Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,702 --> 00:00:04,803
♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,872 --> 00:00:08,307
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,376 --> 00:00:11,910
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:14,946
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:15,016 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,669
♪ Lucky there's a man whopositively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,738 --> 00:00:23,199
♪ All the thingsthat make us ♪
8
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,956
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:25,026 --> 00:00:30,095
♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:37,254 --> 00:00:38,686
Peter, come on.
11
00:00:38,755 --> 00:00:40,066
What?
We're starting.
12
00:00:40,090 --> 00:00:41,590
Oh, is this, uh, a new one?
13
00:00:41,658 --> 00:00:43,425
I thought it was a rerun.
Okay, here we go.
14
00:00:43,494 --> 00:00:45,727
Line?
15
00:00:45,795 --> 00:00:48,074
What are those guys
doing over there?
16
00:00:48,098 --> 00:00:50,398
Hey, what are those guys
doing over there?
17
00:00:50,467 --> 00:00:51,961
I added a "hey."
18
00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:54,485
Here we go, Patriots!
19
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,387
All right, now let's go
miss the urinal
20
00:00:56,456 --> 00:00:57,976
with half a whiz
and get out of here.
21
00:00:59,126 --> 00:01:00,203
Right on!
Hey, why you guys leaving?
22
00:01:00,227 --> 00:01:02,105
We're taking a party bus
to the game.
23
00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:03,995
A bus for partying?
24
00:01:04,064 --> 00:01:05,296
Aw, that sounds awesome.
25
00:01:05,365 --> 00:01:07,099
Like a pair
of Pete's Headphones.
26
00:01:07,167 --> 00:01:09,751
♪ Oye como va ♪
27
00:01:09,820 --> 00:01:10,919
♪ Mi ritmo ♪
28
00:01:10,988 --> 00:01:12,487
♪ Buena pa' gozar ♪
29
00:01:13,557 --> 00:01:14,557
♪ Mulata ♪
30
00:01:14,624 --> 00:01:16,692
♪ Ba, ba-da ba-da-da ♪
31
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,727
♪ Ba-da-da-da-da-da ♪
32
00:01:18,796 --> 00:01:22,030
♪ Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da... ♪
33
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,351
Mom, can we eat?
34
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:29,166
My stomach is starting
to sound like
Arnold Schwarzenegger
35
00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:31,907
gasping for air
at the end of Total Recall.
36
00:01:31,976 --> 00:01:34,056
My eyes are
37
00:01:34,111 --> 00:01:36,795
popping out
at the end of this movie!
38
00:01:36,863 --> 00:01:38,730
Well, I'd like to wait
for your father.
39
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,800
L-Let me send him another
infuriating check-in text.
40
00:01:41,868 --> 00:01:44,152
Hel-lo!
41
00:01:44,655 --> 00:01:45,753
Yes?
42
00:01:45,822 --> 00:01:47,683
Peter, where the hell
have you been?
43
00:01:47,707 --> 00:01:50,775
On a magical journey to
Gillette Stadium and back.
44
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:52,188
You remember last night
when you called me
45
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:54,579
the lowest-class alcoholic
in the world?
46
00:01:54,648 --> 00:01:58,216
Well, I found one rung lower.
I'm a party bus guy now.
47
00:01:58,285 --> 00:02:00,903
That's got to be way better
than when I drove a Fiat.
48
00:02:00,971 --> 00:02:03,471
Hey! You cut me off!
49
00:02:03,541 --> 00:02:05,440
What?
Turn down your radio.
50
00:02:05,509 --> 00:02:08,143
I can't. My stomach's
pressed up against the dial.
51
00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:09,678
You want to go?
52
00:02:09,747 --> 00:02:13,615
Get me 17 shoehorns and
some canola oil,
and we'll go!
53
00:02:13,684 --> 00:02:16,335
Get back here!
54
00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:22,290
Okay, guys, now this
is a bus for
a fireman's bachelor party.
55
00:02:22,359 --> 00:02:24,693
So just follow my lead
and we'll fit right in.
56
00:02:24,761 --> 00:02:26,761
All right!
57
00:02:26,830 --> 00:02:28,796
9/11! Boston Strong!
58
00:02:28,865 --> 00:02:31,744
Never forget!
How about this guy?
You forget?
59
00:02:31,768 --> 00:02:35,002
No way.
You're too Boston Strong
to ever forget.
60
00:02:35,071 --> 00:02:37,272
Let's roll!
61
00:02:37,341 --> 00:02:40,842
Uh, I mean...
civil servants
with hero complexes!
62
00:02:42,011 --> 00:02:43,077
Boom!
All right!
63
00:02:43,146 --> 00:02:44,729
Welcome, other firefighters.
64
00:02:44,798 --> 00:02:47,282
Bring us the man of the hour.
65
00:02:47,350 --> 00:02:48,733
Come on, Smitty!
66
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:53,705
To my last night as a free man!
67
00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:59,511
Hmm.
Unfortunate timing.
68
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:01,479
Now, which one of these
scumbag firemen
69
00:03:01,548 --> 00:03:03,164
will go after his fiancee?
70
00:03:03,233 --> 00:03:05,544
Already happened.
We're very happy.
71
00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:13,141
♪ Firemen are notgood friends ♪
72
00:03:13,209 --> 00:03:17,646
♪ They'll bang your wifewhen you are dead. ♪
73
00:03:23,904 --> 00:03:25,003
Peter, this sucks!
74
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:26,788
What are we doing out here?
75
00:03:39,520 --> 00:03:41,520
I'm beginning to think
those vodka cranberries
76
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:42,954
may have had alcohol in them.
77
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:52,047
Wow, partying
on the bus to prom.
78
00:03:52,115 --> 00:03:54,415
Doesn't get much cooler
than this.
79
00:03:54,484 --> 00:03:56,284
None of these lame kids
is drinking.
80
00:03:56,352 --> 00:03:59,520
Eh, I think I know
what's going on.
81
00:03:59,589 --> 00:04:02,590
Hey, how many of you kids
are on the horny drugs?
82
00:04:04,094 --> 00:04:05,494
I'm a cop.
83
00:04:06,847 --> 00:04:08,730
But I'm not a narc.
84
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,300
Cool cop!
Cool cop! Cool cop!
85
00:04:12,369 --> 00:04:14,947
Did you dook yourself?
86
00:04:14,971 --> 00:04:16,971
Just listen to the chant, Peter.
87
00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:18,840
Listen to the chant.
88
00:04:21,528 --> 00:04:24,346
♪ ♪
89
00:04:27,751 --> 00:04:29,161
Close dancing, 12 o'clock.
90
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:31,937
Hey, arm's length,
dirty porno lovers!
91
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,272
So, going stag tonight, Meg?
92
00:04:34,341 --> 00:04:37,108
Oh, no, I brought someone.
93
00:04:37,177 --> 00:04:39,522
Hello.
I'm in love with Meg.
94
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:42,481
Well, now I'm very sorry
I asked.
95
00:04:42,549 --> 00:04:44,616
Wow, the end of high school.
96
00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:47,119
Tonight, we pass around
Stifler's mom,
97
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:50,021
and in the morning, it's off
to die quick in Vietnam.
98
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:52,535
Peter, I think
you're getting
your movies mixed up.
99
00:04:52,559 --> 00:04:54,125
Attention, students.
100
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:57,329
It's time to announce
this year's prom king
and queen.
101
00:04:57,397 --> 00:04:58,908
Natalee Holloway!
102
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,416
Now, now.
103
00:05:01,484 --> 00:05:02,951
And the winners are...
104
00:05:03,020 --> 00:05:06,721
Connie D'Amico
and "Kermit Legs" Kyle!
105
00:05:09,326 --> 00:05:10,658
Ah, so close.
106
00:05:12,413 --> 00:05:13,812
Hello, gorgeous.
107
00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:15,814
How old are you?
18.
108
00:05:15,882 --> 00:05:17,694
All right, and I just
recorded you saying that.
109
00:05:17,718 --> 00:05:19,984
And hi.
I am Glenn Quagmire.
110
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:21,853
Courtney.
Nice to meet you.
111
00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,955
You don't look like
you're in high school.
112
00:05:24,024 --> 00:05:27,325
I got held back.
You like getting held back?
113
00:05:27,394 --> 00:05:29,328
Sometimes.
114
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:34,832
All right, youngins.
115
00:05:34,901 --> 00:05:37,402
I dragged this piece of dirty
cardboard in from the alley
116
00:05:37,471 --> 00:05:39,637
to show y'all how to get down.
117
00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:41,606
Peter! Let's boogie!
118
00:05:46,246 --> 00:05:48,179
♪ Ho! Ho! ♪
119
00:05:48,248 --> 00:05:50,248
♪ ♪
120
00:06:14,774 --> 00:06:16,941
Aah! There was a staple
in the box!
121
00:06:17,010 --> 00:06:19,644
Where's the nurse's office?
122
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,424
Hey, you want
to get out of here?
123
00:06:21,448 --> 00:06:23,965
Yeah. Let's go.
124
00:06:24,034 --> 00:06:26,067
You take requests?
125
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:27,753
What are you looking for?
126
00:06:27,821 --> 00:06:29,781
♪ A-hunga, hunga,hunga, hunga... ♪
127
00:06:33,193 --> 00:06:34,938
♪ It's been one weeksince you looked at me ♪
128
00:06:34,962 --> 00:06:37,395
♪ Cocked your head to the sideand said I'm angry ♪
129
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,442
♪ Five days sinceyou laughed at me... ♪
130
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:40,676
I know all the lyrics.
I just don't know them fast!
131
00:06:40,700 --> 00:06:42,333
♪ Three days... ♪
132
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,722
And initial here.
What is all this?
133
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,619
Oh, these just say if anything
should happen to you,
134
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:51,121
I'm not responsible,
blah-blah-blah.
135
00:06:51,145 --> 00:06:53,111
I'm-I'm just boring myself.
136
00:06:53,180 --> 00:06:54,958
I had a lot of fun
with you tonight, Courtney.
137
00:06:54,982 --> 00:06:56,815
Me too.
138
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,661
Oh, Courtney.
139
00:06:58,685 --> 00:07:00,085
Oh, Glenn.
140
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:03,120
Oh, oh, giggity!
141
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:05,924
Wait. Did you
just say "giggity"?
142
00:07:05,992 --> 00:07:07,425
Yeah. Sorry.
143
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,939
Sometimes
I just blurt that out
when I get excited.
144
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:11,930
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
145
00:07:15,803 --> 00:07:18,047
Here. Rub this up and down
on the inside of your cheek.
146
00:07:18,071 --> 00:07:20,311
Giggity.
Aah! Stop saying that!
147
00:07:26,513 --> 00:07:28,796
What is it, Glenn?
What's wrong?
148
00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,298
You're...
you're my daughter!
149
00:07:31,367 --> 00:07:32,800
Oh, my God!
150
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,435
Wow.
151
00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:37,438
I guess this means
I have a phone call to make.
152
00:07:37,507 --> 00:07:38,973
Hey, it's Glenn Quagmire.
153
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:41,726
Would you tell Andrew
that he is not the father?
154
00:07:41,795 --> 00:07:44,913
Andrew, you are not the father.
155
00:08:02,032 --> 00:08:04,866
Courtney, there's something
I just got to ask.
156
00:08:04,935 --> 00:08:06,975
What the heck was the theme
of that dance?
157
00:08:07,004 --> 00:08:08,303
What do you mean?
158
00:08:08,372 --> 00:08:10,917
I mean, like,
there was palm trees
like it was Hawaii,
159
00:08:10,941 --> 00:08:13,219
but then there was
a suit of armor
in the corner.
160
00:08:13,243 --> 00:08:15,494
There was a big banner
w-with fish on it.
161
00:08:15,562 --> 00:08:18,113
Can we get back to the fact
that you're my dad?
162
00:08:18,181 --> 00:08:20,259
Yeah, you're right.
I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
163
00:08:20,283 --> 00:08:23,502
Well, let me ask.
What's up with your mom?
164
00:08:23,570 --> 00:08:25,670
Actually, I never knew my mom.
165
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:28,707
I was hoping that you could
tell me about her.
166
00:08:28,775 --> 00:08:31,342
Uh... of course I can.
167
00:08:31,411 --> 00:08:32,977
Your mom...
168
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:36,480
your mom...
was really...
169
00:08:36,549 --> 00:08:38,861
thing hanging on
the bulletin board
behind you.
170
00:08:38,885 --> 00:08:41,519
That's so nice to hear.
Tell me more.
171
00:08:41,588 --> 00:08:44,823
Oh, gosh, she was,
she was just so...
172
00:08:44,891 --> 00:08:46,635
word on the bottom
of your coffee cup.
173
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:49,527
I always knew
she would be!
What else?
174
00:08:49,596 --> 00:08:51,774
I just have some
great memories of her...
175
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,876
numbers to call
in case of emergency
176
00:08:53,900 --> 00:08:55,534
or accidental poisoning.
177
00:08:55,602 --> 00:08:58,537
It's like she's here
with us right now.
178
00:08:58,605 --> 00:09:01,072
So you don't know your mom?
Who do you live with?
179
00:09:01,141 --> 00:09:03,174
Well, right now I'm on a futon
180
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:04,843
in the rafters
of my friend's garage.
181
00:09:04,912 --> 00:09:07,311
Oh! Actually,
I better get going.
182
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,514
I have to feed their ferrets.
They breed them.
183
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:12,116
It's pretty terrifying.
184
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:15,053
Anyway, thank you so much
for being so nice,
185
00:09:15,121 --> 00:09:17,388
and let's talk soon?
186
00:09:17,457 --> 00:09:19,569
Wait, hold on. You can't
live in a ferret garage.
187
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:20,892
You need a home.
188
00:09:20,960 --> 00:09:23,595
You know, you could
move in here.
189
00:09:23,663 --> 00:09:26,230
I have an extra bedroom,
and the bed has a bunch
190
00:09:26,299 --> 00:09:28,144
of different-sized
pillows on it.
191
00:09:28,168 --> 00:09:31,235
Hmm. I do love dealing with
those pillows every day,
192
00:09:31,304 --> 00:09:32,904
but are you sure?
193
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,489
I don't want to be a burden.
194
00:09:34,557 --> 00:09:37,692
No, it's no problem.
Hey, you're my daughter.
195
00:09:37,760 --> 00:09:39,622
I want to make sure
you have everything you need.
196
00:09:39,646 --> 00:09:42,213
Thanks. That's sweet.
197
00:09:42,281 --> 00:09:45,950
Um... okay! Yeah.
I'll move in.
198
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:47,586
That's huge for me.
199
00:09:47,654 --> 00:09:49,888
Hey, is that an Instant Pot?
200
00:09:49,957 --> 00:09:52,691
No, it's a Crock-Pot.
You got to get
an Instant Pot.
201
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,637
You can make
short ribs in it.
It falls right off...
202
00:09:54,661 --> 00:09:56,205
Yeah, yeah, falls right off
the bone. I know.
203
00:09:56,229 --> 00:09:57,774
I've had this conversation
five times.
204
00:09:57,798 --> 00:09:59,442
Hey, Quagmire.
205
00:09:59,466 --> 00:10:01,600
I hear you're considering
an Instant Pot.
206
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,947
Courtney,
that's Joe, my neighbor.
207
00:10:03,971 --> 00:10:07,005
Hey, Courtney.
You getting this guy
on board?
208
00:10:10,827 --> 00:10:13,328
So, I think I had
a wet nightmare last night.
209
00:10:13,396 --> 00:10:14,829
Is that possible?
210
00:10:14,898 --> 00:10:17,765
Hello, fellow daddios.
Did you bang your kid yet?
211
00:10:17,834 --> 00:10:21,130
Okay, Peter,
can I talk to you
for a second?
212
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,594
I'm sorry, but I am not going
to stand for any misogyny.
213
00:10:23,657 --> 00:10:25,635
Stop acting like
a Neanderthal pig.
214
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:27,758
Those sound scary.
215
00:10:27,828 --> 00:10:29,694
What were you two ladies
talking about?
216
00:10:29,762 --> 00:10:32,413
Joe, can I talk to you
for a second?
217
00:10:32,482 --> 00:10:35,349
It's 2019.
Time-tested jokes like that
218
00:10:35,418 --> 00:10:37,251
are now offensive
and not funny at all.
219
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:40,104
Okay, I got to go.
220
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:42,440
I'm taking Courtney
to her first WNBA game.
221
00:10:42,508 --> 00:10:44,275
I got courtside seats.
222
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,655
They're way in the back, but
I'm sitting next to Courtney.
223
00:10:46,679 --> 00:10:49,113
I-I got dad jokes now.
224
00:10:49,182 --> 00:10:50,481
See you, friends.
225
00:10:51,351 --> 00:10:52,984
Yes, 911?
226
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,453
Someone has stolen
the old Quagmire
227
00:10:55,521 --> 00:10:59,324
and replaced him with
a respectable man.
228
00:10:59,392 --> 00:11:00,703
Sir, this line is reserved
229
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:01,793
for emergencies only.
230
00:11:01,861 --> 00:11:03,160
Please end your clammy joke.
231
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:05,029
Okay. Sorry.
232
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:14,525
You remember what I told you?
I'm the best around.
233
00:11:14,574 --> 00:11:16,218
Nothing's gonna
ever keep me down.
234
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:18,710
That's right. I made that up.
Now go get 'em, kiddo.
235
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,645
I'll be watching
with the other moms.
236
00:11:23,133 --> 00:11:25,100
Here's all the usual suspects.
237
00:11:25,168 --> 00:11:27,535
Oh, you're doing a video.
238
00:11:27,604 --> 00:11:30,988
Turn it... G-Get it off.
Glenn, I look terrible.
239
00:11:31,058 --> 00:11:33,091
Glenn, Courtney's up!
240
00:11:33,160 --> 00:11:35,260
Okay, okay,
here we go. Please.
241
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:37,144
Let's go, Courtney!
242
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:45,436
Ah, perfect!
That's a ten!
243
00:11:47,306 --> 00:11:50,608
9.2? 9.2?!
244
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:52,110
9.2?!
245
00:11:55,549 --> 00:11:57,215
9.2?!
246
00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:06,590
9.2?!
I'll give you a 9.2.
247
00:12:06,659 --> 00:12:09,227
On the Richter scale!
248
00:12:09,295 --> 00:12:10,389
Courtney, let's go.
249
00:12:10,413 --> 00:12:12,981
I get to go again.
We do it twice.
250
00:12:13,516 --> 00:12:14,715
Oh.
251
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,298
Let's go, Courtney.
252
00:12:33,269 --> 00:12:35,414
So, you liking
Take Your Daughter
to Work Day?
253
00:12:35,438 --> 00:12:36,571
Uh, yeah!
254
00:12:36,639 --> 00:12:39,407
I can't believe my dad knows
how to fly this thing.
255
00:12:39,475 --> 00:12:42,476
You want to try?
Me? I don't know.
256
00:12:42,545 --> 00:12:43,745
Come on, it's easy.
257
00:12:43,779 --> 00:12:45,023
You don't even need
a college degree,
258
00:12:45,047 --> 00:12:48,048
which is a very scary
true fact. Go ahead.
259
00:12:50,386 --> 00:12:51,719
You're doing great.
Now roll it.
260
00:12:51,787 --> 00:12:53,832
What? No way.
261
00:12:53,856 --> 00:12:56,357
Don't worry,
you're a Quagmire.
It's in your blood.
262
00:12:56,426 --> 00:12:58,492
Grip it and rip it.
Okay.
263
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:04,015
Attagirl. Perfect.
264
00:13:04,084 --> 00:13:05,461
N-No. No, no.
We're not doing that.
265
00:13:05,485 --> 00:13:08,019
I got my daughter
with me today, you perverts.
266
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,598
He's not doing it today.
267
00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,100
- Aw, shoot.
- Another time.
268
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,044
Probably got his kid with him.
269
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:19,308
I'm glad you guys
could finally come over
for dinner.
270
00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:21,032
Sure thing, Lois.
Thanks for having us.
271
00:13:21,101 --> 00:13:23,768
See, Meg?
That's a thigh gap.
272
00:13:23,837 --> 00:13:26,437
Now, Courtney, I'd like
to awkwardly introduce you
273
00:13:26,505 --> 00:13:27,939
to someone your own age.
274
00:13:28,007 --> 00:13:29,573
Courtney, this is Megan.
275
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,886
Maybe you listen
to the same music.
276
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:32,321
Hey.
Hey.
277
00:13:32,345 --> 00:13:33,911
Yo, Courtney,
what's your Instagram?
278
00:13:33,980 --> 00:13:35,146
I just got on there
279
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:36,591
and need some interesting
peeps to follow.
280
00:13:36,615 --> 00:13:38,782
Oh, you'll have to ask my dad.
281
00:13:38,852 --> 00:13:40,985
He approves
all my follow requests.
282
00:13:41,054 --> 00:13:43,787
Denied! Nice try, ass.
283
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:46,085
Hey, have you guys seen
the Wonder Woman film?
284
00:13:46,109 --> 00:13:47,842
Yeah, no.
Oh, you have to.
285
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,110
It's a triumph.
286
00:13:49,178 --> 00:13:51,245
Courts and I
have seen it five times.
287
00:13:51,314 --> 00:13:52,692
It's an important movie, Peter.
288
00:13:52,716 --> 00:13:55,215
You should watch it with Meg.
It's a masterwork.
289
00:13:55,284 --> 00:13:57,046
Oh, I've been wanting
to see that.
290
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,536
Okay, we totally will.
291
00:14:00,640 --> 00:14:02,340
Hey, Dad,
I just checked the weather,
292
00:14:02,409 --> 00:14:04,825
and it looks like sunny skies
all weekend.
293
00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:07,662
You guys have big plans?
Yeah, we're going camping.
294
00:14:07,730 --> 00:14:09,964
Hey, you and Meg should
come with us, Peter.
295
00:14:10,032 --> 00:14:12,277
We'll make it
a father-daughter
bonding weekend.
296
00:14:12,301 --> 00:14:15,470
Oh, that's a great idea.
Yeah, let's go, Dad.
297
00:14:15,538 --> 00:14:17,538
Y-You know who you should take
instead of me?
298
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:20,074
Uh, Stewie or-or Chris or Brian.
299
00:14:20,142 --> 00:14:21,776
May-Maybe Lois.
300
00:14:21,845 --> 00:14:23,644
Or Seamus is fun.
301
00:14:23,713 --> 00:14:25,947
Carter Pewterschmidt,
Babs Pewterschmidt,
302
00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:27,982
Bonnie, Joe, their son Kevin,
303
00:14:28,050 --> 00:14:30,852
Cleveland, Jerome,
Bruce, Opie, Carl,
304
00:14:30,920 --> 00:14:33,754
the "phony" guy,
the ostrich, Al Harrington,
305
00:14:33,823 --> 00:14:37,024
Billy Finn, John Travolta
from one of our cutaways,
306
00:14:37,093 --> 00:14:40,094
uh, all of our characters
as Star Wars characters,
307
00:14:40,162 --> 00:14:41,974
everybody from
The Cleveland Show,
308
00:14:41,998 --> 00:14:43,464
Cherry Chevapravatdumrong...
309
00:14:43,533 --> 00:14:44,810
That's how that name
is pronounced...
310
00:14:44,834 --> 00:14:47,234
The Orville...
The ship, not the cast...
311
00:14:47,303 --> 00:14:49,686
Um, me... Aw, damn it!
312
00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:51,322
Okay, fine. I'll go.
313
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,535
Thank you.
Cool.
314
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,125
I heard my name, too.
I'm in!
315
00:14:55,194 --> 00:14:57,728
No? I'll drive,
buy snacks?
316
00:14:57,797 --> 00:14:59,530
No? Okay.
317
00:14:59,599 --> 00:15:01,919
Everyone else is out here, too.
318
00:15:10,026 --> 00:15:12,893
Oh, my God,
it's literally everyone.
319
00:15:12,962 --> 00:15:15,680
That can only mean...
show ghosts!
320
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:17,882
♪ ♪
321
00:15:27,893 --> 00:15:29,877
♪ ♪
322
00:15:40,206 --> 00:15:42,051
I'm really glad
you decided to bring Meg
323
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,019
on this camping trip, Peter.
It's gonna be great.
324
00:15:44,043 --> 00:15:47,443
Because we're in the...
Because we're in
the great outdoors.
325
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:50,993
Ah.
326
00:15:51,017 --> 00:15:53,497
You don't get air like this
back in Quahog, do you, Pete?
327
00:15:53,553 --> 00:15:55,770
Uh, I don't know.
Some places, probably.
328
00:15:55,839 --> 00:15:59,640
Hoo-ah! Gosh, being in nature
gives me such great energy.
329
00:15:59,709 --> 00:16:02,021
Hey, Courtney, you ever see
a yellow-headed warbler?
330
00:16:02,045 --> 00:16:04,278
That's the only warbler
I haven't seen.
331
00:16:04,347 --> 00:16:05,946
Not for long it's not.
332
00:16:08,284 --> 00:16:09,617
Don't answer that.
333
00:16:09,686 --> 00:16:11,569
We're eating.
334
00:16:11,638 --> 00:16:12,837
They're probably eating.
335
00:16:12,905 --> 00:16:14,850
Okay, we're gonna have
a fun camp competition.
336
00:16:14,874 --> 00:16:17,508
And the first event,
worth five points,
337
00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,321
is a race down to the lake
right now!
338
00:16:19,345 --> 00:16:21,356
Last one there is
a stinky poo-poo egg!
339
00:16:21,380 --> 00:16:23,130
Come on, Dad!
340
00:16:23,199 --> 00:16:26,634
What Meg didn't know,
what none of them knew,
341
00:16:26,703 --> 00:16:28,269
is that I already was
342
00:16:28,338 --> 00:16:30,238
a stinky poo-poo egg.
343
00:16:34,777 --> 00:16:36,444
Boy, you don't get
stars like this
344
00:16:36,512 --> 00:16:37,856
back in Quahog, do you, Pete?
345
00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:39,213
Stop calling me Pete.
346
00:16:39,282 --> 00:16:41,849
I know what'll cheer you up.
Skits!
347
00:16:41,917 --> 00:16:43,929
♪ Skits, skits, skits, skits ♪
348
00:16:43,953 --> 00:16:45,853
♪ Skits, skits,skits, skits ♪
349
00:16:45,921 --> 00:16:47,855
♪ Skits-skits-skits-skits,skits-skits ♪
350
00:16:47,923 --> 00:16:49,456
♪ Skits! ♪
351
00:16:53,779 --> 00:16:56,381
Well, isn't this
a perfect bench for a sit.
352
00:16:58,151 --> 00:17:00,684
Say, Dad, what are you doing?
353
00:17:00,753 --> 00:17:02,820
Oh, just sitting on
the invisible bench,
354
00:17:02,889 --> 00:17:05,156
reading about those
North Korea jokesters.
355
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:08,893
But, Dad, they moved
the invisible bench last week.
356
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,961
Oh. It's over there now.
357
00:17:12,265 --> 00:17:14,081
Whoa!
358
00:17:17,404 --> 00:17:20,104
Ladies and gentlemen,
"The Invisible Bench" skit.
359
00:17:21,741 --> 00:17:23,140
Peter, you're up.
360
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:26,010
Okay, here's one.
I call it
"The Invisible Noose."
361
00:17:26,079 --> 00:17:28,157
First, I throw a rope
over this tree limb,
362
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,892
put the noose around my neck.
363
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,593
Now I'll just step
onto this rock
364
00:17:31,617 --> 00:17:34,618
and jump off into
the sweet relief of death.
365
00:17:39,425 --> 00:17:41,225
Peter, would you mind
flattening your rod?
366
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,733
Fine. I'll Tootsie it
between my thighs.
367
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:46,496
Yeah, okay, whatever gets it
away from my daughter's face.
368
00:17:52,422 --> 00:17:54,466
Are you eating an apple
with a knife?
369
00:17:54,490 --> 00:17:56,435
God, that's always so forced.
370
00:17:56,459 --> 00:17:59,026
Hold on.
We've been here already.
371
00:17:59,595 --> 00:18:00,795
Yeah, she's right.
372
00:18:00,830 --> 00:18:02,863
That's where I graffitied
that rock.
373
00:18:05,484 --> 00:18:08,202
We've changed our minds.
We're going on record.
374
00:18:08,287 --> 00:18:09,620
We're not lost, all right?
375
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,789
We're just two dads
bonding with our daughters,
376
00:18:11,858 --> 00:18:13,501
and getting lost
is not part of the plan.
377
00:18:13,525 --> 00:18:14,636
All right, nobody panic.
378
00:18:14,660 --> 00:18:15,971
We just need to get
our bearings.
379
00:18:15,995 --> 00:18:17,394
Hey, here comes a hiker.
380
00:18:17,463 --> 00:18:19,296
Excuse me, sir, we're lost.
381
00:18:19,365 --> 00:18:21,932
Ha! Then you must be
my car keys, right?
382
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:24,935
It is so nice
to get out of the city
383
00:18:25,004 --> 00:18:26,604
and meet friendly people.
384
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:29,073
You're not helping, Dad.
As usual.
385
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:30,803
Well, at least
I didn't get us lost.
386
00:18:30,827 --> 00:18:34,261
We're not lost!
We're just...
two dads in the woods,
387
00:18:34,330 --> 00:18:36,931
who love our daughters
very, very much.
388
00:18:36,999 --> 00:18:39,466
Okay, so maybe it's not
the life we chose.
389
00:18:39,535 --> 00:18:42,103
Well, you chose it.
I didn't.
That's for damn sure!
390
00:18:42,188 --> 00:18:43,665
Dad, will you help him?
Shh.
391
00:18:43,689 --> 00:18:45,651
I've been waiting for this.
I knew it was fake.
392
00:18:45,675 --> 00:18:47,274
Dad, I'm sorry.
I didn't...
393
00:18:47,342 --> 00:18:49,476
I'm not Dad!
I'm Quagmire!
394
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:50,978
Glenn Quagmire!
395
00:18:51,047 --> 00:18:52,479
Giggity fuckin' giggity!
396
00:18:52,548 --> 00:18:54,615
I don't want to be out here!
I hate camping!
397
00:18:54,684 --> 00:18:56,962
And what the hell
was the theme
of that stupid prom?!
398
00:18:56,986 --> 00:18:58,830
All the cups said,
"Oh, What a Night!"
399
00:18:58,854 --> 00:19:01,266
I mean, if it was,
"Oh, What a Knight"
with a "K,"
400
00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:02,568
that would've made some sense,
401
00:19:02,592 --> 00:19:03,869
'cause there was
a suit of armor there.
402
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:06,004
What was that about?
Answer me!
403
00:19:06,028 --> 00:19:08,796
I-I think it's possible
to overthink these things.
404
00:19:08,864 --> 00:19:10,481
Ugh, what a mish-mosh.
405
00:19:10,549 --> 00:19:12,049
Damn it, I just want to be home,
406
00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:14,986
not here, lost in the woods,
looking at this stupid map
407
00:19:15,054 --> 00:19:16,134
with a magnifying glass.
408
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,205
Aah!
409
00:19:18,274 --> 00:19:20,274
♪ ♪
410
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,331
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
411
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:28,632
I don't know.
412
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:31,235
Help!
Dear God,
someone help us!
413
00:19:31,287 --> 00:19:32,986
You know when this
would never happen?
414
00:19:33,055 --> 00:19:35,389
If I was sitting
on the couch,
watching TV,
415
00:19:35,458 --> 00:19:36,624
ignoring you completely.
416
00:19:36,692 --> 00:19:37,902
Peter, what are you two
talking about?!
417
00:19:37,926 --> 00:19:39,059
We're doomed here!
418
00:19:39,128 --> 00:19:41,345
Yup, 'cause of your bad daddin'.
419
00:19:41,413 --> 00:19:42,679
Now I might not make it
420
00:19:42,748 --> 00:19:45,382
to every one of your recitals
or whatever you do,
421
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:48,402
but have I ever gotten you
surrounded by forest fire?
422
00:19:48,471 --> 00:19:51,655
No. I guess
you're not so bad.
423
00:19:56,812 --> 00:20:00,147
Now let's get ready
to be burned alive.
424
00:20:00,216 --> 00:20:03,150
Courtney, I'm sorry
for what I said earlier.
425
00:20:03,219 --> 00:20:05,686
You mean when you completely
ripped my school dance theme?
426
00:20:05,754 --> 00:20:07,599
No, no, there was
no theme to rip.
427
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,634
That's the point.
I stand by all of that.
428
00:20:09,658 --> 00:20:11,203
If anything, I'm more angry.
429
00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:13,138
No, I'm-I'm talking about
being your father
430
00:20:13,162 --> 00:20:14,612
before I was ready.
431
00:20:14,664 --> 00:20:17,397
I promise, if we make it
out of here,
432
00:20:17,466 --> 00:20:19,066
we can start again.
433
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,669
Deal?
Deal.
434
00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:30,561
9/11!
435
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:32,730
Boston Strong!
436
00:20:32,798 --> 00:20:34,281
Oh, it's Smitty.
437
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:35,616
We're saved!
438
00:20:35,685 --> 00:20:37,785
But we should warn the birds
the fire's coming.
439
00:20:40,623 --> 00:20:42,790
All right, stay calm.
440
00:20:42,859 --> 00:20:46,293
Grab the pictures.
I'll get your mother's ashes.
441
00:20:51,868 --> 00:20:54,401
Wow, Peter, that was
a close call with that fire,
442
00:20:54,470 --> 00:20:57,088
but I'm glad you all
made it back safe and sound.
443
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,722
Yeah, me, too.
444
00:20:58,791 --> 00:20:59,890
What the hell?
445
00:20:59,959 --> 00:21:01,658
Oh, I hope it's okay.
446
00:21:01,727 --> 00:21:03,494
I bought some more pillows.
447
00:21:07,199 --> 00:21:09,967
I mean, what is the deal
with women and pillows?
448
00:21:10,036 --> 00:21:11,479
Has-has anyone else
noticed this?
449
00:21:11,503 --> 00:21:13,503
No.
450
00:21:13,572 --> 00:21:17,241
No one? But I-I got
three minutes
of material on pillows.
451
00:21:17,310 --> 00:21:19,910
We don't want to hear it.
33201
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
