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1
00:00:00,284 --> 00:00:01,852
Mr. Hawkins? It's Hal.
2
00:00:02,140 --> 00:00:13,652
Remember a few weeks ago, in the break room, when someone left the tin foil
on their burrito and the microwave caught fire and the sprinklers went off and shorted out all the computers and we lost all our database for the last five years?
3
00:00:14,517 --> 00:00:18,799
Yeah, well, I just thought you might like
to know who the "slack-jawed idiot" was.
4
00:00:19,055 --> 00:00:21,447
Dad, Dad, you need four apples, not three!
5
00:00:21,615 --> 00:00:23,294
You only won another lottery ticket!
6
00:00:24,354 --> 00:00:27,867
It was Phil in accounting. He feels just awful about it,
and I wouldn't be too hard on him.
7
00:00:27,972 --> 00:00:30,891
His wife's a bit of a drinker, and she's not particularly faithful...
8
00:00:33,000 --> 00:00:38,000
Malcolm in the Middle - 6.08 - Lois Battles Jamie
9
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Synchronisation par Doyle & Tyno,
Script original par Raceman.
10
00:00:47,000 --> 00:00:52,000
Forom.com, Life-is-Unfair.tk
& Malcolm-France.com
11
00:01:05,450 --> 00:01:07,610
I'm starving. I hope Mom has something decent for dinner.
12
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:10,328
I saw her pulling baloney stew out of the freezer last night.
13
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Don't worry.
14
00:01:11,438 --> 00:01:13,335
I stuck a bloody Band-Aid in it before we left.
15
00:01:13,965 --> 00:01:15,052
Holy crap. Look at that!
16
00:01:18,393 --> 00:01:19,859
Cool! A diving board!
17
00:01:20,070 --> 00:01:21,825
Oh... my... God.
18
00:01:22,148 --> 00:01:23,486
This is the greatest thing ever.
19
00:01:23,868 --> 00:01:25,700
And someone just dumped it here for us to find.
20
00:01:26,946 --> 00:01:27,936
We've got to take it home!
21
00:01:28,536 --> 00:01:29,527
What are we gonna do with it?
22
00:01:29,768 --> 00:01:30,310
I don't know.
23
00:01:30,795 --> 00:01:31,857
But... look at it!
24
00:01:32,105 --> 00:01:34,797
It's... it's got the... and it's... up and...
25
00:01:34,964 --> 00:01:36,936
and bounce and... and bounce!
26
00:01:37,885 --> 00:01:39,247
He's right. We need it.
27
00:01:42,374 --> 00:01:44,005
One, two, three... go!
28
00:01:47,470 --> 00:01:49,236
One, two, three... go!
29
00:01:51,787 --> 00:01:53,704
One, two, three, go!
30
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:57,581
One, two, three, go!
31
00:02:01,420 --> 00:02:03,340
Aah, Jamie, this is ridiculous!
32
00:02:03,933 --> 00:02:08,141
You'll eat dead bugs out of the zapper, for God's sake,
why won't you eat your peas? You love peas!
33
00:02:09,382 --> 00:02:11,174
Come on. This is name-brand stuff.
34
00:02:11,713 --> 00:02:14,053
It's three times the price of the food I eat!
35
00:02:18,599 --> 00:02:21,290
If you want to breathe, you have to open your mouth.
36
00:02:23,897 --> 00:02:25,536
See? There's no reason for...
37
00:02:30,107 --> 00:02:32,343
Now you're just going to have to eat some eyebrow, too.
38
00:02:33,580 --> 00:02:34,133
Hi, honey.
39
00:02:34,976 --> 00:02:36,624
Didn't you have the same fight with him at breakfast?
40
00:02:37,407 --> 00:02:39,423
This is the same fight as breakfast.
41
00:02:39,608 --> 00:02:44,766
It's the same jar of peas and it's the same
stubborn little boy who is not gonna get his own way.
42
00:02:44,959 --> 00:02:47,852
That baby thinks he is gonna break me,
but he doesn't know who he's dealing with.
43
00:02:47,970 --> 00:02:48,407
Hal,
44
00:02:48,934 --> 00:02:50,286
I'm not about to lose it with a...
45
00:02:51,916 --> 00:02:53,088
God, how does he do that?
46
00:02:57,355 --> 00:03:00,148
One, two, three, go!
47
00:03:02,793 --> 00:03:04,500
Please, we have to stop.
48
00:03:05,016 --> 00:03:07,118
I have to empty the blood out of my shoes again.
49
00:03:07,358 --> 00:03:08,105
One last time.
50
00:03:08,705 --> 00:03:10,799
One, two, three, go!
51
00:03:15,302 --> 00:03:16,592
This is gonna be so great!
52
00:03:18,193 --> 00:03:19,732
This is the answer.
53
00:03:20,263 --> 00:03:21,048
What's the question?
54
00:03:21,441 --> 00:03:22,049
I don't know yet,
55
00:03:23,108 --> 00:03:25,473
but this is definitely the answer.
56
00:03:29,041 --> 00:03:30,121
Would you look at this?
57
00:03:30,532 --> 00:03:32,186
Jamie poured flour in the dryer.
58
00:03:32,323 --> 00:03:34,029
Now I get to wear a loaf of bread to work tomorrow.
59
00:03:34,430 --> 00:03:35,497
He destroys everything!
60
00:03:35,498 --> 00:03:38,021
He's absolutely the worst kid we have ever had!
61
00:03:38,238 --> 00:03:39,499
Oh, you say that with every kid.
62
00:03:39,874 --> 00:03:40,825
Let's face it, Lois.
63
00:03:41,043 --> 00:03:42,350
It's just the hand we were dealt.
64
00:03:42,758 --> 00:03:44,163
God just doesn't like us.
65
00:03:44,453 --> 00:03:45,771
That doesn't make us bad people.
66
00:03:46,121 --> 00:03:47,700
No, there's something different with Jamie.
67
00:03:47,701 --> 00:03:49,104
He's not like the other ones.
68
00:03:49,383 --> 00:03:51,204
I'm telling you,I can see it in his eyes.
69
00:03:51,341 --> 00:03:52,413
Honey, calm down.
70
00:03:52,902 --> 00:03:54,037
You know what will make you feel better?
71
00:03:54,372 --> 00:03:56,265
You take a look at him while he's sleeping.
72
00:03:56,266 --> 00:04:00,208
You know how cute he is, with his tush
all squished up in the air like that...
73
00:04:08,023 --> 00:04:08,647
Did you see him?
74
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:09,396
See who?
75
00:04:11,078 --> 00:04:11,551
That-a-way!
76
00:04:12,017 --> 00:04:12,678
We're in lockdown!
77
00:04:12,679 --> 00:04:14,904
This door stays closed till you hear the all-clear call.
78
00:04:18,430 --> 00:04:19,140
The perimeter's sealed.
79
00:04:19,260 --> 00:04:20,275
He's not getting out this way.
80
00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:29,884
My jewelry box!
81
00:04:30,856 --> 00:04:31,888
Jamie, Mommy told you...
82
00:04:33,226 --> 00:04:34,194
All right, Jamie,
83
00:04:34,903 --> 00:04:35,660
you've had your fun.
84
00:04:36,423 --> 00:04:38,999
Now it's time to give that back
to Mommy and go to sleep.
85
00:04:41,209 --> 00:04:41,541
Jamie...
86
00:04:42,501 --> 00:04:44,168
I asked you to give it to me!
87
00:04:50,698 --> 00:04:52,013
Would you look at this thing?
88
00:04:52,314 --> 00:04:53,166
It's amazing.
89
00:04:53,509 --> 00:04:55,984
We've got to come up with something
really great to do with it.
90
00:04:57,193 --> 00:04:59,213
What if we tied mattresses to
ourselves and jumped off it?
91
00:04:59,473 --> 00:05:00,992
Nah. We could do that off the roof.
92
00:05:02,909 --> 00:05:05,052
We could launch mannequins into the Prestons' Jacuzzi.
93
00:05:06,319 --> 00:05:07,701
Uh-uh. It's not good enough.
94
00:05:07,914 --> 00:05:09,848
We could get a squirrel to dive off it into a cup of water.
95
00:05:10,250 --> 00:05:10,983
Not good enough.
96
00:05:12,808 --> 00:05:13,571
Not for her.
97
00:05:15,399 --> 00:05:16,362
Not this old beauty.
98
00:05:17,828 --> 00:05:20,134
Well, how about if we got a vat of Jell-O...
99
00:05:20,264 --> 00:05:22,196
No! It's not good enough!
100
00:05:23,681 --> 00:05:24,376
I got it!
101
00:05:25,235 --> 00:05:26,037
We take a dog,
102
00:05:26,613 --> 00:05:27,740
tie him to a bicycle...
103
00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:30,611
No! It's just not good enough!
104
00:05:31,693 --> 00:05:32,717
Mom's home early!
105
00:05:39,637 --> 00:05:42,072
You do not pinch, you do not poke, you do not bite,
106
00:05:42,073 --> 00:05:46,967
you do not spit, you do not eye-gouge,
you do not vomit intentionally on other babies!
107
00:05:49,847 --> 00:05:51,915
A lifetime ban from Gymboree!
108
00:05:52,406 --> 00:05:54,105
A lifetime ban!
109
00:05:57,812 --> 00:05:58,722
I can't believe it.
110
00:05:59,565 --> 00:06:01,127
She didn't even see the board.
111
00:06:01,682 --> 00:06:03,868
This is a sign we were meant to have this.
112
00:06:05,811 --> 00:06:09,012
We were meant to do something
really, really great with you.
113
00:06:10,714 --> 00:06:11,291
It'll come.
114
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:13,264
We just have to be patient.
115
00:06:16,481 --> 00:06:16,897
No!
116
00:06:17,004 --> 00:06:17,930
This is Mommy's purse!
117
00:06:17,931 --> 00:06:18,903
You can't have it!
118
00:06:19,699 --> 00:06:20,207
Please,
119
00:06:20,613 --> 00:06:22,440
it's the only thing
in the house that's Mommy's!
120
00:06:23,206 --> 00:06:23,441
Lois...
121
00:06:23,739 --> 00:06:24,959
Well, he has a million toys.
122
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,664
Why does he only want to take my things?
123
00:06:26,665 --> 00:06:28,359
Honey, honey, you're taking this too personally.
124
00:06:28,512 --> 00:06:30,994
He doesn't understand what he's doing.
He's just a baby.
125
00:06:31,442 --> 00:06:33,732
Look, if you just give it to him
for just a couple of minutes,
126
00:06:33,884 --> 00:06:34,771
he'll get tired of it.
127
00:06:34,991 --> 00:06:35,596
You're right.
128
00:06:36,419 --> 00:06:38,214
I guess I was just feeling that if I gave in to him,
129
00:06:38,215 --> 00:06:39,861
he'd see it as a sign of weakness.
130
00:06:40,911 --> 00:06:42,204
- I'm going to stop this right now.
- Yeah.
131
00:06:44,143 --> 00:06:45,117
Here, sweetie.
132
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:46,490
Mommy's purse.
133
00:06:47,217 --> 00:06:49,498
You can have that for five minutes, okay?
134
00:06:53,729 --> 00:06:55,926
I thought you said he wasn't eating anything.
135
00:07:00,861 --> 00:07:01,997
It's mocking us.
136
00:07:02,349 --> 00:07:04,399
It's a ten-foot-tall springboard that we got for free,
137
00:07:04,699 --> 00:07:06,701
and we can't think of a single thing
that's good enough to do with it!
138
00:07:06,833 --> 00:07:11,144
I bet it belonged to some other family that went crazy
because they couldn't come up with anything to do with it.
139
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:16,873
They probably just sat around, staring at it for months,
until they finally snapped and started eating each other.
140
00:07:17,130 --> 00:07:19,236
Damn it, we're better than this!
I know we are!
141
00:07:19,624 --> 00:07:21,777
Remember that squashed groundhog
we found on the highway?
142
00:07:21,778 --> 00:07:23,464
We came up with a hundred things to do with that,
143
00:07:23,577 --> 00:07:24,956
from the horrible to the beautiful!
144
00:07:25,430 --> 00:07:26,330
I miss Flatty.
145
00:07:26,502 --> 00:07:28,338
Maybe we're just going about this the wrong way.
146
00:07:28,577 --> 00:07:30,167
We have to think outside the box.
147
00:07:31,022 --> 00:07:33,546
If you were a diving board, what would you want
someone to do with you?
148
00:07:34,736 --> 00:07:35,512
Take me ice-skating.
149
00:07:35,752 --> 00:07:36,567
Don't be an idiot.
150
00:07:36,568 --> 00:07:38,810
That place is freezing, and it's always so crowded.
151
00:07:38,929 --> 00:07:40,127
Yeah, but they have good hot dogs.
152
00:07:40,367 --> 00:07:42,512
Those hot dogs suck compared to
the ones at the train station.
153
00:07:42,665 --> 00:07:44,703
Why would a diving board want
to go to a train station?
154
00:07:44,794 --> 00:07:45,617
How should I know?
155
00:07:45,753 --> 00:07:47,009
Maybe he wants to visit a relative.
156
00:07:47,010 --> 00:07:47,722
Okay! Okay!
157
00:07:48,227 --> 00:07:49,345
Back in the box.
158
00:08:11,036 --> 00:08:13,614
Jamie doesn't have to eat his peas anymore.
159
00:08:13,764 --> 00:08:17,806
He can eat whatever he wants
because Mommy surrenders.
160
00:08:18,195 --> 00:08:25,961
Mommy has a tiny pony for Jamie who wants
to hug him and give him yummy candy corn...
161
00:08:27,010 --> 00:08:29,267
Mmm, I'm delicious!
162
00:08:29,591 --> 00:08:30,268
Is there a big boy who could eat me?
163
00:09:01,909 --> 00:09:03,066
Gotcha, you little...
164
00:09:19,343 --> 00:09:20,646
Jamie tries to kill Mom,
165
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,262
and we're the ones who have to clean it up.
166
00:09:22,644 --> 00:09:24,216
You want to tell me how that's fair?
167
00:09:24,544 --> 00:09:25,815
You gotta give that kid some credit.
168
00:09:25,928 --> 00:09:27,844
It's the closest any of us actually ever came.
169
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:28,462
Yeah.
170
00:09:30,429 --> 00:09:32,304
Jamie wasn't really spawned by Satan, was he?
171
00:09:32,423 --> 00:09:34,422
No. If he was, we'd have a way better house.
172
00:09:39,788 --> 00:09:40,818
You're the one, Jamie.
173
00:09:41,425 --> 00:09:42,952
Show me the way!
174
00:09:45,439 --> 00:09:48,848
There's a lot of things I can handle.
A lot of things I've managed to survive.
175
00:09:49,107 --> 00:09:52,015
I'd even say I've thrived where others
would have just thrown in the towel.
176
00:09:52,142 --> 00:09:53,508
Yes, honey, you certainly have.
177
00:09:54,188 --> 00:09:56,659
Now relax, and let the bubbles do their work.
178
00:09:57,116 --> 00:09:58,337
Soothing.
179
00:09:59,150 --> 00:10:00,096
- Sooth...
- Dad, we finish...
180
00:10:00,178 --> 00:10:02,790
I told you to stay the hell away
from this bathroom until I said so!
181
00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:04,766
This is a child-free zone until further notice!
182
00:10:05,606 --> 00:10:09,070
Soothing... soothing...
183
00:10:09,291 --> 00:10:10,117
You know what, Hal?
184
00:10:11,142 --> 00:10:13,221
I'm done. I give up.
185
00:10:13,935 --> 00:10:14,810
What are you talking about?
186
00:10:15,290 --> 00:10:16,602
Jamie wins. He beat me.
187
00:10:17,486 --> 00:10:19,860
All those years, all those terrible things
those kids have done.
188
00:10:20,624 --> 00:10:22,713
It doesn't make me stronger,
it's just worn me down.
189
00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,102
Like termites eating away at a house,
until all that's holding up is paint.
190
00:10:26,803 --> 00:10:27,776
I'm just paint, Hal.
191
00:10:28,528 --> 00:10:29,364
Jamie knows it.
192
00:10:30,684 --> 00:10:32,210
You'll do a better job than I can.
193
00:10:33,558 --> 00:10:34,326
I trust you.
194
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,304
No, no, no.
195
00:10:36,540 --> 00:10:37,908
No-no-no-no-no-no!
196
00:10:38,029 --> 00:10:39,737
You can't leave me alone with those kids!
197
00:10:39,867 --> 00:10:40,987
We had a deal, Lois!
198
00:10:40,988 --> 00:10:44,315
You are in charge of the spiritual
and emotional development,
199
00:10:44,484 --> 00:10:46,225
discipline and scary injuries.
200
00:10:46,363 --> 00:10:47,591
I kill spiders,
201
00:10:47,712 --> 00:10:50,687
mark their heights on the door frames
and supply car snacks.
202
00:10:50,924 --> 00:10:53,351
You walk out now and the
whole system falls apart!
203
00:10:53,442 --> 00:10:54,352
I can't do it, Hal.
204
00:10:55,019 --> 00:10:56,809
I don't want to.
I just don't have it anymore.
205
00:10:57,671 --> 00:10:59,236
I mean, it's normal, right?
206
00:10:59,735 --> 00:11:01,621
People give up, they quit...
207
00:11:01,622 --> 00:11:05,098
Lois, you listen to me.
No one is as good as you are.
208
00:11:05,684 --> 00:11:10,196
You took those vicious little fiends,
and you twisted and crushed them into submission.
209
00:11:10,562 --> 00:11:15,106
And you didn't do it because you had to.
You did it because you loved the game, and it was beautiful!
210
00:11:15,295 --> 00:11:16,758
I just don't have that anymore.
211
00:11:16,759 --> 00:11:18,933
Honey, yes, you do.
I know you do.
212
00:11:19,351 --> 00:11:21,217
You just lost your way a little.
213
00:11:21,346 --> 00:11:24,934
You just need to think.
Think back to the first time you found that spark.
214
00:11:25,902 --> 00:11:27,315
There's got to be some way to remember.
215
00:11:29,649 --> 00:11:30,772
And I'm going to help you.
216
00:11:32,320 --> 00:11:33,188
So, here I am.
217
00:11:33,597 --> 00:11:35,123
Dad said you needed some help on something?
218
00:11:37,301 --> 00:11:41,139
Francis, your father and I are trying to
remember something, and we really need your help.
219
00:11:41,882 --> 00:11:44,756
We'd like you to think back to your earliest memories.
220
00:11:45,762 --> 00:11:46,441
What's this all about?
221
00:11:46,724 --> 00:11:48,333
Mind your own business. Just do it, will ya?
222
00:11:48,334 --> 00:11:49,196
You've got to be kidding me.
223
00:11:49,380 --> 00:11:53,610
My childhood was a nightmare!
I've spent the rest of my life trying to board up that haunted house.
224
00:11:53,611 --> 00:11:54,704
Francis, this is important.
225
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,041
I really need to remember something,
and I don't know what it is.
226
00:11:58,042 --> 00:11:58,815
- But...
- Please.
227
00:11:59,667 --> 00:12:01,169
You're the only one
who can help me.
228
00:12:04,844 --> 00:12:06,415
My earliest memories...
229
00:12:06,530 --> 00:12:07,632
It's kind of vague.
230
00:12:08,065 --> 00:12:09,601
I remember we had that apartment...
231
00:12:10,742 --> 00:12:12,304
I remember it being really colorful.
232
00:12:14,252 --> 00:12:16,853
Come on, Francis, honey.
Please, won't you eat anything?
233
00:12:17,271 --> 00:12:20,985
We've tried the carrots, and the peaches,
and the oatmeal, the apples, huh?
234
00:12:20,986 --> 00:12:21,986
Don't you like anything?
235
00:12:23,055 --> 00:12:23,540
Lois!
236
00:12:25,817 --> 00:12:29,768
Would you like to know what your son did
to my director's cut of The Eyes of Laura Mars?
237
00:12:30,127 --> 00:12:33,207
He also shaved a hole in the carpet
with my new Norelco!
238
00:12:33,362 --> 00:12:38,458
I'm sorry, Hal. I asked him very nicely
not to play with it, but he just wouldn't listen.
239
00:12:38,780 --> 00:12:40,401
I can't get him to do anything.
240
00:12:40,789 --> 00:12:46,308
I've read Dr. Spock and Piaget and Eisenberg,
and The Language of Hugs, all these books, nothing's helping.
241
00:12:46,438 --> 00:12:48,467
What he needs is a little discipline.
242
00:12:49,043 --> 00:12:51,113
I think he'd behave better if he just ate something.
243
00:12:51,114 --> 00:12:53,933
Look at him. He's just wasting away.
244
00:12:54,923 --> 00:12:56,658
I'm going to give him another Hershey bar.
245
00:12:56,659 --> 00:12:57,844
Lois, no!
246
00:12:58,130 --> 00:13:00,258
You can't keep coddling him like this!
247
00:13:00,617 --> 00:13:04,726
I am sick and tired of always having to be the bad cop
because you're constantly giving in to him.
248
00:13:05,842 --> 00:13:07,196
Okay, Hal, I'll try.
249
00:13:07,276 --> 00:13:09,188
You keep saying that, and then you do it again!
250
00:13:09,315 --> 00:13:11,163
I'm going to be tougher with him. I promise.
251
00:13:22,757 --> 00:13:24,187
Huh. It's weird.
252
00:13:24,364 --> 00:13:27,391
I just have this vague feeling
of you actually being a good mother.
253
00:13:32,170 --> 00:13:33,088
I hate you!
254
00:13:33,543 --> 00:13:35,825
I hate you, I hate you!
255
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:37,931
I hate you!
256
00:13:37,932 --> 00:13:39,409
Reese, this is crazy.
257
00:13:39,623 --> 00:13:41,573
You've been staring at that damn thing for four days.
258
00:13:41,943 --> 00:13:42,871
We're getting rid of it.
259
00:13:43,109 --> 00:13:45,667
No! Wait!
I finally have an idea.
260
00:13:45,806 --> 00:13:46,372
What is it?
261
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,575
I'll have it in a second! Just wait!
262
00:13:48,680 --> 00:13:49,994
It's over, Reese.
263
00:13:50,263 --> 00:13:52,628
Once the board's gone, things should go back to normal.
264
00:13:52,948 --> 00:13:56,458
Did you know that the Newmans put a statue
of a naked guy on their front lawn a week ago?
265
00:13:56,748 --> 00:13:58,067
We should be ashamed of ourselves.
266
00:13:58,068 --> 00:14:00,665
No! We are not getting rid of this!
267
00:14:00,960 --> 00:14:02,297
Reese, what is the big deal?
268
00:14:02,402 --> 00:14:03,950
What is so special about this board?
269
00:14:07,022 --> 00:14:08,403
I think it's my last time.
270
00:14:08,969 --> 00:14:09,803
Last time for what?
271
00:14:10,027 --> 00:14:12,922
For anything stupid and reckless and fun.
272
00:14:14,046 --> 00:14:15,779
Maybe it's because I'm almost 18 now,
273
00:14:16,407 --> 00:14:18,708
but lately I've been hearing this voice in my head that says,
274
00:14:19,646 --> 00:14:23,559
"That's dangerous, that's stupid.
You're gonna hurt yourself."
275
00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:26,382
And the old voice, the one that says,
276
00:14:27,175 --> 00:14:31,275
"This is fun. Do it anyways.
They'll figure out how to save you."
277
00:14:32,043 --> 00:14:33,764
It just gets quieter and quieter.
278
00:14:34,725 --> 00:14:36,703
Pretty soon I won't be able to hear it at all.
279
00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:42,465
But before it dies, I want to say good-bye to it the right way.
280
00:14:45,677 --> 00:14:48,829
We'll give it the best send-off any crazy voice could ever ask for.
281
00:14:49,384 --> 00:14:50,303
I'd do it for mine.
282
00:14:52,515 --> 00:14:55,364
And then, right around the time I was starting
to walk, there was some kind of...
283
00:14:56,843 --> 00:14:59,662
Ah... I don't know. Let's stop. I want to stop.
284
00:15:00,470 --> 00:15:02,990
Honey, please, keep going. You can't stop now.
285
00:15:03,173 --> 00:15:07,844
No, I don't want to. We've been sitting here for five hours.
Why are we doing this, anyway?
286
00:15:07,879 --> 00:15:10,967
Francis, please. I think we're really close.
Just one more time.
287
00:15:11,588 --> 00:15:15,500
Well... I kind of remember that Frisbee game we used to play...
288
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,721
Okay, honey. Maybe we'll eat later.
289
00:15:21,718 --> 00:15:24,150
Lois, did you see what he did in there?
290
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:28,480
He used my tennis racket to smash
my camera and all my lenses to bits!
291
00:15:29,058 --> 00:15:31,025
I still had film in it from the Us Festival!
292
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:33,938
Where is he?
293
00:15:34,217 --> 00:15:39,614
Hal, it's not his fault! I'm pretty sure
he's working through a limitation-anxiety phase.
294
00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:42,000
All the literature says this is the age where he's trying...
295
00:15:42,001 --> 00:15:45,412
You cannot undermine me every time I try to discipline him!
296
00:15:45,555 --> 00:15:47,658
I can't help it. He's so small, and helpless...
297
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:51,445
I can't take any more of this!
It is tearing our marriage apart!
298
00:15:51,587 --> 00:15:54,470
For his own good, you have got to buckle down!
299
00:15:57,382 --> 00:16:01,866
Do you understand me, Lois?
You have to find some way to be this boy's mother!
300
00:16:09,919 --> 00:16:11,718
Hello, Dr. Sachs? It's Lois again.
301
00:16:12,307 --> 00:16:16,200
I know I just called, but... my husband yelled
at me again about being stricter with Francis,
302
00:16:16,201 --> 00:16:18,000
and I wanted to know if you could write me a note
303
00:16:18,001 --> 00:16:20,008
that says yelling at him could damage his psyche?
304
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:22,961
It's such a tender time for Francis.
305
00:16:23,390 --> 00:16:27,600
He's so fragile and unformed
and I just want to make sure I get it right,
306
00:16:27,601 --> 00:16:31,474
but everything I do feels wrong.
If this is all supposed to be so natural,
307
00:16:31,475 --> 00:16:36,633
why can't I get this? I love him
so much and I want to be a good mother
308
00:16:36,973 --> 00:16:41,963
and I know I have to be stronger, but I
just don't think I can look in his eyes
309
00:16:41,964 --> 00:16:48,333
and not give him what he wants.
He has such a sweet little face and he's so innocent.
310
00:16:54,422 --> 00:16:55,857
I'm going to have to call you back.
311
00:17:05,972 --> 00:17:08,576
Fire... is... dangerous.
312
00:17:20,014 --> 00:17:23,927
Fire can hurt you.
Fire can kill you.
313
00:17:25,021 --> 00:17:26,774
I will not let that happen.
314
00:17:28,751 --> 00:17:31,913
Let me make one thing clear. I love you,
315
00:17:32,890 --> 00:17:39,265
and I will do whatever I have to to take care of you,
and keep you safe and happy and alive.
316
00:17:39,376 --> 00:17:43,471
I don't care if you grow up to hate me,
but you will understand this:
317
00:17:43,911 --> 00:17:47,335
I will... do... anything.
318
00:17:49,661 --> 00:17:51,525
That is how much I love you.
319
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:24,091
Yes. That's right. It's coming back to me;
that sense of strength and power, and purpose...
320
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:28,153
I finally knew who I was, and what I was born to be.
321
00:18:28,155 --> 00:18:29,756
Honey, you're back!
322
00:18:31,366 --> 00:18:32,669
I knew you could do it!
323
00:18:33,000 --> 00:18:34,609
Mr. Fuzzles!
324
00:18:36,888 --> 00:18:37,993
Thank you, Francis.
325
00:18:39,124 --> 00:18:39,894
You can go now.
326
00:18:44,166 --> 00:18:45,388
What? What is it?
327
00:18:46,216 --> 00:18:47,246
We've got something for you.
328
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:51,127
Dewey and I finally came up with something
good enough for that insane voice in your head.
329
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:54,753
- Here, put this on first.
- Roman candles?
330
00:18:55,330 --> 00:18:59,955
Well, that's how they started off.
We decided to give 'em a little more... oomph.
331
00:19:00,502 --> 00:19:02,573
- Do you care if you keep your eyebrows?
- Hell, no!
332
00:19:02,764 --> 00:19:08,034
Okay, the fuse is timed for 20 seconds.
You're gonna light it, and then get up on the board,
333
00:19:08,894 --> 00:19:09,573
and jump.
334
00:19:10,007 --> 00:19:11,989
The rockets should kick in around there.
335
00:19:12,452 --> 00:19:15,017
They won't give you any momentum,
but they will ignite that.
336
00:19:17,999 --> 00:19:20,589
Hopefully, you will land in that kiddie pool.
337
00:19:21,176 --> 00:19:26,855
We think that's got a 50-50 shot of putting you out.
If the roof doesn't collapse. Or ignite.
338
00:19:27,000 --> 00:19:29,450
And it's all gonna be caught on that video camera.
339
00:19:30,028 --> 00:19:35,931
It has a direct feed to the Internet.
You're the featured page on GiantJackass.com.
340
00:19:37,644 --> 00:19:40,196
This is more than anything I could have ever asked for.
341
00:19:40,868 --> 00:19:42,444
Nobody deserves it more than you.
342
00:20:27,199 --> 00:20:28,494
Should I get the hose?
343
00:20:29,172 --> 00:20:31,721
Not yet. He would've wanted us to wait.
344
00:20:37,127 --> 00:20:40,193
Good boy. You finished all your peas!
345
00:20:41,882 --> 00:20:47,100
Hey, slugger. Guess what. The clinic called.
They said my ass was a perfect match for your hand.
346
00:20:47,101 --> 00:20:48,715
They can start the skin grafts next week.
347
00:20:56,621 --> 00:20:59,592
- Reese, what do you think you're doing?
- What? He loves the stuff.
348
00:20:59,834 --> 00:21:01,344
He goes through three or four cans a day.
349
00:21:01,897 --> 00:21:04,288
I don't know how he does it. Half a can makes me nuts.
350
00:21:04,338 --> 00:21:08,888
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