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1
00:00:03,447 --> 00:00:05,584
So, apparently Two Face was able
2
00:00:05,587 --> 00:00:07,947
to make our impenetrable safe
3
00:00:07,950 --> 00:00:09,216
quite penetrable.
4
00:00:09,219 --> 00:00:10,574
Didn't these high-res infrared
5
00:00:10,576 --> 00:00:12,075
security cameras pick up anything?
6
00:00:12,077 --> 00:00:14,845
Mm-mm. His henchman
covered them with paper bags.
7
00:00:14,847 --> 00:00:16,413
Okay, we can't think of everything.
8
00:00:16,415 --> 00:00:18,815
Well, luckily, Batman caught him.
9
00:00:18,817 --> 00:00:20,556
Oh, I love that guy.
10
00:00:20,559 --> 00:00:22,586
He's got a tricked-out ride,
11
00:00:22,588 --> 00:00:24,488
blows money on expensive belts,
12
00:00:24,490 --> 00:00:27,257
always in a feud with a guy
that dresses like a pimp.
13
00:00:27,259 --> 00:00:30,260
You know, he's basically like
a rapper that saves lives.
14
00:00:30,262 --> 00:00:31,528
Yeah, like Macklemore.
15
00:00:31,530 --> 00:00:33,930
No. Not like Macklemore.
16
00:00:35,801 --> 00:00:37,968
Ron, you got to check this out.
17
00:00:37,970 --> 00:00:40,370
[Epic music]
18
00:00:40,372 --> 00:00:42,406
Sweet mother of Mary.
19
00:00:42,408 --> 00:00:44,638
Is that a Batarang?
20
00:00:48,380 --> 00:00:50,947
[Whooshing]
21
00:00:50,949 --> 00:00:52,182
[Gasps]
22
00:00:52,184 --> 00:00:54,117
- Both: Dibs!
- Mine. My Batarang.
23
00:00:54,119 --> 00:00:55,719
- Mine. Mine.
- My Batarang. My Batarang.
24
00:00:55,721 --> 00:00:57,120
You don't like him like I like him!
25
00:00:57,122 --> 00:00:58,121
My Batarang!
26
00:00:58,123 --> 00:01:01,124
[Heroic music]
27
00:01:01,126 --> 00:01:08,198
28
00:01:23,675 --> 00:01:28,030
- Synced and corrected by VitoSilans -
-- www.Addic7ed.com --
29
00:01:28,945 --> 00:01:32,295
[Upbeat music]
30
00:01:32,298 --> 00:01:34,699
So, you're walking down the street
31
00:01:34,701 --> 00:01:36,968
when suddenly Jack-O-Lantern hits you
32
00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:39,036
with a flaming ball of fire...
33
00:01:39,038 --> 00:01:40,838
[Imitating Jack-O-Lantern]
Citizens of Charm City!
34
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:44,242
Who likes crime brul?e?
35
00:01:44,244 --> 00:01:47,778
But thanks to our new
indestructible cell phone case,
36
00:01:47,780 --> 00:01:49,780
your phone is perfectly fine.
37
00:01:49,782 --> 00:01:51,415
As long as you don't drop
it directly on the screen.
38
00:01:51,417 --> 00:01:53,551
- Yeah.
- Cool. Great work, guys.
39
00:01:53,554 --> 00:01:56,141
Do you want us to leave you alone?
40
00:01:56,143 --> 00:01:59,644
No. She wants you to ask
about the paper she's staring at.
41
00:01:59,646 --> 00:02:01,546
Well, since you asked, it's an invitation
42
00:02:01,548 --> 00:02:03,648
to my ex-boyfriend's wedding.
43
00:02:03,650 --> 00:02:06,351
But I am perfectly okay with it.
44
00:02:06,353 --> 00:02:08,553
Good! That's a healthy attitude.
45
00:02:08,555 --> 00:02:10,522
She's not okay with it, numb-nuts.
46
00:02:10,524 --> 00:02:14,325
She's already stalked the new
girl's Facebook page to 2012.
47
00:02:14,327 --> 00:02:15,393
- Ohh.
- Wow.
48
00:02:15,395 --> 00:02:16,394
Is she a supermodel?
49
00:02:16,396 --> 00:02:17,962
No, she's not.
50
00:02:17,964 --> 00:02:19,230
And she only does print.
51
00:02:19,232 --> 00:02:21,786
- Mm-mm.
- She should do more.
52
00:02:21,789 --> 00:02:23,522
You know, we met in grad school.
53
00:02:23,524 --> 00:02:26,291
I mean, we backpacked
through Asia together.
54
00:02:26,293 --> 00:02:29,461
I mean, his racist grandfather
even started warming up to me.
55
00:02:29,463 --> 00:02:31,363
The acceptance of a racist grandfather
56
00:02:31,365 --> 00:02:33,532
is still my white whale.
57
00:02:33,534 --> 00:02:36,942
I honestly thought we
were going to get married.
58
00:02:36,945 --> 00:02:38,511
And then one day out of nowhere,
59
00:02:38,513 --> 00:02:40,880
he just says he
couldn't do this anymore.
60
00:02:40,882 --> 00:02:42,281
And now I can't do this anymore.
61
00:02:42,283 --> 00:02:43,683
You have been here for six months.
62
00:02:43,685 --> 00:02:46,018
All you do is work.
You need to meet a guy.
63
00:02:46,020 --> 00:02:49,021
Someone who will make you
his problem and not ours.
64
00:02:49,023 --> 00:02:50,690
Why don't you just go out tonight,
65
00:02:50,692 --> 00:02:52,291
maybe get a couple drinks in you,
66
00:02:52,293 --> 00:02:54,393
chat up a few gentlemen callers?
67
00:02:54,395 --> 00:02:56,162
Ron and I probably shouldn't join.
68
00:02:56,164 --> 00:02:58,097
Our palpable masculinity would scare off
69
00:02:58,099 --> 00:02:59,498
potential suitors, obviously.
70
00:02:59,500 --> 00:03:02,935
- [Laughs] Obviously.
- Obviously.
71
00:03:02,937 --> 00:03:05,071
- Obviously.
- Obviously.
72
00:03:05,073 --> 00:03:07,239
So, it would just be
me, Jackie, and Wendy.
73
00:03:07,241 --> 00:03:08,774
A little...
74
00:03:08,776 --> 00:03:12,011
- Don't say it.
- Girls' night out!
75
00:03:12,013 --> 00:03:13,980
- Yeah!
- [Clattering]
76
00:03:13,982 --> 00:03:15,948
- [Giggles]
- What are you doing?
77
00:03:16,711 --> 00:03:20,379
If you so much as lay a
finger on my action figures,
78
00:03:20,382 --> 00:03:23,283
I will sic my lawyers on
you, you son of a bitch.
79
00:03:23,285 --> 00:03:24,475
Yes!
80
00:03:24,478 --> 00:03:27,387
I will see you this
Sunday at brunch, Mother.
81
00:03:27,389 --> 00:03:29,723
[Whooshing]
82
00:03:29,725 --> 00:03:32,493
Holy Bananas Foster, it's Batman!
83
00:03:32,495 --> 00:03:34,762
Your Batarang...
84
00:03:34,764 --> 00:03:37,698
Did I see a Batarang fly in here?
85
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:39,700
You mean this one?
86
00:03:39,702 --> 00:03:42,469
- Oh-ho!
- Are you a Batman fan too?
87
00:03:42,471 --> 00:03:45,839
A fan? Hardly.
88
00:03:45,841 --> 00:03:50,093
Let me tell you a story that
will shake you to your core.
89
00:03:50,095 --> 00:03:53,914
The year is 2003, the season summer.
90
00:03:53,916 --> 00:03:55,382
I'm sitting in my Maybach
91
00:03:55,384 --> 00:03:56,950
listening to "Hey Ya" on the radio.
92
00:03:56,952 --> 00:03:58,285
- Ohh.
- Mmm.
93
00:03:58,287 --> 00:04:00,454
I'm shaking it like a Polaroid picture.
94
00:04:00,964 --> 00:04:02,263
And then suddenly,
95
00:04:02,265 --> 00:04:03,898
the Batmobile flies out of nowhere
96
00:04:03,900 --> 00:04:05,433
and takes off my side-view mirror!
97
00:04:05,435 --> 00:04:06,934
Batman didn't even stop!
98
00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:09,370
He just kept chasing after
this semi full of warheads
99
00:04:09,372 --> 00:04:11,172
to help some orphanage!
100
00:04:11,174 --> 00:04:15,310
- Were the orphans okay?
- Who cares? They're orphans.
101
00:04:15,312 --> 00:04:18,579
It's a hard-knock life.
They can live on $1 a day,
102
00:04:18,581 --> 00:04:20,348
but my side-view mirror?
103
00:04:20,350 --> 00:04:22,517
That cost $30,000 to fix.
104
00:04:23,486 --> 00:04:25,019
I'm gonna get him to pay
105
00:04:25,021 --> 00:04:27,675
when he comes back for this.
106
00:04:27,678 --> 00:04:29,978
Batman has hundreds of Batarangs.
107
00:04:29,980 --> 00:04:31,947
He's not gonna come back for this one.
108
00:04:31,949 --> 00:04:33,982
Batman never leaves anything behind,
109
00:04:33,984 --> 00:04:36,017
including insurance information.
110
00:04:36,019 --> 00:04:38,253
No. He puts a GPS on all of his stuff.
111
00:04:38,255 --> 00:04:40,622
He doesn't want the
technology getting out there.
112
00:04:42,092 --> 00:04:43,325
- [Batarang beeps]
- [Gasps]
113
00:04:43,327 --> 00:04:44,326
Ooh.
114
00:04:44,328 --> 00:04:46,127
Yes! Excuse me.
115
00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:47,960
[Clears throat]
116
00:04:47,963 --> 00:04:50,552
I know you can hear me, Dork Knight.
117
00:04:50,554 --> 00:04:51,787
[Groans]
118
00:04:51,789 --> 00:04:53,522
You better bring your checkbook
119
00:04:53,524 --> 00:04:56,091
and a prepared statement
120
00:04:56,093 --> 00:04:57,793
I can turn in to Geico.
121
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,767
I am so glad you guys
convinced me to go out.
122
00:05:05,769 --> 00:05:07,002
- Ooh! Should we take a picture?
- Yeah.
123
00:05:07,004 --> 00:05:10,205
- No.
- #HiHaters.
124
00:05:10,207 --> 00:05:11,173
[Camera clicks]
125
00:05:11,175 --> 00:05:12,674
Wait, who are the haters?
126
00:05:12,676 --> 00:05:14,645
- I don't know.
- Huh.
127
00:05:14,648 --> 00:05:18,879
Ooh, how about some margaritas
for me and my se?oritas?
128
00:05:18,882 --> 00:05:21,904
- Okay.
- Hey, look. A man.
129
00:05:21,906 --> 00:05:23,873
[Gasps] He just smiled at you.
130
00:05:23,875 --> 00:05:26,208
We would not be at all offended
if you wanted to leave us
131
00:05:26,210 --> 00:05:28,250
and go talk to him.
132
00:05:28,253 --> 00:05:29,953
Ugh. There's no guys at this bar for me.
133
00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,255
How could you possibly know that?
134
00:05:32,257 --> 00:05:35,608
Well, ironic mustache,
un-ironic mustache,
135
00:05:35,610 --> 00:05:37,277
flip-flops in a bar... gross.
136
00:05:37,279 --> 00:05:39,212
Eating mozzarella sticks with a fork.
137
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:41,214
Oh, has a Blackberry.
138
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:42,615
Looks like my old dog that died,
139
00:05:42,617 --> 00:05:44,317
which is already making me kind of sad.
140
00:05:44,319 --> 00:05:46,252
And went to Arizona State.
141
00:05:46,254 --> 00:05:49,756
Wow. You're like Jason Bourne
if he was destined to die alone.
142
00:05:49,758 --> 00:05:51,591
I just know what I want.
143
00:05:51,593 --> 00:05:52,859
And I don't need to settle.
144
00:05:52,861 --> 00:05:55,195
It's not like I'm 30...
145
00:05:55,197 --> 00:05:57,397
dollars in debt.
146
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,685
Don't want to start a
relationship in the red.
147
00:05:59,688 --> 00:06:00,887
Good save.
148
00:06:00,889 --> 00:06:02,806
Well, I tried. I'm gonna go.
149
00:06:02,808 --> 00:06:06,143
If I leave now, I can still
get home in time to not be here.
150
00:06:07,130 --> 00:06:09,613
Who am I gonna make out with?
151
00:06:09,615 --> 00:06:10,964
Hey.
152
00:06:13,636 --> 00:06:14,901
[Giggles]
153
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:20,761
Yo! Hold up.
154
00:06:20,763 --> 00:06:22,563
Did we go to Arizona State together?
155
00:06:22,565 --> 00:06:24,531
I'm pretty sure we had bio. Like...
156
00:06:24,533 --> 00:06:25,966
Hey, bro!
157
00:06:25,968 --> 00:06:27,768
Heard they started a beer
pong tournament outside.
158
00:06:27,770 --> 00:06:30,170
- What?
- Yeah.
159
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:31,505
You got about two minutes
160
00:06:31,507 --> 00:06:33,294
until he works out
there is no beer pong.
161
00:06:33,297 --> 00:06:35,409
[Laughs] Thanks.
162
00:06:35,411 --> 00:06:37,244
- I'm Emily.
- Dan.
163
00:06:37,247 --> 00:06:38,933
Did you just get here?
164
00:06:38,935 --> 00:06:40,568
Yeah. I just got out of the ER.
165
00:06:40,570 --> 00:06:41,969
Oh, my God, are you okay?
166
00:06:41,971 --> 00:06:44,405
Oh, yeah, I am. I'm better than okay.
167
00:06:44,407 --> 00:06:46,340
I'm a doctor.
168
00:06:46,342 --> 00:06:47,875
Oh.
169
00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:52,250
My team's actually putting
the finishing touches
170
00:06:52,252 --> 00:06:54,586
on this indestructible phone case.
171
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:57,055
Wow. That seems like overkill.
172
00:06:57,057 --> 00:06:58,523
Try and break it.
173
00:06:58,525 --> 00:07:00,458
I dare you.
174
00:07:02,496 --> 00:07:04,596
Okay, we still haven't
figured out waterproofing.
175
00:07:04,598 --> 00:07:05,930
Ah.
176
00:07:08,956 --> 00:07:10,422
Can I see your phone?
177
00:07:10,424 --> 00:07:11,990
Are you gonna drop it in a beer?
178
00:07:11,992 --> 00:07:13,825
[Chuckles]
179
00:07:13,827 --> 00:07:15,127
Ohh.
180
00:07:15,129 --> 00:07:16,928
The... the picture on the home screen
181
00:07:16,930 --> 00:07:18,263
is just a joke.
182
00:07:18,265 --> 00:07:20,649
I don't really like "Gilmore Girls."
183
00:07:20,651 --> 00:07:23,235
I mean, unless... Unless
you also like them,
184
00:07:23,238 --> 00:07:25,990
in which case I'm Team Jess.
185
00:07:25,993 --> 00:07:28,294
[Giggles]
186
00:07:28,296 --> 00:07:30,362
Okay, I don't normally
give out my number,
187
00:07:30,364 --> 00:07:33,232
but I have a good feeling about you.
188
00:07:33,234 --> 00:07:35,000
Text me.
189
00:07:35,002 --> 00:07:37,970
[Light playful music]
190
00:07:37,972 --> 00:07:42,541
191
00:07:42,543 --> 00:07:43,976
[Giggles]
192
00:07:47,569 --> 00:07:50,136
[Dramatic musical sting]
193
00:07:52,373 --> 00:07:55,308
[Tense music]
194
00:07:55,310 --> 00:07:57,443
195
00:07:57,445 --> 00:08:01,047
Here's a little message from The Riddler.
196
00:08:01,049 --> 00:08:03,845
Oh, my God, Jackie.
197
00:08:03,848 --> 00:08:06,815
I just met the most amazing guy.
198
00:08:11,152 --> 00:08:14,080
[Upbeat music]
199
00:08:14,082 --> 00:08:15,414
Which picture do you like?
200
00:08:15,416 --> 00:08:17,450
The one where I look
good and he looks okay,
201
00:08:17,452 --> 00:08:19,252
or the one where he looks really good
202
00:08:19,254 --> 00:08:21,554
and I... oh, I still look good.
203
00:08:21,556 --> 00:08:23,956
Posting a photo on
Instagram to let your ex know
204
00:08:23,958 --> 00:08:26,088
that his engagement
hasn't affected you at all?
205
00:08:26,091 --> 00:08:29,726
So, I'll just lose
the hashtag "traded up."
206
00:08:29,728 --> 00:08:31,528
But I actually do really like Dan.
207
00:08:31,530 --> 00:08:33,062
I told you. I'm not picky.
208
00:08:33,064 --> 00:08:34,464
I just know what I want.
209
00:08:34,466 --> 00:08:36,299
So, when do we get to meet Mr. Perfect?
210
00:08:36,301 --> 00:08:37,667
Oh, it's Dr. Perfect,
211
00:08:37,669 --> 00:08:40,537
and, uh... oh, right now.
212
00:08:40,539 --> 00:08:42,372
All right, obviously I'll just
let him know that we're friends
213
00:08:42,374 --> 00:08:44,503
so he's not threatened
by our relationship.
214
00:08:44,506 --> 00:08:45,939
- Obviously.
- Obviously.
215
00:08:45,941 --> 00:08:47,808
- Obviously.
- What?
216
00:08:47,810 --> 00:08:50,410
Hey, everyone. I'm Dan.
217
00:08:50,412 --> 00:08:51,709
How you doing? You ready to go?
218
00:08:51,712 --> 00:08:53,812
Yeah. Let me just get my stuff.
219
00:08:55,517 --> 00:08:57,250
- [chuckles]
- That must be Wendy.
220
00:08:57,253 --> 00:08:58,120
Yeah.
221
00:08:58,122 --> 00:08:59,569
Hey, is it cool if we eat early?
222
00:08:59,572 --> 00:09:00,620
I got to work tonight.
223
00:09:00,622 --> 00:09:03,257
Oh, my God! What
happened to your face?
224
00:09:03,260 --> 00:09:07,060
Oh, I, um, I fell off
my bike and onto a rock.
225
00:09:07,062 --> 00:09:09,329
Was the rock shaped
like Green Lantern's ring?
226
00:09:09,331 --> 00:09:11,231
Who knows?
227
00:09:11,233 --> 00:09:13,400
Sometimes pancakes look like Jesus.
228
00:09:13,402 --> 00:09:14,968
[Both laugh]
229
00:09:14,970 --> 00:09:16,269
- We should go.
- Okay.
230
00:09:16,271 --> 00:09:19,072
Umm, you dropped your skullcap.
231
00:09:19,074 --> 00:09:21,108
Ah.
232
00:09:21,110 --> 00:09:22,776
We're just friends.
233
00:09:24,540 --> 00:09:26,774
So...
234
00:09:26,776 --> 00:09:28,509
Emily's dating a henchman, right?
235
00:09:28,511 --> 00:09:30,478
- Yeah, big time.
- Yep. We got to tell her.
236
00:09:30,480 --> 00:09:33,481
Well, hold on. I mean, he's
just a low-level henchman.
237
00:09:33,483 --> 00:09:35,016
I dated one in college.
238
00:09:35,018 --> 00:09:36,984
It's basically like
dating a bass player.
239
00:09:36,986 --> 00:09:40,021
Maybe you're right. I mean,
it is probably just a fling.
240
00:09:40,023 --> 00:09:42,139
It'll flame out or he'll die.
241
00:09:42,141 --> 00:09:44,392
Just like dating a bass player.
242
00:09:44,394 --> 00:09:47,361
[Dramatic music]
243
00:09:47,363 --> 00:09:50,931
244
00:09:50,933 --> 00:09:52,333
What the hell are you doing?
245
00:09:52,335 --> 00:09:54,229
Waiting for Batman.
246
00:09:54,232 --> 00:09:55,732
And you put out milk and cookies?
247
00:09:55,734 --> 00:09:56,766
He's not Santa Claus.
248
00:09:56,768 --> 00:09:58,001
You don't know that.
249
00:09:58,003 --> 00:09:59,669
They both hang out on rooftops.
250
00:09:59,671 --> 00:10:01,186
They do.
251
00:10:01,189 --> 00:10:03,707
[Laughs] You wore a Batman
shirt to meet Batman?
252
00:10:03,709 --> 00:10:05,809
Yeah. Celebrities love it.
253
00:10:05,811 --> 00:10:08,211
I wore my Bateman shirt
when I met Jason Bateman.
254
00:10:08,213 --> 00:10:10,146
And how did he react to that?
255
00:10:10,148 --> 00:10:12,698
Mm, kind of befuddled, but
that's sort of his shtick.
256
00:10:12,701 --> 00:10:13,750
He knows who he is.
257
00:10:13,752 --> 00:10:16,252
Okay, let me give you a
little Celebrity 101, Ron.
258
00:10:16,254 --> 00:10:18,621
When you meet one, you
got to play it cool.
259
00:10:18,624 --> 00:10:20,954
You got to act like you might
not even know who Batman is.
260
00:10:20,956 --> 00:10:23,090
- Gentlemen.
- Oh, my God! It's him!
261
00:10:23,092 --> 00:10:24,358
'Sup?
262
00:10:24,360 --> 00:10:26,560
You... [Coughing]
263
00:10:26,562 --> 00:10:28,962
I'm sorry. I had something
stuck in my throat.
264
00:10:28,964 --> 00:10:30,480
You need to play it cool, Teddy.
265
00:10:30,483 --> 00:10:32,132
This Japanese school girl routine...
266
00:10:32,134 --> 00:10:33,734
It's blocking my swagger. [Squeaking]
267
00:10:33,736 --> 00:10:35,168
I can't have you scaring 'em off.
268
00:10:35,170 --> 00:10:36,703
We have business.
269
00:10:36,705 --> 00:10:38,405
- He's never gonna pay you the...
- [Squeaking]
270
00:10:38,407 --> 00:10:40,107
Wait... why are you
squeaking when you walk?
271
00:10:40,109 --> 00:10:41,308
[Squeaks]
272
00:10:41,310 --> 00:10:44,256
And why are your nipples protruding?
273
00:10:46,209 --> 00:10:47,508
It's cold.
274
00:10:47,510 --> 00:10:50,177
Um, I mean, I think
the real question is:
275
00:10:50,179 --> 00:10:51,746
why aren't yours?
276
00:10:51,748 --> 00:10:54,682
Is that a cape hanging
out the back of your pants?
277
00:10:54,684 --> 00:10:57,051
Because I'm going to the opera.
278
00:10:57,053 --> 00:11:00,087
I'm late. Exeunt.
279
00:11:02,258 --> 00:11:04,258
- Something's not right here.
- Mm-hmm.
280
00:11:04,260 --> 00:11:06,928
He's got a cape,
unusually pointy nipples.
281
00:11:06,930 --> 00:11:08,696
- You don't think Van's...
- A Mexican wrestler?
282
00:11:08,698 --> 00:11:10,615
I was gonna say, "Hiding something,"
283
00:11:10,617 --> 00:11:12,646
but your theory makes perfect sense.
284
00:11:12,649 --> 00:11:14,282
We're gonna get to the bottom of this.
285
00:11:14,284 --> 00:11:17,252
286
00:11:17,254 --> 00:11:19,454
Happy Friday, everybody!
287
00:11:19,456 --> 00:11:21,623
Anyone have any exciting weekend plans?
288
00:11:21,625 --> 00:11:23,558
I'm taking my grandpa
back to the escape room.
289
00:11:23,560 --> 00:11:25,460
Oh, that's cool. He's into those?
290
00:11:25,462 --> 00:11:26,861
No. It's just what he
calls the nursing home.
291
00:11:26,863 --> 00:11:28,046
He solved it again.
292
00:11:28,048 --> 00:11:29,430
- Oh.
- Oh, well,
293
00:11:29,432 --> 00:11:31,962
I have some very exciting weekend plans.
294
00:11:31,965 --> 00:11:33,748
Dan's picking me up after work
295
00:11:33,750 --> 00:11:36,618
and taking me away for the
weekend to his boss's house.
296
00:11:36,620 --> 00:11:39,020
He says it's carved into
the side of a mountain.
297
00:11:39,022 --> 00:11:40,455
[Squeals] Fun!
298
00:11:40,457 --> 00:11:43,258
Um, are you sure you're ready for that?
299
00:11:43,260 --> 00:11:45,093
Uh, ready for a weekend
away in a remote location
300
00:11:45,095 --> 00:11:46,661
with no cell reception?
301
00:11:46,663 --> 00:11:49,431
Uh, yeah! We've been
dating a couple of weeks.
302
00:11:49,433 --> 00:11:51,566
You know, there's a lot to
do right here in Charm City.
303
00:11:51,568 --> 00:11:53,702
You know, maybe check out the
new food court at the mall,
304
00:11:53,704 --> 00:11:55,871
or the churro spot next
to the police station,
305
00:11:55,873 --> 00:11:58,903
or really anywhere else
extremely public and well-lit.
306
00:11:58,906 --> 00:12:00,272
- I like that.
- Guys,
307
00:12:00,274 --> 00:12:01,807
I appreciate the concern,
308
00:12:01,809 --> 00:12:03,442
but things are going great.
309
00:12:03,444 --> 00:12:05,043
I mean, check this out.
310
00:12:05,045 --> 00:12:07,513
Aww! That's so sweet!
311
00:12:07,515 --> 00:12:09,811
I bet he stole it from
somewhere really nice.
312
00:12:09,814 --> 00:12:12,682
- What?
- You're dating a henchman.
313
00:12:12,684 --> 00:12:14,750
A henchman? What are you talking about?
314
00:12:14,752 --> 00:12:16,218
Okay, all Jackie's trying to say is
315
00:12:16,220 --> 00:12:18,854
that Dan performs a
variety of henching services
316
00:12:18,856 --> 00:12:21,954
for super villains on a for-hire basis.
317
00:12:21,957 --> 00:12:24,157
Guys, come on. You met him once.
318
00:12:24,159 --> 00:12:26,459
[Keys clacking]
319
00:12:26,461 --> 00:12:28,328
All right, look. "Five Signs
You're Dating a Henchman."
320
00:12:28,330 --> 00:12:29,362
He's got all these.
321
00:12:29,364 --> 00:12:30,697
It's not your fault.
322
00:12:30,699 --> 00:12:32,665
Charm City's just
crawling with henchmen.
323
00:12:32,667 --> 00:12:34,300
It's an easy way to make cash.
324
00:12:34,302 --> 00:12:35,735
Yeah. It doesn't mean he's a bad guy.
325
00:12:35,737 --> 00:12:37,337
It just means that he's a bad guy.
326
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,439
No, he's not. Trust me.
327
00:12:39,441 --> 00:12:42,241
I know how to pick
guys, and he is great.
328
00:12:42,243 --> 00:12:44,544
I mean, he's taking me
away on a romantic weekend
329
00:12:44,546 --> 00:12:47,680
to his boss's house at the top
of beautiful Skull Mountain.
330
00:12:47,682 --> 00:12:49,916
And he says there's
an amazing shark tank
331
00:12:49,918 --> 00:12:52,218
and a ruby laser that shoots...
332
00:12:52,220 --> 00:12:53,786
all the way to the moon and...
333
00:12:53,788 --> 00:12:55,755
Oh, my God, I'm dating a henchman.
334
00:12:55,757 --> 00:12:56,990
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
335
00:12:56,992 --> 00:12:58,458
Ugh.
336
00:13:02,844 --> 00:13:06,320
[Quirky tense music]
337
00:13:06,322 --> 00:13:08,222
338
00:13:08,224 --> 00:13:10,324
You've angrily stormed
out here three times,
339
00:13:10,326 --> 00:13:11,926
so I'm assuming you want to talk?
340
00:13:11,928 --> 00:13:14,995
He lied to me. He's a liar.
341
00:13:14,997 --> 00:13:17,431
Hey, at least you got
a nice bracelet out of it.
342
00:13:17,433 --> 00:13:18,933
All I got from my ex was
343
00:13:18,935 --> 00:13:21,342
a kid with a serious ADD problem.
344
00:13:22,171 --> 00:13:23,504
Just let it go.
345
00:13:23,506 --> 00:13:25,806
No! When my ex-boyfriend dumped me,
346
00:13:25,808 --> 00:13:28,475
I found out he'd been cheating
on me with that print model.
347
00:13:28,477 --> 00:13:30,411
And do you know what I did? Nothing.
348
00:13:30,413 --> 00:13:32,646
I took the high road,
and it felt like crap!
349
00:13:32,648 --> 00:13:33,814
Now they're getting married,
350
00:13:33,816 --> 00:13:35,516
and I have to buy them a pizza stone.
351
00:13:35,518 --> 00:13:36,917
You're getting them something?
352
00:13:36,919 --> 00:13:38,152
Well, they sent me an invitation.
353
00:13:38,154 --> 00:13:39,320
It's proper etiquette.
354
00:13:39,322 --> 00:13:40,821
No, but things have changed.
355
00:13:40,823 --> 00:13:42,256
For the first time ever,
356
00:13:42,258 --> 00:13:44,625
Emily Locke is taking the low road.
357
00:13:44,627 --> 00:13:47,845
That henching son of a bitch
has no idea what's coming.
358
00:13:51,033 --> 00:13:53,200
Uh, this is my first
time down the low road,
359
00:13:53,202 --> 00:13:55,035
so I'm gonna need your help.
360
00:13:55,037 --> 00:13:56,503
[Sighs]
361
00:13:57,607 --> 00:14:00,107
[Sighs] Show time.
362
00:14:00,109 --> 00:14:03,174
[Forced laugh] See you later, Teddy.
363
00:14:03,177 --> 00:14:06,178
Whoa! Clumsy me.
364
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:09,148
I just slipped and fell.
365
00:14:09,150 --> 00:14:11,617
[Scoffs] Please. I invented
366
00:14:11,619 --> 00:14:14,587
the "pretend to fall and
grab a pair of breasts" move.
367
00:14:14,589 --> 00:14:17,123
I had two au pairs quit over it.
368
00:14:17,125 --> 00:14:20,126
Yes, pun intended.
369
00:14:20,128 --> 00:14:21,327
What's your game?
370
00:14:21,329 --> 00:14:22,795
Those pecs aren't real.
371
00:14:22,798 --> 00:14:24,620
You're wearing something under the suit.
372
00:14:24,623 --> 00:14:25,931
Mm-hmm.
373
00:14:25,933 --> 00:14:27,800
Well, if you must know,
374
00:14:27,802 --> 00:14:29,168
follow me.
375
00:14:30,872 --> 00:14:32,304
[Clears throat]
376
00:14:32,306 --> 00:14:34,039
[Clears throat]
377
00:14:34,041 --> 00:14:35,307
- Heh-ho!
- Aah!
378
00:14:35,309 --> 00:14:37,143
Oh, my God. You're Robin?
379
00:14:37,145 --> 00:14:39,945
Yes. No. Well, not yet.
380
00:14:39,947 --> 00:14:42,515
Maybe. Just... okay,
let me ask you something.
381
00:14:42,517 --> 00:14:45,451
What is the best part
about being a superhero?
382
00:14:45,453 --> 00:14:48,320
Protecting those who
can't protect themselves.
383
00:14:48,322 --> 00:14:49,822
No. It's about being famous
384
00:14:49,824 --> 00:14:51,891
and wearing cool-ass costumes.
385
00:14:51,893 --> 00:14:54,693
That's why I had this
made by my rubbersmith.
386
00:14:54,695 --> 00:14:58,130
I had no idea you were
a closet superhero fan.
387
00:14:58,132 --> 00:15:00,399
- Who's your top ten?
- This is more than that.
388
00:15:00,401 --> 00:15:02,201
You actually think Batman
is gonna look at you,
389
00:15:02,203 --> 00:15:05,037
a middle-aged man who pulled
his back last week sneezing,
390
00:15:05,039 --> 00:15:08,073
and say, "Hey, there's
my new Boy Wonder"?
391
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:10,142
This guy gets it! Yes.
392
00:15:10,144 --> 00:15:11,811
And then once we have a
good working relationship...
393
00:15:11,813 --> 00:15:13,179
I don't know... I'm
thinking I might bring up
394
00:15:13,181 --> 00:15:14,346
the Maybach thing.
395
00:15:14,348 --> 00:15:15,815
- Quick question.
- Yeah?
396
00:15:15,817 --> 00:15:17,483
You are aware two Robins
397
00:15:17,485 --> 00:15:19,985
have supposedly died on the job?
398
00:15:19,987 --> 00:15:22,655
Hm, high turnover. I'm in.
399
00:15:22,657 --> 00:15:24,890
[Dramatic music]
400
00:15:24,892 --> 00:15:26,225
[Sighs]
401
00:15:27,728 --> 00:15:30,095
What's more insulting:
jack-off or jag-off?
402
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:31,897
Uh, neither one's great.
403
00:15:31,899 --> 00:15:35,067
I'll just say this: I've
told off a lot of crappy men.
404
00:15:35,069 --> 00:15:36,402
It's like a Vegas buffet.
405
00:15:36,404 --> 00:15:38,070
You will feel terrible afterwards.
406
00:15:38,072 --> 00:15:40,039
Yeah, but it feels great
while you're eating it.
407
00:15:40,041 --> 00:15:42,341
Ooh, I can't wait to
tear this guy a new...
408
00:15:42,343 --> 00:15:44,243
[Elevator bell dings]
409
00:15:44,245 --> 00:15:45,744
Hey, babe.
410
00:15:50,351 --> 00:15:52,785
What are we still doing
here? It's been an hour.
411
00:15:52,787 --> 00:15:54,253
Okay, Batman's not
gonna come to the office,
412
00:15:54,255 --> 00:15:55,588
so we have to meet him in his office:
413
00:15:55,590 --> 00:15:57,089
the cover of night.
414
00:15:57,091 --> 00:15:59,024
Well, so far I've just
seen a guy get a handy,
415
00:15:59,026 --> 00:16:01,126
and I'm fairly certain
that wasn't Batman.
416
00:16:01,128 --> 00:16:02,761
Why are you watching
a guy getting a handy?
417
00:16:02,763 --> 00:16:04,797
- Why is that your takeaway?
- I just want to know.
418
00:16:04,799 --> 00:16:06,765
Would you nerds go stand over there?
419
00:16:06,767 --> 00:16:08,400
You're embarrassing me.
420
00:16:08,402 --> 00:16:09,935
- [Batarang beeping]
- Oh, my God, it's beeping.
421
00:16:09,937 --> 00:16:11,203
[Gasps]
422
00:16:12,240 --> 00:16:13,772
Shut up, idiots.
423
00:16:13,774 --> 00:16:15,941
My Robin sense tells me
that someone is approaching.
424
00:16:15,943 --> 00:16:17,309
[Clattering, cat yowls]
425
00:16:17,311 --> 00:16:18,399
Yeah. We all heard it.
426
00:16:18,402 --> 00:16:19,945
- You can hear that?
- Both: Yeah.
427
00:16:19,947 --> 00:16:22,481
- [Gasps]
- Oh, my God, it's him!
428
00:16:22,483 --> 00:16:25,751
[All giggling]
429
00:16:25,753 --> 00:16:28,153
- Oh, God, that's not him.
- That's not him.
430
00:16:28,155 --> 00:16:29,755
Not at all him.
431
00:16:29,757 --> 00:16:31,223
Uh, Boy Wonder, you got this?
432
00:16:31,225 --> 00:16:33,626
Uh, hi, um,
433
00:16:33,628 --> 00:16:36,128
you know what rhymes with "java"?
434
00:16:36,130 --> 00:16:37,730
- Lava!
- [Grunts]
435
00:16:37,732 --> 00:16:40,299
Oh, my God, that was an iced coffee.
436
00:16:40,301 --> 00:16:42,268
I have just made him very angry.
437
00:16:42,270 --> 00:16:44,069
All right, um, guys,
438
00:16:44,071 --> 00:16:45,104
get 'em out. Come on.
439
00:16:45,106 --> 00:16:46,505
Here you go. Here you go.
440
00:16:46,507 --> 00:16:48,173
- Give it up. Cough it up.
- Forgot my wallet.
441
00:16:48,175 --> 00:16:50,679
You did not. He's
got money in his shoe.
442
00:16:50,682 --> 00:16:52,081
Keeps it in his sock.
443
00:16:52,084 --> 00:16:53,579
[Chuckles] There you go.
444
00:16:53,581 --> 00:16:54,813
Forgot about that.
445
00:16:54,815 --> 00:16:56,115
I'm sorry I'm late.
446
00:16:56,117 --> 00:16:57,449
Crazy busy tonight.
447
00:16:57,451 --> 00:17:00,619
- Aw, were you working in the ICU?
448
00:17:00,621 --> 00:17:02,421
- No.
- Because I see you,
449
00:17:02,423 --> 00:17:04,623
and you're a liar!
450
00:17:04,625 --> 00:17:05,658
Good Lord.
451
00:17:05,660 --> 00:17:06,792
What are you talking about?
452
00:17:06,794 --> 00:17:08,294
I know you're a henchman, Dan,
453
00:17:08,296 --> 00:17:10,162
if that's even your real name.
454
00:17:10,164 --> 00:17:12,531
All right, fine. I'm a henchman.
455
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:14,833
- [Scoffs]
- And my name's Reggie.
456
00:17:14,835 --> 00:17:16,135
- Oh!
- And I know
457
00:17:16,137 --> 00:17:17,436
what you're thinking:
458
00:17:17,438 --> 00:17:18,938
not a lot of white guys named Reggie.
459
00:17:18,940 --> 00:17:20,639
No, that's not what I was thinking,
460
00:17:20,641 --> 00:17:22,174
but I guess that's true.
461
00:17:22,176 --> 00:17:24,143
Now I have some things to say to you,
462
00:17:24,145 --> 00:17:26,312
and you're gonna stand
here and listen to them.
463
00:17:26,314 --> 00:17:28,447
Actually...
464
00:17:28,449 --> 00:17:30,015
I'm not.
465
00:17:30,017 --> 00:17:33,018
[Dramatic music]
466
00:17:33,020 --> 00:17:36,822
467
00:17:36,824 --> 00:17:39,291
Please tell me this is
a Japanese game show.
468
00:17:43,583 --> 00:17:45,765
Enjoying the low road?
469
00:17:45,767 --> 00:17:47,934
[Dark music]
470
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,936
I really have to thank you, Emily.
471
00:17:49,938 --> 00:17:52,105
I told The Riddler about
your cell phone cases,
472
00:17:52,107 --> 00:17:53,373
and he's having us steal them
473
00:17:53,375 --> 00:17:54,874
so he can use them to build a tank
474
00:17:54,876 --> 00:17:56,409
to attack Arkham Asylum.
475
00:17:56,411 --> 00:17:57,877
Why, unprompted, did you
476
00:17:57,879 --> 00:18:00,580
just tell us your entire evil plan?
477
00:18:00,582 --> 00:18:03,583
I don't know. It's just a thing we do.
478
00:18:03,585 --> 00:18:06,219
Hey, for the record, I do like you.
479
00:18:06,221 --> 00:18:09,088
I'm just really focused
on my career right now.
480
00:18:09,090 --> 00:18:11,391
- Ugh.
- Ooh, that is one of the things
481
00:18:11,393 --> 00:18:13,626
that you said you looked for in a man.
482
00:18:13,628 --> 00:18:15,662
Just so you know, we're through, Dan!
483
00:18:15,664 --> 00:18:18,765
- Mm, I think he knows.
- [Sighs]
484
00:18:18,767 --> 00:18:21,434
- [Batarang beeping]
- You have a good night now.
485
00:18:21,436 --> 00:18:23,336
The joke's on him.
486
00:18:23,338 --> 00:18:25,939
I only had $2,000 in my wallet.
487
00:18:25,941 --> 00:18:27,974
I can't believe we
thought this would work.
488
00:18:27,976 --> 00:18:29,742
All right, let's face it.
We're not gonna meet Batman.
489
00:18:29,744 --> 00:18:31,277
[Grunts]
490
00:18:31,279 --> 00:18:32,812
You know what? I bet
this stupid Batarang
491
00:18:32,814 --> 00:18:33,913
isn't even real.
492
00:18:33,915 --> 00:18:36,482
[Distant screaming]
493
00:18:36,484 --> 00:18:38,284
[Whooshing]
494
00:18:38,286 --> 00:18:39,452
- Teddy?
- What?
495
00:18:39,454 --> 00:18:41,154
Where's the Batarang?
496
00:18:41,156 --> 00:18:43,289
- It's right here.
- [Gasps]
497
00:18:43,291 --> 00:18:45,992
[Laughter]
498
00:18:45,994 --> 00:18:49,295
Batman, you only owe me 28,000 now!
499
00:18:49,297 --> 00:18:50,997
- We met Batman.
- We met Batman?
500
00:18:50,999 --> 00:18:52,131
- Met Batman! Yeah!
- We met Batman.
501
00:18:52,133 --> 00:18:53,700
All: We met Batman!
502
00:18:53,702 --> 00:18:57,303
We met Batman! We met Batman!
503
00:18:57,305 --> 00:18:59,372
I don't know how this keeps happening.
504
00:18:59,374 --> 00:19:01,174
- This?
- Well, not this,
505
00:19:01,176 --> 00:19:02,875
but meeting guys who seem great
506
00:19:02,877 --> 00:19:05,511
and then turn out to be
lying pieces of garbage.
507
00:19:05,513 --> 00:19:07,480
I thought my system was perfect.
508
00:19:07,482 --> 00:19:08,881
I make a list of all the qualities
509
00:19:08,883 --> 00:19:10,183
I'm looking for in a guy,
510
00:19:10,185 --> 00:19:11,851
assign each one a point value,
511
00:19:11,853 --> 00:19:13,519
and if that number exceeds 200...
512
00:19:13,521 --> 00:19:15,822
Can I make a suggestion? Burn that list.
513
00:19:15,824 --> 00:19:17,624
It's in the Cloud, so
I can't really do that.
514
00:19:17,626 --> 00:19:20,026
You're 25. You can't
hold yourself to a list,
515
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,661
because you don't even
know what you want.
516
00:19:21,663 --> 00:19:23,563
And even when you do, you're still gonna
517
00:19:23,565 --> 00:19:25,465
date a bunch of terrible guys
518
00:19:25,467 --> 00:19:27,300
and have horrible things happen.
519
00:19:27,302 --> 00:19:29,736
- Until I meet the right one?
- Sure.
520
00:19:29,738 --> 00:19:32,305
Or just one who's a really good liar.
521
00:19:32,307 --> 00:19:34,374
That's what I'm aiming for.
522
00:19:34,376 --> 00:19:37,143
Look. Just because you
can't avoid all the dirtbags,
523
00:19:37,145 --> 00:19:39,712
that doesn't mean you
don't deserve better.
524
00:19:39,714 --> 00:19:43,416
Aww. Thanks, Jackie.
525
00:19:43,418 --> 00:19:45,218
What are you doing?
526
00:19:45,220 --> 00:19:47,020
I'm trying to backwards-hug you.
527
00:19:47,022 --> 00:19:48,888
If I don't want your front hugs,
528
00:19:48,890 --> 00:19:50,923
what makes you think
I want your back ones?
529
00:19:50,925 --> 00:19:52,158
Okay. Sorry.
530
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:53,660
Okay. We're done here.
531
00:19:53,662 --> 00:19:55,261
So you're going to let us go?
532
00:19:55,263 --> 00:19:57,563
Well, I asked the boss what
he wanted us to do with you,
533
00:19:57,565 --> 00:19:59,565
but he answered in the form of a riddle.
534
00:19:59,567 --> 00:20:00,667
Couldn't quite figure it out.
535
00:20:00,669 --> 00:20:01,906
Hmm. What a shock.
536
00:20:01,909 --> 00:20:04,237
What has no legs,
but never stops running?
537
00:20:04,239 --> 00:20:06,272
A nose?
538
00:20:06,274 --> 00:20:07,440
A refrigerator?
539
00:20:07,442 --> 00:20:09,042
A river.
540
00:20:09,044 --> 00:20:12,078
Oh! He wants us to
throw them in the river.
541
00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:13,446
Smooth.
542
00:20:13,448 --> 00:20:15,181
I told you she was smart.
543
00:20:15,183 --> 00:20:16,783
Would you like to
tell us your SAT scores?
544
00:20:16,785 --> 00:20:18,251
Okay, shh.
545
00:20:18,253 --> 00:20:20,219
I guess I should get that bracelet back.
546
00:20:20,221 --> 00:20:22,088
- [Scoffs]
- [Elevator bell dings]
547
00:20:24,159 --> 00:20:26,526
It's Robin. Batman must be here!
548
00:20:26,528 --> 00:20:28,928
- [Henchmen clamoring]
- Go! Go!
549
00:20:28,930 --> 00:20:30,263
That was weird.
550
00:20:30,265 --> 00:20:32,965
Jackie, get a pair of scissors,
551
00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:34,367
cut me out of this suit.
552
00:20:34,369 --> 00:20:36,135
Emily, why are you still at work?
553
00:20:36,137 --> 00:20:38,004
Get a boyfriend or something.
554
00:20:39,741 --> 00:20:41,607
- Even just a hobby.
- [Sighs]
555
00:20:43,162 --> 00:20:44,911
All right, this is, like, a freaky alley,
556
00:20:44,913 --> 00:20:46,646
and it is pitch black.
557
00:20:46,648 --> 00:20:48,414
We didn't want to be there,
but we had to be there.
558
00:20:48,416 --> 00:20:50,583
- Then these guys... I mean...
- It was you. It was you.
559
00:20:50,585 --> 00:20:52,618
- It was all of us.
- It was an effort together.
560
00:20:52,620 --> 00:20:54,220
Hey.
561
00:20:54,222 --> 00:20:55,588
What are you doing?
562
00:20:55,590 --> 00:20:57,156
Pretending to listen to their story
563
00:20:57,158 --> 00:21:00,093
and returning this pizza
stone for store credit.
564
00:21:00,095 --> 00:21:02,228
- Atta girl.
- All right, so this bad guy's
565
00:21:02,230 --> 00:21:03,830
got Batman dead to rights.
566
00:21:03,832 --> 00:21:06,466
And we're like, "Get
your hands off our friend!"
567
00:21:06,468 --> 00:21:08,167
"Get 'em off!" And then with that,
568
00:21:08,169 --> 00:21:09,669
he sees us,
569
00:21:09,671 --> 00:21:12,071
and then he turns around and he runs.
570
00:21:12,073 --> 00:21:13,473
- See ya!
- [Laughing]
571
00:21:13,475 --> 00:21:15,308
- Yeah.
- Huh.
572
00:21:15,310 --> 00:21:18,277
That obviously never happened.
573
00:21:18,279 --> 00:21:20,413
- Obviously.
- Obviously.
574
00:21:20,415 --> 00:21:23,449
Let... come on...
575
00:21:23,451 --> 00:21:25,151
Obviously.
576
00:21:26,488 --> 00:21:28,087
Obviously.
577
00:21:29,437 --> 00:21:34,531
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-- www.Addic7ed.com --
578
00:21:34,581 --> 00:21:39,131
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