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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,004 --> 00:00:02,438 I mean, I've been, like, modeling and stuff, 2 00:00:01,973 --> 00:00:03,506 but, I mean, it's totally not my thing. 3 00:00:03,541 --> 00:00:05,408 Like, I just think I'm a nerd, you know. 4 00:00:05,443 --> 00:00:08,205 I've been into video games and comic books and stuff. 5 00:00:08,239 --> 00:00:09,760 Like, I don't know. 6 00:00:09,794 --> 00:00:11,897 I'm just-- I'm such a total nerd. 7 00:00:11,932 --> 00:00:13,826 Hi there. I'm Brian. 8 00:00:13,860 --> 00:00:15,495 I'm an actual nerd. 9 00:00:15,529 --> 00:00:17,594 I wear these glasses to see. 10 00:00:17,628 --> 00:00:20,127 I watch Star Trek TNG, 11 00:00:20,161 --> 00:00:21,326 I play Skyrim. 12 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,858 I'm... shy. 13 00:00:24,893 --> 00:00:28,296 I'm not wearing a nerd costume for Halloween. 14 00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:31,734 I'm ac-- this is how I actually dress. 15 00:00:31,768 --> 00:00:33,503 And when I take these glasses off, 16 00:00:33,538 --> 00:00:37,641 I'm not suddenly, uh, revealed to be sexy or cool, 17 00:00:37,675 --> 00:00:39,712 I'm still a nerd. 18 00:00:39,747 --> 00:00:43,915 In-- in fact, I get sick with fear... 19 00:00:43,950 --> 00:00:45,450 uh, talking to people. 20 00:00:45,484 --> 00:00:49,186 I'm not skinny enough to fit into hip jeans. 21 00:00:49,221 --> 00:00:51,121 The only reason I'm not very pale 22 00:00:51,156 --> 00:00:52,791 and actually have a tan 23 00:00:52,825 --> 00:00:55,092 is because I went "eventing" a couple weeks back 24 00:00:55,126 --> 00:00:58,594 and got to dress up and run around in a field. 25 00:00:58,628 --> 00:01:00,429 It-- it-- it sucks. 26 00:01:00,463 --> 00:01:02,664 I mean, it... 27 00:01:02,698 --> 00:01:04,099 Damn it. 28 00:01:04,133 --> 00:01:06,902 Uh, why, you know-- 29 00:01:06,936 --> 00:01:09,505 a sexy girl who went and saw, you know, 30 00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:12,109 a second-week screening of The Avengers 31 00:01:12,143 --> 00:01:13,644 is not a nerd. 32 00:01:13,679 --> 00:01:15,880 A real nerd is ashamed to be called a nerd. 33 00:01:15,915 --> 00:01:17,845 So, please, get real. 34 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,339 If you're not a nerd, don't call yourself one. 35 00:01:25,072 --> 00:01:27,173 Dang it. Usually I'm really good at ranting. 36 00:01:27,207 --> 00:01:29,241 [Upbeat music] 37 00:01:59,732 --> 00:02:01,500 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 38 00:02:02,106 --> 00:02:03,807 [Woman] Welcome, guys. 39 00:02:03,841 --> 00:02:05,809 Thank you so much for coming to the PTA meeting. 40 00:02:05,843 --> 00:02:07,911 I wanna bring something up really quick. 41 00:02:07,946 --> 00:02:10,080 There is music here in this library 42 00:02:10,114 --> 00:02:11,281 available to our kids. 43 00:02:11,316 --> 00:02:12,616 There are specific albums 44 00:02:12,650 --> 00:02:14,618 that absolutely should be banned. 45 00:02:14,652 --> 00:02:16,119 You're really overstepping your bounds here. 46 00:02:16,153 --> 00:02:17,854 Talking about what our kids love. 47 00:02:17,889 --> 00:02:20,023 But our kids also don't really know what they like yet. 48 00:02:20,058 --> 00:02:21,825 [Both] Kraftwerk. Neu! 49 00:02:22,927 --> 00:02:24,127 - Oh, hi. - Oh, hey. 50 00:02:24,161 --> 00:02:25,495 It's funny we parked next to each other. 51 00:02:25,529 --> 00:02:27,564 Sorry it got heated in there. 52 00:02:27,598 --> 00:02:29,432 You know, it's-- I'm just passionate about our kids' music. 53 00:02:29,467 --> 00:02:30,600 - That's all. - Yeah, I mean, you know, 54 00:02:30,635 --> 00:02:31,832 like, the music they market to kids. 55 00:02:31,866 --> 00:02:33,223 Can you believe it? Like, The Wiggles? 56 00:02:33,257 --> 00:02:35,141 Like, they have this song about making a fruit salad? 57 00:02:35,176 --> 00:02:36,772 Don't get me started. Don't. 58 00:02:36,806 --> 00:02:37,935 It doesn't speak to their intelligence at all. 59 00:02:37,969 --> 00:02:39,727 Like, who's to say that a kid 60 00:02:39,762 --> 00:02:42,485 can't appreciate a guitar solo in a Dinosaur Jr. song? 61 00:02:42,520 --> 00:02:43,883 - Yeah. - I've said that exact same thing. 62 00:02:43,918 --> 00:02:45,314 I have said that. Right? 63 00:02:45,348 --> 00:02:46,813 What it boils down to is us just caring 64 00:02:46,847 --> 00:02:47,811 about what our kids listen to. 65 00:02:47,845 --> 00:02:50,070 Raffi has this song about... 66 00:02:50,104 --> 00:02:52,190 Peanut butter jelly sandwiches. Something like that. 67 00:02:52,224 --> 00:02:54,434 A whale with a blanket on it in the bottom of the ocean? 68 00:02:54,468 --> 00:02:57,066 Kids like time changes and weird time signatures, right? 69 00:02:57,100 --> 00:02:58,588 - Yeah. - I've said that exact same thing. 70 00:02:58,623 --> 00:03:00,128 Let's have some interesting chord changes. 71 00:03:00,162 --> 00:03:02,240 Let's not just be writing in a pentatonic scale... 72 00:03:02,275 --> 00:03:03,631 If you're gonna have some repetition, 73 00:03:03,665 --> 00:03:04,721 you know, let's do, like, Philip Glass 74 00:03:04,756 --> 00:03:06,302 or Steve Reich repetition. 75 00:03:06,337 --> 00:03:07,984 And also, it doesn't have to be simple. 76 00:03:08,019 --> 00:03:10,066 No. No, it does not. 77 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,181 Right? I mean, kids like atonal stuff. They like discordant... 78 00:03:12,216 --> 00:03:13,706 Do you guys play music? 79 00:03:13,740 --> 00:03:16,543 Yeah, I mean, we're musicians or former musicians. 80 00:03:16,578 --> 00:03:18,983 Really? We were too. Yeah. 81 00:03:19,017 --> 00:03:20,242 Oh, really? What instruments? 82 00:03:20,276 --> 00:03:21,433 Yeah, uh, I play guitar and sing. 83 00:03:21,468 --> 00:03:22,625 How funny. I'm a drummer. 84 00:03:22,651 --> 00:03:23,943 I do a lot of circuit bending. 85 00:03:23,978 --> 00:03:25,103 - Okay. - Samplers. 86 00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,297 - That's great. - Yeah. 87 00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:28,016 We should make music for kids. 88 00:03:28,051 --> 00:03:29,243 [Triumphant music] 89 00:03:29,277 --> 00:03:31,096 - Wow. - That's a great idea. 90 00:03:31,130 --> 00:03:32,882 I was kinda kidding, but also not kidding. 91 00:03:32,916 --> 00:03:33,908 I would totally do this. 92 00:03:33,942 --> 00:03:35,502 Yeah, let's-- let's do it. 93 00:03:35,536 --> 00:03:36,689 Let's make a pact right now. 94 00:03:36,723 --> 00:03:38,250 No songs about peanut butter and jelly. 95 00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:40,563 Okay? We don't reference silly animals. 96 00:03:40,597 --> 00:03:42,057 No clouds, no cutesy stuff. 97 00:03:42,091 --> 00:03:43,978 We just play real music for real kids. 98 00:03:44,012 --> 00:03:45,205 Yes. 99 00:03:45,239 --> 00:03:46,232 Should we think of a band name? 100 00:03:46,266 --> 00:03:47,653 Gummy Riot? 101 00:03:47,687 --> 00:03:48,746 What about Dough Hammer? 102 00:03:48,781 --> 00:03:50,007 Shortstop Sleepover? 103 00:03:50,041 --> 00:03:51,001 How about The Hamburger Options? 104 00:03:51,035 --> 00:03:52,454 How about Cross-Stitch? 105 00:03:52,489 --> 00:03:54,382 How about Goofus? 106 00:03:54,417 --> 00:03:56,137 Oh, Goofus. That's-- that might be too much for kids. 107 00:03:56,171 --> 00:03:57,725 I had one that was, like, The Defiance Of... 108 00:03:57,759 --> 00:03:59,286 Anthropomorphic Sea Mammals. 109 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,607 What's that? 110 00:04:00,641 --> 00:04:02,135 Defiance Of Anthropomorphic Sea Mammals. 111 00:04:02,170 --> 00:04:03,263 I like that name. 112 00:04:03,297 --> 00:04:04,358 That actually kind of appeals to kids. 113 00:04:04,386 --> 00:04:05,746 I think, 'cause... 114 00:04:05,780 --> 00:04:07,835 Children are about to have their minds blown. 115 00:04:07,870 --> 00:04:10,685 Honestly, I feel so, just, like, alive and excited right now. 116 00:04:10,720 --> 00:04:12,014 Cool. 117 00:04:12,048 --> 00:04:14,530 - All right. - All right. Bye. 118 00:04:14,564 --> 00:04:15,858 It's open. [Attempting to open car door] 119 00:04:15,893 --> 00:04:17,581 Stop it. Okay, it's open. Hold it. 120 00:04:17,615 --> 00:04:20,104 I'm not even-- can you unlock it? 121 00:04:24,777 --> 00:04:26,271 Well, it's an interesting menu. 122 00:04:26,306 --> 00:04:27,860 My students said we can't go wrong. 123 00:04:27,894 --> 00:04:29,488 Everything is good, so... 124 00:04:29,522 --> 00:04:31,410 I wish my students ate some stuff like this. 125 00:04:31,444 --> 00:04:32,631 I don't know what they're eating. 126 00:04:32,666 --> 00:04:33,826 Shiva salad? 127 00:04:33,860 --> 00:04:34,954 - Hello. - Hello. 128 00:04:34,988 --> 00:04:36,382 How are you two doing? 129 00:04:36,417 --> 00:04:37,544 - We're very well, thank you. - Good. Very good. 130 00:04:37,572 --> 00:04:38,732 Well, do you have any questions? 131 00:04:38,766 --> 00:04:40,327 Um, I keep meaning to try the "Ke-Noah," 132 00:04:40,361 --> 00:04:41,548 'cause I keep seeing that name. 133 00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:43,144 - Quinoa. - Okay. 134 00:04:43,178 --> 00:04:44,632 It's an ancient grain. Super healthy for you. 135 00:04:44,667 --> 00:04:45,961 Oh, great, great. 136 00:04:45,995 --> 00:04:47,255 You know, I would probably feel best 137 00:04:47,290 --> 00:04:49,211 if you could just make some choices for us. 138 00:04:49,246 --> 00:04:50,866 Well, I can just put together 139 00:04:50,901 --> 00:04:52,955 a bunch of different options for you. Can feed two. 140 00:04:52,990 --> 00:04:54,878 - Nothing too bananas. I don't want to, you know. - Okay. 141 00:04:54,912 --> 00:04:56,566 'Cause I don't know what's what. 142 00:04:56,601 --> 00:04:57,928 - Awesome. Thank you so much. - Thanks a lot. 143 00:04:59,357 --> 00:05:00,478 [Exaggerated gulp] 144 00:05:00,512 --> 00:05:02,433 [Sighs] [Stomach gurgling] 145 00:05:02,468 --> 00:05:03,562 Delicious. 146 00:05:03,596 --> 00:05:04,923 I liked it all. 147 00:05:04,957 --> 00:05:06,318 I guess I didn't get what raw was. 148 00:05:06,352 --> 00:05:07,506 But it felt like real food. It's not-- 149 00:05:07,540 --> 00:05:08,901 Yeah, it didn't feel like a snack. 150 00:05:08,935 --> 00:05:10,262 That second thing was really good. 151 00:05:10,297 --> 00:05:12,678 That sort of ricey, beany... 152 00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:13,873 I'm gonna be honest with you. 153 00:05:13,907 --> 00:05:14,934 Like, I feel... [Light flatulence] 154 00:05:14,968 --> 00:05:16,424 - a little gassy. - Yeah. 155 00:05:16,458 --> 00:05:18,254 I'm feeling the same thing. 156 00:05:18,288 --> 00:05:21,301 And these wooden seats. I wish they had cushions or something. 157 00:05:21,335 --> 00:05:24,057 - They would have to wash them all the time, right? - Yes. Or-- 158 00:05:24,092 --> 00:05:25,746 - Will you hold my hand for a second? - Yeah. You okay? 159 00:05:25,780 --> 00:05:28,829 Yeah, I just-- I gotta get this fart out. [Flatulence] 160 00:05:28,863 --> 00:05:30,157 I'm gonna keep talking. Through your fart. 161 00:05:30,191 --> 00:05:32,473 Look, our library is falling apart. 162 00:05:32,507 --> 00:05:34,796 At our school, if they had a new-- 163 00:05:34,830 --> 00:05:36,685 - I'm farting right now. - Mm-hmm. 164 00:05:36,719 --> 00:05:38,407 If they built a new facade or anything in the library-- 165 00:05:38,441 --> 00:05:39,635 - I'm still farting. - Yeah. 166 00:05:39,669 --> 00:05:41,130 Not only would it be out of money-- 167 00:05:41,158 --> 00:05:42,752 I mean, the entire town would be out of money. 168 00:05:42,786 --> 00:05:44,407 'Cause a lot of that is subsidized. I'm farting. 169 00:05:44,442 --> 00:05:46,363 - Yeah. - And they were trying 170 00:05:46,397 --> 00:05:48,252 to work on some kind of a new tennis court-- I'm farting. 171 00:05:48,286 --> 00:05:49,714 And that fell apart. And I thought-- 172 00:05:49,748 --> 00:05:51,269 I'm gonna complain. I'm farting. 173 00:05:51,303 --> 00:05:53,031 Yeah. I was-- I was farting during that whole thing. 174 00:05:53,065 --> 00:05:55,881 What do you think about tomorrow? What do you feel like doing? 175 00:05:55,915 --> 00:05:57,369 I can't. I honestly can't think about-- 176 00:05:57,404 --> 00:05:59,558 I know, I'm just trying to make conversation. 177 00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:01,781 Hi, you two. I'm so sorry, but we've been getting a lot of complaints. 178 00:06:01,815 --> 00:06:05,525 Um, if you do need to flatulate, we have a designated area. 179 00:06:05,559 --> 00:06:07,747 Wait--? 180 00:06:07,782 --> 00:06:10,164 [Flatulence] 181 00:06:10,198 --> 00:06:11,826 [Both] Ah. 182 00:06:11,860 --> 00:06:13,715 Now I'm all loosey goosey. 183 00:06:13,749 --> 00:06:15,637 Yeah, and it doesn't disturb all the other people eating. 184 00:06:15,672 --> 00:06:18,320 I know. I felt so constrained in there. 185 00:06:18,355 --> 00:06:21,404 [Loud flatulence] 186 00:06:21,438 --> 00:06:22,865 - Huh. - Wow. 187 00:06:22,893 --> 00:06:25,282 What was that? A little mustard seed? 188 00:06:25,316 --> 00:06:26,310 Apple, for some reason. 189 00:06:26,344 --> 00:06:27,738 I'm smelling apple. 190 00:06:27,772 --> 00:06:30,093 - When in Rome. - Yeah. 191 00:06:30,128 --> 00:06:32,027 Let that fart foam. 192 00:06:33,022 --> 00:06:34,427 Hi, Royce. I'm her boss! 193 00:06:34,566 --> 00:06:36,567 From the Portland Milk Advisory Board. 194 00:06:36,602 --> 00:06:39,237 Last week, we talked about raw cow milk. 195 00:06:39,272 --> 00:06:40,305 It turns out that... 196 00:06:40,340 --> 00:06:41,607 The process of pasteurization 197 00:06:41,641 --> 00:06:43,008 as developed by Louis Pasteur 198 00:06:43,042 --> 00:06:45,310 is the only true legal process in the United States. 199 00:06:45,344 --> 00:06:47,279 Instead, we offer you cashew milk. 200 00:06:47,313 --> 00:06:48,614 And everything that she said, I totally know. 201 00:06:48,648 --> 00:06:50,182 But she did such a bang-up job, and... 202 00:06:50,216 --> 00:06:51,750 Thanks, boss. 203 00:06:51,784 --> 00:06:52,951 One of these days, she's gonna take over. 204 00:06:52,986 --> 00:06:54,953 Louis Pasteur, by the way, was... 205 00:06:54,988 --> 00:06:56,455 No, he was French. 206 00:06:56,489 --> 00:06:57,857 That doesn't mean he was gay. 207 00:06:57,891 --> 00:06:59,391 This didn't mean gay. This meant French. 208 00:06:59,426 --> 00:07:00,926 He's my boss. 209 00:07:02,972 --> 00:07:04,672 We'd like to thank Candace and Toni 210 00:07:04,707 --> 00:07:06,174 for having us all out here 211 00:07:06,208 --> 00:07:09,477 to celebrate the launch of their new comedy section 212 00:07:09,511 --> 00:07:10,978 here at the book store. 213 00:07:11,012 --> 00:07:12,947 Let's take you through these little books here. 214 00:07:12,981 --> 00:07:14,815 How The Lioness Lost Her Mane. 215 00:07:14,849 --> 00:07:17,051 My mane looks like a lion chewed its way out. 216 00:07:17,085 --> 00:07:18,653 You know what I mean. 217 00:07:18,687 --> 00:07:21,189 So, Toni, I'm going to go up and do some comedy. 218 00:07:21,223 --> 00:07:23,825 It's gonna be kind of a roast. 219 00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:25,360 - A little bit about you. - Okay. 220 00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,329 It's just how comedy works. Like, that's kind of-- 221 00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:28,831 Is it? Okay. 222 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,532 We're gonna have a special guest up here tonight. 223 00:07:30,567 --> 00:07:33,035 Our very next comedian is Candace 224 00:07:33,069 --> 00:07:35,470 from Women And Women First! 225 00:07:35,504 --> 00:07:38,302 All right. Knock 'em dead. 226 00:07:38,337 --> 00:07:40,337 Like to introduce you to the co-owner 227 00:07:40,371 --> 00:07:42,005 of Women And Women First. 228 00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:43,507 That's Toni there. 229 00:07:43,541 --> 00:07:45,275 The zoo called. They want their gorilla back. 230 00:07:45,310 --> 00:07:48,979 [Laughter] 231 00:07:49,013 --> 00:07:52,382 Thank you. Gorilla. 232 00:07:52,416 --> 00:07:53,850 Toni's teeth, I don't know if you've noticed. 233 00:07:53,884 --> 00:07:55,985 Looks like an old graveyard. 234 00:07:56,019 --> 00:07:58,521 Rest in peace. Toni's parents are idiots. 235 00:07:58,555 --> 00:07:59,722 Couple of dummies. 236 00:07:59,757 --> 00:08:01,091 Sort of met each other and said, 237 00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:03,060 "let's make something ugly." 238 00:08:03,094 --> 00:08:04,929 Um, I've got a really funny joke. 239 00:08:04,963 --> 00:08:06,395 This is a really, really funny one. 240 00:08:06,430 --> 00:08:08,900 This'll make you laugh. Toni's face. 241 00:08:08,934 --> 00:08:12,137 It looks like it got punched by a boxer. 242 00:08:12,171 --> 00:08:13,505 Lot of people talking about the drug problems 243 00:08:13,539 --> 00:08:14,974 going on here in Portland. 244 00:08:15,008 --> 00:08:16,342 There's an ugliness problem too. 245 00:08:16,376 --> 00:08:18,544 I think it's in this area over there. 246 00:08:18,579 --> 00:08:20,980 Should call the ugly police. 247 00:08:21,015 --> 00:08:23,149 Think they have one of those makeover nightsticks. 248 00:08:23,184 --> 00:08:24,651 Except my impression of a cop coming up to her 249 00:08:24,685 --> 00:08:26,019 is going like this. 250 00:08:26,054 --> 00:08:29,423 "Uh, oh, sorry. This is a zoo." 251 00:08:29,457 --> 00:08:30,457 Gorilla house reference. 252 00:08:30,492 --> 00:08:34,062 Once again. 253 00:08:34,096 --> 00:08:36,764 I love you guys. What a crowd. 254 00:08:36,799 --> 00:08:40,000 Yay, everybody. Candace. 255 00:08:40,035 --> 00:08:41,802 Toni. That's my bag. 256 00:08:41,837 --> 00:08:43,037 Comedy... 257 00:08:43,071 --> 00:08:44,105 I'm gonna go on. What? 258 00:08:44,139 --> 00:08:45,606 I'm gonna go on. 259 00:08:45,641 --> 00:08:47,041 Oh. So we have a surprise guest tonight. 260 00:08:47,076 --> 00:08:49,444 Uh, everybody, Toni. 261 00:08:49,478 --> 00:08:53,547 [Applause] 262 00:08:53,582 --> 00:08:55,082 That's my bag. That's my stuff. 263 00:08:55,117 --> 00:09:01,756 You know what would be funny? If I smashed this. 264 00:09:01,790 --> 00:09:03,091 Is this your apple? Is this your lunch? 265 00:09:03,125 --> 00:09:04,993 Oh, my apple. 266 00:09:05,027 --> 00:09:07,261 Oh. Don't-- 267 00:09:07,296 --> 00:09:08,696 What is this? 268 00:09:08,730 --> 00:09:09,897 [Device vibrates] 269 00:09:09,932 --> 00:09:11,098 Is this your vibrator? 270 00:09:11,133 --> 00:09:12,433 I carry that around because you never know. 271 00:09:12,467 --> 00:09:15,836 I'm putting it out of its misery. 272 00:09:15,871 --> 00:09:17,571 Comedy, comedy, comedy! 273 00:09:17,605 --> 00:09:19,706 Such a pussy. 274 00:09:19,740 --> 00:09:21,341 You like Kombucha tea? 275 00:09:21,375 --> 00:09:22,609 Aah! 276 00:09:22,643 --> 00:09:26,246 [Laughter] 277 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:31,952 [Cheers and applause] 278 00:09:31,986 --> 00:09:33,987 Who saw that coming? 279 00:09:34,022 --> 00:09:37,958 I did not. Okay. Uh, thank you all for coming. 280 00:09:37,992 --> 00:09:40,026 That was great. 281 00:09:40,060 --> 00:09:41,427 Did you like it? 282 00:09:41,462 --> 00:09:43,429 I loved it. We have to do this every week. 283 00:09:43,464 --> 00:09:45,031 I'll destroy you every week. 284 00:09:45,065 --> 00:09:48,234 Yeah, you destroyed. Literally. 285 00:09:48,268 --> 00:09:50,703 We should have done that as a joke. 286 00:09:50,737 --> 00:09:52,939 [Wheezing laughter] 287 00:09:56,410 --> 00:10:00,344 [Wheezing laughter continues] 288 00:10:08,654 --> 00:10:10,955 [Man] Boys and girls, put your hands together 289 00:10:10,989 --> 00:10:13,424 for the Defiance Of Anthropomorphic Sea Mammals. 290 00:10:16,527 --> 00:10:18,995 How's everyone doing? 291 00:10:19,029 --> 00:10:21,464 Did everybody have a really good day today? 292 00:10:21,499 --> 00:10:24,134 [Man coughs] 293 00:10:24,168 --> 00:10:26,636 Uh, this is pretty cool music. 294 00:10:26,671 --> 00:10:30,974 And, uh, just listen with an open mind. 295 00:10:31,009 --> 00:10:37,213 [Playing discordant music] 296 00:10:37,248 --> 00:10:40,083 Rejection! 297 00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:47,424 [Mumbling lyrics] 298 00:10:47,459 --> 00:10:49,660 I wanna die! 299 00:10:49,694 --> 00:10:52,263 I wanna die! 300 00:10:52,297 --> 00:10:55,566 I wanna die! I wanna die! I wanna die! I wanna die! 301 00:10:55,600 --> 00:10:58,202 Sing along. Sing along. 302 00:10:58,237 --> 00:11:00,638 [Babbling] 303 00:11:00,672 --> 00:11:03,307 [Child cries] 304 00:11:03,342 --> 00:11:05,776 [Discordant music continues] 305 00:11:05,811 --> 00:11:08,346 Everybody leaves me. Everybody leaves me. 306 00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:12,584 [Screams] 307 00:11:12,618 --> 00:11:14,652 Ow! 308 00:11:14,687 --> 00:11:17,722 [Children crying] 309 00:11:17,756 --> 00:11:19,490 And Squiggleman is next. 310 00:11:19,524 --> 00:11:21,292 [Cheers and applause] 311 00:11:21,326 --> 00:11:23,794 Hey. How are you? 312 00:11:23,828 --> 00:11:25,663 You don't sound very pleased to see me. 313 00:11:25,697 --> 00:11:29,067 I'll go. I'll take my bags and I'll leave. 314 00:11:29,101 --> 00:11:31,603 [Children] No! 315 00:11:31,637 --> 00:11:33,338 How did they react to us? 316 00:11:33,372 --> 00:11:34,573 Were we getting this response? 317 00:11:34,607 --> 00:11:36,111 You want me to come back? 318 00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:37,714 - Yes! - Great. 319 00:11:37,748 --> 00:11:39,051 [Water splashes, dolphin chatters] 320 00:11:39,085 --> 00:11:40,285 [Laughter] 321 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:42,188 - Let's go. - Yeah! 322 00:11:42,222 --> 00:11:44,156 It's an animal parade 323 00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:45,524 watch the animals 324 00:11:45,558 --> 00:11:48,961 walking down the lane 325 00:11:48,995 --> 00:11:50,462 master fuzzy bunny 326 00:11:50,496 --> 00:11:55,268 and his lucky paw leads the way 327 00:11:55,302 --> 00:11:58,538 the kittens go meow, meow, meow 328 00:11:58,572 --> 00:12:01,574 baby goats go bah, bah 329 00:12:01,608 --> 00:12:03,643 lady goose goes honk, honk 330 00:12:03,677 --> 00:12:08,314 honking on down the road 331 00:12:08,348 --> 00:12:11,784 but then there comes a fright 332 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:14,920 Mr. dump truck is in sight 333 00:12:14,955 --> 00:12:18,757 he's a big machine and he screams with a mighty... 334 00:12:18,792 --> 00:12:21,126 - I can't handle this. Do you? - No. Can't handle this either. 335 00:12:21,161 --> 00:12:22,661 - I'm out of here, guys. - Taking off. 336 00:12:25,165 --> 00:12:28,700 Wha! 337 00:12:31,938 --> 00:12:33,572 jippity jumping 338 00:12:33,606 --> 00:12:35,641 skippity skoppin' 339 00:12:35,675 --> 00:12:38,743 hopping on down the road 340 00:12:38,778 --> 00:12:43,048 wishy washing everyone's noshing on mushrooms 341 00:12:43,082 --> 00:12:47,252 high or low 342 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:55,194 the rabbit's paw 343 00:12:55,229 --> 00:12:57,062 the rabbit's paw 344 00:12:57,097 --> 00:12:59,498 This is catchy, right? 345 00:12:59,532 --> 00:13:00,766 I will admit it is. 346 00:13:00,800 --> 00:13:01,934 The rabbit's paw 347 00:13:01,968 --> 00:13:03,903 the rabbit's paw 348 00:13:03,937 --> 00:13:06,840 the rabbit's paw 349 00:13:06,874 --> 00:13:08,709 the rabbit's paw 350 00:13:08,743 --> 00:13:10,410 the rabbit's paw 351 00:13:10,445 --> 00:13:13,647 the rabbit's paw 352 00:13:13,681 --> 00:13:21,488 the rabbit's paw 353 00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:26,227 [Exaggerated deep breath] 354 00:13:26,261 --> 00:13:29,062 [Cheers and applause] 355 00:13:29,097 --> 00:13:30,464 That was so good. 356 00:13:30,498 --> 00:13:32,032 We should rethink our whole thing. 357 00:13:32,066 --> 00:13:33,834 It's not about being in a good band. 358 00:13:33,868 --> 00:13:36,904 It's about having a relationship with an audience. 359 00:13:36,939 --> 00:13:38,072 Definitely. 360 00:13:38,107 --> 00:13:39,574 How do we get into that mindset? 361 00:13:39,608 --> 00:13:40,742 You want me to stay here? 362 00:13:40,776 --> 00:13:42,010 Yeah! 363 00:13:42,044 --> 00:13:44,146 Stay forever? Yeah! 364 00:13:45,916 --> 00:13:48,818 [Electric guitar solo] 365 00:13:48,852 --> 00:13:51,587 [Crashing, clattering] 366 00:13:57,990 --> 00:14:00,591 [Groans] 367 00:14:00,625 --> 00:14:03,560 Alex. 368 00:14:03,595 --> 00:14:05,028 I had to sleep on the couch last night. 369 00:14:05,063 --> 00:14:06,496 Who's that guy? 370 00:14:06,531 --> 00:14:09,565 I guess Carrie got lucky. 371 00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,434 - Hi, sexy. - Hi. 372 00:14:11,468 --> 00:14:12,669 Come here. 373 00:14:12,703 --> 00:14:14,037 Uh, actually I have to go. 374 00:14:14,071 --> 00:14:16,039 - Come lay on top of me. - Mm, no. 375 00:14:16,073 --> 00:14:17,373 Do you know what you said to me last night? 376 00:14:17,408 --> 00:14:18,908 I don't wanna know. I was a little bit drunk. 377 00:14:18,943 --> 00:14:21,144 That I look like a Scottish soccer player. 378 00:14:21,179 --> 00:14:22,579 Trey, this is kind of a mistake. 379 00:14:22,614 --> 00:14:25,449 This was just not who I really am. 380 00:14:25,483 --> 00:14:26,951 And I have to be at the DMV today. 381 00:14:26,985 --> 00:14:29,086 I have an appointment. 'Cause my license is expiring. 382 00:14:29,121 --> 00:14:30,421 So let's go. 383 00:14:30,455 --> 00:14:32,657 Can I stay? Am I allowed to stay in your house? 384 00:14:32,691 --> 00:14:34,659 That would be weird for my roommates, I think. 385 00:14:34,693 --> 00:14:36,894 - Could you give me a ride? - Back to your car? 386 00:14:36,929 --> 00:14:38,829 I don't have a car. I don't drive. 387 00:14:38,863 --> 00:14:41,832 Did you know that all car companies are corporations? 388 00:14:41,866 --> 00:14:44,001 Trey, I will drive you where you need to go. 389 00:14:44,035 --> 00:14:45,703 - Your house? - Yeah. 390 00:14:45,737 --> 00:14:47,404 Okay. 391 00:14:47,438 --> 00:14:48,873 Can you make me "wittle" bit of coffee? 392 00:14:48,907 --> 00:14:50,741 Uh... 393 00:14:50,776 --> 00:14:53,410 [Slurps] This is so hot! 394 00:14:53,445 --> 00:14:54,878 I'll meet you in the car, okay? 395 00:14:54,913 --> 00:14:56,447 Wait. Can I tell you one story before we go? 396 00:14:56,481 --> 00:14:59,316 We're going. But I got to tell you a story. 397 00:14:59,351 --> 00:15:00,585 I opened for sublime. 398 00:15:00,619 --> 00:15:01,853 Can you stop talking for a second? 399 00:15:01,887 --> 00:15:03,621 You don't know me. 400 00:15:03,655 --> 00:15:05,222 - Everything you're saying-- - I'm a "wittle" baby. 401 00:15:05,257 --> 00:15:07,691 I need this to end, and I wish it had never started. 402 00:15:07,725 --> 00:15:10,594 Let's go. 403 00:15:12,697 --> 00:15:14,265 Don't you hate metal drummers? 404 00:15:14,299 --> 00:15:16,534 The thing about the DMV is it's always crowded. 405 00:15:16,568 --> 00:15:18,636 - You have to take a number. - Why did you make a left? 406 00:15:18,670 --> 00:15:21,205 I don't know where I'm going. You have to tell me. 407 00:15:21,239 --> 00:15:22,339 - Damn it. - What? 408 00:15:22,373 --> 00:15:24,074 I don't have my keys. 409 00:15:24,108 --> 00:15:26,243 - Is someone at your house? - You know what? My friend Skiz. 410 00:15:26,277 --> 00:15:27,845 Wait. We have to go somewhere else to get your keys? 411 00:15:27,879 --> 00:15:30,348 Yeah, it's not that far. 412 00:15:30,382 --> 00:15:31,950 He's one of the funniest guys I know. 413 00:15:31,984 --> 00:15:35,319 Skiz. This is your alarm clock. 414 00:15:35,354 --> 00:15:37,021 Throw down the key. 415 00:15:37,056 --> 00:15:38,289 [Leaves rustle] 416 00:15:38,323 --> 00:15:39,757 [Laughs] 417 00:15:39,792 --> 00:15:43,862 - Babe. - Oh, my God. 418 00:15:43,896 --> 00:15:45,129 - Thanks. - Okay, let's go. 419 00:15:45,164 --> 00:15:46,631 No, I gotta go get my key. 420 00:15:46,665 --> 00:15:47,832 That is the key. 421 00:15:47,866 --> 00:15:49,267 No, that's Skiz' key to get in. 422 00:15:49,301 --> 00:15:52,704 - This is a two-key process? - Yeah. 423 00:15:52,738 --> 00:15:54,105 [Bell dings, tires screech] 424 00:15:54,140 --> 00:15:56,708 Can I reach you on Facebook? 425 00:15:56,743 --> 00:15:59,211 If you are a friend of a friend, you can find me on Facebook. 426 00:15:59,245 --> 00:16:01,212 Oh, I'm not on Facebook. 427 00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:03,448 But you know what I'll do? I'll go on my friend's account. 428 00:16:03,482 --> 00:16:04,982 That doesn't even make sense. 429 00:16:05,017 --> 00:16:06,451 If Ryan messages you, I'm messaging you through that. 430 00:16:06,485 --> 00:16:07,819 What would the point of that be? 431 00:16:07,853 --> 00:16:09,787 - Ho-- stop the car! Pull over! - What? Okay. 432 00:16:09,821 --> 00:16:12,189 - Pull over. - Ugh. What? 433 00:16:12,223 --> 00:16:14,157 So crazy. Everyone's, like, moving away 434 00:16:14,192 --> 00:16:15,793 and some people are moving in. 435 00:16:15,827 --> 00:16:17,194 Come on! 436 00:16:17,229 --> 00:16:18,529 I thought you were gonna move to New Orleans. 437 00:16:18,563 --> 00:16:19,730 What the hell are you doing? 438 00:16:19,765 --> 00:16:20,865 What are you carrying around with you? 439 00:16:20,899 --> 00:16:22,766 [Tires screech] 440 00:16:22,800 --> 00:16:26,136 [Computerized voice] Make a slight left onto Interstate Avenue. 441 00:16:26,170 --> 00:16:27,671 - He's in my top-- - Aah! 442 00:16:27,706 --> 00:16:30,774 - Aah! - Aah! Aah! Damn it. 443 00:16:30,809 --> 00:16:32,209 Why's all my stuff on the lawn? 444 00:16:32,244 --> 00:16:34,712 Wait, that's your stuff? Aw, jeez. 445 00:16:34,746 --> 00:16:37,848 All right, well, good luck with that, Trey. 446 00:16:37,883 --> 00:16:42,887 Huh. I guess just take me back to your place. 447 00:16:42,921 --> 00:16:46,090 Get out. I am so over this. 448 00:16:46,124 --> 00:16:47,725 Who is that? Who is that? 449 00:16:47,759 --> 00:16:51,161 - D'arcy! What are you doing?! - Who is D'arcy? She got my key. 450 00:16:51,196 --> 00:16:53,631 D'arcy, come on! 451 00:16:53,665 --> 00:16:56,667 Don't do that. You're gonna hurt yourself. Again. 452 00:16:56,701 --> 00:16:58,102 - I don't care! - I care! 453 00:16:58,136 --> 00:16:59,737 You're not going anywhere! 454 00:16:59,771 --> 00:17:00,971 Who are you? 455 00:17:01,006 --> 00:17:02,606 Oh, I'm sorry. I'm D'arcy. 456 00:17:02,641 --> 00:17:05,042 I live in this house. And so does Trey. 457 00:17:05,076 --> 00:17:06,243 Great. 458 00:17:06,277 --> 00:17:07,945 We are trying to make a child. 459 00:17:07,979 --> 00:17:09,113 Did he tell you about that? 460 00:17:09,147 --> 00:17:10,614 I actually don't care. 461 00:17:10,649 --> 00:17:12,750 I need you to give me your contact information 462 00:17:12,784 --> 00:17:14,051 so I can call my insurance company 463 00:17:14,086 --> 00:17:15,753 and have you pay for the window. 464 00:17:15,787 --> 00:17:17,688 Let's just go home. 465 00:17:17,722 --> 00:17:19,556 No, Trey, I want nothing to do with this. 466 00:17:19,591 --> 00:17:22,026 - I want my keys and I want to get out of here. - Take them. 467 00:17:22,060 --> 00:17:23,160 - Right there. Get 'em. - Thank you. (Trey) - Carrie? 468 00:17:23,195 --> 00:17:25,596 What? Ugh! 469 00:17:25,630 --> 00:17:26,864 What are you doing? 470 00:17:26,898 --> 00:17:28,899 All right, you know what? I hate you. 471 00:17:28,933 --> 00:17:30,201 You guys deserve each other, 472 00:17:30,235 --> 00:17:31,802 and this is the worst day of my life! 473 00:17:31,837 --> 00:17:33,871 And if I don't get to the DMV, 474 00:17:33,905 --> 00:17:35,940 I am gonna come back here and-- 475 00:17:35,974 --> 00:17:39,210 Aah! Stop. I hate you. 476 00:17:39,244 --> 00:17:41,211 Ugh! 477 00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:47,184 Carrie? 478 00:17:47,218 --> 00:17:50,087 [Tranquil music] 479 00:17:50,121 --> 00:17:51,388 Thank you. 480 00:17:51,422 --> 00:17:52,823 Hey. 481 00:17:52,857 --> 00:17:54,424 I'm sorry. Are you guys closed? 482 00:17:54,459 --> 00:17:57,127 Yeah. We've been closed for about an hour, 483 00:17:57,161 --> 00:17:58,229 but how was your day? 484 00:17:58,263 --> 00:17:59,696 It was awful. 485 00:17:59,731 --> 00:18:02,031 Aw. But we have coffee for you. 486 00:18:02,065 --> 00:18:04,833 And we're gonna make your day a little bit better. 487 00:18:04,868 --> 00:18:06,001 Thank you. 488 00:18:06,036 --> 00:18:08,171 All right. Let me see that smile. 489 00:18:08,205 --> 00:18:09,973 Ah, there. Look, look. 490 00:18:10,007 --> 00:18:11,441 Oh. I've called the cops, 491 00:18:11,475 --> 00:18:12,875 and they're gonna take your statement. 492 00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:14,778 Paramedics gonna take care of... 493 00:18:14,812 --> 00:18:18,014 Doesn't matter what we say 494 00:18:18,049 --> 00:18:20,250 [Siren chirps] 495 00:18:20,284 --> 00:18:21,718 Jerry? 496 00:18:21,752 --> 00:18:24,888 Today or yesterday 497 00:18:24,922 --> 00:18:26,156 Hi, guys. 498 00:18:26,190 --> 00:18:29,626 Isn't it a shame 499 00:18:29,661 --> 00:18:32,663 Sorry, it was just, like, such an awful day. 500 00:18:54,769 --> 00:18:56,970 Ah. Excellent. 501 00:18:57,005 --> 00:18:58,739 Start without me. 502 00:18:58,773 --> 00:19:00,274 I'll take my clothes off, and I'll be right there. 503 00:19:00,308 --> 00:19:01,675 No, no, no, that's not what this is about. 504 00:19:01,709 --> 00:19:03,143 We just really wanna talk to you. 505 00:19:03,178 --> 00:19:05,178 We have this band, and we opened up for you, 506 00:19:05,213 --> 00:19:06,680 but, like, just, they ignored us, 507 00:19:06,714 --> 00:19:08,381 and you're so huge, 508 00:19:08,416 --> 00:19:11,184 and we want to do well, you know what I mean? 509 00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,752 About nine years ago, 510 00:19:12,787 --> 00:19:16,257 I managed to convince myself that I was nine years old. 511 00:19:16,291 --> 00:19:18,793 Every day I walk out into the street, 512 00:19:18,827 --> 00:19:21,262 I see things as a nine-year-old would see them. 513 00:19:21,297 --> 00:19:22,797 Does that make sense? 514 00:19:22,832 --> 00:19:24,032 Yes and no. I mean... 515 00:19:24,067 --> 00:19:25,968 What are you sat on? 516 00:19:26,002 --> 00:19:27,469 Uh, a bed. 517 00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:29,271 No, it's not. It's a bouncy-bounce. 518 00:19:29,306 --> 00:19:30,706 Bouncy-bounce. Okay. 519 00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:32,207 What are those on your feet? 520 00:19:32,242 --> 00:19:33,876 They're-- they're shoes. 521 00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:35,744 They're not. They're your choo-choos. 522 00:19:35,779 --> 00:19:37,780 I mean, how else do you live like a nine-year-old? 523 00:19:37,814 --> 00:19:39,849 - I mean, you're drinking. - You're drinking alcohol. 524 00:19:39,884 --> 00:19:41,417 This isn't alcohol. This is wee-wee. 525 00:19:41,452 --> 00:19:43,186 Wee-wee. 526 00:19:43,220 --> 00:19:44,621 You can do this. Really. Stand up. 527 00:19:44,655 --> 00:19:47,257 - Okay. - Okay, come on. Shake it off. 528 00:19:47,291 --> 00:19:49,259 - I mean... - That's it. 529 00:19:49,294 --> 00:19:50,727 - I feel silly. - I know. 530 00:19:50,762 --> 00:19:53,029 No, no, no, no, no. Come on. You're nine years old. 531 00:19:53,064 --> 00:19:54,864 It would be nice to not care as much 532 00:19:54,899 --> 00:19:56,099 about what other people thought. 533 00:19:56,133 --> 00:19:57,233 It's the best. 534 00:19:57,267 --> 00:20:00,136 I am Michelle. I am mish mash Michelle. 535 00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:01,770 [Upbeat music] 536 00:20:01,805 --> 00:20:03,739 Makes me wanna go jump on the bed. 537 00:20:03,773 --> 00:20:05,241 On the bouncy-bounce. 538 00:20:05,275 --> 00:20:06,342 Get off there. [Music stops] 539 00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:08,244 - What? - Come off there. 540 00:20:08,278 --> 00:20:10,146 Not on daddy's bouncy-bounce. 541 00:20:10,180 --> 00:20:11,915 You know this. 542 00:20:11,949 --> 00:20:13,884 You can't jump on the bed. Come on. 543 00:20:13,918 --> 00:20:15,952 We've talked about this. 544 00:20:15,987 --> 00:20:18,355 I told you not to bounce on the bed. 545 00:20:18,389 --> 00:20:19,990 Ow! 546 00:20:20,024 --> 00:20:21,725 I never wanna feel bad inside, 547 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:25,397 and I never want any of you to feel bad either. 548 00:20:25,431 --> 00:20:27,300 Friends forever. 549 00:20:27,335 --> 00:20:29,769 - Forever and ever. - Mm. 550 00:20:29,804 --> 00:20:33,239 I'm gonna get my special glasses in this bag. 551 00:20:33,273 --> 00:20:37,010 Don't talk or go away! 552 00:20:37,044 --> 00:20:38,278 Is this working at all? 553 00:20:38,312 --> 00:20:40,780 Fantastic. Keep going. 554 00:20:40,814 --> 00:20:43,817 Use your imagination. 555 00:20:43,851 --> 00:20:45,419 Vegetables! 556 00:20:45,453 --> 00:20:49,056 It's imaginary lunchtime! 557 00:20:49,090 --> 00:20:51,191 [Camera shutter clicks] 558 00:20:53,728 --> 00:20:55,529 [Child] This reviewer couldn't discern 559 00:20:55,564 --> 00:20:57,799 exactly what was happening in the video. 560 00:20:57,833 --> 00:21:00,769 He just knows that it transcends children's music 561 00:21:00,803 --> 00:21:03,572 on literally every single level. 562 00:21:03,606 --> 00:21:06,075 Hey, you guys, there's this band. 563 00:21:06,109 --> 00:21:09,245 Everything that can be said in kids' music 564 00:21:09,279 --> 00:21:10,813 has now been said. 565 00:21:10,847 --> 00:21:13,482 We did it. Good job, everybody. 566 00:21:13,516 --> 00:21:15,284 Shut down your computers. 567 00:21:15,318 --> 00:21:18,087 Shut down the site. 568 00:21:19,455 --> 00:21:21,790 It's an animal parade 569 00:21:21,824 --> 00:21:23,425 watch the animals 570 00:21:23,459 --> 00:21:26,261 walking down the lane 571 00:21:26,296 --> 00:21:28,029 master fuzzy bunny 572 00:21:28,064 --> 00:21:32,534 and his lucky paw leads the way 573 00:21:32,569 --> 00:21:35,804 but then there comes a fright 574 00:21:35,838 --> 00:21:39,107 Mr. dump truck is in sight 575 00:21:39,142 --> 00:21:45,848 he's a big machine and he screams with a mighty roar 576 00:21:45,882 --> 00:21:50,053 climb on board 577 00:21:50,087 --> 00:21:54,290 wha! 578 00:21:54,616 --> 00:21:55,650 Sync and corrections by n17t01 www.addic7ed.com 579 00:21:55,700 --> 00:22:00,250 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 41000

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