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♪ The Simpsons ♪
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D'
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Aah!
4
00:00:41,124 --> 00:00:42,834
Remember, Bart...
5
00:00:42,917 --> 00:00:44,878
I mean, Dances in Underwear...
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00:00:44,961 --> 00:00:46,796
We take the white man alive.
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All right, Thinks Too Much.
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It shall be so.
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00:00:51,718 --> 00:00:53,636
Keep your eyes peeled
for injuns.
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I mean Native Americans.
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They're after us
because we gave them
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those blankets infected
with cooties.
13
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I ate all my caps. Ooh!
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00:01:01,811 --> 00:01:02,812
Throw down your weapons
15
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and kiss the prairie, cow dorks.
16
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,107
Aah!
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00:01:06,191 --> 00:01:10,487
Why do we have to play
this corny old game anyway?
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00:01:10,570 --> 00:01:12,781
I brought my jacks.
19
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I got twosies.
20
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Hey!
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That's not fair, Nelson.
22
00:01:21,831 --> 00:01:24,042
They didn't have
the Killmatic-3000 back then.
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Hey, records from that era
are spotty at best.
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Bart, Lisa, time for church.
25
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Milhouse, time for church.
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Shlomo, time for
your violin lesson.
27
00:01:57,617 --> 00:01:59,702
Why the crap do we have
to go to church anyway?
28
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You just answered
your own question
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00:02:01,329 --> 00:02:02,705
with that commode mouth.
30
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:04,415
Besides, you kids need to learn
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00:02:04,499 --> 00:02:05,667
morals and decency
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and how to love your fellow man.
33
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And with flaming swords,
the Aromites did pierce
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the eyes of their fellow men,
35
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and did feast
on what flowed forth.
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Among whom also we all
once conducted ourselves
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00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:22,267
in the lusts of our flesh...
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00:02:22,350 --> 00:02:24,644
♪ I'm a troll man ♪
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00:02:24,727 --> 00:02:26,354
♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo,
doo-doo, doo ♪
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00:02:26,437 --> 00:02:28,356
♪ I'm a troll man ♪
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I don't want you
playing with something
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that has such bizarre hair.
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Awful, awful hair.
44
00:02:39,659 --> 00:02:41,619
And now, my daughter Jessica,
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who has just returned
from boarding school,
46
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will read the same passage
I just read.
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I noticed a few of you
weren't paying attention.
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Wow!
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There is a God.
50
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I'm telling you,
the light would work better
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if it pointed out to sea.
52
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Dar, shut up.
53
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I know what I'm doing.
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Yar, I hate the sea
55
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and everything in it.
56
00:03:16,529 --> 00:03:17,864
Bye. Bye-bye,
bye-bye.
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00:03:17,947 --> 00:03:19,627
Thank you for choosing
our church. Bye-bye.
58
00:03:19,699 --> 00:03:22,994
I've never felt
this way about a girl before.
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My long search is finally over.
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Hi, I'm Bart Simpson.
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00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:37,842
I was incredibly moved
by your reading.
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I don't think God's words
have ever sounded so plausible.
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00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:43,097
Thanks, Art.
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00:03:43,181 --> 00:03:46,184
Um, I have to go over here now.
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00:03:50,939 --> 00:03:52,857
Don't be so hard
on yourself, Bart.
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00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,276
It's not your fault
Jessica doesn't like you.
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00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,403
Is it my hair, my overbite?
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00:03:57,487 --> 00:03:58,797
The fact I've worn
the same clothes
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00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,657
day in, day out
for the last four years?
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00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,409
No, Bart. I just think
you and Jessica are too different
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00:04:03,493 --> 00:04:05,370
from each other to get along.
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00:04:05,453 --> 00:04:07,247
She's a sweet, kind
reverend's daughter,
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00:04:07,330 --> 00:04:10,083
and you're the devil's
cabana boy.
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Good.
Very good.
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00:04:16,464 --> 00:04:18,716
Ralph, Jesus did
not have wheels.
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00:04:21,552 --> 00:04:22,720
Bart Simpson?
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00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,681
Yes, ma'am.
I'd like to return
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00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:27,141
to your wonderful
Sunday school, please.
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00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:29,769
But, Bart, we banned you
from Sunday school.
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00:04:29,852 --> 00:04:33,898
You were happy, we were happy,
everybody was happy.
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Particularly the hamster.
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I've changed my ways.
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00:04:40,405 --> 00:04:42,991
Please give me
another chance, ma'am.
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00:04:43,074 --> 00:04:44,617
All right, Bart.
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00:04:44,701 --> 00:04:47,370
The Bible does teach
forgiveness.
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00:04:47,453 --> 00:04:51,165
Class, I want you to welcome back
our prodigal son.
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00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:52,875
What's prodigal mean?
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00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:54,252
Dear.
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00:04:54,335 --> 00:04:56,921
You know, the great thing
about Sunday school
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00:04:57,005 --> 00:05:00,091
is we're finally learning
something we can use.
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00:05:00,174 --> 00:05:02,093
Yeah, so true.
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00:05:02,176 --> 00:05:04,721
I have to turn my chair
this way now.
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00:05:06,264 --> 00:05:09,726
Somehow I got to convince her
I'm a good person.
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00:05:09,809 --> 00:05:13,771
All right. I have to sit here
and behave no matter what.
95
00:05:13,855 --> 00:05:15,815
Okay, class, we have
a special treat today
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00:05:15,898 --> 00:05:17,525
for pass-around:
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00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:21,362
A replica of the slingshot
David used to slay Goliath.
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00:05:21,446 --> 00:05:23,239
While you kids are
looking at that,
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00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:25,158
I'll busy myself
in this file cabinet.
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00:05:30,913 --> 00:05:34,167
Must... fight... Satan.
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00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,712
Make it... up to him...
102
00:05:39,922 --> 00:05:40,922
later.
103
00:05:42,383 --> 00:05:45,261
You know, I was considering
staying after school
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00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,430
and helping teacher clean up.
105
00:05:48,973 --> 00:05:52,060
Do you ever think anything
you don't say?
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00:05:54,771 --> 00:05:57,315
There is just no pleasing
a girl like that.
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00:05:57,398 --> 00:06:00,360
All that unnecessary behaving.
108
00:06:00,443 --> 00:06:03,321
I'm all tense through
the chestal area.
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00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:04,989
I need relief.
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00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,999
Though the kilt was only
for day-to-day wear,
111
00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,542
in battle,
112
00:06:16,626 --> 00:06:20,546
we donned a full-length
ball gown covered in sequins.
113
00:06:20,630 --> 00:06:23,383
The idea was to blind
your opponent with luxury.
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00:06:26,386 --> 00:06:29,263
'tis no more
than what God gave me,
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00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,932
you puritan pukes.
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That'll hold me.
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00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,137
At least till I get my hands
on some kind of explosives.
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00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,571
Congratulations, Simpson.
119
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You just fell for our sting,
120
00:06:47,490 --> 00:06:50,076
and won yourself
three months' detention.
121
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:53,413
There's no such thing
as Scotchtoberfest.
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There's not?
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00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,582
You used me, Skinner!
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00:06:56,666 --> 00:06:58,459
You used me!
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00:06:58,543 --> 00:07:00,336
Three months?
126
00:07:02,839 --> 00:07:04,465
Hi, Bart.
127
00:07:04,549 --> 00:07:06,384
I saw the way they set you up.
128
00:07:06,467 --> 00:07:08,803
That was really unfair.
129
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:13,182
Want to have dinner
at my house tonight?
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00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:14,350
Really?
131
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,352
Sure.
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00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,104
Great.
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00:07:18,187 --> 00:07:20,440
We eat at 7:00.
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00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:23,234
There's only one thing to do
at a moment like this...
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00:07:23,317 --> 00:07:24,485
strut.
136
00:07:39,208 --> 00:07:41,127
I can't believe my little boy
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00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,172
is already going
on his first date.
138
00:07:44,255 --> 00:07:47,049
♪ Sunrise, sunset ♪
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00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:50,052
♪ Sunrise, sunset... ♪
140
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,972
♪ Cats in the cradle
and the silver spoon... ♪
141
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:55,766
♪ Yes, we have no bananas ♪
142
00:07:57,185 --> 00:07:58,769
That's sweet, homer.
143
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:01,063
Our son is growing up, isn't he?
144
00:08:01,147 --> 00:08:02,315
No, it's not that.
145
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:03,941
Didn't you hear?
146
00:08:04,025 --> 00:08:05,526
They have no bananas.
147
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:08,696
They have no bananas today!
148
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,244
So, Bart, how's school going?
149
00:08:15,328 --> 00:08:17,330
Jessica always gets
straight A's.
150
00:08:17,413 --> 00:08:20,208
Well, in my family, grades
aren't that important.
151
00:08:20,291 --> 00:08:22,585
It's what you learn that counts.
152
00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:24,045
6 x 5... What is it?
153
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:26,047
Um, actually, numbers
don't have much use
154
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,840
in my future career:
155
00:08:27,924 --> 00:08:30,051
Olympic gold medal
rocket sled champ.
156
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:32,929
I didn't know the rocket sled
was an Olympic event.
157
00:08:33,012 --> 00:08:35,812
Well, no offense, lady, but what
you don't know could fill a warehouse.
158
00:08:36,682 --> 00:08:38,434
Young man, explain yourself.
159
00:08:38,518 --> 00:08:40,811
Sorry. I have kind
of a short fuse,
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00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:42,647
which some find charming.
161
00:08:42,730 --> 00:08:44,398
Speaking of charming,
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00:08:44,482 --> 00:08:48,361
watching Fox last night,
I heard a rather amusing story.
163
00:08:48,444 --> 00:08:51,781
This character named Martin
was feeling rather randy,
164
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:53,491
and he was heard to remark...
165
00:08:55,201 --> 00:08:57,370
And don't you ever come near
my daughter again.
166
00:08:57,453 --> 00:09:00,665
Never have I heard such
gratuitous use of the word "butt".
167
00:09:00,748 --> 00:09:02,708
- But, but, but...
- Make him stop.
168
00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,585
- But, but, but...
- Make him stop!
169
00:09:11,342 --> 00:09:14,762
You're bad, Bart Simpson.
170
00:09:14,845 --> 00:09:16,222
No, I'm not.
I'm really...
171
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:17,682
Yes, you are.
You're bad.
172
00:09:17,765 --> 00:09:19,058
And I like it.
173
00:09:19,141 --> 00:09:20,893
I'm bad to the bone, honey.
174
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,061
Let's go find some fun.
175
00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:23,229
But your father said...
176
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:26,148
I told the rev
I was going to my room
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00:09:26,232 --> 00:09:27,567
to say my prayers.
178
00:09:27,650 --> 00:09:31,904
Smart, beautiful and a liar.
179
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:35,074
So much better than
that Sarah, plain and tall.
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00:09:37,994 --> 00:09:42,582
♪♪
181
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,718
Woo!
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00:09:53,801 --> 00:09:55,041
Right there.
Put it right there.
183
00:09:56,512 --> 00:09:59,432
Excellent.
You're incredible, Jessica.
184
00:09:59,515 --> 00:10:02,685
Your throws, your catches,
your spirals, your loops.
185
00:10:02,768 --> 00:10:06,355
It's like the toilet paper
is an extension of your body.
186
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,940
Wee!
187
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:09,344
No way would
a minister's daughter
188
00:10:09,400 --> 00:10:11,319
go out with you.
189
00:10:11,402 --> 00:10:13,446
Yeah? I'll prove it.
190
00:10:13,529 --> 00:10:15,364
Hey, Jessica.
191
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:17,867
Yes, am I supposed to know you?
192
00:10:17,950 --> 00:10:19,744
Jessica, we just... Oof!
193
00:10:19,827 --> 00:10:23,080
That's for besmirching
an innocent girl's name.
194
00:10:25,207 --> 00:10:26,125
Why?
195
00:10:26,208 --> 00:10:28,210
I'm sorry, Bart.
196
00:10:28,294 --> 00:10:31,547
You know my parents
can't find out about us.
197
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:36,135
And besides, if it's secret,
it's even more exciting.
198
00:10:36,218 --> 00:10:37,762
I guess.
199
00:10:37,845 --> 00:10:39,513
Hey, you want to
go skateboarding?
200
00:10:39,597 --> 00:10:41,015
Um, actually,
201
00:10:41,098 --> 00:10:43,434
I was hoping I could
sit down for just a second.
202
00:10:43,517 --> 00:10:46,228
Come on. It'll be fun.
203
00:10:48,439 --> 00:10:49,732
Wow!
204
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,193
Now I have the energy
to do anything.
205
00:10:53,819 --> 00:10:54,862
Just give me two minutes.
206
00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:01,786
Jessica, I think
this is too steep.
207
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:05,623
Bart, you can't trust your
perception at this altitude.
208
00:11:12,421 --> 00:11:14,965
Actually, if the road surface
maintains its integrity,
209
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,176
I just might be able to hold on.
210
00:11:32,983 --> 00:11:35,403
The glue will slow me down.
211
00:11:35,486 --> 00:11:36,612
Any glue leaking?
212
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,572
No, that glue
ain't going nowhere.
213
00:11:38,656 --> 00:11:41,075
Nothing's ever gonna stop me.
214
00:11:49,542 --> 00:11:53,170
No.
There goes the glue after all.
215
00:11:54,547 --> 00:11:56,132
No!
216
00:12:00,177 --> 00:12:01,804
Fun?
217
00:12:10,896 --> 00:12:13,107
Have you noticed
any change in Bart?
218
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:14,608
New glasses?
219
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:17,778
No. He looks like something
might be disturbing him.
220
00:12:17,862 --> 00:12:19,864
Probably misses his old glasses.
221
00:12:19,947 --> 00:12:22,408
I guess we could get more
involved in Bart's activities,
222
00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,286
but then I'd be afraid
of smothering him.
223
00:12:25,369 --> 00:12:27,455
Yeah, and then
we'd get the chair.
224
00:12:27,538 --> 00:12:28,664
That's not what I meant.
225
00:12:28,748 --> 00:12:30,374
It was, Marge. Admit it.
226
00:12:34,545 --> 00:12:36,589
- Hi.
- We should get to class.
227
00:12:36,672 --> 00:12:39,175
- What's the hurry?
- We could get in trouble for being late.
228
00:12:39,258 --> 00:12:41,510
You worry too much.
229
00:12:41,594 --> 00:12:43,596
Come on.
If you stay here a while,
230
00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:45,931
I'll let you hold my hand.
231
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,148
Teamwork.
Come on, Bart.
232
00:12:59,570 --> 00:13:02,281
If I don't save the
wee turtles, who will?
233
00:13:05,701 --> 00:13:08,329
Aah!
Save me from the wee turtles.
234
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,831
They were too quick for me.
Aah!
235
00:13:10,915 --> 00:13:12,541
I can't believe it, Bart.
236
00:13:12,625 --> 00:13:15,127
I'd always thought
Jessica was so sweet.
237
00:13:15,211 --> 00:13:16,545
She's like a milk dud, Lis.
238
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:20,049
Sweet on the outside,
poison on the inside.
239
00:13:20,132 --> 00:13:21,342
You gotta give her up.
240
00:13:21,425 --> 00:13:23,135
No, no, wait. Hear my plan.
241
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:25,471
Put up with her
for seven more years.
242
00:13:25,554 --> 00:13:27,056
Then we'll get married.
243
00:13:27,139 --> 00:13:28,641
Once the first baby comes along,
244
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:30,884
she's bound to settle down
and start treating me right.
245
00:13:30,935 --> 00:13:32,394
After all, I deserve it.
246
00:13:32,478 --> 00:13:35,940
Bart, it's naive to think
you can change a person...
247
00:13:36,023 --> 00:13:39,485
Except maybe that boy
who works in the library.
248
00:13:39,568 --> 00:13:42,446
Do you have "Go, Dog, Go"?
249
00:13:42,530 --> 00:13:44,406
That's in juvenile.
250
00:13:44,490 --> 00:13:45,991
This is young adult.
251
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:48,953
Well-read, and just
a little wild.
252
00:13:49,036 --> 00:13:52,581
Ooh, if only someone
could tame him.
253
00:13:52,665 --> 00:13:54,041
You're right, Lisa.
254
00:13:54,124 --> 00:13:56,085
Love isn't about fixing someone.
255
00:13:56,168 --> 00:13:58,754
I'm just gonna
give her up cold turkey.
256
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:02,049
I'm not going to talk to her
or see her. It's over.
257
00:14:02,132 --> 00:14:04,343
Thanks for the advice, sis.
258
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:17,022
There.
If I can just get through
259
00:14:17,106 --> 00:14:18,607
this many days
without seeing her,
260
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,901
she should be completely
out of my system.
261
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,237
Okay, day one.
262
00:14:28,075 --> 00:14:29,660
Time for church, Bart.
263
00:14:29,743 --> 00:14:31,471
I bet your little friend
Jessica will be there.
264
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:32,495
D'
265
00:14:37,793 --> 00:14:39,545
Jessica.
266
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,796
Bart, be strong.
267
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,464
You don't need
that little hellcat.
268
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:46,927
Lis, she's already
drawing me to her
269
00:14:47,011 --> 00:14:49,680
with her beautiful siren song.
270
00:14:57,187 --> 00:15:01,400
That's very disturbing. Hnh!
271
00:15:01,483 --> 00:15:02,902
Hey, Bart.
272
00:15:02,985 --> 00:15:04,445
What?
What's wrong?
273
00:15:04,528 --> 00:15:06,155
Well, Jessica,
274
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:10,242
I don't think we should
hang out together anymore.
275
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,994
You're turning me
into a criminal,
276
00:15:12,077 --> 00:15:14,413
when all I want to be
is a petty thug.
277
00:15:15,831 --> 00:15:18,083
Good. Here comes
the collection plate.
278
00:15:27,551 --> 00:15:28,802
Homer!
279
00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:30,429
We can spare it, Marge.
280
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,805
We've been blessed.
281
00:15:31,889 --> 00:15:34,600
You're right
about everything, Bart.
282
00:15:34,683 --> 00:15:36,894
I have been too reckless.
283
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:41,148
From now on,
I am going to settle down.
284
00:15:44,735 --> 00:15:46,737
Jessica, what are you doing?
285
00:15:46,820 --> 00:15:49,531
Well, it takes money
to start a new life.
286
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,201
Stealing from the collection
basket is really wrong.
287
00:15:52,284 --> 00:15:53,494
Even I know that.
288
00:15:53,577 --> 00:15:55,955
Fine.
You just lost your cut.
289
00:15:57,498 --> 00:15:58,582
I'll just take that.
290
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:03,545
Everyone turn around
and look at this.
291
00:16:04,588 --> 00:16:06,590
What is it, a unitarian?
292
00:16:09,927 --> 00:16:13,055
Just relax. For once,
you didn't do anything wrong.
293
00:16:13,138 --> 00:16:15,307
Just explain yourself,
and everyone will understand.
294
00:16:15,391 --> 00:16:16,391
I...
295
00:16:16,433 --> 00:16:17,535
Took the money?
Yes, we know.
296
00:16:17,559 --> 00:16:18,477
He confessed.
297
00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:20,187
Okay.
298
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,692
Stop him,
he's headed for the window!
299
00:16:28,529 --> 00:16:30,572
Son, if you can look me
in the eye
300
00:16:30,656 --> 00:16:33,242
and say you didn't take
the collection money,
301
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,160
that's all I need.
302
00:16:35,244 --> 00:16:36,578
I didn't take it.
303
00:16:36,662 --> 00:16:37,662
Why, you little...
304
00:16:37,705 --> 00:16:38,622
How can you look me in the eye
305
00:16:38,706 --> 00:16:39,707
and lie like that?
306
00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:40,790
Homer, stop that.
307
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:42,209
I believe him.
308
00:16:42,292 --> 00:16:44,294
Tell me, if he didn't
take the money,
309
00:16:44,378 --> 00:16:46,922
why is he wearing
those fancy clothes?
310
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,841
That's what he wore to church.
311
00:16:48,924 --> 00:16:50,509
Ooh, how convenient.
312
00:16:50,592 --> 00:16:53,345
Bart, honey, do you know
who did take the money?
313
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,182
No.
314
00:16:57,266 --> 00:16:59,893
See, son? Telling
the truth isn't so bad.
315
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:08,360
- Crook!
- Thief!
316
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:10,404
Stealer of money from
the church collection plate!
317
00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,492
We've got to talk.
318
00:17:15,576 --> 00:17:17,077
Listen, thanks for
not turning me in.
319
00:17:17,161 --> 00:17:19,413
That was sweet.
320
00:17:19,496 --> 00:17:21,415
Well, it seems like if you
really care for me,
321
00:17:21,498 --> 00:17:23,125
you should come forward.
322
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:25,085
Don't you see, it's
because I care for you
323
00:17:25,169 --> 00:17:26,795
that I can't come forward.
324
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,423
That doesn't make any sense.
325
00:17:29,506 --> 00:17:31,550
Alright, then I just don't
feel like it, okay?
326
00:17:31,633 --> 00:17:33,260
Jessica,
you're really beautiful,
327
00:17:33,343 --> 00:17:35,179
but you are not very nice.
328
00:17:35,262 --> 00:17:36,638
Duh.
329
00:17:36,722 --> 00:17:37,949
You know, with the way
you're treating me,
330
00:17:37,973 --> 00:17:39,266
why should I protect you?
331
00:17:39,349 --> 00:17:42,603
Because if you tell,
no one will believe you.
332
00:17:42,686 --> 00:17:46,440
Remember, I'm the sweet,
perfect minister's daughter,
333
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,108
and you're just yellow trash.
334
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,574
So here's where you're hiding.
335
00:17:55,657 --> 00:17:57,201
Yeah, this is my only refuge
336
00:17:57,284 --> 00:17:58,744
from the taunts and accusations
337
00:17:58,827 --> 00:17:59,745
of the townspeople.
338
00:17:59,828 --> 00:18:02,081
Thief.
339
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,708
Bart, we can't just let her
get away with this!
340
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:05,792
Give it up, Lis.
341
00:18:05,834 --> 00:18:07,795
She's a criminal mastermind.
342
00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:09,254
She's got 108 I.Q.
343
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:11,256
She reads at
a fifth grade level,
344
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,800
and...
345
00:18:12,883 --> 00:18:16,053
her hair smells
like red Froot Loops.
346
00:18:16,136 --> 00:18:20,516
Yeah? Well, I eat
Froot Loops for breakfast.
347
00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,851
Because of last week's problems,
348
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:24,295
we'll be taking
certain precautions
349
00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,063
with this week's collection.
350
00:18:26,146 --> 00:18:27,981
We really shouldn't have
let them do this.
351
00:18:28,065 --> 00:18:29,817
It can't be helping
his self-esteem.
352
00:18:29,900 --> 00:18:33,153
Now for our offertory reading,
Lisa Simpson,
353
00:18:33,237 --> 00:18:35,614
who we'll all be
keeping an eye on.
354
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:40,077
I know most of you have already
judged my brother guilty
355
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,662
without any proof,
356
00:18:41,745 --> 00:18:44,081
but doesn't the Bible teach us
357
00:18:44,164 --> 00:18:47,251
"Judge not, lest ye
be judged", Reverend?
358
00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:49,837
I think it may be
somewhere towards the back.
359
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,714
There is someone among us
with a guilty conscience.
360
00:18:52,798 --> 00:18:54,466
After much soul searching
361
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:57,094
I decided it would be wrong
of me to name names,
362
00:18:57,177 --> 00:19:01,932
but I urge that guilty person,
here, under the eyes of God,
363
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:05,269
to come forward,
to confess and save yourself
364
00:19:05,352 --> 00:19:08,021
from the torment
of your own personal hell!
365
00:19:08,105 --> 00:19:11,525
Aah! I smelled some
marijuana smoke in Vietnam!
366
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:14,069
I was the one that
canceled "Star Trek"!
367
00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:17,406
I left my Porsche keys
inside Mrs. Glick.
368
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:20,325
I am talking
to the collection money thief.
369
00:19:20,409 --> 00:19:24,955
Only you can come forward
and end this injustice.
370
00:19:28,292 --> 00:19:29,418
What the heck.
371
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,461
It was Jessica Lovejoy!
372
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:34,131
If you search her room,
373
00:19:34,214 --> 00:19:36,717
I am certain you
will find the money.
374
00:19:36,800 --> 00:19:39,052
To the little girl's room.
375
00:19:41,305 --> 00:19:43,098
That's the collection money.
376
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:45,392
Yeah.
Smells like church.
377
00:19:45,475 --> 00:19:47,561
I guess it's obvious
what's happened here.
378
00:19:47,644 --> 00:19:49,855
Bart Simpson has somehow managed
379
00:19:49,938 --> 00:19:51,815
to sneak his bedroom
into my house.
380
00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:56,904
Well, come on,
use your imaginations.
381
00:19:56,987 --> 00:19:58,697
No, Dad.
382
00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,616
I did it.
383
00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,912
It's your classic cry
for attention.
384
00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:06,496
Well, young lady, I suppose
385
00:20:06,580 --> 00:20:08,790
we brought you home
from boarding school
386
00:20:08,874 --> 00:20:10,292
a little prematurely.
387
00:20:10,375 --> 00:20:12,920
I was expelled, Dad.
388
00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:15,047
Remember the pipe bomb,
the glee club brawl?
389
00:20:15,130 --> 00:20:17,424
Remember the school chapel
collection plate?
390
00:20:17,507 --> 00:20:19,736
- ♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪
- Exploding toilets ring a ball?
391
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:21,779
- ♪ Bringing in the sheaves ♪
- Come on, Dad! Pay attention to me!
392
00:20:21,803 --> 00:20:23,931
♪ Sheep will all
be marching... ♪
393
00:20:24,014 --> 00:20:28,185
I think you all owe
my son an apology.
394
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:29,728
- Very sorry.
- That's okay.
395
00:20:29,811 --> 00:20:31,188
Appreciate it.
396
00:20:36,068 --> 00:20:37,694
Hi, Jessica.
397
00:20:37,778 --> 00:20:38,779
Hi, Bart.
398
00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,530
Come to watch me suffer?
399
00:20:40,614 --> 00:20:41,990
I just wanted to let you know
400
00:20:42,074 --> 00:20:44,785
that even though this was
a difficult experience,
401
00:20:44,868 --> 00:20:46,787
I really learned a lot.
402
00:20:46,870 --> 00:20:50,707
I'm a little wiser
and a little less naive.
403
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:52,751
Well, I learned that
404
00:20:52,834 --> 00:20:55,379
I can make men do
whatever I want.
405
00:20:55,462 --> 00:20:57,589
Well, don't you see, Jessica?
406
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,217
Then you really
haven't learned...
407
00:21:00,300 --> 00:21:02,344
Um, would you finish
scrubbing these steps for me?
408
00:21:02,427 --> 00:21:03,512
Will I?
409
00:21:06,139 --> 00:21:07,683
Hey, Jessica.
410
00:21:07,766 --> 00:21:08,766
Coming.
411
00:21:12,187 --> 00:21:13,897
Poor sucker.
412
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:17,401
It's amazing what some guys
will do for a pretty face.
413
00:21:17,484 --> 00:21:18,860
Not me, though.
414
00:21:18,944 --> 00:21:21,154
Wait till she sees
the second-rate job
415
00:21:21,238 --> 00:21:22,823
I do on these stairs.
416
00:21:34,376 --> 00:21:36,295
♪♪
417
00:22:19,921 --> 00:22:21,506
Shh!
418
00:22:24,301 --> 00:22:27,054
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