Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:40,180 --> 00:00:43,581
Next up, an experiment
to measure peer pressure.
2
00:00:43,581 --> 00:00:45,182
How much is the individual
3
00:00:45,182 --> 00:00:46,582
influenced by the group?
4
00:00:46,582 --> 00:00:48,143
Seeing as Arnold Rimmer's late,
5
00:00:48,143 --> 00:00:51,104
the subject of this experiment
can be him. When he finally
6
00:00:51,104 --> 00:00:52,904
does us the honour of turning up,
7
00:00:52,904 --> 00:00:55,465
I shall ask you a set of questions
8
00:00:55,465 --> 00:00:57,746
and want you to answer accordingly.
9
00:01:00,907 --> 00:01:03,268
First day of term and I'm late!
10
00:01:03,268 --> 00:01:05,789
So embarrassing. He'll kill me.
11
00:01:08,670 --> 00:01:10,430
Ahh!
12
00:01:10,430 --> 00:01:11,951
Mr Rimmer!
13
00:01:11,951 --> 00:01:15,352
I hope we haven't inconvenienced you
too much by starting on time.
14
00:01:15,352 --> 00:01:16,553
Sorry, Father.
15
00:01:16,553 --> 00:01:18,473
I'm "Father" outside college.
16
00:01:18,473 --> 00:01:21,394
Inside college, I'm "sir"
or "Lecturer Rimmer", understand?
17
00:01:21,394 --> 00:01:23,035
Yes, Father.
18
00:01:23,035 --> 00:01:24,475
I mean, sir.
19
00:01:24,475 --> 00:01:26,236
So embarrassing.
20
00:01:26,236 --> 00:01:28,877
We're just about
to run through a few questions
21
00:01:28,877 --> 00:01:30,317
as part of psy profiling.
22
00:01:30,317 --> 00:01:32,158
OK,
23
00:01:32,158 --> 00:01:34,079
take a look at this colour.
24
00:01:34,079 --> 00:01:36,479
Is it purple, blue or green?
25
00:01:36,479 --> 00:01:37,880
Hands up, purple.
26
00:01:39,080 --> 00:01:40,521
Hands up, blue.
27
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:47,483
Green.
28
00:01:54,325 --> 00:01:57,166
A fallopian tube
is a musical instrument.
29
00:01:57,166 --> 00:01:58,887
True or false?
30
00:01:58,887 --> 00:02:00,087
True?
31
00:02:06,250 --> 00:02:10,131
What's the answer
to this piece of arithmetic?
32
00:03:08,071 --> 00:03:11,112
You kills my brother.
33
00:03:11,112 --> 00:03:12,112
Hm?
34
00:03:14,713 --> 00:03:17,994
Oh, you got the wrong quarters, bud.
You want Lister.
35
00:03:17,994 --> 00:03:21,996
That's two floors down, second on
the right, fourth on the left.
36
00:03:21,996 --> 00:03:23,516
Night!
37
00:03:32,679 --> 00:03:35,400
You kills my brother.
38
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:36,801
One floor down, sir.
39
00:03:37,961 --> 00:03:39,922
Elevator at the end of the hallway.
40
00:03:46,844 --> 00:03:49,085
You kills my brother.
41
00:03:49,085 --> 00:03:52,006
Oh, smeg off, Rimmer.
I'm tryin' to sleep, man.
42
00:03:57,288 --> 00:04:00,129
You kills my brother.
No, I didn't.
43
00:04:00,129 --> 00:04:01,449
Oh, yes, you did!
44
00:04:01,449 --> 00:04:03,170
No, I smeggin' didn't!
45
00:04:03,170 --> 00:04:05,891
I are here to challenge
theys who kills my brother
46
00:04:05,891 --> 00:04:08,892
to a duel to the ungonising death.
47
00:04:08,892 --> 00:04:12,613
I will give you five of your
Earth minutes and then...
48
00:04:12,613 --> 00:04:17,135
I will pursue you across space
unto the end of time itself.
49
00:04:17,135 --> 00:04:22,296
I will not rest until you are
chokin' on your own warm blood.
50
00:04:23,857 --> 00:04:25,497
Sounds fair to me.
51
00:04:25,497 --> 00:04:28,018
Butt out, Rimmer.
Don't encourage him.
52
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:32,660
Do you accept the challenge, humo,
a duel across time and space?
53
00:04:32,660 --> 00:04:34,941
No! Why?
54
00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:37,822
Hogey, you are always doing this -
picking fights
55
00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:41,103
and then challenging us to duels
across time and space.
56
00:04:41,103 --> 00:04:42,983
No, I not. Yes, you are.
57
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,224
No, I not.
58
00:04:44,224 --> 00:04:46,625
Yes, you smeggin' are!
59
00:04:46,625 --> 00:04:49,866
You rogue droids are obsessed with
duels across time and space.
60
00:04:49,866 --> 00:04:51,346
You eesult my kind,
61
00:04:51,346 --> 00:04:55,748
saying we are obsessed with duels
across time and space.
62
00:04:55,748 --> 00:04:59,629
I therefore challenge you
to a duel across time and space.
63
00:04:59,629 --> 00:05:01,070
I will give you five of your...
64
00:05:01,070 --> 00:05:04,031
No duels across time and space.
65
00:05:04,031 --> 00:05:05,631
Why?!
66
00:05:05,631 --> 00:05:06,952
Look, at first, it was fun,
67
00:05:06,952 --> 00:05:09,393
it distracted us from being
stuck in deep space,
68
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:11,113
no...way of getting back home.
69
00:05:11,113 --> 00:05:14,634
But we're all duelled out -
our duelling days are over.
70
00:05:14,634 --> 00:05:16,035
Duellos annonos.
71
00:05:16,035 --> 00:05:18,756
Oh, please! No!
72
00:05:18,756 --> 00:05:21,117
I will give you a leetle start.
73
00:05:21,117 --> 00:05:23,877
No! But we are in deep space.
74
00:05:23,877 --> 00:05:25,598
It's light years from anywhere.
75
00:05:25,598 --> 00:05:27,119
There be nothing else to do.
76
00:05:27,119 --> 00:05:28,679
You think I don't know that?
77
00:05:28,679 --> 00:05:30,880
So, how we going to keep from
going crazy?
78
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:32,641
For you, my friend,
it's way too late.
79
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:36,002
How about a ping-pong marathon?
80
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,042
Get a few buddies together.
81
00:05:38,042 --> 00:05:39,883
Rogue nutters versus the Dwarfers.
82
00:05:39,883 --> 00:05:41,604
We already do that.
83
00:05:41,604 --> 00:05:43,084
You guys, you always win.
84
00:05:43,084 --> 00:05:45,285
Crazy golf, then,
the botanical gardens.
85
00:05:45,285 --> 00:05:46,965
We'll give you a shot a hole.
86
00:05:46,965 --> 00:05:49,606
Oh, yeah, like we stand a chance.
87
00:05:49,606 --> 00:05:50,927
What's wrong with that?!
88
00:05:50,927 --> 00:05:52,967
You be knowing all the burrows,
89
00:05:52,967 --> 00:05:54,968
how to get in and out
the little windmills.
90
00:05:58,689 --> 00:06:00,490
What else?
91
00:06:00,490 --> 00:06:02,251
All right, tell you what.
92
00:06:02,251 --> 00:06:04,171
A cooking contest.
93
00:06:04,171 --> 00:06:07,212
Who can bake the most delicious
cake - we'll thrash you.
94
00:06:07,212 --> 00:06:09,853
Not if it a choux pastry, you won't.
95
00:06:09,853 --> 00:06:13,575
Ooh, choux pastry.
Big words, my demented friend.
96
00:06:13,575 --> 00:06:14,935
What are we playing for?
97
00:06:14,935 --> 00:06:16,816
If I win...
-Oh...
98
00:06:16,816 --> 00:06:19,617
..a duel across time and space.
But if you win,
99
00:06:19,617 --> 00:06:24,698
a great treasure, the likes of which
you have never seen.
100
00:06:24,698 --> 00:06:27,779
A piece of old cloth?!
No, thanks, we've already got one.
101
00:06:27,779 --> 00:06:28,980
Hey, it's a map.
102
00:06:28,980 --> 00:06:32,621
A map the likes of which
you have never seen.
103
00:06:32,621 --> 00:06:35,302
Everything's the likes of which
you've never seen with him.
104
00:06:35,302 --> 00:06:37,783
Do you doubt me? I'm just sayin',
105
00:06:37,783 --> 00:06:40,424
you'd be surprised the likes of which
we have seen.
106
00:06:40,424 --> 00:06:42,985
Don't be so quick to say everything's
the likes of which we haven't seen.
107
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,666
We've seen things the likes of which
you probably haven't seen yourself.
108
00:06:46,746 --> 00:06:48,587
Is that a challenge?
109
00:06:48,587 --> 00:06:50,267
No duels!
110
00:06:50,267 --> 00:06:53,468
The map, it show
everything in this galaxy -
111
00:06:53,468 --> 00:06:57,390
every wormhole,
every derelict, every planet.
112
00:06:57,390 --> 00:06:58,790
Where d'you get this?
113
00:06:58,790 --> 00:07:01,591
I steal from a Simulant Death Ship.
114
00:07:01,591 --> 00:07:04,392
Hm, you don't want to mess with
those guys. They're deranged.
115
00:07:04,392 --> 00:07:06,273
Once you cross them,
116
00:07:06,273 --> 00:07:07,673
they hunt you down.
117
00:07:07,673 --> 00:07:10,754
Not me. I steal while they slumber.
118
00:07:10,754 --> 00:07:12,955
I clever as a hedgehog.
119
00:07:15,796 --> 00:07:16,716
Look out!
120
00:07:25,099 --> 00:07:26,800
The hull's cracked!
121
00:07:31,361 --> 00:07:33,002
Sorry to intrude, sir.
122
00:07:33,002 --> 00:07:35,363
Is now a good time
to clean your quarters?
123
00:07:35,363 --> 00:07:37,683
Certainly looks like
it could do with a good tidy.
124
00:07:40,084 --> 00:07:43,285
Oh! Sorry, sir, I didn't realise
you had company.
125
00:07:43,285 --> 00:07:45,086
I'll rework my schedule.
126
00:07:48,807 --> 00:07:51,168
Sorry to intrude again, sir.
127
00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:55,250
When is a good time for my lesson
on human modes of speech?
128
00:07:55,250 --> 00:07:57,730
Oh, now's an excellent time, Kryten.
129
00:07:57,730 --> 00:08:00,011
Come in, take a seat.
130
00:08:00,011 --> 00:08:02,892
Oh, what fun, sir!
That's sarcasm, right?
131
00:08:02,892 --> 00:08:05,373
You see?
I am getting the hang of it!
132
00:08:05,373 --> 00:08:08,494
There's a ship outside!
They're attacking us!
133
00:08:13,456 --> 00:08:16,737
He's sealed the crack.
We've got to get out of here.
134
00:08:16,737 --> 00:08:19,298
We can't just leave him! Watch me.
135
00:08:20,738 --> 00:08:23,059
What's that? Oh, nothing.
136
00:08:24,940 --> 00:08:28,541
Look, I'll be back. I don't know how,
I don't know when. You abandon me?
137
00:08:28,541 --> 00:08:30,021
Then I have no choice.
138
00:08:30,021 --> 00:08:31,742
I challenge you to a duel...
139
00:08:31,742 --> 00:08:33,983
Oh, what's the point?
140
00:08:52,149 --> 00:08:54,190
What the hell's going on?
Who's doing this?
141
00:08:54,190 --> 00:08:57,711
Kryten, scan the local vicinity
for any anomalous energy patterns.
142
00:08:57,711 --> 00:09:01,472
Everything's down, sir.
We're on EPS. Trying to reboot.
143
00:09:01,472 --> 00:09:02,913
So, let me get this right.
144
00:09:02,913 --> 00:09:04,913
We're being attacked by somethin'
but we don't know what,
145
00:09:04,913 --> 00:09:07,114
and there's no way
of finding out what's out there?
146
00:09:07,114 --> 00:09:09,435
I have a suggestion, sirs. What?
147
00:09:09,435 --> 00:09:12,876
How about we look out of the window?
148
00:09:16,237 --> 00:09:18,678
Sometimes the old ways
are the best ways.
149
00:09:18,678 --> 00:09:20,399
Do it.
150
00:09:20,399 --> 00:09:21,719
What, me, sir? On my own?
151
00:09:21,719 --> 00:09:23,520
Of course on your own.
152
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,081
I love solo missions!
I'm on my way, sir.
153
00:09:33,563 --> 00:09:36,404
Would you like a written report,
sir, or under these circumstances,
154
00:09:36,404 --> 00:09:38,285
would a verbal account suffice?
155
00:09:38,285 --> 00:09:40,246
Get on with it, man!
What's out there?
156
00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,606
A rogue Simulant Death Ship, sir.
157
00:09:42,606 --> 00:09:43,887
A Death Ship?
158
00:09:43,887 --> 00:09:45,727
Yes, sir. Should we be concerned?
159
00:09:45,727 --> 00:09:48,648
Concern would be an entirely
appropriate response
160
00:09:48,648 --> 00:09:50,569
under these circumstances, sir.
161
00:09:50,569 --> 00:09:52,570
What d'you think they want?
162
00:09:52,570 --> 00:09:53,730
Although the Death Ship
163
00:09:53,730 --> 00:09:56,491
didn't indicate the exact nature
of their business, sir,
164
00:09:56,491 --> 00:09:59,052
I'm guessing
it's something a bit...deathy.
165
00:10:00,893 --> 00:10:02,893
They must have been
tracking Hogey.
166
00:10:02,893 --> 00:10:05,374
Finding us is just a bonus.
Simulants!
167
00:10:05,374 --> 00:10:07,935
These are the guys
who despise humans, right?
168
00:10:07,935 --> 00:10:10,816
The ones who won't rest till they've
annihilated every single one.
169
00:10:10,816 --> 00:10:13,977
Correct, sir.
Not me, then. Excellent!
170
00:10:13,977 --> 00:10:15,378
I'll be in the rec room,
171
00:10:15,378 --> 00:10:18,219
reading this month's copy
of I'm OK! Magazine.
172
00:10:19,419 --> 00:10:23,861
Make no mistake, sir - they will see
us all as Mr Lister's lieutenants.
173
00:10:23,861 --> 00:10:26,622
They will show us no mercy.
174
00:10:26,622 --> 00:10:29,823
Death Ships are captained
by special berserker generals
175
00:10:29,823 --> 00:10:31,623
who've been crossbred
176
00:10:31,623 --> 00:10:35,465
to create an insane
biomechanical entity...
177
00:10:35,465 --> 00:10:37,305
of pure evil.
178
00:10:49,830 --> 00:10:52,390
My Dominator, forgive me,
I implore you.
179
00:10:52,390 --> 00:10:54,311
The Earth one remains alive.
180
00:10:54,311 --> 00:10:57,352
Forgiveness is a human quality,
Chancellor.
181
00:10:57,352 --> 00:11:00,713
It has no meaning
to a Simulant general.
182
00:11:00,713 --> 00:11:03,194
You know what you must do.
183
00:11:19,400 --> 00:11:20,720
Ooh.
184
00:11:20,720 --> 00:11:21,921
Nuhh.
185
00:11:24,762 --> 00:11:26,082
Uhh!
186
00:11:26,082 --> 00:11:27,603
Ohh! Uh.
187
00:11:27,603 --> 00:11:29,403
Firstly...
188
00:11:29,403 --> 00:11:31,644
polish my Sword of Spite...
189
00:11:33,124 --> 00:11:34,925
...as a punishment
for your idiocy...
190
00:11:34,925 --> 00:11:36,045
Polish?
191
00:11:36,045 --> 00:11:37,806
Yes. Polish.
192
00:11:37,806 --> 00:11:40,887
As a punishment
for your idiocy. Secondly...
193
00:11:40,887 --> 00:11:44,248
Just polish? Yes, just polish!
194
00:11:44,248 --> 00:11:45,649
Secondly...
195
00:11:45,649 --> 00:11:49,410
write me a formal letter of
apology.
196
00:11:49,410 --> 00:11:53,691
So, you just want me to polish
your sword and write a letter?
197
00:11:53,691 --> 00:11:55,572
Yes.
198
00:11:55,572 --> 00:11:58,053
Nothing else? Nothing else.
199
00:11:58,053 --> 00:12:00,334
So, you don't want me to, er...
ooh, I don't know, er,
200
00:12:00,334 --> 00:12:02,014
commit hari-kari or anything?
201
00:12:02,014 --> 00:12:03,375
Of course not!
202
00:12:07,976 --> 00:12:11,338
Well, sir, that wasn't made
very clear.
203
00:12:11,338 --> 00:12:14,299
Er, when you slid the sword
across the table,
204
00:12:14,299 --> 00:12:18,460
I naturally assumed you wanted me
to commit hari-kari.
205
00:12:18,460 --> 00:12:20,821
No, I do not!
Oh, I know that now, sir.
206
00:12:20,821 --> 00:12:23,582
Before, though, it was just...
you know, it was a bit ambiguous.
207
00:12:23,582 --> 00:12:26,743
Er...
208
00:12:26,743 --> 00:12:29,984
I think a new system is in order.
209
00:12:29,984 --> 00:12:31,304
I'm going to go now, sir.
210
00:12:31,304 --> 00:12:33,185
Er... My Dominator,
211
00:12:33,185 --> 00:12:34,746
thank you.
212
00:12:35,786 --> 00:12:37,306
Ooh.
213
00:12:37,306 --> 00:12:38,627
Uhh.
214
00:12:38,627 --> 00:12:40,948
Oh, Chancellor.
215
00:12:40,948 --> 00:12:43,949
You do have a tendency
to jump to conclusions.
216
00:12:45,149 --> 00:12:47,230
Let this be a little lesson to you.
217
00:12:48,510 --> 00:12:50,151
Oh.
218
00:12:50,151 --> 00:12:51,191
Oh...
219
00:12:51,191 --> 00:12:52,512
That bit looks important.
220
00:12:58,674 --> 00:13:00,034
Hang on, hang on.
221
00:13:02,155 --> 00:13:04,036
Do you know how to work that?
222
00:13:04,036 --> 00:13:07,237
It's got lots of different settings,
but yeah.
223
00:13:11,198 --> 00:13:13,679
Thought not.
What the hell just happened?
224
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:19,481
What the hell is this thing?
225
00:13:19,481 --> 00:13:20,801
It's a wibbly gun.
226
00:13:20,801 --> 00:13:22,042
It makes things go all...
227
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,003
..wibblified.
228
00:13:25,003 --> 00:13:27,244
It appears to destabilise
229
00:13:27,244 --> 00:13:31,285
the molecular structure
of solid objects, sir.
230
00:13:31,285 --> 00:13:34,846
His version was clearer.
Come on. Cargo bay.
231
00:13:34,846 --> 00:13:37,887
Let's get to Blue Midget and CB3.
232
00:13:44,009 --> 00:13:45,730
Rimmer, what is that?
233
00:13:45,730 --> 00:13:48,651
It's a holo-lamp, isn't it, sir?
It plays holo-messages.
234
00:13:48,651 --> 00:13:51,612
My father gave it to me
when I was a boy.
235
00:13:51,612 --> 00:13:53,853
He told me to play it
the day I become an officer
236
00:13:53,853 --> 00:13:56,814
and join the Space Corps,
the day I become a somebody.
237
00:13:56,814 --> 00:13:58,134
So, never been played, right?
238
00:13:59,975 --> 00:14:02,696
And it shan't be until
I'm an officer. Come on, let's go!
239
00:14:11,374 --> 00:14:14,975
Death Ship and three Annihilators
at six o'clock, sirs.
240
00:14:18,056 --> 00:14:19,977
Question. Can we stay ahead
of them?
241
00:14:19,977 --> 00:14:22,218
Only if we have enough fuel, sir.
Two, maybe three hours.
242
00:14:22,218 --> 00:14:25,939
Asteroid field 80 clicks west.
Maybe offer some cover.
243
00:14:25,939 --> 00:14:27,459
I'm taking her in.
244
00:14:32,341 --> 00:14:35,702
According to the readouts,
quadrant two, vector four.
245
00:14:35,702 --> 00:14:38,223
We can hide in that asteroid.
Take us in!
246
00:14:44,265 --> 00:14:48,467
My Dominator, I am afraid
the human insurgents have escaped.
247
00:14:48,467 --> 00:14:50,587
Er, they've flown into
an asteroid field.
248
00:14:50,587 --> 00:14:52,388
That is totally unacceptable!
249
00:14:52,388 --> 00:14:55,869
I agree, My Dominator. The security
forces have been shambolic.
250
00:14:55,869 --> 00:14:59,110
Those responsible should be agonised.
I-I agree also.
251
00:14:59,110 --> 00:15:00,271
And I. And I.
252
00:15:00,271 --> 00:15:01,791
And I. And I also.
253
00:15:01,791 --> 00:15:05,392
Oh, I refuse to be surrounded
by these toadying sycophants!
254
00:15:05,392 --> 00:15:08,193
I agree, My Dominator.
I agree also.
255
00:15:08,193 --> 00:15:09,514
And I. And I.
256
00:15:09,514 --> 00:15:10,914
And I. And I also.
257
00:15:10,914 --> 00:15:13,875
I want each member of my council
to think for themselves,
258
00:15:13,875 --> 00:15:16,436
not just agree with my every word
and whim
259
00:15:16,436 --> 00:15:20,398
out of some pathetic boot-trembling
terror for self-preservation.
260
00:15:21,478 --> 00:15:23,038
Question my judgements!
261
00:15:23,038 --> 00:15:24,759
Debate me, yeah?
262
00:15:24,759 --> 00:15:28,120
Only then will we be truly strong.
263
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,041
Dominator, that simply isn't true.
264
00:15:30,041 --> 00:15:32,522
I mean, the last person to
contradict you was... Kill him.
265
00:15:32,522 --> 00:15:35,443
What?! Do you see what I mean?
266
00:15:37,603 --> 00:15:39,284
Now, find the ship!
267
00:15:39,284 --> 00:15:40,364
Ow...
268
00:15:44,526 --> 00:15:46,887
It appears they've surrounded
the asteroid belt
269
00:15:46,887 --> 00:15:49,407
and are sending in probes
to locate our position.
270
00:15:49,407 --> 00:15:51,848
It's only a matter of time
before they find us.
271
00:15:51,848 --> 00:15:53,609
So, what's our next move?
272
00:15:53,609 --> 00:15:55,850
Shall I go slip into something
more appropriate,
273
00:15:55,850 --> 00:15:57,050
like, say, a coffin?
274
00:15:58,130 --> 00:16:00,251
Is that it? We're all going to die?
275
00:16:00,251 --> 00:16:01,972
Well, YOU'RE all going to die.
276
00:16:01,972 --> 00:16:03,372
I'm already dead.
277
00:16:03,372 --> 00:16:06,173
I had the sense
to get dying out of the way early.
278
00:16:06,173 --> 00:16:09,614
For years, you mocked me.
Not laughing now, are you?
279
00:16:09,614 --> 00:16:12,535
Oh, yeah, cos being dead
is such an advantage here(!)
280
00:16:12,535 --> 00:16:15,136
It is an advantage.
How's it an advantage?
281
00:16:15,136 --> 00:16:19,338
I was killed instantly, Lister -
painless, quick and stylish.
282
00:16:19,338 --> 00:16:21,098
"What's that
coming down the corridor?
283
00:16:21,098 --> 00:16:23,779
"Ooh, it looks like
a radiation leak." Wham, dead.
284
00:16:23,779 --> 00:16:27,741
Not perfect, I'll grant you,
but at least it wasn't embarrassing.
285
00:16:27,741 --> 00:16:30,982
Embarrassing?
No weeping, getting hysterical.
286
00:16:30,982 --> 00:16:32,022
Not one of those deaths
287
00:16:32,022 --> 00:16:34,303
where you lose control
of your bodily functions,
288
00:16:34,303 --> 00:16:37,024
your bowels clearing
all over the place.
289
00:16:37,024 --> 00:16:39,545
At least my death was dignified.
290
00:16:39,545 --> 00:16:42,546
I'd hardly call yelling,
"Mummy, Mummy," dignified.
291
00:16:42,546 --> 00:16:44,466
Lister, I didn't yell,
"Mummy, Mummy."
292
00:16:44,466 --> 00:16:46,947
No, you didn't have the time.
You just yelled, "Mu..."
293
00:16:48,828 --> 00:16:51,909
Please, sirs, this is very bad
for morale. I can't believe
294
00:16:51,909 --> 00:16:54,950
you're arguing about
who's going to have the best death!
295
00:16:54,950 --> 00:16:58,751
I'm only trying to help, give you
some advice on how to die nicely.
296
00:16:59,872 --> 00:17:03,433
You want to die twice, keep talking.
Please, sir!
297
00:17:03,433 --> 00:17:05,474
He's right. We're all getting crazy.
298
00:17:05,474 --> 00:17:07,194
We need to chill.
299
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:08,395
You're right.
300
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:10,996
We've been in these situations
before, we always find a way out.
301
00:17:10,996 --> 00:17:13,957
Like the time that highly
corrosive micro-organism
302
00:17:13,957 --> 00:17:15,597
almost destroyed Red Dwarf.
303
00:17:15,597 --> 00:17:17,918
The highly corrosive micro-organism,
exactly!
304
00:17:17,918 --> 00:17:19,318
We got out of that one.
305
00:17:19,318 --> 00:17:20,679
Yeah, thanks to me.
306
00:17:20,679 --> 00:17:23,280
Oh, sir! You cannot claim the credit
for that.
307
00:17:23,280 --> 00:17:24,880
It was a total fluke. Fluke?
308
00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,121
You think that was an accident,
the way I...? Ssh!
309
00:17:28,121 --> 00:17:29,322
What's that?
310
00:17:31,563 --> 00:17:33,723
Something's coming into
the asteroid.
311
00:17:33,723 --> 00:17:36,444
It's a probe. It's approaching
half a click east.
312
00:17:36,444 --> 00:17:37,885
Switch out all the lights.
313
00:17:39,005 --> 00:17:41,286
Good thinking!
They'll think we're all out.
314
00:17:43,527 --> 00:17:46,288
If things get really tricky,
we'll get Kryten to open the airlock
315
00:17:46,288 --> 00:17:47,448
and tell 'em we've moved.
316
00:17:48,809 --> 00:17:50,489
It seems to be backing off, sir.
317
00:17:50,489 --> 00:17:52,330
They're coming back.
318
00:17:52,330 --> 00:17:55,131
Look, we've got to get a battleplan -
astro-nav space-school stuff.
319
00:17:55,131 --> 00:17:57,532
Rimmer, is that something
you could handle?
320
00:17:57,532 --> 00:17:58,732
Pardon?
321
00:17:58,732 --> 00:18:01,093
Is that something you can handle?!
322
00:18:01,093 --> 00:18:03,654
The responsibility of coming up with
a battle plan?
323
00:18:03,654 --> 00:18:05,094
All that strategy stuff.
324
00:18:05,094 --> 00:18:06,375
Why me?
325
00:18:06,375 --> 00:18:08,495
Cos you're into military strategy!
326
00:18:08,495 --> 00:18:11,776
If it was a curry-eating competition
to the death, it'd be me.
327
00:18:11,776 --> 00:18:14,417
If it was a towel-folding
competition to the death...
328
00:18:14,417 --> 00:18:15,698
That would be me!
329
00:18:15,698 --> 00:18:17,818
Phuw, phuw,
phuw-phuw-phuw-phuw.
330
00:18:17,818 --> 00:18:19,299
Phuw-phuw-phuw.
331
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:20,579
Duh-duh-duh-duh-duh.
332
00:18:20,579 --> 00:18:22,460
I'd win that one, sir.
333
00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:24,221
And what kind of competition
to the death
334
00:18:24,221 --> 00:18:25,901
would it have to be
before you chose me?
335
00:18:25,901 --> 00:18:29,382
So, moving on... Er...
Can you do it?
336
00:18:29,382 --> 00:18:31,343
Yes, of course I can do it.
337
00:18:31,343 --> 00:18:32,944
Obviously.
338
00:18:32,944 --> 00:18:34,784
You don't sound very confident.
339
00:18:34,784 --> 00:18:36,345
I'm very confident.
340
00:18:36,345 --> 00:18:38,346
I've waited my whole life
for this moment.
341
00:18:38,346 --> 00:18:41,827
Command of my own ship in a battle
against overwhelming odds?
342
00:18:41,827 --> 00:18:43,307
It's your moment of destiny.
343
00:18:43,307 --> 00:18:45,628
Right. I'll just...
344
00:18:45,628 --> 00:18:49,990
make my way into the...supply room
and think of a plan, then.
345
00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:52,791
It'll be just like taking an exam.
346
00:18:52,791 --> 00:18:54,991
I can do this.
347
00:18:57,912 --> 00:19:00,393
Sir, surely
there must be an alternative.
348
00:19:00,393 --> 00:19:03,074
If there was, Kryten,
we'd be doing it.
349
00:19:03,074 --> 00:19:04,435
-We're smegged.
350
00:19:13,238 --> 00:19:15,558
Any joy, sir?
351
00:19:15,558 --> 00:19:17,079
Not yet, no.
352
00:19:17,079 --> 00:19:19,400
I'm still at the "can't think
of a plan" stage.
353
00:19:19,400 --> 00:19:21,680
Well, I don't know
if this will help, sir,
354
00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:23,561
but I've done a ship-wide search
355
00:19:23,561 --> 00:19:26,402
and collated all the weapons
we have on board ship, sir.
356
00:19:26,402 --> 00:19:29,003
Good, Kryten. I was just about
to suggest that myself.
357
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:41,607
Two forks and a pencil sharpener?!
358
00:19:41,607 --> 00:19:46,089
Now, there is a rumour that there's
a stick and some string, sir.
359
00:19:46,089 --> 00:19:48,530
But I don't want
to raise false hopes.
360
00:19:48,530 --> 00:19:51,171
There is, of course,
Hogey's molly D.
361
00:19:53,611 --> 00:19:56,452
The molecular destabiliser. Mm.
362
00:19:56,452 --> 00:19:58,453
I'll leave it with you, sir.
363
00:20:00,814 --> 00:20:02,374
Ehh!
364
00:20:02,374 --> 00:20:04,695
They're driving me crazy,
cooped up in there.
365
00:20:04,695 --> 00:20:07,216
Thought I'd take a break
and come in here!
366
00:20:08,457 --> 00:20:10,697
Oww!
367
00:20:10,697 --> 00:20:13,178
I love the string game!
368
00:20:13,178 --> 00:20:14,979
Have you thought of your plan yet?
369
00:20:14,979 --> 00:20:17,260
You can't think of anything,
can you?
370
00:20:17,260 --> 00:20:21,461
I just love the string game!
You know why?
371
00:20:21,461 --> 00:20:23,342
Because you're an idiotic cat?
372
00:20:23,342 --> 00:20:26,183
No. Why you can't think of a plan,
dummy?
373
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:28,984
Because you're driving me crazy,
that's why. Uh-uh.
374
00:20:28,984 --> 00:20:30,984
There's a demon
messing up your head.
375
00:20:30,984 --> 00:20:32,465
Yes, you! No.
376
00:20:32,465 --> 00:20:33,825
Your father.
377
00:20:33,825 --> 00:20:35,466
My father's dead.
378
00:20:35,466 --> 00:20:36,986
No way, non-bud.
379
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:39,867
His worthless, skinny ass
lives on inside you,
380
00:20:39,867 --> 00:20:42,028
freezing your soul with fear.
381
00:20:44,869 --> 00:20:46,590
How do you know all this?
382
00:20:46,590 --> 00:20:47,910
Do you think awesome good looks
383
00:20:47,910 --> 00:20:49,751
and rock-hard pecs are
my only qualities?
384
00:20:49,751 --> 00:20:51,071
I'm a cat.
385
00:20:51,071 --> 00:20:52,432
I sense things.
386
00:20:52,432 --> 00:20:55,633
You gotta nail that demon
and kick his sorry ass outta town.
387
00:20:55,633 --> 00:20:58,234
How? The only thing keeping him
alive is you.
388
00:20:58,234 --> 00:20:59,914
You're never going to win over
389
00:20:59,914 --> 00:21:01,995
that dude's approval.
Give it up! Let it go.
390
00:21:01,995 --> 00:21:03,075
Hey!
391
00:21:03,075 --> 00:21:04,636
Look how it's moving!
392
00:21:06,076 --> 00:21:07,837
I lo-ove the string game!
393
00:21:08,877 --> 00:21:10,478
Stop moving!
394
00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,160
Anythin'?
395
00:21:18,160 --> 00:21:19,321
Nothing.
396
00:21:21,242 --> 00:21:23,402
What you doing?
397
00:21:23,402 --> 00:21:26,323
I'm going to play this.
Your father's message?
398
00:21:26,323 --> 00:21:28,084
But why, sir?
If I play it
399
00:21:28,084 --> 00:21:31,165
before I've become the person
he wanted me to become,
400
00:21:31,165 --> 00:21:34,726
it means I don't care
what he thinks any more.
401
00:21:34,726 --> 00:21:36,007
It means...
402
00:21:36,007 --> 00:21:37,287
I'm free of him.
403
00:21:45,210 --> 00:21:47,411
Arnold, it's me.
404
00:21:47,411 --> 00:21:49,891
If you're playing this message,
it means
405
00:21:49,891 --> 00:21:51,732
you're an officer
in the Space Corps.
406
00:21:51,732 --> 00:21:53,012
You've achieved your dreams,
407
00:21:53,012 --> 00:21:55,093
you're a man of
significance and substance,
408
00:21:55,093 --> 00:21:56,974
so this won't matter to you now.
409
00:21:56,974 --> 00:21:58,094
Arnold,
410
00:21:58,094 --> 00:21:59,735
I'm not your father.
411
00:22:03,176 --> 00:22:05,897
But that's impossible.
It's not true!
412
00:22:05,897 --> 00:22:08,258
Look inside yourself
and you will know I speak the truth.
413
00:22:09,618 --> 00:22:11,019
Your father wasn't me.
414
00:22:11,019 --> 00:22:12,779
It was Dungo, our gardener.
415
00:22:16,220 --> 00:22:18,261
But he was a babbling imbecile!
416
00:22:18,261 --> 00:22:21,822
A billion-piece jigsaw suddenly
falls into beautiful place.
417
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:25,704
Know from now on
418
00:22:25,704 --> 00:22:29,625
your family line isn't made up of
Austrian princes and French royalty,
419
00:22:29,625 --> 00:22:34,347
but of lame-brained artisans
and pram-faced trollops.
420
00:22:34,347 --> 00:22:36,387
I didn't tell you before
421
00:22:36,387 --> 00:22:38,668
because I didn't want it
to affect your self-esteem.
422
00:22:38,668 --> 00:22:40,429
But now you've achieved
all your dreams,
423
00:22:40,429 --> 00:22:42,549
it doesn't matter a jot.
424
00:22:42,549 --> 00:22:44,550
Goodbye, Arnold.
425
00:22:44,550 --> 00:22:46,271
And good luck.
426
00:22:46,271 --> 00:22:50,192
PS - naturally, I won't be sending
you any more birthday presents.
427
00:23:05,917 --> 00:23:08,078
This is the worst thing
that can happen.
428
00:23:08,078 --> 00:23:11,119
Mr Rimmer's always had a huge ego
and no self-confidence.
429
00:23:11,119 --> 00:23:14,761
Now his ego's smaller than a pixie's
right nut after an icy bath.
430
00:23:16,361 --> 00:23:18,402
Well, you know, he thought
he came from
431
00:23:18,402 --> 00:23:20,402
a military family, high-flyers,
432
00:23:20,402 --> 00:23:22,843
success ingrained
in the very core of their DNA.
433
00:23:22,843 --> 00:23:24,844
Now he discovers
he's no better than me.
434
00:23:25,924 --> 00:23:27,165
What a nightmare.
435
00:23:29,726 --> 00:23:31,366
I think I've got something.
436
00:23:31,366 --> 00:23:32,607
What? How?
437
00:23:32,607 --> 00:23:35,128
I've been thinking.
438
00:23:35,128 --> 00:23:36,448
If Dungo...
439
00:23:36,448 --> 00:23:38,169
I mean Dennis...
440
00:23:38,169 --> 00:23:40,289
I mean Dad...
441
00:23:40,289 --> 00:23:42,530
were here now, he'd be so proud.
442
00:23:42,530 --> 00:23:46,571
Second Technician in the JMC,
senior officer in a mining ship,
443
00:23:46,571 --> 00:23:48,092
and I don't smell of manure.
444
00:23:48,092 --> 00:23:51,453
Suddenly, I don't have
that voice in my head
445
00:23:51,453 --> 00:23:53,334
telling me I'm useless
at everything.
446
00:23:53,334 --> 00:23:56,215
I have a new voice
telling me how proud he is.
447
00:23:56,215 --> 00:23:57,695
I can think,
448
00:23:57,695 --> 00:23:59,656
and I think I've got a plan.
449
00:23:59,656 --> 00:24:00,976
It's crap!
450
00:24:00,976 --> 00:24:04,578
I have to admit, sir,
I'm not entirely convinced myself.
451
00:24:04,578 --> 00:24:06,818
I thought it was quite clever.
452
00:24:06,818 --> 00:24:08,739
Let's take a vote.
Who's against?
453
00:24:14,981 --> 00:24:16,622
'Take a look at this colour.
454
00:24:16,622 --> 00:24:18,622
'Is it purple, blue or green?
455
00:24:18,622 --> 00:24:22,104
'Fallopian tube is a musical
instrument. True or false?
456
00:24:22,104 --> 00:24:23,584
'True?'
457
00:24:28,226 --> 00:24:31,627
It'll work! Jujitsu-style!
458
00:24:31,627 --> 00:24:34,508
Use the might of your opponent
against himself!
459
00:24:34,508 --> 00:24:36,068
Are you quite sure, sir?
460
00:24:37,229 --> 00:24:40,190
We have nothing to fear
but fear itself.
461
00:24:40,190 --> 00:24:41,510
Apart from pain.
462
00:24:41,510 --> 00:24:43,031
And maybe humiliation.
463
00:24:43,031 --> 00:24:45,352
And obviously death and failure.
464
00:24:45,352 --> 00:24:46,872
But apart from fear, pain,
465
00:24:46,872 --> 00:24:49,633
humiliation, failure,
the unknown and death,
466
00:24:49,633 --> 00:24:52,394
we have nothing to fear
but fear itself.
467
00:24:53,474 --> 00:24:54,755
Who's with me?
468
00:24:56,876 --> 00:24:59,877
I know I need to work harder
on that fear speech,
469
00:24:59,877 --> 00:25:02,037
it wasn't quite as rousing
as it should be, but...
470
00:25:02,037 --> 00:25:03,558
we can do this.
471
00:25:03,558 --> 00:25:05,799
He's right! Let's do it.
472
00:25:05,799 --> 00:25:08,280
Let's do it! Come on! Come on!
473
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:10,240
Get your butts in the air and
let's go! Yeah!
474
00:25:10,240 --> 00:25:12,281
Kryten, bring them forks -
we might need them.
475
00:25:17,443 --> 00:25:19,123
There, My Dominator.
476
00:25:19,123 --> 00:25:21,084
They're emerging from the meteor.
Mm.
477
00:25:23,645 --> 00:25:25,165
How's it looking?
Is it all going to plan?
478
00:25:26,246 --> 00:25:27,486
Nothing in sight, sir.
479
00:25:29,607 --> 00:25:30,767
Oh.
480
00:25:40,090 --> 00:25:42,091
We're surrounded.
Twelve o'clock,
481
00:25:42,091 --> 00:25:44,092
nine o'clock, six o'clock,
three o'clock.
482
00:25:44,092 --> 00:25:46,493
The Death Ship
and three Annihilators.
483
00:25:46,493 --> 00:25:49,774
Keep them in line -
it's absolutely crucial.
484
00:25:49,774 --> 00:25:52,575
Right, open comm channels.
Here goes. Open, sir.
485
00:25:53,975 --> 00:25:55,976
This is Second Technician
Arnold J Rimmer
486
00:25:55,976 --> 00:25:58,017
of the mining ship Red Dwarf.
487
00:25:58,017 --> 00:26:00,698
Under Treaty 5
of the Geneva Convention,
488
00:26:00,698 --> 00:26:03,218
we claim the freedoms and privileges
of prisoners of war.
489
00:26:03,218 --> 00:26:04,299
Ha!
490
00:26:04,299 --> 00:26:06,500
Load the photon mutilators. Mm.
491
00:26:06,500 --> 00:26:08,700
Perhaps you didn't hear me.
492
00:26:08,700 --> 00:26:10,021
We're surrendering.
493
00:26:10,021 --> 00:26:12,422
Mutilators loaded,
Your Excellency.
494
00:26:12,422 --> 00:26:15,263
You can't open fire
on a surrendering ship.
495
00:26:15,263 --> 00:26:18,544
That's a scandalous breach
of the niceties of battle.
496
00:26:18,544 --> 00:26:21,985
All ships, prepare to fire,
on my orders.
497
00:26:21,985 --> 00:26:24,506
Right! You're on report,
m'laddo.
498
00:26:26,266 --> 00:26:27,667
Fire!
499
00:26:33,589 --> 00:26:35,029
Blow us up all you like,
500
00:26:35,029 --> 00:26:37,910
but don't think for one second
you're getting away with it.
501
00:26:37,910 --> 00:26:40,591
A letter worded in the
strongest possible language
502
00:26:40,591 --> 00:26:41,832
is going off to Geneva.
503
00:26:41,832 --> 00:26:44,473
Now, I'm not going to ask you again.
504
00:26:44,473 --> 00:26:45,993
Abort your attack.
505
00:26:47,114 --> 00:26:48,834
Right, that's it.
506
00:26:51,395 --> 00:26:52,916
"Dear sir...
507
00:26:52,916 --> 00:26:57,357
"I was scandalised earlier today
by a Simulant Death Ship
508
00:26:57,357 --> 00:27:01,558
"which contravened Treaty 5
of the Geneva Convention."
509
00:27:04,039 --> 00:27:06,200
Impact - 16 seconds.
510
00:27:06,200 --> 00:27:08,681
It's the way of all things.
511
00:27:08,681 --> 00:27:11,482
You live, you die.
512
00:27:11,482 --> 00:27:14,043
But sometimes you live, you die,
513
00:27:14,043 --> 00:27:15,603
and then you live again.
514
00:27:15,603 --> 00:27:18,204
I know. I've done it myself.
515
00:27:18,204 --> 00:27:19,285
Now!
516
00:27:24,286 --> 00:27:27,767
They've destabilised their
whole ship, all four bulkheads.
517
00:27:27,767 --> 00:27:29,088
-Look out!
518
00:27:39,171 --> 00:27:42,453
Our own torpedoes
are on a collision course, Sire.
519
00:27:44,933 --> 00:27:47,934
Under Treaty 5
of the Geneva Convention,
520
00:27:47,934 --> 00:27:52,056
we claim the freedoms and privileges
of prisoners of war!
521
00:27:52,056 --> 00:27:54,097
Sorry, I missed that. Pardon?
522
00:28:20,186 --> 00:28:22,386
Good job, sirs.
Hell of a job.
523
00:28:22,386 --> 00:28:23,907
You know what this makes me?
524
00:28:23,907 --> 00:28:26,148
A working-class hero.
525
00:28:26,148 --> 00:28:29,109
Working-class hero,
you and me both.
526
00:28:29,109 --> 00:28:30,509
Kryten...
527
00:28:30,509 --> 00:28:32,350
set a course for Red Dwarf.
528
00:28:32,350 --> 00:28:34,350
The slime's coming home.
529
00:28:38,032 --> 00:28:41,633
? It's cold outside
There's no kind of atmosphere
530
00:28:41,633 --> 00:28:44,834
? I'm all alone, more or less
531
00:28:44,834 --> 00:28:48,195
? Let me fly far away from here
532
00:28:48,195 --> 00:28:51,036
? Fun, fun, fun
533
00:28:51,036 --> 00:28:54,757
? In the sun, sun, sun
534
00:28:54,757 --> 00:28:58,439
? I want to lie
Shipwrecked and comatose
535
00:28:58,439 --> 00:29:01,680
? Drinking fresh mango juice
536
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,161
? Goldfish shoals nibbling on my toes
537
00:29:05,161 --> 00:29:07,922
? Fun, fun, fun
538
00:29:07,922 --> 00:29:11,603
? In the sun, sun, sun
539
00:29:11,603 --> 00:29:14,444
? Fun, fun, fun
540
00:29:14,444 --> 00:29:18,285
? In the sun, sun, sun. ?
541
00:29:23,927 --> 00:29:26,248
What did I tell ya?
We got out of that OK.
542
00:29:26,248 --> 00:29:27,569
Just like we got out of that thing
543
00:29:27,569 --> 00:29:29,449
with the highly corrosive
micro-organism.
544
00:29:29,449 --> 00:29:32,050
Once again, Big Arn saves the day.
Oh, please, sir!
545
00:29:32,050 --> 00:29:34,211
Can we sort this out
once and for all?
546
00:29:34,211 --> 00:29:35,852
Just because you happened...
547
00:29:35,852 --> 00:29:37,452
You kills my brother.
548
00:29:46,015 --> 00:29:49,216
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
549
00:29:49,266 --> 00:29:53,816
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
40439
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof