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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:15,849
D'
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It's Channel Six Action News.
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00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:43,835
Action News, the last place
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00:00:43,918 --> 00:00:46,546
an impressionable kid
can go for TV violence.
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00:00:46,629 --> 00:00:48,131
Now, here's your action anchor
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00:00:48,214 --> 00:00:49,299
Kent Brockman.
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Hello. I'm Kent Brockman.
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00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,218
Our top stories tonight:
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00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:54,304
A tremendous explosion
in the price of lumber.
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00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,890
"President Reagan dyes...
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00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,600
his hair," says Garry Trudeau
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00:00:58,683 --> 00:01:00,351
in his new musical comedy revue.
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00:01:00,435 --> 00:01:02,187
But first, let's check
the death count
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00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:04,147
from the killer storm
bearing down on us
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00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:06,274
like a shotgun full of snow.
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00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:09,486
Well, Kent, as of now,
the death count is zero
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but it is ready
to shoot right up.
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My God.
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00:01:13,364 --> 00:01:15,325
Damn you, snow!
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All right, snow day!
No school tomorrow.
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00:01:19,954 --> 00:01:21,515
That doesn't mean you don't
have to do your book report.
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What if the weatherman is wrong?
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Lisa, that man is a
professional meteorologist.
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Kent, I'd like to remind
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00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:29,339
everybody to come down
and watch me
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00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:31,007
at the Springfield
Laugh 'n' Brew
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00:01:31,091 --> 00:01:33,093
and Burgers 'n' Fries
this Saturday.
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00:01:33,176 --> 00:01:34,427
The forecast calls
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00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:37,180
for a 75% chance of hilarity.
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I like those odds.
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Snowball fight!
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You're going to eat
a blizzard of...
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00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:56,241
unseasonable warmth?
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I made the snowball
from the frost in our freezer.
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00:02:01,246 --> 00:02:03,957
Nice P.J.s, Simpson.
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00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:05,875
Did your mommy buy them for you?
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00:02:05,959 --> 00:02:08,002
Of course she did.
Who else would have?
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00:02:10,004 --> 00:02:13,508
All right, Simpson,
you win this round.
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00:02:15,844 --> 00:02:17,095
Okay, it's book report time.
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We'll do them alphabetically.
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Today it's
"A" through "M."
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00:02:21,099 --> 00:02:22,099
I'm saved.
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I love being a S-S-S-Simpson.
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00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:27,689
Let's see, we have no A's,
so let's go right to the B's.
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Bart?
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Ha!
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Mrs. Krabappel,
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I... didn't...
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Attention.
This is Principal Skinner,
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your principal, with a message
from the principal's office.
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All students please proceed
immediately to an assembly
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00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,122
in the Butthead
Memorial Auditorium.
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00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,958
Damn it, I wish we hadn't let
the students name that one.
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00:02:47,041 --> 00:02:50,962
Children, the times they are
a-becoming quite different.
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00:02:51,045 --> 00:02:53,965
Test scores are
at an all-time low,
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00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:57,218
so I've come up
with these academic alerts.
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You will receive one as soon
as your grades start to slip
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00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,139
in any subject.
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00:03:01,222 --> 00:03:02,932
This way, your parents
won't have to wait
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00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,326
until report card time
to punish you.
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00:03:04,350 --> 00:03:06,352
How innovative.
I like it.
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00:03:06,436 --> 00:03:09,355
Hey, Dolph, take a memo
on your Newton.
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00:03:09,439 --> 00:03:10,439
"Beat up Martin."
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Bah!
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All right,
first academic alert...
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Wiggum, Ralph.
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00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:22,202
I won, I won!
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00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:25,580
No, no, Ralph.
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00:03:25,663 --> 00:03:27,123
This means you're
failing English.
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00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,541
Me, fail English?
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00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:30,543
That's unpossible.
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00:03:30,627 --> 00:03:31,961
Muntz, Nelson.
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00:03:32,045 --> 00:03:33,463
You're failing
History, Geography
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00:03:33,546 --> 00:03:34,923
and Math, but...
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00:03:35,006 --> 00:03:36,366
you're doing quite well
in Home Ec.
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00:03:36,424 --> 00:03:38,426
Hey, keep it down, man.
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00:03:40,011 --> 00:03:41,346
Simpson.
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00:03:41,429 --> 00:03:42,429
Lisa.
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00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:45,099
Grades are all I have.
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00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:46,684
What could I be failing?
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00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:49,187
I'm smart and a teacher's pet.
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00:03:50,480 --> 00:03:52,232
Gym?
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00:03:52,315 --> 00:03:55,026
That's the stupidest thing
I ever heard.
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00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:05,411
Lisa, your father and I
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00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:07,455
are very concerned
about this warning.
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00:04:07,538 --> 00:04:09,457
I really hope you try harder.
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00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:11,084
Whoo, that's all of them.
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00:04:11,167 --> 00:04:14,045
And I'm so proud you
didn't try to forge my name.
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00:04:14,128 --> 00:04:15,797
How about a present, son?
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00:04:15,880 --> 00:04:18,132
Well, I could use a new pair
of hockey skates.
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00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:19,217
Done and done.
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00:04:19,300 --> 00:04:20,510
That's not fair.
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00:04:20,593 --> 00:04:22,387
Why is Bart getting a present
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00:04:22,470 --> 00:04:23,638
and I'm getting chewed out?
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00:04:23,721 --> 00:04:25,932
The mysteries of life.
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00:04:26,015 --> 00:04:27,433
Tell you what, Simpson.
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00:04:27,517 --> 00:04:28,810
I won't fail you
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00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,079
if you join one
of those peewee teams
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00:04:30,103 --> 00:04:31,729
outside the school.
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00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,415
You mean those leagues
where parents push their kids
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00:04:33,439 --> 00:04:35,358
into vicious competition
to compensate
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00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:37,610
for their own
failed dreams of glory?
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00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,529
Look, I don't need this.
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00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:42,490
I inhaled my favorite whistle
this morning.
106
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:50,164
D'd'd'd' d'd'd'
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00:04:58,214 --> 00:05:00,258
Children, that was
our only ball.
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00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:01,968
There'll be no team this year.
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00:05:02,051 --> 00:05:03,928
Aww...
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00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:09,392
Mom, this is really scary.
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00:05:09,475 --> 00:05:11,602
I'm going to get
my first "F" ever.
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00:05:11,686 --> 00:05:12,729
Cheer up!
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00:05:12,812 --> 00:05:14,272
So you're not good at sports.
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00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:15,857
It's a very small part of life.
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00:05:15,940 --> 00:05:18,359
♪ Sports, sports,
sports, sports ♪
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00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,195
Marge, Bart rides up
in the front seat today
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00:05:21,279 --> 00:05:23,364
because he's a good
guy at sports.
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00:05:23,448 --> 00:05:26,367
I think Lisa needs to feel
a little special tonight.
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00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:28,202
How about letting her
ride up front too?
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I tried.
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Okay, son, just remember
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to have fun out there today,
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00:05:36,961 --> 00:05:40,173
and if you lose, I'll kill you!
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Dad.
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00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:49,974
All right, Pigs,
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00:05:50,058 --> 00:05:51,225
beat those Gougers.
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00:05:56,481 --> 00:06:00,026
I could have been
equipment manager, but, no!
128
00:06:11,537 --> 00:06:13,247
Our goalie cannot stand up.
129
00:06:13,331 --> 00:06:15,166
Tell you what.
Get some rope.
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00:06:30,807 --> 00:06:32,558
Defense, defense, come on.
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00:06:32,642 --> 00:06:33,642
You call that blowing?
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00:06:37,855 --> 00:06:40,233
Yes!
We won, we won, we won.
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00:06:40,316 --> 00:06:41,442
Unfortunately,
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00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,569
since I bet on the other team,
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00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:45,571
we won't be going for pizza.
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00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:48,991
Well, boy, you won.
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00:06:49,075 --> 00:06:51,369
So I'm going to live up
to my side of the agreement.
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00:06:51,452 --> 00:06:54,414
Here's your turtle,
alive and well.
139
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,082
Aw, thanks, Dad.
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00:06:57,917 --> 00:07:00,128
How about some adulation
from my little sister?
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00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:01,629
Wow, Bart, I'm so impressed
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00:07:01,712 --> 00:07:03,923
you were able to give Milhouse
a concussion.
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00:07:04,006 --> 00:07:06,217
You're just jealous
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00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:08,594
because... you...
stink...
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00:07:08,678 --> 00:07:10,430
at... sports.
146
00:07:10,513 --> 00:07:11,431
Cut it out, Bart!
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00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,514
What the...
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00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:18,104
You know, I wonder if her
skills would transfer over
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00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:19,439
to the game of hockey.
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00:07:19,522 --> 00:07:21,899
Well, only one way to be sure.
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00:07:21,983 --> 00:07:23,776
Heads up, little girl.
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00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:28,573
The goalie of my dreams.
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Let's try a hard one
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00:07:32,285 --> 00:07:33,661
to make sure it wasn't a fluke.
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00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,957
Hey!
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Way to knock out my teeth.
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00:07:40,293 --> 00:07:41,669
That's it, Milhouse.
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00:07:41,752 --> 00:07:42,752
Keep up the chatter.
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00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,968
Lisa,
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00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:51,262
if the Bible has taught us
nothing else...
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00:07:51,345 --> 00:07:53,014
And it hasn't...
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00:07:53,097 --> 00:07:55,433
It's that girls should
stick to girls' sports
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00:07:55,516 --> 00:07:57,393
such as hot-oil wrestling,
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00:07:57,477 --> 00:07:59,645
foxy boxing and such and such.
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00:07:59,729 --> 00:08:02,398
I think women should be able
to play any sport men play,
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00:08:02,482 --> 00:08:04,817
but hockey is so violent
and dangerous.
167
00:08:04,901 --> 00:08:07,445
Look at Milhouse's teeth.
168
00:08:07,528 --> 00:08:09,071
Mom, will you stop
showing us those?
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00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:11,365
I have to join the team,
or I'll get an "F"
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00:08:11,449 --> 00:08:13,367
that will haunt me
for the rest of my life.
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00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:18,331
I now pronounce you
president of these United...
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00:08:18,414 --> 00:08:19,749
Stop the inauguration!
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00:08:19,832 --> 00:08:21,918
I just discovered
our president-elect
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00:08:22,001 --> 00:08:23,920
got an "F"
in second grade gym class.
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00:08:25,213 --> 00:08:26,964
In that case, I sentence you
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00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:30,510
to a lifetime of horror
on Monster Island.
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00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:32,386
Don't worry.
It's just a name.
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00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:39,519
He said...
it was just a name.
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00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:40,996
What he meant is
that Monster Island
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00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:43,523
is actually a peninsula.
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00:08:46,150 --> 00:08:47,944
Do you have my teeth?
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00:08:50,696 --> 00:08:51,696
No.
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00:08:55,243 --> 00:08:56,494
Okay, hotshots,
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00:08:56,577 --> 00:08:58,246
now that my daughter
is on your team,
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00:08:58,329 --> 00:09:00,498
I want to make
a few things clear.
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00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,625
Please, Dad, I'll be fine.
187
00:09:02,708 --> 00:09:04,293
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,837
I don't want anyone
to give her a hard time
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00:09:06,921 --> 00:09:08,297
just because she's different.
190
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,258
No jokes, no taunting.
191
00:09:12,009 --> 00:09:14,595
Look, that kid's got bosoms!
Who's got a wet towel?
192
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:18,099
Come here, you butterball.
193
00:09:18,182 --> 00:09:19,433
Don't make me run!
194
00:09:19,517 --> 00:09:20,851
I'm full of chocolate.
195
00:09:26,482 --> 00:09:27,984
Whoa!
196
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:31,195
I can't even watch.
197
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:32,196
I don't know how
you two can sit here
198
00:09:32,280 --> 00:09:33,906
laughing at poor Lisa
199
00:09:33,990 --> 00:09:36,242
while she's out there
probably scared to death.
200
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,327
We're laughing with her, Marge.
201
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:39,704
There's a big difference.
202
00:09:39,787 --> 00:09:41,038
Whoa!
203
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,877
With her.
204
00:09:46,961 --> 00:09:49,213
You really think I did okay
out there, Mom?
205
00:09:49,297 --> 00:09:51,048
Absolutely, honey.
206
00:09:51,132 --> 00:09:53,884
By blocking the net, I really
think you helped your team.
207
00:09:55,177 --> 00:09:57,305
Okay, little buddy, hop in.
208
00:09:57,388 --> 00:09:58,681
Hup!
209
00:09:58,764 --> 00:10:01,225
I mean, my little girl buddy.
210
00:10:01,309 --> 00:10:03,561
That's very nice, Dad,
but it's wrong for you
211
00:10:03,644 --> 00:10:05,855
to reward violent,
competitive behavior.
212
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:07,565
However, I will
sit up front with you
213
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:09,442
if it's a fatherly
gesture of love.
214
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:10,818
Okay, honey.
215
00:10:10,901 --> 00:10:12,528
Sucker!
216
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:14,655
Competitive violence...
That's why you're here!
217
00:10:35,885 --> 00:10:38,512
We are having
our best season ever.
218
00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:42,600
I would like to say that
it is because of teamwork.
219
00:10:42,683 --> 00:10:44,185
Gee, who am I kidding?
220
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:45,603
It's all because of Lisa.
221
00:10:45,686 --> 00:10:47,021
Let's hear it for Lisa.
222
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:51,359
Hey, Bart,
223
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,569
if Lisa's better
than you at hockey,
224
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,405
does that mean you're gonna
become better than her at school?
225
00:10:58,032 --> 00:11:01,035
Maybe I will, Milhouse.
226
00:11:01,118 --> 00:11:03,663
Maybe I will.
227
00:11:07,416 --> 00:11:09,085
Who can tell me
the capital of Spain?
228
00:11:09,168 --> 00:11:10,294
Bart Simpson.
229
00:11:10,378 --> 00:11:12,004
The square root of 36?
230
00:11:12,088 --> 00:11:13,756
Bart Simpson.
231
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,132
Who freed the slaves?
232
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:16,509
Bart Simpson.
233
00:11:16,592 --> 00:11:17,593
Bart Simpson?
234
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:19,053
Bart Simpson.
235
00:11:19,136 --> 00:11:21,347
Bart Simpson,
will you stop raising your hand?
236
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,908
You haven't had
one right answer all day.
237
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:23,974
Sorry.
238
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,020
This is for wasting
teacher's valuable time.
239
00:11:31,148 --> 00:11:32,650
Lay off, guys!
240
00:11:32,733 --> 00:11:34,151
He's with me.
241
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:36,237
It's a lucky coincidence
242
00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,364
you happen to be
your sister's brother.
243
00:11:38,447 --> 00:11:39,532
Don't worry, Bart.
244
00:11:39,615 --> 00:11:41,575
They won't bother you anymore.
245
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,124
I hardly ever let Mother
fight for me anymore.
246
00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:49,667
Sorry, Bart.
247
00:11:49,750 --> 00:11:52,878
I'm gonna hang out
with Lisa for protection...
248
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,922
and to be seen.
249
00:11:57,758 --> 00:11:59,427
Come watch TV with me, Dad.
250
00:11:59,510 --> 00:12:01,113
We missed the first
two episodes of "Cops."
251
00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,305
But if we hurry,
we can catch the last three.
252
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:06,767
Sorry, Bart. Lisa and I
are going out for gelato.
253
00:12:06,851 --> 00:12:09,437
We'd ask you to come, but...
254
00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:10,604
you know...
255
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,650
Bart, I can spend
some time with you.
256
00:12:14,734 --> 00:12:16,277
I don't know, Mom.
257
00:12:16,360 --> 00:12:17,421
Don't have a
stereotypical view of me
258
00:12:17,445 --> 00:12:18,821
just because I'm your mother.
259
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:22,742
I know, how about
we play the basketball?
260
00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,827
I'm no Harvey
Globetrotter, but...
261
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:29,957
Watch out for the Shaq attack!
262
00:12:31,083 --> 00:12:32,376
Ooh!
263
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:34,086
I told you to watch out.
264
00:12:34,170 --> 00:12:37,089
Hey, Milhouse, knock him
down if he's in your way!
265
00:12:37,173 --> 00:12:38,799
Jimbo, Jimbo, go for the face!
266
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:41,761
Look. Ralph Wiggum
lost his shin guard!
267
00:12:41,844 --> 00:12:43,220
Hack the bone!
268
00:12:43,304 --> 00:12:44,930
Hack the bone!
269
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:48,642
Wow! Eye of the tiger.
Mouth of a Teamster.
270
00:12:48,726 --> 00:12:53,314
Just think of all the time
I wasted on you!
271
00:12:53,397 --> 00:12:55,608
Yeah, well, not wasted.
272
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:57,610
I love you.
273
00:12:59,737 --> 00:13:03,824
Let me give my special
little winner a big, big hug.
274
00:13:03,908 --> 00:13:07,620
Ma, I think I'm all hugged out.
275
00:13:07,703 --> 00:13:09,622
One more.
276
00:13:14,418 --> 00:13:15,795
Hello, Queen Lisa.
277
00:13:15,878 --> 00:13:17,755
Bart, what are you
doing in my room?
278
00:13:17,838 --> 00:13:21,258
Lisa, certain differences...
Rivalries if you will...
279
00:13:21,342 --> 00:13:22,718
Have come up between us.
280
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,428
At first, I thought
we could talk it over
281
00:13:24,512 --> 00:13:26,096
like civilized people,
282
00:13:26,180 --> 00:13:31,435
but instead, I just ripped
the head off Mr. Honeybunny.
283
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,021
Bart, that was your
cherished childhood toy.
284
00:13:34,104 --> 00:13:36,398
Mr. Honeybunny!
285
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:40,986
Quiet down, Bart!
286
00:13:41,070 --> 00:13:42,446
Bart, just get out of here.
287
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,365
Hey, it's a free country.
You get out.
288
00:13:44,448 --> 00:13:45,533
That doesn't make sense.
289
00:13:45,616 --> 00:13:47,326
I know you are, but what am I?
290
00:13:47,409 --> 00:13:48,786
Get out! Get out!
291
00:13:48,869 --> 00:13:50,663
Okay!
292
00:13:50,746 --> 00:13:54,124
But on my way,
I'm going to be doing this.
293
00:13:54,208 --> 00:13:58,796
If you get hit,
it's your own fault.
294
00:13:58,879 --> 00:14:03,008
Okay. Then I'm gonn start
kicking air like this.
295
00:14:03,092 --> 00:14:05,845
And if any part of you
should fill that air,
296
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,639
it's your own fault.
297
00:14:18,065 --> 00:14:20,234
I'd better go check that out.
298
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:24,405
Now, Homer,
don't you eat this pie.
299
00:14:24,488 --> 00:14:26,615
Okay.
300
00:14:26,699 --> 00:14:29,076
All right, pie,
I'm just gonna do this.
301
00:14:31,287 --> 00:14:33,289
And if you get eaten,
it's your own fault.
302
00:14:35,666 --> 00:14:36,666
D'
303
00:14:37,668 --> 00:14:40,004
My!
304
00:14:40,087 --> 00:14:41,087
The hell with it.
305
00:14:45,342 --> 00:14:46,677
Stop it!
Stop it!
306
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:47,678
Stop it!
Stop it!
307
00:14:47,761 --> 00:14:50,055
Stop it!
308
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:51,765
Mom, that is really annoying.
309
00:14:51,849 --> 00:14:53,851
- Bart started it.
- Nuh-Lisa started it.
310
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,519
I don't care who started it.
311
00:14:55,603 --> 00:14:56,788
I don't ever want to see you two
312
00:14:56,812 --> 00:14:58,480
fighting like that ever again.
313
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:00,024
We love you both.
314
00:15:00,107 --> 00:15:01,901
You're not in competition
with each other.
315
00:15:01,984 --> 00:15:05,821
Repeat: You are not
in competition with each other.
316
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:07,740
Hey, Apu just called.
317
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:10,743
This Friday, Lisa's team
is playing Bart's team.
318
00:15:10,826 --> 00:15:12,786
You're in direct competition!
319
00:15:12,870 --> 00:15:14,330
And don't go easy on each other
320
00:15:14,413 --> 00:15:15,807
just because you're
brother and sister.
321
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:17,207
I want to see you both fighting
322
00:15:17,291 --> 00:15:19,293
for your parents' love!
323
00:15:19,376 --> 00:15:20,878
Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
324
00:15:20,961 --> 00:15:22,296
Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
325
00:15:22,379 --> 00:15:23,797
Fight! Fight!
Fight! Fight!
326
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,221
All right, I'm gonna make
a little deal with you mugs.
327
00:15:31,305 --> 00:15:33,766
I'm gonna let you all out to see
my team play the hockey game
328
00:15:33,849 --> 00:15:36,560
if you promise
to return to your cells.
329
00:15:36,644 --> 00:15:39,897
Sorry, pig.
We can't make that promise.
330
00:15:39,980 --> 00:15:42,858
All right. All right,
I'll sweeten the deal.
331
00:15:42,942 --> 00:15:44,753
You can see the game,
you don't have to come back,
332
00:15:44,777 --> 00:15:49,365
but you have to promise not
to commit any more crimes, okay?
333
00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:51,533
- No.
- I'll take that as a yes.
334
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:55,037
All right!
We're free!
335
00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:58,374
♪ At 7:00 tonight,
the games begin ♪
336
00:15:58,457 --> 00:16:01,168
♪ Bart versus Lisa,
who will win? ♪
337
00:16:01,251 --> 00:16:03,879
♪ Their father's fat,
and their mother's thin ♪
338
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:07,007
♪ And Grandpa Simpson
reeks of gin ♪
339
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,842
Hey...
340
00:16:10,010 --> 00:16:11,971
That's obsession for men.
341
00:16:14,181 --> 00:16:15,181
Pass ketchup.
342
00:16:17,935 --> 00:16:20,729
You'll have to do better
than that tonight, chump.
343
00:16:22,564 --> 00:16:23,899
I asked for ketchup.
344
00:16:23,983 --> 00:16:26,360
I'm eating salad here.
345
00:16:26,443 --> 00:16:28,904
I won't have any aggressive
condiment passing in this house.
346
00:16:30,364 --> 00:16:32,533
- Hello.
- Moe, what are you doing here?
347
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:35,744
What? What, a bartender
can't come by and say hi
348
00:16:35,828 --> 00:16:36,828
to his best customer?
349
00:16:36,870 --> 00:16:38,414
Hey, hey ya there, Midge.
350
00:16:38,497 --> 00:16:40,499
Gee, I like what you
done to your hair.
351
00:16:40,582 --> 00:16:42,876
You caught me
at a real bad time, Moe.
352
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,187
I hope you understand
I'm too tense
353
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,504
to pretend I like you.
354
00:16:45,587 --> 00:16:47,923
And how are
the little kids doing?
355
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:49,800
I mean, really
how are they doing?
356
00:16:49,883 --> 00:16:51,677
Any disabling injuries?
Something, say,
357
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:54,054
that the gambling community
might not yet know about?
358
00:16:54,138 --> 00:16:55,806
Come here,
let me see those knees.
359
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,182
Moe, I think you should leave.
360
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:58,866
But, Blanche, you gotta
help me out here.
361
00:16:58,892 --> 00:17:00,978
Please, I'm 64 grand
in the hole.
362
00:17:01,061 --> 00:17:03,313
They're going to take my thumbs!
363
00:17:03,397 --> 00:17:05,357
♪♪
364
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:07,234
Charge!
365
00:17:08,736 --> 00:17:11,155
Good luck tonight, sis.
366
00:17:11,238 --> 00:17:13,115
I'll try not to hurt you.
367
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:16,410
Don't worry. I'm wearing
my lucky rabbit's head.
368
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,037
Mr. Honeybunny!
369
00:17:18,120 --> 00:17:19,705
You inhumane monster!
370
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:20,914
You want a piece of me?
371
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:23,959
Kids, stop it.
372
00:17:24,043 --> 00:17:25,961
Conserve your precious
hatred for the game.
373
00:17:26,045 --> 00:17:28,630
Now that we're all alone,
Marge, admit it.
374
00:17:28,714 --> 00:17:30,966
- You like Lisa best.
- No.
375
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:32,152
So you're a Bart woman, are you?
376
00:17:32,176 --> 00:17:33,635
No.
377
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,155
Well, you can't possibly like
Maggie best.
378
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,057
What has she ever done?
Nothing for nobody.
379
00:17:38,140 --> 00:17:40,934
Homer, we can't root for
one child over the other.
380
00:17:41,018 --> 00:17:43,812
You wouldn't like it if the kids
played favorites with us.
381
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:45,606
Hey, Mom, look at me, Mom.
382
00:17:45,689 --> 00:17:47,399
Hi, Mom.
Over here.
383
00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,400
Mom.
384
00:17:48,484 --> 00:17:50,402
Hi, kids.
385
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,404
And now, to honor America,
386
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,157
here's Krusty the Clown.
387
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:59,036
♪ O, say can you see ♪
388
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:03,248
♪ Da-da-da-da-da light ♪
389
00:18:03,332 --> 00:18:06,043
♪ What so proudly we... ♪
390
00:18:07,127 --> 00:18:11,006
♪ Da-da... ♪
391
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,550
I shouldn't have turned down
those cue cards.
392
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:27,772
I love Bart!
393
00:18:32,903 --> 00:18:34,947
No, wait, I love Lisa!
394
00:18:35,030 --> 00:18:37,741
Beer!
Marge, I love you.
395
00:19:03,809 --> 00:19:05,727
He tripped my boy!
396
00:19:05,811 --> 00:19:06,811
I demand vengeance!
397
00:19:06,854 --> 00:19:09,106
I want vengeance!
398
00:19:10,607 --> 00:19:12,484
Jimbo Jones called for tripping.
399
00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:15,529
The penalty shot will be
taken by Bart Simpson.
400
00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,032
My God, Marge.
401
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,385
A penalty shot with
only four seconds left.
402
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:21,827
It's your child versus mine.
403
00:19:21,910 --> 00:19:23,620
The winner will be
showered with praise.
404
00:19:23,704 --> 00:19:25,581
The loser will be
taunted and booed
405
00:19:25,664 --> 00:19:27,457
until my throat is sore.
406
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:33,881
Kill her, boy!
Kill her!
407
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:36,675
Stop him dead, little girl.
408
00:19:36,758 --> 00:19:40,053
Kill, Bart.
Kill, Bart. Kill, Bart...
409
00:19:40,137 --> 00:19:43,098
Kill Bart. Kill Bart.
Kill Bart...
410
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:42,324
Great game, Lis.
411
00:20:42,407 --> 00:20:43,825
Great game, Bart.
412
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,249
- Tie game?
- What the hell?
413
00:20:50,332 --> 00:20:51,667
This is outrageous.
414
00:20:51,750 --> 00:20:55,921
I've never been
so proud of them.
415
00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,926
They're both losers.
416
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,219
Losers!
417
00:21:02,302 --> 00:21:05,806
- Rip-off!
- We paid for blood.
418
00:21:05,889 --> 00:21:07,808
Let's tear this place apart.
419
00:21:07,891 --> 00:21:09,226
Good idea.
420
00:21:14,731 --> 00:21:18,527
Those kids are, like, so sweet.
421
00:21:18,610 --> 00:21:22,656
If only they had
had peewee hockey
422
00:21:22,739 --> 00:21:23,907
when I was a lad.
423
00:21:25,784 --> 00:21:26,868
Well...
424
00:21:41,174 --> 00:21:43,343
♪♪
425
00:22:26,762 --> 00:22:27,888
Shh.
426
00:22:31,058 --> 00:22:33,935
CAPTIONS ENHANCED BY
ROUNDABOUT ENTERTAINMENT INC.
29354
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