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1
00:00:01,350 --> 00:00:03,351
Oh, Sam, don't forget your beach hat.
2
00:00:03,352 --> 00:00:05,286
You're gonna want this beach hat
when you're there in Toronto
3
00:00:05,287 --> 00:00:08,221
sitting on the, on the white
sandy beaches of Toronto.
4
00:00:09,725 --> 00:00:12,693
Oh, come on!
Sam, you cannot be mad at me
5
00:00:12,694 --> 00:00:15,696
for choosing a job over sitting
in a coffee shop in Toronto
6
00:00:15,697 --> 00:00:18,232
for three months with
Reese Witherspoon's husband.
7
00:00:18,233 --> 00:00:20,234
Oh, my God, you're like a child.
8
00:00:20,235 --> 00:00:22,036
How do you not understand this?
9
00:00:22,037 --> 00:00:26,307
I am not mad at you...
because you took a job.
10
00:00:26,308 --> 00:00:28,876
I am mad because
you never wanted to go
11
00:00:28,877 --> 00:00:30,578
to Toronto in the first place.
12
00:00:30,579 --> 00:00:32,413
And you didn't have
the balls to tell me.
13
00:00:32,414 --> 00:00:34,215
Because I was afraid
you were gonna get mad
14
00:00:34,216 --> 00:00:36,050
and I was right,
because look how mad you got.
15
00:00:36,051 --> 00:00:38,419
Oh, no!
16
00:00:38,420 --> 00:00:40,454
(MOCKING) Someone's mad at Hugh.
17
00:00:40,455 --> 00:00:44,125
What are you gonna do?
Grow up... Hugh.
18
00:00:44,126 --> 00:00:45,426
Here, let me help you with this.
19
00:00:45,427 --> 00:00:46,693
Stay back.
20
00:00:48,497 --> 00:00:50,431
Will you please let me help you, Sam?
21
00:00:50,432 --> 00:00:53,501
Ooh, I thought you said you
don't like doing things for me.
22
00:00:53,502 --> 00:00:56,737
I'm talking about all the little
bullshit errands
23
00:00:56,738 --> 00:00:58,339
that you could have your assistant do.
24
00:00:58,340 --> 00:00:59,607
Oh, God!
25
00:00:59,608 --> 00:01:02,076
You know what? Say no.
26
00:01:02,077 --> 00:01:04,678
If you don't want to do
something, Hugh, say it.
27
00:01:04,679 --> 00:01:06,280
If you don't want to untack the horse,
28
00:01:06,281 --> 00:01:07,915
say, "I don't want
to untack the horse."
29
00:01:07,916 --> 00:01:09,650
And if you don't want to go
to dinner with Paul,
30
00:01:09,651 --> 00:01:11,252
say, "I don't want
to go to dinner with Paul."
31
00:01:11,253 --> 00:01:14,155
And if you don't want to go
to Toronto with me,
32
00:01:14,156 --> 00:01:16,257
say, "I don't want
to go to Toronto with you."
33
00:01:16,258 --> 00:01:17,591
Just say it.
34
00:01:17,592 --> 00:01:19,326
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
35
00:01:19,327 --> 00:01:20,760
My car is here.
36
00:01:25,667 --> 00:01:28,568
Please just let me know
when you've landed, all right?
37
00:01:31,973 --> 00:01:34,007
(DOOR OPENS, THEN CLOSES)
38
00:01:36,478 --> 00:01:37,878
(CAR DOOR OPENS)
39
00:01:37,879 --> 00:01:39,146
(SIGHS)
40
00:01:39,147 --> 00:01:40,748
(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
41
00:01:40,749 --> 00:01:43,818
??
42
00:01:43,819 --> 00:01:46,486
(DISTANT DOG BARKING)
43
00:01:48,790 --> 00:01:51,491
My God, does he only date models?
44
00:01:53,328 --> 00:01:54,829
What are you still doing here?
45
00:01:54,830 --> 00:01:57,298
Aren't you guys starting
"The Larry Dorf Show" today?
46
00:01:57,299 --> 00:01:59,033
Hugh's taking me.
What are you doing today?
47
00:01:59,034 --> 00:02:01,202
Just did it. So schedule's clear.
48
00:02:01,203 --> 00:02:04,338
Wait. Oh, my God, is it Monday?
49
00:02:04,339 --> 00:02:06,040
Seriously, you don't know
what day it is?
50
00:02:06,041 --> 00:02:07,975
Barney's pre-sale starts today.
51
00:02:07,976 --> 00:02:09,143
Skip work and come with me.
52
00:02:09,144 --> 00:02:10,843
I wish I could. Hugh's here.
53
00:02:12,047 --> 00:02:13,212
Buy me something.
54
00:02:14,783 --> 00:02:16,484
Oh, man, I thought you were
gonna pick me up
55
00:02:16,485 --> 00:02:18,152
in Sam's fancy car.
56
00:02:18,153 --> 00:02:19,553
I shouldn't be driving you at all.
57
00:02:19,554 --> 00:02:20,721
You're a grown woman.
58
00:02:20,722 --> 00:02:24,190
Just for a few days
till I get used to the route.
59
00:02:26,328 --> 00:02:27,994
You okay? Yeah, I'm fine.
60
00:02:34,035 --> 00:02:36,837
Was that the guy
from "Saved by the Bell"?
61
00:02:36,838 --> 00:02:38,038
Yeah. Mark-Paul Gosselaar.
62
00:02:38,039 --> 00:02:39,874
He lives down the street
from Michael and Ethan.
63
00:02:39,875 --> 00:02:41,542
Huh.
64
00:02:41,543 --> 00:02:43,544
Well, it's a shame you didn't
live here a year ago.
65
00:02:43,545 --> 00:02:46,046
Larry could have harassed him
into being in "Mr. First Lady."
66
00:02:46,047 --> 00:02:47,747
(ENGINE SPUTTERING)
67
00:02:50,886 --> 00:02:52,319
Is this the right place?
68
00:02:52,320 --> 00:02:54,221
Uh, I don't know.
69
00:02:54,222 --> 00:02:56,889
Hi, is this "Open Dorf Policy"?
70
00:02:57,993 --> 00:02:59,258
Larry?
71
00:03:01,730 --> 00:03:03,731
Oh, I'm sorry.
72
00:03:03,732 --> 00:03:06,100
I guess 10:12 is the new 10:00 a.m.
73
00:03:06,101 --> 00:03:08,235
They had us park
about 60 miles from here.
74
00:03:08,236 --> 00:03:09,870
They gave me a spot right out front.
75
00:03:09,871 --> 00:03:11,438
Come on in!
76
00:03:11,439 --> 00:03:14,275
Wowwy!
77
00:03:14,276 --> 00:03:15,943
This is a great office.
78
00:03:15,944 --> 00:03:18,879
Yeah, well, we share
the bungalow with "Brooklyn 99."
79
00:03:18,880 --> 00:03:21,280
(RACHEL) Ooh, so nice.
80
00:03:24,819 --> 00:03:26,921
That looks nice.
81
00:03:26,922 --> 00:03:29,557
Isn't the name of the show
"Open Dorf Policy"?
82
00:03:29,558 --> 00:03:30,758
Right. (RACHEL LAUGHS)
83
00:03:30,759 --> 00:03:33,360
All right, well, we simply...
84
00:03:33,361 --> 00:03:35,029
Oh, God.
85
00:03:35,030 --> 00:03:36,964
(RACHEL) What's in here?
86
00:03:36,965 --> 00:03:39,633
Oh, uh, yeah, that's my office.
87
00:03:39,634 --> 00:03:41,602
You have your own office?
88
00:03:41,603 --> 00:03:42,736
Separate from us?
89
00:03:42,737 --> 00:03:44,038
I'm sure they just had to do it.
90
00:03:44,039 --> 00:03:47,074
You know, I'm the executive
producer, the star.
91
00:03:47,075 --> 00:03:49,976
But I'll be out here
mostly with you little people.
92
00:03:51,846 --> 00:03:53,514
This is only weird
if we make it weird.
93
00:03:53,515 --> 00:03:56,315
I got something.
You want to see a fun thing?
94
00:03:57,986 --> 00:03:59,053
Hey, Andrea?
95
00:03:59,054 --> 00:04:00,354
Andrea is our assistant.
96
00:04:00,355 --> 00:04:02,456
She's here for us whatever we need.
97
00:04:02,457 --> 00:04:03,624
Call me?
98
00:04:03,625 --> 00:04:06,026
Uh, we're gonna need you
to go grab us some food.
99
00:04:06,027 --> 00:04:09,263
Um, and I'm really not sure what
restaurants are around here,
100
00:04:09,264 --> 00:04:10,898
but maybe just for today,
101
00:04:10,899 --> 00:04:14,301
bring us some assorted
sandwiches, some salads.
102
00:04:14,302 --> 00:04:16,670
Uh, soups, things like that.
103
00:04:16,671 --> 00:04:17,938
Maybe a little dessert here and there.
104
00:04:17,939 --> 00:04:19,006
You surprise us.
105
00:04:19,007 --> 00:04:20,941
I don't work for you, man.
106
00:04:20,942 --> 00:04:22,975
I work for "Brooklyn 99."
107
00:04:24,045 --> 00:04:25,178
Okey-dokey.
108
00:04:26,548 --> 00:04:28,515
So maybe we'll get our own lunch?
109
00:04:28,516 --> 00:04:30,618
All right, let's redo now.
110
00:04:30,619 --> 00:04:32,920
And you have your own office.
111
00:04:32,921 --> 00:04:35,956
Um, why don't we figure out
who our main characters are?
112
00:04:35,957 --> 00:04:40,628
Do we have any markers
not of the permanent variety?
113
00:04:40,629 --> 00:04:42,796
I'm on it.
114
00:04:42,797 --> 00:04:44,430
Hey, Andrea? Suck my dick.
115
00:04:46,368 --> 00:04:49,203
Oh, maybe Larry could have
Andrea's dick for lunch.
116
00:04:49,204 --> 00:04:51,372
Here's one.
117
00:04:51,373 --> 00:04:54,375
Okay, let's do your father-in-law.
118
00:04:54,376 --> 00:04:55,876
What's his name? Curtis.
119
00:04:55,877 --> 00:04:57,444
What is Curtis like?
120
00:04:57,445 --> 00:04:59,513
He's anti-Semitic. That is great.
121
00:04:59,514 --> 00:05:01,949
I mean, it's terrible, obviously.
122
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:06,285
But who among us is not
a little bit anti-Semitic?
123
00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:09,490
Your wife, Jen.
124
00:05:09,491 --> 00:05:10,824
Um, she's pretty.
125
00:05:10,825 --> 00:05:12,126
Very pretty. Yeah.
126
00:05:12,127 --> 00:05:14,828
Although, these days she doesn't
really shower that much.
127
00:05:14,829 --> 00:05:16,363
She wears a lot of sweatpants.
128
00:05:16,364 --> 00:05:20,234
"Pretty when tries.
129
00:05:20,235 --> 00:05:22,535
Never tries."
130
00:05:24,239 --> 00:05:25,806
Up next, we have...
131
00:05:25,807 --> 00:05:29,209
Ooh, the star of the show!
132
00:05:29,210 --> 00:05:31,011
(IMITATES DRUMROLL)
133
00:05:31,012 --> 00:05:33,847
Is there still
an "Open Dorf Policy" for me,
134
00:05:33,848 --> 00:05:34,982
Melissa McCarthy?
135
00:05:34,983 --> 00:05:37,584
(LAUGHING) How are you guys?
136
00:05:37,585 --> 00:05:40,654
Hello. Oh, no. Sit, sit. Sit down.
137
00:05:40,655 --> 00:05:42,489
I'm not the queen of England.
138
00:05:42,490 --> 00:05:44,558
Although I know her.
She's a great gal.
139
00:05:44,559 --> 00:05:46,060
I have her in my phone contacts.
140
00:05:46,061 --> 00:05:48,295
I put her under "Mum." Ha ha ha.
141
00:05:48,296 --> 00:05:50,164
Welcome.
142
00:05:50,165 --> 00:05:51,665
What do you think of our new office?
143
00:05:51,666 --> 00:05:53,000
You know, I have to say,
144
00:05:53,001 --> 00:05:54,968
I have not seen a room this stank
145
00:05:54,969 --> 00:05:58,839
since I did that biopic about
prisons with Dame Judi Dench,
146
00:05:58,840 --> 00:06:00,207
who's in my phone.
147
00:06:00,208 --> 00:06:01,375
(WHISPERS) It does well.
148
00:06:01,376 --> 00:06:05,012
I put her under "Dame Duty Jench."
149
00:06:05,013 --> 00:06:06,380
I switched it.
150
00:06:06,381 --> 00:06:08,082
(LAUGHING)
151
00:06:08,083 --> 00:06:09,950
Funny. Um...
152
00:06:09,951 --> 00:06:12,753
Melissa, why are you here?
153
00:06:12,754 --> 00:06:14,221
Because I have wonderful news.
154
00:06:14,222 --> 00:06:16,457
You have a director for your pilot.
155
00:06:16,458 --> 00:06:17,558
It's me!
156
00:06:17,559 --> 00:06:19,093
(LAUGHING)
157
00:06:19,094 --> 00:06:20,160
That's great!
158
00:06:20,161 --> 00:06:22,763
Sit down. Sit down!
159
00:06:22,764 --> 00:06:25,566
When I say "sit down," sit down!
160
00:06:25,567 --> 00:06:28,535
I said it and now I'm forced
to say it again.
161
00:06:28,536 --> 00:06:30,304
You guys, don't make a fuss.
162
00:06:30,305 --> 00:06:32,371
I don't require it.
163
00:06:33,908 --> 00:06:36,243
Have you directed before?
164
00:06:36,244 --> 00:06:38,412
No, and I'm a little nervous
'cause I'm not...
165
00:06:38,413 --> 00:06:40,547
It's not really my thing
to be bossy to people.
166
00:06:40,548 --> 00:06:42,483
So we'll see how it goes.
167
00:06:42,484 --> 00:06:45,552
Anti-Semitic, always funny.
168
00:06:45,553 --> 00:06:48,655
Never a point in history
when anti-Semitism wasn't funny.
169
00:06:48,656 --> 00:06:50,624
(CLAPS HANDS) It just always works.
170
00:06:50,625 --> 00:06:52,192
(MELISSA LAUGHING)
171
00:06:52,193 --> 00:06:53,327
Larry...
172
00:06:53,328 --> 00:06:54,628
Larry's lonely.
173
00:06:54,629 --> 00:06:57,564
If I may, let me just, just, you know,
174
00:06:57,565 --> 00:06:59,433
off the top of my head.
175
00:06:59,434 --> 00:07:01,101
How's that?
176
00:07:01,102 --> 00:07:02,469
What do you think here?
177
00:07:02,470 --> 00:07:06,140
As long as I'm on TV,
I'm willing to be the fool.
178
00:07:06,141 --> 00:07:07,441
All this creating is hard work.
179
00:07:07,442 --> 00:07:09,143
I'm gonna take a little nap.
180
00:07:09,144 --> 00:07:10,778
Uh, just let me know
if you need anything.
181
00:07:10,779 --> 00:07:12,079
I'll be in my office.
182
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:13,614
Oh, actually, Melissa,
that's my office.
183
00:07:13,615 --> 00:07:14,814
(DOOR SLAMS)
184
00:07:16,751 --> 00:07:19,419
Oh, my God, I have to go.
185
00:07:19,420 --> 00:07:21,822
Ben is lost again on the third
floor of our home.
186
00:07:21,823 --> 00:07:23,524
He sounds terribly distraught.
187
00:07:23,525 --> 00:07:25,826
Car! Car!
188
00:07:25,827 --> 00:07:28,428
She just calls for a car
and one magically appears?
189
00:07:28,429 --> 00:07:30,464
She's a magician?
She was wearing a cape.
190
00:07:30,465 --> 00:07:32,331
(CHUCKLES, SNORTS)
191
00:07:33,835 --> 00:07:36,669
A car just pulled up
and she is getting in a car.
192
00:07:42,988 --> 00:07:44,823
Thanks again for driving me.
193
00:07:44,824 --> 00:07:46,791
I'm sure by Friday
I can do it on my own.
194
00:07:46,792 --> 00:07:49,427
You seriously expect me
to pick you up tomorrow, too?
195
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,662
Is this out of your way?
196
00:07:50,663 --> 00:07:53,765
Have you never seen
a map of Los Angeles?
197
00:07:53,766 --> 00:07:54,766
(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
198
00:07:54,767 --> 00:07:57,035
(RACHEL) "Landed period."
199
00:07:57,036 --> 00:07:58,903
Did you guys get in a fight?
200
00:07:58,904 --> 00:08:00,804
No.
201
00:08:02,074 --> 00:08:03,707
See you tomorrow.
202
00:08:09,682 --> 00:08:11,082
(PHONE CHIMES) Jesus.
203
00:08:11,083 --> 00:08:12,617
Sam again?
204
00:08:12,618 --> 00:08:14,519
No, it's a... ways.
205
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:16,388
It's gonna be an hour and 49 minutes
206
00:08:16,389 --> 00:08:18,189
before I get home to Malibu.
207
00:08:18,190 --> 00:08:19,424
Well, why don't you come inside?
208
00:08:19,425 --> 00:08:20,825
Wait till traffic dies down.
209
00:08:20,826 --> 00:08:22,594
It's been forever
since you've seen Lois.
210
00:08:22,595 --> 00:08:24,561
It'll be fun. Come on.
211
00:08:27,433 --> 00:08:28,832
Hello!
212
00:08:31,637 --> 00:08:33,238
Huh.
213
00:08:33,239 --> 00:08:34,839
I don't think anyone's home.
214
00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,173
That's so weird.
215
00:08:37,410 --> 00:08:39,644
Oh, they went to the movies.
216
00:08:39,645 --> 00:08:42,313
Was this in your old apartment?
217
00:08:42,314 --> 00:08:44,481
Yeah, my mom painted it.
218
00:08:45,551 --> 00:08:46,785
I love it.
219
00:08:46,786 --> 00:08:47,886
It's actually one of a pair,
220
00:08:47,887 --> 00:08:49,154
but the other one got lost.
221
00:08:49,155 --> 00:08:51,289
How?
222
00:08:51,290 --> 00:08:53,291
(SIGHS) I have no idea.
223
00:08:53,292 --> 00:08:54,893
My dad sold the house when she died,
224
00:08:54,894 --> 00:08:57,429
and we don't know
where tons of stuff is.
225
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,096
I'm sorry.
226
00:09:00,666 --> 00:09:02,734
Well, at least I have this one.
227
00:09:02,735 --> 00:09:06,270
No, I mean, like... for all of it.
228
00:09:12,278 --> 00:09:14,512
What do you say we have some wine?
229
00:09:14,513 --> 00:09:17,115
Oh, great. Um, what do you got?
230
00:09:17,116 --> 00:09:19,784
Uh, alcohol wine. (CHUCKLES)
231
00:09:19,785 --> 00:09:21,453
Have you had that? It's my favorite.
232
00:09:21,454 --> 00:09:22,954
(CHUCKLES) All I drink.
233
00:09:22,955 --> 00:09:25,156
No, they actually have
some really good ros�
234
00:09:25,157 --> 00:09:26,658
- in the fridge by the pool.
- Oh.
235
00:09:26,659 --> 00:09:27,992
Can you believe that
they have a refrigerator
236
00:09:27,993 --> 00:09:29,626
- by their pool?
- (SCREAMS)
237
00:09:31,730 --> 00:09:33,130
What is he doing here?
238
00:09:35,034 --> 00:09:36,434
(MARK-PAUL) Hey!
239
00:09:36,435 --> 00:09:37,836
I didn't think anyone was home.
240
00:09:37,837 --> 00:09:40,538
Yeah, you, uh... scared me to death.
241
00:09:40,539 --> 00:09:41,773
Oh, God, I'm sorry.
242
00:09:41,774 --> 00:09:43,875
Uh, yeah, Michael and Ethan
let me use their pool,
243
00:09:43,876 --> 00:09:46,144
- and they use my tennis court.
- Hmm.
244
00:09:46,145 --> 00:09:48,413
You play tennis?
Uh, like professionally?
245
00:09:48,414 --> 00:09:53,184
No, like would you ever wanna,
you know, play tennis?
246
00:09:53,185 --> 00:09:54,819
- With me? Like come over and play tennis?
- Oh.
247
00:09:54,820 --> 00:09:56,554
Right, no, I... Yeah.
248
00:09:56,555 --> 00:09:58,156
I-I'm not athletic.
249
00:09:58,157 --> 00:10:01,159
No, I don't exercise.
I mean, I should exercise.
250
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:03,528
I'm skinny, but I'm like skinny fat.
251
00:10:03,529 --> 00:10:06,231
So it's like moosh and bones.
252
00:10:06,232 --> 00:10:07,732
It's gross, you'd hate it.
253
00:10:07,733 --> 00:10:09,400
Oh, yeah, that's right.
254
00:10:09,401 --> 00:10:11,536
Mark-Paul Gosselaar
just holding the towel
255
00:10:11,537 --> 00:10:15,172
so she can stare at your Mark-Paul
Gosselaar body some more.
256
00:10:17,376 --> 00:10:19,410
- Is that your boyfriend?
- Hmm?
257
00:10:19,411 --> 00:10:21,079
Oh, uh, no, that's just Hugh.
258
00:10:21,080 --> 00:10:22,247
We work together.
259
00:10:22,248 --> 00:10:24,282
Hugh, come out here!
You're being... weird!
260
00:10:24,283 --> 00:10:26,217
(LAUGHS) That's goofy.
261
00:10:26,218 --> 00:10:28,586
- Hi.
- Hey.
262
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:29,921
Uh, Hugh.
263
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,923
- Yeah.
- Good to meet you.
264
00:10:31,924 --> 00:10:33,258
- Nice to meet you.
- Um...
265
00:10:33,259 --> 00:10:34,826
What's your name?
266
00:10:34,827 --> 00:10:36,928
Oh, uh, Mark-Paul.
267
00:10:36,929 --> 00:10:39,197
- Mark-Paul?
- Mark-Paul, yeah.
268
00:10:39,198 --> 00:10:40,298
Both?
269
00:10:40,299 --> 00:10:41,599
Both names, product of the '90s.
270
00:10:41,600 --> 00:10:42,901
- Ah.
- Yeah.
271
00:10:42,902 --> 00:10:46,204
And, and what do you do
for a living, Mark-Paul?
272
00:10:46,205 --> 00:10:48,273
- I'm an actor.
- Ah, that's great.
273
00:10:48,274 --> 00:10:49,407
Uh, so let me get this straight.
274
00:10:49,408 --> 00:10:51,242
So, this morning, you went for a jog.
275
00:10:51,243 --> 00:10:54,178
Right, and now you're
going for a swim?
276
00:10:54,179 --> 00:10:55,680
Are you like an exercise addict?
277
00:10:55,681 --> 00:10:57,215
Yeah, I have an addictive personality.
278
00:10:57,216 --> 00:10:59,417
- Oh?
- Yeah, I used to be addicted to cocaine.
279
00:10:59,418 --> 00:11:02,153
Alcohol and then, uh, then it was sex.
280
00:11:02,154 --> 00:11:05,957
And then religion briefly
and then back to cocaine.
281
00:11:05,958 --> 00:11:07,692
And now exercise.
282
00:11:07,693 --> 00:11:08,760
Oh.
283
00:11:08,761 --> 00:11:10,595
I'm just kidding... about the cocaine.
284
00:11:10,596 --> 00:11:12,163
You're going back the second time.
285
00:11:12,164 --> 00:11:15,433
The first time was pretty bad.
286
00:11:15,434 --> 00:11:17,135
Very scary.
287
00:11:17,136 --> 00:11:18,603
(WHISPERS) Very scary.
288
00:11:18,604 --> 00:11:21,205
Um, well, uh, do you want some wine?
289
00:11:21,206 --> 00:11:22,974
- We were gonna have a little wine and...
- Hmm...
290
00:11:22,975 --> 00:11:25,476
- Uh...
- I better not.
291
00:11:25,477 --> 00:11:26,578
Right.
292
00:11:26,579 --> 00:11:29,614
Don't wanna go down that... road.
293
00:11:29,615 --> 00:11:31,649
I don't even...
I don't like wine myself.
294
00:11:31,650 --> 00:11:32,984
I don't like the taste of it.
295
00:11:32,985 --> 00:11:34,953
Or, you know, that good feeling
296
00:11:34,954 --> 00:11:36,120
I get in my body.
297
00:11:36,121 --> 00:11:37,922
I think I'm gonna get going.
298
00:11:37,923 --> 00:11:39,924
Uh, it was very good meeting you.
299
00:11:39,925 --> 00:11:42,727
- Are you sure?
- Yeah, yep.
300
00:11:42,728 --> 00:11:45,964
Uh, oh, um... good luck...
301
00:11:45,965 --> 00:11:48,099
(LOWERS VOICE) with your
endless supply of problems.
302
00:11:48,100 --> 00:11:49,766
He's... adorable.
303
00:11:51,937 --> 00:11:54,205
- Hugh!
- Oh, no way!
304
00:11:54,206 --> 00:11:56,674
- (GRUNTS)
- Hey, Hugh.
305
00:11:56,675 --> 00:11:58,076
Hey.
306
00:11:58,077 --> 00:11:59,978
I missed you.
We just saw the funniest movie.
307
00:11:59,979 --> 00:12:01,980
- No-no-no...
- "The First Gentleman."
308
00:12:01,981 --> 00:12:03,414
It's so funny.
309
00:12:03,415 --> 00:12:05,283
I've already seen it three times.
310
00:12:05,284 --> 00:12:07,652
That's 'cause it's based on
an idea your mom and I had.
311
00:12:07,653 --> 00:12:09,621
They just didn't give us
credit or the money.
312
00:12:09,622 --> 00:12:11,255
Where's Mommy?
313
00:12:11,256 --> 00:12:13,625
She's in the backyard,
uh, with, I guess,
314
00:12:13,626 --> 00:12:14,959
your neighbor.
315
00:12:14,960 --> 00:12:16,294
Oh, Mark-Paul.
316
00:12:16,295 --> 00:12:18,262
I used to have such a crush on him.
317
00:12:18,263 --> 00:12:19,631
Used to?
318
00:12:19,632 --> 00:12:20,999
Eat some bread.
319
00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:22,433
Because I can't with you.
320
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:23,568
Oh.
321
00:12:23,569 --> 00:12:25,770
So how was your first day of work?
322
00:12:25,771 --> 00:12:28,039
Oh, you know, I think
it actually will be
323
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:29,140
a pretty good show.
324
00:12:29,141 --> 00:12:30,274
So no friction with Larry?
325
00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:31,709
No, why?
326
00:12:31,710 --> 00:12:34,345
I was a little worried
when I was doing your deals,
327
00:12:34,346 --> 00:12:37,048
and I saw that he was making
twice as much as you guys.
328
00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:41,552
Uh... twice as much?
329
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:43,688
Wow.
330
00:12:43,689 --> 00:12:46,324
That reminds me of that old sentiment,
331
00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:47,692
"life is terrible."
332
00:12:47,693 --> 00:12:49,460
(SCOFFS) 'Kay.
333
00:12:49,461 --> 00:12:52,163
I gotta get out there before
Rachel drinks all my ros�.
334
00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:53,398
Yeah.
335
00:12:53,399 --> 00:12:58,435
? After laughter comes tears ?
336
00:13:02,675 --> 00:13:08,178
? Ooh, ooh, ooh... ?
337
00:13:12,518 --> 00:13:18,021
? Ooh, ooh, ooh... ?
338
00:13:22,194 --> 00:13:27,765
? After laughter comes tears ?
339
00:13:27,766 --> 00:13:29,466
(PHONE CHIMES)
340
00:13:32,204 --> 00:13:37,374
? After laughter comes tears ?
341
00:13:44,083 --> 00:13:47,050
??
342
00:13:54,526 --> 00:13:58,763
? Ooh... ?
? I tried to hold back ?
343
00:13:58,764 --> 00:14:01,331
? My tears ?
344
00:14:04,369 --> 00:14:07,905
? Ooh... ?
? I tried to hold back ?
345
00:14:07,906 --> 00:14:10,240
? My sorrow ?
346
00:14:11,410 --> 00:14:12,843
? Oh ?
347
00:14:21,608 --> 00:14:23,142
This seems pretty good, right?
348
00:14:23,143 --> 00:14:24,776
I like it.
349
00:14:24,777 --> 00:14:26,945
Yeah, I think this is
a very solid outline.
350
00:14:26,946 --> 00:14:28,847
Should we start scripting?
351
00:14:28,848 --> 00:14:30,616
Yeah.
352
00:14:30,617 --> 00:14:34,820
Now... I know this isn't
the way we've ever done it,
353
00:14:34,821 --> 00:14:37,623
but it is the way
they do it on real shows.
354
00:14:37,624 --> 00:14:41,026
The writers write the first
draft on their own,
355
00:14:41,027 --> 00:14:44,830
and then the head
writer/executive producer
356
00:14:44,831 --> 00:14:47,366
reads it and then takes
a pass on his own.
357
00:14:47,367 --> 00:14:48,500
Or her own.
358
00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:50,936
I'm not saying that women
cannot be in charge.
359
00:14:50,937 --> 00:14:52,137
It's not at all what I'm saying.
360
00:14:52,138 --> 00:14:55,374
I'm just saying, in this case,
you are not in charge.
361
00:14:55,375 --> 00:14:58,210
So, what I'm gonna do is
I'm going to get out of here
362
00:14:58,211 --> 00:14:59,511
because I actually have a same-day
363
00:14:59,512 --> 00:15:04,049
cool-sculpting appointment
for this area right here.
364
00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:06,218
Because not only am I in charge,
365
00:15:06,219 --> 00:15:07,553
I'm also the star of the show.
366
00:15:07,554 --> 00:15:10,322
Okay? So...
367
00:15:10,323 --> 00:15:11,590
(WHISPERS)
tippy tippy tippy tippy tippy.
368
00:15:11,591 --> 00:15:12,925
I'm gonna sneak out.
369
00:15:12,926 --> 00:15:15,060
You seriously expect us
to write this without you?
370
00:15:15,061 --> 00:15:18,197
Guys, this is not me coming up
with some arbitrary rule.
371
00:15:18,198 --> 00:15:20,165
This is how they do it on real shows.
372
00:15:20,166 --> 00:15:22,099
This is how they do it
on "Brooklyn 99."
373
00:15:24,003 --> 00:15:25,404
- Do you believe that?
- (DOOR CLOSES)
374
00:15:25,405 --> 00:15:30,709
I just hope he dies
on that cool-sculpting table.
375
00:15:30,710 --> 00:15:32,110
If they cool-sculpt on a table.
376
00:15:32,111 --> 00:15:33,378
I don't know how it works.
377
00:15:33,379 --> 00:15:34,812
I'll google it.
378
00:15:47,093 --> 00:15:49,194
Let's see you both
in my office, please?
379
00:15:49,195 --> 00:15:51,128
No!
380
00:15:52,398 --> 00:15:54,465
Okay. I will come out to you.
381
00:15:58,905 --> 00:16:00,805
Mm-mm-mm-mm-mm.
382
00:16:03,643 --> 00:16:04,743
(EXHALES)
383
00:16:04,744 --> 00:16:07,144
What did you guys do?
384
00:16:09,215 --> 00:16:10,282
I loved it.
385
00:16:10,283 --> 00:16:11,750
- Oh!
- I mean, it was funny.
386
00:16:11,751 --> 00:16:13,085
It was honest.
387
00:16:13,086 --> 00:16:14,920
It had a little edge to it.
388
00:16:14,921 --> 00:16:16,054
I mean, it was perfect.
389
00:16:16,055 --> 00:16:18,090
- Thank you.
- Great job.
390
00:16:18,091 --> 00:16:22,427
I did have one sort of biggish note.
391
00:16:22,428 --> 00:16:25,264
It's actually on page one.
392
00:16:25,265 --> 00:16:27,499
Uh, "hurried" is spelled wrong.
393
00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:29,801
Well, that's because
that word is "harried."
394
00:16:29,802 --> 00:16:31,903
Yeah, so it's spelled right.
395
00:16:31,904 --> 00:16:33,272
Uh-huh, okay.
396
00:16:33,273 --> 00:16:35,274
Different word than "hurried."
397
00:16:35,275 --> 00:16:36,842
Oh, well, I have no notes.
398
00:16:36,843 --> 00:16:38,844
(LAUGHS) Okay, great.
399
00:16:38,845 --> 00:16:41,847
So... should we e-mail it
to the network?
400
00:16:41,848 --> 00:16:44,316
Buh-buh-buh-buh... Hold on, doll.
401
00:16:44,317 --> 00:16:46,685
- Ew.
- CBS is not expecting this
402
00:16:46,686 --> 00:16:48,186
until Monday.
403
00:16:48,187 --> 00:16:50,122
I think we give it to them on Monday.
404
00:16:50,123 --> 00:16:51,423
If we give it to them early,
405
00:16:51,424 --> 00:16:52,658
they're gonna think you rushed it.
406
00:16:52,659 --> 00:16:53,859
They're gonna think
that it's not good.
407
00:16:53,860 --> 00:16:56,028
See that?
408
00:16:56,029 --> 00:16:58,964
That's thinking like
an executive producer.
409
00:16:58,965 --> 00:17:00,231
(CLICKS TONGUE)
410
00:17:01,434 --> 00:17:02,968
- Ew.
- Ah!
411
00:17:02,969 --> 00:17:05,137
That's the kinda
decision-making that justifies
412
00:17:05,138 --> 00:17:07,304
you being paid twice
as much money as us.
413
00:17:08,508 --> 00:17:10,142
What?!
414
00:17:10,143 --> 00:17:11,475
Hmm?
415
00:17:15,648 --> 00:17:17,582
Well, I'm not saying it was fun
416
00:17:17,583 --> 00:17:18,917
writing without Larry.
417
00:17:18,918 --> 00:17:22,521
But I will say it was not terrible
418
00:17:22,522 --> 00:17:23,889
writing with just you.
419
00:17:23,890 --> 00:17:27,025
Oh! Thank you. Is that a compliment?
420
00:17:27,026 --> 00:17:28,259
(SIGHS) Yeah.
421
00:17:32,332 --> 00:17:34,064
So...
422
00:17:35,301 --> 00:17:36,868
What do you got going on this weekend?
423
00:17:36,869 --> 00:17:41,139
You and, um, Mark...
John-Paul Rensselaer.
424
00:17:41,140 --> 00:17:43,141
- (LAUGHS)
- Gonna hang out by the pool?
425
00:17:43,142 --> 00:17:44,676
You know his name.
426
00:17:44,677 --> 00:17:47,546
And I would never be seen
in a bathing suit around him.
427
00:17:47,547 --> 00:17:48,814
(GROANS, SCOFFS)
428
00:17:48,815 --> 00:17:51,483
You gotta stop with that.
How do you see yourself?
429
00:17:51,484 --> 00:17:53,318
As that sixth-grader
no one wants to be with?
430
00:17:53,319 --> 00:17:54,853
You're a hot mama.
431
00:17:54,854 --> 00:17:57,055
You get that hot-mama body
in a bathing suit.
432
00:17:57,056 --> 00:17:59,324
(LAUGHS) Okay.
433
00:17:59,325 --> 00:18:01,226
What about you? What are you
doing this weekend?
434
00:18:01,227 --> 00:18:03,395
Not a thing.
435
00:18:03,396 --> 00:18:05,664
It must be hard with Sam gone.
436
00:18:05,665 --> 00:18:06,932
I know when Michael and I
were married,
437
00:18:06,933 --> 00:18:08,467
he used to travel
all the time for work
438
00:18:08,468 --> 00:18:11,536
and it... put a big strain
in our marriage.
439
00:18:11,537 --> 00:18:14,539
Oh, I would have thought him
being gay would have done that,
440
00:18:14,540 --> 00:18:16,074
- but...
- (LAUGHS)
441
00:18:16,075 --> 00:18:19,578
That also put a strain,
a different strain.
442
00:18:19,579 --> 00:18:23,981
But, um... if I were Sam,
I'd be missing you.
443
00:18:27,520 --> 00:18:29,221
- Mmm...
- (LAUGHS)
444
00:18:29,222 --> 00:18:30,255
Bro...
445
00:18:30,256 --> 00:18:31,957
take your boner off my car, man.
446
00:18:31,958 --> 00:18:33,692
Oh. Move, dude.
447
00:18:33,693 --> 00:18:35,626
- (LAUGHS) Oh, wow.
- Sorry.
448
00:18:37,063 --> 00:18:38,496
My fault.
449
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:43,602
Um, so I'll see you Monday?
450
00:18:43,603 --> 00:18:46,637
Yeah, we will see each other Monday.
451
00:18:52,545 --> 00:18:54,413
You're putting too much
peanut butter on that.
452
00:18:54,414 --> 00:18:56,081
I want Mom to make it. Mommy!
453
00:18:56,082 --> 00:18:58,216
No-no-no-no-no.
Let's not bother Mommy.
454
00:18:58,217 --> 00:19:00,585
Mommy's reading Daddy's script
for Daddy's new show.
455
00:19:00,586 --> 00:19:02,254
Why didn't you hire a secretary
456
00:19:02,255 --> 00:19:04,990
instead of making my daughter
proofread your dumb cartoon?
457
00:19:04,991 --> 00:19:07,492
Well, considering I haven't
written on the cartoon
458
00:19:07,493 --> 00:19:09,828
- for over a year...
- Oh, that's right.
459
00:19:09,829 --> 00:19:11,396
You're a cab driver.
460
00:19:11,397 --> 00:19:12,898
I'm a Lyft driver.
461
00:19:12,899 --> 00:19:15,734
And it's actually a script
for that pilot that I'm writing
462
00:19:15,735 --> 00:19:17,769
and starring in for CBS.
463
00:19:17,770 --> 00:19:19,471
And I'm very proud of it.
464
00:19:19,472 --> 00:19:22,007
That's why I'm having my wife read it.
465
00:19:22,008 --> 00:19:23,909
Because I know it may be
hard for you to believe,
466
00:19:23,910 --> 00:19:25,811
but that woman loves me.
467
00:19:25,812 --> 00:19:27,778
You're such an asshole!
468
00:19:30,276 --> 00:19:32,677
I mean, you're such
an unbelievable asshole!
469
00:19:32,678 --> 00:19:35,180
Why? Is this how you see me?
470
00:19:35,181 --> 00:19:38,350
"Jen, 40s, could be
pretty if she tries,
471
00:19:38,351 --> 00:19:39,551
"but she never tries.
472
00:19:39,552 --> 00:19:41,419
She's basically a mess of a woman."
473
00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:42,988
I call myself an idiot.
474
00:19:42,989 --> 00:19:44,823
Because you are an idiot!
475
00:19:44,824 --> 00:19:47,359
Okay, can we just go in there, please,
476
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,493
and talk about this in private?
477
00:19:48,494 --> 00:19:49,828
Why can't we talk
in front of everyone?
478
00:19:49,829 --> 00:19:51,196
We're all here!
479
00:19:51,197 --> 00:19:55,032
My anti-Semitic father
and my creepy mute mother.
480
00:19:58,871 --> 00:20:00,939
'Kay, it is a comedy, all right?
481
00:20:00,940 --> 00:20:02,374
It's supposed to be funny.
482
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:04,242
I don't think it's funny
that you tell the whole world
483
00:20:04,243 --> 00:20:06,210
that we haven't had sex in a year.
484
00:20:07,279 --> 00:20:10,315
I mean, it's true.
485
00:20:10,316 --> 00:20:11,516
You don't think that could be funny?
486
00:20:11,517 --> 00:20:13,618
No, no, this is our life.
487
00:20:13,619 --> 00:20:15,787
And I'm trying to make
our lives better.
488
00:20:15,788 --> 00:20:17,188
That's why I'm doing this.
489
00:20:17,189 --> 00:20:19,224
I'm doing it for you, for our family.
490
00:20:19,225 --> 00:20:21,892
A family that you seem to hate.
491
00:20:23,095 --> 00:20:24,862
You're not making this.
492
00:20:29,735 --> 00:20:32,437
I don't really think
you're an anti-Semite, Curtis.
493
00:20:32,438 --> 00:20:35,539
Then you're even a dumber
Jew than I thought.
494
00:20:41,547 --> 00:20:44,082
Tennis, anyone? (CHUCKLES)
495
00:20:44,083 --> 00:20:45,183
Just kidding.
496
00:20:45,184 --> 00:20:47,519
I-I don't really even know
how to play tennis.
497
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,020
I'm not dressed for tennis.
498
00:20:49,021 --> 00:20:50,822
I don't even know like
what you should wear... shorts.
499
00:20:50,823 --> 00:20:51,890
I just have jeans.
500
00:20:51,891 --> 00:20:53,258
But I'm super embarrassed right now.
501
00:20:53,259 --> 00:20:54,492
I don't even really know why I'm here.
502
00:20:54,493 --> 00:20:55,527
So I'm actually just gonna go.
503
00:20:55,528 --> 00:20:57,162
Stop. Rachel.
504
00:20:57,163 --> 00:21:00,565
Wow, you go from zero to nuts fast.
505
00:21:00,566 --> 00:21:02,967
- Don't ever do coke.
- No.
506
00:21:02,968 --> 00:21:04,402
Do you wanna come in?
507
00:21:04,403 --> 00:21:06,571
- Yeah.
- Okay.
508
00:21:06,572 --> 00:21:07,938
(MARK-PAUL CHUCKLES)
509
00:21:13,546 --> 00:21:17,201
I truly hope you find this
the act of a romantic person
510
00:21:17,202 --> 00:21:18,502
and not an insane person.
511
00:21:18,503 --> 00:21:19,970
'Cause I've been on a plane all night
512
00:21:19,971 --> 00:21:21,138
and I feel kind of insane.
513
00:21:21,139 --> 00:21:22,573
Like maybe this could be a dream.
514
00:21:22,574 --> 00:21:24,608
Uh, 'cause you look like an angel,
515
00:21:24,609 --> 00:21:27,410
I mean, even more than you
normally look like an angel.
516
00:21:40,225 --> 00:21:42,292
I miss you, you jerk.
517
00:21:42,293 --> 00:21:43,893
(SOFT MOANING)
518
00:21:45,764 --> 00:21:47,797
Select all.
519
00:21:48,933 --> 00:21:50,801
Delete.
520
00:21:50,802 --> 00:21:52,770
Um...
521
00:21:52,771 --> 00:21:57,775
"In the living room, we meet Larry.
522
00:21:57,776 --> 00:22:00,677
"Above-average looks.
523
00:22:00,678 --> 00:22:04,914
The kind of person people want to be."
524
00:22:04,971 --> 00:22:08,098
Subtitle sync and corrections by
awaqeded for www.addic7ed.com.
525
00:22:08,148 --> 00:22:12,698
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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