All language subtitles for Plebs s04e08 Beer.eng

Hurry up. I mean, this is torture.

If people can't use the pump quickly,

they shouldn't be allowed
to use it at all.

She can see there's a queue.

That's about the speed
I go at, to be fair.

That's it. Now, pick up the bucket.

And walk away.

And we're in, if the water
hasn't evaporated by now.

Fire brigade! Coming through.

No, come on.

Out of the way, fella. Fire brigade!

We need to use the well.

Yeah, sorry, it's just
we've been queuing for ages

and there's loads of you.

Because of the fire and we need water.

- So...
- Well, so do we. We're thirsty.

Well, that's not an emergency, is it?

- It could be. In time.
- I am pretty parched.

- You see? He's parched.
- Remove your bucket, fella.

- Fire brigade!
- No.

You can't just wear red clothes and shout
"Fire brigade" at people to avoid queuing.

Just wait your turn like everyone else.

You arsehole. Come on.

Actually, Grumio, will you do the honours?

Sure thing, boss.

? Yeah! When in Rome

? Do as the Romans do

? Far from home

? All I got is you ?

I can't believe how arrogant
those red pricks are.

Tell me about it. All they
do is tip water on stuff.

I know, even a cloud can do that.

Evening, Romans.

Ooh, it's pretty banging in here... not.

You're early is all.

We're only empty cos our
punters are still at home,

- having a bath.
- Or having a snooze.

- Or having a shave.
- Or having a poo.

Or they're drinking at the
sexy new bar across the road.

- What? Another bar?
- Yeah.

It's this Germanian
place called Wunderbar.

They serve these big sausages
and this cold broth called beer.

Oh, shit. This is bad. We need
to see what we're up against.

- We need to try the sausages.
- Aurelius, you're in charge.

Really? Right. Wow. Finally.

I mean, it'll probably be jizz, right?

What do Germanians know about bars?

OK. So it's not jizz.

Hallo, guten Abend.

- Yeah, hello.
- Hello.

- Hallo.
- Willkommen.

Welcome to Wunderbar. My name is Lucas.

Here is my sister Stefanie.

Three beers for the gentlemen, Stefi.

- Yeah, great.
- And a sausage.

No, no, we can't stay.

We have our own bar across the road.

Yeah, if anything, we should
be willkommen you to the area.

Oh. I thought that bar was closed.

No. No, that's just the
look we're going for.

Inside it's heaving.

Here you go. Our signature drink.

All the way from Germania.

Wow. You got it here quick then.

No, no, we brew it here.

It would not be efficient
to make it in Germania

and then transport it all the way to Rome.

No, it was a joke.

Oh. Ha-ha. Very funny.

- Enjoy. Nice to meet you.
- Bye-bye.

Ooh, now then.

- Oh, God, this is awful.
- No, it's not, it's delicious.

No, I know it's delicious. For us, I mean.

Oh, yeah. No, it's
definitely awful for us.

- How do we compete with this?
- Yeah, we don't.

We just reinvent our place.

It's like I've been
saying, find a new angle.

We are not turning it into a strip club.

That is what you mean by "new angle"?

No.

Maybe. Yeah.

But we've got to do something.

Two words. Puppet theatre.

Yeah, that. Or the strip club.

- Or both.
- Sexy puppets.

No, that's appalling. And weird.

Let's just think.

Try and come up with something for our bar

that is fresh and cool and totally unique.

We can do this.

In fact, let's just copy these guys.

- This drink is incredible.
- Nice, yeah, that's way easier.

Boom. And I can figure out the recipe

- with my highly sensitive palate.
- Mm-hm.

This is the same sensitive palate

that confused salt beef
with tree bark, is it?

That was some very beefy
bark. Or barky beef.

Yeah, and while he does that,
I can try and shag Stefi.

Uh-huh. And that's relevant how?

You know, like bang
some secrets out of her.

Right. So drinking and
humping? That's the plan?

You two really are so noble, aren't you?

- OK, so you got a better idea?
- Er...

No, fair enough. Mission approved.

- Hey, Gloria.
- Oh, hi, Marcus.

- What's going on?
- Lucas is giving me his piss.

I need the ammonia for a
bumper-load of laundry.

And I have plenty from my
"bumper-load" of customers.

I thought I was your piss supplier.

Oh, I didn't know we were exclusive.

Oh, dear. I'm sorry if I'm
taking your place, Marcus.

It's an informal agreement.

Forgive me if this is not
how you do things here.

No, it is. He's just being weird.

Ah. Good.

Also, Gloria, I wanted to ask
you for a date this Saturday.

- Oh, um...
- What?

Saturday... Let me have a think.

Yeah, Lucas, that is really
not how we do things here.

We don't just ask someone out
direct, we get to know them,

and try and gauge if they like us back.

- But I find her very attractive. - Oh.

That's... I mean, this
is extraordinary stuff.

Sure, why not?

Wunderbar.

- That's a yes from you, is it?
- It is. Yeah, why?

Got a problem with that as well?

- No, no. That's wunderbar.
- Wunderbar.

I'm very happy for you both.

Right, you're no longer in charge.

Yes, sir. She's all
yours. Not much to report.

Got a few chaps from the fire brigade in.

What? Why are they here?

They wanted somewhere
quiet and sombre to drink.

Well, they came to the right place.

Yeah, they lost one of their men earlier.

Apparently they were held
up getting to a house fire,

so by the time they arrived
it was a bloody inferno.

On the plus side, they are
really putting it away.

Right, and you're back in charge.

- I'm going somewhere else.
- Wow. Great.

Oh, my Jove, it's him.

- Hello.
- You arsehole.

Hey, no, thank you, mister.
Do not call him an arsehole.

We lost one of our good men
and true today thanks to you.

You see, your bullshit at
the well, it made us late.

Yes, I... I mean, I was
waiting for some time

but, no, you're right. I was out of order.

I was "well" out of order, if you will.

I should rip your arms
off for what you did.

- He was a good man.
- And true. I know.

I'm sorry. Please don't do that.

I tell you what, this is my bar,

so how about, as a gesture of goodwill,

I get you guys a round of free drinks?

- A round? A man died!
- A night, then. One night of...

- Are you serious?
- A week.

Seven nights of free drinks.

Fine.

Plus bar snacks, yes?

- Mm-hm.
- Yeah.

Plus bar snacks.

Salve, Grumio.

All right, big lad?

You've discovered beer too, then?

I haven't discovered what's
in it. That's the problem.

Want to make it at our gaff,

if you've got any ideas.

Now you're asking.

I'd say water.

And, well, brown.

Yeah, that's what I'd
got. Water and brown.

After that I'm blank.

You're gonna have to
keep on drinking, then.

Ugh, it's hard graft this
research business, innit?

What? What are you smiling at?

Ah, nothing. I just really like it here.

- Oh, ja?
- Ja.

It's got everything,
hasn't it? Music, beer...

Whatever it is you call
that barmaid's linen blouse.

We call it a Bardameleinenbluse.

Wow.

It's another world, innit?

Tell me everything about your country,

and the beer, and your
culture and how you make beer.

Ach, nein, Germania's boring.

I couldn't wait to leave, you know.

Exploit the freedom of movement

you get from being part of the Empire.

I had a real wanderlust.

- You know this word?
- No, but I can guess.

Wanted to meet guys like me basically.

Exactly.

You want to try one of
my special wurst, Jason?

- Homemade.
- Yeah, go on, then.

What's the wurst that could happen?

Oh, wow. OK.

- That's gonna be tight.
- Ja.

All right.

Oh...

Oh, shut up!

I hate that bloody hen.

- It's a cock.
- You're damn right it is.

Running its beak off at
this time of the morning.

So did your sensitive palate
deliver the goods, then?

Well, here's the thing. The more I drank,
the less sensitive my palate became.

- Yeah. Funny, that.
- I know.

In the end I couldn't get much
further than water and brown.

- Hallo.
- Hallo, hallo.

- Nice threads.
- Dankeschon.

Please tell me you didn't buy those.

Relax. I borrowed 'em off Lucas.

My tunic was in a bit
of a state this morning.

I really don't want to know.

Absolutely splattered in sausage juice.

God, that's revolting.

No, I mean the juice from
an extra large wurst.

Although I did get jizz on 'em as well.

- Smashing.
- I tell you what,

I totally get why Germanians
wear leather shorts now.

- You just wipe everything off.
- Like a bib for your body.

- Like a body bib, exactly.
- I want a body bib.

So, sorry, you did it, then?

- You honey-trapped the barmaid?
- Yeah.

I didn't just sit there eating
sausages and jizzing myself.

And? What did you find out?

Oh, loads. She is fascinating.

Her and Lucas are from
this beautiful little town

called Furstenwalde of the Spree,

which is one of the largest
carrot producing areas

- in the whole of Germania.
- Oh, it sounds wicked.

And they have this kite festival as well.

- What about beer?
- Uh?

What did you find out about beer?

Oh, yeah. Nah, nothing.

- That was the whole point.
- Yeah. Sorry.

We did have some well
noisy Germanic sex, though.

- How does that help?
- No, I know, it doesn't.

But.. You know, it helps me.

In terms of my overall mood and fitness.

But... Sorry.

Well, I expected you
both to fail, obviously,

but this is pretty spectacular.

Why not, Grumio?

Fart on. You can't
really make things worse.

Oh, sorry, that is yeasty.

Hang on. Yeast.

That's an ingredient, in't it? Ha-ha!

Who's failing now?

So, all in all, we've got
47 Denari and 20 sesterces.

Plus 33 bottles of wine and 79 peanuts.

78 peanuts.

Which means, barring a
sudden upsurge in customers,

we can only afford to stay
open for another nine days.

Customer. We've a customer.

Maybe don't shout "customer", Grumio.

It's a bit desperate. Also,

this one's not a customer
in the strictest sense

as he's getting free drinks all week.

What? Why?

Because, you know, we have to support

the good men and true of the fire brigade.

And because you murdered one of them.

Well, murdered's a bit strong

but I guess I helped... kill a man,

so, what are you having?

Oh, don't worry, I'm not after a drink.

Oh, good news.

I just wanted to book in our
annual fire brigade party.

On Friday.

- This Friday?
- Mm-hm.

Could we make it next Friday?
Would that work for you?

No, because then it
wouldn't be free, would it?

Yeah, but come on, the free drinks thing

wasn't meant for massive parties.

That's a bit of a piss-take.

Well, you should have let us
in at the well, shouldn't you?

Arsehole. Mm?

I mean, that is a huge booking for us.

I realise we're paying for it,
so it's even worse, but still.

Yes, it's much worse.

We're done for. It's over.

We are officially all out of options.

Uh-oh. Book overboard.

Hallo.

So, guys, I am interested
in buying your bar.

Is it for sale?

We should at least hear them out.

No way. I ain't hearing shit.

We can't give up on our dream.

You see, I'm thinking maybe we can.

We could have a new dream:

one where we're not selling
shit wine to invisible customers

in a converted toilet.

But I can make beer. Trust me.

Now I've got water and
yeast, I've almost cracked it.

Yes, but, wet yeast aside, Grumio,

The Crown and Toga's hardly
a roaring success, is it?

And Wunderbar's coining it in.

Think about it. With the
amount they're earning,

they're bound to make us an
offer that we can't refuse.

800 Denari.

800? You must have missed
off a couple of C's, mate.

- We think that's a fair price.
- Well, it isn't.

Our bar is worth way more than that.

This is what we take
in a month. Or a week.

We happen to know that you have
almost no customers these days.

Oh, no, how do you know that?

As in, that is not true.

We have plenty of customers,

- thank you.
- But things are so bad now

that you plan to turn the bar
into a puppet strip club, right?

- Did you tell her that?
- I... Yes, clearly.

You were meant to be
banging things out of her!

She kept feeding me sausages.

- Ah, that explains it.
- No, it doesn't.

I can't believe you
tricked me, you dickbag.

You tried to trick me too, you dickbag.

Look, guys, it is obvious
that your bar is in trouble

and you have no business plan to speak of

beyond stealing our beer recipe

or setting up some kind of
Handepuppestripteaseklub.

But because we protect our secrets,

and you do not, I suggest
you take the 800.

No. Nein. No deal.

We are not selling, not now, not ever.

We may not be turning
much of a profit per se

but soon our bar is going
to make some serious Denari.

Oh, yeah? How?

By watering down your drinks?

No, by making it the best bar

- in the whole goddamn city.
- Mm!

You're looking at the guys
who took a rundown toilet

and turned it into a
slightly less run-down bar.

So if anyone here is
opening a chain, it is us.

Fucking A!

And you can keep your leather shorts.

I'll bring 'em back later.

We should definitely
water down our drinks.

I know. Why didn't we
think of that before?

Salve, boys.

- All right, Landlady?
- I'll say.

I just bagged myself a
nearly-new hydrangea.

From a memorial?

Don't judge me, Beaky, it's
just some dead fireman wanker.

Yes, I heard all about that.

Well, I watched it happen.

Stupid pricks only went
to the wrong house.

Ooh, now, I did not hear about that.

That tosspot captain only took
'em to No.12 instead of No.21.

They chucked half their
water before he realised.

By the time they got here,
it was blazing like a bastard.

So, it was the captain's fault?
That's why they were late?

Yeah. That's why I got a free hydrangea,

so, you know, every cloud.

- Danke for the ledertrouser.
- Bitte.

No, I'm not bitter, actually.

I'm disappointed if anything.

That you could pump me
for information like that.

As I recall, Jason, you
were the one pumping me.

Did you even mean any of it?

Were any of those ja's and
sort of yodelling noises real?

Ja, Jason.

Naturlich they were real.

What about all of those
times you said "unk"?

Yeah, you see, I didn't know I said "unk"

during... that sort of thing,

so, yes, they would have been very real.

Do I really say "unk"?

Yes. You say it a lot.

You see?

Our minds might have been
faking it, our bodies weren't.

And we should listen to our bodies.

So, she's like,

"That's not the only thing
that's on fire around here,"

if you know what I mean,

And I go, "Oh, right, well,
let me put that out for you."

Hi there.

Sorry to interrupt while
you're so hard at it.

Yes, we're between fires
at the moment, fella.

I'm glad you came by. I wanted
to talk to you about our party.

Yes, me too.

We were thinking cocktails
out of little red buckets.

Oh, what a witty idea. And I'd love to.

But you're not having your
party at my bar any more.

Seeing as your good man and true died

not because I held you up at the well

but because you clowns went
to the wrong bloody address.

Well, it was a combination.

Oh, come off it, mate.

I know that's why you were late.

And it was your strop at the
well that got me so narked

that I read the numerals
the wrong way round.

You shouldn't be doing such
a highly skilled job, then.

That requires both splashing
things and reading.

But, come on, the party's
all planned for tomorrow.

- I've booked a dog-sitter.
- Couldn't give a shit.

Why don't you find another
bar owner to accuse of murder,

get drunk on his tab.

Mm, that's woody,

like a stroll through a meadow in autumn.

- How many more do you need?
- Pop it down, dickhead.

The Germanians are getting suspicious.

- What? "Dickhead"?
- Shut up.

We're conducting vital research over here.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

I'm getting woody too, and farmland

and maybe just a hint of the ocean.

Nah, that's... I had calamari
for lunch. Just ignore that.

I'll try my best. Hit me again.

Sorry, that came right from
the bottom of the barrel.

Yeah, I can tell. Oh. That is...

This is absolutely appalling.

Ugh.

Barley.

- It's bloody barley.
- It's barley?

- He's only gone and done it.
- It's barley!

Oh, yes.

Actually, I'm a bit
light-headed after that.

Hey, Gloria.

Sorry if I was being weird earlier.

You can get your piss
from whoever you want.

Oh, OK.

I don't really need your
permission but thank you.

Also, er, do you want to go
on a date tonight, with me?

I didn't think that was
how we did things here.

Yeah. I'm experimenting with

the whole Germanian "saying
what you mean" thing.

It feels quite weird.

You do know I've got a
date with Lucas tomorrow?

Or maybe not, if tonight goes well.

- What do you say?
- I say,

you'd better take me somewhere nice.

Oh, of course. I know this
fantastic converted toilet.

Sounds terrible.

See you there at 8:00.

Oh, unk.

I love immigration.

I have a wurst on the grill

that I made specially to
remind me of your shvontz.

Oh, Stefi, you're spoiling me.

Pah!

Ooh, my Jove.

That tastes like pure evil.

Oh, I think I'm going blind. And deaf.

- Why can't I hear anything?
- Too much barley maybe.

Nah. There's still summat missing.

Damn you, beer!

- Why is it so strong?
- We've over-cooked it too.

It's become a sort of potcheen.

- A what, sorry?
- You know, fire-water.

Arse-fuel. Devil's piss.
It's about 70% proof.

- We'll get there eventually.
- I know we will, Grumio.

You know why? Cos we are
resourceful go-getters

who can achieve anything
we put our minds to.

- I believe that.
- Oh.

- That's quite a new belief.
- Well, I've got a date tonight.

With a woman I really like,
who is aware that it's a date

and has agreed to it anyway.

- Nice one.
- Thank you.

I feel like we're entering
a new phase, you know?

- Like we're finally growing up.
- I got the recipe book! Nicked it from Stefi's

while she was grilling a
sausage shaped like my dick.

- Boom-ting.
- Or maybe not.

- Go on. Read it out, then.
- Oh, no, turn around first.

OK, so it's water,

yeast,

barley... and hops.

- Hops. It's hops!
- Get in!

- Hops! That's what it is!
- Yeah!

? It's hops, it's hops, it's hops

? It's hops, it's hops, it's hops

? It's hops ? Hops, hops, hops

Whoa, whoa, whoa, careful.

It's OK, I've got it. I've got it.

- Whoa!
- Agh!

- Fire!
- Fire!

Fire!

Our bar's on fire!

Agh!

Can we borrow some piss, please, Gloria?

We'll pay you back in bursts.

Yeah, I've a load left
over from the Germanians.

- Come on, I'll help you.
- Fire!

Fire! Help!

- Well, well, well.
- Oh, hi there.

Hello. Um, I realise you guys

may not be my biggest fans right now

but we've got a bit of a
fire situation going on.

Oh, dear. Well, that is a shame.

And if your good men and true
could please put it out for us,

we would a: be very grateful

and b: give you free drinks for,
I don't know, a month. Or more?

I'd probably take the boys to
the wrong address, wouldn't I?

Yes, very good. You definitely wouldn't.

It's that one there with all the smoke.

Well, we'd love to help you out

but we're in the middle of our party.

How about next Friday?

Ah, wie schade.

Lucas. Stefi.

Um, maybe we will take you
up on that offer after all.

800 Denari, right?

Well, that seems a little high now.

Mm, 700?

- Mm. 400.
- Oh, no, come on.

Oi! Where's my notebook, you pigdog?

Yeah, sorry, it's in the...

All right, 400. Deal.

The offer is now 200.

We're out of piss from the
jugs. Let's see what we've got.

Yeah, I could go now.

I take it our little
drink's not happening.

No, of course it's happening.

We just might have to find
a venue a bit less... hot.

I know this cool Germanian place.

It sounds perfect.

I'll just... help with that first.

Budge over, boys.

Look, I think it's working.

Yes, come on!

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