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1
00:00:03,830 --> 00:00:05,233
Oh, Gracie,
I think it's so sweet
2
00:00:05,266 --> 00:00:07,166
that you're writing
the President a letter.
3
00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:09,250
I mean, he really
needs some cheering up.
4
00:00:09,283 --> 00:00:12,000
First, he loses the House
and the Senate.
5
00:00:12,330 --> 00:00:14,266
Then he jogs to McDonald's
and finds out
6
00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:17,660
a McLean
has 10 grams of fat.
7
00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:19,266
Ten?
8
00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:21,116
What about
those Chicken McNuggets?
9
00:00:21,150 --> 00:00:24,330
Niles...
10
00:00:24,660 --> 00:00:26,200
so that's how you
got those McLove-Handles.
11
00:00:28,466 --> 00:00:30,433
Fran, I don't know
what to write.
12
00:00:30,466 --> 00:00:32,150
What's the right way
to address the man
13
00:00:32,183 --> 00:00:33,266
who runs our entire country?
14
00:00:33,300 --> 00:00:34,250
"Dear Newt"?
15
00:00:37,133 --> 00:00:40,216
Don't be so smart, you.
16
00:00:40,250 --> 00:00:43,330
B, you're a good writer.
Go help your sister.
17
00:00:43,660 --> 00:00:44,333
If it's a nice letter,
forget it.
18
00:00:44,366 --> 00:00:46,250
Why, what are you,
a Republican?
19
00:00:46,283 --> 00:00:48,160
I've got a trust fund.
I'm no boob.
20
00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,160
Go.
21
00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:52,233
Maxwell, if he wants
the damn play,
22
00:00:52,266 --> 00:00:54,166
then let him have it.
It isn't even finished.
23
00:00:54,200 --> 00:00:55,300
Who?
24
00:00:55,333 --> 00:00:59,333
Andrew...Lloyd...Webber.
25
00:00:59,366 --> 00:01:02,660
Look, C.C., I found
this play first.
26
00:01:02,100 --> 00:01:03,250
I want to produce it.
27
00:01:03,283 --> 00:01:05,383
Just once,
I want to be on top.
28
00:01:05,416 --> 00:01:07,233
I want you on top
too, Maxwell.
29
00:01:13,433 --> 00:01:15,100
You're just
not going to win.
30
00:01:15,133 --> 00:01:16,660
You might as well
give up.
31
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:16,483
C'est la vie.
32
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:17,316
La vie.
33
00:01:20,150 --> 00:01:22,830
Why shouldn't
he try for it?
34
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:24,250
His shows are
just as good.
35
00:01:24,283 --> 00:01:25,200
Uh, as good as
Phantom of the Opera?
36
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:27,266
Uh-huh.
37
00:01:29,466 --> 00:01:31,416
Maxwell, for your
own good, give up.
38
00:01:31,450 --> 00:01:34,830
It's a futile fight.
39
00:01:34,116 --> 00:01:36,500
For God's sake, I know
when I'm licked.
40
00:01:42,166 --> 00:01:44,233
Just give me a minute to get
that image out of my head.
41
00:01:47,100 --> 00:01:48,100
Nope, nope.
Gonna have to live with it.
42
00:01:50,383 --> 00:01:52,383
It is reassuring no know
that if anything happens to
me,
43
00:01:52,416 --> 00:01:54,133
you're here
to continue my work.
44
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:58,100
Well, maybe she's right.
45
00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:01,500
I should just
withdraw the offer.
46
00:02:01,830 --> 00:02:02,450
That way it won't look like
I've lost to him again.
47
00:02:02,483 --> 00:02:04,300
Lost?
48
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:07,233
You haven't even
begun to fight.
49
00:02:07,266 --> 00:02:10,433
Mr. Sheffield, the only thing
that Andrew Lloyd Webber has
50
00:02:10,466 --> 00:02:12,350
that you don't,
is a middle name.
51
00:02:12,383 --> 00:02:14,330
I've got a middle name.
52
00:02:14,660 --> 00:02:15,333
Oh, well, there you are.
What is it?
53
00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:16,433
Beverley.
54
00:02:16,466 --> 00:02:17,300
Moving on.
55
00:02:20,316 --> 00:02:23,333
Okay. Here's something else
that you have that he doesn't.
56
00:02:23,366 --> 00:02:25,330
Yeah? What's that,
Miss Fine?
57
00:02:25,660 --> 00:02:26,450
Me.
Right, Niles?
58
00:02:28,266 --> 00:02:29,116
What about a Whopper?
59
00:02:31,266 --> 00:02:34,150
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
60
00:02:34,183 --> 00:02:35,266
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
61
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:37,830
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
62
00:02:37,116 --> 00:02:38,183
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
63
00:02:38,216 --> 00:02:40,500
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
64
00:02:40,830 --> 00:02:41,350
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
65
00:02:41,383 --> 00:02:45,830
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
66
00:02:45,116 --> 00:02:46,233
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
67
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,160
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
68
00:02:48,500 --> 00:02:50,283
♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪
69
00:02:50,316 --> 00:02:52,300
♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪
70
00:02:52,333 --> 00:02:56,333
♪ That's how
she became The nanny ♪
71
00:02:56,366 --> 00:02:59,300
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we've described ♪
72
00:02:59,333 --> 00:03:01,300
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
73
00:03:01,333 --> 00:03:02,316
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
74
00:03:02,350 --> 00:03:04,116
♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
75
00:03:04,150 --> 00:03:05,216
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
76
00:03:05,250 --> 00:03:06,316
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
77
00:03:06,350 --> 00:03:08,500
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
78
00:03:08,830 --> 00:03:10,283
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
79
00:03:12,316 --> 00:03:14,183
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
80
00:03:14,216 --> 00:03:15,366
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
81
00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:24,160
Fran, you know Clifford,
that geek at my school?
82
00:03:24,500 --> 00:03:25,200
Uh-huh.
Oh, honey, you know,
83
00:03:25,233 --> 00:03:26,333
he's not such a geek.
84
00:03:26,366 --> 00:03:28,183
Not everyone can
pull off mittens
85
00:03:28,216 --> 00:03:29,500
clipped to their sleeves.
86
00:03:31,283 --> 00:03:33,383
Well, he offered to help me
on my PSATs.
87
00:03:33,416 --> 00:03:35,433
Yeah?
But I can't be seen with him.
88
00:03:35,466 --> 00:03:37,133
Sweetie,
it's the '90's.
89
00:03:37,166 --> 00:03:40,000
Les geeks c'est chic.
90
00:03:40,330 --> 00:03:41,466
See, here's the progression -
91
00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,660
pocket protector,
software genius,
92
00:03:45,100 --> 00:03:46,300
compound in Malibu.
93
00:03:48,330 --> 00:03:49,466
Oh...
94
00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:51,660
Listen to me.
You'll be smart.
95
00:03:52,450 --> 00:03:53,333
Meanwhile, I'm a maid.
96
00:03:56,216 --> 00:03:58,183
All right. It's all set.
97
00:03:58,216 --> 00:03:59,483
I'm taking the playwright
to dinner tonight.
98
00:04:00,160 --> 00:04:01,116
And I happen to know
he fancies himself
99
00:04:01,150 --> 00:04:03,500
as a bit of a ladies' man,
100
00:04:03,830 --> 00:04:05,466
so I thought maybe I'd set him
up with Cindy, hm?
101
00:04:06,000 --> 00:04:07,660
Nothing like a supermodel
on the rebound.
102
00:04:07,100 --> 00:04:09,160
Oh!
103
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:11,100
Now, you see,
Mr. Sheffield?
104
00:04:11,133 --> 00:04:14,466
That's why you're wearing
Donna Karan, and I'm wearing--
105
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,166
Well, actually, I'm wearing
Donna Karan, too,
106
00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:17,000
but they cut the label out.
107
00:04:19,830 --> 00:04:20,233
[TEAPOT WHISTLING]
108
00:04:20,266 --> 00:04:21,266
So, what's this guy like?
109
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:23,100
Dakota Williams?
110
00:04:23,133 --> 00:04:24,450
Oh, he's an elderly southern
gentleman, you know,
111
00:04:24,483 --> 00:04:26,416
a real man's man.
112
00:04:26,450 --> 00:04:31,660
Hard-drinking, chain-smoking,
plain-talkin'.
113
00:04:31,100 --> 00:04:33,233
Oh, gee, and you wanna fix
him up with Cindy Crawford.
114
00:04:33,266 --> 00:04:35,330
I don't know.
115
00:04:35,660 --> 00:04:38,316
From Richard Gere
to Yosemite Sam?
116
00:04:38,316 --> 00:04:40,500
You know what,
leave everything to me.
117
00:04:40,830 --> 00:04:42,660
I have just the gal for you.
118
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:44,830
Cheap, foul-mouthed,
119
00:04:44,116 --> 00:04:46,333
finds secondhand smoke
a big turn-on.
120
00:04:46,366 --> 00:04:47,200
Oh, Miss Fine, you wouldn't
want to go out with him.
121
00:04:51,416 --> 00:04:53,350
I didn't mean me.
122
00:04:53,383 --> 00:04:54,300
I hate smoke.
123
00:04:57,500 --> 00:04:58,216
Do you think you can convince
124
00:04:58,250 --> 00:04:59,366
this friend of yours
to go out with him?
125
00:04:59,400 --> 00:05:01,283
Oh, I don't know.
She's gotta be willing
126
00:05:01,316 --> 00:05:03,366
to have cocktails
in a mansion,
127
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:06,000
dinner at a five-star
restaurant,
128
00:05:06,330 --> 00:05:07,366
and ride around all night
in a limo
129
00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,366
with some famous guy
who's too old to jump her.
130
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,266
[CLICKS] Gonna be tough.
131
00:05:13,100 --> 00:05:13,350
[EXHALES]
132
00:05:18,233 --> 00:05:20,330
Now, Niles, you must
be particularly attentive
133
00:05:20,660 --> 00:05:22,830
to Mr. Williams
this evening.
134
00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:24,283
I want his visit here to be
first class in every way.
135
00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:25,250
Yeah, Niles,
stay on your toes.
136
00:05:26,316 --> 00:05:27,116
Oh!
137
00:05:28,400 --> 00:05:29,433
Oh,my
138
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:34,160
Ah, there you are,
Miss Fine.
139
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:35,233
Now, guess what.
140
00:05:35,266 --> 00:05:38,133
After dinner,
I've chartered a boat
141
00:05:38,166 --> 00:05:40,400
to take us around Manhattan
with a Cajun blues band
142
00:05:40,433 --> 00:05:42,450
I've flown in from New Orleans.
143
00:05:42,483 --> 00:05:47,660
Oh, Mr. Sheffield, now you're
showing some gumbos.
144
00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:49,200
[DOORBELL RINGS]
Ooh! He's here.
145
00:05:49,233 --> 00:05:52,433
Nanny Fine,
take a powder.
146
00:05:52,466 --> 00:05:55,500
Now, now, now, C.C.,
if it weren't for Miss
Fine,
147
00:05:55,830 --> 00:05:56,250
we wouldn't be entertaining
148
00:05:56,283 --> 00:05:58,330
a Pulitzer Prize winner
here this evening.
149
00:05:58,660 --> 00:05:59,383
Pulitzer Clearing House?
How much did he win?
150
00:06:01,350 --> 00:06:02,466
Miss Fine,
take a powder.
151
00:06:05,200 --> 00:06:06,483
Mr. Dakota Williams.
152
00:06:07,160 --> 00:06:11,000
Ah, I'm just Dak
to you all.
153
00:06:11,330 --> 00:06:12,450
Welcome.
154
00:06:12,483 --> 00:06:15,300
I do not stand on ceremony,
and just to prove it,
155
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,350
I'll drink anything you got.
156
00:06:18,233 --> 00:06:19,283
As long as it's
sour mash whiskey.
157
00:06:19,316 --> 00:06:20,450
Oh, we got that,
all right.
158
00:06:20,483 --> 00:06:22,150
Don't we, Niles?
159
00:06:22,183 --> 00:06:23,150
What are you, nuts?
160
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,830
Sir.
161
00:06:25,383 --> 00:06:27,466
I'm C.C. Babcock,
Mr. Williams.
162
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,160
Your plays
are so profound.
163
00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,000
Where do you get
your inspiration?
164
00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,400
Gimme an uptight,
alcoholic spinster,
165
00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:36,316
and I'll give you a play.
166
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:39,000
Ta-da.
167
00:06:41,183 --> 00:06:42,283
[LAUGHING]
168
00:06:42,316 --> 00:06:43,466
Oh...
169
00:06:44,000 --> 00:06:46,216
Sugar, sugar, sugar.
170
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:48,166
Little darlin',
who are you?
171
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:51,216
Hi, I'm Fran Fine.
172
00:06:51,250 --> 00:06:54,660
You know, I was the lead in
one
of your plays in high school.
173
00:06:54,100 --> 00:06:55,400
Because of my accent, everyone
thought I was from the South.
174
00:06:58,283 --> 00:07:01,000
Must have been
an amazing production.
175
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:04,330
Oh, when I played the
death scene with my mammy,
176
00:07:04,660 --> 00:07:07,300
how I loved her,
how I loved her...
177
00:07:07,300 --> 00:07:09,100
Anyway, there wasn't
a dry eye in Flushing.
178
00:07:11,300 --> 00:07:12,466
Flushin'?
Like a toilet?
179
00:07:14,416 --> 00:07:16,216
On a good day.
180
00:07:16,250 --> 00:07:18,116
[BOTH LAUGH]
181
00:07:18,150 --> 00:07:22,133
Oh, Sheffield, this is
one saucy woman.
182
00:07:22,166 --> 00:07:26,500
We gonna get along
like two June bugs
on a summer picnic.
183
00:07:26,830 --> 00:07:28,116
Well, actually, actually,
she's not your date.
184
00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,300
No.
Huh?
185
00:07:29,333 --> 00:07:31,830
Your date's even cruder.
186
00:07:32,400 --> 00:07:34,416
Yes, much.
187
00:07:34,450 --> 00:07:36,300
[DOORBELL RINGS]
188
00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:38,333
I'll get that.
- Me too.
189
00:07:38,366 --> 00:07:40,830
Oh, Miss Fine, I can
taste victory already.
190
00:07:40,116 --> 00:07:42,330
And it's all you.
191
00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:44,116
I have you to thank.
- You ain't seen nothing yet.
192
00:07:44,150 --> 00:07:46,233
Wait till you get a load of
the chick I fixed him up with.
193
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:47,383
Ta-da!
194
00:07:53,483 --> 00:07:56,266
I'm sorry I'm late.
195
00:07:56,300 --> 00:07:59,116
I had to dig up a brassiere
that hooks in the front.
196
00:08:03,450 --> 00:08:04,266
[WHISPERS]
What? No good?
197
00:08:10,316 --> 00:08:13,116
MAXWELL:
Are you out of your bloody mind?
198
00:08:13,150 --> 00:08:15,483
Oh, look who's here,
Bob's Big Boy.
199
00:08:17,416 --> 00:08:19,400
MAXWELL:
Miss Fine!
200
00:08:19,433 --> 00:08:22,400
You fixed up America's
foremost living playwright
201
00:08:22,433 --> 00:08:24,266
with a woman whose
greatest attribute
202
00:08:24,300 --> 00:08:25,466
is making rice that doesn't
stick together?
203
00:08:28,150 --> 00:08:30,250
He was smiling
when he met her.
204
00:08:30,283 --> 00:08:32,333
He's drunk out of his mind!
205
00:08:32,366 --> 00:08:34,400
All right.
She's on pain killers.
206
00:08:34,433 --> 00:08:35,250
Maybe neither of them
will realize they're
together.
207
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:40,330
Miss Fine, Miss Fine, haven't I
been good to you?
208
00:08:40,660 --> 00:08:41,400
Yes, you have.
209
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:43,500
Gave you a job
when you needed one?
210
00:08:43,830 --> 00:08:44,300
Yes, you did.
211
00:08:44,333 --> 00:08:46,116
All the Slim-Fast bars
you can eat?
212
00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,350
Mm-hm.
213
00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:50,300
And how do you repay me?
214
00:08:50,333 --> 00:08:53,160
I was just trying to be
the woman behind the man.
215
00:08:53,500 --> 00:08:54,116
How would you like
to be the woman
216
00:08:54,150 --> 00:08:55,233
behind the Burger King
counter?
217
00:08:57,200 --> 00:08:58,316
The one on 57th Street
is hiring.
218
00:09:01,183 --> 00:09:04,133
You know, for a minute there,
when I saw Yetta,
219
00:09:04,166 --> 00:09:06,216
I thought that
she
220
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:10,116
[LAUGHS]
221
00:09:10,150 --> 00:09:12,830
Oh, let me tell her in lieu
of a Christmas bonus.
222
00:09:14,333 --> 00:09:17,416
No!
223
00:09:17,450 --> 00:09:20,160
[SOBS]
Oh, it'syour
224
00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,830
Maxwell,
let's kill her.
225
00:09:22,116 --> 00:09:24,266
C.C., I prefer to do this
without any witnesses.
226
00:09:26,500 --> 00:09:27,183
Niles.
Hm? Oh, hm.
227
00:09:30,116 --> 00:09:33,000
Mr. Sheffield, let me just
tell you my thinking.
228
00:09:33,330 --> 00:09:36,233
Andrew Lloyd Webber
would have never thought
229
00:09:36,266 --> 00:09:38,250
to fix him up with someone
like Grandma Yetta.
230
00:09:42,250 --> 00:09:45,830
Well, Nanny Fine finally
dug a hole deep enough
231
00:09:45,116 --> 00:09:46,183
to bury herand
232
00:09:46,216 --> 00:09:47,160
Ha, ha!
233
00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,330
Miss Babcock, you have
a little something, uh...
234
00:09:52,660 --> 00:09:55,830
Oh, well, give me that.
235
00:09:55,830 --> 00:09:58,400
How's that?
236
00:09:58,400 --> 00:09:59,133
How do I look?
237
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:01,333
Yummy.
238
00:10:04,433 --> 00:10:06,183
All right!
Would you keep it down?
239
00:10:06,216 --> 00:10:07,150
We've got company.
240
00:10:07,183 --> 00:10:08,160
[GROANS]
241
00:10:10,300 --> 00:10:11,266
C.C.?
242
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:12,233
What?
243
00:10:13,333 --> 00:10:15,333
What on earth
happened to your
face?
244
00:10:15,366 --> 00:10:16,450
She cut herself
shaving.
245
00:10:20,116 --> 00:10:20,483
Ooh!
246
00:10:25,366 --> 00:10:29,266
So anyway, 30 years,
247
00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:31,183
I'm thinking
it's a beauty mark.
248
00:10:33,450 --> 00:10:37,300
Suddenly, I wake up,
it's the size of Danny
DeVito.
249
00:10:37,333 --> 00:10:39,166
Yetta!
Yetta!
250
00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,150
That's nothing.
251
00:10:41,183 --> 00:10:42,416
I got somethin'
that looks like a gas cap
252
00:10:42,450 --> 00:10:44,350
off a '64 Corvair
growin' on my butt.
253
00:10:46,233 --> 00:10:47,416
We believe you.
254
00:10:47,450 --> 00:10:49,000
We believe you.
255
00:10:52,316 --> 00:10:55,200
Oh, I got somethin'
for you.
256
00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:57,183
But first I gotta
take off my girdle.
257
00:10:59,216 --> 00:11:01,133
You little tease.
258
00:11:01,166 --> 00:11:02,366
She is such a turn-on!
259
00:11:04,183 --> 00:11:05,266
Did you hear that?
260
00:11:05,300 --> 00:11:07,133
Yetta, big turn-on.
261
00:11:09,500 --> 00:11:11,830
Excuse me,
Mr. Williams,
262
00:11:11,116 --> 00:11:13,116
I-I know we could all
go on and on about Yetta.
263
00:11:13,150 --> 00:11:14,100
Hell, she turns me on.
264
00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:19,350
But why don't we see
if we can't work out a deal
265
00:11:19,383 --> 00:11:21,150
before you're sober--
Supper! Your supper.
266
00:11:23,250 --> 00:11:25,660
Sheffield, is this
how you do business?
267
00:11:25,100 --> 00:11:26,133
Ah, just show me
where to sign.
268
00:11:27,383 --> 00:11:29,660
Come on,
honeysuckle.
269
00:11:32,366 --> 00:11:34,350
It's all body language.
270
00:11:36,150 --> 00:11:37,250
Watch the walk.
271
00:11:45,333 --> 00:11:48,350
Miss Fine, you never
cease to amaze me.
272
00:11:48,383 --> 00:11:51,366
You know, I don't know
why you're so shocked.
273
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:54,183
I mean, you asked me to fix
the man up with someone.
274
00:11:54,216 --> 00:11:56,383
I followed my instincts.
275
00:11:56,416 --> 00:11:58,300
Simple, yet bonus-worthy.
276
00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:03,116
Miss Fine,
I could just kiss you.
277
00:12:06,466 --> 00:12:08,233
Coulda, shoulda, woulda,
but didn't.
278
00:12:16,133 --> 00:12:19,166
Stop it.
You're embarrassing me.
279
00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:23,183
Oh, he keeps calling me
his right arm.
280
00:12:23,216 --> 00:12:25,116
Miss Fine, you have more lives
than Garfield.
281
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:30,660
Oh, Niles, lox, eggs
and onions.
282
00:12:30,100 --> 00:12:32,283
Yes. Grandma Yetta left her
breakfast order on the doorknob
283
00:12:32,316 --> 00:12:33,150
before she went to bed.
284
00:12:35,100 --> 00:12:37,160
Well, when she sleeps over,
285
00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:38,216
she always thinks
she's at the Fontainebleau.
286
00:12:38,250 --> 00:12:39,466
If you wanna make a buck,
287
00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:41,333
tie your shirt
into a calypso knot
288
00:12:41,366 --> 00:12:42,333
and serve her
a piña colada.
289
00:12:44,466 --> 00:12:46,266
MAXWELL:
Oh, Miss Fine...
290
00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,366
Coming.
291
00:12:49,400 --> 00:12:51,283
I'm feeling a little short.
Time to get on my pedestal.
292
00:12:53,316 --> 00:12:55,166
Ah, there she is.
293
00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,366
Who?
294
00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,183
My right arm.
295
00:12:58,216 --> 00:13:00,116
Oh, stop it.
296
00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:02,200
You're embarrassing me.
297
00:13:02,233 --> 00:13:04,116
Oh, I'm sorry,
Miss Fine.
298
00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,450
I-I just can't help it.
299
00:13:05,483 --> 00:13:08,133
I own Dakota Williams'
next play.
300
00:13:09,300 --> 00:13:12,660
I finally beat
Andrew Lloyd Webber,
301
00:13:12,100 --> 00:13:14,000
and it wouldn't have happened
if it weren't for you.
302
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:16,500
Oh, you did it
all yourself.
303
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:18,500
I was merely
your, um...
304
00:13:18,830 --> 00:13:19,433
um...
305
00:13:19,466 --> 00:13:21,366
Right arm.
306
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,660
Stop it. You're em--
Oh, it's you.
307
00:13:24,483 --> 00:13:26,316
Good morning.
308
00:13:26,350 --> 00:13:28,300
FRAN: Good morning.
- Good morning.
309
00:13:28,333 --> 00:13:31,300
I'll have some
of everything.
310
00:13:31,333 --> 00:13:33,300
I'm on the American Plan.
311
00:13:35,433 --> 00:13:38,166
So tell me, did the dinner
last night go well?
312
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:40,233
You got home so late.
313
00:13:40,266 --> 00:13:43,116
Oh, she was quite
the little vixen.
314
00:13:43,150 --> 00:13:45,366
Oh, Yetta, you didn't
drop anything under the table
315
00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:47,116
and go look for it, did ya?
316
00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:49,166
One time.
317
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:50,350
Just to see
if I still had it.
318
00:13:55,316 --> 00:13:57,233
Oh, God.
319
00:13:57,266 --> 00:13:58,500
That was you?
320
00:14:03,660 --> 00:14:04,416
That was you?
321
00:14:08,250 --> 00:14:09,283
Do you two
wanna be alone?
322
00:14:12,116 --> 00:14:13,283
Meanwhile...
323
00:14:15,250 --> 00:14:19,183
Dak and I are a match
made in heaven.
324
00:14:19,216 --> 00:14:22,216
I like dark meat.
He likes light.
325
00:14:22,250 --> 00:14:26,300
I could hear the movie.
He could see it.
326
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:28,433
I got a right lung.
He's got a left.
327
00:14:31,150 --> 00:14:33,466
But the best part is,
he's retired.
328
00:14:34,000 --> 00:14:36,300
No, no, he's not
retired
yet, Yetta.
329
00:14:36,333 --> 00:14:38,366
He's still got a play
to finish.
330
00:14:38,400 --> 00:14:42,300
Good luck. The man hasn't
written a word in 20 years.
331
00:14:42,333 --> 00:14:44,416
Oh, Yetta, you're confused.
332
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:47,316
Mr. Sheffield
just bought his play.
333
00:14:47,350 --> 00:14:50,150
That's right. First act
is on my desk right now.
334
00:14:50,183 --> 00:14:52,116
Did you happen to notice it was
written with a quill pen?
335
00:14:53,483 --> 00:14:56,500
What is she saying?
336
00:14:56,830 --> 00:14:58,333
I'm saying don't hold
your breath for the second act.
337
00:14:58,366 --> 00:15:00,330
The man's got writer's blockage.
338
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,233
Oh, no.
339
00:15:03,266 --> 00:15:04,216
Oh, God.
340
00:15:06,266 --> 00:15:09,160
Thank you
for introducing us.
341
00:15:09,500 --> 00:15:10,433
Most guys my age are senile.
342
00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:14,133
I'll be in the gift shop.
343
00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,433
All right, let's--
let's recap.
344
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:24,160
I now own a play
that is totally worthless,
345
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:26,660
and Andrew Webber
does not.
346
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:29,150
My right arm
is strangely silent.
347
00:15:30,483 --> 00:15:31,416
Did it have a stroke?
348
00:15:33,330 --> 00:15:35,316
It's thinking.
349
00:15:35,350 --> 00:15:38,830
Try and follow me
for a minute here.
350
00:15:38,116 --> 00:15:41,200
Why would Dak
sign a deal with you
351
00:15:41,233 --> 00:15:43,383
when he could have signed a
deal
with Andrew Lloyd Webber?
352
00:15:43,416 --> 00:15:45,000
Because my plays
are just as good.
353
00:15:45,330 --> 00:15:45,400
No, really.
354
00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:49,383
It's because of Yetta.
355
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:53,483
You know, he might back out
of the deal if she dumps him.
356
00:15:54,160 --> 00:15:56,216
Wait, wait, Miss Fine,
357
00:15:56,250 --> 00:16:00,830
Dak is the most exciting man
Yetta's ever met.
358
00:16:00,116 --> 00:16:03,500
I mean, what would possibly
make her leave him?
359
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,216
Well, she had her eye
on the couch in the lobby.
360
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:10,000
Yetta.
361
00:16:12,150 --> 00:16:14,350
I hate when they don't
put prices on things.
362
00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,433
I mean,
where do ya start?
363
00:16:19,466 --> 00:16:23,433
Look, Yetta, I know
you've grown very fond of Dak,
364
00:16:23,466 --> 00:16:28,116
but, well, you should know
he drinks far too much,
365
00:16:28,150 --> 00:16:30,416
he swears like a sailor,
and-- well, frankly,
366
00:16:30,450 --> 00:16:32,283
he's a scoundrel
with women.
367
00:16:32,316 --> 00:16:34,316
Mr. Sheffield,
are you trying
368
00:16:34,350 --> 00:16:35,450
to talk her out of it
or into it?
369
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:38,466
Let me handle this.
370
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:39,483
Yetta, you gotta
break up with him.
371
00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:42,300
Why?
372
00:16:42,333 --> 00:16:43,316
He's cute, and he's loaded.
373
00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:46,450
If we got married,
374
00:16:46,483 --> 00:16:49,330
someday this would
all be yours.
375
00:16:51,250 --> 00:16:52,233
What are we really
doing here?
376
00:16:56,830 --> 00:16:58,383
Oh, no, wait a minute,
wait a minute. I can't do
this.
377
00:16:58,416 --> 00:17:01,316
I-I can't ask her to give up
her last chance for happiness,
378
00:17:01,350 --> 00:17:03,300
just so I can get out
of a bloody business deal.
379
00:17:03,333 --> 00:17:06,366
Hold it.
This was business?
380
00:17:06,400 --> 00:17:09,183
I was just a cheap,
tawdry sex toy?
381
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:13,200
Why does this
always happen to me?
382
00:17:15,166 --> 00:17:16,383
I'm very sorry, Yetta.
383
00:17:17,416 --> 00:17:20,500
Hey, I was there.
384
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:23,830
How could ya not use me?
385
00:17:23,116 --> 00:17:25,116
Business is important.
386
00:17:25,150 --> 00:17:27,160
I, myself,
am an "entre-manure."
387
00:17:30,466 --> 00:17:32,466
Oy, my family's gonna
have to stop breeding.
388
00:17:34,466 --> 00:17:37,266
Franny, let me talk
to your husband in private.
389
00:17:42,183 --> 00:17:46,250
You wanna talk business,
here's the deal.
390
00:17:46,283 --> 00:17:49,283
I'll give up Dak if you quit
fooling around with the
blond.
391
00:17:50,450 --> 00:17:52,133
Shame on you!
392
00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:55,400
Look what you got.
393
00:18:06,133 --> 00:18:08,100
Mags, lighten up.
394
00:18:08,133 --> 00:18:10,366
What's with the
unger-bluzene punim?
395
00:18:10,400 --> 00:18:12,830
Unger what?
396
00:18:12,116 --> 00:18:14,283
Sourpuss.
397
00:18:14,316 --> 00:18:16,350
You know, it's a face like
that
that kept Molly Ringwald
398
00:18:16,383 --> 00:18:17,433
from a film career
as an adult.
399
00:18:21,500 --> 00:18:23,233
Fran, the worst thing
has happened.
400
00:18:23,266 --> 00:18:25,300
The computer nerd
asked me out.
401
00:18:25,333 --> 00:18:29,300
Oh, so he's getting
a little interactive, huh?
402
00:18:29,333 --> 00:18:32,166
Fran, I don't wanna
go out with him.
403
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,483
Ugh, he'll wear that hat
with those earflaps.
404
00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:39,000
Honey, let me impart
some wisdom on you.
405
00:18:39,330 --> 00:18:42,116
My mother always dressed
my father in leisure
suits...
406
00:18:43,416 --> 00:18:47,266
and no one has ever
stolen him away.
407
00:18:51,830 --> 00:18:53,400
Fran, you don't understand.
408
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,200
My best friend Whitney's
going out with a football player
409
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:57,166
who is so studly.
410
00:18:57,200 --> 00:18:59,660
All right, honey, honey.
411
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:03,830
Let me just give you
the progression here -
412
00:19:03,116 --> 00:19:07,300
star quarterback,
pulled groin, beer gut,
413
00:19:07,333 --> 00:19:09,183
"Can I check your oil,
please?"
414
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:11,150
Huh?
415
00:19:16,233 --> 00:19:19,330
C.C.:
Maxwell, I'm coming in,
and I have terrible news.
416
00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:20,330
Isn't that redundant?
417
00:19:22,116 --> 00:19:26,300
C.C., nothing can spoil
this perfect day.
418
00:19:26,333 --> 00:19:29,660
Just about now,
Andrew Lloyd Webber
419
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,333
is probably realizing
that he owns Dakota
Williams'
420
00:19:31,366 --> 00:19:34,383
long-awaited opus named
421
00:19:34,416 --> 00:19:37,160
You Better Like Act One,'Cause There Ain't No ActTwo.
422
00:19:38,350 --> 00:19:40,266
I read...
423
00:19:40,300 --> 00:19:43,316
"Dakota Williams closes a deal
with Andrew Lloyd Webber
424
00:19:43,350 --> 00:19:44,383
"to produce his new play--
425
00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:46,266
Mm-hm.
426
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,450
--which he finished
in one night."
427
00:19:51,216 --> 00:19:52,416
Oh, Miss Fine...
428
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:59,266
Are you doin' the hokey-pokey
and you need your right arm in?
429
00:20:02,166 --> 00:20:04,500
I'd take it out before
he shakes it all about.
430
00:20:05,450 --> 00:20:07,116
Wha--?
431
00:20:07,150 --> 00:20:09,400
Webber stole our playwright.
432
00:20:09,433 --> 00:20:12,283
Well, tell us something
we don't know.
433
00:20:12,316 --> 00:20:15,283
[LAUGHS]
434
00:20:15,316 --> 00:20:16,233
All right.
435
00:20:20,333 --> 00:20:22,183
"The playwright was inspired
436
00:20:22,216 --> 00:20:24,300
"to complete
the deeply personal project
437
00:20:24,333 --> 00:20:26,250
"by a recent bout
of unrequited love."
438
00:20:31,830 --> 00:20:33,350
"In contrast
to his usual heroine,
439
00:20:33,383 --> 00:20:36,233
"the pivotal character
is an earthy, elderly
440
00:20:36,266 --> 00:20:37,316
"Hebraic woman..."
441
00:20:39,100 --> 00:20:40,266
"named Zetta!"
442
00:20:44,100 --> 00:20:45,416
Ever since
I started working here,
443
00:20:45,450 --> 00:20:47,300
I don't need a treadmill.
444
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,233
I have to get Miss Grace.
445
00:20:49,266 --> 00:20:51,830
Mr. Clinton's here.
[GASPS]
446
00:20:51,116 --> 00:20:53,330
Clinton?
The President?
447
00:20:53,660 --> 00:20:56,830
He knows Barbra Streisand!
448
00:20:56,830 --> 00:20:57,500
This is so exciting.
449
00:20:57,830 --> 00:20:58,250
Who are you?
450
00:20:58,283 --> 00:20:59,400
I'm Roger Clinton.
451
00:21:06,350 --> 00:21:09,333
Do you know Streisand?
452
00:21:09,366 --> 00:21:12,433
Well, I was at the inauguration,
but I had terrible seats.
453
00:21:12,466 --> 00:21:14,283
Oh...
454
00:21:14,316 --> 00:21:17,366
Miss Fine, you haven't
been dismissed.
455
00:21:17,400 --> 00:21:19,200
I haven't finished
with you yet.
456
00:21:19,233 --> 00:21:21,416
Not now, Mr. Sheffield.
We have company.
457
00:21:21,450 --> 00:21:24,000
Roger Clinton is here.
458
00:21:24,330 --> 00:21:26,316
Oh. Uh...why?
459
00:21:29,233 --> 00:21:32,183
Your daughter wrote
my brother a letter,
460
00:21:32,216 --> 00:21:34,133
and he was so touched by it,
461
00:21:34,166 --> 00:21:35,450
he asked me to stop by
while I was in town.
462
00:21:35,483 --> 00:21:38,160
Where's the president?
463
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:39,333
Honey, honey,
he couldn't make it.
464
00:21:39,366 --> 00:21:41,366
But his brother
came instead.
465
00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:42,300
Oh.
466
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:47,450
Isn't this exciting?
467
00:21:47,483 --> 00:21:49,350
Honey, go get your camera.
468
00:21:49,383 --> 00:21:50,250
Why would I want a picture--?
- Go!
469
00:21:53,300 --> 00:21:55,366
Uh, you know,
Mr. Clinton,
470
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:58,330
Miss Fine here
is a great admirer
471
00:21:58,660 --> 00:21:59,200
and supporter
of your entire family.
472
00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:00,450
Yes, I am.
473
00:22:00,483 --> 00:22:02,333
Thank you.
That's nice to hear.
474
00:22:02,366 --> 00:22:05,500
As a matter of fact, you should
send for her in '96.
475
00:22:05,830 --> 00:22:07,160
Oh!
Yeah.
476
00:22:07,500 --> 00:22:09,433
She is an inspiration
to have in your corner.
477
00:22:09,466 --> 00:22:12,233
Well, I'll tell Bill.
478
00:22:12,266 --> 00:22:14,330
Uh, you know, he's always
looking for a good right arm.
479
00:22:18,200 --> 00:22:21,300
Mr. Sheffield,
that was so nice of you.
480
00:22:21,333 --> 00:22:23,233
You know, I thought
you were a Republican.
481
00:22:23,266 --> 00:22:24,150
I am.
482
00:22:26,300 --> 00:22:34,283
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
483
00:22:36,366 --> 00:22:38,416
Thank you for my gift.
484
00:22:38,450 --> 00:22:40,830
Well, Yetta, I just
hope you enjoy it.
485
00:22:43,383 --> 00:22:45,283
You know, for the club chair,
I woulda put out.
486
00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:51,150
[SIGHS] Well,
that's what happens
487
00:22:51,183 --> 00:22:52,333
when you get involved
with an "entre-manure."
34542
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