Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:04,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
2
00:00:06,676 --> 00:00:07,423
Damn it!
3
00:00:20,633 --> 00:00:21,366
Damn it!
4
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:28,815
Malcolm in the Middle
7.13 - "Mono"
5
00:00:33,815 --> 00:00:39,815
Synchronisation par Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.
6
00:00:44,815 --> 00:00:50,815
Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk
& Malcolm-France.com
7
00:00:56,789 --> 00:01:00,069
I have never been so angry.
8
00:01:01,411 --> 00:01:05,539
If you boys are gonna act like dogs,
I'm gonna treat you like dogs.
9
00:01:05,869 --> 00:01:07,364
This is so awesome.
10
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:09,133
Mom and Dad just got
back from the doctor's,
11
00:01:09,137 --> 00:01:10,609
and it turns out she has mono.
12
00:01:10,841 --> 00:01:13,002
She's been ordered to stay
in bed for two weeks.
13
00:01:13,248 --> 00:01:15,160
After all those years
of stepping on cracks,
14
00:01:15,273 --> 00:01:16,499
it finally paid off.
15
00:01:16,935 --> 00:01:18,896
I mean, it's no broken
back, but I'll take it.
16
00:01:18,900 --> 00:01:22,306
Honey, come on. You'll have
plenty of time to yell at the boys once you beat this thing,
17
00:01:22,471 --> 00:01:27,202
but right now you've got billions
of germs inside of you that you need to focus your hatred on.
18
00:01:27,685 --> 00:01:29,480
Besides, you're highly contagious.
19
00:01:29,869 --> 00:01:30,545
Okay.
20
00:01:30,706 --> 00:01:31,593
Okay.
21
00:01:32,055 --> 00:01:33,552
Wait, what's on your face?
22
00:01:39,826 --> 00:01:43,058
I can't wait until everybody
at school finds out you got the kissing disease from Mom.
23
00:01:43,811 --> 00:01:45,258
Which will happen right about...
24
00:01:45,826 --> 00:01:46,376
now.
25
00:01:46,978 --> 00:01:48,521
I didn't kiss her. You saw it.
26
00:01:48,711 --> 00:01:50,870
What I saw was you and Mom
making out on the couch.
27
00:01:51,082 --> 00:01:51,468
Dewey?
28
00:01:51,788 --> 00:01:52,733
It was disgusting.
29
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:55,033
She licked her finger
and touched my face.
30
00:01:55,130 --> 00:01:56,654
Spare us the perv details.
31
00:01:57,422 --> 00:01:59,332
Okay, Jamie. Here we go.
32
00:01:59,368 --> 00:02:01,526
None of Mommy's monster
germs are in here.
33
00:02:01,732 --> 00:02:05,135
But don't get too comfortable in the
big boys' room. It's only temporary.
34
00:02:06,031 --> 00:02:07,169
He's never leaving, is he?
35
00:02:07,438 --> 00:02:07,720
What?
36
00:02:08,048 --> 00:02:10,711
No. This is just until it's safe
to go back into our room.
37
00:02:10,732 --> 00:02:12,557
You said the same thing
when Dewey moved in.
38
00:02:12,877 --> 00:02:14,786
Are you gonna take him back
now that your ringworm's better?
39
00:02:14,789 --> 00:02:17,526
I told you we are still on
yellow alert with that!
40
00:02:18,005 --> 00:02:18,566
Ready, Malcolm?
41
00:02:18,713 --> 00:02:19,195
Yeah.
42
00:02:21,170 --> 00:02:22,945
God, I hate sleeping on the couch.
43
00:02:23,445 --> 00:02:24,356
Oh, wait.
44
00:02:24,406 --> 00:02:25,313
No, no, no.
45
00:02:25,431 --> 00:02:27,447
We can't have you out there
in the general population.
46
00:02:27,844 --> 00:02:28,963
Well, then, where
am I gonna sleep?
47
00:02:29,024 --> 00:02:29,671
Right this way.
48
00:02:35,986 --> 00:02:36,421
Come on.
49
00:02:38,287 --> 00:02:39,001
Oh, God.
50
00:02:39,944 --> 00:02:41,680
Okay, I can get through this.
51
00:02:42,096 --> 00:02:43,045
I'll read books.
52
00:02:43,548 --> 00:02:44,358
I'll sleep a lot.
53
00:02:44,674 --> 00:02:46,256
I'll apologize in advance.
54
00:02:46,495 --> 00:02:48,116
I have gas to beat the band.
55
00:03:01,256 --> 00:03:01,960
Good job, Jamie.
56
00:03:02,709 --> 00:03:03,614
What the hell was that?
57
00:03:04,157 --> 00:03:04,813
He's my slave.
58
00:03:05,174 --> 00:03:06,981
You don't get to have
a slave. You're my slave.
59
00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,272
Slaves can have slaves.
60
00:03:08,682 --> 00:03:09,329
This is America.
61
00:03:15,439 --> 00:03:16,189
Okay, I'll tell you what.
62
00:03:16,535 --> 00:03:18,336
I'll give you your freedom
if you give me Jamie.
63
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:19,807
Really?
64
00:03:20,010 --> 00:03:21,611
Your attitude's been
pretty lousy lately.
65
00:03:21,879 --> 00:03:23,589
I know you've been spitting
in my sandwiches.
66
00:03:23,902 --> 00:03:26,686
I mean, I still eat them,
but now the trust is gone.
67
00:03:32,273 --> 00:03:32,716
Wait.
68
00:03:34,385 --> 00:03:36,025
Don't you have something
you can read over there?
69
00:03:36,161 --> 00:03:37,744
I'm too tired to turn the page.
70
00:03:42,443 --> 00:03:43,119
Stick 'em up!
71
00:03:44,541 --> 00:03:46,528
Who wants a snack?
72
00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:48,217
Here we go.
73
00:03:49,406 --> 00:03:49,942
All right.
74
00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,106
A little bit closer.
75
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,024
Sorry, just a minor setback.
76
00:03:56,359 --> 00:03:57,663
Hal, we're fine.
77
00:03:58,035 --> 00:03:59,038
Thank you for your trouble.
78
00:03:59,046 --> 00:04:01,010
Wait, don't eat it
without the fun.
79
00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:09,553
Yeah.
80
00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:12,486
Just leave.
81
00:04:12,720 --> 00:04:14,051
Well, forgive me.
82
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,963
I thought you might appreciate
having some human interaction.
83
00:04:16,969 --> 00:04:20,981
You're in here every five minutes, when
what we really need is rest. Hal, just go.
84
00:04:21,002 --> 00:04:22,495
Please, find something to do.
85
00:04:32,511 --> 00:04:33,219
Finally.
86
00:04:35,290 --> 00:04:37,258
Malcolm, quit hogging the covers.
87
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:39,148
You're just like your father in bed.
88
00:04:55,241 --> 00:04:55,916
Hey, there.
89
00:04:56,815 --> 00:04:59,110
Look at you carrying that big leaf.
90
00:04:59,783 --> 00:05:00,400
All right.
91
00:05:00,940 --> 00:05:03,140
You'll be a hero when
you walk in with that.
92
00:05:04,313 --> 00:05:05,992
The queen's not gonna
tell you to get out.
93
00:05:07,759 --> 00:05:08,792
Oh, hey, Steve.
94
00:05:09,315 --> 00:05:10,627
Steve, hey.
95
00:05:10,695 --> 00:05:12,347
Oh, hey, Hal.
96
00:05:12,352 --> 00:05:13,907
Hey, I was just, uh...
97
00:05:15,003 --> 00:05:17,106
So what's going on in
your life, huh, fun stuff?
98
00:05:17,337 --> 00:05:21,063
Oh, no, no. You know me and Carol.
Just boring, boring, boring.
99
00:05:21,067 --> 00:05:22,392
Just a stay-at-home couple.
100
00:05:22,435 --> 00:05:23,299
Yeah, me, too.
101
00:05:23,388 --> 00:05:24,896
Oh, Lois has mono.
102
00:05:25,046 --> 00:05:27,524
I've got her quarantined in
the bedroom for two weeks.
103
00:05:28,390 --> 00:05:30,666
So she's really out
of commission, huh?
104
00:05:30,669 --> 00:05:31,104
Oh, yeah.
105
00:05:31,412 --> 00:05:32,015
That's rough.
106
00:05:32,709 --> 00:05:35,661
And there's no chance
she'll come out of it sooner?
107
00:05:35,678 --> 00:05:36,917
No, I'm afraid not.
108
00:05:36,982 --> 00:05:37,854
But thanks for asking.
109
00:05:40,314 --> 00:05:40,956
You know what?
110
00:05:41,221 --> 00:05:43,850
Uh, Carol and I are having
a luau in about an hour.
111
00:05:43,859 --> 00:05:45,860
Just a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing.
112
00:05:46,221 --> 00:05:47,244
Why don't you come by?
113
00:05:53,560 --> 00:05:55,446
Wow, you guys really do this up right.
114
00:05:56,475 --> 00:05:58,998
Well, they had to outdo
a whole medieval feast
115
00:05:59,001 --> 00:06:02,047
at John and Stacy's and
'70s Night at the Wongs.
116
00:06:04,751 --> 00:06:05,445
Wait...
117
00:06:06,063 --> 00:06:06,506
So...
118
00:06:07,431 --> 00:06:09,122
You guys do this all the time?
119
00:06:11,379 --> 00:06:11,949
Hal...
120
00:06:11,955 --> 00:06:15,604
I'm such a jerk.
I never extend myself.
121
00:06:16,765 --> 00:06:20,109
I just get in my car. I go to work.
I live in my own little world.
122
00:06:20,378 --> 00:06:23,785
I never think to knock on a neighbor's
door and say, "Hey, let's have a luau."
123
00:06:25,299 --> 00:06:28,714
In fact, in fact, when Lois gets
better, we'll do this at our house.
124
00:06:31,478 --> 00:06:35,298
Yeah, we should really talk
about that at some point.
125
00:06:35,343 --> 00:06:36,773
You're right. I'm being pushy.
126
00:06:36,818 --> 00:06:38,231
Friendships develop over time.
127
00:06:39,951 --> 00:06:41,334
Yeah. Okay.
128
00:06:53,322 --> 00:06:53,773
No.
129
00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:55,976
No.
130
00:06:57,710 --> 00:06:58,168
No.
131
00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:01,009
No.
132
00:07:02,888 --> 00:07:03,566
God, no.
133
00:07:05,703 --> 00:07:06,141
No.
134
00:07:07,821 --> 00:07:08,240
No.
135
00:07:08,396 --> 00:07:09,192
We're staying.
136
00:07:10,006 --> 00:07:12,688
You said we both have to agree
on something or we won't watch it.
137
00:07:13,203 --> 00:07:16,464
When you own your own house,
you can make a rule and break it.
138
00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:17,864
That's not fair.
139
00:07:21,944 --> 00:07:24,568
Look at this boring leather jacket.
140
00:07:24,974 --> 00:07:30,239
Now look at the same leather
jacket covered in brilliant scratch-resistant rhinestones.
141
00:07:30,246 --> 00:07:32,503
Oh, God. Get the remote.
142
00:07:32,646 --> 00:07:33,638
It's on your side.
143
00:07:34,052 --> 00:07:37,319
Fine, you want to watch the
shopping channel all night, that's what we'll watch.
144
00:07:37,322 --> 00:07:42,316
Before now, this many rhinestones would
have taken hours, even days to apply.
145
00:07:42,457 --> 00:07:44,752
But now there's the Pizzazzler!
146
00:07:44,990 --> 00:07:46,743
It'll change your life.
147
00:07:47,597 --> 00:07:48,186
See?
148
00:07:49,170 --> 00:07:50,173
That's what we need.
149
00:07:51,001 --> 00:07:56,512
Amen, we've been screwing around
with medicine and bed rest when all we needed were some shiny beads.
150
00:07:56,620 --> 00:08:00,011
Quick, easy, fun
and so simple to use.
151
00:08:00,434 --> 00:08:03,679
Do you think we could pizzazzle
this thick wool peacoat?
152
00:08:03,871 --> 00:08:04,993
I don't think they can.
153
00:08:05,134 --> 00:08:06,439
Impossible.
154
00:08:06,721 --> 00:08:08,130
Pizzazz-yes!
155
00:08:09,418 --> 00:08:10,711
I didn't see that coming.
156
00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:14,913
Works on denim, satin,
leather, pleather...
157
00:08:15,723 --> 00:08:16,919
Look at that oven mitt.
158
00:08:17,079 --> 00:08:18,874
Oh, come on, it's got
nothing on that wallet.
159
00:08:20,722 --> 00:08:24,811
Vinyl, suede, ultrasuede, even carpet.
160
00:08:24,916 --> 00:08:25,974
Pizzazzler,
161
00:08:26,072 --> 00:08:28,158
it'll change your life.
162
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,927
You know, it actually has.
163
00:08:37,265 --> 00:08:39,445
He's broken. I'm taking
you back as my slave.
164
00:08:39,589 --> 00:08:42,491
-What? We had a deal.
-You gave me damaged goods.
165
00:08:42,724 --> 00:08:43,110
Look.
166
00:08:43,903 --> 00:08:46,153
Jamie, get me a soda
and it'd better be cold,
167
00:08:46,170 --> 00:08:47,147
or I'm gonna brain you.
168
00:08:49,179 --> 00:08:49,679
See?
169
00:08:49,938 --> 00:08:51,578
It's not my fault you don't
know how to work him.
170
00:08:52,448 --> 00:08:53,678
Jamie, get him a soda.
171
00:08:58,399 --> 00:09:02,046
All right, but you're doing
that because I want you to, not because he wants you to.
172
00:09:02,638 --> 00:09:03,583
Make him think that, Dewey.
173
00:09:05,171 --> 00:09:06,838
Malcolm, this is coming out great.
174
00:09:07,099 --> 00:09:08,351
Do you think it's gonna
be uncomfortable?
175
00:09:08,396 --> 00:09:12,188
Maybe, but you're gonna have to make
sacrifices if you're gonna be pizzazzulous.
176
00:09:12,487 --> 00:09:14,899
Oh, well, I didn't think
of it pizz-at way.
177
00:09:15,972 --> 00:09:17,578
Okay, I'm going over
to Dave and Tina's.
178
00:09:17,646 --> 00:09:18,504
Everything okay in here?
179
00:09:18,761 --> 00:09:19,479
We're fine.
180
00:09:20,128 --> 00:09:20,930
Fizzazzine.
181
00:09:21,313 --> 00:09:22,029
Fizzazzine.
182
00:09:23,098 --> 00:09:24,391
Feeling mizzazzuch bizzetter.
183
00:09:25,923 --> 00:09:27,151
Are you taking your pills?
184
00:09:27,525 --> 00:09:28,451
Gizzo awazzay.
185
00:09:28,611 --> 00:09:30,097
Yeah, lizzeave us alazzone.
186
00:09:30,823 --> 00:09:32,328
Okay, well...
187
00:09:32,668 --> 00:09:34,236
Gizzazzood bizzazzye.
188
00:09:34,487 --> 00:09:34,854
What?
189
00:09:35,843 --> 00:09:37,039
Hal, you're not making any sense.
190
00:09:38,212 --> 00:09:39,491
That's really weird, Dad.
191
00:09:41,315 --> 00:09:41,720
Sorry.
192
00:09:43,186 --> 00:09:43,835
Feel better.
193
00:09:48,271 --> 00:09:48,963
Oh, I'll tell ya.
194
00:09:49,075 --> 00:09:50,103
I get no respect.
195
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,222
No respect at all.
196
00:09:52,189 --> 00:09:54,010
This is the guy from the
luau I was telling you about.
197
00:09:54,300 --> 00:09:55,337
He's hysterical.
198
00:09:55,524 --> 00:09:57,246
Ever notice that stop sign on Maple?
199
00:09:57,489 --> 00:10:00,838
Evidently, Mary Keller thinks it's
a slow-down-and-check-for-cops sign.
200
00:10:03,597 --> 00:10:05,254
That Hal is so great.
201
00:10:05,470 --> 00:10:07,083
Too bad he's stuck with that woman.
202
00:10:07,162 --> 00:10:08,130
That is right, Jay.
203
00:10:08,273 --> 00:10:09,411
She never stops there.
204
00:10:09,550 --> 00:10:10,847
I will terminate her.
205
00:10:11,591 --> 00:10:13,868
You know who'd be
perfect for him? Ellie.
206
00:10:14,276 --> 00:10:17,954
- She's just coming
out of that bad divorce. - Stop. That is terrible.
207
00:10:19,057 --> 00:10:20,427
Hey, ask me for a burger with cheese.
208
00:10:20,717 --> 00:10:21,943
I'll have a burger with cheese.
209
00:10:22,879 --> 00:10:24,855
You can't handle the cheese.
210
00:10:27,271 --> 00:10:28,120
I'll introduce them.
211
00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:31,022
Ellie, this is Hal.
212
00:10:31,365 --> 00:10:31,754
Hi.
213
00:10:31,928 --> 00:10:32,265
Hi.
214
00:10:32,487 --> 00:10:34,077
So, Carol tells me
you're here on your own?
215
00:10:34,213 --> 00:10:35,892
Yeah, yeah. My wife kicked me out.
216
00:10:36,049 --> 00:10:37,677
Oh, that's terrible.
217
00:10:37,902 --> 00:10:40,314
So, are... are you
out of the house?
218
00:10:40,539 --> 00:10:42,021
No, no, no. I'm sleeping on the couch.
219
00:10:42,067 --> 00:10:43,676
But we're being smart about it.
220
00:10:43,727 --> 00:10:45,457
I mean, no contact at all.
221
00:10:46,038 --> 00:10:47,925
I think it's for the best,
given our situation.
222
00:10:48,352 --> 00:10:49,444
Believe me, I know.
223
00:10:50,631 --> 00:10:52,078
Well, would you like
to join me in a drink?
224
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,813
My, oh, my. Do you
think we'll both fit?
225
00:11:04,425 --> 00:11:07,127
It's so good to get out and
meet all you great people.
226
00:11:07,805 --> 00:11:11,447
I have a confession to make. This
is my first night out in a long time.
227
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:13,337
I've been kind of a hermit lately.
228
00:11:13,533 --> 00:11:16,385
That was me, too, but now
I wish I hadn't waited this long.
229
00:11:16,718 --> 00:11:20,778
I had no idea there was something
so amazing right here on my block.
230
00:11:20,925 --> 00:11:21,784
Oh, Hal.
231
00:11:22,459 --> 00:11:24,375
Well, maybe we can
do this again sometime.
232
00:11:24,874 --> 00:11:27,532
Well, Phil and Jenny are having
a Mexican fiesta tomorrow.
233
00:11:28,298 --> 00:11:29,381
Are you asking me?
234
00:11:30,173 --> 00:11:31,161
Yeah, are you going?
235
00:11:31,401 --> 00:11:32,040
Sure.
236
00:11:35,162 --> 00:11:37,014
I'm sorry. I don't know how to do this.
237
00:11:38,429 --> 00:11:39,205
Just say good night.
238
00:11:41,357 --> 00:11:42,186
Good night, Hal.
239
00:11:42,682 --> 00:11:43,061
Good night.
240
00:11:46,623 --> 00:11:49,122
Russell makes a mean Singapore Sling.
241
00:11:49,296 --> 00:11:51,486
Oh, and you know that probate
lawyer, Mrs. Chaffley?
242
00:11:51,577 --> 00:11:53,233
The one who's always on
my ass about the lawn?
243
00:11:53,554 --> 00:11:57,677
Well, she can stand on her head and
drink a pitcher of beer in seven seconds.
244
00:11:57,901 --> 00:11:59,343
Glad you had a good time, Hal.
245
00:11:59,562 --> 00:12:01,007
We're doing fine here, too.
246
00:12:02,951 --> 00:12:04,022
So, what do you wanna do now?
247
00:12:04,717 --> 00:12:05,689
You wanna Pizzazzle some more?
248
00:12:06,536 --> 00:12:08,581
No, I'm kinda Pizzazzled out.
249
00:12:19,421 --> 00:12:20,767
How about if I do your hair?
250
00:12:21,645 --> 00:12:22,941
Only if I get to do yours, too.
251
00:12:23,630 --> 00:12:24,781
Dizzeal!
252
00:12:32,398 --> 00:12:33,013
Thanks, little man.
253
00:12:33,636 --> 00:12:35,762
Aha! I see how you're doing it.
254
00:12:36,032 --> 00:12:37,089
You have a tack in your hand.
255
00:12:38,050 --> 00:12:38,319
Nope.
256
00:12:38,557 --> 00:12:39,625
That was just a pat on the head.
257
00:12:39,848 --> 00:12:41,281
So you're pushing the soft spot?
258
00:12:41,750 --> 00:12:43,603
No, Reese. I'm just being nice.
259
00:12:44,528 --> 00:12:46,260
So he doesn't know when
the hit's gonna come.
260
00:12:46,443 --> 00:12:47,728
Reese, there's no trick.
261
00:12:48,133 --> 00:12:49,446
I'm just showing him respect.
262
00:12:50,616 --> 00:12:51,773
You're not making any sense.
263
00:12:51,809 --> 00:12:52,719
Don't overthink it.
264
00:12:53,353 --> 00:12:54,851
Oh, I got it.
265
00:12:56,415 --> 00:12:57,012
No, wait. I don't.
266
00:12:57,100 --> 00:12:58,081
He's my little brother.
267
00:12:58,396 --> 00:13:00,229
I'm just treating him the
way I want to be treated.
268
00:13:01,516 --> 00:13:02,830
Show me the hand thing again.
269
00:13:13,443 --> 00:13:17,398
*Wishing and hoping and
thinking and praying*
270
00:13:18,003 --> 00:13:22,884
*Praying and dreaming
each night of his charms*
271
00:13:23,294 --> 00:13:27,461
*That won't get you into his arms*
272
00:13:27,748 --> 00:13:36,182
*So if you're looking to
find love you can share*
273
00:13:36,449 --> 00:13:39,717
*All you gotta do is
hold him and kiss him*
274
00:13:40,023 --> 00:13:41,978
*And love him and show him...*
275
00:13:42,403 --> 00:13:44,844
Oh, Hal, the last few nights
have been so magical.
276
00:13:45,609 --> 00:13:48,620
The barbecue, the... disco party.
277
00:13:48,920 --> 00:13:50,233
Don't forget fondue night.
278
00:13:50,256 --> 00:13:51,977
I think I've gone up
a whole pant size.
279
00:13:55,842 --> 00:13:57,694
I think I'm falling in
love with someone.
280
00:13:59,092 --> 00:14:01,394
Wow, you know, you're pretty great.
281
00:14:01,714 --> 00:14:04,458
It wouldn't surprise me if he was
falling in love with you, too.
282
00:14:07,755 --> 00:14:08,642
Well, good night.
283
00:14:08,876 --> 00:14:09,265
Good night.
284
00:14:12,273 --> 00:14:13,045
Good for her.
285
00:14:18,023 --> 00:14:18,968
I can do your nails again.
286
00:14:19,449 --> 00:14:21,725
I don't know what you could
possibly do to improve them.
287
00:14:23,637 --> 00:14:25,123
Well, we have to do something.
288
00:14:26,872 --> 00:14:27,798
Truth or Dare.
289
00:14:28,019 --> 00:14:28,509
Truth.
290
00:14:28,752 --> 00:14:30,213
What's the worse thing
you've ever done?
291
00:14:31,496 --> 00:14:32,217
Total immunity?
292
00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:33,068
Pinky swear.
293
00:14:34,380 --> 00:14:36,532
All right, well, I'm not
sure if this counts,
294
00:14:37,027 --> 00:14:40,095
but when the Harrises were on
vacation I drove their car for a week.
295
00:14:40,306 --> 00:14:41,350
Malcolm!
296
00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:42,612
It's not as bad as it sounds.
297
00:14:43,005 --> 00:14:44,174
They left their window unlocked.
298
00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:46,776
And a lot of people leave a spare
car key in the kitchen drawer.
299
00:14:46,999 --> 00:14:47,832
Except the Goldmans.
300
00:14:48,171 --> 00:14:50,179
They left theirs in a fake
soup can in the cabinet.
301
00:14:51,175 --> 00:14:54,209
Well, I'm off to Steve
and Carol's... again.
302
00:14:54,470 --> 00:14:55,146
Fine, Hal.
303
00:14:56,227 --> 00:14:58,311
Hey, you know that Ellie
Johnson down the street?
304
00:14:58,425 --> 00:15:00,425
She is a lot more fun than you think.
305
00:15:00,759 --> 00:15:01,994
I think she found a fella.
306
00:15:02,237 --> 00:15:02,838
Good for her.
307
00:15:05,954 --> 00:15:08,608
Should be a great party
tonight. Steve's doing kabobs.
308
00:15:08,909 --> 00:15:10,954
Hal, I thought about it and it's just...
309
00:15:11,973 --> 00:15:12,599
too soon.
310
00:15:13,642 --> 00:15:15,060
Well, they did say 7:30.
311
00:15:15,090 --> 00:15:15,888
I mean, I'm not...
312
00:15:17,045 --> 00:15:17,624
ready.
313
00:15:18,483 --> 00:15:19,564
I hope you understand.
314
00:15:19,869 --> 00:15:21,895
Well, if you're not ready,
you're not ready.
315
00:15:22,783 --> 00:15:24,770
You have such an amazing attitude, Hal.
316
00:15:25,485 --> 00:15:26,681
Don't ever lose that.
317
00:15:28,218 --> 00:15:29,699
So I guess I should just go.
318
00:15:31,647 --> 00:15:32,322
Good-bye, Hal.
319
00:15:32,549 --> 00:15:33,090
Good...
320
00:15:33,477 --> 00:15:34,459
Good-bye, Ellie.
321
00:15:41,230 --> 00:15:43,179
Okay, now say something nice to him.
322
00:15:46,583 --> 00:15:49,235
Like how you feel about him,
but only good stuff.
323
00:15:50,889 --> 00:15:52,066
I don't know. He's...
324
00:15:55,884 --> 00:15:56,527
...not that bad.
325
00:15:56,637 --> 00:15:58,028
Good. Now tell him that.
326
00:15:59,672 --> 00:16:01,925
You're not horrible like the
rest of those buttmunches.
327
00:16:02,148 --> 00:16:04,656
There you go. Now pat
him on the shoulder.
328
00:16:06,442 --> 00:16:08,062
It's like a slap, but slower.
329
00:16:15,897 --> 00:16:16,399
Good.
330
00:16:17,238 --> 00:16:18,434
Now see if he'll get you a soda.
331
00:16:19,069 --> 00:16:20,328
-Get me a soda!
-No, no.
332
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:22,176
Do it with me.
333
00:16:23,468 --> 00:16:24,760
Would you mind...
334
00:16:27,459 --> 00:16:28,520
Would you mind...
335
00:16:29,467 --> 00:16:30,335
...getting me...
336
00:16:30,693 --> 00:16:31,696
...getting me...
337
00:16:32,046 --> 00:16:32,953
...a...
338
00:16:33,258 --> 00:16:33,952
...a...
339
00:16:34,310 --> 00:16:35,024
...soda?
340
00:16:36,117 --> 00:16:36,811
...soda?
341
00:16:38,506 --> 00:16:39,949
-You stupid...
-Nothing else.
342
00:16:55,146 --> 00:16:57,351
I just realized I totally lost
sight of what's really important.
343
00:16:57,494 --> 00:16:58,274
There you go.
344
00:16:58,383 --> 00:17:00,532
It's not that I like having
a slave getting me things.
345
00:17:01,436 --> 00:17:04,699
It's that I like to have a slave so I can
watch him suffer while he gets me things.
346
00:17:05,062 --> 00:17:05,325
What?
347
00:17:05,725 --> 00:17:08,066
The fact that I had to ask for
this makes it taste like bile.
348
00:17:09,282 --> 00:17:10,826
Thank you for helping
me figure that out.
349
00:17:13,124 --> 00:17:14,042
What was that for?
350
00:17:14,110 --> 00:17:15,857
Sorry, man. I had to get
the taste out of my mouth.
351
00:17:19,216 --> 00:17:20,827
I still can't believe
you ate that dead fly.
352
00:17:20,838 --> 00:17:22,010
Hey, I play for keeps.
353
00:17:22,023 --> 00:17:23,056
All right, truth or dare?
354
00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:23,857
Truth.
355
00:17:24,374 --> 00:17:26,651
Remember when I was in fifth
grade and I set the couch on fire?
356
00:17:27,425 --> 00:17:28,287
How'd you know it was me?
357
00:17:28,633 --> 00:17:32,528
I planted all that evidence,
I had Stevie as an alibi. Even Dad thought it was Reese.
358
00:17:32,754 --> 00:17:33,399
Honestly?
359
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:34,640
I had no idea.
360
00:17:35,254 --> 00:17:38,119
You were the first person I saw when
I started yelling, and you just crumbled.
361
00:17:38,656 --> 00:17:39,905
You were bluffing,
362
00:17:40,775 --> 00:17:41,790
but you seemed so sure.
363
00:17:41,815 --> 00:17:43,210
Of course, I seemed sure.
364
00:17:43,670 --> 00:17:48,069
With you boys, if I showed the
slightest weakness or hesitation the whole thing falls apart.
365
00:17:48,509 --> 00:17:50,669
Half the time, I'm just
going on blind instinct.
366
00:17:50,757 --> 00:17:53,349
After all these years, five
kids, keeping up that act.
367
00:17:53,736 --> 00:17:54,601
That's gotta be exhausting.
368
00:17:54,708 --> 00:17:55,644
Tell me about it.
369
00:17:56,354 --> 00:17:58,499
Plenty of days I come
home tired from work.
370
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:00,939
The last thing I wanna do is be Lois.
371
00:18:01,396 --> 00:18:02,515
I guess I do the same thing.
372
00:18:03,423 --> 00:18:04,964
Sometimes when
I come home from school,
373
00:18:05,043 --> 00:18:06,367
I don't feel like arguing with you.
374
00:18:06,874 --> 00:18:07,938
But it's like that's my job.
375
00:18:07,982 --> 00:18:08,893
It's funny, isn't it?
376
00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:12,441
I bet half the time if we knew what
the other one was really thinking, we'd just burst out laughing.
377
00:18:12,593 --> 00:18:13,699
We probably would.
378
00:18:26,998 --> 00:18:27,962
Where's Ellie?
379
00:18:28,183 --> 00:18:29,961
Oh, she said she just wasn't ready.
380
00:18:30,227 --> 00:18:31,321
Oh, yeah.
381
00:18:31,330 --> 00:18:32,515
Well, what a shame.
382
00:18:32,819 --> 00:18:38,468
But you know sometimes people just
cling to these relationships that don't make sense to anybody else, right, Hal?
383
00:18:39,934 --> 00:18:40,305
What?
384
00:18:41,871 --> 00:18:42,391
Nothing.
385
00:18:43,398 --> 00:18:46,545
No, you clearly said something.
What are you, what are you driving at?
386
00:18:47,884 --> 00:18:51,912
Well, it's just that, you know,
you're so fun and Lois is so...
387
00:18:54,281 --> 00:18:55,014
Mojitos?
388
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:59,506
No, no, mojitos. You were
saying something about my wife, so let's just hear it.
389
00:19:02,662 --> 00:19:06,135
Well, um, this is nothing
against you, Hal,
390
00:19:06,602 --> 00:19:10,017
it's just that your
wife is kind of a...
391
00:19:11,957 --> 00:19:12,536
pill.
392
00:19:14,073 --> 00:19:14,663
What?
393
00:19:19,237 --> 00:19:23,842
Well, maybe that's your opinion,
buddy, but that's not the opinion of everyone else here, is it?
394
00:19:34,258 --> 00:19:35,299
So that's how it is, huh?
395
00:19:36,978 --> 00:19:38,483
Well, let me tell you something.
396
00:19:39,252 --> 00:19:41,610
I think all of you
people are just jealous!
397
00:19:43,085 --> 00:19:45,242
My wife happens to be
the most wonderful,
398
00:19:45,410 --> 00:19:49,941
amazing, beautiful woman in the
world, and I don't care to eat with anyone who thinks otherwise.
399
00:20:07,705 --> 00:20:08,609
See me cowering?
400
00:20:08,662 --> 00:20:10,156
This is how a slave acts.
401
00:20:10,424 --> 00:20:12,149
You'll get it. We'll both
just have to be patient.
402
00:20:12,755 --> 00:20:13,624
Now, let's start at the beginning.
403
00:20:14,128 --> 00:20:16,366
"No, I won't get you a soda."
404
00:20:20,852 --> 00:20:22,400
Come on. Put some wrist into it.
405
00:20:22,861 --> 00:20:24,468
Wait, you're missing
my eye. Get my eye.
406
00:20:24,554 --> 00:20:27,278
Oh, don't worry Hal,
I'll take down the rhinestones.
407
00:20:27,299 --> 00:20:31,460
No, leave them. Last night was
like making love inside of a star.
408
00:20:32,753 --> 00:20:35,993
You know, Hal, now that I'm
feeling better you can take me to one of those great parties.
409
00:20:36,053 --> 00:20:38,147
Oh, I don't think so, honey.
410
00:20:38,152 --> 00:20:40,200
I never really fit in
with those people.
411
00:20:40,227 --> 00:20:42,610
Well, if they don't appreciate you,
I don't want anything to do with them.
412
00:20:45,699 --> 00:20:46,387
Oh, for the...!
413
00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,529
Who left the refrigerator open?
414
00:20:49,016 --> 00:20:49,832
Malcolm?!
415
00:20:50,226 --> 00:20:51,549
Sorry, Mom, I didn't...
416
00:20:56,716 --> 00:20:57,612
Mom, remember the...?
417
00:20:57,620 --> 00:21:01,095
What the hell are you laughing at?
You think wasting electricity is funny?
418
00:21:01,580 --> 00:21:03,674
Not as funny as your
pathetic parenting skills.
419
00:21:03,684 --> 00:21:06,313
-Isn't it interesting that you treat your
kids like criminals... -Oh, well, why don't you just live on the street...
420
00:21:06,318 --> 00:21:09,431
- ...and they end up turning into criminals?
You must be so proud. -...and see if a bunch of strangers will give you free, cold food?
421
00:21:09,436 --> 00:21:12,138
-You have all your kids afraid
of you. Is that what you want? -That's all you want, free stuff, right?
422
00:21:12,141 --> 00:21:15,135
-You want me to be afraid of you?
-You think everybody's just gonna give you...
423
00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:19,060
Best watched using Open Subtitles MKV Player
424
00:21:19,110 --> 00:21:23,660
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
31086
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof