All language subtitles for T O T S03E09 1080p WEB h264 ETHEL 48290_track3_[eng]

- Lisa, I'm headed out.

Thanks again.

- Oh, can't you stay
a few more hours?

I'm making bee pancakes.

- Um, no, unfortunately,
I can't.

I really have to get back.

- Well, at least say hi
to Meg and Mark.

They just got here.
- Oh, they did? Oh.

- Hello, Ms. Dubek!
- Oh, my gosh. Hi, Mrs. Dubek.

- Oh, it's so good
to see you kids.

And how nice you get to stop by
for a little breakfast

on your way to work.

- Oh, no, school's out
for the summer.

- And I just took off
because it's so nice out.

Figured we'd just hang out,

maybe get in the pool.

Oh, uh, Mom, they did not have
any Snickers

at the gas station,
so we got you a Milky Way.

- Oh, that's great.
Thanks.

- Oh, and hey,
these were at my house.

- See, I told you.

- Well, your stuff
is better than mine.

[laughter]

- Well, I gotta say,
you two look exactly the same.

- Oh.
- And how are Brooke and Cary?

Are they still the same?

And I'm sorry,
I still haven't seen

Cary's new show,
the "Wind" one,

uh, but all my friends at work
say it's awesome.

- Yeah, my friends say
it is so, so awesome.

- Oh, hey, if you guys do wanna
swim, we're out of sunscreen.

- Oh, I can run out
to Target and get some.

- I'll go with.
- Why?

Do you also need
something from Target?

- No, just to keep her company.
- That's nice of you.

- Come on, you.

- I'm not gonna make you go
to Target alone.

- You know what?
I think I will stay

and hang for a couple hours.

- Yay!
- Oh, yay!

Oh, and hey, how's Brooke?

She's an agent now, right?

- Or a manager?
Sorry.

We're nothing like your kids.

both: Neither of us
know a thing

about
the entertainment industry.

- ♪ I-I-I'm a winner ♪

- It's such bullshit.

Like, I'm the one
in the industry

constantly doing good,
and yet nothing?

He had to have hired
a publicist, right?

- Brooke, it's 8:30 a.m.

How are we already
at a ten about something?

But yes, anytime anyone's
on anything, it's a publicist.

How do you think Greta Thunberg
got on the cover of "TIME"?

She hired me.
- Wow, really? What's she like?

- Well, first of all,
bitch has been on a plane.

- Brooke?
- Brooke.

- Oh.
- Hey. How's it going?

- Natalie, hi.

- Oh, nice.
You got a copy.

Isn't that so cool?
- Yeah.

That publicist he hired
was worth every penny.

- Oh, no,
he said someone from "People"

just came to the hospital
and asked him

about being on the cover.
- Oh.

- Which makes total sense.

Everyone knows
he's such a good guy.

Anyway,
we gotta get to the train,

but it was so good to see you.
- Yeah, you too.

- Bye, Brooke.
- Bye. [laughs]

Oh, they just
"came to the hospital"?

Please. He might have
these losers fooled,

but I know
that he worked for this.

And it is my job today
to prove it.

- Actually, your job today
is quite a few other things.

- I just need
to get into his emails.

Oh, uh...
hey, Natalie.

I just wanna send Lance
a little something,

you know, say congrats
for being so dang good.

Do you mind DM'ing me
his new little addy?

- Yeah, sure.
That's really sweet.

- [laughs]
- Brooke, I vote

you don't do this,

but I have to go meet
a new client

and know you're going to.

So I guess just text me
when you end up burning down

his entire apartment.

[phone buzzes]

- The addy.
- Hey, everyone.

Thank you all for being here

to talk about helping me win
the Academy Award

for Best Actor
in a Motion Picture.

Or supporting.

No, let's--let's do lead.

- Well, I'm sorry
I can't be there in person.

I'm still in the Hamptons.

But I have already
found the movie

to maybe get you
that Oscar, Cary.

- Wait, really?
- It's called

"One Night with Albert,"
and it's about a gay man

who had a brief love affair
with Albert Einstein

the night before he published
his theory of relativity.

- Albert Einstein was gay?

- It's rumored he was
by the writer of this movie.

- Uh, sure. Yes.

I--I wanna be
gay Albert Einstein

and win an Oscar.

- So the role is up for grabs,

but even though you're
the lead of a TV show,

the producers
are not 100% sure

that they see you
as a leading man.

I mean, it's a sexual role,

and you play an elf
on "WindWeaver."

So in the next month,

I wanna have you
read for them,

get you in
for some chemistry tests.

- Oh...
- I want them to--

- The next month?

Is there, um, any way
to do this faster?

I was hoping to fit it in
before I go back

to "WindWeaver," 'cause I am

completely free until then.

- I might have
a way to go faster.

- Oh, sorry, everyone.

Uh, this is Shuli...
- Hi.

- The newest member
of the team.

She wouldn't work
with me before

because I was too small-time,

uh, but last night, she emailed
begging me to hire her.

- Oh, I wouldn't say begging.

- Well, I have it here
printed out.

- I will kill you.
- [clears throat]

- But I do have
a faster way for producers

to see Cary as a leading man.

Or wait.
Cary, do you have a, um...

[whispering indistinctly]

- Uh, yes.

Yes, I--I do, actually.

- Perfect.
We'll be right--

[horn honks]

[wolf whistle]

- Oh, my God.

- Whoa.
Cary Dubek is packing.

- Okay.
You got the role.

They can now see you
as a leading man.

- Thank you so much, Shuli.

- Hey,
thank that big ol' pee-pee.

- Okay, so the next step
is financing.

I'll circle up
with the producers,

see what studios
they're out to,

and this part
will take a beat, so...

- Uh, how long is, um, a beat?

- I mean, we're looking for
$20 million to $25 million,

and--
- Well, uh,

what if I were
to just, uh, call my mom?

Like, could she finance it?

- Damn, Car, you cray.

And I love it.
- [chuckles]

- Come on.
Where are you?

- Hey, Lance.
- Hey, man.

- Oh.

[scoffs]
No shirt, huh?

Looks like someone who works
to get attention to me.

- Hi.

Flower delivery for Mr. Arroyo.

Hmm.

- Oh, Debra.

He's the third floor,
apartment 3C.

- Thank you.

[clears throat]

[sighs]
Okay.

Hmm, bingo.

Huh, left your email open,
idiot.

Okay, let's search "publicist."

Weird, okay.

Uh, "public relations."

No results?

[sighs]

It's okay.

I got plenty of time.

- Whoops.
Forgot something.

- What else can I search?

What would I write
in an email to a publicist?

No?

Nothing?

Does he just never
send any emails?

- Oh, hell yeah.
- [gasps]

- What's going on, man.

Where you going
on this fine Friday?

- Fuck.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.

What do I do?

Oh.

I'm not gonna kill him.

- Oh, look who it is.
Give me that rock, baby.

Let's go.

- I'll just set off
the fire alarm.

Come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Ahh!
- Okay, girl.

Now give me that spin.

Give me that spin.
- [whimpering]

- [laughs]
See you.

- Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

[horn honking]

Okay.

- This would dull
an average knife,

but Miracle Blade
is not an average knife.

Even a soda can
is like butter.

[continues indistinctly]
- [snoring]

[oven clicking]
- Oh.

Jesus.

- [continues indistinctly]

- Okay.

- Yo, Mr. McMurtry.
- Oh.

- It's Lance.
- Lance.

- Sorry, man.
Forgot to give you your pills.

- Thank you.

Also, I had another accident
in my chair.

- It's all good.
I'll run you a bath.

We'll get you cleaned up.

And I'm gonna
close this window for you.

We gotta keep you safe.

- Hey, Lance.

You're the best man I know.

- Ah, thanks, Mr. M.

[laughter]

- Wait, I actually think
this is

Cary's suit that I'm wearing.
- Really?

- Yeah.
- Aw.

- Well,
and I love your suit, Pat.

- Oh, why, thank you.

Isn't it so gorgeous?

And so wait,
when do you go back to work?

- Not till September
or, you know,

really, the last week of August

just so I can get
my room set up.

- Still so much time.
That's so nice.

- Ope, Mom,
can you grab me a Coke?

- Oh, and some towels.

Sorry, sorry.
- Sorry.

- Kids.
Am I right, Pat?

Always needing something
from you.

[phone buzzing]

- Oh, it's Cary.
- Aw.

- Hi, honey.
- Hey, Mom.

Could I have
between $20 million

and $25 million?

- Uh, for--why, honey?

Oh, also,
you're on speakerphone.

I'm here with Meg and Mark.
- Hi.

- Hey, Cary.
- Hi, Cary.

- By the way, I was so sorry

to see those pictures
of you online.

First your hole,
now your little penis?

- Oh, no,
the penis was on purpose.

- Oh.
- Uh, it's for this movie

I'm calling about.
- On purpose?

- It is this really beautiful
indie that needs financing,

and I was wondering
if you would want

to help get it off the ground.

It would really,
really mean a lot.

- Uh, okay.

I mean, sure, honey.

- Oh, my God.
- Uh--

- Thank you so much, Mom.
Thank you.

I really, really appreciate it.

[line beeping]
- Wow. Okay.

We are really moving.

- For the first time,
I can see

how you and Brooke
are related.

- [laughs]
Okay, so what's next?

- So the last piece
of the puzzle is a director.

I'll move as fast as I can and
start reaching out to people.

- And I'll start generating
Oscar buzz in the press.

In fact, I already
secured you a profile

in "The New York Times."

- Whoa.
And it's not too soon for that?

- No. The Oscar for next year
may have already been won.

We gotta move.
- Yes. I--I love it.

- So since the movie's
"One Night with Albert,"

they wanna do a feature
called "One Night with Cary,"

where the writer
will just hang out with you

and maybe your friends
and boyfriend

at a bar or something
for one night with Cary.

Just whatever you do
on a Friday night.

- Oh.
Um...sure, yeah.

I mean, I am actually
always hanging out

with my friends and boyfriend,
uh, on a Friday night.

- So he'll meet you
and your crew at 8:00

wherever you want.
- Cool.

Uh, yeah, let me just,
uh, call, uh,

my boyf and, uh, BFFs

and just make sure we're on
for our normal hang sesh.

- All right.
[phone buzzes]

Oh. Now it's the sister.
Sorry.

So there was nothing
in his email,

and he washed
an old man's butt for free?

Maybe they did just ask him.

- Shuli, no.
He hired a publicist.

I just need to see
his phone contacts for proof,

but I can't go back in
looking like myself,

because the doorman knows
I stole his keys.

- That's probably for the best.

- So I went in as a redhead.
- What?

Why does this even matter?

- Because if he didn't hire
a publicist, he's, what,

inherently better than us
and everyone just knows it?

I mean, what does that
make me, Shuli,

dog shit?

- Okay, this sort of feels
like a therapy situation.

- [whispering] Oh, I gotta go.
I'll keep you posted.

[line beeping]
- These fucking Dubeks.

- ♪ My whole life with you ♪

♪ 'Cause you're the sweetest
girl in the entire world ♪

- All right.
- ♪ And I would die for you ♪

[vocalizing]

- [sighs]
God.

Okay.

Michael ConEd.
No.

Sharon Haircut.
No.

Where is publicist?

[phone ringing and buzzing]
Oh.

- [singing indistinctly]

- [groans]
Unreal.

Mom?

- Hi, Brookie.
Guess what I'm playing.

"Apples to Apples"!

- Ew. Literally why?
- Oh.

- Oh, what do you think
about doing an exposé

on "P!" about nurses?

Like, how much good
do they really do?

Because between you and me,

feels like it's more
the doctors.

- Um, sure, honey.

I mean, I guess we could--

- And since we're not getting
the recognition we deserve

for our
"Night of Undeniable Good,"

I wanna have meetings
all next week

about more good stuff
we can do for "P!," okay?

- Oh, rats.

- Oh, fuck.
He's out of the shower.

I gotta go.
[line beeping]

- God. She hung up.

- Okay.

Oh!

- Wait.
Where's my phone?

God, I always lose that thing.

But wait, there's an app
Brooke told me about

I can use to find it.

It makes my phone emit
a big, loud screeching noise.

- Uh--
- Wait, shit, what's it called?

- [scoffs] Doesn't remember
'cause he never listens.

Yet everyone says he's--
- Oh!

Find My Phone!

Brooke told me about it
at the zoo.

She had just said
that Alexis Bledel

is probably mean in real life.

- Okay, so he does listen?

But who the hell talks
to themselves this much,

like, out loud?

Who's this even--
[phone pinging]

[gasps]

- Wait, it's outside?

How's it--

[metal clanking]
- Aah!

[thud]

What? Yo!

Hey, man! What the hell?
- It's okay.

He's not gonna chase me
in just a towel.

- Get back here, or I'll have
to chase you in just a towel!

- Fuck.
[groaning]

- Hey!

Hey!
- Huh?

[birds chirping]

- Okay, where is my boyfriend?

[laughter]

- Nice and light, man,
all right?

Nice.

[dramatic music]

- Oh, there he is.

- Out of whiskey.

[glass shatters]
- Hey, honey.

Uh, just, uh, stopping by
to see if I could ask a fave.

Um, so "The Times" wants to do
this really cool profile on me

where I hang out
with my boyfriend--

- You know we can't be seen
in town together.

We'll get ourselves killed...
or worse.

- Totally.

I know, uh, you are
a closeted sheepherder now

and we are only supposed
to really hang up here

on the range,

but I just thought
maybe this once--

- Oh, I'm so fucked up
since I met you.

I'm just--I'm nowhere.

I'm nothing.

[whimpers]

- Sorry,
is this from your new movie?

Because it's very similar
to "Brokeback."

- It's just, what we're doing
up here, it ain't right.

It ain't natural.

- It's also like
"God's Own Country"?

Wait, are they making
another one of these?

Or wait, is this...sex?

Are we about to have sex?

Oh, right.
They have sex in these.

These characters do have sex.

Oh, thank the Lord, yeah.
Let me see that dick.

Let me see that big, fat--
- [growls]

- Okay, whoa.

Getting right to it.
I guess I'll have to see

that dick later,
but, yes, let's--oh.

Sorry, I just wanna make sure
we have lube in the tent.

Not sure I saw--
- [spits]

- Hmm.

Not quite sure
that's gonna do the trick.

Is there really
no lube in here?

Well, let's at least do more
than just the one--oh!

[groans]
I mean, yes.

Oh, finally happening.

- Yeah.
- Love this.

[grunts]
Hooray.

- Okay,
so that's a no on the boyf.

Guess I'll try some friends.

Oof.

[sighs]

[clears throat]

[line trills]

Hey, um, so I am calling
because I need some friends

for this, uh,
"New York Times" thing tonight,

and I'm not sure
if we are friends, uh, but--

- Cary, you are my best friend.

Oh, but sadly, I do have plans
tonight with, um, a lady.

- Oh, okay, well,
I'm--I'm glad you're--

you're getting back
out there.

And that's cool.

I've got tons of other people
I could try.

- So I wasn't dead last?
[line beeping]

Hell--hello?

- Uh...

[line trills]

[phone buzzing]

[phone pinging]
- Hey, get back here, man!

- Cary?
Why are you calling Lance?

- Brooke?
Why do you have Lance's phone?

And what's that alarm?

And why does it sound
like you might be dying?

- 'Cause I stole it to prove
that he hired a publicist,

but then he saw,
so he started chasing me.

And I tried to lose him
by running

into some random building,
but it turns out,

it's a fucking utility closet
or something.

And now I'm trapped
like a goddamn animal. Fuck!

- So I take it neither of you
are free for a party tonight.

Also, why didn't you
just drop the phone?

- 'Cause I know there's
a clue in here, Cary.

I just gotta find it.
- Hey, yo, man!

I know you're in there!

- Fuck.
He's right above me.

I gotta go, Car.
- Ugh.

So I guess I'll just text
every single person

in my phone and hope someone
shows up to be my friend?

both: God,
that's some dark shit.

- Come on, dude!
Game over!

There's nowhere else to run!

And you know what?
I'm calling the cops!

- Yeah, fuck, fuck, fuck.

- Is what I would say
if I didn't believe

that we all make mistakes!

- [groans]
Come on.

- 'Cause you may have done
some bad things,

but I don't think
you're a bad person.

- You don't?

- So how about you just give me
my phone back,

and I'll let you go
but not before

giving you $600
in cold hard cash.

You can go get yourself
a hot meal or maybe even

a new phone, 'cause it seems
like you really need one.

- Jesus,
did "People" just find him?

[phone buzzing]

Wait, holy shit.

My PR crew?

"You guys got me this"?

Yes!
Fucking knew it, baby!

[knocking]
- Hey, man, I'm sorry.

It's just, it's been,
like, this kind of

weird amount of time without
you responding, so I'm just--

can I have it back?

- Oh.
[with deep voice] Yeah, sure.

[normally] 'Cause I got just
what I need.

- Thank you.

- Also, I do need a new phone.

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

- Thanks so much
for doing a profile like this.

We find it to be a fun peek
inside a celeb's life.

It lets the reader experience
them with their loved ones,

their friends.
- Totally.

Uh, such a fun idea.

- Can you introduce me
to everyone?

- Oh, yeah, sorry.
Uh, how rude of me.

Um, this is my ex-agent,
uh, Shrimp Scampi.

- No, actually, it's--
it's Skip Schamplin.

Wait, hold on.
Is it Shrimp Scampi?

Huh.
They both sound right.

- Oh, my God.

And, uh, this is
Vishant Acharya,

another dear friend I met when
I worked at his restaurant.

- Yes, though it, uh, sadly
shuttered on March 12, 2020.

That fateful day, someone
found a rat in their pasta.

- Ew.
And, uh, finally,

this is Michael...

Haircut or, uh--

- My last name's
actually Engel.

I just used to cut his hair.

- So yeah, these my besties.

Love these kooks.

Uh, anyway, guys, go,
dance, mingle.

- How unusual
all your best friends

are from
your very distant past.

- Well, I'm humble.

I still cherish
the people who--

who knew me when.

Yeah, let's--
let's go with that angle.

[sighs]

God, please let
someone real show up.

- So you stole his phone

and he chased you
for three miles

to give you $600?

Yeah, I think
it's time to call it.

He's just that good.
- Nope, no,

because then I saw a text
from his PR crew.

They're coming over at 8:00,
so I'm thinking

I could get there early,
hide in his closet,

and then catch him in the act.

- Brooke, do not do that.

- Okay, I will take that
into consideration.

- Plus, the doorman
definitely knows your face now.

I mean, you'd have
to go back in in, like,

full prosthetics...
[laughs]

Like your mom used to do.

- No, you're right.

That would be too far.

- That would be
truly unhinged.

It would be like
the Brooke I knew is dead

and a new, darker Brooke
had risen in her place.

- Cool.
Then yeah, I won't do it.

[buzzer blares]
- Oh.

- [whispering]
Oh, okay, I gotta go.

I'm walking into a movie.

- She's not walking
into a movie.

- It's open.

- Showtime, baby.

Time to see your PR crew,
Nurse Arroyo,

because I know you got down
in the muck for this.

- Uncle Lance,
Uncle Lance, Uncle Lance!

- Huh?
- Yes!

The whole Puerto Rico crew!

- Oh, my God, it's his entire
extended family

from Puerto Rico?

- We're so proud of you, Lance!

- Hey, you guys got me this.

- Let's celebrate Lance
all night.

- Cary,
I don't know if you heard,

but they're making
another movie

that's kind of like
"Brokeback Mountain."

- No, I'm--
I'm painfully aware.

- Oh, I think
another friend is here.

- Oh, good, I look forward
to turning around

and seeing who it is.

- Hey, Gary.

- Hey.
Uh, everyone,

my old Improv 101 teacher.

Yep, another one
of my true ride-or-dies.

Tom.

- Hey, thank you so much
for sticking with me

despite the allegations.

- Uh, sorry, what allegations?

- Hmm?
- Okay, what do you say

we get the whole posse together
for a pic?

- Oh, sure.
Um, and--

and why don't we have
my improv teacher take it?

- Shouldn't we wait
for the old guy?

I think he went to go pee.

♪ ♪

- So much better
when it's not crowded.

Whoa, Vishant?

Long time, no see.

- What?

We've been hanging here
all night.

You invited me to this.

- What?
Wha--

oh, wait, is Cary here?

I'm the other gay waiter.

But I guess it's cool,

like, you and he still hang.

- Yeah,
"The New York Times"

is doing a profile on him,

and they wanted all of his
best friends to be here for it.

So naturally, he thought of me.

- Hey, why is Cary Dubek

taking pics
with the guy who cuts my hair?

- And the guy who cuts my hair?

- Thanks again
for flying us all in, cuz.

I don't know anyone
more dedicated to his family

than you.

- God, I cannot
do this all night.

I guess I'll sneak out
a third time?

- Wait,
did I ever tell you guys

about the time Lance tried
to donate so much blood,

he passed out?
[laughter]

- Yeah, I'm out of here.
- He just kept saying,

"Please, let me donate more.
People need the blood."

- Yeah, like,
4 liters of the stuff.

[buzzer blares]
- Hey, everybody!

- Aunt Connie, you made it.

My girl!
- Aunt--Aunt Connie?

- How's your leg?
- I'm so sorry I'm late.

- Please, who cares?
We just wanna see that ring!

- Let's go!

- Aw, Connie's getting married?
- Look at it.

- Okay, wait, wait,
I got another one.

Remember the time that Lance
saved that little bird?

- Oh, my God!

I have a "Lance saving
a little animal" story too!

- Me too.
- Me three!

- Okay, no, bye.

[muffled chatter]

- You know, Cary?
- Yeah.

- This man has
a very interesting look.

Are you in need
of an acting agent?

- No,
I'm a full-time journalist.

- Are you in need
of an assistant?

Perhaps a brand-new
Tempur-Pedic mattress?

- Oh, my God.

- I'm very good at picking out
a person's firmness.

You look like a seven to me.
- Hey, guess what.

I saw Cary downstairs.
- What?

I'm Cary.

Or wait, is--is Curtis here?

You--you didn't tell him
why you were here, right?

Just 'cause, uh, I--

I don't want him to be mad
that I invited you and not him.

That's all.
- No.

I didn't tell him,
but I met all his friends,

and they're so nice.

And his boyfriend,
he's hot too.

Great big lads.

- Wait, he has--
he has a boyfriend now?

That's--that's great.
- Yeah.

And they're all going
to Curtis' aunt's house

in the Hamptons
for his birthday next week.

- Major jeals, right?

- Yeah, no, he, uh--
he always does that.

It's--it's fun.

It's, um--
yeah, I'm happy for him.

- So we're gonna add a little
bit of cheese to that...

- [grunting]

[sighs]

Damn it.

Shit.

[horn honking]

- [breathing heavily]

- [muffled]
Jesus Christ.

[grunts]
Okay.

Oh.

Not doing that again.

[groaning]

[oven clicking]

[gasps]

What?
Oh, my God.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Aah!

What do I do?
Aah!

[whimpering]

Fuck.
Please, no.

Ugh!

[flames roaring]

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

- Fuck, fuck, fuck!

[upbeat music playing]

♪ ♪

- Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
[fire alarm blaring]

Okay, so now it goes off?

- I'm sure I have at least 30.

- Okay, everybody downstairs.
Go.

I'm right behind you.

I just wanna make sure
everyone else is out safe.

- [coughing]
- What's your emergency?

- Please, quick!
There's a fire.

- Don't worry.
Help is on the way.

[door banging]

- Hello, ma'am!
I'm here to help!

- Whoa.
That was actually so fast.

- My name is Lance Arroyo.

- [groans]
Just leave me.

Let me die.
- ♪ Dance until we ♪

- Hey, Mack.

Just checking in on the, uh,
director sitch.

As a reminder, I am fully
free until "WindWeaver."

Nothing else going on.
So, uh, excited to shoot.

[sighs]

- Hey, is Lucas Lambert Moy
coming tonight?

Would love to have him
for this.

- No.
No, no, no.

Uh, even though things are

so, so great with us
right now, um,

I do--I just like to keep
my Fridays for just my friends.

Holy shit. Edie?

Uh, speaking of, uh, one of my
very best friends is here now.

- Hi.
Can you tell me

who invited me to this thing?

I, uh--I didn't save
the number.

It's not familiar to me,
and they've been

texting me for, like, a year.

It's starting to drive me nuts.

Oh, Cary Dubek.

All right, that makes sense.

Uh, all right,
I have a dinner thing,

so as far as you know,
I was--I was never here.

- Wait--Edie?

Edie.

Edie. Edie!

- Okay, let's move.
- Yeah, let's do it.

- Um, I should just probably
say bye to Cary first, right?

Like, if Vishant
told him I was here,

I--I don't wanna be
an asshole, so...

Okay, um, I guess never mind.

- [groans]

- Hey, Cary Dubek?

- Oh, my God.

Are we friends?
Hi.

- No, I'm with Sallie Mae.

You haven't made a loan payment
in seven years,

but you texted me
your location,

so I thought I'd show up
and get the $14,000 in person.

Credit card?

[indistinct chatter, laughter]

- [sighs]

[triumphant music]

[cheers and applause]

[in slow motion]
- Ugh.

- You're gonna be okay.

[normally]
- Okay, no.

I can--you know,
I can walk from here,

but thank you, sonny.

- You got her?
- Oh, my God.

Your eyebrow's falling off.

- Oh, um, guess that fire
really licked me good.

[cheers and applause]
- Yes! Yes!

Rescue me, Daddy!

- Okay,
sort of feels like you guys

could take it from here, no?

- Okay,
is everyone accounted for?

- Yeah, yeah.
That's everyone.

- Let's hear it
for my sobrino Lance!

[cheers and applause]

- Oh, wait, hold on, hold on.
Where's Connie?

- What?
- [gasps]

Did she not come out with us?
- I--I didn't see her.

- Oh, shit.
Connie, oh, my God.

- She's still inside!
- What?

- Connie!
- Aunt Connie!

- Connie's still in there?
- Aunt Connie!

- C-Connie's still in there?

- My God.
[sirens wailing]

[horn blaring]

- [belches]
Oh, God.

Fucking tent.

- [snoring]

Is that a bear?

- No, it's me.

It's just me.

Listen,
I can't do this anymore.

I'm so fucked up.

I'm so fucked up
since I met you.

I just--I got no one,
nothing.

It's not right
what we're doing together.

It's not natural.
I just--

I wish I knew how to--
oh, my God, I almost said

quit you.
Jesus!

It shouldn't be like this.

It shouldn't fucking
be like this.

[both breathing heavily]

[both grunting]

[both grunting]

- [groans]

Yeah.
[grunting]

Oh.

[grunting]

Oh, yes.

Oh.
[messages swooshing]

[sirens wailing]

- FD's here.

- Oh, my God.
I killed Connie.

Wait, where's that from?
- She was just with us.

She was dancing.
- No, she got tired, remember?

- Yeah, I saw her go lie down.

- Shit. So she's sleeping?

- We got one trapped inside.
Let's go.

Move, please.
Move, please.

Go, go, go, go, go!
- Oh, my--fuck.

Fuck.

- [laughs]

Look at me!

I'm being saved!

- [sighs]
- Oh, my God.

- Connie!
- What?

I saw everybody else
getting the royal treatment,

so I ducked back in,
and now I'm being saved

by "People's" sexiest man.

- Ew!

You're related to him, Connie.

- Oh, my God.
Thank God, Connie.

- Okay, folks,
fire's been contained.

There is some damage
to the kitchen in 4C.

Could have been worse.
Could have been a lot worse.

Special thanks to Mr. Arroyo
for getting everyone out.

[cheers and applause]

- Lance!

- It's okay. You guys just
had me freaked out, yo!

- Yeah.

Yeah, okay.

I guess he is just that good.

He is truly good, and I am...
bad?

I don't think it could be
any clearer that I am just bad.

[phone ringing]

What? Hello?

- Hi, there.
Good evening.

My name is Angelica Yates.

I'm with
the GFP Board of Jurors.

Is this Brooke Dubek?

- Yeah, this is she.

- I'm calling to inform you
that "ChaseDreams Presents:

A Night of Undeniable Good"
has been selected to receive

the 2023 Peabody Award
for Excellence in Media

in the category
of Public Service.

- What?
A Peabody Award?

- Yes.
Congrat--

- Oh, my God.

I am good!

Yes!

Brooke Dubek is good!

- My fucking kitchen!

- [groaning]

[laughs]

That was incredible.
- [sighs]

So much better
than Marvel's Simu Liu.

- [chuckles]

- Oh, I've missed
you so much, Streety.

- I missed you too,
my Patricia.

- But this just
can't happen again.

- No.

No, no, no,
because I thought about it,

and it could be fun
that you always need to wear

prosthetics to go to dinner.

It'll be like every day
is Halloween.

- No.

I just--I can't have you
be part of my family

anymore, Streeter.

I need you
to just be my manager

so my family can be my family.

- What do you mean?

- I just--
[sighs]

I didn't miss anything
in Ohio except my kids.

I was there, and I realized
I don't have my kids anymore

or not the way I had them.

And everything in my life
can be insane

but not me and them.

We need to be normal.

And if we're normal,
then I can handle the rest.

So first thing tomorrow, I need
to pull out of Cary's movie.

And I need to--

I need to fire Brooke
as my manager.

Okay, good night.

[sighs]

- Uh-oh.

[upbeat music]

- [singing in Spanish]

♪ ♪