All language subtitles for Malcolm s06e22.eng

Oh, geez...

Hey, can one of you
boys give me a hand?

What do you need?

Just hold this steady.

Thanks, Malcolm.

I'm glad it's you.

Whenever Reese helps,
he always seems to hurt himself.

Malcolm in the Middle - 6.22 - Mrs. Tri-County
Synchronisation par Dingo & Tyno, Forom.com & Malcolm-France.com

Wait, wait, how about this?

"Mother's wonderful,
quiet dignity."

No, her "sensitive,
quiet dignity."

What are you
guys doing?

We were at the mall and
they had these entry forms

for the Mrs. Tri-County contest.

Look at these questions.

"How does your mother
bring joy into your life?"

How about the time she shaved
the word "liar" into my head?

"She always finds time to dote
on our personal appearance."

What's so funny?

Reese saw a Japanese guy on the
Internet puke into an electric fan.

They are ahead of us
in so many ways.

All right,
how bad is it?

Nothing past
second notice so far.

What's that?

Apparently I've been entered
into the Mrs. Tri-County Pageant.

What?

The boys entered me
in this pageant.

"...lucky to have her
in our lives."

"Too special to be
kept a secret..."

"She suffers in silence..."?

Oh, can you believe this?

I know. They do all
these horrible things

and then they go and do
something like this.

Yes, well,
they're good boys.

God, I think of suffering
through all those pageants

slaving for my sister
all those years.

Susan was always
the big star,

and I was her
invisible little troll.

Carrying her gowns for
Queen of Harvest Festival,

ironing her sash
for Miss Mammogram.

Well, no one ever appreciates
the star maker, Lois.

Once I was hemming her
dress for Dairy Princess

and a photographer stood on
my back to take her picture.

Bastards wouldn't know
a Dairy Princess

if it came up and
bit them on the ass.

Boy, it would really show her
if I entered this pageant.

What?

Well, it wouldn't hurt to go down
there and see what it's all about.

Great. Let's do it.

You little monsters!

You have really
done it this time!

Dad, it was a joke.

I didn't know Reese was going
to mail the stupid thing.

We were just
goofing around.

I can't believe
she took it seriously.

You're right, Dewey.

Your mother actually
believes her sons love her.

What a moron.

I've got it.

Why don't you just blindfold your mother
and throw her down some stairs?!

That'd be fun!

-We're sorry.
-Yeah.

Well, it's too
late for sorry.

Here's what's
going to happen.

We are all going down to the
Civic Center as a family,

and you boys are going to
do everything in your power

to make sure this is the
most unhumiliating night

of your mother's life.

This is a big deal.

I have to be honest,
I'm feeling kind of nervous here.

You don't pay mileage,
I had to park in the structure,

and you call this
a gift bag?

I saw two judges with
the mini-lipstick set

and the lemon scented
moisturizer.

Mr. Herkabe,
what are you doing here?

I happen to be
one of the judges.

What, may I ask,
are you doing here?

You know, curiosity.

It's kind of a
sociologically interesting...

My God, your mother's
in the pageant.

Well, technically.

And I happen to
have certain powers

that might influence
that outcome.

Isn't that interesting?

What?

I just think that's
really interesting.

Don't you find it
interesting?

Yeah, I guess
I'm gonna have to.

I'm sorry, sir.

They were out of the moisturizer,
but I found these.

Fine. I'll take the smoked
almonds, the loofah glove...

Oh, just give me
the whole box.

All right, ladies, sign in.

You'll get your schedules,
your parking permits,

and your dressing area
assignments.

Also, make sure that you
get back here by 3:00 sharp

for a group photo with
the state's largest pumpkin.

Look at all these old broads
trying to look hot.

I mean, don't know they know
we're done with them?

Donna? Donna, is that you?

Lois!

I haven't seen you since
Miss Teen Gas and Power.

What a memory you have.

Was that the time
when the judges

carried me around
on their shoulders?

Darlene, Jeanie, Anne.

Look who's here.

Look at all of you.

I can't believe you're
still doing pageants.

Well, I actually quit
a few years back.

It was time to get to know
my kids a little better.

But then September 11th
happened, and...

We just can't
let them win.

So where's your sister?

Susan isn't here.

I'm entering this myself.

I love stuff like that.

Don't feel bad.

The rest of us don't
have a chance either.

Donna somehow got
Nina Perucci to coach her.

Nina Perucci.

How did you manage that?

Well, Max got a nice
bonus for Christmas,

and let's just
say I had

a yeast infection
until he wrote the check.

Is that your chin?

No, Nina.

Is that your smile?

No, Nina.

Is that your bust?

No, Nina.

She's amazing.

She pioneered the use
of backstage laxatives.

Lois, if we don't
sign up right now,

we're going to get a dressing
area without a hook.

Is that what you want?

Bye.

Well, I think we know
who's winning Mrs. Deluded.

Donna...

I didn't think it was
possible, but the Mrs.

Tri-County Pageant
is about to get even uglier.

I made the appointment
for your facial tomorrow.

I don't want
to pick out jewelry

until after we
choose the gown.

Now, the red one is nice, it's
tasteful and really sets off your hair.

But the blue one
has a nicer drape

and you cannot beat
its "wow" factor.

You know what?

Let me worry
about that.

You can concentrate
on your talent.

I don't know, Hal.

I'm not even sure
you can call it a talent.

What are you
talking about?

It is going to be great.

That's why I blocked out the next three
hours for you to work with Dewey.

Dad, I have homework.

Oh, just buy it from the
guy Reese buys his from.

Okay, ladies, I know
you've all done it

a million times before, but let's just
walk through it once anyway.

Blue line ladies,
cross over the red mark.

Green line,
cross over the yellow mark.

Blue line,
stop at the orange mark,

step left and cross
to the green line.

Green line,
stop to the black mark,

step right and
cross to the...

green line.

Malcolm, I need you
to do a job for me.

It's urgent.

I've been exchanging some very meaningful
glances with one of the contestants.

You know they're all
married, don't you?

Yes, of course.

And that's why it would be
indecent of me not to be discrete.

Darlene Fisher.

Green sweat suit.

I need you to pass
her this note for me.

You want me to find out
if she likes you?

Forget it.

I respect your stand,

Malcolm, and I want
you to know

this will in no way affect
my judging of your mother.

Or will it?

Okay, you're next.

Now, no matter what
question they ask you,

remember to use
your key phrases:

"empowering women, the beauty
within, helping those in need."

And don't forget, end with
"May God bless America."

Right, right, and when do I say
the stuff about world peace?

No, no, no, no, no,

we got rid of that.

You don't want to come off
like a liberal nut case.

Yes, I am a mother, but I also have
to remember that I'm a woman.

A woman who's not afraid to
give because it feels so good.

Thank you.

Okay, Lois...

here's your question
if you're ready.

"How has motherhood
kept you young?"

I'm sorry, but I have
a problem with the question.

Motherhood definitely
does a lot of things,

but the one thing it does
not do is keep you young.

Oh, my God,

it ages you horribly.

Youth is about having choices, but once
you're a mother, you have no choices.

You're stuck loving
your children.

You get gray hair
loving them.

You lose sleep
loving them.

You lose out on all
those other things

that you always
thought you'd do.

But even with
all of that,

the amazing thing is,

you're okay with it.

It's like some
wonderful... curse.

That was amazing.

I don't know where you came up
with that crap, but you nailed it.

Okay, Donna,
here we go.

"What aspect of being a woman
do you find most fulfilling?"

What kind of stupid
question is that?

Excuse me?

I don't mean that
you're stupid.

I... the question is...

I mean...

I'm not fulfilled.

It's awful being
a woman, right?

Right?

I'm cursed with
children, too.

I never wanted
to have kids.

I just wanted to...

But I do... love America.

How 'bout our
country, huh?

Did you see that?

She went up like
the Hindenberg.

Wow, I guess
I'm really doing okay.

So are you going to keep
wasting time high-fiving yourself,

or are we going
to get back to work?

Okay, honey, that
was pretty good.

Unfortunately,
there are three counties

full of women who
are "pretty good."

We need a winner.

I think this would
be going so much better

if I could sing or dance
or play a musical instrument.

We'll get
to you, Lois.

Right now Dewey's
our problem.

Now, son, I don't know
anything about music,

but this is how you
should be playing it.

Now, in the middle
part, you're doing

And I want to
hear more of...

That's never
gonna happen.

You know, I really don't
need this from you right now.

We've got one day
to get the dress ready,

our shoes aren't dyed
and we have no idea

where we're going
with our hair!

Hal, calm down.

What's happening?

I thought this was
supposed to be fun.

It is. See?

Mom had better
win this thing.

I'm getting to know way too
much about Herkabe's love life.

You got anything yet?

This judges' manual
is unbelievable.

It's over 200 pages of
these really specific rules

on what's attractive
and what isn't.

There's a whole page
on ankle symmetry.

And you know
what I learned?

What?

I'm beautiful.

What are you
talking about?

Everything on my face is the
absolute standard of perfection.

My lips are exactly twice the length
of the distance between my eyes.

My philtrum
is gracefully tapered.

My earlobe is the perfect
1.4 centimeters.

And it just goes on and on.

You can measure me if
you don't believe it.

Are you going
to help Mom or not?

I understand your
anger, Malcolm.

Unattractive people can become
very threatened by this.

It's probably why
I have so few friends.

Malcolm!

I need a favor.

I already did you
a favor with Darlene.

Which worked out
spectacularly.

And athletically.

And repeatedly.

What else do you want?

I need you to break
up with her.

What?

She's gotten
so clingy and dependent.

She's suffocating me.

Feel free to judge me,

but remember who's
judging your mother.

Give her this note.

At first I toyed
with the idea

of lying to her,
but then I decided

to tell her honestly
I find her repellent.

It's better to be classy.

Malcolm! Find your brother
and get back here.

The judges need
to see all of us

gazing adoringly up
at your mother.

Those Hendersons are
making us look like chimps.

His smile is fading.

Give him another hit.

I don't know
how you do this.

I've never felt such
butterflies in my entire life.

Good luck, everybody.

Your mascara
is clumping!

What did I tell you
about blinking?!

What is it?!

I know.

Ladies and gentlemen,

welcome to the Miss
Tri-County Pageant.

Here's your host, Channel Two's acclaimed
meteorologist, Dr. Dave Nelson.

Hey there, Mrs. Tri-County.

A lady from head to toe...

A nurse, a maid,
a teacher and a hottie...

All wrapped up in a bow
It's time to sparkle

and start the show
So come on, take a bow...

America needs you
like never before

and "mom" is just
an upside down "wow!"

I lost a pin?

I lost a pin!

Oh, this isn't happening!

Hold on.

Wait, what are you doing?

Now your hair's ruined.

So, we'll both be a little off.

Come on, everybody,
let's go.

And please step forward...

Charlotte!

Ladies
and gentlemen,

the judges have
unanimously decided

that these
five women will...

not be going
to the next round!

And you ladies are!

We're going
to take a short

break now so
our lucky five

can get ready for
the Glamour Parade!

Malcolm. Come here.

Malcolm.

Reese, what are
you doing?

Dad's been looking
all over for you.

I'm leaving, Malcolm.

I'm claiming my birthright.

What?

I'm about to
become a star,

and from what
I understand,

I have to ruthlessly
separate myself from

you pathetic hangers-on,

and probably eventually
sue your asses.

Take care, Malcolm.

I'll see you in court.

Well, it may be
70 degrees outside,

with a 20%
chance of rain...

...but it's about to get
a lot hotter in here.

Where's Jeanie?

We were all going to wear
tiaras for Glamour Parade and...

we're all going
to wear tiaras.

Thank you, Jeanie.

Thank all of you.

...as we present

the Mrs. Tri-County

Glamour Parade.

What's wrong?

What happened?

Usually,

we let the judges decide
who gets to wear the tiara.

Ladies and gentlemen,
please, remain clam.

There's no reason
to panic.

Okay, I'm ready.

For what?

Whatever it is you do
with beautiful people.

I'll give you 20%
and not a penny more.

You may have
to travel because

I'm going to have a house in Miami,
Milan, and that Disneyworld in France.

You're welcome to fly my private jet,
but I want you to keep it real.

I'd also like a falcon.

What are you
talking about?

I can't do anything with you.

What? Why not?

I've read the book,

I measured everything.

I'm perfect!

It's true, you do have the perfect
features for a middle-aged woman.

If you want to,

have a sex change,

come back in 20 years
and we'll talk.

No, please!

This can't be
how it ends.

I'm supposed to have three rocky
marriages and die in a hotel fire!

Don't send me home!

I'm too perfect
to live like a person!

Okay, people reacted badly to the crown
thing, so you gotta nail the talent portion.

Now, I know you think
it isn't a talent,

but if you commit,
we can make

those oversized Barbies
choke on their own batons.

What are you doing?

Where's your top hat
and fishnet thigh-highs?

Just get the car
and the kids, Hal,

and let's just slink
out of here.

Wait, you can't
just walk away.

Oh, yes, I can.

This whole thing
has been a disaster.

I don't belong here.

And I hate the way
those women make me feel.

Come on, they're
just a bunch of bitter hags.

And I hate the way
you've been making me feel.

We may have
our ups and downs, Hal,

but this is the
first time I ever felt

like I wasn't good
enough for you.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

I mean, I know you're perfect, and for once,
I wanted the whole world to know it.

Well, that's a nice idea,

but that isn't
going to happen.

I don't know why I ever thought
I could compete with these women.

Hal, I can't handle them.

I'm out of my
league here.

What are you
talking about?

Do you know why those
broads pulled that stunt?

They're afraid of you, Lois.

Right now you
are surrounded

by a bunch of idiots
who fear you.

You're not out of your
league, you're at home.

Lois, where have
you been?

Come on, let's go.

You're up.

You've got to go.

Whining isn't going
to make me go any faster.

Yes!

And now our third
contestant,

Lois, will be accompanied
by her lovely daughter, Dewey.

There's Mommy.

Would the new Mrs.

Tri-County like another
scoop of fudge ripple?

Well, this sash still has
a couple of inches of slack.

Keep it coming.

This is so nice.

Look at this.

A $40 coupon
for new tires,

a box of steaks,
a label maker!

Oh, this is nice.

I wish Reese wasn't too busy
sulking to enjoy it with us.

Give him a little time.

Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0