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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,488 [crowd chatter] 4 00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:14,275 [photographer] Halley! Come on, Halley. Come on. 5 00:00:15,798 --> 00:00:17,495 [photographers] Halley! 6 00:00:17,626 --> 00:00:20,020 [photographer] Halley, Halley! Over here. 7 00:00:20,150 --> 00:00:21,369 -[photographer 2] Halley! -[man] Over here! Over here! 8 00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:22,631 [man 2] Over here! Over your shoulder. 9 00:00:22,761 --> 00:00:24,111 [man 3] Over here, honey. 10 00:00:26,417 --> 00:00:28,506 [playful orchestral instrumental] 11 00:00:28,637 --> 00:00:32,119 [cameras clicking] 12 00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:42,172 [woman] Turn around, turn around! 13 00:00:42,303 --> 00:00:43,391 [woman 2] Turn around, please. Turn around. 14 00:00:43,521 --> 00:00:44,740 Turn around, look over 15 00:00:44,870 --> 00:00:47,047 your shoulder. That's it. Good. 16 00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:51,181 [photographer] Turn around and look over your shoulder. 17 00:00:53,531 --> 00:00:55,446 -[woman 2] It's Jesse Eisenberg! -[woman 3] It's Jesse. 18 00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:57,448 Oh, hi Jesse. 19 00:01:03,280 --> 00:01:05,369 This is fun, do you think this is fun? 20 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:07,371 No, no, this is literally my worst nightmare. 21 00:01:07,502 --> 00:01:08,720 I mean, I hate having my photo taken. 22 00:01:08,851 --> 00:01:10,505 Yeah, me too, actually. 23 00:01:12,376 --> 00:01:14,378 My grandma bought me this dress and I thought I really liked it, 24 00:01:14,509 --> 00:01:16,293 and now I feel so self conscious. 25 00:01:16,424 --> 00:01:17,599 -No, you look beautiful. -Really? 26 00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:19,209 -Yeah. -Oh, that's so sweet. 27 00:01:19,340 --> 00:01:20,819 [photographer] Come on, Jesse. Down here. 28 00:01:21,820 --> 00:01:23,387 These people are making me so uncomfortable. 29 00:01:23,518 --> 00:01:24,736 -I know. -I feel I'm gonna 30 00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,738 -be attacked by them. -I know. I know. 31 00:01:26,869 --> 00:01:28,566 It makes me not actually want to be an actress 32 00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,351 -if this is what it is. -Really? 33 00:01:30,481 --> 00:01:32,179 -Kind of. -I have the same feeling, 34 00:01:32,309 --> 00:01:34,094 I'm actually thinking of becoming a history teacher. 35 00:01:34,224 --> 00:01:35,225 -[woman] Halley, step back. -[woman 2] Just Jesse, please. 36 00:01:35,356 --> 00:01:36,400 [woman 3] Just Jesse alone, please. 37 00:01:36,531 --> 00:01:38,272 [man] We're good with you. 38 00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:39,490 -Just Jesse alone now. -Oh yeah. I'll see you later. 39 00:01:39,621 --> 00:01:41,231 -Okay, yeah. See you inside. -Oh, oh. 40 00:01:41,362 --> 00:01:42,624 -Seriously, you look good. -Thank you, you too. 41 00:01:42,754 --> 00:01:46,106 [crowd chatter] 42 00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:54,114 Hey, Michael Ausiello, from TVline.com. 43 00:01:54,244 --> 00:01:56,072 -Oh. -Congratulations on the movie. 44 00:01:56,203 --> 00:01:57,204 How are you holding up? 45 00:01:57,334 --> 00:02:00,250 Uh, my palms are really sweaty. 46 00:02:00,381 --> 00:02:02,731 I think I forgot to put deodorant on, so. 47 00:02:04,385 --> 00:02:05,560 Anyway.. 48 00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:08,302 It gets easier, champagne? 49 00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:10,478 Oh, I'm not really much of a drinker. 50 00:02:11,218 --> 00:02:13,829 I'm sorry, Halley, you're needed over here. 51 00:02:13,959 --> 00:02:16,397 -Just one second. -You go. 52 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,138 You're famous now. 53 00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,313 Oh. 54 00:02:26,450 --> 00:02:28,191 Actually, you know what, can you just give me one second? 55 00:02:28,322 --> 00:02:29,584 I'm sorry. 56 00:02:32,413 --> 00:02:34,415 [gulping] 57 00:02:38,941 --> 00:02:44,164 ♪♪ 58 00:03:14,455 --> 00:03:15,586 Hey, Michael. 59 00:03:16,326 --> 00:03:18,459 You want to try it in my butt again? 60 00:03:21,766 --> 00:03:22,854 Halley. 61 00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:25,292 No, I don't. 62 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:29,861 We only have a couple of weeks left to get this draft done 63 00:03:29,992 --> 00:03:32,299 if we want to submit it to the Sand Dune screener's lab. 64 00:03:32,429 --> 00:03:35,215 [Halley] Yup, good point. Good point. 65 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:38,696 Yup, that's fun. 66 00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:41,221 You want to drunk dial Ryan? 67 00:03:41,351 --> 00:03:43,440 Halley, we're not calling your brother. 68 00:03:44,876 --> 00:03:46,313 Stop watching Dancing with the Stars 69 00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:48,445 and help me write our screenplay 70 00:03:48,576 --> 00:03:50,404 And put that camera away. 71 00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:55,322 But-- Baby, I won't remember this conversation tomorrow 72 00:03:55,452 --> 00:03:56,888 unless I videotaped it. 73 00:03:57,019 --> 00:03:58,847 [Michael] Maybe you shouldn't drink so much. 74 00:03:58,977 --> 00:04:00,327 [Halley] Good one. 75 00:04:07,116 --> 00:04:08,552 Did you just open that one-handed? 76 00:04:08,683 --> 00:04:10,380 I'm not talented. 77 00:04:15,603 --> 00:04:18,388 Ugh. Aw. 78 00:04:18,519 --> 00:04:20,477 Woo! 79 00:04:20,608 --> 00:04:21,739 -Okay. -Yes! 80 00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,611 Did you see that foxtrot? 81 00:04:23,741 --> 00:04:24,873 -Yup. -Oh! 82 00:04:25,003 --> 00:04:28,659 Ralph Macchio is trèsfoxy. 83 00:04:28,790 --> 00:04:31,575 I've loved him ever since he played 84 00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:34,274 the sexually confused best friend of Eric Stoltz 85 00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:35,927 in Naked in New York. 86 00:04:36,058 --> 00:04:37,320 Really? 87 00:04:38,756 --> 00:04:40,671 I've only seen him in The Karate Kid. 88 00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,760 Ugh. You're so plabian. 89 00:04:43,979 --> 00:04:48,766 Hey, Macchio should be in my movie. 90 00:04:48,897 --> 00:04:50,768 You mean our movie? 91 00:04:50,899 --> 00:04:52,770 Yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right. 92 00:04:54,555 --> 00:04:56,296 What part would he play? 93 00:04:57,775 --> 00:04:58,950 Your part? 94 00:04:59,081 --> 00:05:01,301 -Halley! -Just kidding. 95 00:05:06,567 --> 00:05:07,568 That's it. 96 00:05:17,752 --> 00:05:19,406 Mm-hmm. 97 00:05:22,104 --> 00:05:23,366 Um... 98 00:05:25,716 --> 00:05:26,978 Are you fully erect? 99 00:05:28,023 --> 00:05:28,980 Yeah. 100 00:05:29,111 --> 00:05:30,417 Um... 101 00:05:32,506 --> 00:05:34,290 Your penis feels really small. 102 00:05:34,421 --> 00:05:35,596 -Halley. -Okay. 103 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:38,468 Never mind, whatever you say. 104 00:05:38,599 --> 00:05:41,384 [sighing] 105 00:05:41,515 --> 00:05:42,646 Are you-- 106 00:05:42,777 --> 00:05:44,735 Are you not attracted to me anymore? 107 00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,650 Halley. 108 00:05:47,129 --> 00:05:50,437 Yeah, see, now you're penis is getting smaller by the seconds. 109 00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:53,962 I bet Ralph Macchio wouldn't have any trouble 110 00:05:54,092 --> 00:05:55,485 getting it up with me. 111 00:05:55,616 --> 00:05:57,400 Oh my God, okay that's it. 112 00:05:57,531 --> 00:05:58,488 What do you mean that's it? 113 00:05:58,619 --> 00:05:59,881 -Up. -What? 114 00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,970 What? What are you doing? 115 00:06:03,754 --> 00:06:05,365 -Michael? -What? 116 00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,589 Michael, what are you doing? 117 00:06:13,895 --> 00:06:15,375 I'm leaving. 118 00:06:17,551 --> 00:06:19,466 I'm confused, what is that mean? 119 00:06:21,119 --> 00:06:22,469 Okay, you know what? 120 00:06:22,599 --> 00:06:24,471 Okay, yeah, I know that you're 121 00:06:24,601 --> 00:06:26,516 in the new Men in Blackmovie, 122 00:06:26,647 --> 00:06:28,039 but I think someone in this room 123 00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:29,998 is being a little overly dramatic. 124 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:31,478 You've been treating me like shit 125 00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:33,393 for a really long time, Halley. 126 00:06:33,523 --> 00:06:36,657 I love you, but I can't let myself be treated like that. 127 00:06:37,571 --> 00:06:38,963 Sorry. 128 00:06:39,094 --> 00:06:40,400 You're just not the person I fell in love with 129 00:06:40,530 --> 00:06:41,662 on the set of The Messenger. 130 00:06:41,792 --> 00:06:42,837 What? 131 00:06:46,797 --> 00:06:47,972 Oh, God. 132 00:06:52,803 --> 00:06:54,892 [Halley crying] 133 00:07:03,161 --> 00:07:04,554 What are you doing? 134 00:07:05,207 --> 00:07:07,688 I look really beautiful when I cry. 135 00:07:09,211 --> 00:07:11,648 What-- You're gonna put some clothes on, at least? 136 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:14,956 It's just a medium shot. You can't see my cooter. 137 00:07:15,086 --> 00:07:16,914 Jesus. Halley, you're so self-involved. 138 00:07:17,045 --> 00:07:18,916 All you do is videotape yourself, 139 00:07:19,047 --> 00:07:20,788 think about yourself, talk about yourself. 140 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,485 -Write about yourself. -Google myself. 141 00:07:22,616 --> 00:07:24,400 Google yourself, drink alcohol by yourself. 142 00:07:24,531 --> 00:07:26,054 But it's delicious. 143 00:07:26,663 --> 00:07:28,404 You have a drinking problem. 144 00:07:28,535 --> 00:07:29,927 And you have a thinking problem. 145 00:07:30,058 --> 00:07:32,756 -You have a rhyming problem. -You're not funny. 146 00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,541 You just don't think I'm funny 147 00:07:34,671 --> 00:07:36,456 because you don't have a very good sense of humor. 148 00:07:36,586 --> 00:07:38,675 That's why The Messenger wasn't funny at all. 149 00:07:38,806 --> 00:07:40,460 Okay. 150 00:07:40,590 --> 00:07:43,550 Yeah, you think that I don't have a sense of humor. 151 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:46,161 Because I didn't find this card funny. 152 00:07:46,291 --> 00:07:47,684 How is that funny? 153 00:07:47,815 --> 00:07:49,686 Picture of you in bed with some other guy. 154 00:07:49,817 --> 00:07:51,122 I don't even know who that is. 155 00:07:51,253 --> 00:07:53,951 And you photoshopped my brother's head 156 00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:55,562 on to his body. 157 00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:57,085 It looks like he's entering you, Halley. 158 00:07:57,215 --> 00:07:59,174 Michael, did you even take the time to read 159 00:07:59,304 --> 00:08:01,481 what I wrote inside? Look. 160 00:08:01,611 --> 00:08:05,441 I love you so much. I would never sleep with your brother. 161 00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:06,964 -So there you go. -It's beautiful, 162 00:08:07,095 --> 00:08:08,052 you should write greeting cards for a living. 163 00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:09,837 Michael! You know what? 164 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:11,273 It's funny. -No, it's not. 165 00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:12,970 Yes it is! 166 00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:17,148 Is this just because what I've said about Ralph Macchio? 167 00:08:17,279 --> 00:08:20,674 He's like number 23 on the IFDB Pro Startracker. 168 00:08:20,804 --> 00:08:22,850 Halley, you know I don't care about that stuff. 169 00:08:22,980 --> 00:08:25,200 That's why you're number 20,526. 170 00:08:25,330 --> 00:08:26,723 -Really? -Yeah. 171 00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:27,985 -You want to play that game? -Sure. 172 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:29,596 -Let's play that game. -Great. 173 00:08:29,726 --> 00:08:31,119 Um, let's see here. 174 00:08:31,249 --> 00:08:33,469 Halley Feiffer. Oh look. 175 00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:36,603 -You're number 10,101. -Exactly! 176 00:08:36,733 --> 00:08:40,607 That's why we need the Karate Kid to bring up the curve. 177 00:08:42,260 --> 00:08:44,219 What? Where-- 178 00:08:44,349 --> 00:08:46,003 You think you're so great? 179 00:08:46,134 --> 00:08:48,049 Why don't you do something about your own career? 180 00:08:48,179 --> 00:08:51,879 Oh. Yeah, well, he's way more famous than you! 181 00:08:52,009 --> 00:08:53,533 That's not my fault! 182 00:09:00,757 --> 00:09:05,762 ♪♪ 183 00:09:17,295 --> 00:09:19,820 ♪ All by myself 184 00:09:21,299 --> 00:09:24,520 ♪ In the morning 185 00:09:24,651 --> 00:09:26,696 [Halley sobbing] 186 00:09:26,827 --> 00:09:33,660 ♪ And I'm all by myself in the night ♪ 187 00:09:36,053 --> 00:09:42,886 ♪ I sit alone with a table and a little chair ♪ 188 00:09:44,148 --> 00:09:45,193 It's okay. 189 00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:48,283 ♪ So unhappy there 190 00:09:48,413 --> 00:09:52,243 ♪ Losing at solitaire 191 00:09:54,376 --> 00:09:58,032 ♪ All by myself, I get 192 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:02,558 ♪ Lonely 193 00:10:02,689 --> 00:10:05,343 ♪ Watching the clock 194 00:10:06,214 --> 00:10:10,740 Ugh. 12,957? 195 00:10:10,871 --> 00:10:12,873 I dropped that fast? 196 00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:15,310 It's okay, who's counting? 197 00:10:16,180 --> 00:10:17,225 I am. 198 00:10:26,234 --> 00:10:27,844 [phone ringing] 199 00:10:27,975 --> 00:10:29,629 [Ryan] Hi, you've reached Ryan Feiffer. 200 00:10:29,759 --> 00:10:30,847 Leave a message. 201 00:10:31,761 --> 00:10:33,284 Hey Ryan, it's me. 202 00:10:33,415 --> 00:10:35,722 My Startracker dropped again. 203 00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:37,898 Yours is still in the six digits. 204 00:10:38,028 --> 00:10:39,726 Call me back, bye. 205 00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:58,614 Ugh. 2,590? 206 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:01,791 Fuck you, Gummer. 207 00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:04,620 [Gina] Gina Hearsh's office, WMF. 208 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,057 Gina, hi. It's Halley. 209 00:11:07,188 --> 00:11:09,016 Your favorite client. 210 00:11:09,146 --> 00:11:12,628 Listen, I need to have a meeting with you, tomorrow AM. 211 00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:13,890 ASAP. 212 00:11:14,021 --> 00:11:16,023 Un diamo,pronto, right away. 213 00:11:16,153 --> 00:11:17,981 We need to talk about my shitty career, 214 00:11:18,112 --> 00:11:19,766 and how it's all your fault. 215 00:11:19,896 --> 00:11:21,419 Okay, love you. Bye. 216 00:11:26,903 --> 00:11:29,689 Two? Good for you, Jesse. 217 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,216 [Jesse] Hey this is Jesse, leave a message 218 00:11:35,346 --> 00:11:37,348 and I'll get back to you as soon as possible, thanks. 219 00:11:37,479 --> 00:11:40,134 Hey, Jesse. It's Halley! 220 00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:43,398 I bet you're super crazy now post Social Network. 221 00:11:43,528 --> 00:11:47,663 Um, I am coming out of a very dark time, 222 00:11:47,794 --> 00:11:49,709 peppered with suicidal fantasies, 223 00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,059 but I'm about to make some really important 224 00:11:52,189 --> 00:11:58,935 and constructive changes that, um, I would love to just 225 00:11:59,066 --> 00:12:01,895 bulletpoint with you, whenever you get a sec. 226 00:12:02,025 --> 00:12:04,375 All right. TTYL, boy. 227 00:12:10,207 --> 00:12:11,948 Hey, Michael? 228 00:12:12,079 --> 00:12:14,124 You want to try it in my butt again? 229 00:12:14,255 --> 00:12:17,345 [Michael] Halley, no.I don't. 230 00:12:25,527 --> 00:12:26,876 [Halley] Hey, Michael. 231 00:12:27,355 --> 00:12:29,357 You want to try it in my butt again? 232 00:12:29,487 --> 00:12:30,837 Halley. 233 00:12:31,228 --> 00:12:33,013 No, I don't. 234 00:12:52,075 --> 00:12:54,077 [slurping] 235 00:12:54,904 --> 00:12:57,385 We only have a couple of weeks left 236 00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:58,473 to get this draft done, 237 00:12:58,603 --> 00:13:00,083 if we want to submit it to 238 00:13:00,214 --> 00:13:01,824 the Sand Dune Screenwriter's Lab. 239 00:13:01,955 --> 00:13:04,218 [Halley] Yup. yup. Good point. Good point. 240 00:13:04,348 --> 00:13:08,396 ♪ All of my life, I've never fit ♪ 241 00:13:08,526 --> 00:13:12,095 ♪ But I won't complain and I won't quit ♪ 242 00:13:13,227 --> 00:13:15,272 You want to drunk dial Ryan? 243 00:13:15,403 --> 00:13:18,275 [Michael] Halley, we're not calling your brother right now. 244 00:13:19,581 --> 00:13:23,063 ♪ Everyone tells me I'm too much ♪ 245 00:13:23,193 --> 00:13:27,937 ♪ Maybe it's just you're not enough for me ♪ 246 00:13:28,068 --> 00:13:30,113 ♪ Can't you see 247 00:13:30,244 --> 00:13:34,944 ♪ I'm the type of woman I'm supposed to be ♪ 248 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:39,514 ♪ Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide ♪ 249 00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:43,126 ♪ Absolutely everyone can come inside ♪ 250 00:13:43,257 --> 00:13:46,477 ♪ If you're ever frightened, just run and hide ♪ 251 00:13:46,608 --> 00:13:51,961 ♪ My vagina is eight miles wide ♪ 252 00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:56,836 ♪ Tell me what is womanly to you ♪ 253 00:13:56,966 --> 00:14:00,448 ♪ Strong, but not too much of a brute ♪ 254 00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:06,976 ♪ It's cool if she's powerful, but way better if she's cute ♪ 255 00:14:07,107 --> 00:14:11,894 ♪ Well, for all of us girls that don't fit in ♪ 256 00:14:12,025 --> 00:14:15,593 ♪ I saw glamazonian 257 00:14:15,724 --> 00:14:18,814 ♪ You can be a kick ass bruiser ♪ 258 00:14:18,945 --> 00:14:24,385 ♪ And be feminine, hey 259 00:14:24,515 --> 00:14:28,302 ♪ My vagina is eight miles wide ♪ 260 00:14:28,432 --> 00:14:32,045 ♪ Absolutely everyone can come inside ♪ 261 00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:35,309 ♪ If you're ever frightened, just run and hide ♪ 262 00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:39,487 ♪ My vagina 263 00:14:39,617 --> 00:14:42,577 ♪ My vagina is eight miles wide ♪ 264 00:14:42,707 --> 00:14:46,886 ♪ Absolutely everyone can come inside ♪ 265 00:14:47,016 --> 00:14:50,541 ♪ If you're ever frightened, just run and hide ♪ 266 00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:55,982 ♪ My vagina is eight miles wide ♪ 267 00:14:56,112 --> 00:15:00,334 ♪ Wide 268 00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:02,336 [Gina] We're just so excited 269 00:15:02,466 --> 00:15:05,034 that you decided to sign with us, Miss Mamie. 270 00:15:05,513 --> 00:15:09,865 I know we are going to do some amazing things together. 271 00:15:09,996 --> 00:15:11,606 [Mamie] I feel so blessed. 272 00:15:11,736 --> 00:15:13,608 -Really I do. -Oh girl. 273 00:15:13,738 --> 00:15:16,524 We're the blessed ones. You could've signed with anyone, 274 00:15:16,654 --> 00:15:18,918 you puffed-faced little munchkin, you. 275 00:15:19,527 --> 00:15:21,616 Oh my God! Gina! 276 00:15:21,746 --> 00:15:24,358 Hey, did you get my message? 277 00:15:24,488 --> 00:15:26,229 Hi, Halley. 278 00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:28,449 Yes, if you can just give me a minute. 279 00:15:28,579 --> 00:15:31,191 Yeah. Oh, hey Mamie. 280 00:15:31,321 --> 00:15:32,540 Hey! 281 00:15:36,239 --> 00:15:37,327 Thank you. 282 00:15:37,458 --> 00:15:39,242 -Gina. -I hug, we hug. 283 00:15:39,373 --> 00:15:40,504 Okay. 284 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,204 Now, do you need any help 285 00:15:44,334 --> 00:15:45,422 getting to all your meetings this week? 286 00:15:45,553 --> 00:15:46,946 Jessica can book you a car service. 287 00:15:47,076 --> 00:15:48,338 Oh, no, no, that's fine. Thank you. 288 00:15:48,469 --> 00:15:50,210 -Are you sure? -Yeah. Yeah. 289 00:15:50,340 --> 00:15:53,082 Okay, well if you need anything, you let me know. 290 00:15:53,213 --> 00:15:54,562 -Okay. -I'm always here. 291 00:15:54,692 --> 00:15:56,999 I have no social life. 292 00:16:00,698 --> 00:16:02,091 Okay. 293 00:16:02,222 --> 00:16:04,528 Thank you. Bye, Jessica. Bye, Gina. 294 00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:07,009 Oh wait, I hug, we hug. 295 00:16:07,140 --> 00:16:08,576 We're hugging. Okay. 296 00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:11,579 -I dropped something. -Oh, I got it. I got it. 297 00:16:12,710 --> 00:16:13,929 Oh, my God! 298 00:16:14,060 --> 00:16:15,322 My brother dates him. 299 00:16:15,452 --> 00:16:16,976 What? 300 00:16:17,106 --> 00:16:18,978 -The gay guy from Ugly Betty. -Really? 301 00:16:19,108 --> 00:16:21,067 Michael's a client. Oh, he's so sweet. 302 00:16:21,197 --> 00:16:22,590 Oh, yeah, I know. 303 00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:25,288 He's gonna be the man of honor at my wedding. 304 00:16:25,419 --> 00:16:26,681 Not your brother? 305 00:16:28,726 --> 00:16:30,163 Do you want to keep it? 306 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:31,512 -What, no, no, no. -Yeah. 307 00:16:31,642 --> 00:16:33,731 -No, Keep it. -Really? 308 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:36,386 -Totally. -Oh, thank you. 309 00:16:36,517 --> 00:16:37,605 Okay. 310 00:16:38,084 --> 00:16:40,303 -Bye! -Bye! 311 00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:41,696 [Halley] Ah, she's so sweet. 312 00:16:41,826 --> 00:16:43,176 You look beautiful. 313 00:16:43,306 --> 00:16:44,568 Love you, Gummer. 314 00:16:49,225 --> 00:16:51,140 Okay. Let's do this. 315 00:16:51,271 --> 00:16:54,970 [playful orchestral instrumental] 316 00:16:55,101 --> 00:17:00,106 ♪ 317 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,343 Trifolds, really. 318 00:17:20,474 --> 00:17:22,041 Oh, okay. 319 00:17:22,171 --> 00:17:23,781 So you just signed Mamie Gummer? 320 00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:26,523 She's Meryl Streep's daughter. 321 00:17:26,654 --> 00:17:29,222 People said that I'm the poor man's her. 322 00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:31,224 Um, can you give me her e-mail? 323 00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:33,269 Halley, nothing I said on the phone has changed. 324 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,315 A. Can I have a piece of your baguette? 325 00:17:40,668 --> 00:17:42,800 B. I have a really exciting movie idea 326 00:17:42,931 --> 00:17:44,237 that I need your help with. 327 00:17:44,367 --> 00:17:45,412 And C. 328 00:17:45,542 --> 00:17:47,544 Sprinkling a canvass. 329 00:17:47,675 --> 00:17:51,418 I have eaten hundreds of dried fruits 330 00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:54,551 and sitting on the toilet with diarrhea 331 00:17:54,682 --> 00:17:57,250 oozing out of me, slowly. 332 00:17:57,380 --> 00:17:59,252 Like a Mr. Softy. 333 00:17:59,382 --> 00:18:01,036 The diarrhea, 334 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,733 symbolic of my career. 335 00:18:02,864 --> 00:18:06,520 Dried fruits, you guess it. That's you. 336 00:18:07,434 --> 00:18:12,178 I was in the biggest indie of the last century. 337 00:18:12,308 --> 00:18:15,181 Noah Baumbach's The Squid and the Whale. 338 00:18:15,311 --> 00:18:16,617 I mean, ring a ding ding dong. 339 00:18:16,747 --> 00:18:19,054 I know you love ding dongs. 340 00:18:19,185 --> 00:18:22,362 Listen to me. Can you listen? 341 00:18:22,492 --> 00:18:24,233 I took a six week course on listening 342 00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:25,800 with Austin Penddleton. 343 00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:28,629 The Squid and the Whale had a limited released 344 00:18:28,759 --> 00:18:31,849 six or seven years ago. 345 00:18:31,980 --> 00:18:33,547 And you played the supporting role. 346 00:18:33,677 --> 00:18:35,244 Um, Aloha? 347 00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,638 I was the only sympathy garnering character 348 00:18:37,768 --> 00:18:39,509 in a movie populated exclusively 349 00:18:39,640 --> 00:18:41,294 by narcissistic literati, 350 00:18:41,424 --> 00:18:43,339 Little Miss "I'm smarter than my client". 351 00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:45,602 I'm sorry, I don't need to make fun of 352 00:18:45,733 --> 00:18:46,690 the way you think and speak 353 00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,692 when it's already obvious enough 354 00:18:48,823 --> 00:18:50,607 that you can barely fit into that chair. 355 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:53,871 Ah, sorry, I hadn't had a drink yet this morning. 356 00:18:54,002 --> 00:18:56,526 No one will hire you because you drink too much. 357 00:18:56,657 --> 00:18:58,615 You're starting to get a reputation. 358 00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:01,488 I am so sorry, have you forgotten who my father is? 359 00:19:01,618 --> 00:19:04,578 World famous Pulitzer prized winning satirist, 360 00:19:04,708 --> 00:19:06,319 Jules Feiffer. 361 00:19:06,449 --> 00:19:08,451 Most people don't even know he's still alive. 362 00:19:11,454 --> 00:19:13,413 I can get you 363 00:19:13,543 --> 00:19:15,850 in touch with people in our HR 364 00:19:15,980 --> 00:19:17,852 and they can help you 365 00:19:17,982 --> 00:19:19,810 find a rehab 366 00:19:19,941 --> 00:19:21,899 that takes your insurance. 367 00:19:23,901 --> 00:19:26,252 Rehab? 368 00:19:28,863 --> 00:19:31,518 Oh, you mean like a publicity stunt? 369 00:19:31,648 --> 00:19:34,651 -I like it, I like it. -Halley, no! 370 00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,176 Not a publicity stunt. 371 00:19:37,741 --> 00:19:39,656 You are a great actress 372 00:19:39,787 --> 00:19:42,659 and I have much faith in your talent, 373 00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:45,749 but you have become rude and unruly 374 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:48,187 and impossible to work with. 375 00:19:48,970 --> 00:19:52,321 You need to make a significant change in your life. 376 00:19:52,452 --> 00:19:55,368 And if you don't, I could no longer work with you. 377 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:57,500 Shh shh. Are you done? 378 00:19:58,022 --> 00:19:59,850 Okay, great. I'm gonna come in next week 379 00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,852 and we can finish this little intervention 380 00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,332 -Halley. -once I have a tasty drink 381 00:20:03,463 --> 00:20:05,595 -under my belt. -I'm letting you go. 382 00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:13,734 Fine. 383 00:20:14,648 --> 00:20:15,736 Fine. 384 00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,218 You want to know why that's fine? 385 00:20:20,610 --> 00:20:23,570 I'm gonna take this piss poor attitude of yours 386 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:26,181 and spin a web of gold with it. 387 00:20:26,312 --> 00:20:27,878 I'm writing my own movie. 388 00:20:28,009 --> 00:20:30,272 In fact, it's basically already written. 389 00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,231 That's right, I'm starring in it 390 00:20:32,361 --> 00:20:34,755 and it's gonna get into the Sand Dune screenwriter's lab. 391 00:20:34,885 --> 00:20:37,714 Oscar gold, here comes mama. 392 00:20:37,845 --> 00:20:39,890 And guess who's not getting 10%. 393 00:20:40,021 --> 00:20:42,676 Fatty McGee, and that's you. 394 00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,558 [fingers snapping] 395 00:20:58,082 --> 00:21:03,740 ♪ See, oh you pretty thing 396 00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:07,570 ♪ Your demons, psycho bat shit ♪ 397 00:21:07,701 --> 00:21:11,531 ♪ Whacked job, insane 398 00:21:11,661 --> 00:21:16,927 ♪ C-R-Azy, C-R-Azy 399 00:21:17,058 --> 00:21:20,409 ♪ They'll throw you away if you go all the way ♪ 400 00:21:20,540 --> 00:21:24,979 I should never let you into my life in the first place. 401 00:21:25,109 --> 00:21:28,504 You don't know how talented I am. 402 00:21:28,635 --> 00:21:32,465 I'm gonna be the biggest movie star that you've ever heard of! 403 00:21:32,900 --> 00:21:37,600 ♪ Throw away the key ♪ 404 00:21:37,731 --> 00:21:39,515 Ryan, Ryan. 405 00:21:39,646 --> 00:21:40,951 Hey, Ryan. 406 00:21:41,082 --> 00:21:43,258 I have to talk to you like right now, Ryan. 407 00:21:43,389 --> 00:21:44,955 Oh my God, Ryan. Are you there? 408 00:21:45,086 --> 00:21:47,349 -Jeez. Halley, what? -Oh my God, I have something 409 00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:49,003 really important to tell you. 410 00:21:49,133 --> 00:21:51,658 -What's the matter? -Oh my God. 411 00:21:53,747 --> 00:21:55,270 If you didn't like sticking your penis 412 00:21:55,401 --> 00:21:56,445 in other boy's mouths, 413 00:21:56,576 --> 00:21:58,404 I would totally smonk your donk. 414 00:21:58,534 --> 00:22:00,275 -That's disturbing. -Why? 415 00:22:00,406 --> 00:22:02,451 Because you're my sister. 416 00:22:02,582 --> 00:22:04,845 I have something vitally crucial to tell you. 417 00:22:04,975 --> 00:22:07,935 But before I do, do you have any alcohol? 418 00:22:08,065 --> 00:22:09,545 Sure, I think we have something, 419 00:22:09,676 --> 00:22:13,723 but jeez Halley, it's like not even noon. 420 00:22:14,115 --> 00:22:15,986 So what is it? What's going on? 421 00:22:16,117 --> 00:22:17,945 Oh, my gosh. 422 00:22:18,075 --> 00:22:19,773 It's not dad, is it? 423 00:22:20,121 --> 00:22:22,776 No, no, no. I know he's like 100, but it's not him. 424 00:22:22,906 --> 00:22:23,951 All right, then what is it? 425 00:22:24,430 --> 00:22:25,953 I feel like nervous. 426 00:22:26,519 --> 00:22:29,435 I kinda feel like sad all of the sudden. 427 00:22:29,565 --> 00:22:31,437 [Halley] I know, me too. 428 00:22:31,567 --> 00:22:33,047 Me too. 429 00:22:33,177 --> 00:22:34,483 Okay. 430 00:22:35,005 --> 00:22:36,920 -Are you ready? -Yeah. 431 00:22:37,312 --> 00:22:40,402 -Oh, don't make that face. -All right. 432 00:22:40,533 --> 00:22:42,796 -Throwing caution to the wind. -Okay. 433 00:22:43,579 --> 00:22:45,494 You're so pretty. 434 00:22:45,625 --> 00:22:47,844 -Okay. This is hard. -Okay, what is it? 435 00:22:47,975 --> 00:22:49,890 All right, I'm just gonna go for it. 436 00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:50,978 Do it. 437 00:22:51,108 --> 00:22:53,850 Will your boyfriend, 438 00:22:53,981 --> 00:22:57,071 three times Teen Choice award nominee, Michael Urie, 439 00:22:57,463 --> 00:23:00,074 the gay guy from Ugly betty, 440 00:23:00,204 --> 00:23:04,818 play my boyfriend in my movie? 441 00:23:07,037 --> 00:23:08,430 Look. 442 00:23:11,085 --> 00:23:13,479 Ah! Open it, open it. 443 00:23:15,045 --> 00:23:16,482 It's my screenplay. 444 00:23:16,612 --> 00:23:18,179 Ah! Can you believe it? Open it again. 445 00:23:18,832 --> 00:23:21,051 -It's my screenplay. -What? 446 00:23:21,182 --> 00:23:23,793 Isn't that awesome? Where are you going? 447 00:23:23,924 --> 00:23:25,926 Ryan! What are you-- 448 00:23:26,056 --> 00:23:28,537 Did you see? Ryan? Did you see? 449 00:23:29,146 --> 00:23:30,887 I just went through my flipcam 450 00:23:31,018 --> 00:23:33,063 and transcribed everything that happened 451 00:23:33,194 --> 00:23:34,717 between me and Michael Chernus. 452 00:23:34,848 --> 00:23:37,067 It's gonna be next year's Blue Valentine. 453 00:23:37,198 --> 00:23:38,982 Yay! 454 00:23:39,113 --> 00:23:41,071 What are you-- Ryan? 455 00:23:41,202 --> 00:23:44,379 It took me all night and two pitchers of Sangria 456 00:23:44,510 --> 00:23:46,163 to assemble that genius packaging. 457 00:23:46,294 --> 00:23:48,078 Oh, that is what you wanted to talk to me about? 458 00:23:48,209 --> 00:23:49,993 -Yeah! -You made this sound so urgent! 459 00:23:50,124 --> 00:23:53,040 -I thought somebody had died. -Somebody did, my career! 460 00:23:53,170 --> 00:23:54,607 Uh-huh. 461 00:23:54,737 --> 00:23:56,522 Ryan, why are you minimalizing this? 462 00:23:56,652 --> 00:23:58,437 I am the most pathetic out of work actor 463 00:23:58,567 --> 00:23:59,742 on the streets of New York 464 00:23:59,873 --> 00:24:01,614 or maybe even the planet. 465 00:24:01,744 --> 00:24:04,617 That whore bag Mamie Gummer pretends that I'm a stranger 466 00:24:04,747 --> 00:24:06,532 even though I pole danced for Matthew Broderick 467 00:24:06,662 --> 00:24:07,620 at her birthday party. 468 00:24:07,750 --> 00:24:09,535 That was Haley Joel Osment. 469 00:24:10,884 --> 00:24:12,712 Ah! Stop correcting me, Ryan! 470 00:24:12,842 --> 00:24:14,453 You didn't even go to college. 471 00:24:14,583 --> 00:24:16,585 I have been in Julliard for the past seven years. 472 00:24:16,716 --> 00:24:18,587 Oh, so you're getting your Masters in air? 473 00:24:18,718 --> 00:24:20,459 That is not nice. 474 00:24:20,589 --> 00:24:22,504 You know what? Why are you doing this? 475 00:24:22,635 --> 00:24:24,463 You always make everything about you, Ryan. 476 00:24:24,593 --> 00:24:26,029 -Halley, look. -What? 477 00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,597 You have worked with the most incredible people, 478 00:24:28,728 --> 00:24:30,773 and you've never even had formal training. 479 00:24:30,904 --> 00:24:32,079 I've never even had an agent. 480 00:24:32,209 --> 00:24:33,994 Neither do I anymore! 481 00:24:34,124 --> 00:24:35,996 And I always liked it that your career was worse than mine. 482 00:24:36,126 --> 00:24:37,650 And now I think we're on the same level 483 00:24:37,780 --> 00:24:39,956 and that makes me want to fucking kill myself. 484 00:24:40,827 --> 00:24:42,176 [grunting] 485 00:24:42,306 --> 00:24:43,830 -Come on. -Ryan, this is rude! 486 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:45,135 I'm not drunk enough yet. 487 00:24:45,266 --> 00:24:46,920 Look, Halley. Why do you want Michael? 488 00:24:47,050 --> 00:24:49,792 Why can't you just put me in your movie? 489 00:24:49,923 --> 00:24:51,228 [snickering] 490 00:24:51,925 --> 00:24:53,796 -How is that funny? -Well, Ryan, 491 00:24:53,927 --> 00:24:56,146 you can't play my boyfriend, you're my brother. 492 00:24:56,277 --> 00:24:57,496 -Halley. -What? 493 00:24:57,626 --> 00:24:59,585 It's 2011! 494 00:24:59,715 --> 00:25:01,978 Nobody cares if ice skaters are siblings. 495 00:25:02,109 --> 00:25:05,155 We'll just get a body double for the, you know, sex scenes. 496 00:25:05,286 --> 00:25:08,245 And if we need to kiss, we'll cut away or something. 497 00:25:08,376 --> 00:25:10,247 Okay, do you really need me to spell it out for you? 498 00:25:10,378 --> 00:25:12,598 -I guess I do. -This is very, very sad. 499 00:25:13,076 --> 00:25:14,600 That was my blanket. 500 00:25:14,730 --> 00:25:16,645 -Can you read? -Yup, I can read. 501 00:25:16,776 --> 00:25:17,907 Great. 502 00:25:25,045 --> 00:25:26,133 Great. 503 00:25:37,797 --> 00:25:39,755 I need somebody famous! 504 00:25:42,889 --> 00:25:44,020 Okay. 505 00:25:44,847 --> 00:25:47,850 This script is honestly more about Vanessa Williams 506 00:25:47,981 --> 00:25:49,722 -than anything else. -Vanessa Williams? 507 00:25:49,852 --> 00:25:51,114 You never once mentioned she's in the script. 508 00:25:51,245 --> 00:25:53,029 -Well, she is now. 509 00:25:53,160 --> 00:25:56,076 Hey, what is America Ferrera doing post Betty? 510 00:25:56,206 --> 00:25:57,643 Maybe she could direct it. 511 00:25:57,773 --> 00:25:59,949 There is no way America is available. 512 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:01,560 She's way too famous. 513 00:26:02,125 --> 00:26:03,213 But actually. 514 00:26:03,866 --> 00:26:06,260 Michael is looking to branch out into directing. 515 00:26:06,390 --> 00:26:08,523 What? The gay guy from Ugly Bettydirects? 516 00:26:08,654 --> 00:26:10,917 -Then, I could be in it. -Oh, my God. 517 00:26:11,047 --> 00:26:14,747 The gay guy from Ugly Betty is gonna direct my movie? 518 00:26:14,877 --> 00:26:18,054 I'm gonna be the best Michael Chernus ever. 519 00:26:18,533 --> 00:26:20,622 -[Halley] Oh! -[bike crashing] 520 00:26:20,753 --> 00:26:23,320 -Halley? -I'm still biking. 521 00:26:24,017 --> 00:26:26,193 All right. Just put this on here. 522 00:26:26,672 --> 00:26:27,934 Just hold that there for a second. 523 00:26:28,064 --> 00:26:29,283 Okay. 524 00:26:37,683 --> 00:26:42,644 [laughing] 525 00:26:44,211 --> 00:26:45,342 Yeah, just. 526 00:26:46,300 --> 00:26:47,997 Oh, I like that, harder. 527 00:26:48,128 --> 00:26:50,783 Mm, you smell that? Yeah, it feels good. 528 00:26:50,913 --> 00:26:53,699 Oh yeah, harder. Harder. Mm. 529 00:26:54,351 --> 00:26:56,919 -Okay, Miss Feiffer. -Oh, you know my work? 530 00:26:57,050 --> 00:26:58,181 No, you ask me that every time. 531 00:26:58,312 --> 00:26:59,574 I've not seen you whale movie. 532 00:26:59,705 --> 00:27:00,880 Fine, fine, fine. What? 533 00:27:01,010 --> 00:27:02,142 It's just a minor cut this time, 534 00:27:02,272 --> 00:27:03,317 but you should really think about 535 00:27:03,447 --> 00:27:04,187 cutting back on your drinking. 536 00:27:04,318 --> 00:27:06,102 I wasn't drinking. 537 00:27:06,233 --> 00:27:09,236 You've called 9-1-1 16 times with alcohol related injuries. 538 00:27:10,237 --> 00:27:12,239 There, now I can see your beautiful brown eyes. 539 00:27:12,369 --> 00:27:13,762 Please don't touch me. 540 00:27:14,154 --> 00:27:15,982 This isn't a joke. You can really hurt yourself. 541 00:27:19,376 --> 00:27:20,987 Could you get out of my ambulance now? 542 00:27:21,117 --> 00:27:23,772 Will you lift me out and gingerly place me on my bike? 543 00:27:23,903 --> 00:27:24,947 No. 544 00:27:25,731 --> 00:27:26,775 Okay. 545 00:27:33,086 --> 00:27:34,435 Help! Oh. 546 00:27:35,262 --> 00:27:37,612 I think I have vertigo. 547 00:27:37,743 --> 00:27:39,658 I'm falling. 548 00:27:39,788 --> 00:27:44,271 My bones are melting because of radiation. 549 00:27:44,619 --> 00:27:46,621 I was in Chernobyl. 550 00:27:46,752 --> 00:27:47,927 I'm an orphan. 551 00:27:48,057 --> 00:27:49,102 Bye! 552 00:27:49,232 --> 00:27:50,712 We need to talk to the gay guy 553 00:27:50,843 --> 00:27:52,148 from Ugly Bettyright away, 554 00:27:52,279 --> 00:27:53,759 before I get another concussion. 555 00:27:53,889 --> 00:27:55,674 I think I agree with him. 556 00:27:55,804 --> 00:27:57,806 You should probably cut back on your drinking. 557 00:27:57,937 --> 00:27:59,329 Ryan, ugh! 558 00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:01,854 Some of the greatest artists of all eternity 559 00:28:01,984 --> 00:28:03,769 had alcohol and drug problems. 560 00:28:03,899 --> 00:28:07,729 River Phoenix, Janis Joplin, Marylin Monroe. 561 00:28:07,860 --> 00:28:09,383 Maybe you should try drinking more. 562 00:28:09,513 --> 00:28:11,124 You might become a better actor. 563 00:28:11,254 --> 00:28:12,952 But they all died. 564 00:28:13,082 --> 00:28:14,954 It's how you get to be number one on the Startracker. 565 00:28:15,824 --> 00:28:16,869 Really? 566 00:28:21,264 --> 00:28:22,657 No. 567 00:28:22,788 --> 00:28:23,963 [Halley] Those are my men, Ryan. 568 00:28:24,093 --> 00:28:26,879 Come on, I have to cheat. I'm losing. 569 00:28:27,009 --> 00:28:28,924 [Halley] No, I don't care if you're losing. 570 00:28:29,055 --> 00:28:30,143 Sh, sh, sh. 571 00:28:31,579 --> 00:28:33,320 -[Michael Urie] Hey babe. -Hey, baby. 572 00:28:33,450 --> 00:28:35,148 [Halley] Hey, babe! 573 00:28:36,279 --> 00:28:37,846 Hey, Halley. 574 00:28:37,977 --> 00:28:39,108 [Ryan] How did it go? 575 00:28:39,239 --> 00:28:40,806 Oh, you know. 576 00:28:41,284 --> 00:28:43,373 Pretty good. Oh. 577 00:28:44,374 --> 00:28:45,680 Halley, you look so cute. 578 00:28:45,811 --> 00:28:47,856 Thank you, I got my head banded. 579 00:28:47,987 --> 00:28:49,336 Oh, yeah. 580 00:28:49,466 --> 00:28:50,859 What happened? 581 00:28:50,990 --> 00:28:53,079 Oh, um, just an amazing meeting 582 00:28:53,209 --> 00:28:55,211 with Darren Aronofsky for Black Swan 2. 583 00:28:55,342 --> 00:28:56,822 So many fortes. 584 00:28:56,952 --> 00:29:00,260 But anyway, Ryan has been chomping at the bit 585 00:29:00,390 --> 00:29:02,958 to ask you a dire straights question, right Ryan? 586 00:29:03,089 --> 00:29:04,177 Uh huh. 587 00:29:04,307 --> 00:29:06,092 So, Halley and I have been 588 00:29:06,222 --> 00:29:08,137 working on a screenplay idea. 589 00:29:08,268 --> 00:29:10,792 It's more like a comment on real life. 590 00:29:12,359 --> 00:29:14,361 Cool. What's it about? 591 00:29:14,491 --> 00:29:16,363 Uh, what's with the camera? 592 00:29:16,493 --> 00:29:17,930 Oh, um, you know what? 593 00:29:18,060 --> 00:29:21,760 Sh, sh, sh. It is part of the process. 594 00:29:24,153 --> 00:29:25,285 Okay. 595 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:29,419 It's basically a simple love story 596 00:29:29,550 --> 00:29:32,205 centering around Halley and me 597 00:29:32,335 --> 00:29:34,773 as her ex-boyfriend Michael Chernus. 598 00:29:34,903 --> 00:29:36,470 We're the leads. 599 00:29:37,427 --> 00:29:38,864 And, um... 600 00:29:39,299 --> 00:29:40,866 Vanessa Williams. 601 00:29:42,563 --> 00:29:43,912 Uh-huh. 602 00:29:44,478 --> 00:29:48,264 So, you guys play boyfriend and girlfriend? 603 00:29:48,395 --> 00:29:49,962 -Yes. -Yes. 604 00:29:50,092 --> 00:29:50,963 -In the movie? -[Halley] It's okay, he's gay. 605 00:29:51,093 --> 00:29:52,312 No one will care. 606 00:29:52,442 --> 00:29:54,531 Okay, actually Halley, could you not 607 00:29:55,228 --> 00:29:56,838 film me right now? 608 00:29:56,969 --> 00:29:58,448 I-- I don't really feel comfortable with that. 609 00:29:58,840 --> 00:30:00,886 [Halley] Did you see Capturing the Friedmans? 610 00:30:01,321 --> 00:30:02,322 Yeah. 611 00:30:02,452 --> 00:30:03,497 [Halley] This is like that. 612 00:30:05,064 --> 00:30:06,456 Okay, whatever. 613 00:30:06,587 --> 00:30:08,981 So, what Halley and I were just pondering today 614 00:30:09,111 --> 00:30:12,506 over cycling, box wine, and ambulance visit. 615 00:30:13,463 --> 00:30:15,378 Would you be into directing it? 616 00:30:15,509 --> 00:30:17,119 [laughing] No. 617 00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:19,252 What? Direct what? What is there to direct? 618 00:30:23,386 --> 00:30:24,518 [sighing] 619 00:30:26,476 --> 00:30:29,175 Babe, can I talk to you in private for a second? 620 00:30:29,305 --> 00:30:31,003 Um, okay. 621 00:30:37,357 --> 00:30:38,445 I really don't understand what it is 622 00:30:38,575 --> 00:30:40,099 you're asking me to do here. 623 00:30:40,229 --> 00:30:41,883 First off, I would like it if you support me. 624 00:30:42,014 --> 00:30:44,146 -I do support you. -Okay great, thanks. Thank you. 625 00:30:44,277 --> 00:30:45,887 And secondly, I need you more than anything 626 00:30:46,018 --> 00:30:47,149 to help us with this 627 00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:48,847 because I've had a lot of rejections 628 00:30:48,977 --> 00:30:50,283 and I just need to do something important. 629 00:30:50,413 --> 00:30:52,328 And if we don't do this as a team, 630 00:30:52,459 --> 00:30:53,939 it'll never happen. 631 00:30:54,069 --> 00:30:55,331 And I will never amount to anything more 632 00:30:55,462 --> 00:30:57,203 than Jules Feiffer's son who Went to Julliard 633 00:30:57,333 --> 00:31:00,467 for a decade, and dated that gay guy from Ugly Betty. 634 00:31:00,597 --> 00:31:02,034 Okay, okay, okay. 635 00:31:02,164 --> 00:31:03,513 Sh. Let's just say 636 00:31:03,644 --> 00:31:04,993 that I will help you guys brainstorm this movie. 637 00:31:05,124 --> 00:31:06,995 Okay? And we can take one step at a time. 638 00:31:07,126 --> 00:31:08,997 -Okay, great, thanks. Thank you. -Great. 639 00:31:09,128 --> 00:31:11,434 B-- But the Sand Dune screenwriter's lab deadline 640 00:31:11,565 --> 00:31:12,958 is in two weeks. 641 00:31:13,088 --> 00:31:14,481 And we have to make that deadline. 642 00:31:14,611 --> 00:31:17,527 What-- what do we have to do for the deadline? 643 00:31:17,658 --> 00:31:19,268 Um, the first ten pages of scripts 644 00:31:19,399 --> 00:31:22,924 a letter of intent, and to set ours apart, 645 00:31:23,055 --> 00:31:25,884 We want to film a five minute teaser trailer. 646 00:31:26,014 --> 00:31:27,407 -Teaser trailer? -Support me! 647 00:31:27,537 --> 00:31:29,061 Okay. Okay. 648 00:31:29,191 --> 00:31:31,367 But God, does Halley have to play herself? 649 00:31:31,498 --> 00:31:33,456 Couldn't we get like Mamie Gummer? 650 00:31:33,587 --> 00:31:35,502 -Michael! -Okay, okay, okay. 651 00:31:36,024 --> 00:31:37,939 I will help you guys with your teaser trailer. 652 00:31:38,070 --> 00:31:39,288 We'll see how that goes. 653 00:31:39,419 --> 00:31:41,203 And then we'll move from there. Okay? 654 00:31:41,334 --> 00:31:42,465 Dealsies. 655 00:31:42,596 --> 00:31:45,294 -[Halley laughing] -[loud crashing] 656 00:31:46,992 --> 00:31:48,558 -Halley, oh my God! -Oh no! 657 00:31:48,689 --> 00:31:50,343 Halley! 658 00:31:51,431 --> 00:31:52,562 Bye! 659 00:31:52,693 --> 00:31:55,043 Thank you for my bandages. 660 00:31:55,174 --> 00:31:56,566 See you soon. 661 00:31:56,697 --> 00:31:58,612 Text me if you're lonely. 662 00:31:58,742 --> 00:32:01,136 What are you doing for thanksgiving? 663 00:32:01,267 --> 00:32:03,922 Why did he say that was your last 9-1-1 visit? 664 00:32:04,052 --> 00:32:06,098 I think he has a drinking problem. 665 00:32:06,228 --> 00:32:08,230 It's really sad, actually. 666 00:32:08,361 --> 00:32:09,536 Tracee? 667 00:32:09,666 --> 00:32:11,059 Tracee! 668 00:32:11,190 --> 00:32:13,235 Oh my God! Tracee! 669 00:32:13,366 --> 00:32:16,238 [screaming] 670 00:32:19,372 --> 00:32:21,287 I haven't seen you since the show ended. 671 00:32:21,417 --> 00:32:24,029 Are you out running errands for Ben Stiller? 672 00:32:24,159 --> 00:32:25,900 Yeah, he has me running all around town, 673 00:32:26,031 --> 00:32:27,554 buying specially engraved iPods 674 00:32:27,684 --> 00:32:29,208 for his housekeepers. 675 00:32:29,338 --> 00:32:31,427 Ugh, you are so lucky you get to assist 676 00:32:31,558 --> 00:32:34,082 such a dream boat of a movie star. 677 00:32:34,213 --> 00:32:35,605 Does he ever... 678 00:32:36,258 --> 00:32:38,043 ask about me? 679 00:32:38,173 --> 00:32:39,958 No, Halley. 680 00:32:40,088 --> 00:32:42,699 His experience on Broadway with you was not very positive. 681 00:32:42,830 --> 00:32:45,398 Okay, well, if he does ever change his mind 682 00:32:45,528 --> 00:32:46,660 about my HJ offer, 683 00:32:46,790 --> 00:32:48,444 I would totally check my avail. 684 00:32:48,923 --> 00:32:51,360 -What's up with your face? -Um, it's for a part. 685 00:32:51,491 --> 00:32:54,363 Are you gonna meet Ben Stiller right now, by any chance? 686 00:32:54,494 --> 00:32:57,497 Yes, he's rented a holistic colonic studio 687 00:32:57,627 --> 00:32:59,978 for his whole family and staff for Labor Day, 688 00:33:00,108 --> 00:33:02,545 so we're gonna go have dinner and go over there, why? 689 00:33:02,676 --> 00:33:04,634 Oh, please, please, please, can I come? Please, please, please. 690 00:33:04,765 --> 00:33:06,332 -No, Halley. -Please, please. 691 00:33:06,462 --> 00:33:08,116 -No! -Please, please. 692 00:33:08,247 --> 00:33:09,509 No! 693 00:33:09,639 --> 00:33:12,381 Hey Halley, we're gonna go back upstairs! 694 00:33:12,512 --> 00:33:14,688 Okay, bye Master Urie. 695 00:33:14,818 --> 00:33:18,735 So good seeing you, thank you so much for directing my movie. 696 00:33:18,866 --> 00:33:23,044 -Bye, Tracee! -Bye, Ryan! 697 00:33:23,175 --> 00:33:24,654 -What movie? -I'll tell you all about it 698 00:33:24,785 --> 00:33:26,395 on our way to meet Master Stiller. 699 00:33:28,484 --> 00:33:30,225 [Tracee] Can you see my tits in this thing? 700 00:33:30,356 --> 00:33:32,575 [Halley] Yeah, your nipples look really good and hard. 701 00:33:32,706 --> 00:33:34,969 -Like little baby fingertips. -Really? 702 00:33:35,100 --> 00:33:37,145 -[phone dinging] -Thank you. 703 00:33:37,276 --> 00:33:38,451 Who are you texting? 704 00:33:38,581 --> 00:33:40,496 Okay, so I'm texting with Stiller. 705 00:33:40,627 --> 00:33:42,281 I know, and he said he's not coming to dinner, 706 00:33:42,411 --> 00:33:43,369 now that you've crashed. 707 00:33:43,499 --> 00:33:45,023 What? 708 00:33:45,153 --> 00:33:46,676 Well Halley, the last time you saw him, 709 00:33:46,807 --> 00:33:48,722 you asked him if you could make a semen milkshake 710 00:33:48,852 --> 00:33:50,158 with his seed. 711 00:33:50,767 --> 00:33:52,465 It'll make a really good shake. 712 00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:55,163 But regardless, did you ask him 713 00:33:55,294 --> 00:33:57,165 if he wants a life changing role in my movie? 714 00:33:57,818 --> 00:34:00,516 Yeah, he said his eardrums were clicking last night, 715 00:34:00,647 --> 00:34:02,997 so he didn't get much sleep, so he can't do the movie. 716 00:34:03,128 --> 00:34:04,129 Lame. 717 00:34:04,259 --> 00:34:06,566 -Yeah. -Thanks. 718 00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:11,353 Oh. No, no, no honey. 719 00:34:11,484 --> 00:34:13,529 No sugar, no fructose. 720 00:34:13,660 --> 00:34:15,662 I have an eating disorder. 721 00:34:21,842 --> 00:34:24,062 Way to set a boundary, girlfriend. 722 00:34:24,192 --> 00:34:26,499 I'm so proud of you, I think it's so progressive 723 00:34:26,629 --> 00:34:29,110 how open you are about your anorexia and bulimia. 724 00:34:29,545 --> 00:34:31,199 Thank you. 725 00:34:31,330 --> 00:34:33,375 You know they do say that the first step to recovery 726 00:34:33,506 --> 00:34:35,682 is actually admitting that you have a problem. 727 00:34:35,812 --> 00:34:38,685 Yeah, maybe we can be roommates in rehab. 728 00:34:38,815 --> 00:34:40,556 [laughing] 729 00:34:40,687 --> 00:34:43,516 Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom and change my tampon 730 00:34:43,646 --> 00:34:45,387 and maybe wash my hands. BRB. 731 00:35:08,367 --> 00:35:09,498 [phone ringing] 732 00:35:09,629 --> 00:35:11,109 [Jesse] Hey, this is Jesse. 733 00:35:11,239 --> 00:35:12,240 Leave a message, I'll get back to you 734 00:35:12,371 --> 00:35:13,720 as soon as possible, thanks. 735 00:35:13,850 --> 00:35:17,289 Hey Jesse, it's Halley again, um... 736 00:35:17,419 --> 00:35:23,121 I have some very exciting news to tell you, um. 737 00:35:23,251 --> 00:35:25,514 There's some super amazing stuff 738 00:35:25,645 --> 00:35:27,342 going on in my life right now. 739 00:35:27,473 --> 00:35:31,129 I can really use a friend to share all this bounty with. 740 00:35:31,564 --> 00:35:32,652 Anywho. 741 00:35:33,087 --> 00:35:36,569 I was just having a drink 742 00:35:36,699 --> 00:35:38,440 and I'm thinking of you. 743 00:35:38,571 --> 00:35:40,529 I remember how much fun we had 744 00:35:40,660 --> 00:35:43,228 in between set ups on The Squid and the Whale. 745 00:35:44,098 --> 00:35:46,666 That must have seemed like a million years ago for you. 746 00:35:46,796 --> 00:35:49,321 You've done so many movies since then. 747 00:35:49,451 --> 00:35:50,844 But, um... 748 00:35:53,412 --> 00:35:54,804 Sometimes when things are really good, 749 00:35:54,935 --> 00:35:57,155 you can feel really lonely. 750 00:36:00,549 --> 00:36:03,944 I wonder if that's how you felt on Oscar night. 751 00:36:05,859 --> 00:36:08,427 I hope it isn't, but um... 752 00:36:09,036 --> 00:36:11,256 If it is, I just want you to know. 753 00:36:14,650 --> 00:36:17,566 You're not alone. [laughing] 754 00:36:18,915 --> 00:36:20,526 Anyway. 755 00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:23,268 That's all, I love you. 756 00:36:26,358 --> 00:36:28,621 Hope you're doing good, peanut. 757 00:36:34,627 --> 00:36:36,716 -Are you okay? -Oh yeah, totally. 758 00:36:36,846 --> 00:36:39,414 Um, so now that the Stillmeister is out, 759 00:36:39,545 --> 00:36:41,634 who's gonna play Ryan's part in my movie? 760 00:36:41,764 --> 00:36:44,637 Tracee, we have to get someone more famous than Ryan. 761 00:36:44,767 --> 00:36:46,508 I mean, can you imagine walking down the street 762 00:36:46,639 --> 00:36:49,642 and passing a movie poster with Ryan's face on it? 763 00:36:49,772 --> 00:36:50,904 Ew! 764 00:36:51,034 --> 00:36:52,688 No one would go see that movie. 765 00:36:52,819 --> 00:36:54,951 Let me lob this idea to you and see what you bite. 766 00:36:55,082 --> 00:36:57,867 In exchange for an executive producer credit, 767 00:36:57,998 --> 00:36:59,521 how would it tickle you 768 00:36:59,652 --> 00:37:01,697 if I were to contact my dear friend 769 00:37:01,828 --> 00:37:04,483 and genius, Ralph Macchio. 770 00:37:11,316 --> 00:37:13,883 Stay golden, Ponyboy. 771 00:37:14,928 --> 00:37:16,843 Stay golden. 772 00:37:21,587 --> 00:37:24,633 [coughing] 773 00:37:24,764 --> 00:37:27,419 Don't die on me, Johnny. 774 00:37:27,854 --> 00:37:29,290 Don't die. 775 00:37:30,900 --> 00:37:34,948 Come on, Johnny. Don't die. 776 00:37:36,079 --> 00:37:40,519 Don't die on me, Johnny. Don't die! 777 00:37:41,694 --> 00:37:43,826 Johnny, come on! 778 00:37:45,045 --> 00:37:47,352 So, this is what you get. 779 00:37:47,874 --> 00:37:51,269 This is what you get for helping people. 780 00:37:51,704 --> 00:37:54,272 Oh, bastards! 781 00:37:55,011 --> 00:38:01,931 No! 782 00:38:04,586 --> 00:38:06,022 That was a dramatization 783 00:38:06,153 --> 00:38:08,764 of my favorite scene from The Outsiders 784 00:38:08,895 --> 00:38:12,333 starring Ralph Macchio as a gentle beast. 785 00:38:12,464 --> 00:38:13,769 Wow. 786 00:38:13,900 --> 00:38:15,858 Hand me the Karate Kid on a silver platter 787 00:38:15,989 --> 00:38:17,730 wearing only a doily 788 00:38:17,860 --> 00:38:20,428 and you've got yourself an EP credit. 789 00:38:21,124 --> 00:38:23,823 We are gonna win Oscars. 790 00:38:24,519 --> 00:38:25,564 Cheers! 791 00:38:25,694 --> 00:38:28,480 [applause] 792 00:38:28,610 --> 00:38:31,657 ♪ There's no business like show business ♪ 793 00:38:31,787 --> 00:38:35,704 ♪ Like no business I know 794 00:38:35,835 --> 00:38:38,446 ♪ Nowhere can you get that happy feeling ♪ 795 00:38:38,577 --> 00:38:40,579 [feedback] 796 00:38:41,971 --> 00:38:46,324 ♪ There's no people like show people ♪ 797 00:38:46,454 --> 00:38:49,414 ♪ They smile when they are low 798 00:38:49,544 --> 00:38:51,764 Mr. Feiffer, so good to see you. 799 00:38:51,894 --> 00:38:54,114 Thank you for letting us shoot at your house. 800 00:38:59,946 --> 00:39:02,427 -Mm, is this is my prop beer? -Yes ma'am. 801 00:39:02,557 --> 00:39:04,472 Oh, awesome. Can we swap it out for a real beer? 802 00:39:04,864 --> 00:39:07,388 [laughing] 803 00:39:08,520 --> 00:39:09,738 No. 804 00:39:09,869 --> 00:39:11,740 -Okay, what about a light beer? -No. 805 00:39:11,871 --> 00:39:14,352 Okay, listen. my friend worked at Harry and the Hendersons, 806 00:39:14,482 --> 00:39:16,484 and she said that John Lithgow. 807 00:39:16,615 --> 00:39:18,007 does coke on all his sets. 808 00:39:18,138 --> 00:39:19,357 Right. 809 00:39:19,487 --> 00:39:20,619 She said that John Lithgow does 810 00:39:20,749 --> 00:39:22,360 coke in the middle of scenes 811 00:39:22,490 --> 00:39:23,491 while they're filming and you can not even tell. 812 00:39:23,622 --> 00:39:25,101 -Okay. -Okay, it's my dad's 813 00:39:25,232 --> 00:39:27,626 country estate and I can do whatever I want, so. 814 00:39:28,496 --> 00:39:29,541 Thank you. 815 00:39:31,151 --> 00:39:34,023 [mischievous orchestral instrumental] 816 00:39:34,154 --> 00:39:39,377 ♪ 817 00:39:46,819 --> 00:39:48,603 Hey Halley, how's it going? 818 00:39:48,734 --> 00:39:50,736 Tracee, how do you think it's going? 819 00:39:50,866 --> 00:39:53,391 There's no rosé, there's no birthday cake. 820 00:39:53,521 --> 00:39:55,871 I know I specifically asked for a claw-footed bathtub, 821 00:39:56,002 --> 00:39:57,786 complete with resplendent bubbles. 822 00:39:57,917 --> 00:40:00,398 And low-fat muffins? 823 00:40:00,528 --> 00:40:01,529 Serves me right to ask 824 00:40:01,660 --> 00:40:02,965 the anorexic bulimic girl to 825 00:40:03,096 --> 00:40:04,924 stock the craft services table. 826 00:40:05,054 --> 00:40:07,622 Okay, look, we still haven't heard from Macchio. 827 00:40:07,753 --> 00:40:09,885 No, no, no, no, no! 828 00:40:10,016 --> 00:40:12,845 I can't shoot any scenes with my brother. 829 00:40:12,975 --> 00:40:15,543 He's terrible. It would be like doing theater in Los Angeles. 830 00:40:15,674 --> 00:40:18,503 Okay, just start shooting with that. 831 00:40:20,722 --> 00:40:23,595 And you know, once we get Ralph, and we will get Ralph, 832 00:40:23,725 --> 00:40:25,684 we'll just impose him in with reshoots 833 00:40:25,814 --> 00:40:28,513 or green screens or mirrors or CGI or something. 834 00:40:28,643 --> 00:40:30,993 Okay, I'm trusting you with my life, Tracee. 835 00:40:31,124 --> 00:40:34,867 The Sand Dune screenwriter's lab dead line is in ten days. 836 00:40:35,694 --> 00:40:37,826 My word is my oyster. 837 00:40:41,743 --> 00:40:42,744 Hey, Halley. 838 00:40:42,875 --> 00:40:44,137 -Oh, hey. -Hey, um, 839 00:40:44,267 --> 00:40:46,008 can I-- can I talk to you for a second? 840 00:40:46,139 --> 00:40:47,836 Yeah. Totally. 841 00:40:47,967 --> 00:40:49,925 Can I get a PA to make you some coffee or something? 842 00:40:50,056 --> 00:40:51,405 We have a devolumaker. 843 00:40:51,536 --> 00:40:53,407 Whoa. A devolumaker? 844 00:40:53,538 --> 00:40:54,974 Yeah, Stiller's idea. 845 00:40:55,540 --> 00:40:57,019 -Wait, what? -Yeah. 846 00:40:57,150 --> 00:40:59,239 He wanted it, according to Tracee. 847 00:40:59,848 --> 00:41:01,763 Wait, Ben Stiller? -Yeah. 848 00:41:01,894 --> 00:41:03,112 He got us a check. 849 00:41:03,243 --> 00:41:05,854 -Isn't that rad? -No, shut the front door. 850 00:41:06,246 --> 00:41:07,639 Wait, Tracee didn't tell you 851 00:41:07,769 --> 00:41:09,858 that Ben Stiller is subsidizing the film? 852 00:41:15,995 --> 00:41:18,040 Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about 853 00:41:18,171 --> 00:41:20,608 -Mm-hmm, -was I would just love it 854 00:41:20,739 --> 00:41:24,482 if, you know, for the-- for the rest of today, you could-- 855 00:41:24,612 --> 00:41:26,571 you could really try to stay focused 856 00:41:26,701 --> 00:41:27,963 -because-- -Sorry? 857 00:41:28,094 --> 00:41:29,138 You know, this really means a lot to me. 858 00:41:29,269 --> 00:41:31,576 -Aw, so sweet. -Thanks. 859 00:41:31,706 --> 00:41:33,099 You know, it's like my one chance. 860 00:41:33,229 --> 00:41:34,883 -So exciting. -It is. Very exciting. 861 00:41:35,014 --> 00:41:37,451 And I-- I think you and I should um, you know, 862 00:41:37,582 --> 00:41:39,192 be able to trust each other. 863 00:41:39,322 --> 00:41:43,501 I took a weekend long workshop on trust at an ashram upstate. 864 00:41:43,631 --> 00:41:45,764 And action. 865 00:41:45,894 --> 00:41:47,156 We're not even on set. 866 00:41:47,287 --> 00:41:48,941 I'm walking, walking to set. 867 00:41:49,071 --> 00:41:50,725 Walking on to a hot set. 868 00:41:51,726 --> 00:41:52,727 What? 869 00:41:53,249 --> 00:41:54,773 What's a hot set? 870 00:41:56,775 --> 00:41:59,473 The Untitled Greenlight Halley Feiffer Vehicle. 871 00:41:59,604 --> 00:42:00,866 Promo Trailer Project. 872 00:42:00,996 --> 00:42:03,085 [indistinct] roll scene one, apple. 873 00:42:03,216 --> 00:42:04,783 Take one, marker. 874 00:42:08,047 --> 00:42:09,962 Everybody settle. 875 00:42:10,353 --> 00:42:13,008 Here we go, and action. 876 00:42:14,836 --> 00:42:16,664 -Hey Michael, you want-- -[beeping] 877 00:42:17,665 --> 00:42:21,930 [medical machine heaving] 878 00:42:22,061 --> 00:42:24,977 All right, going again, sorry. 879 00:42:25,455 --> 00:42:26,935 Yeah, going again. 880 00:42:28,981 --> 00:42:30,852 -Hey Michael, you-- -[beeping] 881 00:42:30,983 --> 00:42:34,900 [medical machine heaving] 882 00:42:35,030 --> 00:42:36,771 Cut, cut, cut. 883 00:42:37,293 --> 00:42:39,905 No. Uh, nurse Martha. 884 00:42:40,035 --> 00:42:43,517 Can you-- can you fix my mustache? 885 00:42:43,648 --> 00:42:45,214 -Yes, Halley? -Hi. 886 00:42:45,345 --> 00:42:47,042 Um, can we unplugged Dad's breathing machine real quick? 887 00:42:47,173 --> 00:42:48,522 It'll be just like a second. 888 00:42:48,653 --> 00:42:50,742 -Uh... -Dad, is it okay with you? 889 00:42:50,872 --> 00:42:52,874 No, Halley, no, no. 890 00:42:53,005 --> 00:42:54,049 It's fine, we don't need 891 00:42:54,180 --> 00:42:55,268 to unplug the breathing machine. 892 00:42:55,398 --> 00:42:57,096 -Really? -Yeah, yeah, it's fine. 893 00:42:57,226 --> 00:42:59,577 Why don't you just head back to set? It's totally fine. 894 00:42:59,707 --> 00:43:00,926 [Halley] You're the boss. 895 00:43:01,056 --> 00:43:02,580 -All right. -Going again? 896 00:43:02,710 --> 00:43:03,885 Can you move? 897 00:43:04,016 --> 00:43:05,583 -Thank you. -Is everything okay? 898 00:43:05,713 --> 00:43:07,541 [Halley] Yes, Ryan. It's not about you. 899 00:43:07,672 --> 00:43:09,151 All right, going again. 900 00:43:09,282 --> 00:43:12,198 The "Untitled Greenlight Halley Feiffer Vehicle Porno--" 901 00:43:12,764 --> 00:43:16,724 Promo Trailer Project. Take two, mark. 902 00:43:17,159 --> 00:43:18,247 [Michael Urie] Here we go. 903 00:43:18,378 --> 00:43:21,599 Very still, and action! 904 00:43:23,209 --> 00:43:25,211 Hey Michael, you want to try it in my butt again? 905 00:43:25,341 --> 00:43:27,300 Halley, no I don't. 906 00:43:27,430 --> 00:43:29,171 [East European accent] We only have a couple of weeks left 907 00:43:29,302 --> 00:43:30,738 -to get this draft done. -Cut, cut. 908 00:43:30,869 --> 00:43:32,827 Ryan, why are you talking like that? 909 00:43:32,958 --> 00:43:34,176 Because I did a little research. 910 00:43:34,307 --> 00:43:35,917 Googled Chernus. 911 00:43:36,048 --> 00:43:37,789 He's eastern European. 912 00:43:37,919 --> 00:43:39,573 From Russia. 913 00:43:39,704 --> 00:43:41,270 Chekov, Smirnoff. 914 00:43:41,401 --> 00:43:44,883 Stop it, you sound like an asshole. 915 00:43:45,013 --> 00:43:47,189 Didn't you listen to Austin Penddleton's dialect tapes 916 00:43:47,320 --> 00:43:48,713 like I told you to? 917 00:43:48,843 --> 00:43:51,106 Ah, Michael, I can't do this, Michael. 918 00:43:52,064 --> 00:43:53,631 [Michael Urie] Halley. 919 00:43:53,761 --> 00:43:56,285 Yeah, I can't do this. This is-- Stop it Ryan! 920 00:43:56,416 --> 00:43:58,636 This is horrible. We have to stop now. 921 00:43:58,766 --> 00:44:00,768 It's okay Halley, let's just keep going. 922 00:44:00,899 --> 00:44:01,943 It sounds okay? 923 00:44:02,074 --> 00:44:03,641 Yeah, it's fine. 924 00:44:03,771 --> 00:44:05,207 Don't believe you. 925 00:44:05,338 --> 00:44:08,080 Let's keep going, okay? Let's keep going, okay! 926 00:44:08,210 --> 00:44:10,256 Okay! Don't have to yell! 927 00:44:11,039 --> 00:44:12,345 Thank you, Michael. 928 00:44:12,737 --> 00:44:14,216 -Yeah. -Thank you, Michael. 929 00:44:14,347 --> 00:44:15,609 Here we go. 930 00:44:15,740 --> 00:44:17,742 Can you just give me one second? 931 00:44:20,048 --> 00:44:21,180 Michael. 932 00:44:22,050 --> 00:44:23,704 She's really thirsty. 933 00:44:27,926 --> 00:44:29,318 All right, I'm ready to go again. 934 00:44:29,449 --> 00:44:30,624 -Here we go. -Ready? 935 00:44:30,755 --> 00:44:32,104 Yes, and... 936 00:44:32,234 --> 00:44:33,932 Action. 937 00:44:34,062 --> 00:44:35,673 Hey Michael, you want to try it in my butt again? 938 00:44:35,803 --> 00:44:37,370 Yup, sorry-- I just-- Moving ahead. 939 00:44:37,500 --> 00:44:39,111 -Halley, please. -Moving ahead! 940 00:44:39,241 --> 00:44:40,765 You want to... 941 00:44:41,374 --> 00:44:43,115 drunk dial Ryan, cocksucker? 942 00:44:43,245 --> 00:44:44,638 [laughing] 943 00:44:44,769 --> 00:44:46,118 [Ryan] Yeah, that's really funny. 944 00:44:46,248 --> 00:44:47,772 Cut! Cut! 945 00:44:47,902 --> 00:44:49,338 Tracee. 946 00:44:49,469 --> 00:44:51,297 Could you go in there please and smell her beer? 947 00:44:51,427 --> 00:44:52,820 -[indistinct], please. -Yeah, copy that. 948 00:44:52,951 --> 00:44:55,431 I-- No, I'm ready to go again. 949 00:44:55,562 --> 00:44:57,869 -Now. -All right, flying in. 950 00:44:57,999 --> 00:44:59,392 10-1, everybody. 951 00:44:59,522 --> 00:45:01,699 -I'm stepping on to a hot set. -Wait. 952 00:45:01,829 --> 00:45:03,309 Tracee, what are you doing in the scene? 953 00:45:03,439 --> 00:45:05,006 You come in later, you're not in the scene. Come later. 954 00:45:05,137 --> 00:45:06,181 I know, I need your prop. 955 00:45:06,312 --> 00:45:07,792 But Why? They're my prop. 956 00:45:07,922 --> 00:45:10,229 I-- I know you do, but I need to take it. 957 00:45:10,359 --> 00:45:12,144 No! -I'm sorry, honey. 958 00:45:12,274 --> 00:45:13,885 -What? No! -Halley! 959 00:45:14,015 --> 00:45:15,974 -No! Ow! -No! 960 00:45:16,104 --> 00:45:18,019 -Stop it! -[screaming] 961 00:45:18,150 --> 00:45:19,412 Jesus. 962 00:45:19,542 --> 00:45:21,980 -[feedback] -Ow, ow, ow, ow! 963 00:45:25,070 --> 00:45:26,854 Halley, you hurt me! 964 00:45:26,985 --> 00:45:28,900 Well, you hurt me everyday! Let's keep making the movie. 965 00:45:29,030 --> 00:45:31,903 -I'm so mad right now. -Halley, whoa, whoa, whoa. 966 00:45:32,033 --> 00:45:33,469 Everybody's here, there's too many people. 967 00:45:33,600 --> 00:45:36,124 I don't understand. It's a closed set, Michael. 968 00:45:36,255 --> 00:45:38,300 Ryan, Ryan. Babe, are you okay? 969 00:45:38,431 --> 00:45:40,085 [Ryan] No, she really hurt me. 970 00:45:40,215 --> 00:45:41,913 Tracee, get me some more rosé. 971 00:45:42,043 --> 00:45:43,392 No, no, no. No rosé. 972 00:45:43,523 --> 00:45:44,959 No, no. 973 00:45:45,090 --> 00:45:46,395 -What? -[Ryan] Oh no. 974 00:45:46,526 --> 00:45:49,050 -Oh, God. -[vomiting] 975 00:45:49,181 --> 00:45:52,140 Oh, Halley, come on. 976 00:45:52,271 --> 00:45:54,752 -[electricity crackling] -[shouting] 977 00:45:54,882 --> 00:45:56,971 -Get away! -[Tracee] Something's burning. 978 00:45:57,102 --> 00:45:58,190 Cut. 979 00:45:59,104 --> 00:46:00,801 It's not good at all. 980 00:46:00,932 --> 00:46:02,368 -Halley? -I love you guys. 981 00:46:02,498 --> 00:46:04,413 There's a little bit right here. 982 00:46:06,851 --> 00:46:08,722 [Halley] Hola,hello. 983 00:46:08,853 --> 00:46:09,984 Bon giornio. 984 00:46:10,855 --> 00:46:12,030 Jambo. 985 00:46:12,421 --> 00:46:17,862 My name is Halley Feiffer and I am not an alcoholic. 986 00:46:17,992 --> 00:46:22,127 I just really love drinking. 987 00:46:22,257 --> 00:46:23,955 [all] Hi. 988 00:46:24,085 --> 00:46:26,435 Mi es aquipronto because I'm making a movie 989 00:46:26,566 --> 00:46:29,264 and my putabrother and his gay boyfriend. 990 00:46:29,395 --> 00:46:30,831 said I have to come here 991 00:46:30,962 --> 00:46:32,441 if I want to keep being in the movie, so. 992 00:46:32,572 --> 00:46:35,009 Oh and since you're all wondering, 993 00:46:35,140 --> 00:46:37,142 that was me in The Squid and the Whale. 994 00:46:37,272 --> 00:46:40,319 So please respect my anonymity a propos of that. 995 00:46:40,449 --> 00:46:42,887 -Okay. -Yeah. 996 00:46:44,105 --> 00:46:46,238 Do you want a 24-hour coin? 997 00:46:46,368 --> 00:46:47,369 -Are they free? -Oh yeah. 998 00:46:47,500 --> 00:46:49,110 Oh, then definitely. 999 00:46:52,418 --> 00:46:56,857 Okay. Passing this really slowly, thank you. 1000 00:47:11,263 --> 00:47:12,960 Oh my, God. What? 1001 00:47:13,091 --> 00:47:14,962 Natasha Lyonne? 1002 00:47:15,093 --> 00:47:17,965 Teen Choice breakout star from The Slums of Beverly Hills? 1003 00:47:18,096 --> 00:47:19,488 That's why it's anonymous. 1004 00:47:19,619 --> 00:47:21,360 I'm so sorry. 1005 00:47:21,490 --> 00:47:23,841 I will totally respect your anonymity 1006 00:47:23,971 --> 00:47:25,973 a propos of your American Piefilms. 1007 00:47:26,104 --> 00:47:29,324 All right, why don't we close out with a serenity prayer? 1008 00:47:29,455 --> 00:47:30,586 Pass those back. 1009 00:47:30,717 --> 00:47:32,893 Oh, I'll do whatever you say. 1010 00:47:37,158 --> 00:47:39,117 [Natasha] I'm happy to hear about your dog. 1011 00:47:42,511 --> 00:47:44,035 You got a sponsor? 1012 00:47:44,165 --> 00:47:47,386 What? No, I've never had sex with a woman. 1013 00:47:47,516 --> 00:47:49,127 -Huh? -Sorry, 1014 00:47:49,257 --> 00:47:51,303 I was just enchanted by your voluminous eyelashes 1015 00:47:51,433 --> 00:47:53,044 and impressive resume. 1016 00:47:53,174 --> 00:47:55,176 -What did you ask me? -Do you have a sponsor? 1017 00:47:55,307 --> 00:47:58,484 Um, oh! No, I'm not really an alcoholic. 1018 00:47:58,614 --> 00:48:00,573 Well, you look like an alcoholic. 1019 00:48:01,008 --> 00:48:02,444 Listen, if you want somebody to talk to, 1020 00:48:02,575 --> 00:48:04,055 you know, just answer your questions, 1021 00:48:04,185 --> 00:48:05,491 take you through the steps, 1022 00:48:05,621 --> 00:48:06,884 I'd be happy to work with you. 1023 00:48:07,014 --> 00:48:08,450 -Really? -Yeah. 1024 00:48:08,581 --> 00:48:10,322 Every time you want to go grab a drink or something, 1025 00:48:10,452 --> 00:48:12,237 you know, hit me up. Just kidding. I don't drink anymore. 1026 00:48:12,367 --> 00:48:14,282 -Anyway, here's my number. -Is this your agent's number? 1027 00:48:14,413 --> 00:48:15,501 No, it's my cellphone number. 1028 00:48:15,631 --> 00:48:16,981 Think you can smoke in here? 1029 00:48:17,111 --> 00:48:18,199 Uh... 1030 00:48:28,427 --> 00:48:29,471 Bye, guys! 1031 00:48:29,602 --> 00:48:31,038 Keep coming back! 1032 00:48:31,169 --> 00:48:32,561 I'm talking to you. 1033 00:48:33,345 --> 00:48:37,262 Oh my God, Ryan, this 12 step thing is so awesome. 1034 00:48:37,392 --> 00:48:40,221 I totally got Natasha Lyonne from But I'm A Cheerleader 1035 00:48:40,352 --> 00:48:41,570 to be my sponsor! 1036 00:48:41,701 --> 00:48:43,268 I'm gonna go to every meeting in town 1037 00:48:43,398 --> 00:48:45,966 and find my entire cast. 'Kay, bye. 1038 00:48:46,097 --> 00:48:49,927 [humming] 1039 00:48:54,192 --> 00:48:55,933 Oh God, no. 1040 00:48:56,063 --> 00:48:58,065 Ah! Oh, my Buddha! 1041 00:48:58,196 --> 00:48:59,545 -[Halley screaming] -This isn't happening. 1042 00:48:59,675 --> 00:49:01,286 Ben! Ben! 1043 00:49:01,416 --> 00:49:04,071 Big hug, big hug! Ben, remember me from Broadway? 1044 00:49:04,202 --> 00:49:05,681 -Remember me from Broadway? -Hi, Halley. 1045 00:49:05,812 --> 00:49:08,597 Oh, it's Halley, but you can call me whatever you want. 1046 00:49:08,728 --> 00:49:11,122 How are you doing? You look so good. You look so tan. 1047 00:49:11,252 --> 00:49:13,080 Were you in Hawaii? I know you have a house there. 1048 00:49:13,211 --> 00:49:15,082 Was it nice? Did you go snorkeling? 1049 00:49:15,213 --> 00:49:16,605 Anyway, how are you? What are you doing? 1050 00:49:16,736 --> 00:49:18,085 Are you on your way to a meeting? 1051 00:49:18,216 --> 00:49:19,521 Like a big movie meeting? 1052 00:49:19,652 --> 00:49:21,393 What are you meeting about? Greenberg 2? 1053 00:49:21,523 --> 00:49:23,438 Do you need someone to fill in for the Greta Gerwig role? 1054 00:49:23,569 --> 00:49:25,092 She's so hot right now. 1055 00:49:25,223 --> 00:49:26,920 Oh, my God. I'm obviously so jealous of her, 1056 00:49:27,051 --> 00:49:28,487 but just trying to be nice. 1057 00:49:29,227 --> 00:49:30,358 Can you go? 1058 00:49:30,489 --> 00:49:32,143 -Oh, yeah. -Bye. 1059 00:49:32,273 --> 00:49:33,927 Bye. Oh, no, wait, wait. Roll down the window really, 1060 00:49:34,058 --> 00:49:35,363 -Really quick. Really quick. -What? 1061 00:49:35,494 --> 00:49:37,322 It means a lot that you're talking to me 1062 00:49:37,452 --> 00:49:39,150 because I really thought you would never speak to me again 1063 00:49:39,280 --> 00:49:41,413 after I asked you to throw your hotdog down my hallways. 1064 00:49:41,543 --> 00:49:43,719 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1065 00:49:45,721 --> 00:49:47,985 I can't do this, you're too upsetting to me. 1066 00:49:48,115 --> 00:49:50,117 Oh, muscles. 1067 00:49:50,248 --> 00:49:51,466 Oh, it hurts a little bit. 1068 00:49:51,597 --> 00:49:53,120 But in a good way. In a good way. 1069 00:49:53,251 --> 00:49:54,643 Anyway, I just want to say thank you so much 1070 00:49:54,774 --> 00:49:56,167 for funding my film. 1071 00:49:56,297 --> 00:49:58,082 It's gonna kick ass at Sand Dunes. 1072 00:49:58,212 --> 00:49:59,953 Uh-huh. What film? 1073 00:50:00,084 --> 00:50:01,476 What film? Hello. 1074 00:50:01,607 --> 00:50:02,477 The Untitled Greenlight Halley Feiffer Vehicle 1075 00:50:02,608 --> 00:50:04,001 Promo Trailer Project. 1076 00:50:04,131 --> 00:50:05,393 You're executive producer. 1077 00:50:05,524 --> 00:50:06,612 Tracee was swiping your card yesterday 1078 00:50:06,742 --> 00:50:08,092 like Precious at a KFC. 1079 00:50:08,222 --> 00:50:10,094 And we just thank you so much. 1080 00:50:10,224 --> 00:50:11,660 We could not have done it without you. 1081 00:50:11,791 --> 00:50:14,315 Beep, got your nose. So cute. 1082 00:50:15,490 --> 00:50:17,144 Sorry, sorry, sorry. 1083 00:50:17,275 --> 00:50:19,190 Wait a minute, Tracee? -Yeah, yeah, yeah. Tracee. 1084 00:50:19,320 --> 00:50:20,321 -Tracee? -Yeah. 1085 00:50:20,452 --> 00:50:21,496 Tracee, you know Tracee. 1086 00:50:21,627 --> 00:50:23,455 I fired Tracee two days ago. 1087 00:50:23,933 --> 00:50:26,110 -Yeah. -I don't understand. 1088 00:50:26,240 --> 00:50:27,328 She stole from me. 1089 00:50:29,461 --> 00:50:30,723 [gasping] 1090 00:50:31,506 --> 00:50:32,638 Freakshow. 1091 00:50:34,683 --> 00:50:36,337 Of all the streets in New York. 1092 00:50:36,468 --> 00:50:41,690 ♪ 1093 00:50:41,821 --> 00:50:45,303 [Tracee growling] 1094 00:50:51,744 --> 00:50:52,745 Tracee! 1095 00:50:52,875 --> 00:50:54,660 Get your fat ass sorry ass, 1096 00:50:54,790 --> 00:50:56,792 ass feet down here! 1097 00:50:57,619 --> 00:50:58,664 Halley? 1098 00:50:58,794 --> 00:51:00,057 I need to talk to you. 1099 00:51:00,187 --> 00:51:02,276 Womano a womano. 1100 00:51:02,407 --> 00:51:05,366 Okay, hold down to your chihuahuas, I'll be right down. 1101 00:51:17,596 --> 00:51:19,119 Hi, Halley. 1102 00:51:23,515 --> 00:51:24,516 How are you? 1103 00:51:29,390 --> 00:51:31,218 Wow, you look really pretty. 1104 00:51:31,349 --> 00:51:32,524 I know I do. 1105 00:51:32,959 --> 00:51:36,223 Now shut your bloated face. 1106 00:51:36,354 --> 00:51:38,747 And listen carefully to the words 1107 00:51:38,878 --> 00:51:41,750 spooling from my silvery lips. 1108 00:51:43,448 --> 00:51:44,753 You. 1109 00:51:46,364 --> 00:51:47,408 Are. 1110 00:51:48,757 --> 00:51:49,845 A. 1111 00:51:51,543 --> 00:51:53,110 Genius. 1112 00:51:55,503 --> 00:51:57,723 I thought you were mad at me. 1113 00:51:57,853 --> 00:52:00,160 How could little old me be mad 1114 00:52:00,291 --> 00:52:02,771 at such a ravishing acorn. 1115 00:52:02,902 --> 00:52:05,774 You secured funding for my film 1116 00:52:05,905 --> 00:52:09,430 by extortionating Ben Stiller. 1117 00:52:10,170 --> 00:52:14,348 I have never seen such ingenuity, 1118 00:52:14,479 --> 00:52:15,784 such resourcefulness. 1119 00:52:15,915 --> 00:52:18,265 [romantic music] 1120 00:52:18,396 --> 00:52:20,093 Such resolve. 1121 00:52:20,224 --> 00:52:21,877 -[Tracee gasping] -The word "no" 1122 00:52:22,008 --> 00:52:24,445 does not exist in your dojo. 1123 00:52:25,620 --> 00:52:28,797 Mm. Taste like fairy dew. 1124 00:52:31,452 --> 00:52:35,891 You made this film priority against all odds. 1125 00:52:36,892 --> 00:52:39,373 You set your eyes on the prize 1126 00:52:39,504 --> 00:52:43,247 and you didn't let go until the fat lady sang 1127 00:52:43,377 --> 00:52:45,292 and you don't even know how to sing. 1128 00:52:45,423 --> 00:52:48,469 -[both moaning] -[Halley] Cupcakes. 1129 00:52:48,904 --> 00:52:52,604 -[both moaning] -Hollywood! Ha ha! 1130 00:52:52,734 --> 00:52:55,694 More like Halleywood. 1131 00:52:56,782 --> 00:52:59,785 It's all thanks to you. 1132 00:53:00,525 --> 00:53:03,745 Let me treat you well, grasshopper. 1133 00:53:04,616 --> 00:53:06,748 Can we go upstairs? 1134 00:53:07,532 --> 00:53:08,663 I can't. 1135 00:53:09,577 --> 00:53:12,189 -I just can't. -Oh, yes. 1136 00:53:12,319 --> 00:53:14,234 -[Tracee] I can't. -[Halley] Yes. 1137 00:53:14,756 --> 00:53:17,281 -We. Can. -[Tracee moaning] 1138 00:53:17,411 --> 00:53:19,892 Yes, I can! 1139 00:53:20,022 --> 00:53:25,506 -[both moaning] -[baby crying] 1140 00:53:25,637 --> 00:53:26,768 You want some coffee? 1141 00:53:26,899 --> 00:53:28,596 Um, do you have half and half? 1142 00:53:28,727 --> 00:53:30,729 -No, just almond milk. -That's fine, two Splendas. 1143 00:53:30,859 --> 00:53:32,296 So, Michael and Ryan say 1144 00:53:32,426 --> 00:53:33,427 We can't resume principle photography 1145 00:53:33,558 --> 00:53:34,646 unless you stop drinking. 1146 00:53:34,776 --> 00:53:36,169 Did it, on it, love it. 1147 00:53:36,300 --> 00:53:38,476 Natasha Lyonne is my sponsor. Next. 1148 00:53:38,606 --> 00:53:40,695 Tashers? Really? 1149 00:53:40,826 --> 00:53:43,220 She was sparkling in The Efron Sisters. 1150 00:53:43,350 --> 00:53:44,960 Love Lostand What I Wore off Broadway. 1151 00:53:45,091 --> 00:53:46,701 Do you think she'll be willing to do our movie? 1152 00:53:46,832 --> 00:53:48,442 On it, totally on the burner. 1153 00:53:48,573 --> 00:53:50,314 As soon as I finish my four step inventory. 1154 00:53:50,444 --> 00:53:51,663 I'm totes gonna ask her 1155 00:53:51,793 --> 00:53:53,317 to make a special cameo appearance. 1156 00:53:53,447 --> 00:53:54,840 Well, snap snap, girlfriend. 1157 00:53:54,970 --> 00:53:56,537 Because we have to start shooting this kitten wagon 1158 00:53:56,668 --> 00:53:59,323 before Stiller's lawyers up and presses charges. 1159 00:54:01,847 --> 00:54:03,675 Could we kidnap him? 1160 00:54:10,508 --> 00:54:11,509 Brills. 1161 00:54:14,512 --> 00:54:16,340 We only have a little less than a week 1162 00:54:16,470 --> 00:54:17,993 to finish the trailer, edit it 1163 00:54:18,124 --> 00:54:19,734 and get that bitch postmarked 1164 00:54:19,865 --> 00:54:21,736 and in the mail for the Sand Dune peeps in LA. 1165 00:54:21,867 --> 00:54:23,434 And I have to shoot it with Ryan? 1166 00:54:23,564 --> 00:54:26,219 Actually, I have a little surprise 1167 00:54:26,350 --> 00:54:28,395 stewing on the stove for you. 1168 00:54:28,526 --> 00:54:29,918 Just give me one hot sec. 1169 00:54:31,529 --> 00:54:32,704 Driver, this is good. 1170 00:54:32,834 --> 00:54:35,576 -[tires screeching] -Okay. 1171 00:54:37,839 --> 00:54:39,841 [Halley] Um, sir, I'm just gonna hang in here 1172 00:54:39,972 --> 00:54:41,974 while she runs out and grabs something real quick, 1173 00:54:42,104 --> 00:54:44,281 if that's cool. You could keep the meter running. 1174 00:54:44,411 --> 00:54:46,718 Yeah, yeah, that's fine, fine take your time. Come on. 1175 00:54:46,848 --> 00:54:49,808 [humming] 1176 00:54:51,810 --> 00:54:52,941 Where are you from? 1177 00:54:54,552 --> 00:54:55,596 Pakistan. 1178 00:54:56,031 --> 00:54:57,294 Hot. 1179 00:54:58,643 --> 00:55:00,645 I was a doctor back home, you know? 1180 00:55:02,124 --> 00:55:04,562 Could you stop bragging? It makes me uncomfortable. 1181 00:55:08,435 --> 00:55:09,741 [Jesse] Hey, this is Jesse. 1182 00:55:09,871 --> 00:55:10,872 Leave a message, I'll get back to you 1183 00:55:11,003 --> 00:55:12,483 as soon as possible, thanks. 1184 00:55:12,613 --> 00:55:14,528 Hey Jesse, it's Halley again. 1185 00:55:14,659 --> 00:55:16,574 I was hoping to catch you on the phone 1186 00:55:16,704 --> 00:55:18,445 so I wouldn't have to tell you in a message, 1187 00:55:18,576 --> 00:55:20,708 but um, I wrote a script 1188 00:55:20,839 --> 00:55:22,971 and it looks like Ben Stiller is producing it. 1189 00:55:23,102 --> 00:55:24,756 -[Tracee] [indistinct] -It's very funny. 1190 00:55:24,886 --> 00:55:26,932 Oh, gotta run, we have a meeting with Stiller right now. 1191 00:55:27,062 --> 00:55:28,803 Okay, [indistinct]. 1192 00:55:28,934 --> 00:55:31,458 -Sh, sh, sh. -[grunting] 1193 00:55:31,589 --> 00:55:32,981 Okay, we're all set. 1194 00:55:33,112 --> 00:55:34,940 Just take us back home now please. Thank you. 1195 00:55:35,070 --> 00:55:36,594 -Back home. -[Ben] You're crazy! 1196 00:55:39,727 --> 00:55:40,989 Yeah! 1197 00:55:41,120 --> 00:55:42,513 So, what's this bubbling surprise about? 1198 00:55:42,643 --> 00:55:44,558 Turns out Macchio loves freckly blondes 1199 00:55:44,689 --> 00:55:46,473 with impressive family pedigrees. 1200 00:55:46,604 --> 00:55:48,519 -[both grunting] -So he's agreed 1201 00:55:48,649 --> 00:55:50,912 to meet with you for a half hour about the movie, tonight. 1202 00:55:51,043 --> 00:55:52,958 -[screaming] -[thud] 1203 00:55:54,089 --> 00:55:56,657 -[Ben] Ow! Ow! -Oh, okay. 1204 00:55:56,788 --> 00:55:58,355 [Ben] Let me go! 1205 00:55:58,485 --> 00:56:01,358 -Sh, sh. There, there Stiller. -[Ben] Tracee! 1206 00:56:01,880 --> 00:56:03,838 [Ben] Tracee, you're fired. Again! 1207 00:56:03,969 --> 00:56:05,057 I know. 1208 00:56:05,623 --> 00:56:07,625 -Okay, okay. -[Ben] I will end you! 1209 00:56:07,755 --> 00:56:09,061 All right, so Tracee, 1210 00:56:09,191 --> 00:56:11,672 when/where is this Macchio meeting to occur? 1211 00:56:11,803 --> 00:56:13,413 Your pad, seven tonight. 1212 00:56:13,544 --> 00:56:14,980 -I gave him the addy. -Perf. 1213 00:56:15,110 --> 00:56:16,677 You have to seal the deal. 1214 00:56:16,808 --> 00:56:19,550 [gasping] Thank God I just got my coochi vagazzled. 1215 00:56:20,202 --> 00:56:22,030 Oh, I forgot! 1216 00:56:22,161 --> 00:56:24,555 I per diemed this bottle of champagne for you for tonight. 1217 00:56:24,685 --> 00:56:27,079 Oh, but Tracee, remember? I can't drink anymore. 1218 00:56:27,209 --> 00:56:30,038 Ugh, you can deal with your drinking problem anytime. 1219 00:56:30,169 --> 00:56:31,692 But the deadline for the screenwriter's lab 1220 00:56:31,823 --> 00:56:34,129 is in a week, so get your priority straight. 1221 00:56:36,044 --> 00:56:37,437 -[grunting] -[Ben] I hate you guys! 1222 00:56:37,568 --> 00:56:39,352 What do we do about Ryan? 1223 00:56:39,483 --> 00:56:41,528 Oh, he will be so happy 1224 00:56:41,659 --> 00:56:43,965 that we got Daniel-san to be in your film. 1225 00:56:44,096 --> 00:56:47,621 He will totes sacrifice his role for something so vital. 1226 00:56:48,230 --> 00:56:51,190 [Ben] I am powerful! And I will end you! 1227 00:56:51,886 --> 00:56:52,974 Totes. 1228 00:56:53,671 --> 00:56:55,063 Megotes. 1229 00:56:55,194 --> 00:56:56,630 [Ben] Halley, I'm gonna smack the freckles off 1230 00:56:56,761 --> 00:56:57,979 your stupid face. 1231 00:56:59,981 --> 00:57:02,419 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1232 00:57:02,549 --> 00:57:04,595 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1233 00:57:04,725 --> 00:57:06,640 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1234 00:57:06,771 --> 00:57:09,426 Good thing you've done all of that period work, baby girl. 1235 00:57:11,732 --> 00:57:14,082 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1236 00:57:14,213 --> 00:57:16,650 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1237 00:57:16,781 --> 00:57:18,739 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1238 00:57:18,870 --> 00:57:21,699 ♪ Whoopsie daisy, go 'round the world again ♪ 1239 00:57:21,829 --> 00:57:24,528 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1240 00:57:24,658 --> 00:57:28,923 ♪ Whoopsie daisy, go, go, go, one, two ♪ 1241 00:57:34,581 --> 00:57:36,453 This is for you, Mom. 1242 00:57:37,062 --> 00:57:38,716 [buzzer sounding] 1243 00:57:39,934 --> 00:57:41,283 Coming. 1244 00:57:41,675 --> 00:57:43,938 ♪ Put it in, pull it out, put it in again ♪ 1245 00:57:44,069 --> 00:57:47,681 ♪ Whoopsie daisy, what was your name again ♪ 1246 00:57:48,073 --> 00:57:49,683 Hey, I'm Ralph. 1247 00:57:50,205 --> 00:57:51,250 Wow. 1248 00:57:51,729 --> 00:57:55,036 [Japanese-inspired relaxing instrumental] 1249 00:57:55,167 --> 00:57:56,560 Wax on. 1250 00:57:57,038 --> 00:57:58,475 Wax off. 1251 00:57:59,127 --> 00:58:00,215 Wax on. 1252 00:58:00,955 --> 00:58:02,566 Wax off. 1253 00:58:02,696 --> 00:58:04,611 Let me know if you need a hand with that wax. 1254 00:58:06,047 --> 00:58:08,963 Konichiwa,Sensei Macchio. 1255 00:58:09,094 --> 00:58:11,488 Um, I-- I have a question for you. 1256 00:58:12,097 --> 00:58:14,447 I have both reservoir tip ad non, 1257 00:58:14,578 --> 00:58:16,667 if that's what you're asking. 1258 00:58:16,797 --> 00:58:17,842 It's noted. 1259 00:58:17,972 --> 00:58:19,670 But what I want to know, 1260 00:58:19,800 --> 00:58:21,672 Is it cool if my scene partner from Austin Penddleton's. 1261 00:58:21,802 --> 00:58:23,630 acting class sits on your couch when we have our meeting? 1262 00:58:24,718 --> 00:58:26,198 We're working on Streetcar 1263 00:58:26,328 --> 00:58:28,766 and I couldn't find a Starbucks in this area, so I-- 1264 00:58:29,157 --> 00:58:31,638 Is that cool? 1265 00:58:31,769 --> 00:58:33,814 -Your scene part-- Oh. -Is that cool? 1266 00:58:33,945 --> 00:58:35,686 Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. 1267 00:58:35,816 --> 00:58:38,123 -Great. -Yeah, it can be a party. 1268 00:58:38,253 --> 00:58:39,516 Yeah. 1269 00:58:41,343 --> 00:58:42,649 Hi. 1270 00:58:43,084 --> 00:58:44,956 -I'm Mamie. -This is Halley Feiffer. 1271 00:58:46,261 --> 00:58:48,829 Oh, Halley Feiffer. 1272 00:58:50,004 --> 00:58:51,702 You're Jesse Eisenberg's friend. 1273 00:58:52,790 --> 00:58:54,139 Oh my God, he loves you. 1274 00:58:54,269 --> 00:58:55,488 What, you-- 1275 00:58:55,619 --> 00:58:56,881 He speaks so highly of you, 1276 00:58:57,011 --> 00:58:59,536 we were just potlucking on the vineyard. 1277 00:59:00,798 --> 00:59:01,886 Hey. 1278 00:59:03,670 --> 00:59:05,106 I love your outfit. 1279 00:59:05,237 --> 00:59:06,717 It's so fun. 1280 00:59:06,847 --> 00:59:08,066 -[Ralph] So fun. -[Mamie] Are you-- 1281 00:59:09,676 --> 00:59:11,809 Is it like a costume party or something? 1282 00:59:13,027 --> 00:59:14,115 Yeah. 1283 00:59:15,073 --> 00:59:17,771 Ralph, Jesse really wouldn't stop talking 1284 00:59:17,902 --> 00:59:20,034 about Halley while we were snapping lobster claws. 1285 00:59:20,165 --> 00:59:21,906 He thinks she's awesome. 1286 00:59:22,297 --> 00:59:24,038 You should totally do her movie. 1287 00:59:24,169 --> 00:59:25,649 What-- What's the part? 1288 00:59:28,303 --> 00:59:30,175 You'd play my boyfriend. 1289 00:59:30,654 --> 00:59:32,960 Nice. Do we get to have sex? 1290 00:59:33,091 --> 00:59:34,788 Ugh. Ralph! 1291 00:59:34,919 --> 00:59:36,703 Listen, I need to know what to tell my wife 1292 00:59:36,834 --> 00:59:39,750 when I bring home STD, you know? I'm just-- I'm just kidding. 1293 00:59:39,880 --> 00:59:41,186 He's so bad. 1294 00:59:41,316 --> 00:59:42,753 So bad. 1295 00:59:42,883 --> 00:59:44,668 Hey, you like me that way. 1296 00:59:44,798 --> 00:59:46,104 'Cause you're my Blanche. 1297 00:59:46,234 --> 00:59:47,714 And I will... 1298 00:59:47,845 --> 00:59:49,542 take you sexually. 1299 00:59:49,673 --> 00:59:52,110 Stanley. Stanley. 1300 00:59:52,240 --> 00:59:55,592 [Halley] But Stanley, you're my husband. 1301 00:59:58,812 --> 01:00:01,032 I was just being Stella. 1302 01:00:04,426 --> 01:00:08,300 Listen, what are you shooting? Just a short film or... 1303 01:00:08,430 --> 01:00:09,649 Very short. 1304 01:00:09,780 --> 01:00:10,868 -Huh. -Yeah. 1305 01:00:10,998 --> 01:00:12,304 Mamie has great taste. 1306 01:00:12,434 --> 01:00:14,654 We all enjoy the talents of a dead gay writer, 1307 01:00:14,785 --> 01:00:16,264 so before we hold you up from your costume party, 1308 01:00:16,395 --> 01:00:17,657 why don't you give me the script? 1309 01:00:20,051 --> 01:00:21,313 Okay, one second. 1310 01:00:23,141 --> 01:00:24,708 -God, she's adorable. -She's so funny. 1311 01:00:25,970 --> 01:00:27,798 Ooh, look at that. Okay. 1312 01:00:28,712 --> 01:00:29,800 [jangling] 1313 01:00:31,410 --> 01:00:32,759 [dramatic musical flourish with electronic vocal] 1314 01:00:33,194 --> 01:00:35,022 -Wow! -Flashy. 1315 01:00:35,893 --> 01:00:37,764 All right, I'll give it a read. I promise. 1316 01:00:37,895 --> 01:00:39,331 -Great. -Right away. 1317 01:00:40,375 --> 01:00:42,247 It was really nice to meet you. 1318 01:00:42,377 --> 01:00:43,640 Finally. 1319 01:00:45,032 --> 01:00:46,686 -Have fun at your party. -I'll see you. 1320 01:00:48,732 --> 01:00:49,820 She's really talented. 1321 01:00:49,950 --> 01:00:51,648 And hot. Did you see those legs? 1322 01:00:52,736 --> 01:00:53,911 Shut up. 1323 01:00:55,826 --> 01:00:57,001 Come on. 1324 01:01:04,095 --> 01:01:06,663 Oh, my God. Oh, my God! 1325 01:01:11,232 --> 01:01:13,278 [birds chirping] 1326 01:01:13,408 --> 01:01:15,976 [clattering] 1327 01:01:26,247 --> 01:01:27,727 [Sean] Good morning. 1328 01:01:28,510 --> 01:01:30,208 Good morning, Sean. 1329 01:01:32,079 --> 01:01:33,341 What a beautiful day. 1330 01:01:33,472 --> 01:01:34,865 Bye Dad. 1331 01:01:34,995 --> 01:01:36,301 Thanks for making yourself scarce. 1332 01:01:36,780 --> 01:01:38,869 Good morning everyone. I've arrived. 1333 01:01:39,478 --> 01:01:42,002 Ah, I love an early call time. 1334 01:01:42,133 --> 01:01:43,221 Good job you. 1335 01:01:43,351 --> 01:01:44,918 I can't wait to start shooting. 1336 01:01:59,541 --> 01:02:00,934 Ow! 1337 01:02:04,024 --> 01:02:05,765 Um, guys, where's Tracee? 1338 01:02:05,896 --> 01:02:07,462 Doesn't she know she's in the scene? 1339 01:02:07,593 --> 01:02:09,073 She's not picking up her phone. 1340 01:02:09,551 --> 01:02:11,162 Does anyone have eyes on our director? 1341 01:02:11,292 --> 01:02:12,816 [frustrated groan] I hate Tracee! 1342 01:02:12,946 --> 01:02:14,731 All right, you know what? That's okay. 1343 01:02:14,861 --> 01:02:17,124 I know a better actress who's much prettier and famous-er. 1344 01:02:19,387 --> 01:02:20,954 [ringing] 1345 01:02:22,173 --> 01:02:24,349 Oh, hi, Natasha. Natasha Lyonne. 1346 01:02:24,871 --> 01:02:27,744 Hi, it's Halley. Are you busy right now? 1347 01:02:30,355 --> 01:02:31,704 Oh, you are? Um... 1348 01:02:31,835 --> 01:02:34,751 Oh, no, no, I'm fine. It's just.. 1349 01:02:35,186 --> 01:02:37,275 [exaggerated sniffing] 1350 01:02:37,405 --> 01:02:40,278 I'm going through a really rough time, and I might... 1351 01:02:41,932 --> 01:02:43,020 I might drink. 1352 01:02:46,110 --> 01:02:49,069 Oh, really? Oh, thank you so much. 1353 01:02:49,200 --> 01:02:50,897 Uh, I'll text you the add-y. 1354 01:02:51,593 --> 01:02:53,204 Okay, great. Thank you so much. 1355 01:02:55,032 --> 01:02:56,033 Morning, Halley. 1356 01:02:56,903 --> 01:02:59,514 Oh, oh, you seem rested and perky. 1357 01:02:59,645 --> 01:03:02,866 Oh, you know, it's just one day at a time. 1358 01:03:04,041 --> 01:03:06,913 Wow.. Your 24-hour coin. 1359 01:03:07,044 --> 01:03:08,959 I'm gonna get enough to give one to each and every member 1360 01:03:09,089 --> 01:03:11,265 of this fantastic crew. 1361 01:03:11,396 --> 01:03:13,224 That's so awesome, Halley. 1362 01:03:13,354 --> 01:03:15,095 And I just called Julliard to tell them 1363 01:03:15,226 --> 01:03:17,097 I'm not gonna be returning this fall. 1364 01:03:17,228 --> 01:03:19,534 I think this movie is truly a game changer for us both. 1365 01:03:20,884 --> 01:03:22,102 [with fake enthusiasm] Yay. 1366 01:03:22,581 --> 01:03:25,366 Hey, guys, we got to skip to the bedroom scene 1367 01:03:25,497 --> 01:03:27,194 because Tracee's not here. 1368 01:03:27,325 --> 01:03:28,935 So could you just get dressed for that, please, Halley? 1369 01:03:29,066 --> 01:03:30,981 Sure, can we wait, like, an hour? 1370 01:03:31,111 --> 01:03:33,200 No, we cannot wait an hour. You need to get dressed right now. 1371 01:03:34,114 --> 01:03:35,159 Oh, my God, that mustache. 1372 01:03:35,289 --> 01:03:36,421 -You want to touch it? -No. 1373 01:03:36,551 --> 01:03:38,249 Director's heading to set. 1374 01:03:39,598 --> 01:03:41,992 Come on, Macchio. 1375 01:03:42,122 --> 01:03:43,254 [sighing and moaning] 1376 01:03:43,384 --> 01:03:44,864 [man in European accent] Yeah. 1377 01:03:45,996 --> 01:03:47,214 [Halley] Oh, yeah. 1378 01:03:47,345 --> 01:03:48,781 [man] Oh, yes, yes. 1379 01:03:48,912 --> 01:03:50,304 [moaning] 1380 01:03:50,435 --> 01:03:52,002 -Are you fully erect? -Yes. 1381 01:03:52,132 --> 01:03:53,351 Your penis feels really small. 1382 01:03:53,481 --> 01:03:54,961 -Halley! -Ah! Ryan! 1383 01:03:55,092 --> 01:03:56,310 I cannot act with you 1384 01:03:56,441 --> 01:03:58,182 if you're talking in that stupid voice! 1385 01:03:58,312 --> 01:03:59,836 Can you just not tell me how to interpret my character? 1386 01:03:59,966 --> 01:04:02,229 Michael Urie is the director, not you. 1387 01:04:02,360 --> 01:04:03,927 -Halley. -What? 1388 01:04:04,057 --> 01:04:05,929 Stop telling Ryan what to do. 1389 01:04:06,581 --> 01:04:07,974 Thank you. 1390 01:04:08,105 --> 01:04:10,150 Ryan, don't, don't do the accent. 1391 01:04:10,281 --> 01:04:11,891 See? 1392 01:04:12,022 --> 01:04:12,892 You don't need to decorate your performance. 1393 01:04:13,023 --> 01:04:14,285 Okay. 1394 01:04:14,415 --> 01:04:15,416 All right guys, focus. 1395 01:04:15,547 --> 01:04:16,461 Remember the given circumstances. 1396 01:04:16,591 --> 01:04:18,115 All right. 1397 01:04:18,245 --> 01:04:19,943 It's the last night of your relationship. 1398 01:04:20,073 --> 01:04:21,031 You love each other but you're tearing each other apart. 1399 01:04:21,161 --> 01:04:22,249 Okay, here we go. 1400 01:04:22,771 --> 01:04:25,426 [exaggerated vocal exercises] 1401 01:04:28,168 --> 01:04:29,169 [Halley] Okay. 1402 01:04:29,300 --> 01:04:30,867 And action. 1403 01:04:31,432 --> 01:04:33,130 [actors moaning] 1404 01:04:34,218 --> 01:04:35,480 -Are you gully erect? -Yeah. 1405 01:04:35,610 --> 01:04:38,396 -Your penis feels really small. -Halley.. 1406 01:04:39,440 --> 01:04:40,659 What, wait. 1407 01:04:41,181 --> 01:04:43,009 Why is there somebody back there? 1408 01:04:43,140 --> 01:04:44,532 Who is back there? 1409 01:04:44,663 --> 01:04:46,012 What? 1410 01:04:46,143 --> 01:04:47,361 I'm holding. 1411 01:04:48,493 --> 01:04:50,147 Hold, hold! 1412 01:04:52,627 --> 01:04:54,238 Oh shit. I'm sorry. 1413 01:04:54,368 --> 01:04:56,196 Is that Ralph Macchio? 1414 01:04:56,327 --> 01:04:57,894 [gasps] Ralph! 1415 01:04:59,025 --> 01:05:00,984 [squeals] 1416 01:05:01,114 --> 01:05:02,420 Oh, my God. 1417 01:05:03,464 --> 01:05:04,509 [squeals] 1418 01:05:04,639 --> 01:05:06,163 My God! 1419 01:05:07,512 --> 01:05:09,993 Okay, uh, cut. Cut. Holding, holding.. 1420 01:05:10,471 --> 01:05:15,085 Um, class, this is Ralph Macchio. 1421 01:05:15,215 --> 01:05:17,000 [high-pitched laugh] 1422 01:05:17,130 --> 01:05:20,046 You might remember this teen dream from such blockbusters 1423 01:05:20,177 --> 01:05:23,223 as My Cousin Vinny, The Karate Kid, 1424 01:05:23,354 --> 01:05:25,138 and The Outsiders, 1425 01:05:25,269 --> 01:05:27,271 in which he played a young cretinous yo-yo.. 1426 01:05:28,011 --> 01:05:29,490 Um, Master Macchio. 1427 01:05:31,014 --> 01:05:34,408 This is Team Feiffer, go Team! 1428 01:05:35,061 --> 01:05:36,193 Hey everyone. 1429 01:05:36,323 --> 01:05:38,195 -Hi Ralph. -Hi. 1430 01:05:38,891 --> 01:05:41,415 -Can I get some sides? -Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. 1431 01:05:41,546 --> 01:05:43,243 Here are Ryan's side. 1432 01:05:43,374 --> 01:05:44,375 Thanks. 1433 01:05:44,505 --> 01:05:46,029 What are you doing, Halley? 1434 01:05:47,073 --> 01:05:48,509 Well, Ryan. 1435 01:05:49,728 --> 01:05:52,992 It's Ralph Macchio. I mean, let's call a spade a spade. 1436 01:05:55,038 --> 01:05:56,082 Ryan. 1437 01:05:56,909 --> 01:05:58,650 I don't understand why you're so upset about this. 1438 01:05:58,780 --> 01:06:00,957 He's Ralph Macchio, he's famous, 1439 01:06:01,087 --> 01:06:03,133 so he's our real star. 1440 01:06:03,263 --> 01:06:06,049 And you're not famous, so you're worth nothing. 1441 01:06:06,571 --> 01:06:08,965 What? Wait. What's going on? 1442 01:06:09,095 --> 01:06:11,184 Technical difficulties. Holding. 1443 01:06:11,315 --> 01:06:13,143 -Halley... -Holding. 1444 01:06:15,232 --> 01:06:17,538 Babe, just don't waste your breath. 1445 01:06:17,974 --> 01:06:20,150 She's not worth it. She's clearly mentally ill. 1446 01:06:20,280 --> 01:06:23,327 Okay, alcoholics are the elite of the mentally ill. 1447 01:06:23,457 --> 01:06:25,372 Hey. Gay guy from Ugly Betty. I worked with you. 1448 01:06:25,503 --> 01:06:26,721 Hi Ralph. 1449 01:06:26,852 --> 01:06:28,114 I can't believe that I trusted you. 1450 01:06:28,245 --> 01:06:30,290 I worked really hard on this. 1451 01:06:30,421 --> 01:06:31,639 This was gonna be our chance. 1452 01:06:32,684 --> 01:06:33,990 My one chance. 1453 01:06:35,078 --> 01:06:36,514 [whines] Oh, Ryan. 1454 01:06:37,819 --> 01:06:40,083 You can't make an omelet 1455 01:06:40,213 --> 01:06:42,476 if you don't even have a chicken. 1456 01:06:42,911 --> 01:06:45,653 And one day you will be a chicken. 1457 01:06:45,784 --> 01:06:47,307 I could promise you that, 1458 01:06:47,438 --> 01:06:50,180 but right now, you're more like a.. 1459 01:06:50,310 --> 01:06:52,356 tiny creamy chickadee thingy 1460 01:06:52,486 --> 01:06:54,706 that was ripped out of the uterus 1461 01:06:54,836 --> 01:06:57,013 of a great preteen chicken, 1462 01:06:57,143 --> 01:06:58,623 Who shouldn't have been having a baby anyway. 1463 01:06:59,015 --> 01:07:00,320 I can be a chicken. 1464 01:07:00,451 --> 01:07:02,279 Babe, don't waste your breath. 1465 01:07:02,409 --> 01:07:03,628 Just let it go. 1466 01:07:05,543 --> 01:07:07,632 Oh no, Michael, where are you going? 1467 01:07:07,762 --> 01:07:09,155 We have a movie to make. 1468 01:07:09,286 --> 01:07:10,678 I mean, I scored Ralph Macchio. 1469 01:07:10,809 --> 01:07:12,506 I scored a bonafide teen heartthrob. 1470 01:07:12,637 --> 01:07:14,073 Halley.. 1471 01:07:15,553 --> 01:07:17,642 Celebrities don't make a movie great. 1472 01:07:18,469 --> 01:07:20,340 Heart is what makes a movie great. 1473 01:07:22,299 --> 01:07:23,778 And you have no heart. 1474 01:07:28,609 --> 01:07:31,395 I'm sorry everybody, but that's it. 1475 01:07:31,830 --> 01:07:33,223 Sorry for wasting your time, 1476 01:07:33,353 --> 01:07:35,007 but you can go ahead and pack it up. 1477 01:07:35,138 --> 01:07:36,356 -This movie is wrapped. -What? 1478 01:07:36,487 --> 01:07:38,010 -Yeah. -Wrapped? 1479 01:07:38,141 --> 01:07:40,708 No, no. Wait. No, guys. 1480 01:07:40,839 --> 01:07:43,581 That's fine because we still have Ralph Macchio. 1481 01:07:44,103 --> 01:07:46,105 So I'll just make my movie with Ralph. 1482 01:07:47,324 --> 01:07:48,281 Right, Ralph? 1483 01:07:48,412 --> 01:07:50,022 Snap you in half. 1484 01:07:50,153 --> 01:07:51,545 Did you ever see The Karate Kid 1485 01:07:51,676 --> 01:07:53,199 you know, the action sequence? Just like that. 1486 01:07:53,330 --> 01:07:55,332 Just like that. Hot. 1487 01:08:00,424 --> 01:08:03,079 You know what? This is all Tracee's fault. 1488 01:08:03,209 --> 01:08:05,081 She's the one ruining this movie, not me. 1489 01:08:05,951 --> 01:08:09,433 It was her idea to replace Ryan with Ralph Macchio. 1490 01:08:09,563 --> 01:08:10,651 Halley! 1491 01:08:15,265 --> 01:08:17,310 [frustrated groan] 1492 01:08:17,441 --> 01:08:21,053 Tracee Tracee, I, uh-- 1493 01:08:21,184 --> 01:08:22,315 No! 1494 01:08:22,446 --> 01:08:23,882 All right, well... 1495 01:08:26,189 --> 01:08:28,539 I was in The Squid and the Whale. 1496 01:08:31,368 --> 01:08:34,632 [slow sentimental instrumental] 1497 01:08:43,380 --> 01:08:46,122 ♪ Hush-a-bye, now it's time ♪ 1498 01:08:46,252 --> 01:08:48,820 ♪ To close your little eyes ♪ 1499 01:08:49,777 --> 01:08:51,823 ♪ I apologize 1500 01:08:51,953 --> 01:08:55,261 ♪ If I forgot to say goodnight ♪ 1501 01:08:56,523 --> 01:08:58,177 ♪ It's dreamy time 1502 01:08:58,308 --> 01:09:02,138 ♪ We can find a brand new paradise ♪ 1503 01:09:03,400 --> 01:09:05,532 ♪ Where everyone is nice 1504 01:09:05,663 --> 01:09:08,231 ♪ And we can fly 1505 01:09:08,709 --> 01:09:10,581 [water spraying] 1506 01:09:10,711 --> 01:09:16,239 ♪ 1507 01:09:16,369 --> 01:09:17,414 What? 1508 01:09:25,596 --> 01:09:26,597 Halley? 1509 01:09:29,426 --> 01:09:30,427 Halley? 1510 01:09:35,519 --> 01:09:36,955 Natasha? 1511 01:09:38,609 --> 01:09:40,219 Oh, oh. 1512 01:09:41,351 --> 01:09:42,569 So I guess you drink. 1513 01:09:42,700 --> 01:09:43,657 Oh, my God. 1514 01:09:43,788 --> 01:09:45,790 Nata-- Whoa. 1515 01:09:45,920 --> 01:09:47,618 I can't even believe you're here. 1516 01:09:47,748 --> 01:09:49,185 Thank God. Okay. 1517 01:09:49,881 --> 01:09:53,537 Do you think you can convincingly portray 1518 01:09:53,667 --> 01:09:56,322 the role of my ex-boyfriend Michael Chernus 1519 01:09:56,453 --> 01:09:58,629 in my movie? 1520 01:10:01,806 --> 01:10:03,373 All right. Let's put this thing down, 1521 01:10:03,503 --> 01:10:04,983 and why don't we go downstairs and get a coffee? 1522 01:10:05,549 --> 01:10:08,204 Natasha, I don't have time for coffee. 1523 01:10:08,334 --> 01:10:11,468 The Sand Dunescreenwriter lab's deadline is in 3 days. 1524 01:10:11,598 --> 01:10:14,427 All right, put the screenwriter's lab 1525 01:10:14,558 --> 01:10:16,342 on the back burner for a second. 1526 01:10:16,473 --> 01:10:17,778 If you don't want coffee, 1527 01:10:17,909 --> 01:10:19,171 we could get you some nice green juice maybe? 1528 01:10:19,302 --> 01:10:20,346 Kale smoothie-- 1529 01:10:20,477 --> 01:10:22,000 [sputters] Kale smoothie? 1530 01:10:23,654 --> 01:10:25,308 Spinach, lemon ginger. Some cayenne pepper. 1531 01:10:25,438 --> 01:10:27,962 I don't think so. I think I'd rather die. 1532 01:10:28,093 --> 01:10:29,703 You keep this shit up, you might die. 1533 01:10:29,834 --> 01:10:31,357 What are you... 1534 01:10:31,488 --> 01:10:33,490 Natasha! I don't have a drinking problem! 1535 01:10:33,620 --> 01:10:35,274 Okay? 1536 01:10:35,405 --> 01:10:37,233 I went to your 12-step meeting 1537 01:10:37,363 --> 01:10:38,756 and you guys were really, really nice 1538 01:10:38,886 --> 01:10:40,584 except a little boring. 1539 01:10:40,714 --> 01:10:42,673 And now my break from drinking is done and I'm fine. 1540 01:10:42,803 --> 01:10:44,327 Obviously, look. 1541 01:10:44,457 --> 01:10:46,416 I'm drinking, nothing's happening. 1542 01:10:47,068 --> 01:10:49,506 So thank you so much for your help. 1543 01:10:49,636 --> 01:10:51,595 But just because you can't drink anymore 1544 01:10:51,725 --> 01:10:52,900 doesn't mean that I can't. Okay? 1545 01:10:54,075 --> 01:10:55,599 Is this how you drink? 1546 01:10:56,948 --> 01:10:58,297 Do you want to smell the bottle? 1547 01:10:58,428 --> 01:10:59,559 Get this shit away from me. 1548 01:10:59,690 --> 01:11:00,647 What the fuck is wrong with you? 1549 01:11:01,039 --> 01:11:02,910 Back in the '90s, 1550 01:11:03,041 --> 01:11:04,956 I was supposed to be the Sundance kid 1551 01:11:05,086 --> 01:11:06,566 but I was too boozed up. 1552 01:11:06,697 --> 01:11:08,873 That's you. I'm different and younger. 1553 01:11:09,700 --> 01:11:11,397 We were all younger. 1554 01:11:12,137 --> 01:11:14,313 Hey, if you want my help, you know where to find me. 1555 01:11:15,009 --> 01:11:16,881 If not, good luck, all right? 1556 01:11:17,795 --> 01:11:19,362 Oh, break a leg. 1557 01:11:19,492 --> 01:11:21,015 This is a fucking important movie. 1558 01:11:22,713 --> 01:11:24,628 No, Natasha, Okay, Natasha, come on. 1559 01:11:24,758 --> 01:11:25,846 Natasha? 1560 01:11:36,683 --> 01:11:37,641 Natasha! 1561 01:11:37,771 --> 01:11:39,338 Oh, fuck! 1562 01:11:59,489 --> 01:12:00,751 Yeah? 1563 01:12:04,581 --> 01:12:05,756 I need help. 1564 01:12:08,976 --> 01:12:10,630 That's a start. 1565 01:12:12,893 --> 01:12:14,330 It's gonna be all right. 1566 01:12:15,592 --> 01:12:16,593 Thank you. 1567 01:12:17,942 --> 01:12:19,030 Okay. 1568 01:12:19,944 --> 01:12:23,948 ♪ We'll be star struck and sunburned ♪ 1569 01:12:24,078 --> 01:12:27,299 ♪ [unclear] and tongue tied ♪ 1570 01:12:27,430 --> 01:12:29,954 [unclear lyrics] 1571 01:12:30,084 --> 01:12:33,436 ♪ Won't you please be mine? 1572 01:12:34,088 --> 01:12:35,873 ♪ Hush-a-bye 1573 01:12:36,003 --> 01:12:39,572 ♪ Never mind the bad things in your life ♪ 1574 01:12:39,703 --> 01:12:40,965 [sighs deeply] 1575 01:12:41,095 --> 01:12:42,793 ♪ Here's your lullaby 1576 01:12:44,664 --> 01:12:45,839 I'm sorry. 1577 01:12:48,929 --> 01:12:51,584 Oh, God, Ryan, I'm so, so sorry. 1578 01:12:53,151 --> 01:12:55,936 I never should have replaced you with Ralph Macchio. 1579 01:12:57,851 --> 01:12:59,984 I love you so much. 1580 01:13:01,115 --> 01:13:02,813 I think you're so talented. 1581 01:13:04,989 --> 01:13:08,035 Um, I've spent the last 12 hours 1582 01:13:08,166 --> 01:13:11,474 in 12 steps meetings and I've actually stayed. 1583 01:13:12,692 --> 01:13:13,824 I've actually listened. 1584 01:13:15,129 --> 01:13:16,914 And I really want to change. 1585 01:13:18,524 --> 01:13:20,004 I really want to try to stop drinking. 1586 01:13:20,787 --> 01:13:22,006 A day at a time. 1587 01:13:35,106 --> 01:13:36,760 I'm proud of you. 1588 01:13:36,890 --> 01:13:38,457 -Thank you. -Thank you. 1589 01:13:38,588 --> 01:13:39,850 Thank you. 1590 01:13:44,811 --> 01:13:46,944 Will you come with me to Los Angeles? 1591 01:13:48,641 --> 01:13:50,817 We can make a pitch to the Sand Dunepeople 1592 01:13:50,948 --> 01:13:53,907 And convince them in person as a team 1593 01:13:54,038 --> 01:13:55,779 to make our film. 1594 01:13:56,170 --> 01:13:57,911 Our film? 1595 01:13:59,086 --> 01:14:00,914 Yeah. Our. 1596 01:14:05,702 --> 01:14:06,746 Bagel? 1597 01:14:07,181 --> 01:14:09,053 No carbs. I'm a movie star now. 1598 01:14:09,183 --> 01:14:10,881 You're so cute. 1599 01:14:11,229 --> 01:14:13,753 All right, let's start packing. 1600 01:14:14,537 --> 01:14:15,538 Like, right now? 1601 01:14:15,668 --> 01:14:16,887 Yeah, we gotta go. 1602 01:14:17,017 --> 01:14:17,888 The deadline's in, like, eight hours. 1603 01:14:18,018 --> 01:14:20,238 Okay. Really? 1604 01:14:20,978 --> 01:14:23,720 -Yeah, I'm not fucking around. -Here, let me take that. 1605 01:14:29,900 --> 01:14:32,990 -Okay, here's the elevator. -Okay, press it. Press it. 1606 01:14:34,295 --> 01:14:36,863 Come on, why is it taking so long? 1607 01:14:36,994 --> 01:14:38,561 It's okay, Ryan, we can wait. 1608 01:14:38,691 --> 01:14:40,127 Come on, this is taking so long! 1609 01:14:40,258 --> 01:14:41,738 Okay, let's go. 1610 01:15:07,720 --> 01:15:10,854 -Can you hold the door? -Hold the door! 1611 01:15:11,724 --> 01:15:14,161 -Get out of the way, move! -[Ryan] Okay, I need a break. 1612 01:15:14,292 --> 01:15:15,728 [Halley] Okay. Let's take a break. 1613 01:15:16,773 --> 01:15:18,775 I'm so tired. I'm so tired. 1614 01:15:19,689 --> 01:15:21,604 Are you okay? Are you okay? 1615 01:15:22,169 --> 01:15:23,823 Oh, Ryan, Ryan. 1616 01:15:23,954 --> 01:15:25,259 I think that's Sand Dune. 1617 01:15:25,390 --> 01:15:26,652 -I think it's right there. -[Ryan] Where? 1618 01:15:26,783 --> 01:15:27,958 Ryan, right there. 1619 01:15:28,088 --> 01:15:29,699 -[Ryan] Let's go. -[Halley] Let's go. 1620 01:15:29,829 --> 01:15:31,091 [Ryan] All right. Go, go. 1621 01:15:32,049 --> 01:15:34,225 -Can you hold the door? -Hold the door, hold the door! 1622 01:15:34,355 --> 01:15:35,966 -Hold the door. -Go, go. 1623 01:15:36,096 --> 01:15:37,184 I'm gonna leave my suitcase here. 1624 01:15:37,315 --> 01:15:38,751 -Leave it. -Hi. 1625 01:15:40,318 --> 01:15:42,668 -[Ryan] I need water. -No time for water. 1626 01:15:42,799 --> 01:15:44,191 -Hi. -Are you guys okay? 1627 01:15:44,322 --> 01:15:47,543 Yeah. We're here to see the President of the-- 1628 01:15:47,673 --> 01:15:49,240 Sand Dunes institute screenwriter lab 1629 01:15:49,370 --> 01:15:51,590 of the Sand Dunes institute. 1630 01:15:51,721 --> 01:15:53,984 -For? -[Ryan] We have an idea. 1631 01:15:54,114 --> 01:15:55,202 What are you talking about? 1632 01:15:55,333 --> 01:15:56,726 I was in the-- 1633 01:15:56,856 --> 01:15:58,162 She was in The Squid and the Whale! 1634 01:15:58,597 --> 01:16:00,251 The Squid and the Whale? 1635 01:16:00,381 --> 01:16:02,732 Noah Baumbach's cinematic masterpiece? 1636 01:16:02,862 --> 01:16:04,560 Ring ding ding dong. 1637 01:16:05,082 --> 01:16:06,866 Oh, I'm so sorry. 1638 01:16:07,388 --> 01:16:09,826 I didn't recognize you on all fours. 1639 01:16:09,956 --> 01:16:12,176 Jesse will be so excited to see you. 1640 01:16:12,306 --> 01:16:14,004 Jesse? 1641 01:16:14,134 --> 01:16:16,920 Jesse Eisenberg, he's our guest celebrity judge this year. 1642 01:16:17,964 --> 01:16:19,052 [door opening] 1643 01:16:19,183 --> 01:16:20,619 [angelic music] 1644 01:16:20,750 --> 01:16:21,968 Oh! 1645 01:16:24,667 --> 01:16:25,842 Halley? 1646 01:16:25,972 --> 01:16:28,105 Oh God, Jesse. 1647 01:16:28,235 --> 01:16:29,802 It's like seeing an angel. 1648 01:16:35,765 --> 01:16:37,854 Oh, come on, I hate it when you talk to me like that. 1649 01:16:37,984 --> 01:16:42,075 I love it when you tell me that you hate things that I do. 1650 01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:44,556 Okay, why don't you guys get up of the floor? 1651 01:16:44,687 --> 01:16:45,862 No, we like being on the floor, 1652 01:16:45,992 --> 01:16:48,168 because it shows our deference to you. 1653 01:16:48,908 --> 01:16:50,214 Jesus Christ, okay. 1654 01:16:50,344 --> 01:16:51,694 Okay. 1655 01:16:52,695 --> 01:16:54,305 It's fun down here, right? 1656 01:16:54,435 --> 01:16:56,089 Right, how are you doing Ryan? 1657 01:16:56,220 --> 01:16:57,743 Hey Jesse, it's really great to see you. 1658 01:16:57,874 --> 01:16:59,615 -You look handsome. -Thanks. 1659 01:16:59,745 --> 01:17:00,964 So, what are you guys even doing here? 1660 01:17:01,094 --> 01:17:02,618 I'm sorry I never returned your calls. 1661 01:17:02,748 --> 01:17:04,707 It's just, your messages kinda freaked me out. 1662 01:17:04,837 --> 01:17:07,623 I'm so sorry, I know I freak myself out. 1663 01:17:07,753 --> 01:17:11,278 I-- I called you drunk and I make up these stories 1664 01:17:11,409 --> 01:17:12,932 about how great I'm doing. 1665 01:17:13,063 --> 01:17:16,109 And I just want you to think I'm cool. 1666 01:17:16,240 --> 01:17:19,112 And obviously, you know, I haven't been that cool. 1667 01:17:19,243 --> 01:17:21,158 But I really am trying to change. 1668 01:17:21,288 --> 01:17:23,334 And part of that change is taking my life 1669 01:17:23,464 --> 01:17:25,162 into my own hands. 1670 01:17:25,292 --> 01:17:29,209 Please, let us pitch our movie idea for you. 1671 01:17:32,735 --> 01:17:34,127 -I don't know. -Please. 1672 01:17:34,258 --> 01:17:35,607 -Please. Please. -Please. 1673 01:17:35,738 --> 01:17:37,653 -Please, please, please. -Please. 1674 01:17:38,044 --> 01:17:39,742 Yeah, please? 1675 01:17:39,872 --> 01:17:41,134 Please. 1676 01:17:41,831 --> 01:17:43,354 All right, what the hell? It's 5 minutes. 1677 01:17:43,484 --> 01:17:45,008 [squealing] 1678 01:17:45,138 --> 01:17:46,357 Thank you, Jesse. 1679 01:17:46,487 --> 01:17:47,793 They legalized gay marriage, Jesse. 1680 01:17:47,924 --> 01:17:49,142 Now, do you have a flamethrower, 1681 01:17:49,273 --> 01:17:50,709 three teacups, and an accompanist? 1682 01:17:50,840 --> 01:17:52,624 -Yeah, and three teacups? -[laughs] No. 1683 01:17:52,755 --> 01:17:53,973 No, we don't have teacups. 1684 01:17:54,104 --> 01:17:55,627 That is fine, we'll do it acapella. 1685 01:17:55,758 --> 01:17:57,063 Okay, do you wanna loosen up? 1686 01:17:57,194 --> 01:17:58,325 -Yeah, yeah. -All right. 1687 01:17:58,456 --> 01:17:59,936 -Here we go. -Okay. 1688 01:18:00,066 --> 01:18:01,154 Okay, I'm gonna drop you down, ready? 1689 01:18:01,285 --> 01:18:02,852 -Get down on your knees. -Okay. 1690 01:18:02,982 --> 01:18:04,331 -I'm gonna push your head. -Push it in. 1691 01:18:04,462 --> 01:18:07,030 -All right. -Aaah! 1692 01:18:11,164 --> 01:18:12,818 [Halley whispering] And a-five, and a-six, 1693 01:18:12,949 --> 01:18:14,690 And a five, six, seven-- 1694 01:18:14,820 --> 01:18:17,301 ♪ We wrote a movie starring both of us ♪ 1695 01:18:17,431 --> 01:18:19,129 ♪ It's amazing, I play me 1696 01:18:19,259 --> 01:18:20,652 ♪ And I'm Michael Chernus 1697 01:18:20,783 --> 01:18:24,177 ♪ There's foot cam and anal 1698 01:18:24,308 --> 01:18:27,746 ♪ But before we're through 1699 01:18:28,138 --> 01:18:29,879 ♪ In comes Ralph Macchio ♪ 1700 01:18:30,009 --> 01:18:31,968 ♪ And Urie packs up the crew 1701 01:18:32,446 --> 01:18:33,883 That's a wrap. 1702 01:18:34,492 --> 01:18:38,322 [playing simple melody] 1703 01:18:42,152 --> 01:18:45,155 ♪ Then it's dramatic, lots of drinking alone ♪ 1704 01:18:45,285 --> 01:18:48,724 ♪ My Anonymous sponsor is Natasha Lyonne ♪ 1705 01:18:48,854 --> 01:18:51,944 ♪ Jesse, so sorry for drunk dialing your phone ♪ 1706 01:18:52,075 --> 01:18:54,991 ♪ We were just hoping you would throw us a bone ♪ 1707 01:18:56,819 --> 01:19:00,736 ♪ 1708 01:19:01,562 --> 01:19:04,043 ♪ Tracee got Ben Stiller's money ♪ 1709 01:19:04,174 --> 01:19:06,132 ♪ Anorexics don't like honey ♪ 1710 01:19:06,263 --> 01:19:07,917 ♪ Crashing the 12 steps 1711 01:19:08,047 --> 01:19:10,310 ♪ Bandaged by her paramedics! 1712 01:19:11,007 --> 01:19:13,052 ♪ Then comes redemption ♪ 1713 01:19:13,183 --> 01:19:14,793 ♪ Sweet glory, yes it is 1714 01:19:14,924 --> 01:19:18,014 ♪ And that's how it all.. 1715 01:19:18,449 --> 01:19:20,233 ♪ Works 1716 01:19:20,364 --> 01:19:22,409 ♪ Works, yeah! 1717 01:19:22,888 --> 01:19:25,978 ♪ Fish her in, fish her in, fish her in ♪ 1718 01:19:26,109 --> 01:19:29,416 ♪ Works out! 1719 01:19:29,547 --> 01:19:32,028 ♪ Vanessa Williams 1720 01:19:36,336 --> 01:19:37,773 Bang. 1721 01:19:40,036 --> 01:19:41,994 Okay, that's it. [screams] 1722 01:19:42,125 --> 01:19:43,996 -Thank you guys. Thank you. -Thank you! Thank you! 1723 01:19:44,127 --> 01:19:46,869 -Thank you. -Thank you. Thank you. 1724 01:19:47,347 --> 01:19:48,871 Thank you. 1725 01:19:49,001 --> 01:19:51,221 I'm sorry, I'm completely confused here. 1726 01:19:51,351 --> 01:19:52,962 Um-- 1727 01:19:53,092 --> 01:19:54,441 Yeah, me too. I'm not sure what it is you want. 1728 01:19:55,051 --> 01:19:57,793 I don't mean to be dense, but what-- 1729 01:19:57,923 --> 01:19:59,098 What is the movie idea? I don't-- 1730 01:19:59,229 --> 01:20:00,404 I don't get it. 1731 01:20:01,405 --> 01:20:03,233 Um-- [whispering] I got it. 1732 01:20:03,363 --> 01:20:05,061 Yeah, it's basically about 1733 01:20:08,412 --> 01:20:10,153 A girl in the ballet. 1734 01:20:10,980 --> 01:20:15,158 And she has to play two different kinds of swans. 1735 01:20:15,288 --> 01:20:18,944 And one is really nice and sweet, and the other's 1736 01:20:19,423 --> 01:20:23,296 very dark and sexy. And how does she play both? 1737 01:20:24,254 --> 01:20:25,429 Basically. 1738 01:20:27,344 --> 01:20:28,606 Halley. 1739 01:20:31,174 --> 01:20:32,436 Okay, you're right. 1740 01:20:33,132 --> 01:20:35,874 That song has nothing to do with our movie idea. 1741 01:20:37,093 --> 01:20:39,008 No, Ryan's right. Yeah. 1742 01:20:40,139 --> 01:20:41,358 Oh my God. 1743 01:20:43,360 --> 01:20:45,231 Yeah, my whole life I've just been 1744 01:20:45,841 --> 01:20:48,321 trying to do the least amount of work possible. 1745 01:20:49,279 --> 01:20:52,848 Trying to trick people to give me things I don't deserve. 1746 01:20:55,198 --> 01:20:56,416 You wanna talk to her? 1747 01:20:56,547 --> 01:20:57,983 Yeah. 1748 01:20:58,114 --> 01:20:59,985 Um, again, I don't mean to be obtuse, 1749 01:21:00,116 --> 01:21:01,465 but I think we're probably all just 1750 01:21:01,595 --> 01:21:03,206 Wondering what-- what is the movie? 1751 01:21:06,078 --> 01:21:07,471 -We don't know. -We don't know. 1752 01:21:08,211 --> 01:21:09,516 We have no idea. 1753 01:21:09,647 --> 01:21:11,823 We are totally unprepared for this meeting. 1754 01:21:11,954 --> 01:21:13,564 It really breaks my heart 1755 01:21:13,694 --> 01:21:15,566 because I have dreamed about this moment 1756 01:21:15,696 --> 01:21:18,221 my whole life. 1757 01:21:19,439 --> 01:21:21,267 You know what, Ryan? It's okay. 1758 01:21:22,312 --> 01:21:23,530 Let's go. 1759 01:21:24,488 --> 01:21:26,620 We finally have humility. 1760 01:21:30,146 --> 01:21:32,496 Uh, okay, goodbye Halley, thanks a lot. 1761 01:21:32,626 --> 01:21:34,019 Bye Ryan. 1762 01:21:41,287 --> 01:21:42,506 Have a good flight. 1763 01:21:43,289 --> 01:21:44,508 So that's it? 1764 01:21:45,204 --> 01:21:48,338 Yeah, you're not gonna try to stop us? 1765 01:21:48,468 --> 01:21:50,209 No, I think we've got it. 1766 01:21:50,340 --> 01:21:51,471 -I think, yeah. -Yeah. 1767 01:21:51,602 --> 01:21:53,038 Thank you. 1768 01:21:53,169 --> 01:21:54,866 I'm not sure exactly what we've got. 1769 01:21:54,997 --> 01:21:56,563 -Jesse. -Yeah I know. 1770 01:21:57,086 --> 01:21:59,566 Sorry, I'm not really sure what it is you want us to say. 1771 01:22:01,177 --> 01:22:02,352 I don't know. 1772 01:22:05,050 --> 01:22:07,923 Don't forget your keyboard application. 1773 01:22:15,104 --> 01:22:16,322 Bye, good luck. 1774 01:22:17,193 --> 01:22:18,411 Great energy. 1775 01:22:26,245 --> 01:22:28,204 Hey guys, hey, wait up. 1776 01:22:29,335 --> 01:22:30,554 Listen, before you go, 1777 01:22:31,381 --> 01:22:32,556 for whatever it's worth, 1778 01:22:33,600 --> 01:22:35,037 You both seem to have such a 1779 01:22:35,559 --> 01:22:38,214 unique connection, and I think 1780 01:22:38,562 --> 01:22:40,085 maybe if you looked into that, 1781 01:22:40,781 --> 01:22:42,261 you might have an interesting story. 1782 01:22:46,439 --> 01:22:48,441 Whoa, whoa, okay. Oh. 1783 01:22:48,572 --> 01:22:50,966 All right, okay. Thanks, guys-- Thank you, Ryan. 1784 01:22:51,096 --> 01:22:52,663 -Thank you, Jesse. -Thanks. 1785 01:22:52,793 --> 01:22:55,448 Okay, so, thank you so much, really it's time to go now. 1786 01:22:55,579 --> 01:22:57,320 Shut up, Facebook. 1787 01:22:57,450 --> 01:22:58,974 That's cute, thank you. 1788 01:22:59,104 --> 01:23:00,236 Okay, thanks guys-- No, no, don't do that. 1789 01:23:00,366 --> 01:23:01,498 Oh, okay. 1790 01:23:01,628 --> 01:23:03,108 Okay, thanks. 1791 01:23:03,587 --> 01:23:05,371 Okay, hey Halley come here for a second. 1792 01:23:07,591 --> 01:23:09,071 I still think you're cool. 1793 01:23:09,201 --> 01:23:10,463 Okay? 1794 01:23:10,594 --> 01:23:12,378 All right. Now, get out of here, scamp. 1795 01:23:12,509 --> 01:23:16,252 [pleasant music] 1796 01:23:23,607 --> 01:23:26,131 So, Michael Chernus. 1797 01:23:26,740 --> 01:23:29,221 The last part of my 9th step of amends is 1798 01:23:29,917 --> 01:23:33,095 something that is really difficult to tell you. 1799 01:23:36,315 --> 01:23:38,361 A year ago, I... 1800 01:23:39,144 --> 01:23:42,539 violated your privacy in a major way. 1801 01:23:43,453 --> 01:23:44,758 By, um, 1802 01:23:45,455 --> 01:23:48,371 turning the intimate details of our life together 1803 01:23:48,501 --> 01:23:51,374 into a 10 page screenplay. 1804 01:23:51,809 --> 01:23:54,159 And 5 minute teaser trailer. 1805 01:23:55,856 --> 01:23:59,512 I'm so, so sorry 1806 01:23:59,643 --> 01:24:01,688 for betraying your trust this way. 1807 01:24:04,648 --> 01:24:08,086 My living amends to you is my sobriety. 1808 01:24:09,000 --> 01:24:12,525 In my sobriety I will work every day to treat you with 1809 01:24:12,656 --> 01:24:15,267 respect and dignity. 1810 01:24:21,882 --> 01:24:23,580 Okay, wait, hold on. 1811 01:24:23,710 --> 01:24:25,234 You what? 1812 01:24:25,364 --> 01:24:26,626 That's what your movie was? 1813 01:24:27,627 --> 01:24:29,629 I'm so sorry. 1814 01:24:37,681 --> 01:24:41,337 Well, you certainly did a lot of fucked up things. 1815 01:24:42,686 --> 01:24:45,471 I've spent a lot of time being angry with you. 1816 01:24:47,473 --> 01:24:48,561 But... 1817 01:24:49,910 --> 01:24:51,564 After we broke up, 1818 01:24:51,695 --> 01:24:54,176 I decided to make a lot of changes in my life too. 1819 01:24:55,220 --> 01:24:57,266 I cleaned up my act, 1820 01:24:57,701 --> 01:24:59,094 I got my own place, 1821 01:24:59,703 --> 01:25:01,183 And I'm 1822 01:25:01,313 --> 01:25:04,186 learning to let go of my anger. 1823 01:25:06,405 --> 01:25:07,624 I love you. 1824 01:25:08,668 --> 01:25:10,105 Always have. 1825 01:25:10,801 --> 01:25:12,194 [laughs] 1826 01:25:13,673 --> 01:25:16,720 I know that it took guts to apologize like you just did. 1827 01:25:18,635 --> 01:25:22,334 I've never seen that in you before. 1828 01:25:23,814 --> 01:25:30,125 Well, I have never seen that in you before. 1829 01:25:30,560 --> 01:25:32,083 What? 1830 01:25:32,214 --> 01:25:33,563 Your chin. 1831 01:25:35,304 --> 01:25:36,435 Your chin. 1832 01:25:36,566 --> 01:25:38,133 [laughs awkwardly] 1833 01:25:38,263 --> 01:25:39,438 Cause you shaved. 1834 01:25:39,569 --> 01:25:41,179 -Cause you-- -Because I shaved, yeah. 1835 01:25:41,310 --> 01:25:43,312 Yeah, so you look-- I never saw the chin-- yeah. 1836 01:25:43,442 --> 01:25:45,227 -Because there was-- -Because there was hair there. 1837 01:25:45,357 --> 01:25:46,706 -[Halley] Yeah, uh huh. -That's funny. 1838 01:25:46,837 --> 01:25:48,273 It was a joke that-- 1839 01:25:48,404 --> 01:25:50,406 It was funny, you just didn't get-- 1840 01:25:50,536 --> 01:25:52,582 Wanna get a fro-yo before your big night? 1841 01:25:52,973 --> 01:25:54,888 Yeah. Tote-- totes. 1842 01:25:55,237 --> 01:25:56,586 I totally do. 1843 01:25:56,716 --> 01:25:58,153 Okay. 1844 01:26:01,765 --> 01:26:03,245 Come on, you. 1845 01:26:03,941 --> 01:26:05,508 [Halley] You did really like that joke? 1846 01:26:05,899 --> 01:26:08,293 [Michael] You tell a joke? I thought you quit that. 1847 01:26:08,641 --> 01:26:10,382 [Halley] Just cause you don't drink doesn't mean 1848 01:26:10,513 --> 01:26:11,775 you can't like jokes. 1849 01:26:12,167 --> 01:26:16,171 [upbeat, triumphant music] 1850 01:26:16,301 --> 01:26:18,347 [cameras clicking] 1851 01:26:26,268 --> 01:26:27,486 All right, you got this. 1852 01:26:29,401 --> 01:26:31,795 [cheering] 1853 01:26:45,939 --> 01:26:48,203 [quirky music] 1854 01:26:48,333 --> 01:26:51,554 [audience laughing] 1855 01:26:53,295 --> 01:26:54,861 -Aw! -Aw. 1856 01:26:55,471 --> 01:26:57,299 [snickering] 1857 01:26:57,777 --> 01:27:00,215 Ryan, my genius brother. 1858 01:27:00,345 --> 01:27:02,217 Will you help me make my movie? 1859 01:27:02,347 --> 01:27:03,348 Yes. 1860 01:27:03,479 --> 01:27:05,263 So Ryan, I have to ask you 1861 01:27:05,394 --> 01:27:07,570 a dire straights question, right Ryan? 1862 01:27:07,700 --> 01:27:10,529 Halley and I have been working on a new screenplay idea. 1863 01:27:10,660 --> 01:27:12,357 It's more like a comment on real life. 1864 01:27:12,488 --> 01:27:14,751 Would you be into directing it? 1865 01:27:15,317 --> 01:27:16,709 [man] Yes. 1866 01:27:17,101 --> 01:27:19,625 [Halley] The Untitled Greenlight Halley Feiffer Vehicle 1867 01:27:19,756 --> 01:27:21,279 Promo Trailer Project. 1868 01:27:21,410 --> 01:27:23,760 I'm ready to go again, now. 1869 01:27:23,890 --> 01:27:25,457 [Michael] All right guys, focus. 1870 01:27:26,502 --> 01:27:27,633 Focus. 1871 01:27:27,764 --> 01:27:28,982 Wow. 1872 01:27:29,113 --> 01:27:30,593 [Tracee] Halley, I need to take your prop. 1873 01:27:30,723 --> 01:27:32,551 What, no Tracee! No! 1874 01:27:32,682 --> 01:27:33,857 -[screaming] -[crashing] 1875 01:27:35,075 --> 01:27:36,642 Whoopsie Daisy. 1876 01:27:36,773 --> 01:27:38,209 [exclaiming excitedly] 1877 01:27:38,340 --> 01:27:40,559 You're such an idiot, I remember. 1878 01:27:41,256 --> 01:27:44,389 Wait Tracee, get me some more, um, rosé. 1879 01:27:44,868 --> 01:27:47,436 No. Cut. That's a wrap. 1880 01:27:47,566 --> 01:27:48,959 The movie's over, you can pack up your gear. 1881 01:27:49,481 --> 01:27:51,483 Take off, we're done here. 1882 01:27:52,528 --> 01:27:53,920 Michael! 1883 01:27:54,051 --> 01:27:57,794 [deep voice laughing maniacally] 1884 01:27:57,924 --> 01:28:01,841 [ominous music] 1885 01:28:07,760 --> 01:28:09,893 [Halley sobbing] 1886 01:28:10,023 --> 01:28:11,416 [wine bottle popping] 1887 01:28:12,722 --> 01:28:16,552 [gagging] 1888 01:28:22,514 --> 01:28:26,997 [dramatic music] 1889 01:28:31,436 --> 01:28:32,655 [sniffling] 1890 01:28:42,055 --> 01:28:47,931 ♪ 1891 01:28:58,463 --> 01:29:01,771 ["Save The Best For Last" by Vanessa Williams] 1892 01:29:01,901 --> 01:29:03,338 [gentle moaning] 1893 01:29:10,736 --> 01:29:13,478 We wanted to make it more like Capturing the Freidmans, 1894 01:29:13,609 --> 01:29:16,829 So we added some mysterious eroticism. 1895 01:29:18,701 --> 01:29:23,096 ♪ Sometimes the sun goes 'round the moon ♪ 1896 01:29:23,227 --> 01:29:27,840 ♪ I see the passion in your eyes ♪ 1897 01:29:28,275 --> 01:29:31,888 ♪ Sometimes it's all a big surprise ♪ 1898 01:29:32,018 --> 01:29:33,368 Mom. 1899 01:29:33,498 --> 01:29:34,630 Mom. 1900 01:29:35,021 --> 01:29:37,894 Ryan, why are you calling me mom? 1901 01:29:38,982 --> 01:29:40,984 I'm really worried about my feelings towards Halley. 1902 01:29:41,114 --> 01:29:42,899 I think they turned sexual. 1903 01:29:44,117 --> 01:29:45,510 Ryan, who's Halley? 1904 01:29:46,816 --> 01:29:47,991 And where is Michael? 1905 01:29:48,818 --> 01:29:50,689 I love her, mommy. 1906 01:29:50,820 --> 01:29:52,038 What's that thing on my face? 1907 01:29:52,169 --> 01:29:54,084 Get that camera outta my face! 1908 01:29:54,998 --> 01:29:56,347 It's Vanessa Williams. 1909 01:29:56,478 --> 01:29:57,827 [door creaking] 1910 01:29:58,654 --> 01:30:03,746 ♪ Is the one thing you can't see ♪ 1911 01:30:07,010 --> 01:30:09,012 [ominous music] 1912 01:30:09,142 --> 01:30:10,492 Children! 1913 01:30:10,622 --> 01:30:12,015 It is I, 1914 01:30:12,929 --> 01:30:16,454 world famous satirist. 1915 01:30:16,585 --> 01:30:17,803 Jules Feiffer. 1916 01:30:18,848 --> 01:30:20,197 -Hey, Dad. -Hey, Dad. 1917 01:30:20,763 --> 01:30:22,417 Hi. 1918 01:30:22,547 --> 01:30:24,767 What are you doing? This is incest. 1919 01:30:24,897 --> 01:30:26,682 The last taboo! 1920 01:30:26,812 --> 01:30:28,248 You are besmirching 1921 01:30:28,858 --> 01:30:31,904 the Feiffer kingdom, you two should kill yourselves. 1922 01:30:32,296 --> 01:30:33,863 He's really good, isn't he? 1923 01:30:34,516 --> 01:30:37,823 You two should kill yourselves! 1924 01:30:37,954 --> 01:30:39,912 I love you. 1925 01:30:40,043 --> 01:30:41,392 It's not our fault. 1926 01:30:41,523 --> 01:30:42,872 [Halley] I know. 1927 01:30:43,002 --> 01:30:44,656 [Ryan sobbing] 1928 01:30:47,267 --> 01:30:48,704 [gun cocking] 1929 01:30:51,097 --> 01:30:52,925 [Ryan moaning] 1930 01:30:53,056 --> 01:30:54,405 [gun shot] 1931 01:30:54,536 --> 01:30:58,975 ♪ 1932 01:30:59,105 --> 01:31:00,716 [Halley whispering] Really good. 1933 01:31:09,551 --> 01:31:10,769 [gun cocking] 1934 01:31:13,119 --> 01:31:14,469 [gun shot] 1935 01:31:14,599 --> 01:31:20,866 ♪ 1936 01:31:25,828 --> 01:31:27,090 Yeah! 1937 01:31:27,220 --> 01:31:31,007 [Ryan and Halley cheering] 1938 01:31:31,137 --> 01:31:35,054 [jazz music] 1939 01:31:35,185 --> 01:31:36,708 [Ryan] Working so hard. 1940 01:31:36,839 --> 01:31:39,494 We're so awesome. 1941 01:31:40,973 --> 01:31:42,540 We're so good! 1942 01:31:43,193 --> 01:31:44,803 We're so good! 1943 01:31:44,934 --> 01:31:46,152 Yes, we are! 1944 01:31:46,283 --> 01:31:47,980 [Halley] We're so good! 1945 01:31:48,111 --> 01:31:49,678 We're so good! 1946 01:31:49,808 --> 01:31:50,940 Yes, yes, yes. 1947 01:31:51,070 --> 01:31:53,986 [chanting] 1948 01:31:56,162 --> 01:31:57,642 I love us so much. 1949 01:31:57,773 --> 01:31:58,948 [Ryan] We are so vital. 1950 01:32:00,906 --> 01:32:04,780 ♪ Hey, my vagina is eight miles wide ♪ 1951 01:32:05,128 --> 01:32:08,610 ♪ Absolutely everyone can come inside ♪ 1952 01:32:08,958 --> 01:32:11,134 ♪ If you're ever frightened just run ♪ 1953 01:32:11,264 --> 01:32:13,528 I'm Michael Ausiello for TVline.com. 1954 01:32:13,658 --> 01:32:16,008 We're here at the premier of Capturing the Feiffers. 1955 01:32:16,139 --> 01:32:17,749 [sobbing] 1956 01:32:17,880 --> 01:32:19,229 Let's get the reaction. Hi how was the movie? 1957 01:32:19,359 --> 01:32:21,100 I don't want to [bleep] talk about it. 1958 01:32:22,101 --> 01:32:23,538 Hi, how was the movie? 1959 01:32:24,147 --> 01:32:25,235 Reaction to the movie? 1960 01:32:25,365 --> 01:32:27,237 [speaking in Spanish] 1961 01:32:27,367 --> 01:32:28,804 Hey, what did you think of the movie? 1962 01:32:28,934 --> 01:32:30,196 I'm gonna throw up. 1963 01:32:30,327 --> 01:32:31,850 What did you think of the movie? 1964 01:32:31,981 --> 01:32:33,635 -It's [bleep] sick. -Reaction to the movie? 1965 01:32:35,898 --> 01:32:37,029 -Reaction to the-- -No. 1966 01:32:37,160 --> 01:32:38,509 Hi, what did you think of the movie? 1967 01:32:38,640 --> 01:32:40,119 Two thumbs up your [bleep]. 1968 01:32:43,035 --> 01:32:45,864 In another entertainment news, Ben Stiller is still missing. 1969 01:32:46,865 --> 01:32:52,958 ["Hurry up and Take Your Time" by Lance Horne and Lea De Laria] 1970 01:33:01,706 --> 01:33:06,842 ♪ We've got all night, or do we? ♪ 1971 01:33:08,800 --> 01:33:14,371 ♪ My clock is off and screwy 1972 01:33:15,285 --> 01:33:22,335 ♪ Hey, come up a notch, you're on my watch ♪ 1973 01:33:22,466 --> 01:33:28,211 ♪ Hurry up and take your time 1974 01:33:32,215 --> 01:33:37,394 ♪ It's all all right, or is it 1975 01:33:39,222 --> 01:33:45,620 ♪ Your fall was quite exquisite ♪ 1976 01:33:45,750 --> 01:33:52,322 ♪ Hey, don't be cross, you're still the boss ♪ 1977 01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:58,981 ♪ Hurry up and take your time ♪ 1978 01:33:59,111 --> 01:34:05,944 ♪ I'm mixing up the plural and possessive ♪ 1979 01:34:06,075 --> 01:34:12,298 ♪ I'll mine and mine alone if that's impressive ♪ 1980 01:34:12,429 --> 01:34:18,609 ♪ And know that I am libel to say yes if ♪ 1981 01:34:18,740 --> 01:34:25,311 ♪ You're prime 1982 01:34:25,616 --> 01:34:31,666 ♪ I hope I'm not appearing too demanding ♪ 1983 01:34:31,796 --> 01:34:37,715 ♪ You just look like you could use some second hand aid ♪ 1984 01:34:39,108 --> 01:34:41,850 ♪ Open the gate 1985 01:34:42,328 --> 01:34:45,244 ♪ No rush, I'll wait ♪ 1986 01:34:45,636 --> 01:34:52,121 ♪ Hurry up, and take your time ♪ 1987 01:34:52,251 --> 01:34:58,431 [saxophone solo] 1988 01:35:21,411 --> 01:35:28,287 ♪ 1989 01:35:44,608 --> 01:35:51,267 ♪ The traces of your breath are rather haunting ♪ 1990 01:35:51,397 --> 01:35:54,357 ♪ You're making out with everything you're wanting ♪ 130327