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1
00:00:03,166 --> 00:00:04,316
[LIGHTHEARTED MUSIC
PLAYING ON TV]
2
00:00:04,350 --> 00:00:05,450
Man, do they realize
how many times
3
00:00:05,483 --> 00:00:06,483
they could have
gotten off this island
4
00:00:07,160 --> 00:00:07,350
if it weren't for Gilligan?
5
00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:11,333
Why don't they just
kill him?
6
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:16,250
Just because a person
is a useless pest
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,100
doesn't mean
they deserve to die.
8
00:00:18,133 --> 00:00:20,150
Hello, hello.
9
00:00:20,183 --> 00:00:21,500
Course, that's not
written in stone.
10
00:00:23,660 --> 00:00:24,233
Are you still sitting here?
11
00:00:24,266 --> 00:00:26,500
Doesn't Miss Fine
have anything to say
12
00:00:26,830 --> 00:00:27,400
about you wasting all day
watching television?
13
00:00:27,433 --> 00:00:29,283
Did Lovey redecorate
the hut yet?
14
00:00:31,366 --> 00:00:32,350
Miss Fine, why has
Brighton been watching
15
00:00:32,383 --> 00:00:34,150
thisGilligan
all morning?
16
00:00:34,183 --> 00:00:36,330
Well, it's
a marathon.
17
00:00:36,660 --> 00:00:38,000
Plus, we wanna see
18
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:39,366
when they change
the theme song over from
19
00:00:39,400 --> 00:00:41,500
♪ All the rest ♪ to
20
00:00:41,830 --> 00:00:42,483
♪ The Professor
And Mary Ann ♪
21
00:00:46,100 --> 00:00:48,233
Brighton, don't you have
any interest in a team sport?
22
00:00:48,266 --> 00:00:49,330
Only as an owner.
23
00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:54,300
I don't know, I just
don't understand it, Miss
Fine.
24
00:00:54,333 --> 00:00:57,400
When I was his age,
I was already captain
of the water polo team.
25
00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:59,350
Water polo?
What, do you swim
with horses?
26
00:01:02,416 --> 00:01:04,830
What happens when
they raise their tails?
27
00:01:04,116 --> 00:01:04,433
Look out.
28
00:01:07,466 --> 00:01:09,166
Aspirin, ibuprofen,
29
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:10,116
or shall I
just surprise you?
30
00:01:12,466 --> 00:01:15,500
You know what? I gotta go
into Queens anyway.
31
00:01:15,830 --> 00:01:17,266
Why don't I just take Brighton
with me to the batting cages?
32
00:01:17,300 --> 00:01:19,150
A lot of guys
always hang out there.
33
00:01:19,183 --> 00:01:20,483
I know I always
had fun.
34
00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,350
Oh, you played
baseball?
35
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:23,400
Yeah.
36
00:01:26,100 --> 00:01:28,483
I wish Brighton was interested
in some of the sports I play.
37
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,830
Look, you can't make your kid
like what you like.
38
00:01:31,116 --> 00:01:34,116
My mother always made me go
with her to her ballet
classes.
39
00:01:34,150 --> 00:01:36,333
Your mother took ballet?
What must that have been like?
40
00:01:36,366 --> 00:01:38,266
Picture the hippopotamuses
inFantasia.
41
00:01:40,416 --> 00:01:43,483
[THEME SONG PLAYS]
42
00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:44,400
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
43
00:01:44,433 --> 00:01:46,150
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
44
00:01:46,183 --> 00:01:48,100
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
45
00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:49,266
♪ In one of those
Crushing scenes ♪
46
00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:51,183
♪ What was she do?
Where was she to go? ♪
47
00:01:51,216 --> 00:01:54,283
♪ She was out on her fanny ♪
48
00:01:54,316 --> 00:01:56,160
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
49
00:01:56,500 --> 00:01:57,383
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
50
00:01:57,416 --> 00:02:00,500
♪ She was there to sell makeup
But the father saw more ♪
51
00:02:00,830 --> 00:02:02,330
♪ She had style, she had flair
She was there ♪
52
00:02:02,660 --> 00:02:06,500
♪ That's how she became
The nanny ♪
53
00:02:06,830 --> 00:02:08,366
♪ Who would have guessed that
The girl we've described ♪
54
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:11,000
♪ Was just exactly what
The doctor prescribed? ♪
55
00:02:11,330 --> 00:02:12,160
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
56
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:13,266
♪ Watch out C.C. ♪
57
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:14,400
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
58
00:02:14,433 --> 00:02:16,330
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
59
00:02:16,660 --> 00:02:17,316
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
60
00:02:17,350 --> 00:02:20,330
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
61
00:02:22,660 --> 00:02:23,433
♪ The flashy girl
from Flushing ♪
62
00:02:23,466 --> 00:02:24,250
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
63
00:02:32,660 --> 00:02:33,250
Hi, Ma.
64
00:02:33,283 --> 00:02:34,200
Well, so much for sports.
65
00:02:35,266 --> 00:02:37,316
Brighton got hit
with a ball.
66
00:02:37,350 --> 00:02:40,200
Oh, those batting cages
are so dangerous.
67
00:02:40,233 --> 00:02:41,116
You could put
an eye out.
68
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:43,350
He wishes.
69
00:02:43,383 --> 00:02:45,183
Ohh-ho-ho-ho.
70
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,160
You want Grandma
to kiss the boo-boo?
71
00:03:02,150 --> 00:03:03,350
Isn't it enough
I got one kid in therapy?
72
00:03:06,300 --> 00:03:08,450
Honey, go in and watch
theGilligan
with my father.
73
00:03:08,483 --> 00:03:10,830
If it looks like
he's wearing lipstick,
74
00:03:10,116 --> 00:03:11,183
it's just a pistachio nut.
75
00:03:13,830 --> 00:03:15,150
Morty, the boy's
coming in.
76
00:03:15,183 --> 00:03:16,830
Do up your pants.
77
00:03:20,316 --> 00:03:22,150
Sweetheart, we gotta
talk to you
78
00:03:22,183 --> 00:03:24,266
about the canasta
tournament.
79
00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:27,316
Oh, I'm so excited about
going to Atlantic City.
80
00:03:27,350 --> 00:03:29,133
But I'm not rooming
with Gert.
81
00:03:29,166 --> 00:03:31,660
It's one thing
to think you're Madonna,
82
00:03:31,100 --> 00:03:32,283
It's a whole
'nother thing to wear
83
00:03:32,316 --> 00:03:34,233
your Depends
on the outside.
84
00:03:34,266 --> 00:03:36,416
Don't worry.
We're out of the tournament.
85
00:03:36,450 --> 00:03:39,500
Gert moved.
86
00:03:39,830 --> 00:03:42,160
Her youngest bought
a mother-daughter condo
in Florida.
87
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:43,300
Why?
I mean, how nice.
88
00:03:46,660 --> 00:03:47,466
Now we don't have
a fourth.
89
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,483
I'll look in my phone book.
90
00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,183
Maybe I can find someone else.
91
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,150
Tessie Fink, she's good.
92
00:03:54,183 --> 00:03:55,183
Ma, she's dead.
93
00:03:57,266 --> 00:04:00,660
She is? I just
saw her in Temple.
94
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:01,283
Didn't you think it was odd
95
00:04:01,316 --> 00:04:02,433
that you were sitting
in that chair,
96
00:04:02,466 --> 00:04:04,183
and she was
lying in a box?
97
00:04:06,250 --> 00:04:08,283
Oh. I thought they got that
for her back.
98
00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:14,216
Morty's nauseous.
He says he wants
99
00:04:14,250 --> 00:04:16,116
the leftover Chinese food
to settle his stomach.
100
00:04:16,150 --> 00:04:16,466
[GROANS]
101
00:04:19,150 --> 00:04:21,300
Morty, it's been
in there a week.
102
00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:25,330
You wanna end up
in intensive care?
103
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,233
Yeah.
104
00:04:25,660 --> 00:04:29,466
You ate it
for breakfast, Ma?
105
00:04:29,466 --> 00:04:32,333
She doesn't even bother
to warm it up.
106
00:04:32,366 --> 00:04:35,830
She sticks her fork in,
pulls the carton off,
107
00:04:35,116 --> 00:04:37,450
and eats it like
a giant Chinese Dove bar.
108
00:04:37,483 --> 00:04:38,283
[LAUGHS]
109
00:04:41,316 --> 00:04:43,350
So tell me, what episode
are they up to?
110
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:44,483
Um, Mary Ann
thinks she's Ginger.
111
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,333
[GASPS]
112
00:04:46,366 --> 00:04:48,500
And she cuts down
all of Ginger's gowns.
113
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:50,183
Oh, that gave me nightmares.
114
00:04:50,216 --> 00:04:53,660
It scared her
more thanPsycho.
115
00:04:53,100 --> 00:04:55,283
Yes. Butchering Janet Leigh
was nothing
116
00:04:55,316 --> 00:04:57,366
compared to butchering
that strapless Oleg Cassini.
117
00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:59,316
Oh-oh-oh.
There is no excuse
118
00:04:59,350 --> 00:05:00,450
for violence like that
on television.
119
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,233
None.
120
00:05:02,266 --> 00:05:03,466
This is a lot like rummy, right?
121
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:05,416
It's much more complicated.
122
00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:07,330
You meld?
123
00:05:07,660 --> 00:05:08,233
Yeah.
124
00:05:08,266 --> 00:05:09,466
Two decks?
125
00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,150
Uh-huh.
126
00:05:12,183 --> 00:05:14,266
See if you can
keep up with me,
127
00:05:14,300 --> 00:05:16,250
because I have a tendency
to play too fast.
128
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:17,660
I'm out.
129
00:05:18,466 --> 00:05:21,400
Wow. B, that's amazing.
130
00:05:21,433 --> 00:05:23,283
I've never seen
anything like that.
131
00:05:23,316 --> 00:05:25,233
He must be
one of those
132
00:05:25,266 --> 00:05:27,660
special people
that has a knack.
133
00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,133
What are they
called?
134
00:05:28,166 --> 00:05:29,500
Idiots.
135
00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:34,660
Savants, Yetta.
136
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,100
Cousin Marty was an idiot.
137
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:39,660
Although, he could
look up in the sky
138
00:05:39,100 --> 00:05:42,133
and tell you which pigeon
was gonna poop on him.
139
00:05:42,166 --> 00:05:44,133
Yeah, but did
he move? No.
140
00:05:45,433 --> 00:05:47,233
This is cool.
141
00:05:47,266 --> 00:05:49,433
All right, ladies.
Cut the chitchat. Deal.
142
00:05:49,466 --> 00:05:51,300
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
143
00:05:53,416 --> 00:05:55,450
Yeah, that we should
replace Gert with Brighton
144
00:05:55,483 --> 00:05:58,216
and make him our fourth
in Atlantic City.
145
00:05:58,250 --> 00:06:01,183
Nah. I shouldn't
eat
stuffed cabbage
146
00:06:01,216 --> 00:06:03,100
this close
to a pilot light.
147
00:06:13,283 --> 00:06:15,283
You know,
Dad was right.
148
00:06:15,316 --> 00:06:17,166
It feels really good
to be a member of a team.
149
00:06:17,200 --> 00:06:19,150
Now, next week,
do I bring knishes
150
00:06:19,183 --> 00:06:20,330
or low-sodium bundt cake?
151
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:25,283
You know, honey, why don't
you let me tell your father
152
00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:27,266
the good news about
being on the team,
153
00:06:27,300 --> 00:06:29,000
'cause, you know,
he's just gonna die.
154
00:06:31,660 --> 00:06:32,266
And I may not be far behind.
155
00:06:34,830 --> 00:06:35,383
Uh, Niles...
Mm?
156
00:06:35,416 --> 00:06:37,316
...let me ask you
a question.
Mm-hm.
157
00:06:37,350 --> 00:06:40,166
If you only had
one son,
158
00:06:40,200 --> 00:06:42,333
and he decided
that he wanted to play
159
00:06:42,366 --> 00:06:45,330
on my grandmother's
canasta team...
160
00:06:46,433 --> 00:06:47,350
how would you react?
161
00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:51,200
Oh, I've gotta be
in there for this.
162
00:06:52,483 --> 00:06:54,483
I wanna see too.
163
00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:57,366
Oh, what's your cover?
I can pretend I'm dusting.
164
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:59,333
Well, I'll tell him
I need a book.
165
00:06:59,366 --> 00:07:01,166
[SCOFFS]
Amateur.
166
00:07:01,200 --> 00:07:02,500
You're not ready
for that room.
167
00:07:04,116 --> 00:07:07,116
Oh, sweetheart, the office
is for heavy hitters.
168
00:07:07,150 --> 00:07:09,333
Next time I'm in the kitchen
giving your father a coronary,
169
00:07:09,366 --> 00:07:10,216
you'll be the first
I call.
170
00:07:12,466 --> 00:07:15,116
Maxwell.
171
00:07:15,150 --> 00:07:16,350
Perhaps I'm being
overly sensitive,
172
00:07:16,383 --> 00:07:18,300
but I think Niles
has it in for me.
173
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:23,483
C.C., it's just his way.
174
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,133
He doesn't mean you any harm.
175
00:07:26,166 --> 00:07:26,383
I'm sure it's all
in your head.
176
00:07:28,350 --> 00:07:29,183
[THUD]
177
00:07:37,366 --> 00:07:39,200
So, Miss Fine, back
from the batting cages?
178
00:07:39,233 --> 00:07:40,433
How did my boy do?
179
00:07:40,466 --> 00:07:42,383
Well,
180
00:07:42,416 --> 00:07:44,366
he made contact
with the ball.
181
00:07:47,400 --> 00:07:50,183
And, uh, he'll have
a great career
182
00:07:50,216 --> 00:07:51,830
if the Bee Gees
ever get back together.
183
00:07:53,383 --> 00:07:55,350
Would you look at her,
in the middle of the day?
184
00:07:55,383 --> 00:07:56,316
Boy, I wish I could
sleep like that.
185
00:07:59,100 --> 00:08:02,316
Maxwell, Niles hit me
in the head!
186
00:08:02,350 --> 00:08:05,000
C.C., he's standing
way over here.
187
00:08:05,330 --> 00:08:06,216
Stop picking on
the man.
188
00:08:08,166 --> 00:08:09,216
She never let's up, sir.
189
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:15,330
Did you want something, Niles?
190
00:08:15,660 --> 00:08:16,366
Can't the butler just
come in and say hi?
191
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,216
All right.
What are you two up to?
192
00:08:21,250 --> 00:08:23,416
Nothing. Nothing.
Um--
193
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:26,266
Well, baseball didn't exactly
work out for Brighton,
194
00:08:26,300 --> 00:08:29,183
but he did find a game
that he's very excited about.
195
00:08:29,216 --> 00:08:31,366
Well, there you are,
you see.
196
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,366
I told you there would be
an alternative to television.
197
00:08:34,400 --> 00:08:37,100
So, come on, what's the game?
Soccer? Hockey?
198
00:08:37,133 --> 00:08:38,250
Well, you gotta fill me in.
199
00:08:38,283 --> 00:08:39,316
I need to know
what equipment to buy.
200
00:08:39,350 --> 00:08:41,400
Well...
201
00:08:41,433 --> 00:08:44,200
maybe a nice Teflon bundt pan
might come in handy.
202
00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,283
Okay, I'm just
gonna spill it.
203
00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:51,133
Because it's best
to tell people stuff
204
00:08:51,166 --> 00:08:53,000
instead of letting it
fester inside.
205
00:08:53,330 --> 00:08:54,333
And then you babble on and on--
Miss Fine!
206
00:08:54,366 --> 00:08:56,660
Canasta.
Canasta!
207
00:08:56,100 --> 00:08:58,383
Canasta?
208
00:08:58,416 --> 00:09:00,416
Don't your mother
and grandmother play Ca--
209
00:09:00,450 --> 00:09:02,483
Miss Fine, you're
not telling me my son
210
00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,400
is joining your mother's
canasta team?
211
00:09:04,433 --> 00:09:06,100
No!
212
00:09:06,133 --> 00:09:07,150
It's Yetta's team.
213
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:11,183
Look, uh, maybe
you misunderstood me.
214
00:09:11,216 --> 00:09:13,000
I wanted him
to play a manly sport.
215
00:09:13,330 --> 00:09:14,366
You know,
toughen him up a little.
216
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,330
Well, some of the teams
have men. I think.
217
00:09:19,483 --> 00:09:21,450
At a certain age
the hormones go,
218
00:09:21,483 --> 00:09:23,333
so then it's anybody's
guess, really.
219
00:09:26,350 --> 00:09:28,100
Oh, God, this is
sounding worse
220
00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:30,333
by the minute.
- Oh.
221
00:09:30,366 --> 00:09:33,500
Next you're gonna tell me
they have a uniform.
222
00:09:33,830 --> 00:09:36,133
Oh, well, now, they're
very tough, masculine,
223
00:09:36,166 --> 00:09:37,383
pink bowling uniforms
with the name on it.
224
00:09:37,416 --> 00:09:39,383
Oh, no.
225
00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:41,466
It's gonna be something awful,
like "Flushing Queens."
226
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,366
Oh, my God.
You mean, that's it?!
227
00:09:48,300 --> 00:09:50,433
M-my only son is gonna be
wearing a jacket that says
228
00:09:50,466 --> 00:09:52,283
"Brighton" on the front and
"Flushing Queen" on the back?
229
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,250
No, his will say "Gert."
230
00:09:57,283 --> 00:10:00,333
Oh. I-I'd better
take care of that.
231
00:10:00,366 --> 00:10:02,383
I'd better take care of that
before the contest
232
00:10:02,416 --> 00:10:03,383
in Atlantic City.
233
00:10:03,416 --> 00:10:06,150
Are you insane?!
234
00:10:06,183 --> 00:10:08,366
You-- you don't actually think
I'm gonna let him go.
235
00:10:08,400 --> 00:10:10,416
And if you're going to pretend
you're dusting there,
236
00:10:10,450 --> 00:10:11,150
at least put a bloody cloth
in your hand.
237
00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,316
Maxwell, if the
child
has a knack...
238
00:10:17,350 --> 00:10:19,466
I was good at hunting.
239
00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:22,100
But Mummy said I
excelled
at trapping.
240
00:10:22,133 --> 00:10:24,116
Oh, take good care
of your teeth, sir.
241
00:10:24,150 --> 00:10:25,133
You may need to gnaw off
a leg someday.
242
00:10:31,150 --> 00:10:33,400
Mr. Sheffield...
243
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:36,383
you're worrying
for nothing.
244
00:10:36,416 --> 00:10:38,383
I had a friend,
Pauly Ruffo.
245
00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:40,383
He was raised by
two grandmothers.
246
00:10:40,416 --> 00:10:43,383
He turned out to be
the most masculine of men.
247
00:10:43,416 --> 00:10:45,183
You should see him today,
248
00:10:45,216 --> 00:10:47,150
big black mustache,
leather cap,
249
00:10:47,183 --> 00:10:48,266
chaps.
250
00:10:48,300 --> 00:10:49,200
Hmm...
251
00:10:51,366 --> 00:10:52,133
Miss Fine!
252
00:10:58,233 --> 00:11:00,166
Ma, all these cards
are sticking together.
253
00:11:03,183 --> 00:11:05,660
Ah.
254
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:06,116
It's a little Crystal Light.
255
00:11:10,300 --> 00:11:12,116
Now I'm in the mood
for something sweet.
256
00:11:15,830 --> 00:11:17,500
Well, here. Try this
queen of hearts.
257
00:11:17,830 --> 00:11:18,133
I think it's got
some Smucker's on the back.
258
00:11:20,116 --> 00:11:22,330
You know, if I didn't
know any better,
259
00:11:22,660 --> 00:11:23,830
I'd think someone
was marking these cards.
260
00:11:28,466 --> 00:11:29,316
What?
261
00:11:32,330 --> 00:11:34,160
Ma, you've been cheating
all these years,
262
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:37,166
and we still
lose?
263
00:11:37,166 --> 00:11:39,150
No hitting
during the game.
264
00:11:39,183 --> 00:11:40,316
I can fight
my own battles.
265
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:41,466
Can we play?
266
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:42,316
Hey!
267
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:46,160
Now you're part
of the family.
268
00:11:48,250 --> 00:11:51,166
I can't wait to hit
the buffet tables
in Atlantic City.
269
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:54,250
He's got a safari jacket
with 14 pockets in it.
270
00:11:54,283 --> 00:11:56,330
We'll never have to
order room service!
271
00:11:57,450 --> 00:11:58,466
Didn't you tell her?
272
00:12:02,100 --> 00:12:03,416
What's the matter, Ma?
273
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:05,133
You got that look on your face,
like right before
274
00:12:05,166 --> 00:12:06,100
you weigh in
at Jenny Craig.
275
00:12:09,116 --> 00:12:10,250
Brighton,
take this into Morty.
276
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:15,283
If it looks like
he's wearing rouge,
277
00:12:15,316 --> 00:12:17,100
it's just some residue
from the barbecue potato
chips.
278
00:12:21,150 --> 00:12:22,483
So...what's
going on?
279
00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,466
Gert's back from Florida.
280
00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:29,383
She found an alligator
in the pool.
281
00:12:29,416 --> 00:12:31,160
She thought it was
an inflatable one.
282
00:12:32,483 --> 00:12:34,383
P.S., 80 stitches.
283
00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:38,316
Wow.
What does she think?
284
00:12:38,350 --> 00:12:41,283
She's gonna waltz herself
back in on the team?
285
00:12:41,316 --> 00:12:45,500
Tough, not after what I went
through with Mr. Sheffield.
286
00:12:45,830 --> 00:12:46,483
I'm not breaking
that little boy's heart.
287
00:12:47,160 --> 00:12:48,350
I'm not telling him he's out.
288
00:12:48,383 --> 00:12:49,416
Good, 'cause he's not.
289
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,330
Well, who then?
290
00:12:55,433 --> 00:12:56,466
Franny, you're such
a pretty girl.
291
00:13:03,160 --> 00:13:06,330
Oh, Mummy,
fire that maid.
292
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,330
She's too old.
293
00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:12,116
Oh, she fished me
out of that lake years ago.
294
00:13:12,150 --> 00:13:13,183
How long is
she gonna milk that?
295
00:13:15,330 --> 00:13:19,133
Mm-hm.
296
00:13:19,133 --> 00:13:21,150
No, no, no. I'm having
lunch with Betsy.
297
00:13:21,183 --> 00:13:24,830
[LAUGHING]
298
00:13:24,116 --> 00:13:25,166
Uh-huh.
299
00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:29,830
[LAUGHING]
300
00:13:29,116 --> 00:13:30,233
No, wait till
she sees me.
301
00:13:30,266 --> 00:13:31,316
I look like
a million bucks.
302
00:13:34,366 --> 00:13:35,300
Uh-huh. All right.
303
00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,830
Niles,
Yetta just called.
304
00:13:41,116 --> 00:13:42,366
Apparently, Brighton
showed up for
practice
305
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,266
without all his equipment.
306
00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:45,400
Excuse me, sir, but
I packed his gear myself.
307
00:13:45,433 --> 00:13:47,216
Well...
308
00:13:47,250 --> 00:13:49,300
you forgot the Lipton
onion soup mix
309
00:13:49,333 --> 00:13:51,160
and the nonfat sour cream.
310
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,330
Oh, don't look at me
like that, Niles.
311
00:13:56,660 --> 00:13:57,183
I just wanted Brighton
to be involved
312
00:13:57,216 --> 00:13:59,160
in something
a little more virile.
313
00:13:59,500 --> 00:14:00,830
Like musical theater?
314
00:14:02,466 --> 00:14:04,383
Well, at least your father
was supportive of that.
315
00:14:04,416 --> 00:14:07,183
Oh! Niles, don't
you remember?
316
00:14:07,216 --> 00:14:09,500
He refused to come
to my first production,
317
00:14:09,830 --> 00:14:10,266
Sound of Music.
318
00:14:10,300 --> 00:14:13,216
Staged that when I was
just 17.
319
00:14:13,250 --> 00:14:14,100
And all because I wouldn't
do
what he wanted me to--
320
00:14:17,830 --> 00:14:19,116
Shut up, Niles!
321
00:14:19,150 --> 00:14:21,300
Book me a suite
in Atlantic City.
322
00:14:21,333 --> 00:14:23,200
Done, sir.
Trump Castle.
323
00:14:23,233 --> 00:14:25,830
Ocean views
for the entire family.
324
00:14:25,116 --> 00:14:27,350
And I can't wait
to hit the slots.
325
00:14:27,383 --> 00:14:29,000
Mind you, with Miss Fine
in the tournament
326
00:14:29,330 --> 00:14:30,100
you'll have to take care
of the children.
327
00:14:30,133 --> 00:14:32,500
Oh, that sounds like fun.
328
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:34,483
[COUGHS]
329
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,300
Oh, dear. I think I'm coming
down with something.
330
00:14:37,333 --> 00:14:40,160
[COUGHING]
Oh!
331
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:42,660
It's getting worse.
332
00:14:42,100 --> 00:14:43,133
Can't go.
333
00:14:44,316 --> 00:14:45,116
Damn.
334
00:14:49,416 --> 00:14:52,266
Ach,
you got any seltzer?
335
00:14:52,300 --> 00:14:53,366
Oy,
pickled herring.
336
00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:54,250
It's all right here.
337
00:14:56,660 --> 00:14:57,450
Oh, my God.
338
00:14:57,483 --> 00:15:01,383
♪ Edelweiss, edelweiss ♪
No.
339
00:15:01,416 --> 00:15:03,333
All right, all right.
You win, Miss Fine.
340
00:15:03,366 --> 00:15:05,466
If Brighton really
wants to play canasta,
341
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:09,116
then I suppose I should
allow him to follow his dream.
342
00:15:09,150 --> 00:15:11,366
Ah, what dream?
Playing cards with
a bunch of old ladies.
343
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,166
I think it's sick.
344
00:15:13,200 --> 00:15:15,000
What? What about
the tournament?
345
00:15:15,330 --> 00:15:16,300
I thought you were thrilled
to go to Atlantic City.
346
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,183
That pit?
347
00:15:19,316 --> 00:15:20,416
Oh, God. I can feel
those capillaries tightening
348
00:15:20,450 --> 00:15:21,300
at the base of my skull.
349
00:15:24,660 --> 00:15:25,250
Miss Fine, weren't you the one
that was so high on canasta?
350
00:15:25,283 --> 00:15:27,116
What happened?
351
00:15:27,150 --> 00:15:30,200
[WHINING]
They threw me
off the team.
352
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,660
They don't wanna play
with you anymore?
353
00:15:33,660 --> 00:15:35,133
No. And it's
not fair.
354
00:15:35,166 --> 00:15:37,333
They were
my friends first.
355
00:15:37,366 --> 00:15:40,266
You-- You mean, my son
is on the team, and you're
not?
356
00:15:40,300 --> 00:15:43,433
[SOBS]
Yes!
357
00:15:43,466 --> 00:15:45,300
Miss Fine,
it's all right.
358
00:15:45,333 --> 00:15:47,283
[SOBBING]
No, it's not!
359
00:15:47,316 --> 00:15:51,100
And I'm not going to
Atlantic City either.
360
00:15:51,133 --> 00:15:53,450
Shh-shh. There, there.
Come on now.
361
00:15:53,483 --> 00:15:56,150
We've already made reservations
for the whole family.
362
00:15:56,183 --> 00:15:57,266
Isn't that right,
Niles?
363
00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:58,216
Oh-- Uh--
[SNEEZES]
364
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,216
No.
365
00:16:01,250 --> 00:16:02,300
Saltwater taffy.
366
00:16:02,333 --> 00:16:04,830
No.
367
00:16:04,116 --> 00:16:06,166
Your own suite.
Lots of little shampoos?
368
00:16:06,200 --> 00:16:07,383
No.
369
00:16:07,416 --> 00:16:11,150
Ringside seats
to Steve and Eydie.
370
00:16:11,183 --> 00:16:13,500
Cocktail or dinner show?
371
00:16:13,830 --> 00:16:14,166
[CHUCKLES]
372
00:16:18,160 --> 00:16:20,200
FRAN:
Come on, baby. Go, baby, go.
373
00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:22,216
Mama needs a--
374
00:16:22,250 --> 00:16:23,200
Mama needs a papa.
That's what Mama needs.
375
00:16:24,483 --> 00:16:27,350
Ahh!
376
00:16:27,383 --> 00:16:29,116
[SCREAMS]
Oh, my god!
377
00:16:29,150 --> 00:16:30,383
You see!
378
00:16:30,416 --> 00:16:32,266
Oh, wow.
I told you.
379
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,200
You have to stick
with the same machine.
380
00:16:34,233 --> 00:16:36,383
It's a whole system.
381
00:16:36,416 --> 00:16:39,400
God, there must be
20 bucks here.
382
00:16:39,433 --> 00:16:42,266
Oh, Fran,
you put in 75.
383
00:16:42,300 --> 00:16:44,330
Yeah, but that was from
the winnings from the 100
384
00:16:44,660 --> 00:16:45,100
that I put
into that machine.
385
00:16:45,133 --> 00:16:46,283
Hmm.
386
00:16:46,316 --> 00:16:48,150
Oh, you know,
387
00:16:48,183 --> 00:16:51,200
I better go pick up
Gracie at casino camp.
388
00:16:51,233 --> 00:16:55,100
It's about time.
She must be finished
playing kiddie craps.
389
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:57,366
Oh, I'll go pick her up.
I have a tennis lesson anyway.
390
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,400
Tennis? Oh, all that
running back and forth,
391
00:17:00,433 --> 00:17:03,160
back and forth.
392
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:06,160
Now, that's a sport
I never got.
393
00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:10,500
Fran, there's
the instructor.
394
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:11,000
[GIGGLES]
395
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:15,400
Now
396
00:17:19,266 --> 00:17:21,233
Fran. I hope you're
not mad at me
397
00:17:21,266 --> 00:17:22,483
because I took your place
on the team.
398
00:17:23,160 --> 00:17:27,283
Oh, no, sweetie.
I love you.
399
00:17:27,316 --> 00:17:30,660
But she could look like
ZZ Top before I ever pluck
400
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:31,330
a chin hair
of hers again.
401
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:37,116
Sweetheart, don't be
angry at me.
402
00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:40,166
I had to think of
the team's survival.
403
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,450
Remind me never to crash
in the Andes with you.
404
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:46,330
Sweetheart, you know
I'd eat you last.
405
00:17:50,200 --> 00:17:52,483
Not if I was
the only kosher corpse.
406
00:17:58,483 --> 00:18:00,400
Oh boy, I hope
you guys have tickets
407
00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:02,300
'cause, you know,
they're sold out
408
00:18:02,333 --> 00:18:03,366
[IN UNISON]
We know.
409
00:18:07,383 --> 00:18:11,383
[GASPS]
Oh, my God.
410
00:18:11,416 --> 00:18:14,333
Didn't you teach
at PS 165?
411
00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:15,366
[CHUCKLES]
412
00:18:15,400 --> 00:18:17,433
No.
413
00:18:17,466 --> 00:18:20,250
Oh, gee, you look so familiar.
What do you do?
414
00:18:20,283 --> 00:18:22,433
Uh...
BOTH: We sing.
415
00:18:22,466 --> 00:18:26,183
Oh, I get it.
416
00:18:26,216 --> 00:18:30,200
You do them in
that impersonation
show.
417
00:18:30,233 --> 00:18:32,483
Oh, yeah,
you could pass.
418
00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:35,300
You know, the right
lights,
makeup, costume.
419
00:18:35,333 --> 00:18:37,316
You, I don't know.
Oh, really?
420
00:18:37,350 --> 00:18:39,216
Well, listen to this.
421
00:18:39,250 --> 00:18:41,183
♪ You're walking
Along the street ♪
422
00:18:41,216 --> 00:18:43,200
[BOTH]
♪ Or you're at a party ♪
423
00:18:43,233 --> 00:18:45,400
♪ Or else you're alone
And then you suddenly dig-- ♪
424
00:18:45,433 --> 00:18:47,350
No, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no.
425
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:49,133
First of all...
426
00:18:49,166 --> 00:18:50,416
you've got to put a lot...
[SNAPS]
427
00:18:50,450 --> 00:18:52,350
...more shoulder
into it.
428
00:18:52,383 --> 00:18:54,366
♪ Da, da-da-da ♪
429
00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:58,660
And you, you gotta look at him
more adoringly.
430
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,183
You love 'im,
baby.
431
00:19:00,216 --> 00:19:01,300
[BOTH]
♪ You're looking
In someone's eyes ♪
432
00:19:01,333 --> 00:19:04,000
♪ You suddenly realize ♪
433
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:06,483
♪ That this could be the start
Of something big ♪
434
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:10,200
Not bad.
Not bad.
[LAUGHS]
435
00:19:10,233 --> 00:19:12,266
You just gotta work on
that chemistry a little bit.
436
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:14,500
'Cause, you know...
437
00:19:14,830 --> 00:19:18,830
that is the magic between
Steve and Eydie, see.
438
00:19:19,300 --> 00:19:20,300
Thank you.
439
00:19:20,333 --> 00:19:22,150
Good luck.
440
00:19:22,183 --> 00:19:23,416
Told you, look at me
adoringly--
441
00:19:23,450 --> 00:19:25,500
I always look at you
adoringly.
442
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:28,216
People are starting
to notice...
443
00:19:28,216 --> 00:19:30,283
Oh, it's so sad.
444
00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:31,333
Some people are living
in such a dream world.
445
00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:41,100
Wow, I can't believe
all this food's for free.
446
00:19:41,133 --> 00:19:43,116
Yeah, and if you
count your losses,
447
00:19:43,150 --> 00:19:44,400
it only comes out
to $49 a shrimp.
448
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:49,233
Right, eat up. I lost
my shirt in kiddie craps.
449
00:19:52,830 --> 00:19:54,830
What are you doing?
450
00:19:54,116 --> 00:19:56,100
What? I love
three-bean salad.
451
00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:58,166
What is this,
your first buffet?
452
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,400
Salads are
for suckers.
453
00:19:59,433 --> 00:20:01,200
Go directly to
the shellfish.
454
00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:07,660
Oh, would you
just look at this
455
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:10,500
beautiful gulf prawn.
456
00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:15,830
Gorgeous color.
Great markings.
457
00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:15,466
This will be
delicious later.
458
00:20:18,166 --> 00:20:19,483
Come on, everyone.
459
00:20:20,160 --> 00:20:22,100
Hurry up. Tournament's
gonna start soon.
460
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,200
Miss Fine, where's
your mother?
461
00:20:23,233 --> 00:20:25,100
Too nervous to eat?
462
00:20:25,133 --> 00:20:27,233
Please. She had a snack
during her hysterectomy.
463
00:20:28,466 --> 00:20:30,483
Oh. Is it warm in here?
464
00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:31,266
I'mshvitzing.
465
00:20:32,350 --> 00:20:34,383
Oh, honey.
466
00:20:34,416 --> 00:20:36,416
Are you okay?
467
00:20:36,450 --> 00:20:38,200
No. I don't think
I can play.
468
00:20:38,233 --> 00:20:39,200
You better make up
with your mother.
469
00:20:39,233 --> 00:20:41,116
Well, what hurts?
470
00:20:41,150 --> 00:20:43,116
Oy, I think I'm going through
the change.
471
00:20:43,150 --> 00:20:44,133
It's going around.
The whole room's got it.
472
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:49,133
Well, don't worry, B.
473
00:20:49,166 --> 00:20:51,483
I'm sure that Flintstones
makes a chewable estrogen.
474
00:20:54,330 --> 00:20:56,160
Honey, I know what
you're doing.
475
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:58,000
And it's so
sweet of you.
476
00:20:58,330 --> 00:21:00,266
Oh, come on, Fran.
477
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,333
Playing means more to you
than it does to me.
478
00:21:02,366 --> 00:21:04,250
Besides, I already
told them I quit.
479
00:21:04,283 --> 00:21:08,183
Oh, is he a doll
or what?
480
00:21:08,216 --> 00:21:10,216
Brighton, that's
a very nice gesture.
481
00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:12,166
I'm-- I'm proud
of you.
482
00:21:12,200 --> 00:21:13,133
I learned
from the best.
483
00:21:13,166 --> 00:21:14,350
Oh. Well.
484
00:21:14,383 --> 00:21:16,160
Not you, Dad.
Gilligan.
485
00:21:18,333 --> 00:21:20,316
Oh, yeah.
486
00:21:20,350 --> 00:21:24,316
That was the episode where
the Howells adopt Gilligan,
487
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:26,283
only he pretends
to sleepwalk,
488
00:21:26,316 --> 00:21:29,183
because The Skipper
is lonely.
489
00:21:29,216 --> 00:21:31,830
Oh.
490
00:21:31,116 --> 00:21:32,416
Well, Miss Fine, come on.
If the team needs you,
491
00:21:32,450 --> 00:21:33,450
I suppose you
better get in there.
492
00:21:33,483 --> 00:21:36,160
Are you kidding?
493
00:21:36,500 --> 00:21:38,250
The way my mother
treated me,
494
00:21:38,283 --> 00:21:41,100
she can come in here on
her hands and knees begging,
495
00:21:41,133 --> 00:21:42,466
I wouldn't go.
496
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,150
Franny.
You're in.
497
00:21:45,183 --> 00:21:45,483
All right.
498
00:21:49,283 --> 00:21:50,333
What? Was that
my mother?
499
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,133
FRAN:
Poor sick Niles,home alone like a dog.
500
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:05,350
[BOB SEGER'S "OLD TIME ROCK
'N' ROLL" PLAYS ON BOOMBOX]
501
00:22:05,383 --> 00:22:09,500
[MOUTHS ALONG]
♪ Just take them old recordsOff the shelf ♪
502
00:22:09,830 --> 00:22:13,000
♪ I'll sit and listen to 'emBy myself ♪
503
00:22:13,330 --> 00:22:16,283
♪ Today's music ain't gotThe same soul ♪
504
00:22:16,316 --> 00:22:20,200
♪ I like that old timeRock 'n' roll ♪
505
00:22:20,233 --> 00:22:24,400
♪ Don't try to take meTo a disco ♪
506
00:22:24,433 --> 00:22:28,333
♪ You'll never even get meOut on the floor ♪
507
00:22:28,366 --> 00:22:32,166
♪ In ten minutesI'll be late for the door ♪
508
00:22:32,200 --> 00:22:36,100
♪ I like that old timeRock 'n' roll ♪
509
00:22:36,133 --> 00:22:37,450
♪ Still like that old timeRock 'n' roll ♪
510
00:22:40,133 --> 00:22:43,450
♪ That kind of musicJust soothes the soul ♪
511
00:22:43,483 --> 00:22:46,283
♪ I reminisce aboutThe days of old-- ♪
512
00:22:46,316 --> 00:22:47,660
[MUSIC STOPS]
513
00:22:49,333 --> 00:22:50,450
You realize, of course,
514
00:22:50,483 --> 00:22:51,416
now I'm going
to have to kill you.
515
00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:08,350
at least do it smaller.
516
00:23:08,383 --> 00:23:11,333
I can't believe Gertie
defected to another team.
517
00:23:11,366 --> 00:23:14,830
Ah, she's missing
a chunk from that
alligator bite.
518
00:23:14,116 --> 00:23:15,450
It's a big
turnoff.
519
00:23:15,483 --> 00:23:17,466
Well, at least
we got ourselves a fourth.
520
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:18,383
Ha-ha!
521
00:23:20,483 --> 00:23:21,450
That's the card
you're playing?
37512
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