro 694 00:31:25,041 --> 00:31:26,791 - when it comes to this stuff. - Fine. 695 00:31:30,041 --> 00:31:32,083 Oh, Jesus. 696 00:31:32,750 --> 00:31:34,226 Please don't be the trash bag, 697 00:31:34,250 --> 00:31:35,726 please don't be the trash bag... 698 00:31:35,750 --> 00:31:37,291 It's the trash bag. Oh. 699 00:31:38,958 --> 00:31:41,101 - Dude. - What the hell? 700 00:31:41,125 --> 00:31:42,892 - Hey, boys. - What are you on? 701 00:31:42,916 --> 00:31:44,309 Huh? 702 00:31:44,333 --> 00:31:46,351 Don't give me that shit. What drugs are you on? 703 00:31:46,375 --> 00:31:47,684 None. 704 00:31:47,708 --> 00:31:49,767 Don't lie to us. You're sweating like a tweaker. 705 00:31:49,791 --> 00:31:51,976 I'm sweating because I'm not on anything. 706 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:54,309 I've been cold-turkeying the booze for three days. 707 00:31:54,333 --> 00:31:57,226 Smashes my world record by three days. 708 00:31:57,250 --> 00:31:59,726 What? You can't quit drinking right now, man. 709 00:31:59,750 --> 00:32:00,976 We need you in top form! 710 00:32:01,000 --> 00:32:04,351 I can't drink. Ricky Stanicky's in the program, remember? 711 00:32:04,375 --> 00:32:06,017 Right, yeah, yeah. 712 00:32:06,041 --> 00:32:08,184 Ricky's been clean and sober for the past seven years. 713 00:32:08,208 --> 00:32:10,517 Who cares?! People relapse all the time. 714 00:32:10,541 --> 00:32:12,684 - Yeah. - What are you...? 715 00:32:12,708 --> 00:32:14,017 What are you doing? 716 00:32:14,041 --> 00:32:15,559 Wallet. Mouth. 717 00:32:15,583 --> 00:32:16,934 Oh, oh, oh! 718 00:32:16,958 --> 00:32:18,559 Yeah, I've seen this on 'Intervention'. 719 00:32:18,583 --> 00:32:19,851 He's having withdrawals. 720 00:32:19,875 --> 00:32:21,351 The leather will calm him down. 721 00:32:21,375 --> 00:32:23,791 - Relax. It's okay. - Yeah. 722 00:32:24,833 --> 00:32:26,041 You okay? 723 00:32:26,750 --> 00:32:28,708 I had a couple of those in the plane - they pass. 724 00:32:29,708 --> 00:32:32,434 The nice fella I walked off the plane with, he helped me. 725 00:32:32,458 --> 00:32:33,809 What fella? 726 00:32:33,833 --> 00:32:36,726 He was just... he was just here. You didn't see him? 727 00:32:36,750 --> 00:32:38,934 Curly eyes. Long blonde lips. He talks with a limp. 728 00:32:38,958 --> 00:32:39,935 All right, uh, 729 00:32:39,959 --> 00:32:41,684 how about we just take a little whiff of vodka, 730 00:32:41,708 --> 00:32:43,184 you know, just to take the edge off? 731 00:32:43,208 --> 00:32:44,351 - Yeah. A little bit. - Yeah? 732 00:32:44,375 --> 00:32:46,726 No, you hired me to play the role of a sober gentleman. 733 00:32:46,750 --> 00:32:48,517 I'm going to do so the only way I know how 734 00:32:48,541 --> 00:32:50,476 with artistic integrity. 735 00:32:50,500 --> 00:32:52,541 What is that? Is somebody boiling lobster? 736 00:32:53,750 --> 00:32:56,041 Boiling what? Oh, Rod. 737 00:32:56,708 --> 00:32:58,267 Oh. 738 00:32:58,291 --> 00:33:00,934 It's not what you think it is. 739 00:33:00,958 --> 00:33:02,851 It's just piss. 740 00:33:02,875 --> 00:33:04,333 Oh, thank God. 741 00:33:07,833 --> 00:33:10,559 I can't believe you guys picked me up in this thing. 742 00:33:10,583 --> 00:33:11,726 What? 743 00:33:11,750 --> 00:33:14,476 This gas-guzzling, carbon-emitting Earth-killer. 744 00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,267 If your people see me pull up in this thing, 745 00:33:16,291 --> 00:33:18,017 my cover is blown for sure. 746 00:33:18,041 --> 00:33:20,976 He's right again. Ricky Stanicky's a tree hugger. 747 00:33:21,000 --> 00:33:23,791 We helped him clean up the Chesapeake Bay, remember? 748 00:33:24,333 --> 00:33:26,250 The Pats/Ravens game. That was a good game. 749 00:33:28,166 --> 00:33:30,226 - Who's that? - Nobody. 750 00:33:30,250 --> 00:33:33,601 All right, who's the bank? I want all my cheese up front. 751 00:33:33,625 --> 00:33:37,142 SAG minimum - $983 a day, meal penalty after six hours. 752 00:33:37,166 --> 00:33:39,392 Dude, there is no way you're in the union. 753 00:33:39,416 --> 00:33:41,392 We'll give you half now and half when you're done. 754 00:33:41,416 --> 00:33:43,267 That's a no-bueno. I want all my cake up front. 755 00:33:43,291 --> 00:33:44,309 It's not negotiable. 756 00:33:44,333 --> 00:33:46,416 Okay, then, that's a bueno. 757 00:33:47,500 --> 00:33:49,976 Guys, we can't take him to the bris smelling like this. 758 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,684 Wes, can you please take Mr. Stanicky 759 00:33:51,708 --> 00:33:53,309 over to your place and shower him off 760 00:33:53,333 --> 00:33:55,059 and then bring him over to JT's? 761 00:33:55,083 --> 00:33:58,601 It's 'Ricky'. Mr. Stanicky is my fake father's name. 762 00:33:58,625 --> 00:34:02,267 Um, hey, I don't think that's going to be a good idea. 763 00:34:02,291 --> 00:34:04,184 My shower curtains, they're all mouldy and shit. 764 00:34:04,208 --> 00:34:05,309 Wes, stop being a douche bag. 765 00:34:05,333 --> 00:34:07,226 Erin and I have to get there early and help set up. 766 00:34:07,250 --> 00:34:09,184 So we're going to be there way before you. Just... 767 00:34:09,208 --> 00:34:12,059 I don't know, do what you can, make him presentable, please. 768 00:34:12,083 --> 00:34:13,934 Presentable? How dare you. 769 00:34:13,958 --> 00:34:15,851 You guys are supposed to be my best friends. 770 00:34:15,875 --> 00:34:17,809 You should be fighting over who gets to hose me down. 771 00:34:17,833 --> 00:34:20,851 Hey, grand-mal piss-pants. Shut the fuck up, okay? 772 00:34:20,875 --> 00:34:22,267 We wouldn't be in this predicament 773 00:34:22,291 --> 00:34:24,750 if you didn't show up smelling like a nursing-home mattress. 774 00:34:26,708 --> 00:34:29,708 Wow. This is a hostile set. 775 00:34:42,500 --> 00:34:43,892 Thanks for that, man. 776 00:34:43,916 --> 00:34:45,851 Starting to feel a little human again. 777 00:34:45,875 --> 00:34:47,541 Yeah. Hey, let me ask you something. 778 00:34:48,708 --> 00:34:50,226 You're a raging alcoholic, right? 779 00:34:50,250 --> 00:34:51,517 Yeah. 780 00:34:51,541 --> 00:34:53,476 Well, then how do you stay so ripped? 781 00:34:53,500 --> 00:34:56,142 - Roids. Shit-ton of roids. - Hmm. 782 00:34:56,166 --> 00:34:58,791 I got addicted to those too. 783 00:34:59,541 --> 00:35:01,208 God, they're good. 784 00:35:07,416 --> 00:35:09,142 Wow. Gay much? 785 00:35:09,166 --> 00:35:11,625 Yeah. I was really feeling it that day. 786 00:35:15,250 --> 00:35:17,226 Oh, so this is your, um... 787 00:35:17,250 --> 00:35:20,476 Partner, Keith. Mmm. 788 00:35:20,500 --> 00:35:21,767 Of course. 789 00:35:21,791 --> 00:35:25,125 By the way, I kind of told him that you were bi. 790 00:35:25,958 --> 00:35:27,101 What? Why? 791 00:35:27,125 --> 00:35:29,601 Because it'd be weird if you weren't 792 00:35:29,625 --> 00:35:30,851 since we dated. 793 00:35:30,875 --> 00:35:33,416 We dated? You and me? Was that in the bible? 794 00:35:34,625 --> 00:35:36,517 - I missed that. - No, it's not in there. 795 00:35:36,541 --> 00:35:38,226 Why the hell wasn't it in the bible? 796 00:35:38,250 --> 00:35:40,809 Well, 'cause I couldn't tell the guys. All right? 797 00:35:40,833 --> 00:35:43,184 Look, look, I didn't know how things would go 798 00:35:43,208 --> 00:35:44,767 on my first date with Keith. 799 00:35:44,791 --> 00:35:47,267 So I told him I was seeing this dude named Ricky Stanicky, 800 00:35:47,291 --> 00:35:48,809 in case I needed an out. 801 00:35:48,833 --> 00:35:51,458 But we hit it off and I told him we broke up. 802 00:35:52,250 --> 00:35:53,392 Okay, no problem. 803 00:35:53,416 --> 00:35:57,833 Unfortunately, Keith's still a little threatened by you. 804 00:35:59,875 --> 00:36:02,809 Okay, spill the beans. I got to know everything. 805 00:36:02,833 --> 00:36:04,767 - What did you tell him we did? - What do you mean? 806 00:36:04,791 --> 00:36:07,184 Cut the crap. You know what I mean. 807 00:36:07,208 --> 00:36:09,142 Did we play Winnie the Pooh finds a honey stick? 808 00:36:09,166 --> 00:36:11,184 - What's that? - Munchkins in a cave? 809 00:36:11,208 --> 00:36:12,517 Upside-down barber? 810 00:36:12,541 --> 00:36:13,767 Shaved biscuits and gravy? 811 00:36:13,791 --> 00:36:14,892 - No. - Old faceful? 812 00:36:14,916 --> 00:36:17,708 No! We just went on a couple of dates. 813 00:36:18,875 --> 00:36:21,333 Oh. I guess I didn't do it for you. 814 00:36:22,208 --> 00:36:24,083 You're no trophy either, beagle ears. 815 00:36:26,916 --> 00:36:28,601 Hey, what's this? 816 00:36:28,625 --> 00:36:32,809 Oh, it's just this... this children's book thing 817 00:36:32,833 --> 00:36:35,208 that I've been tinkering with. 818 00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:43,309 Hey, there he is! Our mohel, Rabbi Greenberg. 819 00:36:43,333 --> 00:36:45,750 You can call me Rabbi Gigglebird. 820 00:36:47,166 --> 00:36:48,642 The Rabbi does stand-up sometimes 821 00:36:48,666 --> 00:36:50,101 at the Comedy Connection. 822 00:36:50,125 --> 00:36:53,916 I may not be able to eat ham, but I can certainly be one! 823 00:36:55,166 --> 00:36:56,601 Cheese puffs, anyone? 824 00:36:56,625 --> 00:36:59,976 Oh, no, we mohels, we prefer those little weenies. 825 00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:01,541 Ba-doomp-pow! 826 00:37:02,541 --> 00:37:04,267 Oh, no... 827 00:37:04,291 --> 00:37:05,726 Listen. Listen. 828 00:37:05,750 --> 00:37:07,684 My services here today are complimentary, 829 00:37:07,708 --> 00:37:09,184 just so you know, all right? 830 00:37:09,208 --> 00:37:11,101 I consider this a mitzvah. All right? 831 00:37:11,125 --> 00:37:12,601 I don't want any money, 832 00:37:12,625 --> 00:37:15,000 but I'm keeping the tip! 833 00:37:16,166 --> 00:37:18,642 - They just keep on coming, huh? - Yeah, they don't stop. 834 00:37:18,666 --> 00:37:20,351 - All right. - You're hungry, I bet. 835 00:37:20,375 --> 00:37:21,352 Always. 836 00:37:21,376 --> 00:37:23,809 Please. You got to fill up before you... Right? 837 00:37:23,833 --> 00:37:26,726 - Go. It's all you, baby. - Yeah, yeah. Go get it. Dig in. 838 00:37:26,750 --> 00:37:28,875 Back off the vodka, lady. 839 00:37:29,916 --> 00:37:31,583 Oh, Jesus Christ. 840 00:37:32,166 --> 00:37:35,059 Can I get a gin and tonic? And let's make it a double. 841 00:37:35,083 --> 00:37:36,476 What the fuck is Summerhayes doing here? 842 00:37:36,500 --> 00:37:37,684 I invited him. 843 00:37:37,708 --> 00:37:39,934 - Oh, my God. - Babe, why would you do that? 844 00:37:39,958 --> 00:37:41,351 Because he's your boss. 845 00:37:41,375 --> 00:37:43,767 Yeah. I don't want to hang out with my boss. 846 00:37:43,791 --> 00:37:45,934 Why not? You invited him to the baby shower, shithead. 847 00:37:45,958 --> 00:37:48,976 That's different. This is a cock-cutting ceremony. 848 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:50,142 I don't want him here. 849 00:37:50,166 --> 00:37:52,726 Jesus Christ, you're being weird. Just go say hi. 850 00:37:52,750 --> 00:37:54,267 Both of you. Go. 851 00:37:54,291 --> 00:37:56,476 Great. This is just great. 852 00:37:56,500 --> 00:37:58,458 Now if Stanicky shits the bed, we lose our jobs. 853 00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,291 God, where is he? He should be here by now. 854 00:38:01,791 --> 00:38:03,309 Explain it again. 855 00:38:03,333 --> 00:38:05,767 It's a children's story about these seeds 856 00:38:05,791 --> 00:38:08,309 that are flying in the breeze, 857 00:38:08,333 --> 00:38:11,267 and all they want to do is reach the top of this mountain. 858 00:38:11,291 --> 00:38:15,142 But there's this one little seed who gets blown back 859 00:38:15,166 --> 00:38:17,184 to the bottom of the mountain, 860 00:38:17,208 --> 00:38:19,309 and she's all like, "Fuck!" 861 00:38:19,333 --> 00:38:22,726 But when it starts to rain, all the water will start 862 00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:26,851 to flow down the side of the mountain straight to her. 863 00:38:26,875 --> 00:38:29,476 So she'll sprout and she'll grow and grow 864 00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:30,892 to be the biggest tree of all, 865 00:38:30,916 --> 00:38:33,309 even bigger than the ones on top of the mountain. 866 00:38:33,333 --> 00:38:34,934 The message being, 867 00:38:34,958 --> 00:38:38,541 you can be great in life, no matter where you start. 868 00:38:40,916 --> 00:38:42,476 Hot, wet shit. 869 00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:44,184 What-what... what are you talking about? 870 00:38:44,208 --> 00:38:45,851 Come on, man, you're not a farmer. 871 00:38:45,875 --> 00:38:47,934 What the hell do you know about seeds, right? 872 00:38:47,958 --> 00:38:49,434 And the message is absurd. 873 00:38:49,458 --> 00:38:53,476 Poor kids turn into trees? It doesn't make any sense. 874 00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:54,559 - You're right. - Right? 875 00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:55,809 It is stupid. It's stupid! 876 00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:57,642 What the fuck was I thinking, man? Yeah. 877 00:38:57,666 --> 00:38:58,809 I should just give up. 878 00:38:58,833 --> 00:39:00,892 Whoa. No. That's not what I said. 879 00:39:00,916 --> 00:39:02,517 I said this is crap, 880 00:39:02,541 --> 00:39:04,267 because it's not authentic. 881 00:39:04,291 --> 00:39:06,083 Doesn't mean you gotta give up. 882 00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,851 Let me tell you a story, cowboy. 883 00:39:08,875 --> 00:39:10,267 A few years back, 884 00:39:10,291 --> 00:39:12,684 I had an X-rated dog show at the Showboat. 885 00:39:12,708 --> 00:39:15,601 I had these two mutts that could bang missionary style. 886 00:39:15,625 --> 00:39:17,934 Oh, yeah, you heard me right. Missionary! 887 00:39:17,958 --> 00:39:19,976 Face-to-face. Real deal. 888 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,517 It was kind of touching, actually. 889 00:39:21,541 --> 00:39:22,976 Then Atlantic City gets all woke 890 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,517 and they won't let 'em pump on stage anymore. 891 00:39:25,541 --> 00:39:28,309 I tried doing the show with two guys in dog suits, but 892 00:39:28,333 --> 00:39:29,684 the magic just wasn't there. 893 00:39:29,708 --> 00:39:30,750 You know what I mean? 894 00:39:32,291 --> 00:39:34,434 - No. - My point is, I failed. 895 00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:36,351 But did I give up? Heck no. 896 00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,309 I just had to ask myself, what do I love? 897 00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:39,310 And then it was easy 898 00:39:39,334 --> 00:39:41,559 singing, performing and telling filthy jokes. 899 00:39:41,583 --> 00:39:44,517 And that is when Rock Hard Rod was born. 900 00:39:44,541 --> 00:39:47,642 You, sir, have just found out 901 00:39:47,666 --> 00:39:51,309 your dogs can no longer bang missionary style. 902 00:39:51,333 --> 00:39:54,309 Now you got to ask yourself, what do you love? 903 00:39:54,333 --> 00:39:56,184 - What do I love? - Yeah. 904 00:39:56,208 --> 00:39:57,791 Ah... 905 00:39:58,458 --> 00:40:00,767 Yeah, I... I like ceramic owls? 906 00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:03,392 Uh... I love fog. 907 00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:05,142 I love fog! I love it. 908 00:40:05,166 --> 00:40:07,351 Er, is there anything that you like 909 00:40:07,375 --> 00:40:10,916 that a regular human being can relate to on any level? 910 00:40:12,458 --> 00:40:14,226 - I like Christmas. - Christmas, Christmas! 911 00:40:14,250 --> 00:40:16,559 Perfect! Yes! Everybody loves Christmas. 912 00:40:16,583 --> 00:40:18,142 Yeah, well, not everybody. 913 00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,517 Keith is not a big fan of it these days. 914 00:40:20,541 --> 00:40:22,767 - He doesn't love Christmas? - Well, he used to love it. 915 00:40:22,791 --> 00:40:23,768 But, I mean, 916 00:40:23,792 --> 00:40:25,892 ever since his parents found out that we were dating, 917 00:40:25,916 --> 00:40:27,559 they haven't really invited him over. 918 00:40:27,583 --> 00:40:30,017 - That sucks. - Yeah. 919 00:40:30,041 --> 00:40:31,559 Which is their loss, you know. 920 00:40:31,583 --> 00:40:33,184 No "Jerky of the Month Club" for them. 921 00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,809 Ha. 922 00:40:34,833 --> 00:40:37,226 I just wish there was a holiday tradition for us. 923 00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:40,476 You know, like Christmas is the gayest holiday anyway, man. 924 00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:42,708 You know, you bedazzle a tree with tinsel. 925 00:40:43,416 --> 00:40:45,767 And why does Santa have to be such a fat shit? 926 00:40:45,791 --> 00:40:48,017 Couldn't he be ripped? Couldn't he be jacked? You know? 927 00:40:48,041 --> 00:40:49,851 Can the elves have ordered him a Peloton 928 00:40:49,875 --> 00:40:51,375 or a yoga mat or something? 929 00:40:52,583 --> 00:40:53,976 Ra-pum-pum-pum. 930 00:40:54,000 --> 00:40:56,083 Now that is authentic! 931 00:40:57,125 --> 00:40:59,708 Yeah. A Christmas story for us. 932 00:41:02,250 --> 00:41:03,851 Thanks for coming, Ted. 933 00:41:03,875 --> 00:41:06,476 I know a bris isn't exactly your cup of tea. 934 00:41:06,500 --> 00:41:08,976 Oh, no, we're happy that you invited us, JT. 935 00:41:09,000 --> 00:41:11,351 This is exactly what Ted needed. 936 00:41:11,375 --> 00:41:14,684 He's been so obsessed with this World River merger. 937 00:41:14,708 --> 00:41:16,184 Yeah. 938 00:41:16,208 --> 00:41:19,333 Circumcision parties are my go-to when I need to relax. 939 00:41:21,083 --> 00:41:22,726 Where's Gary? I thought he was coming. 940 00:41:22,750 --> 00:41:24,226 He has his improv class at Trinity, 941 00:41:24,250 --> 00:41:25,684 but I think he'll be here soon. 942 00:41:25,708 --> 00:41:27,267 Have you guys seen his new commercial? 943 00:41:27,291 --> 00:41:28,892 Yeah. Yeah. 944 00:41:28,916 --> 00:41:31,267 - He got off. - Who got off? 945 00:41:31,291 --> 00:41:32,892 My big story I'm covering this week. 946 00:41:32,916 --> 00:41:34,726 You're covering a trial? 947 00:41:34,750 --> 00:41:36,517 No, real reporters get to do that. 948 00:41:36,541 --> 00:41:38,809 I'm covering a vicious duck sitting on a golf ball 949 00:41:38,833 --> 00:41:40,392 - at Wannamoisett Country Club. - Oh. 950 00:41:40,416 --> 00:41:41,916 You're just paying your dues, right? 951 00:41:42,416 --> 00:41:44,726 You're going to get a shot at the big story soon. 952 00:41:44,750 --> 00:41:45,727 Thanks, babe. 953 00:41:45,751 --> 00:41:47,333 He's not coming, is he? 954 00:41:47,916 --> 00:41:50,517 - Who would you be referring to? - Oh, don't give me that. 955 00:41:50,541 --> 00:41:53,059 Ricky Stanicky. Where the hell is he? 956 00:41:53,083 --> 00:41:55,934 Oh, he'll be here. This is just typical Ricky. 957 00:41:55,958 --> 00:41:57,517 He's... he's always late. 958 00:41:57,541 --> 00:42:00,059 Hmm. Well, I'll believe it when I see it. 959 00:42:00,083 --> 00:42:03,517 Leona, come on. Why wouldn't he come? 960 00:42:03,541 --> 00:42:05,101 Probably for the same reason 961 00:42:05,125 --> 00:42:08,684 that he didn't bother to show up for JT and Susan's wedding. 962 00:42:08,708 --> 00:42:10,892 Sorry he didn't think my wedding was more important 963 00:42:10,916 --> 00:42:13,309 than digging out hurricane victims in the Bahamas. 964 00:42:13,333 --> 00:42:14,517 Ooh. 965 00:42:14,541 --> 00:42:17,351 Ha, ha! The old Bahamian hurricane. 966 00:42:17,375 --> 00:42:19,976 Jackie, tell me about Ricky Stanicky. 967 00:42:20,000 --> 00:42:22,434 I mean, if they were such good friends, 968 00:42:22,458 --> 00:42:25,250 you must have met him a bunch when they were kids, right? 969 00:42:25,833 --> 00:42:28,767 Oh, sure. I... I met all of JT's friends. 970 00:42:28,791 --> 00:42:30,059 Really? 971 00:42:30,083 --> 00:42:33,000 Do you have any specific memories of him? 972 00:42:33,541 --> 00:42:37,392 Well, I remember he was a handful, that's for sure. 973 00:42:37,416 --> 00:42:39,559 I mean, every time this one got in trouble, 974 00:42:39,583 --> 00:42:41,101 Stanicky was somehow behind it. 975 00:42:41,125 --> 00:42:43,101 He was a... a little devil, that Ricky. 976 00:42:43,125 --> 00:42:44,851 - Yeah. Oh, yeah. - Wow! 977 00:42:44,875 --> 00:42:47,226 That doesn't sound like the same guy 978 00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:52,416 who works for Bono in Africa and builds orphanages in Peru. 979 00:42:53,708 --> 00:42:55,226 That's 'cause he's born again. 980 00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:57,476 - Ah. - He had that epiphany in rehab. 981 00:42:57,500 --> 00:42:59,101 Remember I told you about that? 982 00:42:59,125 --> 00:43:01,184 - Mm-hm. - Yeah, people change, Leona. 983 00:43:01,208 --> 00:43:03,226 Why are you grilling my mom? She's not on trial. 984 00:43:03,250 --> 00:43:04,684 Because I want you to admit 985 00:43:04,708 --> 00:43:07,041 that Ricky Stanicky does not exist. 986 00:43:10,166 --> 00:43:12,851 Hey, mishpocha! 987 00:43:12,875 --> 00:43:15,041 Let's get down to bris-ness! 988 00:43:16,666 --> 00:43:18,767 Oh, yes! Yeah-ah! 989 00:43:18,791 --> 00:43:20,208 You made it! 990 00:43:20,833 --> 00:43:22,625 The boys are back! 991 00:43:24,958 --> 00:43:26,976 - All right. - Jackie! 992 00:43:27,000 --> 00:43:28,309 Ricky? 993 00:43:28,333 --> 00:43:31,476 Oh, you look unbelievable. You're still a MILF. 994 00:43:31,500 --> 00:43:33,267 Oh, my God. 995 00:43:33,291 --> 00:43:36,250 Look at you. Oh, you haven't changed a bit. 996 00:43:37,291 --> 00:43:38,934 The mystery man in the flesh. 997 00:43:38,958 --> 00:43:41,434 Well, churn my butter with a slippery stick. 998 00:43:41,458 --> 00:43:42,934 I finally get to meet Erin Harford. 999 00:43:42,958 --> 00:43:44,601 You're even more beautiful in person 1000 00:43:44,625 --> 00:43:46,351 than the pictures Dean's always sending me. 1001 00:43:46,375 --> 00:43:47,726 You send him pictures of me? 1002 00:43:47,750 --> 00:43:49,267 Oh, tasteful, of course. 1003 00:43:49,291 --> 00:43:50,351 Even the nudes. 1004 00:43:50,375 --> 00:43:52,184 Seriously, the guy doesn't shut up about you. 1005 00:43:52,208 --> 00:43:54,142 What were you saying about her last week? 1006 00:43:54,166 --> 00:43:55,726 It was, um... 1007 00:43:55,750 --> 00:43:57,517 Ah! The more I look at her, 1008 00:43:57,541 --> 00:43:59,517 the more I realize how much there is to see. 1009 00:43:59,541 --> 00:44:01,767 - Aw. Babe. - And who do we have here? 1010 00:44:01,791 --> 00:44:04,309 Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair! 1011 00:44:04,333 --> 00:44:06,476 I'm Carly, I'm Erin's cousin. 1012 00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:08,125 No need to shout, bullhorn! 1013 00:44:09,666 --> 00:44:12,809 And I am the woman who had to give birth all alone 1014 00:44:12,833 --> 00:44:15,226 because you tricked her husband into going to Albany. 1015 00:44:15,250 --> 00:44:17,041 Oh, my God, Susan, I'm so sorry. 1016 00:44:18,125 --> 00:44:20,226 You know how much grief your old man's been giving me? 1017 00:44:20,250 --> 00:44:22,642 For the record, I had no idea it was your baby shower. 1018 00:44:22,666 --> 00:44:24,351 I just wanted to celebrate my new lease on life 1019 00:44:24,375 --> 00:44:25,666 with my oldest, dearest friends. 1020 00:44:26,541 --> 00:44:28,309 Then little Whitaker comes along... 1021 00:44:28,333 --> 00:44:29,833 God, I love that name. 1022 00:44:31,041 --> 00:44:33,476 And then I just ruin everything. 1023 00:44:33,500 --> 00:44:36,351 I just... Again, my sincerest apologies. 1024 00:44:36,375 --> 00:44:37,934 No, you know, it... 1025 00:44:37,958 --> 00:44:40,392 It's okay. I know you've been through a lot, so... 1026 00:44:40,416 --> 00:44:42,684 Hell, yeah, they lopped off one of my nuts, for starters. 1027 00:44:42,708 --> 00:44:45,684 Oh, you are still a handful! 1028 00:44:45,708 --> 00:44:47,309 Well, half a handful. 1029 00:44:47,333 --> 00:44:48,684 Ricky... 1030 00:44:48,708 --> 00:44:51,142 Okay, Rico! Hey, let's go show you around. Huh? 1031 00:44:51,166 --> 00:44:52,767 Aren't you going to Introduce me? 1032 00:44:52,791 --> 00:44:54,476 Uh, we'll be right back. 1033 00:44:54,500 --> 00:44:56,726 Stay away from that woman at all costs, okay? 1034 00:44:56,750 --> 00:44:58,833 That's Susan's mother. She's bad news. 1035 00:45:02,375 --> 00:45:03,875 Jesus. 1036 00:45:05,041 --> 00:45:07,809 Hey, if anyone asks about the shaking, just say, 1037 00:45:07,833 --> 00:45:09,809 "I have low blood sugar and I had a Red Bull." 1038 00:45:09,833 --> 00:45:11,166 Stopping you there. 1039 00:45:11,791 --> 00:45:13,750 I don't appreciate line readings. 1040 00:45:15,125 --> 00:45:16,309 What? 1041 00:45:16,333 --> 00:45:18,017 So, I lift up the mosquito net 1042 00:45:18,041 --> 00:45:20,184 and, sure enough, Bono's in there. 1043 00:45:20,208 --> 00:45:22,184 Plowing Mrs. Bono like a potato field. 1044 00:45:22,208 --> 00:45:23,726 Really? The Bono? 1045 00:45:23,750 --> 00:45:27,392 Yeah. Givin' the missus the old Irish shillelagh, as it were. 1046 00:45:27,416 --> 00:45:28,892 So I'm standing there embarrassed. 1047 00:45:28,916 --> 00:45:30,601 And then they go, "It's okay." 1048 00:45:30,625 --> 00:45:31,851 "Watch us, we like it." 1049 00:45:31,875 --> 00:45:33,267 Is that an Irish thing? 1050 00:45:33,291 --> 00:45:36,351 I don't think so. But I wouldn't put it past them. 1051 00:45:36,375 --> 00:45:39,226 Hey, the guy saved ten million people from starving. 1052 00:45:39,250 --> 00:45:40,976 So, if he wants to let people 1053 00:45:41,000 --> 00:45:43,851 watch him corn-beef his wife's cabbage, who am I to stop him? 1054 00:45:43,875 --> 00:45:47,101 You know who has the best corn-beef in town? Geoff's. 1055 00:45:47,125 --> 00:45:49,142 And it isn't even really a deli. 1056 00:45:49,166 --> 00:45:51,101 I don't think that's the kind of corn-beef 1057 00:45:51,125 --> 00:45:52,476 he's talking about, Ginny. 1058 00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:54,517 Oh, man, all this food talk is making me hungry. 1059 00:45:54,541 --> 00:45:56,476 - Ricky, have you eaten yet? - Dean. 1060 00:45:56,500 --> 00:46:00,892 You haven't introduced me to Indiana Jones here. 1061 00:46:00,916 --> 00:46:02,476 Yeah, of course. 1062 00:46:02,500 --> 00:46:05,059 Ted, this is Ricky Stanicky, my good friend. 1063 00:46:05,083 --> 00:46:06,851 Uh, Ricky, this is Ted Summerhayes, my boss. 1064 00:46:06,875 --> 00:46:07,934 Ted, nice to meet you. 1065 00:46:07,958 --> 00:46:10,142 Digging the suit and the seedlings, man. 1066 00:46:10,166 --> 00:46:11,517 The seedlings? 1067 00:46:11,541 --> 00:46:13,184 The hair plugs. They're new, right? 1068 00:46:13,208 --> 00:46:14,392 What? 1069 00:46:14,416 --> 00:46:17,226 No. This is my hair. 1070 00:46:17,250 --> 00:46:20,267 Ha! Yeah, just like a doll's hair is her hair. 1071 00:46:20,291 --> 00:46:21,583 That's good. That's good. 1072 00:46:22,083 --> 00:46:24,476 So, Ted, you're one of those big banker guys, eh? 1073 00:46:24,500 --> 00:46:25,684 One of those guys out there 1074 00:46:25,708 --> 00:46:27,351 helping those billionaires get richer 1075 00:46:27,375 --> 00:46:29,726 and then floating around on your big swinging super-yachts, 1076 00:46:29,750 --> 00:46:31,684 leaving everybody else struggling to make ends meet 1077 00:46:31,708 --> 00:46:32,685 in their little dinghies. 1078 00:46:32,709 --> 00:46:35,476 - No. No, no, no. Not at all... - First of all, 1079 00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:39,267 we sell financial services to independent investors, 1080 00:46:39,291 --> 00:46:41,559 and anyone who's willing to pay for them 1081 00:46:41,583 --> 00:46:44,017 is welcome to share in the benefits. 1082 00:46:44,041 --> 00:46:46,101 Whatever helps you sleep at night, Ebenezer. 1083 00:46:46,125 --> 00:46:48,059 Uh, if memory serves me, 1084 00:46:48,083 --> 00:46:49,309 Ebenezer Scrooge ends up 1085 00:46:49,333 --> 00:46:50,809 becoming the hero of that story. 1086 00:46:50,833 --> 00:46:53,059 - It's Ricky, right? - Yeah. 1087 00:46:53,083 --> 00:46:57,351 I'm wondering, Ricky, are you always such a bust-out asshole, 1088 00:46:57,375 --> 00:46:58,767 right out of the gate? 1089 00:46:58,791 --> 00:47:00,392 Only when I'm talking to the type of guy 1090 00:47:00,416 --> 00:47:02,559 who can make a real difference in this world. 1091 00:47:02,583 --> 00:47:04,892 Ted, Ricky's been working overseas 1092 00:47:04,916 --> 00:47:07,017 for the last decade on non-profits. 1093 00:47:07,041 --> 00:47:10,333 So at least he walks the walk. 1094 00:47:10,958 --> 00:47:13,184 Well, that's nice, 1095 00:47:13,208 --> 00:47:16,517 but he's obviously getting his financial information 1096 00:47:16,541 --> 00:47:17,851 from 'The Huffington Post'. 1097 00:47:17,875 --> 00:47:19,434 No, actually, I've been reading 1098 00:47:19,458 --> 00:47:20,892 the 'San Francisco Chronicle' lately. 1099 00:47:20,916 --> 00:47:21,893 I've been following 1100 00:47:21,917 --> 00:47:23,309 your potential merger with World River. 1101 00:47:23,333 --> 00:47:24,875 It's interesting, unexpected. 1102 00:47:26,041 --> 00:47:27,934 Okay, hey, uh, there's a ton of people inside 1103 00:47:27,958 --> 00:47:30,226 - that still wanna meet you. - Whoa, whoa, whoa. 1104 00:47:30,250 --> 00:47:31,500 I'd like to hear this. 1105 00:47:32,583 --> 00:47:34,476 Unexpected, how? 1106 00:47:34,500 --> 00:47:36,351 Oh, come on. 1107 00:47:36,375 --> 00:47:38,726 They're the yin, and you got that big old yang. 1108 00:47:38,750 --> 00:47:40,226 It's a perfect fit. 1109 00:47:40,250 --> 00:47:42,142 In what way? 1110 00:47:42,166 --> 00:47:45,976 Well, you're old school. They're new age. 1111 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,642 You got common sense, but they got radical new ideas. 1112 00:47:48,666 --> 00:47:50,142 For my money, I'm going common sense 1113 00:47:50,166 --> 00:47:51,601 over radical new ideas all day. 1114 00:47:51,625 --> 00:47:53,726 I'm sure the people in Portland and San Francisco agree. 1115 00:47:53,750 --> 00:47:55,226 And that's what makes you guys great. 1116 00:47:55,250 --> 00:47:56,976 But they're pretty good too. 1117 00:47:57,000 --> 00:48:00,041 But, together, you guys would be unstoppable. 1118 00:48:00,958 --> 00:48:03,517 This merger could make a real difference in this world, Ted. 1119 00:48:03,541 --> 00:48:04,791 A real difference. 1120 00:48:06,250 --> 00:48:07,916 Yin and yang, huh? 1121 00:48:09,000 --> 00:48:11,666 Oh, don't mind if I do. Thanks. 1122 00:48:16,916 --> 00:48:19,184 Where the hell did you hear about the World River deal? 1123 00:48:19,208 --> 00:48:20,726 They were all over your Twitter. 1124 00:48:20,750 --> 00:48:22,101 I just did a little research. 1125 00:48:22,125 --> 00:48:23,809 What are you doing on my Twitter? 1126 00:48:23,833 --> 00:48:25,684 Dean, I told you I'm an actor. 1127 00:48:25,708 --> 00:48:27,017 When I walk into a room, 1128 00:48:27,041 --> 00:48:28,642 I want to know exactly where I came from 1129 00:48:28,666 --> 00:48:30,851 and what every single person in that room's been doing. 1130 00:48:30,875 --> 00:48:32,642 That's what all the greats do. 1131 00:48:32,666 --> 00:48:34,142 Matt Damon actually bought a zoo 1132 00:48:34,166 --> 00:48:35,559 before he filmed 'We Bought a Zoo'. 1133 00:48:35,583 --> 00:48:37,017 I don't think that's true. 1134 00:48:37,041 --> 00:48:39,000 You don't believe me? Take it up with Reddit. 1135 00:48:39,500 --> 00:48:41,559 Oh, if you'll excuse me, 1136 00:48:41,583 --> 00:48:43,101 I got to go have a word with Keith. 1137 00:48:43,125 --> 00:48:45,583 What? How do you know Keith?! 1138 00:48:46,666 --> 00:48:50,416 We're in a weird love-triangle thing. 1139 00:48:51,875 --> 00:48:55,517 Look, all I'm saying is I hope there's no hard feelings. 1140 00:48:55,541 --> 00:48:57,458 Because let's face it, you won. 1141 00:48:58,291 --> 00:48:59,517 But I'm happy for you. 1142 00:48:59,541 --> 00:49:01,142 You guys make a fabulous couple. 1143 00:49:01,166 --> 00:49:03,041 I'm done with his ass. 1144 00:49:05,000 --> 00:49:07,142 Look, I still love the guy, 1145 00:49:07,166 --> 00:49:08,976 but I'm tired of working 60 hours a week 1146 00:49:09,000 --> 00:49:11,892 while he sits around not doing anything to improve himself. 1147 00:49:11,916 --> 00:49:13,208 I just... 1148 00:49:13,875 --> 00:49:16,083 I can't be with a person like that anymore. 1149 00:49:17,166 --> 00:49:19,142 What... what about his writing? That's work. 1150 00:49:19,166 --> 00:49:20,934 What writing? 1151 00:49:20,958 --> 00:49:22,583 The book he's working on. 1152 00:49:23,208 --> 00:49:26,000 He never told me he was writing a book. 1153 00:49:26,958 --> 00:49:29,267 He sure looks a lot older than you guys. 1154 00:49:29,291 --> 00:49:30,517 - Really? - Mmm. 1155 00:49:30,541 --> 00:49:32,476 Yeah, well, he is, by a couple years. 1156 00:49:32,500 --> 00:49:35,351 You know, we were like little brothers to him. 1157 00:49:35,375 --> 00:49:39,791 Hmm, no, I mean, like more than a couple of years. 1158 00:49:40,375 --> 00:49:41,976 Well, it's because of the drugs - he... 1159 00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,976 You know, he was a huge partier, back in the day. 1160 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:45,767 I mean, like hard drugs. 1161 00:49:45,791 --> 00:49:48,083 Huffing glue. Like, the works. 1162 00:49:48,583 --> 00:49:50,851 I mean, that'll suck the youth right out of your face. 1163 00:49:50,875 --> 00:49:51,875 It does. 1164 00:49:52,416 --> 00:49:53,892 Yeah, that was all before he went on 1165 00:49:53,916 --> 00:49:55,791 - the straight and narrow. - Hmm. 1166 00:49:56,416 --> 00:49:58,892 Oh, look at them. Look how happy they are. 1167 00:49:58,916 --> 00:50:01,184 - I told you. - It's an easy thing. 1168 00:50:01,208 --> 00:50:03,309 - I don't see happiness. - What? 1169 00:50:03,333 --> 00:50:05,601 I see fear and anxiety. 1170 00:50:05,625 --> 00:50:07,309 Fear of what? 1171 00:50:07,333 --> 00:50:08,976 Of the responsibility of it all. 1172 00:50:09,000 --> 00:50:10,476 What do they even get out of it? 1173 00:50:10,500 --> 00:50:12,809 What do they get out of having a family? 1174 00:50:12,833 --> 00:50:14,101 - Yeah. - Come on. 1175 00:50:14,125 --> 00:50:17,351 I mean, I get it on paper. Sure, right. 1176 00:50:17,375 --> 00:50:20,642 But in reality, having a kid is fear and anxiety 1177 00:50:20,666 --> 00:50:22,625 with periodic moments of crushing pain. 1178 00:50:23,958 --> 00:50:25,684 And then you get bitter and resentful 1179 00:50:25,708 --> 00:50:28,333 and eventually just... mean. 1180 00:50:30,375 --> 00:50:32,541 At least that's how it was at my house. 1181 00:50:33,750 --> 00:50:35,476 You realize that's the most you've ever 1182 00:50:35,500 --> 00:50:37,000 told me about your childhood? 1183 00:50:38,625 --> 00:50:41,017 Look, he is kind of lost right now, 1184 00:50:41,041 --> 00:50:43,291 but just give him a little time, he'll figure it out. 1185 00:50:44,208 --> 00:50:46,291 I've given him plenty of time. 1186 00:50:47,000 --> 00:50:49,726 I think you need to step back in, Ricky. 1187 00:50:49,750 --> 00:50:51,392 Be there for him. 1188 00:50:51,416 --> 00:50:53,476 Ease the blow a little when I drop him. 1189 00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:55,392 Oh, hey, Keith, slow down. 1190 00:50:55,416 --> 00:50:57,101 Take it from me, relationships like yours, 1191 00:50:57,125 --> 00:50:58,601 they don't come around that often. 1192 00:50:58,625 --> 00:50:59,602 They just don't. 1193 00:50:59,626 --> 00:51:01,809 My own mother was married six times. 1194 00:51:01,833 --> 00:51:03,434 She never found happiness. 1195 00:51:03,458 --> 00:51:04,851 An incredible sex life, 1196 00:51:04,875 --> 00:51:06,791 but she was filled up with everything but joy. 1197 00:51:07,583 --> 00:51:09,767 You really want to give up on this? 1198 00:51:09,791 --> 00:51:11,625 May not come back around. 1199 00:51:16,166 --> 00:51:17,541 Ricky! 1200 00:51:18,416 --> 00:51:20,892 I understand you spent a lot of time in Kenya 1201 00:51:20,916 --> 00:51:23,017 working with the Give Green organization. 1202 00:51:23,041 --> 00:51:25,809 Yeah, yeah, good peeps. 1203 00:51:25,833 --> 00:51:27,351 Green peeps, yeah. 1204 00:51:27,375 --> 00:51:29,892 I'm interested in what your experience was there, 1205 00:51:29,916 --> 00:51:31,851 because, you know, I've been reading up on them 1206 00:51:31,875 --> 00:51:34,976 and they're a really intriguing organization. 1207 00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:36,142 Yeah, you know what? 1208 00:51:36,166 --> 00:51:38,434 I was just trying to find one of those cheese-puff trays. 1209 00:51:38,458 --> 00:51:40,726 - I'll show you where they are. - Right, but before you do, 1210 00:51:40,750 --> 00:51:42,267 can you tell me about Charlie Sennet? 1211 00:51:42,291 --> 00:51:43,268 Huh? 1212 00:51:43,292 --> 00:51:47,101 Charlie Sennet, the journalist who started Give Green 1213 00:51:47,125 --> 00:51:48,392 and is still hands on. 1214 00:51:48,416 --> 00:51:50,601 I mean, did you get to meet him? 1215 00:51:50,625 --> 00:51:52,476 What do you think of his mission statement? 1216 00:51:52,500 --> 00:51:53,809 Is it tenable? 1217 00:51:53,833 --> 00:51:56,517 Oh, yeah, of course it's tenable. 1218 00:51:56,541 --> 00:51:57,809 Elevenable, twelve able... 1219 00:51:57,833 --> 00:51:59,476 I mean, it's infinite really, right? 1220 00:51:59,500 --> 00:52:00,477 Ha-ha. 1221 00:52:00,501 --> 00:52:01,976 I mean, I'm intrigued by their policy 1222 00:52:02,000 --> 00:52:03,809 of direct charitable donations. 1223 00:52:03,833 --> 00:52:05,309 You know, personally, I think 1224 00:52:05,333 --> 00:52:07,559 donations need to be conditional. 1225 00:52:07,583 --> 00:52:09,500 What do you think? 1226 00:52:10,166 --> 00:52:11,309 Uh, you know what? 1227 00:52:11,333 --> 00:52:12,851 It's group photo time. Group photo time. 1228 00:52:12,875 --> 00:52:14,767 Group photo! Come on, let's make some memories! 1229 00:52:14,791 --> 00:52:15,809 Yeah. Yeah. 1230 00:52:15,833 --> 00:52:17,934 You have no idea what I'm talking about, do you, Ricky? 1231 00:52:17,958 --> 00:52:20,351 Maybe he just doesn't want to talk shop at a bris, Leona. 1232 00:52:20,375 --> 00:52:22,916 Or maybe he's a fraud. Are you a fraud, sir? 1233 00:52:36,291 --> 00:52:37,934 I'll tell you what's fraudulent, Leona. 1234 00:52:37,958 --> 00:52:38,935 Yeah? 1235 00:52:38,959 --> 00:52:40,767 The perception that the program at Give Green 1236 00:52:40,791 --> 00:52:42,142 needs to be conditional. 1237 00:52:42,166 --> 00:52:44,101 They choose to offer unconditional cash transfers 1238 00:52:44,125 --> 00:52:45,184 for two reasons. 1239 00:52:45,208 --> 00:52:47,851 First, empowering poor people to make their own choices? 1240 00:52:47,875 --> 00:52:50,017 Well, that advances their core value of respect. 1241 00:52:50,041 --> 00:52:52,017 Second, imposing conditions requires 1242 00:52:52,041 --> 00:52:54,434 expensive monitoring and enforcement structures 1243 00:52:54,458 --> 00:52:57,166 that could raise administrative costs as high as 63%. 1244 00:52:57,666 --> 00:52:59,726 The existing empirical evidence comparing the impact 1245 00:52:59,750 --> 00:53:02,101 of conditional to unconditional cash transfers 1246 00:53:02,125 --> 00:53:03,851 shows that these added costs 1247 00:53:03,875 --> 00:53:06,166 simply do not produce commensurate benefits. 1248 00:53:08,125 --> 00:53:10,458 I wonder where those cheese-puff trays went off to. 1249 00:53:19,166 --> 00:53:20,791 Did you want a cheese puff, Leona? 1250 00:53:22,041 --> 00:53:23,541 No, thank you. 1251 00:53:26,416 --> 00:53:27,559 Huh, so what are these? 1252 00:53:27,583 --> 00:53:29,142 Glazed dates stuffed with Asiago cheese 1253 00:53:29,166 --> 00:53:30,143 and pickled herring. 1254 00:53:30,167 --> 00:53:31,851 Don't mind if I don't. 1255 00:53:31,875 --> 00:53:32,958 No problem. 1256 00:53:34,625 --> 00:53:36,642 - That was amazing. - Unbelievable. 1257 00:53:36,666 --> 00:53:38,434 Where the hell did you learn all that stuff? 1258 00:53:38,458 --> 00:53:40,309 Gotta buy the zoo, baby. 1259 00:53:40,333 --> 00:53:41,934 What? Who's that...? 1260 00:53:41,958 --> 00:53:43,541 Gary Polisner's here. 1261 00:53:44,041 --> 00:53:48,017 $8,000. It's on lease, but that's how much it's worth. 1262 00:53:48,041 --> 00:53:49,184 Oh. 1263 00:53:49,208 --> 00:53:50,750 Hey, Polisner! 1264 00:53:51,375 --> 00:53:54,684 Hey! Well you move along, I'll talk to you later on. 1265 00:53:54,708 --> 00:53:56,309 Get over here, hey? 1266 00:53:56,333 --> 00:53:58,517 Had to park my Cybertruck in the next county. 1267 00:53:58,541 --> 00:54:00,416 What, you too cheap for a valet? 1268 00:54:01,708 --> 00:54:04,017 - Crap! I know that guy. - What? What guy? 1269 00:54:04,041 --> 00:54:05,791 The guy standing with Hairy Krishna. 1270 00:54:06,625 --> 00:54:08,392 I saved you a bagel with lox. 1271 00:54:08,416 --> 00:54:10,958 I asked for an everything bagel. That's a nothing bagel. 1272 00:54:11,458 --> 00:54:13,476 Hey, you got any booze in this place? 1273 00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:14,477 Yeah. 1274 00:54:14,501 --> 00:54:16,434 Let me guess, it's a cash bar. 1275 00:54:16,458 --> 00:54:17,934 Oh, shit! 1276 00:54:17,958 --> 00:54:19,517 Go up the stairs. Go into the garage. 1277 00:54:19,541 --> 00:54:21,559 Just get in there. Don't come out until I tell you. 1278 00:54:21,583 --> 00:54:22,934 All right? Go, go, go, go, go. 1279 00:54:22,958 --> 00:54:24,267 Fuck. 1280 00:54:24,291 --> 00:54:26,226 And as you can tell, I actually don't sweat... 1281 00:54:26,250 --> 00:54:27,726 What the fuck are you saying? 1282 00:54:27,750 --> 00:54:29,684 Ricky knows Polisner. 1283 00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:31,767 - How? - How the hell do I know? 1284 00:54:31,791 --> 00:54:34,101 They're both actors. Maybe they crossed paths somehow. 1285 00:54:34,125 --> 00:54:35,726 We got to get Polisner out of here. 1286 00:54:35,750 --> 00:54:37,208 He just got here. 1287 00:54:38,625 --> 00:54:39,851 Goddamn it. 1288 00:54:39,875 --> 00:54:41,559 We could put him in a K-hole. 1289 00:54:41,583 --> 00:54:42,625 What's that? 1290 00:54:43,125 --> 00:54:44,375 Dose him with Ketamine. 1291 00:54:44,875 --> 00:54:47,309 Yeah, great idea. I'll just run down to CVS and grab a bottle. 1292 00:54:47,333 --> 00:54:48,666 No need. 1293 00:54:49,958 --> 00:54:51,916 Why the hell do you have Ketamine? 1294 00:54:53,333 --> 00:54:56,583 Well, sometimes after a hard day, you... 1295 00:54:57,250 --> 00:54:58,851 You K-hole yourself. 1296 00:54:58,875 --> 00:55:01,017 I could see that. Where do you get these things? 1297 00:55:01,041 --> 00:55:02,559 - My grandmother died. - Guys! 1298 00:55:02,583 --> 00:55:03,934 We're not K-holing anyone. 1299 00:55:03,958 --> 00:55:06,059 Stop being such a fucking wang, Dean. Okay? 1300 00:55:06,083 --> 00:55:07,601 We're going to get him a little drowsy 1301 00:55:07,625 --> 00:55:09,226 and then put him in a cab. 1302 00:55:09,250 --> 00:55:10,517 Are you guys serious right now? 1303 00:55:10,541 --> 00:55:12,267 You want to drug the Red Robin guy? 1304 00:55:12,291 --> 00:55:14,809 What other fucking choice do we have? 1305 00:55:14,833 --> 00:55:18,017 "Seconds on steak fries? Uh, yeah!" 1306 00:55:18,041 --> 00:55:20,875 First take. Everyone applauded. That's the one they used, too. 1307 00:55:22,833 --> 00:55:25,809 Fuck it. Let's K-hole the prick. 1308 00:55:25,833 --> 00:55:28,625 - This is it. - Yep, let's go. Let's go. 1309 00:55:30,125 --> 00:55:31,476 - All right. - No way! 1310 00:55:31,500 --> 00:55:33,642 That's right, I hit. That's right, I hit. 1311 00:55:33,666 --> 00:55:35,559 - Let's go for two. - He's got you believing. 1312 00:55:35,583 --> 00:55:36,851 Come on, baby. Come on! 1313 00:55:36,875 --> 00:55:38,267 Bad throw. Bad throw. 1314 00:55:38,291 --> 00:55:40,142 Bad throw! Dude, your foot came off the couch. 1315 00:55:40,166 --> 00:55:42,601 - Oh, hey, Gare. - Oh, hey, Dean, what's up? 1316 00:55:42,625 --> 00:55:45,684 Hey, uh, you guys seen my Red Robin commercial yet? 1317 00:55:45,708 --> 00:55:47,767 - We did. Yeah, we did. - Yeah. Shit went national. 1318 00:55:47,791 --> 00:55:48,809 Yeah, I love that. 1319 00:55:48,833 --> 00:55:51,392 Thinking of getting me a sweet kimono dragon. 1320 00:55:51,416 --> 00:55:53,476 Isn't it 'komodo'? 1321 00:55:53,500 --> 00:55:55,392 No, not the one I'm getting, right? 1322 00:55:55,416 --> 00:55:57,726 - Oh, yeah! - Off market. All cash. 1323 00:55:57,750 --> 00:56:00,851 - What are you losers doing? - We're playing a game 1324 00:56:00,875 --> 00:56:02,559 where if you catch three peanuts in a row, 1325 00:56:02,583 --> 00:56:04,309 you get 20 bucks from each of us. 1326 00:56:04,333 --> 00:56:05,375 Why, you want in? 1327 00:56:06,125 --> 00:56:07,642 - Fuck yeah! - Oh? 1328 00:56:07,666 --> 00:56:09,226 - Yeah, yeah, yeah! - Okay. 1329 00:56:09,250 --> 00:56:10,726 Man, I'll kick all your asses. 1330 00:56:10,750 --> 00:56:12,559 Step right up and get behind the hat. 1331 00:56:12,583 --> 00:56:14,541 - No cheating. - I got this. 1332 00:56:15,291 --> 00:56:16,583 - Here we go. - You focused? 1333 00:56:17,666 --> 00:56:19,726 - Whoa! - Whoa! Boom! 1334 00:56:19,750 --> 00:56:20,892 Wow! 1335 00:56:20,916 --> 00:56:22,434 Relax, Gare. Little bit of luck there. 1336 00:56:22,458 --> 00:56:23,541 - Okay. - Get low. 1337 00:56:25,541 --> 00:56:28,684 - Ohh! Yeah. - Ohh! Yes! 1338 00:56:28,708 --> 00:56:30,726 I'm just as good as Wes at catching nuts in my mouth. 1339 00:56:30,750 --> 00:56:32,809 Oh. Right. 'Cause I'm gay. 1340 00:56:32,833 --> 00:56:33,892 Yeah. 1341 00:56:33,916 --> 00:56:35,583 I'm so happy we're doing this. 1342 00:56:36,166 --> 00:56:37,767 Okay, this one's for all the marbles. 1343 00:56:37,791 --> 00:56:39,892 All right, Gary, let's go, buddy. You ready? 1344 00:56:39,916 --> 00:56:41,750 Ready? One, two... 1345 00:56:42,416 --> 00:56:44,333 Three... 1346 00:57:06,500 --> 00:57:08,500 Ba-doomp-pow! All net! 1347 00:57:11,166 --> 00:57:13,041 I think I ate a bad one. 1348 00:57:13,666 --> 00:57:14,833 Bitter. 1349 00:57:15,958 --> 00:57:17,476 My sweet boy. 1350 00:57:17,500 --> 00:57:20,976 May God make you like Ephraim and Manasseh. 1351 00:57:21,000 --> 00:57:24,392 May God bless you and watch over you. 1352 00:57:24,416 --> 00:57:26,142 Shouldn't we be stopping this? 1353 00:57:26,166 --> 00:57:29,083 Don't worry, we got about a half hour before it kicks in. 1354 00:57:31,958 --> 00:57:34,476 Hey, I figured out how I know him. 1355 00:57:34,500 --> 00:57:36,559 He's in those Red Robin commercials. 1356 00:57:36,583 --> 00:57:39,767 "Seconds on steak fries? Uh, yeah!" 1357 00:57:39,791 --> 00:57:41,684 Dude, that was great. You should be an actor. 1358 00:57:41,708 --> 00:57:43,476 So you guys have never met before? 1359 00:57:43,500 --> 00:57:45,666 - No, but... - Yeah, just a big fan. 1360 00:57:48,958 --> 00:57:51,458 - All right, it's time. - Okay. 1361 00:57:55,208 --> 00:57:57,517 Oh 1362 00:57:57,541 --> 00:57:59,142 we're going to need a steak knife. 1363 00:57:59,166 --> 00:58:00,208 Ha! 1364 00:58:01,375 --> 00:58:04,500 Wow! Is this his bris or his bar mitzvah? 1365 00:58:05,666 --> 00:58:08,833 Okay, little vinegar... Whitaker 1366 00:58:09,875 --> 00:58:14,125 has skanctified us with the 1367 00:58:14,916 --> 00:58:17,541 commandiments... com... condiments 1368 00:58:18,625 --> 00:58:20,226 comma... commandments... 1369 00:58:20,250 --> 00:58:22,142 With the commander-ments. 1370 00:58:22,166 --> 00:58:24,166 With the commandments. Oy... 1371 00:58:24,750 --> 00:58:27,083 He's seems confused. 1372 00:58:28,833 --> 00:58:30,934 What the hell? Is he drunk? 1373 00:58:30,958 --> 00:58:33,559 I don't know. I saw him eat a peanut earlier. 1374 00:58:33,583 --> 00:58:35,059 Maybe he's having a reaction? 1375 00:58:35,083 --> 00:58:36,809 - Man, you said half an hour. - I don't know. 1376 00:58:36,833 --> 00:58:38,583 I think I might have developed a tolerance. 1377 00:58:40,250 --> 00:58:41,500 Okay. 1378 00:58:42,791 --> 00:58:44,684 And he hasht given us 1379 00:58:44,708 --> 00:58:46,642 the command to 1380 00:58:46,666 --> 00:58:47,958 circumvision! 1381 00:58:50,083 --> 00:58:53,309 Hi, fishy-fishy! Oh, to fishy-fishy! 1382 00:58:53,333 --> 00:58:56,684 Mommy, I don't want to go to school tomorrow. 1383 00:58:56,708 --> 00:58:58,267 Oh, my God! 1384 00:58:58,291 --> 00:59:00,101 Oh, my God! He's allergic to peanuts. 1385 00:59:00,125 --> 00:59:01,309 What did she say? 1386 00:59:01,333 --> 00:59:03,184 She said he's allergic to penis. 1387 00:59:03,208 --> 00:59:04,892 Oh, he's certainly in the wrong business. 1388 00:59:04,916 --> 00:59:06,351 Ba-doomp-pow! 1389 00:59:06,375 --> 00:59:07,892 Oh, my God. 1390 00:59:07,916 --> 00:59:09,892 He's only half circumcised. 1391 00:59:09,916 --> 00:59:11,392 Take the kid to the hospital. 1392 00:59:11,416 --> 00:59:14,267 - Yes, definitely a hospital. - I could call an ambulance. 1393 00:59:14,291 --> 00:59:16,017 No, this has to be done now. 1394 00:59:16,041 --> 00:59:17,642 Let Ricky finish it. 1395 00:59:17,666 --> 00:59:20,142 Ricky? What? No! No. Are you insane? 1396 00:59:20,166 --> 00:59:22,309 He used to work for Bono's foundation in Africa, 1397 00:59:22,333 --> 00:59:23,517 circumcising adults. 1398 00:59:23,541 --> 00:59:24,750 Aw. 1399 00:59:25,458 --> 00:59:28,934 Yeah, he did. But that was so long ago. 1400 00:59:28,958 --> 00:59:30,934 Plus, it's got to be way easier to circumcise 1401 00:59:30,958 --> 00:59:33,142 a gorgeous African penis than a baby penis. 1402 00:59:33,166 --> 00:59:34,767 You would think. 1403 00:59:34,791 --> 00:59:36,166 I can do it. 1404 00:59:37,625 --> 00:59:40,851 Uh, Ricky... Ricky! This is a baby we're talking about. 1405 00:59:40,875 --> 00:59:43,559 A real baby. Are you sure? 1406 00:59:43,583 --> 00:59:45,976 Yeah. Yeah. It's not like I'm cutting a diamond. 1407 00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:49,726 I'm sure I can pull it off. Pun intended. 1408 00:59:49,750 --> 00:59:52,476 No. No! We need a certified mohel, right? 1409 00:59:52,500 --> 00:59:54,517 - Right. - I'll just look one up on Yelp. 1410 00:59:54,541 --> 00:59:56,059 What? No! No Yelping. 1411 00:59:56,083 --> 00:59:59,184 No, we already have a mohel. He's already said the tefilah. 1412 00:59:59,208 --> 01:00:01,684 We just need to let Ricky finish it off. 1413 01:00:01,708 --> 01:00:03,726 Mom, no, I'm going to take him to a hospital, 1414 01:00:03,750 --> 01:00:05,226 where doctors work. 1415 01:00:05,250 --> 01:00:07,142 Does anyone here care that my grandson 1416 01:00:07,166 --> 01:00:09,267 is laying there half circumcised? 1417 01:00:09,291 --> 01:00:11,125 And we're done! 1418 01:00:14,291 --> 01:00:16,000 Just a little off the ol' Tiparillo. 1419 01:00:17,166 --> 01:00:18,559 - Huh. - Who's next? 1420 01:00:18,583 --> 01:00:20,809 Summerhayes, get over here so I can snip off that turtleneck. 1421 01:00:20,833 --> 01:00:23,267 Stanicky, you are unbelievable. 1422 01:00:23,291 --> 01:00:26,017 - All right, this is yours. - No. 1423 01:00:26,041 --> 01:00:29,166 Oh, my God, Ricky! 1424 01:00:35,750 --> 01:00:36,851 Yes! 1425 01:00:36,875 --> 01:00:39,892 Ricky Stanicky, you are even better than advertized. 1426 01:00:39,916 --> 01:00:41,851 Ah, Susan, it's just a pleasure to help you out. 1427 01:00:41,875 --> 01:00:44,184 By the way, the kid's got a good-looking schmeckel on him. 1428 01:00:44,208 --> 01:00:46,608 Real hog barrel. He's going to have some fun with that thing. 1429 01:00:47,375 --> 01:00:48,892 - Takes after his papa. - Yeah. 1430 01:00:48,916 --> 01:00:50,642 Ricky, do you really have to leave already? 1431 01:00:50,666 --> 01:00:52,142 Can't you just stay one more night? 1432 01:00:52,166 --> 01:00:54,458 I would love to, Carlsbad, 1433 01:00:55,541 --> 01:00:56,892 but I got to go. 1434 01:00:56,916 --> 01:00:57,934 Aw... 1435 01:00:57,958 --> 01:01:00,434 He's going to Nairobi to help out with the Ebola situation. 1436 01:01:00,458 --> 01:01:01,476 - Yeah. - Oh. 1437 01:01:01,500 --> 01:01:02,477 Nairobi? 1438 01:01:02,501 --> 01:01:04,767 Yeah. I goes where I's needed. 1439 01:01:04,791 --> 01:01:05,934 Ricky! Ricky! 1440 01:01:05,958 --> 01:01:07,125 Those guys. 1441 01:01:09,291 --> 01:01:10,583 Well... 1442 01:01:13,333 --> 01:01:14,684 Oh, man. 1443 01:01:14,708 --> 01:01:16,309 - Okay, bye, Ricky. - One of a kind. 1444 01:01:16,333 --> 01:01:18,309 - I'll see you inside. - I'll see you in a minute. 1445 01:01:18,333 --> 01:01:19,601 I'm going to help with the baby. 1446 01:01:19,625 --> 01:01:20,666 Okay. 1447 01:01:23,291 --> 01:01:25,059 That was amazing. Incredible. 1448 01:01:25,083 --> 01:01:26,267 You are a legend. 1449 01:01:26,291 --> 01:01:28,267 That was world class, Rod. 1450 01:01:28,291 --> 01:01:29,333 It's Ricky. 1451 01:01:33,291 --> 01:01:35,392 - Yeah... - Right. 1452 01:01:35,416 --> 01:01:37,476 Well, here's your dough. 1453 01:01:37,500 --> 01:01:38,809 Uh, we put some extra in there 1454 01:01:38,833 --> 01:01:40,559 just 'cause you knocked it out of the park, man. 1455 01:01:40,583 --> 01:01:41,560 - Yes you did. - Yeah. 1456 01:01:41,584 --> 01:01:43,059 Where did you learn to circumcise? 1457 01:01:43,083 --> 01:01:46,851 Oh, had a job peeling shrimp at Beefsteak Charlie's. 1458 01:01:46,875 --> 01:01:48,708 Okay. 1459 01:01:50,541 --> 01:01:52,642 Oh, you blowing up, huh? 1460 01:01:52,666 --> 01:01:54,208 Are you going to get that, or...? 1461 01:01:55,500 --> 01:01:58,142 No. That's just a crazy fan. 1462 01:01:58,166 --> 01:01:59,726 Well, now you got three crazy fans. 1463 01:01:59,750 --> 01:02:00,833 That's right. 1464 01:02:01,875 --> 01:02:03,142 You guys take care. 1465 01:02:03,166 --> 01:02:04,642 - You too! - Yeah, you too. 1466 01:02:04,666 --> 01:02:06,476 - We'll be fine. You take care. - Yeah, please. 1467 01:02:06,500 --> 01:02:08,101 If you're ever in Atlantic City... 1468 01:02:08,125 --> 01:02:09,892 - Possibly. - We'll let you know. 1469 01:02:09,916 --> 01:02:11,416 We'll definitely let you know. 1470 01:02:15,375 --> 01:02:16,851 He's good to go. 1471 01:02:16,875 --> 01:02:18,267 - Thanks, Rod. - Thank you. 1472 01:02:18,291 --> 01:02:19,541 It's Ricky. 1473 01:02:25,125 --> 01:02:27,184 - Whew! - Yeah! 1474 01:02:27,208 --> 01:02:29,166 - I'm hungry, man. - Let's feed you. 1475 01:02:30,500 --> 01:02:32,059 I can't believe it worked! 1476 01:02:32,083 --> 01:02:34,434 I can't believe it actually fucking worked. 1477 01:02:34,458 --> 01:02:35,976 As much of a nut job as Rod is... 1478 01:02:36,000 --> 01:02:38,833 - Uh, it's Ricky. - Oh, sorry, Ricky. 1479 01:02:39,916 --> 01:02:42,166 But he came through. He actually came through. 1480 01:02:43,166 --> 01:02:44,434 So that's it, though, right? 1481 01:02:44,458 --> 01:02:45,892 - Yep. - No more Ricky Stanicky. 1482 01:02:45,916 --> 01:02:48,309 No, we are never mentioning his name ever again. 1483 01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:50,351 It was fun while it lasted. Right? Okay. 1484 01:02:50,375 --> 01:02:53,392 But it's time to get off that roller coaster once and for all. 1485 01:02:53,416 --> 01:02:56,059 Yep. Ride's over, folks! Please exit to your left! 1486 01:02:56,083 --> 01:02:57,642 Please check for your belongings! 1487 01:02:57,666 --> 01:03:00,351 You gotta be this tall to ride this ride. 1488 01:03:00,375 --> 01:03:02,184 Wes, you always do one too many, man. 1489 01:03:02,208 --> 01:03:03,476 Fuck you. Is that one too many? 1490 01:03:03,500 --> 01:03:06,184 - Oh, it is. That is too many. - Guys, guys, guys. Guys. 1491 01:03:06,208 --> 01:03:09,684 For the very last time, a toast... 1492 01:03:09,708 --> 01:03:11,309 To Ricky Stanicky. 1493 01:03:11,333 --> 01:03:13,392 To Ricky Stanicky! 1494 01:03:13,416 --> 01:03:15,125 Best friend we never had. 1495 01:03:18,291 --> 01:03:20,333 - You got some on your arm. - Hoo! 1496 01:03:22,250 --> 01:03:24,517 I mean, it's my newborn son, you know, 1497 01:03:24,541 --> 01:03:26,059 it's like this bonding thing. 1498 01:03:26,083 --> 01:03:27,767 If anybody else had pissed on me, 1499 01:03:27,791 --> 01:03:29,351 I'd be totally grossed out. 1500 01:03:29,375 --> 01:03:30,767 What about if it was Susan? 1501 01:03:30,791 --> 01:03:31,976 Eew! 1502 01:03:32,000 --> 01:03:35,083 Hey, guys, grab a cup of coffee and get in here. 1503 01:03:36,000 --> 01:03:37,017 Yes! 1504 01:03:37,041 --> 01:03:39,392 Yesterday was a real kick. 1505 01:03:39,416 --> 01:03:41,101 It was nice spending time with you guys 1506 01:03:41,125 --> 01:03:42,267 outside the boiler room. 1507 01:03:42,291 --> 01:03:43,517 - Mm-hm. - It is. 1508 01:03:43,541 --> 01:03:45,017 Who doesn't love a good bris, right? 1509 01:03:45,041 --> 01:03:47,333 Right! We should do it all the time. 1510 01:03:48,000 --> 01:03:51,101 - Have a bris? - Hang out. We should hang... 1511 01:03:51,125 --> 01:03:54,726 By the way, your wife, Miriam, she's amazing. 1512 01:03:54,750 --> 01:03:57,267 - Just fantastic. - A lovely, lovely woman. 1513 01:03:57,291 --> 01:03:59,976 Thanks. She liked you guys too. 1514 01:04:00,000 --> 01:04:03,142 And she was really taken with your friend Stanicky. 1515 01:04:03,166 --> 01:04:06,767 He's got brass balls on him, that guy. 1516 01:04:06,791 --> 01:04:08,559 She loved how in my face he was. 1517 01:04:08,583 --> 01:04:09,601 Really? 1518 01:04:09,625 --> 01:04:11,434 Yeah, he'll give it to you, man, that guy. 1519 01:04:11,458 --> 01:04:12,892 - That's Ricky. - Yeah. He'll... 1520 01:04:12,916 --> 01:04:14,976 - Just... he's a character. - He is a character. 1521 01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,142 - A powerful creature, man. - He sure is. 1522 01:04:17,166 --> 01:04:18,642 That's why I hired him. 1523 01:04:18,666 --> 01:04:20,226 - Mm-hm. - Awesome. 1524 01:04:20,250 --> 01:04:21,750 What the fuck did you just say? 1525 01:04:22,875 --> 01:04:24,750 What the fuck did you just say? 1526 01:04:25,791 --> 01:04:29,226 I just said, "Awesome." 1527 01:04:29,250 --> 01:04:30,726 That's awesome. 1528 01:04:30,750 --> 01:04:32,392 You just said... 1529 01:04:32,416 --> 01:04:34,184 What did you say? Just say it one more time? 1530 01:04:34,208 --> 01:04:38,184 Ricky gave me his number and when I got home, I called him. 1531 01:04:38,208 --> 01:04:40,142 I got him right before he got on the plane too. 1532 01:04:40,166 --> 01:04:41,851 He came over to my place. 1533 01:04:41,875 --> 01:04:44,434 We were up till 4 a.m. banging out a deal. 1534 01:04:44,458 --> 01:04:46,267 The buff guy? 1535 01:04:46,291 --> 01:04:48,351 The guy who wore the safari outfit to my son's bris 1536 01:04:48,375 --> 01:04:49,976 and circumcised him with a cigar cutter? 1537 01:04:50,000 --> 01:04:51,642 - You banged out a deal? - Yes. 1538 01:04:51,666 --> 01:04:53,333 I hired Ricky Stanicky. 1539 01:04:53,958 --> 01:04:56,309 Wow! Wow! 1540 01:04:56,333 --> 01:04:59,476 But do you think... like, he has the experience 1541 01:04:59,500 --> 01:05:01,559 - to be working here? - Yeah, does he, ya think? 1542 01:05:01,583 --> 01:05:03,726 Nah, whatever he lacks in experience, 1543 01:05:03,750 --> 01:05:07,559 he more than makes up for with piss and vinegar. 1544 01:05:07,583 --> 01:05:10,226 I loved his take on the World River deal. 1545 01:05:10,250 --> 01:05:12,059 - But that's... - Not his take, really. 1546 01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:13,934 Yeah, that's just what he read in the news. 1547 01:05:13,958 --> 01:05:15,059 Uh-huh. 1548 01:05:15,083 --> 01:05:17,684 You can stop playing games, guys. 1549 01:05:17,708 --> 01:05:19,976 I know you've been recruiting him. 1550 01:05:20,000 --> 01:05:21,476 You don't think I noticed 1551 01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:25,809 that JT expensed three rounds of golf at Carnegie Abbey 1552 01:05:25,833 --> 01:05:27,500 in the last couple of months? 1553 01:05:29,416 --> 01:05:31,726 That was two rounds, I think... 1554 01:05:31,750 --> 01:05:33,726 B-because we were... we were... 1555 01:05:33,750 --> 01:05:36,017 - We were recruiting him. - Recruiting him. 1556 01:05:36,041 --> 01:05:37,517 And we decided... 1557 01:05:37,541 --> 01:05:39,392 - Not... not good. - Not Summerhayes material. 1558 01:05:39,416 --> 01:05:40,601 Yeah, he just doesn't... 1559 01:05:40,625 --> 01:05:42,392 I don't think he's right for this place. 1560 01:05:42,416 --> 01:05:44,375 Hey! Speak of the devil. 1561 01:05:52,791 --> 01:05:53,768 Okay. 1562 01:05:53,792 --> 01:05:54,851 - Oh, Philip. - Yeah? 1563 01:05:54,875 --> 01:05:58,142 I was hoping to see something in a mahogany or a birch. 1564 01:05:58,166 --> 01:06:02,333 I believe this is Carolina pine. That's a shit wood. 1565 01:06:03,083 --> 01:06:05,642 Okay. Uh... shit wood... 1566 01:06:05,666 --> 01:06:07,017 Philip, can we have a sec? 1567 01:06:07,041 --> 01:06:08,583 Yes. Please. 1568 01:06:09,333 --> 01:06:11,267 Oh, and for these walls, 1569 01:06:11,291 --> 01:06:14,291 I'd love to see something in more of a ham color. 1570 01:06:15,166 --> 01:06:16,791 Right. 1571 01:06:19,708 --> 01:06:21,684 What the fuck do you think you're doing here? 1572 01:06:21,708 --> 01:06:24,142 This is unbelievable. How cool is this, right? 1573 01:06:24,166 --> 01:06:26,142 And I didn't even have to fill out an application! 1574 01:06:26,166 --> 01:06:28,517 Application?! This isn't Little Caesar's. 1575 01:06:28,541 --> 01:06:31,309 There's no way for you to act your way through this, okay? 1576 01:06:31,333 --> 01:06:33,517 There's no script for you to follow here. 1577 01:06:33,541 --> 01:06:35,351 Okay, you guys can help me out. 1578 01:06:35,375 --> 01:06:37,476 Just like I helped you out in the bris thing, right? 1579 01:06:37,500 --> 01:06:40,059 - That's what friends are for. - Friends? We're not friends! 1580 01:06:40,083 --> 01:06:42,226 The deal was you come to the gig, then you leave. 1581 01:06:42,250 --> 01:06:43,309 You got paid. 1582 01:06:43,333 --> 01:06:44,476 - Now go! - Go! 1583 01:06:44,500 --> 01:06:46,892 Come on. What was I supposed to do? 1584 01:06:46,916 --> 01:06:48,392 Your boss, Summer squash, hits me up 1585 01:06:48,416 --> 01:06:50,017 - and he's like, "Hey, man." - 'Summerhayes'? 1586 01:06:50,041 --> 01:06:51,517 Yes, that guy. 1587 01:06:51,541 --> 01:06:53,892 Offers me 250 large right out of the blue. 1588 01:06:53,916 --> 01:06:56,684 - What?! - $250,000? 1589 01:06:56,708 --> 01:06:58,309 Yeah, but that's for the whole year. 1590 01:06:58,333 --> 01:06:59,767 That's more than we make. 1591 01:06:59,791 --> 01:07:00,892 Oh, my God! 1592 01:07:00,916 --> 01:07:03,434 Well, I did work as a hostage negotiator in Somalia. 1593 01:07:03,458 --> 01:07:05,517 So maybe I bring a certain amount of life experience 1594 01:07:05,541 --> 01:07:06,518 to the table. 1595 01:07:06,542 --> 01:07:08,726 I mean, come on, guys, didn't you read the bible? 1596 01:07:08,750 --> 01:07:11,601 - We wrote the fucking bible! - We did that. 1597 01:07:11,625 --> 01:07:13,767 Rod, I need you to listen to me very, very carefully. 1598 01:07:13,791 --> 01:07:15,142 It's 'Ricky'. 1599 01:07:15,166 --> 01:07:17,934 Rod! Listen to me, okay? 1600 01:07:17,958 --> 01:07:21,601 There's no way that this ends well. All right? 1601 01:07:21,625 --> 01:07:23,934 You don't even know what we do here. 1602 01:07:23,958 --> 01:07:25,601 It's like business stuff. 1603 01:07:25,625 --> 01:07:27,583 You guys are like... like bookies, right? 1604 01:07:28,500 --> 01:07:29,892 We're not bookies. 1605 01:07:29,916 --> 01:07:32,809 Well, when you boil it down a little bit, there is... 1606 01:07:32,833 --> 01:07:35,458 It's way more complex than that, okay? 1607 01:07:36,125 --> 01:07:38,916 Dean, Erin's in your office. She says it's urgent. 1608 01:07:43,333 --> 01:07:44,333 Hey. 1609 01:07:44,833 --> 01:07:46,517 They hired me! 1610 01:07:46,541 --> 01:07:48,017 - Who? - MFMBC! 1611 01:07:48,041 --> 01:07:50,101 They want me to produce the 'Hero of the Week' segment. 1612 01:07:50,125 --> 01:07:52,351 - MFMBC? - Yes! 1613 01:07:52,375 --> 01:07:53,851 Are you kidding me? What?! 1614 01:07:53,875 --> 01:07:56,809 Oh, my gosh! Oh. 1615 01:07:56,833 --> 01:07:59,017 - Oh, I'm so proud of you. - Thank you. 1616 01:07:59,041 --> 01:08:00,809 Didn't I tell you you were going to get your big break? 1617 01:08:00,833 --> 01:08:02,476 - You did, you did. - You got your big break. 1618 01:08:02,500 --> 01:08:04,434 You did. I pushed them the Ricky Stanicky story 1619 01:08:04,458 --> 01:08:05,892 and they loved it. 1620 01:08:05,916 --> 01:08:07,601 The Ricky what? 1621 01:08:07,625 --> 01:08:09,101 The 'Hero of the Week' segment. 1622 01:08:09,125 --> 01:08:11,101 I sent them a proposal about the work Ricky does 1623 01:08:11,125 --> 01:08:13,392 in Africa, in South America and how he works with Bono, 1624 01:08:13,416 --> 01:08:15,309 and helped clean up the oil spill 1625 01:08:15,333 --> 01:08:18,125 in the Chesapeake Bay, and they want me to produce it! 1626 01:08:18,625 --> 01:08:20,958 - Oh! - "Oh"? 1627 01:08:21,666 --> 01:08:23,017 What's wrong with your face? 1628 01:08:23,041 --> 01:08:26,642 This is my happy face. I'm so... I'm happy. 1629 01:08:26,666 --> 01:08:28,851 I'm ha... I'm happy. 1630 01:08:28,875 --> 01:08:31,517 Great. Because we got to get him back here now. 1631 01:08:31,541 --> 01:08:33,434 They want me to run it this week. 1632 01:08:33,458 --> 01:08:34,767 Right. 1633 01:08:34,791 --> 01:08:38,267 I don't know if that's going to be... possible. 1634 01:08:38,291 --> 01:08:40,517 I don't... There's just a lot of, uh... 1635 01:08:40,541 --> 01:08:42,684 - More of a canned ham. - A lot of moving... 1636 01:08:42,708 --> 01:08:44,309 - Very close to spam. - Ricky? 1637 01:08:44,333 --> 01:08:45,583 Ricky! 1638 01:08:46,708 --> 01:08:47,809 Ricky! 1639 01:08:47,833 --> 01:08:50,934 Man of the Year? Wow! That's so cool! 1640 01:08:50,958 --> 01:08:53,017 It's not man of the year. It's hero of the week. 1641 01:08:53,041 --> 01:08:55,476 And it's not wow. It's a fucking shit show. 1642 01:08:55,500 --> 01:08:56,517 And on top of that, 1643 01:08:56,541 --> 01:08:58,351 the girls are going bowling with him tonight. 1644 01:08:58,375 --> 01:09:00,517 - Do we have to go? - Of course we have to go. 1645 01:09:00,541 --> 01:09:03,333 We're the dip shit's best friends, remember? 1646 01:09:04,166 --> 01:09:06,059 Plus we can't let that fucker out of our sight. 1647 01:09:06,083 --> 01:09:07,559 There's no telling what he'll say. 1648 01:09:07,583 --> 01:09:11,559 You know, on the bright side, it is pretty remarkable that, 1649 01:09:11,583 --> 01:09:14,767 you know, we invented a man who can win an award like this. 1650 01:09:14,791 --> 01:09:16,059 Hey, you think he'll thank us? 1651 01:09:16,083 --> 01:09:18,726 Are you fucking serious right now? 1652 01:09:18,750 --> 01:09:21,226 Wes! You are smoking way too much weed 1653 01:09:21,250 --> 01:09:23,767 if you don't understand how serious this is, okay? 1654 01:09:23,791 --> 01:09:25,892 It's not just about us anymore. 1655 01:09:25,916 --> 01:09:30,000 This could destroy Erin's career. Wake up! 1656 01:09:33,500 --> 01:09:35,000 I don't have a choice. 1657 01:09:35,666 --> 01:09:37,476 - I got to tell her the truth. - No fucking way! 1658 01:09:37,500 --> 01:09:39,226 - I got to. - Dean, no. Dude! 1659 01:09:39,250 --> 01:09:42,017 If you tell Erin, she'll tell Susan. Okay? 1660 01:09:42,041 --> 01:09:43,642 Then what do you think is going to happen? 1661 01:09:43,666 --> 01:09:45,142 Not only did I miss the birth of my son, 1662 01:09:45,166 --> 01:09:47,059 but I let some porno Peter Frampton impersonator 1663 01:09:47,083 --> 01:09:48,851 snip his dick with a cigar cutter. 1664 01:09:48,875 --> 01:09:50,208 No! 1665 01:09:52,416 --> 01:09:53,500 Hey, guys. 1666 01:09:54,375 --> 01:09:55,559 Hey, Karnowski. 1667 01:09:55,583 --> 01:09:57,226 How was the Rebillet show? 1668 01:09:57,250 --> 01:09:59,934 It was great, you piece of shit. Thanks for the tickets. 1669 01:09:59,958 --> 01:10:01,416 Thank you! 1670 01:10:03,583 --> 01:10:05,291 Shitbag! 1671 01:10:07,458 --> 01:10:09,166 He doesn't deserve that. Karnowsk! 1672 01:10:10,750 --> 01:10:12,208 Karnowski! 1673 01:10:19,708 --> 01:10:21,583 You'll never pick it up. 1674 01:10:24,666 --> 01:10:26,666 I like your form. 1675 01:10:29,333 --> 01:10:32,392 I mean, look at this guy. Not a care in the world. 1676 01:10:32,416 --> 01:10:34,392 If he mentions his salary one more time, 1677 01:10:34,416 --> 01:10:36,142 I'm going to hit him in the fucking head. 1678 01:10:36,166 --> 01:10:37,726 Well, maybe if you gave him more money 1679 01:10:37,750 --> 01:10:39,392 than he's being paid, he'd leave. 1680 01:10:39,416 --> 01:10:41,934 He's getting paid $250,000, Wes. 1681 01:10:41,958 --> 01:10:43,434 Yeah, but that's for the whole year. 1682 01:10:43,458 --> 01:10:44,767 I'll just run to my bank, then. 1683 01:10:44,791 --> 01:10:47,517 We got to figure out a way to get rid of him or we're done. 1684 01:10:47,541 --> 01:10:49,434 Look, maybe you're worried about nothing, right? 1685 01:10:49,458 --> 01:10:51,559 She only has a couple of days to dig up dirt. 1686 01:10:51,583 --> 01:10:54,059 If she doesn't dig up dirt, that's worse. 1687 01:10:54,083 --> 01:10:56,101 Eventually someone's going to find out the truth. 1688 01:10:56,125 --> 01:10:58,184 And then Erin would just be one of those journalists 1689 01:10:58,208 --> 01:11:00,017 that makes up fake stories. 1690 01:11:00,041 --> 01:11:02,375 Yeah, like Mario Lopez. 1691 01:11:03,416 --> 01:11:04,517 Oh. 1692 01:11:04,541 --> 01:11:07,083 Well, look who's hitting it off. 1693 01:11:07,708 --> 01:11:10,267 I thought she was with Gary Polisner. 1694 01:11:10,291 --> 01:11:12,184 Apparently not. 1695 01:11:12,208 --> 01:11:14,559 Hey, look, none of my business, 1696 01:11:14,583 --> 01:11:17,375 but you should think about chopping that off. 1697 01:11:17,958 --> 01:11:19,892 What? A haircut? 1698 01:11:19,916 --> 01:11:23,517 No, I don't know, I mean, I'd be afraid to. 1699 01:11:23,541 --> 01:11:26,517 Why? With a face like yours, you should have a pixie. 1700 01:11:26,541 --> 01:11:28,583 - Really? - Yes! Look at this. 1701 01:11:29,916 --> 01:11:31,208 Okay... 1702 01:11:32,791 --> 01:11:34,166 Maybe not. 1703 01:11:34,875 --> 01:11:36,875 Down to the shoulders, maybe mid back. 1704 01:11:37,833 --> 01:11:39,726 Yeah, I mean, yeah... 1705 01:11:39,750 --> 01:11:43,059 Honestly, I've kind of been wanting to cut it for a while, 1706 01:11:43,083 --> 01:11:45,434 but I just feel like this is like my thing now, 1707 01:11:45,458 --> 01:11:47,059 and everyone says that they love it. 1708 01:11:47,083 --> 01:11:48,541 They're just being nice. 1709 01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:51,642 What, really? 1710 01:11:51,666 --> 01:11:53,166 Oh, yeah. Trust me. 1711 01:11:55,291 --> 01:11:57,934 But why would they lie to me? 1712 01:11:57,958 --> 01:12:01,541 I don't know. People are weird, right? 1713 01:12:02,166 --> 01:12:03,726 Maybe it's hard for them to tell you 1714 01:12:03,750 --> 01:12:05,916 you look like a freaking loon. 1715 01:12:09,750 --> 01:12:12,809 Hey, Carly, whoa. 1716 01:12:12,833 --> 01:12:16,101 Look, I love your hair. All right? 1717 01:12:16,125 --> 01:12:17,517 What I was trying to say was, 1718 01:12:17,541 --> 01:12:19,226 if you want to cut it, you should. 1719 01:12:19,250 --> 01:12:21,541 You shouldn't care about what anybody else thinks. 1720 01:12:22,125 --> 01:12:23,642 Look at you. 1721 01:12:23,666 --> 01:12:27,059 You're smart, you're sweet. 1722 01:12:27,083 --> 01:12:29,208 You got that cute little muskrat face. 1723 01:12:30,041 --> 01:12:32,809 But all anybody can ever see is your insane 1724 01:12:32,833 --> 01:12:34,708 ly beautiful hair. 1725 01:12:36,541 --> 01:12:39,583 Which is like the tenth best thing you got going for you. 1726 01:12:42,333 --> 01:12:44,708 Agh! Ricky! Ricky! 1727 01:12:45,333 --> 01:12:47,916 Oh, what's happening? Ricky, Ricky, what's happening? 1728 01:12:54,625 --> 01:12:55,875 What's happen...? Ow! 1729 01:12:57,916 --> 01:13:00,208 Hey! Stop fucking bowling! 1730 01:13:06,666 --> 01:13:08,458 What just happened? 1731 01:13:08,958 --> 01:13:10,833 Oh, Carly, that was terrible. 1732 01:13:11,333 --> 01:13:13,392 Moron! He almost took her head off. 1733 01:13:13,416 --> 01:13:14,976 That's it. He's done. 1734 01:13:15,000 --> 01:13:17,142 I'll gladly pay 250, 300, whatever it costs. 1735 01:13:17,166 --> 01:13:19,517 I'll get a loan, sell a kidney. Whatever it takes. 1736 01:13:19,541 --> 01:13:20,583 He's out of here! 1737 01:13:21,750 --> 01:13:23,309 Wait a minute. 1738 01:13:23,333 --> 01:13:26,208 What if he didn't have a job that paid him 250 grand a year? 1739 01:13:28,083 --> 01:13:29,958 Like, if he got fired. 1740 01:13:35,166 --> 01:13:36,684 Let's face facts. 1741 01:13:36,708 --> 01:13:40,226 We need this merger with World River, 1742 01:13:40,250 --> 01:13:42,309 and they seem to be able to take it or leave it. 1743 01:13:42,333 --> 01:13:44,976 Why? Well, I'll tell you why. 1744 01:13:45,000 --> 01:13:47,017 Those folks are from San Francisco 1745 01:13:47,041 --> 01:13:49,934 and we're an old-money New England company. 1746 01:13:49,958 --> 01:13:52,726 They think we're dinosaurs. 1747 01:13:52,750 --> 01:13:54,309 They're looking for new, 1748 01:13:54,333 --> 01:13:56,684 they're looking for progressive. 1749 01:13:56,708 --> 01:13:59,767 So, come on. Let's hear some ideas. 1750 01:13:59,791 --> 01:14:02,809 Dean, you're point on this. Why don't you get us started? 1751 01:14:02,833 --> 01:14:04,309 Actually, I was thinking that Ricky 1752 01:14:04,333 --> 01:14:06,059 should take point on this today. 1753 01:14:06,083 --> 01:14:08,726 He's our newest employee and he's an 'eco-hero'. 1754 01:14:08,750 --> 01:14:11,541 I like that idea. Ricky, what do you got? 1755 01:14:12,166 --> 01:14:14,392 Well, thank you for the vote of confidence, Dean. 1756 01:14:14,416 --> 01:14:15,934 You should run the meeting, for sure. 1757 01:14:15,958 --> 01:14:17,851 I am just not quite up to speed. 1758 01:14:17,875 --> 01:14:18,892 Well, that makes sense. 1759 01:14:18,916 --> 01:14:20,767 But Ricky's got something big worked out here. 1760 01:14:20,791 --> 01:14:23,892 What'd you call it? Um... game changer, right? 1761 01:14:23,916 --> 01:14:28,142 Game changer. Got to love that. Ricky, what do you got? 1762 01:14:28,166 --> 01:14:29,684 I, um... 1763 01:14:29,708 --> 01:14:30,976 I, er... 1764 01:14:31,000 --> 01:14:35,000 Rick, I have a lunch in 23 minutes. 1765 01:14:36,541 --> 01:14:38,125 Yeah. 1766 01:14:40,958 --> 01:14:42,708 Okay. 1767 01:14:43,500 --> 01:14:44,916 Um... 1768 01:14:45,750 --> 01:14:49,059 My area of expertize is in non-profit humanitarian work. 1769 01:14:49,083 --> 01:14:51,041 In short, I'm a world hugger. 1770 01:14:51,750 --> 01:14:54,559 So, you know, why don't we bring my exciting background 1771 01:14:54,583 --> 01:14:57,684 to the boring-ass world of investment products? 1772 01:14:57,708 --> 01:15:00,017 I mean, you know, ladies and gentlemen, 1773 01:15:00,041 --> 01:15:02,976 does for-profit have to be for profit? 1774 01:15:03,000 --> 01:15:05,458 Well, that's the general idea. 1775 01:15:06,958 --> 01:15:08,017 Correct! 1776 01:15:08,041 --> 01:15:10,500 Ten points to the gentleman in the conservative grey suit. 1777 01:15:11,000 --> 01:15:15,000 Er, could you please elaborate? 1778 01:15:20,791 --> 01:15:22,291 What I was saying 1779 01:15:23,291 --> 01:15:25,142 was, what if we took all the money we made 1780 01:15:25,166 --> 01:15:28,375 and gave it away to poor people and shit? 1781 01:15:29,708 --> 01:15:32,726 I'm not sure I understand that. 1782 01:15:32,750 --> 01:15:35,601 - And shit. - I know I don't. 1783 01:15:35,625 --> 01:15:38,059 Well, think about it. 1784 01:15:38,083 --> 01:15:41,476 If we became, um, like the Paul-Newman-salad-dressing 1785 01:15:41,500 --> 01:15:43,142 of banks, 1786 01:15:43,166 --> 01:15:45,309 the whole world would like us. 1787 01:15:45,333 --> 01:15:48,416 That is the stupidest idea I've ever heard. 1788 01:15:49,958 --> 01:15:51,934 Well, now, wait a minute. 1789 01:15:51,958 --> 01:15:53,767 Read between the lines, Billings. 1790 01:15:53,791 --> 01:15:56,517 This is exactly what I've been talking about. 1791 01:15:56,541 --> 01:15:59,684 Stanicky's saying we got to shake things up. 1792 01:15:59,708 --> 01:16:00,892 Try something different. 1793 01:16:00,916 --> 01:16:02,767 No, that's not what he's saying. He's saying... 1794 01:16:02,791 --> 01:16:04,642 What about that Tom's company? 1795 01:16:04,666 --> 01:16:08,434 Giving away a free pair of shoes for every pair sold. 1796 01:16:08,458 --> 01:16:11,101 I bet that sounded like a stupid idea at first. 1797 01:16:11,125 --> 01:16:12,976 And what are they clearing? 1798 01:16:13,000 --> 01:16:16,184 170 million in revenue last year. 1799 01:16:16,208 --> 01:16:19,208 170 million. That's impressive. 1800 01:16:20,000 --> 01:16:21,976 Now, obviously, we can't give away all our money, 1801 01:16:22,000 --> 01:16:26,726 but we could funnel some of it into philanthropic ventures. 1802 01:16:26,750 --> 01:16:29,351 And there have got to be tax incentives. 1803 01:16:29,375 --> 01:16:32,517 - Yeah! Tax shit. - Yeah. 1804 01:16:32,541 --> 01:16:34,934 We could call it, um... Feel-Good Investing. 1805 01:16:34,958 --> 01:16:37,083 We'll show people we're a company that cares. 1806 01:16:38,000 --> 01:16:42,809 Feel-Good Investing. I like that. Great work, Rick. 1807 01:16:42,833 --> 01:16:44,666 Thanks, Ted. 1808 01:16:47,291 --> 01:16:48,791 What did you say, Ricky? 1809 01:16:49,458 --> 01:16:52,101 Oh... nothing. 1810 01:16:52,125 --> 01:16:54,875 I was just saying "fuck you" to that guy. 1811 01:16:58,375 --> 01:17:00,208 Yeah, fuck you, Billings! 1812 01:17:06,166 --> 01:17:07,892 We're just kidding. 1813 01:17:07,916 --> 01:17:09,291 But fuck you, Billings. 1814 01:17:12,333 --> 01:17:13,892 Here's what we're going to do. 1815 01:17:13,916 --> 01:17:16,351 The World River folks are flying in Wednesday afternoon. 1816 01:17:16,375 --> 01:17:18,309 Wednesday? What? Why Wednesday? 1817 01:17:18,333 --> 01:17:19,476 Because Wednesday night 1818 01:17:19,500 --> 01:17:21,559 we're going to have a little summit over at my club 1819 01:17:21,583 --> 01:17:24,142 and watch Ricky's 'Hero of the Week' segment. 1820 01:17:24,166 --> 01:17:25,583 Clubs ahoy! 1821 01:17:26,875 --> 01:17:28,059 Right. 1822 01:17:28,083 --> 01:17:31,017 Now, I want you to bring your families and your A-games. 1823 01:17:31,041 --> 01:17:33,642 Wednesday, we're going to show these people who we are. 1824 01:17:33,666 --> 01:17:36,642 We're modern, we're fun, we're socially conscious, 1825 01:17:36,666 --> 01:17:39,625 and we're American heroes. 1826 01:17:41,916 --> 01:17:43,559 - What is happening right now? - I don't know. 1827 01:17:43,583 --> 01:17:45,750 I feel like Jason Bateman in every episode of 'Ozark'. 1828 01:17:46,375 --> 01:17:48,934 Hey, boss-man? Er, got a minute? 1829 01:17:48,958 --> 01:17:50,458 Sure! 1830 01:17:55,041 --> 01:17:57,142 Dean! JT! What it do? 1831 01:17:57,166 --> 01:17:59,517 What the...? What are you doing here? 1832 01:17:59,541 --> 01:18:01,000 Ricky hired me. 1833 01:18:01,875 --> 01:18:03,559 - To do what? - I don't know. 1834 01:18:03,583 --> 01:18:05,101 Help him out with stuff, I guess. 1835 01:18:05,125 --> 01:18:07,142 Yes, I think young Wesley shows great promise 1836 01:18:07,166 --> 01:18:08,351 as my attaché. 1837 01:18:08,375 --> 01:18:10,434 - Who's your attaché, Dean? - I don't have an attaché. 1838 01:18:10,458 --> 01:18:11,684 I'm not a foreign diplomat. 1839 01:18:11,708 --> 01:18:13,976 Listen, you and me need to have a chat. 1840 01:18:14,000 --> 01:18:16,125 Okay, but before we do, I want to show you something. 1841 01:18:21,416 --> 01:18:23,809 First, thank you for having faith 1842 01:18:23,833 --> 01:18:25,351 and believing in me today. 1843 01:18:25,375 --> 01:18:27,434 I never would've come up with those ideas in the meeting 1844 01:18:27,458 --> 01:18:28,851 if you hadn't thrown me into the fire. 1845 01:18:28,875 --> 01:18:30,142 Happy to do it, man. 1846 01:18:30,166 --> 01:18:32,583 I think I figured out what the problem is. 1847 01:18:33,458 --> 01:18:34,684 What problem? 1848 01:18:34,708 --> 01:18:37,184 The whole 'not getting the merger' thingy problem. 1849 01:18:37,208 --> 01:18:38,434 You went to one staff meeting 1850 01:18:38,458 --> 01:18:40,101 and you've got the whole company figured out? 1851 01:18:40,125 --> 01:18:42,684 So I filmed this on my phone in the staff meeting this morning 1852 01:18:42,708 --> 01:18:44,226 and my attaché put it on the computer. 1853 01:18:44,250 --> 01:18:46,059 So, check it out. 1854 01:18:46,083 --> 01:18:48,684 - San Francisco and we... - See? 1855 01:18:48,708 --> 01:18:50,767 - old-money New England... - You see? 1856 01:18:50,791 --> 01:18:53,517 - They're looking for... - See what? 1857 01:18:53,541 --> 01:18:55,476 The guy's a world-class air-dicker. 1858 01:18:55,500 --> 01:18:57,642 An air what-er? What are you talking about? 1859 01:18:57,666 --> 01:18:59,184 Keep watching. 1860 01:18:59,208 --> 01:19:00,809 Every time he tries to make a point, 1861 01:19:00,833 --> 01:19:03,559 it's like he puts an invisible penis in his mouth. 1862 01:19:03,583 --> 01:19:05,726 Remember when Obama used to power knuckle 1863 01:19:05,750 --> 01:19:06,851 to try to make that point? 1864 01:19:06,875 --> 01:19:08,517 Well, Summerhayes does the same thing, 1865 01:19:08,541 --> 01:19:10,601 but when he does it, it's like he's smoking invisible dongs. 1866 01:19:10,625 --> 01:19:13,684 Oh, my God, he is an air-dicker. 1867 01:19:13,708 --> 01:19:15,059 There's a time and a place for it, 1868 01:19:15,083 --> 01:19:16,684 but it's really hard to get away with it 1869 01:19:16,708 --> 01:19:18,000 in a business setting. 1870 01:19:18,958 --> 01:19:21,375 Yo, let's make a TikTok out of this! 1871 01:19:22,791 --> 01:19:25,601 What do you guys think? Should I tell him? 1872 01:19:25,625 --> 01:19:27,166 Tell him what? 1873 01:19:27,666 --> 01:19:29,666 That he's a world-class air-dicker. 1874 01:19:32,291 --> 01:19:34,375 - Absolutely. - Yeah, you should. 1875 01:19:47,000 --> 01:19:48,476 How could you work for him, dude? 1876 01:19:48,500 --> 01:19:50,184 We don't need you exploring career opportunities 1877 01:19:50,208 --> 01:19:51,601 when he's trying to ruin our lives. 1878 01:19:51,625 --> 01:19:53,434 First of all, he's not ruining my life. 1879 01:19:53,458 --> 01:19:55,434 He hired me 'cause he actually gives a shit. 1880 01:19:55,458 --> 01:19:57,101 If I didn't get off my ass and get a job, 1881 01:19:57,125 --> 01:19:58,601 Keith was going to dump me. 1882 01:19:58,625 --> 01:20:00,601 By the way, I noticed that my so-called real friends 1883 01:20:00,625 --> 01:20:01,976 never offered me a job. 1884 01:20:02,000 --> 01:20:04,500 Are you fucking shitting me?! 1885 01:20:08,666 --> 01:20:10,267 You two! 1886 01:20:10,291 --> 01:20:12,291 In here, now! 1887 01:20:19,000 --> 01:20:20,625 Come in, sit down. 1888 01:20:23,083 --> 01:20:25,041 Show them what you showed me. 1889 01:20:25,708 --> 01:20:27,416 I already did, Ted. 1890 01:20:28,958 --> 01:20:31,416 You knew about this and you never said anything? 1891 01:20:32,500 --> 01:20:33,809 Well, we just thought it was... 1892 01:20:33,833 --> 01:20:36,601 It's just a mannerism. It's really not that big of a deal. 1893 01:20:36,625 --> 01:20:38,184 Especially in this day and age. 1894 01:20:38,208 --> 01:20:39,726 I know it's not a big deal! 1895 01:20:39,750 --> 01:20:41,892 Two of my sons are gay, for Christ's sake! 1896 01:20:41,916 --> 01:20:44,601 And the third one's just... working it out. 1897 01:20:44,625 --> 01:20:48,101 But I can't go into meetings like this. 1898 01:20:48,125 --> 01:20:50,934 No wonder they're not interested in the merger. 1899 01:20:50,958 --> 01:20:52,351 They're so flippin' distracted, 1900 01:20:52,375 --> 01:20:54,184 they haven't heard a word I've said. 1901 01:20:54,208 --> 01:20:57,892 We don't know that you've been doing this everywhere. I... 1902 01:20:57,916 --> 01:21:00,267 As far as we know, you just did it in today's meeting. 1903 01:21:00,291 --> 01:21:01,500 I'd never seen it before. 1904 01:21:02,375 --> 01:21:03,976 Really? 1905 01:21:04,000 --> 01:21:05,833 I've got the conference link. 1906 01:21:07,791 --> 01:21:11,142 This merger will allow us 1907 01:21:11,166 --> 01:21:15,333 to further enhance our capital efficiencies. 1908 01:21:15,833 --> 01:21:17,101 - Look at you. - Oh, God... 1909 01:21:17,125 --> 01:21:18,601 Air-dicking left and right. 1910 01:21:18,625 --> 01:21:22,226 There are companies out there who want to get bigger. 1911 01:21:22,250 --> 01:21:25,267 There are companies out there who want to get smaller. 1912 01:21:25,291 --> 01:21:27,226 You just air-dicked four times in ten seconds. 1913 01:21:27,250 --> 01:21:28,726 Oh, dear God, it's true. 1914 01:21:28,750 --> 01:21:33,809 On the other hand, to support everything we do... 1915 01:21:33,833 --> 01:21:36,976 Oh, God! Now it looks like I'm cupping the balls. 1916 01:21:37,000 --> 01:21:39,976 with knowledge and planning. 1917 01:21:40,000 --> 01:21:41,767 Oh! 1918 01:21:41,791 --> 01:21:44,017 Hey, you're double-dongin' it. 1919 01:21:44,041 --> 01:21:47,500 is the company that can do both. 1920 01:21:48,041 --> 01:21:49,851 Oh, God. Get it... Turn it off. 1921 01:21:49,875 --> 01:21:51,416 Some people say... 1922 01:21:54,500 --> 01:21:56,976 Okay, from this point forward. 1923 01:21:57,000 --> 01:21:59,059 Stanicky is in charge of the merger. 1924 01:21:59,083 --> 01:22:01,267 What? Ted, come on. 1925 01:22:01,291 --> 01:22:02,976 I've been running point on this for nine months. 1926 01:22:03,000 --> 01:22:05,851 Yeah, and look where it's gotten us. 1927 01:22:05,875 --> 01:22:07,892 He's been here one day and... 1928 01:22:07,916 --> 01:22:10,333 - Watch the air-dicking, Ted. - Jesus...! 1929 01:22:11,750 --> 01:22:13,250 Here's the bottom line. 1930 01:22:13,833 --> 01:22:15,809 Stanicky gives it to me straight, 1931 01:22:15,833 --> 01:22:17,642 whether the news is good or bad. 1932 01:22:17,666 --> 01:22:20,750 He's in charge. End of discussion. 1933 01:22:24,291 --> 01:22:28,226 Oh, Jesus. Okay, just make it go away. Just... 1934 01:22:28,250 --> 01:22:29,976 - Yep. - Go to black. 1935 01:22:30,000 --> 01:22:31,476 - Oh, er... - Just go to black. 1936 01:22:31,500 --> 01:22:33,851 Yeah, I'm pressing it but it's not... 1937 01:22:33,875 --> 01:22:35,226 - Give it to me. - Yeah, try... 1938 01:22:35,250 --> 01:22:36,601 I don't know how to work this thing. 1939 01:22:36,625 --> 01:22:38,642 - No, I know. - Is there an IT guy? 1940 01:22:38,666 --> 01:22:40,625 - That's me. - Argh, fuck! 1941 01:22:42,416 --> 01:22:44,809 Oh, Dean... 1942 01:22:44,833 --> 01:22:46,517 Despite what Ted said back there, 1943 01:22:46,541 --> 01:22:47,684 about me being in charge, 1944 01:22:47,708 --> 01:22:49,892 I don't pretend to know more about this company than you. 1945 01:22:49,916 --> 01:22:51,809 Well, I pretend to know more than you, 1946 01:22:51,833 --> 01:22:53,392 but you are clearly 1947 01:22:53,416 --> 01:22:55,309 more informed in company matters than me 1948 01:22:55,333 --> 01:22:58,375 and right now I need your expertize. 1949 01:23:00,750 --> 01:23:02,142 What? 1950 01:23:02,166 --> 01:23:04,166 I don't want to forget this. Okay... 1951 01:23:07,375 --> 01:23:09,500 How big of a raise should I be asking for? 1952 01:23:11,500 --> 01:23:13,875 Fuck, fuck, fuck! 1953 01:23:16,041 --> 01:23:18,000 You're quitting! Today! 1954 01:23:18,750 --> 01:23:20,601 - What are you talking about? - Show's over, Rod. 1955 01:23:20,625 --> 01:23:21,726 It's Ricky. 1956 01:23:21,750 --> 01:23:25,184 It's not Ricky, okay? Get it through your head, man. 1957 01:23:25,208 --> 01:23:27,017 Ricky Stanicky isn't real. 1958 01:23:27,041 --> 01:23:29,083 Yes, he is. Here. 1959 01:23:34,291 --> 01:23:38,142 Richard Barbara Stanicky? 1960 01:23:38,166 --> 01:23:40,101 That's my grandmother's name. 1961 01:23:40,125 --> 01:23:42,000 Where the fuck did you get this? 1962 01:23:44,458 --> 01:23:46,601 Officially changed my name. 1963 01:23:46,625 --> 01:23:49,250 Paid to expedite it online. They overnighted it. 1964 01:23:49,916 --> 01:23:51,392 Oh, my God. 1965 01:23:51,416 --> 01:23:53,517 Come on, Dean. See this from my side. 1966 01:23:53,541 --> 01:23:55,767 This is the role I was born to play and I'm nailing it. 1967 01:23:55,791 --> 01:23:59,267 No, you were hired under false pretences. 1968 01:23:59,291 --> 01:24:00,642 You lied to them. 1969 01:24:00,666 --> 01:24:02,101 No, as I recall, Dean, you lied to them. 1970 01:24:02,125 --> 01:24:04,601 Oh, ha, ha, ha. You got me there. 1971 01:24:04,625 --> 01:24:06,101 But you know what? This is different. 1972 01:24:06,125 --> 01:24:07,642 You're putting people's careers at risk. 1973 01:24:07,666 --> 01:24:09,184 Careers? 1974 01:24:09,208 --> 01:24:11,601 I've been here two days and I'm your boss. 1975 01:24:11,625 --> 01:24:13,767 I'm talking about Erin's career! 1976 01:24:13,791 --> 01:24:16,226 You can fool Summerhayes with this righteous shit. 1977 01:24:16,250 --> 01:24:18,833 But I know who you really are. 1978 01:24:19,416 --> 01:24:22,750 You're Rock Hard Rod! The drunk. 1979 01:24:26,500 --> 01:24:28,000 Yeah. 1980 01:24:30,208 --> 01:24:31,833 I was a drunk. 1981 01:24:32,833 --> 01:24:35,458 Nobody respected me. My job sucked. I had no friends. 1982 01:24:36,375 --> 01:24:37,976 But now I have all those things. 1983 01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:40,666 And I'm sober. All right? 1984 01:24:41,916 --> 01:24:43,958 And if I leave here, it all goes away. 1985 01:24:48,000 --> 01:24:52,750 My whole life, all I've ever been is a shit baby. 1986 01:24:55,916 --> 01:24:59,916 And now I get to be somebody people actually like. 1987 01:25:03,333 --> 01:25:05,500 Don't take that away from me, man. Please. 1988 01:25:13,375 --> 01:25:17,333 Look, this has to end. 1989 01:25:25,500 --> 01:25:28,059 What the fuck are you doing? Stop! Stop! Hey, hey! 1990 01:25:28,083 --> 01:25:29,809 Argh! Hey, okay! 1991 01:25:29,833 --> 01:25:32,351 If I go back, they'll kill me. If I go back, they'll kill me. 1992 01:25:32,375 --> 01:25:33,559 What?! 1993 01:25:33,583 --> 01:25:35,392 If I go back to Atlantic City, they'll kill me. 1994 01:25:35,416 --> 01:25:37,101 - Who? - The Sasquatch 1995 01:25:37,125 --> 01:25:38,851 and his Joe Pesce buddy from the casino. 1996 01:25:38,875 --> 01:25:40,351 I told you they were crazy fans. 1997 01:25:40,375 --> 01:25:42,583 They're crazy. They're not fans. 1998 01:25:43,583 --> 01:25:45,976 Why? What did you do? 1999 01:25:46,000 --> 01:25:47,851 I don't know. 2000 01:25:47,875 --> 01:25:50,333 I used to drink and black out, it could be anything. 2001 01:25:51,458 --> 01:25:52,934 One day I woke up after a five-day bender, 2002 01:25:52,958 --> 01:25:54,208 I was a manager of an Arby's. 2003 01:25:55,291 --> 01:25:57,791 Plus, I owe a lot of bad people a lot of money. 2004 01:26:04,333 --> 01:26:05,916 You were right, man. 2005 01:26:06,916 --> 01:26:08,458 It's my fault. 2006 01:26:10,833 --> 01:26:12,500 It's... it's my fault. 2007 01:26:15,833 --> 01:26:17,892 Wow. 2008 01:26:17,916 --> 01:26:19,458 I had everything. 2009 01:26:20,250 --> 01:26:23,083 I had good friends. I had a great job. 2010 01:26:24,541 --> 01:26:26,684 The most kind-hearted, 2011 01:26:26,708 --> 01:26:29,208 beautiful person in the whole world loved me. 2012 01:26:31,583 --> 01:26:33,833 Erin's the best thing that ever happened to me. 2013 01:26:35,500 --> 01:26:37,208 I'm going to lose it all. 2014 01:26:42,208 --> 01:26:44,392 ♪ She gave you flowers ♪ 2015 01:26:44,416 --> 01:26:47,041 ♪ She gave you Pretty melodies... ♪ 2016 01:26:49,041 --> 01:26:51,401 I'll never understand why you don't just tell her the truth. 2017 01:26:52,750 --> 01:26:54,500 I think it's a little late for that, Wes. 2018 01:26:56,458 --> 01:26:57,916 No, it's not. 2019 01:26:58,833 --> 01:27:01,226 That was Steve Smith in Washington. 2020 01:27:01,250 --> 01:27:02,892 And tomorrow night at 7 p.m. 2021 01:27:02,916 --> 01:27:05,916 we present our Hero of the Week. 2022 01:27:10,250 --> 01:27:14,000 Seconds on steak fries? Uh, yeah! 2023 01:27:16,250 --> 01:27:17,934 Visit your local Red Robin 2024 01:27:17,958 --> 01:27:20,875 to try our new bottomless steak fries. 2025 01:27:21,708 --> 01:27:22,767 I swear to God, man, 2026 01:27:22,791 --> 01:27:24,601 Stanicky's like one of those trick birthday candles 2027 01:27:24,625 --> 01:27:26,601 no matter how hard I try to blow him out, 2028 01:27:26,625 --> 01:27:27,833 he just keeps coming back. 2029 01:27:32,541 --> 01:27:34,184 Dean, I love you like a brother, 2030 01:27:34,208 --> 01:27:36,184 but you got one major flaw. 2031 01:27:36,208 --> 01:27:37,642 Hmm? 2032 01:27:37,666 --> 01:27:39,041 You lie too much. 2033 01:27:40,708 --> 01:27:42,476 I lie too much? 2034 01:27:42,500 --> 01:27:44,184 What the...? 2035 01:27:44,208 --> 01:27:45,767 You lie just as much as me. 2036 01:27:45,791 --> 01:27:47,416 Only 'cause you make me. 2037 01:27:48,041 --> 01:27:49,892 I've been trying to tell the truth on this one 2038 01:27:49,916 --> 01:27:51,017 from the beginning, 2039 01:27:51,041 --> 01:27:52,267 but you said no. 2040 01:27:52,291 --> 01:27:53,809 Because I was looking out for JT. 2041 01:27:53,833 --> 01:27:55,059 I didn't want JT to get in trouble. 2042 01:27:55,083 --> 01:27:58,041 Dude, this has nothing to do with JT. 2043 01:27:59,125 --> 01:28:01,000 This has everything to do with you. 2044 01:28:02,458 --> 01:28:05,476 Do you realize that Rod had a fake life and he made it real? 2045 01:28:05,500 --> 01:28:07,458 You had a real life and you made it fake. 2046 01:28:10,875 --> 01:28:13,250 Fuck this, man. I don't need this shit. 2047 01:28:14,250 --> 01:28:15,934 You're not making anything better. 2048 01:28:15,958 --> 01:28:17,791 Yo, I know you ain't fall in no ditch. 2049 01:28:20,166 --> 01:28:21,351 What? 2050 01:28:21,375 --> 01:28:24,708 I know you didn't fall in a ditch, that one Halloween. 2051 01:28:25,291 --> 01:28:26,875 When you broke your arm. 2052 01:28:27,375 --> 01:28:29,184 After we egged that house, 2053 01:28:29,208 --> 01:28:30,976 and we all split in different directions, 2054 01:28:31,000 --> 01:28:33,434 I went back to your place to see if you was there, 2055 01:28:33,458 --> 01:28:35,208 and you were. 2056 01:28:36,125 --> 01:28:37,208 And I heard him. 2057 01:28:40,000 --> 01:28:42,208 I heard what he did to you. 2058 01:28:43,875 --> 01:28:46,059 That was an accident. He was drunk. 2059 01:28:46,083 --> 01:28:48,708 See, there you go again. You're lying. 2060 01:28:49,416 --> 01:28:52,934 Dude, I understand you grew up in a fucked-up house 2061 01:28:52,958 --> 01:28:55,101 and you had a fucked-up father, 2062 01:28:55,125 --> 01:28:57,476 and that's why you slept over at me and JT's house, 2063 01:28:57,500 --> 01:28:59,184 and that's probably why you started a lie. 2064 01:28:59,208 --> 01:29:00,392 To protect yourself. 2065 01:29:00,416 --> 01:29:02,726 But you're not that boy anymore, 2066 01:29:02,750 --> 01:29:04,226 and you're letting this shitty stuff 2067 01:29:04,250 --> 01:29:06,210 turn you into a shitty person, and that's not you. 2068 01:29:07,500 --> 01:29:09,434 If you just tell Erin the truth, 2069 01:29:09,458 --> 01:29:11,375 she won't hurt you. 2070 01:29:39,875 --> 01:29:44,875 ♪ Night has fallen quickly On the carnival in town ♪ 2071 01:29:45,500 --> 01:29:47,934 ♪ The cotton candy maker ♪ 2072 01:29:47,958 --> 01:29:51,434 ♪ Is the last To leave the ground ♪ 2073 01:29:51,458 --> 01:29:53,976 ♪ Shuts his tiny wagon ♪ 2074 01:29:54,000 --> 01:29:57,309 ♪ And goes to A room somewhere ♪ 2075 01:29:57,333 --> 01:30:00,017 ♪ His life's Like cotton candy ♪ 2076 01:30:00,041 --> 01:30:03,708 ♪ An illusion Not much there... ♪ 2077 01:30:05,375 --> 01:30:07,791 Hey. Where were you? 2078 01:30:08,625 --> 01:30:10,541 I was worried about you. 2079 01:30:13,541 --> 01:30:15,333 I tried to call you. 2080 01:30:18,500 --> 01:30:20,708 Listen, Erin 2081 01:30:22,458 --> 01:30:24,309 you can't let them run your story. 2082 01:30:24,333 --> 01:30:26,392 Yeah, well, it's a little too late for that. 2083 01:30:26,416 --> 01:30:28,291 No, you don't understand. 2084 01:30:29,166 --> 01:30:32,017 Is there a way that you can postpone it or pre-empt it? 2085 01:30:32,041 --> 01:30:34,059 Is that what they say in your business? 'Pre-empt'? 2086 01:30:34,083 --> 01:30:35,559 'Cause there's a lot of things 2087 01:30:35,583 --> 01:30:37,017 that you need to know about Ricky. 2088 01:30:37,041 --> 01:30:38,666 You mean Rock Hard Rod? 2089 01:30:40,500 --> 01:30:42,208 Don't look so surprised, Dean. 2090 01:30:43,000 --> 01:30:45,791 I'm a good reporter, you said so yourself, remember? 2091 01:30:46,875 --> 01:30:48,101 Yeah, I know you are. 2092 01:30:48,125 --> 01:30:49,875 I figured it out at the bris. 2093 01:30:52,625 --> 01:30:54,767 Nairobi? 2094 01:30:54,791 --> 01:30:59,059 You said he had to fly back to help fight Ebola, 2095 01:30:59,083 --> 01:31:01,892 but there hasn't been an Ebola case 2096 01:31:01,916 --> 01:31:03,434 anywhere in the last four years 2097 01:31:03,458 --> 01:31:05,559 and definitely never in Nairobi. 2098 01:31:05,583 --> 01:31:07,125 They actually have a vaccine now. 2099 01:31:09,375 --> 01:31:10,416 That's good. 2100 01:31:10,916 --> 01:31:13,375 Ricky showed me your bible. 2101 01:31:14,291 --> 01:31:15,750 It's pathetic. 2102 01:31:16,416 --> 01:31:18,059 You guys lied so you could 2103 01:31:18,083 --> 01:31:20,142 go to the Little League World Series, 2104 01:31:20,166 --> 01:31:22,708 the Lebowski Fest, a tiny train museum. 2105 01:31:24,750 --> 01:31:26,184 Wes likes trains. 2106 01:31:26,208 --> 01:31:28,041 You went to Dollywood, twice! 2107 01:31:28,666 --> 01:31:31,333 Why didn't you take me with you? I love Dolly Parton. 2108 01:31:31,875 --> 01:31:33,642 I'm sorry. I didn't know that. 2109 01:31:33,666 --> 01:31:36,309 What bothers me more than the lies 2110 01:31:36,333 --> 01:31:39,333 is why you told them in the first place. 2111 01:31:41,625 --> 01:31:43,791 You were running from me. 2112 01:31:44,916 --> 01:31:46,226 From us. 2113 01:31:46,250 --> 01:31:48,351 No. No, that's not true. 2114 01:31:48,375 --> 01:31:51,791 Well, it doesn't matter anymore, Dean. 2115 01:31:53,000 --> 01:31:54,875 It's too late. 2116 01:32:13,333 --> 01:32:14,976 I just want this day to be over. 2117 01:32:15,000 --> 01:32:16,684 Me too. 2118 01:32:16,708 --> 01:32:19,726 What if he chickened out? What if he's going to bail on us? 2119 01:32:19,750 --> 01:32:21,142 Where is Dean? 2120 01:32:21,166 --> 01:32:23,892 He's, uh, on his... He'll be here any minute. 2121 01:32:23,916 --> 01:32:25,434 And where is Ricky? 2122 01:32:25,458 --> 01:32:27,184 The World River execs want to meet him. 2123 01:32:27,208 --> 01:32:31,041 Also on his way. His attaché is here, so... 2124 01:32:31,958 --> 01:32:33,291 Hi. 2125 01:32:37,375 --> 01:32:39,000 So, where were we? 2126 01:33:00,708 --> 01:33:02,083 Hey! 2127 01:33:02,708 --> 01:33:04,184 Where the hell have you been? 2128 01:33:04,208 --> 01:33:05,434 The show starts in three minutes. 2129 01:33:05,458 --> 01:33:07,059 Summerhayes wants Ricky to introduce it. 2130 01:33:07,083 --> 01:33:08,642 - Where is this guy? - There's no show. 2131 01:33:08,666 --> 01:33:10,101 What? 2132 01:33:10,125 --> 01:33:12,666 Ricky was never going to be Hero of the Week. 2133 01:33:13,208 --> 01:33:14,934 Erin knew all along. 2134 01:33:14,958 --> 01:33:16,017 Knew what? 2135 01:33:16,041 --> 01:33:18,726 That Ricky was a fake. She figured it out at the bris. 2136 01:33:18,750 --> 01:33:20,767 So she was lying to us? 2137 01:33:20,791 --> 01:33:22,708 Well, that's pretty fuckin' low. 2138 01:33:23,291 --> 01:33:25,041 Are you an idiot? 2139 01:33:26,250 --> 01:33:28,083 What are we going to tell Summerhayes? 2140 01:33:29,583 --> 01:33:30,684 The truth. 2141 01:33:30,708 --> 01:33:33,208 Dean, come on. Don't do that. Dean! 2142 01:33:34,666 --> 01:33:36,267 Good evening, everyone. 2143 01:33:36,291 --> 01:33:38,767 Thank you all for coming out. Thank you. 2144 01:33:38,791 --> 01:33:40,851 Thank you. 2145 01:33:40,875 --> 01:33:44,726 I see a lot of old friends out here tonight, 2146 01:33:44,750 --> 01:33:46,226 and a lot of new friends. 2147 01:33:46,250 --> 01:33:49,434 And I see two great companies 2148 01:33:49,458 --> 01:33:50,767 that can 2149 01:33:50,791 --> 01:33:54,226 can, uh, do wonderful things. 2150 01:33:54,250 --> 01:33:56,976 I was hoping that the man of the hour, Ricky Stanicky, 2151 01:33:57,000 --> 01:34:01,184 would be here to introduce this MFMBC Heroes segment. 2152 01:34:01,208 --> 01:34:04,351 - Ted, can I say something? - Yes, absolutely. Yes, please. 2153 01:34:04,375 --> 01:34:05,559 Dean Stanton, 2154 01:34:05,583 --> 01:34:07,476 our Vice President of Investor Relations. 2155 01:34:07,500 --> 01:34:08,583 Dean. 2156 01:34:21,291 --> 01:34:22,833 Um... 2157 01:34:23,625 --> 01:34:26,642 Unfortunately, MFMBC has decided 2158 01:34:26,666 --> 01:34:29,559 not to profile Ricky Stanicky as a hero. 2159 01:34:29,583 --> 01:34:32,017 Ha... 2160 01:34:32,041 --> 01:34:34,041 The reason being 2161 01:34:35,250 --> 01:34:37,375 that Ricky Stanicky's not a hero. 2162 01:34:39,875 --> 01:34:42,041 He's not even a real person. 2163 01:34:45,208 --> 01:34:47,184 I made him up. 2164 01:34:47,208 --> 01:34:49,416 Motherfucker! 2165 01:34:54,541 --> 01:34:56,291 I lied to all of you. 2166 01:34:58,125 --> 01:35:00,291 And I have no excuses. 2167 01:35:03,666 --> 01:35:05,166 I'm sorry, Ted. 2168 01:35:06,041 --> 01:35:08,041 You don't deserve this. 2169 01:35:09,833 --> 01:35:11,434 I'd also like to apologize to everyone 2170 01:35:11,458 --> 01:35:13,916 who came out here from San Francisco. 2171 01:35:15,208 --> 01:35:18,083 Summerhayes Financial is an excellent company. 2172 01:35:19,291 --> 01:35:20,934 Please don't let my actions destroy 2173 01:35:20,958 --> 01:35:23,375 what could be a great partnership. 2174 01:35:31,208 --> 01:35:32,958 What the fuck did he just say? 2175 01:35:33,458 --> 01:35:35,142 I don't know what to do. 2176 01:35:35,166 --> 01:35:36,226 I told you... 2177 01:35:36,250 --> 01:35:38,166 Where is that pumpkin-headed piece of shit? 2178 01:35:38,750 --> 01:35:40,517 I don't get it. 2179 01:35:40,541 --> 01:35:42,017 If the show wasn't for real, 2180 01:35:42,041 --> 01:35:43,666 then why'd the news crew come in? 2181 01:35:45,333 --> 01:35:47,892 - What news crew? - Yesterday. 2182 01:35:47,916 --> 01:35:49,267 While you were at lunch, 2183 01:35:49,291 --> 01:35:50,892 this crew came in and interviewed Ricky. 2184 01:35:50,916 --> 01:35:52,625 I helped set the whole thing up. 2185 01:36:00,958 --> 01:36:04,309 Dean, don't worry about cleaning out your office. 2186 01:36:04,333 --> 01:36:06,559 We'll box it up for ya, 2187 01:36:06,583 --> 01:36:08,125 and then burn it. 2188 01:36:11,791 --> 01:36:13,642 I'm standing outside the offices 2189 01:36:13,666 --> 01:36:15,226 of Summerhayes Financial, 2190 01:36:15,250 --> 01:36:16,476 an esteemed institution 2191 01:36:16,500 --> 01:36:19,101 in downtown Providence, Rhode Island. 2192 01:36:19,125 --> 01:36:22,601 And that is Richard Barbara Stanicky. 2193 01:36:22,625 --> 01:36:24,476 Think of us as the bookies and you're the gambler. 2194 01:36:24,500 --> 01:36:27,226 We're the nice bookies, not the throw-you-off-the bridge type. 2195 01:36:27,250 --> 01:36:29,309 After several years helping the less... 2196 01:36:29,333 --> 01:36:31,101 Why the hell is this still on?! 2197 01:36:31,125 --> 01:36:33,184 charity, he's now the newest 2198 01:36:33,208 --> 01:36:35,851 and one of the most highly paid executives 2199 01:36:35,875 --> 01:36:37,750 at Summerhayes Financial. 2200 01:36:38,666 --> 01:36:40,142 Where's the AV guy? 2201 01:36:40,166 --> 01:36:43,142 - Oh, that's me. - I thought you were the IT guy. 2202 01:36:43,166 --> 01:36:44,583 I'm both. 2203 01:36:45,666 --> 01:36:47,517 But there's something you should know 2204 01:36:47,541 --> 01:36:49,583 about this highly successful executive. 2205 01:36:50,250 --> 01:36:51,892 He's a complete fraud. 2206 01:36:51,916 --> 01:36:53,976 I'm Ted Summerhayes... 2207 01:36:54,000 --> 01:36:55,142 That's right. 2208 01:36:55,166 --> 01:36:57,767 Ricky Stanicky is actually Rodney Rimestead, 2209 01:36:57,791 --> 01:37:00,226 a pornographic rock'n'roll impersonator 2210 01:37:00,250 --> 01:37:02,392 from Atlantic City, New Jersey, 2211 01:37:02,416 --> 01:37:06,226 who goes by the name of Rock Hard Rod. 2212 01:37:06,250 --> 01:37:10,517 We caught up with Mr. Rimestead to find out how he came to be 2213 01:37:10,541 --> 01:37:12,976 the businessman 'Ricky Stanicky'. 2214 01:37:13,000 --> 01:37:16,559 I was hanging around a casino bar in Atlantic City. 2215 01:37:16,583 --> 01:37:19,851 No money, no friends, no respect. 2216 01:37:19,875 --> 01:37:21,500 I was an alcoholic. 2217 01:37:22,083 --> 01:37:24,666 I am... I am an alcoholic. 2218 01:37:25,666 --> 01:37:27,916 And I was doing whatever I could to get by. 2219 01:37:28,416 --> 01:37:33,059 ♪ Cum a, cum a, cum a Come in my sock again ♪ 2220 01:37:33,083 --> 01:37:35,559 ♪ It's filled with loads ♪ 2221 01:37:35,583 --> 01:37:36,601 Oh, God. 2222 01:37:36,625 --> 01:37:38,851 ♪ It's filled with loads... ♪ 2223 01:37:38,875 --> 01:37:42,458 And that night, I met Dean Stanton and his friends. 2224 01:37:43,416 --> 01:37:45,666 They bought me food, drink. 2225 01:37:46,333 --> 01:37:48,809 They asked me who I was, they really seemed to care. 2226 01:37:48,833 --> 01:37:51,041 And as Rod would discover, they did care. 2227 01:37:58,875 --> 01:38:00,500 Dean! 2228 01:38:01,166 --> 01:38:02,934 You got to see this! 2229 01:38:02,958 --> 01:38:05,809 Within days, Dean Stanton and his friends 2230 01:38:05,833 --> 01:38:07,351 would reach out again. 2231 01:38:07,375 --> 01:38:08,767 I couldn't believe they called. 2232 01:38:08,791 --> 01:38:10,101 These are people I met only once 2233 01:38:10,125 --> 01:38:11,226 and only for a few minutes, 2234 01:38:11,250 --> 01:38:14,351 and here they were offering me the opportunity of a lifetime. 2235 01:38:14,375 --> 01:38:16,809 And what was that opportunity? 2236 01:38:16,833 --> 01:38:20,101 Simply to become 'Ricky Stanicky'. 2237 01:38:20,125 --> 01:38:22,142 They said, "You are no longer Rod Rimestead", 2238 01:38:22,166 --> 01:38:23,267 "the loser." 2239 01:38:23,291 --> 01:38:25,625 "From here on out, you're Ricky Stanicky, the winner." 2240 01:38:26,458 --> 01:38:27,601 That was the first time 2241 01:38:27,625 --> 01:38:29,267 somebody had ever believed in me. 2242 01:38:29,291 --> 01:38:32,142 After relocating Rod, now Ricky, to Providence, 2243 01:38:32,166 --> 01:38:35,892 Dean Stanton and friends set about creating a new identity 2244 01:38:35,916 --> 01:38:39,934 for the man who'd once MC'ed an X-rated dog show. 2245 01:38:39,958 --> 01:38:41,351 We caution you 2246 01:38:41,375 --> 01:38:44,708 this next video may be disturbing to some viewers. 2247 01:38:45,375 --> 01:38:47,642 ♪ It's a beautiful night 2248 01:38:47,666 --> 01:38:51,000 ♪ All the stars Shining bright... ♪ 2249 01:38:52,875 --> 01:38:54,666 Oh, my God! 2250 01:38:59,291 --> 01:39:03,101 They gave me a book. They called it their bible. 2251 01:39:03,125 --> 01:39:06,351 It was like a blueprint for how to live as Ricky Stanicky. 2252 01:39:06,375 --> 01:39:08,267 How to live a good life. 2253 01:39:08,291 --> 01:39:10,517 How to learn from your errors. 2254 01:39:10,541 --> 01:39:12,976 I saw what I could have been. 2255 01:39:13,000 --> 01:39:14,541 What I'd missed. 2256 01:39:15,166 --> 01:39:16,976 And the more and more I read their bible, 2257 01:39:17,000 --> 01:39:18,017 the more I realized 2258 01:39:18,041 --> 01:39:19,601 this doesn't have to be just a dream. 2259 01:39:19,625 --> 01:39:21,767 And so 'Ricky' stopped drinking 2260 01:39:21,791 --> 01:39:24,017 and started respecting himself. 2261 01:39:24,041 --> 01:39:27,976 Soon he had a job here at Summerhayes Financial. 2262 01:39:28,000 --> 01:39:29,934 Dean introduced me to Ted Summerhayes. 2263 01:39:29,958 --> 01:39:31,017 He's one of those rich guys 2264 01:39:31,041 --> 01:39:32,809 who's gotta whip out his big swinging super-yacht 2265 01:39:32,833 --> 01:39:34,976 - to show you how rich he is. - Oh, God... 2266 01:39:35,000 --> 01:39:37,226 But, on the other hand, the guy's got a heart of gold. 2267 01:39:37,250 --> 01:39:39,476 We started Feel-Good Investing. 2268 01:39:39,500 --> 01:39:42,083 And then, through Dean, I met more and more friends. 2269 01:39:43,125 --> 01:39:45,601 I met a beautiful girl, with a beautiful soul. 2270 01:39:45,625 --> 01:39:47,059 Aw. 2271 01:39:47,083 --> 01:39:48,708 And I had a life. 2272 01:39:49,291 --> 01:39:51,017 I became 'Ricky Stanicky'. 2273 01:39:51,041 --> 01:39:53,017 And somewhere in the middle of it all, 2274 01:39:53,041 --> 01:39:57,017 the line between the mythical and the real had blurred. 2275 01:39:57,041 --> 01:40:01,351 And that's how, improbably, a drunken Atlantic City reject 2276 01:40:01,375 --> 01:40:05,392 found himself blessed with a new life in the Ocean State. 2277 01:40:05,416 --> 01:40:08,517 Hero? Me? No. No. 2278 01:40:08,541 --> 01:40:09,976 If there's a hero to this story, 2279 01:40:10,000 --> 01:40:11,601 it's the men who saved my life. 2280 01:40:11,625 --> 01:40:15,083 Dean Stanton, JT Levine and Wes... something. 2281 01:40:15,833 --> 01:40:18,184 A story that started out fraudulently, 2282 01:40:18,208 --> 01:40:20,267 somehow, miraculously, 2283 01:40:20,291 --> 01:40:24,601 became a tale of redemption, rebirth and love. 2284 01:40:24,625 --> 01:40:27,934 Because he believed that anybody at any time 2285 01:40:27,958 --> 01:40:30,684 can become the person they want to be, 2286 01:40:30,708 --> 01:40:35,166 we choose Ricky Stanicky as our Hero of the Week. 2287 01:40:41,041 --> 01:40:44,291 Ricky! Ricky! Ricky! 2288 01:40:48,166 --> 01:40:52,476 ♪ If you're going to San Francisco... ♪ 2289 01:40:52,500 --> 01:40:53,767 Well 2290 01:40:53,791 --> 01:40:56,226 you came out of this smelling like a rose, didn't ya? 2291 01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:58,226 How do you think it makes me look? 2292 01:40:58,250 --> 01:41:00,142 Are you kidding me?! 2293 01:41:00,166 --> 01:41:02,684 Such a wonderful and inspirational story, Ted. 2294 01:41:02,708 --> 01:41:04,892 Great job Ted, and you too, Dean. 2295 01:41:04,916 --> 01:41:06,517 Oh, I... I didn't do it. 2296 01:41:06,541 --> 01:41:09,642 Summerhayes. I like the people you surround yourself with. 2297 01:41:09,666 --> 01:41:12,351 I mean, the concept of second chances 2298 01:41:12,375 --> 01:41:14,434 and feeling good about your investments 2299 01:41:14,458 --> 01:41:16,250 that's something we're trying to achieve. 2300 01:41:16,916 --> 01:41:19,476 Well, that's... what we do. 2301 01:41:19,500 --> 01:41:22,059 Truth is, it was Ted who saw the potential in Ricky. 2302 01:41:22,083 --> 01:41:24,101 It was also his idea to start partnering 2303 01:41:24,125 --> 01:41:26,000 with more charitable organizations. 2304 01:41:26,666 --> 01:41:29,184 I just saw the tax incentives. 2305 01:41:29,208 --> 01:41:31,642 You're a humble son of a bitch, aren't ya? 2306 01:41:31,666 --> 01:41:33,017 Ah... 2307 01:41:33,041 --> 01:41:34,125 So, do we have a deal? 2308 01:41:34,958 --> 01:41:36,351 I don't know. 2309 01:41:36,375 --> 01:41:38,583 Dean, what do you think? 2310 01:41:41,625 --> 01:41:42,934 We have a deal. 2311 01:41:42,958 --> 01:41:45,101 - Absolutely, we have a deal. - Yeah, we have a deal. 2312 01:41:45,125 --> 01:41:46,583 - Great. - Wonderful. 2313 01:41:47,791 --> 01:41:50,750 You let your made-up friend circumcise our child? 2314 01:41:51,750 --> 01:41:54,059 Honey, he worked at Beefsteak Charlie's. 2315 01:41:54,083 --> 01:41:55,541 Beefsteak... 2316 01:41:56,125 --> 01:41:57,601 That is it. 2317 01:41:57,625 --> 01:41:59,267 You are camping out in the backyard 2318 01:41:59,291 --> 01:42:00,392 for the next six months. 2319 01:42:00,416 --> 01:42:01,767 Okay. Okay. 2320 01:42:01,791 --> 01:42:04,309 Very reasonable. That's more than fair. 2321 01:42:04,333 --> 01:42:06,309 It's going to be great. Thank you. 2322 01:42:06,333 --> 01:42:08,083 - Perfect. - Thank you. 2323 01:42:14,958 --> 01:42:16,500 I don't understand. 2324 01:42:17,000 --> 01:42:19,017 How did this happen? 2325 01:42:19,041 --> 01:42:20,517 Well... 2326 01:42:20,541 --> 01:42:23,083 When I found out what you did, I was pissed. 2327 01:42:24,500 --> 01:42:27,875 I told you I sold the story to MFMBC just to fuck with you. 2328 01:42:28,875 --> 01:42:32,101 But when Ricky was hired at Summerhayes, I thought, 2329 01:42:32,125 --> 01:42:35,976 wait a minute, maybe there actually is a story here. 2330 01:42:36,000 --> 01:42:38,267 So I pitched it to my producer at Channel 6. 2331 01:42:38,291 --> 01:42:40,017 They told their friend at MFMBC 2332 01:42:40,041 --> 01:42:42,041 and they gave me the green light. 2333 01:42:44,125 --> 01:42:46,250 All those lies, Erin... 2334 01:42:50,416 --> 01:42:52,375 Can you ever forgive me? 2335 01:42:57,166 --> 01:42:59,333 It's definitely not going to be easy. 2336 01:43:01,041 --> 01:43:02,250 But 2337 01:43:03,458 --> 01:43:04,833 this helps. 2338 01:43:05,500 --> 01:43:07,601 I had everything. 2339 01:43:07,625 --> 01:43:09,666 I had good friends. I had a great job. 2340 01:43:11,958 --> 01:43:13,726 The most kind-hearted, 2341 01:43:13,750 --> 01:43:16,583 beautiful person in the whole world loved me. 2342 01:43:18,666 --> 01:43:21,166 Erin's the best thing that ever happened to me. 2343 01:43:24,375 --> 01:43:26,666 Ricky sent it to me today. 2344 01:43:30,333 --> 01:43:32,851 Here we go, here we go, here we go... 2345 01:43:32,875 --> 01:43:34,041 Who's that? 2346 01:43:36,291 --> 01:43:38,416 Ricky! Look out! 2347 01:43:45,708 --> 01:43:48,083 Did that go how you thought it would, wanker?! 2348 01:43:49,166 --> 01:43:52,791 Here, Rimestead! You've officially been served. 2349 01:43:53,583 --> 01:43:54,958 What the...? 2350 01:43:55,916 --> 01:43:57,059 What's this? 2351 01:43:57,083 --> 01:44:00,017 This is a cease-and-desist order from Billy Idol. 2352 01:44:00,041 --> 01:44:01,018 Yeah? 2353 01:44:01,042 --> 01:44:02,726 If you disgrace any of his songs 2354 01:44:02,750 --> 01:44:05,434 with your disgusting lyrics ever again, 2355 01:44:05,458 --> 01:44:06,767 we'll see you in court. 2356 01:44:06,791 --> 01:44:08,000 Huh? 2357 01:44:09,500 --> 01:44:10,666 Yeah. 2358 01:44:14,458 --> 01:44:15,976 So Billy Idol saw my act? 2359 01:44:16,000 --> 01:44:17,583 Fuck off! 2360 01:44:18,875 --> 01:44:20,250 Sweet! 2361 01:44:20,791 --> 01:44:23,125 More champagne, everyone! 2362 01:44:26,375 --> 01:44:27,750 Billy Idol! 2363 01:44:29,791 --> 01:44:32,684 ♪ I'm depending on you ♪ 2364 01:44:32,708 --> 01:44:35,791 ♪ Everything that you do ♪ 2365 01:44:36,541 --> 01:44:40,101 ♪ And I'm depending on you ♪ 2366 01:44:40,125 --> 01:44:43,416 ♪ Yeah, to see me through ♪ 2367 01:44:43,916 --> 01:44:46,559 ♪ You know that I love you... ♪ 2368 01:44:46,583 --> 01:44:48,517 Is this Al Green? 2369 01:44:48,541 --> 01:44:50,142 It's Otis Redding. 2370 01:44:50,166 --> 01:44:51,601 Was Otis Redding blind? 2371 01:44:51,625 --> 01:44:54,351 - No. - You sure? 2372 01:44:54,375 --> 01:44:57,309 - He sounds blind. - He does sound blind. 2373 01:44:57,333 --> 01:44:58,559 He wasn't... 2374 01:44:58,583 --> 01:45:00,559 I'll take a... cranberry juice. 2375 01:45:00,583 --> 01:45:03,041 Neat. And a plate of your crispiest calamari. 2376 01:45:03,541 --> 01:45:06,684 - Epic night, am I right, guys? - Yeah. 2377 01:45:06,708 --> 01:45:08,541 Ricky! Get over here. 2378 01:45:09,291 --> 01:45:10,791 Oh! 2379 01:45:11,750 --> 01:45:14,142 Time to go bump and grind with my fiancée. 2380 01:45:14,166 --> 01:45:15,767 You're kidding, right? 2381 01:45:15,791 --> 01:45:17,184 Yeah. 2382 01:45:17,208 --> 01:45:18,767 But I don't know, who knows, right? 2383 01:45:18,791 --> 01:45:21,392 Oh, hey, keep Saturday afternoon open. 2384 01:45:21,416 --> 01:45:22,809 We got a ton of work to do. 2385 01:45:22,833 --> 01:45:25,601 - Work on a Saturday? - Yeah, I signed us up. 2386 01:45:25,625 --> 01:45:27,500 We're going to help clean up Narragansett Bay. 2387 01:45:29,000 --> 01:45:30,017 Yeah, man. 2388 01:45:30,041 --> 01:45:33,000 I'm not messing with you. We're cleaning that shit up. 2389 01:45:39,541 --> 01:45:41,041 Man. 2390 01:45:43,458 --> 01:45:45,000 To Ricky Stanicky. 2391 01:45:45,583 --> 01:45:47,517 To Ricky Stanicky. 2392 01:45:47,541 --> 01:45:49,500 The best friend we ever had. 2393 01:45:52,250 --> 01:45:55,851 ♪ In my head In my head ♪ 2394 01:45:55,875 --> 01:45:59,309 ♪ I am different in my head ♪ 2395 01:45:59,333 --> 01:46:02,684 ♪ I am someone else instead ♪ 2396 01:46:02,708 --> 01:46:08,666 ♪ In my head In my head ♪ 2397 01:46:12,125 --> 01:46:15,559 ♪ In my mind In my mind ♪ 2398 01:46:15,583 --> 01:46:19,226 ♪ There is sadness All the time ♪ 2399 01:46:19,250 --> 01:46:22,892 ♪ And I keep the things I find ♪ 2400 01:46:22,916 --> 01:46:28,916 ♪ In my mind In my mind ♪ 2401 01:46:31,750 --> 01:46:35,726 ♪ And never do I share These things with anyone ♪ 2402 01:46:35,750 --> 01:46:40,309 ♪ The feeling is cold And I'm afraid ♪ 2403 01:46:40,333 --> 01:46:43,708 ♪ Strangers passing, mmm ♪ 2404 01:46:49,875 --> 01:46:53,517 ♪ In my dream In my dream ♪ 2405 01:46:53,541 --> 01:46:57,267 ♪ There are symbols That repeat ♪ 2406 01:46:57,291 --> 01:47:00,892 ♪ There are copies In the street ♪ 2407 01:47:00,916 --> 01:47:06,208 ♪ In my dream In my dream ♪ 2408 01:47:09,750 --> 01:47:13,642 ♪ And never do I share These things with anyone ♪ 2409 01:47:13,666 --> 01:47:17,976 ♪ The feeling is cold And I'm afraid ♪ 2410 01:47:18,000 --> 01:47:21,208 ♪ Strangers passing, mmm. ♪ 2411 01:47:41,291 --> 01:47:44,392 ♪ Well, now, my engine's Overheating ♪ 2412 01:47:44,416 --> 01:47:47,791 ♪ A summer traffic jam ♪ 2413 01:47:49,958 --> 01:47:52,142 ♪ I'll be late for work again ♪ 2414 01:47:52,166 --> 01:47:56,583 ♪ But I'm doing The best that I can ♪ 2415 01:47:58,500 --> 01:48:01,000 ♪ Don't you look away, baby ♪ 2416 01:48:02,833 --> 01:48:06,517 ♪ My life just ain't What it seems ♪ 2417 01:48:06,541 --> 01:48:09,434 ♪ I got such big dreams, baby ♪ 2418 01:48:09,458 --> 01:48:13,625 ♪ My heart's busting At the seams ♪ 2419 01:48:14,125 --> 01:48:18,434 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2420 01:48:18,458 --> 01:48:22,684 ♪ Like gold tequila Shooting summer fun ♪ 2421 01:48:22,708 --> 01:48:26,142 ♪ I wanna be your number one ♪ 2422 01:48:26,166 --> 01:48:28,791 ♪ Your son of a gun ♪ 2423 01:48:30,208 --> 01:48:34,142 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2424 01:48:34,166 --> 01:48:38,767 ♪ Don't try to tell me That my race is run ♪ 2425 01:48:38,791 --> 01:48:42,184 ♪ Nothing's over, baby Nothing done ♪ 2426 01:48:42,208 --> 01:48:47,833 ♪ 'Til we have won Everybody wants one ♪ 2427 01:48:48,750 --> 01:48:51,125 ♪ Day in the sun ♪ 2428 01:48:52,250 --> 01:48:56,559 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2429 01:48:56,583 --> 01:48:59,458 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2430 01:49:00,666 --> 01:49:04,041 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2431 01:49:23,375 --> 01:49:26,208 ♪ Piece of work In progress, baby ♪ 2432 01:49:27,583 --> 01:49:31,000 ♪ But I'm trying not To let it show ♪ 2433 01:49:31,791 --> 01:49:34,851 ♪ You're my dream Come true, baby ♪ 2434 01:49:34,875 --> 01:49:38,416 ♪ A dream I can't let go ♪ 2435 01:49:39,041 --> 01:49:43,184 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2436 01:49:43,208 --> 01:49:47,392 ♪ Like gold tequila Shooting summer fun ♪ 2437 01:49:47,416 --> 01:49:51,017 ♪ I wanna be your number one ♪ 2438 01:49:51,041 --> 01:49:53,500 ♪ Your son of a gun ♪ 2439 01:49:55,166 --> 01:49:59,142 ♪ Everybody wants A day in the sun ♪ 2440 01:49:59,166 --> 01:50:03,559 ♪ Don't try to tell me That my race is run ♪ 2441 01:50:03,583 --> 01:50:07,226 ♪ Nothing's over, baby Nothing done ♪ 2442 01:50:07,250 --> 01:50:12,958 ♪ 'Til we have won Everybody wants one ♪ 2443 01:50:13,875 --> 01:50:16,625 ♪ Day in the sun ♪ 2444 01:50:17,250 --> 01:50:21,601 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2445 01:50:21,625 --> 01:50:24,375 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2446 01:50:25,708 --> 01:50:30,184 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2447 01:50:30,208 --> 01:50:33,083 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2448 01:50:38,375 --> 01:50:41,500 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2449 01:50:42,750 --> 01:50:47,142 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2450 01:50:47,166 --> 01:50:49,833 ♪ Day in the sun with you ♪ 2451 01:50:51,250 --> 01:50:55,642 ♪ Day in the sun With you, baby ♪ 2452 01:50:55,666 --> 01:50:58,666 ♪ Day in the sun with you. ♪ 2453 01:51:13,750 --> 01:51:16,684 Before I get to that, I would like to say this. 2454 01:51:16,708 --> 01:51:20,809 ♪ I like bigger, I like smaller I can do both ♪ 2455 01:51:20,833 --> 01:51:24,434 ♪ I like dinosaurs And I like woke ♪ 2456 01:51:24,458 --> 01:51:26,017 ♪ That's what we have to do ♪ 2457 01:51:26,041 --> 01:51:29,017 ♪ Some people say you can't But you, and you, me ♪ 2458 01:51:29,041 --> 01:51:31,184 ♪ All of us Together we can stand ♪ 2459 01:51:31,208 --> 01:51:33,059 ♪ We'll have bigger We'll have smaller ♪ 2460 01:51:33,083 --> 01:51:35,059 ♪ We can do both Do both ♪ 2461 01:51:35,083 --> 01:51:36,517 ♪ We like dinosaurs ♪ 2462 01:51:36,541 --> 01:51:38,392 ♪ And we like woke Like woke ♪ 2463 01:51:38,416 --> 01:51:40,351 ♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪ 2464 01:51:40,375 --> 01:51:42,267 ♪ I say we can ♪ 2465 01:51:42,291 --> 01:51:45,767 ♪ We will be able to narrow Maintain and expand ♪ 2466 01:51:45,791 --> 01:51:47,184 ♪ We are sharks ♪ 2467 01:51:47,208 --> 01:51:49,309 ♪ Why? ♪ 2468 01:51:49,333 --> 01:51:52,476 ♪ If we don't move forward We die ♪ 2469 01:51:52,500 --> 01:51:54,142 ♪ We'll have bigger We'll have smaller ♪ 2470 01:51:54,166 --> 01:51:56,142 ♪ We can do both Do both ♪ 2471 01:51:56,166 --> 01:51:57,642 ♪ We like dinosaurs ♪ 2472 01:51:57,666 --> 01:51:59,601 ♪ And we like woke Like woke ♪ 2473 01:51:59,625 --> 01:52:01,559 ♪ To heck with the naysayers ♪ 2474 01:52:01,583 --> 01:52:03,226 ♪ I say we can ♪ 2475 01:52:03,250 --> 01:52:06,642 ♪ We will be able to narrow Maintain and expand ♪ 2476 01:52:06,666 --> 01:52:08,375 ♪ We can do both. ♪ 183132