All language subtitles for Mongoland.2001.NORWEGIAN.1080p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

Hi. Don't you recognize me?
I'm Pia.

I went a couple of grades
below you at school.

Don't you remember me?

This is a little embarrassing,
but I'm broke.

And since
this is the holiday season...

Would you
give me a lift into town?

It's simply a matter of principle.

Cab drivers get paid
to drive someone from A to B.

That's how the taxi business works.

If I start driving people for free,
it would undermine our business.

I would be disloyal.

I'm not doing this to be mean.
I'd love to help you.

Hey, come here a minute.

Didn't you use to go out
with Kristoffer?

Do you recognize me now?

Now that you mention it...
Are you still going out?

No. I don't know.
I hope so.

I've been gone
for the past six months.

A Christmas reunion?

I like that!
That's truly romantic.

Christmas, family... I like it!

It might be romantic.
So you'll give me a ride?

No, I can't do that.
But good luck.

I'd love to help you, but...

Don't take it personally.
I'm not just saying it to be mean.

-It is a blessing to see you, miss.
-Likewise.

You are my first passenger today.

It's cold out here. Would you care
to join me for some porridge?

Sorry, but I'm on my way
to my boyfriend.

A little Christmas present for him?
I understand.

-But thank you so much.
-My pleasure.

That was fun.

Moved?

Three months ago.

Sorry to disturb you.

Call it a break,
call it whatever you want.

Go ahead, take that trip. But don't
call or write. I can't handle that.

We'll see what happens
when you get back.

That party Elin's having on the 23rd
may have been fun when we were 17.

-We're of legal age now.
-She's serving free alcohol.

-Mulled wine isn't alcohol.
-Free alcohol is free alcohol.

-I think Elin seems nice.
-She seems simple.

I think it's nice of her
to organize a party like this.

-But she's so dense!
-So what, if the alcohol is free?

Who cares if it's cool or not?
We're talking tradition.

I'm going because it's a party,
not because it's Christmas.

Christmas is over. Jesus had his
birthday, days are growing longer.

I've been living in Oslo
for the past six months.

Can hardly breathe when I come back.
I'm not going to that party.

Forget about Oslo.
Free alcohol all night!

Get into the Christmas spirit
with free alcohol!

I don't like Christmas parties.

That party is what makes it
worthwhile to live here.

Welcome back, Pia!

-Have you seen Kristoffer?
-Not for a couple of months.

-He lives with Elin's brother.
-Stian?

Have a beer with us.
The first one's on me.

-Beer and a backgammon board.
-Hi, Vegar. Want to drink with us?

-I have to try to beat Stein Roger.
-Boring! Drink with us instead.

I've been looking forward to this.
Maybe some other time.

"A backgammon board."
He is such a tight-ass.

How long have I known you,
Kristoffer? Not very long.

I've known Vegar since I was seven.
Give him grief, and it's all over.

I like Vegar.
I like tight asses.

-What do you want on these?
-Goat cheese.

-I couldn't find any abroad.
-I could have sent some to you.

Delicious!

Take this.
It's a little cold in here.

Do you still have this shirt?

You must have had it since the
sixth grade. How is that possible?

I use the gentle cycle.

This is perfect.

I love it when the cheese sticks
to the roof of my mouth.

-It's been a while.
-Have you missed me?

Naah...

But I wondered...

What is it
that makes Kristoffer so special?

First time I met him,
he was a mongo.

Elin, Ingrid and I were at Cementen,
and there he suddenly was.

I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

Just like the ones they had before.

Where treetops glisten
and children listen.

To hear sleighbells in the snow.

Could you tell who that was?

You could tell, right?

He was trying so hard
to show me how funny he was.

"I had those treetops
up my ass for two years." No?

"I had a gun to my head.
I was scared, scared as hell."

True Romance, The Deer Hunter.
Christopher Walken!

An American actor.

An actor that I have...
a great deal of respect for.

You're playing Trivial Pursuit?
That's...

And then he comes over
for some cake, and...

Cool.
I'm really struggling here.

I think I'll go back to the bar and
shoot myself, if that's OK with you.

-He was very charming.
-You said he was a mongo.

That too. But he was different from
everyone else. And he was brave.

If you had just seen me
here at the bar...

Never mind what just happened.

If I just came in, and... Whoops!

And I just stood here like this.

What would my chances be?
What would you think of me?

Would there be any hope?

Then he ran home and got
his Christopher Walken collection.

He insisted that we go back
to my place and watch some.

I could not turn him down.
We have gone out ever since.

-Put the shirt on.
-What's the matter?

-Sounds like a good pickup line.
-Pickup line? It was romantic.

-Was it so magical with Silje?
-That's different.

Tell me.

Sit down and tell me!

We were at Cementen, and she
invited me to play backgammon.

You said yes
to play with a pretty girl.

That wasn't why. You know
that I like to play backgammon.

We started playing and talking,
and she won every time.

And I realized she had substance.

In addition to being
blonde, slender and pretty.

That doesn't matter to me.
Her beauty is simply a... bonus.

Then it does matter.

I would not have lost as much,
had she not been so pretty.

A beautiful girl, sitting with me!
I am in love.

I am so in love, Pia.

Then you're all set.

You'll meet Kristoffer tomorrow.

And everything will be OK.

The band has started
sounding pretty good.

Some people from Oslo
want to hear us play.

Stian and Helge are interested
in signing a record deal.

I know that.

What is your point?

My point is that
I can't be here with the band, -

- and travel with you for a year
at the same time.

-We can put off the trip.
-But I'm going to be so busy.

If I have to worry about the band
and about us...

Maybe you'd be better off
taking that trip alone?

-Don't you believe in me?
-Do you believe you are Santa?

You used to believe. Try telling me
that you believe I am Santa.

Say it.
Say that you believe I am Santa.

Say that you believe I am Santa.

I know you don't like this music,
but give it a chance.

There is a market for this.

-Want to hear some of my new stuff?
-No. I'm here to talk with Silje.

-We can play it right here.
-No, we can't!

-How about later? You'll love it.
-I'm really busy.

-All I need is five minutes.
-Fine.

Let me buy you a coffee.
I'll wait for you in the café.

I want to make sure you know
there is nothing between me and Vegar.

-Even though I spent the night there.
-He told me that you are friends.

Do you have any Norwegian hits
by Bob Dylan?

I don't think so.

There are a lot of good,
cheap Dylan CDs over there.

-I want his Norwegian hits.
-His Norwegian hits?

Try under "Norwegian".

-Have you found Kristoffer?
-No.

But I'm so happy for you and Vegar.
He's never had a girlfriend before.

Really?
Has he said anything?

Just that you're the most amazing
thing that's ever happened to him.

Really?

-He's a... strange man.
-What do you mean?

We've been going out for two months.

And I think he's totally sexy.

But I can't get anywhere with him.
Nothing happens.

Every time I try...
I am so ready, but we haven't...

-You haven't screwed yet?
-No, we haven't.

So it's strange to hear you say
that I'm the one he wants.

Because I am so ready.

I want to fuck!

-The funniest thing...
-What?

This friend of mine asked me
for advice about women.

-What was his problem?
-Sleeping and stuff.

-Sleeping?
-In bed.

-You mean fucking?
-Yes.

Maybe he was a virgin.

-No, I don't think so.
-What did you tell him?

The usual.

What would you say,
if someone asked you?

Screw like a madman!
But treat them nicely afterward.

I said something like that.

Have a seat. Westcoast Allstars
is the name of my new project.

Westcoast meaning "not Oslo".

All the local rappers working
together, burying the hatchet.

-Have their been conflicts?
-There's been a lot of dissing.

-Dissing?
-Disrespect.

But there isn't much
to rap about in Stavanger.

Rap is supposed to be about trouble
on the streets and social problems.

There isn't much of that here.
It's different in Oslo.

They have real crime and immigrants.
There's plenty of material there.

But the blacks in America
are way ahead of us.

The injustices
they have had to tolerate...

But this will be a great song.
It's based on our national anthem.

We attack our
hypocritical welfare state.

Elin! Hi!
I need to talk to you.

My boss is in a bad mood.
Could you come over to the counter?

Can you stay at my place tonight?

We're going to that party.

It may get late.

So what?

I was planning on drinking and...

Never mind that!

Don't just throw that away.

Then it's a deal:
You'll stay at my place tonight.

You're staying with me tonight.
All right?

It's great to see you.
Can you come to the party tonight?

Of course.

This year's theme
is Faith, Hope and Charity.

I haven't quite figured out
how to do it yet, but...

-Wrap it!
-What's with her?

She won't even let me
put up Christmas decorations.

But I get to decorate
for the party tonight instead.

I just wish it would snow for once.

Get out of here!

I want a ribbon on it!

Imagine paying for this!

Show some respect!

How is it going
with you and Kristoffer?

I don't know. Doesn't he live
with your brother Stian?

I haven't talked with Stian for ages.
He's always in a bad mood.

They lived with a cute Englishman -

- that was fixing up some old car.

His name was Wayne.
Wayne's Garage.

Hello?

Hi.

-Pia.
-Wayne. Hello.

-I'm looking for Stian.
-He went to the plant nursery.

-He left a while ago.
-I'm actually looking for Kristoffer.

So you're that Pia!
He moved out some time ago.

My car is ready.
I can give you a ride out to Stian's.

He'll know where Kristoffer is.

-OK. In that car?
-Yes. Just let me get changed.

-Let's go somewhere.
-What are you talking about?

-A trip.
-Away from here?

Are you crazy? Here we have
bunkers, mountains, Stavanger...

Believe me.
I know what I'm talking about.

I want to be
alone on a beach with you.

Could you wear this jacket?
I've worked on this car for years.

-I have a jacket.
-Just for the drive.

I do you a favor, you do me a favor.

Think I dare bring you
down to dago country?

Where some Italian stud says
"della bella" and sweeps you away?

I picture you on the beach with
a surfboard, looking like a Greek god.

I don't know about you, Pia,
but I'm sick and tired of this place.

We should go away
for six months or so.

I'll buy you
one of those green cocktails.

Hope it isn't the water pump.
They cost a fortune to replace.

In Norway it costs a month's salary
just to go out for a weekend.

The least we could get
was some snow.

Look at this green grass of home.
I'm goddamned fed up with it.

Why do you live here?

Because of a girl I met at
a track-and-field event in England.

I came back here with her.
Got an offshore job on a platform.

And that's why I'm here now.

What happened to her?

I get depressed thinking about it.
Let's try firing up the car again.

Hi, Stian!

-What do you want?
-Do you know where Kristoffer is?

Kristoffer has ruined my life,
are you aware of that?

Everything I had worked for,
he ruined just like that.

And it's your fault.
Kristoffer freaked out after you left.

He stopped drinking, going out,
watching soccer, smoking...

He only went to French movies
that no one understood.

But worst of all, guess what
happened at band rehearsal?

Kristoffer showed up
with a new tune.

All the time!
We're a rock band.

And all because of you,
you... faithless cunt!

Tell me what happened.
Tell me!

Not when you hit me.
That's no way to solve a conflict.

-Stop it! What have they done to you?
-Tell me.

Don't do that!

Stop cutting! How can you
be so cold? I'll tell you!

We were going to fly to Oslo.
We were at the airport.

Suddenly Kristoffer discovers
that he has a fear of flying.

So we decide to take the train.
How far do you think we got?

Hillevåg. Then Kristoffer discovers
that he has a fear of trains.

Don't worry.
We'll figure something out.

So Helge and I brainstorm,
and we decide to drive to Oslo.

We're talking a record deal here!

We start driving,
make it to Egersund.

Then Kristoffer has to stop.
He now has a fear of driving!

What the hell is your problem? We
have tried planes, trains and cars.

You've driven for years!
You have a license!

-The record deal went to hell.
-Where is he now?

Kristoffer? What about me and Helge?
What about the band?

Now I have to wear protective gloves.
I am a guitarist!

I can't work at a nursery!

-Do you know where Kristoffer is?
-I couldn't care less.

I feel so guilty about leaving him.

-Why did you leave?
-We were supposed to go together.

If he chose not to go with you,
he is the stupid one.

Come here!

This may look like people
standing around doing nothing.

But over time
I have learned their secrets.

Stine, Benny and Little Marius
lived in this town.

Stine and Benny were dating.

Marius loved Stine,
she only considered him a friend.

Eventually Benny felt that Stine
got in the way of his music.

He dumped her
and went on tour with his lute.

Stine got all messed up,
and ended up marrying Marius.

He had become a rich author.
This is true.

Stine found happiness
through Valium and sleeping pills.

And she no longer
had to think about anything.

Especially not
her childhood boyfriend.

Hi!

Let me first give you some coffee.

Have a seat on the throne.

-Sense that special feeling?
-What do you want from me?

-You've forgotten something.
-What?

I don't think you believe in me.

What can I say?

Say that you believe in me.
I need to hear it.

-No.
-Come on.

Do you believe in me?
Say it!

-I believe in Santa.
-That sure came from the heart.

Say it once, like you mean it.

I believe in you.
In Santa Claus.

OK.
You get a present.

I've looked everywhere for you.

It never snows in this town.
I've never had a white Christmas.

Why are you talking about snow?

I'm talking about blowing leaves
on December 23. It's fucked up!

I love you.

Then why did you leave?

I didn't just leave you!
You chose not to go.

We were supposed to go together.
You chickened out.

This is wrong. I've rehearsed
this scene a hundred times.

I was supposed to be
up in the trees, and...

So you've been thinking about me?

Of course I have.

Let's try this again:
Hey, Pia! How's it going?

There's a Christmas party
at Elin's tonight. Want to come?

-To see you?
-Yes, to see me.

Let me just blow away
this forest first.

-Ten o'clock?
-I should be done by then.

Give me your phone number.

The county gave me
my own card: Doffe, Blower.

It's a date.

Go!

Pia!

It's a date.

Kyrre, that's for the mulled wine!

-Captain Kurt.
-His name is Kirk. But this is Spock.

-Captain Spock?
-Just Spock.

I love your hair!

-Silje...
-What's the matter?

I have a date.
Kristoffer is coming.

Really? That's so romantic!
That fits perfectly with the theme!

Faith, Hope and Charity.
Here is the cross, and...

You and Pia, all girls,
you talk about things.

How does Santa fit in?

He fits in with the snowstorm
this light makes.

It's not right.
What might you say to each other?

Pia, Vegar is so upset.
Can't you talk to him?

-Why is he upset?
-Because we talked about him.

Could you talk to him?
He went out to sit in the woods.

Vegar, there's something
I've been wondering about.

Are you a virgin?

Why wonder about that?
What's the point...

Is that what you and Silje...

You can't ask me that, out of
the blue. I don't know what to say.

-Have you had sex?
-Define sex.

Have you ever had sexual intercourse?

Fine, I've never fucked!
Is that so wrong?

-Never?
-That's what I said.

-Why not?
-I haven't met the right girl.

I thought Silje was the right one.

Yes...

-So why haven't you...?
-I just...

Shit!

-Haven't you wanted to?
-Of course!

Do you want to know
why I haven't had sex?

-Because of that.
-What?

-Because of that!
-What about that?

Nature has played a little joke
on me. Evolution has fucked up.

It's a monstrosity.
It doesn't work.

Doesn't work?
I don't understand, Vegar.

Look!

It looks normal to me.
More or less.

-More or less!
-Haven't you...

-Fucked up!
-Haven't you ever...

It's a freak of nature!
Don't you get it?

-It looks fine to me.
-Look!

Oh, that.

Don't do that!

It works fine.

-Is that how it's supposed to look?
-It's fine.

That's...

Have you thought
it was defective your whole life?

This is fantastic!

You're fine.

-I met Kristoffer.
-I see. You met Kristoffer.

-He is coming around ten.
-I have to go see Silje.

-I have to go to Silje.
-Hang on.

Can you see without these?

This doesn't hurt at all!

Marko, that mulled wine
is making my throat dry.

That damn mulled wine.

-Do you have any beer?
-Of course. The whole door is mine.

-That's so cool!
-Have yourself a cold one.

-How much do you want?
-It's on me.

Just let me whack you on the head
a couple of times with this.

It's a form of local Stavanger humor.

Seriously, how much?

I don't want money. Just let me
whack you twice with this.

Are you crazy?
That hurt!

No, it doesn't hurt.

You can keep your damn beer!

That Englishman, Wayne, is here.

The car is fantastic now.
After four years it's in perfect shape.

Talk to him. He's nice.
I met him earlier.

-I couldn't.
-Sure you could. You're the hostess.

What can I say?

Ask him if he wants
something to drink.

-Let's go look at it.
-I don't feel like it.

Hi, Wayne.
Want anything to drink?

I'm fine, thanks.

Let's go take a look.

-I talked to him. It went well.
-What did he say?

I asked him if he wanted anything
to drink, he said no, and I left.

-This is awesome!
-She's pretty nice.

You should hear her sing.
She sings when you fire her up.

-Let me hear.
-You'll have to start her up.

Is this the hole?

Holy cow!

This is no good, Wayne.
We have to take her out for a spin.

-We can't just sit here.
-That's not a good idea.

You said so yourself:
This is your girl.

Girls are meant to be driven hard,
not listened to!

-You've been drinking.
-This is an American girl.

They're designed to be driven
by drunks. Drink and drive!

-This is not a good time.
-Come on. My mind is made up.

-All I do is press this?
-Yes. Just around the block.

Hey...

Don't worry about it.

It's OK.

These things happen.

Trouble sleeping?

I just don't want to screw up.

Maybe I won't be able to sing.

Haven't you heard about
Jussi Björling and his dog?

-He was in a different league.
-Do you know why he could sing?

-Because he wasn't afraid.
-Yes, he knew he could sing.

-Wrong.
-Fine. Why wasn't he afraid?

Because he had his dog.
The little one he always posed with.

That was his secret. When Jussi
struggled, he turned to his dog.

Wish I had a doggie tomorrow.
But it's too late now.

Maybe not.

I hope Jussi never treated his dog
like I'm about to treat you!

-You have to pay for the taxi.
-I'm not paying.

-I'm not paying for this shit.
-My car is ruined!

-That car sucked.
-It was in mint condition!

That's what sealed its fate.

Kristoffer should have
been here by now.

I tried calling, but no one answered.

-That pole was waiting for the car.
-You drove right at it!

-You should thank me.
-Thank you?! Pay for the taxi!

Hold on.
I need my money.

I'm sure he's on his way.

-I know he is.
-Whatever.

-Pull yourself together.
-How am I supposed to to that?

-You can start by paying me.
-Marko, pay this jerk!

You want to borrow money now?
Aren't you in enough trouble?

-I can't believe this.
-You're fucked up.

Hey, Stian!

Yes, I'm back.

I've got some new songs.
We should start up again.

Pia, come here!

Come on!

If we can play like this in Oslo,
we are guaranteed a record deal.

You sang the "Dog of Rock" refrain
perfectly at the Folken concert.

But lately you've been
lagging behind me and Helge.

-Stian, can I borrow your car?
-My car? Why?

Pia is leaving today.
I just wanted to say goodbye.

Helge?

-Have you seen Kristoffer?
-No, does it look like it?

Does it look like it?

He'll be here.

He'll be here
and everything will work out.

Silje!

-Kyrre, I owe you a beer.
-Don't worry about it.

Take this beer, and drink it.
Drink it, man.

Take it!

I appreciate it.

Say you're a teetotaler,
and I give you a glass of wine.

You think it tastes good,
but how can you know?

There may be
other wines that are better.

You're talking about girls.

-I'm talking about wine.
-Girls!

-Get that out of here!
-Take it easy.

-What's the matter?
-I just wanted to give him a beer.

What is this?

We're dating, and now
you want to taste other wines?

Go ahead!
They taste like cardboard!

I just wanted to give him a beer.
Do you want one?

Yes, please.

But I get to whack you twice.
It doesn't hurt.

-It doesn't hurt.
-See? It doesn't hurt!

I'll give you an extra big one,
since he's so hotheaded.

You're so sweet, Marko.
Want some mulled wine?

-I have to talk to you.
-How's it going?

Not good. Kristoffer said he'd come
around 10. It's almost 5 o'clock.

Is it 5 o'clock?

Maybe I went too far,
when I said: "I love you."

I wonder if I scared him
by being so direct.

Pia, you are a fantastic woman.

No one understands me like you.

Kristoffer isn't man enough for you.
You're a highway of womanhood!

Cut it out!

Don't tell me
you haven't thought about it.

The thought
hasn't crossed your mind?

-They were right there.
-Those were my beers!

Come on!

-You're stealing beer!
-Show some respect.

Knock it off!

What's going on?

Hey, I'm Tony Macaroni.

Get out, Kyrre.

-Come in, Wayne!
-I don't really have to go.

I'm just so depressed.

That little short-haired guy
drove my car into a pole.

I had been working on that car
for four years.

-Want a cigarette?
-No thanks. I don't smoke.

-I like this.
-Really? I made it myself.

-It looks good on you.
-Thank you.

-Hello?
-Kristoffer!

Can you hear me?
Hang on.

Can you hear me now?

-Are you coming? I'm waiting for you.
-I don't know. Don't feel well.

Are you sick?
Aren't you coming?

Just the thought of meeting all
those people again... I don't know.

I can come to your place.

I'm not sure
this is such a good idea.

That we start going out again.

I've been doing
pretty well on my own.

Kristoffer?

We'll just have to see
how we do on our own.

-You're leaving?
-Yes.

-For England?
-Yes.

Now?

Are there planes at this hour?

That is the worst rap
I have ever heard.

"You did good, son.
I'm proud of you."

There's a Santa in the mirror.
Great.

Are you struggling
with your anxiety?

You were supposed to be at a party
with your girlfriend and buddies.

All you do is whine all day.
What's the matter with you?

Who the hell are you?

Look at me: I'm Santa Claus!

Hey, don't you believe in me?

Sure. You're Santa,
and I'm Christopher Walken.

I didn't know Christopher Walken
played in Liv Ullmann movies.

Don't you have some presents
to give away?

You're that present, Kristoffer.

Cut it out!

Do that one more time,
and I'll smash your face!

Santa is here!

Enough!
Pay attention.

Finally the day we have
been waiting for, has arrived.

I would like
to take this opportunity -

- to wish everyone a Merry Christmas
in the name of Jesus Christ.

I have brought a special boy
for a special girl.

And for you other buffoons
and serpent spawn -

- I have brought a brew of
heavenly juices and cock diesel.

I have brought good spirits
and a cup.

"Ich bin der Weinachtsmann."
Merry Christmas!

The record company
has given us a second chance!

That's nice, Stian.
Have you seen Pia? Is she here?

-What are you doing next month?
-Stian, where is Pia right now?

-She has left. That hurts!
-What do you mean? Where is she?

She went to the airport.
It wasn't my fault.

She's going to England.
She left a half-hour ago.

You want to talk to her?

Yes, but I am here,
and she is at the airport.

The first plane doesn't leave for
a couple of hours. We can make it.

I'll drive anyone anywhere,
as long as I get paid.

Just let me for once get paid!

Kristoffer needs a ride.
He has to meet his girl at the airport.

-That's so romantic!
-We have to get moving.

-I'm not getting into a car!
-That's the only way I can drive you.

I have a problem with cars.
They are small, they smell...

Do you want to stop her, or not?

-Know what cars do? They crash!
-That's right, they explode!

We don't have time for this!

Relax. Nothing bad will happen.
It even smells good in here.

-Stop the car!
-Don't stop. Hurry up.

This is great. It's so exciting,
and so incredibly romantic!

Think about Pia.

She's waiting for you.

You can hold your hand there
if that helps.

What's it say?

"Go to gate."
She's in fucking England.

She isn't in England.
Wait right here.

Tickets.
Come with me.

Sorry.

I got a little carried away.
But she's right up there.

Come on.

Step over here.

Do you have any metal
in your pockets?

I'll give you a discount.

Thanks.
I can't believe we made it.

-You were in safe hands.
-You are a good driver.

Thank you.

That's a strange hankie.

Horrible what they've done
to your party.

They went bananas
with your decorations.

I think your Norwegian
is good, Wayne.

It's snowing!

It's snowing!
Incredible!

I do believe it's snowing.
It's snowing!

It's snowing!

We actually got snow.

Subtitles: Nick Norris