Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:08,091
It's The Muppet Show with our
special guest star, Miss Rita Moreno.
2
00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,471
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
3
00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,977
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
4
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:21,104
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
5
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,858
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
6
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,485
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
7
00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,738
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
8
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,742
♪ It's time to raise the curtain
on The Muppet Show tonight ♪
9
00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,247
My cousin's so dumb,
he spent two weeks in London
10
00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:42,375
trying to find the European Common Market.
11
00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,752
[LAUGHING]
12
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,048
♪ To introduce our guest star ♪
13
00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,924
♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪
14
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,385
♪ So it really makes me happy ♪
15
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,804
♪ To introduce to you ♪
16
00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,140
Miss Rita Moreno.
17
00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,479
Ah! Ah!
18
00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,776
♪ But now let's get things started
on the most sensational, inspirational ♪
19
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,903
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,781
♪ This is what we call ♪
21
00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:16,409
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
22
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,411
[GONG SOUNDS]
23
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,794
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
And welcome to The Muppet Show.
24
00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,212
And what a show we got.
25
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:32,175
We have music, comedy,
225 dancing elephants who, unfortunately,
26
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:36,554
left their costumes at home
because they forgot to pack their trunks.
27
00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:41,184
-I gave him that joke.
-I wish I gave it right back.
28
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,187
But right now, let's get things
moving with our special guest star,
29
00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:48,692
the beautiful, lovely, terrific
and talented, lovely Miss Rita Moreno.
30
00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,076
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
31
00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,187
[GRUNTS]
32
00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:29,858
[GRUNTS]
33
00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,247
[YELLS]
34
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,113
[YELPS]
35
00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,210
[APPLAUDING]
36
00:04:56,463 --> 00:05:00,633
Okay, great number. Hey, would somebody
help that guy up the stairs, please?
37
00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,511
She always does. She was. But was I good?
38
00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,306
-Good? Piggy, honey, you're a ripsnorter.
-Ha, ha.
39
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,766
[PHONE RINGS]
40
00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,894
-Hey, Fozzie, can you get that?
-I'll get it, Kermit.
41
00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:15,273
Hello, The Muppet Show backstage.
42
00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,986
-Who was it?
-The Water Department.
43
00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,531
What the hey?
44
00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,828
NARRATOR:
And now Veterinarian's Hospital.
45
00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:33,291
The continuing story
of a former orthopedic surgeon
46
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,418
who's gone to the dogs.
47
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:39,923
I'm sorry I'm late, Dr. Bob,
I was operating in the other room.
48
00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,926
I know. It's the talk of the hospital.
49
00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,303
Booga booga!
50
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:47,597
Cut that out. Let me have the ear thing.
51
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,891
Ear thing, Dr. Bob.
52
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,061
Ooh, feels good. Stick.
53
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,064
-Stick, Dr. Bob.
-Fetch.
54
00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:01,945
-What's that all about?
-That's my laboratory retriever.
55
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,572
-Good girl.
-Thank you.
56
00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:08,076
-Oh, what do you think, Dr. Bob?
-I think this man is sick.
57
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,955
-He ought to see a doctor.
-But, Dr. Bob, you are a doctor.
58
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:15,250
-That's your opinion, I'm outta here.
-No, you're not.
59
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:19,963
You can't leave, Fozzie, Dr. Bob
is the only one who can save you now.
60
00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,508
-She's right, I saved over 500 last year.
-What? Patients?
61
00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,844
No, dollars.
62
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,763
-Of course, I also lost over 100 pounds.
-What? In weight?
63
00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,099
No, in England.
64
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,770
Dr. Bob, you should
be ashamed of yourself.
65
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,231
You call yourself a doctor, Dr. Bob?
66
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:42,819
I'd never call myself a doctor. They
don't come when you call them anyway.
67
00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,991
Tune in next week
when we'll hear Nurse Piggy say:
68
00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,535
Dr. Bob, you've lost all your patients.
69
00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:54,330
I can't help it, I got a short temper.
About this tall.
70
00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,249
Can I go now?
71
00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,170
Okay, a little shaky.
A little shaky, guys.
72
00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,005
Well, your timing was awful!
73
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,759
-What do you know about time?
-I know your face would stop a clock!
74
00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:06,843
Pork chop!
75
00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:07,927
[PHONE RINGS]
76
00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:12,140
-Hey, Fozzie. Can you get that, please?
-Yeah, Kermit, I'll get it. Whew.
77
00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:17,604
Ahem, ahem.
Hello, Backstage, The Muppet Show.
78
00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,397
[COUGHING]
79
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,652
-Fozzie, who was it?
-Hm?
80
00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,280
The Fire Department.
81
00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,533
I think this is what they call
a running gag.
82
00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:37,290
No, that's what they call a running gag.
83
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:40,168
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
84
00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:48,802
Dateline, Fresno, Mr. Thomas Galli,
or Galley, spent the last 27 months
85
00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:52,430
teaching his pet chicken
to dance classical ballet.
86
00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,558
Last Saturday, the chicken
passed her auditions
87
00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,603
and became a member of the
Royal Copenhagen Ballet.
88
00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:02,190
Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley
didn't wish to move to Denmark,
89
00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:05,276
so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch.
90
00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:11,324
Oh. Speaking of lunch, I wonder what
the Swedish chef has up his sleeve.
91
00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,119
A summons from the board of health,
I wager.
92
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,578
[LAUGHS]
93
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,873
[UPBEAT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]
94
00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,334
[HUMMING]
95
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:32,345
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
96
00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,116
Flip.
97
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,271
[RINGS]
98
00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,398
I got it.
99
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,276
Uh...
100
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,155
The Muppet Show. Backstage.
101
00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,661
-Fozzie, who was that?
-Las Vegas.
102
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,002
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
103
00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,930
They're a nice-looking couple.
104
00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,642
Yeah, but a couple of what?
105
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,941
I hear you come from a broken home.
106
00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,610
Yeah, I broke it myself.
107
00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,946
-Two, three, dip.
-Aah!
108
00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,072
-Dip.
-Aah!
109
00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,490
-Dip.
-Aah!
110
00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,950
Aaah!
111
00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,747
Does one ever encounter sharks
in these parts?
112
00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:26,918
Oh, no, absolutely not.
Never, why do you ask?
113
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,838
Just curious.
114
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:36,720
I hear that the president said that you
shouldn't panic if you don't have a job.
115
00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,348
That's easy for him to say.
He's got a job.
116
00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,359
I don't think we should come
to this ballroom any more.
117
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:56,614
-Why?
-It attracts a lower class of animal.
118
00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,617
Oh, well.
119
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:00,869
Aah!
120
00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:05,248
I have a gnawing feeling you're right.
Let's tango.
121
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,300
♪ I started on a journey
Just about a year ago ♪
122
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:19,054
♪ To a little town called
Morrow in the state of Ohio ♪
123
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:22,682
♪ I've never been much of a traveler
And I really didn't know ♪
124
00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:26,061
♪ That Morrow was the hardest place
I'd ever try to go ♪
125
00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,939
♪ So I went down to the station
For my ticket and applied ♪
126
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,360
♪ For tips regarding Morrow
Not expecting to be guyed ♪
127
00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,238
♪ Said I, "My friend, I'd like to go
To Morrow and return ♪
128
00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:41,910
♪ No later than tomorrow
For I haven't time to burn" ♪
129
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,207
♪ Said he to me ♪
130
00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,834
♪ "Now let me see if
I have heard you right" ♪
131
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,588
♪ You'd like to go to Morrow
and return tomorrow night ♪
132
00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:57,217
♪ You should have gone to
Morrow yesterday, and back today ♪
133
00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,762
♪ For the train that goes to Morrow
Is a mile upon its way ♪
134
00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,641
♪ If you had gone to Morrow yesterday
Now don't you see ♪
135
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:08,353
♪ You could have gone to Morrow
And returned today at three ♪
136
00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:12,107
♪ For the train today to Morrow
If the schedule is right ♪
137
00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,735
♪ Today it gets to Morrow
And returns tomorrow night ♪
138
00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:19,489
♪ Said I, "I'd like to go to Morrow
So can I go today ♪
139
00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:22,992
♪ And get to Morrow by tonight
If there is no delay?" ♪
140
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:26,913
♪ "Well, well," I said to him,
"And I've got no more to say ♪
141
00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,500
♪ Can you get anywhere tomorrow
And get back again today?" ♪
142
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:34,421
♪ Said I, "I guess you know it all
But kindly let me say ♪
143
00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:38,675
♪ How can I get to Morrow
If I leave this town today?" Said he ♪
144
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,886
♪ "You cannot go to Morrow
Anymore today ♪
145
00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:45,390
♪ For the train that goes to Morrow
Is a mile upon its way" ♪
146
00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,394
♪ I was so disappointed
I was mad enough to swear ♪
147
00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:53,064
♪ The train had gone to Morrow
And had left me standing there ♪
148
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,025
♪ The man was right in telling me ♪
149
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,278
♪ "You are a howling jay
You cannot go to Morrow" ♪
150
00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:00,739
♪ Well, I guess in town I'll stay ♪
151
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,619
I don't get it.
152
00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,420
Right now, friends, I am proud
to present a group of performers
153
00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,797
that I personally discovered
in the waiting room
154
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:20,300
of a bus station in Toledo, Ohio.
155
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,844
They weren't performing there,
they were just waiting.
156
00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:28,058
Anyhow, let's bring them on with a big
hand, Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphones.
157
00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,560
Ole, ole, ole.
158
00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:33,563
Thank you, thank you and gracias.
Thank you.
159
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:37,192
I am the beloved Marvin Suggs.
160
00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:42,947
And now presenting the performing members
of the Muppaphones.
161
00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:46,451
-Move it. Yeah, yeah.
-Another day, another headache.
162
00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,119
[CHATTERING]
163
00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,705
Attention! Ahem.
164
00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,832
Tuning up.
165
00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,585
-Ow.
-Ow.
166
00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,213
-Ow.
-Ow.
167
00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,756
Ow.
168
00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:05,053
Oh, no. Move it, Marvin. Move it.
Move it, Marvin. Move it. Move it.
169
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,180
Attention!
170
00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,975
Tuning up.
171
00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,686
-Ow.
-Ow.
172
00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,604
-Ow.
-Ow.
173
00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,731
-Ow.
-Ow.
174
00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,108
Ow.
175
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:22,987
Move it, Lucy. Move it.
Move it, move it, move it.
176
00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,989
Attention!
177
00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,702
Tuning up.
178
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,829
-Ow.
-Ow.
179
00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,247
-Ow.
-Ow.
180
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,498
-Ow.
-Ow.
181
00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,500
-Ow.
-Ow.
182
00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,336
Yes, yes, yes, Marvin, you've done it!
183
00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,047
[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
184
00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,008
-Bernard.
-Hm?
185
00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,010
Ow!
186
00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,597
And now, "Lady of Spain."
187
00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,808
The song.
188
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,644
[MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
189
00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,356
♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪
190
00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:02,235
♪ Ow, ow, ow, oooow ♪
191
00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,781
♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪
192
00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:10,660
♪ Ow, ow, ow, oooow ♪
193
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,956
♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪
194
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,668
♪ Ow, ow, ow, ooow ♪
195
00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:23,798
♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ♪
196
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,010
♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪
197
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:31,431
♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪
198
00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,183
[GONG SOUNDS]
199
00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,019
[HARMONIZING]
200
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,693
[CHATTERING]
201
00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:49,240
Can we have quiet here? Can we have
a little quiet? Quiet! Quiet, please!
202
00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:51,326
Aagh!
203
00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:55,997
Okay, time again to raise
the intellectual level of our program,
204
00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:59,459
as our panel discusses questions
of lasting importance.
205
00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,836
Our special guest tonight
is Miss Tiffany Gonzalez.
206
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:02,962
Hello, hello.
207
00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,840
Aloha, Tiffany.
And our question of lasting importance:
208
00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,094
"Is conversation a dying art?"
What do you think, Tiffany?
209
00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:12,138
[IN SPANISH ACCENT] Well, yes, Kermit,
people don't know how to talk.
210
00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,766
[SPEAKING RAPIDLY] They speak gibberish.
They don't say nothing.
211
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,976
You talk to people, they don't listen.
212
00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:20,897
Fabulous, I'm talking to this crazy guy,
I'm talking about war and peace.
213
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:25,110
Then he tells me something about the price
of coconuts. Am I crazy or is he crazy?
214
00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,737
-What did she say?
-I wasn't listening.
215
00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,490
I was listening and I still
don't know what she said.
216
00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,368
What's the matter with you?
You don't understand English?
217
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:36,121
[IMITATES TIFFANY'S ACCENT]
No, I don't understand English.
218
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,498
-Wait a minute!
-Don't make fun of the lady's accent.
219
00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:42,377
What accent? Listen, butch, I speak
as good English as the next guy.
220
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,547
Yeah, if the next guy is Desi Arnaz.
221
00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:48,299
-Piggy, please. Girls, if you...
-Excuse me, I want to talk--
222
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,343
Listen, you.
223
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:54,514
How would you like a high heel
in your ham hocks?
224
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,019
-Well, I never.
-What about conversation as a dying art?
225
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:03,273
If conversation is a dying art,
you killed it! Ha, ha.
226
00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:06,067
Piggy, please. Why don't you let
Tiffany and The Guru talk?
227
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:10,030
"Tiffany and The Guru." Didn't that
star Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon?
228
00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:13,658
-I saw that movie.
-Listen, your time is almost up.
229
00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,828
Listen, in my country
we have a seldom-used saying:
230
00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:21,416
"When the swine lubricates the automobile
you end up with a greased pig."
231
00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:22,917
That don't make sense.
232
00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,170
I know. That's why it's seldom used.
233
00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,422
In my country we have a saying too:
234
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,632
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
235
00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,930
What is that supposed to mean?
236
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:41,144
That means one more crack from you
and you're one dead enchilada!
237
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,189
And who let this wacko taco on the panel?
238
00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:49,194
Listen, how would you like to take
a flying leap into a sausage factory?
239
00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:52,572
-Don't touch me!
-Okay, I'm sick and tired of you!
240
00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,200
Come over here! Come here! She's a coward.
241
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:58,453
Well, the question is
"is conversation a dying art?"
242
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,122
And I don't think it is,
but it is severely injured.
243
00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:06,169
Tune in next week when our topic will be
improving US-Latin American relations.
244
00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:12,342
That Miss Moreno is easy on the eyes,
but hard on the ears.
245
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:17,097
Yes, in fact, I just got a concussion
from that discussion.
246
00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,350
[RINGS]
247
00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,480
The Muppet Show. Backstage.
248
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,236
Okay, who was it this time?
249
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,988
The Atomic Energy Commission.
250
00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,492
NEWSCASTER:
Here's a Muppet news flash.
251
00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,828
There is no news tonight.
252
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:44,040
Hey, listen, Rita,
at this time in the show...
253
00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,251
-Kermit, Kermit, before you go on.
-What?
254
00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:49,254
I just have to tell you that I have always
been a Muppet nut.
255
00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,756
That I love all of you so much.
256
00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,134
[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]
257
00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,763
A frog is very ticklish. Hey, but listen.
258
00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:03,643
This is the part of the show where we have
what we call our "talk spot," you see,
259
00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:08,398
where the guest sits here and talks
casually and spontaneously with the frog.
260
00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:12,777
I know, but, Kermit, haven't you
ever noticed on these variety shows,
261
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:16,406
when they have a talk spot,
the actors come off so phony?
262
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:21,077
I mean, you know that they're rehearsed.
You know that they are reading cue cards.
263
00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:25,290
Yeah, but, Rita, on our show, on our...
Wait a minute...
264
00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,792
"But Rita, but Rita, on our show,
265
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:32,213
we do not use any cue cards, Rita,
266
00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:34,341
on our show, we do not..."
267
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,384
Kermit!
268
00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,180
-I was just kidding there.
-Oh, sorry.
269
00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:44,309
Kermit, can't we just please do it
Muppet-style. Let's ad-lib it.
270
00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:47,687
Oh, you mean ad-lib, just sort of...
Yeah, just make it up?
271
00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:51,483
I don't mind. Sure, yeah,
just chatting, like that. Sure.
272
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:55,695
I don't mind, but there are others
who might take offense.
273
00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:58,698
-Like who?
-The guy who holds the cue cards.
274
00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:06,956
Nice lady no want
Sweetums to hold cue cards?
275
00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,334
Well, I, uh...
276
00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,002
No.
277
00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:14,714
Nice lady let Sweetums
hold something else?
278
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,966
Oh, sure, you can hold anything you want.
279
00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:21,346
-Uh-huh, that best offer me have all week.
-Aah!
280
00:20:26,685 --> 00:20:31,481
Happens so often on our show,
our guest stars just get carried away.
281
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:37,362
As all of us right-thinking people know,
282
00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:40,990
Wayne and Wanda
are the only truly uplifting act
283
00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,618
on this whole questionable program.
284
00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:48,373
So with a sense of awesome pride,
285
00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:54,254
I present the singing team of
Wayne and Wanda with "Goody Goody."
286
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,381
Oh, goody, goody.
287
00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:04,264
♪ So you met someone
Who set you back on your heels ♪
288
00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,391
♪ Goody Goody ♪
289
00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:10,520
-Okay, moving right along, friends.
-Stall, stall.
290
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,063
Yeah, okay.
291
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:15,900
Once again, by popular demand,
Mr. Fozzie Bear.
292
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:21,281
Thank you. Yeah, love you all. Yeah.
It's me again, the old Fozzie Bear.
293
00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:25,160
Hickory dickory dock,
a laugh a minute by the clock.
294
00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:29,539
Oh, yeah, well, you better check
your clock. It looks like it stopped.
295
00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:31,958
I go with a lovely girl.
She's so bowlegged,
296
00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:36,504
when she stands around the house,
she stands around the house.
297
00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:41,926
Hey! Hey! You remind
me of Charlton Heston.
298
00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:45,805
-Charlton Heston doesn't tell jokes.
-Well?
299
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,309
Well, I'm good enough to play the Palace.
300
00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:52,395
You're not good enough
to clean the Palace.
301
00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:58,818
-Didn't you like my last joke?
-Yes, if you promise it's your last joke.
302
00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:03,698
[STAMMERS] You guys wouldn't know
a good joke if you fell over one.
303
00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:07,327
Well, we're not in any danger
with your act.
304
00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:14,209
Okay, on-stage for Rita's closing number.
That's Rita, Floyd and Animal, please.
305
00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,877
On-stage, on-stage.
306
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,545
Okay, everybody ready--
307
00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,630
[PHONE RINGING]
308
00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:21,132
-I'll get it.
-Don't answer that phone!
309
00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:23,760
-I got it.
-No, Fozzie, do not answer that telephone.
310
00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:27,222
Oh, but, Kermit, all these terrific funny
things happen when I do answer it.
311
00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:30,100
-I'm aware of that, I'm aware of that.
-Watch out, I'll get it.
312
00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:33,269
Is there no end to this running gag?
313
00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:34,729
[BOTH YELL]
314
00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:48,034
Well, I guess that puts
an end to this running gag.
315
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:51,329
Yeah, and also to all the incoming calls.
316
00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:55,000
[PLAYING MELLOW TUNE]
317
00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:10,765
♪ Never know how much I love you ♪
318
00:23:11,641 --> 00:23:14,894
♪ Never know how much I care ♪
319
00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,648
♪ When you put your arms around me ♪
320
00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:22,277
♪ I get a fever that's so hard to bear ♪
321
00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:25,363
♪ You give me fever ♪
322
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:28,033
♪ When you kiss me ♪
323
00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:31,953
♪ Fever when you hold me tight ♪
324
00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:34,122
♪ Fever ♪
325
00:23:35,540 --> 00:23:38,209
♪ In the morning ♪
326
00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:41,796
♪ Fever all through the night ♪
327
00:23:47,177 --> 00:23:48,803
Oye, buddy.
328
00:23:48,887 --> 00:23:50,930
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
329
00:23:51,056 --> 00:23:52,724
It's not nice.
330
00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:54,684
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
331
00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:01,816
So cool it.
332
00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:05,570
[IMITATES RITA] So cool it.
333
00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:09,699
[JABBERS]
334
00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:17,957
♪Sun lights up the morning ♪
335
00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:22,212
♪ Moon lights up the night ♪
336
00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:26,257
♪ I light up when you call my name ♪
337
00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:29,469
♪ 'Cause you know
I'm gonna treat you right ♪
338
00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:31,596
♪ You give me fever ♪
339
00:24:33,556 --> 00:24:36,101
♪ When you kiss me ♪
340
00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:39,104
♪ Hold me tight ♪
341
00:24:39,229 --> 00:24:41,106
♪ Fever ♪
342
00:24:41,940 --> 00:24:44,275
♪ When you kiss me ♪
343
00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,445
[VOICE BREAKING]
♪ Fever when you hold me tight ♪
344
00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:51,241
♪ Fever all through the night ♪
345
00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,035
♪ Fever ♪
346
00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,746
♪ All through the night ♪
347
00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:08,341
That's my kind of woman.
348
00:25:11,886 --> 00:25:13,722
[LAUGHING AND CHEERING]
349
00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:17,684
Well, once again, folks,
we've come to the end of the show,
350
00:25:17,767 --> 00:25:22,397
and I cannot but pause to thank
our lovely guest star, Miss Rita Moreno.
351
00:25:24,983 --> 00:25:26,609
Ole.
352
00:25:27,027 --> 00:25:30,655
Wish you wouldn't throw things on the
floor. We try to be neat around here.
353
00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:33,825
Oh, that's okay, Kermit. He loves it,
I had lunch with him today.
354
00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:36,828
Okay, if you say so. Hey, thank you, Rita.
And thank you all.
355
00:25:36,911 --> 00:25:40,165
Join us next time on The Muppet Show.
356
00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:42,292
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
357
00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:46,629
Fozzie, go backstage.
358
00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:26,211
I still couldn't find the chewing gum.
28364
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.