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1
00:00:03,160 --> 00:00:05,383
Oh, Niles, this is an
excellent issue ofVanityFair.
2
00:00:05,416 --> 00:00:06,283
Oh, really?
What's in it?
3
00:00:06,316 --> 00:00:10,000
Obsession.
4
00:00:10,330 --> 00:00:10,450
[MUTTERS]
Article, article, article.
5
00:00:10,483 --> 00:00:12,830
Oh, Safari.
6
00:00:14,233 --> 00:00:15,333
Article, article, article.
7
00:00:15,366 --> 00:00:17,133
[GASPS]
Mel Gibson!
8
00:00:20,500 --> 00:00:22,330
He has a cologne?
- No.
9
00:00:25,830 --> 00:00:26,450
So now, which
one's
Mr. Sheffield
10
00:00:26,483 --> 00:00:28,830
and which one's
Miss Fine?
11
00:00:28,116 --> 00:00:30,500
She named her hamster after me.
12
00:00:30,830 --> 00:00:32,233
Oh, how can you tell them apart?
13
00:00:32,266 --> 00:00:33,660
Fran's the fat one.
14
00:00:35,466 --> 00:00:37,133
She's not fat.
She just has big hair.
15
00:00:40,500 --> 00:00:42,466
Oh, no, Mr. Sheffield
is fighting with Miss Fine.
16
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:44,330
He's not fighting with
her.
He's having--
17
00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:46,300
Mr. Sheffield!
Get off Miss Fine.
18
00:00:46,333 --> 00:00:47,466
Miss Fine has a headache.
19
00:00:50,183 --> 00:00:54,500
Oh, look. Mr. Sheffield
has already fallen asleep.
20
00:00:54,830 --> 00:00:56,830
Okay, kids, go bring Miss Fine
upstairs
21
00:00:56,116 --> 00:00:57,660
and give her
a chew stick.
22
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:57,366
She's not satisfied.
23
00:01:00,100 --> 00:01:03,150
This month'sSoap Opera Hair
magazine has arrived.
24
00:01:03,183 --> 00:01:04,350
The "Bigger is
Better"
issue?
25
00:01:04,383 --> 00:01:06,200
Mm. With
a free sample.
26
00:01:06,233 --> 00:01:08,383
Oh, this is like
Hanukkah in July!
27
00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:14,330
Fran, I can't
believe
you're doing that.
28
00:01:14,660 --> 00:01:15,200
Why, honey?
Did you think
29
00:01:15,233 --> 00:01:17,233
that I got this
fullness naturally?
30
00:01:17,266 --> 00:01:21,500
Oh, no. This is just
the outer shell.
31
00:01:21,830 --> 00:01:24,200
Inside I've got gel,
mousse, volumizer.
32
00:01:24,233 --> 00:01:28,660
There's a whole
infrastructure
going on in there.
33
00:01:28,100 --> 00:01:30,183
The only difference between me
and the Kingdome is AstroTurf.
34
00:01:32,466 --> 00:01:35,500
Fran, don't you
care
about ecology?
35
00:01:35,830 --> 00:01:37,166
There are chemicals
in here that are
unsafe.
36
00:01:37,200 --> 00:01:38,450
Some of that
stuff
is toxic.
37
00:01:38,483 --> 00:01:41,133
Honey, you wanna
clean up toxic waste,
38
00:01:41,166 --> 00:01:42,830
start with Brighton's
bathroom.
39
00:01:44,350 --> 00:01:46,466
Fran, I'm serious.
Give me that.
40
00:01:47,000 --> 00:01:48,830
Oh, no! No!
I didn't do
the tendrils yet.
41
00:01:50,266 --> 00:01:53,330
Oh, boy, I'm getting
a weird flashback
here.
42
00:01:53,660 --> 00:01:54,316
Only you're me
43
00:01:54,350 --> 00:01:55,333
and I'm...
44
00:01:55,366 --> 00:01:56,216
my mother.
45
00:01:58,133 --> 00:02:00,160
What are you
talking about?
46
00:02:00,500 --> 00:02:03,183
I was young too once,
out to save the world.
47
00:02:03,216 --> 00:02:05,333
So you were, like,
an activist in the '60s?
48
00:02:05,366 --> 00:02:06,466
Seventies, late.
49
00:02:09,300 --> 00:02:11,316
Nuclear power,
animal rights,
cyclamates.
50
00:02:11,350 --> 00:02:13,660
Cyclamates?
51
00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,500
Oh, yeah. It was
a big controversy.
52
00:02:15,830 --> 00:02:16,150
Lemon Tab was
never the same.
53
00:02:17,483 --> 00:02:20,300
[THEME TUNE PLAYS]
54
00:02:20,333 --> 00:02:21,383
♪ She was working
In a bridal shop ♪
55
00:02:21,416 --> 00:02:23,133
♪ In Flushing, Queens ♪
56
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:24,216
♪ Till her boyfriend
Kicked her out ♪
57
00:02:24,250 --> 00:02:26,166
♪ In one
Of those crushing scenes ♪
58
00:02:26,200 --> 00:02:27,483
♪ What was she to do?
Where was she to go? ♪
59
00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:30,116
♪ She was out
on her fanny ♪
60
00:02:31,300 --> 00:02:32,333
♪ So over the bridge
From Flushing ♪
61
00:02:32,366 --> 00:02:33,433
♪ To the Sheffields' door ♪
62
00:02:33,466 --> 00:02:35,216
♪ She was there
to sell makeup ♪
63
00:02:35,250 --> 00:02:36,383
♪ But the father
saw more ♪
64
00:02:36,416 --> 00:02:38,350
♪ She had style, she had flair,
she was there ♪
65
00:02:38,383 --> 00:02:42,416
♪ That's how she became
The Nanny ♪
66
00:02:42,450 --> 00:02:45,366
♪ Who would have guessed
That the girl we described ♪
67
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,450
♪ Was just exactly
What the doctor prescribed? ♪
68
00:02:47,483 --> 00:02:48,433
♪ Now the father
Finds her beguiling ♪
69
00:02:48,466 --> 00:02:50,200
♪ Watch out, C.C. ♪
70
00:02:50,233 --> 00:02:51,266
♪ And the kids
Are actually smiling ♪
71
00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:52,483
♪ Such joie de vivre ♪
72
00:02:53,160 --> 00:02:54,216
♪ She's the lady in red ♪
73
00:02:54,250 --> 00:02:56,333
♪ When everybody else
Is wearing tan ♪
74
00:02:58,450 --> 00:02:59,266
♪ The flashy girl
From Flushing ♪
75
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:01,100
♪ The nanny named Fran ♪
76
00:03:06,183 --> 00:03:08,166
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
77
00:03:08,200 --> 00:03:10,116
Mr. Sheffield, if you
were
my cousin Marsha,
78
00:03:10,150 --> 00:03:11,150
and then you saw me
in this dress,
79
00:03:11,183 --> 00:03:12,500
what would you do?
80
00:03:12,830 --> 00:03:13,233
I'd, uh...
81
00:03:13,266 --> 00:03:16,116
tell you you look fabulous,
82
00:03:16,150 --> 00:03:17,133
then trash you the moment
you left the room.
83
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:19,466
And...?
84
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:21,416
And, uh...
85
00:03:21,450 --> 00:03:23,216
eat an entire
Sara Lee Pound Cake?
86
00:03:23,250 --> 00:03:26,200
There you go.
87
00:03:26,233 --> 00:03:28,483
For a minute there, I thought
I was gonna have to change.
88
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,233
Isn't it a little
sedate
for you, Nanny
Fine?
89
00:03:32,266 --> 00:03:33,316
You don't look like
you're
trying to get a sailor
90
00:03:33,350 --> 00:03:35,330
to buy you
a champagne
cocktail.
91
00:03:35,660 --> 00:03:39,100
[LAUGHING]
92
00:03:39,133 --> 00:03:41,366
Where you headed,
a funeral? [CHUCKLES]
93
00:03:41,400 --> 00:03:45,283
As a matter of fact, I am.
My great-aunt Mima Fageh.
94
00:03:45,316 --> 00:03:48,266
She was 104.
- Oh.
95
00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:49,333
Well, how
did
she die?
96
00:03:49,366 --> 00:03:50,233
Childbirth.
97
00:03:55,483 --> 00:03:58,100
Fran, tell Dad
he's
being totally
unfair.
98
00:03:58,133 --> 00:04:00,100
Mr. Sheffield, you're
being totally unfair!
99
00:04:00,133 --> 00:04:02,400
What is it I'm trying to
get him to do again?
100
00:04:02,433 --> 00:04:04,400
Mark and I want to
go to an all-night,
101
00:04:04,433 --> 00:04:05,433
Save the Earth
poetry reading.
102
00:04:05,466 --> 00:04:07,160
Oh, right.
103
00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:09,133
What's the big deal?
104
00:04:09,166 --> 00:04:10,150
Maggie and Mark wanna go to
an all-night Save the Earth--
105
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:10,466
All night?
106
00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:15,283
Oh, honey, kiss it off.
107
00:04:15,316 --> 00:04:18,266
Fran, they're
having
a candlelight
vigil
108
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,116
Oh, that reminds me.
I gotta pick up
the pastrami platter.
109
00:04:22,350 --> 00:04:24,183
You know,
if it sits too long,
110
00:04:24,216 --> 00:04:25,350
it gets that rainbow-patina
thing happening.
111
00:04:28,133 --> 00:04:29,483
I can't believe you.
112
00:04:30,160 --> 00:04:32,150
Is this what happens
when you turn 21?
113
00:04:32,183 --> 00:04:35,116
Twenty-one.
[HE CHUCKLES]
114
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:38,500
Don't mock the
child,
Niles.
115
00:04:38,830 --> 00:04:40,400
Look, Maggie, why don't
you and your friends
116
00:04:40,433 --> 00:04:42,116
take it in turns
to save the planet, hm?
117
00:04:42,150 --> 00:04:44,000
You could take the day shift,
118
00:04:44,330 --> 00:04:45,100
and then someone
whose parents are out of town
119
00:04:45,133 --> 00:04:47,116
could take the night.
120
00:04:47,150 --> 00:04:49,333
Oh, fine. I'll go stand in
the hole in the ozone layer.
121
00:04:49,366 --> 00:04:51,000
Be sure to wear
sunblock!
122
00:04:53,233 --> 00:04:54,333
Well, Miss Fine,
it's refreshing to have you
123
00:04:54,366 --> 00:04:56,200
on my side for a change.
124
00:04:56,233 --> 00:04:58,416
Oh, that. Pfft.
I read somewhere
that
125
00:04:58,450 --> 00:05:00,266
the primary
caregiver
should always agree
126
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,330
with the guy
that writes the
checks.
127
00:05:03,660 --> 00:05:04,133
Thank you
for your support.
128
00:05:04,166 --> 00:05:05,483
But for your information,
129
00:05:06,160 --> 00:05:07,116
I am too young
to be on the pig
side
130
00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:09,000
of a generation gap.
131
00:05:09,330 --> 00:05:11,233
Huff and puff as much
as you like, Miss Fine.
132
00:05:11,266 --> 00:05:13,316
This little piggy
is not letting her go.
133
00:05:13,350 --> 00:05:15,100
That doesn't mean
I'm not thrilled
134
00:05:15,133 --> 00:05:17,100
Margaret has
a social
conscience.
135
00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:19,316
I just wish there were
more people like her.
136
00:05:19,350 --> 00:05:22,300
Ooh, aren't these
elephant tusks exquisite?
137
00:05:25,333 --> 00:05:29,433
They came from that cute
little poacher in Kenya.
138
00:05:29,466 --> 00:05:31,416
And here I thought you'd had
your wisdom teeth pulled.
139
00:05:35,150 --> 00:05:37,116
So when you're watching
Gorillas in the Mist,
140
00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:38,433
you're thinking,
"In a fajita,
141
00:05:38,466 --> 00:05:39,283
I bet they're not so bad."
142
00:05:47,250 --> 00:05:50,283
It was a gorgeous
funeral.
143
00:05:50,316 --> 00:05:52,466
Ah, Mima Fageh
didn't look so hot,
144
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:53,466
may she rest in piece.
145
00:05:56,333 --> 00:05:57,400
She could never
pull it together
146
00:05:57,433 --> 00:05:58,466
for a special occasion.
147
00:06:01,330 --> 00:06:03,433
You know,
when my time comes,
148
00:06:03,466 --> 00:06:06,150
I don't want
no open casket.
149
00:06:06,183 --> 00:06:08,433
I don't trust no one to put on
my makeup but me.
150
00:06:16,300 --> 00:06:18,383
How's the corned beef?
151
00:06:18,416 --> 00:06:21,266
Fatty, Daddy.
No good.
152
00:06:21,300 --> 00:06:22,400
What do you do when
you like something,
153
00:06:22,433 --> 00:06:24,330
eat the Corningware?
154
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:27,183
So when are you due?
155
00:06:27,216 --> 00:06:29,283
Grandma, I'm not
pregnant!
156
00:06:29,316 --> 00:06:30,166
So stop eating.
157
00:06:32,333 --> 00:06:35,433
Morty! Turn the set down.
158
00:06:35,466 --> 00:06:36,433
We're mourning in here.
159
00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:41,466
Meanwhile, explain to me
green carnations on a
casket.
160
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,500
St. Paddy
didn't
drop dead.
161
00:06:44,830 --> 00:06:46,500
Why couldn't their side
162
00:06:46,830 --> 00:06:48,383
spend a little on
flowers,
like we did?
163
00:06:48,416 --> 00:06:51,266
Syl, their side never did
as well as us.
164
00:06:51,300 --> 00:06:53,660
What well?
My daughter's a maid.
165
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:55,233
Nanny, Ma!
166
00:07:00,466 --> 00:07:03,383
Meanwhile, I wonder
who got the coat.
167
00:07:03,416 --> 00:07:04,400
What coat?
168
00:07:04,433 --> 00:07:07,100
Mima's mink.
169
00:07:07,133 --> 00:07:08,466
She slept with it more
than she slept with Oscar.
170
00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,433
Mima's husband's
name was Louie.
171
00:07:13,466 --> 00:07:15,483
Yeah. So where are you
not following me?
172
00:07:20,333 --> 00:07:22,150
Oh, well, I guess
it wasn't the
mortician
173
00:07:22,183 --> 00:07:25,830
that put that
smile
on her face.
174
00:07:25,116 --> 00:07:26,400
Maybe we should see
what's in the envelope
175
00:07:26,433 --> 00:07:28,266
Uncle Dave gave us.
176
00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,466
I think it's a copy
of the will.
177
00:07:31,000 --> 00:07:32,433
You know, I always
offered to drive her
178
00:07:32,466 --> 00:07:34,133
to her checkups,
179
00:07:34,166 --> 00:07:35,283
even after
the bladder went.
180
00:07:38,450 --> 00:07:40,450
Save it, Marsha.
It's already
written.
181
00:07:40,483 --> 00:07:41,366
She's not coming
back
with an eraser.
182
00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:46,450
Aunt Frida got Mima's
diamond wedding ring.
183
00:07:46,483 --> 00:07:47,466
[WOMEN GROAN]
184
00:07:48,160 --> 00:07:49,150
I wanted that.
185
00:07:52,366 --> 00:07:54,660
Cousin Judy
got the blender.
186
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,100
[WOMEN GROAN]
187
00:07:55,133 --> 00:07:56,183
I coulda used that.
188
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:00,466
Uncle Maury got
the pasta machine.
189
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:02,100
[GROANS]
190
00:08:02,133 --> 00:08:03,133
That, they can have.
191
00:08:05,333 --> 00:08:07,100
Who cares about
their side.
192
00:08:07,133 --> 00:08:08,483
Let's get to our side.
193
00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:10,133
"Their side",
"our side".
194
00:08:10,166 --> 00:08:11,333
Who's keeping
score?
195
00:08:11,366 --> 00:08:14,500
Meanwhile,
it's 3-zip.
196
00:08:14,830 --> 00:08:17,200
MARSHA: Oh, please!
- Ma. Calm down.
197
00:08:17,233 --> 00:08:19,660
You're
shvitzing
already.
198
00:08:19,100 --> 00:08:21,333
Soon you're gonna
slide off the
couch.
199
00:08:21,366 --> 00:08:25,330
This is such
a trying time for me.
200
00:08:25,660 --> 00:08:27,266
Life won't be the same
without my beloved Mima.
201
00:08:27,300 --> 00:08:28,150
Shut up,
Marsha.
202
00:08:29,483 --> 00:08:31,283
"And the coat goes to
203
00:08:31,316 --> 00:08:33,133
FRAN FINE!"
204
00:08:33,166 --> 00:08:35,100
Come on down.
205
00:08:35,133 --> 00:08:37,166
I won the coat?
206
00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:41,133
I won the coat!
[CHEERING]
207
00:08:41,166 --> 00:08:43,266
[IN UNISON]
May she rest in peace.
208
00:08:43,300 --> 00:08:46,333
She gave Fran
the coat?
209
00:08:46,366 --> 00:08:48,830
Who schlepped her
to the beauty parlor
210
00:08:48,116 --> 00:08:51,330
every week to get
her three hairs set?
211
00:08:51,660 --> 00:08:53,300
Who smeared her with Bengay
after shuffleboard?
212
00:08:53,333 --> 00:08:55,830
And after she got
the hammertoe fixed,
213
00:08:55,116 --> 00:08:56,000
who lugged her around?
214
00:08:57,383 --> 00:08:58,216
My husband, that's who!
215
00:09:01,316 --> 00:09:03,216
Well, you can keep the
coat,
'cause I don't want it.
216
00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,400
What, are you nuts?!
Why?
217
00:09:06,433 --> 00:09:09,100
Ma, I only wear
fake fur.
218
00:09:09,133 --> 00:09:11,316
And do you know why?
- Yes.
219
00:09:11,350 --> 00:09:13,266
Because no one ever died
and left you a real one
before.
220
00:09:16,116 --> 00:09:18,400
No. I have a very
impressionable
teenager at home
221
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:21,330
that needs to know that
I stick by my beliefs.
222
00:09:21,660 --> 00:09:23,283
And I believe
in
animal rights.
223
00:09:23,316 --> 00:09:26,333
Fran...a mink
is not an animal.
224
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,316
It's a rodent.
225
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:32,483
If it was up in the attic,
226
00:09:33,160 --> 00:09:34,350
you would be the first one
to call Terminix.
227
00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:39,183
Ma, knock it off.
228
00:09:39,216 --> 00:09:41,383
I'm not putting a dead
animal
anywhere near me.
229
00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:42,166
Pass the tongue.
MARSHA: Oh.
230
00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:48,150
Fran, you're
keeping the coat.
231
00:09:48,183 --> 00:09:50,183
No, I'm not. And do
we
have to discuss this
232
00:09:50,216 --> 00:09:52,216
in front of everyone?
233
00:09:52,250 --> 00:09:54,266
No, we'll discuss it
in there.
234
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,416
Fine.
- Excuse us.
235
00:09:58,166 --> 00:10:02,133
They don't wanna
talk in front of us.
236
00:10:02,166 --> 00:10:04,283
SYLVIA: How could you
turn
your back on everything
237
00:10:04,316 --> 00:10:06,433
that I raised you
to believe in?!
238
00:10:06,466 --> 00:10:09,660
This is mink!
239
00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:10,383
Ma, if you love
the mink so much,
240
00:10:10,416 --> 00:10:12,316
why don'tyou
keep it?
241
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,283
I'm too busty.
242
00:10:15,466 --> 00:10:17,500
Didn't stop you from
wearing
a tube top to Temple.
243
00:10:22,283 --> 00:10:23,433
It's Reform.
244
00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:28,466
Ma, forget it.
I'm not taking the
coat.
245
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,166
You know, you're killing me
with this.
246
00:10:32,250 --> 00:10:34,400
If I die tonight,
247
00:10:34,433 --> 00:10:36,300
you'll never
forgive yourself.
248
00:10:36,333 --> 00:10:38,166
Ma, I'm a grown woman.
249
00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:39,383
You can't use
guilt on me
anymore
250
00:10:39,416 --> 00:10:41,100
to get what you want.
251
00:10:41,133 --> 00:10:43,000
Oh!
- What's the matter, Ma?
252
00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:45,466
Nothing. I just hope
I'm not getting
253
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:47,216
that weird flesh-eating
disease.
254
00:10:58,330 --> 00:10:58,466
We couldn't hear.
255
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:05,400
Niles.
Hm?
256
00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:07,116
Did my mother
call?
257
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:09,283
Well, I'm not sure.
There was one call.
258
00:11:09,316 --> 00:11:12,330
A sob, a sigh
259
00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:15,316
and a long, plaintive,
"Oy."
260
00:11:18,316 --> 00:11:21,183
Well, either that's her,
or AT&T is really
depressed
261
00:11:21,216 --> 00:11:24,150
that we switched to Sprint.
- [CHUCKLES]
262
00:11:24,183 --> 00:11:27,216
I can't believe she
would
stoop to
crank-guilt-calls.
263
00:11:27,250 --> 00:11:30,660
How low can she go?
264
00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:31,333
Hey, you're
talking
about a woman
265
00:11:31,366 --> 00:11:32,466
that could
grow a tumor on command.
266
00:11:35,266 --> 00:11:37,160
[DOORBELL RINGS]
- Excuse me.
267
00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:38,316
Well, it's not
going to work.
268
00:11:38,350 --> 00:11:40,330
I'm a grown woman.
269
00:11:40,660 --> 00:11:42,660
I'm entitled
to my own opinions.
270
00:11:42,100 --> 00:11:43,483
And no silent treatment
is going to make me
271
00:11:44,160 --> 00:11:46,300
compromise my ideals.
272
00:11:46,333 --> 00:11:48,333
That coat is staying in Queens.
273
00:11:48,366 --> 00:11:49,350
Thank you.
274
00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,166
Oh, can you believe her.
275
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:54,450
Didn't she hear a word I said?
276
00:11:54,483 --> 00:11:56,183
I don't want
this disgustingly
277
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:59,450
soft, lush, plush...
278
00:11:59,483 --> 00:12:03,000
Oh, Niles, did you see
the satin lining?
279
00:12:03,330 --> 00:12:04,333
Boy, they don't make it
like that anymore.
280
00:12:04,366 --> 00:12:06,283
Oh, it does become
you,
Miss Fine.
281
00:12:06,316 --> 00:12:09,483
Oh, no, Niles,
it's absolutely repulsive.
282
00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:12,283
I can't stand it.
283
00:12:12,316 --> 00:12:14,350
Up or down?
[CHUCKLES]
284
00:12:14,383 --> 00:12:16,250
Oh, take it off me.
Take it off.
285
00:12:16,283 --> 00:12:19,316
Oh, look at
the initials, "M.F."
286
00:12:19,350 --> 00:12:21,233
Mima Fageh.
287
00:12:21,266 --> 00:12:23,830
"Miss Fine". It's like
it was meant to be.
288
00:12:23,116 --> 00:12:25,266
[CHUCKLES]
289
00:12:25,300 --> 00:12:26,400
Well, you could always
send it to Morgan
Freeman.
290
00:12:28,216 --> 00:12:30,316
Oh, Mima.
291
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:32,333
Mm, it smells
just like her,
292
00:12:32,366 --> 00:12:36,150
Shalimar and
stuffed cabbage.
293
00:12:36,183 --> 00:12:37,466
I remember when I was
a little girl in the
winter.
294
00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:40,160
She would bundle me up
in her coat with her,
295
00:12:40,500 --> 00:12:41,116
her bosoms right
on top of my head.
296
00:12:43,500 --> 00:12:44,500
My ears never got cold.
297
00:12:45,316 --> 00:12:46,333
I looked like Princess Leia.
298
00:12:49,216 --> 00:12:51,500
Until Mima got older.
Then I looked like Goofy.
299
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,830
Funny, as a lad,
I don't ever
recall
300
00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:58,133
wearing bosoms
as a hat.
301
00:12:58,166 --> 00:12:59,300
Although, once
at a butlers
convention--
302
00:12:59,333 --> 00:13:00,316
Don't take me there, Niles.
303
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:05,100
Oh, my God, Fran,
what is that dead animal?
304
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:05,400
Where? Where?
305
00:13:07,330 --> 00:13:08,400
On your back.
306
00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:11,266
Oh, this.
Oh, I inherited it.
307
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,830
But I refused
to accept it.
308
00:13:13,116 --> 00:13:15,160
Then why are you
wearing it?
309
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:17,100
Uh, I'm just
indulging
Niles.
310
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:18,450
He wanted to
see me in it.
311
00:13:18,483 --> 00:13:20,200
All right, already,
are you happy?
312
00:13:20,233 --> 00:13:22,133
Can I take it off?
Sheesh!
313
00:13:22,166 --> 00:13:24,283
Niles, I'm surprised at you.
314
00:13:24,316 --> 00:13:25,483
Oh, forgive me,
Miss Margaret.
315
00:13:26,160 --> 00:13:26,366
I'm such a beast.
316
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,283
Good morning,
everyone...but
Dad.
317
00:13:38,150 --> 00:13:39,433
Niles,
thank you so much
318
00:13:39,466 --> 00:13:41,100
for buying
glass
bottles
319
00:13:41,133 --> 00:13:42,333
instead of plastic
ones
at the market.
320
00:13:42,366 --> 00:13:44,250
My pleasure, Miss Margaret.
321
00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:45,250
I've always wanted to know
what a hernia felt like.
322
00:13:49,150 --> 00:13:50,366
Aren't you
joining us, Maggie?
323
00:13:50,400 --> 00:13:53,183
Oh, no. While you
leisurely sit here and eat,
324
00:13:53,216 --> 00:13:54,400
hundreds of acres
of rain forest
325
00:13:54,433 --> 00:13:56,333
are being destroyed.
326
00:13:56,366 --> 00:13:58,400
So you're taking your
croissant
back to the Biosphere?
327
00:13:58,433 --> 00:13:59,116
[CLEARS THROAT]
Sit down, Margaret.
328
00:14:01,316 --> 00:14:03,133
Hello, hello.
329
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:04,350
Oh, C.C., care to join us?
330
00:14:04,383 --> 00:14:06,660
Well, is there enough?
331
00:14:06,100 --> 00:14:09,330
No.
Niles.
332
00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:10,150
Well, it's just that
you know how I feel
333
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:11,266
about her eating inside.
334
00:14:14,466 --> 00:14:16,283
What was that?
335
00:14:16,316 --> 00:14:18,433
I asked what she would
like on the side.
336
00:14:18,466 --> 00:14:20,416
Bacon? Sausage?
337
00:14:20,450 --> 00:14:21,283
Mighty Dog?
338
00:14:24,100 --> 00:14:25,330
[YELPS]
339
00:14:31,333 --> 00:14:33,316
Oh, it's so nice
sitting here with all of
you.
340
00:14:33,350 --> 00:14:35,450
I feel like part of the family.
341
00:14:35,483 --> 00:14:37,160
Good morning,
Stacy.
342
00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,216
Uh, Gracie.
343
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:41,166
Thank you...
344
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:43,450
Brighton.
345
00:14:46,100 --> 00:14:48,466
So, kids, what's new?
346
00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:50,233
Miss Fine's having a baby.
347
00:14:50,266 --> 00:14:51,433
ALL:
What?
348
00:14:51,466 --> 00:14:53,160
Who's the father?
349
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:54,133
Why, Mr. Sheffield,
of course.
350
00:14:54,166 --> 00:14:55,500
[SPITS]
351
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:03,166
Miss Fine, what on earth is all
this about you being pregnant?
352
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,166
Pregnant? Me?
Oh, that's impossible.
353
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:07,400
Well, it's not impossible.
354
00:15:10,160 --> 00:15:11,160
Oh, yeah,
it's impossible.
355
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:15,366
Miss Fine and
Mr. Sheffield are
hamsters.
356
00:15:15,400 --> 00:15:19,830
Oh, I knew
I left something out.
357
00:15:19,116 --> 00:15:21,330
Uh, please, no animals
in the dining room.
358
00:15:21,660 --> 00:15:23,333
I will be in the office.
359
00:15:23,366 --> 00:15:24,466
Oh, very good, sir. Usually,
I have to tug at her leash.
360
00:15:27,316 --> 00:15:29,333
Niles, has my mother
called yet?
361
00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:32,333
No, I'm afraid not.
362
00:15:32,366 --> 00:15:35,160
Oh, Miss Fine,
why don't you just
take the blasted
coat
363
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:36,330
and have done with it?
364
00:15:36,660 --> 00:15:37,450
FRAN AND MAGGIE:
No!
365
00:15:37,483 --> 00:15:39,333
Why can't Fran
have an opinion
366
00:15:39,366 --> 00:15:41,160
different than
her mother's?
367
00:15:41,500 --> 00:15:42,300
Children should
have the right
368
00:15:42,333 --> 00:15:44,166
to make their decisions and
live
their own lives.
369
00:15:44,200 --> 00:15:46,200
You can have any opinion
you like, Maggie.
370
00:15:46,233 --> 00:15:48,350
Just don't have it
in the park after dark.
371
00:15:48,383 --> 00:15:50,283
With Mark.
Oh, there's your poetry.
372
00:15:50,316 --> 00:15:52,400
Now you don't have to go.
373
00:15:54,383 --> 00:15:57,660
Oh, come on, Miss Fine.
374
00:15:57,100 --> 00:15:58,433
How did you make up with
your mother in the past?
375
00:15:58,466 --> 00:16:00,416
Well, when I was
a little girl,
376
00:16:00,450 --> 00:16:02,166
I would put
a napkin on my head
377
00:16:02,200 --> 00:16:03,316
and singSunrise, Sunset.
378
00:16:05,466 --> 00:16:07,316
At eight, it's adorable.
379
00:16:07,350 --> 00:16:10,000
At 30, they're giving you
3000 units of Thorazine.
380
00:16:12,330 --> 00:16:13,300
Well, if there's
anything I can
do...
381
00:16:13,333 --> 00:16:15,830
Well, now that
you mention it,
382
00:16:15,116 --> 00:16:17,383
couldn't you
talk to her, please?
383
00:16:17,416 --> 00:16:20,416
I mean, you're
so handsome, diplomatic.
384
00:16:20,450 --> 00:16:22,266
What does that to
do
with anything?
385
00:16:22,300 --> 00:16:24,183
Well, my mother
responds to good looks.
386
00:16:24,216 --> 00:16:26,000
She always said
you reminded her
387
00:16:26,330 --> 00:16:27,483
of Dave from
Alvin and the Chipmunks.
388
00:16:30,133 --> 00:16:32,660
The cartoon?
- Yeah.
389
00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:33,366
She had a thing
for George Jetson too,
390
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:34,483
but he's a little
more goyish.
391
00:16:39,116 --> 00:16:41,466
Oh, Niles, isn't
Mr. Sheffield a
doll
392
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,350
for going to
all the
trouble
393
00:16:43,383 --> 00:16:45,233
of inviting my
mother
here for dinner?
394
00:16:45,266 --> 00:16:47,166
Yes. He's really
knocked himself out.
395
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:50,333
Did you stock the bar?
396
00:16:50,366 --> 00:16:53,830
Yes, Miss Fine. We have
Chivas, Pimm's,
Stolichnaya.
397
00:16:53,116 --> 00:16:54,266
What does Sylvia like to drink?
398
00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:56,466
Diet Slice.
Oh. Will Fresca do?
399
00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,100
No! It doesn't have
the zest of lime in.
400
00:17:01,133 --> 00:17:03,333
Oy, now I'm gonna
have to go out.
401
00:17:03,366 --> 00:17:06,216
Hi.
- Oh, Miss Fine.
402
00:17:06,250 --> 00:17:08,116
Well, this should be
an interesting dinner, sir.
403
00:17:08,150 --> 00:17:09,416
Miss Fine and her mother
not speaking,
404
00:17:09,450 --> 00:17:11,366
Miss Margaret not
speaking to you.
405
00:17:11,400 --> 00:17:12,416
That will leave the bulk
of the conversation
406
00:17:12,450 --> 00:17:14,333
to you and...Sylvia.
407
00:17:14,366 --> 00:17:17,200
Oh, good God.
408
00:17:17,233 --> 00:17:19,500
Well, perhaps
you can swap stories.
409
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,100
You can tell her how you
started in the theater,
410
00:17:21,133 --> 00:17:24,416
and she can tell you
how she removes unwanted hair.
411
00:17:24,450 --> 00:17:26,483
For heaven sakes, we've got
to
get someone else for dinner.
412
00:17:27,160 --> 00:17:28,316
Well, it is Saturday night,
sir. Most people do have a
life.
413
00:17:28,350 --> 00:17:29,250
Well, I'm off.
414
00:17:30,216 --> 00:17:34,660
[CHUCKLES]
415
00:17:34,100 --> 00:17:36,150
C.C., by any chance
are you free
tonight?
416
00:17:36,183 --> 00:17:38,116
No, I have to pick
up
my grandfather
417
00:17:38,150 --> 00:17:40,316
from the airport.
418
00:17:40,350 --> 00:17:42,100
Old thing's in a wheelchair
with a respirator on--
419
00:17:43,416 --> 00:17:46,330
Why?
420
00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:47,150
I was wondering if you'd
care to join me for
dinner?
421
00:17:47,183 --> 00:17:49,160
Done! Love to.
422
00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,500
What about
your grandfather?
423
00:17:51,830 --> 00:17:53,500
Oh, he'll get a Skycap.
He's loaded.
424
00:17:53,830 --> 00:17:55,400
He'll put a 20 in his mouth
and wave it.
425
00:17:55,433 --> 00:17:57,133
No, no.
I just can't do
this.
426
00:17:57,166 --> 00:17:59,150
No, M-Maxwell,
it's not a problem.
427
00:17:59,183 --> 00:18:01,216
The old guy's in a wheelchair.
It's downhill from La Guardia.
428
00:18:01,250 --> 00:18:04,316
No. You see,
it won't be just us.
429
00:18:04,350 --> 00:18:06,830
I'm afraid Miss Fine
and her mother will be there.
430
00:18:06,116 --> 00:18:08,466
Oh, Ihate
431
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,660
Which one?
- Pick.
432
00:18:12,100 --> 00:18:15,160
Really? Sylvia's always saying
what a beautiful,
433
00:18:15,500 --> 00:18:17,660
charming, sophisticated
woman of the world you are.
434
00:18:17,100 --> 00:18:19,383
Really? Those are
her exact words?
435
00:18:22,216 --> 00:18:25,500
That reminds me. I have to
get the name of your
manicurist.
436
00:18:25,830 --> 00:18:26,250
Sylvia's always going on about
437
00:18:26,283 --> 00:18:28,316
how beautiful and
young
your hands look.
438
00:18:28,350 --> 00:18:31,333
I've always adored Syl.
439
00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:32,383
But if you have a more
pressing engagement--
440
00:18:32,416 --> 00:18:34,330
Forget about Gramps.
441
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:35,183
I'll call the airline,
442
00:18:35,216 --> 00:18:37,350
they'll stick him
where they put the
skis.
443
00:18:37,383 --> 00:18:39,383
Niles, another
place setting on the
table,
444
00:18:39,416 --> 00:18:41,116
and make it right
next to my pal,
Syl.
445
00:18:44,316 --> 00:18:47,350
"Get the name of
your manicurist," indeed.
446
00:18:47,383 --> 00:18:49,160
I learned
from the master.
447
00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:52,200
Yeah,
well...
[CHUCKLES]
448
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:54,660
Aren't
my hamsters cute?
449
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,183
We named the babies Maggie,
Brighton and Grace.
450
00:18:56,216 --> 00:18:58,100
There was a C.C.,
but Miss Fine ate her.
451
00:18:58,133 --> 00:18:58,366
[NILES CHUCKLES]
452
00:19:01,160 --> 00:19:03,216
Isn't that adorable?
453
00:19:05,283 --> 00:19:06,316
The kid collects vermin.
454
00:19:09,416 --> 00:19:12,400
Syl?
Is that you?
455
00:19:12,433 --> 00:19:14,830
Yeah. I was invited.
456
00:19:15,316 --> 00:19:16,483
[LAUGHS]
457
00:19:17,160 --> 00:19:18,333
Shame on you, girlfriend.
458
00:19:21,483 --> 00:19:24,183
Why haven't we done lunch?
459
00:19:24,216 --> 00:19:26,100
Because when you saw me
eat a chicken,
460
00:19:26,133 --> 00:19:26,466
you had to
take an Advil.
461
00:19:29,450 --> 00:19:33,160
Oh, hi, Ma.
What a nice
surprise.
462
00:19:33,500 --> 00:19:34,183
Gee, I didn't
know Mr.
Sheffield
463
00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,450
invited you
for dinner.
464
00:19:35,483 --> 00:19:37,366
You want a Diet Slice?
465
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,483
No, thanks.
It gases me up.
466
00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:41,150
Come,Cicileh.
467
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:48,200
Oh, this ring
is stunning.
468
00:19:48,233 --> 00:19:50,283
My aunt gave it to me.
469
00:19:50,316 --> 00:19:53,830
Oh, it's a
family
heirloom.
470
00:19:53,116 --> 00:19:56,100
How nice of you not throw it
back in youraunt's
471
00:19:58,330 --> 00:20:00,330
Mom, would you
cut me some slack?
472
00:20:00,660 --> 00:20:02,366
Why won't you
wear a stinking coat?
473
00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,450
You watch your
tone of voice, young lady.
474
00:20:04,483 --> 00:20:06,166
Oh, I'm sorry.
I couldn't help it.
475
00:20:08,283 --> 00:20:10,283
Not you, Ma.
He's talking to
Maggie.
476
00:20:10,316 --> 00:20:12,160
Maggie does nothing.
477
00:20:12,500 --> 00:20:14,000
She's a good daughter.
478
00:20:14,330 --> 00:20:15,330
And what am I,
Patti Davis?
479
00:20:17,250 --> 00:20:19,233
This is just like
when you refused
480
00:20:19,266 --> 00:20:21,383
the mother-daughter
kaftans
that I bought us.
481
00:20:21,416 --> 00:20:24,266
Six years old, in a turban?
482
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:27,283
That's it. I wash
my hands of you.
483
00:20:27,316 --> 00:20:29,183
Oh, Mr. Sheffield.
- She's getting away.
484
00:20:29,216 --> 00:20:31,316
Niles, the napkin.
- Oh, no, no.
485
00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:34,350
Yes, Miss Fine. Yes, yes.
- No. No, no, no.
486
00:20:34,383 --> 00:20:39,660
♪ Is this the little girl
I carried? ♪
487
00:20:40,350 --> 00:20:42,350
Fran, that's not fair.
488
00:20:42,383 --> 00:20:46,283
♪ Is this the little boy
At play? ♪
489
00:20:46,316 --> 00:20:48,200
Boom, boom, boom.
490
00:20:48,233 --> 00:20:53,483
♪ I don't remember
Growing older ♪
491
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,266
BOTH:
♪ When did they? ♪
492
00:20:59,116 --> 00:21:01,166
Oh, Fran, I'm sorry.
493
00:21:01,200 --> 00:21:03,300
I'm sorry too, Mom.
[BOTH SOB]
494
00:21:03,333 --> 00:21:04,316
C.C.:
Oh!
495
00:21:04,350 --> 00:21:06,150
Syl!
496
00:21:06,183 --> 00:21:08,160
Honey, please,
it's over.
497
00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:11,000
NILES: Miss Babcock,
498
00:21:11,330 --> 00:21:13,133
TWA is on the phone.
499
00:21:13,166 --> 00:21:14,200
It seems there's an
unclaimed
elderly gentleman
500
00:21:14,233 --> 00:21:15,166
on carousel five.
501
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,160
Ooh!
502
00:21:18,350 --> 00:21:21,150
Oh, Ma, I don't
wanna fight anymore.
503
00:21:21,183 --> 00:21:23,660
Me neither.
504
00:21:23,100 --> 00:21:26,366
It's just such an
honor
that Mima chose you.
505
00:21:26,400 --> 00:21:29,000
She came to
this country with
nothing.
506
00:21:29,330 --> 00:21:31,416
She worked,
she
sacrificed.
507
00:21:31,450 --> 00:21:35,483
This coat symbolizes
the struggles of our
family.
508
00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,250
Ma, she won it
onThe Price Is Right.
509
00:21:42,830 --> 00:21:43,483
Fran, you should
keep the coat.
510
00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:45,250
After all,
you're the one
511
00:21:45,283 --> 00:21:47,450
who always says
family comes first.
512
00:21:47,483 --> 00:21:51,250
Oh. All right,
I'll keep the coat.
513
00:21:51,283 --> 00:21:54,200
Oh, I never thought I'd
hear you say those
words.
514
00:21:54,233 --> 00:21:56,450
But just in
case,
I got it right
here.
515
00:21:56,483 --> 00:22:00,830
Oh. But I can't
wear it.
516
00:22:00,116 --> 00:22:02,316
All right, maybe just
around my cousin Marsha.
517
00:22:02,350 --> 00:22:04,166
Because it'll kill her.
518
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,433
And then at least the minks
won't have died in vain.
519
00:22:09,283 --> 00:22:11,166
And, Dad, as important as
this poetry meeting is to
me...
520
00:22:13,216 --> 00:22:16,166
if you really
don't
want me to go...
521
00:22:16,200 --> 00:22:16,483
then I'll
respect
your decision.
522
00:22:19,330 --> 00:22:20,160
I really don't
want you to go.
523
00:22:20,500 --> 00:22:21,000
Why not?
524
00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:30,133
That is the most beautiful
coat
I have ever seen.
525
00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:32,216
I'll give you $10,000
for it right now.
526
00:22:32,250 --> 00:22:35,200
Oh, no, I'm sorry.
This coat--
527
00:22:35,233 --> 00:22:36,216
Looks better
on a blond.
528
00:22:40,250 --> 00:22:48,283
[THEME MUSIC PLAYS]
529
00:22:52,483 --> 00:22:54,250
Okay.
[REMOTE CLICKS]
530
00:22:54,283 --> 00:22:58,416
Oh, Miss Fine, how can
you watch these shows?
531
00:22:58,450 --> 00:23:00,100
Well, you're right.
[TV PLAYS]
532
00:23:00,133 --> 00:23:01,333
It hasn't been the
same
since Shane left.
533
00:23:04,150 --> 00:23:04,466
You know, he auditioned
for me once...
534
00:23:06,366 --> 00:23:08,000
with that phony British accent.
535
00:23:12,150 --> 00:23:14,400
How about an old
Dick Van Dyke Show?
536
00:23:14,433 --> 00:23:18,830
Oh, I used to love that
Millie Helper, the
neighbor.
537
00:23:18,116 --> 00:23:20,160
She was so funny.
538
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:22,400
I don't know why
they never spun her
off.
539
00:23:22,433 --> 00:23:24,200
I heard she was
very hard to work with.
38809
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