All language subtitles for The.Simpsons.S03E04.Bart.the.Murderer.1080p.DSNP.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-MZABI_track3_[eng]

♪ The Simpsons ♪

D'

Aah!

Good morning, world!

Good morning, Lisa.

What are you so happy about?

Why shouldn't I be happy?

It's a beautiful day,
my homework is done,

I got my mojo working,
and we're going on a field trip

this afternoon.

And looks like I got me

a genuine glow-in-the-dark
police badge.

Hey, it's not in here.

You stole it!

No one wants your stupid
police badge, Bart.

Hey, look what I got...

A genuine official police badge.

Calling all cars.

Come out with your hands up.

Hey, that's my badge, Homer.

That's Officer Homer.

Lousy prize-grabbing,
badge-wearing...

Aah!

You ate my homework?

I didn't know dogs
really did that.

Wait! Wait!

D'

Bart Simpson, you're late.

Go fill out a tardy slip.

But I'm only five...
10, 20... 40 minutes?

That's pretty damn late.

Come on, over this way.

Hey, girls

look at me!

You can stop looking at me now.

Ooh!

Well, it's nearly 1:00,

and you know what that means.

That's right!
It's time for our field trip

to the chocolate factory.

I trust that you all remembered
to bring your permission slips?

Aah!

What a day.

I'm going to eat
eight pieces of chocolate.

I'm gonna eat chocolate
till I barf.

Don't worry, Bart.

We'll find something fun
for you to do.

Here we are.
Here's a whole box of unsealed envelopes

for the P.T.A.

You're making me lick envelopes?

Licking envelopes can be fun.

All you have to do is
make a game of it.

What kind of game?

Well, for example, you can see
how many you can lick in an hour.

Then try to break that record.

Sounds like a pretty crappy
game to me.

Yes, well, get started.

My God!

It's Cocoa Beanie himself.

I think this is something
Bart would really have enjoyed,

but it's the only way
he'll learn.

Shh!

Welcome to
the chocolate factory.

I'm Troy McClure.

You probably remember me
from such films

as The Revenge of Abe Lincoln

and The Wackiest Covered Wagon
in the West.

The history of chocolate
starts with the ancient Aztecs.

In those days,

instead of being wrapped
in a hygienic package,

chocolate was wrapped
in a tobacco leaf.

And instead of being
pure chocolate like we have today,

it was mixed
with shredded tobacco,

and they didn't eat it...
They smoked it.

You didn't believe me
when I said it would be fun, did you?

No, "thir."

My glasses!

Please, kids, play sanitary.

- Tan I doe now?
- What?

"Tan...

I... doe... now?"

Well, there's still
a minute to go.

Why not?

But don't you tell your teacher
I let you go home early.

Die don't.

Aah!

Aah! Unh!

Son of a...

What next?

- Hey, what's with the kid?
- Hands off the material.

What do you know?
The kid's tough.

He's got spunk.

I wonder if he is lucky also.

Pick a horse, kid.

Shelbyville Downs, third race.

- Make it a good one.
- Eat my shorts.

Eat My Shorts.

Okay, let's see.

Hey, wait a minute,
you little punk!

Eat My Shorts is in
the fifth race.

I said the third race.

Don't have a cow.

Don't Have A Cow in the third.

Put a deuce on him.

While we are waiting, to see
how lucky you are, let me show you around.

This is our bar,

and over there is our
slot machine and card tables.

Cool.

Hey, Buzz,
here's the call for the third race.

As they come out of the turn,

it's Suffering Succotash
by a neck over Yabba-Dabba-Do,

two lengths back Ain't I A Stinker,
and That's All Folks.

I Am What I Am can see them all.

But here comes Don't Have A Cow
flying on the outside,

and at the wire,
it's all Don't Have A Cow.

Hey, I like this kid.

I can't believe
we were going to shoot him.

- Can you mix drinks?
- I don't know.

- I'll have a Manhattan.
- Make Legs a Manhattan.

I'm not sure I...

Well?

Superb.

You got a job?
Doing what?

I don't know.

Mixing drinks, picking horses

cutting cigars.
You know, a job.

Bart, your father and I
don't want you doing that.

- Homer, say something.
- How much does it pay?

Thirty bucks a week.

I make more than that.

♪♪

♪ One fine day ♪

♪ You'll look at me ♪

♪ And you will know
love was ♪

♪ Meant to be ♪

♪ One fine day ♪

♪ You're gonna want me
for your girl ♪

I was looking for those.
Thanks, doll.

♪ The Itchy & Scratchy Show ♪

It's funny because it's true.

Well observed.

Chief Wiggum, you honor us
with your presence.

Baloney! I'm not gonna rest

until one of us
is behind bars... you.

You wouldn't happen to know
anything about a cigarette truck

that got hijacked on Route 401?

What's a truck?

Don't play dumb with me.

Relax, Chief.
You seem tense.

You know, the boy here makes
an excellent Manhattan.

I'm still going
to put you away, ya' know.

Good for you.

♪♪

Bart!
Have you started smoking?

- No.
- Don't lie to me, boy.

Cigarettes.

Just as I thought.

They're not mine.
My boss said his warehouse was full.

Yeah, right.

Son, I'm going
to teach you a lesson.

I'm going to stand here

and watch you smoke
every one of those cigarettes.

Then maybe you'll learn.

Fat Tony sent me over
to pick up the goods.

Right in here, my man.

Hey kid, you look good
with that cigarette...

Kind of sophisticated.

Son, I'll never doubt you again.

The contents
of the hijacked truck...

Some 12,000 cartons
of Laramie 100s.

We have... Please!

We have a number of leads.

And let me assure
all you smokers out there,

there is no shortage
of cigarettes.

How do we know that?

Let me refer that back to Jack Larson
of Laramie Tobacco Products.

- Jack?
- Thank you, Chief.

Folks, I'm pleased to announce
that a new truckload of Laramies

with their smooth good taste
and rich tobacco flavor

is already heading
toward Springfield,

and the driver
has been instructed

to ignore all stop signs
and crosswalks.

Police suspect the involvement
of reputed mobster

William "Fat Tony" Williams.

Fat Tony is a cancer on this fair city.
He is the cancer,

and I am the...

What cures cancer?

- Bart, is your boss a crook?
- I don't think so,

although it would explain
an awful lot.

Me and the boys
wish to thank you

for hanging on to
this stuff for us.

Thanks.

Say

are you guys crooks?

Bart, um... is it wrong
to steal a loaf of bread

- to feed your starving family?
- No.

Well, suppose you got
a large starving family.

Is it wrong to steal
a truckload of bread to feed them?

And what if your family don't like bread?

- They like cigarettes.
- I guess that's okay.

Now, what if instead
of giving them away

you sold them at a price

that was practically
giving them away?

Would that be a crime, Bart?

Hell, no.

Enjoy your gift.

Superb.

♪ Those fingers
through my hair ♪

♪ That sly come-hither stare ♪

♪ That strips
my conscience bare ♪

♪ It's witchcraft ♪

Give me three fingers
of milk, Ma.

I know it's good for a boy
to have a part-time job,

but I'm not sure about
the people Bart's working for.

- I think they're criminals.
- A job's a job.

I mean, take me. If my plant
pollutes the water and poisons the town,

by your logic,
that would make me a criminal.

Bart's been acting
very strangely.

And that pizza delivery truck

has been parked across
the street for two weeks.

How long does it take
to deliver a pizza?

Looks like our cover's blown.

Let's roll.

See? It was all
your imagination.

Homer, I want you to go
down to that club

and talk to them.

See what kind
of people they are.

Please, Homie.

All right.

Read 'em and weep, boys.

Another pair of sixes.

- Beats me.
- I was bluffing.

You win again, Homer.

I am thrilled you've decided
to let your boy

continue to work here.

Y'know, if you need a hat-check
girl, I've got a daughter.

Homer, you're
a hell of a father.

Homer! What did
you find out?

Marge, the only thing
going on down there

was a lot of male bonding.

More stink lines, boys.

What's this?
What are you boys doing?

You didn't see nothing.
Now, beat it.

So, Fat Tony, you invite
me and my associates to your club

with the promise of the finest
Manhattans in all of Springfield.

Now you say your bartender
isn't here?

I don't know what happened.
He's never late.

Louie, make up some Manhattans.

But I only know how to make
wine spritzers.

Now!

What have I done to deserve
this flat, flavorless Manhattan?

Come on, boys.

The kiss of death.

That's all I need.

Lousy Skinner.

- You are late for work.
- Of course I'm late for work!

How can I be on time when
Principal Skinner keeps me after school?

This guy Skinner is
causing you trouble?

He sure is, patron.

Perhaps we should go

to meet and greet
this individual.

Come on, boys.

Some large men to see you, sir.

I don't have an appointment
with any large men.

You Skinner?

I'm Principal Skinner, yes.

And how, may I ask,
did you get past the hall monitors?

Children, I don't know
how to break this to you,

but Principal Skinner is...

missing.

Wha...

I thought I found him,
but it was only a cat.

- Chief Wiggum?
- Chief Wiggum?

Now, please.
Please, I can assure you

we'll be using the most advanced
scientific techniques

in the field of...

body finding.

I see wedding bells

for Vanna White
and Teddy Kennedy.

Please, Princess Opal, if we could
just stick to Principal Skinner.

Chief Wiggum, I am merely
a conduit for the spirits.

Willie Nelson
will astound his fans

by swimming the English Channel.

Really? Willie Nelson?

He loved fire drills.

Will you get a hold
of yourself, lass

for the wee bairns.

Hey! Look at me!

- I'm Skinner's body.
- That is not funny, Louis.

Well, I heard Skinner's buried
under his parking spot.

I heard he was ground up into
hamburger and served to us at lunch.

I heard Bart had Skinner
killed by gangsters.

That's not true.
It's just a rumor.

You're engaged in speculation.

I know the law.
You can't prove anything.

Whaa!

You killed me, Bart!

- Nuhh...
- Nuhh...

Nuhh!

You killed me, Bart!

You k-k-killed me, Bart.

Reverend Lovejoy!

You've come to comfort me?

Yes, Bart.

There, there.

There, there.

Kill my boy.

Kill my boy.

There.

You're eight hours
early for work.

I like that.

Did you kill my principal?

Chinese guy with a moustache?

No. My principal!

That Skinner guy?
No, we didn't kill him.

Nobody move!
You're all under arrest

for the murder
of Seymour Skinner.

- What's a murder?
- Don't play dumb with me.

Cuff 'em, boys.

Bart.

Why couldn't you
have gotten a paper route

like other boys?

Wait till I get you home, boy.

What's that guy doing here?

Lionel hats,
court appointed attorney.

I'll be defending you
on the charge of...

murder one!

Wow. Even if I lose
I'll be famous.

That Simpson boy
is looking at 180 years.

Thank God we live in a country
so hysterical over crime

that a ten-year old child
can be tried as an adult.

I didn't order
this Skinner guy killed.

But aren't you
the head of this gang?

No. I just stop by
the club occasionally

to read the complimentary
newspaper.

Then who is the kingpin,
the capo di tutti capi?

- That's the guy.
- Hey!

Forgive me, Don Bartholomew.

We tried to stop the kid,

but he wouldn't quit.
It was like he went crazy.

Prostitution, loan sharking,
numbers...

the kid liked to wet his beak
in everything.

Mr. Simpson, you've been
the boy's father for ten years.

Do you really think
he could be the leader

of a murderous
criminal syndicate?

Well, not the leader...

I mean...

It's true, it's true!

All the pieces fit.

Now, in light of the damning
testimony

from your fellow gangsters,
your father,

your teachers,
and a seemingly endless parade

of emotionally shattered
baby-sitters,

this court has no choice
but to...

Stop!

- Principal Skinner!
- I thought he was dead.

I suppose you're all wondering
where I 've been.

It all started a week ago.
I was at my desk

revising and updating
the school dress codes

when I was suddenly confronted
by a gang of toughs

acting on behalf
of one Bart Simpson...

or so they said.

We really think there's
promise in the boy.

- Get out!
- Okay, okay. You don't have to yell.

To get my mind
off that ugly confrontation

I went home and began bundling
my old newspapers.

But suddenly the pile fell.
I was trapped.

Let this be a lesson
to recycle frequently.

For the next week, I stayed alive
by eating my mother's delicious preserves

and maintained my sanity

by dribbling a nearby basketball
with my one free hand.

I made a game of it.
Seeing how many times

I could bounce the ball in a day,
then trying to break that record.

Occasionally, the police
arrived to search my home.

Find anything this time, boys?

- No sign of him, Chief.
- Princess opal?

I see nothing here.
But I'm afraid it's Splitsville

for Delta Burke and Major Dad.

But they seemed so happy.

I shouted until I was hoarse,
but they couldn't hear me.

I'm in here!

- Well, let's go.
- Okay, Chief.

Finally, I realized if I was ever
going to get out of there,

I would have to do it myself.

I formed a crude rocket

from a discarded cigar tube.

And remembering an experiment
from my days

as a fourth-grade
science teacher,

I concocted a fuel
from baking soda

and the juice of discarded
lemon wedges.

The rocket took off with a
mighty blast of carbon dioxide

dragging behind it, the end of
a vacuum cleaner cord.

I grabbed onto
the vacuum cleaner,

pushed the cord-retractor button

and was on my way to freedom.

And that's my courageous story.

Your Honor, the prosecution moves
that Principal Skinner's testimony

be stricken from the record.

Denied. Case dismissed.

Your honor...

do I still get paid?

Hey, Bart, I hope there are
no hard feelings.

- Get bent.
- I deserve that.

Look, I know we let you down,
but me and the boys,

we still think
you've got a big future

in racketeering and extortion.

Sorry Fat Tony.
I used to think your gang was cool,

but now I learned
that crime doesn't pay.

Yeah, you're right.

Blood on the Blackboard:
the Bart Simpson Story,

starring Richard Chamberlain
as Principal Skinner,

Joe Mantegna as Fat Tony,

Jane Seymour
as the woman he loved,

and TV's Doogie Howser,
Neil Patrick Harris, as Bart Simpson.

Bart, I'm scared.
Let's get out of here.

Shut up.
Where do you want it, Skinner?

Not smart.

- Cool!
- Hey, when do we get the check for this?

Well, they said
they changed it just enough

so they don't have to pay us.

You know who
the real crooks are...

Those sleazy
Hollywood producers.

♪♪

Shh!

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