All language subtitles for Plebs s04e06 The Bath House.eng

This is the free weights area,
steam room down the corridor.

That's the chill-out and chat zone.

Open 24/7, 365.

Whether you're here to
work, not work or network,

Elysium's always there for you.

Wow, this is amazing.

We have daily classes, yoga, Boxercise...

or maybe, do you like Legs, Bums and Tums?

You just named my three favourite things.

We also offer a round-the-clock buffet,

hot-and-cold beverage
station and a smoothie bar.

- Keep talking.
- I plan to.

All club rules and info
are here in our brochure,

or as we call it, our manifesto.

"Elysium -- not just a wellness
centre, a way of life."

Now, are you interested in joining?

- Fuck, yes!
- Just a bit.

Huge! Membership packages begin
at just 95 Denari a month.

Ah, in that case, no. Absolutely not.

We'll just do the free
trial. We've got vouchers.

Oh, right. Vouchers.

? Yeah! When in Rome

? Do as the Romans do

? Far from home

? All I got is you

Mm-hm. I bloody love a smoothie!

It's all the pleasure of eating
without the hassle of chewing.

I might have a crack at the hot yoga.

Have a crack at the hot
yoga instructor, you mean?

Well, both, hopefully.

Ooh, then maybe I'll get a facial.

We don't have time for facials.
We've got to go to work.

I was thinking, instead of going to work,

why don't we pretend to be ill?

Yes, great idea.

Pretend to whom? It's our bar.

Please, man, it's not
a bar, it's a toilet.

I don't want to spend
another day in a toilet.

Neither do I! But if we want
it more bar-y and less toilet-y,

we need money to do it up.

We won't make any money unless we're open.

Then you open it. I think
I should cotch here today.

I'm getting a peaky all of a sudden.

Right. Grumio?

Actually, I might cotch
here till tomorrow.

Tomorrow? How will that work?

Jase, in the bumph,
does it say the vouchers

are for a trial day or a trial session?

Ooh, hang on.

"Elysium vouchers entitle the bearer

to a one-use, free trial session."

Boom, and I'm in. Sessions can
last more than a day, mate.

Damn right. I've had sessions
that have lasted several days.

Why stop there? You could
stay for a week or a month.

In fact, why not just
move in here permanently?

Why wouldn't we? We've
got everything we need --

food, beds, hot yoga instructors.

As long as we stay put,
it's all one session.

OK, now I can't tell if
you're being serious or not.

- That does look pretty serious.
- I'll run the bar on my own.

Maybe see you in a few years,

when I've made my millions and
can finally afford to come back.

Yeah, see you then.
Tell my mum I love her.

Lovely!

Another one of your scrummy
pink smoothies, please, Nero.

Uh-huh? That'll be your
fifth so far, dude.

I know, I'm getting my five a day.

The cherry attire contains
five fruits already

so that'll be more like 25 a day.

You guys are all about wellness.

But the idea of the trial is to experience

everything we have to offer here.

In that case, I'll try a green smoothie.

Not really what I meant but,
that one's called Kale Caesar.

Oh, nice.

Hurgh! Not nice, not nice. Horrid.

Ugh, tastes like liquid veg.

Well, it is. Kale's a vegetable.

Fuck me, that's proper nasty.

Need a pink one now to
take the taste away.

Enjoy.

Well, the villa's pure bliss
and I'm loving the new orchard

but to be honest, the problem now is,

I've just got too much money.

- Oh, you poor thing.
- The admin's a mare.

I'm seriously thinking about
getting out of minerals

to ease the pressure.

Maybe find something smaller and funkier

to invest in here in the city.

Something hip that my
kids would think was cool.

Let me know if you hear of anything.

Onto all fours.

Other arm back to here.

Take it back down to the downward dog.

That's right.

Oops!

Namaste.

Hey, Cleo, I'm Jason.
That was amazing. And hot.

Oh, my Jove, look at you,
you're absolutely dripping.

Yeah, the inside of my loin
cloth's like a bloody swamp.

That's great, sweating's,
like, crazy healthy.

Just make sure you drink loads.

We could drink loads
together, if you like?

Maybe over dinner?

Hm, I'm not sure. Don't
usually get with my students.

Please, I'm a really nice guy, I promise.

I'm not some downward dog.

Go on, then.

I live by the Esquiline Gate.

Meet me there at eight.

Yes! Oooh, no.

Actually, er... thinking about it,

I'd kind of prefer to
go somewhere round here

if that's all right?

Sure, there's this OK tapas place nearby.

Yeah, tapas is good or, how
about that restaurant nearby?

You mean the canteen?

It's really nice. Have you tried it?

Yeah, I've had lunch here every
day for the last eight years.

OK, great, then you know you like it!

- Ciao for now.
- Excuse me. Hi.

Hi. Yes, what?

Sorry, I couldn't help but overhear

your conversation in the changing room.

- The villa sounds great.
- Thank you.

It's bliss. What can I do for you, friend?

You said you were on the lookout
for some hip new investments

and I think I may have just the thing.

I am indeed, and I would
love to hear about it.

- Genuinely.
- Excellent.

But I need to pick up my
daughter from an audition.

Ah, OK, we could meet another time?

Absolutely. Collar me
when you're next here

and you can give me the full pitch.

Right, yes. Here as in?

Elysium. Oh, it's fine, all
the members do business here.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I know we do.

It's just I'm not 100 per cent
as to when I'll next be back.

I'm sure we'll run into each
other. I'm here all the time.

- Great. Me too.
- Until then.

I hope your daughter gets the part.

She bloody well should do,
friend. I own the theatre.

Hm.

That was quick. Made
your millions already?

I might have done, actually.

Cheers.

Cos people think yoga's just for the body,

but it also really clears the mind.

Sometimes when I'm doing the poses,

it's honestly like my
brain's completely empty.

Oh, that must be wicked, cos I'm
quite a sort of thinky person.

So I'd love to have an
empty head and a bendy bod.

Then yoga's the answer.

You'd have to put the hours in,

spend a lot of time in this place.

Yeah, that won't be a problem.

All right, then, swampy pants.
You can be my little project.

We could go back to mine
and make a head start,

try some positions that are a bit hotter?

Oh, yes, please.

But, you know what would be even hotter

than going back to your place?

Staying here and doing
it in, like, a corner.

- A corner?
- Or behind that large fern.

Them ferns creep me out a bit.

OK, so is there a yucca or
maybe just a basic hedge?

- I've keys to the storeroom.
- Or a storeroom. Exactly!

Agh, my legs!

Actually, I don't think I can support you.

You need to engage your core.

I don't think I've got one.

I would have walked her home
but that's out of bounds,

so, uh... I just escorted
her to reception.

Ah, how romantic!

And are you planning on seeing her again?

That's the beauty of it.

I'll see her at yoga class
tomorrow, it's so convenient.

Apart from lying about where you live

- and having sex in a cupboard.
- Wow!

You've really made the
most of your free trial.

Hope you've enjoyed yourselves, lads?

We have, very much, thanks,
and we'll continue to do so.

So you're gonna become
members? Congrats, that's huge.

What? No, don't be daft. We're
just gonna keep trying it out.

Sorry, hombre, the trial's
over, it's the end of the day.

Well, according to your manifesto,

the trial is measured per
session and not per day.

And our session has only just begun.

Read it and weep, dickhead.

But that's...

Head office clearly meant "day".

They should have put "day", then.

Unless, of course, the
manifesto is a load of guff.

The Elysium manifesto
is not a load of guff.

Sweet. Thought not. See
you in the morning.

Oh, blow them candles out
on your way out, will you?

There's a love.

How long were you planning to
keep this up, out of interest?

Who knows? Maybe a week, maybe a month.

- Maybe forever.
- I won't be staying forever.

I'm just waiting for a business meeting.

This won't work, you know.
I will flush you out.

Bring it on. But I warn you,

like a giant floaty turd, we
are pretty much unflushable.

Really?

Well, I guess in that case, I'll
just have to turn up the heat.

And that's just for starters.

That is quite warm, actually.

- Morning, Lydia. Another
day in paradise. - Hiya.

All right, Cyrus, keep
working that jab, son.

- All right.
- 'Ey up, Euclid, nice bush.

All right, Grumio.

Salve, Nero.

Morning, Grumio. Sleep well?

Not bad. I'm getting used
to the steam, it's tropical.

Oh, good, that's great to hear.

What can I get you for breakfast?

I'll start with a pair of pink
smoothies and a plate of beef.

Sorry, dude, the cherry attire's
off the menu, as is the beef.

The only thing that we're
serving from now on is... kale.

You what? Only... Only kale?

You flicking me bean?

It's a wellness centre,
you can't just serve kale.

We can, and given you're so
familiar with the manifesto,

you'll already know that
"items on the buffet may vary

according to availability and
the discretion of the manager",

ie, me.

The manager's discretion is a
disgrace. I won't stand for it.

- Nor will the members.
- They won't mind.

They'll eat the kale or get something else

when they go home -- which is
exactly what you'll have to do.

Ah, you're not getting rid of me
that easy, you crafty bastard.

- I'm here for the long haul.
- Hunger strike, then, is it?

Not my style, son. I'll have
one of them green smoothies.

Thinking about it, I'm quite
partial to a bit of kale.

OK. Huge. Here we go, one Kale Caesar.

A nutritious blend of liquid veg.

Oh, lovely.

Kale Caesar.

- See you for lunch, hombre.
- Can't wait.

That's great. 20.

Ahh! Isn't it lovely
to go for a nice walk?

It's hardly a walk, we're
doing laps of the courtyard.

I thought you wanted to
stroll along the river.

With all that pollution? Why
would you want to go there?

Cos it's not the bathhouse.

I'm really into you, Jason, and
your core strength is improving

but I don't get why we never go outside.

It's like we're hiding from something.

- Why would we hide?
- What is it, then? Tell me.

OK, fine. The reason I
don't leave the bathhouse

is cos I sort of live here.

Sorry? You what?

I came for a free trial and
I just ended up staying.

I sleep in the steam room.
I eat in the canteen.

I bathe in the... well,
it's a bathhouse, innit?

So you're saying you haven't
left here since I met you?

Well, I can't. Well, I can
but then the trial expires.

And I'm really committed to this.

And our relationship, obviously.

That means our relationship's
well weird, though, doesn't it?

Why, what's weird about this?

Cos we can't do any of the
normal couple-y stuff, like,

I don't know, meet each other's friends.

You can meet my friends any
time. They live here too.

I'll introduce you. Grumio!

And I can meet your friends
if they ever become members

or get jobs at the bathhouse.

But what about along the line
if we ever want to settle down?

We do it all here. We pop out
a couple of bathhouse babies,

turn the storeroom into a creche.

It's the ideal environment to raise kids.

It's safe, it's warm, and
think how toned they'll be.

Yeah, they would be really toned.

Oh, Jase, I don't know.

Come on, Cleo, we can do this.
You just need to be open minded.

You want my body to be more
flexible for you, right?

Well, I need your mind to
be more flexible for me.

You can meet Grumio another time.

He's sneakier than I thought.

He's found me weak spot and
he's prodding it. It's torture.

Tried the kale fritters? I
thought they were all right.

I don't want to try kale in any form.

I'd rather try cannibalism.

Don't look at me like that!

- Still no sign of him?
- Nothing.

It's been four days. He said
he was in here all the time.

He probably doesn't mean it like we do.

I'm thinking of calling
it a day and going home.

- You and me both.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, crazy talk!

We're living the dream here.
You can't jack it in now.

Do you guys want to live in a
luxury urban bathhouse or not?

- No.
- Oh, well, I forgot you don't.

- I do.
- Well, then, you got to adapt.

Get over your beef with kale.

Beef with kale would be
fine. I'd just eat the beef.

Take me, for example.
I am training like mad

to get a strong and bendy core
so I can pump in the pantry.

- Pantry? Where's the pantry?
- It's in the staff area.

My point is, you've got to
find your own coping strategy.

You can't let this chump beat you.

I'm already doing something to
get me own back, as it goes.

Nice, what we talking?

I piss in the plunge pool, mainly.

You piss in the plunge pool,
that you're sitting in now?

Yeah. Just did one a second ago.

.. I've actually got too much money... >

Oh, hey! Ha! Fancy seeing you here.

Hey! Er... remind me.

We met here the other day.

We were going to discuss
an investment opportunity.

Yes. Sorry, I've been flat-out.

This is my first time back since.

I know! I mean... I know what it's like.

Lucky we ran into each other.

What stage are you at?
Finished your workout?

Yep, all done with that.

Shame, I was gonna suggest that
we talk turkey while we worky.

Oh, I could do more worky.

Actually went pretty easy
on myself first time round.

Good man.

I've got something to show you.

Look, Mum, no hands.

Oh, Jason, that's amazing!

Don't call me "Mum", though.

It's all down to your classes babe.

You must have squatted round
the clock to improve this fast.

I wanted to prove I'm committed
to you and the bathhouse.

I'm crazy about both of you!

And people eat and drink
there, in a toilet?

It's not a working toilet,
we had the toilets taken out.

What happens when a
customer needs the toilet?

Then we had another toilet put in.

Don't get bogged down
in the toilet aspect.

The point is, it's a very cool bar

and with a bit of investment
it could be massive.

Look, friend, I can't
lie. This is not my field.

Thus far my company,
Evander Asset Management,

has mainly invested in
the mining industry.

Take it from me, Evander, the
leisure sector is a goldmine.

That's cute. I like that.

And nowadays, young, high-rolling hipsters

are splashing their cash on
places rather than products,

be it luxury bathhouses
or buzzy wine bars.

Yes, well, I do want to
tap into that youth market

and that last bit didn't
sound like total shit.

Thank you.

Let me think about it. I'm
off to my villa in the AM.

How about we circle
back here on my return?

Right, yes.

Where is your villa, out of interest?

Sicily. Pure bliss.

So when will that be?

No idea. He's going to
his huge Sicilian villa.

It could take him weeks
just to see every wing.

I've just got to accept
I am now officially

here for the long haul.

Boom. Welcome to the neighbourhood.

Evening, lads, thought
I'd come and administer

your nightly turn-down service.

Cheers, Nero, you do look after us.

Whoa, no! N-uh! Where in hot
fuck did you get that pineapple?

This? It was sitting next
to the beef and the cheese.

Bullshit, you must have
been in the storeroom.

- Who was it? Who let you in?
- Not telling.

That beef is a contraband
buffet item. Give it back, dude!

Get off me meat! No, no!

Oh!

Oh, my arse! You singed my buns!

Oh, OK, I know who it was.

Oi, Nero, wait!

This isn't her fault! She
had nothing to do with it!

And, hold, hold, hold...

two, three, four...

Roll up your mat and get out
of here, you bendy bitch.

You what? I'm in the middle
of a class here, Nero.

You allowed unauthorised
personnel into the storeroom.

- Oh, shit.
- To steal contraband food.

No, that's not why. Me and Jase
were just having sex in there.

Whoa, OK, well, that's even worse.

To be fair, there aren't many
places for people to do it here.

Because we don't want
people to do it in here!

- Makes sense.
- But we didn't steal anything.

- It was just in and out.
- All the theft was Grumio.

He snuck in as we were at it.

- Lovely stuff.
- Oh, my God, you little perv!

- How much did you see?
- Not much, actually.

I were mainly looking for beef.
Great core strength, by the way.

Cheers, man. Yeah, it's all
about them deep squats.

Keeping those heels on the deck.

Either way, you broke staff rules

taking guests to the storeroom,
and that's a sackable offence.

No, please, Nero, I really need
this job. I'm so happy here.

Yeah, come on, look, don't sack
her. There's no need for that.

OK. Look, she can keep
her job on one condition.

That you three apes leave
the bathhouse immediately,

thereby ending your trial session.

Oh, thank you, Nero. We
really appreciate that.

Well... hang on a sec, babe.

What? Why?

Surely there's no contest?

Jason?

It's your call, hombre.

What's more important to you --

your girlfriend or the bathhouse?

You really are an awful
human being, aren't you?

- But with such great skin.
- There'll be other instructors.

Exactly. And I quite fancy
that old cleaner, actually.

Just to tide me over.

Hey, Nero, when do we
meet the new yoga teacher?

Never, because you're leaving.

Nice one! Don't make me get
the manifesto out again.

I'm afraid the manifesto
is now null and void.

As is Elysium itself.

We're being taken over
by a major investor.

Sadly for you, Evander Leisure
doesn't offer free trials.

Sorry, Evander? As in...

.. have a retractable roof...

Hey.

You're back from Sicily.

Ah, I was hoping to run into you, friend.

- I wanted to thank you.
- You're welcome. What for?

For encouraging me to diversify,
to invest in the leisure sector.

Yeah, I did specifically mean our bar.

Any chance you'll still do that?

Oh, God, no. I want to put
all my energy into this place

rather than flush my money down a toilet.

- It's a bar.
- Toilet, bar -- bar, toilet.

It's a branding shit-storm either way.

If you really wanted to thank Marcus,

give him and his mates
lifetime membership.

Well, I prefer to leave that sort of thing

to the discretion of the club manager.

That's a no from me. Leave
your robes and slippers

at reception on your way out.

We'll get our clothes
from the lockers first.

You won't, dude. As part of the rebrand,

the contents of the lockers
have been incinerated.

I kind of missed this, as it goes.

The traffic, the dogs, the dirt.

The dog dirt. It's
actually good to be back.

Oh, no, Grumio, please shield it.

You shield it, if you don't like it.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0