All language subtitles for The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy s01e02.eng

[Sleech laughs]

You can't eat Beetle Bites

without the shell.

Eh, I don't know. I mean,

I just don't like
the exoskeleton.

It gets stuck in my gills.

I wonder if the worm
would like Beetle Bites?

Klak, don't turn around.

What? Why?
Blink once for sky-shark.

Oh. My mom's book.

I regretfully agreed
to go to her signing,

which is... now.

Dr. Klak, good to see you.

Dr. Sleech, the reason
I label my lunches.

Are those new feathers
on your face?

Dr. Plowp,
your middle-aged puberty

has finally kicked in. Coo-baw.

Coo-baw.

That means "congratulations."

And thank you.

So now you're an empath
and an adult teenager.

I listen to a lot of sad music.

[grunts] We've got
a distressed fungus.

- Ooh, Klak loves a fungus.
- I love a fungus.

[Ergda-8] This is Mysoon.

She was floating
catatonic in space.

- Happy undulations to you...
- No time to undulate.

I can't believe
I have to miss a fungus

for my mom's book signing.
[groans]

You want a ride, Dr. Klak?

I drive fast, you will throw up.

Oh, that's fine, I throw up
from standing still.

So it begins.

- Let's move.
- Please,

you mustn't bring me inside.

Dr. Sleech, we should listen
to her before we move her.

Not if we want her to live.

[screams]

No! [groans]

- [pants]
- [screams]

Come on.

Huh? [screams]

[both screaming]

Stop. Danger.

It's okay, it's okay,
we're safe now.

No. I am the danger.

- You're all going to die.
- [gasps]

♪ ♪

[slurping]

[squeals]

[groans]

Mysoon is an Exploding Sclob--

fragor nidificans--

a fungus who uses
her environment to remove husks

until she explodes,
thereby releasing her spores.

It's sexual in nature.

Passive spore release?

So, she's a sex bomb.

We need to get her
to the Explosiology Floor

and end her life
before she ends ours.

Doctor, your patient is present.

- [groans]
- Sorry.

Mysoon, we need to kill you.

I am deeply sorry
for this trouble.

I cannot control my biology.

Please ignore my colleague.

We just... we have not yet
chosen a course of treatment.

Of course you're
an Exploding Sclob.

I should've known when you
manipulated lightning

with your
electrostatically charged husk.

Your new husk is viscid
and appealing.

Now she's manipulating you.

She must sense that
you're emotionally weak.

It's true, I can sense that.

Your overconfidence is why
you haven't noticed that

you're the one
moving closer to her.

I'm too smart to be manipulated.

[Sleech and Plowp
gasp and grunt]

But I have been manipulated.

[scoffs]

[grunts]

Had you not distracted me,

I would not have fallen prey...

- Hot, hot, hot.
- [groans]

[screams]

[sighs, gasps]

One husk closer to death.

Forgive me. My planet Sclob

is a beautiful, throbbing land
of sex and death.

Well, I'm sold.

I beg you, please get me home

for my Death Ceremony.

I will explode, die,
and give life.

Like my ancestors before me,

I wish for my flesh and blood

to splatter across the sky,

organic streaks of my innards

painted against the backdrop

of the Sclobian sunset.

[both] Um...

We have five husks left
before she explodes.

Doctor, I can feel her longing.

As Resident Empath, I think
we should get her home to die.

Of course, you're putting
the patient's feelings

before her own best interest.

I'm considering
what my patient wants.

What the patient wants isn't
always what the patient needs.

We can't transport
an active explosive.

We'll detonate her here safely.

There must be another way.

While you
figure out what that is,

I'll go ahead and do your job.

[Mysoon groans]

I will now sing my planet's
"Song of Orgasmic Death"

to lighten the mood.

[vocalizes]

[sighs]

Remember: The enemy is only
as strong as you are weak.

So, extremely strong then.

Let me just get by you.
Excuse me. [chuckles]

Look, it's the Face of Anxiety.

Klak, do you still get stumped
by yes or no questions?

- Uh... Uh...
- [alien] Did the fourth personality

surgery really affect
your ability to smile?

[panting]

If that was a smile,
then it definitely did.

[sighs, chuckles]

[sighs]

[romance book] My loins
burn like the EverStar.

Take me now before
the Nether Realm does.

[book host] Why go somewhere
when you can stay...

[book narrator] When you're
preparing your own kind...

[Dr. K] "Like many
of you, I love

someone with anxiety,

and it can be so easy
to get angry

with them because
their anxiety ruined your day,

or overshadowed
an accomplishment,

or sapped the color
from a year of your life.

But, as you know, it's..."

- [all] "No one's fault."
- [cheers]

[applause]

Darling, you came.

Long hug. One, two, three.

One, two, three.

You all know Klak.

What's it like to have your mom
write a book about you?

Yeah, I-I wouldn't want
to make someone feel bad

by implying I feel bad,
so, actually...

You can be honest.

- It was painful.
- Mm.

Hey, Dr. K, did the amygdala
numbing you used on Klak

make her more needy?

I don't use the word needy, but

- she did want her mommy
a lot more. - [groans]

[laughs]

It hurts me how negatively
you view our work together.

You told me to be honest.

I just think you could practice

your positive reframing.

We should go,
Bazoo needs us recording in ten.

I hate Bazoo.
I only agreed to the signing.

Sleech is alone with Plowp.

- Oh, you know me,
it's never just a signing. - [assistant] Okay.

And I really wish you'd set
some boundaries with Sleech.

She's so demanding.

Now, go autograph
some pill bottles.

She's scared.

Well, so am I.
Can you feel my feelings?

Do you want me to?

[groans]

Oh, hello.

Hi there, Mysoon.
Darling Mysoon.

I am not what you think I am,
do not trust your senses.

Please, fight it
that you might live.

Darling, that's fine.
We're your parents now.

Your Mummy and Papa.

Papa's gonna push the up button
to take you home.

- [Sleech] Mummy would stop Papa
if you weren't so squeezy-weezy. - Oh, no.

Oh, she's manipulating us
again, isn't she?

[groans] We should stop
squeezing her, but I can't,

because I love her.

She's outside,
but I want her inside.

Like a baby.

Like a cyst.

Like an angel of death.

- [squeals]
- [grunts]

[grunts]

[panting]

- [sighs]
- Four husks left, Papa.

Thanks for the tally, Mummy.

I am but a pawn
of my biological imperative.

[screaming]

[screaming]

[Flork 1] Get that bug
resuscitated.

- Exactly.
- Attend to any coding patients.

Patients, let us know
if you're dead.

- [screams]
- Is that an Exploding Sclob?

Wh-Wh-Wh... an exploding...

[stammers] Terminate
that patient right now.

[Flork 2] Yeah, what he said.

Ugh. What is that smell?

Plowp, is that
your new body odor?

No, good doctors. It is mine.

[screeches]

[snorts]

[groans]

- [grunting]
- [screaming]

[screams]

- [grunts]
- [squawking]

She's using scent
to attract the bugs.

It's as repulsive
as it is brilliant.

Oh, reminds me of you, Plowp.

[grunts]

No.

[both gasp]

- Blow up that patient.
- Oh...

Mm, safely.

[announcer] And now, it's time

[echoing] for eight billion
listeners

across three galaxies
to listen to, and listen with,

Bazoo.

We all know you have
social anxiety, Klak.

Has this interview
been a challenge for you?

I see every challenge
as an opportunity. [chuckles]

I mean, I love this interview.

- Klak is people-pleasing
right now. - [groans]

If you've read chapter five,

you know it's a common
coping mechanism for her.

You can't see this,
audience, but

Klak's hands are sweating.

I know that my hands sweat
any time I see a big shoe.

- [laughs]
- [laughs] Because you're small.

And now, she's sweating more.
Do you have a towel?

- Thank you.
- [Bazoo] And thank you both

so much for your insight.

See you after the break
when we talk to a woman

who turned a dust mite
into her dust mate.

[theme music plays]

Dry your wet hands because we
have somewhere else to be, Klak.

[line rings]

[line beeps]

- [laughs]
- [grunts]

Okay, Sleech,
what would you say?

I'd say, "If I don't stay,
I'll feel guilty,"

and you'd say "I love snacks.
Your mom stinks, let's leave,"

and then I'd say,
"She means well,"

and you'd say "No she doesn't.

She's a power-hungry monster
who leeches off your anxiety

to turn it into profit.
Blow her off."

Okay. I'll blow her off.

"No, Mom." "No way, Doctor."

"No can do, Mama K."

You coming, cutie-gills?

[chuckles]

I'm all in.

- One more stop.
- [chuckles]

[Plowp] Dr. Sleech,

if you didn't steamroll everyone

and had just listened to her
on the roof,

we wouldn't be
in this mess at all.

I want to die slipping into

the Gargolean Sands
of Obsolescence

high out of my mind
next to Klak,

not here with you.

You would want to get back
to Klak to die.

I understand.

Perhaps Sclob is to me,

what Klak is to you.

I would manipulate anyone
to get back to Klak.

Do you want to feel
what she's feeling?

- Can you do that?
- Sometimes.

[gasps]

Whoa.

- [laughs]
- Mysoon?

[gasps]

Mm.

[all cheering]

[gasps]

[creature growling]

[Plowp] Stay with me, Sleech.

[cheering and laughing]

Is that what home feels like
to other people?

Some people.

She feels so much.

Everyone does.

And then you feel everyone.

[high-pitched alert]

My deathgasm rushes towards me.

I feel so sad, and so horny.

It appears we are out of time.

Wow, you are always wrong.

Mysoon, we're gonna get you home
for your Death Ceremony.

What changed your mind?

Home is Klak to her.
I felt it.

- Look alive, folks,
we've got a death to save. - Mm.

I told you I can't do
onscreen interviews.

Not since I forgot my own name
on Mornings with Mergblot.

What are we doing here?

We're not here to
do an interview.

I have actually
brought you here to tell you

some big news.

I'm going to be hosting
a new therapy talk show

about anxiety.

Uh...

[sighs] Who knew our greatest
challenge would become

our greatest success?

A show?
That everyone will see?

Everyone I know?

Well, that's the hope.

With your enthusiastic
consent and permission,

I want to invite you
to be on the first episode.

There's a new surgical
intervention I want to try

- to decrease your rumination.
- [cries out]

The side effects are grim,
but they always are.

[echoing]
High risk, high reward, my love.

Mom, I can't.

Blame my brain.
It's what I do.

But we already made the posters.

Ugh. Forgive my tone.

I was triggered and now my
abandonment schema is active.

I'm sorry.

What have we said
about apologizing?

You've set a strong boundary.

I am simultaneously disappointed
in and proud of you.

That's the problem
with our entire dynamic.

Can I expect you at the book
signing tomorrow?

Yes. But only because I'm weak.

Ah, no. [grunts]

[sighs]

Do the doctors all know
you've been an intern

for 50 Ergulon rotations at
other hospitals?

Because you really make us
look bad by comparison.

Watch your heads.
Our patient's become a magnet.

- [gasps]
- Oh!

[crying out]

Oh, no. Aah!

If I get hurt here,
my father will sue.

[straining]

She's trying to break
herself open.

Doctors, use me as a bridge.

Walk upon me to safety.

[grunting]

[gasps]

[grunting]

- Vlam!
- [crying out]

[splashes]

I'm okay. I'm water-resistant.

You're such a suck-up.
I really admire it.

[Ergda-8] Are you okay?

I just need a minute.

Okay, I'll try not
to breathe too loud.

[Ergda-8 breathing loudly]

[takes deep breath]

Klak, are you meditating?

Can I put this bomb next to you?

That's the least-stressful
question I've been asked today.

Oh, no, she made you do Bazoo.

She made me do Bazoo.

- I see you made Plowp cry.
- They're good tears.

I'm extremely dehydrated.

Ergda, take us to Sclob,

the land of sex and death.

Sounds like I'm gonna need
my poncho.

We need to treat Mysoon
like I treat my inner self.

Don't look at her
or listen to her.

I'm putting in the
coordinates for Sclob.

Oh, you guys can't hear me.

Maybe now's a good time to
practice therapeutic screaming.

[restraints creaking]

Oh! Ooh! [groaning]

I soar like a missile from hell.

- No, no, no, no, no.
- I rain doom upon thee.

[grunting]

I admit this one is kind of fun.

Her spore sac.
She's ready to blow.

We're nearing Sclob.

It's so steamy down there.

The Sclobs seem to be vibrating
at a frequency that

sexually arouses everything
around them.

Good thing we're cocooned
in our protective gear,

- safe from the sex.
- [panting]

My cloaca has never bloomed
like this before.

Put something in it.
Put anything in it!

I'll put everything in it.

- [squawking]
- [trilling]

[moaning]

No. Stop.

Get off each other.

How does that fit?
Is that inside out?

- Oh, no.
Am I really bad at sex? - [squawking, trilling continue]

[Klak] We're so close.

I'm so close. Yow!

I'm so sorry.

My life was meant to
end in joy, not in grief.

You can't control your biology.

This is how you're programmed,
and it's no one's fault.

Damn it.

Mysoon, I'm gonna save you.

Ergda, do you have a rope?

Of course, you can't
hear me either.

[sighs]

[nervous moaning]

Whoa. Aah!

Whoa. Oh.

If I die, at least I'll be dead.

Whoa!

[shouting]

My spores bleed in your honor.

Thank you for bringing me home.

You have made my death
worth dying.

You're welcome.

Goodbye, Mysoon.

Have a beautiful climax.

Whoo-hoo!
Whoo-hoo!

A proud, Sclobian

deathgasm!

[ecstatic cries]

[splattering]

[sighs]

No one's ever seen
what I'm seeing.

It's so gross.

Well, that was unexpected.

- Nope.
- Uh, yeah, but--

Stop.

- Oh.
- Thank you, Dr. Klak.

You've done a wonderful thing.

- Mm.
- You just had sex with Dr. Plowp.

So, should we get Fried Ratflies
take-out on the way back?

My treat.

Like I could eat
after what I've seen.

But order me the number scorv
combo, extra whiskers.

I'm going back to the periscope.

It's theorized that
the afterglow on Sclob

is a color we don't have.

We never have to speak to
each other about this.

Or anything.

We never have to speak again.

You're a great doctor.

You are. I wish I could be
more like you.

Detached, objective, cold.

Well, that compliment
went south.

I feel too much,
and that put us at risk.

- Yep.
- And you...

I...

didn't mind that you helped me

to feel a little more.

I should be up-front with you.

Eh. You didn't like when
I stuck my foot in there?

It's always a gamble.

No, no, I, uh,
I rather enjoyed that.

Because of my late-stage
adolescence,

um, I'm a virgin.

I mean, until this voyage,
I was a virgin.

And now that I'm not,

I cannot stop thinking
about sex.

I'm thinking about it now,
unfortunately. And still now.

And now.

I really wish you just hadn't
liked the foot thing.

The entire day,
Mysoon's husks were

leading us through foreplay.

It was impossible
to resist Plowp,

over and over and under
and through,

and somehow between.

Well, from what I've read,

Sclobs only intensify desire,

they don't create it.

Please, like I'd ever
want someone with emotions.

- [growling]
- [Sleech] Whoa.

He still refuses to eat
synthetic anxiety?

Yes.

We should research
potential hosts.

I already did.

This is every known species
that might be

a symbiotic host for the worm.

[Sleech] I am always impressed

with your ability
to find adult homework.

We'll figure you out,
you little monster.

I've been calling him Larvin.

Mysoon was so eager to
get back to Sclob.

Can you imagine wanting
to go home?

Nope. Although,
my planet is very dry,

so it has one thing
going for it.

Stop trying to guess.
I'll never tell.

Do you want to talk
about your day?

I'd rather talk about Plowp's
cloaca than revisit my day.

Then, shall I read to you?

Why not? Maybe we'll
learn something.

"Chapter Nine:
Listening to Your Child:

Your Inner Child."

Wow. Even when it's about you,

it's not about you.

[squelching]

♪ ♪

♪ I want your brain ♪

♪ I want your brain,
I want your brain ♪

- ♪ I want your brain ♪
- ♪ I want it all ♪

♪ I want your brain,
I want your brain ♪

♪ I want your brain ♪

♪ I need your soul ♪

♪ I want your brain,
I want your brain ♪

- ♪ I want your brain ♪
- ♪ I want it all ♪

♪ I want your brain,
I want your brain ♪

♪ I want your brain ♪

♪ I need your soul ♪

♪ I want your brain,
I want your brain ♪

♪ I want your brain ♪

♪ I want it all ♪

♪ I want your brain,
I want your brain ♪

♪ I want your brain ♪

♪ I need your soul ♪

♪ I want your brain,
I want your brain ♪

♪ I want your brain ♪♪

Chirp.

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