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[bells jingling]
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- [giggling]
- There. That's better.
5
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[♪ Seals and Crofts: "Summer Breeze"]
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All clean.
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[sighs]
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♪ He sees you when you're sleepin'
He knows when you're awake
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00:00:54,899 --> 00:00:56,150
What are you doing here?
10
00:00:56,317 --> 00:00:59,862
- And what are you talking about?
- I'm talkin' about Santa Claus!
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Only 159 days left till Christmas,
so you better be good.
12
00:01:03,449 --> 00:01:07,203
I'd better be good? How 'bout this?
You better be scarce. Now go on.
13
00:01:07,369 --> 00:01:09,205
I don't care about Christmas.
14
00:01:14,877 --> 00:01:17,379
♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
15
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- Donkey!
- Only 51 days till Christmas.
16
00:01:19,632 --> 00:01:22,009
Get your green butt in gear
and get marshmallows
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because without marshmallows,
sweet potatoes are nothin'!
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00:01:25,471 --> 00:01:29,683
[groans] Enough! I don't care
about any of this nonsense.
19
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Now shoo!
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OK. But don't say
I didn't say I told you so.
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♪ Smashing through the snow
And laughin' all the way
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[laughing] It's finally here.
Tomorrow's Christmas Eve!
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- Everything ready?
- No.
24
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You haven't trimmed stockings,
hung your chestnuts, roasted the tree?
25
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- Or figgified your puddin'?
- Donkey! Get it through your head.
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No one here gives
a hoot about Christmas!
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A white Christmas! Oh, how perfect.
28
00:01:59,964 --> 00:02:03,509
And it's our first one together
as a family. Isn't this exciting?
29
00:02:03,676 --> 00:02:06,178
Oh, yeah! How 'bout that?
30
00:02:06,345 --> 00:02:08,264
There's somethin' Shrek needs to...
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00:02:08,430 --> 00:02:10,599
Don't ruin the surprise for her, Donkey.
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00:02:10,766 --> 00:02:13,644
Surprise?
Oh, I love surprises!
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You're the best. Come on,
let's go make some cookies.
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[door closes]
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OK, you a dead man.
You know that?
36
00:02:20,860 --> 00:02:22,862
Hold that thought.
I'll be right back.
37
00:02:23,028 --> 00:02:27,533
[♪ Harry Gregson-Williams:
"O Fortuna from Carmina Burana"]
38
00:02:45,092 --> 00:02:47,178
Oh, good. You're still open.
39
00:02:47,344 --> 00:02:50,347
No, no. We're closing now.
Merry Christmas.
40
00:02:50,514 --> 00:02:53,517
Wait! I need your help.
I have to make a Christmas,
41
00:02:53,684 --> 00:02:56,228
and I have no idea
what it is or how to do it!
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00:02:56,395 --> 00:02:58,355
Why didn't you say so? That's super.
43
00:02:58,522 --> 00:03:01,192
I know all about Christmas,
and I've just the book.
44
00:03:01,358 --> 00:03:04,320
Christmas for Village Idiots.
It's all spelled out. See?
45
00:03:04,486 --> 00:03:06,989
One, decorate house.
Two, stockings by the fireplace.
46
00:03:07,156 --> 00:03:09,408
Step three, the Christmas feast. Mmm!
47
00:03:09,575 --> 00:03:12,036
- What's that?
- Step four? The Christmas tree!
48
00:03:12,203 --> 00:03:14,038
The tree goes inside the house?
49
00:03:14,538 --> 00:03:18,500
Anyway, step five, the telling
of the Christmas story.
50
00:03:18,667 --> 00:03:21,253
It's the step that says
I created the perfect Christmas
51
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for my perfect family perfectly.
Family by the fire,
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everyone cozy and warm.
Happy, happy. Voila!
53
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,136
- Sure.
- Long story short,
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00:03:29,303 --> 00:03:31,180
it's all right here. It's no problem.
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- Oh, perfect.
- I mean, how hard can it be?
56
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- I didn't get the eggnog!
- Closed?! What do you mean?
57
00:03:37,311 --> 00:03:39,521
Dwight the Knight action figure?
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00:03:39,688 --> 00:03:41,732
Sweet potatoes are nothing
without marshmallows!
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00:03:41,899 --> 00:03:45,569
- Bye-bye. Have a super Christmas.
- [groans]
60
00:03:46,362 --> 00:03:49,448
- [object rattling, thudding]
- [gasps]
61
00:03:52,409 --> 00:03:54,870
- [Shrek gasping] Aah...
- Honey, is that you?
62
00:03:55,871 --> 00:03:59,124
Oh, Fiona! What are
you doing up so early?
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00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:00,251
[grunts]
64
00:04:00,417 --> 00:04:02,962
- Are you OK?
- I'm all right.
65
00:04:03,128 --> 00:04:05,422
- What are you...?
- I...
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00:04:05,589 --> 00:04:07,424
Are you decorating?
67
00:04:07,591 --> 00:04:11,136
- Uh... Yeah, that. Surprised?
- Yes. [chuckles]
68
00:04:11,303 --> 00:04:14,598
Well, this is our first
Christmas together as a family,
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00:04:14,765 --> 00:04:17,935
and, you know, I just want to
make sure that it's perfect.
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00:04:18,102 --> 00:04:21,105
Shrek, I think... it's beautiful.
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00:04:21,272 --> 00:04:23,107
- It's passable.
- It's horrible!
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00:04:23,274 --> 00:04:25,609
- Donkey!
- They usually toilet paper and run.
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Whoever did this means business!
Get rid of all this
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00:04:28,612 --> 00:04:30,572
and get tinsel and doilies and ribbons
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00:04:30,739 --> 00:04:32,116
and some plastic reindeer.
76
00:04:32,283 --> 00:04:34,118
What is it you wanted today?
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It's Christmas Eve!
I've brought you a little somethin'.
78
00:04:37,496 --> 00:04:40,332
Go ahead, take a couple.
I bought plenty for everybody!
79
00:04:40,499 --> 00:04:43,127
Oh! Isn't that... nice.
80
00:04:43,294 --> 00:04:47,673
Well, thanks for stopping by for that
brief visit, but as you can see,
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00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:49,466
there's a lot of work to do.
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00:04:49,633 --> 00:04:51,635
Just like him to wait till last minute.
83
00:04:51,802 --> 00:04:54,430
Don't worry, the one thing
I know is Christmas.
84
00:04:54,596 --> 00:04:57,516
He's gonna want help, advice,
and he's definitely...
85
00:04:57,683 --> 00:05:02,604
Actually, I think what he really wants
is a nice family Christmas.
86
00:05:02,771 --> 00:05:06,108
Oh, a family Christmas.
87
00:05:06,275 --> 00:05:08,193
Yeah. It's the first one with the kids.
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00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:10,696
Don't say a word.
I know exactly what you mean.
89
00:05:10,863 --> 00:05:13,282
I got a lot to do now,
so I better get movin'.
90
00:05:13,449 --> 00:05:15,701
Thank you, Donkey!
And Merry Christmas!
91
00:05:15,868 --> 00:05:17,369
All right. Merry Christmas!
92
00:05:17,536 --> 00:05:21,290
♪ Love and joy come to you
and to me some waffles too
93
00:05:22,958 --> 00:05:25,502
Donkey's right. It's Christmas Eve.
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00:05:25,669 --> 00:05:28,297
How am I ever gonna
get this done in time?
95
00:05:28,464 --> 00:05:30,674
This is gonna be
the best Christmas ever.
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00:05:30,841 --> 00:05:33,135
And we're going to do it together,
so come on.
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00:05:33,302 --> 00:05:35,804
[♪ The Waitresses: "Christmas Wrapping"]
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00:05:39,516 --> 00:05:41,018
[burps]
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00:05:48,359 --> 00:05:49,360
[chortling]
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00:05:57,534 --> 00:05:59,703
Everything looks so good!
101
00:05:59,870 --> 00:06:04,541
- Oh, nice job, honey.
- Well, we all did it together.
102
00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:07,920
What would the perfect Christmas be
without a Christmas story?
103
00:06:08,087 --> 00:06:09,713
- [giggling]
- Ahem.
104
00:06:09,880 --> 00:06:14,051
'Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the house
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00:06:14,218 --> 00:06:17,012
- Not a creature was stirring...
- [door slams open]
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00:06:17,179 --> 00:06:19,264
- What?
- Merry Christmas, Shrek!
107
00:06:19,431 --> 00:06:22,351
- Oh, not you!
- We're here to smother you with love!
108
00:06:22,518 --> 00:06:25,187
Absolutely not!
Bad Donkey! Go home!
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00:06:25,354 --> 00:06:27,564
How are you gonna have
Christmas without family?
110
00:06:27,731 --> 00:06:29,608
- Seasons greeting!
- Happy Holidays!
111
00:06:29,775 --> 00:06:31,693
- Merry Christmas!
- What a nice surprise!
112
00:06:31,860 --> 00:06:33,237
Oh, yeah.
113
00:06:34,571 --> 00:06:36,115
[all giggling]
114
00:06:36,281 --> 00:06:39,743
OK, I will assume the position.
115
00:06:39,910 --> 00:06:42,538
- [yowling]
- [laughing]
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00:06:42,704 --> 00:06:47,292
- I am the joy-filled swine!
- Yay, for the season of love!
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00:06:47,459 --> 00:06:50,921
This is where Christmas stockings go.
You can't hang laundry up!
118
00:06:51,088 --> 00:06:53,132
Donkey! Don't touch anything.
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00:06:53,924 --> 00:06:56,760
How we gonna roast chestnuts
on this little bitty fire?
120
00:06:56,927 --> 00:06:58,053
Hey, baby, you mind?
121
00:07:02,099 --> 00:07:04,893
- [Gingerbread Man] Oh, boy!
- [Mouse] This way, gents.
122
00:07:05,060 --> 00:07:06,937
[shrieks] That was our supper!
123
00:07:08,439 --> 00:07:09,773
Ow! Hey!
124
00:07:11,942 --> 00:07:14,987
Did you hurt yourself
when you fell out of heaven?
125
00:07:15,154 --> 00:07:17,489
- Where are we going to put it?
- I don't know.
126
00:07:17,656 --> 00:07:18,824
Let's put it over here.
127
00:07:18,991 --> 00:07:20,659
No, that is not with the feng shui.
128
00:07:20,826 --> 00:07:22,619
Come on, everybody, let's dance!
129
00:07:22,786 --> 00:07:25,956
[dance music plays]
130
00:07:30,002 --> 00:07:32,004
- [muffled music]
- [laughter]
131
00:07:34,131 --> 00:07:38,844
- [Shrek] Occupied!
- It's me. Shrek?
132
00:07:39,011 --> 00:07:42,306
- Yes?
- Come back to the party. Please?
133
00:07:42,473 --> 00:07:44,892
Mmm. I don't think
that'd be such a good idea.
134
00:07:45,058 --> 00:07:48,645
Come on. It's not that bad.
135
00:07:48,812 --> 00:07:51,607
OK, I know you're
not a party person, but...
136
00:07:51,773 --> 00:07:55,068
But what? This is not the kind
of Christmas I had in mind.
137
00:07:55,235 --> 00:07:57,905
They're our friends, Shrek.
They all mean well.
138
00:07:58,071 --> 00:07:59,031
[plate shatters]
139
00:07:59,198 --> 00:08:01,658
- [pig] How many babies did Fiona have?
- [pig 2] She has babies?
140
00:08:01,825 --> 00:08:04,369
- [pig] I don't know.
- Better get back to the house.
141
00:08:04,536 --> 00:08:06,330
Surprised we have a house to go back to.
142
00:08:06,497 --> 00:08:09,791
- Are you coming?
- Oh, I can hardly wait.
143
00:08:09,958 --> 00:08:11,710
Ah! Finally!
144
00:08:11,877 --> 00:08:14,713
[thudding]
145
00:08:19,009 --> 00:08:21,303
- [hums Ride of the Valkyries]
- Look at him go!
146
00:08:21,470 --> 00:08:23,222
Excuse me! Excuse me!
147
00:08:23,388 --> 00:08:28,101
- Excuse you for what?
- I don't feel very good.
148
00:08:28,268 --> 00:08:32,564
- I feel better now.
- Ooh, a chocolate chip!
149
00:08:32,731 --> 00:08:35,484
- Mmm.
- Sweetheart? [giggles]
150
00:08:35,651 --> 00:08:38,153
[♪ Journey: "Don't Stop Believin"']
151
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,155
Mind if I cut in?
152
00:08:40,322 --> 00:08:44,076
♪ Don't stop believing
153
00:08:45,536 --> 00:08:48,413
♪ Up and down the boulevard
154
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:51,083
[giggling, cooing]
155
00:08:51,250 --> 00:08:53,418
I am a little Christmas angel!
156
00:08:53,585 --> 00:08:55,462
Hey there, my sweeties.
157
00:08:55,629 --> 00:08:57,714
- [burps]
- Aww.
158
00:08:57,881 --> 00:09:01,260
Would you like Daddy
to finish the story for you?
159
00:09:01,426 --> 00:09:02,553
- [squeals]
- Yeah?
160
00:09:02,719 --> 00:09:05,430
The children were nestled
all snug in their beds
161
00:09:05,597 --> 00:09:08,850
- While visions of sugarplums...
- Were you tellin' 'em
162
00:09:09,017 --> 00:09:11,895
The Night Before Christmas?
Best Christmas story ever!
163
00:09:12,062 --> 00:09:14,022
- I'm the best teller ever!
- Donkey...
164
00:09:14,189 --> 00:09:16,024
I got it committed to memorization!
165
00:09:16,191 --> 00:09:17,818
- Gather round!
- Donkey! Wait!
166
00:09:17,985 --> 00:09:20,195
I'm supposed to tell
the Christmas story.
167
00:09:20,362 --> 00:09:23,240
'Twas the night before Christmas
and I spent all the day
168
00:09:23,407 --> 00:09:26,201
Finishin' up on my Christmas display
169
00:09:26,368 --> 00:09:28,870
Now, missin' all this
would be nothin' but tragic
170
00:09:29,037 --> 00:09:31,707
So just follow me
and I'll show you the magic
171
00:09:31,873 --> 00:09:33,959
Now, out in the yard
in a glorious clutter
172
00:09:34,126 --> 00:09:36,837
Is a spectacle there that'll
make your heart flutter
173
00:09:37,004 --> 00:09:40,173
With 20-foot cheese balls
and a big eggnog fountain
174
00:09:40,340 --> 00:09:42,593
And yodelin' elves
on an ambrosia mountain
175
00:09:42,759 --> 00:09:45,178
A stage where acrobats
jump, leap and prance
176
00:09:45,345 --> 00:09:48,056
And honor the day
through interpretive dance
177
00:09:48,223 --> 00:09:49,182
[all shout]
178
00:09:49,349 --> 00:09:51,685
Just when you think
the display is complete
179
00:09:51,852 --> 00:09:54,354
The Christmas parade
comes right down the street
180
00:09:54,521 --> 00:09:56,773
With holiday floats
all in silver and blue
181
00:09:56,940 --> 00:09:59,901
With sugarplum fairies
and a reindeer or two
182
00:10:00,068 --> 00:10:02,821
There's a baton-twirlin'
snowman all happy and perky
183
00:10:02,988 --> 00:10:05,699
Magical peacocks
and a dancin' roast turkey
184
00:10:05,866 --> 00:10:09,286
[♪ Carmen Carter: "Gonna Make You Sweat
(Everybody Dance Now)"]
185
00:10:09,453 --> 00:10:12,539
[Donkey] And right when you think
that you’ve just seen it all
186
00:10:12,706 --> 00:10:16,418
Comes a huge waffle Santa
that's 50 feet tall
187
00:10:16,585 --> 00:10:19,004
Ho, ho, ho!
188
00:10:19,171 --> 00:10:21,882
With syrup and butter
the sight just amazes
189
00:10:22,049 --> 00:10:24,760
As it's flanked by a choir
all singin' his praises
190
00:10:24,926 --> 00:10:28,055
[♪ Harry Gregson-Williams and the
Waffle Santa Chorus: "Hallelujah Chorus"]
191
00:10:32,976 --> 00:10:35,479
- Donkey.
- Santa?
192
00:10:35,646 --> 00:10:36,813
- Donkey!
- Santa!
193
00:10:36,980 --> 00:10:38,815
- Donkey!
- Oh.
194
00:10:38,982 --> 00:10:42,110
Very inappropriate, amigo.
Please, allow me.
195
00:10:42,277 --> 00:10:44,655
- Oh, Puss, not you too.
- [Puss] In my homeland,
196
00:10:44,821 --> 00:10:47,658
we tell a very different tale
of the Santa Nicholas.
197
00:10:47,824 --> 00:10:50,077
He's not made of waffles.
198
00:10:50,243 --> 00:10:53,372
This Santa was suave
He was nothing like that
199
00:10:53,538 --> 00:10:57,668
The Santa I know
was a hot Latin cat
200
00:10:57,834 --> 00:11:01,755
He was dressed all in fur
from his head to his paws
201
00:11:01,922 --> 00:11:07,302
And he stood there heroic
A real Santa... Claws
202
00:11:07,469 --> 00:11:09,930
Red are his boots
203
00:11:10,097 --> 00:11:12,849
- And so is his cape
- [all] Olé!
204
00:11:13,016 --> 00:11:16,937
His sword is a cane
that tastes like crab cake
205
00:11:17,104 --> 00:11:19,523
He wears a fine belt
and a leather cravat
206
00:11:19,690 --> 00:11:24,194
And there's a cute fuzzy thing
which hangs down from his hat
207
00:11:25,070 --> 00:11:27,489
[bell jingles]
208
00:11:30,075 --> 00:11:32,160
[purring]
209
00:11:33,370 --> 00:11:34,746
[crickets chirping]
210
00:11:34,913 --> 00:11:37,416
I have shamed myself.
211
00:11:37,582 --> 00:11:39,710
- [all] Olé!
- All right, everybody,
212
00:11:39,876 --> 00:11:42,629
if you leave now,
you can beat the holiday traffic.
213
00:11:42,796 --> 00:11:45,632
Aw, phooey with all your
sunshine and lollipops!
214
00:11:45,799 --> 00:11:49,177
Where I come from,
Christmas is a nightmare.
215
00:11:49,344 --> 00:11:51,513
- [sighs]
- [clears throat]
216
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:54,933
'Twas the night before Christmas
and the prettiest sights
217
00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:59,146
Were my sweetheart beside me
in the bright Christmas lights
218
00:11:59,312 --> 00:12:00,897
...until they got home.
219
00:12:01,064 --> 00:12:05,485
When they looked at the car door
handle, and they found a hook!
220
00:12:05,652 --> 00:12:07,112
- [shrieking]
- [laughing]
221
00:12:07,279 --> 00:12:10,198
Gingy, cut it out! You're
really givin' me the creeps!
222
00:12:10,365 --> 00:12:13,160
Oh, come on, I was just teasin'.
223
00:12:13,326 --> 00:12:16,121
- Come here, you.
- [giggles]
224
00:12:16,288 --> 00:12:18,290
Gingy, I couldn't stay mad at you.
225
00:12:18,457 --> 00:12:20,000
- [rustling]
- What was that?
226
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:22,753
Oh, no, you don't. I'm not
fallin' for that again.
227
00:12:22,919 --> 00:12:26,006
No, I'm really, really
seriously not kidding.
228
00:12:27,674 --> 00:12:29,801
- Whoa!
- Oh, Gingy!
229
00:12:29,968 --> 00:12:32,304
- [roaring]
- [yelling]
230
00:12:36,183 --> 00:12:38,977
Suzie!
231
00:12:39,895 --> 00:12:42,397
- [crunching]
- No! No! No!
232
00:12:42,564 --> 00:12:45,150
That's the most ridiculous
thing I've ever heard.
233
00:12:45,317 --> 00:12:47,569
- That's not how it goes.
- You weren't there!
234
00:12:47,736 --> 00:12:50,906
All right, everyone,
I've had just about enough!
235
00:12:51,072 --> 00:12:55,243
All I wanted was a nice
Christmas with my family.
236
00:12:55,410 --> 00:12:59,539
That's exactly why we're all here!
Come on, let's finish tellin' my story.
237
00:12:59,706 --> 00:13:04,252
No, Donkey, that's not what I meant.
And get out of my chair.
238
00:13:04,920 --> 00:13:08,173
- Hey, what's this?
- Donkey, let go of the book.
239
00:13:08,340 --> 00:13:12,385
- Why are you whisperin'?
- I'm not kiddin'. Give me the book!
240
00:13:17,349 --> 00:13:18,350
- Heimlich!
- Ja?
241
00:13:18,517 --> 00:13:20,227
- No, Heimlich!
- Oh, ja!
242
00:13:20,393 --> 00:13:21,394
Ay!
243
00:13:21,561 --> 00:13:23,814
[grunts] Whoa!
244
00:13:25,232 --> 00:13:28,276
- [squealing]
- Oh! My eye!
245
00:13:28,902 --> 00:13:30,278
[screaming]
246
00:13:30,445 --> 00:13:31,822
- [shouting]
- [giggling]
247
00:13:38,119 --> 00:13:39,538
Stop, drop and roll, Shrek!
248
00:13:39,704 --> 00:13:41,748
- Somebody get some water!
- I got it!
249
00:13:41,915 --> 00:13:44,626
Don't worry, Shrek,
everything is under control!
250
00:13:44,793 --> 00:13:46,294
Oh, boy.
251
00:13:46,461 --> 00:13:49,256
[kettle whistling]
252
00:13:49,422 --> 00:13:51,758
- Oh! The tea is ready.
- [Shrek] Out!
253
00:13:51,925 --> 00:13:56,012
I want everybody out
of my house right now!
254
00:13:57,222 --> 00:13:59,349
Aah!
255
00:13:59,641 --> 00:14:03,186
Well, that's a real nice way
to treat your guests on Christmas!
256
00:14:03,353 --> 00:14:08,358
And if you think I'm gonna give you
a present now, you are sadly mistaken!
257
00:14:08,525 --> 00:14:10,944
You want to give me a present?
Then go away!
258
00:14:11,111 --> 00:14:14,030
- That's all I wanted!
- Fine! I'm going!
259
00:14:14,197 --> 00:14:15,448
Good, then go!
260
00:14:15,615 --> 00:14:19,286
You go and have yourself
a merry Christmas.
261
00:14:19,452 --> 00:14:23,039
- Ebenezer Shrek!
- And a "bah, humbug" to you too!
262
00:14:27,544 --> 00:14:30,630
- We could come to our house.
- Ja, we have plenty of schnitzel.
263
00:14:30,797 --> 00:14:33,008
Now maybe we can...
264
00:14:34,134 --> 00:14:37,846
Fiona? Where you going?
265
00:14:38,013 --> 00:14:41,516
Shrek, you just kicked
everybody out on Christmas.
266
00:14:41,683 --> 00:14:44,060
Well, that wasn't Christmas.
That was chaos!
267
00:14:44,227 --> 00:14:47,063
Look, I know it didn't
go like you wanted.
268
00:14:47,230 --> 00:14:51,026
What I wanted was a perfect
Christmas for me and my family.
269
00:14:51,192 --> 00:14:53,737
- That was our family.
- You call that a family?
270
00:14:53,904 --> 00:14:55,989
That was a natural disaster!
271
00:14:56,156 --> 00:14:58,992
On Christmas, that's how it works.
Yes, it was crowded.
272
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:01,161
Yes, it got a little out of hand.
273
00:15:01,328 --> 00:15:04,539
- Fiona, they lit me on fire!
- Shrek...
274
00:15:04,706 --> 00:15:09,252
I had everything under control until
they showed up and ruined my Christmas!
275
00:15:09,419 --> 00:15:12,672
- Your Christmas?
- I mean our Christmas.
276
00:15:12,839 --> 00:15:15,342
For you, and the babies.
277
00:15:15,508 --> 00:15:20,555
[sighs] Christmas is not just
about you or me. Or even the babies.
278
00:15:22,057 --> 00:15:23,767
You just don't get it.
279
00:15:23,934 --> 00:15:29,105
I have to go. I need to
apologize to our friends.
280
00:15:29,272 --> 00:15:31,274
Fiona, wait.
281
00:15:44,454 --> 00:15:47,582
[♪ Eels:
"The Stars Shine in the Sky Tonight"]
282
00:16:19,406 --> 00:16:22,325
I don't understand why
Shrek had to be so mean and cranky.
283
00:16:22,492 --> 00:16:24,327
We were tryin' to do what you wanted!
284
00:16:24,494 --> 00:16:27,414
- What're you talking about?
- What you said this morning.
285
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:30,208
You and Shrek wanted to
have a big family Christmas.
286
00:16:30,375 --> 00:16:33,211
I said it was our first
Christmas together as a family.
287
00:16:33,378 --> 00:16:37,340
Right. That's me and everybody else.
Then he lost his temper like that.
288
00:16:37,507 --> 00:16:40,719
You know, Donkey, none of us
really asked Shrek what he wanted.
289
00:16:40,885 --> 00:16:44,806
I must agree with the Princess. And you,
especially, were no Christmas angel.
290
00:16:44,973 --> 00:16:47,851
- I don't remember askin' you anything!
- Donkey.
291
00:16:48,018 --> 00:16:50,520
I'm sorry, Princess. You're right.
292
00:16:50,687 --> 00:16:53,356
- Still, Shrek didn't have to be so...
- [Shrek] What?
293
00:16:53,523 --> 00:16:54,733
- [yelling]
- [meowing]
294
00:16:54,899 --> 00:16:57,235
Pigheaded? Stubborn? Mean?
295
00:16:57,402 --> 00:17:02,282
Well, maybe I am all those things,
but I'm an ogre, OK?
296
00:17:02,449 --> 00:17:05,118
So here's the thing. [clears throat]
297
00:17:05,285 --> 00:17:08,955
I'm sorry you took getting kicked out
of my house the wrong way.
298
00:17:09,122 --> 00:17:12,876
No, wait. What I meant to say is
299
00:17:13,043 --> 00:17:16,963
I know you're just trying to be
helpful in your irritating fashion...
300
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:21,301
- Ay, caramba!
- Some people can't help being annoying.
301
00:17:21,468 --> 00:17:24,554
- Shrek!
- Look,
302
00:17:24,721 --> 00:17:26,765
I shouldn't have lost my temper.
303
00:17:26,931 --> 00:17:29,768
- Apology accepted. Let's go eat.
- Wait a minute.
304
00:17:29,934 --> 00:17:32,771
There's somethin' more to this.
Come on, what's goin' on?
305
00:17:32,937 --> 00:17:37,567
Look, all I wanted was to make
this perfect for my family,
306
00:17:37,734 --> 00:17:41,780
but I don't even know
what Christmas means.
307
00:17:41,946 --> 00:17:45,283
The thing is,
this is my first Christmas too.
308
00:17:46,576 --> 00:17:49,662
Whoa! Hold up, Shrek!
You mean that you never had...
309
00:17:49,829 --> 00:17:50,830
- No.
- Not even one?
310
00:17:50,997 --> 00:17:52,457
- No!
- You mean no chestnuts,
311
00:17:52,624 --> 00:17:54,501
no Santa, no presents, no stockings?
312
00:17:54,667 --> 00:17:56,836
- No nut cakes?!
- Donkey!
313
00:17:57,003 --> 00:18:00,298
No, none of that.
314
00:18:00,465 --> 00:18:03,843
Ogres don't celebrate Christmas.
315
00:18:04,511 --> 00:18:07,138
Ogres don't celebrate anything.
316
00:18:09,933 --> 00:18:12,602
Oh, man, now I'm all emotional.
317
00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:15,772
- Come here, gimme a hug!
- All right, that's close enough.
318
00:18:15,939 --> 00:18:18,483
OK, all right, I just...
guess I got... a little
319
00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:21,820
excited about Christmas and
all the presents and mistletoe
320
00:18:21,986 --> 00:18:24,989
and everything,
and I forgot that it's...
321
00:18:25,156 --> 00:18:28,827
It's about us all bein' together,
and I'm... I'm sorry, Shrek.
322
00:18:28,993 --> 00:18:32,997
I know, Donkey, and... and I'm sorry
it ended up in a great big fight.
323
00:18:33,164 --> 00:18:34,707
Christmas is all about fights.
324
00:18:34,874 --> 00:18:38,503
My mama used to say, "Christmas
ain't Christmas till somebody cries."
325
00:18:38,670 --> 00:18:40,213
Usually that someone's me.
326
00:18:40,380 --> 00:18:43,133
There is no right way to
do Christmas. You just do it.
327
00:18:43,299 --> 00:18:44,676
[all] Ja, with schnitzel!
328
00:18:44,843 --> 00:18:46,678
- And eggnog!
- [all] And cheese!
329
00:18:46,845 --> 00:18:51,057
- And family.
- Yeah. And family.
330
00:18:51,224 --> 00:18:55,353
So despite the fact that you
drive me crazy at times...
331
00:18:55,520 --> 00:18:58,064
Yes, Donkey, I'm lookin' at you.
332
00:18:58,231 --> 00:19:02,902
...it would mean a lot to me if
you'd all come back and join us.
333
00:19:04,529 --> 00:19:07,365
OK, I guess I deserved that.
334
00:19:07,532 --> 00:19:09,075
All right, don't push your luck.
335
00:19:09,242 --> 00:19:12,162
[laughing] They got you good, Shrek!
336
00:19:12,328 --> 00:19:14,205
That wasn't even funny!
Who did that?
337
00:19:14,372 --> 00:19:16,040
[babies cooing]
338
00:19:17,542 --> 00:19:20,336
[Fiona] Well, that's
the last of the spare blankets.
339
00:19:22,589 --> 00:19:26,759
Sorry, but this is my spot. I never get
the good spots, so I specifically...
340
00:19:28,553 --> 00:19:31,723
So we are pigs,
pigs in the blanket, ja?
341
00:19:31,890 --> 00:19:33,183
- Ja.
- Ja.
342
00:19:33,349 --> 00:19:35,560
- This is funny then, ja?
- Ja, ja.
343
00:19:35,727 --> 00:19:36,895
- This is funny.
- Ja.
344
00:19:37,061 --> 00:19:39,689
- Yep, that's a good one.
- Good night, everyone.
345
00:19:39,856 --> 00:19:42,692
- It's time for lights out.
- We can't go to sleep yet.
346
00:19:42,859 --> 00:19:45,069
We haven't heard a bedtime story. Right?
347
00:19:45,236 --> 00:19:46,237
Shrek, yeah!
348
00:19:46,404 --> 00:19:49,908
- [all chattering indistinctly]
- All right. All right.
349
00:19:51,618 --> 00:19:53,036
Don't need this.
350
00:19:53,203 --> 00:19:54,913
- [giggling]
- OK.
351
00:19:56,581 --> 00:20:02,045
'Twas the night before Christmas
Not a swamp rat did creep
352
00:20:02,212 --> 00:20:04,964
As mother and babe
played kazoo in their sleep
353
00:20:05,131 --> 00:20:06,925
[kazoo sounds]
354
00:20:07,217 --> 00:20:10,595
Now, the sight of the house
would make any ogre droop
355
00:20:10,762 --> 00:20:14,140
For 'twas sickeningly sweet
as unicorn poop
356
00:20:14,307 --> 00:20:17,769
Yet who was arriving
to help this lost cause?
357
00:20:17,936 --> 00:20:22,607
The foul, the vile
and handsome Ogre Claus
358
00:20:22,774 --> 00:20:24,150
Hey. How's it goin'?
359
00:20:24,317 --> 00:20:26,986
He looked all around
and scratched at his beard
360
00:20:27,153 --> 00:20:28,947
And said...
361
00:20:29,113 --> 00:20:31,407
And said...
362
00:20:31,574 --> 00:20:34,953
This place is worse
than I thought... Uh, feared.
363
00:20:35,119 --> 00:20:38,289
So he grabbed up his belly
and screwed up his face
364
00:20:38,456 --> 00:20:41,292
- And let loose a...
- [loud belch]
365
00:20:41,834 --> 00:20:43,836
That transformed the place
366
00:20:44,003 --> 00:20:47,131
With a gleam in his eye
his work here was done
367
00:20:47,298 --> 00:20:50,468
And then to the babies
he gave one by one
368
00:20:50,635 --> 00:20:53,471
A festering bottle
of stinky swamp juice
369
00:20:53,638 --> 00:20:57,141
And for mommy a kiss
and a good Christmas goose
370
00:20:57,308 --> 00:21:00,311
Four hundred twenty five degrees,
20 minutes per pound.
371
00:21:00,478 --> 00:21:03,648
Then digging a finger
inside of his nose
372
00:21:03,815 --> 00:21:07,986
And giving a nod
up the chimney he rose
373
00:21:08,152 --> 00:21:11,990
And I heard him exclaim
as he drove out of sight
374
00:21:12,156 --> 00:21:17,620
"Smelly Christmas to all
and to all a gross night"
375
00:21:18,371 --> 00:21:22,000
- [bells jingling]
- [Ogre Claus] Ho, ho, ho!
376
00:21:22,166 --> 00:21:24,043
Ho, ho, ho!
377
00:21:24,210 --> 00:21:27,880
- Ho, ho, ho!
- Santa?! [screams]
378
00:21:28,214 --> 00:21:36,214
Ho, ho, ho!
28487
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