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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
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00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,273
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
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00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,943
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:15,014
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:18,317
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,703
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
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♪ All the thingsthat make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Stone fruit season!
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Now, those are
what my granddaddy called
12
00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,006
"proposin' peaches."
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Don't be shy, now.
Dig in.
14
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,982
Whoa-ho!
15
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,386
Here I go.
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Don't you do it.
Don't you go
to the gross side.
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00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,612
It's out of my control.
18
00:01:03,681 --> 00:01:05,180
They're too... juicy.
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00:01:05,248 --> 00:01:06,728
We exchanged a look earlier.
20
00:01:06,784 --> 00:01:08,784
We have a grossed-out,
no-fun alliance.
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00:01:11,188 --> 00:01:12,654
So, you guys like peaches, huh?
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00:01:12,723 --> 00:01:13,833
Yeah.
Hold on.
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00:01:13,857 --> 00:01:15,557
I need a large pane of glass.
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00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,144
Well, I got her phone number.
25
00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,940
How do you like them peaches?
26
00:01:20,964 --> 00:01:22,664
"888-LAP-BAND"?
27
00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:25,050
Covered by most insurance.
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00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:26,868
Guys, check it out.
29
00:01:26,937 --> 00:01:29,671
In honor of opening day
at Fenway Park this weekend,
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00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,841
the Red Sox are offering
four tickets behind home plate
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00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:35,627
to the person who makes
the best Red Sox ad.
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00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,207
Oh...
My...
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00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,231
Freaking...
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Guys, winning those seats
is our highest priority.
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00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,838
Even higher than my dream
of winning socks-on karate.
36
00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:53,111
Point! Winner!
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00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,620
Ow!
Ow!
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Ah, this is the life.
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00:02:01,839 --> 00:02:04,405
Thanks, Peter.
I still can't believe you won
40
00:02:04,474 --> 00:02:06,975
by filming yourself pooping
in a Yankees helmet.
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00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,910
I am not a subtle filmmaker,
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00:02:08,979 --> 00:02:11,613
and my audience wouldn't
have it any other way.
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00:02:11,681 --> 00:02:14,366
Joe, what are you eating
your ice cream out of?
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00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:16,446
They ran out of those
mini batting helmets,
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00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,670
so they're serving it in
athletic cups.
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00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,873
Did you buy that
from a certified vendor?
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00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,809
He wasn't behind a counter,
but he had a blue shirt on.
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00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:27,212
I think somebody
might be having
a little fun with you.
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00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,760
Yeah, come to think of it,
he did have a friend filming
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00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,428
and he made me
eat the first seven bites
in front of him
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00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:34,664
and he didn't
charge me anything.
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Do you, uh...
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00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:37,723
do you want this?
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00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:38,991
I'll take a bite.
55
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Four beers, please.
56
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,563
Anything else, fellas?
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00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,952
Uh, yeah, I'll have a beer.
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00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,066
Anyone else want another?
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00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,868
Yeah, why not?
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00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,180
- Quagmire?
- I'm good.
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00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:52,364
I'm good with one more.
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00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:54,546
Cleveland?
I'm fine.
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00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,285
Yeah,
I'm fine with one more, too.
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00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,710
I-I'm gonna take it
with me to the can.
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00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:08,286
All right, now to have
the only exciting thing
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00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,390
in the game happen
as soon as I turn my back.
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00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,004
Hey, buddy, that's just
a break in the line
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00:03:42,072 --> 00:03:43,338
so people can pass through.
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00:03:43,406 --> 00:03:44,606
End of the line's that way.
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00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,826
Yeah, it's all the way
to that guy
with the scorebook
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00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,662
just waiting for someone
to talk to.
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00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,909
Don't get used
to Benintendi's
two-strike hitting.
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00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,311
His history will tell you
it's not a sustainable pace
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00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:56,834
for an everyday outfielder.
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00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,823
Aw, screw that.
I'm using the ladies' room.
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00:03:58,872 --> 00:03:59,912
How bad could it be?
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00:04:02,959 --> 00:04:04,258
I saw a mouse.
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00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,511
Buddy, if you really
got to go,
you can use that one.
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00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,765
A bathroom for Prince?
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00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,812
I can't use that.
I'm not Prince.
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00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,602
It's not for Prince.
82
00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,305
Space Cats?
I'm not a Space Cat.
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00:04:17,374 --> 00:04:20,909
Sir, I can assure you
there's no such thing
as Space Cats.
84
00:04:20,978 --> 00:04:23,845
Now, can you direct me
to Earth's reserve of yarn?
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00:04:23,914 --> 00:04:25,194
Aw, screw this.
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00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,300
Excuse me, ma'am,
could you direct me
87
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:31,202
to Earth's reserve
of near-empty tuna tins?
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00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,870
Are you a Space Cat?
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00:04:34,825 --> 00:04:36,925
He's been made.
We've got to call him back.
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00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:39,105
Psst, psst.
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00:04:39,129 --> 00:04:41,449
Psst, psst.
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00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,600
Guys! I found the best toilet
in the whole place.
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00:04:45,668 --> 00:04:48,703
Next time...
Peter!
You're on the jumbotron!
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00:04:48,772 --> 00:04:50,683
Where?
Right there!
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00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,474
Here?
There, Peter, there!
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00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:53,953
Here? Yes?
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00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:55,788
It's right in front
of you, Peter!
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00:04:55,812 --> 00:04:57,657
Right here?
QUAGMIRE and CLEVELAND: No!
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00:04:57,681 --> 00:04:59,325
Oh, over here?
Damn it, Peter,
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00:04:59,349 --> 00:05:00,427
you're gonna miss it!
101
00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,051
Is it... is it... Is this it?
102
00:05:02,119 --> 00:05:04,152
Aha! Where?
103
00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:07,455
Hey, guys, look!
I'm on the jumbotron!
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00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,134
Ladies and gentlemen,
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00:05:09,158 --> 00:05:11,404
let's givea big Boston welcometo Peter Griffin,
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00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:14,663
the first transgender
Red Sox fan.
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00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,965
Peter, you used
the transgender bathroom,
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00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:19,718
so now everyone thinks
you're transgender.
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00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:22,165
Cleveland, what are you
eating your Cracker Jacks
out of?
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00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,489
Oh, the guy said
they were out
of regular boxes,
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00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,492
so he gave me this box.
What did he look like?
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00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,060
Like this.
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00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,862
Hey, that's the ice cream guy!
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00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,732
I got a handful, too, Peter.
115
00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,634
You want to see
who can finish faster?
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00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,268
You're on!
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00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,715
It looks like
we've got ourselves
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00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,239
a good old-fashioned
Cracker Jack off.
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00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,414
Good morning, Peter.
We saw the game last night,
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00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,294
and, well, we just want
you to know
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00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:54,720
that we wholeheartedly support
all transgender people.
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00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,788
But I'm not...
Peter, before you say anything
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00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,157
that might clear all this up,
let me tell you
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00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:03,328
about our stellar transgender
employee benefit package.
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00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,730
Benefits?
I'm trans-listening.
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00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,878
Well, as such,
you're entitled to
supplemental time off,
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00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,335
our on-site masseuse,
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00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:13,104
and a $60 gift card
from Nordstrom Rack.
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00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,551
Nordstrom?!
Rack.
130
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,519
Yeah, but Nordstrom!
Yes, I understand.
131
00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,154
But it's just...
Rack.
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00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,079
Well, in the words
of trailblazer Caitlyn Jenner,
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00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:23,648
"I will do anything
for money and attention."
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00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,250
So brave.
135
00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:28,431
Great. We'll send
the paperwork
down to your office.
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00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,189
Well, better use
the men's room one last time.
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00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,657
Lot of history in there.
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♪ ♪
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You.
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00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,687
And you,
the Hungry Hungry Hippo.
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00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:48,915
You'd always swallow it
before I could see
what I did.
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00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:52,638
And one last look
at my crack imprint
on the walk of fame.
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00:06:54,698 --> 00:06:56,197
God, I remember that day.
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00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,418
I would find out later
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00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,265
that when you put
your ass in wet cement,
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00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,355
you're just
sealing it shut forever.
147
00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,135
Best they could do
was poke holes in it
148
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,959
so it comes out
like Play-Doh spaghetti.
149
00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:10,661
Anyway, that's the first act.
150
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,738
Peter, pretending to be
transgenderm to get
time off work
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00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:22,707
trivializes a real struggle
in this country.
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00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,388
Did the...
did the Space Cats
get to you?
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00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:28,346
I don't know what that is,
but you got to knock this off.
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00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:32,384
And direct me to
Earth's reserve of
sun-dappled window seats.
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00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,885
Lois is right, Peter.
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00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,132
Besides the fact
that you're lying
to your employers,
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00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,833
you're taking advantage
of a civil liberty
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00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,135
that so many oppressed people
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00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,737
have fought
their entire lives for.
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00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,889
Shut your mouth, Brian.
I'm part of a movement.
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00:07:42,913 --> 00:07:44,790
Hey, what is
"transgender," anyway?
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00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:46,292
Is that the stuff
in potato chips
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00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:47,596
that makes your bum go bam?
164
00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:50,085
It-It's pointless
arguing with you.
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00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:52,820
Cool. Now, in order
to pull this off,
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00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,667
I'm gonna have to look the part.
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00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,469
Lois, which dress may I borrow?
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00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:59,827
None!
My closet is off-limits.
169
00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,897
Fine. There's got to be
something in the attic.
170
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:06,117
I can't even
begin to describe
the density of illness
171
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,797
I feel in my bone marrow
right now.
172
00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,921
That is... that is
how appalled I am by this.
173
00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,890
Other guys?
Sorry, Peter.
174
00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,937
I don't see you
getting away with this one.
175
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,472
Look, Peter, the good news is
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00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,729
you still fit
in your wife's wedding gown.
177
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,764
Not every guy can say that.
178
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,266
It's actually Meg's.
She commits murders in it.
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00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,869
What's this, now?
180
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,982
That's just it, Peter...
this whole thing
is a joke to you.
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00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,117
Are you forgetting
I have a dad
who's a woman?
182
00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,685
No, of course not.
That's the first thing
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00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:30,920
everyone thinks of
when they see you.
184
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,477
But th-this isn't like that.
185
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:34,312
And I thought
you guys would support me.
186
00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,831
Like we all supported Joe
on that road trip.
187
00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:40,034
Boy, I am stuffed.
Oh, I forgot to mention,
188
00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,703
one of you guys
has to be in charge
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00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,005
of changing my diaper
the whole trip.
190
00:08:44,073 --> 00:08:45,485
Why don't we
all just switch off?
191
00:08:45,509 --> 00:08:47,609
Oh, there will be other jobs
for other people.
192
00:08:47,678 --> 00:08:50,523
Okay, I guess
we should, like,
draw straws or something.
193
00:08:50,547 --> 00:08:52,113
Actually, I've been
observing all of you
194
00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:55,750
for the past few hours,
and I choose Quagmire.
195
00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:58,586
What? Why me?
You've got long fingers.
196
00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:00,288
And I feel like
you wouldn't crack
197
00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:02,373
if things start to go south.
198
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:05,254
Fine.
How do I know
when it's time?
199
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,978
Well, I'll turn to you,
very sincerely,
200
00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,047
and I'll look you
right in your eyes
201
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,283
and I'll say, "Quagmire,
202
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,918
I've got poopies."
203
00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:14,986
Ugh.
204
00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,921
Now, Quagmire, I've...
205
00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,601
You got poopies. I know.
No!
206
00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,525
You're supposed
to let me say it!
207
00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,662
Quagmire...
208
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,631
I've got poopies.
209
00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:33,766
Dad!
Dad!
210
00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,057
How goes the transition,
Mr. Griffin?
211
00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:39,405
Like Huma Abedin,
I'm trying to forget
about my Weiner.
212
00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:41,696
Whoa, we're doing Cheers,
not Frasier.
213
00:09:41,764 --> 00:09:43,864
Tough day, Dad?
214
00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:45,978
I don't get it.
How does Rebel Wilson
215
00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,435
always look so fetching?
216
00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,237
Does she, though?
You could be, too,
217
00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:51,506
if you just let your hair
down a little.
218
00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,913
Now you just take
that beautiful hair
down to the salon,
219
00:09:58,982 --> 00:10:00,715
and you'll be a ten.
220
00:10:00,784 --> 00:10:02,283
On a scale of a billion?
221
00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,629
Thanks, Chris.
222
00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:05,931
Thanks for helping me
at 11:30 on a school day.
223
00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:07,988
There was a shooting.
224
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,027
♪ She's an old-timeambassador ♪
225
00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:15,597
♪ Of sweet-talking,Night-walking games ♪
226
00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,812
♪ But she's a queenAnd such are queens ♪
227
00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:22,770
♪ That your laughteris sucked in their brains. ♪
228
00:10:22,838 --> 00:10:23,998
I'll take 'em all.
229
00:10:28,077 --> 00:10:29,444
Well, hello.
230
00:10:36,185 --> 00:10:37,963
Where you going, Dad?
Out.
231
00:10:37,987 --> 00:10:40,922
Now that I'm living
as a woman, I can say
whatever I want to men
232
00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:42,123
and they can't hit me.
233
00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:45,604
Oh, hey, Peter.
234
00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:47,228
Sully could've made it
to an airport.
235
00:10:47,296 --> 00:10:49,441
Hey, you shut your mouth!
That man is a hero!
236
00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:51,065
Ah, ah, ah! Woman.
237
00:10:51,134 --> 00:10:52,934
Well, it's definitely true
238
00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:54,947
that I respect
the boundaries of women.
239
00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:57,149
Oh, hey, Sherry, uh,
just-just get in
the fireplace.
240
00:10:57,173 --> 00:10:59,454
I'll-I'll spit down the chimney.
241
00:11:00,844 --> 00:11:02,684
Hey, Joe.
How's the suspension going?
242
00:11:02,712 --> 00:11:03,878
When you get married,
243
00:11:03,947 --> 00:11:06,448
you don't think
you'll be home
together all day.
244
00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:08,583
It's, uh... trying.
245
00:11:08,652 --> 00:11:09,984
Who's at the door?
246
00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,455
It's my friend!
247
00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:14,656
So, what's up, Peter?
248
00:11:14,724 --> 00:11:16,368
I just wanted to tell you
that I'm the one
249
00:11:16,392 --> 00:11:18,704
who planted the evidence
that got you suspended.
250
00:11:18,728 --> 00:11:21,563
What?!
I'm gonna kill you!
251
00:11:21,631 --> 00:11:22,964
Ah, ah, ah! Woman.
252
00:11:23,032 --> 00:11:24,032
Oh, right.
253
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,266
Joe, close the door.
254
00:11:25,335 --> 00:11:26,968
You're letting the bugs in.
255
00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:31,038
Is your daughter
still killing people?
256
00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,122
She is.
257
00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:36,777
Hey, Chris Brown.
258
00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:39,930
I just wanted to say
I'm a huge fan of your music.
259
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,068
This is just gonna
make me listen more.
260
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,270
Oh, hey, Ray Rice.
261
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,338
Would you mind pressing "lobby"?
262
00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,751
What, do you got
potatoes in your ears?
263
00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:49,874
I said press "lobby"!
264
00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:57,882
Now, Peter, one of the perks
of being a woman
265
00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,484
is that you get to go out
and have a white wine,
266
00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,087
squeak-fart lunch
with your friends.
267
00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,557
Did you hear
Diane's husband left her?
268
00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,337
Yeah, you could tell
from the wedding
269
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,906
they were not gonna last.
270
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,174
Oh, it's a shame.
And they have two kids.
271
00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,266
Marriage is hard.
272
00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:22,139
Those machines
in the ladies' room
don't vend pants, do they?
273
00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,288
Don't let 'em take my salad.
I'm still working on it.
274
00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,948
This is so great.
Now that I'm a woman,
275
00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:33,034
I can lean-dance
into anyone's karaoke song.
276
00:12:33,103 --> 00:12:35,769
♪ When you were here before ♪
277
00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:41,142
♪ Couldn't look youin the eye... ♪
278
00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:43,111
Yeah! It's a work night!
279
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,019
Hey, come on.
280
00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,114
Get out of here.
281
00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,082
You're ruining
my birthday party.
282
00:12:48,151 --> 00:12:51,185
♪ Your skinmakes me cry... ♪
283
00:12:51,254 --> 00:12:52,987
Sing Justin Timberlake!
284
00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:55,689
Come on! I waited an hour
and a half for this!
285
00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:58,192
And, hey, get off that bar!
286
00:12:58,261 --> 00:12:59,261
Why?
287
00:12:59,329 --> 00:13:01,262
Because you're at Lowfan
O'Reilly's.
288
00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,984
All right,
where am I on the screen?
289
00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,064
Oh. "Float like a feather
in a beautiful world."
290
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,453
Dah, dah, dah, dah. Okay.
291
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,456
♪ Flippin' special ♪
292
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,427
♪ But I'm a creep... ♪
293
00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,568
What? What happened?
294
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,204
Ah, I knew you'd catch it.
295
00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,372
I'm parting my hair
on the other side now.
296
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,842
Oh, Peter,
thank God you're okay.
297
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,144
Hello, bosses and not my family.
298
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,057
You really gave us
a scare there.
299
00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:36,081
Oh, what do you mean?
300
00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,648
Well, you went into a coma
301
00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,394
after you were hit
in the head by a fan.
302
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,185
Oh, it was funny.
303
00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,721
And then it wasn't.
A coma?
304
00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:46,257
Well, I feel tomato now,
beige spots.
305
00:13:46,309 --> 00:13:49,644
And since the company
was paying for
your medical care anyway,
306
00:13:49,712 --> 00:13:52,313
we fulfilled your letter
of medical intent
307
00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:54,665
for your
sex reassignment surgery.
308
00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,745
What?
She's saying that your surgery
309
00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,003
to become a woman
was a complete success.
310
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,105
It's much easier
going that way, believe me.
311
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,457
Just a chop and a mop.
312
00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:04,124
Congratulations, Peter.
313
00:14:04,193 --> 00:14:06,160
You're officially a woman.
314
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,985
No...!
315
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,854
That is one nutty hospital.
316
00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,363
Peter, I'm sorry
this happened,
but it's your own fault.
317
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,565
You should never
have pretended
to be someone else.
318
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,400
That's right,
but now that it's done,
319
00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:31,246
maybe I can help you
with the transition.
320
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,049
You know, I've always
been a great supporter
of the LGBLT...
321
00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,217
Nope.
LGTE.
322
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,284
No.
GED.
323
00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:37,486
Unrelated.
L.I.E.
324
00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,777
The Long Island Expressway?
NKOTB?
325
00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:42,246
The wrong stuff, Brian.
WNBA?
326
00:14:42,314 --> 00:14:44,865
Yes. Yes, WNBA.
327
00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:47,267
Mom, you know,
our world today is filled
328
00:14:47,337 --> 00:14:49,715
with people like Dad trying
to find their identities.
329
00:14:49,739 --> 00:14:52,540
Whether it's cutters
or people who cut themselves
330
00:14:52,608 --> 00:14:56,109
or people who drag
knives across their thighs
to feel something.
331
00:14:56,178 --> 00:14:57,545
You're right, Meg.
332
00:14:57,613 --> 00:14:59,313
I guess we'll just
have to deal with this,
333
00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:01,615
like when Chris won
that hundred-dollar scratcher
334
00:15:01,684 --> 00:15:03,618
and talked down to everybody.
335
00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:05,820
Your house is so cozy, Joe.
336
00:15:05,889 --> 00:15:08,155
Wish I could get by
with just two bathrooms.
337
00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:09,624
Technically, one and a half.
338
00:15:09,692 --> 00:15:11,392
Leave us alone.
339
00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:13,961
I said, "Leave us alone,"
but, deep down,
340
00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:17,398
I respected and even desired
Chris for his success.
341
00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:19,044
It would take
another eight years
342
00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:20,535
before I summoned the courage
343
00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:23,003
to kiss him
at a backyard barbecue.
344
00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:24,271
And from that moment on...
345
00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,990
Bonnie! Bonnie!
346
00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,676
I've got poopies.
347
00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,783
Thank you for showing me
the 90 things
348
00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,768
women have to do
before going to bed.
349
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,871
Okay, now quick break
to cry for no reason.
350
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,142
Can we do
one last judgmental scroll
through Facebook first?
351
00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,577
Of course.
352
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,013
Congratulations, you went
to a dance club.
353
00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,692
You know, Peter,
if I didn't know better,
354
00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:52,761
I'd say you'd been
a woman for years.
355
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,597
Now we just drift off to sleep,
356
00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,798
thinking about Rick
from Midas Muffler.
357
00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:58,066
I probably won't
be able to sleep
358
00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:01,125
'cause I had two sips of tea
at 3:30 this afternoon.
359
00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,527
That's okay, Peter.
360
00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,229
You can just read
on an impossibly bright iPad
361
00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,618
while I toss and turn
in a pissy way.
362
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,720
You almost done
with the chapter?
363
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,677
Oh, there's no chapters.
It's a Clifford book.
364
00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,784
Thank you, young man.
365
00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:27,985
Wait, before we drink these,
366
00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,287
we got to get a Boomerang
of us cheersing.
367
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,422
What? Why?
368
00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,023
So people know
I'm not in the house.
369
00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:35,059
Ready? One, two, three.
370
00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,772
Cheers!
Cheers.
371
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,407
So, anyway,
Donna thinks that if...
372
00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,509
Wait, wait,
it didn't come out.
I-I'm gonna put the flash on.
373
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,413
Okay, one more time.
No.
374
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,996
Hey, now that
we're all settled
at this table,
375
00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,438
you guys want to move outside
'cause it's such a nice day?
376
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,374
Okay, why don't you go
save us a table outside
377
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:50,524
and we'll be there soon?
378
00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:53,560
Taken. Sorry.
379
00:16:57,533 --> 00:16:58,744
You know, it's fun back here.
380
00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,512
You don't even know
you're in Quahog.
381
00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,770
Please don't talk to us.
You're too fat.
382
00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,635
You want me to start
a new tab for you?
383
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,125
No, you can just
keep ours going.
384
00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,428
Your friends left
the minute you came out here,
385
00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,816
and they didn't
pay their indoor tab.
386
00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,966
I feel so alone.
387
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,151
And that bitch
stole my hairstyles!
388
00:17:19,889 --> 00:17:21,456
Well, hello.
389
00:17:21,524 --> 00:17:23,364
That's what he said to me!
390
00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:27,829
♪ ♪
391
00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,196
Peter?
392
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,153
Ida?
Come, sit.
393
00:17:37,172 --> 00:17:38,539
Well, look at you.
394
00:17:38,608 --> 00:17:40,374
Yeah, look at me.
395
00:17:40,442 --> 00:17:42,910
What's wrong?
It's a long story.
396
00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,661
Yeah, I've heard.
397
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,365
Peter, everything is
gonna be okay.
398
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:48,599
I promise.
399
00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:49,867
O-Okay.
400
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,603
Now, I'm going
to tell you a story.
401
00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,483
When I first met you, Peter,
402
00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,785
I was already at the end
of a long journey
403
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,754
to find the courage
to become a woman.
404
00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,979
But before that,
I lived for 61 years
405
00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,865
as a miserable, miserable man.
406
00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:07,835
I grew up in the small town
of Football, Texas,
407
00:18:07,904 --> 00:18:10,705
and, from the age of eight,
I was mercilessly teased
408
00:18:10,773 --> 00:18:14,208
for being different
and "dressing funny."
409
00:18:14,276 --> 00:18:17,745
Then, at the age of 14,
I had an epiphany.
410
00:18:17,814 --> 00:18:19,180
It was so clear.
411
00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:22,616
I was a girl
trapped in a boy's body.
412
00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,452
I'm having a hard time
focusing without a drink,
but go on.
413
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:30,390
It took me 47 years
from that day
to officially own who I am.
414
00:18:30,459 --> 00:18:32,243
Is there a waiter or...?
415
00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:36,614
In those 47 years,
I became an expert
at hiding my secret.
416
00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:39,617
I became a war hero
and raised a family,
417
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,485
but I was dying inside.
418
00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,120
And the deeper I buried it,
419
00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:45,055
the more unhappy I became,
420
00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,592
and, eventually,
I even thought
of ending my own life.
421
00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,489
But I couldn't do that to Glenn.
422
00:18:50,513 --> 00:18:52,513
I had no idea.
423
00:18:52,581 --> 00:18:54,526
It's clear you had no idea.
424
00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,295
You know nothing
about what it means
425
00:18:56,319 --> 00:18:57,599
to feel this struggle.
426
00:18:58,287 --> 00:18:59,520
Yeah, you're right.
427
00:18:59,589 --> 00:19:01,622
I kind of stumbled
into all this,
428
00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:04,258
but you've been dealing
with it your whole life.
429
00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:06,227
Yes, I have.
430
00:19:06,295 --> 00:19:08,862
And my story,
to one degree or another,
431
00:19:08,931 --> 00:19:11,198
is every
transgender person's story,
432
00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,867
and all those stories
are the price of admission
433
00:19:13,936 --> 00:19:17,003
to finally feeling at peace
with who you are...
434
00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:19,056
A price you never paid.
435
00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,692
Ah, I'm so sorry, Ida.
436
00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,560
I feel really awful,
437
00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:26,130
and I'm a really bad person
for what I did.
438
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:29,082
I deserve what happened to me.
439
00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:31,585
Touching story,
other people humans.
440
00:19:31,654 --> 00:19:33,020
Now, could you direct me
441
00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,873
to Earth's reserve
of other dog butts?
442
00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:37,975
That's right, that's right.
443
00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,544
Everybody natural.
444
00:19:40,463 --> 00:19:42,062
Peter, listen to me.
445
00:19:42,131 --> 00:19:43,930
You were a bad person.
446
00:19:43,999 --> 00:19:46,400
But now you've taken a journey.
447
00:19:46,469 --> 00:19:49,429
It just took
becoming a woman
to make you a better man.
448
00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:51,171
But I'll never
be that better man.
449
00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,340
I can't afford
the surgery to go back.
450
00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:56,187
I think I might
be able to help you
with that, Peter.
451
00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:57,978
Really?
Yes.
452
00:19:58,046 --> 00:19:59,046
I've got an idea.
453
00:20:02,551 --> 00:20:04,451
What a day.
454
00:20:08,724 --> 00:20:10,558
Oh, Peter,
you started a Kickstarter.
455
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,626
Not exactly.
456
00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:15,212
Oh, that's...
that's not a "K."
457
00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,125
Look at that.
You're up to six inches.
458
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,727
That's two inches
past your goal.
459
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,685
It's not important
what the goal was.
460
00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,921
What's important
is this community cares.
461
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,322
Congratulations, Mr. Griffin.
462
00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,291
Your surgery was a success.
463
00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,640
You're a man again.
464
00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:30,777
Sully was a hero!
465
00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:38,985
Well, I'm glad
everything's back to normal.
466
00:20:39,054 --> 00:20:40,086
I'll say.
467
00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,223
Dad, you lost a wiener
but came out a winner.
468
00:20:44,527 --> 00:20:46,305
Well, that does it
for our crossover episode.
469
00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,795
Thanks for coming,
cast of Bob's Burgers.
470
00:20:48,865 --> 00:20:50,442
We didn't get to do anything.
471
00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:51,698
Show's 22 minutes long.
472
00:20:51,767 --> 00:20:52,911
Not everything makes it to air.
473
00:20:52,935 --> 00:20:54,268
But, hey, you have the floor
474
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,014
if there's
something hilarious
you want to say.
475
00:20:56,038 --> 00:20:57,604
I'll just sit here and be quiet.
476
00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,074
Give us two Emmys'
worth of amazing.
477
00:21:00,142 --> 00:21:02,943
Maybe a funny
burger name? No?
478
00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,478
Girl in the bunny ears?
479
00:21:04,546 --> 00:21:07,181
Boy, I love it
when characters
are expressed by props.
480
00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,516
I kind of feel like
this is less of a crossover
481
00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:10,795
and more of a roast.
482
00:21:10,819 --> 00:21:12,519
No, a roast is good-natured.
35820
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