All language subtitles for The swap and how they make it (1966)

Who's that good-looking boy
over there with that hat on?

College kid from the other side of town.

Well, I do, look.

Look, Furman, I don't know why
I let you make me feel so guilty,

why you think I was going to
seduce that boy or something.

Now, did you or did you not
promise me a cup of coffee?

I did.

It's brewed and waiting.

OK, let's get it.

That young man sure
had eyes for you, didn't he?

I think it was you he was ogling.

What's the matter?

Why so sad?

I don't know.

Maybe I suffer from twinges
of homesickness now and then.

It's a pretty common
affliction around here.

Among the ladies, anyway.

However, there is one cure.

What's that?

Realization that this
is where the bread is.

Well, the men that are
important to us, anyway.

Yes, I'm beginning to realize it.

Hm, after three weeks,
that's a pretty quick recovery.

Maybe.

But where else would Les and Wayne

be able to start a custom
extrusion business of their own?

I mean, Colby Industries,
their principal customer,

is just up the road.

I realize it.

Wayne does.

Les realizes it.

And Karen, his wife, does too.

You know, she's nearly 26 years old

and still thinks she's
a sophomore at State.

Uh.

Hello?

Oh, darling, how are you?

You know something?

I have a new perfume I want to test.

How soon you'll be home, you animal, you.

Oh, Wayne.

Oh, not again tonight.

Oh, Wayne, I wanted you with me tonight.

Not a lot of plans for us.

Very, very delicious plans.

Oh, yeah.

All they can keep.

Oh, sure.

I'll go over and, uh, keep
Mona company again.

Bye.

4.30?

Gee, I was expecting
Morgan and Jeannie Hackett.

Oh, honey, you should have told me.

Oh, no, don't go.

No big deal.

These are just good friends of mine

who dropped in on short notice.

Jeannie called this morning
and made the, uh, arrangements.

I'd like you to meet them anyway.

And I'm sure Morgan will
appreciate my detaining you

so he can drool at you.

He's one of those, huh?

Is there any other comment?

I'm late, but we're here.

Here they are.

Down, boy.

I was just leaving.

She's a doll.

Can't you get her involved?

Just like all men, no patience.

She'll join the exchange
when the time comes.

Yeah, that's a fine chick.

Yeah, that's Mrs.
Parsons. She just moved in.

All right, show's over.

Drive your chin, let's
catch some footballs.

Yes, dear.

Yes, they're here.

Oh, okay, I'll tell them.

That was Pete.

He just left the store.

He'll go straight to your house.

He should be there in 20 minutes.

You'd better leave. You wouldn't want
to keep my husband waiting, would you?

It only takes us ten minutes from here.

Well, that's if the lights are with you.

There are no lights
between here and our place.

Oh, I don't know. The county tears up
roads, you know. They do things like that.

Don't forget, darling, I'm
the one you really love.

Oh, dear, how could I?

I'm sure you could find a way.

I hope you have the good
taste to leave before your

husband and I really get
down to serious lovemaking.

Oh, I can take a hint.

Push the button and
slam the door behind you.

Make sure it's locked before you leave.

And don't you dare leave my
husband waiting in the cold.

Oh, Les, not again.

I do understand, but...

I'm sorry. I know it's
tough starting a business.

I do appreciate it.

But I'd like to have you at
least on a part-time basis, honey.

What do girls know about football?

Well, I'll have you know I
was queen of the homecoming

football game when I
was a senior in college.

Well, you know I'd love to
stay, but I have to visit my

friend Mona Parsons. She
lives in that house. So, here.

Be careful.

Well, bye.

A couple of dolls live
in that house over there.

Yeah, but they're married.

Really?

Hi.

You're working with us again, huh?

Yeah.

Come on in, sit down, and join me.

What are you doing?

A crossword puzzle.

Forget it.

You have any better suggestions?

Well, there are two
good-looking boys outside.

Yes, and they're kids.

Lecherous kids, especially the one.

But they're still kids, Karen.

What was an idea, anyway?

Besides, you wouldn't.

Oh, Karen, you wouldn't.

Oh, Mona, don't be so melodramatic.

Well, what's wrong with a little flirting?

Nothing, as long as it stops flirting.

Oh, well, get the cards.

We'll play Jen again.

You know, Mom, I just can't
put up with this much longer.

I mean, I need attention
from a man, or from men.

You know, when Wayne
called tonight and told me that he

was going to be working late
again, it did something to me.

It made me want to pack my things and choo.

Oh, Karen, please, don't be silly.

The boys have got something good going.

And they've got to work now so that they

can take it easy later on.

Oh, sure, I'd like to believe that.

You know, my father promised
my mother the same thing

when they were young.

He's still working ridiculous hours.

And I'm not going to sit around
and dry up like my mother.

I didn't get married for that.

Miss Anne.

Got a warm drink for a couple of
cold and thirsty football players?

You're quite a woman.

I'm a nut.

Just like we all are.

You're not sorry.

I mean, about being in on the exchange.

Maybe I should be.

But I'm not.

Not sorry at all.

♪♪

I wonder what Dick is doing.

I guess they're still in there dancing.

I don't want to play cards anymore.

Let's go in and dance.
Can you improve and stuff?

Well, I think so.

Come on.

Ed, you better go home.

Ed.

If you say anything about this,

you could cause an awful lot of trouble.

Don't worry, Mrs. Parsons.

I won't say anything at all.

To anybody.

A good, solid affair. That's all you need.

Oh, Brooke, I could never do that.

How do you know if you've never tried?

I just know me.

Besides, I do love my husband.

I love my husband, too.

Are you trying to tell
me you've had affairs?

Well, take my word for
it, and spare the necessity

of reciting the rather messy details.

But Brooke, having an affair has

to have some sort of repercussion.

I mean, there's always getting involved

and those unwanted phone calls.

Look, my dear, I can set you
up in, let me call it a liaison.

You won't know who he is,
and he won't know who you are.

Or where you live, or
what your phone number is.

You can meet him here.

I'll tell him you're my
cousin or something.

No danger at all.

How about it?

No.

I couldn't do that.

I have to go now, Brooke.

Les will be calling me in a little while,

probably to say that he has
to work late again tonight.

I'll see you later.

OK.

Mean.

Yes, I understand.

But I'm afraid understanding really
doesn't make it any easier, Les.

Karen?

Yes, she's been with me almost every day.

Yes, she's bearing up fine.

All right, darling. Bye.

Hi! Less call yet?

Yes, I just got off the phone.

Karen, the boys have to work tonight.
They have a meeting with Mr. Craig.

And then they have
to go back to the office.

Oh, we're going to be
abandoned again to the

mercies of the ghoulies
and the ghosties.

And the long-legged beasties.

And things that go bump in the night.

Oh, Karen.

Um...

Mona?

Could I mean, uh...

Um...

Well, could, um...

We borrow your spare
boudoir for perhaps a few hours.

I mean, the couch is
nice for the first meeting.

You know, but there's
nothing like soft pillows and

clean sheets for cementing
a lasting relationship.

Oh, honey, please. I'd do the same for you.

Well, I can't take Dick over to my house.

You know, Mrs. Dudley,
our next-door neighbor?

She'd have a scarlet A
hung over my door in no time.

Please, Mona?

All right, Karen.

Oh, Mona, you're a doll.

They find fresh linens
in the closet in the hall.

Oh, thank you.

I'm going to get some more.

I'll be back in a minute.

It sure is nice to spend an
evening with my lovely wife,

and my partner, and his lovely wife.

To, uh, our gorgeous wives,

and to Carmon Enterprises.

Carmon Enterprises?

Oh, that's the name of our new company.

It stands for Karen and Mona.

Uh, Carmon Enterprises. Get it?

Wayne, that's very sweet.

Hey, that's some perfume you got on.

That drives a man off his rocker.

Well, that's the effect
I paid for, darling.

And wait till you see
the undies I've got on.

She got them in the village of Badman's.

So the store, you know,
doesn't get a bad reputation.

Mrs. Badman keeps them under the counter.

Then she slips them
into a little bag for you.

You'd almost think one was
buying narcotics or something.

Well, I can hardly wait.

Wayne, I think we'd better leave.

Well, you did promise
you'd only stay for one drink.

And besides, I've got to
cram a whole month of nights

into just a short eight or nine hours.

I guess the hours we've been putting in

has been kind of rough on you girls.

You know, it hasn't bothered me
half as much as I thought it would.

Good night.

Oh, well.

Good night.

She's very pretty.

And she has a very attractive husband.

What did you say their name is?

Uh, Parsons.

He's Les Parsons.

Parsons.

Les Parsons.

Isn't that one of the
young men who is selling

you aluminum extrusions?

I was thinking the same thing.

He probably is.

I know that he just started a
business with Wayne Picard.

Picard?

Sure, those are the boys.

Les is a good boy.

Does he look like a prospect?

I think so.

But I haven't broached the subject as yet.

She's very New England in her morality.

You know, I just wish we didn't have
to depend so much on Colby Industries.

You get other accounts, darling.

Yeah, that's true, but...

I don't know, it seems such a long
haul, you know, and so damn much work.

Oh, and those meetings.

Most of them just seem so useless.

Poor baby.

Why don't you lie down
and rest for a moment?

Les?

Les?

Les!

Wake up! Wake up, Les!

Les!

Hey, I've got a thought.

Why don't you kids stay with us tonight?

I don't see why not.

First thing in the morning, you
boys can take Pete's car to work.

I'll drive our car.

Now that that's settled,
why don't we retire?

You're so eager.

However, right off hand, I can't think
of one single reason why we don't retire.

You, uh...

didn't come to bed at all last night.

I wouldn't have been
able to sleep anyway, Les.

There's coffee if you want some.

I'll get some at the diner.

How are you today?

Some coffee?

How'd it go for you last night?

Fine, why shouldn't it?

Well forget about my night.

Les fell asleep.

Wayne didn't.

Mona, I'm expecting Dick.

I took the liberty of asking
him to meet me here.

Could we use your spare room again?

I've been cleaning out closets
and I've got stuff all over the bed.

Why don't you use my room?

You sure you don't mind?

No, I don't mind.

Bed could stand some real use anyway.

That must be Dick now.

Come on.

Come on in.

I'm sorry, Brooke.

I thought you were alone.

I could come back later.

No, I want you to meet someone anyway.

Penny, this is Mona
Parsons, the pretty little girl

I was telling you about.

And this is Penny Craig,
an old and very dear friend.

Hi.

Hello.

Excuse me.

Listen, ladies, I've got to run.

Party at your place next week?

That's right, yes.

She's lovely.

How's her husband?

A dreamboat.

Yeah.

Well, start scheming.

I want them.

I'm working on them.

Well, step on the gas, because I want

them for my party next week.

In 10 days?

10 days.

OK.

Hi.

What can I do for you, my dear?

Well, Brooke, you, uh, you know that affair

you told me about?

I want you to set it up for me.

When in the hell do you go to school?

Don't treat me like a kid.

Which is wondering.

I mean, well, you're here with me today.

I'm cutting.

How do you manage that?

I've got a buddy.

He signs me in the classes.

So my parents, mother and stepfather,

think I'm soaking up learning.

Would you rather I have
gone to school today?

Of course not.

When he gets here, remember
you're my cousin Judy from L.A.

Okay.

That must be Paul now.

Paul, this is Judy, my cousin from L.A.

Judy, this is Paul Masters,
a very dear friend of mine.

So I want you to be very, very good to him.

Brooke, she's still active, though.

Hey, you know something?

I'm stuck on you.

Oh no, Paul, you shouldn't.

No, he'll...

You're stuck with me.

Don't try to shake me...

or I'll ruin you.

Hey! What are you, nuts?

Yes, baby, I'm nuts about you.

I had to go.

Brooke said you needed a firm hand.

She wanted me to give
you the kind of treatment

you'd remember when
you got back to your coach.

I'm not one to disappoint, Brooke.

Oh, no. Please.

Oh, darling.

Oh, come on, try to smile.

I don't know.

Just can't go on like this.

I gotta make some of my classes.

My mother's been asking
an awful lot of questions.

Yeah?

Been three weeks, like every day.

I know, it's been great.

Oh, come on, let me get you in the house.

Then I'll cheer you up.

Come on.

Well, here we are again.

So I see.

Well, you don't mind, do you?

Karen, sometimes I
would like a little privacy.

Well, if you prefer we didn't.

Oh, it's all right, Karen.

You can use the room.

I'm sorry.

I'm just upset.

Are you and Les having problems?

Perhaps that's it.

Mono, why don't you, um,
get yourself a boyfriend?

It wouldn't work, Karen.

It wouldn't be that simple for me.

You don't mind?

I mean.

No.

Go ahead.

Hey, come on, slowpoke.

You aren't getting tired
of me already, are you?

I have been so filled with
guilt about Paul, and I still am.

For the past week, I haven't
even had breakfast with Les.

And I lie there in the mornings pretending
to be asleep, till after he leaves.

And before he gets home, I sit
up there in my room in my nightie,

and no matter how early
it is, as soon as I hear him,

I dive under the covers
and act like I'm unconscious.

I just can't face him.

And what I did with Paul,
I could never do it again.

I guess it's natural.

I feel the same way myself, except, as I
said, I do have contacts with other men.

However, it would be inconceivable
for me to have a clandestine affair.

Brooke, you don't mean that
Pete knows about your men friends?

And I know about his lady friends.

Honey, what's the matter?

Karen, there's something
I've got to tell you.

I can't go on seeing you like this.

It's that stupid school again, huh?

No, it's not the school.

It's not that simple.

Well, come on out with it.

I've got a girl.

I've got a husband, so what?

Karen, I love her.

Well, you love her, but
you don't make love to her.

Yes, I do.

I mean, not very often.

I see her...

three times a week.

Get out.

Get out before I kill you!

Where's your friend?

He's left.

I'm through with him.

Well, that's good.

I thought he was too young for you anyway.

Well, what I should say is I thought
he was too young for anybody.

Mona, I've thought about it.

I've decided to leave Wayne.

I'm going home to Mama.

But Karen, why?

Simply because I can't take
living in Denton any longer.

I'll turn into a pumpkin.

And I need affection.

I need men to make over me.

But Wayne, why? He'd crack up without you.

Well, it's either he or I.

I can't take living this
kind of life any longer.

I've got to make a change
while I still make condition.

At least while I still look mint condition.

Well, when do you think you'll leave?

You can bet before he gets home.

I'll leave him a note.

I hate unpleasant scenes.

Karen, don't you realize what you'd
be doing by leaving to the business?

I can't help that, dear.

But Mona, I do appreciate
everything you've done for me.

And I'll write you as soon as I'm settled.

Karen, listen. I have
something to tell you.

There's an exchange
that operates here in town.

It's a sort of place that
you can get involved

with not just one
man, but lots of men.

Men who have wives just like you and I.

You sort of trade the old
model for a newer model.

Or even a completely different one.

But naturally you get back
the same one that you own.

I've decided to join the exchange.

And frankly, I wasn't
going to tell you about it.

Well, you were so involved with
that young man and everything.

Mona, you aren't putting me on.

No, I'm not putting you on.

You mean it's sort of like a
husband swapping operation?

Or a wife swapping operation,
depending on your point of view.

Mona, how did you find out about it?

A girl next door.

You mean Brooke Furman?

Well.

Well, we sort of did dig
her husband anyway.

I was aware of that fact, Karen.

Where do we get tickets?

Right next door.

Let's go to see Brooke.

Well, come on. What are we waiting for?

If we hurry, we might even be able
to make the first exchange tonight.

Come on.

Uh, Penny.

Yes, we have two young couples
who want to join the exchange.

The couples are Karen and Wayne Picard.

They live on Helden Drive.

Yes. Two beautiful young people.

And we have Mona and Les Parsons.

Yes, they live right next to
me on Commonwealth Avenue.

I thought you'd be pleased.

Come on, girls. Freshen up your drink.

Let's drink to the group, hmm?

Well, here's to our, let's
say, new relationship.

Hey, when do we begin?

Well, you haven't talked to
your husbands as yet, have you?

No. That's going to be
something else again.

Well, I'm not worried about Wayne at all.

Oh, Les will go along.

Good. It'll be nice having your husbands.

Oh, and naturally, you two.

Brooke, I've always had
a yen for your husband.

Good.

Say, I have a brilliant idea.

Why don't we agree on an
exchange for tomorrow night?

It's a deal.

I'll play hostess here to, uh...

Wayne. And you bring him
here and tell him to come.

Wayne. And you bring him here
and take Pete home with you.

That sounds great.

And, Mona, I've got to get you fixed up.

I could never stoop to,
well, to life swapping.

Les, I cannot endure
this existence any longer.

If you have any other answer.

No, I haven't got another answer.

Is this what you really want?

I only want what is
worth saving between us.

Look, Mona.

I want to save our relationship too.

I guess I'm just immature.

I don't want to lose you.

I mean, I couldn't face my business.

I couldn't face anything if I did.

Hey, you know what?

I'll be jealous as hell.

I'm delighted to hear that.

And you know something else?

I'd be jealous, too.

Karen, you're going to enjoy this.

What kind of a drink is it?

I don't mean the drink.

I mean the exchange system.

Well, that seems like a swinging idea.

Say, um, why don't you get
acquainted with Pete here

while, uh, we're waiting for Wayne to show?

Go on.

Maybe you can get
Pete's tired blood stirring.

Well, what are you waiting for?

Take me.

I'm yours.

Wait.

Pete's tired blood is not that tired.

What kind of people do
the Parsons have tonight?

Oh, they're specialists.

Specialists?

Yes, they're specialists that, um,

break in the new and more
difficult members of the exchange.

Hi, I'm Stella Morse.

This is my husband Danny.

He's going to be your,
um, sort of partner tonight.

Hey, this is a great place you've got here.

I love modernized old places.

If we could ever get
rid of that development

style split level we're
in, I'd get an older house

and spend some time doing what you did.

Can I, uh, get you a drink?

You seem a bit unsettled.

I hope we didn't arrive at the wrong time.

Oh, no, uh, perhaps I'm a little nervous.

You see, this is the first time
we've made the exchange, and...

The first time you've made an exchange?

Yes.

Then I can understand your nervousness.

I was the same way.

But then I sort of
figured it out logically.

Dan and I own a business together.

We have three beautiful children.

But we were unhappy.

We were both frantically having affairs.

You've had an affair, haven't you?

Yes.

Well, everyone does.

And with the guilt and the deceptions,

affairs are never very satisfying.

Then some friends of ours
put us onto the exchange.

We've been members for three years.

And our home relationships
couldn't be better.

We sort of, uh, live our own lives, but...

But we live them together.

I see.

Well, I guess the real reason I'm nervous

is because I spoke to Les
earlier on the telephone,

and, uh, he was a little unsure.

I, uh, I'm afraid he might
change his mind at the last minute

and make a fuss, and I do hate scenes.

You want to be in the exchange, right?

Well, I have my reservations, but...

Well, yes. I guess it's the only answer.

And I have thought it over very carefully.

Good. Do me a favor.

Leave Les to me.

You take Danny upstairs and
do anything you like with him.

Make love or play partiesy, anything.

But stay in your room and keep quiet.

There won't be any
scene, I promise you that.

Have a good time.

At, uh, playing partysy.

It's almost 9 o'clock. Wayne
should be here any minute now.

Oh, Wayne doesn't know that, uh,

Les is in on the exchange and vice versa.

Of course not. As you instructed,

we told them not to tell each other.

Good. Because if they compare notes,

it might scare both of them off.

Hey, that's Wayne now.

There.

That's a promise of things to come.

Now, I'd better behave myself.

Till we get ourselves
settled for the evening.

Okay, it's open. Come on in.

Hi, I'm Brooke Berman.

This is my husband, Pete.

And you know the other little lady?

Hey, this is next door to the Parsons.

Well, you needn't worry.

It's, um... You're just
visiting us, that's all.

Boy, if Les Parsons
knew what I was here for,

he would flip his lid.

He's as cubicle as they come.

Hello there.

Hello. I'm Stella Morse.

Where's Mona?

Mona's upstairs. With my husband.

How long has she been up there?

Almost an hour.

Suppose you tell me about this, uh...

exchange.

It's pretty difficult for me to, um...

tell you about the exchange.

Much easier...

for me to...

show you.

Les pulled in over an hour ago.

Do you think everything
is all right down there?

Knowing my wife, by now
your husband is through.

Having any objections, he
might have had to exchange.

As a matter of fact, I'll wage if he's

run to a few arguments in
favor of the whole thing already.

Care to go and find out where
they are, take a quick look?

Just to confirm my, uh, my thoughts?

Les?

Les?

Good morning.

Oh, good morning.

How'd you sleep?

Like a log.

Stella has a breakfast out.

Les is downstairs having coffee already.

Stella makes great basted eggs.

If you'd like some.

Hand me my robe.

Thank you.

I'll, uh, hop down and have
her put some on for you.

And thank you.

Thank you very much.

Mona, sit down. Breakfast is ready.

Mona, Les, thank you
for having Danny and me

as your guests last night.

Having shared a night with you both,

I'm sure the moments you
enjoyed and we enjoyed

will grow into a deep, lasting friendship.

I do hope so, at least.

Well, Danny has the car warming up for me.

I do hope we see each other soon again.

She's nice, isn't she?

They're fixing breakfast tonight.

Well, so's Danny.

He belongs to the golf club.

They say he's a hell of a golfer.

I'll have to try him out sometime.

Hey, you know something?

I still love you.

You know something else?

I love you too.

Phew, that sure is physical.

Uh-oh, Mr. Herndon Wayne.

Hey, say, there's Mona and Les.

Hi, how are you?

Fine, how are you?

Some partner in less, keeping secrets, eh?

Well, what about you?

You never told me you
were involved in this.

You know, I'd have been
stricken with a heart attack

if Mona hadn't told me
all about it before the party.

Well, that's just about the
same time I found out too.

Say, why don't you girls
give us a couple of drinks?

OK.

I thought I'd get involved
in a lasso like this.

What do you think of the deal?

Well, I'm not quite sure yet.

Well, I think it's the greatest
invention since the wheel.

Well, the girls think so anyway.

Who knows? I think so too.

I mean it, really.

Look, Wayne.

There's just got to be some lousy
outgrowth of this kind of carrying on.

Oh, come on, Les. This
is not the late Victorian era.

Believe me, Wayne. I'm going along with it.

Because of Mona, but...

It just has to pay off bad.

Hello, Jack. Can I come in?

Yeah.

It's game time. Gather around.

We're going to play How Well Do
You Know Your Neighbor's Wife?

For those of you who have
never played this game before,

we blindfold a man, we
put him close to a gal.

He gets three sensory clues.

Smell, taste, and touch.

Then he gets one guess.

If he guesses correctly, the
gal plays hostess to him upstairs.

If he fails to guess correctly,

his wife plays hostess
to the husband of the gal.

To help our male contestant
get nearer the vital statistics,

our gal slips out of her dress.

Now, who will be our
first lucky combination?

A new member, Wayne Picard.

Why not?

All right.

First, the olfactory sense.

For those of you less literate, smell.

Mm-hmm. Next clue, taste.

I think I know.

You'll guess her right away.

You want to guess now?

What, and forego touch?

No.

He knows, baby.

No matter what, it's going
to be you and me tonight.

And that's what I've always wanted.

Come on, let's have a race
down to the beach today.

Give me a head start, I bet I can beat you.

Come on!

I don't want to run down to the beach.

What's the matter with you today?

I don't know.

Let's go to my place.

My mother won't be home until 8 o'clock.

We always go to your place.

You got any better ideas?

Yes, Ella. Wednesday night? I think
so. Hold on just a second, I'll check.

Hi.

Ella, Wednesday would be fine.

Yes.

OK, see you then.

Bye.

5 o'clock, Les said he'd be here at 515.

Do you think the boys will really

drop today's business like
that just for their partner's wives?

Hey, what's wrong with you?

Well, maybe I think we're overdoing this.

In the past two weeks, we've
made the exchange five times.

Well, I can't help it if I dig your husband

and my husband digs you.

I still think we're overdoing it.

Well, don't you like Wayne?

Oh, I like Wayne fine.

He's good looking, he's charming.

He's a very good lover.

But I feel like we're driving
this thing into the ground.

I mean, we even have to exchange houses now

because we're afraid the
neighbors are going to catch on.

Mona, I have a confession to make.

Well, I'm only comfortable.

Well, I mean I'm only comfortable with Les.

Well, he's not complicated.

When we make love,
he's kind and considerate.

Well, he's gentle.

You're in love with him.

Mona, love.

I don't know the meaning of love.

I thought you were in love with him.

You really overestimate me.

Me in love.

I'm too involved with me, Mona.

And I like someone who's
kind and gentle, like Les.

Yes, like Les.

Well, I have to go.

I'll get it.

You know, Mona thinks we are, um,

are doing this particular
exchange too often.

Well, I told you, baby.

Ma, I think she bought that, um,

that I don't go for the wide exchange.

Well, I like someone who
makes me feel secure.

You know, someone
kind and gentle, like you.

Say, what kind of action
is going on in there?

Other woman arrives with a little bag.

Wifey conveniently leaves, also
with a little bag and dressed to kill.

Dressed to do something
almost sinful, anyway.

Husband arrives.

For an hour, they're behind
closed doors and drawn shades.

Yeah.

You want to spend the night with me?

You're a king!

Call your mother and tell
her you're staying at Polly's.

You got a dime?

I'm headed for the first phone booth I see.

Some coffee?

How are you feeling this morning?

How are we gonna get
out of this mess we're in?

How do you like the set up?

The exchange?

I think it's great.

How do you like it?

It's fine.

Do I detect a lack of enthusiasm?

It solves a lot of problems for me.

Probably for you too.

Holy smokes!

Okay, wake up. She's likely
to be out here any minute.

What do you want?

You.

I don't want you.

So why don't you just go?

Who is she?

I told you about her.

Your new thing is with this guy, huh?

The guy who lives here?

What do you mean?

I was curious.

So Kathy, you and I watched the house.

We saw you come with a bag.

We saw Mrs. Parsons leave with a bag.

We saw Mr. Parsons arrive.

And we saw you stay all night.

You've got a dirty mind.

Hey, you know what they're doing?

Wife swapping.

That's what it is, and
I think that's rotten.

I don't think it's so rotten.

It's different.

And I like something that's different.

Put the latch on the door.

I said put the latch on the door.

There are a few of these older babes

I wouldn't mind getting closer to myself.

You get out of here or I'll...

Or what? Kathy's uncle is Bob Grantham.

He writes for one of the
local expose magazines.

I'll bet he'd just love to get
his hands on this juicy story

about what really goes
on in a small country town.

Why don't you leave?

Go back to your classes.

Learn something.

Then come back.

Get undressed.

But Penny... Penny...

I know you want me to line up Mona
and her husband for you and Kent, but...

Well, all I can say is I'll
try. I can't do any more.

She must think I'm her slave. What
are the things to do besides her bidding?

You know, someday I'm gonna get
mad enough, I'm gonna tail her off.

Don't be hasty. We can't
afford you tailing her off.

Kent controls my job,
like almost completely.

Being Executive Vice
President of Colby Industries, he

controls the economic
atmosphere in his whole community.

And Penny Craig controls
Kent Craig, that's for sure.

But I've other things to do besides
having her order me around all the time.

Well, when you run out of endurance,
we'd better put the house up for sale.

Someday I'll get my chance. Wait and see.

Hey, Karen! Karen! Wait up!

Where the hell have you been?

I've been very busy.

You're playing swaps, I bet.
Why don't you get rid of that child?

She kicks. Thinks I am, too.

Maybe you don't, huh? Maybe
you'd like to get rid of me?

No, you're rough, of
course, and a little brutal.

I think I dig that treatment.

Why have you been avoiding me, then?

I haven't been avoiding
you. I've had other

commitments, and I
dig that treatment, too.

So, you see, I'm all booked
up. You'll just have to wait.

I don't like to wait. But, uh, maybe
you could make waiting interesting.

Like how?

Like letting me in on
some of this wife swapping.

But you're not married.

Kathy and I could be, uh, married.

We could be a newly married couple
from, uh, Silver Lake, someplace like that.

Good friends of yours.

And your recommendation,
they'd never keep us out.

You know, that would make
it easier for us to get together.

And Wayne would flip
her with jailbait here.

I'm almost 19 years old.

Oh, pardon me.

Listen, Sonny, um, I think I'll work on it.

And I don't want you to mellow.

Don't worry.

So, uh, so, you know, when I
get you set up with the exchange,

maybe we can start, uh,
sneaking in a few ourselves.

That, uh, sounds fine.

Wait a minute.

But who I know, who
knows who you really are?

Kathy and I are from Holly Agers.

Oh, there's only one couple from there.

Oh, what about the people in Denton?

Well, I, uh, wouldn't want to
bump into Ed Hamels, would I?

Oh, he's, she's not in it.

Um, what about Brooke Furman?

No, I don't know her.

Okay, then she can be your partner.

And, um, listen, I want you
to play it very, very straight.

We're married.

And watch her and make sure she doesn't
start acting like some high school freshman

playing spin the bottle.

Don't worry, I'll teach her.

I'll teach her good.

I hate her guts.

Are you in love with her?

Well, I thought I was.

Well, she thinks I am.

And you're not?

I'm not.

She demands a great deal
more time and everything

that I'm willing to give her.

Well, the business is doing well now,

and I don't want to blow off
with Wayne at a time like this.

I've just got to squirm
out of this somehow.

I can't help you get out of this, Les.

You're going to have to
figure it out by yourself.

8.30.

This new couple is almost an hour late.

Karen vouched for them, but new
couples always make me nervous.

Brooke, this is Kathy and Jay Pookman.

Well, why waste time?

Boy, that was sure fast.

Yeah.

If, um, Brooke sees something
that's interesting enough,

she's apt to be impatient.

Care for a drink?

No, thanks.

Good.

If I see something
that's interesting enough,

I'm apt to be the same way as Brooke.

I'm Jay.

Jay Crookman.

You won't tell on me, will you?

Why should I?

I like the attention of
enthusiastic young men.

Oh, my God.

That Brooke, she is such a nut.

Masks on top of everything else.

Mona, let's not go to the party, okay?

What's the matter, Les?

Afraid of a confrontation
with your partner?

Or your partner's wife, perhaps?

Stop the music. It's playtime.

We're going to play, How Well Do
You Know Your Neighbor's Wife?

Okay, girls, on the side of the room.

We have a new couple with
us, a Mr. and Mrs. Krugman.

And I'm sure Mr. Krugman wants
to get acquainted with all of us,

so I'm gonna ask him to
come up here and be it first.

I know you know the rules of the game.

But tonight we're going to
give it a little different twist.

Since you don't know us girls as yet,

we'll disrobe down to our undies

and give you a chance
for a quick inspection.

We'll each have numbers so
that you can make your choice

without the complications
of remembering names.

Now, can you remember the numbers?

One, two, three, and four?

Your first clue, smell.

Now your second clue, taste.

The third clue, touch.

It's, uh...

Number three.

Right. It's Mrs. Kent Craig.

God!

My stencil!

I don't know what you're
all so dumbfounded about.

He's a man.

There's certain realities he
has to face sooner or later.

And you, Brooke...

That was a very sick joke.

You? I knew you were trouble the moment...

The moment I laid eyes on you.

It wasn't my fault.

Mrs. Kidd, she and Dick made me do it.

You don't believe me, do you?

I had to. Her uncle writes
for an ex-Crusade magazine.

They were threatening
to expose the exchange.

Grab her.

Honestly, let me leave.

I won't tell anyone.

I have the answer.

Boys, put your masks back on.

Brooke, get your little camera.

There's only one thing that'll stop her.

All right, boys, one at a time.

And make sure your faces don't show.

All right, boys, one at a time.

You first.

All right, kid.

All right.

You next.

She's gonna look like a star performer
on the back of a French pinnacle hand.

Les, you next.

I suggest everybody get a stiff drink,

and then maybe we can
regain our equilibrium.

Now that's what I call a strong woman.

Please take me away from here.

Please take me as far away
from here as you can take me.

Anyplace.

Please, let's...

Let's leave.

Okay.

Stuff him and get him.

Oh, what happened?