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1
00:01:02,458 --> 00:01:03,666
死了…時間到了
2
00:01:03,916 --> 00:01:06,333
開工…
3
00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:08,875
艾薇，早安
4
00:01:09,375 --> 00:01:10,708
還跑？出來！
5
00:01:11,291 --> 00:01:12,208
出來給我擠奶
6
00:01:12,375 --> 00:01:13,375
我每天早上都是這樣擠妳的嘛
7
00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:14,458
出來啊！
8
00:01:15,083 --> 00:01:16,000
出來啦！
9
00:01:16,666 --> 00:01:19,416
艾薇妳真乖，怎麼擠都有！
10
00:01:19,625 --> 00:01:22,583
我以後娶這樣的老婆就不怕餓死了
11
00:01:39,875 --> 00:01:40,708
大少爺
12
00:01:41,041 --> 00:01:42,416
鮮奶
13
00:01:52,166 --> 00:01:53,833
把床單換了，不對
14
00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,958
把整張床丟了，明天買張新的
15
00:01:56,041 --> 00:01:57,208
是的，先生
16
00:01:59,166 --> 00:02:00,166
下來啊！
17
00:02:11,250 --> 00:02:13,416
喂，要洗澡嗎？
18
00:02:15,708 --> 00:02:17,291
洗頭髮嗎？
19
00:02:19,583 --> 00:02:21,458
-今天輪到誰洗腳啊？
-我
20
00:02:26,166 --> 00:02:27,708
叫妳洗腳而已，別洗其他地方！
21
00:02:42,750 --> 00:02:43,958
一起說我帥不帥
22
00:02:44,125 --> 00:02:46,125
-好帥！
-好帥！
23
00:02:46,750 --> 00:02:48,125
大少爺！
24
00:02:48,291 --> 00:02:50,708
老爺打電話回來，說過兩天回來看你
25
00:02:50,875 --> 00:02:52,750
-叫他拿多一百萬美金給我
-夠嗎？
26
00:02:52,958 --> 00:02:54,458
-那你跟他講多點啊！
-是
27
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:57,125
爹地，我很乖，我好想你
28
00:02:57,208 --> 00:02:58,083
我要上學了
29
00:02:58,250 --> 00:02:59,750
快點拿二百萬回來給我
30
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:03,333
對不起…
31
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:05,166
-我的梯子去哪了？
-在這裡！
32
00:04:35,083 --> 00:04:36,500
吃雪糕吧
33
00:04:36,666 --> 00:04:37,750
這綠色跟你衣服很配
34
00:04:37,916 --> 00:04:39,791
-這一粒粒黑色的是什麼？
-朱古力！
35
00:04:40,291 --> 00:04:41,791
綠色應該配黃色嘛！
36
00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:43,916
-綠色配黑色嗎？
-對不起！
37
00:05:16,375 --> 00:05:18,583
三、四，敲敲門
38
00:05:19,083 --> 00:05:21,083
五、六，撿起棍
39
00:05:23,250 --> 00:05:24,375
九、十…
40
00:05:34,750 --> 00:05:36,250
我都說了那個黑人穿條紋的
41
00:05:36,416 --> 00:05:37,375
是啊！
42
00:05:42,708 --> 00:05:45,125
-王小虎耶！
-是他，我認得他屁股！
43
00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:48,458
截住他！
44
00:06:01,208 --> 00:06:02,666
你要去哪？
45
00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:04,875
星哥，我站在這裡等你啊
46
00:06:05,208 --> 00:06:07,125
上次不好意思
我把你身上的毛都燒光了
47
00:06:07,291 --> 00:06:09,791
搞到你要紋眉和戴假髮，我很後悔
48
00:06:09,958 --> 00:06:11,875
算了！我全家人都給你爸爸打工
49
00:06:11,958 --> 00:06:13,458
而且我現在也很有型啊
50
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:16,458
你這王八蛋確實眉清目秀
51
00:06:16,666 --> 00:06:18,125
我還真受不了你，真是的
52
00:06:18,291 --> 00:06:19,583
來，先吃粒朱古力吧
53
00:06:20,458 --> 00:06:22,208
星哥，我真的受不起
54
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,416
這些瀉藥我沒少吃嗎？
55
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:26,208
你怎麼變聰明了？
56
00:06:26,375 --> 00:06:27,791
那沒辦法了，走吧
57
00:06:28,041 --> 00:06:29,208
大少爺，就這樣算了嗎？
58
00:06:29,375 --> 00:06:30,666
沒有辦法啊，你看他這麼聰明
59
00:06:30,833 --> 00:06:32,000
現在整不了他了
60
00:06:38,833 --> 00:06:39,958
我不見了200塊
61
00:06:40,041 --> 00:06:41,041
是不是被人偷了？
62
00:06:41,375 --> 00:06:42,458
那就報警一個個搜身了
63
00:06:42,625 --> 00:06:43,958
電話號碼我都抄下來了
64
00:06:45,708 --> 00:06:46,750
機靈鬼！
65
00:06:47,166 --> 00:06:48,416
那些錢好吃嗎？
66
00:06:49,291 --> 00:06:50,208
瀉藥做的呢
67
00:06:50,375 --> 00:06:52,166
入口即溶，五秒見效啊！
68
00:06:58,083 --> 00:07:02,250
（廁所）
69
00:07:03,541 --> 00:07:05,416
-中計了吧？
-等等…
70
00:07:05,500 --> 00:07:06,625
先讓他拉到一半
71
00:07:08,833 --> 00:07:10,083
-爆！
-爆！
72
00:07:17,291 --> 00:07:18,583
-彈！
-彈！
73
00:07:51,916 --> 00:07:53,416
你知道這樣整人很危險嗎？
74
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:57,250
喂，小姐，妳是誰？妳混哪裡的？
75
00:07:57,583 --> 00:07:58,791
我叔叔是這裡的姜司教授
76
00:07:58,958 --> 00:08:00,208
我在這裡上學
77
00:08:00,833 --> 00:08:02,833
-我吩咐過不能錄取醜女的啊！
-對啊！
78
00:08:03,000 --> 00:08:04,750
我都是洗咗黑錢至行得入呢間學校咋
79
00:08:04,916 --> 00:08:06,500
妳醜成這樣，洗黑錢也沒用，走吧！
80
00:08:06,666 --> 00:08:07,750
-走吧！
-走啊！
81
00:08:07,916 --> 00:08:08,958
-走啊
-人渣！
82
00:08:09,041 --> 00:08:10,208
但我很帥
83
00:08:10,375 --> 00:08:11,375
你又不帥
84
00:08:11,833 --> 00:08:12,791
妳說什麼？
85
00:08:12,958 --> 00:08:14,000
你又不帥！
86
00:08:15,083 --> 00:08:16,666
妳說什麼？這種謊話妳也說得出口？
87
00:08:16,791 --> 00:08:18,041
-喂…
-妳對得起妳的良心嗎？
88
00:08:18,125 --> 00:08:19,333
-算了啦…
-對得起妳父母嗎？
89
00:08:19,500 --> 00:08:21,250
-不要跟他吵了啦！
-妳對得起這個國家嗎？
90
00:08:21,416 --> 00:08:22,750
妳快點開記者招待會澄清！
91
00:08:22,833 --> 00:08:25,666
不然我就煎妳的皮
拆妳的骨，喝妳的血
92
00:08:27,791 --> 00:08:30,208
人體是世界上最奇妙的東西
93
00:08:30,750 --> 00:08:31,875
而我這個課程
94
00:08:32,083 --> 00:08:34,708
就是人體學裡面最尖端的課程
95
00:08:35,166 --> 00:08:39,416
也就是說人體的模仿性跟適應性
96
00:08:39,875 --> 00:08:41,291
就跟變色龍一樣
97
00:08:41,458 --> 00:08:45,125
會用保護色去模仿四周圍的顏色
98
00:08:46,083 --> 00:08:48,583
而人類也同樣有這樣的功能
99
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:49,833
大少爺，請
100
00:08:51,083 --> 00:08:52,333
瞪什麼瞪？繼續講課啊
101
00:08:53,291 --> 00:08:54,208
出去！
102
00:09:02,791 --> 00:09:04,125
我還是舉個例子吧
103
00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:06,041
比如說，當一對夫妻
104
00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:08,291
他們相處久了
105
00:09:08,541 --> 00:09:11,125
他們的樣子就會慢慢變得相似
106
00:09:11,583 --> 00:09:13,708
人家都說這是夫妻相
107
00:09:13,916 --> 00:09:17,291
其實呢，是人體內的因子互相模仿
108
00:09:19,916 --> 00:09:21,916
這位同學有什麼意見呢？
109
00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:23,125
教授，我整天都跟女人在一起
110
00:09:23,208 --> 00:09:24,208
怎麼不見我變女人？
111
00:09:26,791 --> 00:09:29,791
人體是非常脆弱的
112
00:09:30,416 --> 00:09:31,625
我相信總有一日
113
00:09:32,125 --> 00:09:33,041
我們的身體
114
00:09:33,125 --> 00:09:35,791
大部分將會被人造器官所代替
115
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:38,166
到時候，只剩下我們自己的頭腦
116
00:09:38,916 --> 00:09:41,708
人體器官將會被電腦控制
117
00:09:42,500 --> 00:09:44,125
它有很強的模仿能力
118
00:09:44,208 --> 00:09:45,583
可以變成任何人
119
00:09:46,083 --> 00:09:47,416
甚至任何的物件
120
00:09:48,041 --> 00:09:49,166
那可不可以變成一枝雪茄呢？
121
00:09:49,250 --> 00:09:50,583
理論上是可以的
122
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:53,916
這位同學好像對這個問題很有興趣呢
123
00:09:54,208 --> 00:09:55,333
其實是對你有興趣
124
00:09:55,750 --> 00:09:58,041
剛才有個四眼鋼牙妹
跟我說你是她叔叔
125
00:09:59,583 --> 00:10:01,333
我特地來看看你有什麼了不起的
126
00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:03,500
我現在開始解剖
127
00:10:03,916 --> 00:10:06,208
如果你可以看超過三分鐘
128
00:10:06,416 --> 00:10:07,791
我們再聊些別的
129
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,541
我現在要開始解剖屍體了
130
00:10:29,333 --> 00:10:30,250
他在幹嘛？
131
00:10:30,416 --> 00:10:31,958
他真瘋狂
132
00:11:07,250 --> 00:11:08,625
果然有膽識
133
00:11:10,416 --> 00:11:11,625
我的解剖課裡
134
00:11:11,708 --> 00:11:13,750
你是唯一一個可以撐那麼久的
135
00:11:14,250 --> 00:11:15,166
切！
136
00:11:15,458 --> 00:11:16,916
我才懶得理你，真是的！
137
00:11:17,416 --> 00:11:20,083
如果你真敢張大眼睛看一次的話
138
00:11:20,166 --> 00:11:21,416
我就說你了不起
139
00:11:30,208 --> 00:11:31,875
被他嚇一嚇，我的腳就軟成這樣
140
00:11:31,958 --> 00:11:32,791
真是的
141
00:11:35,125 --> 00:11:36,625
我剛才尿褲子了，失陪一下
142
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,000
腳軟啦？鋼牙
143
00:11:51,625 --> 00:11:53,750
你很厲害嗎？有本事
你就把整盤番茄肉醬意大利麵吃掉！
144
00:12:02,041 --> 00:12:04,250
我爸爸是校董
我等下就叫他炒妳叔叔魷魚
145
00:12:04,416 --> 00:12:06,375
再把妳趕出學校
賣給夜總會跳脫衣舞
146
00:12:07,333 --> 00:12:09,208
等妳在跳舞時，再炒妳魷魚
147
00:12:09,416 --> 00:12:11,125
沒有人可以炒我魷魚
148
00:12:11,458 --> 00:12:14,375
我是美國政府聘用的高級科學顧問
149
00:12:14,791 --> 00:12:17,375
來這裡，只是做客座教授
150
00:12:18,541 --> 00:12:19,416
炒不了就抓你去燜
151
00:12:19,583 --> 00:12:21,083
燜完再炸也可以！
152
00:12:24,958 --> 00:12:29,166
想不到你就是全校
最令人討厭和作嘔的敗家子
153
00:12:29,666 --> 00:12:31,500
果然聞名不如見面
154
00:12:32,291 --> 00:12:33,916
你說什麼？我爸爸可是校董
155
00:12:34,291 --> 00:12:36,583
如果你爸爸不是校董的話
156
00:12:36,750 --> 00:12:38,458
你一早就被人打死了
157
00:12:39,666 --> 00:12:41,041
閉嘴！
158
00:12:41,541 --> 00:12:44,125
你有本事就跟人家說你爸爸不是校董
159
00:12:44,375 --> 00:12:45,791
你看看會怎樣
160
00:12:46,208 --> 00:12:48,458
我跟你說，我爸爸不是校董
161
00:12:48,708 --> 00:12:49,666
又如何？
162
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,500
這混蛋害我被人打成這樣
163
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,375
我今晚一定要報這個仇
164
00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:11,791
-是啊…
-左邊…
165
00:13:11,958 --> 00:13:13,208
-右邊…
-不是！
166
00:13:14,416 --> 00:13:15,250
小心點！
167
00:13:15,416 --> 00:13:16,458
現在烏漆抹黑的
168
00:13:16,625 --> 00:13:18,583
對不起大少爺，有沒有撞傷你？
169
00:13:18,750 --> 00:13:19,708
我拿鐵打油給你按一下吧
170
00:13:19,875 --> 00:13:21,250
死開啦！
171
00:13:21,875 --> 00:13:23,250
快點過去那裡上樓找找
172
00:13:24,500 --> 00:13:26,083
大少爺，沒有理由上樓啊
173
00:13:26,250 --> 00:13:28,041
實驗室多數在地下室
174
00:13:29,750 --> 00:13:30,791
這裡應該是了
175
00:13:34,208 --> 00:13:35,666
大少爺，真的是這裡
176
00:13:36,333 --> 00:13:38,250
這麼大的地下室，得花點時間了
177
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:41,708
先放在那裡吧
178
00:13:50,666 --> 00:13:52,416
你說，踩到這個捕獸器
179
00:13:52,583 --> 00:13:53,750
不死也會殘廢！
180
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:56,708
你去哪裡？
181
00:13:56,791 --> 00:13:58,416
沒有，我怕他沒踩中
182
00:13:58,583 --> 00:14:00,500
放點香蕉皮在這裡幫幫他嘛
183
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,291
好辦法！
184
00:14:02,458 --> 00:14:03,458
謝謝！
185
00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:05,583
好了！
186
00:14:09,416 --> 00:14:10,583
給我拆完這些管子
187
00:14:10,750 --> 00:14:11,583
給每條管子尿一下
188
00:14:11,750 --> 00:14:12,708
好啊！
189
00:14:17,541 --> 00:14:18,416
大少爺…
190
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,416
我剛才見到有隻手在那裡飄過
191
00:14:20,583 --> 00:14:21,583
去尿尿吧你！
192
00:14:21,791 --> 00:14:24,083
真的！騙你的話
我就沒有孩子幫我送終
193
00:14:24,458 --> 00:14:25,791
看你這個樣子肯定沒有孩子送終啦
194
00:14:25,958 --> 00:14:27,291
就算有都是畸形！
195
00:14:28,458 --> 00:14:29,458
那又不一定
196
00:14:47,458 --> 00:14:48,875
臭小子，瞪什麼瞪？
197
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:52,916
大少爺…
198
00:14:53,333 --> 00:14:54,958
我剛剛見到一對眼睛
199
00:14:55,166 --> 00:14:56,541
什麼都沒有，就剩眼睛
200
00:14:56,625 --> 00:14:58,375
凌空瞪著我！
201
00:14:58,625 --> 00:15:00,166
-凌空瞪？
-凌空瞪！
202
00:15:00,541 --> 00:15:01,666
那你想要我怎樣？
203
00:15:01,791 --> 00:15:04,333
沒有，我就想請教一下
遇到這樣的情況應該怎麼辦？
204
00:15:06,125 --> 00:15:08,208
如果是我，我就一手插爆它的眼睛
205
00:15:08,375 --> 00:15:11,125
你要不要瞪大雙眼
讓我示範一次給你看？
206
00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:12,333
不用…
207
00:15:12,791 --> 00:15:14,083
-幹！
-這是什麼？
208
00:15:14,375 --> 00:15:15,291
怎麼了？
209
00:15:16,958 --> 00:15:19,000
它瞪什麼瞪？它是不是“凌空瞪”？
210
00:15:19,166 --> 00:15:21,000
-就是“凌空瞪”
-插它！
211
00:15:21,208 --> 00:15:22,333
死了！
212
00:15:27,791 --> 00:15:28,666
你怎麼了？
213
00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:31,333
幹嘛啊？
214
00:15:31,666 --> 00:15:33,375
不知道，這是什麼？
215
00:15:34,041 --> 00:15:35,083
讓我來處理！
216
00:15:36,541 --> 00:15:38,666
這一下不行！小力點，小力點就好了
217
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,541
走？別走！
218
00:15:40,750 --> 00:15:42,083
警察，站著！
219
00:15:48,375 --> 00:15:49,916
還抓不到你？出來！
220
00:15:52,541 --> 00:15:53,708
我叫你出來啊！
221
00:15:55,041 --> 00:15:57,041
小子，你藏在這裡幹嘛？
拿出身分證給我看看
222
00:15:58,250 --> 00:15:59,208
沒有帶
223
00:16:10,208 --> 00:16:12,666
救命啊…
224
00:16:12,791 --> 00:16:13,708
等我啊！
225
00:16:13,875 --> 00:16:17,541
救命啊…
226
00:16:29,583 --> 00:16:30,541
快！搜查他們
227
00:16:30,875 --> 00:16:33,000
別相信他們，他們瘋了
228
00:16:33,166 --> 00:16:36,000
-他們真的瘋了
-好的，別擔心，我們會處理
229
00:16:36,125 --> 00:16:37,083
冷靜點
230
00:16:46,041 --> 00:16:47,791
李先生，我們搜查了半個小時
231
00:16:47,875 --> 00:16:49,791
都找不到你說的那隻會走的手板
232
00:16:50,000 --> 00:16:51,166
還有會看東西的眼睛
233
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:52,416
都沒出現過
234
00:16:52,583 --> 00:16:53,416
混帳！
235
00:16:53,583 --> 00:16:55,666
我工人的屁股剛剛差點給那怪手插了
236
00:16:56,375 --> 00:16:58,500
什麼差點？簡直是插了五公分…
237
00:16:58,583 --> 00:16:59,750
-前後十公分
-前後十公分
238
00:16:59,916 --> 00:17:02,583
我這位學生真是富有想像力
239
00:17:03,416 --> 00:17:04,875
就讓他玩多一下吧
240
00:17:05,083 --> 00:17:07,958
教授！我懷疑你
是一個極度心理變態者
241
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:11,250
更加相信你殺了一百幾十個無辜的人
242
00:17:11,416 --> 00:17:12,625
將他們的手手腳腳斬下來
243
00:17:12,791 --> 00:17:14,625
進行殘酷的科學實驗
244
00:17:17,666 --> 00:17:20,333
你真是有偵探的頭腦
245
00:17:20,916 --> 00:17:23,000
但是你能奈我何啊？
246
00:17:23,958 --> 00:17:26,333
你找到那些手手腳腳再說吧
247
00:17:36,041 --> 00:17:37,750
見鬼了！把手放在那裡搖來搖去
248
00:17:38,125 --> 00:17:39,875
我看剛才那手那麼好色，一定是公的
249
00:17:39,958 --> 00:17:42,208
所以特地扮母的引他出來嘛
250
00:17:43,125 --> 00:17:44,458
你現在派兩個人過去哪裡看看
251
00:17:44,625 --> 00:17:45,750
我跟兩個人在上面看
252
00:17:45,916 --> 00:17:47,166
-阿達，你過去那邊收集指紋
-好啊
253
00:17:47,333 --> 00:17:49,125
我才是探長，你別在這裡扮探長
254
00:17:49,291 --> 00:17:50,333
大少爺…
255
00:17:51,666 --> 00:17:52,666
我爸爸就是…
256
00:17:53,458 --> 00:17:54,291
大少爺
257
00:17:57,125 --> 00:17:58,250
拜拜
258
00:18:00,875 --> 00:18:02,958
有空的話，明天回來上課吧
259
00:18:36,333 --> 00:18:37,541
幹嘛打我啊，大少爺？
260
00:18:37,625 --> 00:18:39,541
我叫你敲三長兩短暗號了嘛！
261
00:18:39,625 --> 00:18:40,708
外面沒有人嘛
262
00:18:40,875 --> 00:18:42,458
那個姜司教授可是殺人狂魔
263
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:45,208
我看穿了他
他一定會想辦法殺死我的嘛
264
00:18:45,416 --> 00:18:48,000
不然我何必叫你
請六個傻子來保護我啊？
265
00:18:48,708 --> 00:18:50,875
還有，我是叫你請保鏢
266
00:18:51,041 --> 00:18:52,416
-不是請模特兒！
-是啊
267
00:18:52,541 --> 00:18:54,541
他們這樣插著腰，怎麼行？
268
00:18:54,708 --> 00:18:56,791
-他們只會插腰
-你說什麼？
269
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,875
說起來，時間到了，收工
270
00:18:59,041 --> 00:19:00,333
-是，先生
-是，先生
271
00:19:04,958 --> 00:19:06,500
-這是什麼意思？
-他們都瞎了眼嘛
272
00:19:06,666 --> 00:19:08,875
大少爺，整個夏威夷
都沒人願意給你打工
273
00:19:09,041 --> 00:19:11,208
唯有到盲人學院
請這幾個傻子來撐場面
274
00:19:11,375 --> 00:19:12,875
-所以就…
-如果我數到三還見到你
275
00:19:13,041 --> 00:19:14,666
-我就打下去
-三！
276
00:19:16,083 --> 00:19:17,291
他為什麼不數二？
277
00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:18,666
老爺
278
00:19:18,916 --> 00:19:20,458
我要給他一個大驚喜
279
00:19:24,958 --> 00:19:26,333
-爹地？
-兒子！
280
00:19:28,375 --> 00:19:30,208
-媽咪！
-兒子…
281
00:19:31,375 --> 00:19:33,583
-你真硬朗
-你沒事吧？
282
00:19:33,750 --> 00:19:34,750
我沒有事
283
00:19:34,916 --> 00:19:37,000
邵爵士的氣功師傅教了我上乘氣功
284
00:19:37,166 --> 00:19:38,083
所以你一棒打下去時
285
00:19:38,250 --> 00:19:39,583
球棒彎了，我沒事
286
00:19:39,750 --> 00:19:41,208
現在喉嚨不痛，也沒有吐血
287
00:19:41,375 --> 00:19:42,208
我的肺很舒服
288
00:19:42,375 --> 00:19:43,416
只是瘋了嘛
289
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:44,875
-是嗎？
-是！
290
00:19:45,000 --> 00:19:46,208
不然我把拉鍊拉開給你看看吧
291
00:19:46,458 --> 00:19:48,083
我現在真的瘋了
292
00:19:48,875 --> 00:19:49,750
見鬼了
293
00:19:49,916 --> 00:19:51,916
妳別騷擾我，現在秦始皇快打來了
294
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:54,250
妳撐著點，我要救濟世人啊！
295
00:19:55,708 --> 00:19:56,791
我去看看他
296
00:19:57,458 --> 00:19:58,500
敵人到了，準備！
297
00:20:01,291 --> 00:20:02,125
我開門引開他的注意力
298
00:20:02,375 --> 00:20:03,708
你繞去後面突襲他
299
00:20:15,458 --> 00:20:16,416
嗨
300
00:20:19,333 --> 00:20:20,708
我打！
301
00:20:21,375 --> 00:20:23,333
-小姐，妳沒事吧？
-沒事
302
00:20:23,583 --> 00:20:26,166
-這是誰啊？
-不知道呢，是小偷吧？
303
00:20:26,541 --> 00:20:27,625
小姐，妳有何事？
304
00:20:28,291 --> 00:20:29,250
我叫邦妮
305
00:20:29,958 --> 00:20:31,083
我住對面
306
00:20:31,541 --> 00:20:32,916
我家的浴缸壞了
307
00:20:33,083 --> 00:20:34,000
不是吧？
308
00:20:34,791 --> 00:20:37,041
我可以借個地方沖涼嗎？
309
00:20:39,333 --> 00:20:40,666
我通常都是在這裡沖涼的
310
00:20:40,875 --> 00:20:42,583
洗髮精，護髮素，隨便選
311
00:20:42,791 --> 00:20:44,291
水底還有一支沐浴刷
312
00:20:44,791 --> 00:20:45,791
不錯嘛
313
00:20:46,333 --> 00:20:49,208
話說回來，你換衣服挺快的嘛
314
00:20:49,500 --> 00:20:50,791
其實我脫別人的衣服更快
315
00:20:50,958 --> 00:20:52,000
我不信
316
00:20:52,416 --> 00:20:53,666
這叫跳水？
317
00:20:53,875 --> 00:20:55,333
我脫！
318
00:21:01,250 --> 00:21:02,291
誰的呢？
319
00:21:02,458 --> 00:21:03,333
是我的！
320
00:21:03,541 --> 00:21:05,750
老大，妳不怕給人笑
321
00:21:05,916 --> 00:21:08,416
也要小心狗會吠啊老大！
322
00:21:08,708 --> 00:21:11,666
喂，你爸爸暈倒了！
323
00:21:12,291 --> 00:21:13,708
再打多兩下，他就醒了
324
00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:15,208
你去看看他吧
325
00:21:15,791 --> 00:21:17,791
妳跳水這麼厲害，讓我幫妳擦擦背吧
326
00:21:18,041 --> 00:21:19,500
喂，這支好像是用來洗廁所的
327
00:21:19,708 --> 00:21:20,791
對啊，我現在不就在洗廁所嗎？
328
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:22,625
你真壞！
329
00:21:22,833 --> 00:21:25,083
你就快連你爸爸姓什麼都不記得了！
330
00:21:27,708 --> 00:21:28,958
說真的，我真的不記得了
331
00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:29,958
大嬸，妳也很面善呢
332
00:21:30,041 --> 00:21:31,041
妳找哪位啊？
333
00:21:31,500 --> 00:21:33,250
我生一塊叉燒也好過生你啊！
334
00:21:33,666 --> 00:21:34,875
生我只是副作用
335
00:21:35,041 --> 00:21:36,875
妳享受的是製造過程嘛！
336
00:21:38,500 --> 00:21:39,583
那倒是
337
00:21:41,583 --> 00:21:43,208
就快沖完涼了
338
00:21:43,500 --> 00:21:44,708
等下去哪玩好呢？
339
00:21:45,041 --> 00:21:46,875
去玩？我沒想過啊
340
00:21:47,333 --> 00:21:49,208
不過如果有人幫我洗一下腳趾
341
00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:50,583
我或許會有靈感
342
00:22:00,208 --> 00:22:01,083
這是什麼？
343
00:22:02,625 --> 00:22:04,083
精神病藥
344
00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:06,333
-即是什麼？
-忽得啊！
345
00:22:06,458 --> 00:22:07,625
-好耶！
-好耶！
346
00:22:09,875 --> 00:22:12,000
喂，你幹嘛？
347
00:22:12,333 --> 00:22:14,458
-想把它吐出來嗎？
-是啊，我想看清楚牌子
348
00:22:14,625 --> 00:22:16,208
再買多一百幾十粒放在家裡
349
00:22:16,375 --> 00:22:18,000
不用了，我這裡有很多，來吧
350
00:22:21,125 --> 00:22:22,083
好耶！
351
00:22:24,250 --> 00:22:25,958
晚上好，有什麼能為你效勞的嗎？
352
00:22:28,750 --> 00:22:29,916
七杯龍舌蘭酒
353
00:22:31,125 --> 00:22:32,416
也就是龍舌蘭酒加七喜
354
00:22:32,791 --> 00:22:34,791
不是！七杯龍舌蘭酒
355
00:22:34,916 --> 00:22:36,500
是一人七杯
356
00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:38,416
好耶
357
00:23:16,291 --> 00:23:17,458
妳當我是傻子嗎？三八！
358
00:23:19,666 --> 00:23:20,791
各位來賓
359
00:23:21,291 --> 00:23:23,416
你們期待已久的時刻終於到了
360
00:23:23,500 --> 00:23:26,125
世界著名的跳舞大賽即將開始
361
00:23:31,541 --> 00:23:32,500
是的！
362
00:23:33,333 --> 00:23:36,250
首先，我們來看看參賽者
363
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:39,208
而冠軍將會獲得一份神秘禮物
364
00:23:41,750 --> 00:23:43,208
不如我們去跳舞吧？
365
00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:44,916
我不會跳舞呢
366
00:23:46,041 --> 00:23:49,166
如果你贏了，我今晚陪你睡覺吧？
367
00:23:49,333 --> 00:23:50,458
邦妮，我想妳看錯人了
368
00:23:50,625 --> 00:23:52,458
我並不是一個貪圖女色的人
369
00:23:52,625 --> 00:23:54,333
明白了嗎？
370
00:24:37,333 --> 00:24:38,875
喂…抱著我吧
371
00:24:40,083 --> 00:24:41,750
別這麼心急嘛
372
00:24:41,958 --> 00:24:43,375
我老公來了
373
00:24:43,791 --> 00:24:44,875
有這種事？
374
00:24:45,208 --> 00:24:46,333
你轉過去看看吧
375
00:24:47,041 --> 00:24:48,375
他朝著酒吧那裡走去
376
00:24:50,083 --> 00:24:51,916
原來妳有十幾個老公
377
00:24:52,083 --> 00:24:54,916
不是，是我老公跟他的保鑣
378
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,750
妳老公開保安公司的嗎？
379
00:25:05,416 --> 00:25:08,083
-不是，他是搞組織的
-是嗎？
380
00:25:08,291 --> 00:25:09,583
民主黨還是共和黨？
381
00:25:10,333 --> 00:25:11,500
山口組啊
382
00:25:12,791 --> 00:25:14,125
好耶，拜拜
383
00:25:17,458 --> 00:25:18,791
我現在有了比賽結果！
384
00:25:18,958 --> 00:25:22,416
冠軍就是李澤星先生跟他的美女舞伴
385
00:25:26,791 --> 00:25:29,916
等等，親親你女朋友嘛…
386
00:25:41,041 --> 00:25:42,541
叛徒來了
387
00:25:52,458 --> 00:25:56,000
你真壞！要人開車，自己又不開
388
00:25:56,791 --> 00:25:57,958
你怎麼不出聲？
389
00:25:58,500 --> 00:25:59,583
你睡著了嗎？
390
00:26:00,916 --> 00:26:02,125
你怎麼口吐白沫？
391
00:26:02,458 --> 00:26:04,333
喂…你怎麼了？
392
00:26:04,750 --> 00:26:06,791
喂…你別暈啊！
393
00:26:09,625 --> 00:26:11,000
喂，你怎麼了？
394
00:26:15,416 --> 00:26:16,333
不是…
395
00:26:18,333 --> 00:26:19,583
在哪裡啊？
396
00:26:29,875 --> 00:26:30,958
隨便吧
397
00:26:33,083 --> 00:26:34,666
是啊，他真的用藥過量了！
398
00:26:34,791 --> 00:26:37,500
所有的工具我都有
你快過來救他吧，我求求你
399
00:26:37,666 --> 00:26:39,583
我到時他都死了！妳自己解決吧
400
00:26:39,750 --> 00:26:41,375
-妳又不是第一次
-我又不會戳人
401
00:26:41,458 --> 00:26:42,875
我給人戳才對
402
00:26:43,041 --> 00:26:44,125
妳不會也得會
403
00:26:44,291 --> 00:26:46,166
不然死在妳家就糟了
404
00:26:46,333 --> 00:26:47,875
我現在去找一本說明書教妳
405
00:26:48,041 --> 00:26:49,000
妳等一下
406
00:26:55,625 --> 00:26:57,375
喂，標記好位置了嗎？
407
00:27:00,833 --> 00:27:01,916
標記好了！
408
00:27:02,083 --> 00:27:03,291
他只是過量服用毒品
409
00:27:03,541 --> 00:27:05,500
引致心臟衰竭，動脈萎縮
410
00:27:05,791 --> 00:27:07,041
預防反常膨脹
411
00:27:07,250 --> 00:27:09,708
要為他進行動脈注射，刺激心臟
412
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,083
這樣才救得了他
413
00:27:11,875 --> 00:27:13,291
不要吧
414
00:27:13,541 --> 00:27:14,750
妳怎樣都得拼了
415
00:27:15,166 --> 00:27:16,916
-針筒拿了嗎？
-拿了
416
00:27:17,041 --> 00:27:18,333
別管這麼多了，就這樣插下去吧！
417
00:27:32,041 --> 00:27:33,000
喂？
418
00:27:33,208 --> 00:27:34,208
喂？
419
00:27:36,083 --> 00:27:37,708
-你醒啦？
-我醒了
420
00:27:37,875 --> 00:27:38,875
那女的暈了而已
421
00:27:39,375 --> 00:27:40,583
那支針插到哪了？
422
00:27:41,375 --> 00:27:43,250
插到我褲子的左邊了
423
00:27:43,416 --> 00:27:45,083
十個男人，九個會擺在左邊的
424
00:27:45,166 --> 00:27:46,083
你呢？
425
00:27:46,375 --> 00:27:49,041
我很幸運！剛剛好是第十個擺右邊的
426
00:27:49,208 --> 00:27:50,250
那恭喜你了
427
00:27:50,416 --> 00:27:51,583
但是我的蛋蛋擺在左邊啊
428
00:27:51,750 --> 00:27:52,875
沒事了！拜拜
429
00:27:54,625 --> 00:27:57,125
不關我事…別…
430
00:28:04,500 --> 00:28:05,583
你這混蛋
431
00:28:05,750 --> 00:28:06,875
我給了你那麼多錢
432
00:28:07,375 --> 00:28:09,500
叫你在政府的電腦裡改一點點東西
433
00:28:10,416 --> 00:28:11,291
你竟然背叛我？
434
00:28:11,458 --> 00:28:13,750
老大，別殺我…
435
00:28:14,041 --> 00:28:16,250
老大，最近你的廣東話真是進步神速
436
00:28:19,208 --> 00:28:20,916
最近跟我女人講多了
437
00:28:21,583 --> 00:28:23,375
自然就進步了
438
00:28:25,416 --> 00:28:26,458
先解決你吧！
439
00:28:27,041 --> 00:28:28,791
別殺我…
440
00:28:30,291 --> 00:28:31,791
你叫我別殺你，我就不殺你嗎？
441
00:28:32,333 --> 00:28:33,541
那我怎麼當老大？
442
00:28:34,208 --> 00:28:37,250
給我一個機會…
443
00:28:37,750 --> 00:28:41,125
好，我就給你一個機會
444
00:28:41,791 --> 00:28:43,541
讓你死也死得明白
445
00:28:45,416 --> 00:28:47,041
等那個賤女人跟她姦夫回來
446
00:28:47,625 --> 00:28:49,791
就一起丟下大海餵魚！
447
00:28:54,333 --> 00:28:55,541
-抓住他！
-是！
448
00:29:06,041 --> 00:29:07,000
他媽的
449
00:29:09,375 --> 00:29:11,166
幹！王八蛋
450
00:29:12,291 --> 00:29:13,458
什麼是“王八蛋”？
451
00:29:16,958 --> 00:29:20,875
（夏威夷鑽石山警察局）
452
00:29:22,166 --> 00:29:25,375
你幹嘛？昨天說姜教授家裡
有會行走的手腳
453
00:29:25,458 --> 00:29:26,750
-今天就說有人要殺你
-有幾十個…
454
00:29:26,875 --> 00:29:28,708
出去！走啊
455
00:29:44,458 --> 00:29:46,791
媽媽，出事了…
456
00:29:47,416 --> 00:29:48,250
我也出事了
457
00:29:48,541 --> 00:29:49,458
-妳聽我說
-你聽我說吧
458
00:29:49,625 --> 00:29:50,583
我被人槍射了
459
00:29:50,750 --> 00:29:53,125
槍射沒什麼，我有東西跟你說！
460
00:29:53,208 --> 00:29:54,208
妳有什麼新的東西說啊？
461
00:29:54,291 --> 00:29:56,250
-來來去去不就是叫我用心讀書
-我一向來都用心讀書啊！
462
00:29:56,333 --> 00:29:59,041
不是啊！我這次有新的東西說
463
00:29:59,208 --> 00:30:02,500
你爸爸李一飛其實不是你親生爸爸
464
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:04,875
我知道啊，廁所達才是嘛
465
00:30:05,708 --> 00:30:06,750
你怎麼知道？
466
00:30:07,208 --> 00:30:08,291
我今天只是把爸爸打傻了
467
00:30:08,458 --> 00:30:11,250
我沒有打妳啊，妳發什麼神經？
468
00:30:11,416 --> 00:30:12,583
傻？！
469
00:30:15,500 --> 00:30:18,208
打了我的頭
以為我傻了就什麼都不知道
470
00:30:18,416 --> 00:30:21,041
他們兩個奸夫淫婦
將過去的醜事說了出來
471
00:30:21,208 --> 00:30:22,500
我才知道你不是我的兒子！
472
00:30:26,416 --> 00:30:27,791
我就知道事有蹺蹊
473
00:30:28,416 --> 00:30:31,000
我的綽號是台山湯姆克魯斯
474
00:30:31,291 --> 00:30:32,583
男人中的極品
475
00:30:33,375 --> 00:30:34,291
但是…
476
00:30:34,541 --> 00:30:36,250
生的兒子像坨屎一樣
477
00:30:37,208 --> 00:30:38,583
我完全不知道你們在胡扯些什麼
478
00:30:38,750 --> 00:30:41,250
總之我要二百萬
誰給我二百萬，我就認誰做爸爸
479
00:30:41,541 --> 00:30:43,541
-我有二百塊
-二百萬
480
00:30:43,708 --> 00:30:46,041
喂，你回去洗廁所啦！
481
00:30:47,166 --> 00:30:48,250
二十五年前
482
00:30:48,791 --> 00:30:50,666
有一晚，我在庫房裡翻閱色情書籍
483
00:30:51,250 --> 00:30:53,291
你媽媽光溜溜的衝了進來，關了燈
484
00:30:53,458 --> 00:30:54,916
喂…你別亂說！
485
00:30:55,458 --> 00:30:56,750
我那晚有穿襪子
486
00:30:57,208 --> 00:30:58,583
對不起，我記錯了
487
00:30:58,916 --> 00:31:00,416
妳當天穿了一對白襪子
488
00:31:01,791 --> 00:31:02,958
老爺那晚不在家
489
00:31:03,958 --> 00:31:05,791
我一時控制不了就跟你媽媽…
490
00:31:06,791 --> 00:31:08,625
開了燈後，我好後悔
491
00:31:12,291 --> 00:31:14,000
所以說，你看色情書籍幹嘛呢？
492
00:31:14,500 --> 00:31:16,208
但你最好閉嘴，別再胡扯！
493
00:31:16,750 --> 00:31:17,791
別！
494
00:31:18,000 --> 00:31:19,708
兒子打爸爸會給雷劈的啊！
495
00:31:19,875 --> 00:31:21,583
誰說他是我爸爸？妳說是就是啊？
496
00:31:21,750 --> 00:31:22,666
你怎麼證明？
497
00:31:23,125 --> 00:31:24,208
粵語長片都說了
498
00:31:24,416 --> 00:31:26,875
爸爸跪兒子，兒子會暈過去的
499
00:31:27,500 --> 00:31:29,458
是嗎？你跪我，看看我會不會暈？
500
00:31:31,791 --> 00:31:32,791
跪啊！
501
00:31:42,333 --> 00:31:44,000
是不是？暈了…
502
00:31:46,000 --> 00:31:47,791
我沒事，怎麼樣？
503
00:31:48,500 --> 00:31:49,541
你別在這裡搗亂
504
00:31:49,708 --> 00:31:51,625
-我還有大好前途的
-喂！
505
00:31:52,791 --> 00:31:54,333
這裡有張二百萬的支票
506
00:31:54,500 --> 00:31:55,375
如果你認我做爸爸
507
00:31:55,541 --> 00:31:57,208
我前事不計，還陸續有來
508
00:31:57,666 --> 00:31:58,750
不然的話
509
00:31:59,208 --> 00:32:00,208
你知道會怎麼樣吧？
510
00:32:02,166 --> 00:32:03,083
別啊
511
00:32:03,250 --> 00:32:04,541
別拿啊！別…
512
00:32:04,625 --> 00:32:05,791
謝謝爸爸
513
00:32:08,375 --> 00:32:10,500
這樣才對嘛，乖兒子
514
00:32:11,416 --> 00:32:13,375
正所謂，識時務者為俊傑嘛
515
00:32:14,041 --> 00:32:15,500
你這樣是大逆不道啊！
516
00:32:15,583 --> 00:32:16,500
別！
517
00:32:16,666 --> 00:32:17,875
出去！
518
00:32:19,208 --> 00:32:20,125
不認我沒關係
519
00:32:20,291 --> 00:32:21,875
滾開吧！
520
00:32:22,625 --> 00:32:24,750
我從小到大都縱容你，其實是害了你
521
00:32:24,916 --> 00:32:26,291
小心說話，我報警抓你喔
522
00:32:26,375 --> 00:32:27,291
我老實跟你講
523
00:32:27,458 --> 00:32:29,541
你是一個極度令人討厭令人作嘔的人
524
00:32:29,625 --> 00:32:30,458
再說！
525
00:32:31,291 --> 00:32:32,791
我希望你以後會尊重人
526
00:32:32,958 --> 00:32:34,041
人家才會尊重你
527
00:32:34,208 --> 00:32:35,208
曉！
528
00:32:35,750 --> 00:32:37,125
走啦，龜孫子！
529
00:32:37,375 --> 00:32:38,333
你才是龜孫子！
530
00:32:38,666 --> 00:32:40,041
生了你就有權說你！
531
00:32:40,708 --> 00:32:42,083
跟我斗？
532
00:33:10,958 --> 00:33:12,083
喂
533
00:33:13,416 --> 00:33:14,666
懺悔啊？
534
00:33:19,500 --> 00:33:20,666
妳不怕我嗎？
535
00:33:21,083 --> 00:33:22,125
我怕你有牙嗎？
536
00:33:22,291 --> 00:33:23,541
我也有鋼牙啊
537
00:33:26,916 --> 00:33:28,083
你不開心嗎？
538
00:33:28,583 --> 00:33:30,083
我見到妳有辦法開心嗎？
539
00:33:30,625 --> 00:33:32,333
-那我走了
-快點走，謝謝
540
00:33:33,541 --> 00:33:34,583
喂
541
00:33:35,291 --> 00:33:36,291
過來
542
00:33:41,625 --> 00:33:42,750
我有一個朋友
543
00:33:43,583 --> 00:33:45,750
他為了錢不認自己親生爸爸
544
00:33:46,208 --> 00:33:47,750
-然後呢？
-沒事，就這樣
545
00:33:47,916 --> 00:33:49,333
-那我先走了
-喂…
546
00:33:51,791 --> 00:33:53,791
他還把爸爸趕出了家門
547
00:33:54,416 --> 00:33:55,750
而且還踢了他一腳
548
00:33:55,958 --> 00:33:57,625
當時正打雷下雨
549
00:33:59,208 --> 00:34:00,208
妳覺得他這個人怎樣？
550
00:34:00,791 --> 00:34:01,958
禽獸都不如
551
00:34:02,125 --> 00:34:03,291
但是他很帥的
552
00:34:03,458 --> 00:34:04,875
那還好一點
553
00:34:05,166 --> 00:34:06,625
不然就要拉去槍斃了
554
00:34:07,625 --> 00:34:10,458
話說回來，妳覺得我帥嗎？
555
00:34:12,666 --> 00:34:14,458
我蟲蟲向天發誓
556
00:34:14,791 --> 00:34:16,958
你一點都不帥
557
00:34:41,958 --> 00:34:43,291
今晚家裡只有他一個人
558
00:34:44,375 --> 00:34:45,500
他媽的！
559
00:34:48,250 --> 00:34:49,208
行動
560
00:34:55,083 --> 00:34:56,125
真的上門了
561
00:34:59,166 --> 00:35:00,500
你是不是想打911報警？
562
00:35:01,000 --> 00:35:01,916
可不可以啊？
563
00:35:02,500 --> 00:35:03,541
隨便
564
00:35:05,291 --> 00:35:06,666
911的電話號碼是多少呢？
565
00:35:22,208 --> 00:35:23,250
對不起
566
00:35:43,041 --> 00:35:44,041
誰熄燈了？
567
00:35:46,500 --> 00:35:47,541
別走！
568
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:49,041
幹嘛站在這？
569
00:35:49,208 --> 00:35:50,541
我怎麼知道他會撞過來
570
00:35:51,041 --> 00:35:52,041
追他！
571
00:35:53,000 --> 00:35:53,875
這屋子太大了
572
00:35:54,208 --> 00:35:55,208
炸了它吧
573
00:35:59,750 --> 00:36:00,916
我打！
574
00:36:02,583 --> 00:36:03,958
還有！
575
00:36:05,458 --> 00:36:06,708
-好耶
-好耶
576
00:36:06,875 --> 00:36:08,125
話說回來，你回來幹嘛？
577
00:36:08,541 --> 00:36:09,500
我根本沒離開過
578
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:40,958
別動
579
00:36:43,125 --> 00:36:44,125
把槍給我
580
00:36:46,625 --> 00:36:47,791
手別亂動
581
00:36:47,958 --> 00:36:49,125
慢慢遞過來
582
00:36:49,291 --> 00:36:50,291
快點！
583
00:36:52,250 --> 00:36:54,041
別想些壞主意，眼神鬼鬼祟祟的
584
00:36:54,125 --> 00:36:55,541
以為戴副墨鏡我就看不到嗎？
585
00:36:55,750 --> 00:36:56,958
你別亂來！
586
00:36:58,583 --> 00:37:00,291
我叫你把槍給我！
587
00:37:01,500 --> 00:37:02,541
你不是拿著了嗎？
588
00:37:03,125 --> 00:37:04,041
好的！
589
00:37:07,208 --> 00:37:08,041
別動！
590
00:37:08,333 --> 00:37:10,000
別動，你朋友在我手上
591
00:37:10,375 --> 00:37:11,458
我叫你別動啊
592
00:37:11,625 --> 00:37:13,041
你老大在我手上
593
00:37:14,625 --> 00:37:16,416
你別亂來，我們交換人質吧
594
00:37:16,583 --> 00:37:18,416
換你媽，立刻放開我朋友！
595
00:37:18,666 --> 00:37:21,083
不然我一槍打爆他的死人頭
596
00:37:21,916 --> 00:37:23,000
好…
597
00:37:27,125 --> 00:37:28,666
你幹嘛跪下來？
598
00:37:32,666 --> 00:37:34,500
這是我兒子，他受不了
599
00:37:34,666 --> 00:37:35,625
他一跪就暈了
600
00:37:35,708 --> 00:37:37,166
你好，再見！
601
00:37:53,750 --> 00:37:56,500
這個笨蛋，有槍不用，硬是要用炸彈
602
00:37:56,791 --> 00:37:58,083
這次他百密一疏了
603
00:37:58,250 --> 00:37:59,166
你看！
604
00:38:00,583 --> 00:38:01,791
把刀留下了
605
00:38:02,083 --> 00:38:03,416
還記得我們的彈弓廁所啊？
606
00:38:03,583 --> 00:38:04,625
彈王小虎那個？
607
00:38:04,791 --> 00:38:05,625
就在你隔壁
608
00:38:13,583 --> 00:38:14,958
這廁所一次可以彈多少人？
609
00:38:15,125 --> 00:38:16,125
一個
610
00:38:20,500 --> 00:38:23,041
不怕，還有幾個小時
彈完一個，還有一個
611
00:38:26,041 --> 00:38:26,916
戴眼鏡吧！
612
00:38:27,083 --> 00:38:28,208
只剩十秒
613
00:38:29,416 --> 00:38:30,666
這刀可斬不斷這條鍊
614
00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:32,333
你斬了我的手自己走吧
615
00:38:32,625 --> 00:38:33,791
這不用你教！
616
00:38:41,125 --> 00:38:42,458
我這輩子都沒好好對待過你
617
00:38:43,625 --> 00:38:44,791
這次該扯平了吧？
618
00:38:46,250 --> 00:38:47,458
爸爸
619
00:38:49,208 --> 00:38:50,125
兒子
620
00:38:50,416 --> 00:38:51,291
坐下吧！
621
00:39:15,500 --> 00:39:17,291
蟲蟲，妳沒事吧？
622
00:39:18,541 --> 00:39:19,708
我沒事
623
00:39:29,041 --> 00:39:30,083
妳做惡夢了？
624
00:39:30,291 --> 00:39:31,166
是啊
625
00:39:31,416 --> 00:39:34,791
我夢到李澤星給人炸到粉身碎骨
626
00:39:35,416 --> 00:39:36,916
好可怕
627
00:39:39,208 --> 00:39:40,916
妳不是討厭他的嗎？
628
00:39:41,458 --> 00:39:43,250
為什麼做夢都會夢見他？
629
00:39:44,125 --> 00:39:45,750
我確實挺討厭他的
630
00:39:47,208 --> 00:39:50,500
我記得了，有個心理學家說
631
00:39:51,041 --> 00:39:54,375
最吸引女人的就是那些壞男人了
632
00:39:56,791 --> 00:39:58,666
其實他也不是很壞
633
00:39:59,208 --> 00:40:01,333
他今天還會去教堂懺悔
634
00:40:01,791 --> 00:40:04,791
他只是固執，怕我笑他
635
00:40:05,791 --> 00:40:09,041
他挺可憐的，一個朋友都沒有
636
00:40:10,083 --> 00:40:12,791
其實，他是個聰明人
637
00:40:13,041 --> 00:40:13,916
不然的話
638
00:40:14,166 --> 00:40:16,458
怎麼可以想到這麼多整人的主意？
639
00:40:20,041 --> 00:40:22,500
-喂？我是
-請姜司教授聽電話
640
00:40:22,708 --> 00:40:24,083
有個病人叫李澤星
641
00:40:24,250 --> 00:40:25,625
他給人炸到粉身碎骨
642
00:40:25,708 --> 00:40:26,708
請你快點回醫院
643
00:40:26,875 --> 00:40:27,875
叔叔，怎麼了？
644
00:40:30,541 --> 00:40:32,166
原來妳不是做夢
645
00:40:32,875 --> 00:40:34,125
是真的
646
00:40:56,750 --> 00:40:57,958
教授…
647
00:40:58,125 --> 00:41:00,083
-我兒子怎麼樣？
-你冷靜點
648
00:41:00,541 --> 00:41:02,375
從一般的醫學角度來講
649
00:41:02,875 --> 00:41:04,125
你的兒子已經死了
650
00:41:06,583 --> 00:41:08,000
但是對我來說
651
00:41:08,291 --> 00:41:09,458
他只是死了一半
652
00:41:09,875 --> 00:41:10,833
那怎麼樣？
653
00:41:15,666 --> 00:41:17,500
爸爸，是不是你來了？
654
00:41:19,750 --> 00:41:21,375
-怎麼只剩下他的嘴巴？
-是啊
655
00:41:21,791 --> 00:41:23,041
教授沒跟你說嗎？
656
00:41:23,958 --> 00:41:25,000
我全身被炸碎了
657
00:41:25,166 --> 00:41:26,750
只剩下腦子跟嘴巴
658
00:41:27,458 --> 00:41:28,375
你先休息
659
00:41:29,666 --> 00:41:30,541
別說話了
660
00:41:31,041 --> 00:41:33,791
我講一個好消息跟一個壞消息給你聽
661
00:41:33,875 --> 00:41:34,750
咩啊？
662
00:41:34,833 --> 00:41:37,958
好消息，就是我跟你提過的人造器官
663
00:41:38,291 --> 00:41:40,083
美國政府發明出來了
664
00:41:40,458 --> 00:41:41,958
他們可以保留兩樣東西
665
00:41:42,250 --> 00:41:44,791
其他呢，全部用人造器官代替
666
00:41:45,166 --> 00:41:47,250
可以幫你兒子安裝回一個一模一樣的
667
00:41:47,416 --> 00:41:48,875
那就快點安裝啊…
668
00:41:49,333 --> 00:41:51,791
這位昆西醫生，是這裡的主治醫生
669
00:41:52,291 --> 00:41:54,583
昆西醫生？你好…
670
00:41:54,791 --> 00:41:55,958
這是我兒子
671
00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:57,208
拜託你幫忙救他的命吧
672
00:41:57,375 --> 00:41:59,750
先聽我說，還有個壞消息
673
00:42:00,166 --> 00:42:03,500
要給他六千萬美金，才肯做手術的
674
00:42:04,041 --> 00:42:05,708
對不起，我沒有那麼多錢
675
00:42:06,583 --> 00:42:08,000
沒錢沒商量！
676
00:42:09,208 --> 00:42:11,625
不怕，我打給他的便宜爸爸
677
00:42:13,791 --> 00:42:15,291
我明白了，老爺
678
00:42:16,041 --> 00:42:17,375
你自己跟他說吧
679
00:42:22,916 --> 00:42:24,125
阿星！錢我大把
680
00:42:24,291 --> 00:42:25,458
但是不准你再見廁所達
681
00:42:25,625 --> 00:42:26,958
不然的話，我跟你脫離父子關係
682
00:42:27,041 --> 00:42:28,291
最多以後有空出來喝茶聊天
683
00:42:28,958 --> 00:42:31,083
其實我這幾天想清楚了，李先生
684
00:42:31,333 --> 00:42:32,583
我們還是有空出來喝茶聊天好了
685
00:42:32,791 --> 00:42:34,125
好，既然你死性不改
686
00:42:34,291 --> 00:42:35,500
你以後自生自滅吧！
687
00:42:39,791 --> 00:42:40,958
你為什麼那麼笨？
688
00:42:41,166 --> 00:42:43,125
天啊，他們簡直在浪費我時間
689
00:42:43,291 --> 00:42:44,333
真不敢相信
690
00:42:44,791 --> 00:42:47,750
怎麼這麼現實？真是一點人情味都沒
691
00:42:49,583 --> 00:42:51,791
兒子，六千萬我沒有，六千塊可能有
692
00:42:53,583 --> 00:42:54,875
你真的有六千塊？
693
00:42:55,250 --> 00:42:56,750
好，我吃虧點幫你弄
694
00:42:56,916 --> 00:42:58,666
有貴的當然也有便宜的
695
00:42:58,833 --> 00:43:00,125
敢不敢賭一賭？
696
00:43:18,166 --> 00:43:19,208
抹汗！
697
00:43:21,458 --> 00:43:22,416
好
698
00:43:31,333 --> 00:43:32,333
好了！
699
00:43:34,000 --> 00:43:35,083
辛苦了…
700
00:43:36,208 --> 00:43:37,875
-趁熱吃吧
-好啊…
701
00:43:38,041 --> 00:43:40,875
我煮的牛肉麵，包你吃到流口水！
702
00:43:43,750 --> 00:43:45,500
那臭小子滿臉陰雲，先給他吃吧
703
00:43:48,458 --> 00:43:51,166
好了，乖兒子，這碗麵你先吃吧
704
00:43:51,541 --> 00:43:52,500
哪有心情啊？
705
00:43:52,666 --> 00:43:54,583
手術算是成功的
706
00:43:55,333 --> 00:43:57,750
他會恢復的跟以前差不多
707
00:43:57,916 --> 00:43:59,208
除了樣子嘛
708
00:43:59,541 --> 00:44:01,375
國字口面而已嘛，有性格啊
709
00:44:02,375 --> 00:44:03,625
那會不會太帥了啊？
710
00:44:03,791 --> 00:44:04,791
沒什麼啊
711
00:44:04,958 --> 00:44:06,333
你看看我再說嘛
712
00:44:06,500 --> 00:44:08,583
看什麼看？我都還沒吃麵
713
00:44:08,750 --> 00:44:09,666
大家天地良心吧
714
00:44:09,791 --> 00:44:10,708
這樣也說得過去？
715
00:44:10,875 --> 00:44:12,750
便宜貨嘛，將就一下吧
716
00:44:12,833 --> 00:44:13,708
那我自殺好了
717
00:44:13,875 --> 00:44:15,500
喂…你倒不用那麼偏激
718
00:44:15,666 --> 00:44:17,916
喂，教授，這的確說不過去
719
00:44:18,083 --> 00:44:20,208
幫幫忙，再弄一下吧
720
00:44:26,458 --> 00:44:27,958
你看，端正多了
721
00:44:28,083 --> 00:44:29,458
跟以前一模一樣啊
722
00:44:29,625 --> 00:44:30,625
謝謝你，教授
723
00:44:30,708 --> 00:44:33,083
-應該的
-但是我覺得好像有長短手
724
00:44:33,250 --> 00:44:34,958
大家都有長短手啊
725
00:44:35,125 --> 00:44:37,291
但也沒有差那麼多的吧？
726
00:44:37,750 --> 00:44:38,833
怎麼辦？
727
00:44:41,791 --> 00:44:44,375
便宜貨嘛，將就一下吧
728
00:44:44,833 --> 00:44:45,833
那我自殺好了
729
00:44:46,958 --> 00:44:47,875
教授！
730
00:44:48,000 --> 00:44:49,458
你現在是不是在整我們兩父子？
731
00:44:49,541 --> 00:44:51,041
這麼短你也敢交貨？
732
00:44:51,208 --> 00:44:52,166
你當我們是笨蛋嗎？
733
00:44:52,333 --> 00:44:53,416
冷靜點…
734
00:44:53,583 --> 00:44:55,375
-冷靜點？怎麼冷靜？
-再信我一次…
735
00:44:55,541 --> 00:44:56,750
再信你一次是嗎？
736
00:44:57,875 --> 00:44:59,083
你真幸運
737
00:44:59,250 --> 00:45:01,708
醫院這個月丟了幾百對手進垃圾桶
738
00:45:01,875 --> 00:45:03,791
我終於找到了一雙最完美的給你
739
00:45:03,958 --> 00:45:05,000
你試試用力看
740
00:45:05,291 --> 00:45:06,125
-可以了
-可以了嗎？
741
00:45:06,291 --> 00:45:07,416
-可以了！
-可以了！
742
00:45:16,333 --> 00:45:18,750
對不起，這個月丟的
743
00:45:19,000 --> 00:45:20,083
只剩下手
744
00:45:22,625 --> 00:45:24,000
便宜貨嘛
745
00:45:24,375 --> 00:45:25,791
將就一下吧
746
00:45:36,666 --> 00:45:37,583
左手
747
00:45:39,125 --> 00:45:40,416
右腳
748
00:45:42,708 --> 00:45:43,666
好…
749
00:45:44,166 --> 00:45:45,208
恭喜教授
750
00:45:46,083 --> 00:45:47,791
終於成功了！
751
00:45:48,166 --> 00:45:50,041
我都說可以了，是不是？
752
00:45:50,875 --> 00:45:51,750
恭喜！
753
00:45:53,750 --> 00:45:54,666
停！
754
00:45:54,958 --> 00:45:56,291
我停不到了！
755
00:45:56,458 --> 00:45:57,750
去你媽的！
756
00:46:05,458 --> 00:46:07,000
他要跳到什麼時候？
757
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:09,083
看來
758
00:46:09,208 --> 00:46:10,791
要沒電才會停了
759
00:46:13,666 --> 00:46:15,500
停了，沒電了…
760
00:46:17,166 --> 00:46:18,333
來…
761
00:46:18,791 --> 00:46:20,250
這些電子器官剛剛開始還沒適應
762
00:46:20,416 --> 00:46:21,333
失控是難免的
763
00:46:21,500 --> 00:46:22,541
遲點就沒事了
764
00:46:24,375 --> 00:46:26,125
還有啊，你以後餐餐得吃電池
765
00:46:26,291 --> 00:46:27,208
千萬別濕身
766
00:46:27,375 --> 00:46:29,791
不然的話，全身就會癱瘓
767
00:46:30,333 --> 00:46:31,291
急尿
768
00:46:31,500 --> 00:46:32,375
請便
769
00:46:32,541 --> 00:46:33,500
只能吃電池？
770
00:46:34,166 --> 00:46:35,791
這是什麼？
771
00:46:36,208 --> 00:46:39,375
這個是排尿器，用完記得關掉
772
00:46:41,208 --> 00:46:42,958
你也找個像樣點的嘛
773
00:46:43,083 --> 00:46:44,875
-喂，拉屎怎麼辦？
-也是用這個
774
00:46:45,041 --> 00:46:45,958
你…
775
00:46:48,208 --> 00:46:49,875
別暈啊
776
00:46:50,583 --> 00:46:52,958
我還有一塊電子晶片沒輸入你的腦裡
777
00:46:53,125 --> 00:46:54,250
輸入後
778
00:46:54,541 --> 00:46:56,791
你的電子器官模仿功能就會啟動
779
00:46:57,291 --> 00:46:58,791
到時候就可以千變萬化
780
00:46:58,958 --> 00:47:01,375
理論上，可以變成任何東西
781
00:47:01,750 --> 00:47:03,166
我只是想讓這裡變回以前那樣
782
00:47:03,250 --> 00:47:04,166
也行
783
00:47:04,333 --> 00:47:05,500
那你為什麼不快點弄？
784
00:47:05,583 --> 00:47:06,625
不過我還沒發明出來
785
00:47:06,791 --> 00:47:07,666
你！
786
00:47:08,083 --> 00:47:09,083
噴你也行
787
00:47:09,416 --> 00:47:11,208
喂，別…
788
00:47:11,291 --> 00:47:12,291
噴他…
789
00:47:13,750 --> 00:47:14,625
別啊！
790
00:47:18,833 --> 00:47:21,541
阿星，山口組在這裡的勢力很大
791
00:47:21,750 --> 00:47:22,791
而且心狠手辣
792
00:47:23,041 --> 00:47:24,416
萬一富田知道你沒死
793
00:47:24,583 --> 00:47:25,625
一定會再來的
794
00:47:26,000 --> 00:47:28,125
所以我明天會幫你舉行一個假葬禮
795
00:47:28,416 --> 00:47:30,333
而你就盡快離開這裡回香港
796
00:47:30,583 --> 00:47:31,916
以後別再回來
797
00:47:55,583 --> 00:47:58,125
當今世上居然會有人為我流眼淚
798
00:48:01,458 --> 00:48:02,458
我會記住的
799
00:48:15,250 --> 00:48:16,458
喂，老友…
800
00:48:16,791 --> 00:48:18,583
這棟樓就快拆了，你還沒搬啊？
801
00:48:19,291 --> 00:48:21,583
快走了…警官，進去收拾東西就走了
802
00:48:21,750 --> 00:48:22,625
快點走的好
803
00:48:30,583 --> 00:48:32,375
又給雨淋濕了吧？
804
00:48:33,000 --> 00:48:34,291
動到水就動不了
805
00:48:34,458 --> 00:48:36,208
這手手腳腳也不知道放到哪了
806
00:48:36,333 --> 00:48:37,500
我都不想做人了
807
00:48:37,666 --> 00:48:39,666
別費話，搽點機油就沒事了
808
00:48:39,791 --> 00:48:40,791
幹嘛拗到我這樣？
809
00:48:40,875 --> 00:48:41,916
把手指給我
810
00:48:42,500 --> 00:48:43,500
這樣吧
811
00:48:43,666 --> 00:48:45,000
別玩啦
812
00:48:45,166 --> 00:48:47,875
我尿急，你幫我放一放水吧
813
00:48:48,041 --> 00:48:49,125
好啦…
814
00:48:49,666 --> 00:48:52,208
我拿出來了，但被你踩在下面了
815
00:48:53,541 --> 00:48:54,541
不好意思
816
00:48:56,666 --> 00:48:57,875
怎麼換成了蓮蓬頭？
817
00:48:58,416 --> 00:49:00,500
舊的那個阻塞了
每次上廁所都從耳朵出來
818
00:49:00,666 --> 00:49:01,791
有什麼辦法不換？
819
00:49:05,250 --> 00:49:06,125
沒有啊？
820
00:49:07,750 --> 00:49:09,791
還不是從耳朵出？一樣阻塞
821
00:49:09,958 --> 00:49:12,041
是嗎？那你幫我吹通它吧，謝謝
822
00:49:13,625 --> 00:49:14,916
等下你得空再自己吹吧
823
00:49:15,083 --> 00:49:15,958
先停一停
824
00:49:19,250 --> 00:49:20,166
好了…
825
00:49:22,583 --> 00:49:23,875
吃飯…
826
00:49:27,041 --> 00:49:28,541
爸爸今天被人炒魷魚了
827
00:49:30,625 --> 00:49:32,250
這裡多兩天就拆了
828
00:49:32,458 --> 00:49:34,541
到時候我們早點去公園訂個風水位
829
00:49:36,458 --> 00:49:38,500
聽說，最近這公園有變態色魔出沒
830
00:49:38,666 --> 00:49:40,958
專門抓你這種年輕小子姦污
831
00:49:42,041 --> 00:49:43,291
來，加點番茄醬吧
832
00:49:45,416 --> 00:49:47,625
天天吃這個，真想換換口味
833
00:49:47,958 --> 00:49:49,916
好啊，明天給你買環保電池吧
834
00:49:50,500 --> 00:49:51,708
那不如買兩支滴露吧
835
00:49:51,875 --> 00:49:53,125
我跟你一人一支喝了它
836
00:49:53,208 --> 00:49:54,375
一了百了算了
837
00:49:59,541 --> 00:50:00,916
小虎？什麼風把你吹來了？
838
00:50:01,208 --> 00:50:02,583
星，我幫你找了一份工
839
00:50:02,916 --> 00:50:03,916
有這種事？
840
00:50:04,416 --> 00:50:05,625
是做生物教師的
841
00:50:05,958 --> 00:50:07,750
你跟著這個地址去學校哪裡
842
00:50:07,916 --> 00:50:09,958
8點鐘，我已經幫你安排好了
843
00:50:10,916 --> 00:50:12,125
一個月有一萬多塊的
844
00:50:12,500 --> 00:50:13,416
小虎
845
00:50:13,500 --> 00:50:15,166
我以前這樣對你，你還對我這樣好
846
00:50:15,333 --> 00:50:16,333
我…
847
00:50:16,500 --> 00:50:19,000
傻的嗎？以前的事就別再提了
848
00:50:19,166 --> 00:50:20,291
大家都是成年人
849
00:50:20,416 --> 00:50:21,958
小虎！
850
00:50:22,458 --> 00:50:23,583
好好做吧
851
00:50:32,208 --> 00:50:35,958
（計程車）
852
00:50:37,416 --> 00:50:38,333
喂，找錢啊
853
00:50:41,458 --> 00:50:42,375
差了五毛錢
854
00:50:43,500 --> 00:50:44,458
還差五毛錢
855
00:50:45,500 --> 00:50:47,208
-你在這裡教書嗎？
-好說
856
00:50:48,250 --> 00:50:50,416
給多你一塊
好讓你等下有錢打電話報警
857
00:50:59,125 --> 00:51:01,208
早安，我是新來的生物教員
858
00:51:02,125 --> 00:51:03,375
我有不祥的預感
859
00:51:03,791 --> 00:51:04,958
實在太平靜了！
860
00:51:05,541 --> 00:51:07,333
是！環境相當不錯
861
00:51:08,041 --> 00:51:09,291
你太疏忽了！
862
00:51:10,208 --> 00:51:12,250
這裡號稱全港教師墳墓
863
00:51:12,791 --> 00:51:13,666
教員受傷
864
00:51:13,875 --> 00:51:15,916
半身不遂的比例是57%
865
00:51:16,416 --> 00:51:18,500
每天上學都不可以太疏忽
866
00:51:19,708 --> 00:51:21,791
其實我以前也是一個無惡不作的學生
867
00:51:22,291 --> 00:51:23,291
卑鄙是我的花名
868
00:51:23,458 --> 00:51:24,500
無耻是我的真名
869
00:51:24,666 --> 00:51:26,000
正所謂有什麼沒見過？
870
00:51:26,166 --> 00:51:29,625
蠢材！我以前的綽號是地獄之王教員
871
00:51:30,208 --> 00:51:31,125
現在在這裡
872
00:51:31,333 --> 00:51:32,541
只是條可憐蟲！
873
00:51:44,333 --> 00:51:45,500
老師，早安
874
00:51:46,458 --> 00:51:48,000
早安
875
00:51:48,333 --> 00:51:49,166
老師，早安
876
00:51:49,291 --> 00:51:50,125
乖女孩
877
00:51:50,375 --> 00:51:51,625
-你新來的嗎？
-是啊
878
00:51:51,791 --> 00:51:52,625
不如我帶你去教務處吧
879
00:51:52,791 --> 00:51:53,791
好啊
880
00:51:54,916 --> 00:51:56,583
-這裡就是啦
-不是吧？
881
00:51:56,666 --> 00:51:57,541
拜拜
882
00:51:57,625 --> 00:51:58,625
小心！
883
00:52:17,500 --> 00:52:18,541
你有點本事嘛
884
00:52:18,791 --> 00:52:19,750
看來這裡安全點
885
00:52:19,916 --> 00:52:21,208
有時候，越安全就越危險
886
00:52:32,958 --> 00:52:34,416
你說在這裡教書有57%會重傷
887
00:52:34,541 --> 00:52:35,916
那剩下的43%呢？
888
00:52:36,083 --> 00:52:37,333
23%死亡
889
00:52:37,750 --> 00:52:39,250
11%神經失常
890
00:52:39,500 --> 00:52:41,250
只有9%可以忍辱偷生
891
00:52:41,916 --> 00:52:43,291
先生，怎麼你也搞成這樣？
892
00:52:43,583 --> 00:52:44,458
-老師
-不要怕
893
00:52:44,625 --> 00:52:46,500
他是長毛，學生中的叛徒
894
00:52:46,666 --> 00:52:47,583
專門來通風報信的
895
00:52:47,750 --> 00:52:49,291
不需要穿褲的叛徒嗎？
896
00:52:49,458 --> 00:52:51,375
就是被人看穿了才要脫褲
897
00:52:51,625 --> 00:52:53,041
他們說，今天有個新來的老師
898
00:52:53,208 --> 00:52:54,708
要讓他死無葬身之地
899
00:52:55,166 --> 00:52:56,250
那個不是你吧？
900
00:52:57,875 --> 00:52:58,791
還真要見識一下
901
00:53:36,500 --> 00:53:37,500
我跟你說
902
00:53:38,125 --> 00:53:39,875
我以前也是一個狼心狗肺
903
00:53:39,958 --> 00:53:41,791
就如禽獸的…
904
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:43,125
老師！
905
00:53:43,541 --> 00:53:44,458
怎麼了？
906
00:53:44,791 --> 00:53:45,875
請問你是什麼血型？
907
00:54:05,291 --> 00:54:06,208
鄧先生
908
00:54:06,375 --> 00:54:08,625
今年我們聖貴族國際學校的盈利呢
909
00:54:08,708 --> 00:54:10,583
比去年升了100%
910
00:54:10,750 --> 00:54:11,791
我身為校長
911
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:14,208
可以向校董會有所交代了
912
00:54:14,375 --> 00:54:16,000
明年我們每級加多兩班
913
00:54:16,166 --> 00:54:18,333
學費雜費再加50%
914
00:54:18,791 --> 00:54:20,416
我們一個月收一萬七千塊了耶
915
00:54:20,583 --> 00:54:22,333
這班學生哪是來讀書的？
916
00:54:22,541 --> 00:54:24,625
他們的爸爸都是有錢人
917
00:54:24,791 --> 00:54:25,666
只要有學校肯收他們
918
00:54:25,791 --> 00:54:27,791
可以讓他們去到美國野雞大學讀書
919
00:54:28,000 --> 00:54:29,541
-多少錢都願意給
-那倒是
920
00:54:29,708 --> 00:54:31,750
還有，如果明年的盈利多一點
921
00:54:31,916 --> 00:54:33,500
我要申請上市
922
00:54:33,750 --> 00:54:35,875
這樣啊？鄧先生，有高見…
923
00:54:37,875 --> 00:54:40,291
喂，爸爸，有個笨老師給學生打慘了
924
00:54:40,541 --> 00:54:41,375
有這種事？
925
00:54:41,750 --> 00:54:43,500
打開門做生意是這樣的了
926
00:54:43,708 --> 00:54:46,333
是啊，學生是我們的客人嘛
927
00:54:46,500 --> 00:54:49,250
舞廳的舞孃每晚也得笑面迎人
928
00:54:49,416 --> 00:54:51,416
但是舞孃不用給人打啊
929
00:54:51,583 --> 00:54:53,541
但是要給人非禮啊，不就是被打？
930
00:54:53,708 --> 00:54:55,875
是啊，所以你以後當自己是舞孃吧
931
00:54:56,208 --> 00:54:57,166
我不做舞孃
932
00:54:58,250 --> 00:54:59,333
我是老鴇啊！
933
00:54:59,708 --> 00:55:02,458
我是老鴇啊…
934
00:55:13,625 --> 00:55:14,625
你不識字嗎？
935
00:55:14,791 --> 00:55:16,291
狗與老師不得入內啊！
936
00:55:16,458 --> 00:55:17,458
打扁他！
937
00:55:19,666 --> 00:55:23,500
（美男子不得入內）
938
00:55:27,125 --> 00:55:28,375
又不能進去？
939
00:55:49,583 --> 00:55:51,500
受不了…
940
00:55:56,333 --> 00:55:57,958
（校長）
941
00:55:58,250 --> 00:55:59,583
是校長，快走！
942
00:56:01,833 --> 00:56:04,375
救命啊，校長！救命啊
943
00:56:05,125 --> 00:56:07,375
-好好做吧，久了你就習慣了
-快啊！
944
00:56:19,666 --> 00:56:21,291
喂，你們看
945
00:56:41,791 --> 00:56:42,791
妳好
946
00:56:43,125 --> 00:56:44,291
你好
947
00:56:44,958 --> 00:56:45,958
我還沒死
948
00:56:47,333 --> 00:56:48,708
叔叔早就跟我說過了
949
00:56:49,083 --> 00:56:49,958
妳好…
950
00:56:51,125 --> 00:56:52,708
你就是今天新來的老師，是嗎？
951
00:56:53,250 --> 00:56:54,791
是啊，妳好
952
00:56:55,250 --> 00:56:56,208
需不需要幫忙？
953
00:56:56,666 --> 00:56:58,583
不用，我挺好的
954
00:56:58,916 --> 00:56:59,916
那你教得如何？
955
00:57:01,250 --> 00:57:02,500
到現在為止還挺好的
956
00:57:04,791 --> 00:57:06,166
你是教園藝的嗎？
957
00:57:08,958 --> 00:57:09,875
這個蓮蓬頭…
958
00:57:10,041 --> 00:57:11,958
不…小心看著
959
00:57:12,125 --> 00:57:14,333
很骯髒的，妳知道的，蓮蓬頭嘛
960
00:57:14,916 --> 00:57:15,875
好
961
00:57:19,666 --> 00:57:20,875
蟲蟲
962
00:57:22,291 --> 00:57:23,666
有人來接我了，走先啦
963
00:57:23,875 --> 00:57:24,791
是嗎？
964
00:57:25,708 --> 00:57:26,916
-拜拜
-拜拜
965
00:57:44,333 --> 00:57:46,375
老師，怎麼搞成這樣？
966
00:57:46,708 --> 00:57:47,583
到現在為止還挺好的
967
00:57:47,750 --> 00:57:49,250
這麼好？那就繼續吧
968
00:57:49,458 --> 00:57:50,708
我是你的話，就死了算了
969
00:57:52,166 --> 00:57:53,375
就照你說的做吧
970
00:57:58,791 --> 00:58:03,500
（滴露）
971
00:58:06,500 --> 00:58:08,250
不是吧？從這裡漏出來？
972
00:58:24,416 --> 00:58:26,000
被電了還更清醒，媽的
973
00:58:31,375 --> 00:58:34,083
有本事就讓我跳樓都不死！
974
00:58:53,750 --> 00:58:56,250
（中央處理器、計時儀器
速度、眼睛）
975
00:58:56,750 --> 00:58:59,291
（引擎、力矩、材質、溫度、感應）
976
00:58:59,625 --> 00:59:02,208
（輔助處理器、IGF控制、材質
引擎、力矩、溫度、推力）
977
00:59:02,541 --> 00:59:05,250
（引擎、力矩、材質
溫度、推力、速度）
978
00:59:06,166 --> 00:59:07,458
終於成功了！
979
00:59:07,875 --> 00:59:09,125
成功了！
980
00:59:21,333 --> 00:59:22,458
你知不知道…
981
00:59:22,958 --> 00:59:27,291
我已經發明出那超級霹靂無敵的晶片
982
00:59:28,041 --> 00:59:29,375
就在千鈞一髮的時候
983
00:59:29,541 --> 00:59:31,083
我把它丟進了你的嘴巴
984
00:59:31,958 --> 00:59:34,958
你現在變成一個72變的超人了
985
00:59:35,458 --> 00:59:37,458
可以維護世界和平
986
00:59:38,083 --> 00:59:39,000
什麼？
987
00:59:39,166 --> 00:59:40,666
可以維護世界和平！
988
00:59:40,875 --> 00:59:41,708
可以什麼？
989
00:59:42,458 --> 00:59:44,000
可以維護世界和平！
990
00:59:45,083 --> 00:59:46,000
你去哪裡？
991
00:59:46,541 --> 00:59:50,166
我去殲滅銀河系五大行星的侵略者
992
00:59:51,291 --> 00:59:52,708
你呢？去哪裡？
993
00:59:52,875 --> 00:59:53,791
我沒有那麼厲害
994
00:59:54,000 --> 00:59:55,125
我想回去自殺
995
00:59:55,291 --> 00:59:57,000
你先聽我講完嘛
996
00:59:57,250 --> 00:59:59,166
雖然你全身是便宜貨
997
00:59:59,416 --> 01:00:01,208
但是只要有這塊晶片
998
01:00:01,500 --> 01:00:03,250
模仿器就會自動啟動
999
01:00:03,625 --> 01:00:05,625
到時候能源就會源源不絕
1000
01:00:05,791 --> 01:00:07,791
你真的可以變成其他的東西
1001
01:00:08,166 --> 01:00:09,666
那我可以變成電飯煲嗎？
1002
01:00:09,791 --> 01:00:11,875
可以！只要你想就可以
1003
01:00:12,500 --> 01:00:14,666
別玩了教授，你還小嗎？
1004
01:00:18,500 --> 01:00:19,666
你自己照照鏡子吧
1005
01:00:20,791 --> 01:00:21,916
怎麼這樣？
1006
01:00:22,541 --> 01:00:23,541
相信我了吧？
1007
01:00:24,291 --> 01:00:26,000
想變回人就想想自己
1008
01:00:26,250 --> 01:00:27,791
教授，這個不是我兒子吧？
1009
01:00:28,208 --> 01:00:29,375
變回原型給他看
1010
01:00:40,291 --> 01:00:41,708
有這種事？真是的
1011
01:00:42,125 --> 01:00:43,625
別浪費…
1012
01:00:44,458 --> 01:00:46,541
教授，怎麼只有米飯？
1013
01:00:46,708 --> 01:00:47,708
可以變點菜嗎？
1014
01:00:49,208 --> 01:00:50,708
變了…
1015
01:00:53,625 --> 01:00:56,375
臭小子，你變一條牙膏想嚇死我嗎？
1016
01:00:56,458 --> 01:00:57,666
剛剛想到刷牙就變這樣了
1017
01:00:57,791 --> 01:00:59,666
別說這麼多，先變條金條出來再說
1018
01:01:00,125 --> 01:01:03,000
對不起！他目前頂多變牙膏
1019
01:01:07,583 --> 01:01:08,916
剛開始不習慣
1020
01:01:09,000 --> 01:01:10,583
是變不了那麼多東西的
1021
01:01:10,791 --> 01:01:13,500
不過沒關係，你先休息一下
1022
01:01:13,875 --> 01:01:15,583
就可以變回自己了
1023
01:01:16,250 --> 01:01:17,666
我花了一生的精力
1024
01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:20,708
將《黃老太家庭用品大全》
1025
01:01:20,875 --> 01:01:22,583
輸入了你的電腦
1026
01:01:23,791 --> 01:01:25,041
接下來呢
1027
01:01:25,416 --> 01:01:28,750
你就可以變很多有趣的東西了
1028
01:01:29,500 --> 01:01:31,916
《黃老太家庭用品大全》
有什麼厲害的東西啊？
1029
01:01:32,250 --> 01:01:33,083
是啊…
1030
01:01:33,250 --> 01:01:36,083
有啊！有很多很厲害的呢
1031
01:01:36,250 --> 01:01:38,791
就好像，有個馬桶，又新又…
1032
01:01:38,875 --> 01:01:40,416
夠了，別再講了
1033
01:01:41,291 --> 01:01:42,291
喂
1034
01:01:42,625 --> 01:01:43,541
這支是西人牙膏
1035
01:01:43,708 --> 01:01:46,625
-你這黑人用黑人牙膏好點
-我也是西人啊
1036
01:01:46,958 --> 01:01:48,250
你是西黑人
1037
01:01:48,583 --> 01:01:49,708
坐下！
1038
01:01:50,041 --> 01:01:50,875
幹
1039
01:01:51,500 --> 01:01:53,291
這位呢，就是美國來的…
1040
01:01:53,375 --> 01:01:55,333
美國聯邦調查局的密探
布萊克史通先生
1041
01:01:55,541 --> 01:01:57,958
他希望這次可以帶你回美國
1042
01:01:58,125 --> 01:02:00,291
指證山口組的富田
1043
01:02:00,625 --> 01:02:03,416
不好吧，上次還沒做就給他炸了
1044
01:02:03,583 --> 01:02:04,625
這次死定了
1045
01:02:04,791 --> 01:02:05,666
你都變這樣了
1046
01:02:05,791 --> 01:02:09,125
正所謂人不像人，鬼不像鬼
1047
01:02:09,333 --> 01:02:11,125
你還有什麼可以擔心的啊？
1048
01:02:11,458 --> 01:02:13,125
都是你的錯，又不見你給我點好處
1049
01:02:13,291 --> 01:02:15,416
給我弄什麼家庭用品
害我現在這個樣子
1050
01:02:15,583 --> 01:02:18,083
你說，給蟲蟲見到多丟臉？
1051
01:02:18,166 --> 01:02:19,500
你不需要擔心
1052
01:02:19,791 --> 01:02:20,791
今晚校董的兒子
1053
01:02:21,000 --> 01:02:23,750
已經約了蟲蟲上山頂餐廳相親
1054
01:02:23,833 --> 01:02:24,916
你說什麼？
1055
01:02:25,291 --> 01:02:27,625
阿爸，立刻擠完我的牙膏
1056
01:02:27,791 --> 01:02:29,541
讓我膏盡人亡而死
1057
01:02:29,708 --> 01:02:30,791
死什麼死？
1058
01:02:31,041 --> 01:02:32,875
你問過爸爸了嗎？
1059
01:02:33,041 --> 01:02:34,625
你知道你現在有多重要嗎？
1060
01:02:34,791 --> 01:02:37,708
全世界只有你一個
可以變成一支西人牙膏
1061
01:02:37,875 --> 01:02:40,166
你說，給蟲蟲知道
她以後可以免費刷牙
1062
01:02:40,333 --> 01:02:41,875
還不快點送上門？
1063
01:02:42,208 --> 01:02:44,041
你將來還會維護世界和平
1064
01:02:44,208 --> 01:02:46,083
現在竟然跟我說要死？
1065
01:02:46,583 --> 01:02:47,750
那我現在應該幹嘛？
1066
01:02:47,916 --> 01:02:49,500
你說呢？
1067
01:02:52,708 --> 01:02:55,041
你現在在哪？我在等你開飯
1068
01:02:55,208 --> 01:02:56,333
我現在在山頂，親愛的
1069
01:02:56,500 --> 01:02:57,541
那還不回來？
1070
01:02:58,083 --> 01:02:59,166
我快回去了
1071
01:03:02,375 --> 01:03:03,458
我看到一支牙膏
1072
01:03:03,833 --> 01:03:04,916
什麼牙膏？
1073
01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:08,083
好大一支西人牙膏啊！
1074
01:03:10,125 --> 01:03:11,125
喂？
1075
01:03:19,875 --> 01:03:21,000
乾杯
1076
01:03:21,750 --> 01:03:23,208
我們阿尊整天說
1077
01:03:23,375 --> 01:03:25,875
姜小姐妳又大方又漂亮
1078
01:03:26,791 --> 01:03:27,791
他只是在開我玩笑
1079
01:03:28,000 --> 01:03:30,750
他幾年前還叫我四眼鋼牙妹的
1080
01:03:31,583 --> 01:03:33,708
那就真是女大十八變了！
對吧？阿尊爸爸
1081
01:03:34,083 --> 01:03:36,625
進了我們鄧家門，穿著就得莊重點
1082
01:03:37,041 --> 01:03:38,541
我們家規很嚴的
1083
01:03:39,416 --> 01:03:42,500
你講話怎麼這麼直接？嚇著人家了
1084
01:03:42,791 --> 01:03:44,083
不好意思…
1085
01:03:45,083 --> 01:03:46,833
-我去一下洗手間
-好啊
1086
01:03:47,500 --> 01:03:48,416
謝謝
1087
01:03:50,750 --> 01:03:53,250
是不是？人家怕了你了
1088
01:03:59,208 --> 01:04:00,541
喂，從後面進吧
1089
01:04:01,041 --> 01:04:03,250
-後面進？
-不是我後面，是後台
1090
01:04:03,333 --> 01:04:04,750
-為什麼？
-你變魔術嘛
1091
01:04:04,916 --> 01:04:07,250
-我是來找人的
-不好意思，請便
1092
01:04:07,625 --> 01:04:08,708
不是我這裡
1093
01:04:15,916 --> 01:04:17,625
（女廁）
1094
01:04:50,750 --> 01:04:51,916
喂，看路啊
1095
01:04:52,416 --> 01:04:53,333
對不起
1096
01:04:55,041 --> 01:04:56,458
眼睛瞪那麼大，想偷看嗎？
1097
01:04:56,625 --> 01:04:57,750
死阿飛
1098
01:05:06,041 --> 01:05:07,000
是我
1099
01:05:07,375 --> 01:05:08,416
你進女廁幹嘛？
1100
01:05:08,666 --> 01:05:10,416
我特地趕來跟妳說點事
1101
01:05:11,083 --> 01:05:12,208
你有什麼就說吧
1102
01:05:12,666 --> 01:05:14,083
我跟以前不一樣了
1103
01:05:15,125 --> 01:05:15,958
我看得到
1104
01:05:16,125 --> 01:05:17,000
斑馬嘛
1105
01:05:19,000 --> 01:05:20,583
其實，是我從現在開始
1106
01:05:20,750 --> 01:05:22,250
要堂堂正正做一個人
1107
01:05:22,416 --> 01:05:24,500
堂堂正正就不會進來女廁了
1108
01:05:24,666 --> 01:05:25,958
我沒地方坐啊
1109
01:05:26,750 --> 01:05:27,791
我朋友在外面等我
1110
01:05:29,083 --> 01:05:30,333
妳是不是來相親？
1111
01:05:31,041 --> 01:05:32,208
跟你無關
1112
01:05:32,541 --> 01:05:33,500
不一定
1113
01:05:33,916 --> 01:05:36,416
如果妳有一點點喜歡我的話
1114
01:05:36,625 --> 01:05:38,375
你憑什麼說我喜歡你？
1115
01:05:38,541 --> 01:05:40,208
憑妳兩年前在我的葬禮
1116
01:05:40,333 --> 01:05:43,666
妳為我流過一滴充滿愛意的眼淚
1117
01:05:45,791 --> 01:05:48,000
對不起，我想你誤會了
1118
01:05:48,375 --> 01:05:49,500
我在家裡踩死了蟑螂
1119
01:05:49,666 --> 01:05:51,458
也會哭得很大聲的好嗎？
1120
01:05:51,791 --> 01:05:53,750
蟲蟲，我可以保證我現在
1121
01:05:53,916 --> 01:05:55,625
絕對比一隻蟑螂好
1122
01:05:59,750 --> 01:06:00,833
-先進去吧
-好急啊
1123
01:06:01,666 --> 01:06:03,000
還好有空廁
1124
01:06:07,750 --> 01:06:09,541
我都說我跟以前不一樣了
1125
01:06:10,291 --> 01:06:12,708
原來叔叔研究人造器官真的成功了？
1126
01:06:13,958 --> 01:06:16,208
實在太成功了
1127
01:06:19,416 --> 01:06:22,375
糟了…怎麼都滿了？
1128
01:06:22,625 --> 01:06:24,375
伯母，妳沒事吧？
1129
01:06:24,666 --> 01:06:28,000
沒有…我最近吃了很多減肥藥
得常常拉屎
1130
01:06:28,916 --> 01:06:30,166
腳都軟了
1131
01:06:31,583 --> 01:06:33,875
怎麼這麼有趣？馬桶都搬了出來
1132
01:06:34,083 --> 01:06:35,083
是啊…
1133
01:06:35,458 --> 01:06:38,583
喂，妳不用理我，等下會很臭的
1134
01:06:38,791 --> 01:06:41,791
那妳出去跟他們聊聊天，吃點東西吧
1135
01:06:41,958 --> 01:06:42,958
乖…
1136
01:06:44,958 --> 01:06:46,333
蟲蟲，不如我們跳隻舞吧？
1137
01:06:47,708 --> 01:06:48,583
好啊
1138
01:06:55,708 --> 01:06:57,000
隨便吧
1139
01:07:01,666 --> 01:07:02,958
大嬸，妳要拉屎還是尿尿啊？
1140
01:07:03,375 --> 01:07:04,500
當然是拉屎！
1141
01:07:04,666 --> 01:07:05,791
先在洗手盆拉可以嗎？
1142
01:07:14,208 --> 01:07:15,333
-發生什麼事了？
-妳沒事吧？
1143
01:07:15,416 --> 01:07:16,291
伯母
1144
01:07:16,458 --> 01:07:18,833
我被馬桶彈了出來
1145
01:07:19,750 --> 01:07:21,708
妳是不是昨晚打麻將打到傻了？
1146
01:07:21,875 --> 01:07:22,791
是真的…
1147
01:07:23,000 --> 01:07:24,958
先回去我們的位置吧，走吧
1148
01:07:26,208 --> 01:07:27,625
-怎麼了？
-我的內褲漏在裡面了
1149
01:07:27,791 --> 01:07:30,416
-走吧，沒人會發覺的
-是啊…妳先回去坐著吧
1150
01:07:32,125 --> 01:07:33,791
各位，現在由馳名中外的
1151
01:07:33,958 --> 01:07:35,458
大魔術師理查德畢理安
1152
01:07:35,625 --> 01:07:37,500
為各位表演魔術雜技
1153
01:07:39,166 --> 01:07:40,541
現在開始
1154
01:07:47,333 --> 01:07:48,208
嗨
1155
01:07:48,500 --> 01:07:50,041
-你好
-你会變什麼魔術啊？
1156
01:07:50,291 --> 01:07:51,250
我什麼都会變
1157
01:07:51,583 --> 01:07:52,458
牙膏可不可以？
1158
01:07:52,625 --> 01:07:54,791
牙膏？飛機大炮變多了
1159
01:07:55,416 --> 01:07:56,750
牙膏是第一次！
1160
01:07:58,666 --> 01:08:00,791
給我兒子多一支吧，來啊…
1161
01:08:03,791 --> 01:08:05,500
那你會不會變那麼大支的牙膏？
1162
01:08:08,791 --> 01:08:09,958
你真是的
1163
01:08:10,375 --> 01:08:12,125
-不可以對吧？
-炒你魷魚吧
1164
01:08:19,541 --> 01:08:20,625
好厲害耶
1165
01:08:23,083 --> 01:08:24,375
謝謝…
1166
01:08:24,708 --> 01:08:26,208
小弟玩的絕對不是特異功能
1167
01:08:26,375 --> 01:08:27,625
只是一些障眼法
1168
01:08:27,791 --> 01:08:29,375
現在想請一位現場觀眾出來幫幫忙
1169
01:08:29,541 --> 01:08:31,000
這位大嬸如何？
1170
01:08:31,083 --> 01:08:32,333
-我不玩這些東西的
-這位帥哥呢？
1171
01:08:32,541 --> 01:08:33,625
-我…
-沒膽就算了
1172
01:08:35,333 --> 01:08:36,375
我真的有膽
1173
01:09:03,291 --> 01:09:05,250
厲害…
1174
01:09:30,750 --> 01:09:33,500
好演技…明日之星啊
1175
01:09:43,291 --> 01:09:44,166
來真的呢
1176
01:09:45,666 --> 01:09:47,000
我去你媽的
1177
01:10:03,666 --> 01:10:04,791
厲害
1178
01:10:22,500 --> 01:10:23,958
老婆…
1179
01:10:53,375 --> 01:10:54,500
害怕的話就抓緊點
1180
01:10:54,791 --> 01:10:56,500
妳千萬別客氣
1181
01:10:56,583 --> 01:10:57,833
真好玩！
1182
01:10:58,083 --> 01:11:00,000
我想跳降落傘好久了
1183
01:11:00,708 --> 01:11:02,625
好開心啊
1184
01:11:02,791 --> 01:11:03,833
蟲蟲妳別這樣
1185
01:11:04,000 --> 01:11:04,833
我好怕啊
1186
01:11:18,666 --> 01:11:20,583
你知不知道剛才那樣整人是不對的？
1187
01:11:21,750 --> 01:11:23,166
我那樣做只是為了妳
1188
01:11:23,708 --> 01:11:25,208
我真的決心從新做人
1189
01:11:25,375 --> 01:11:26,625
妳試著接受我吧，蟲蟲
1190
01:11:27,125 --> 01:11:28,250
怎麼接受？
1191
01:11:29,166 --> 01:11:30,250
不就是約個會
1192
01:11:30,416 --> 01:11:32,375
結個婚，生個孩子這樣的事
1193
01:11:32,541 --> 01:11:33,500
妳想先做哪個？
1194
01:11:33,958 --> 01:11:34,833
神經病
1195
01:11:37,708 --> 01:11:39,000
我會先考慮跟你約會
1196
01:11:50,000 --> 01:11:53,458
（計程車）
1197
01:11:56,416 --> 01:11:57,416
從今天開始
1198
01:11:57,625 --> 01:11:59,500
再也沒人可以對我大聲吆喝
1199
01:11:59,750 --> 01:12:01,500
混蛋！你還沒給錢啊
1200
01:12:02,625 --> 01:12:04,708
不好意思，五毛錢不用找了
1201
01:12:04,875 --> 01:12:06,208
對不起…
1202
01:12:06,666 --> 01:12:08,458
喂，快點放我下來！
1203
01:12:08,541 --> 01:12:09,416
快跑
1204
01:12:10,083 --> 01:12:11,208
快去報警啊！
1205
01:12:12,333 --> 01:12:14,416
那班混蛋不肯考試，在裡面造反
1206
01:12:14,583 --> 01:12:16,916
喂，快點放我下來，喂！
1207
01:12:25,916 --> 01:12:26,791
（目標：男性）
1208
01:12:27,625 --> 01:12:28,458
（目標：女性）
1209
01:12:30,500 --> 01:12:32,833
（目標、距離、體重
血量值或體力值、武器、速度）
1210
01:12:33,333 --> 01:12:34,208
（目標三）
1211
01:12:58,375 --> 01:12:59,791
走啦，快點走
1212
01:13:01,833 --> 01:13:02,791
很喜歡玩水嗎？
1213
01:13:16,666 --> 01:13:17,666
來了
1214
01:13:26,666 --> 01:13:28,708
救命啊…
1215
01:13:34,833 --> 01:13:37,000
有書不讀，硬是要做人渣？
1216
01:13:44,333 --> 01:13:47,333
進去考試！
1217
01:13:49,333 --> 01:13:50,833
全部蓋著眼睛，轉身
1218
01:13:52,750 --> 01:13:53,833
開始考試！
1219
01:13:56,750 --> 01:13:57,958
光頭仔第一個
1220
01:13:58,500 --> 01:14:00,208
我不考…
1221
01:14:00,541 --> 01:14:03,000
別啊…
1222
01:14:07,875 --> 01:14:09,166
中國歷史考試第一題
1223
01:14:09,333 --> 01:14:10,541
明太祖是誰？
1224
01:14:10,875 --> 01:14:12,000
A 朱元璋
1225
01:14:12,208 --> 01:14:13,250
B 朱油糕
1226
01:14:13,416 --> 01:14:14,541
C 朱茵
1227
01:14:17,416 --> 01:14:18,375
朱茵
1228
01:14:19,208 --> 01:14:21,375
錯！是朱元璋啊，笨蛋
1229
01:14:22,458 --> 01:14:24,541
第二題，五胡亂華是哪五胡？
1230
01:14:24,750 --> 01:14:27,250
以下有一個答案是錯的，要你選出來
1231
01:14:27,958 --> 01:14:30,541
匈奴、鮮卑、羯、羗、氐
1232
01:14:30,750 --> 01:14:31,625
還有香港
1233
01:14:33,375 --> 01:14:34,750
-羗！
-你才羗
1234
01:14:34,916 --> 01:14:35,916
打他！
1235
01:14:40,375 --> 01:14:42,125
第三題，乾隆是雍正的誰？
1236
01:14:42,291 --> 01:14:45,083
A 爸爸、B 兒子、C 大姨媽
1237
01:14:45,666 --> 01:14:47,791
我記得的，你等一下，我記得的
1238
01:14:48,041 --> 01:14:49,041
那堂課有我有聽
1239
01:14:49,333 --> 01:14:51,666
想清楚了，威風一次給大家看看吧
1240
01:14:55,083 --> 01:14:57,125
是B，乾隆是雍正的兒子！
1241
01:14:57,416 --> 01:14:58,583
好耶
1242
01:15:02,958 --> 01:15:04,083
乾杯！
1243
01:15:04,250 --> 01:15:06,000
光頭仔乖，真聰明
1244
01:15:06,083 --> 01:15:08,541
叔叔抱，叔叔疼你
1245
01:15:15,791 --> 01:15:17,083
我以後會好好讀書
1246
01:15:17,250 --> 01:15:18,791
-我也是
-我也是
1247
01:15:22,916 --> 01:15:23,916
這一個月
1248
01:15:24,083 --> 01:15:27,916
謝謝你將我們
全校最頑劣的學生教到這麼乖
1249
01:15:28,125 --> 01:15:30,750
他們的成績上升了300%
1250
01:15:30,916 --> 01:15:32,208
都是校長領導有方
1251
01:15:32,541 --> 01:15:33,833
李澤星先生
1252
01:15:34,083 --> 01:15:37,125
你真是我們教育界的超級巨星啊
1253
01:15:37,291 --> 01:15:38,958
校長厲害…
1254
01:15:39,375 --> 01:15:40,416
正因為如此
1255
01:15:40,583 --> 01:15:42,875
所以我們學校實在不能夠屈就
1256
01:15:43,041 --> 01:15:45,541
你那偉大的抱負和發展
1257
01:15:46,958 --> 01:15:48,500
所以，請你另謀高就
1258
01:15:49,416 --> 01:15:50,291
校長不愧為校長
1259
01:15:50,458 --> 01:15:51,625
果然詼諧啊！
1260
01:15:51,708 --> 01:15:52,666
我不是在開玩笑
1261
01:15:53,000 --> 01:15:54,583
你挖了校董兒子的牆腳
1262
01:15:54,750 --> 01:15:55,875
我可保不住你
1263
01:15:56,125 --> 01:15:57,833
就這樣？沒事的
1264
01:15:58,000 --> 01:15:59,500
約出來，大家聊聊天吧
1265
01:16:06,625 --> 01:16:07,625
早安
1266
01:16:08,666 --> 01:16:10,958
廢話少說，你想保住你這份工的話
1267
01:16:11,125 --> 01:16:12,041
就立刻跟我離開蟲蟲
1268
01:16:12,208 --> 01:16:14,750
等等，大家首先聽我講件重要的事
1269
01:16:15,041 --> 01:16:15,916
你說吧
1270
01:16:16,458 --> 01:16:18,000
其實我是…
1271
01:16:19,166 --> 01:16:21,333
《未來戰士》第三集
1272
01:16:21,541 --> 01:16:22,458
你說什麼？
1273
01:16:22,666 --> 01:16:24,250
這套戲還沒開拍啊
1274
01:16:24,416 --> 01:16:25,500
現在拍啊
1275
01:16:47,708 --> 01:16:50,041
《未來戰士》第三集
1276
01:16:50,750 --> 01:16:52,333
《侏羅紀》第四集
1277
01:16:52,958 --> 01:16:54,875
《大白鯊》第五集
1278
01:16:55,708 --> 01:16:57,916
史匹柏咬人啊！
1279
01:16:58,250 --> 01:16:59,458
我喜歡啊！
1280
01:17:04,708 --> 01:17:05,833
他們怎麼瘋了？
1281
01:17:06,041 --> 01:17:08,208
西片看太多了
沒辦法，港產片那麼差
1282
01:17:09,000 --> 01:17:11,375
但是校長臨瘋之前，他吩咐我
1283
01:17:11,708 --> 01:17:12,583
先代替他的職位
1284
01:17:12,750 --> 01:17:13,916
希望大家努力讀書
1285
01:17:14,166 --> 01:17:15,250
發不發達不重要
1286
01:17:15,416 --> 01:17:17,375
起碼要做一個受人尊重的人
1287
01:17:17,708 --> 01:17:20,875
-好…
-好…
1288
01:17:21,291 --> 01:17:22,416
你現在挺受人尊重的啊
1289
01:17:22,583 --> 01:17:23,416
我寧願發達
1290
01:17:33,708 --> 01:17:35,250
-好
-拍過來
1291
01:17:36,750 --> 01:17:37,791
好球！
1292
01:17:37,958 --> 01:17:39,791
-殺他！
-扣殺！
1293
01:17:39,958 --> 01:17:41,125
小心點
1294
01:18:06,708 --> 01:18:07,958
看什麼？沒看過別人耍花槍嗎？
1295
01:18:08,583 --> 01:18:09,416
我拍
1296
01:18:13,250 --> 01:18:15,833
我的心…
1297
01:18:20,416 --> 01:18:21,583
小子，想踢球嗎？
1298
01:18:21,750 --> 01:18:22,791
這球場是我的
1299
01:18:22,958 --> 01:18:23,833
你發紅包了嗎？
1300
01:18:30,291 --> 01:18:31,208
又是你？
1301
01:18:31,500 --> 01:18:33,208
我老大收到消息說你還沒死
1302
01:18:33,500 --> 01:18:35,125
還說要去美國指證他
1303
01:18:35,291 --> 01:18:36,291
大罵了我一頓
1304
01:18:36,458 --> 01:18:37,458
這次一定要殺了你！
1305
01:19:00,166 --> 01:19:01,500
別殺我啊，超人
1306
01:19:03,250 --> 01:19:04,833
我現在是超人都全靠你
1307
01:19:09,208 --> 01:19:10,458
幹嘛？
1308
01:19:10,625 --> 01:19:11,666
打籃球啊
1309
01:19:12,041 --> 01:19:13,166
打籃…
1310
01:19:29,916 --> 01:19:31,375
怎麼了？他是不是死了？
1311
01:19:31,541 --> 01:19:33,083
差不多了，還差一點點
1312
01:19:33,333 --> 01:19:35,041
怎麼會這樣？我好怕
1313
01:19:35,208 --> 01:19:36,958
怕什麼？有我在
1314
01:19:37,291 --> 01:19:38,375
那如果你不在呢？
1315
01:19:38,583 --> 01:19:39,791
那我們就永遠在一起吧
1316
01:19:39,875 --> 01:19:40,750
好啊…
1317
01:19:40,916 --> 01:19:42,166
-好啊…
-好啊…
1318
01:19:42,333 --> 01:19:43,208
別啊…
1319
01:19:43,375 --> 01:19:44,541
-別啊…
-別啊…
1320
01:19:45,208 --> 01:19:46,291
算了，其實我只是說說而已
1321
01:19:46,458 --> 01:19:48,541
喂！你說什麼？說過不算數？
1322
01:19:49,250 --> 01:19:50,208
跟我來！
1323
01:20:05,791 --> 01:20:06,958
怎麼是你？
1324
01:20:07,916 --> 01:20:09,083
你保釋出來了嗎？
1325
01:20:09,333 --> 01:20:10,416
想不到吧？
1326
01:20:12,500 --> 01:20:14,541
親愛的，這樣真是太好了
1327
01:20:15,708 --> 01:20:17,791
對了，聽說你派了馬克去香港
1328
01:20:18,166 --> 01:20:19,833
-怎樣了？
-死掉了
1329
01:20:19,916 --> 01:20:20,833
不是吧？
1330
01:20:21,000 --> 01:20:22,375
他的背脊骨斷了七截
1331
01:20:22,583 --> 01:20:23,583
這輩子再也動不了了
1332
01:20:23,916 --> 01:20:25,583
不過我有六千萬
1333
01:20:25,958 --> 01:20:27,250
六千萬？
1334
01:20:29,083 --> 01:20:30,250
我已經將馬克改變成
1335
01:20:30,416 --> 01:20:31,916
全世界最強的人造人
1336
01:20:32,833 --> 01:20:35,250
還有我輸入了殺人的百科全書
1337
01:20:35,416 --> 01:20:38,583
和戰爭百科全書到他的電腦裡
1338
01:20:39,916 --> 01:20:41,583
我要看那個香港小子怎麼死
1339
01:21:06,958 --> 01:21:07,958
你為什麼哭啊？
1340
01:21:08,458 --> 01:21:10,791
就這樣把兒子給了你，怎麼不哭？
1341
01:21:11,041 --> 01:21:12,291
你的兒子只剩下一張嘴
1342
01:21:12,458 --> 01:21:14,000
其他的都是我的
1343
01:21:14,625 --> 01:21:16,166
只剩一張嘴也追到你侄女耶
1344
01:21:16,291 --> 01:21:17,416
你能怎樣？
1345
01:21:19,458 --> 01:21:20,625
謝謝
1346
01:21:22,416 --> 01:21:23,791
-爸爸
-兒子
1347
01:21:24,458 --> 01:21:25,458
教授，謝謝
1348
01:21:25,625 --> 01:21:27,375
-恭喜…
-謝謝
1349
01:21:27,458 --> 01:21:29,958
話說回來，你的蓮蓬頭能用嗎？
1350
01:21:30,083 --> 01:21:31,125
蓮蓬頭沒了
1351
01:21:31,291 --> 01:21:33,791
不知為何它現在生了一隻八爪魚
1352
01:21:35,291 --> 01:21:36,291
八爪魚？
1353
01:21:38,791 --> 01:21:39,625
請便
1354
01:21:39,833 --> 01:21:40,958
喂，星哥！
1355
01:21:41,208 --> 01:21:42,250
小虎！
1356
01:21:42,958 --> 01:21:44,708
恭喜博士，恭喜叔叔
1357
01:21:44,875 --> 01:21:46,750
星哥，今天是你的好日子，我真開心
1358
01:21:47,125 --> 01:21:48,333
我整了你幾十年，你都還沒死
1359
01:21:48,500 --> 01:21:49,750
我更開心！
1360
01:21:49,916 --> 01:21:50,791
謝謝你
1361
01:21:50,875 --> 01:21:51,750
如果不是你
1362
01:21:51,833 --> 01:21:53,666
我就不會紋眉到現在那麼帥
1363
01:21:58,583 --> 01:22:00,500
請大家退後點，請讓讓
1364
01:22:00,583 --> 01:22:01,583
先拍張照
1365
01:22:03,583 --> 01:22:05,125
小虎已經很久沒有紋眉了
1366
01:22:06,125 --> 01:22:07,750
-是嗎？
-是
1367
01:22:21,416 --> 01:22:22,541
快跑！
1368
01:22:29,208 --> 01:22:30,916
今晚這裡全部人都得死
1369
01:22:46,875 --> 01:22:47,750
蟲蟲
1370
01:22:47,916 --> 01:22:48,875
我好怕
1371
01:22:49,000 --> 01:22:51,541
不要怕，冷靜點，不要怕
1372
01:22:57,666 --> 01:22:58,708
開火！
1373
01:23:04,291 --> 01:23:06,333
-一級棒
-別過來！
1374
01:23:06,958 --> 01:23:07,916
你怎麼中槍了？
1375
01:23:08,375 --> 01:23:10,791
還好你是人造人，沒打中頭就沒事了
1376
01:23:11,083 --> 01:23:12,125
別裝了
1377
01:23:12,625 --> 01:23:14,916
你不會連我都不認得了吧？
1378
01:23:15,000 --> 01:23:16,083
先回答我問題
1379
01:23:16,458 --> 01:23:18,416
我第一次上你的課
左手邊第一行第八個位
1380
01:23:18,583 --> 01:23:20,500
是男是女，是人是鬼，叫什麼名？
1381
01:23:22,583 --> 01:23:24,458
那麼多學生，我怎麼知道？
1382
01:23:24,625 --> 01:23:26,125
我數三聲，答不出就一刀劈下去了
1383
01:23:26,291 --> 01:23:27,208
一
1384
01:23:27,416 --> 01:23:28,541
二
1385
01:23:29,291 --> 01:23:30,916
-三！
-不就是你嗎？
1386
01:23:31,250 --> 01:23:32,166
答對了
1387
01:23:35,291 --> 01:23:36,166
沒事吧阿星？
1388
01:23:36,333 --> 01:23:37,458
別裝了！
1389
01:23:37,916 --> 01:23:38,875
我先問你個問題
1390
01:23:39,041 --> 01:23:41,333
-我第一次上他的課，左手邊第一行
-不就是你嗎？
1391
01:23:41,416 --> 01:23:43,916
-你聽到我問他！
-冤枉啊，我哪有聽到？
1392
01:23:44,083 --> 01:23:45,208
我一刀劈下去喔！
1393
01:23:49,708 --> 01:23:52,000
我是真的，你問我問題啊
1394
01:23:52,166 --> 01:23:53,916
-我問妳媽！
-刀下留人啊！
1395
01:23:54,083 --> 01:23:55,625
先搞清楚
1396
01:23:55,791 --> 01:23:57,791
-放手！
-看到我老婆了嗎？
1397
01:24:04,250 --> 01:24:06,833
玩得正開心，你硬要拆我台
1398
01:24:08,250 --> 01:24:09,125
快點走…
1399
01:24:09,333 --> 01:24:10,958
我警告你，我最討厭人家假扮我
1400
01:24:14,208 --> 01:24:18,041
（法蘭差俱樂部）
1401
01:24:25,333 --> 01:24:26,916
阿星！
1402
01:24:28,083 --> 01:24:30,083
-星！
-星啊！
1403
01:24:34,666 --> 01:24:35,875
-別過去！
-星！
1404
01:24:48,125 --> 01:24:49,500
你這個二把刀的機械人
1405
01:24:49,666 --> 01:24:50,875
哪裡夠我這個厲害呢？
1406
01:25:00,958 --> 01:25:01,833
這是什麼？
1407
01:25:04,125 --> 01:25:05,000
叔叔，這是什麼？
1408
01:25:05,166 --> 01:25:07,375
我知道了！他遇強越強的復仇系統
1409
01:25:07,541 --> 01:25:08,666
已經啟動
1410
01:25:09,291 --> 01:25:11,833
他將會變成超級市場裡面
1411
01:25:11,916 --> 01:25:13,375
最恐怖的武器
1412
01:25:14,166 --> 01:25:15,250
不是避孕套吧？
1413
01:25:15,916 --> 01:25:19,000
傻的！就算是衛生巾也不怕
1414
01:25:27,958 --> 01:25:29,291
不是吧？
1415
01:25:29,458 --> 01:25:31,333
-黃老太？
-黃老太？
1416
01:25:37,541 --> 01:25:38,541
打他…
1417
01:25:48,500 --> 01:25:49,833
（目標、武器、力量）
1418
01:25:49,916 --> 01:25:50,916
（危險）
1419
01:25:52,958 --> 01:25:54,291
黃老太金蟬寶衣
1420
01:26:05,500 --> 01:26:06,583
你不合格
1421
01:26:59,416 --> 01:27:00,416
人怎麼不見了？
1422
01:27:00,625 --> 01:27:02,250
你在我肚子裡，混蛋！
1423
01:27:03,666 --> 01:27:05,250
妳這三八變成了微波爐？
1424
01:27:11,416 --> 01:27:14,500
射不出吧？這個超級微波爐
連鑽石都能融化
1425
01:27:16,291 --> 01:27:17,958
是誰說家庭用品沒用的？
1426
01:27:25,125 --> 01:27:26,000
（低高火、中高火）
1427
01:27:37,375 --> 01:27:38,333
可以了！
1428
01:27:38,708 --> 01:27:40,166
還沒，你以為是牛排嗎？
1429
01:27:40,333 --> 01:27:42,375
怎麼說也是機械人，烤多一下吧
1430
01:27:42,541 --> 01:27:44,708
（低高火、超高火）
1431
01:27:52,166 --> 01:27:54,625
厲害，成功了…
1432
01:27:56,541 --> 01:27:57,708
厲害！
1433
01:28:01,125 --> 01:28:02,791
光頭佬！
1434
01:28:03,083 --> 01:28:04,708
-人呢？都去哪了？
-打他！
1435
01:28:10,708 --> 01:28:12,583
你怎麼了？你沒事吧？
1436
01:28:12,958 --> 01:28:14,875
那混蛋熔在胃裡了，現在有點飽
1437
01:28:16,583 --> 01:28:18,125
你現在是男的還是女的？
1438
01:28:18,708 --> 01:28:19,708
我應該嫁給你嗎？
1439
01:28:21,916 --> 01:28:23,833
-八爪魚啊！
-八爪魚啊！
1440
01:28:23,916 --> 01:28:25,250
不要怕，它還在
1441
01:28:26,041 --> 01:28:28,208
我抓個帥的髮型就可以繼續結婚了
1442
01:28:28,666 --> 01:28:29,583
蟲蟲
1443
01:28:35,375 --> 01:28:37,375
這位就是黃老太嗎？
1444
01:28:37,708 --> 01:28:39,750
-怎麼了，博士？
-沒事
1445
01:28:40,125 --> 01:28:42,833
我想約妳逛街、看電影、曬月光而已
1446
01:28:43,000 --> 01:28:44,208
不知道妳覺得如何？
1447
01:28:44,375 --> 01:28:45,625
博士，你傻了嗎？
1448
01:28:46,541 --> 01:28:48,166
不過可以考慮跟你先約個會
1449
01:28:48,458 --> 01:28:49,875
太棒了！
1450
01:30:45,416 --> 01:30:47,416
字幕翻譯：陳錦倩
90016
