All language subtitles for Plebs s03e07 The New Master.eng

WOMAN: This is a customer announcement.

Head to aisle five for exciting
offers on fruit and veg.

Ooh.

Hey. I saw that first.

And I got it first so tough titty.

- Put that carrot back.
- How about we share it?

I'll have the orange bit,
you have the green bit.

- I'll tell my master.
- Ooh, scared!

Master?

This short man just took my carrot
directly out of the basket.

Well, give it back, turd.

That carrot is a vital ingredient
for my supper.

It's pretty vital for mine an' all.

I'm having beef and vegetable stew.
What are you having?

- Carrot.
- Seize it from him, Terrence.

- Ooh, yes. How do I...
- Seize it!

Er...

- Er...
- Hit him, go on.

Ooh. Oh, yeah. You want some, do ya?

- MAN: Slave fight!
- ALL CHANT: Slave fight...!

Go on! That's it. Get off me.

See how you like this, then,
bugger-nuts!

Ooh! Agh! Aaagh!

(GASPS) My arm!

Just this, please.

(OLI JULIAN FEAT. MICHAEL PROPHET):

(MOANS OF PLEASURE)

- I can't find my clothes.
- So come back to bed.

Yeah, not really a solution long-term.

I had some clean pants and my tunic?

Just take any tunic. No-one'll mind.

Erm, I will. Er, sorry, have you
been in our bed the whole night?

It's not your bed, Marcus.
It's communal. We share things here.

Yeah, underwear, cutlery, diseases.
You're living the dream!

(MOANING)

Don't mind me.

(CACKLES) Where's your tunic?

No idea. Someone stole it.

In fact, no. Someone shared it.
Which apparently makes it fine.

Those dirtbags just move in
on everything.

Including my girlfriend. Maya is
all over her like an angry rash.

I cannot go back to that
filthy fart farm. I swear.

(BANGING)

- Is this yours?
- Er, yes.

Well, your slave broke my slave's arm.

Oh. Did he? Right.

Say sorry to the nice man, Grumio.

- Eff off. He pushed me first.
- See? He's totally out of control.

Yeah, I know. Welcome to my world.
I'm always saying that.

So what are you going to do about it?

I tend to just ignore it.
Rise above it if I can.

This is my head slave that
your little lout savaged.

Now, either you pay me 200 denarii
for every day he misses,

or I take your slave to fill in
until his arm gets fixed.

- Yes, that one. The second one.
- Oh, you tight bastard.

You brought this on yourself, Grumio.

And if it teaches you how to be
a less shit slave, I'm all for it.

- Very well, then.
- (GROANS)

And there's no such thing as
a bad slave. Just a bad master.

Couldn't agree more.

Can we swap ears in a bit?

- Cracking gaff, this.
- Yes, well, we all work very hard,

to keep our gaff cracking.

Let me introduce the dream team.

Alba here is our culinary whizz.

- Hello.
- Good afternoon.

And this is Cato. He does all
the strong, boysy stuff.

- Blimey, you're a big 'un, aren't ya?
- Cato is a mute.

Something you would do well
to aspire to, gobby.

This is Grumio.
He's kindly covering my work,

after unkindly breaking my arm.

So tomorrow morning you will
be up at 05:00am...

05:00am?! Is that a real time?

To prepare the master's bath.

Cook his breakfast, serve his breakfast,

empty his potty, wipe his botty,
change his sheets, rub his feet.

- Then 11 o'clock nap time.
- Hmm, sounds like I'll need that.

For the master, not for you.

Now, follow me and I'll show you
your sleeping shelf.

"...and plunging the dagger
deep into her heart,

Dido leapt onto the burning pyre."

(GASPS) Well, I don't think
she's coming back from that.

Hey, Marcus, there's girl's
knickers hanging by the well.

- I love this heat-wave.
- They're mine, Stylax.

Should bring them in.
They're probably dry now.

- Oh. Yeah, they did feel dry.
- I asked Delphine to move in for a bit.

- Hope that's cool?
- Just while Grumio's away.

- Hang on. Did you feel her knickers?
- Er, very cool.

Yeah. So what's the plan
for tonight, then, roomies?

Ah, yeah. You know that guy
who did the Georgics?

Uh-huh.

We're making our way
through his new one, the Aeneid.

- Marcus got the full box-set.
- Cool. So could I do that, too?

- Er, yeah.
- Yeah?

I mean, it is quite plotty,
so we might have to start again.

Oh, no. Come on.
We're not going back to the beginning.

Er...

No it's fine. Carry on. I'll pick it up.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Sure.

"She screamed as the flames
caressed her legs..."

- And who's doing that, sorry?
- Dido.

She's just stabbed and burnt herself

- because Aeneas is leaving.
- Ah, cool!

- And who's he?
- He's the main character.

- He's there because Troy got sacked.
- Right.

Gotcha. So he's Troy's replacement.

If Troy got sacked...

What? No, Troy's not a person!

No, it's Troy.
As in the Wooden Horse of Troy?

- That the Greeks made.
- Right. Yeah, got it. Carry on.

Er... yeah.

"She screamed as the flames
caressed her leg..."

- Sorry, there's a horse made of wood?
- Oh, for Jove's sake!

Er, I might go for a walk.

That's a thing people do, isn't it?

Sorry.

- Wash my feet, boy.
- Nah, you're all right.

I've got a thing about feet.

I've walked the filthy streets
all day because of you.

Now wash your master's feet,
you little pillock.

They say feet wash themselves
after a couple of weeks.

They say that about hair.

- Well, you've got hairy feet.
- (SNIGGERS)

Now!

In silence. It's meant to be relaxing.

Agh! What sort of brush is that?!

Dunno. I found it in the bog.

You've got to get right in t'cracks,
ain't ya?

Agh! No, stop. This is hateful.

You are not to go near my feet
ever again.

Oh. Nice one.

- So are you on food-tasting now?
- What?

No, I got time off for
bad behaviour, didn't I?

Go on, tell us. What's your secret?

Come on, quick sticks!
Master wants his vol-au-vents.

Well, when they ask you to
do something, just do it badly

- and they never ask you again.
- Back to work.

- Do not listen to him...
- Or if you do it really badly,

they actually step in to show you
how's it done

and basically end up doing it for you.

And that is not how
we do things in this house.

As my late father used to say,
if something's worth doing

- it's worth doing properly.
- Why?

Because...

Erm...

Oh, be quiet!

OK, I'm gonna drop some
next-level shit on you now.

This is a technique I like to call

"deliberately misunderstanding
until people give up asking".

You and Delphine just need
a bit of time to bond is all.

Maybe we'll do a night of
parlour games or something.

It can be proper awks

living with a couple, trust me.
I've done it for ages now.

- Do you mean your parents?
- That's not awkward, that's tragic.

No, it's not. I have my own door.

And anyway, my parents
are away this week.

So you know what that means.
A pool party at Aurelius's house!

- (CHUCKLES)
- Yeah, "pool party" does sound cool,

but "at Aurelius's house"
more than cancels is out.

Then stick to your dorky
parlour games, mate.

I prefer getting girl round

for a bit of skinny-dipping
and fingering myself.

- You finger yourself?
- What?

- That's your pool party, is it?
- No, I...

Just get in the pool
and prod yourself silly.

- Girls, not me.
- It's more of a poo party.

I am not gonna finger myself!

Good for you, water boy.

- Fight that urge.
- No. (CHUCKLES)

They were...
just doing some teasing about

my oncoming pool party, water ma'am.

Oh, yes. I got the invitation.
Thank you.

- Shredder.
- Have you got all the relevant details?

I have. It's your party
so I'm not coming.

There'll be cocktails. And onion rings!

Focus, please. Alba.

Sorry, master. Just trying my best.

Just stop... Just stop it, then.

Here you go, boss. Cheese board.

What? Where's the cheese?

Oh. I wondered why
you just wanted the board.

A cheese board means a selection
of cheeses, you numbskull!

- So you don't want the board, then?
- Yes, of course I want the board!

I want a cheese board of cheese,
on a board,

- and I want it an hour ago.
- Oh.

- I don't know how to do all that.
- Right. That's it!

I'm going to bed!

Ow! (GRUNTS)

Grumio, you're a genius!

Ta.

I was actually quite confused
for a lot of that.

So what do we do now?
We've never had any time off before.

I tend to sit down,

maybe snaffle any food and drink
what's lying about.

No, no. We must use this time

to tick off some fiddly jobs
we never get round to.

Polish the bronzies.
Weed the herbaceous border.

- Oh, come on, man, live a little!
- Please.

Well, I suppose a cheeky bottle of
the master's vino wouldn't hurt.

- (CHUCKLES)
- Hmm, yeah.

So this a game called "secrets".

Whoever has the pebble
has to tell us something

they've never told anyone. OK?

I'll got first. I once stole
an abacus from school

- and kept it under my bed.
- Whoa, Marcus, you total bad-ass!

- That's a very shit secret.
- (SNIGGERS)

- All right. What have you got?
- Er...

When I was a teenager, I stole
some liver from the butcher's.

- His one's just as tame.
- And then had sex with it.

Ah. OK. That is worse.

When I was growing up in Gaul,
me and my friends

- set fire to the magistrate's house.
- (LAUGHS) Whoa!

- What?!
- Your go, then, Marcus.

Yeah. I'm mainly thinking about

being trapped inside
a burning building now.

Let's leave that.
Who wants to play charades?

- Dunno. Old people?
- Ha! ?xactement!

- Yeah!
- (LAUGHTER)

Great stuff.

I'd rather you two didn't bond over
a mutual mockery of me, though.

I've got a Gallic drinking game
we can play.

Oh, yeah. Let's do that.

- OK. What are the rules?
- We drink as much wine as we can.

- Sounds good.
- Yeah, not really rules, are they?

(LAUGHTER)

Time for more wine.

Oh, no. I'm absolutely hammered.

- I think we should just go to bed.
- (SCOFFS)

OK.

Maybe we should.

What was that?

- Maybe it's a French thing.
- It is a French thing.

It's called a menage-a-trois,
AKA three-way,

- AKA the only French words I know.
- (CHUCKLES) OK. Yeah.

Shit. Well, we're obviously
not doing that.

Sure.

Devil's advocate for a sec.
I think we should.

- What? No. Why would I want that?
- Well, think about it.

It'll be you, the woman you love
and your best friend.

- What could be better?
- You not being there. Clearly.

You just wanna have sex.

- You may as well have a go on some liver.
- Wha...

- Have we got any liver?
- Nah. We've got mince.

Nah, that's not... Oh, come on, man.

We'll be laughing about it
in years to come.

- You think?
- Yeah.

What if me and Delphine get married?
Will we be laughing about it then?

At my wedding.
Where you're the best man.

There won't even be a wedding
if she thinks you're a saddo

who loves maths and hates three-ways.

I mean... Oh, quick. She's coming back.

- OK. Don't look me in the eye.
- I won't.

- Or in the privates.
- Yep.

Or make any unnecessary skin contact.

You won't even know I'm there.

(MOANS)

(MOANING CONTINUES)

Well, no-one can say you haven't bonded.

(CLAP)

Oh, what have we done?

Oh, Jove! Oh, we have
to tidy up at once.

I wouldn't bother. It's only gonna
get dirty again, innit?

Well, yes, I suppose that is true.
What do you recommend, then?

Go out for a fry-up, some fresh air

and have a bottle of plonk
to take the edge off,

- we're sound as a pound.
- Yes!

Outside. I've not been there
for three years.

MASTER: Why has no-one come
to tie my toga?

Right. Yes. Off we go, then.

Follow me.

Ohh, ohhh! Stylax banged your missus?

You saw each other's stiffies,
you dirty pervs!

We made a pact not to look, actually.

And Stylax's stiffy was fairly
well hidden inside my girlfriend.

- While I was reduced to boob duty.
- Well, no, it was a team effort.

- You were making her moan, man.
- When was that?

- When I accidently knelt on her hair?
- Ha.

OK, well, I am happy to go on
boob duty tonight, if you want?

Er, it's not happening again.
It was a one-off, drunken mistake.

- We're some kind of throuple!
- All right, fine.

But if at any point you need me,
just whistle. I'll be there in 5 seconds.

- What, like a sort of sex dog?
- A bit like a sex dog.

I don't want to live with a sex dog!

I wish the sex dog had never been
let of its leash!

Oh, Stylax, man, you have spunked
on your own doorstep, dude.

You should totally come and stay at mine.

(CHUCKLES) Hell, no!

Well, hear him out. It's not a bad idea.

- He's having a pool party.
- I am.

With cocktails.

- And onion rings.
- And ladies.

And ladies. You like ladies.

I say "pool", you say "party".

Pool!

Are you waiting for me to say "party"?

Pool party! Yes. That counts.
Pool party!

Well, I loved it.
I'm always up for a threesome.

Would've preferred a good threesome,
"two girls, one guy" version but...

Yeah, sadly, Stylax couldn't cope
and had to move out.

- (SCOFFS) It's so weird.
- Yeah, well, you say that.

He can be very closed-minded, sexually.

Really? He's had sex with liver.

Yeah, that's the problem.
He prefers liver.

He's a real liver lover.
He can't relate to people.

He was relating pretty well last night.

(FORCED LAUGH)

So what should we do with his room, then?

Walk-in wardrobe? Panic room?

- Bondage den?
- (CHUCKLES)

- (LAUGHTER)
- Is that Grumio?

Oh, yeah. Huh. He's grown.

Oi, Grumio! Over here.

Cato, nine o'clock.

Sorry, no, two o'clock.

Or five o'clock maybe.

Over here, basically. All right, Marcus?

Yeah, thanks.
Made some new friends, have you?

Oh, yeah, they're a right laugh
this lot.

(DRUNKENLY) Can I just say,
I fucking love this guy.

Love you, too, Terrence.

Come on, gang,
let's go and get some crepes.

(CHUCKLES)
Oh, yes! Crepes! What are crepes?

Yep, so that's the crib.

If my parents had a place like this
I'd still be living at home.

Right. You see? It's not tragic.
It's not.

So I was thinking,
male changing in the kitchen.

- Uh-huh.
- Female changing out here,

- where we can see them.
- Yes.

Make sure they don't steal anything.

Some of the girls from the office
are nasty.

So this is the foot-wash thing
we use before the main pool,

- which is... where?
- No. No, this is the pool.

- This is the pool?
- Yeah.

We can't party in this!
It's 'one in, one out'.

I was planning on heavy petting
and breast stroke puns.

- This is way too small!
- No, the smaller the pool the better.

Then the girls can't escape.
We'll be big fish in a small pond.

- Er, what's that now?
- Oh, it's my ducky float.

I'm not allowed in the pool without him.

And you're expecting
to pull with that on, are you?

Er, just a bit, yeah.
Chicks dig the duck, dude.

I'm gonna get the hunnies poolside
and just... get quacking.

Quack-quack! (CACKLES) Yeah.

Aagh, gone a bit too far.

Just wind it back a bit.
Not looking, not looking.

Right. Here we go, chapter five.

- At last.
- Mm.

- "Meanwhile, Aeneas and his fleet..."
- (KNOCKING)

(GROANS)

- Huh.
- Hey, you're here!

Thanks so much for this, guys.

No problem. What for?

I said Maya could stay
while there's this heat-wave.

The squat's really unhygienic
at the moment.

- You were right, Marcus.
- Was I?

It's probably fine.
I'm sure I was overreacting.

We don't need a walk-in wardrobe
or panic room, so... (GIGGLES)

Yeah. I guess this way
every room's a panic room.

I mean, how the bloody hell
do you cook eggs?

How do you make them flat?

Just nibble at whatever's
in the pantry. I would.

- That's what we did.
- Well, I need a proper meal.

Alba, how's my chicken coming on?

Oh, think he's fine.

What's he doing?
Get in that oven at once!

Why is no-one doing what I say?

I'm the bloody master of this house!

And I demand that
you dirty shirkers get up

and get back to work now!

Four against one, though, innit?

Five if you count the chicken.

You're gonna pay for what
you've done here, Grumio.

I'm gonna have your balls
in a bloody bun!

(CHUCKLES)

I don't understand. I put the
address and a map on the invite.

And at least ten girls from the office
said to put it down as a maybe.

What?!

- "Maybe" means no!
- What? No, "maybe" means maybe.

(GROANS)

They might just be fashionably late.

Or they might be fashionably not coming.

Because you're a massive loser
who still lives with his parents,

has got shit hair and can't
even swim in a big bathtub

without a twatish duck!

I can swim!

(SPLASHING)

Aurelius?

Oh, shit! Hey!

Aurelius!

- That's the end of the wine.
- Cool.

Well, do let me know if there's
anything else you want.

- One of my kidneys maybe.
- Can you get me some olive oil?

- I said I'd give Delph a massage.
- Mm, yeah, that'd be amazing.

Er, yeah, but what do I do?
While you're doing this.

Whatever. Go to bed if you want.

- (MOANS IN PLEASURE)
- Well, nah.

I don't wanna just
leave you on your own,

just a sort of de facto... host.

Or maybe...

Oh. OK. That's... Erm...

Isn't this what you call
a "good" threesome?

Whoo! (LAUGHS)

I know we're only throwing eggs
at a bin but...

for the first time in my life
I feel like I'm actually free.

Hear, hear.
And it's all thanks to Grumio.

Your free-thinking and downright
daring approach to servitude

has empowered all of us
to follow our hearts.

And workwise, it is a lot easier.

I understand that one of
the slaves in this house

has led a rebellion against the master.

Which one of you lot is Grumio?

I am Grumio.

I am Grumio.

I am Grumio.

I am Groovio.

Am I saying that right?

(LORD TANAMO: I'm In The Mood For Love)

Yeah, I'll leave you to it.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Yeah! Now, just let this be
a lesson to you all. (CHUCKLES)

(WHIMPERING)

Oh, bloody hell,
they've crucified the wrong one!

- (CHUCKLING): I mean, come on...
- I'm sorry, sir.

Just... The rest of you,
just get back to work

before you bloody join him!

Not you!

You... follow me.

Best of luck, then.

Best of luck? What the...

I take back everything
I said earlier, Grumio.

I wish I'd never listened to you.

You're a lazy idiot
and this is all your fault!

Should've let me have that carrot.

(WHIMPERING)

What...

Urgh, the little beard!

(SPLUTTERING)

- Aurelius?
- Er, Mummy, Daddy.

It's not what it looks like.
He made me take my ducky off.

(MOANING IN PLEASURE)

Oh, what are you doing? (MOANS)

That's our thing we do together.

Yeah. Likewise.

(BANGING)

I'll get that, shall I?

Thought so.

And can you get us some water?

Oh.

Take him back, please?

This man is the worst slave
in the world.

(SCOFFS)

No such thing as a bad slave.
Just a bad master.

To be honest, I'm impressed
you lasted 48 hours.

Dunno what his problem was.

I did some dead
good slavin' at his gaff.

Let's see it in action, then.

Take this into the bedroom
for me, would you?

Easy-peasy.

- (MAYA AND DELPHINE MOANING)
- Oh! Bloody hell!

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