All language subtitles for Malcolm s07e06 Secret Boyfriend.eng

Here, I brought one for you.

Thanks. And now I'll take yours
because you obviously shook mine up.

Wait a minute.

You wanted me to do that.

Of course, you had to have
known I was going to know that.

Unless you didn't think I was smart
enough, but I'm smarter than...

You know what? I'm not smart
enough to figure it out.

So what? Big deal.

I'm not sure if I have
the gift or he does.

Malcolm in the Middle
7.06 - "Secret Boyfriend"

Synchronisation par Max & Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.

Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk
& Malcolm-France.com

Oh, great. I have Larry Neff
as a lab partner; the groper.

The experiment's going to be hard enough
as it is without my lab partner trying to honk my boobs every five minutes.

You think you've got it bad?
I got stuck with Vicki Jarret.

Brad, not again!
You're hilarious!

Okay, so she's totally hot.

But I'm going to end up
doing all the work by myself,

which would be fine,
but then she'll ask me to explain it.

And then she'll just have to cry because
the little bulb on top of her spine

that she calls a brain will
start to hurt, and then I'll end up looking like a jerk.

Oh, come on, Malcolm.
Give her a chance.

Hey, maybe you two can come up
with a new formula for lip gloss.

Okay, you got your partners.

Let's get started.

Hi.

Hi.

I have a confession to make.

I requested you
as a lab partner.

Yeah, that doesn't surprise me.

Look, I'll walk you through the
experiment, I'll do your homework,

but I will not cheat on
a test for you, okay?

Fair enough.

Okay.

I'll dry the substrate and remove
the ether on the evaporators.

You, uh, want to wash the beakers?
That's science, too.

Come on, Malcolm,
I am a part of the team.

Vicki, believe me.

I would let you help if I had
any confidence that you knew what we were trying to do here.

But all you do is sit in class and you
giggle and whisper to your friends...

Hand me the morpholino-cyclohexene,
and you mix in the drydioxane with the methylvinylketone.

Oh, my God, you're smart!

Nobody needs to know that.

I don't get it. Why do you
need me to be your partner?

Maybe I think you're cute.

Anyway, it'd be nice to talk to someone
about something deeper than the latest ringtone they downloaded.

Most of my friends think...

I know she's still talking,
but I didn't hear anything after "I think you're cute."

-Oh, for God's sake!
-What is it?

A notice for Reese to sign up for
Career Day which was last Wednesday. He completely blew it off.

What are we going to do with
him, Hal? He shows absolutely no interest in his future.

Sorry, honey, I thought you
had given up on him, too.

He doesn't go to school,
he doesn't work. He's 18 years old, and he's still Reese.

That is not acceptable.

What are you going to do?

Dad, I did it.

I went to the Putt-Putt Palace
and I beat your best golf score.

Good for you, Dewey.
Hey, let's have a look.

Four in The Witch's Den.
Got caught in the swamp, huh?

That's why I always
take a pitching wedge.

Yeah, but then I birdied Three
Little Pigs and Pirate's Cove.

Fantastic.

Of course, there was an unusually high
pollen count when I got my top score, so who knows what it could have been?

But that doesn't take
anything away from this.

It is quite an
achievement, son.

Hey, a hole-in-one on the 18th?

You got a free game!

Actually, the ball got stuck in
the hole in the clown's mouth.

-So the guy said I didn't qualify.
-What?

Everyone knows you ace the 18th hole,
you win a free game! It's a sacred pact!

You throw that out, next thing you
know you're going to have a man marrying a horse down at City Hall.

-Which guy was he?
-I don't know.

-Really tall, kind of heavy.
-Oh, I know him.

I was two tickets short of a
giant comb and he wouldn't budge.

Ended up with a troll keychain
that went bald inside a week.

So what'd you do about it?

It's no big deal, Dad.

You let people take
advantage of you.

But I got my best score ever.

Son, I look at this card
and all I see is shame.

Here we go, honey.

Now, I know it's against
doctor's orders, but I did get us a little something sweet.

Okay, Hal, but you be careful
with your new bridgework.

Oh, would you look at that?

Little Robby was
such a cute baby.

Oh, that reminds me. Malcolm called
while you were out. It seems Robby has burned down the neighbor's pool house.

Malcolm says he's at his
wit's end with that boy.

Are you ready for this?

I got an "F" on my math final.

Oh, no, Reese,
I thought you said you studied.

Why do I even waste my time?!

You know Mr. Escobar totally
has it out for me 'cause I used to call his dad "Braceface."

But you are going to
pass this time, right, son?

Do I look like a genie?!

I can't predict the future!

So why don't you just do me a favor
and get off my back, okay, old man!

-You can't treat your father like that!
-Shove a cork in it, you crazy old hag!

-My heart pills.
-You'll get these when I get a sandwich.

Off your wrinkled butt!
Go, go, go!

Reese, you may think you're pulling
some kind of scam, but I'm on to you!

You are getting a job
starting tomorrow!

And keep your dirty mitts
off your father's toupee!

I had the weirdest
dream last night.

This crazy witch with snakes
for hair was screaming at me.

It was like she was going to kill me,
but for some reason it was really important to her that I get a job.

Did she have bugged
out crazy eyes?

Yeah!

She shows up in a
lot of my dreams.

Good morning, Reese.

You going to get a job today?

Okay, this is a little freaky.

I don't see you looking
in the want ads.

You know, I had a job, Mom, and looking
back on the whole experience, I've come to the conclusion that it's just not for me.

-I'm done with the job thing.
-I'm sorry, Reese...

But not working isn't
one of your options.

Okay, I think I know
what's going on here.

Now, look, I want you to know that
I'm not criticizing you and Dad.

You obviously don't mind wasting your
lives doing meaningless, repetitive tasks for unappreciative bosses.

I respect that.

Do you mind telling me
what you intend to do?

-I'd like to finish my cereal.
-All right, Reese, that's it!

I am tired of fighting you
on this. Until you get a job, this free ride is over.

Is anyone else getting
a little tired of her?

I'm sorry, Spiderman.

Hey, where were you?
You missed it.

Randy Gerber shoved an entire
Tater Tot up a ninth grader's nose.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

Vicki and I are going to walk
over and get lunch at the mall.

Malcolm, what are you doing?
We both agreed she's cheerleader scum.

But that's before she made out with
me for an hour behind the gym.

Shut up!

I know. I can't believe it either.
And you know what else?

She's sweet and kind
and smart. Really smart.

So the nasty, self-absorbed
shallow thing is just an act?

Wow, she's good.

Somebody's a little late.

Sorry. My friends are having a raging
debate on glitter versus gloss.

I couldn't just duck out of it.

Didn't Fermat's last
theorem settle that?

He wishes.

-Hey, guys.
-Hey.

What's with the geek?

I thought chem lab wasn't
till fifth period.

Actually, Vicki and I are
going to the mall to get lunch.

You are so funny.

Come on, son, keep up.

And remember, just because a person
is in a position of power, doesn't mean you can let them intimidate you.

Can't we just stick a potato in his
exhaust pipe like we did with your boss?

There he is. Excuse me.

-May I help you?
-You better talk to this guy.

He's pretty steamed.

I got a hole-in-one on the 18th
hole and I didn't get a free game.

I remember you. Ball got stuck.

I thought we went over this.

We did.

But for some reason, I just wanted
to come over here and make sure.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
My son is not done with you yet.

Go on, tell him, Dewey.

I have friends.

Excuse me?

I have friends.

Friends who don't mind driving an extra
30 miles to the next miniature golf course, even if it does have a crow problem.

-Are you threatening me?
-Boy. Sure sounds like he is to me.

Listen, kid,
your ball didn't ring the bell.

Ball doesn't ring a bell,
no free game.

And yet the boy feels like
he got a hole-in-one.

Listen, if you want to think you got a
hole-in-one, I'll give you a scorecard.

You can give yourself
18 holes-in-one.

Excuse me.

Dewey, no!

Don't worry, I got him,
but I am not always going to be here!

Come on. Calm down.

Malcolm, what happened?
I thought we were meeting at the bookstore last night.

You actually expect me to show up after
the way you blew me off yesterday?

Please don't be that way.

What happened yesterday
means nothing.

What really matters is
how special you are to me.

Special?

Yes. I really want to be with
you, Malcolm. I just can't be seen with you in public.

What? Are you serious?

You have to appreciate my situation.

I'm incredibly popular.
I've been homecoming queen twice.

And there's a certain image of me that
people here are really invested in.

How do you think
this makes me feel?

Look, nerdball, I have no idea
where the Math Club meets. Did you lose your laminated map?

All that matters is that you
know how crazy I am about you.

I think it's really romantic.

It's like Romeo and Juliet.

Our love has to be hidden.

-I'm not hiding it.
-I wish you would.

So what you're saying is you
can't be seen with me in the cafeteria or the quad or at dances.

Or at games.

I can only see you someplace
where, God forbid, we won't run into any of your friends?

Right!

Okay.

That breakfast looks pretty good.

Yeah, it is.

You want to do me a favor and
go stink it up someplace else?

How do you think I feel?
I have to smell me all the time.

Look, I've been
having a tough week.

Is there any chance you
could lend me a couple bucks?

Oh, sorry.
I don't have my wallet on me.

I'll catch you next time.

God bless you.

You know, Dewey, what Reese is doing
is pointless and idiotic, but I think you can really learn something from him.

This is what it looks like when
someone stands up for themselves.

I didn't get the
free game, Dad.

I accept that we don't
always get what we want.

Being part of this family has
really prepared me for that.

Listen, do me a favor, will ya?

Talk to your brother.

I'll see what I can do.

Do you think you could help a
guy a little down on his luck?

Here.

Don't tell your mother.

Smells like a dead squirrel's
in the wall again. Hal...

Oh, my God, it's you.
Reese, you smell like an open sewer.

And whose fault is that?

Yours. All you have to do to
stop this nonsense is get a job.

Excuse me, but I think I've
made it pretty clear where I stand on that issue.

Well, you can't stay here like this.

Is that an apology?

No, it's an invitation
to live in the backyard.

Listen to yourself! You don't
even sound the least bit guilty.

I've given you enough chances.

Out!

Okay, but if the cats start disappearing
from the neighborhood, don't blame me!

Things are going better
than ever with Vicki.

We went on a picnic, to the movies,
and she even lets me ride in her car...

as long as I keep my head down.

Oh, by the way, I was able to
get out of that student council meeting, so I'm free after school.

Hey, great.
I was thinking that...

the hydroxide ions necessary for the
neutralization must be supplied by a weak base such as ammonium hydroxide.

What is with you, freak? Every time
I turn around you're hounding Vicki about that stupid experiment.

Is he bothering you?

Yeah, kind of.

Leave Vicki alone.

Okay, butt-wipe?

You know,
I was kind of skeptical at first,

but now I see what you two
have is really beautiful.

Oh, no, you don't!

Reese!

Okay, what now?

What on earth do you
think you're doing?

We're testing out our
new heating system.

I think it's going to be
a very comfortable winter.

Hi. Lloyd Johnson.
I'm an associate of your son's.

Get out of here before
I turn the hose on you.

You can't treat Lloyd like that after
what the CIA did to his brain waves.

Reese, I want you to get this
eyesore out of here right now.

Eyesore? That is a sub-zero box.
It's a hell of a lot nicer than anything we've ever thrown out.

All right, you won't
get rid of it, I will.

I could've told you those
boxes are reinforced.

With some curtains and a couple of
plants, it was going to look very nice.

Oh, just shut up and help
me get in the house!

Look, Vicki...

I know, I know, but...

It's a school dance,
so my being there shouldn't be an issue.

No, no, I know.

Of course it'll fool everybody.

But I just think it's kind of
weird that you got me a date.

I don't even like Cindy that much and,
you know, I want to be with...

What'd you do that for?

Consider this an
intervention, Malcolm.

I'm declaring you incompetent
to run your own love life.

What are you talking about?

Vicki and I have this
incredible relationship.

There are worlds inside that
I have yet to discover.

And I know she feels
the same way about me.

Really? Is that why she
threw a soda can at you?

That was my fault.
I wasn't supposed to be in the quad.

Malcolm, you deserve better.

I mean, there are lots of girls
who'd be proud to actually be seen with you in public.

Oh, really? Like Who?

Like me.

What?

But...

But all we do is
fight all the time.

Figure it out, genius.

Here's some ice
for your back, Mom.

There.

I also made you some soup 'cause I
figured you might get hungry later.

You know, really hungry.

No, I'm okay now, Reese.

Well, I'm going to go back outside
and bang out the dents in my bedroom.

Reese?

You should move your box
closer to the garage. You'll be out of the wind that way.

Thanks.

Wait a minute.

I really appreciate you helping me out.
If there's anything you need...

I'm fine.

I found a mattress in the alley and
Lloyd's going to let me hang with him tomorrow at his freeway off-ramp.

Well, I was going to say if you
wanted my soup you could have...

As long as you're not going to eat it,
'cause I can take it or leave it.

Malcolm, where have you been?

Cindy has just been sitting
there bored out of her mind.

Yeah.

I'm not going to the dance.

I'm just here to tell you I don't
think we should see each other anymore.

I thought things were going really
great between us. Would you mind moving over behind that plant?

No, I'm not hiding
anymore, Vicki.

You may not realize it, but there
are girls who would be thrilled to be seen with me in public.

Malcolm, please...

I think that...

Hey, Vicki, that Huzbat kid is
dancing again. It's hilarious.

What's going on?

I'll be with you in a moment.

Malcolm, I know this has
been really difficult for you.

It's just a lab experiment, okay?

Just give it a little more time.

Things will get better.

I don't care if the cobalt crystals
aren't dissolving, it's Friday night.

Just give me another chance.

Forget it, Vicki. It's over.

Whatever!

Can't I at least go back to bed?

I'd say yes if I thought you
could live with yourself, son.

No.

We are going to get
you your free game.

This is the moment of truth and
we can stand tall knowing we have the moral high ground.

Now lift the fence so
I can crawl under.

That's it, now line it up.

And easy with the backswing.

Dad, this is ridiculous.

I can't see a thing.

All right, Dewey,
I am tired of your attitude.

Now you are owed a fun time.

And if you're not having fun,
then we're just a couple of idiots playing miniature golf at midnight!

Okay, you want to have fun?

Let's have fun.

Great.

The ball is stuck in there now.

Good.

No, no, no, no.
We are not quitting that easily.

Look, son, I know you're angry but
if you're really honest with yourself, you'll realize you're not mad at me.

It sure feels like I am.

No, you are mad at the
jerk that runs this place.

Bet he's at home right now sitting in his
barcalounger with a big bowl of popcorn on his lap chuckling at us with the boobs that he...

Hey. What was that?

Hey, Dewey...

The door's locked.
What's going on?

I told you I was happy without my
free game, but you wouldn't listen.

Dewey!

I'm your father. Let me out!

Just because someone's in
a position of power, you can't let them intimidate you, right?

Don't you walk away...

Dewey!

Hey!

You're standing up to me. Good boy!

Wait!

That's all I wanted.

Hey, what's this? Raccoons.

Dewey! Don't you even care that your
father is being eaten by raccoons?!

Help!

I did it!

I told Vicki it was over.

And it felt so good.

Wow, that's great, Malcolm.

To be honest, I didn't think
you had the strength to do it.

So that's it.

Now we're free to be together.

Yeah.

You know,
there's just one problem.

I don't feel that way
about you, Malcolm.

What?

-But what about what you said?
-Yeah, I lied about that.

I just couldn't stand to see
someone make a fool of you.

Someone besides me, that is.

But...

Great.

I just blew off Vicki, and now
I'm left standing here looking like a complete idiot.

But you recognize it.

See, you're getting better already.

You're so sure of yourself, aren't you?

Well, the truth is, I didn't need you.
I could've figured this out on my own.

Yeah, sometime after your secret
marriage and three secret kids.

Shut up.

Look, Malcolm, I'm on your side.

I mean, do you really think I just
hang out with you out of pity?

You're an amazing...

complicated guy who's...

always surprising me.

I mean, who knows where
things could go between us.

Yeah, nothing.

Good night, Malcolm.

Okay, the heating pad's
plugged in, here's your aspirin.

And let me know if you
need anything else.

I'm really sorry
about your back, Mom.

Thank you, Reese.

I'm still angry with you.

But you've really
come through for me.

Your blankets and new sheets
are in the trunk of my car. You can move back in if you want.

Thanks, Mom.

I'd like that.

Reese!

Reese!

Get in here, do you hear me?!

What's the matter with you?

Are you deaf?

It's time for my sponge bath.

You think these stomach folds are
going to scrape themselves out?

I'm going to get a job. I'm going to
have a life of my own away from here.

And just in case I don't, you can
clean out your own damn stomach folds!

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