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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour.
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Just gonna be a second.
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00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:23,052
Come on. Sharon's gonna be back
in half an hour and I need a piss.
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I can't get up.
Have you wiped your arse?
19 secs inc
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00:00:49,489 --> 00:00:50,489
Agh!
6
00:00:54,324 --> 00:00:56,396
Why are you doing that noise?
7
00:00:57,634 --> 00:00:58,992
Thank Jesus Christ!
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I dreamt I was drunk
and I couldn't get off the toilet.
9
00:01:05,364 --> 00:01:09,222
Are you sure it was a dream?
Sounds more like a memory.
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Er, what time is it?
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It's 3:15.
You should go back to sleep.
12
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Fergal gets in at some stupid hour.
13
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Jesus.
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What?
15
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I just don't know if
I can deal with him right now.
16
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And why are you having to plan
his birthday party?
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Plus, adults shouldn't HAVE
birthday parties.
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You sound like a supervillain.
19
00:01:36,634 --> 00:01:37,634
Good night.
20
00:01:41,204 --> 00:01:43,833
Can I play with your tits
a little bit?
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Do you mind if I go back to sleep?
No.
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Then go nuts.
23
00:01:55,834 --> 00:01:57,121
What do you think?
24
00:01:58,484 --> 00:02:01,593
Well, my concern with Maroon Thrive
is that their set list includes
25
00:02:01,594 --> 00:02:04,243
both Shaggy and Enya, which is
impressive, but it's, like,
26
00:02:04,244 --> 00:02:06,643
"Where's your passion?"
It's grand for a bar mitzvah,
27
00:02:06,644 --> 00:02:09,753
but for a milestone birthday...
I say we keep looking.
28
00:02:09,754 --> 00:02:12,563
I'm not asking what you think of
them. I'm showing you who I booked.
29
00:02:12,564 --> 00:02:14,803
They're not that bad, are they?
No, they suck.
30
00:02:14,804 --> 00:02:17,843
They'd be perfect for your party.
Maybe we could get Mallandra
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00:02:17,844 --> 00:02:21,153
to play her castanets along with
'em, jazz 'em up a little bit.
32
00:02:21,154 --> 00:02:23,673
Mallandra's not coming.
Why isn't she?She didn't want to.
33
00:02:23,674 --> 00:02:26,193
They threw a little ham party for me
in Spain anyway.
34
00:02:26,194 --> 00:02:29,683
By the way, no ham at this party.
No. We can get pizzas delivered.
35
00:02:29,684 --> 00:02:33,273
What do you think? 9:00 PM?It
depends what time we cut the cake.
36
00:02:33,274 --> 00:02:36,153
You know what?
I would cut it after musical chairs
37
00:02:36,154 --> 00:02:39,283
but before the pinata.Just because
you're unhappy with your life
38
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:41,553
doesn't mean I can't celebrate mine.
39
00:02:41,554 --> 00:02:43,713
What did Captain Piss Parade do
for his 40th?
40
00:02:43,714 --> 00:02:47,793
I can't remember what we... Weren't
you in Toronto for your 40th?
41
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No, I wasn't. I was supposed to be,
but I changed the trip
42
00:02:51,284 --> 00:02:53,913
to be here for my birthday.
But it is funny how,
43
00:02:53,914 --> 00:02:57,393
through the mists of time,
you've latched onto the Toronto myth
44
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to absolve yourself.
It was probably so last-minute,
45
00:02:59,674 --> 00:03:01,833
we didn't have time
to organise anything.
46
00:03:01,834 --> 00:03:05,363
I didn't need to go to the Ritz. We
could've gone to fuckin' Five Guys.
47
00:03:05,364 --> 00:03:08,723
I love Five Guys. Let's get
Five Guys instead.Unbelievable!
48
00:03:08,724 --> 00:03:11,603
Also we need to get some balloons.
Maybe black balloons?
49
00:03:11,604 --> 00:03:13,593
Black balloons?
I'm not turning seven.
50
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:15,763
You know the sort of thing.
Masculine balloons.
51
00:03:15,764 --> 00:03:17,836
Fine. Who else are we asking?
52
00:03:17,844 --> 00:03:19,953
Do you know Mum's coming over
for your birthday?
53
00:03:19,954 --> 00:03:22,233
Yeah, sure she is!
What do you mean?
54
00:03:22,234 --> 00:03:24,520
She's coming to see her new man.
55
00:03:25,714 --> 00:03:26,787
What the fuck?!
56
00:03:27,284 --> 00:03:29,433
And it's not even Fergal's fault.
57
00:03:29,434 --> 00:03:32,243
It's the fact that Sharon
not only tolerates him
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but enjoys him that drives me insane.
59
00:03:34,234 --> 00:03:36,753
Yeah. You said that at the meeting.
And, you know,
60
00:03:36,754 --> 00:03:39,153
this is the kind of time
when I would've drank,
61
00:03:39,154 --> 00:03:41,203
but I'm not gonna give him
that power, you know?
62
00:03:41,204 --> 00:03:44,193
It would be like giving a weasel
a machine gun.
63
00:03:44,194 --> 00:03:45,194
What's funny?
64
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:50,673
Your biggest problem right now
is some asshole who lives in Spain.
65
00:03:50,674 --> 00:03:52,723
I wish I could worry about stuff
that small.
66
00:03:52,724 --> 00:03:54,993
What would YOU like me
to get upset about?
67
00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:58,713
Take your pick! There is
some bad shit coming down the line.
68
00:03:58,714 --> 00:04:03,153
I mean, we are not far away from
total societal collapse, my friend.
69
00:04:03,154 --> 00:04:07,713
Did you know London's water supply
could be compromised like that?
70
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:11,144
Man, you need to get off
your basement computers.
71
00:04:11,444 --> 00:04:14,913
This isn't paranoia!
There are two points of entry -
72
00:04:14,914 --> 00:04:17,913
Croydon and Hampstead. You hit
both of those at the same time,
73
00:04:17,914 --> 00:04:20,913
you can expect four million
casualties in under an hour.
74
00:04:20,914 --> 00:04:24,393
Four million? Aren't there, like,
ten million people in London?
75
00:04:24,394 --> 00:04:26,367
That's not THAT bad.
Anyway,
76
00:04:26,434 --> 00:04:29,073
picked up our New Zealand passports
this morning,
77
00:04:29,074 --> 00:04:31,833
so we got a game plan.
What? How'd you get those?
78
00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:32,834
Dark web.
79
00:04:33,874 --> 00:04:36,993
I mean, it started out,
I just wanted to see if I could.
80
00:04:36,994 --> 00:04:39,393
I mean, they're not
a hundred percent legal,
81
00:04:39,394 --> 00:04:42,513
like in court, but for fathers
who care about their families,
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00:04:42,514 --> 00:04:45,373
New Zealand really is
the only way to go.
83
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:49,240
Want me to look into it for you?
84
00:04:51,154 --> 00:04:55,603
The flight was lovely, and Stephen
was waiting for me in arrivals
85
00:04:55,604 --> 00:04:57,319
with a home-made panini.
86
00:04:58,644 --> 00:05:00,573
I... I have a panini press.
87
00:05:00,884 --> 00:05:02,028
... Who are you?
88
00:05:03,394 --> 00:05:05,109
I mean, how'd you meet -
89
00:05:05,684 --> 00:05:08,614
Well, Stephen was on a shoot
in Mullingar.
90
00:05:09,874 --> 00:05:12,513
Stephen's a model,
if that's not obvious.
91
00:05:12,514 --> 00:05:14,895
You're a model?
Well, technically.
92
00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:17,683
It's all very new.
I was an accountant for 40 years.
93
00:05:17,684 --> 00:05:20,338
Stephen was scouted
in Gatwick Airport
94
00:05:20,914 --> 00:05:23,129
on his way back from Ayia Napa.
95
00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:26,323
Wow! That's...
I didn't know that... that...
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00:05:26,324 --> 00:05:29,913
that people even... I just thought
young models grew into old models.
97
00:05:29,914 --> 00:05:32,913
You know, after a while
you stop doing swimsuit stuff
98
00:05:32,914 --> 00:05:35,987
and you start advertising
hot-water bottles.
99
00:05:36,084 --> 00:05:37,084
No. I, er...
100
00:05:38,194 --> 00:05:41,433
I do swimsuit work.
Rob was nearly a model once.
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I wasn't.He was.
People say that I, um...
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Does anyone want a drink?
Yeah.No.
103
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Hello!It's Fergal.
104
00:05:50,964 --> 00:05:51,964
Hello, son!
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Mwah!
106
00:05:54,394 --> 00:05:57,824
This is Stephen.
Stephen, this is my son, Fergal.
107
00:05:58,004 --> 00:05:59,365
Hi.
Come here, you!
108
00:06:06,394 --> 00:06:08,563
Did you see the way she laughed
at his jokes?
109
00:06:08,564 --> 00:06:11,851
It was obscene.
Who uses their tongue to laugh?
110
00:06:12,274 --> 00:06:15,513
What WAS that?
Do you think they're having sex?
111
00:06:15,514 --> 00:06:18,513
I dunno. Maybe. She still has
her original hips, right?
112
00:06:18,514 --> 00:06:21,304
God!
I don't know how I feel about that.
113
00:06:21,754 --> 00:06:25,043
I mean, we barely have sex anymore,
and that's fine,
114
00:06:25,044 --> 00:06:27,993
but not if my mum's
gonna be doing it more than me.
115
00:06:27,994 --> 00:06:31,123
Maybe this is a wake-up call. Shall
we start making more of an effort?
116
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:35,923
I don't know. I mean, here's how
I feel about sex with you these days.
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On paper, it sounds amazing.
118
00:06:38,484 --> 00:06:42,513
But if you were to initiate it,
like, tonight, I'd just be angry.
119
00:06:42,514 --> 00:06:44,872
But I still have the fond feeling
120
00:06:45,394 --> 00:06:48,184
when I look at you.
Maybe that's enough.
121
00:06:48,274 --> 00:06:50,723
Goddammit, it IS enough!
9 secs inc
122
00:06:59,194 --> 00:07:02,838
Your mum's boyfriend's
a feckin' ride. Good for her!
123
00:07:03,394 --> 00:07:06,873
No, not good for her! My dad died
six months ago. That's nothing.
124
00:07:06,874 --> 00:07:09,633
There's stuff in my fridge
that's more than six months old.
125
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:11,793
How's it going, Rob?
Do you want a drink?
126
00:07:11,794 --> 00:07:15,393
No, thanks. I have alcoholism.Even
on your brother-in-law's birthday?
127
00:07:15,394 --> 00:07:19,181
Yeah, even then!That's why
AA would never work for me.
128
00:07:19,354 --> 00:07:21,273
It's, like, "Be reasonable."
129
00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:24,033
I told Anna to get here for 7:30.
Is that OK?
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00:07:24,034 --> 00:07:26,913
I thought you and me could get there
early, blow up the balloons.
131
00:07:26,914 --> 00:07:30,633
I can help with balloons. In college
I taught myself how to tie them off
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with my tongue.
Also, I've no gag reflex.
133
00:07:34,004 --> 00:07:35,434
That's... unrelated.
134
00:07:36,154 --> 00:07:37,726
You all right, Ciaran?
135
00:07:38,074 --> 00:07:40,593
Are we meeting the other
St Joseph lads in the pub?
136
00:07:40,594 --> 00:07:43,603
No, no. I think it's just me. A lot
of those lads don't like Fergal,
137
00:07:43,604 --> 00:07:45,993
so they didn't really know why
you invited them.
138
00:07:45,994 --> 00:07:49,473
Why don't they like him?
Some fuckin' timeshare bollocks
139
00:07:49,474 --> 00:07:51,513
in Montenegro
that he roped them into,
140
00:07:51,514 --> 00:07:55,087
that went tits-up the second
their cheques cleared.
141
00:07:58,114 --> 00:07:59,829
You look lovely, Fergal!
142
00:08:03,754 --> 00:08:05,727
Do you have eyeliner on?
No!
143
00:08:07,954 --> 00:08:09,669
Just a bit of lip gloss.
144
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,409
Come on.
Honey, I have sad news.
145
00:08:21,394 --> 00:08:24,048
I have diarrhoea.
And it's pretty bad,
146
00:08:24,394 --> 00:08:27,273
so I don't think
I can make the party. Sorry.
147
00:08:27,274 --> 00:08:30,643
Bullshit. You've diarrhoea?
I know when you've diarrhoea.
148
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:33,393
The house smells like a poultry farm
and you're covered in sweat.
149
00:08:33,394 --> 00:08:35,923
OK. I don't wanna come to
Fergal's party.
150
00:08:35,924 --> 00:08:38,193
What? You have to come!
I don't have to come.
151
00:08:38,194 --> 00:08:41,433
Look, just tell him I have diarrhoea,
and it hurts,
152
00:08:41,434 --> 00:08:44,193
and he won't care anyway.
Yeah. He might not care,
153
00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:47,193
but I'd really like you to be there.
Come on. It'll be fun.
154
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:51,393
Honey, look - my idea of fun isn't
pushing Fergal home in a wheelbarrow
155
00:08:51,394 --> 00:08:53,683
cos you're too drunk to do it.
OK, the Pope.
156
00:08:53,684 --> 00:08:57,273
Well, you know what? The wheelbarrow
thing sounds like brilliant fun,
157
00:08:57,274 --> 00:08:59,673
so maybe we've got
a bigger problem here.
158
00:08:59,674 --> 00:09:01,713
But it's good to know
that this is my future
159
00:09:01,714 --> 00:09:04,593
as the wife of a dry drunk. You used
to stand in the corner scowling
160
00:09:04,594 --> 00:09:06,873
at parties.
Now you won't be there at all!
161
00:09:06,874 --> 00:09:12,273
Well, I hope you have
some hand cream in your bag
in case you have to jerk off any -
162
00:09:12,274 --> 00:09:14,928
That's just a funny joke
that we have.
163
00:09:15,034 --> 00:09:19,463
Um, so, listen, er, looks like
we won't need you tonight, Anna.
164
00:09:19,474 --> 00:09:22,833
So, I'm sorry -
What? Sorry if I cancelled plans,
165
00:09:22,834 --> 00:09:26,323
and I was gonna use the money to buy
my nephew Rocky a birthday present?
166
00:09:26,324 --> 00:09:29,611
So what I'll do is,
I'll just go read upstairs,
167
00:09:30,324 --> 00:09:32,967
and, um, it's great that you're here.
168
00:09:40,114 --> 00:09:41,114
Everybody!
169
00:09:49,594 --> 00:09:51,295
Hey! You having fun?
No.
170
00:09:52,354 --> 00:09:55,353
Maybe it wouldn't feel so pathetic
if you hadn't booked an actual barn
171
00:09:55,354 --> 00:09:58,498
for my party.
Was the O2 Arena not available?
172
00:09:58,714 --> 00:10:02,858
I'm sorry. I expected more people.
Right! So it's my fault?
173
00:10:03,764 --> 00:10:06,803
This is not an honest representation
of me as a people person.
174
00:10:06,804 --> 00:10:09,117
Do you wanna dance, Ciaran?
Sure.
175
00:10:09,394 --> 00:10:11,752
Let me drink... three more beers.
176
00:10:12,514 --> 00:10:13,514
You're on!
177
00:10:14,554 --> 00:10:18,163
This is considerably more depressing
than your father's funeral.
178
00:10:18,164 --> 00:10:19,164
out
179
00:10:26,554 --> 00:10:27,554
break
180
00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:36,943
"An agonising wait for the sugar" -
What?!
181
00:10:36,944 --> 00:10:39,703
They don't have nearly enough time
to do spun sugar.
182
00:10:39,704 --> 00:10:41,743
What, do they think
they're Rumpelstiltskins?
183
00:10:41,744 --> 00:10:43,888
Why don't you go to the party?
184
00:10:43,904 --> 00:10:47,383
I don't like my brother-in-law.
Do you like Sharon?
185
00:10:47,384 --> 00:10:50,743
Yes, I like Sharon.
Just not enough to go to the party.
186
00:10:50,744 --> 00:10:52,783
How does that work, then?
What do you mean?
187
00:10:52,784 --> 00:10:55,433
Well, you don't like fun.
Sharon does.
188
00:10:55,434 --> 00:10:58,792
"Don't like fun"!
Ask Ricky Pratt if I like fun.
189
00:10:59,984 --> 00:11:02,270
We went to karate camp together.
190
00:11:02,634 --> 00:11:04,992
Yeah. We were animals! So it's...
191
00:11:17,194 --> 00:11:18,338
I won't be late.
192
00:11:24,714 --> 00:11:25,787
Fucking Christ!
193
00:11:34,794 --> 00:11:36,295
Love Cats by The Cure
194
00:11:43,184 --> 00:11:45,113
♪ We move like cagey tigers
195
00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:48,263
♪ We couldn't get closer than this
196
00:11:48,704 --> 00:11:51,426
♪ The way we walk,
the way we talk... ♪
197
00:11:52,784 --> 00:11:55,663
How are you? You OK?
Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
198
00:11:55,664 --> 00:11:58,093
I mean, I'm lonely in my own home,
199
00:11:58,184 --> 00:12:00,974
but apart from that,
everything's great.
200
00:12:01,544 --> 00:12:04,403
Chris looks happy.
Everybody LOOKS happy.
201
00:12:06,154 --> 00:12:09,013
You don't.
Fran! Do you want another gin?
202
00:12:10,064 --> 00:12:12,463
Can I get you... No.
You look like you had enough.
203
00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:14,097
Er, hello!
So, Douglas,
204
00:12:14,794 --> 00:12:17,863
how did you get into
the whole plastic-surgery game?
205
00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:20,073
Did you go to med school
to become a real doctor,
206
00:12:20,074 --> 00:12:23,143
and then think, "You know what?
Any arsehole can save a life."
207
00:12:23,144 --> 00:12:26,633
"What I'd like to do
is give women weird, hard tits
208
00:12:26,634 --> 00:12:29,623
that start at their collarbones."
It's not all tits.
209
00:12:29,624 --> 00:12:31,913
Last year I reconstructed
an eight year old's face
210
00:12:31,914 --> 00:12:34,773
who'd been attacked
by a neighbour's dog.
211
00:12:35,024 --> 00:12:37,423
Well, that...
I mean, that's different, that.
212
00:12:37,424 --> 00:12:39,943
But I also did an eye lift yesterday
213
00:12:39,944 --> 00:12:42,953
for a woman who had
a similar issue to yours.
214
00:12:42,954 --> 00:12:45,513
I'm not currently taking
new patients,
215
00:12:45,514 --> 00:12:48,304
but I'd be happy
to give you a referral.
216
00:12:48,824 --> 00:12:50,396
I don't have an issue!
217
00:12:51,944 --> 00:12:52,944
Do I?
218
00:12:53,984 --> 00:12:55,628
Where's Mark and Shane?
219
00:12:56,384 --> 00:12:59,383
They fucked off.Why?
I think they went bowling.
220
00:12:59,384 --> 00:13:02,863
For fuck's sake! Here,
let's get some of that new drug,
221
00:13:02,864 --> 00:13:05,743
the one that anaesthetists use.
The one that killed those people
222
00:13:05,744 --> 00:13:09,317
in Glasgow?Yeah, that one.
OK. I'll call my cousin.
223
00:13:12,234 --> 00:13:14,888
What?
Can you still get hard on those?
224
00:13:21,104 --> 00:13:23,390
Ma'am? Could you open the doors?
225
00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:26,011
The stop's just... there.
226
00:13:28,424 --> 00:13:31,183
We're an inch from the stop.
You couldn't even use feet
227
00:13:31,184 --> 00:13:32,184
to measure it.
228
00:13:34,904 --> 00:13:37,405
Sir! Leave the doors alone, please!
229
00:13:38,024 --> 00:13:39,024
Thank you.
230
00:14:02,264 --> 00:14:05,551
Check out the artist
formerly known as Douglas.
231
00:14:06,824 --> 00:14:09,223
I didn't know you two
were back together.Och, aye.
232
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,582
I'm only seeing him because of...
233
00:14:13,424 --> 00:14:16,354
Don't matter.
No. What were you gonna say?
234
00:14:19,904 --> 00:14:22,262
I messed up everything, didn't I?
235
00:14:23,624 --> 00:14:25,839
I screwed everything up! Sorry.
236
00:14:26,504 --> 00:14:28,505
I've had a couple of drinks.
237
00:14:28,904 --> 00:14:31,783
No, that's good, because I wanted -
Can you ask him to come back?
238
00:14:31,784 --> 00:14:32,784
What?Jeffrey.
239
00:14:33,834 --> 00:14:37,478
Can you tell him I'm sorry
and ask him to come back?
240
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,266
Fran...
You've got that... lovely girl,
241
00:14:40,904 --> 00:14:41,977
and I've got...
242
00:14:45,514 --> 00:14:46,514
..nothing.
243
00:14:52,184 --> 00:14:54,185
Going out with a male model.
244
00:14:54,584 --> 00:14:56,870
Our mother. It's not even funny.
245
00:14:57,824 --> 00:15:00,409
It's better than going out
with a DJ.
246
00:15:00,464 --> 00:15:03,118
Como te llamas?
Sofia.Should've known.
247
00:15:09,834 --> 00:15:12,823
What if she's up for it? What are
you gonna do then, you clown?
248
00:15:12,824 --> 00:15:13,824
I dunno.
249
00:15:16,064 --> 00:15:19,303
Couldn't get any Fentanyl,
but I got this.What are they?
250
00:15:19,304 --> 00:15:21,073
They're blue.
Sweet!Yeah?
251
00:15:23,274 --> 00:15:25,353
Yeah? Would ya?
Come on, take us down.
252
00:15:25,354 --> 00:15:27,055
Come on, ya bollix!
Agh!
253
00:15:44,554 --> 00:15:45,554
My... God!
254
00:15:56,554 --> 00:15:58,935
♪ I need excitement,
I need it bad
255
00:15:59,754 --> 00:16:02,112
♪ And it's the best I've ever had
256
00:16:02,864 --> 00:16:05,654
♪ I wanna hold her,
wanna hold her tight
257
00:16:05,864 --> 00:16:08,865
♪ Get teenage kicks
right through the night
258
00:16:09,704 --> 00:16:10,704
♪ All right...
259
00:16:17,024 --> 00:16:18,024
Hey!
260
00:16:19,544 --> 00:16:21,116
So, what's your angle?
261
00:16:21,704 --> 00:16:24,991
How do you mean?
You know she's still grieving,
262
00:16:25,064 --> 00:16:27,823
right? So anything she tells you
is just nonsense,
263
00:16:27,824 --> 00:16:30,823
like a fever dream.
There's no way she's over my dad.
264
00:16:30,824 --> 00:16:34,543
It would be strange if she were.
She's told me how hard
his death hit you all.
265
00:16:34,544 --> 00:16:38,402
Sounds like he was a wonderful man.
Yeah, well, he was.
266
00:16:39,344 --> 00:16:42,823
Nice to see you two chatting.
How are you getting on?
267
00:16:42,824 --> 00:16:44,539
Yeah, great. He's great.
268
00:16:44,874 --> 00:16:47,664
I think, you know,
if you two hit pause,
269
00:16:48,464 --> 00:16:50,623
and then picked it up again
in a couple of years
270
00:16:50,624 --> 00:16:52,713
when you've had proper time
to grieve for Dad,
271
00:16:52,714 --> 00:16:55,543
I might even feel good about it.
Here, can I have a Babycham?
272
00:16:55,544 --> 00:16:57,041
Argh!
What the hell?!
273
00:16:58,794 --> 00:17:01,795
What are you doing?
Fergal! What the fuck?!
274
00:17:19,304 --> 00:17:22,094
♪ I wanna hold her,
wanna hold her tight
275
00:17:22,184 --> 00:17:25,185
♪ Get teenage kicks
right through the night
276
00:17:25,904 --> 00:17:26,904
♪ Hey ♪
277
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:33,384
Hey, guys!
278
00:17:35,744 --> 00:17:37,745
We should maybe take a taxi.
279
00:17:37,784 --> 00:17:40,506
Why?
So we can get home quick and fuck.
280
00:17:41,624 --> 00:17:42,624
I'm ovulating.
281
00:17:44,144 --> 00:17:45,502
Right! Let's, er...
282
00:17:47,024 --> 00:17:50,597
What do you say we go somewhere
and... have a chat?
283
00:17:54,584 --> 00:17:56,743
Why am I even having to deal
with this anyway?
284
00:17:56,744 --> 00:17:59,623
Stop talking at me like that!
You're always moaning about -
285
00:17:59,624 --> 00:18:03,463
I'm not... Hey, you came!
Hey! Did you bring any diarrhoea?
286
00:18:03,464 --> 00:18:05,743
What the hell happened?
Does he have a pulse?
287
00:18:05,744 --> 00:18:07,783
Relax, Nancy.
He's just taking a breather.
288
00:18:07,784 --> 00:18:11,357
Back off, Fergal!
What is your fucking problem?You!
289
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:14,863
You think you're better than me?
Right now, yeah.Well, you're not.
290
00:18:14,864 --> 00:18:16,903
You're like a fuckin' fun-vacuum.
291
00:18:16,904 --> 00:18:19,113
You're like the Reverend
in Footloose.
292
00:18:19,114 --> 00:18:21,904
Everyone, stop dancing!
Stop having fun!
293
00:18:22,064 --> 00:18:24,343
The Reverend fuckin' Rob Norris
is here.
294
00:18:24,344 --> 00:18:27,343
Jesus Christ. Your eyes are a
hundred percent pupil. Are you high?
295
00:18:27,344 --> 00:18:30,560
It's my birthday!
Fergal! Nobody gives a shit.
296
00:18:30,824 --> 00:18:33,583
Six people showed up to celebrate,
and one of them's your mom.
297
00:18:33,584 --> 00:18:34,584
The fuck...?
298
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:38,928
Just be careful!
299
00:18:39,824 --> 00:18:41,039
Fuck!Get off him!
300
00:18:45,344 --> 00:18:47,845
Fergal, what the fuck? Get off him!
301
00:18:48,944 --> 00:18:50,802
Um... who are we here for?
302
00:18:58,794 --> 00:18:59,794
Come on!
303
00:19:07,434 --> 00:19:09,935
What the fuck is going on with you?
304
00:19:10,064 --> 00:19:14,422
Are you having a mid-life crisis?
I'm not having a mid-life...
305
00:19:17,034 --> 00:19:20,073
My wife fucking hates me.
When I drive into work,
306
00:19:20,074 --> 00:19:22,303
I think about pulling into
oncoming traffic.
307
00:19:22,304 --> 00:19:25,903
Yeah, maybe it is a crisis.
Not mid-life, though. Come on!
308
00:19:25,904 --> 00:19:29,477
Jesus Christ! So,
what are you gonna do? Leave her,
309
00:19:29,744 --> 00:19:32,383
because you cannot continue
like this.
310
00:19:32,384 --> 00:19:34,663
You are gonna get yourself
in serious trouble
311
00:19:34,664 --> 00:19:36,823
being this much of an arsehole,
Fergal.
312
00:19:36,824 --> 00:19:39,583
You're gonna be in a bar one night,
mouthing off,
313
00:19:39,584 --> 00:19:43,656
and some Spanish Vinnie Jones
is gonna smash your face in.
314
00:19:44,504 --> 00:19:47,753
I can't leave her.What?
I fuckin' made a promise to Dad.
315
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:50,383
I told him I'd work it out
with Mallandra.
316
00:19:50,384 --> 00:19:53,193
Why would you promise him that?
It made him smile.
317
00:19:53,194 --> 00:19:55,052
Fergal, he'd had a stroke.
318
00:19:55,184 --> 00:19:58,685
He didn't have full control
of his facial muscles.
319
00:20:00,714 --> 00:20:01,714
Morning.
320
00:20:02,744 --> 00:20:03,744
Morning.
321
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:08,743
Where's Ciaran?Um...He slept
in Frankie's bunk bed last night.
322
00:20:08,744 --> 00:20:10,793
He's got a concussion, though,
323
00:20:10,794 --> 00:20:13,903
so I think it's important
that we let him sleep.What?
324
00:20:13,904 --> 00:20:15,943
No. That is the opposite
of what you do.
325
00:20:15,944 --> 00:20:17,445
I'll go check on him.
326
00:20:20,024 --> 00:20:21,811
Does anybody have a mint?
327
00:20:24,584 --> 00:20:25,871
It doesn't matter.
328
00:20:30,824 --> 00:20:33,110
I owe you probably 15 apologies.
329
00:20:34,304 --> 00:20:37,877
Look, it's OK. I had a bit of
a revelation earlier.
330
00:20:38,384 --> 00:20:41,263
I used the toilet after you were
in there this morning,
331
00:20:41,264 --> 00:20:44,143
and the seat was warm,
and I got really angry.
332
00:20:44,144 --> 00:20:47,143
But then I thought,
"Why do I care how it got warm?"
333
00:20:47,144 --> 00:20:50,717
It's warm and it's cosy.
What I'm trying to say is,
334
00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:54,943
you're my wife's brother, and...
I'm glad that you're leaving,
335
00:20:54,944 --> 00:20:59,302
but I know that you'll be back
at some point, and that's fine.
336
00:21:02,024 --> 00:21:05,263
Just out of curiosity,
have you ever hated anything
as much as you hate me?
337
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,265
It seems a little excessive.
338
00:21:09,344 --> 00:21:12,103
Shar...
Sorry. Can just... Sorry. Can I go?
339
00:21:12,104 --> 00:21:14,689
Mum...
I'm sorry about how I behaved.
340
00:21:15,464 --> 00:21:17,608
You've just lost your husband.
341
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:20,743
You should be able to do whatever
you wanna do when your husband dies,
342
00:21:20,744 --> 00:21:22,793
including fuck up. Which you're not.
343
00:21:22,794 --> 00:21:27,580
I guess I'm trying to say don't
break up with Stephen on my account.
344
00:21:28,234 --> 00:21:31,183
What were YOU gonna say?
I was just going to say,
345
00:21:31,184 --> 00:21:34,471
I left five euros for Frankie
under his pillow.
346
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:40,537
Be careful, OK?
347
00:21:41,864 --> 00:21:43,365
That fit at that age,
348
00:21:45,104 --> 00:21:48,463
it just seems a bit... I'm just
saying he could be gay, you know?
349
00:21:48,464 --> 00:21:52,073
I mean, he's such a good dancer.
I don't want you to get hurt.
350
00:21:52,074 --> 00:21:55,004
Well, if he is gay,
he's under deep cover.
351
00:22:02,794 --> 00:22:06,463
How long would you wait to get
together with someone after I die?
352
00:22:06,464 --> 00:22:09,103
Like, if I had to go out
and look for 'em,
353
00:22:09,104 --> 00:22:11,263
it'd be, you know, a couple of years.
354
00:22:11,264 --> 00:22:15,753
But if somebody came up to me
and was, like, "I'm fucking you now,"
355
00:22:15,754 --> 00:22:19,183
then, I would wait, like, you know...
a day or two.
356
00:22:19,184 --> 00:22:20,184
Yeah.
357
00:22:21,584 --> 00:22:24,703
If I die, I would be fine with you
being with someone else, you know?
358
00:22:24,704 --> 00:22:26,348
I'm dead. I don't care.
359
00:22:26,744 --> 00:22:29,329
But if the slut
you get together with
360
00:22:29,674 --> 00:22:33,389
even suggests my kids
call her "mum", I'll haunt her,
361
00:22:33,464 --> 00:22:36,463
and if Muireann has her period, you
come to my grave and you tell me,
362
00:22:36,464 --> 00:22:39,894
not your mail-order bride.
That's non-negotiable.
363
00:22:41,384 --> 00:22:44,743
Hey, I'm sorry I never threw you
a party for your 40th.
364
00:22:44,744 --> 00:22:47,983
I didn't want a party for my 40th.
Well, a picnic, then,
365
00:22:47,984 --> 00:22:50,143
or we could've gone to the beach.
366
00:22:50,144 --> 00:22:52,663
Just makes me wanna cry,
thinking about it.
367
00:22:52,664 --> 00:22:54,593
And I'm sorry about Fergal.
368
00:22:55,304 --> 00:22:58,423
I know sometimes it seems like
I put my family first,
369
00:22:58,424 --> 00:23:01,063
but I love you,
and that's why I married you,
370
00:23:01,064 --> 00:23:02,064
and not him.
371
00:23:03,114 --> 00:23:04,901
And also because I'm fun.
372
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:07,663
Well, you still think I'm fun,
don't you?
373
00:23:07,664 --> 00:23:09,379
I know I said fun for me
374
00:23:09,824 --> 00:23:12,233
isn't rolling you and Fergal around
in a wheelbarrow,
375
00:23:12,234 --> 00:23:14,663
but, you know, I'd give it a shot.
376
00:23:14,984 --> 00:23:18,703
You are plenty of great things.
I don't need you to be fun.
377
00:23:18,704 --> 00:23:20,919
Well, tough luck, because I am.
378
00:23:22,544 --> 00:23:23,544
Get off!
379
00:23:24,704 --> 00:23:25,704
Stop!
380
00:23:28,304 --> 00:23:29,529
Jesus!
I'm sorry!
381
00:23:30,824 --> 00:23:33,478
MUSIC: Catastrophe Theme
by Oli Julian
382
00:23:54,224 --> 00:23:56,082
Subtitles by Red Bee Media
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