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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:08,091 It's The Muppet Show with our special guest star, Miss Rita Moreno. 2 00:00:11,302 --> 00:00:13,471 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 3 00:00:16,808 --> 00:00:18,977 ♪ It's time to play the music ♪ 4 00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:21,104 ♪ It's time to light the lights ♪ 5 00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:24,858 ♪ It's time to meet the Muppets On The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 6 00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:27,485 ♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪ 7 00:00:27,610 --> 00:00:29,738 ♪ It's time to dress up right ♪ 8 00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,742 ♪ It's time to raise the curtain on The Muppet Show tonight ♪ 9 00:00:36,369 --> 00:00:39,247 My cousin's so dumb, he spent two weeks in London 10 00:00:39,330 --> 00:00:42,375 trying to find the European Common Market. 11 00:00:42,500 --> 00:00:43,752 [LAUGHING] 12 00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:48,048 ♪ To introduce our guest star ♪ 13 00:00:48,131 --> 00:00:49,924 ♪ That's what I'm here to do ♪ 14 00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:52,385 ♪ So it really makes me happy ♪ 15 00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:54,804 ♪ To introduce to you ♪ 16 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:57,140 Miss Rita Moreno. 17 00:01:00,393 --> 00:01:02,479 Ah! Ah! 18 00:01:03,730 --> 00:01:07,776 ♪ But now let's get things started on the most sensational, inspirational ♪ 19 00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:09,903 ♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪ 20 00:01:10,028 --> 00:01:12,781 ♪ This is what we call ♪ 21 00:01:12,864 --> 00:01:16,409 ♪ The Muppet Show ♪ 22 00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,411 [GONG SOUNDS] 23 00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,794 Thank you, thank you, thank you. And welcome to The Muppet Show. 24 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,212 And what a show we got. 25 00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:32,175 We have music, comedy, 225 dancing elephants who, unfortunately, 26 00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:36,554 left their costumes at home because they forgot to pack their trunks. 27 00:01:37,013 --> 00:01:41,184 -I gave him that joke. -I wish I gave it right back. 28 00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:44,187 But right now, let's get things moving with our special guest star, 29 00:01:44,270 --> 00:01:48,692 the beautiful, lovely, terrific and talented, lovely Miss Rita Moreno. 30 00:01:56,282 --> 00:01:58,076 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 31 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,187 [GRUNTS] 32 00:02:28,857 --> 00:02:29,858 [GRUNTS] 33 00:03:24,662 --> 00:03:26,247 [YELLS] 34 00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,113 [YELPS] 35 00:04:51,833 --> 00:04:54,210 [APPLAUDING] 36 00:04:56,463 --> 00:05:00,633 Okay, great number. Hey, would somebody help that guy up the stairs, please? 37 00:05:00,717 --> 00:05:03,511 She always does. She was. But was I good? 38 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:06,306 -Good? Piggy, honey, you're a ripsnorter. -Ha, ha. 39 00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,766 [PHONE RINGS] 40 00:05:07,891 --> 00:05:10,894 -Hey, Fozzie, can you get that? -I'll get it, Kermit. 41 00:05:12,103 --> 00:05:15,273 Hello, The Muppet Show backstage. 42 00:05:16,524 --> 00:05:19,986 -Who was it? -The Water Department. 43 00:05:21,654 --> 00:05:23,531 What the hey? 44 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:28,828 NARRATOR: And now Veterinarian's Hospital. 45 00:05:28,912 --> 00:05:33,291 The continuing story of a former orthopedic surgeon 46 00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:35,418 who's gone to the dogs. 47 00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:39,923 I'm sorry I'm late, Dr. Bob, I was operating in the other room. 48 00:05:40,048 --> 00:05:42,926 I know. It's the talk of the hospital. 49 00:05:43,635 --> 00:05:45,303 Booga booga! 50 00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:47,597 Cut that out. Let me have the ear thing. 51 00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,891 Ear thing, Dr. Bob. 52 00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,061 Ooh, feels good. Stick. 53 00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:56,064 -Stick, Dr. Bob. -Fetch. 54 00:05:57,941 --> 00:06:01,945 -What's that all about? -That's my laboratory retriever. 55 00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,572 -Good girl. -Thank you. 56 00:06:04,698 --> 00:06:08,076 -Oh, what do you think, Dr. Bob? -I think this man is sick. 57 00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:11,955 -He ought to see a doctor. -But, Dr. Bob, you are a doctor. 58 00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:15,250 -That's your opinion, I'm outta here. -No, you're not. 59 00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:19,963 You can't leave, Fozzie, Dr. Bob is the only one who can save you now. 60 00:06:20,088 --> 00:06:23,508 -She's right, I saved over 500 last year. -What? Patients? 61 00:06:23,591 --> 00:06:25,844 No, dollars. 62 00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,763 -Of course, I also lost over 100 pounds. -What? In weight? 63 00:06:28,847 --> 00:06:31,099 No, in England. 64 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,770 Dr. Bob, you should be ashamed of yourself. 65 00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,231 You call yourself a doctor, Dr. Bob? 66 00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:42,819 I'd never call myself a doctor. They don't come when you call them anyway. 67 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:47,991 Tune in next week when we'll hear Nurse Piggy say: 68 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:50,535 Dr. Bob, you've lost all your patients. 69 00:06:50,618 --> 00:06:54,330 I can't help it, I got a short temper. About this tall. 70 00:06:55,123 --> 00:06:56,249 Can I go now? 71 00:06:58,126 --> 00:07:00,170 Okay, a little shaky. A little shaky, guys. 72 00:07:00,253 --> 00:07:02,005 Well, your timing was awful! 73 00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:05,759 -What do you know about time? -I know your face would stop a clock! 74 00:07:05,842 --> 00:07:06,843 Pork chop! 75 00:07:06,926 --> 00:07:07,927 [PHONE RINGS] 76 00:07:08,011 --> 00:07:12,140 -Hey, Fozzie. Can you get that, please? -Yeah, Kermit, I'll get it. Whew. 77 00:07:12,891 --> 00:07:17,604 Ahem, ahem. Hello, Backstage, The Muppet Show. 78 00:07:17,854 --> 00:07:19,397 [COUGHING] 79 00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:24,652 -Fozzie, who was it? -Hm? 80 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:27,280 The Fire Department. 81 00:07:27,405 --> 00:07:30,533 I think this is what they call a running gag. 82 00:07:34,037 --> 00:07:37,290 No, that's what they call a running gag. 83 00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:40,168 NEWSCASTER: Here's a Muppet news flash. 84 00:07:42,921 --> 00:07:48,802 Dateline, Fresno, Mr. Thomas Galli, or Galley, spent the last 27 months 85 00:07:48,885 --> 00:07:52,430 teaching his pet chicken to dance classical ballet. 86 00:07:53,515 --> 00:07:55,558 Last Saturday, the chicken passed her auditions 87 00:07:55,684 --> 00:07:58,603 and became a member of the Royal Copenhagen Ballet. 88 00:07:58,687 --> 00:08:02,190 Unfortunately, Mrs. Galley didn't wish to move to Denmark, 89 00:08:02,273 --> 00:08:05,276 so she fricasseed the ballerina for lunch. 90 00:08:05,568 --> 00:08:11,324 Oh. Speaking of lunch, I wonder what the Swedish chef has up his sleeve. 91 00:08:11,408 --> 00:08:14,119 A summons from the board of health, I wager. 92 00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:15,578 [LAUGHS] 93 00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,873 [UPBEAT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING] 94 00:08:18,957 --> 00:08:21,334 [HUMMING] 95 00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:32,345 [SPEAKING GIBBERISH] 96 00:08:51,740 --> 00:08:53,116 Flip. 97 00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,271 [RINGS] 98 00:09:24,022 --> 00:09:25,398 I got it. 99 00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,276 Uh... 100 00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:32,155 The Muppet Show. Backstage. 101 00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:38,661 -Fozzie, who was that? -Las Vegas. 102 00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:46,002 [BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING] 103 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:56,930 They're a nice-looking couple. 104 00:09:58,056 --> 00:10:00,642 Yeah, but a couple of what? 105 00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,941 I hear you come from a broken home. 106 00:10:08,066 --> 00:10:10,610 Yeah, I broke it myself. 107 00:10:10,694 --> 00:10:12,946 -Two, three, dip. -Aah! 108 00:10:13,029 --> 00:10:14,072 -Dip. -Aah! 109 00:10:14,406 --> 00:10:15,490 -Dip. -Aah! 110 00:10:15,573 --> 00:10:16,950 Aaah! 111 00:10:19,577 --> 00:10:22,747 Does one ever encounter sharks in these parts? 112 00:10:22,831 --> 00:10:26,918 Oh, no, absolutely not. Never, why do you ask? 113 00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,838 Just curious. 114 00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:36,720 I hear that the president said that you shouldn't panic if you don't have a job. 115 00:10:36,803 --> 00:10:40,348 That's easy for him to say. He's got a job. 116 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,359 I don't think we should come to this ballroom any more. 117 00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:56,614 -Why? -It attracts a lower class of animal. 118 00:10:57,824 --> 00:10:59,617 Oh, well. 119 00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:00,869 Aah! 120 00:11:00,952 --> 00:11:05,248 I have a gnawing feeling you're right. Let's tango. 121 00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,300 ♪ I started on a journey Just about a year ago ♪ 122 00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:19,054 ♪ To a little town called Morrow in the state of Ohio ♪ 123 00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:22,682 ♪ I've never been much of a traveler And I really didn't know ♪ 124 00:11:22,766 --> 00:11:26,061 ♪ That Morrow was the hardest place I'd ever try to go ♪ 125 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:29,939 ♪ So I went down to the station For my ticket and applied ♪ 126 00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:33,360 ♪ For tips regarding Morrow Not expecting to be guyed ♪ 127 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:37,238 ♪ Said I, "My friend, I'd like to go To Morrow and return ♪ 128 00:11:37,322 --> 00:11:41,910 ♪ No later than tomorrow For I haven't time to burn" ♪ 129 00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:47,207 ♪ Said he to me ♪ 130 00:11:47,290 --> 00:11:49,834 ♪ "Now let me see if I have heard you right" ♪ 131 00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,588 ♪ You'd like to go to Morrow and return tomorrow night ♪ 132 00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:57,217 ♪ You should have gone to Morrow yesterday, and back today ♪ 133 00:11:57,342 --> 00:12:00,762 ♪ For the train that goes to Morrow Is a mile upon its way ♪ 134 00:12:00,845 --> 00:12:04,641 ♪ If you had gone to Morrow yesterday Now don't you see ♪ 135 00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:08,353 ♪ You could have gone to Morrow And returned today at three ♪ 136 00:12:08,436 --> 00:12:12,107 ♪ For the train today to Morrow If the schedule is right ♪ 137 00:12:12,190 --> 00:12:15,735 ♪ Today it gets to Morrow And returns tomorrow night ♪ 138 00:12:16,111 --> 00:12:19,489 ♪ Said I, "I'd like to go to Morrow So can I go today ♪ 139 00:12:19,614 --> 00:12:22,992 ♪ And get to Morrow by tonight If there is no delay?" ♪ 140 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:26,913 ♪ "Well, well," I said to him, "And I've got no more to say ♪ 141 00:12:26,996 --> 00:12:30,500 ♪ Can you get anywhere tomorrow And get back again today?" ♪ 142 00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:34,421 ♪ Said I, "I guess you know it all But kindly let me say ♪ 143 00:12:34,504 --> 00:12:38,675 ♪ How can I get to Morrow If I leave this town today?" Said he ♪ 144 00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:41,886 ♪ "You cannot go to Morrow Anymore today ♪ 145 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:45,390 ♪ For the train that goes to Morrow Is a mile upon its way" ♪ 146 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:49,394 ♪ I was so disappointed I was mad enough to swear ♪ 147 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:53,064 ♪ The train had gone to Morrow And had left me standing there ♪ 148 00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:55,025 ♪ The man was right in telling me ♪ 149 00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:58,278 ♪ "You are a howling jay You cannot go to Morrow" ♪ 150 00:12:58,403 --> 00:13:00,739 ♪ Well, I guess in town I'll stay ♪ 151 00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:06,619 I don't get it. 152 00:13:12,417 --> 00:13:15,420 Right now, friends, I am proud to present a group of performers 153 00:13:15,503 --> 00:13:17,797 that I personally discovered in the waiting room 154 00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:20,300 of a bus station in Toledo, Ohio. 155 00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,844 They weren't performing there, they were just waiting. 156 00:13:22,927 --> 00:13:28,058 Anyhow, let's bring them on with a big hand, Marvin Suggs and his Muppaphones. 157 00:13:28,183 --> 00:13:30,560 Ole, ole, ole. 158 00:13:30,685 --> 00:13:33,563 Thank you, thank you and gracias. Thank you. 159 00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:37,192 I am the beloved Marvin Suggs. 160 00:13:37,317 --> 00:13:42,947 And now presenting the performing members of the Muppaphones. 161 00:13:43,073 --> 00:13:46,451 -Move it. Yeah, yeah. -Another day, another headache. 162 00:13:46,576 --> 00:13:48,119 [CHATTERING] 163 00:13:48,203 --> 00:13:50,705 Attention! Ahem. 164 00:13:50,830 --> 00:13:52,832 Tuning up. 165 00:13:52,916 --> 00:13:55,585 -Ow. -Ow. 166 00:13:55,835 --> 00:13:58,213 -Ow. -Ow. 167 00:13:58,463 --> 00:13:59,756 Ow. 168 00:13:59,839 --> 00:14:05,053 Oh, no. Move it, Marvin. Move it. Move it, Marvin. Move it. Move it. 169 00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:07,180 Attention! 170 00:14:08,723 --> 00:14:10,975 Tuning up. 171 00:14:11,101 --> 00:14:12,686 -Ow. -Ow. 172 00:14:12,936 --> 00:14:14,604 -Ow. -Ow. 173 00:14:14,854 --> 00:14:16,731 -Ow. -Ow. 174 00:14:16,856 --> 00:14:18,108 Ow. 175 00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:22,987 Move it, Lucy. Move it. Move it, move it, move it. 176 00:14:23,071 --> 00:14:24,989 Attention! 177 00:14:26,616 --> 00:14:28,702 Tuning up. 178 00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:30,829 -Ow. -Ow. 179 00:14:31,079 --> 00:14:32,247 -Ow. -Ow. 180 00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:33,498 -Ow. -Ow. 181 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:35,500 -Ow. -Ow. 182 00:14:35,625 --> 00:14:38,336 Yes, yes, yes, Marvin, you've done it! 183 00:14:39,254 --> 00:14:41,047 [SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY] 184 00:14:41,131 --> 00:14:43,008 -Bernard. -Hm? 185 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,010 Ow! 186 00:14:46,094 --> 00:14:49,597 And now, "Lady of Spain." 187 00:14:50,473 --> 00:14:51,808 The song. 188 00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:54,644 [MELODRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 189 00:14:55,770 --> 00:14:58,356 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪ 190 00:14:58,606 --> 00:15:02,235 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, oooow ♪ 191 00:15:04,529 --> 00:15:06,781 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪ 192 00:15:07,032 --> 00:15:10,660 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, oooow ♪ 193 00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:14,956 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪ 194 00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:18,668 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ooow ♪ 195 00:15:20,295 --> 00:15:23,798 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ♪ 196 00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:27,010 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪ 197 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:31,431 ♪ Ow, ow, ow, ow ♪ 198 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,183 [GONG SOUNDS] 199 00:15:34,184 --> 00:15:36,019 [HARMONIZING] 200 00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:43,693 [CHATTERING] 201 00:15:44,819 --> 00:15:49,240 Can we have quiet here? Can we have a little quiet? Quiet! Quiet, please! 202 00:15:49,324 --> 00:15:51,326 Aagh! 203 00:15:52,035 --> 00:15:55,997 Okay, time again to raise the intellectual level of our program, 204 00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:59,459 as our panel discusses questions of lasting importance. 205 00:15:59,542 --> 00:16:01,836 Our special guest tonight is Miss Tiffany Gonzalez. 206 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:02,962 Hello, hello. 207 00:16:03,088 --> 00:16:05,840 Aloha, Tiffany. And our question of lasting importance: 208 00:16:05,965 --> 00:16:09,094 "Is conversation a dying art?" What do you think, Tiffany? 209 00:16:09,219 --> 00:16:12,138 [IN SPANISH ACCENT] Well, yes, Kermit, people don't know how to talk. 210 00:16:12,222 --> 00:16:14,766 [SPEAKING RAPIDLY] They speak gibberish. They don't say nothing. 211 00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,976 You talk to people, they don't listen. 212 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:20,897 Fabulous, I'm talking to this crazy guy, I'm talking about war and peace. 213 00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:25,110 Then he tells me something about the price of coconuts. Am I crazy or is he crazy? 214 00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:27,737 -What did she say? -I wasn't listening. 215 00:16:27,862 --> 00:16:30,490 I was listening and I still don't know what she said. 216 00:16:30,573 --> 00:16:33,368 What's the matter with you? You don't understand English? 217 00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:36,121 [IMITATES TIFFANY'S ACCENT] No, I don't understand English. 218 00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,498 -Wait a minute! -Don't make fun of the lady's accent. 219 00:16:38,581 --> 00:16:42,377 What accent? Listen, butch, I speak as good English as the next guy. 220 00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:45,547 Yeah, if the next guy is Desi Arnaz. 221 00:16:45,630 --> 00:16:48,299 -Piggy, please. Girls, if you... -Excuse me, I want to talk-- 222 00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,343 Listen, you. 223 00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:54,514 How would you like a high heel in your ham hocks? 224 00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:59,019 -Well, I never. -What about conversation as a dying art? 225 00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:03,273 If conversation is a dying art, you killed it! Ha, ha. 226 00:17:03,398 --> 00:17:06,067 Piggy, please. Why don't you let Tiffany and The Guru talk? 227 00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:10,030 "Tiffany and The Guru." Didn't that star Annette Funicello and Frankie Avalon? 228 00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:13,658 -I saw that movie. -Listen, your time is almost up. 229 00:17:13,783 --> 00:17:16,828 Listen, in my country we have a seldom-used saying: 230 00:17:16,911 --> 00:17:21,416 "When the swine lubricates the automobile you end up with a greased pig." 231 00:17:21,499 --> 00:17:22,917 That don't make sense. 232 00:17:23,001 --> 00:17:25,170 I know. That's why it's seldom used. 233 00:17:25,295 --> 00:17:27,422 In my country we have a saying too: 234 00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,632 [SPEAKING IN SPANISH] 235 00:17:33,803 --> 00:17:35,930 What is that supposed to mean? 236 00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:41,144 That means one more crack from you and you're one dead enchilada! 237 00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:44,189 And who let this wacko taco on the panel? 238 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:49,194 Listen, how would you like to take a flying leap into a sausage factory? 239 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:52,572 -Don't touch me! -Okay, I'm sick and tired of you! 240 00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:55,200 Come over here! Come here! She's a coward. 241 00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:58,453 Well, the question is "is conversation a dying art?" 242 00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:01,122 And I don't think it is, but it is severely injured. 243 00:18:01,206 --> 00:18:06,169 Tune in next week when our topic will be improving US-Latin American relations. 244 00:18:08,088 --> 00:18:12,342 That Miss Moreno is easy on the eyes, but hard on the ears. 245 00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:17,097 Yes, in fact, I just got a concussion from that discussion. 246 00:18:19,349 --> 00:18:20,350 [RINGS] 247 00:18:22,852 --> 00:18:25,480 The Muppet Show. Backstage. 248 00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,236 Okay, who was it this time? 249 00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:33,988 The Atomic Energy Commission. 250 00:18:35,198 --> 00:18:37,492 NEWSCASTER: Here's a Muppet news flash. 251 00:18:37,617 --> 00:18:39,828 There is no news tonight. 252 00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:44,040 Hey, listen, Rita, at this time in the show... 253 00:18:44,124 --> 00:18:46,251 -Kermit, Kermit, before you go on. -What? 254 00:18:46,376 --> 00:18:49,254 I just have to tell you that I have always been a Muppet nut. 255 00:18:49,337 --> 00:18:51,756 That I love all of you so much. 256 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,134 [SPEAKS GIBBERISH] 257 00:18:56,469 --> 00:18:58,763 A frog is very ticklish. Hey, but listen. 258 00:18:58,888 --> 00:19:03,643 This is the part of the show where we have what we call our "talk spot," you see, 259 00:19:03,768 --> 00:19:08,398 where the guest sits here and talks casually and spontaneously with the frog. 260 00:19:08,523 --> 00:19:12,777 I know, but, Kermit, haven't you ever noticed on these variety shows, 261 00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:16,406 when they have a talk spot, the actors come off so phony? 262 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:21,077 I mean, you know that they're rehearsed. You know that they are reading cue cards. 263 00:19:21,161 --> 00:19:25,290 Yeah, but, Rita, on our show, on our... Wait a minute... 264 00:19:25,373 --> 00:19:27,792 "But Rita, but Rita, on our show, 265 00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:32,213 we do not use any cue cards, Rita, 266 00:19:32,297 --> 00:19:34,341 on our show, we do not..." 267 00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:36,384 Kermit! 268 00:19:37,260 --> 00:19:40,180 -I was just kidding there. -Oh, sorry. 269 00:19:40,263 --> 00:19:44,309 Kermit, can't we just please do it Muppet-style. Let's ad-lib it. 270 00:19:44,434 --> 00:19:47,687 Oh, you mean ad-lib, just sort of... Yeah, just make it up? 271 00:19:47,771 --> 00:19:51,483 I don't mind. Sure, yeah, just chatting, like that. Sure. 272 00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:55,695 I don't mind, but there are others who might take offense. 273 00:19:55,779 --> 00:19:58,698 -Like who? -The guy who holds the cue cards. 274 00:20:03,328 --> 00:20:06,956 Nice lady no want Sweetums to hold cue cards? 275 00:20:07,207 --> 00:20:09,334 Well, I, uh... 276 00:20:09,417 --> 00:20:11,002 No. 277 00:20:11,086 --> 00:20:14,714 Nice lady let Sweetums hold something else? 278 00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:16,966 Oh, sure, you can hold anything you want. 279 00:20:17,050 --> 00:20:21,346 -Uh-huh, that best offer me have all week. -Aah! 280 00:20:26,685 --> 00:20:31,481 Happens so often on our show, our guest stars just get carried away. 281 00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:37,362 As all of us right-thinking people know, 282 00:20:37,445 --> 00:20:40,990 Wayne and Wanda are the only truly uplifting act 283 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,618 on this whole questionable program. 284 00:20:43,743 --> 00:20:48,373 So with a sense of awesome pride, 285 00:20:48,456 --> 00:20:54,254 I present the singing team of Wayne and Wanda with "Goody Goody." 286 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,381 Oh, goody, goody. 287 00:20:59,092 --> 00:21:04,264 ♪ So you met someone Who set you back on your heels ♪ 288 00:21:04,347 --> 00:21:06,391 ♪ Goody Goody ♪ 289 00:21:07,475 --> 00:21:10,520 -Okay, moving right along, friends. -Stall, stall. 290 00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,063 Yeah, okay. 291 00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:15,900 Once again, by popular demand, Mr. Fozzie Bear. 292 00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:21,281 Thank you. Yeah, love you all. Yeah. It's me again, the old Fozzie Bear. 293 00:21:21,406 --> 00:21:25,160 Hickory dickory dock, a laugh a minute by the clock. 294 00:21:25,285 --> 00:21:29,539 Oh, yeah, well, you better check your clock. It looks like it stopped. 295 00:21:29,664 --> 00:21:31,958 I go with a lovely girl. She's so bowlegged, 296 00:21:32,042 --> 00:21:36,504 when she stands around the house, she stands around the house. 297 00:21:37,422 --> 00:21:41,926 Hey! Hey! You remind me of Charlton Heston. 298 00:21:42,010 --> 00:21:45,805 -Charlton Heston doesn't tell jokes. -Well? 299 00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:49,309 Well, I'm good enough to play the Palace. 300 00:21:49,392 --> 00:21:52,395 You're not good enough to clean the Palace. 301 00:21:52,937 --> 00:21:58,818 -Didn't you like my last joke? -Yes, if you promise it's your last joke. 302 00:21:59,319 --> 00:22:03,698 [STAMMERS] You guys wouldn't know a good joke if you fell over one. 303 00:22:03,782 --> 00:22:07,327 Well, we're not in any danger with your act. 304 00:22:10,038 --> 00:22:14,209 Okay, on-stage for Rita's closing number. That's Rita, Floyd and Animal, please. 305 00:22:14,334 --> 00:22:15,877 On-stage, on-stage. 306 00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,545 Okay, everybody ready-- 307 00:22:17,629 --> 00:22:18,630 [PHONE RINGING] 308 00:22:18,713 --> 00:22:21,132 -I'll get it. -Don't answer that phone! 309 00:22:21,216 --> 00:22:23,760 -I got it. -No, Fozzie, do not answer that telephone. 310 00:22:23,843 --> 00:22:27,222 Oh, but, Kermit, all these terrific funny things happen when I do answer it. 311 00:22:27,347 --> 00:22:30,100 -I'm aware of that, I'm aware of that. -Watch out, I'll get it. 312 00:22:30,225 --> 00:22:33,269 Is there no end to this running gag? 313 00:22:33,353 --> 00:22:34,729 [BOTH YELL] 314 00:22:44,072 --> 00:22:48,034 Well, I guess that puts an end to this running gag. 315 00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:51,329 Yeah, and also to all the incoming calls. 316 00:22:52,330 --> 00:22:55,000 [PLAYING MELLOW TUNE] 317 00:23:08,013 --> 00:23:10,765 ♪ Never know how much I love you ♪ 318 00:23:11,641 --> 00:23:14,894 ♪ Never know how much I care ♪ 319 00:23:15,729 --> 00:23:18,648 ♪ When you put your arms around me ♪ 320 00:23:18,773 --> 00:23:22,277 ♪ I get a fever that's so hard to bear ♪ 321 00:23:22,402 --> 00:23:25,363 ♪ You give me fever ♪ 322 00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:28,033 ♪ When you kiss me ♪ 323 00:23:28,116 --> 00:23:31,953 ♪ Fever when you hold me tight ♪ 324 00:23:32,037 --> 00:23:34,122 ♪ Fever ♪ 325 00:23:35,540 --> 00:23:38,209 ♪ In the morning ♪ 326 00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:41,796 ♪ Fever all through the night ♪ 327 00:23:47,177 --> 00:23:48,803 Oye, buddy. 328 00:23:48,887 --> 00:23:50,930 [SPEAKS IN SPANISH] 329 00:23:51,056 --> 00:23:52,724 It's not nice. 330 00:23:52,807 --> 00:23:54,684 [SPEAKS IN SPANISH] 331 00:24:00,190 --> 00:24:01,816 So cool it. 332 00:24:03,443 --> 00:24:05,570 [IMITATES RITA] So cool it. 333 00:24:08,448 --> 00:24:09,699 [JABBERS] 334 00:24:14,913 --> 00:24:17,957 ♪Sun lights up the morning ♪ 335 00:24:18,833 --> 00:24:22,212 ♪ Moon lights up the night ♪ 336 00:24:23,046 --> 00:24:26,257 ♪ I light up when you call my name ♪ 337 00:24:26,341 --> 00:24:29,469 ♪ 'Cause you know I'm gonna treat you right ♪ 338 00:24:29,552 --> 00:24:31,596 ♪ You give me fever ♪ 339 00:24:33,556 --> 00:24:36,101 ♪ When you kiss me ♪ 340 00:24:36,726 --> 00:24:39,104 ♪ Hold me tight ♪ 341 00:24:39,229 --> 00:24:41,106 ♪ Fever ♪ 342 00:24:41,940 --> 00:24:44,275 ♪ When you kiss me ♪ 343 00:24:44,359 --> 00:24:47,445 [VOICE BREAKING] ♪ Fever when you hold me tight ♪ 344 00:24:48,238 --> 00:24:51,241 ♪ Fever all through the night ♪ 345 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:54,035 ♪ Fever ♪ 346 00:24:54,119 --> 00:24:56,746 ♪ All through the night ♪ 347 00:25:05,255 --> 00:25:08,341 That's my kind of woman. 348 00:25:11,886 --> 00:25:13,722 [LAUGHING AND CHEERING] 349 00:25:15,140 --> 00:25:17,684 Well, once again, folks, we've come to the end of the show, 350 00:25:17,767 --> 00:25:22,397 and I cannot but pause to thank our lovely guest star, Miss Rita Moreno. 351 00:25:24,983 --> 00:25:26,609 Ole. 352 00:25:27,027 --> 00:25:30,655 Wish you wouldn't throw things on the floor. We try to be neat around here. 353 00:25:30,739 --> 00:25:33,825 Oh, that's okay, Kermit. He loves it, I had lunch with him today. 354 00:25:33,908 --> 00:25:36,828 Okay, if you say so. Hey, thank you, Rita. And thank you all. 355 00:25:36,911 --> 00:25:40,165 Join us next time on The Muppet Show. 356 00:25:40,248 --> 00:25:42,292 [BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC] 357 00:25:44,419 --> 00:25:46,629 Fozzie, go backstage. 358 00:26:23,708 --> 00:26:26,211 I still couldn't find the chewing gum. 28364

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