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1
00:00:01,316 --> 00:00:04,785
Adult Adam: Back in the day, I was a ridiculously cute kid.
2
00:00:04,787 --> 00:00:07,654
Yes! I am literally
the coolest man alive!
3
00:00:07,656 --> 00:00:09,522
I'm not bragging. It's just pure fact.
4
00:00:09,524 --> 00:00:10,923
My god,
you're so cute!
5
00:00:10,925 --> 00:00:13,058
I just want to scrumple you up
and eat you whole!
6
00:00:13,060 --> 00:00:16,828
But of course, no one stays a kid forever.
7
00:00:16,830 --> 00:00:18,596
Yeah.
8
00:00:18,598 --> 00:00:19,563
You sure about this?
9
00:00:19,565 --> 00:00:20,764
People are gonna know
I'm covering up a zit.
10
00:00:20,766 --> 00:00:24,734
Don't worry, pal.
I'll just tell everyone in
school I pummeled your face.
11
00:00:24,736 --> 00:00:27,036
You're a good brother.
The best.
12
00:00:27,038 --> 00:00:30,105
Here, you got a giant one
forming on your forehead, too.
13
00:00:30,107 --> 00:00:35,076
Maybe I could hide the pimples, but the rest was hard to mask.
14
00:00:35,078 --> 00:00:36,744
Let's go! Hustle!
15
00:00:36,746 --> 00:00:37,911
This is called scooter ball,
16
00:00:37,913 --> 00:00:40,780
Not "sit in the corner
and talk to kevin" ball.
17
00:00:40,782 --> 00:00:42,414
I began to smell different.
18
00:00:42,416 --> 00:00:44,616
Whoa, Goldfarb!
19
00:00:44,618 --> 00:00:46,084
Wheel it in!
20
00:00:46,552 --> 00:00:47,885
Time for a private huddle!
21
00:00:47,887 --> 00:00:50,120
I'm gonna put this
delicately, kid.
22
00:00:50,122 --> 00:00:52,322
You smell like
a gym sock's butt.
23
00:00:52,324 --> 00:00:52,922
Uh, thanks.
24
00:00:52,924 --> 00:00:54,556
You smell like
a garlic diaper.
Thanks?
25
00:00:54,558 --> 00:00:57,358
You smell like egg salad
left in a humidifier.
Thanks.
26
00:00:57,360 --> 00:01:01,462
I assume you don't notice
since you live
with that stink 24/7.
27
00:01:01,464 --> 00:01:02,463
Oh, no, I smell it.
28
00:01:02,465 --> 00:01:04,898
There's half a speed stick
in my desk.
29
00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:07,367
It's yours now.
Be liberal with it.
30
00:01:07,369 --> 00:01:08,334
Coach is
on your team here.
31
00:01:08,336 --> 00:01:09,902
That's why
I pulled you aside
to avoid embarrassment.
32
00:01:09,904 --> 00:01:14,873
I guess I wish you would have
pulled me aside
just a little farther.
33
00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:18,509
Adult Adam: I was eating like an animal and suddenly seeing
34
00:01:18,511 --> 00:01:20,644
Every woman I came across in a new light.
35
00:01:20,646 --> 00:01:24,648
You seen my, uh, tv guide
with Sally Jessy Raphael
on the cover?
36
00:01:24,650 --> 00:01:26,282
Mmm-mmm, nope.
37
00:01:26,284 --> 00:01:27,716
Hmm.
38
00:01:29,485 --> 00:01:31,018
Every woman.
39
00:01:31,020 --> 00:01:31,518
Man, oh, man.
40
00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:35,154
Those looks
and emotional intelligence
to boot?
41
00:01:35,156 --> 00:01:35,654
Whoa.
42
00:01:35,656 --> 00:01:39,190
But worst of all, it affected my favorite activity in the world,
43
00:01:39,192 --> 00:01:41,158
The annual school musical.
44
00:01:41,160 --> 00:01:42,192
Welcome, Mr. Goldberg.
45
00:01:42,194 --> 00:01:44,527
I have a feeling
that this might be
the year
46
00:01:44,529 --> 00:01:46,996
That you finally break out
of the chorus.
47
00:01:47,430 --> 00:01:48,897
(piano playing)
48
00:01:48,899 --> 00:01:51,933
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat
49
00:01:51,935 --> 00:01:54,435
♪ said, I can do that, I can do that ♪
50
00:01:54,437 --> 00:01:56,804
Adult Adam: Turns out, I could not do that.
51
00:01:56,806 --> 00:02:00,507
(sighs)
well, you, um...
You really...
52
00:02:00,509 --> 00:02:01,774
Really sang it.
53
00:02:01,776 --> 00:02:02,441
You sang it.
54
00:02:02,443 --> 00:02:04,876
I know in past years
I was upset when you put me
in the chorus.
55
00:02:04,878 --> 00:02:06,944
But I'm thinking this year,
it feels right.
56
00:02:06,946 --> 00:02:09,513
Done.
You're in the chorus.
57
00:02:09,515 --> 00:02:10,647
Oh, thank god.
58
00:02:10,649 --> 00:02:13,916
Chorus line,
which is a lead!
59
00:02:13,918 --> 00:02:15,083
But I'm in the chorus.
60
00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:16,250
Line.
Oh, thank god.
61
00:02:16,252 --> 00:02:18,452
Which means
you have a big solo.
62
00:02:18,454 --> 00:02:19,986
But I'm in the chorus.
Line.
63
00:02:19,988 --> 00:02:23,155
But did you not hear
the sounds I just made?
64
00:02:23,157 --> 00:02:26,558
Adam, every boy your age
sounds like you.
65
00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:28,826
And, honestly,
I don't have that much
to work with here,
66
00:02:28,828 --> 00:02:30,160
So I might as well
just give the leads
67
00:02:30,162 --> 00:02:31,628
To the most
enthusiastic kids.
68
00:02:31,630 --> 00:02:33,830
Balls.
Yeah, balls.
69
00:02:33,832 --> 00:02:37,767
Okay, uh,
let's take it from the top.
Sing it with me.
70
00:02:37,769 --> 00:02:41,170
Both:
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat
71
00:02:41,172 --> 00:02:41,837
Try to stay in the key.
72
00:02:41,839 --> 00:02:44,439
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat
73
00:02:44,441 --> 00:02:46,140
You're kind of all over
the map. Okay.
74
00:02:46,142 --> 00:02:49,009
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat
75
00:02:49,011 --> 00:02:49,709
♪ I can do that ♪
76
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:51,310
You know,
it's mostly a dance show,
77
00:02:51,312 --> 00:02:53,045
And you bring a lot
of dance energy.
78
00:02:53,047 --> 00:02:55,614
You'll get it.
Balls.
79
00:02:55,815 --> 00:02:56,848
♪ I'm twisted up inside
80
00:02:56,850 --> 00:03:01,118
♪ but nonetheless I feel the need to say"
81
00:03:03,454 --> 00:03:04,253
♪ I don't know the future
82
00:03:04,255 --> 00:03:08,457
♪ but the past keeps getting clearer every day ♪
83
00:03:09,125 --> 00:03:11,226
Adult Adam: It was September 30, 1980-something,
84
00:03:11,228 --> 00:03:14,462
And my brother and his idiot posse, the jtp,
85
00:03:14,464 --> 00:03:16,697
Were gearing up for the homecoming dance.
86
00:03:16,699 --> 00:03:17,698
What's happening?
What is this?
87
00:03:17,700 --> 00:03:20,333
Homecoming's in four days,
so it's time to give my boys
88
00:03:20,335 --> 00:03:22,568
A crash-course lesson
on how to groove
like Milli Vanilli.
89
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:26,538
We all kind of told our dates
that we could dance,
so thank god for Barry.
90
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,940
No.
Thank god for Milli.
91
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:29,707
Vanilli, not so much.
92
00:03:29,709 --> 00:03:32,009
Wait, wait.
You choose Milli
over Vanilli?
93
00:03:32,011 --> 00:03:33,143
He's got the body
and the moves.
94
00:03:33,145 --> 00:03:35,979
Uh, if he's so great,
then why isn't it
Vanilli Milli?
95
00:03:35,981 --> 00:03:38,548
Milli proceeds vanilli,
so suck it.
96
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:39,549
You suck it.
You suck it.
97
00:03:39,551 --> 00:03:43,553
Wow, even you three boneheads
found a date to the dance.
98
00:03:43,555 --> 00:03:44,654
Kind of makes you think,
huh?
99
00:03:44,656 --> 00:03:46,389
Like maybe you need
a date for once?
100
00:03:46,391 --> 00:03:48,657
What are you talking about?
I date.
Barry: No.
101
00:03:48,659 --> 00:03:49,758
You third-wheel
me and Lainey.
102
00:03:49,760 --> 00:03:51,860
Look, the only reason
why I haven't been on a date
103
00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:53,595
Is because there's no one
at our school worth dating.
104
00:03:53,597 --> 00:03:55,763
Well, if you want to go
to homecoming with me,
105
00:03:55,765 --> 00:03:57,197
I'll totally drop
my foxy lady.
106
00:03:57,199 --> 00:03:58,264
Your foxy lady's
your cousin.
107
00:03:58,266 --> 00:04:00,666
Second-cousin.
Totally different
blood line.
108
00:04:00,668 --> 00:04:01,900
Probably not gonna
do stuff, though.
109
00:04:01,902 --> 00:04:02,934
She looks just like me
with a perm.
110
00:04:02,936 --> 00:04:06,137
Erica, you know I love you,
but you're kind of closed off
and way too picky.
111
00:04:06,139 --> 00:04:07,771
I mean, stay away from Geoff,
obviously,
112
00:04:07,773 --> 00:04:08,872
But you got to give
someone a chance.
113
00:04:08,874 --> 00:04:12,542
How is it my fault
that every guy in our school
is an unbearable moron?
114
00:04:12,544 --> 00:04:16,012
That's another thing.
You've got to stop calling
everyone a moron.
115
00:04:16,014 --> 00:04:18,381
Morons!
You're being too loud!
116
00:04:18,383 --> 00:04:20,783
Find another house
to stupid up.
117
00:04:20,785 --> 00:04:24,686
Oh. My. God.
You're just like dad!
118
00:04:24,688 --> 00:04:25,887
Way to go, mur-man.
119
00:04:25,889 --> 00:04:27,955
Years of calling everyone
on the planet a moron
120
00:04:27,957 --> 00:04:31,224
Has poisoned
your daughter's love life
and left her cold and alone.
121
00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:32,959
So you're telling me
that I've raised a daughter
122
00:04:32,961 --> 00:04:36,395
Who doesn't want to date
dumbass high-school boys?
123
00:04:36,397 --> 00:04:37,896
I think
I've done my job.
124
00:04:37,898 --> 00:04:40,098
Come on.
Let us help you find someone.
125
00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,232
Go on.
Describe your perfect guy.
126
00:04:41,234 --> 00:04:44,735
Well, he'd be
a mysterious
handsome outsider
127
00:04:44,737 --> 00:04:45,902
With a trench coat,
a sexy voice,
128
00:04:45,904 --> 00:04:51,040
And a thriving acting career
where he plays the
thinking girl's heartthrob.
129
00:04:51,042 --> 00:04:54,510
Dude, you're just describing
Christian Slater.
130
00:04:54,512 --> 00:04:56,545
Seriously?
You're a lost cause.
131
00:04:56,547 --> 00:04:57,279
Well, you asked.
132
00:04:57,281 --> 00:05:00,315
Look, if a guy
like christian slater
walks through that door,
133
00:05:00,317 --> 00:05:02,950
I promise you I will go
with him to homecoming.
134
00:05:02,952 --> 00:05:03,784
Christian Slater, huh?
135
00:05:03,786 --> 00:05:06,553
You want the coolest guy
in the world?
You got him.
136
00:05:06,555 --> 00:05:08,121
What's that?
137
00:05:08,355 --> 00:05:11,190
Nothing,
I just farted. I...
138
00:05:11,192 --> 00:05:12,958
I farted.
139
00:05:13,592 --> 00:05:14,358
I fart... I gotta go.
140
00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:18,595
Adult Adam: While Geoff was hatching a plan, I was out of options.
141
00:05:18,597 --> 00:05:21,164
(gasps)
there's my
tiny snuggle angel.
142
00:05:21,166 --> 00:05:25,468
Stop it!
I'm not tiny
or snuggly or angel-y.
143
00:05:25,470 --> 00:05:26,769
Tough day
at the office, kiddo?
144
00:05:26,771 --> 00:05:29,204
The worst.
I got the lead
in the musical.
145
00:05:29,206 --> 00:05:32,840
Schmoo, that's fantastic.
That's all
you've ever wanted.
146
00:05:32,842 --> 00:05:34,174
Not anymore.
147
00:05:34,176 --> 00:05:36,476
My face is breaking out,
my pits are stinking,
148
00:05:36,478 --> 00:05:40,413
And my voice is very,
very unpredictable.
149
00:05:40,415 --> 00:05:42,348
I finally get
the part of a lifetime,
150
00:05:42,350 --> 00:05:44,183
And I'm gonna just
humiliate myself.
151
00:05:44,185 --> 00:05:47,719
Ah, yes, the wondrous journey
through puberty.
152
00:05:47,721 --> 00:05:49,387
It's not wondrous.
It's awful.
153
00:05:49,389 --> 00:05:51,822
Well, you've come
to the right place.
154
00:05:51,824 --> 00:05:52,422
Oh, no.
155
00:05:52,424 --> 00:05:54,690
It's my duty
to help you out,
baby bro.
156
00:05:54,692 --> 00:06:00,095
Only big tasty can guide
you through what many call
"the pubening."
157
00:06:00,097 --> 00:06:01,329
No one calls it that.
158
00:06:01,331 --> 00:06:02,263
First,
stop washing your face.
159
00:06:02,265 --> 00:06:05,599
You'll go through
a very shiny,
greasy couple of months.
160
00:06:05,601 --> 00:06:08,134
But eventually,
your natural oils reach
a healthy balance.
161
00:06:08,136 --> 00:06:09,235
Why does he do this?
I don't know.
162
00:06:09,237 --> 00:06:12,871
Second, always shave dry
and against the grain,
163
00:06:12,873 --> 00:06:16,641
Attacking the follicles
in a jerky, zig-zag pattern.
164
00:06:16,643 --> 00:06:18,342
And third,
never use deodorant.
165
00:06:18,344 --> 00:06:21,678
That's just something
that big corporations
made up to take your money.
166
00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,381
Simply apply
a healthy layer
of vaseline to the armpit
167
00:06:25,383 --> 00:06:26,582
And let it seal in
the stink.
168
00:06:26,584 --> 00:06:27,716
He's still going.
He means well.
169
00:06:27,718 --> 00:06:32,187
Think of me as a resource.
I'm here for you, bro.
170
00:06:32,588 --> 00:06:36,090
Thank you, boopie.
So helpful.
171
00:06:36,224 --> 00:06:37,524
Forget everything
you just heard.
172
00:06:37,526 --> 00:06:39,926
If anyone understands
what you're going through,
it's mama.
173
00:06:39,928 --> 00:06:44,096
No offense, mom,
but you have no idea
how hard this is for me.
174
00:06:44,098 --> 00:06:46,031
Please, I've watched
two children
175
00:06:46,033 --> 00:06:47,766
Go through the pubening.
(chuckles)
176
00:06:47,768 --> 00:06:51,503
Heck, I even
went through it myself
at the tender age of 9.
177
00:06:51,505 --> 00:06:52,370
It wasn't ideal.
178
00:06:52,372 --> 00:06:53,804
They used
to call me "booberly."
179
00:06:53,806 --> 00:06:55,906
But this is
just something all of us
180
00:06:55,908 --> 00:06:58,308
Had to suffer through
on our own.
181
00:06:58,310 --> 00:06:59,108
Now you will, too.
182
00:06:59,110 --> 00:07:03,412
Or completely
skip over.
183
00:07:03,414 --> 00:07:03,745
Hmm?
184
00:07:03,747 --> 00:07:06,581
With my guidance,
I'll take this
horrible time
185
00:07:06,583 --> 00:07:09,383
And make it smooth, easy,
and maybe a little bit fun.
186
00:07:09,385 --> 00:07:12,352
Are you actually saying
you could save me
from puberty?
187
00:07:12,354 --> 00:07:13,086
No! She can't.
188
00:07:13,088 --> 00:07:16,489
Yes, that is exactly
what I'm saying.
189
00:07:16,491 --> 00:07:18,958
At this point,
I got nothing to lose.
190
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:19,892
Show me
what you got, lady.
191
00:07:19,894 --> 00:07:21,693
Adult Adam: While I put my faith in my mother,
192
00:07:21,695 --> 00:07:25,329
Geoff Schwartz put his in Christian Slater.
193
00:07:25,331 --> 00:07:27,664
Greetings and salutations.
194
00:07:27,666 --> 00:07:28,431
Lovely home
you got here.
195
00:07:28,433 --> 00:07:31,167
What's going on?
Why are you talking
like a jackass?
196
00:07:31,169 --> 00:07:34,270
Erica said she wanted
a Christian Slater,
so here I am.
197
00:07:34,272 --> 00:07:37,139
I know it's a long shot,
but I just think
your daughter's amazing.
198
00:07:37,141 --> 00:07:41,009
And if you approve,
I'd love to take her
to homecoming.
199
00:07:41,777 --> 00:07:42,309
Erica!
200
00:07:42,311 --> 00:07:43,943
You've got
a gentleman suitor.
201
00:07:43,945 --> 00:07:46,579
You're one
of the good ones, mr. G.
202
00:07:46,581 --> 00:07:48,914
Erica: A gentleman what?
(footsteps approaching)
203
00:07:50,516 --> 00:07:52,483
Greetings and salutations.
204
00:07:52,485 --> 00:07:56,753
I was just skateboarding by,
gleaming the cube and whatnot.
205
00:07:56,755 --> 00:07:57,820
Thought we could go
grab a slushie.
206
00:07:57,822 --> 00:08:01,690
Oh, my god, are you trying
to impress me by acting
like christian slater?
207
00:08:01,692 --> 00:08:03,391
Is it working?
No.
208
00:08:03,393 --> 00:08:04,525
And your clip-on earring
just popped off.
209
00:08:04,527 --> 00:08:07,928
Okay, look, I, I just...
I think you're great,
okay?
210
00:08:07,930 --> 00:08:09,596
I have since, like,
second grade.
211
00:08:09,598 --> 00:08:11,431
Now, I know I made promises
to my cousin,
212
00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:14,434
But maybe we could go
to homecoming together?
213
00:08:14,436 --> 00:08:15,902
Oh, Geoff,
this was sweet,
214
00:08:15,904 --> 00:08:18,070
But I have a pretty firm
"no moron" policy.
215
00:08:18,072 --> 00:08:19,671
Question,
am I in that category?
For sure.
216
00:08:19,673 --> 00:08:24,642
Uh, so, um... Okay,
so I'll put you down
for a "maybe."
217
00:08:25,276 --> 00:08:27,977
God, what a putz.
Am I right?
218
00:08:27,979 --> 00:08:30,245
Adult Adam: At that moment, my dad realized that perhaps
219
00:08:30,247 --> 00:08:34,048
His judgmental nature may have rubbed off on his daughter.
220
00:08:34,050 --> 00:08:37,418
And he decided to do something about it.
221
00:08:38,052 --> 00:08:39,652
Wow, who knew
so many interesting
222
00:08:39,654 --> 00:08:43,022
And attractive young men
went to this school?
223
00:08:43,024 --> 00:08:43,722
They're okay, I guess.
224
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:46,658
Yeah, lots of fellas who look
like they'd be worth
getting to know.
225
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:47,625
I should put myself
out there more.
226
00:08:47,627 --> 00:08:52,129
Oh, look at that one
with the stylish scarf
and the sketchbook...
227
00:08:52,131 --> 00:08:53,830
A poet and an artist,
I bet.
228
00:08:53,832 --> 00:08:54,664
That's dan.
(chuckles)
229
00:08:54,666 --> 00:08:57,366
He's shy, but I think
I could crack open that nut.
230
00:08:57,368 --> 00:08:59,034
Hey, how about
that hot shot?
231
00:08:59,036 --> 00:09:01,336
Is he a swimmer?
He's built like a swimmer.
232
00:09:01,338 --> 00:09:02,937
Look at those shoulders.
He swims, for sure.
233
00:09:02,939 --> 00:09:05,973
Will you shut up?
I'm not even talking
to you.
234
00:09:05,975 --> 00:09:07,908
Well, I certainly hope
you're not talking to me.
235
00:09:07,910 --> 00:09:10,844
Hey, take it from someone
who doesn't like people.
236
00:09:10,846 --> 00:09:14,514
If you close yourself off,
you're gonna
miss out on a lot.
237
00:09:14,516 --> 00:09:16,816
So my dad wants me
to date more?
238
00:09:16,818 --> 00:09:17,550
It's homecoming!
239
00:09:17,552 --> 00:09:20,719
There's got to be
a nice guy somewhere
who deserves a chance.
240
00:09:20,721 --> 00:09:21,219
You're right!
241
00:09:21,221 --> 00:09:23,254
I'm gonna go ask dan
to sit with me at lunch,
242
00:09:23,256 --> 00:09:25,322
See what makes
that guy tick.
243
00:09:25,324 --> 00:09:26,856
(groans)
thanks, dad.
244
00:09:26,858 --> 00:09:27,957
Yes, this is amazing!
245
00:09:27,959 --> 00:09:30,759
Your dad actually
provided you
with real wisdom for once.
246
00:09:30,761 --> 00:09:32,327
Chill, I didn't say
I was going to the dance.
247
00:09:32,329 --> 00:09:34,962
I just said
I would consider it
if an idiot asked me.
248
00:09:34,964 --> 00:09:37,731
Got it.
We'll play it cool
and casually spread the word.
249
00:09:37,733 --> 00:09:40,633
Attention, entire school!
250
00:09:40,635 --> 00:09:41,934
This is Erica Goldberg,
251
00:09:41,936 --> 00:09:45,470
And she will go
to homecoming
with anyone willing to ask.
252
00:09:45,472 --> 00:09:47,038
Barry, sit your ass down
right now.
253
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,106
Uh, to clarify,
she's not a desperate loser.
254
00:09:49,108 --> 00:09:52,976
She's just super closed-off,
and the door's open a crack.
(chuckles)
255
00:09:52,978 --> 00:09:55,945
Which reminds me, dan,
we're hanging out
after school.
256
00:09:55,947 --> 00:09:57,579
I, I have a dentist
appointment, bro.
257
00:09:57,581 --> 00:10:00,682
Cancel it!
We're building
something here!
258
00:10:01,283 --> 00:10:02,716
Get down.
259
00:10:02,718 --> 00:10:03,416
Subtle. Thank you.
260
00:10:03,418 --> 00:10:05,985
Well, the good news is
now we can just
sit back and wait.
261
00:10:05,987 --> 00:10:08,187
Well, don't hold
your breath.
(scoffs)
262
00:10:08,189 --> 00:10:10,756
(saxophone plays)
263
00:10:12,859 --> 00:10:14,392
'sup?
264
00:10:14,394 --> 00:10:14,792
Hi.
265
00:10:14,794 --> 00:10:17,694
I'm Johnny Atkins.
Heard you needed a date
to homecoming.
266
00:10:17,696 --> 00:10:18,394
Sure, I guess.
267
00:10:18,396 --> 00:10:21,263
You ever been out
with a first chair
in the school band before?
268
00:10:21,265 --> 00:10:21,730
No.
269
00:10:21,732 --> 00:10:23,732
Well, it's everything
you ever imagined.
270
00:10:23,734 --> 00:10:26,601
I'll phone you,
saxophone you.
271
00:10:26,603 --> 00:10:28,636
We're gonna have fun.
272
00:10:28,638 --> 00:10:30,804
(saxophone plays)
273
00:10:31,639 --> 00:10:33,406
Dude's confident,
I'll give him that.
274
00:10:33,408 --> 00:10:34,840
You've got a date
to the dance.
275
00:10:34,842 --> 00:10:36,942
Everybody's happy,
and it all worked out.
276
00:10:36,944 --> 00:10:37,609
What did I miss?
277
00:10:37,611 --> 00:10:39,344
We met a first chair
in the school band.
278
00:10:39,346 --> 00:10:41,279
Adult Adam: While Erica landed a date,
279
00:10:41,281 --> 00:10:44,282
I landed a seat at the gimbels makeup counter.
280
00:10:44,284 --> 00:10:47,485
What kind of sorcery
is this?
281
00:10:47,487 --> 00:10:50,120
My giant zits are gone!
282
00:10:51,188 --> 00:10:52,488
Mama made you
a promise.
283
00:10:52,490 --> 00:10:55,858
Now your adorable punim
is ready to light up
that stage.
284
00:10:55,860 --> 00:10:58,760
Just one problem, my singing voice.
285
00:10:58,762 --> 00:11:00,194
My mom couldn't fix that.
286
00:11:00,196 --> 00:11:03,597
That is, until some news broke that shook the country.
287
00:11:03,599 --> 00:11:05,165
They've become international stars.
288
00:11:05,167 --> 00:11:07,033
But behind the braids and break-dancing,
289
00:11:07,035 --> 00:11:08,667
It's been discovered that Milli Vanilli
290
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:11,536
Neither sang on their albums nor at their concerts.
291
00:11:11,538 --> 00:11:15,039
That's unreal.
They fooled everyone.
292
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:17,841
Yes, they really did.
293
00:11:17,843 --> 00:11:20,410
And maybe
you can fool everyone, too.
294
00:11:20,412 --> 00:11:21,577
What are you
talking about?
295
00:11:21,579 --> 00:11:24,446
Say that again
only just mouth the words.
296
00:11:24,448 --> 00:11:27,382
(mouthing)
what are you talking about?
297
00:11:27,750 --> 00:11:29,851
Did that look
as good as it felt?
298
00:11:29,853 --> 00:11:30,952
Better!
(gasps)
299
00:11:30,954 --> 00:11:32,153
Problem solved, love bug!
300
00:11:32,155 --> 00:11:36,390
We're gonna Milli Vanilli
the (bleep)
out of that musical.
301
00:11:36,824 --> 00:11:40,960
Adult Adam:
My dad suggested that Erica take a chance on someone.
302
00:11:40,962 --> 00:11:44,096
Unfortunately, that someone was this dude.
303
00:11:44,098 --> 00:11:45,997
Yo. Is Erica here?
304
00:11:45,999 --> 00:11:49,567
Yo. She's upstairs.
Who are you?
305
00:11:49,668 --> 00:11:52,536
Johnny Atkins.
Yeah.
306
00:11:53,337 --> 00:11:55,971
That Johnny Atkins.
I'm her dad.
307
00:11:57,273 --> 00:11:58,606
Yeah, that dad.
308
00:11:58,608 --> 00:11:59,907
Mind if I just
head up?
309
00:11:59,909 --> 00:12:01,842
Actually, I do.
310
00:12:04,212 --> 00:12:05,412
Zang! Atkins likes.
311
00:12:05,414 --> 00:12:09,549
All right, can I talk to you
in the other room
away from this person?
312
00:12:09,551 --> 00:12:11,517
Sure. Oh.
313
00:12:15,622 --> 00:12:16,321
Who the hell is that?
314
00:12:16,323 --> 00:12:19,157
It's my date
to the dance on Saturday.
He wanted to hang.
315
00:12:19,159 --> 00:12:20,224
That kid's your date?
He's a moron.
316
00:12:20,226 --> 00:12:23,160
Well, you're the guy
who told me to give
the morons a chance.
317
00:12:23,162 --> 00:12:25,262
But I meant other morons.
What other morons?
318
00:12:25,264 --> 00:12:27,731
Nice morons!
Morons like
that Geoff kid.
319
00:12:27,733 --> 00:12:29,032
Schwartz?
He's a moron.
320
00:12:29,034 --> 00:12:31,667
They're all morons!
That's what I'm saying.
321
00:12:31,669 --> 00:12:34,736
But any other moron
is better than that moron.
322
00:12:34,738 --> 00:12:35,336
This is ridiculous.
323
00:12:35,338 --> 00:12:38,772
I took your advice,
but you don't get
to actually choose who I date.
324
00:12:38,774 --> 00:12:41,841
My dad's plans for Erica may have fallen apart.
(sighs)
325
00:12:41,843 --> 00:12:44,109
But my mom's plan for me only needed
326
00:12:44,111 --> 00:12:46,811
To get past one person for it to succeed.
327
00:12:46,813 --> 00:12:49,213
Susan,
I really appreciate you
328
00:12:49,215 --> 00:12:50,280
Agreeing to see me
on such short notice.
329
00:12:50,282 --> 00:12:53,983
Technically, I didn't agree.
You just barged in
during third period
330
00:12:53,985 --> 00:12:54,783
And yelled
"class dismissed."
331
00:12:54,785 --> 00:12:58,987
Point is, I understand
you're putting together a cast
for this year's musical,
332
00:12:58,989 --> 00:13:01,689
And it's presented
some challenges.
333
00:13:01,691 --> 00:13:04,224
It's a real suck show.
Uh, you're gonna be great.
334
00:13:04,226 --> 00:13:06,059
I won't be,
but that's sweet to say.
335
00:13:06,061 --> 00:13:09,028
Well, what if I had a way
to solve your problems,
336
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,563
A way to make this
your biggest hit yet?
337
00:13:11,565 --> 00:13:14,399
Mrs. Goldberg, we have been
through this in the past.
338
00:13:14,401 --> 00:13:15,233
You can't be
in the musical.
339
00:13:15,235 --> 00:13:18,269
No, no, I...
I've come to accept that.
340
00:13:18,271 --> 00:13:21,205
I'm talking
about a different
approach entirely.
341
00:13:21,207 --> 00:13:24,007
Have you heard of this
Milli Vanilli scandal?
342
00:13:24,009 --> 00:13:26,576
Big fan. It hit me hard.
343
00:13:26,578 --> 00:13:27,777
Oh, I'm sorry.
344
00:13:27,779 --> 00:13:29,879
But what if someone
could do the same thing
345
00:13:29,881 --> 00:13:32,214
Only without making
the same sloppy mistakes?
346
00:13:32,216 --> 00:13:36,451
Are you actually suggesting
that Adam lip-sync his songs
in the show?
347
00:13:36,453 --> 00:13:41,289
God, I guess hearing it
out loud, it really does sound
insane, even for me.
348
00:13:41,291 --> 00:13:41,956
Screw it. I'm in.
349
00:13:41,958 --> 00:13:43,624
Really?
I'll get all the kids
to do it.
350
00:13:43,626 --> 00:13:45,659
I mean, what choice
do I have?
351
00:13:45,661 --> 00:13:47,260
None. Yay.
352
00:13:47,262 --> 00:13:49,228
Yay.
Yay!
353
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:52,264
Mouth it. Yay!
354
00:13:54,066 --> 00:13:55,266
(saxophone plays)
355
00:13:55,268 --> 00:13:57,434
(chuckles)
hey, Johnny.
356
00:13:58,903 --> 00:14:01,271
Yo, looking forward
to Saturday night.
Me too.
357
00:14:01,273 --> 00:14:05,408
So I'll pick up carla first,
be at your place
around 7:00, cool?
358
00:14:05,410 --> 00:14:07,243
Cool.
(chuckles)
359
00:14:07,245 --> 00:14:07,776
Wait, what?
360
00:14:07,778 --> 00:14:09,711
Yeah, I'm also giving her
a ride to the dance.
361
00:14:09,713 --> 00:14:12,547
And she can hang out with us.
And dance with us.
362
00:14:12,549 --> 00:14:15,349
Are you taking both of us
to the dance?
363
00:14:15,351 --> 00:14:17,217
Classic Johnny Atkins,
am I right?
364
00:14:17,219 --> 00:14:18,952
How could you
not see this coming?
365
00:14:18,954 --> 00:14:20,420
Because I have no idea
who you are,
366
00:14:20,422 --> 00:14:22,054
Other than
an oddly confident
band geek.
367
00:14:22,056 --> 00:14:27,526
Shows what you know.
Band geek in the front,
rock god in the back.
368
00:14:27,528 --> 00:14:28,760
Are you seriously okay
with this?
369
00:14:28,762 --> 00:14:32,029
No, but I really feel
like I can fix him.
370
00:14:32,031 --> 00:14:33,930
But she can't,
so what do you say?
371
00:14:33,932 --> 00:14:36,265
What do you think she says?
Hit the bricks, bro.
372
00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:37,799
Dude, I will punch you
in the eyeball.
373
00:14:37,801 --> 00:14:40,201
Erica, help me.
He's serious.
374
00:14:40,203 --> 00:14:41,035
(sighs)
you know what, Johnny?
375
00:14:41,037 --> 00:14:44,204
That's a firm "no"
to your creepy offer.
Your loss.
376
00:14:44,206 --> 00:14:47,207
Hey, debbie gordon, you got
a date to homecoming yet?
377
00:14:47,209 --> 00:14:48,808
(saxophone plays)
378
00:14:48,810 --> 00:14:50,676
Oh, man, that was
so sweet of me, huh?
379
00:14:50,678 --> 00:14:52,778
So if it's looking
like you're free
Saturday night, then...
380
00:14:52,780 --> 00:14:55,514
I'm not going
to the dance, Geoff.
381
00:14:55,516 --> 00:14:57,482
Not with anybody.
382
00:14:58,851 --> 00:15:03,187
(lip-synching)
♪ I stuff her shoes with extra socks
383
00:15:03,189 --> 00:15:05,322
♪ run seven blocks
384
00:15:05,324 --> 00:15:07,357
♪ in nothing flat
385
00:15:07,524 --> 00:15:09,758
♪ and I can do that
386
00:15:10,059 --> 00:15:12,093
♪ I can do that
387
00:15:13,195 --> 00:15:17,565
This is incredible.
My grandson's
a superstar.
388
00:15:21,269 --> 00:15:25,005
♪ I'm watching sis go pitter pat
389
00:15:25,007 --> 00:15:26,439
♪ said, I can do that
390
00:15:26,441 --> 00:15:27,307
♪ that, that, that
391
00:15:27,309 --> 00:15:29,475
♪ that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that ♪
392
00:15:29,477 --> 00:15:31,343
My god,
he's repeating himself.
393
00:15:31,345 --> 00:15:34,245
You can do what?
What can you do?
Finish the thought.
394
00:15:34,247 --> 00:15:38,415
Dad, he's fine.
Just working out
some kinks.
395
00:15:38,482 --> 00:15:41,083
Wait, so you actually
weren't doing anything?
396
00:15:41,085 --> 00:15:45,454
"not doing anything?"
didn't you see this?
397
00:15:46,055 --> 00:15:49,490
Bevy, you can't let him
go through with this
cockamamie scheme.
398
00:15:49,492 --> 00:15:51,825
Well, actually,
it was my idea.
399
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:52,458
Oh, god. Why?
400
00:15:52,460 --> 00:15:55,627
Pops, I can't go onstage
and completely
embarrass myself.
401
00:15:55,629 --> 00:15:59,130
Just do your best!
You're the same great kid
you always were.
402
00:15:59,132 --> 00:16:03,300
Listen to me.
Do I sound
like the same kid?
403
00:16:03,302 --> 00:16:05,769
Do I look
like the same kid?
404
00:16:05,771 --> 00:16:08,404
No. I'm not him.
405
00:16:08,406 --> 00:16:10,372
I'm whatever this is.
406
00:16:10,374 --> 00:16:14,709
And if mom
can make it better,
I'm gonna let her.
407
00:16:14,711 --> 00:16:16,677
(footsteps receding)
408
00:16:16,844 --> 00:16:21,514
Don't give me that look.
As his mother, it is my job
to make this all better.
409
00:16:21,516 --> 00:16:25,050
But you can't.
All you're doing
is making it worse.
410
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,352
You're turning him
into someone he's not.
411
00:16:27,354 --> 00:16:29,387
(footsteps approaching)
412
00:16:29,821 --> 00:16:33,623
I forgot my foundation,
rouge, and powder puff.
413
00:16:33,625 --> 00:16:35,891
Good day to you, sir.
414
00:16:37,593 --> 00:16:40,661
Adult Adam: The biggest night of my middle-school theater career had arrived,
415
00:16:40,663 --> 00:16:44,498
And the only one more nervous than me was my smother.
416
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:45,632
Okay, let's warm up.
417
00:16:45,634 --> 00:16:48,501
I have the recording
of the new york
city boys choir
418
00:16:48,503 --> 00:16:50,202
Doing scales,
so show me what you got.
419
00:16:50,204 --> 00:16:54,873
(lip-synching)
♪ do, re, mi, fa, sol, la, ti, do
420
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,876
Oh, very good, very good.
Move those lips.
421
00:16:57,878 --> 00:16:58,743
No sounds!
422
00:16:58,745 --> 00:16:59,577
♪ fa, mi, re, do ♪
423
00:16:59,579 --> 00:17:03,180
Adult Adam: Watching us Milli Vanilli our way through the warm-up scales,
424
00:17:03,182 --> 00:17:06,416
My mom realized pops was right.
425
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:09,218
Okay, susan.
We need to talk.
426
00:17:09,220 --> 00:17:10,118
Sorry, show starts in five.
427
00:17:10,120 --> 00:17:12,920
No, you can't do this.
It's wrong, and you know it.
428
00:17:12,922 --> 00:17:15,822
What are you talking about?
This whole thing
was all your idea.
429
00:17:15,824 --> 00:17:19,325
Those people out there,
they want to see
"a chorus line,"
430
00:17:19,327 --> 00:17:19,925
Not "a chorus lie."
431
00:17:19,927 --> 00:17:23,929
I'm so confused
by your moral high ground.
Again, this was all you.
432
00:17:23,931 --> 00:17:24,696
Mom, it's fine.
433
00:17:24,698 --> 00:17:28,733
This recording is gonna blow
the freaking roof
off this place.
434
00:17:28,735 --> 00:17:33,237
And so are you
with your own voices.
435
00:17:33,239 --> 00:17:35,505
Yes, they are creaking
and cracking.
436
00:17:35,507 --> 00:17:39,208
And, yes, your foreheads
are very shiny, all right?
437
00:17:39,210 --> 00:17:42,044
And you take
insanely long showers,
438
00:17:42,046 --> 00:17:43,011
But it doesn't matter
439
00:17:43,013 --> 00:17:47,048
Because you're all just
as amazing as you always were.
440
00:17:47,315 --> 00:17:48,882
I don't feel amazing.
441
00:17:48,884 --> 00:17:50,450
You?
What's your problem?
442
00:17:50,452 --> 00:17:53,486
Oh, you heard my voice.
Who cares?
443
00:17:53,488 --> 00:17:55,955
I got bacne, dude.
Crazy bacne.
444
00:17:55,957 --> 00:17:58,257
So? I sweat constantly
for no reason.
445
00:17:58,259 --> 00:18:01,126
I-I'm sweating right now,
and it's like
50 degrees in here.
446
00:18:01,128 --> 00:18:04,496
I've got a weird thing
for Sally Jessy Raphael.
447
00:18:04,498 --> 00:18:05,864
Beverly: See?
448
00:18:05,866 --> 00:18:06,798
None of you are alone.
449
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:11,702
You're all going through
something that everybody
has to suffer through.
450
00:18:11,704 --> 00:18:14,204
Come on.
Who's with me?
451
00:18:14,206 --> 00:18:15,138
Screw it.
452
00:18:15,140 --> 00:18:16,205
Let's go out there
and give them
453
00:18:16,207 --> 00:18:20,742
The best worst musical
the school has ever seen.
454
00:18:21,243 --> 00:18:23,010
Adult Adam: And so we sang it.
455
00:18:23,012 --> 00:18:24,011
We really sang it.
456
00:18:24,013 --> 00:18:28,248
And it wasn't pretty, but it was definitely us.
457
00:18:28,315 --> 00:18:32,651
♪ kiss today goodbye
458
00:18:35,321 --> 00:18:40,224
♪ the sweetness and the sorrow
459
00:18:43,194 --> 00:18:45,195
All:
♪ wish me luck
460
00:18:45,197 --> 00:18:46,930
♪ the same
461
00:18:46,932 --> 00:18:50,600
♪ to you
462
00:18:54,137 --> 00:18:57,105
Sure, growing up is hard and awkward and embarrassing.
463
00:18:57,107 --> 00:19:00,108
But if you're lucky, you just mind find the courage
464
00:19:00,110 --> 00:19:02,543
To sing your way through it...
465
00:19:02,777 --> 00:19:07,180
♪ what I did for love ♪
466
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:14,620
...Or have someone talk you through it when you least expect it.
467
00:19:14,622 --> 00:19:16,588
Hey, peanut.
468
00:19:16,822 --> 00:19:19,690
I, uh, heard
about the kid
with the hair.
469
00:19:19,692 --> 00:19:22,726
So, uh, you're not going
to the dance, huh?
470
00:19:22,728 --> 00:19:24,694
Honestly,
I hate dances.
471
00:19:24,696 --> 00:19:25,761
And the nice thing
about being alone
472
00:19:25,763 --> 00:19:29,598
Is that there's
no one here bothering me,
acting like a moron.
473
00:19:30,433 --> 00:19:32,767
Oh, my god,
Barry's right.
474
00:19:32,769 --> 00:19:35,069
God, I'm just like you.
475
00:19:35,071 --> 00:19:36,503
Sorry.
476
00:19:36,804 --> 00:19:38,037
I get it.
477
00:19:38,039 --> 00:19:40,372
But there's hope.
Why?
478
00:19:40,374 --> 00:19:42,774
Well, things work out.
479
00:19:42,776 --> 00:19:43,574
I met your mom.
480
00:19:43,576 --> 00:19:47,945
She sees the best
in everybody,
even a grump like me.
481
00:19:48,012 --> 00:19:50,313
All I'm saying is
482
00:19:50,714 --> 00:19:53,182
Just give people
a chance.
483
00:19:54,117 --> 00:19:56,017
Don't be a moron.
484
00:19:57,486 --> 00:19:59,887
Adult Adam: 'cause as hard as it is to grow up,
485
00:19:59,889 --> 00:20:02,289
It's even harder to go through it alone.
486
00:20:02,857 --> 00:20:05,391
And when you open up and put yourself out there,
487
00:20:05,393 --> 00:20:08,060
You'll be surprised where it leads.
488
00:20:08,062 --> 00:20:09,661
Erica, hi!
489
00:20:09,663 --> 00:20:12,130
Greetings and salutations.
490
00:20:12,197 --> 00:20:12,629
You busy?
491
00:20:12,631 --> 00:20:15,865
Uh, not really.
I was just waiting
for my cousin to call back.
492
00:20:15,867 --> 00:20:18,601
I thought maybe
we could still make
the end of the dance.
493
00:20:18,603 --> 00:20:22,638
Well, I was thinking maybe
we could hang out instead.
494
00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:23,505
No way.
As friends.
495
00:20:23,507 --> 00:20:25,573
Yeah, no.
Let's not put
a label on it.
496
00:20:25,575 --> 00:20:27,174
Let's... Mmm-hmm.
497
00:20:27,176 --> 00:20:31,011
So, what do you say
we go grab a slushie?
498
00:20:31,812 --> 00:20:33,245
(chuckles)
499
00:20:33,713 --> 00:20:35,313
Mmm, check this out.
500
00:20:35,315 --> 00:20:35,946
Gleaming the cube.
501
00:20:35,948 --> 00:20:38,815
What does that even mean?
No one knows.
502
00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:41,550
(grunts)
(laughs)
503
00:20:41,552 --> 00:20:44,719
Oh, my god,
Geoff, are you okay?
504
00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:48,622
No, not a new one.
It's photo day at school.
505
00:20:48,624 --> 00:20:49,556
You came
to the right place.
506
00:20:49,558 --> 00:20:52,258
No, get out!
I don't want any
of your terrible advice.
507
00:20:52,260 --> 00:20:56,228
Dude, I'm a pimple pro.
You got to pop
that thing immediately.
508
00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:58,430
Everyone says
not to pop it.
509
00:20:58,432 --> 00:21:00,698
Look at this
flawless skin.
510
00:21:00,700 --> 00:21:02,633
It's like
baby italian marble.
511
00:21:02,635 --> 00:21:06,136
Would you rather have
a pizza face
or a Barry face?
512
00:21:06,138 --> 00:21:08,104
Fine.
I'll just pop the thing.
513
00:21:08,106 --> 00:21:11,040
Oh, I gotta get this
on film.
514
00:21:11,808 --> 00:21:12,541
Come on.
515
00:21:12,543 --> 00:21:14,109
Let's get a close-up
of that zit.
516
00:21:14,111 --> 00:21:16,744
Hey, why are you covering it?
Don't feel
so embarrassed.
517
00:21:16,746 --> 00:21:19,113
Let me see that zit.
Come on.
For memories.
518
00:21:19,115 --> 00:21:21,548
Barry: Let's get a close-up
of that zit.
519
00:21:21,550 --> 00:21:26,119
He's covering his mouth
'cause he doesn't want anyone
to see his zit.
520
00:21:26,121 --> 00:21:28,921
(laughs)
(bell dings)
521
00:21:29,121 --> 00:21:30,921
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