All language subtitles for At.Middleton.2013.720p.WEB-DL.H264-PublicHD

♪ I head east towards the city ♪

♪ And when the sun goes down ♪

♪ I'm heading home again ♪

♪ The city lights
have left me empty ♪

♪ They've replaced the stars ♪

♪ that used to shine so bright ♪

♪ But I will smile ♪

♪ And I'll keep you close ♪

♪ And when the sun breaks ♪

♪ in the morning... ♪

It's a fanfare.

It's great...
arrival music.

It's "Fanfare for a Son"...
a classic.

Dad, I caved on the shirt.
I'm not wearing the tie.

A young man in a tie
makes a statement.

What, that my father dresses me
in the morning?

Nobody wears ties
to these things.

What?

Without the tie,
we're having the sex talk.

Oh, my God.

I need a six-letter word
for llama.

Llama?
Yeah.

Vicuña.

How could you possibly
know that?

Give me another one.

Okay, um, feckless.

What's another word
for feckless?

Feckless?
Yeah.

Honey, feckless
is the other word.

Come on, it's nine letters.

♪ It's getting cold
out on that big lake ♪

♪ And the water's painted blue ♪

♪ Don't let the skyline
fool you, baby... ♪

Mom.
Yeah?

You just missed the turn.
No, I didn't.

You looked right at the sign
that said Middleton Campus.

Not This Way.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

What is wrong with you?
You're gonna make me late.

It's pointless!

What's pointless?

The goddamn nine-letter word
for feckless.

Pointless.

Right?

Look, Conrad,
I know that Middleton

is not at the top of your list,

but just give it a chance.

Sometimes a place
can surprise you.

I'm surprised
no one's wearing a tie.

Can't you just park head in,
like most

every other driver
on the planet?

I've told you before,
you have much better visibility

when you're exiting
a parking space...

Dad, you just got parked.

Hi. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me.
Hi. Good morning.

Hi.
Good morning.

Uh, you took my spot.

I thought you were
pulling into that one.

No, I was gonna back...
you know, I was going to go like...

and then come in
and back into this one like that.

Ah, you're one of those.

What does that mean?
Look, it's a parking lot.

There's a space.
Celebrate.

Celebrate?

Of course a guy
who wears a bow tie

would back into
a parking space.

Mom, just let it go.

Celebrate.

I bet you he irons
his underwear.

I bet you he waits 30 minutes
after eating before swimming.

You know fuming
is feckless, right?

Yeah, and I bet you he made
his boy wear that tie.

Oh, my God, let's go!

Of course she drives an X5
with 40-inch wheels

because we all know
how treacherous

these paved roads can be.

She had Colorado plates.

Yeah, well, God save
the grizzlies.

All right, hey, everybody.

Gather round.

Hope everybody had
a good drive in, 10:00 tour.

Okay, welcome to
Meet Middleton!

First, let's meet Justin. Hi.

That's me. I'm Justin.
Great to meet you guys.

I'll be taking you around today.

Let's just pass
these bad boys out...

a little brochure, a map of the campus,
know where we're going.

Okay, cool.

A couple things about me...
I'm a junior at the college

and a double major
in music and horticulture...

unfortunately known
as a dingleberry.

Thank you.

Um, we're gonna take
a two-hour tour,

after which
we'll break for lunch.

And then we're gonna have
a pretty exciting thing.

You're gonna meet
the faculty member

from the department
of your choice.

And by the time
the afternoon bell sounds...

you'll have fallen in love.

I guarantee it.

Well, all right, so let's get
this little tour bus on the road,

you rock stars.

Come on!
Let's get going.

They have a planetarium.
It's an observatory.

It's an observatory, chief.

A fun fact
about the walkwaywe're currently on...

it was built by
a thousand children in 1842.

What a waste
of a perfectly beautiful tie.

Tell me about it.
I'm just kidding.Just 100...

Lovely day.
Let's go over here.

Come on in. Come on in.
Don't be shy.

It's just me.

Now, the college,
which is situated on

just over 100
breathtaking acres,

was founded in 1887
by Lowndes Pope Middleton,

who as a young man
made a fortune in whale blubber

before finding his true calling

in education and philanthropy.

Now, his bronze likeness

once stood upon this pedestal,

but fell prey to some bandits

in the late 1960s.

Why didn't they replace him?

Well, you know, these boots
have sort of become

a living metaphor
for the mission of Middleton.

Have you had any deaths
on campus?

You'd be surprised.
There are a lot of deaths.

I'm just kidding.
There's... no.

Very, very safe here.

We have a security team of students.
They're volunteers.

They're constantly patrolling.
We give them small nightsticks.

And they make sure everybody
sort of stays in order.

It's a good system.

I see the toe of the boot
is fairly worn out.

Is that a tradition...
to rub the toes there?

It is. It is.
Thank you for bringing that up.

Before an important day
or test or something,

you're supposed
to kiss the boot.

Any rapes?

A lot of rapes.
But that's typica lat college, you know.

That's what you're getting into.

Yeah.
So it's a fantastic tradition.

I need a coffee.
You had two cups in the car.

Do you want one? Can I get you one?
No.

Cool. Any more questions?
Love questions.

They're not even gonna
notice I'm gone, okay?

Excuse me.
Our next stop on the tour

is gonna be the Pope Library.

Now this thing is
brand-spanking-new,

so you're gonna be pretty
impressed.

Okay? Just remember,
don't smudge the glass.

It's the hospital.
I'll see you in the library.

All right.
And wipe those boots before entering.

Come on, you rascals.

We're having fun.
We're having fun.

Say it.

Hello. Yes.
Dr. Hartman.

Yes. Hello?

Yes, Dr. Ha... hello?
Hello?

Unbelievable.

One of those, please.

Make it two.

I hear they keep
the doctor away.

I talked... doctor...

but... when...
George, are you...

The connection... George?

George? Hey.

George, are you the...?

Can't hear... you there?

George, I'm dying.
Help me.

Larry, are you there? Larry.

George, you still there?
Yeah, I got you.

George?
Listen, Larry,

there's nothing
to worry about, okay?

You're in good hands.
I need you to relax.

Call me anytime, all right?
Larry? Larry?

These things are so feckless,
don't you think?

Excuse me?

These tours.

Feckless?
Mm-hmm.

Let me guess...
You're a high school English teacher.

Wrong. How about you?

Wait, let me guess.
Let me guess.

Are you
a Brooks Brothers model?

I'm a cardiac surgeon.
I was speaking with a patient.

Mm, so you can fix a heart
over the phone?

Depends on the data plan.

Well, is he gonna make it?

I'm not sure.

George Hartman.

What?

Heart man?
Oh, yes.

Well, what can I say?
I like things neat.

I'm Edith Martin.

Edith? Oh.

Oh, I know, I know,

but it's gonna make a comeback.

Just wait and see.

Excuse me.

Do you know where
the Pope Library is?

Yeah.

It's the building next
to the building

behind that building.

So next to the thing?

Exactly.

43 grand a year and that's
the best they can do?

You made your boy
put on that tie, didn't you?

You mean the waste of a tie.

Well, it's obvious
he doesn't want to wear it.

I was just trying
to be encouraging.

Well, your girl
seemed very determined.

Audrey. Yeah, I named her
after Audrey Hepburn,

but it was a serious
miscalculation.

I should have named her Benito.

A smartphone fascist?
Right?

Oh, my God.

If Audrey had to give up
either her phone

or a kidney, she'd be on dialysis,
I'm sure of it.

So is Middleton
your first stop?

No, it's our only stop.

Yeah, I couldn't get her
to look anyplace else.

My husband was supposed
to chaperone, but...

he couldn't get off of work.

I told my wife that...

I wouldn't miss this
for the world.

I think it's a little
slice of heaven.

Middleton?

Yes, Middleton.

Eh, a little small
for my taste.

We all like books here
a lot at Middleton.

We're big fans of books.

Our library, the Pope Library,

has on hand
over 200,000 volumes of books

as well as a huge collection
of rare books.

It's not small.
It's intimate is what it is.

God, these things are like
a dog and pony show.

They give your child
no idea whatsoever

what it would be like
to actually go here.

It's just a day.

Books are like the magazines of the gods.
Am I right?

Sometimes a day
can be an eternity.

Particularly if you're
in the company of a man

who backs into a parking space.

It's a good place
to come and study.

There's actually
a floor upstairs

that you're required
to be quiet.

These tours are like a first date.

She's smart. She's pretty.
She smells good.

Maybe you'll try to stick
your hand up her shirt.

Shh!

My favorite
is "Cat Fancy" and "Dog Fancy,"

"House and Garden,"
"Botanist's Weekly,"

"Architectural Digest"...
a whole array of stuff.

A lot of good magazines here.

I'm just always
trying to keep up.

Now, this is pretty exciting...

currently we have on loan
from the British Library

a manuscript from renowned poet
and author Charles Dodgson.

Now, Dodgson didn't write
under his real name.

Lewis Carroll.

Very good. Very nice.

Um, Carroll's masterwork

"Alice's Adventures
in Wonderland"...

that's gonna be here till
the end of the month,

so we're very excited.

Excuse me.

I find it extraordinary

that Lewis Carroll's masterwork
would be available

to such a small college.

I think it's incredible. I do.

But, you know, a lot of really
cool stuff happens here.

Um, this past weekend

Snatches of Pink played
a free concert on the quad.

Ah Justin.
Hmm?

On a scale of 1 to 10,

could you rate the effect
on your life respectively

of the visiting manuscript

versus the Snatches
of Pink concert?

The Snatches were tight.

The Snatches
were tight, George.

So let's...
Tight.

Hey, let's float on over
to this residence hall.

Ooh, speaking of floating...
I know what that means.

Just up the stairs

and, ironically,
it's just past the Ps.

All righty, so come on.

This dorm we're gonna go see...
it's actually named after

the fourth of Middleton's
seven illegitimate children.

Osborne.
You're killing it.

You're on fire.

She's the one to beat, you guys.

Seven children
from seven women...

hey, Middleton
was no Moby Dick.

Hey.
Hey.

I am on fire right now.
This woman's driving me crazy...

completely loony.

You look very handsome.

A little pinch in there
and we'll be all set.

What do you think of it so far?

Of what?
Middleton.

It's small.

It's not small.
It's intimate.

Why are you cramming
this place down my throat?

Who's cramming?

Can't you just let me
figure it out myself?

How are you gonna figure it out

with this kind
of feckless approach?

Feckless?
Feckless.

That would be
"not tight" to you.

Dad, please don't
say "tight."

Where are you going?

I'm going to figure
it out myself.

I think he's rounding second.

Hey. How are you?

You think they're freshmen?

Yeah.

Carry on. Carry on.

You know,
it's not polite to stare.

I'm not staring.
Oh, you were a statue.

How long were you there?
Just long enough to catch you staring.

What are you doing up here?
Going to the bathroom.

Is that your story?
Because my money's on you followed me.

I did no such thing.
Of course you did.

Yeah, I could easily say
that you came up here

so I would follow you.

You could.
And you'd be wrong.

Excuse me. Hey.
I'm trying to write a paper here.

You know, this is a library.

I'm sorry.
We're being rude.

What paper are you working on?

You wouldn't be interested.
Give it a shot. I might surprise you.

What have you got there?
Hemingway? Steinbeck?

That's cute.
"Images of Sexual Alienation

As They Relate
to the Monkey Garden

in 'The House on Mango Street.'"

I got nothing for you.
Good luck.

What, you guys get separated
from the tour?

Yeah.

Dingleberry?
Yeah.

You're better off on your own.

Thank you.

Okay, I did follow you.

Ha! Why?

I wanted to apologize.
For what?

For being that guy.
Oh.

Oh, pshh.
You're not really that guy.

I mean, your son thinks
you're that guy.

But trust me,
you're definitely not that guy.

Monkey Garden back there
will grow up to be that guy.

Anyway, apology accepted.

Thank you.

Where do you suppose they are?

Well...

uh, library.

According to the schedule,
Osborne Hall.

Yeah?

Is Osborne Hall...
Is where?

...around here?

Oh, it's in the building

next to the building
behind that building.

Osborne Hall,
which is where I'm going.

Okay, let me guess...

you sell...

antiques.

Hmm.

Gardening equipment.
Mm.

Antique gardening equipment.

Children's furniture.
Really?

High-end children's furniture.

And what constitutes high-end
children's furniture?

It being in my store.

How about you?

So you fix broken hearts.
Do you have any other children?

No. You?

No, Audrey's all we can handle.

I thought they would be here.

Hello?

Hi. Where are you?

Where are you?
I thought you said

we were gonna do this together.

Well, yeah,
that's what I thought,

until it became obvious

I've become some endless
well of embarrassment for you.

You know how important
this day is to me.

Why are you doing this?

I don't know. I don't know
what you're talking about.

"How many people
have been killed at Middleton?"

Oh, come on.

You're indicting me
for being a caring parent?

No, I'm indicting the succubus
that body-snatched your soul

and is walking around
in your clothes today.

She just called me a succubus.

Succubus?
Listen to me, Audrey.

Okay...
No, Mom, you listen.

This is the beginning
of my Middleton experience.

And I'm not gonna
let you ruin it.

I'm going here.
I'm gonna study with Emerson.

And you know what else?
I'm gonna finish.

Okay, what does that mean?

It means that I won't
have to settle

for selling furniture
the rest of my life.

Ooh!

I can't. I can't. No.

Oh, God.

Okay, you know what?

I'd say that you're
behaving like

a five-letter word
that means "female dog."

So, listen, when I was
in the library,

I happened to run
into the dean of students

who just volunteered
to give George and me

a personal tour of the campus.
What?

Dean Pruitt?
Yeah, in the flesh.

But what we're seeing
isn't on the regular tour, no.

You get to meet Middleton.
We get to feel her up.

Really?
Really.

So take your personal space.

Enjoy the cookie-cutter tour
with the Dingleberry.

And, you know, call me
when you need a ride home.

That was very impressive.
What?

The way you so convincingly
lied to your daughter.

Yeah? I'm not even warmed up.

Hi.
Oh, hey. What's going on?

Audrey Martin.
Hi. Conrad Hartman.

Parking lot earlier.

Yeah, I remember.
Yeah. Yeah.

Nice to meet you.
You as well.

So where is your mom?

Um, who cares?

What do you mean?

She seems pretty cool,
for a mom.

Why didn't your mom
make the trip?

You know, this is Dad's thing.

And Dad's thing's
really Mom's thing.

I guess he wanted it to be
some kind of bonding experience,

but I'm totally not feeling it.

It just seems all so feckless.

You said "feckless."

Yeah, feckless.

Yeah.

You know, maybe
Monkey Garden is right.

Maybe we'd do better
on our own.

Are you advocating tour hooky?

Yep.
What do I tell Conrad?

Oh, you know, I don't know.
Just give him some space.

You know?
Let him loosen his tie.

But this visit was my idea.

He's gonna think
I flaked out on him.

He doesn't even have
lunch money.

I don't think so.

You know, they're
probably in class.

Look, we'll bring
them right back.

No.
This is fate.

This is theft, Edith.

When was the last time
you rode a bike, George?

Yeah, my point exactly.

Now get on.

According to the Dingleberry,

we have a little over
100 breathtaking acres at our disposal.

You know?
We need the speed.

Come on.
We'll bring 'em right back.

Come on, Hartman!

Get the stick out of your ass!

Hey.

All right.

12.
What?

Last time I rode a bike,
I was 12.

Are you sure
you're okay, George?

You strike me as a
helmet-wearing kind of guy.

Oh! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!

I think I lost a testicle.

Wow!

You okay?

Yeah. Just give me
a second.

Unbelievable.

Look, you can see
the entire campus.

You can see the town.
Yeah. Yeah.

You can see the one car
parked backwards.

Yeah. Yeah.

Get over here.
Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Did you read up ever
on this bell tower?

Hmm? No.

Yeah, there's a legend
of the bell tower.

I saw it here in the...

Oh, here it is.

Edith, Edith, don't do that.

Don't lean over like that.

Says here the tower
was completed in 1917,

the year that the United States
entered the First World War.

More than 150
Middleton students

enlisted for military service.
Hmm.

And there was a young woman
by the name of...

a freshman,
name of Matilda Reynolds,

whose boyfriend,
Seymour Sternshine,

was among the newly minted
doughboys.

Upon his departure, she ascended
the steps of this very tower

and stood in the east window,

facing Europe, of course, yeah,

where she silently pledged
her eternal love to him,

vowing that she would rise
into the tower

at the same time each day
until he returned safely from the war.

Aww.
Young love.

And what happened?

What happened?

It says... oh.

Seymour was killed.

Yeah, he was killed by...

by a stampede of rogue swine
in the Loire Valley

that also claimed the lives
of almost all of his platoon

except for his young brother,
Ernest Sternshine,

who was the bugle man
who lived to tell the story.

Apparently the high C notes

drove off the rogue swine...

the very sensitive ears
that their swine have.

Seymour Sternshine.

All right,
so I have a little trouble

playing poker
in a brightly lit room.

Come over here.

Come over here.
You can't miss this.

No, I'm good.
There's a nice breeze here.

Huh?

A nice breeze here.
Come here.

No.
Yes.

Yeah?
Yeah.

You're afraid of heights?
"Afraid" is a strong word.

Let's just say I try to organize
my life in such a way

where heights don't really
play into the equation.

So you will open up
a person's chest

with a very sharp knife,

but you won't stand over here
by this railing?

It's a little more
complicated than that,

but pretty much, yeah.

No. Come on.
I will... I'll help you.

No, listen...
I'll help you.

I will take care of you.
I promise. I'll take care of you.

Edith.
Come on.

Edith, I can't go over there.
You can.

No, I can't.
I'll help you.

No, I can't go over there.
Yes, you can.

Listen to me very carefully.
I'll help you.

Edith. Edith.
Come on. Come on, George.

I can't go over there.
Yes, you can.

Come on.

Come on.

You can't miss this.

Okay, I saw a bird.

I saw a bird.

Edith.

Mm. Thank you.

Open your eyes.
Oh.

Open your eyes.

Open your eyes.

Oh, my God.
Open your eyes.

Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

I am starting to get
Middleton as intimate.

Oh! No. Really?

So this is the church

of Santos Dominicus
Ignatius Aloysius

and my favorite thing about this place
is the reverberation.

Sometimes I just come
in here and I sing.

♪ Amen. ♪

You know?

♪ Jesus. ♪
Stuff like that.

So I'm not a religious person,
but I find it very powerful,

so I come here on the tours.

Just halfway through.

We can just take a break
and, yeah, have a seat.

If... if, you know,
you feel like prayer, pray.

And if you feel just like
cooling off, taking a break,

it's fine to do that.

Just take a deep breath.

♪ Hallelujah. ♪

It's so small.

Compared to what?

On the virtual tour,
it seemed bigger.

Well, there's always Princeton.

And what does that mean?

It just doesn't seem that
you like this place very much.

Well, that's because
I love this place.

Why?

Roland Emerson.

I hear he only works
with upperclassmen.

What?
That's bullshit.

Sit back, please.

He's one of the premier
linguistic scholars in the country.

And?

And linguistics is the perfect foundation
for any number of careers.

Like?
Like law, business.

So what are you gonna study?

I'm just keeping
my options open.

Hmm.

Yeah, yeah, that's a really
strong department.

I'm just saying.

Whew.

How come this...

they put a bench
in front of a tree?

It blocks the view.

Well...
What was here first?

The tree was here first,
judging by the girth.

See that boy over there?
Mm-hmm.

Ronald.

He is from Battle Creek, Michigan.
Mm-hmm.

He will try,
but fail to discover the cure

for restless leg syndrome.

That one over there.

Oh, that's either
Adonis or Samson, right?

One of the two.

He majors in geology and...

see how he's looking up?

Astronomy.
Uh-huh.

Which makes him, of course,
a rock star.

And of course he'll forego
the sciences to write a...

very successful novel entitled

"My Life As a Spirochete."

You know what that is?

Any relation to a parakeet?

Well, it's a parakeet that spied
in the Spanish-American War.

My turn.

Give me one.

The young girl there.

Ah, that is Tessa.

Tessa has just learned
from her parents

that her Rhodesian Ridgeback
named Hedwig has croaked.

He's...

he's movedon.org.

And she's just trying

to consolidate her grief
into, like, 40 characters

so that she could tweet
her sadness to the world.

Yeah, and she will.

How about that guy?

With the suit?
Yep.

That's Georgie.
Mm-hmm.

Georgie is enormously bright,

but is hampered
by the little brother complex.

He always wants to make
his father proud.

He will marry the first woman
he falls in love with.

And he will go on to a long
and distinguished, but...

somewhat unfulfilling
career as a surgeon.

I detect a sadness in Georgie.

No, it's not sadness.
He has enormous resolve.

Can I tell you something
about Georgie?

No.

I think that...

that he has no idea
just how special he truly is.

But, you know, that's probably
the Dasani talking.

Have some more Dasani.

Come on. Come.

Get the bikes back?
Yeah.

Thank you.

Hi. What's your major?

Good-bye.

Come on.

Georgie.

"The Appassionata."

You play?

I play at it. You?

A prodigy.

Prodigy?

Remember, I've seen you lie.

I'm gonna need
some confirmation.

Stay.

After you.

Age before beauty.

Prodigy.

Okay!

I'm trying to learn
the Rachmaninoff's Second, okay?

And "Chopsticks"
playing in the background...

it makes it feel like
you are mocking me.

Okay?

Yeah.

Whew. Yeah.

Rachmaninoff is so hard.

The guy must have had hands
the size of trash can lids.

I know.

If I stretch any further,
I feel like

bones will poke
out of my fingertips.

Yeah, these are Bach's hands.

You know?
Stay away from the Russians.

You know, enjoy them.
Admire their passion.

But, like, don't get obsessed
with playing them.

No one's ever said that to me.

Thank you.

You're a lucky man.

Thank you.

Edith. Edith. Edith.

Okay, let's go.
Let go. Okay, boy.

Okay, time to practice.
Let's go.

Okay, let go.
Let go.

Thank you.
Good luck.

Come on. Come on.
This way.

Campus police is outside
looking for the bicycles.

Let's go.
But we borrowed them.

No, no, no, I'd rather not
have that discussion.

Come on.

Wasn't that nice?
Oh, nice, very good. Nice kid.

Oh. Come on.
No, George, I mean the duet.

What?
It feels good to have a partner.

I think we should walk faster, Edith.
Are you happy, George?

Happy? I'd be a lot happier
if we don't end up in the pokey.

Pokey?

Come.
Come here, come here.

Come on,
George, this way.

Edith, I can't go up. Edith.

Come on. Yes, you can.
Come on.

Negative. No sign of them.
Don't look down. Look up.

Good. Let's go, the last time.
Big-time. Go.

Very good.

This way.

Edith. Edith.

All the way.

Good.

Good. Take a deep breath.

Good. Let's go
all the way down.

Get up and take the deep breath.

It helps you to relax.

And exhale in one tone.

Beautiful.

Let's stretch.
All the way.

And let me see you move

with the sentence.

Beautiful.
Let's change the legs.

Now let's have
the last intense sentence.

Go.

Beautiful.

Let's get ready
for the scene work.

Hey.

Can I help you?

Hi.
Hi.

Hi.
Hi.

Hey, class.
Wonderful class.

We came in the wrong door.

There are no wrong doors.
All the world's a stage.

Not in my world.

Who are you?

We're...
We're... we're... we're...

We're... we got lost...
We got lost from the...

separated from the tour. Yeah.
Yeah.

Oh, Dingleberry.

Hey, can we watch your class
for a bit? Do you mind?

I'm sorry, but no one
audits my class.

I require full participation.

I'm gonna kill you, Edith.

Sorry, some other time.

Thank you very much.
We'll be right down.

Edith.
George.

Let's go this way.
No, come on.

Edith. Edith.
George, let's go.

Edith.
George, now.

All right, you guys,
I don't want to see any tears,

but this concludes
the tour portion of the day.

I know. I hope it's been fun
and informative.

And this is the cafeteria
right here to our right.

You know, go in there.
Don't have the chowder.

It's pretty nasty.

And I hope you guys can fill out
your evaluation forms.

And enjoy the rest
of your visit.

Oh, thanks.
Thanks. Good job.

Thank you.
Hope you give me all fives.

Thanks.
All right.

Excuse me.
Mm-hmm?

I just have a few questions.

I love questions.
Shoot 'em.

Is it true that Roland Emerson
won't work with underclassmen?

I'm sorry, what is
a Roland Emerson?

He's a person.

The premier linguistics
professor in the country.

Roland Emerson.
Roland Emerson.

No, I'm just kidding.
I know him. He's a big hit here.

Roland and I are like this.

Okay, let me tell you exactly
how to peel the Emerson onion.

So...

How did you get
out of your shackles?

Wait! What about the onion?

Girlfriend stuff.

I can't wait to fail your
evaluation.

Dingleberry.

So how was your day, honey?

It was good.
What's for dinner?

I'm leaving you, Gerald.

No, you're not.
What's for dinner?

There is no dinner.
I'm leaving.

And I won't be
talked out of it this time.

No, you're not.
No, you're not leaving, come on.

I'm leaving.
You're just leaving?

I'm just leaving.
That's so silly.

What's silly about it?
I'm sorry.

I thought these two
were supposed to be married.

That's correct.

No married couple in the history
of marriage talks like this.

Yeah, I can't say it was
working for me either.

George, Edith,

take the stage.
No.

Yeah.
No.

Yeah.
No, it was working fine.

Make it real for us, please.

No.

No, Edith.

Come on.
Edith.

Please.

I'm going to give each of you
separately an objective

which you
will attempt to achieve

through an improvised dialogue.

Yeah. Let's go.
Come on.

Easy enough?

Please have a seat.

So, Edith, why don't you
try to get...

And, George...

No. No.
Give me another objective.

Save it, George.
You know the rules.

Remember, just stay
in the moment.

Connect to your partner,
and it's all good.

No, I understand.
No, really, I need another objective.

Give me another one.
Come on, George.

You are a successfully
married couple.

You know each other
from the inside out.

This should be a piece of cake.

Please.

Edith is trying to get George
to bake a pie

and George is trying
to get Edith into bed.

Trust your instincts
and follow each other.

Call upon your own experience
and emotion as necessary.

Okay?

Please.

Are you happy, George?

Maybe this isn't
the right time, Edith.

No, I think
it's the perfect time.

If I was happy,
would you have to ask?

So we're gonna be honest today?

I've been honest
every day of...

of this...

my marriage.

I haven't.

It's probably time
I tell the truth.

Go ahead.

Okay.

I am profoundly unhappy.

And I'm lonely.

And lonely.

Let it ring.

Edith, let it ring.
You started this.

I want to hear what you have to say.
No, you don't want to hear.

You don't want to hear anything
that isn't about you,

your wants and your needs.

When did you stop loving me?

What?

When did you stop loving me?

Did you ever love me?

Did you ever love me?
It's a simple question.

George.

George.

Right.

George. George.

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.
It's not your fault.

Thanks for having us.

Carry on.

Mm, I should probably
call him back.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, sure.

Hi. Sorry I missed your call.
We were in a thing.

Yeah. Oh, it's great.
It's a little slice of heaven.

Mm-hmm.

Oh, she loves it, yeah.

I can tell it's gonna be work
getting her back in the car.

Did you talk to her yet?
Did you...?

Oh, it's beautiful.
It's a beautiful campus, you know.

Well, how are you? Yeah?

Uh...
Try texting her.

Hi. Yeah.

What?
Yeah, mm-hmm.

Just checking
in before you left.

We'll see
what she says.

She hasn't met him yet,
but I'm sure...

No, everything...
everything's fine.

Conrad is passionately indifferent
towards Middleton.

No big surprise.

What? Yeah?

It's beautiful here.

Really beautiful.
Okay, we'll just... we'll talk later.

Mm-hmm, okay.

All right. Bye.

Okay, try you later.
All right.

Good reception.

Look at that...
parents and their children

on a college tour
eating lunch together.

What a novel idea.

I think it's overrated.

You know, all I wanted was for
her to just let me have my day.

She's not the one who's gonna
go here. I'm going here.

And all I wanted was for her
to shut up and be present.

Is that so much to ask for?

What's the big deal?
Just give her a call.

Yeah, but I shouldn't
have to give her a call.

Why are you so angry?
I'm not angry.

I should eat somewhere else.

Wait.
What?

Conrad, I'm sorry.

Okay?

I'm a nice person, I promise.

Look, sometimes I push away
people I like.

It's one of my few flaws.

Please?

Yeah, I'll stay.

They have omelets.

Would you excuse me
for a moment?

I've got a bladder
the size of a ball bearing.

Okay.

Absolutely not.

Do you want me
to call your mom?

No.

She's on a private tour
with the dean of students.

Can you believe that?

Hi. Yes, I'm Audrey Martin

and I'm a rising freshman
currently on a tour of Middleton campus.

Um, do you think
it would be possible

to have a brief word
with Dean Pruitt?

It's very important.

Uh-huh.

Yeah. Okay, thank you.

Excuse me.
Oh, shit.

Excuse me.

Hey.

How was the tour
with the dean of students?

The tour with the dean
of students, yes.

It was... it was great.
It was great.

We saw some fascinating...
have you seen the bell tower yet?

We saw the... we were up
into the bell tower.

It's beautiful.
And we went into a class.

We went into an acting class
and they taught us

how to breathe... you know,
how the actors breathe.

It was like...

Ahh-hh.

Gotta make a sound like that.

Ahh-hh.

The dean of students
is at a conference in Toronto.

Ahh-hh.

It's like...

Excuse me.

Okay, where's my mother?

Uh, she's...

planetarium.

She said something
about the planetarium.

It's an observatory.
Well, yes, exactly... the observatory.

Yeah.
I've just been calling it the...

planetarium.

Have you seen Conrad?
Have you seen Conrad?

Hey.
I just ran into your dad.

Was he looking for me?
No.

What's up with your mom?
I'm tracking her down.

I cannot wait to find her deceitful ass
and expose her lie.

What's the rush?

In case you haven't noticed,
I'm a now kind of girl.

George.

What are we doing here?

We're having lunch.

Is that what you call it...
having lunch?

What do you call it, George?

Just look at me
straight in the eye

and tell me that
we're just having lunch.

I need...

I need some...

I need some ketchup.

Come here.
Hey, come on.

Edith, Edith, sit down.

Come on.

What just happened
in that acting class?

What was that?

It was two adults making believe.
Making believe?

Is that what you call it...
making believe?

Well, what do you call it,
George?

Well, uh,

if you want to know the truth,
I'm afraid to give it a name.

Because what I've got swirling
in my head right now...

it's scaring me half to death.

I just saw your daughter.

Audrey is here?

No, she's not here.

She's not here because
I looked her in the eye

and I told her a lie.

What did you say?
She wanted to know where you were,

and I told her you were
at the planetarium.

No, I think it's an observatory.
Yes, I know. I've heard.

Why did you lie?

Because I don't want
our day to end.

Come on, help me out, Edith.

Say something.

What do you want me to say?
Say anything.

Tell me that this day
has meant more to you

than just killing time

or your daughter's
just looking at a college.

Tell me that.
Give me that much.

We're married.

And we have kids.
Hey, stop avoiding.

Listen to me, Edith, please.

Just tell me you feel
something for me

and I'm not imagining this.

We should probably
get back to our children.

Edith.
Okay, listen, I'm sorry.

Don't go. Listen.
Just talk to me a second.

I'm sorry, George.
Edith.

I'm sorry.

Edith. Edith.

The college was founded in 1887 by
Lowndes Pope Middleton,

who made his fortune as a seafaring
entrepreneur before devoting...

Excuse me.
Yes?

Where's the observatory?
I've gotten separated from my daughter.

It's on the hill behind Franklin.
I'm sorry, where's Franklin?

Excuse me, some of us
who didn't desert our children

would like to continue
with the program.

I politely interrupt
to ask a simple question

and you think that gives you the right
to indict my parenting?

Wow, look at you.

Look at you.

You think you've got it
all worked out, huh?

Yeah, 18 years, right,

of saying the right things,
making good choices,

telling yourself it all adds up
to little Johnny here

having what it takes
to skate through life, huh?

Well, I've got news for you...

it doesn't add up.

Nothing adds up.

It's all just a feckless
dingleberry monkey garden.

Here's how it works, okay?

You love them.
They love you.

But after that,
all bets are off.

After that, if you've done
your job right,

they just leave.

And you know
where that leaves you?

It leaves you alone
with a stranger

who you realize you haven't really
gotten to know over the last 18 years.

Look,

okay,

here's all you need to know
about the Middleton experience:

it doesn't include you.

Come on, let's go.
That was fun.

Excuse me?

Nothing.

That was fun?
I'm sorry.

Sorry.

It's beautiful here in
Middleton.

It's really beautiful.

You need to celebrate.

You okay?

Maybe she's waiting
for you at your meeting.

I think it's locked.

This is unbelievable!
Where is she?

I'm done.

I think I'm just gonna go
to my meeting.

So you want to leave, too?
What is this, take-a-shit-on-Audrey day?

I don't mean this in a bad way,
but you're kind of a lot of work.

Oh, really?
Yeah.

So we're taking
the gloves off, huh?

Please, Conrad, I know you.

I know you better
than you know yourself.

You think your million-dollar
smile will give you

an all-access
backstage pass to life?

You know what?
The fairy tale ends.

It's all downhill from here.

You've peaked.

Have a nice life.

Yeah, that's it.
Go ahead.

Confusion has a lot
of great soundtracks.

I'm going there.

Audrey.

Conrad's meeting...

I gotta go this way.

These are definitely
not Bach's hands.

Well...

Thank you.

What for?

Bye, Edith.

Edith?

What's the matter?

Uh... oh.

What's going on?

I didn't want anyone
else to hear.

Hear what?
What I have to say.

Edith, we just said good-bye.

No, you said good-bye.
I didn't say anything.

I just... I don't want
to be rushed.

Uh...

Edith.
Yes?

I'm a board-certified
cardiac surgeon.

I'm hiding in a dark room
from a hallway of people

who can't legally rent a car.

Okay, I get it.

Okay, George, um...

I don't want
to say good-bye.

This makes me happy.

Say something.

No, don't stop.

You guys are so sweet,

sneaking off to the projection
room to steal a kiss.

No, we're...
No, no, no, no.

No, we're not stea...
No, we're... we're...

It's just that we haven't seen
each other in a long time.

I'm Daphne.
I could kill you, Edith.

Hi. George. How are you?
Hi.

Nice to meet you.
I'm Edith.

Hi.

Oh, my God.

You know this?
What?

No. What is it?

"Les Parapluies de Cherbourg."

I haven't seen this in 20 years.

English, please.

"Umbrellas of Cherbourg."
Oh. What's it about?

It's about young love.

Who's the woman?

That's a 20-year-old
Catherine Deneuve.

19.
Yeah? What's her name?

Wow.
Geneviève.

Geneviève, right.
And she falls in love with...

Guy.
Guy. Guy.

They're so beautiful.

How does it end?

That's cheating, George.

And, you know, French films
are always complicated, aren't they?

Oh, always.

I got a call from the hospital.
I gotta take this.

I'm sorry.
Nice meeting you.

Bye.

Congratulations to

the Middleton public safety officers
Kleiman and Tallis

for the successful recovery
of two bicycles

stolen earlier today
by what are believed

to be musical bandits.

And to all you aspiring Otters
out there,

today will be the last
school-sanctioned

Fountain Friday of the year,

so feel free
to get weird and get wet.

This Sugarwolf song
is dedicated

to my fifth-grade teacher
Owen Perlmutter.

It's called "Bad Name."

Take a seat.

Does your watch say 2:00?

Because my watch
broke years ago,

but I know you are late.

Sorry. I just wanted to...

First lesson of radio: don't be late.

Silence is death.

I...
Uh, uh, if it doesn't involve

you and a coed,
I don't want to hear about it.

What's your name?
Conrad.

Conrad. That's great.
We'll change it.

Boneyard Sims.
Welcome to radio, my brother.

Okay, here's how we rock.

I've got to be there for Larry.

Who's Larry?
George's patient.

Where's the nearest computer?
Oh, that would be mine. Come on.

Well, what about the movie?
I know how it ends.

Hi. I have an appointment
with Dr. Emerson.

Audrey Martin?
Yes.

I heard he refuses to sponsor
freshmen or sophomores

for independent study.

Is it true?

You'll need to talk
to Dr. Emerson about that.

Is it true he works "The Times"
Sunday crossword puzzle

in under an hour?

In pen.

Do you know
if he ever got my letters?

All six of them.

Miss Martin.

Hi. It's very nice to meet you.

Welcome.
Thank you.

Would you like some tea?
Yes, love it.

Hold on one second.
I gotta access our BP.

She's all yours, George.

There it is.

Whoa.

Is that...?

Is that an angiography?

George, Edith,
this is my boyfriend Travis.

What up?
He's premed.

George is a cardiac surgeon

and he's trying to save
Larry's life online.

Is that Larry's heart?

What's left of it.

Yeah, call that in, dude.

Yeah. Yeah,
we're gonna have to get

Larry in surgery immediately.

Yeah, call Rob,
tell him to scrub in.

And tell Larry I'm sorry
I'm not there for him.

I'll be checking in
and I'll see him in the morning.

Okay, thanks.

I've got a patient who's so afraid to die
that he can't live.

I've got a son
that most of the time

probably wishes I were dead.

And I'm living a day
that's making me realize

I have been dead.

Damn, George.

That's a tad dark.
Yeah.

You need to take the edge off.

Actually, I could use a drink.

You're out of luck on that.
We're only 20, so...

but we...

Yeah?

The white dragon.

Yeah.

Whew. It's epic.

I've never...

Here.
Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Well...

I read "The Philosophy
of Language" in ninth grade

and it changed my life.

Really?
Absolutely.

It's so simple,
yet so passionate.

And from the first paragraph,

I knew that I was
in the hands of a genius.

And I felt so privileged
to be able

to share so intimately
in his mind and his soul.

Well,

what can I say?

"The most important element
in all forms of communication

is understanding the language
of what isn't being said."

Good afternoon,
Dr. Emerson.

Tea?

Oh, yes.

I can't imagine
you're a student.

A student of life, my friend.

That was the Oath

from Charlottesville, Virginia.

And if you ask me,
they have all the pieces

to become a really
mediocre band.

Less bullying
and more music, boys.

Okay, Boneyard Sims
on a lazy Friday afternoon.

Don't you matriculators
have some homework to do?

Where were we?

Lesson number four.

Oh, yes, lesson number four:

know your audience.

It's all about making
a connection.

That's the beauty of radio.

Something goes on between you
and the people out there.

It's living and changing
moment to moment.

You can't see it,
but you can feel it.

And you can't get that on VH1.

What are you listening to?

What are you listening to?
Oh.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

Bullshit.
More shit.

Horseshit. Cow shit.
More shit.

You got a great ear, kid.
I think you're a natural.

Beer?

Uh, no, I'd better not.

Good call.
More for me.

Sláinte.

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ The reggae beat ♪

♪ Yeah... ♪

♪ I'm a cardiac surgeon, yeah. ♪

Isn't it supposed to be the kids
that are going away to college

and smoking weed
behind the parents' back?

So what's the word?
Are you guys digging Middleton?

Your kids are gonna
go here or what?

Yes.
No.

I gotta say, man,
in my short life,

you two are the coolest parents
I've ever seen.

Aw, thank you.

Where did you guys meet?

College.

Yeah.

You got one.

So as I was saying,
the trouble with Chomsky is

he can't leave his politics
out of it.

Now, that, for me, in my view,

compromises his science.

Some would say Chomsky
is just true to his conscience.

Ah.

Advise me.

Oh, I think you've worked it out
pretty well on your own.

No, I mean,
be my advisor next year.

I will not let you down.

You're a very serious
young woman.

Well, thank you.

I didn't quite mean it
as a compliment.

It sounds as though

you're hurrying somewhere
in such a way

that the journey will yield
very little pleasure.

Slow down.

College should not
necessarily be about

narrowing your focus.

It's about broadening
your experience.

I'm sorry,
but I can't be your advisor.

Okay, I know you don't
take on freshmen,

but with my AP credits,

I'm technically entering Middleton
as a sophomore.

I'm leaving Middleton.

At the end of next week,
as a matter of fact.

Are you going
to another school?

I'm going on a sabbatical.

Right.

There's a remnant
of a Sioux tribe in South Dakota

that I've arranged to study.

And I won't be in residence
for the next four years.

You can't do this to me.

I'm sorry?

You're all I thought about
this last year.

There are other linguistics
professors at Middleton.

Well, I don't want
other professors.

I want you.

Audrey, I...
Miss Martin.

Miss Martin...
Is this what this is all about...

tea at the faculty club,
I'll let her down easy?

Fuck South Dakota!

Hmm.

Okay.

Please excuse me.

The line between
ambition and obsession

is much thinner
than one might imagine.

You would be well
served to look down

and see exactly
where you are standing.

I can't believe
my baby is leaving me.

Conrad doesn't even know
what's in store for him.

He's gonna get his buttocks
handed to him.

Where did the last 17 years go?

Sleepovers, soccer games,
slamming doors.

Yeah.

I mean, I don't feel like the way
that I thought I would feel

when this happened.

How do you feel?

Young!
You are young.

Who defines young
as having a child in college?

Larry.

Heart Attack Larry.

I won't have to wait up
till 1:00 in the morning

listening for Audrey
to come home.

I won't have to
fumigate his room

twice a year.

Please, come on.

Hi, it's Edith.
Leave a message. I'll call you back.

It's okay, George.

I still respect you.
Mm.

Yeah, I respect you, too,
George.

You know, I'd let you
dig around in my chest.

Of course, not today,
but, you know...

George,

can I tell you a story?

When I was a kid,
we had this dog.

This dog had a ball sack...

oh, yeah...
that was abnormally large.

When I say large,
I mean it looked like

somebody had grabbed him

and just shoved
two Crenshaw melons

inside of his nut sack.

Anyway, one day

the dog got sick, okay?

It had a liver thing
or something.

And the sicker the dog got,

the smaller

the ball sack got.

The vet says he's never seen
anything like it.

You know what I think, George?

The ball sack

is life.

Hmm.

The ball sack is life.

Exactly.

I was sure that
there was gonna be

a point in there
somewhere, but...

Yeah.

The ball sack is life.
The ball sack is life.

The ball sack is life.

Come on, let's go! Come on!

Yo, it's Fountain Friday?

Oh, yeah.

It's Fountain Friday?
Yes.

Are you guys in?

By my count,
it's Fountain Friday,

so get in that water,
all you crazy kids,

and don't forget
your sunscreen.

Now to play some music
for all you revelers

is our guest DJ Con Fab.

That's Con for Conrad
and Fab for "fabulous."

Take it away, pilgrim.

Um, this is for all you
reluctant Middletonians

who are thinking about
not getting in that fountain today.

Do yourselves a favor,
get in the water now.

You might be thinking
it's too uncool or stupid,

but you'll never know
how you really feel about it

until you jump in.

Go ahead.

Give it a chance.

And, hey,
you just might like it.

This is usually
where we play a song.

I've got a little over six million.
Help yourself.

Um...

Not bad, kid.

Not bad.

Not bad at all.

That's my son.

That's Conrad.

♪ Would you rather be more
than the things that you say ♪

♪ Just be the words that you sing
to yourself in your head ♪

♪ when nobody's around? ♪

♪ Or would you rather be
a part of the crowd ♪

♪ or just a single sound ♪

♪ waiting to be heard? ♪

♪ Do you know what I mean? ♪

♪ Well, you could be
one of the lovers or liars ♪

♪ hiding all the things they do
on the back of their hands ♪

♪ Well, it's just you and me ♪

♪ 'Cause everybody's got
a little wrong ♪

♪ in all the right places ♪

♪ Just depends on
where you are... ♪

Come on.

You were so right.

About what?

About everything.

Hey.
Hey.

I just wanted to say I'm sorry
about what happened today.

Yeah, me, too.

I was wrong about this place.

I think I could go here.

Well, you couldn't pay me
to go here.

Bad day, huh?

Catastrophic.

I'm sorry to hear that.

It's not your fault.

I like you better
without the leash.

Not yet.

I... I don't think we can...

Yeah. No.

I thought you fixed hearts.

It ends badly, doesn't it?

What do you mean?

The French movie...

it ends badly.

That's what makes it
so special.

Well, this can't be good.

Hey, what happened to you?

I mean, where have you been?
Why haven't you answered my calls?

Here.

Okay.

Let's go.

I need you to drive.

Should I take 90 or Highway 2?

What happened to your glasses?

Mom.

We're gonna be okay.

You were right.

Middleton's not so bad.

Let's take the long way home.