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1
00:00:06,667 --> 00:00:09,350
"Le Petit Tourette"
2
00:00:09,550 --> 00:00:13,002
I'm going down to South Park,gonna have myself a time,
3
00:00:13,037 --> 00:00:16,261
Friendly faces everywhere,humble folks without temptation,
4
00:00:16,292 --> 00:00:19,604
I'm goin out to South Park,gonna leave my woes behind,
5
00:00:19,620 --> 00:00:22,951
Ample parking day or night,people spouting howdy neighbor,
6
00:00:22,983 --> 00:00:26,064
I'm heading out to South Park,gonna see if I can't unwind,
7
00:00:26,173 --> 00:00:29,682
I like girls with big fat titties,I like girls with really big fat titties,
8
00:00:29,717 --> 00:00:32,451
So come on down to South Parkand meet some friends of mine,
9
00:00:40,346 --> 00:00:44,732
Big Ring Slammer.
Comes with posable neck-smash grip.
10
00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:47,851
- That's pretty cool. Let's see...
- Cock!
11
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:52,485
The Black Jackal.
12
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:55,010
Karate Kick Panel Force
and bendable neck--
13
00:00:55,017 --> 00:00:56,135
Asshole! Cock!
14
00:00:58,698 --> 00:01:00,302
Asshole, shit,
shit, cock!
15
00:01:01,897 --> 00:01:03,713
Ma'am, is that
your son over there?
16
00:01:03,913 --> 00:01:06,694
Yes, I'm sorry. My son
has Tourette's Syndrome.
17
00:01:06,986 --> 00:01:10,073
- Tourette's Syndrome?
- It's a neurological disorder.
18
00:01:10,137 --> 00:01:12,838
- He can't control what he says.
- Oh...
19
00:01:13,347 --> 00:01:15,214
Shit!
Dumb shit!
20
00:01:15,595 --> 00:01:17,281
All right, Thomas.
Maybe we should go?
21
00:01:17,624 --> 00:01:19,557
All right Mom.
Bitch! Ass, bitch!
22
00:01:19,686 --> 00:01:21,764
Here, let's buy you
a nice toy to take home.
23
00:01:24,256 --> 00:01:25,761
Dude, that mom
is cool.
24
00:01:28,205 --> 00:01:31,532
Cockbutt!
Stupid shit!
25
00:01:32,717 --> 00:01:35,791
- Are you talking to me?
- No. Cocknose!
26
00:01:36,125 --> 00:01:38,519
- What's your problem, kid?
- Oh, I'm sorry.
27
00:01:38,527 --> 00:01:40,815
My son Thomas
has Tourette's Syndrome.
28
00:01:40,850 --> 00:01:41,680
What?
29
00:01:41,785 --> 00:01:43,902
Mom, let's just go.
Shit!
30
00:01:43,935 --> 00:01:47,391
People with Tourette's can't control
certain tics. It's--it's like a sneeze.
31
00:01:47,915 --> 00:01:49,106
Asshole, asshole!
32
00:01:50,916 --> 00:01:52,640
Wait, wait, wait.
Whoa, whoa.
33
00:01:52,819 --> 00:01:55,518
You're telling me there's an illness
that makes you blurt out obscenities?
34
00:01:55,606 --> 00:01:57,257
Mom, can we just
go home, please?
35
00:01:57,258 --> 00:01:59,137
It's okay, Thomas.
They understand.
36
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:02,046
I want to go!
Shitfag!
37
00:02:03,344 --> 00:02:04,876
- Poor kid.
- Yeah.
38
00:02:04,996 --> 00:02:06,723
All right, hold on
just a second here.
39
00:02:07,055 --> 00:02:09,270
Are you telling me that if you have
this Tourette's Syndrome
40
00:02:09,305 --> 00:02:12,420
you can say whatever you want,
all the time, and never get in trouble?
41
00:02:12,806 --> 00:02:15,361
It's a neurological disorder.
He can't help it.
42
00:02:15,396 --> 00:02:16,202
Yeah.
43
00:02:19,966 --> 00:02:23,104
I've got a golden ticket...
44
00:02:23,964 --> 00:02:28,379
I've got an golden twinklein my eye.
45
00:02:29,947 --> 00:02:31,505
Hey, don't you wanna
buy that toy?
46
00:02:31,757 --> 00:02:34,042
I don't need the toy.
I've found something better!
47
00:02:34,334 --> 00:02:37,303
'Cause I've gota golden ticket!
48
00:02:37,653 --> 00:02:41,331
I've got a golden changeto make my way.
49
00:02:48,735 --> 00:02:51,087
It started about
four days ago, Doctor,
50
00:02:51,122 --> 00:02:53,156
and every day,
he seems to get worse.
51
00:02:53,377 --> 00:02:56,481
Puh- pussy!
Pussy! Cock! Shit!
52
00:02:56,514 --> 00:02:58,148
I was checking out
the Internet and...
53
00:02:58,254 --> 00:03:02,153
It almost seems like his symptoms are
like those in something called Tour...
54
00:03:02,234 --> 00:03:03,689
Tourette's Syndrome?
55
00:03:03,724 --> 00:03:06,048
Tourette's Syndrome?
What is that, Mommy?
56
00:03:06,284 --> 00:03:10,211
- Butthole! Titties! Balls!
- That doesn't seem likely.
57
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:13,595
Tourette's is a hereditary disease,
it doesn't just suddenly start.
58
00:03:15,277 --> 00:03:16,033
Cocksucker!
59
00:03:18,387 --> 00:03:21,802
On the other hand, Tourette's does
often develop later in a child's life...
60
00:03:21,852 --> 00:03:23,862
getting progressively worse.
61
00:03:23,884 --> 00:03:28,026
Oh, well that's it! Shithead!
Asshole! Mexican sticky balls!
62
00:03:28,276 --> 00:03:29,793
Oh Doctor,
can you help him?
63
00:03:30,114 --> 00:03:32,529
We don't know very much
about Tourette's, I'm afraid.
64
00:03:32,675 --> 00:03:34,854
But we will give your son
all the help we can.
65
00:03:34,889 --> 00:03:36,638
But what about school,
Doctor?
66
00:03:36,757 --> 00:03:37,920
The teachers and the principal,
67
00:03:37,990 --> 00:03:40,038
they won't understand that
I can't control what I say.
68
00:03:40,285 --> 00:03:41,403
Don't worry, young man.
69
00:03:41,772 --> 00:03:44,372
We'll make sure everyone
understands your disease...
70
00:03:44,384 --> 00:03:46,287
and gives you the compassion
you deserve.
71
00:03:46,457 --> 00:03:49,660
Oh, that's awesome.
Thank you. Faggot!
72
00:03:53,357 --> 00:03:55,121
Shit! Butthole!
73
00:03:56,615 --> 00:03:59,576
Hey, Wendy.
Dumb bitch! Uh, sorry.
74
00:04:00,794 --> 00:04:02,195
Titties! Cock!
75
00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:05,908
Ginger retard!
Asslicker dickface!
76
00:04:06,416 --> 00:04:08,296
Dude, you'd better watch it.
The principal's right over there.
77
00:04:09,366 --> 00:04:11,130
Oh, good morning,
Principal Victoria.
78
00:04:11,165 --> 00:04:13,558
- Shitballs!
- Good morning, Eric.
79
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:17,966
Did Cartman just say "shitballs"
to the principal?
80
00:04:18,001 --> 00:04:19,130
You didn't hear?
81
00:04:19,165 --> 00:04:22,442
Well Cartman has some mental disease
called Tourette's Syndrome or something.
82
00:04:22,716 --> 00:04:23,414
What?
83
00:04:23,449 --> 00:04:25,026
He's the luckiest kid
in the world.
84
00:04:25,076 --> 00:04:26,808
If I could say "shitballs"
to the principal,
85
00:04:26,809 --> 00:04:28,263
I'd be so happy.
86
00:04:28,995 --> 00:04:33,240
Excuse me, excuse me everyone, I guess
you might have noticed my awkward tics.
87
00:04:33,457 --> 00:04:35,398
Asshole!
Pussy asshole!
88
00:04:36,724 --> 00:04:38,871
I just want you to know that
I can't control it.
89
00:04:39,254 --> 00:04:42,823
It's okay, Eric. We all understand
and we think you're very brave.
90
00:04:44,424 --> 00:04:45,415
He's faking.
91
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,923
Excuse me, everyone.
I need to have a moment alone
92
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:53,161
with my good friend Kyle?
Asscheeks!
93
00:04:54,706 --> 00:04:57,002
Kyle, apparently you missed
the school assembly yesterday,
94
00:04:57,007 --> 00:04:59,425
but I've been diagnosed with
a very serious mental condition.
95
00:04:59,857 --> 00:05:01,993
You do not have
Tourette's Syndrome, fatass.
96
00:05:03,965 --> 00:05:06,959
Okay, you figured me out.
Bravo, Kyle, bravo.
97
00:05:07,158 --> 00:05:08,630
Don't you see
how awesome this is?
98
00:05:08,644 --> 00:05:11,399
It's like, a magic cloak that makes me
impervious to getting in trouble.
99
00:05:11,425 --> 00:05:13,419
- Who cares about saying whatever you--
- Of course, if you want to be
100
00:05:13,454 --> 00:05:15,154
Sergeant Buzzkill once again...
101
00:05:15,189 --> 00:05:17,489
and spoil my fun because you're jealous
you didn't think of it first,
102
00:05:17,496 --> 00:05:19,982
- well go right ahead, Kyle.
- Whatever.
103
00:05:21,624 --> 00:05:24,058
Good morning, Mr. Mackey.
Asspussy!
104
00:05:26,024 --> 00:05:28,000
If I could say "asspussy"
to the counselor,
105
00:05:28,035 --> 00:05:29,324
I would be so happy.
106
00:05:30,614 --> 00:05:34,781
Okay, so what do we get when
we multiply a negative number--
107
00:05:34,784 --> 00:05:35,555
Dicktits!
108
00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:42,012
When we multiply a negative number
by another negative--
109
00:05:42,047 --> 00:05:43,347
Shit! Asshole!
110
00:05:47,075 --> 00:05:48,042
Excuse me.
111
00:05:49,706 --> 00:05:53,707
If we apply what we've just learned,
we see that all negatives can--
112
00:05:53,825 --> 00:05:56,847
Spooge balls
bloody vaginal belch.
113
00:05:59,975 --> 00:06:05,058
You guys, don't laugh. It makes me
feel insecure about my illness.
114
00:06:05,105 --> 00:06:07,981
All right kids, let's just try
to focus on learning, okay?
115
00:06:08,335 --> 00:06:11,022
Now all you need to remember here
is that negative numbers--
116
00:06:11,025 --> 00:06:14,813
- Tampon! Tampon dickshit!
- Will you knock it off already?
117
00:06:15,605 --> 00:06:17,313
Kyle, don't you think
I wish I could?
118
00:06:17,464 --> 00:06:19,348
I'd give anything
to be normal like you.
119
00:06:20,155 --> 00:06:22,829
- Kike.
- Don't push me, asshole!
120
00:06:22,926 --> 00:06:24,508
Kyle, watch your language!
121
00:06:28,407 --> 00:06:31,481
If I could yell "tampon dickshit"
in the classroom, I'd be so happy.
122
00:06:34,197 --> 00:06:37,999
Principal Victoria, it's just that Eric
has become such a distraction...
123
00:06:38,007 --> 00:06:39,991
I don't think I can teach
my class anymore.
124
00:06:40,386 --> 00:06:43,382
I understand it's been difficult,
Mrs. Garrison and so...
125
00:06:43,384 --> 00:06:46,153
Mr. Donaldson has come from
the Tourette's Tolerance
126
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:47,485
and Understanding Foundation.
127
00:06:47,795 --> 00:06:51,060
Hello, Mrs. Garrison--
Ass. Ass.
128
00:06:51,196 --> 00:06:54,762
I want to help your class better
understand this illness. Piss!
129
00:06:54,806 --> 00:06:57,501
- No! Up yours, fatboy!
- Kyle, please! I'm sorry!
130
00:06:57,694 --> 00:06:59,841
Principal Victoria,
there's something you need to know.
131
00:07:00,046 --> 00:07:02,660
Cartman's Tourette's isn't real.
He's faking!
132
00:07:03,896 --> 00:07:04,762
Faking?
133
00:07:05,867 --> 00:07:07,900
You think people
with Tourette's are faking?
134
00:07:08,724 --> 00:07:09,992
No, I'm just saying
that I think--
135
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:13,599
Do you have any idea how horrible
that is to say? Ass! Ass!
136
00:07:13,876 --> 00:07:15,530
We aren't faking, young man.
137
00:07:15,611 --> 00:07:19,616
Trust me, nobody wants this
illness, ass. Piss! Piss!
138
00:07:19,864 --> 00:07:22,657
That's right, Kyle.
Crap-filled vagina!
139
00:07:23,016 --> 00:07:24,859
This is the kind of
intolerance you teach
140
00:07:24,894 --> 00:07:26,255
at this school,
Principal Victoria?
141
00:07:26,434 --> 00:07:27,329
No.
142
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,439
Then if you wouldn't mind,
143
00:07:28,474 --> 00:07:31,662
I'd like to take this bully to see
that Tourette's is very real.
144
00:07:31,955 --> 00:07:33,067
Piss.
145
00:07:36,337 --> 00:07:40,503
Kids, today during therapy class,
we have a special visitor. Ass.
146
00:07:41,376 --> 00:07:45,761
I wanted him to meet all of you so
he could try to understand Tourette's.
147
00:07:46,214 --> 00:07:48,042
Tourette's is like
a cough or a sneeze.
148
00:07:48,484 --> 00:07:50,406
It isn't contagious
like some people think.
149
00:07:51,657 --> 00:07:54,532
A lot of people with Tourette's have
different tics. My tic...
150
00:07:55,847 --> 00:07:57,995
is that I have to bend my neck
and snap my fingers.
151
00:07:58,025 --> 00:07:59,459
But a lot of people
don't even notice it.
152
00:08:01,414 --> 00:08:03,002
Aw, shit! Cock!
153
00:08:03,606 --> 00:08:06,224
Sometimes it can be embarrassing
to have Tourette's, but I...
154
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,942
I've learned I shouldn't be
mad at myself.
155
00:08:09,537 --> 00:08:12,457
You see? These kids can't
control their actions.
156
00:08:12,492 --> 00:08:14,536
Ass!
Piss in the ass!
157
00:08:15,375 --> 00:08:16,837
Look, I was just
suggesting that
158
00:08:16,872 --> 00:08:18,954
maybe this one person could
control what he said,
159
00:08:19,007 --> 00:08:21,117
but just didn't,
for fun.
160
00:08:22,106 --> 00:08:24,789
Fun? This really isn't
all that fun.
161
00:08:25,766 --> 00:08:26,873
Aw, shit!
162
00:08:29,496 --> 00:08:31,979
Piss, coming from
my ass!
163
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:34,871
You wanna know
about fun?
164
00:08:34,906 --> 00:08:37,591
Going to public places knowing
you're going to make a fool of yourself.
165
00:08:37,895 --> 00:08:40,018
Embarrass your parents.
Aw, shit!
166
00:08:40,637 --> 00:08:43,003
My dad finally
couldn't take it anymore.
167
00:08:43,136 --> 00:08:45,743
He divorced my mom,
said he'd still be around,
168
00:08:46,204 --> 00:08:47,940
but I only see him
at Christmas time now.
169
00:08:48,424 --> 00:08:49,908
Shit! Shit!
170
00:08:50,237 --> 00:08:52,747
The worst part is I know
how lonely my mom is.
171
00:08:53,076 --> 00:08:55,456
A lot of times I know
she'd be better off if I was dead.
172
00:08:57,346 --> 00:08:58,156
Dude...
173
00:08:58,385 --> 00:09:01,138
Your mom would not be better off
if you were dead, Thomas.
174
00:09:01,444 --> 00:09:03,686
Even if people like Kyle
here think so.
175
00:09:03,721 --> 00:09:04,912
Aw, come on!
176
00:09:05,332 --> 00:09:08,010
So then you apologize
for what you said before?
177
00:09:08,045 --> 00:09:09,183
I was just trying to...
178
00:09:11,089 --> 00:09:12,723
Just in one instance...
179
00:09:15,737 --> 00:09:19,034
No. No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
180
00:09:22,348 --> 00:09:25,379
Well, Mr. and Ms. Broflovski,
I think your son has learned a lot
181
00:09:25,385 --> 00:09:27,398
and he appears to be
honestly remorseful
182
00:09:27,399 --> 00:09:29,411
for making fun of
people with disabilities.
183
00:09:29,416 --> 00:09:31,032
Piss. Piss!
184
00:09:31,474 --> 00:09:32,849
Our son is a good kid.
185
00:09:32,948 --> 00:09:35,643
He just didn't understand
Tourette's was a real disease.
186
00:09:35,847 --> 00:09:37,392
Well, I think the only thing
left now
187
00:09:37,443 --> 00:09:40,063
is for your son to apologize
to his little classmate.
188
00:09:44,586 --> 00:09:45,694
Well, Kyle?
189
00:09:47,455 --> 00:09:48,322
I'm sorry.
190
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:51,874
Oh, what was that?
I couldn't quite make that out, Kyle.
191
00:09:52,556 --> 00:09:55,311
- I'm sorry.
- You're starry?
192
00:09:55,667 --> 00:09:57,001
I don't get what you mean
by that, Kyle.
193
00:09:57,036 --> 00:09:57,903
You're starry because I...
194
00:09:57,915 --> 00:09:59,378
I said I'm sorry,
you piece of...
195
00:09:59,787 --> 00:10:02,258
Oh, no, don't worry about it, Kyle.
Now I understand.
196
00:10:02,305 --> 00:10:05,528
I've learned to deal with intolerance.
Dumbshit douchebag!
197
00:10:05,674 --> 00:10:07,841
And it means a lot that
you're standing here apologizing
198
00:10:07,876 --> 00:10:09,055
with your dad
and lovely mother.
199
00:10:09,186 --> 00:10:11,213
Fat Jew!
Jew bitch!
200
00:10:11,765 --> 00:10:15,909
- Oh, thank you, Eric.
- Thank you. Big-nosed kike!
201
00:10:16,677 --> 00:10:18,906
Well I thnk we can all
put this behind us now.
202
00:10:18,941 --> 00:10:20,555
Piss out my ass!
203
00:10:20,785 --> 00:10:24,870
Yeah. Piss out your ass right onto
Kyle's mom's fat fucking Jew face!
204
00:10:26,017 --> 00:10:28,566
Oh goodness, excuse me.
Jeez, that was a bad one.
205
00:10:29,334 --> 00:10:31,977
Well, gotta run, everybody.
Got some big things in the works.
206
00:10:33,224 --> 00:10:35,098
Isn't having
Tourette's awesome?
207
00:10:39,584 --> 00:10:43,453
Next week on Dateline NBC:
It's a Dateline special report.
208
00:10:44,053 --> 00:10:45,431
I'm Chris Hansen.
209
00:10:45,466 --> 00:10:47,609
You probably know me from
To Catch A Predator,
210
00:10:47,613 --> 00:10:49,877
where we bust men
looking for sex with children.
211
00:10:50,134 --> 00:10:52,074
Go ahead and take a seat.
Take a seat right over there.
212
00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:54,102
Oh, God. Oh, no.
213
00:10:54,853 --> 00:10:58,228
- What are you doin' here?
- I'm just bein' stupid, I guess.
214
00:10:58,493 --> 00:11:02,663
But now we're switching our focus
from pedophiles to Tourette's syndrome.
215
00:11:03,002 --> 00:11:05,491
It all started when I received
this touchng letter
216
00:11:05,526 --> 00:11:07,480
from a brave little boy
in Colorado.
217
00:11:07,964 --> 00:11:09,981
Dear Mr. Hansen,
I have Tourettes
218
00:11:10,016 --> 00:11:11,976
and I want the world
to understand what it's like.
219
00:11:12,241 --> 00:11:14,169
Won't you do
a special report on me...
220
00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:16,822
so that the world can learn
to accept us instead of laugh?
221
00:11:17,364 --> 00:11:18,299
Donkey boner!
222
00:11:18,481 --> 00:11:21,803
This Saturday on Dateline,
I'll be bringing you Eric's story,
223
00:11:21,811 --> 00:11:24,930
live and uncensored,
from his home in Colorado.
224
00:11:25,024 --> 00:11:27,422
Livingn with Tourette's:
The Eric Cartman Story.
225
00:11:27,457 --> 00:11:29,720
This Saturday
on Dateline NBC.
226
00:11:30,061 --> 00:11:33,422
Finally, my wish of going public
with my illness can come true.
227
00:11:33,621 --> 00:11:36,362
Goddamn Jews!
Suck my ass barf!
228
00:11:48,563 --> 00:11:50,121
Hello, Kyle.
Dickhead!
229
00:11:51,003 --> 00:11:53,262
What's this about you going
on live television on Saturday?
230
00:11:53,452 --> 00:11:57,853
Yes. It's all finally come to fruition.
The final cog in my master plan.
231
00:11:59,104 --> 00:12:01,475
This Saturday, I will go on
national television, live.
232
00:12:01,781 --> 00:12:04,276
I will say horrible things
on the air.
233
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:07,176
Disspeakable things.
And people will call me brave.
234
00:12:07,752 --> 00:12:10,388
Cartman, there are people in the world
who really have Tourette's Syndrome.
235
00:12:10,454 --> 00:12:11,347
This isn't funny!
236
00:12:12,752 --> 00:12:15,866
Not funny? I have free rein
to say anything I want
237
00:12:15,874 --> 00:12:19,625
and you get into trouble if you try
and stop me. Care for a Scotch?
238
00:12:20,931 --> 00:12:21,733
Scotch?
239
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,259
Kyle, I've won.
No matter how you look at it.
240
00:12:24,371 --> 00:12:26,836
I've managed not only to get away with
saying whatever I want at school
241
00:12:26,843 --> 00:12:27,958
on the bus,
at the dinner table.
242
00:12:28,104 --> 00:12:31,951
But this Saturday, I will actually say
anything I want on national television.
243
00:12:32,302 --> 00:12:33,784
I'm going
to blast the Jews, Kyle.
244
00:12:34,101 --> 00:12:35,943
I'm going to call them
every name in the book
245
00:12:35,978 --> 00:12:37,664
and people wlll call it
brilliant television.
246
00:12:38,002 --> 00:12:39,307
They'll probably give me
an Emmy.
247
00:12:39,713 --> 00:12:41,518
You are not going to go
on national television
248
00:12:41,521 --> 00:12:43,432
and spew a bunch of hate speech
about Jewish people.
249
00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:44,806
I won't let you do it,
Cartman.
250
00:12:46,091 --> 00:12:47,386
Then the game is on, Kyle.
251
00:12:47,883 --> 00:12:51,324
It's not a game, you derelict.
And this isn't Scotch! It's apple juice.
252
00:12:55,222 --> 00:12:57,224
Do you have any idea
how liberating it is
253
00:12:57,259 --> 00:12:58,608
to say whatever comes
to mind?
254
00:12:58,954 --> 00:13:02,526
Big titties! Buttmumch!
There's no walls anymore. Shit!
255
00:13:02,774 --> 00:13:05,860
Whatever enters my brain, I can
just say it without thinking about it.
256
00:13:06,161 --> 00:13:07,417
I wet my bed last night.
257
00:13:09,731 --> 00:13:12,957
- What did you say?
- Nothing...
258
00:13:13,194 --> 00:13:15,232
You aren't gonna get away with this,
you stupid asshole!
259
00:13:17,973 --> 00:13:19,136
That was weird.
260
00:13:23,801 --> 00:13:27,575
We are here today to congratulate
a brave little boy.
261
00:13:27,711 --> 00:13:30,625
Tonight, Eric Cartman
will go on television
262
00:13:30,782 --> 00:13:33,184
and become the spokesman
for Tourette's Syndrome.
263
00:13:33,592 --> 00:13:34,952
Piss out my ass!
264
00:13:36,832 --> 00:13:38,058
The spokesman for Tourette's?
265
00:13:38,093 --> 00:13:39,781
Oh no. Cock!
266
00:13:40,673 --> 00:13:42,781
Thanks, everybody.
Suck my balls!
267
00:13:45,182 --> 00:13:47,797
You've all been so understanding
and supportive of my illness.
268
00:13:48,031 --> 00:13:51,009
Jews bomber, dick sneeze.
And it is because of you...
269
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,678
that I have the courage to go
on national television tonight.
270
00:13:54,199 --> 00:13:55,101
Titty sprinkles.
271
00:13:57,503 --> 00:13:59,618
If I could say "titty sprinkles"
on national television,
272
00:13:59,653 --> 00:14:01,022
I would be so happy.
273
00:14:01,753 --> 00:14:04,616
And I also just want to say
that I'm making this all up!
274
00:14:10,641 --> 00:14:14,401
I'm making this all up to you,
for putting up with my mental disorder.
275
00:14:14,583 --> 00:14:16,278
I cry at night because
I don't have a dad.
276
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,541
What the hell is going on?
277
00:14:20,044 --> 00:14:22,895
It's okay, Eric.
We understand your illness, m'kay?
278
00:14:24,092 --> 00:14:26,447
What I meant to say was
asslicker cumballs.
279
00:14:26,646 --> 00:14:29,038
And I'm secretly in love
with Patty Nelson.
280
00:14:29,234 --> 00:14:31,056
I fantasize about
kissing Patty Nelson!
281
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,920
Excuse me, I need a toilet!
Bathroom! Bathroom!
282
00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:44,643
Hey, Eric!
283
00:14:46,672 --> 00:14:48,296
Butters, do you think
it's possible
284
00:14:48,331 --> 00:14:50,263
that you can lose your ability
to filter what you say?
285
00:14:51,583 --> 00:14:55,139
I mean, if somebody got used
to saying whatever came to their mind.
286
00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:57,715
Could they start saying things that
they would normally never say?
287
00:14:58,143 --> 00:15:00,766
- Who are you talking about?
- My cousin.
288
00:15:01,052 --> 00:15:03,878
My cousin one time, my cousin
and I touched wieners.
289
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:10,172
You... you and your cousin
touched wieners?
290
00:15:11,403 --> 00:15:13,125
I didn't say that--
Yes I did, but why?
291
00:15:13,126 --> 00:15:14,016
Oh! Stop it!
292
00:15:15,481 --> 00:15:17,769
Excuse me! Excuse me,
I need to go! I gotta run!
293
00:15:18,124 --> 00:15:19,367
Is there a problem, sweetie?
294
00:15:20,248 --> 00:15:21,181
No, no problem.
295
00:15:21,333 --> 00:15:23,140
I just need to-- My cousin
and I touched each other's...
296
00:15:26,501 --> 00:15:29,315
I just want to thank
everyone for coming--
297
00:15:29,350 --> 00:15:31,089
My cousin
and I touched wiener...
298
00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:34,480
We--wiener, we--weenter!
Winter is a cold time of year.
299
00:15:35,261 --> 00:15:36,477
Ah, I need
to be going now.
300
00:15:36,802 --> 00:15:39,482
Well, all right, Eric.
Well good luck on Dateline tonight.
301
00:15:40,591 --> 00:15:43,368
Dateline. Right.
I wet my ba--
302
00:15:43,661 --> 00:15:46,949
I touched my cousin's wee...
This sure has been fun! Goodbye!
303
00:15:52,454 --> 00:15:55,490
Tonight, an inside look
at Tourette's Syndrome.
304
00:15:55,694 --> 00:15:57,317
I'm Chris Hansen.
305
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,641
I'm Chris Hansen.
306
00:16:00,931 --> 00:16:03,841
Uh, Mr. Hansen? I'm afraid
I can't do the show.
307
00:16:04,614 --> 00:16:07,363
- Why not?
- My grandma just died.
308
00:16:07,472 --> 00:16:10,103
So I have to go to Memphis.
That's not true. My grandma's fine.
309
00:16:12,373 --> 00:16:14,941
- Why don't you have a seat?
- No, I just need to get home.
310
00:16:14,994 --> 00:16:17,138
- I'm not doin' the show.
- Go ahead and take a seat.
311
00:16:17,422 --> 00:16:19,423
- But I'm not gonna do the--
- Take a seat, right over there.
312
00:16:23,694 --> 00:16:24,651
What are you doing here?
313
00:16:26,194 --> 00:16:28,136
I'm telling you that
I'm not doing the show?
314
00:16:28,171 --> 00:16:29,331
But you are doing
the show.
315
00:16:29,694 --> 00:16:32,742
You don't understand. All of a sudden,
I can't control what I say.
316
00:16:32,981 --> 00:16:35,669
Well of course you can't control
what you say. You have Tourette's.
317
00:16:35,974 --> 00:16:37,348
No! My Tourette's
has gotten worse!
318
00:16:37,394 --> 00:16:40,429
Before I just blurted out cool stuff
about Jews being lame and stuff.
319
00:16:40,543 --> 00:16:41,732
But now it's gotten
really bad.
320
00:16:41,767 --> 00:16:44,400
So I'm sorry, but I'm not
doing the show and that's it.
321
00:16:44,521 --> 00:16:45,145
Goodbye.
322
00:16:45,931 --> 00:16:48,268
- Why don't you take a seat?
- No, I don't wanna take a seat.
323
00:16:48,272 --> 00:16:49,823
- Have a seat.
- No, I'm just gonna go--
324
00:16:49,858 --> 00:16:50,898
Take a seat,
right over there.
325
00:16:53,584 --> 00:16:54,491
How does he do that?
326
00:16:55,283 --> 00:16:58,284
You know, one time, I was doing
a show called 'To Catch A Predator.'
327
00:16:58,381 --> 00:16:59,817
We almost caught
this pedophile,
328
00:16:59,852 --> 00:17:02,357
but then he ran from us because
he didn't wanna be on Dateline.
329
00:17:02,682 --> 00:17:06,164
Se we tracked him down to his house.
And you know what he did?
330
00:17:07,004 --> 00:17:08,260
He shot himself.
331
00:17:09,782 --> 00:17:12,616
It'd be a shame if you didn't
wanna go on Dateline.
332
00:17:13,203 --> 00:17:17,607
Be a shame if we had to track you down
and you "shot yourself."
333
00:17:19,814 --> 00:17:20,891
I just peed my pants.
334
00:17:25,218 --> 00:17:28,158
Live, from our satellite
studio in Colorado.
335
00:17:28,193 --> 00:17:29,427
This is Dateline.
336
00:17:30,693 --> 00:17:33,445
Tonight, an inside look at
Tourette's Syndrome.
337
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:38,131
I'm Chris Hansen.
338
00:17:38,166 --> 00:17:41,234
In a few minutes,
you will meet little Eric Cartman.
339
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,613
Who wants the world
to understand his affliction.
340
00:17:45,349 --> 00:17:46,723
Five minutes, kid.
341
00:17:46,791 --> 00:17:49,371
Jesus Christ. How did
I get myself into this?
342
00:17:50,865 --> 00:17:54,184
God? Please,
I know I screwed up.
343
00:17:54,645 --> 00:17:56,827
I should have never pretended
to have Tourette's Syndrome,
344
00:17:56,828 --> 00:17:58,611
but see, I get it now.
345
00:17:59,045 --> 00:18:01,224
You can't just walk around saying
whatever you want.
346
00:18:01,403 --> 00:18:04,344
You gave us a filter because,
people don't wanna hear things like...
347
00:18:04,743 --> 00:18:06,260
I touched penises
with my cousin!
348
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,903
And I learned,
you especially can't say
349
00:18:09,938 --> 00:18:11,390
whatever you want on
national televison...
350
00:18:11,705 --> 00:18:13,195
because there could be
kids watching.
351
00:18:13,793 --> 00:18:16,686
Please, God, don't make me embarrass
myself on national television.
352
00:18:17,264 --> 00:18:20,330
You must see how this is all
somewhat your fault, right?
353
00:18:20,925 --> 00:18:23,138
Please,
I need a miracle.
354
00:18:28,674 --> 00:18:30,930
Tango, this is Foxtrot.
Are you in position?
355
00:18:32,726 --> 00:18:35,496
Copy Foxtrot.
Tango in position. Aw, shit!
356
00:18:36,203 --> 00:18:37,413
You sure you don't
wanna back out?
357
00:18:38,156 --> 00:18:39,964
No, you were right.
The fat kid is faking it!
358
00:18:40,143 --> 00:18:41,601
If he goes on TV,
more people will think
359
00:18:41,602 --> 00:18:44,121
that having Tourette's is fun.
Asshole shit!
360
00:18:44,155 --> 00:18:46,850
All right, then we go with the plan.
Just like 'To Catch A Predator.'
361
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:50,703
The first guy is here.
This is probably HotForBoys219.
362
00:18:54,305 --> 00:18:56,598
Hi, are you CuteBilly182?
363
00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,231
Yeah. I was chatting
with you online. Shit!
364
00:18:59,826 --> 00:19:03,145
Oh God, I'm so turned on right now.
This is your house?
365
00:19:03,180 --> 00:19:04,560
Your, your parents
aren't home, are they?
366
00:19:04,654 --> 00:19:08,465
No, it's cool. Go on inside.
I made brownies. Shit!
367
00:19:08,974 --> 00:19:11,866
I'm just gonna slip into something
more comfortable. Cock!
368
00:19:11,913 --> 00:19:15,007
Okay. Cock!
Don't take too long.
369
00:19:17,455 --> 00:19:21,518
So now let's meet a child
who has Tourette's Syndrome,
370
00:19:21,553 --> 00:19:22,931
and who must fi--
371
00:19:25,315 --> 00:19:29,051
- Wait a minute. This ain't no house.
- What are you doing?
372
00:19:30,554 --> 00:19:34,191
Chris Hansen?
Oh no, it's a setup. I knew it!
373
00:19:34,194 --> 00:19:35,794
Sir, why don't you take a seat,
right over there?
374
00:19:35,896 --> 00:19:37,906
Now everyone's gonna know
I'm a perv!
375
00:19:42,796 --> 00:19:44,369
Aw, not again.
376
00:19:47,616 --> 00:19:49,807
- Kyle?
- Surprise, fatass!
377
00:19:49,925 --> 00:19:52,481
- Kyle, what are you doing?
- I went online posing as a boy
378
00:19:52,483 --> 00:19:53,553
who would have sex
with older men
379
00:19:53,588 --> 00:19:56,213
and told them to meet me here.
My plan worked perfectly.
380
00:20:06,304 --> 00:20:08,156
Hey, I brought you
some Wendy's.
381
00:20:08,707 --> 00:20:10,181
Yeah, go on in. There's
a hot tub inside.
382
00:20:10,193 --> 00:20:13,094
- Stupid shit!
- Score!
383
00:20:14,753 --> 00:20:16,856
Oh no,
it's Chris Hansen!
384
00:20:19,115 --> 00:20:22,125
- Who is that? What's going on?
- What the hell is going on?
385
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,347
Wait a minute.
Oh God, it's Chris Hansen!
386
00:20:26,856 --> 00:20:29,595
- Chris Hansen!
- Dateline?
387
00:20:30,143 --> 00:20:34,239
- I knew it!
- There aren't really brownies!
388
00:20:38,705 --> 00:20:42,465
Hey! Do you have something to do
with this? Answer me!
389
00:20:42,503 --> 00:20:44,564
Stupid shit! Cock!
390
00:20:44,993 --> 00:20:48,610
What? Nobody talks to me like that!
Why don't you take a seat?
391
00:20:48,616 --> 00:20:52,293
- Take a seat, right over there.
- Suck it! Asshole licker dickfart!
392
00:20:53,274 --> 00:20:54,774
I'll-- I'll tell on you!
393
00:20:57,215 --> 00:20:59,364
Wow, you're the coolest kid
in the world.
394
00:20:59,446 --> 00:21:02,203
If I could call Chris Hansen an
asshole-licking dickfart to his face,
395
00:21:02,238 --> 00:21:03,608
I would be so happy.
396
00:21:03,934 --> 00:21:05,466
- You would?
- Could I just like...
397
00:21:05,825 --> 00:21:08,546
hang out with you sometime?
Like, do your laundry maybe?
398
00:21:11,573 --> 00:21:13,846
Take a look, fatass!
I beat you!
399
00:21:13,894 --> 00:21:16,145
You aren't going on Dateline.
What do you have to say now?
400
00:21:18,696 --> 00:21:20,915
Oh, thank you!
Thank you, Kyle!
401
00:21:21,693 --> 00:21:22,421
What?
402
00:21:22,456 --> 00:21:24,127
I asked God to send
someone to help me.
403
00:21:24,162 --> 00:21:26,294
And you came, Kyle!
I love you, man!
404
00:21:26,593 --> 00:21:29,587
- No, I beat you!
- You totally saved my ass, Kyle.
405
00:21:29,843 --> 00:21:32,788
You must really care about me.
See you, Kyle!
406
00:21:32,813 --> 00:21:34,932
I gotta get to a psychiatrist
and learn to control what I say!
407
00:21:35,395 --> 00:21:38,362
I got a golden ticket!Thanks to Kyle!
408
00:21:38,363 --> 00:21:40,942
I got a golden twinklein my eye!
409
00:21:44,595 --> 00:21:45,908
- Aw, shit.
- Aw, shit!33730
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