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1
00:00:02,849 --> 00:00:05,051
All right, brother.
Hey, man.
2
00:00:05,119 --> 00:00:08,037
Good morning.
3
00:00:19,133 --> 00:00:21,267
[screams]
4
00:00:21,335 --> 00:00:24,220
Oh, Rajiv,
it's not a real spider.
5
00:00:24,305 --> 00:00:25,922
Not anymore.
I must find the eggs.
6
00:00:26,006 --> 00:00:27,540
Rajiv, it's a joke.
7
00:00:27,591 --> 00:00:29,058
It's a Halloween novelty
we sell.
8
00:00:29,143 --> 00:00:32,211
Look.
[screams]
9
00:00:35,482 --> 00:00:37,417
I thought this was the holiday
where you give out candy.
10
00:00:37,484 --> 00:00:39,819
Yeah, but scaring people
11
00:00:39,886 --> 00:00:42,956
is also a big part
of the fun too.
12
00:00:43,023 --> 00:00:45,325
Maybe I should have explained
this before...
13
00:00:47,294 --> 00:00:49,395
[screams]
14
00:00:49,463 --> 00:00:51,063
[growls]
15
00:00:51,115 --> 00:00:52,115
[screams]
16
00:00:52,199 --> 00:00:54,834
Oh!
Ugh!
17
00:00:54,901 --> 00:00:57,971
Ooh!
[grunting]
18
00:00:58,038 --> 00:00:59,606
Stop! Stop!
Stop!
19
00:00:59,673 --> 00:01:02,625
Stop. Charlie, Charlie,
are you all right?
20
00:01:04,078 --> 00:01:05,745
Friend.
21
00:01:05,796 --> 00:01:08,648
[traditional indian music]
22
00:01:10,651 --> 00:01:12,752
Hello.
23
00:01:12,753 --> 00:01:18,753
24
00:01:23,931 --> 00:01:24,981
Okay, thank you
very much, please.
25
00:01:25,065 --> 00:01:26,265
Good-bye.
26
00:01:26,333 --> 00:01:29,319
So if somebody buys
the sexy devil costume,
27
00:01:29,403 --> 00:01:31,454
you could suggest they buy a...
28
00:01:31,538 --> 00:01:33,973
- Pitchfork.
- Great.
29
00:01:34,041 --> 00:01:35,541
All right.
Ooh.
30
00:01:35,609 --> 00:01:36,743
Here's a tough one.
31
00:01:36,810 --> 00:01:39,078
If they buy
the naughty schoolgirl costume,
32
00:01:39,146 --> 00:01:41,581
you could suggest...
33
00:01:41,649 --> 00:01:43,016
- They give me a call.
- Ah.
34
00:01:43,083 --> 00:01:44,667
[laughs]
That was good.
35
00:01:44,752 --> 00:01:47,286
I feel bad
for the naughty schoolgirl.
36
00:01:47,354 --> 00:01:48,821
She's been held back
for so many years,
37
00:01:48,889 --> 00:01:50,990
her school uniform
doesn't fit her anymore.
38
00:01:51,058 --> 00:01:51,975
Hey, Todd.
39
00:01:52,042 --> 00:01:54,293
Look at officer busted.
40
00:01:54,361 --> 00:01:55,728
Oh, yeah.
41
00:01:55,796 --> 00:01:56,896
If she patted me down,
42
00:01:56,964 --> 00:01:58,564
there'd be no concealing
my weapon.
43
00:01:58,632 --> 00:02:01,501
I thought this was a holiday
for children.
44
00:02:01,568 --> 00:02:02,635
Well, the candy part
of it is,
45
00:02:02,703 --> 00:02:04,137
but the adults
have costume parties.
46
00:02:04,204 --> 00:02:05,738
Yeah, it's pretty cool.
47
00:02:05,806 --> 00:02:07,707
You get to wear a mask,
and, for one night,
48
00:02:07,775 --> 00:02:09,993
you can be anyone you want.
49
00:02:10,077 --> 00:02:13,513
Oh, I used to throw
this amazing Halloween party.
50
00:02:13,580 --> 00:02:14,814
And what was your costume?
51
00:02:14,865 --> 00:02:16,516
Ooh, last year,
52
00:02:16,583 --> 00:02:19,018
I wore a big box
with a bow on my head
53
00:02:19,086 --> 00:02:20,920
And a card that said,
54
00:02:20,988 --> 00:02:24,724
"To women, from God."
55
00:02:24,792 --> 00:02:26,392
'cause I was God's gift
to women.
56
00:02:26,460 --> 00:02:28,561
Which God?
57
00:02:28,629 --> 00:02:30,263
Oh, you're
not really getting this.
58
00:02:30,330 --> 00:02:32,832
I wish
you could have been there.
59
00:02:32,900 --> 00:02:35,501
You know what,
just 'cause I'm in India
60
00:02:35,569 --> 00:02:38,337
doesn't mean I can't throw
my Halloween party.
61
00:02:38,405 --> 00:02:40,406
I could do it here.
62
00:02:40,474 --> 00:02:42,208
This party is gonna be awesome.
63
00:02:42,276 --> 00:02:44,110
Count me in, brother.
64
00:02:44,178 --> 00:02:46,011
And we could throw the party
at my apartment.
65
00:02:46,063 --> 00:02:48,915
Actually, Gupta,
in my corporate housing,
66
00:02:48,982 --> 00:02:50,516
they have a party room
with a bar.
67
00:02:50,584 --> 00:02:53,403
Oh, we have bars
on the windows at my place.
68
00:02:53,487 --> 00:02:55,788
You know what, we'll use
your place as a backup.
69
00:02:55,856 --> 00:02:57,790
- How's that sound?
- Okay.
70
00:02:57,858 --> 00:03:00,526
But this is
a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity
71
00:03:00,594 --> 00:03:01,794
for me to throw a party.
72
00:03:01,862 --> 00:03:04,197
My entire family
will be out of town
73
00:03:04,264 --> 00:03:05,598
at my cousin's wedding
in Delhi.
74
00:03:05,666 --> 00:03:06,699
Why aren't you going?
75
00:03:06,767 --> 00:03:08,334
If someone
doesn't stay behind,
76
00:03:08,385 --> 00:03:10,369
squatters will overtake
our apartment.
77
00:03:10,421 --> 00:03:12,038
That's not true,
is it?
78
00:03:12,106 --> 00:03:14,874
Oh, yes, we got our apartment
when the previous family
79
00:03:14,925 --> 00:03:16,476
went to a funeral.
80
00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:18,211
Wait.
81
00:03:18,278 --> 00:03:21,380
Who's home right now?
Uh-oh.
82
00:03:21,432 --> 00:03:22,765
I got it all figured out.
83
00:03:22,850 --> 00:03:25,101
I'll be in the bathtub,
covered with blood,
84
00:03:25,185 --> 00:03:26,652
holding a chainsaw.
85
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:28,721
I heard nothing.
I heard nothing.
86
00:03:28,772 --> 00:03:30,773
Oh, no, no, we're just
planning the Halloween party.
87
00:03:30,858 --> 00:03:33,326
Anyway, I'll hide
behind the shower curtain
88
00:03:33,393 --> 00:03:35,128
till someone comes in
to use the toilet.
89
00:03:35,195 --> 00:03:36,746
I'll let 'em start,
90
00:03:36,830 --> 00:03:38,164
but I won't let 'em finish.
91
00:03:38,232 --> 00:03:41,234
Charlie, do you not remember
the broom to the head?
92
00:03:41,301 --> 00:03:43,669
Dude, there's no learning curve
with you.
93
00:03:43,737 --> 00:03:45,471
All right,
but it's pretty funny.
94
00:03:45,539 --> 00:03:47,907
You ever seen a guy try to run
and pee at the same time?
95
00:03:47,975 --> 00:03:49,425
Body's got to make a choice.
96
00:03:49,510 --> 00:03:50,927
Man, your Halloween tradition
is even stranger
97
00:03:51,011 --> 00:03:52,712
than the one
with the homosexual burglar
98
00:03:52,780 --> 00:03:54,413
who steals children's teeth.
99
00:03:54,465 --> 00:03:56,582
Are you talking
about the Tooth Fairy?
100
00:03:56,650 --> 00:03:58,184
Todd, that is an offensive term.
101
00:03:58,252 --> 00:04:00,753
I got it.
We start a small fire,
102
00:04:00,804 --> 00:04:02,522
then we block all the exits
but one.
103
00:04:02,589 --> 00:04:03,823
And I'm standing
in that doorway,
104
00:04:03,891 --> 00:04:06,859
covered in blood,
holding a chainsaw.
105
00:04:06,927 --> 00:04:08,427
I got to be honest.
I already bought a chainsaw.
106
00:04:08,479 --> 00:04:10,113
Look, Charlie, I want people
to have fun at this party.
107
00:04:10,197 --> 00:04:13,816
You know, drink and dance
and who knows?
108
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:15,368
- Maybe even hook up?
- Now you're talking, man.
109
00:04:15,435 --> 00:04:16,536
[laughter]
110
00:04:20,107 --> 00:04:22,775
A-ha.
111
00:04:22,843 --> 00:04:25,077
Now I see
what this party's about.
112
00:04:25,145 --> 00:04:26,212
What?
113
00:04:26,279 --> 00:04:27,280
You're trying to hook up
with Asha.
114
00:04:27,347 --> 00:04:28,464
No, I just want her
115
00:04:28,549 --> 00:04:29,499
to see me outside of work.
116
00:04:29,583 --> 00:04:30,800
He does.
117
00:04:30,884 --> 00:04:31,951
And what's wrong
if we have a good time
118
00:04:32,002 --> 00:04:32,985
together?
119
00:04:33,053 --> 00:04:34,053
I know what's a good time.
120
00:04:34,121 --> 00:04:35,555
Getting a lady
back to your room,
121
00:04:35,622 --> 00:04:37,006
turning the lights
down low,
122
00:04:37,090 --> 00:04:38,508
starting to do the deed,
123
00:04:38,592 --> 00:04:40,293
and then I jump out
of the closet with a chainsaw.
124
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,461
Body's got to make a choice.
125
00:04:42,529 --> 00:04:44,230
This looks like trouble.
126
00:04:44,297 --> 00:04:46,399
Oh, we're just planning
our Halloween party
127
00:04:46,466 --> 00:04:47,817
for the weekend.
128
00:04:47,901 --> 00:04:49,268
Can you make it?
129
00:04:49,319 --> 00:04:50,570
Well, I've got
some girlfriends in town.
130
00:04:50,637 --> 00:04:51,821
Do you mind
if I bring them along?
131
00:04:51,905 --> 00:04:53,306
- They're air hostesses.
- Yes. Yes.
132
00:04:53,373 --> 00:04:54,440
Bring them.
Bring them.
133
00:04:54,491 --> 00:04:56,209
I'm going over your head
on this one.
134
00:04:56,276 --> 00:04:57,910
No, yeah, flight attendants
sound great.
135
00:04:57,978 --> 00:05:00,179
Uh, one thing, though.
136
00:05:00,247 --> 00:05:02,748
Some of my workers
are kind of modest,
137
00:05:02,816 --> 00:05:04,116
so the costumes
shouldn't be too...
138
00:05:04,184 --> 00:05:05,618
Right.
Modest.
139
00:05:05,669 --> 00:05:07,420
So I'm guessing
underwear is mandatory.
140
00:05:07,487 --> 00:05:09,455
- Listen to your body.
- Do what feels right.
141
00:05:09,523 --> 00:05:10,523
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
142
00:05:14,011 --> 00:05:16,262
Hello, Jerry.
143
00:05:16,330 --> 00:05:17,964
Todd-o, what's up?
144
00:05:18,015 --> 00:05:19,765
Uh, Jerry,
all I see is feet.
145
00:05:19,833 --> 00:05:21,050
- What's going on?
- Hey, there.
146
00:05:21,134 --> 00:05:25,888
Can you tip this thing up
for me?
147
00:05:25,973 --> 00:05:28,107
Hey, hey, aloha.
148
00:05:28,175 --> 00:05:30,409
- Are you getting a massage?
- Oh, yeah.
149
00:05:30,477 --> 00:05:33,079
36 holes of golf
takes its toll, buddy.
150
00:05:33,146 --> 00:05:35,114
I'm on a corporate retreat
in Hawaii,
151
00:05:35,182 --> 00:05:37,683
trying to find ways
to save the company money.
152
00:05:37,734 --> 00:05:38,885
Oh.
153
00:05:38,952 --> 00:05:40,152
I was...
I was calling to see
154
00:05:40,220 --> 00:05:41,621
if maybe the company
could kick in
155
00:05:41,688 --> 00:05:43,856
for a Halloween party.
156
00:05:43,924 --> 00:05:46,092
But if things are tight,
then...
157
00:05:46,159 --> 00:05:48,561
We're all cutting back.
You know that.
158
00:05:48,629 --> 00:05:50,079
Mm.
159
00:05:50,163 --> 00:05:52,465
As a matter of fact,
we can't keep you
160
00:05:52,532 --> 00:05:53,583
in that pricey
corporate housing.
161
00:05:53,667 --> 00:05:55,601
- That's done.
- What?
162
00:05:55,669 --> 00:05:57,753
Yeah, you're gonna have
to find someplace cheaper
163
00:05:57,838 --> 00:05:58,888
by the end of the week.
164
00:05:58,972 --> 00:06:00,473
I believe I can be
of assistance
165
00:06:00,540 --> 00:06:03,276
in helping Mr. Dempsey
find appropriate accommodations.
166
00:06:03,343 --> 00:06:05,595
Saving the company money
is a passion of mine.
167
00:06:05,679 --> 00:06:08,714
I was the one who suggested we
make Saturday "Friday part two."
168
00:06:08,782 --> 00:06:10,149
Wait, so let me get this
straight,
169
00:06:10,217 --> 00:06:12,852
so you have enough money
to go on a corporate retreat
170
00:06:12,920 --> 00:06:15,254
in Hawaii, but not to have
a roof over my head?
171
00:06:15,322 --> 00:06:16,989
I didn't say no roof, Todd.
172
00:06:17,057 --> 00:06:20,225
I said cheaper roof.
Come on, we're all making... uh!
173
00:06:20,277 --> 00:06:23,395
[laughs]
Sacrifices, buddy.
174
00:06:23,447 --> 00:06:25,581
Okay. Hey, we got
to wrap this up, Todd.
175
00:06:25,666 --> 00:06:27,166
She's telling me
to turn it over.
176
00:06:27,233 --> 00:06:28,918
Wish me luck.
177
00:06:29,002 --> 00:06:32,371
[grunts]
178
00:06:33,907 --> 00:06:34,974
[sighs]
179
00:06:35,042 --> 00:06:37,310
So I keep a lot of tension
up here
180
00:06:37,377 --> 00:06:39,845
in my inner thigh.
181
00:06:39,913 --> 00:06:43,115
Uh, sorry, guys,
182
00:06:43,183 --> 00:06:46,218
but looks like we're not gonna
be having the party at my place.
183
00:06:46,286 --> 00:06:49,221
Backup plan becomes plan.
184
00:06:49,289 --> 00:06:50,523
Attention, everybody.
185
00:06:50,590 --> 00:06:52,525
Todd's Halloween party
has been moved
186
00:06:52,592 --> 00:06:53,793
to my apartment.
187
00:06:57,130 --> 00:07:01,284
Manmeet.
Manmeet, will you be there?
188
00:07:01,368 --> 00:07:03,235
I'll be there
as the invisible man.
189
00:07:03,303 --> 00:07:06,405
[chuckling]
You'll be th...
190
00:07:07,407 --> 00:07:08,541
That's not nice.
191
00:07:11,025 --> 00:07:13,721
Not only does the boarding
house cost less than a hotel,
192
00:07:13,789 --> 00:07:15,857
but at Auntie-Ji's,
your laundry will be done
193
00:07:15,924 --> 00:07:17,458
and all your meals are included.
194
00:07:17,526 --> 00:07:18,626
- Really?
- Yes.
195
00:07:18,694 --> 00:07:20,495
And all my meals
are home-cooked,
196
00:07:20,546 --> 00:07:22,830
made with love
and filtered water.
197
00:07:22,881 --> 00:07:24,198
Santosh!
198
00:07:24,266 --> 00:07:26,134
So this would be
like my living room?
199
00:07:26,201 --> 00:07:28,002
Yes.
This is the common room.
200
00:07:28,070 --> 00:07:30,288
This house has been
in my family for generations.
201
00:07:30,356 --> 00:07:31,806
Someday, it will go
to my children.
202
00:07:31,874 --> 00:07:33,257
Oh, that's great.
203
00:07:33,342 --> 00:07:35,343
You know, my family doesn't
really have anything to pass on.
204
00:07:35,411 --> 00:07:37,512
Well, every other generation,
somebody's born
205
00:07:37,563 --> 00:07:40,848
with an extra toe,
but...
206
00:07:40,916 --> 00:07:44,118
Sir, you will not find better
accommodations than this...
207
00:07:44,186 --> 00:07:48,272
Meals, laundry,
doorman, and a servant.
208
00:07:48,357 --> 00:07:49,524
Well, that's okay.
209
00:07:49,575 --> 00:07:50,958
I don't really need a servant.
210
00:07:51,026 --> 00:07:53,611
You'd be surprised
how handy they are.
211
00:07:53,695 --> 00:07:54,662
Rajiv.
212
00:07:54,729 --> 00:07:56,464
Thank you.
213
00:07:56,532 --> 00:07:58,583
Look, I'm not really
a servant kind of guy.
214
00:07:58,667 --> 00:08:00,334
In that case,
Santosh, you're fired.
215
00:08:00,402 --> 00:08:02,336
Tell your children
their bellies are empty
216
00:08:02,404 --> 00:08:04,672
because Mr. Dempsey
isn't a servant kind of guy.
217
00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:07,675
Whoa. Whoa,
nobody's getting fired here.
218
00:08:07,743 --> 00:08:09,710
Look, if servant's part
of the deal,
219
00:08:09,762 --> 00:08:11,245
I'll roll with it.
220
00:08:11,296 --> 00:08:12,513
Don't worry about me,
all right?
221
00:08:12,581 --> 00:08:14,465
I'm pretty low maintenance.
222
00:08:14,550 --> 00:08:17,085
Maybe a little laundry, tops.
223
00:08:17,152 --> 00:08:21,122
You don't wash the stuff
in, like, the river, right?
224
00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:23,024
Slap the clothes
against a rock?
225
00:08:23,092 --> 00:08:24,642
You know what,
we'll talk.
226
00:08:24,726 --> 00:08:26,644
So do I have a new tenant?
227
00:08:26,728 --> 00:08:28,463
Yeah, I think you do.
228
00:08:28,530 --> 00:08:29,464
Wonderful, sir.
229
00:08:29,531 --> 00:08:30,764
Living here
is much smarter
230
00:08:30,816 --> 00:08:32,984
than getting swindled
by some corporate housing.
231
00:08:33,068 --> 00:08:35,236
[speaking in hindi]
232
00:08:35,287 --> 00:08:37,672
[speaking in hindi]
233
00:08:37,739 --> 00:08:39,874
Please.
[continues in hindi]
234
00:08:39,942 --> 00:08:41,742
[laughter]
235
00:08:41,794 --> 00:08:44,778
[laughter continues]
236
00:08:46,281 --> 00:08:48,015
I'll take 50 of those
237
00:08:48,083 --> 00:08:50,017
and 50 of those.
238
00:08:50,085 --> 00:08:52,470
I'm hosting
an american Halloween party.
239
00:08:52,554 --> 00:08:54,672
The holiday
is very candy-centric.
240
00:08:54,756 --> 00:08:56,557
Gupta.
241
00:08:56,625 --> 00:08:59,627
Todd, my Halloween party's
gonna be so authentic.
242
00:08:59,678 --> 00:09:01,596
My neighbor's baby has colic,
243
00:09:01,647 --> 00:09:03,231
so there will be
horrible screams all night long.
244
00:09:03,298 --> 00:09:04,798
Yeah, about that,
245
00:09:04,850 --> 00:09:06,000
I found a new place
to stay,
246
00:09:06,068 --> 00:09:07,602
so I can host the party again.
247
00:09:07,653 --> 00:09:10,271
I'm sorry,
but the wheels are in motion.
248
00:09:10,322 --> 00:09:11,989
People have their hearts set
on a Gupta party,
249
00:09:12,074 --> 00:09:13,407
and I will not disappoint them.
250
00:09:13,475 --> 00:09:14,909
4,000 rupees.
251
00:09:14,977 --> 00:09:17,328
Party's yours.
Pay the man.
252
00:09:17,412 --> 00:09:18,946
5,000 rupees.
253
00:09:20,282 --> 00:09:22,550
'scuse me, 'scuse me,
'scuse me.
254
00:09:22,618 --> 00:09:24,619
Hey.
255
00:09:24,670 --> 00:09:27,788
Sooo...
The Halloween party's back on.
256
00:09:27,856 --> 00:09:29,257
I'm doing it
at my boarding house.
257
00:09:29,324 --> 00:09:31,025
- Congratulations.
- Thank you.
258
00:09:31,093 --> 00:09:33,094
And you're coming, right?
259
00:09:33,161 --> 00:09:35,346
I don't know
if I should.
260
00:09:35,430 --> 00:09:37,131
I'm starting
an arranged marriage.
261
00:09:37,182 --> 00:09:39,684
I should be looking at the
resumes of potential husbands.
262
00:09:39,768 --> 00:09:40,768
So you don't even know
the guy yet.
263
00:09:40,836 --> 00:09:42,069
Come on.
You can go to a party.
264
00:09:42,137 --> 00:09:44,338
I know.
I'd like to, but...
265
00:09:44,406 --> 00:09:46,140
My parents,
they're getting impatient.
266
00:09:46,208 --> 00:09:47,608
Your parents?
267
00:09:47,676 --> 00:09:49,677
Come on,
you're a grown woman.
268
00:09:49,728 --> 00:09:51,979
And if you don't come,
269
00:09:52,047 --> 00:09:53,948
you don't get
to see me dance.
270
00:09:54,016 --> 00:09:56,117
Wa-choo!
Wa-cha.
271
00:09:56,184 --> 00:09:58,119
- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.
272
00:09:58,186 --> 00:10:00,371
Is this a risk
you're willing to take?
273
00:10:00,455 --> 00:10:01,522
Stop.
People are eating.
274
00:10:01,590 --> 00:10:02,990
I can't stop.
275
00:10:03,058 --> 00:10:04,225
I gotta keep going.
276
00:10:04,293 --> 00:10:06,661
Can you get my tray
for me?
277
00:10:06,728 --> 00:10:10,231
♪ I keep stalling
and keeping it together ♪
278
00:10:10,299 --> 00:10:13,367
♪ people around got
to find something to say now ♪
279
00:10:13,418 --> 00:10:16,837
♪ holding back,
every day the same ♪
280
00:10:16,905 --> 00:10:18,589
♪ don't want to be a loner ♪
281
00:10:18,674 --> 00:10:21,008
♪ listen to me,
oh, no ♪
282
00:10:21,076 --> 00:10:23,561
♪ I never say
anything at all ♪
283
00:10:23,645 --> 00:10:25,012
♪ but with nothing
to consider ♪
284
00:10:25,080 --> 00:10:28,766
♪ they forget
my name-a-ame ♪
285
00:10:28,850 --> 00:10:30,618
♪ they call me hell ♪
286
00:10:30,686 --> 00:10:32,353
- ♪ they call me stacy ♪
- Ooh, coconuts.
287
00:10:32,404 --> 00:10:35,222
- Oh!
- Yeah.
288
00:10:35,274 --> 00:10:36,591
Why are you still
in your nightclothes?
289
00:10:36,658 --> 00:10:37,592
Did you oversleep?
290
00:10:37,659 --> 00:10:40,161
No, man,
I'm Hugh Hefner.
291
00:10:40,228 --> 00:10:41,195
The guy that started Playboy.
292
00:10:41,263 --> 00:10:42,530
Oh, cool,
293
00:10:42,598 --> 00:10:43,915
'cause one thing
Indian women love,
294
00:10:43,999 --> 00:10:45,833
it's pornographers.
295
00:10:45,901 --> 00:10:48,836
Oh.
So what do you think?
296
00:10:48,903 --> 00:10:51,973
Uh, you're
an Indian slaughter house.
297
00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,274
I'm a chick magnet.
298
00:10:53,342 --> 00:10:55,643
Oh, yes, right.
299
00:10:55,711 --> 00:10:59,880
Ah, chicken monger.
Good costume.
300
00:10:59,932 --> 00:11:01,349
- I'm a chick magnet.
- Oh.
301
00:11:01,416 --> 00:11:02,450
What are you?
302
00:11:02,517 --> 00:11:03,968
Isn't it obvious?
303
00:11:04,052 --> 00:11:06,187
I am a wealthy american
businessman.
304
00:11:06,255 --> 00:11:08,389
Gupta,
that's a pimp costume.
305
00:11:08,457 --> 00:11:09,941
A what?
306
00:11:10,025 --> 00:11:11,359
A prostitute wrangler.
307
00:11:11,426 --> 00:11:16,330
No, I am a businessman who
enjoys the finer things in life.
308
00:11:16,398 --> 00:11:18,866
Like jewelry and gold teeth.
309
00:11:18,934 --> 00:11:20,534
Yeah, you're right.
310
00:11:20,602 --> 00:11:22,987
Most american businessmen
carry a walking staff
311
00:11:23,071 --> 00:11:25,373
that says,
"Bitch, where's my money?"
312
00:11:25,440 --> 00:11:29,293
[laughs]
Pay me, bitch.
313
00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:32,079
Oh.
314
00:11:32,130 --> 00:11:35,549
So your costume is...
315
00:11:35,617 --> 00:11:40,554
Come on.
Saffron, cardamom.
316
00:11:41,823 --> 00:11:43,090
I'm a spice rack.
317
00:11:43,158 --> 00:11:44,725
Oh.
318
00:11:44,793 --> 00:11:47,395
So technically you should be
mounted in the kitchen.
319
00:11:47,462 --> 00:11:50,064
Well, let a girl
get a drink first.
320
00:11:50,131 --> 00:11:51,816
[laughter]
321
00:11:51,900 --> 00:11:54,902
- Nice hat.
- Sorry, I was pulled in
322
00:11:54,969 --> 00:11:56,153
by the chick magnet.
323
00:12:00,175 --> 00:12:04,144
Excuse me.
324
00:12:04,196 --> 00:12:06,947
♪ are you ♪
325
00:12:07,015 --> 00:12:11,419
♪ I put my lovin'
on the line for you, lady ♪
326
00:12:11,486 --> 00:12:13,654
♪ but my spirits were low ♪
327
00:12:13,705 --> 00:12:15,456
Redundant.
328
00:12:15,507 --> 00:12:19,026
Hey.
Jell-O shot for the King of Pop?
329
00:12:19,094 --> 00:12:21,429
- Yeah.
- Nice.
330
00:12:21,496 --> 00:12:23,464
Rajiv.
Surprised to see you.
331
00:12:23,515 --> 00:12:24,598
You don't see me.
I'm in costume.
332
00:12:24,666 --> 00:12:25,850
As what?
333
00:12:25,934 --> 00:12:27,718
I'm you,
Todd Dempsey.
334
00:12:27,803 --> 00:12:29,103
"Is this safe to eat?
335
00:12:29,171 --> 00:12:30,221
"Where's football?
336
00:12:30,305 --> 00:12:31,672
"where can I get
that toilet paper
337
00:12:31,723 --> 00:12:33,107
that has the lotion
in it?"
338
00:12:33,174 --> 00:12:34,525
Okay. Very funny.
339
00:12:34,593 --> 00:12:35,576
"I comb my hair
to make it appear
340
00:12:35,644 --> 00:12:36,694
as if I didn't comb my hair."
341
00:12:36,778 --> 00:12:38,079
All right,
you got me.
342
00:12:38,146 --> 00:12:40,180
I can't do it.
I just blew it.
343
00:12:40,232 --> 00:12:41,949
- What are you talking about?
- What are you talking about?
344
00:12:42,017 --> 00:12:44,518
The naughty nurse came to me,
but I froze.
345
00:12:44,586 --> 00:12:46,654
My costume worked,
but my lips did not.
346
00:12:46,722 --> 00:12:47,872
- What's the problem?
- What's the problem?
347
00:12:47,956 --> 00:12:48,873
Okay, that's enough.
348
00:12:48,957 --> 00:12:50,091
A little bit goes a long way.
349
00:12:50,158 --> 00:12:51,192
That's what I feel
350
00:12:51,259 --> 00:12:52,360
about the real Todd too.
351
00:12:55,964 --> 00:12:57,214
I don't get it, Manmeet.
352
00:12:57,299 --> 00:12:58,632
You flirt with women
all day on the phone.
353
00:12:58,700 --> 00:13:00,701
This is different, man,
you know.
354
00:13:00,769 --> 00:13:05,723
Up close.
Hair. Eyes. Stomach, Todd.
355
00:13:05,807 --> 00:13:07,975
You know what,
I've got an idea.
356
00:13:09,811 --> 00:13:12,430
You are so cute.
357
00:13:12,514 --> 00:13:15,215
I might need to make
a house call.
358
00:13:15,267 --> 00:13:16,734
Where are you?
359
00:13:16,818 --> 00:13:20,187
I'm in your dreams,
your heart,
360
00:13:20,238 --> 00:13:23,441
and just behind the punch bowl.
361
00:13:23,525 --> 00:13:25,426
Hey.
[giggles]
362
00:13:25,494 --> 00:13:26,794
No, no, no,
that's close enough.
363
00:13:26,862 --> 00:13:30,414
[Phoenix's Lisztomania]
364
00:13:30,482 --> 00:13:32,950
♪ Ooh, this is showtime ♪
365
00:13:33,034 --> 00:13:37,621
♪ this is showtime,
this is showtime ♪
366
00:13:37,706 --> 00:13:41,909
♪ ooh, this is showtime,
this is showtime ♪
367
00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:44,044
♪ this is showtime ♪
368
00:13:44,112 --> 00:13:47,181
♪ time ♪
369
00:13:47,248 --> 00:13:48,599
Wow.
370
00:13:48,683 --> 00:13:50,601
You look like a million bucks.
371
00:13:50,685 --> 00:13:53,954
Which, at 40 rupees
to the dollar...
372
00:13:54,022 --> 00:13:56,190
Never mind.
You look great.
373
00:13:56,257 --> 00:13:58,259
Are you Hugh Hefner?
374
00:13:58,326 --> 00:13:59,960
No.
No, of course not.
375
00:14:00,028 --> 00:14:03,030
I'm just a sleepy guy
who got locked out of his house
376
00:14:03,098 --> 00:14:04,765
with a pipe.
377
00:14:04,816 --> 00:14:06,117
I'm not offended
by Playboy.
378
00:14:06,201 --> 00:14:07,735
Well, in that case,
I'd like to feature you
379
00:14:07,803 --> 00:14:10,671
in my girls of the Ganges issue.
380
00:14:10,739 --> 00:14:12,072
[laughter]
381
00:14:12,124 --> 00:14:14,241
I thought you had to go
through a bunch
382
00:14:14,309 --> 00:14:15,409
of husband applications.
383
00:14:15,460 --> 00:14:17,161
- That's Asha's problem.
- Oh.
384
00:14:17,245 --> 00:14:18,629
And tonight
I am Cleopatra.
385
00:14:18,713 --> 00:14:19,663
- Oh.
- You want to dance
386
00:14:19,748 --> 00:14:20,848
with the Queen of Egypt?
387
00:14:20,916 --> 00:14:23,751
You bet your asp.
388
00:14:23,802 --> 00:14:25,753
♪ from a mess
to the masses ♪
389
00:14:25,821 --> 00:14:28,055
♪ lisztomania ♪
390
00:14:28,122 --> 00:14:30,290
♪ think less but see it grow ♪
391
00:14:30,342 --> 00:14:32,960
♪ like a riot,
like a riot, oh ♪
392
00:14:33,028 --> 00:14:35,129
♪ discuss, discuss,
discuss ♪
393
00:14:35,197 --> 00:14:40,317
♪ discuss, discuss,
discouraged ♪
394
00:14:40,402 --> 00:14:43,303
[she's gone]
395
00:14:48,142 --> 00:14:53,347
♪ everybody's high
on consolation ♪
396
00:14:53,415 --> 00:14:55,666
♪ everybody's trying
to tell me ♪
397
00:14:55,750 --> 00:15:00,337
♪ what is right for me,
yeah ♪
398
00:15:00,422 --> 00:15:04,925
♪ I need a drink
and a quick decision ♪
399
00:15:04,993 --> 00:15:07,261
♪ now it's up to me ♪
400
00:15:07,329 --> 00:15:08,963
♪ ooh ♪
401
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:11,164
♪ what will be ♪
402
00:15:11,216 --> 00:15:13,133
♪ she's gone,
she's gone ♪
403
00:15:13,201 --> 00:15:15,102
♪ oh, I,
oh, I ♪
404
00:15:15,169 --> 00:15:17,671
♪ I better learn
how to face it ♪
405
00:15:17,722 --> 00:15:19,356
♪ she's gone,
she's gone ♪
406
00:15:19,441 --> 00:15:22,209
♪ oh, I,
oh, I ♪
407
00:15:22,277 --> 00:15:24,111
♪ I'd pay the devil
to replace her ♪
408
00:15:24,178 --> 00:15:25,229
♪ she's gone,
she's gone ♪
409
00:15:25,313 --> 00:15:30,701
♪ oh, I whimp... whimper ♪
410
00:15:30,785 --> 00:15:32,486
♪ get up in the morning ♪
411
00:15:32,554 --> 00:15:35,623
♪ and look in the mirror ♪
412
00:15:35,690 --> 00:15:38,792
♪ I'm worn as the toothbrush ♪
413
00:15:38,860 --> 00:15:42,630
♪ hanging in the stand ♪
414
00:15:43,965 --> 00:15:44,915
This is a ripper
of a party, mate.
415
00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:46,901
- Ha.
- Sorry, my aussie slips out
416
00:15:46,968 --> 00:15:48,168
when I have a little drink.
417
00:15:48,220 --> 00:15:49,169
Yeah, a little slipped out
418
00:15:49,221 --> 00:15:51,555
- when you were dancing too.
- Oh!
419
00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:54,425
You know, there's one spice
that I am missing, though.
420
00:15:54,509 --> 00:15:56,810
Sugar.
421
00:16:00,815 --> 00:16:02,266
No, Asha.
422
00:16:02,350 --> 00:16:05,052
♪ and when you feel
you can't go on ♪
423
00:16:05,103 --> 00:16:06,553
♪ I'll come and ♪
424
00:16:06,605 --> 00:16:07,655
Time to die.
425
00:16:07,722 --> 00:16:09,990
[screaming]
426
00:16:10,058 --> 00:16:11,559
No!
427
00:16:14,729 --> 00:16:16,897
You die first.
428
00:16:16,948 --> 00:16:18,332
[screams]
429
00:16:22,209 --> 00:16:23,292
- Hey.
- Hey, man.
430
00:16:23,377 --> 00:16:24,444
Have you seen Asha
this morning?
431
00:16:24,511 --> 00:16:25,611
No.
No, I haven't.
432
00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:27,830
Hey, Todd,
the party was amazing, man.
433
00:16:27,915 --> 00:16:30,717
I talked to the naughty nurse
all night on the phone.
434
00:16:30,784 --> 00:16:33,653
Then we went outside together,
just us.
435
00:16:33,721 --> 00:16:36,222
Yeah, and?
436
00:16:36,289 --> 00:16:38,925
I think we...
what is considered
437
00:16:38,992 --> 00:16:40,593
getting to first base
in America?
438
00:16:40,661 --> 00:16:42,378
- Kissing.
- Oh, then no.
439
00:16:42,446 --> 00:16:44,564
I held her hair
while she vomited.
440
00:16:46,734 --> 00:16:49,402
What's the matter, man?
441
00:16:49,469 --> 00:16:51,337
Well, I went to get Asha
a drink,
442
00:16:51,405 --> 00:16:53,823
and then Tonya kissed me.
[gasps]
443
00:16:53,907 --> 00:16:55,408
Todd's on first!
444
00:16:55,475 --> 00:16:58,344
It's only a matter of time
before you get to second base
445
00:16:58,412 --> 00:16:59,512
and live happily ever after.
446
00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:01,664
What do you think
second base is?
447
00:17:01,749 --> 00:17:03,316
Getting married.
448
00:17:03,383 --> 00:17:04,584
Then what's third base
and home?
449
00:17:04,651 --> 00:17:06,385
I don't know.
450
00:17:06,453 --> 00:17:08,121
Cricket only has two bases.
451
00:17:08,188 --> 00:17:11,624
The thing is,
Asha saw Tonya kiss me,
452
00:17:11,692 --> 00:17:13,092
and that's why she left.
453
00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:14,927
That's not why she left.
454
00:17:14,995 --> 00:17:16,095
Madhuri.
455
00:17:16,163 --> 00:17:17,563
I didn't know
you were there.
456
00:17:17,631 --> 00:17:19,866
Story of my life.
457
00:17:19,933 --> 00:17:21,601
Wait, what are you talking about?
458
00:17:21,668 --> 00:17:22,702
You weren't even at the party.
459
00:17:22,770 --> 00:17:24,103
Yes, I was.
460
00:17:24,171 --> 00:17:26,305
I was in the corner
dressed as a lampshade.
461
00:17:26,373 --> 00:17:30,777
And Auntie-Ji came up to Asha
and started talking to her.
462
00:17:30,844 --> 00:17:33,146
Asha?
463
00:17:33,197 --> 00:17:34,981
That's quite a costume
you have there.
464
00:17:35,048 --> 00:17:36,315
Thank you.
465
00:17:36,383 --> 00:17:38,417
As it happens,
I am friends with the Doshis,
466
00:17:38,485 --> 00:17:39,852
who know your parents.
467
00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:41,754
Said your family has begun
to arrange your marriage.
468
00:17:41,822 --> 00:17:43,406
Oh, yes, I'm looking forward
to it.
469
00:17:43,490 --> 00:17:46,626
Then perhaps you shouldn't be
at a party
470
00:17:46,693 --> 00:17:48,828
dressed like that,
pressing up against another man.
471
00:17:48,896 --> 00:17:51,080
If word got around,
it would bring shame
472
00:17:51,165 --> 00:17:54,867
to your family.
473
00:17:54,935 --> 00:17:56,419
And that's why she left.
474
00:17:56,503 --> 00:17:59,705
Why doesn't Auntie-Ji
just mind her own business?
475
00:17:59,756 --> 00:18:03,976
Hey, did you know
american dating has four bases?
476
00:18:04,044 --> 00:18:06,979
Yes. I was right here
when he said it.
477
00:18:07,047 --> 00:18:08,064
Oh, yeah.
478
00:18:08,148 --> 00:18:09,182
If no one is going
to notice me,
479
00:18:09,233 --> 00:18:11,567
I should just take
longer breaks.
480
00:18:11,652 --> 00:18:12,585
Ooh.
481
00:18:12,653 --> 00:18:14,487
Asha.
482
00:18:14,554 --> 00:18:16,689
Hey.
Hey.
483
00:18:16,757 --> 00:18:17,824
[laughs]
484
00:18:17,891 --> 00:18:21,027
Look, I heard
what Auntie-Ji said to you,
485
00:18:21,078 --> 00:18:22,411
and she was completely
out of line.
486
00:18:22,496 --> 00:18:24,664
- Todd, don't worry about it.
- No. No.
487
00:18:24,731 --> 00:18:28,935
Whatever is between us
is between us.
488
00:18:29,002 --> 00:18:32,588
So what do you think
is between us?
489
00:18:32,673 --> 00:18:35,291
Todd, this really
isn't the place.
490
00:18:35,375 --> 00:18:37,009
All right, come here.
491
00:18:41,915 --> 00:18:43,633
Todd, I think
you're my boss,
492
00:18:43,717 --> 00:18:46,285
and I'm supposed
to be getting married soon.
493
00:18:46,353 --> 00:18:49,755
Yeah, supposed
to get married soon.
494
00:18:49,823 --> 00:18:52,758
Maybe you should talk
to Cleopatra about this.
495
00:18:52,826 --> 00:18:55,194
'cause I think
she's into me.
496
00:18:55,262 --> 00:18:57,997
Maybe she is,
because she's making Asha's life
497
00:18:58,065 --> 00:19:00,299
really difficult.
498
00:19:00,367 --> 00:19:03,269
Todd, this marriage,
it was planned
499
00:19:03,337 --> 00:19:04,704
a long time
before I met you.
500
00:19:04,771 --> 00:19:07,240
Yeah, well,
you did meet me.
501
00:19:38,305 --> 00:19:40,072
[exhales]
502
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,608
I never want
to forget this moment.
503
00:19:42,676 --> 00:19:43,876
What's the name
of this shop?
504
00:19:43,944 --> 00:19:46,345
Subashish Balasubramanium
Emporium.
505
00:19:46,413 --> 00:19:48,314
Right.
The Emporium.
506
00:19:59,526 --> 00:20:03,796
Sir, would you check
these numbers?
507
00:20:05,866 --> 00:20:07,600
[gasps]
508
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:09,435
Trick or treat.
I got you back.
509
00:20:09,503 --> 00:20:11,037
That was a real spider,
Rajiv.
510
00:20:11,104 --> 00:20:13,906
- That's how I do it.
- Wait, where'd it go?
511
00:20:13,974 --> 00:20:15,574
Where did it go?
512
00:20:15,642 --> 00:20:17,710
- Where did it go?
- Workers,
513
00:20:17,778 --> 00:20:20,363
I need you to look
on the floor for a spider.
514
00:20:20,447 --> 00:20:23,916
It also jumps,
so check your desks.
515
00:20:23,984 --> 00:20:25,117
Do not panic.
516
00:20:25,185 --> 00:20:26,152
It's only deadly
if you're an infant.
517
00:20:26,203 --> 00:20:27,203
Uh-oh.
518
00:20:27,287 --> 00:20:29,705
It might be deadly
for you.
519
00:20:29,790 --> 00:20:30,990
Hey.
[screams]
520
00:20:39,807 --> 00:20:41,875
So what happens next week?
521
00:20:48,783 --> 00:20:49,716
Zap!
522
00:20:49,784 --> 00:20:52,302
[indian music]
523
00:20:59,727 --> 00:21:01,528
Oh, I can't wait.
524
00:21:01,578 --> 00:21:06,128
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