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1
00:00:08,896 --> 00:00:12,862
♪ Hello, world, hear
the song that we're singin'
2
00:00:12,931 --> 00:00:15,448
♪ come on, get happy
3
00:00:17,206 --> 00:00:21,379
♪ a whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
4
00:00:21,448 --> 00:00:23,931
♪ we'll make you happy
5
00:00:25,896 --> 00:00:29,034
♪ we had a dream
we'd go travelin' together
6
00:00:29,103 --> 00:00:32,586
♪ and spread a little lovin'
then we'd keep movin' on
7
00:00:32,655 --> 00:00:35,724
♪ somethin' always happens
whenever we're together
8
00:00:35,793 --> 00:00:39,172
♪ we get a happy feelin'
when we're singin' a song
9
00:00:39,241 --> 00:00:43,344
♪ travelin' along there's
a song that we're singin'
10
00:00:43,413 --> 00:00:47,620
♪ come on, get happy
11
00:00:47,689 --> 00:00:51,758
♪ a whole lot of lovin'
is what we'll be bringin'
12
00:00:51,827 --> 00:00:55,206
♪ we'll make you happy
13
00:00:55,275 --> 00:00:58,620
♪ we'll make you happy
14
00:00:58,689 --> 00:01:01,862
♪ we'll make you happy
15
00:01:06,896 --> 00:01:10,103
Mom, why do we have
to do our homework now?
16
00:01:10,172 --> 00:01:12,103
If you want to watch
that TV special tonight,
17
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:14,586
you have to do
your homework now.
18
00:01:14,655 --> 00:01:16,482
If six ducks are on a pond
19
00:01:16,551 --> 00:01:18,655
and three more ducks
land on the pond,
20
00:01:18,724 --> 00:01:19,827
what would you have?
21
00:01:19,896 --> 00:01:21,689
Several hundred duck hunters.
22
00:01:22,896 --> 00:01:24,034
Danny.
23
00:01:24,103 --> 00:01:25,896
[Keith laughing]
24
00:01:25,965 --> 00:01:27,241
Can you see me making pancakes?
25
00:01:27,310 --> 00:01:29,655
Or me changing a tire?
26
00:01:29,724 --> 00:01:31,620
Oh, mom, I have
to do my homework.
27
00:01:31,689 --> 00:01:33,241
Do we have any greasy overalls?
28
00:01:33,310 --> 00:01:36,724
You can use mine if
you'll loan me your apron.
29
00:01:36,793 --> 00:01:39,034
Somehow I get the
feeling I'm being put on.
30
00:01:39,103 --> 00:01:43,206
No, no, the school is
having experimental courses
31
00:01:43,275 --> 00:01:45,965
to obtain better mutual
understanding between the sexes.
32
00:01:46,034 --> 00:01:48,241
Yeah, the guys have to
take, uh, women's courses
33
00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:50,241
to let them know
how a woman thinks.
34
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:53,551
I have to take, uh, cooking,
sewing, and of course,
35
00:01:54,931 --> 00:01:56,172
etiquette.
36
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:58,758
That school's turning
you into a sissy.
37
00:01:58,827 --> 00:02:00,517
I think it's a great idea.
38
00:02:00,586 --> 00:02:03,103
It's nice to know how
the other half lives.Right.
39
00:02:03,172 --> 00:02:06,551
The girls are taking things
like self-defense and auto shop.
40
00:02:06,620 --> 00:02:08,689
Oh, which reminds me,
can I use the station wagon?
41
00:02:08,758 --> 00:02:10,793
I have to practice
changing a tire.
42
00:02:10,862 --> 00:02:13,172
But you don't have
a driver's license.
43
00:02:13,241 --> 00:02:15,724
She doesn't need a
license to change a tire.
44
00:02:15,793 --> 00:02:18,137
Oh. Oh, and I need
to use the kitchen.
45
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:20,310
I have to, uh, practice
making pancakes.
46
00:02:20,379 --> 00:02:25,517
Keith, someday you'll
make a lucky girl a great wife.
47
00:02:25,586 --> 00:02:29,241
Very funny. At least I have it
a lot easier than Laurie does.
48
00:02:29,310 --> 00:02:30,758
You do? Well, yeah,
49
00:02:30,827 --> 00:02:32,758
I mean, there's
nothing to cooking.
50
00:02:32,827 --> 00:02:34,137
Oh, really?
51
00:02:34,206 --> 00:02:36,310
Well, I have news for
you. It's a lot harder to cook
52
00:02:36,379 --> 00:02:39,379
than it is to change a
few little nuts and bolts.
53
00:02:39,448 --> 00:02:42,103
Well, maybe you're right,
but men are good at both,
54
00:02:42,172 --> 00:02:44,275
and women aren't good at either.
55
00:02:44,344 --> 00:02:45,620
What? Well, I mean,
56
00:02:45,689 --> 00:02:47,827
there are a lot of
world-famous male chefs.
57
00:02:47,896 --> 00:02:50,689
Name me one world-famous
female mechanic.
58
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,620
Well, name me one
famous male chef.
59
00:02:56,689 --> 00:02:58,413
Uncle Ben, chef boyardee.
60
00:02:58,482 --> 00:03:00,034
Laurie: Oh, come on, Keith.
61
00:03:00,103 --> 00:03:02,482
Mom, he is saying that
women are inferior to men.
62
00:03:02,551 --> 00:03:04,758
Now, that is not what I said.
63
00:03:04,827 --> 00:03:06,655
It's true, but I... Oh, really?
64
00:03:06,724 --> 00:03:08,793
Well, I'll bet you that
I can change a tire
65
00:03:08,862 --> 00:03:10,482
better than you
can fix pancakes.
66
00:03:10,551 --> 00:03:11,793
Oh, be serious.
67
00:03:11,862 --> 00:03:13,137
I am. It's a bet.
68
00:03:13,206 --> 00:03:14,620
What's at stake?
69
00:03:14,689 --> 00:03:17,413
Your brother's gigantic ego.
70
00:03:17,482 --> 00:03:19,931
I'll, uh... I'll help you
find the spare tire
71
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,758
just as soon as I'm done
making the pancakes.
72
00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,344
[Door slams]
73
00:03:24,413 --> 00:03:27,413
[Sighs] Boy, she sure
is a sore loser, isn't she?
74
00:03:28,379 --> 00:03:31,000
She hasn't lost yet.
75
00:03:51,586 --> 00:03:53,310
How's Laurie doing?
76
00:03:53,379 --> 00:03:56,137
She finally found
the spare tire.
77
00:03:56,206 --> 00:03:59,000
Well, if you ask me,
this whole bet is silly.
78
00:03:59,068 --> 00:04:00,344
I agree.
79
00:04:00,413 --> 00:04:03,241
And you can't ask a
woman to do a man's job.
80
00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:05,344
Oh, Reuben.
81
00:04:05,413 --> 00:04:07,206
You sound like
a male chauvinist.
82
00:04:07,275 --> 00:04:08,827
[Rattling]
83
00:04:09,896 --> 00:04:12,137
You don't really
think she can do it?
84
00:04:12,206 --> 00:04:13,724
Why not?
85
00:04:13,793 --> 00:04:17,206
Keith isn't doing much
better at a woman's job.
86
00:04:17,275 --> 00:04:18,827
[Door opens]
87
00:04:18,896 --> 00:04:20,965
Mom, will you show
me how to sift flour?
88
00:04:21,034 --> 00:04:22,689
Sift for yourself.
89
00:04:26,068 --> 00:04:27,137
[Sighs]
90
00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:29,172
I have a feeling
mom's on Laurie's side.
91
00:04:29,241 --> 00:04:32,068
It's just like the weaker
sex to gang up on you.
92
00:04:32,137 --> 00:04:34,896
Now come on, two
cups sifted flour.
93
00:04:34,965 --> 00:04:37,310
Yeah, well, I tell you, Danny,
94
00:04:37,379 --> 00:04:38,551
I expected it.
95
00:04:38,620 --> 00:04:40,620
You know, sympathy
for the underdog.
96
00:04:40,689 --> 00:04:42,724
She knows Laurie
doesn't have a chance.
97
00:04:52,758 --> 00:04:54,275
Way to go, Keith.
98
00:04:54,344 --> 00:04:57,034
You'd be great at
breaking up a riot.
99
00:04:58,620 --> 00:05:01,896
[Sighs] Must have
been doing it too hard.
100
00:05:01,965 --> 00:05:05,137
Well, guess I'll just relax,
101
00:05:05,206 --> 00:05:07,413
give my pancakes
a chance to settle.
102
00:05:08,379 --> 00:05:10,931
How's... oh, no!
103
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,310
[Coughs]
104
00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,113
What are you doing,
dusting for fingerprints?
105
00:05:14,137 --> 00:05:16,724
Uh, a temporary setback.
I'll clean it up later.
106
00:05:16,793 --> 00:05:18,413
You certainly will.
107
00:05:18,482 --> 00:05:20,896
Where are the pancakes?
He hasn't made them yet.
108
00:05:20,965 --> 00:05:22,448
You've been in here for an hour.
109
00:05:22,517 --> 00:05:24,137
I know. I've been
taking my time.
110
00:05:24,206 --> 00:05:26,551
You know, making sure I
do every step exactly right.
111
00:05:26,620 --> 00:05:30,551
Oh, which step says throw
flour all over the kitchen?
112
00:05:30,620 --> 00:05:34,517
Maybe the superior male has
bitten off more than he can chew.
113
00:05:34,586 --> 00:05:36,000
[Sighs] Okay.
114
00:05:36,068 --> 00:05:37,758
So I made a
couple of mistakes...
115
00:05:37,827 --> 00:05:38,827
[Door opens]
116
00:05:41,413 --> 00:05:43,862
Well, if it isn't
Andy granatelli.
117
00:05:43,931 --> 00:05:46,413
How'd you get so
greasy changing a tire?
118
00:05:46,482 --> 00:05:49,586
Looks like she's been swimming
in the Santa Barbara channel.
119
00:05:49,655 --> 00:05:52,413
Uh, did you give up or just
come in for an oil change?
120
00:05:52,482 --> 00:05:54,275
Oh, I finished.
121
00:05:54,344 --> 00:05:55,931
Keith: You finished?
122
00:05:56,000 --> 00:05:57,724
Finished. How are
your pancakes coming?
123
00:05:57,793 --> 00:05:59,931
You're standing in them.
124
00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:02,655
Oh, well, guess
that means I win.
125
00:06:02,724 --> 00:06:04,137
That's not fair.
I wasn't trying.
126
00:06:04,206 --> 00:06:06,275
Oh, I still win.
127
00:06:06,344 --> 00:06:08,551
There was no bet.
We didn't shake hands.
128
00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:09,965
Come on, Keith.
129
00:06:10,034 --> 00:06:12,103
Well, Shirley, if they
didn't shake hands...
130
00:06:12,172 --> 00:06:14,275
That sounds like a cop-out.
131
00:06:14,344 --> 00:06:15,620
Face it, Keith.
132
00:06:15,689 --> 00:06:19,724
I beat you. I beat
you. I beat you.
133
00:06:19,793 --> 00:06:21,655
Are you gonna take that?
134
00:06:24,172 --> 00:06:25,758
Okay.
135
00:06:25,827 --> 00:06:27,803
If that's the way you want
it, let's have a real contest.
136
00:06:27,827 --> 00:06:29,896
Something, uh... something
a little more difficult,
137
00:06:29,965 --> 00:06:34,931
like, uh... Chapter four,
"gapping spark plugs."
138
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,793
Chapter four in your book's
making spinach souffle.
139
00:06:37,862 --> 00:06:39,586
I can't believe this.
140
00:06:39,655 --> 00:06:42,517
Mom, I'm doing this
for Laurie's own good.
141
00:06:42,586 --> 00:06:45,068
I mean, someday she's
gonna want to get married,
142
00:06:45,137 --> 00:06:48,620
and what man will have her if
she thinks she's as good as he is?
143
00:06:48,689 --> 00:06:51,241
Oh! You're on!
144
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:53,517
Spinach against spark plugs!
145
00:06:53,586 --> 00:06:54,689
When do we start?
146
00:06:54,758 --> 00:06:56,137
Right now.
147
00:06:58,551 --> 00:07:00,000
Well, you need "a
pound of spinach."
148
00:07:00,068 --> 00:07:01,896
One pound of spinach.
149
00:07:01,965 --> 00:07:04,010
"Four tablespoons of butter."
Four tablespoons butter, right.
150
00:07:04,034 --> 00:07:07,103
"One cup grated cheese."
One cup grated cheese.
151
00:07:07,172 --> 00:07:09,655
"Five eggs." Now, just a moment.
152
00:07:09,724 --> 00:07:11,689
You guys are
ganging up on Laurie.
153
00:07:11,758 --> 00:07:14,241
Reuben... Shirley, I
am not playing favorites.
154
00:07:14,310 --> 00:07:16,551
It's just that, well, a
man's ego is at stake.
155
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:17,862
Well, it's not your ego.
156
00:07:17,931 --> 00:07:19,275
So we're not really helping.
157
00:07:19,344 --> 00:07:21,034
We're just advising.
158
00:07:21,103 --> 00:07:23,448
[Clears throat]
"One cup of milk."
159
00:07:23,517 --> 00:07:25,241
It isn't fair.
160
00:07:25,310 --> 00:07:28,793
[Sighs] Mom, if you'd like to
advise for Laurie, that's fine with me.
161
00:07:28,862 --> 00:07:31,517
"Three tablespoons
whole-wheat flour."
162
00:07:31,586 --> 00:07:33,034
Do we have any
whole-wheat flour?
163
00:07:33,103 --> 00:07:36,448
Ask Danny. I'm Laurie's advisor.
164
00:07:42,758 --> 00:07:44,793
Don't tell me you bought
your own set of tools.
165
00:07:44,862 --> 00:07:46,241
[Scoffs] Of course not.
166
00:07:46,310 --> 00:07:48,000
I liberated Keith's.
167
00:07:48,068 --> 00:07:50,689
I figure if he can use our
kitchen, we can use his tools.
168
00:07:50,758 --> 00:07:52,620
I hope he has all
the right equipment.
169
00:07:52,689 --> 00:07:54,068
I think so.
170
00:07:54,137 --> 00:07:55,872
The manual shows
pictures of the tools we need.
171
00:07:55,896 --> 00:07:58,103
Do you wanna run a check? Good.
172
00:07:58,172 --> 00:07:59,310
Screwdriver.
173
00:07:59,379 --> 00:08:00,793
Check.
174
00:08:00,862 --> 00:08:03,034
Spark-plug puller. Check.
175
00:08:03,103 --> 00:08:05,068
Spark-plug gapper. Check.
176
00:08:05,137 --> 00:08:07,758
And I brought a few
tools of my own. Hairpins.
177
00:08:07,827 --> 00:08:09,620
Good idea.
178
00:08:09,689 --> 00:08:12,586
Actually, it looks kind of easy.
179
00:08:12,655 --> 00:08:15,758
According to the diagram, we
disconnect the spark-plug wires,
180
00:08:15,827 --> 00:08:17,827
take out the plugs, set the gap
181
00:08:17,896 --> 00:08:21,310
at sixty-five-hundredths of
an inch, and replace the plugs.
182
00:08:21,379 --> 00:08:23,344
It's all laid out step by step.
183
00:08:23,413 --> 00:08:25,103
Yeah.
184
00:08:25,172 --> 00:08:27,379
There's only one thing
the manual doesn't tell us.
185
00:08:27,448 --> 00:08:29,000
Oh?
186
00:08:29,068 --> 00:08:31,344
How do you open up the hood?
187
00:08:32,724 --> 00:08:35,103
Okay. Now we need scallions.
188
00:08:37,862 --> 00:08:39,482
[Sighs] What are scallions?
189
00:08:39,551 --> 00:08:40,896
Wild horses.
190
00:08:40,965 --> 00:08:42,206
That's stallions.
191
00:08:42,275 --> 00:08:44,344
Scallions are like
strong, tiny onions.
192
00:08:44,413 --> 00:08:45,586
Tiny onions.
193
00:08:45,655 --> 00:08:46,758
Okay.
194
00:08:48,758 --> 00:08:51,827
[Sighs] Well, we don't
have any scallions.
195
00:08:51,896 --> 00:08:53,551
Maybe we should
substitute garlic.
196
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,896
One dash of garlic coming up.
197
00:09:01,172 --> 00:09:02,965
Okay.
198
00:09:03,034 --> 00:09:05,241
Next ingredient.
199
00:09:05,310 --> 00:09:10,137
"Garlic. Do not use
more than one half clove."
200
00:09:10,206 --> 00:09:12,034
What's a clove?
201
00:09:12,103 --> 00:09:14,310
You know those six wedges
of garlic you just threw in?
202
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:15,517
Yeah.
203
00:09:15,586 --> 00:09:17,965
Well, that's five and a
half cloves too many.
204
00:09:19,758 --> 00:09:21,827
You ruined my souffle.
205
00:09:21,896 --> 00:09:23,448
I can't go on.
206
00:09:23,517 --> 00:09:25,517
[Engine idling]
207
00:09:28,413 --> 00:09:30,344
Purrs like a baby, doesn't it?
208
00:09:30,413 --> 00:09:32,862
Well, I wouldn't say
it purrs like a baby.
209
00:09:32,931 --> 00:09:34,482
I would.
210
00:09:34,551 --> 00:09:36,620
Since all women are
good for is having babies,
211
00:09:36,689 --> 00:09:38,758
we should know
what one sounds like.
212
00:09:39,965 --> 00:09:43,000
Tell me, how is your
spinach souffle coming?
213
00:09:43,965 --> 00:09:45,896
Oh, we finished an hour ago.
214
00:09:45,965 --> 00:09:47,068
Really?
215
00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:49,034
Where is it? I'd like to try it.
216
00:09:49,103 --> 00:09:51,275
Oh, it's in the backyard.
217
00:09:51,344 --> 00:09:52,551
The backyard?
218
00:09:52,620 --> 00:09:54,896
Well, it didn't come out
exactly as we intended.
219
00:09:54,965 --> 00:09:56,493
Keith: I thought I'd
make a planter out of it.
220
00:09:56,517 --> 00:09:59,068
Yeah, with a little
varnish, it'll be great.
221
00:09:59,137 --> 00:10:00,793
Liberated women, 2.
222
00:10:00,862 --> 00:10:03,068
Male chauvinists, 0.
223
00:10:03,137 --> 00:10:04,758
I knew she'd say that. So did I.
224
00:10:04,827 --> 00:10:06,103
So did I.
225
00:10:16,620 --> 00:10:19,724
Oh, hey, Keith. I heard about
the male-female Olympics.
226
00:10:19,793 --> 00:10:21,689
Thanks for making
us girls look so good.
227
00:10:21,758 --> 00:10:23,206
Keith, do us guys a favor.
228
00:10:23,275 --> 00:10:26,448
Next time you try to show
up the weaker sex, cheat.
229
00:10:28,931 --> 00:10:30,620
Hi, loser.
230
00:10:30,689 --> 00:10:32,758
Look, everybody's
been hitting me all day
231
00:10:32,827 --> 00:10:35,206
about losing that
stupid contest.
232
00:10:35,275 --> 00:10:36,700
They didn't even know
there was a contest,
233
00:10:36,724 --> 00:10:38,448
but suddenly they know I lost.
234
00:10:38,517 --> 00:10:40,976
Now, how do you suppose they
found out if I didn't tell them, huh? Huh?
235
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,103
I told them. I'll tell you
how, you told them.
236
00:10:43,172 --> 00:10:45,965
Oh, do you think I'd
do a thing like that?
237
00:10:46,034 --> 00:10:48,482
What I can't understand
is why you did it.
238
00:10:48,551 --> 00:10:50,241
I think it's because I won.
239
00:10:50,310 --> 00:10:52,310
[Sighs] How can you
reason with females?
240
00:10:52,379 --> 00:10:53,827
They have no sense of honor.
241
00:10:55,310 --> 00:10:57,586
Hey, fellas, it's
white-thumb partridge.
242
00:10:57,655 --> 00:10:59,206
[Boys laughing]
243
00:10:59,275 --> 00:11:01,413
Hey, Keith, I hear you
lost the big bake-off.
244
00:11:01,482 --> 00:11:03,241
Yeah, well, maybe
you heard right.
245
00:11:03,310 --> 00:11:05,275
What happened? Don't
tell me your cake fell.
246
00:11:05,344 --> 00:11:06,689
[Boys laughing]
247
00:11:06,758 --> 00:11:08,137
Something like that.
248
00:11:08,206 --> 00:11:09,724
Hey, but you let
a girl beat you.
249
00:11:09,793 --> 00:11:12,241
Tell me, what's your
secret for failure?
250
00:11:12,310 --> 00:11:13,827
[All laughing]
251
00:11:13,896 --> 00:11:15,482
Let's go, Keith.
252
00:11:15,551 --> 00:11:18,655
[Sighs] Look, goose, I've heard
this from people all day long.
253
00:11:18,724 --> 00:11:20,286
Now, your friends may
think you're very funny,
254
00:11:20,310 --> 00:11:22,448
but I got to tell you,
you're nothing new.
255
00:11:23,758 --> 00:11:25,038
Pretty tough for
a cookie cutter.
256
00:11:25,103 --> 00:11:28,241
[All laughing]
257
00:11:28,310 --> 00:11:31,241
Okay, look, if I said something
you didn't like, I'm sorry.
258
00:11:31,310 --> 00:11:32,758
Come on, Laurie. Let's go.
259
00:11:32,827 --> 00:11:34,389
Just 'cause you're with a
chick ain't gonna get you off.
260
00:11:34,413 --> 00:11:36,862
Look, he said he was sorry.
What more do you want?
261
00:11:36,931 --> 00:11:40,965
I don't want "I'm
sorry." I want "I'm sorry!"
262
00:11:41,034 --> 00:11:43,551
I got nothing to be sorry for.
263
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,586
Don't get smart
with me, baker boy.
264
00:11:45,655 --> 00:11:48,413
Maybe you'd like a few
ladyfingers stuffed up your lip.
265
00:11:49,482 --> 00:11:51,068
[Crowd exclaims]
266
00:11:58,758 --> 00:12:00,344
I should have done that.
267
00:12:00,413 --> 00:12:02,931
Oh, I shouldn't have done that.
268
00:12:12,517 --> 00:12:14,724
There you are.
269
00:12:14,793 --> 00:12:17,034
It's all over school, isn't it?
270
00:12:17,103 --> 00:12:19,586
I just wanted to take a
look at the face of the girl
271
00:12:19,655 --> 00:12:21,793
who ruined my entire life.
272
00:12:21,862 --> 00:12:24,896
I didn't... why did you have
to fight my battle and win?
273
00:12:24,965 --> 00:12:26,965
I'm the laughing stock
of the whole school.
274
00:12:27,034 --> 00:12:28,620
I didn't mean to flip him.
275
00:12:28,689 --> 00:12:30,275
It just sort of happened.Uh-huh.
276
00:12:30,344 --> 00:12:32,241
Judo just does not just happen.
277
00:12:32,310 --> 00:12:33,790
Well, they were
teaching us in phys ed.
278
00:12:33,827 --> 00:12:35,769
Honest. I didn't even
think I was paying attention.
279
00:12:35,793 --> 00:12:37,286
Yeah, well, they teach
you to beat up guys,
280
00:12:37,310 --> 00:12:38,734
and they teach me
to beat up cake batter.
281
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:42,413
Why am I always the dummy?
282
00:12:42,482 --> 00:12:44,517
You know, it hasn't
been easy for me, either.
283
00:12:44,586 --> 00:12:46,448
You know what they're
calling me in school?
284
00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:48,562
Flip Wilson. [Sighs] You
know what they're calling me?
285
00:12:48,586 --> 00:12:49,655
Geraldine.
286
00:12:49,724 --> 00:12:51,379
Why did you have to butt in?
287
00:12:51,448 --> 00:12:53,344
I was trying to keep
you from getting hurt.
288
00:12:53,413 --> 00:12:54,517
Well, it didn't work.
289
00:12:54,586 --> 00:12:55,931
The only guy in this whole world
290
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,172
who's more humiliated
than I am is goose.
291
00:12:59,241 --> 00:13:00,586
[Sighs] Read this.
292
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:06,931
"To Keith partridge, I'm
going to bend your chin.
293
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,240
"I'm going to mash your fingers
294
00:13:08,275 --> 00:13:11,034
"so that the next time
you flash a peace sign,
295
00:13:11,103 --> 00:13:13,655
"you'll have to use both hands.
296
00:13:13,724 --> 00:13:15,896
"Yours truly, goose walrath."
297
00:13:15,965 --> 00:13:17,586
He gave this to you?
298
00:13:17,655 --> 00:13:21,068
No. He pinned it up
on the cafeteria wall
299
00:13:21,137 --> 00:13:22,620
with a dagger.
300
00:13:22,689 --> 00:13:24,275
I don't think he's bluffing.
301
00:13:24,344 --> 00:13:25,586
What are you going to do?
302
00:13:25,655 --> 00:13:27,172
[Sighs] Well, I've been...
303
00:13:27,241 --> 00:13:30,896
[Clears throat] I've been
tactfully avoiding him all day,
304
00:13:30,965 --> 00:13:33,758
but he's got to catch up with
me sooner or later, you know?
305
00:13:33,827 --> 00:13:35,217
Well, I'm sorry I
got you into this.
306
00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:38,172
[Sighs] Yeah, well,
it's not your fault.
307
00:13:38,241 --> 00:13:41,758
I mean, you did save me
from a punch in the face.
308
00:13:41,827 --> 00:13:42,931
Thanks.
309
00:13:43,000 --> 00:13:45,000
It's okay.
310
00:13:45,068 --> 00:13:49,000
[Sighs] Look, the main thing is that
we don't let mom know about this note.
311
00:13:49,068 --> 00:13:50,217
[Knock at door]All
she'll do is worry.
312
00:13:50,241 --> 00:13:52,137
Keith?
313
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:54,724
Are you in some kind of trouble?
314
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,793
Uh, what makes you say that?
315
00:13:56,862 --> 00:13:59,931
Well, there was a phone call
just now from a boy named goose,
316
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:03,137
and he asked if the late
Keith partridge was here.
317
00:14:20,586 --> 00:14:22,896
Gin.
318
00:14:22,965 --> 00:14:25,344
You know, I know you're dealing
from the bottom of the deck.
319
00:14:25,413 --> 00:14:28,137
But you're so
short, I can't tell.
320
00:14:28,206 --> 00:14:29,896
Hi. Hi.
321
00:14:29,965 --> 00:14:32,000
Things go better at school
today than yesterday?
322
00:14:32,068 --> 00:14:33,758
What happened yesterday?
323
00:14:33,827 --> 00:14:36,000
No, it's all over school
about me and goose.
324
00:14:36,068 --> 00:14:38,517
Beg your pardon? That's
the guy Laurie beat up.
325
00:14:39,068 --> 00:14:40,172
Oh.
326
00:14:40,241 --> 00:14:42,137
With a name like
goose, he must be tough.
327
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:45,586
Laurie,
328
00:14:45,655 --> 00:14:47,344
is something bothering Keith?
329
00:14:47,413 --> 00:14:50,103
I know it's more than
just the teasing he gets.
330
00:14:50,172 --> 00:14:51,931
What do you mean?
331
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,172
Well, the way he's
been acting lately,
332
00:14:54,241 --> 00:14:58,241
and that phone call yesterday
asking for the late Keith partridge.
333
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:00,586
Oh. Well, like he
said, it was just a joke.
334
00:15:02,482 --> 00:15:05,620
Okay, look, I'm not
supposed to say anything,
335
00:15:05,689 --> 00:15:07,000
but I am worried.
336
00:15:07,068 --> 00:15:08,655
Goose is out to get him.
337
00:15:08,724 --> 00:15:10,413
I was afraid it was
something like that.
338
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,724
Well, I'm home.
339
00:15:20,793 --> 00:15:22,413
You're late.
340
00:15:22,482 --> 00:15:25,310
Danny: It takes a lot longer
getting home through back alleys.
341
00:15:25,379 --> 00:15:28,172
Keith, I want to talk
to you about goose.
342
00:15:29,896 --> 00:15:32,793
[Sighs] You sold me out.
343
00:15:32,862 --> 00:15:35,344
I don't want you
fighting with that boy.
344
00:15:35,413 --> 00:15:36,517
I don't want to fight him.
345
00:15:36,586 --> 00:15:38,310
Why do you think I would...
346
00:15:38,379 --> 00:15:40,172
Was coming home
through back alleys?
347
00:15:40,241 --> 00:15:41,965
If I talk to the
school principal...
348
00:15:42,034 --> 00:15:43,320
He'd be kicked out
of school because
349
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:45,137
he's been in a lot
of trouble before.
350
00:15:45,206 --> 00:15:47,079
That would give him all
the more time to look for me
351
00:15:47,103 --> 00:15:48,655
and all the more reason.
352
00:15:48,724 --> 00:15:50,484
Then I'm going to have
to speak to him myself.
353
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,413
No way. I don't want
you going near him.
354
00:15:52,482 --> 00:15:53,965
I refuse to let that bully...
355
00:15:54,034 --> 00:15:56,241
Mom, he's no bully.
He's an animal.
356
00:15:56,310 --> 00:15:59,586
He practices low blows
by beating up midgets.
357
00:15:59,655 --> 00:16:02,034
Well, Keith, we
have to do something.
358
00:16:02,103 --> 00:16:03,793
Well, he's not in
any of my classes.
359
00:16:03,862 --> 00:16:06,931
Maybe I can avoid him until
this whole thing blows over.
360
00:16:07,000 --> 00:16:08,724
It won't work.
361
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:11,413
He'll know exactly where
you are all day Saturday.
362
00:16:11,482 --> 00:16:14,034
What do you mean? The
city's anniversary festival.
363
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,724
We're doing the
concert in the park.
364
00:16:15,793 --> 00:16:17,724
Posters are up all over town.
365
00:16:17,793 --> 00:16:19,413
[Sighs] Oh, yeah.
366
00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:21,689
[Claps hands]
367
00:16:21,758 --> 00:16:23,793
Well, maybe he can't read.
368
00:16:28,724 --> 00:16:31,931
[Sighs] Maybe we
should cancel the concert.
369
00:16:33,413 --> 00:16:34,586
I have a better idea.
370
00:16:34,655 --> 00:16:35,872
Why don't we just
move out of town?
371
00:16:35,896 --> 00:16:37,379
That would solve everything.
372
00:16:37,448 --> 00:16:38,448
What are you going to do?
373
00:16:38,517 --> 00:16:40,206
[Sighs] Boy, I don't know.
374
00:16:40,275 --> 00:16:42,862
It's something I have
to work out by myself.
375
00:16:42,931 --> 00:16:44,803
At any rate, we're not
going to cancel that concert.
376
00:16:44,827 --> 00:16:46,793
I do have some pride left.
377
00:16:47,655 --> 00:16:49,275
There is one hope.
378
00:16:51,448 --> 00:16:53,103
What is that?
379
00:16:53,172 --> 00:16:55,655
Get Laurie to teach
you how to fight.
380
00:16:57,931 --> 00:17:00,551
Mom, can I practice
low blows on Danny?
381
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,827
Yes.
382
00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:05,103
Partridge family: ♪ na na na na
383
00:17:05,172 --> 00:17:08,758
♪ na na na na na na
384
00:17:08,827 --> 00:17:10,172
♪ ooh ooh ooh
385
00:17:10,241 --> 00:17:13,206
♪ na na na na
386
00:17:13,275 --> 00:17:16,689
♪ na na na na na na
387
00:17:16,758 --> 00:17:19,517
Keith: ♪ god bless you, girl
388
00:17:19,586 --> 00:17:22,655
♪ if this is it,
don't explain it
389
00:17:22,724 --> 00:17:24,689
♪ try to show me
390
00:17:24,758 --> 00:17:27,241
♪ god bless you, girl
391
00:17:27,310 --> 00:17:29,448
[partridge family humming]
♪ you can't explain
392
00:17:29,517 --> 00:17:32,000
♪ there ain't a blessed
thing you owe me
393
00:17:32,068 --> 00:17:34,689
♪ come on, now, you know me
394
00:17:34,758 --> 00:17:38,655
♪ I'm not the kind of guy
395
00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:43,000
♪ who'll sit and wonder why
396
00:17:43,068 --> 00:17:47,965
♪ you've played your
hand and I've played mine
397
00:17:48,034 --> 00:17:51,862
♪ and now it's
just about that time
398
00:17:51,931 --> 00:17:55,172
♪ I guess we reached
the end of the line
399
00:17:56,620 --> 00:17:59,310
♪ god bless you, girl
400
00:17:59,379 --> 00:18:01,551
♪ 'cause you're free
401
00:18:01,620 --> 00:18:04,586
♪ motivated by a spirit
402
00:18:04,655 --> 00:18:07,310
♪ god bless you, girl
403
00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:09,517
♪ I can see
404
00:18:09,586 --> 00:18:11,896
♪ it's your ship
and you must steer it
405
00:18:11,965 --> 00:18:14,482
♪ no one's getting near it
406
00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:18,586
♪ you just can't stay too long
407
00:18:18,655 --> 00:18:22,758
♪ and sing that same old song
408
00:18:22,827 --> 00:18:27,724
♪ the picture's
yours, the clock is mine
409
00:18:27,793 --> 00:18:31,448
♪ and now it's
just about that time
410
00:18:31,517 --> 00:18:35,896
♪ I guess we reached
the end of the line
411
00:18:35,965 --> 00:18:39,000
all: ♪ na na na na
412
00:18:39,068 --> 00:18:42,448
♪ na na na na na na
413
00:18:42,517 --> 00:18:43,827
♪ ooh ooh ooh
414
00:18:43,896 --> 00:18:48,551
♪ goodbye, girl it's your life
415
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:50,344
♪ and you can live it
416
00:18:50,413 --> 00:18:52,586
♪ ooh ooh ooh
417
00:18:52,655 --> 00:18:55,000
♪ so long, girl
418
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:03,517
Keith?
419
00:19:03,586 --> 00:19:05,066
Keith, did you see
goose in the crowd?
420
00:19:05,103 --> 00:19:06,517
Not a sign of him.
421
00:19:06,586 --> 00:19:09,413
Told you he couldn't read.
422
00:19:15,620 --> 00:19:18,103
Hey, baker boy, what's cookin'?
423
00:19:18,172 --> 00:19:19,310
Goose.
424
00:19:19,379 --> 00:19:20,586
How's it going, partridge?
425
00:19:20,655 --> 00:19:22,241
What do you guys want?
426
00:19:22,310 --> 00:19:24,079
Oh, I want to spin your
nose around a couple times.
427
00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,827
I want to sprain your face.
428
00:19:25,896 --> 00:19:27,241
Same old thing.
429
00:19:27,310 --> 00:19:28,586
[All laughing]
430
00:19:28,655 --> 00:19:30,344
Now, wait a minute, goose.
431
00:19:30,413 --> 00:19:32,562
What's this? Is your sister gonna
fight your battles again, partridge?
432
00:19:32,586 --> 00:19:35,931
Laurie... I'm not
going to interfere,
433
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:39,275
but the law says that you
have to be warned, goose.
434
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:42,655
My brother taught me everything
I know about self-defense.
435
00:19:42,724 --> 00:19:44,931
Why, he has a
black belt in karate,
436
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,976
and his hands are registered
with the police department
437
00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,034
as lethal weapons.
438
00:19:49,103 --> 00:19:51,965
Now, if you insist on attacking,
439
00:19:52,034 --> 00:19:54,724
well, Keith can't
be held responsible.
440
00:19:54,793 --> 00:19:58,689
All I can say is that
you're in grave danger.
441
00:19:58,758 --> 00:20:00,931
[All laughing]
442
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,827
What's so funny?
443
00:20:05,448 --> 00:20:07,275
Mom, this is goose.
444
00:20:08,413 --> 00:20:10,689
Oh, it is?
445
00:20:10,758 --> 00:20:14,137
Mr. Goose, I've been
wanting to talk to you.
446
00:20:14,206 --> 00:20:16,286
What is this? Now your
mother's going to fight for you?
447
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:18,793
Mom, stay out of this.
448
00:20:18,862 --> 00:20:20,172
I'm not just going
to stand here.
449
00:20:20,241 --> 00:20:22,620
Mom, please, let me handle this.
450
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:37,034
Okay, take your first swing.
451
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,320
I'm not gonna fight you, goose.
452
00:20:38,344 --> 00:20:39,448
Goose: Hey, what's that?
453
00:20:39,517 --> 00:20:41,827
I'll fight you for
something I believe in,
454
00:20:41,896 --> 00:20:44,862
but I'm not going to fight you just
because your ego has been hurt.
455
00:20:44,931 --> 00:20:47,137
It's just not a good
enough reason.
456
00:20:47,206 --> 00:20:48,724
Should have figured you'd run.
457
00:20:48,793 --> 00:20:52,034
Uh-uh, I'm not
going to run either.
458
00:20:52,103 --> 00:20:53,663
I'm just not gonna
fight you, that's all.
459
00:20:53,724 --> 00:20:55,079
You mean, you're
going to stand there
460
00:20:55,103 --> 00:20:57,275
and let me take a poke at you?
461
00:20:59,379 --> 00:21:00,482
[All laughing]
462
00:21:00,551 --> 00:21:02,862
Whoo-hoo! goose,
give him a shot.
463
00:21:11,965 --> 00:21:14,517
You really ain't
gonna fight, are you?
464
00:21:23,344 --> 00:21:24,620
You know something, partridge?
465
00:21:24,689 --> 00:21:26,413
You got a lot of guts.
466
00:21:27,689 --> 00:21:29,482
Your sister's all right, too.
467
00:21:34,758 --> 00:21:36,379
I'm very proud of you.
468
00:21:36,448 --> 00:21:38,758
I'm not sure if
you're awfully brave
469
00:21:38,827 --> 00:21:41,379
or the biggest
coward in the world.
470
00:21:42,517 --> 00:21:44,379
Know something?
471
00:21:44,448 --> 00:21:45,896
Neither am I.
472
00:21:48,931 --> 00:21:51,689
Mom, will you help
me with this problem?
473
00:21:51,758 --> 00:21:53,896
Not until you try
it yourself first.
474
00:21:53,965 --> 00:21:56,482
You won't learn anything unless
you do your own homework.
475
00:21:56,551 --> 00:21:58,344
You know, she's right, Chris.
476
00:21:58,413 --> 00:22:00,655
Practically those same
words came out of the mouth
477
00:22:00,724 --> 00:22:02,689
of the man who
invented the cotton gin,
478
00:22:02,758 --> 00:22:05,241
John Quincy Adams.
479
00:22:05,310 --> 00:22:07,551
[Sarcastically] Boy, you're
really smart, aren't you?
480
00:22:07,620 --> 00:22:13,172
Well, for your information, the
cotton gin was invented by Eli Whitney.
481
00:22:13,241 --> 00:22:15,068
Eli Whitney?
482
00:22:15,137 --> 00:22:16,517
Check.
483
00:22:16,586 --> 00:22:18,689
Done with my homework.
484
00:22:20,862 --> 00:22:22,310
Keith: Aw, come on.
485
00:22:22,379 --> 00:22:24,482
No way. Now, leave me alone.
486
00:22:24,551 --> 00:22:26,620
All right, what's going on?
487
00:22:26,689 --> 00:22:28,941
[Sighs] All I wanted her to do was
to show me how she flipped goose,
488
00:22:28,965 --> 00:22:30,482
and she got all upset.
489
00:22:30,551 --> 00:22:32,896
He doesn't just want to know,
he's just making fun of me.
490
00:22:32,965 --> 00:22:34,605
No, honest, Laurie,
I really want to know.
491
00:22:34,655 --> 00:22:36,113
I mean, someday
when you're not around,
492
00:22:36,137 --> 00:22:38,793
I may have to defend myself.
493
00:22:38,862 --> 00:22:40,655
Mom, do you mind if I show him?
494
00:22:40,724 --> 00:22:43,482
Why not, if that's
what he wants.
495
00:22:43,551 --> 00:22:45,103
You really want to know, huh?
496
00:22:45,172 --> 00:22:46,413
Come on.
497
00:22:47,275 --> 00:22:48,724
[Thud]Keith: Ooh!
498
00:22:53,344 --> 00:22:57,034
Really rotten, low and crude.
499
00:23:03,344 --> 00:23:07,275
Aw, not only that, but you
caved in my homework.
500
00:23:07,344 --> 00:23:08,724
[All laughing]
501
00:23:08,793 --> 00:23:10,103
Yeah, well, it's not funny.
502
00:23:10,172 --> 00:23:11,389
Have I ever caved
in your homework?
503
00:23:11,413 --> 00:23:12,965
No, no.
504
00:23:13,034 --> 00:23:14,217
Boy, when you have something
that's important to you, boy,
505
00:23:14,241 --> 00:23:15,379
Keith is always there.
506
00:23:15,448 --> 00:23:17,896
Yeah, well, it's real funny.
507
00:23:22,448 --> 00:23:24,448
[Playing piano]
508
00:23:32,137 --> 00:23:33,586
After you finish
winding the yarn,
509
00:23:33,655 --> 00:23:35,310
I'll start you on
your first stitch.
510
00:23:35,379 --> 00:23:36,827
Okay, I'll be done in a minute.
511
00:23:36,896 --> 00:23:39,448
Will you hurry up?
I feel like a loom.
512
00:23:41,172 --> 00:23:43,103
Well, that's it.
513
00:23:43,172 --> 00:23:44,931
Think I got it. Got what, honey?
514
00:23:45,000 --> 00:23:46,482
My new song. What'd you think?
515
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:48,689
Hmm, it's very nice.
516
00:23:48,758 --> 00:23:51,758
Laurie? It's great.
517
00:23:51,827 --> 00:23:54,413
Reuben? I'd applaud, but I can't
518
00:23:54,482 --> 00:23:57,068
bring my hands together.
519
00:23:58,482 --> 00:24:00,172
Danny, uh, were you listening?
520
00:24:00,241 --> 00:24:02,241
Yes, I was, Keith.
521
00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:03,724
Well, what'd you think?
522
00:24:03,793 --> 00:24:07,206
Your song has a
haunting quality.
523
00:24:07,275 --> 00:24:09,172
And?
524
00:24:09,241 --> 00:24:12,655
A sensuous sound that can only be
compared to chalk on a blackboard.
525
00:24:15,103 --> 00:24:16,275
[Sighs]
526
00:24:16,344 --> 00:24:18,413
Why did you have to
be the only one listening?
527
00:24:18,482 --> 00:24:19,896
I don't know.
528
00:24:19,965 --> 00:24:23,482
That's a question I've
been asking myself.
529
00:24:23,551 --> 00:24:27,482
If you need me, I'll be in the
kitchen reading snake man.
530
00:24:27,551 --> 00:24:29,671
If you come up with
something you think I'll flip over,
531
00:24:29,724 --> 00:24:32,448
let me know.
532
00:24:32,517 --> 00:24:36,206
[Sighs] Laurie, you have to
show me how you flipped goose.
533
00:24:36,275 --> 00:24:37,413
Come here.
534
00:24:37,482 --> 00:24:39,310
Keith, enough is enough.
535
00:24:39,379 --> 00:24:41,724
No, listen. I really, really
want to know. Come on.
536
00:24:41,793 --> 00:24:43,655
[Sighs] Okay.
537
00:24:43,724 --> 00:24:45,482
Put your foot like that. Okay.
538
00:24:45,551 --> 00:24:46,896
You swing your hips around,
539
00:24:46,965 --> 00:24:48,620
and you flip. All right, great.
540
00:24:48,689 --> 00:24:50,517
Great, thanks.
541
00:24:50,586 --> 00:24:51,872
Oh, Danny, I have
something you'll really flip over.
542
00:24:51,896 --> 00:24:53,413
Keith... keith: Ooh!
543
00:24:53,482 --> 00:24:54,655
[Thud]
544
00:24:56,000 --> 00:24:57,965
Keith, you didn't?
545
00:24:58,034 --> 00:24:59,310
I didn't.
546
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,275
It works.
547
00:25:02,344 --> 00:25:04,000
You taught him
to do it, didn't you?
548
00:25:04,068 --> 00:25:06,275
Don't mess with Tracy, either.
39769
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