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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,635 --> 00:00:04,903 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,273 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,943 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:12,013 --> 00:00:15,014 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:15,082 --> 00:00:18,317 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,703 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:23,399 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,423 --> 00:00:24,923 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:30,062 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:36,303 --> 00:00:38,081 Stone fruit season! 11 00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:40,439 Now, those are what my granddaddy called 12 00:00:40,507 --> 00:00:42,006 "proposin' peaches." 13 00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,104 Don't be shy, now. Dig in. 14 00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,982 Whoa-ho! 15 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:54,386 Here I go. 16 00:00:59,777 --> 00:01:02,097 Don't you do it. Don't you go to the gross side. 17 00:01:02,145 --> 00:01:03,612 It's out of my control. 18 00:01:03,681 --> 00:01:05,180 They're too... juicy. 19 00:01:05,248 --> 00:01:06,728 We exchanged a look earlier. 20 00:01:06,784 --> 00:01:08,784 We have a grossed-out, no-fun alliance. 21 00:01:11,188 --> 00:01:12,654 So, you guys like peaches, huh? 22 00:01:12,723 --> 00:01:13,833 Yeah. Hold on. 23 00:01:13,857 --> 00:01:15,557 I need a large pane of glass. 24 00:01:17,510 --> 00:01:19,144 Well, I got her phone number. 25 00:01:19,213 --> 00:01:20,940 How do you like them peaches? 26 00:01:20,964 --> 00:01:22,664 "888-LAP-BAND"? 27 00:01:22,732 --> 00:01:25,050 Covered by most insurance. 28 00:01:25,118 --> 00:01:26,868 Guys, check it out. 29 00:01:26,937 --> 00:01:29,671 In honor of opening day at Fenway Park this weekend, 30 00:01:29,740 --> 00:01:32,841 the Red Sox are offering four tickets behind home plate 31 00:01:32,910 --> 00:01:35,627 to the person who makes the best Red Sox ad. 32 00:01:35,695 --> 00:01:37,207 Oh... My... 33 00:01:37,231 --> 00:01:38,231 Freaking... 34 00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:43,034 Guys, winning those seats is our highest priority. 35 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,838 Even higher than my dream of winning socks-on karate. 36 00:01:51,345 --> 00:01:53,111 Point! Winner! 37 00:01:53,180 --> 00:01:54,620 Ow! Ow! 38 00:01:59,870 --> 00:02:01,770 Ah, this is the life. 39 00:02:01,839 --> 00:02:04,405 Thanks, Peter. I still can't believe you won 40 00:02:04,474 --> 00:02:06,975 by filming yourself pooping in a Yankees helmet. 41 00:02:07,044 --> 00:02:08,910 I am not a subtle filmmaker, 42 00:02:08,979 --> 00:02:11,613 and my audience wouldn't have it any other way. 43 00:02:11,681 --> 00:02:14,366 Joe, what are you eating your ice cream out of? 44 00:02:14,434 --> 00:02:16,446 They ran out of those mini batting helmets, 45 00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:18,670 so they're serving it in athletic cups. 46 00:02:18,739 --> 00:02:20,873 Did you buy that from a certified vendor? 47 00:02:20,941 --> 00:02:23,809 He wasn't behind a counter, but he had a blue shirt on. 48 00:02:23,878 --> 00:02:27,212 I think somebody might be having a little fun with you. 49 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,760 Yeah, come to think of it, he did have a friend filming 50 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:32,428 and he made me eat the first seven bites in front of him 51 00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:34,664 and he didn't charge me anything. 52 00:02:34,688 --> 00:02:36,354 Do you, uh... 53 00:02:36,423 --> 00:02:37,723 do you want this? 54 00:02:37,791 --> 00:02:38,991 I'll take a bite. 55 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,440 Four beers, please. 56 00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:44,563 Anything else, fellas? 57 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:45,952 Uh, yeah, I'll have a beer. 58 00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,066 Anyone else want another? 59 00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,868 Yeah, why not? 60 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:51,180 - Quagmire? - I'm good. 61 00:02:51,204 --> 00:02:52,364 I'm good with one more. 62 00:02:53,306 --> 00:02:54,546 Cleveland? I'm fine. 63 00:02:54,608 --> 00:02:56,285 Yeah, I'm fine with one more, too. 64 00:02:56,309 --> 00:02:58,710 I-I'm gonna take it with me to the can. 65 00:03:05,552 --> 00:03:08,286 All right, now to have the only exciting thing 66 00:03:08,355 --> 00:03:11,390 in the game happen as soon as I turn my back. 67 00:03:40,303 --> 00:03:42,004 Hey, buddy, that's just a break in the line 68 00:03:42,072 --> 00:03:43,338 so people can pass through. 69 00:03:43,406 --> 00:03:44,606 End of the line's that way. 70 00:03:46,726 --> 00:03:48,826 Yeah, it's all the way to that guy with the scorebook 71 00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,662 just waiting for someone to talk to. 72 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,909 Don't get used to Benintendi's two-strike hitting. 73 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:55,311 His history will tell you it's not a sustainable pace 74 00:03:55,335 --> 00:03:56,834 for an everyday outfielder. 75 00:03:56,903 --> 00:03:58,823 Aw, screw that. I'm using the ladies' room. 76 00:03:58,872 --> 00:03:59,912 How bad could it be? 77 00:04:02,959 --> 00:04:04,258 I saw a mouse. 78 00:04:04,327 --> 00:04:06,511 Buddy, if you really got to go, you can use that one. 79 00:04:08,999 --> 00:04:10,765 A bathroom for Prince? 80 00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,812 I can't use that. I'm not Prince. 81 00:04:12,836 --> 00:04:14,602 It's not for Prince. 82 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:17,305 Space Cats? I'm not a Space Cat. 83 00:04:17,374 --> 00:04:20,909 Sir, I can assure you there's no such thing as Space Cats. 84 00:04:20,978 --> 00:04:23,845 Now, can you direct me to Earth's reserve of yarn? 85 00:04:23,914 --> 00:04:25,194 Aw, screw this. 86 00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,300 Excuse me, ma'am, could you direct me 87 00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:31,202 to Earth's reserve of near-empty tuna tins? 88 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:32,870 Are you a Space Cat? 89 00:04:34,825 --> 00:04:36,925 He's been made. We've got to call him back. 90 00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:39,105 Psst, psst. 91 00:04:39,129 --> 00:04:41,449 Psst, psst. 92 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:45,600 Guys! I found the best toilet in the whole place. 93 00:04:45,668 --> 00:04:48,703 Next time... Peter! You're on the jumbotron! 94 00:04:48,772 --> 00:04:50,683 Where? Right there! 95 00:04:50,707 --> 00:04:52,474 Here? There, Peter, there! 96 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:53,953 Here? Yes? 97 00:04:53,977 --> 00:04:55,788 It's right in front of you, Peter! 98 00:04:55,812 --> 00:04:57,657 Right here? QUAGMIRE and CLEVELAND: No! 99 00:04:57,681 --> 00:04:59,325 Oh, over here? Damn it, Peter, 100 00:04:59,349 --> 00:05:00,427 you're gonna miss it! 101 00:05:00,451 --> 00:05:02,051 Is it... is it... Is this it? 102 00:05:02,119 --> 00:05:04,152 Aha! Where? 103 00:05:04,221 --> 00:05:07,455 Hey, guys, look! I'm on the jumbotron! 104 00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,134 Ladies and gentlemen, 105 00:05:09,158 --> 00:05:11,404 let's give a big Boston welcome to Peter Griffin, 106 00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:14,663 the first transgender Red Sox fan. 107 00:05:14,731 --> 00:05:16,965 Peter, you used the transgender bathroom, 108 00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:19,718 so now everyone thinks you're transgender. 109 00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:22,165 Cleveland, what are you eating your Cracker Jacks out of? 110 00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,489 Oh, the guy said they were out of regular boxes, 111 00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:27,492 so he gave me this box. What did he look like? 112 00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,060 Like this. 113 00:05:29,129 --> 00:05:30,862 Hey, that's the ice cream guy! 114 00:05:31,999 --> 00:05:33,732 I got a handful, too, Peter. 115 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:35,634 You want to see who can finish faster? 116 00:05:35,702 --> 00:05:37,268 You're on! 117 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:38,715 It looks like we've got ourselves 118 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:41,239 a good old-fashioned Cracker Jack off. 119 00:05:46,980 --> 00:05:49,414 Good morning, Peter. We saw the game last night, 120 00:05:49,482 --> 00:05:51,294 and, well, we just want you to know 121 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:54,720 that we wholeheartedly support all transgender people. 122 00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,788 But I'm not... Peter, before you say anything 123 00:05:56,856 --> 00:05:59,157 that might clear all this up, let me tell you 124 00:05:59,226 --> 00:06:03,328 about our stellar transgender employee benefit package. 125 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,730 Benefits? I'm trans-listening. 126 00:06:05,799 --> 00:06:08,878 Well, as such, you're entitled to supplemental time off, 127 00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:10,335 our on-site masseuse, 128 00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:13,104 and a $60 gift card from Nordstrom Rack. 129 00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:14,551 Nordstrom?! Rack. 130 00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,519 Yeah, but Nordstrom! Yes, I understand. 131 00:06:16,543 --> 00:06:18,154 But it's just... Rack. 132 00:06:18,178 --> 00:06:21,079 Well, in the words of trailblazer Caitlyn Jenner, 133 00:06:21,147 --> 00:06:23,648 "I will do anything for money and attention." 134 00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,250 So brave. 135 00:06:25,319 --> 00:06:28,431 Great. We'll send the paperwork down to your office. 136 00:06:28,455 --> 00:06:31,189 Well, better use the men's room one last time. 137 00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:32,657 Lot of history in there. 138 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:37,062 ♪ ♪ 139 00:06:40,817 --> 00:06:42,584 You. 140 00:06:42,653 --> 00:06:45,687 And you, the Hungry Hungry Hippo. 141 00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:48,915 You'd always swallow it before I could see what I did. 142 00:06:48,958 --> 00:06:52,638 And one last look at my crack imprint on the walk of fame. 143 00:06:54,698 --> 00:06:56,197 God, I remember that day. 144 00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:00,418 I would find out later 145 00:07:00,487 --> 00:07:02,265 that when you put your ass in wet cement, 146 00:07:02,289 --> 00:07:04,355 you're just sealing it shut forever. 147 00:07:04,424 --> 00:07:06,135 Best they could do was poke holes in it 148 00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,959 so it comes out like Play-Doh spaghetti. 149 00:07:08,795 --> 00:07:10,661 Anyway, that's the first act. 150 00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,738 Peter, pretending to be transgenderm to get time off work 151 00:07:19,806 --> 00:07:22,707 trivializes a real struggle in this country. 152 00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,388 Did the... did the Space Cats get to you? 153 00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:28,346 I don't know what that is, but you got to knock this off. 154 00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:32,384 And direct me to Earth's reserve of sun-dappled window seats. 155 00:07:32,452 --> 00:07:33,885 Lois is right, Peter. 156 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,132 Besides the fact that you're lying to your employers, 157 00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:37,833 you're taking advantage of a civil liberty 158 00:07:37,857 --> 00:07:39,135 that so many oppressed people 159 00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:40,737 have fought their entire lives for. 160 00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:42,889 Shut your mouth, Brian. I'm part of a movement. 161 00:07:42,913 --> 00:07:44,790 Hey, what is "transgender," anyway? 162 00:07:44,814 --> 00:07:46,292 Is that the stuff in potato chips 163 00:07:46,316 --> 00:07:47,596 that makes your bum go bam? 164 00:07:47,650 --> 00:07:50,085 It-It's pointless arguing with you. 165 00:07:50,153 --> 00:07:52,820 Cool. Now, in order to pull this off, 166 00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,667 I'm gonna have to look the part. 167 00:07:54,691 --> 00:07:56,469 Lois, which dress may I borrow? 168 00:07:56,493 --> 00:07:59,827 None! My closet is off-limits. 169 00:07:59,897 --> 00:08:01,897 Fine. There's got to be something in the attic. 170 00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:06,117 I can't even begin to describe the density of illness 171 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,797 I feel in my bone marrow right now. 172 00:08:07,821 --> 00:08:09,921 That is... that is how appalled I am by this. 173 00:08:09,990 --> 00:08:11,890 Other guys? Sorry, Peter. 174 00:08:11,959 --> 00:08:13,937 I don't see you getting away with this one. 175 00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,472 Look, Peter, the good news is 176 00:08:15,496 --> 00:08:17,729 you still fit in your wife's wedding gown. 177 00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:19,764 Not every guy can say that. 178 00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,266 It's actually Meg's. She commits murders in it. 179 00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:23,869 What's this, now? 180 00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,982 That's just it, Peter... this whole thing is a joke to you. 181 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:28,117 Are you forgetting I have a dad who's a woman? 182 00:08:28,141 --> 00:08:29,685 No, of course not. That's the first thing 183 00:08:29,709 --> 00:08:30,920 everyone thinks of when they see you. 184 00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,477 But th-this isn't like that. 185 00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:34,312 And I thought you guys would support me. 186 00:08:34,381 --> 00:08:36,831 Like we all supported Joe on that road trip. 187 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:40,034 Boy, I am stuffed. Oh, I forgot to mention, 188 00:08:40,103 --> 00:08:41,703 one of you guys has to be in charge 189 00:08:41,772 --> 00:08:44,005 of changing my diaper the whole trip. 190 00:08:44,073 --> 00:08:45,485 Why don't we all just switch off? 191 00:08:45,509 --> 00:08:47,609 Oh, there will be other jobs for other people. 192 00:08:47,678 --> 00:08:50,523 Okay, I guess we should, like, draw straws or something. 193 00:08:50,547 --> 00:08:52,113 Actually, I've been observing all of you 194 00:08:52,182 --> 00:08:55,750 for the past few hours, and I choose Quagmire. 195 00:08:55,819 --> 00:08:58,586 What? Why me? You've got long fingers. 196 00:08:58,655 --> 00:09:00,288 And I feel like you wouldn't crack 197 00:09:00,357 --> 00:09:02,373 if things start to go south. 198 00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:05,254 Fine. How do I know when it's time? 199 00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:07,978 Well, I'll turn to you, very sincerely, 200 00:09:08,047 --> 00:09:10,047 and I'll look you right in your eyes 201 00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:12,283 and I'll say, "Quagmire, 202 00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:13,918 I've got poopies." 203 00:09:13,986 --> 00:09:14,986 Ugh. 204 00:09:15,054 --> 00:09:16,921 Now, Quagmire, I've... 205 00:09:16,989 --> 00:09:18,601 You got poopies. I know. No! 206 00:09:18,625 --> 00:09:20,525 You're supposed to let me say it! 207 00:09:22,596 --> 00:09:24,662 Quagmire... 208 00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:26,631 I've got poopies. 209 00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:33,766 Dad! Dad! 210 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:36,057 How goes the transition, Mr. Griffin? 211 00:09:36,125 --> 00:09:39,405 Like Huma Abedin, I'm trying to forget about my Weiner. 212 00:09:39,429 --> 00:09:41,696 Whoa, we're doing Cheers, not Frasier. 213 00:09:41,764 --> 00:09:43,864 Tough day, Dad? 214 00:09:43,933 --> 00:09:45,978 I don't get it. How does Rebel Wilson 215 00:09:46,002 --> 00:09:47,435 always look so fetching? 216 00:09:47,504 --> 00:09:49,237 Does she, though? You could be, too, 217 00:09:49,306 --> 00:09:51,506 if you just let your hair down a little. 218 00:09:56,012 --> 00:09:58,913 Now you just take that beautiful hair down to the salon, 219 00:09:58,982 --> 00:10:00,715 and you'll be a ten. 220 00:10:00,784 --> 00:10:02,283 On a scale of a billion? 221 00:10:02,351 --> 00:10:03,629 Thanks, Chris. 222 00:10:03,653 --> 00:10:05,931 Thanks for helping me at 11:30 on a school day. 223 00:10:05,955 --> 00:10:07,988 There was a shooting. 224 00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,027 ♪ She's an old-time ambassador ♪ 225 00:10:13,096 --> 00:10:15,597 ♪ Of sweet-talking, Night-walking games ♪ 226 00:10:17,900 --> 00:10:19,812 ♪ But she's a queen And such are queens ♪ 227 00:10:19,836 --> 00:10:22,770 ♪ That your laughter is sucked in their brains. ♪ 228 00:10:22,838 --> 00:10:23,998 I'll take 'em all. 229 00:10:28,077 --> 00:10:29,444 Well, hello. 230 00:10:36,185 --> 00:10:37,963 Where you going, Dad? Out. 231 00:10:37,987 --> 00:10:40,922 Now that I'm living as a woman, I can say whatever I want to men 232 00:10:40,990 --> 00:10:42,123 and they can't hit me. 233 00:10:44,560 --> 00:10:45,604 Oh, hey, Peter. 234 00:10:45,628 --> 00:10:47,228 Sully could've made it to an airport. 235 00:10:47,296 --> 00:10:49,441 Hey, you shut your mouth! That man is a hero! 236 00:10:49,465 --> 00:10:51,065 Ah, ah, ah! Woman. 237 00:10:51,134 --> 00:10:52,934 Well, it's definitely true 238 00:10:52,969 --> 00:10:54,947 that I respect the boundaries of women. 239 00:10:54,971 --> 00:10:57,149 Oh, hey, Sherry, uh, just-just get in the fireplace. 240 00:10:57,173 --> 00:10:59,454 I'll-I'll spit down the chimney. 241 00:11:00,844 --> 00:11:02,684 Hey, Joe. How's the suspension going? 242 00:11:02,712 --> 00:11:03,878 When you get married, 243 00:11:03,947 --> 00:11:06,448 you don't think you'll be home together all day. 244 00:11:06,516 --> 00:11:08,583 It's, uh... trying. 245 00:11:08,652 --> 00:11:09,984 Who's at the door? 246 00:11:11,888 --> 00:11:13,455 It's my friend! 247 00:11:13,523 --> 00:11:14,656 So, what's up, Peter? 248 00:11:14,724 --> 00:11:16,368 I just wanted to tell you that I'm the one 249 00:11:16,392 --> 00:11:18,704 who planted the evidence that got you suspended. 250 00:11:18,728 --> 00:11:21,563 What?! I'm gonna kill you! 251 00:11:21,631 --> 00:11:22,964 Ah, ah, ah! Woman. 252 00:11:23,032 --> 00:11:24,032 Oh, right. 253 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:25,266 Joe, close the door. 254 00:11:25,335 --> 00:11:26,968 You're letting the bugs in. 255 00:11:29,339 --> 00:11:31,038 Is your daughter still killing people? 256 00:11:31,107 --> 00:11:32,122 She is. 257 00:11:35,611 --> 00:11:36,777 Hey, Chris Brown. 258 00:11:36,846 --> 00:11:39,930 I just wanted to say I'm a huge fan of your music. 259 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,068 This is just gonna make me listen more. 260 00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:45,270 Oh, hey, Ray Rice. 261 00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:47,338 Would you mind pressing "lobby"? 262 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:48,751 What, do you got potatoes in your ears? 263 00:11:48,775 --> 00:11:49,874 I said press "lobby"! 264 00:11:55,082 --> 00:11:57,882 Now, Peter, one of the perks of being a woman 265 00:11:57,951 --> 00:12:00,484 is that you get to go out and have a white wine, 266 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,087 squeak-fart lunch with your friends. 267 00:12:03,156 --> 00:12:05,557 Did you hear Diane's husband left her? 268 00:12:06,693 --> 00:12:08,337 Yeah, you could tell from the wedding 269 00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:09,906 they were not gonna last. 270 00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:12,174 Oh, it's a shame. And they have two kids. 271 00:12:13,266 --> 00:12:14,266 Marriage is hard. 272 00:12:18,538 --> 00:12:22,139 Those machines in the ladies' room don't vend pants, do they? 273 00:12:22,208 --> 00:12:24,288 Don't let 'em take my salad. I'm still working on it. 274 00:12:27,847 --> 00:12:29,948 This is so great. Now that I'm a woman, 275 00:12:30,016 --> 00:12:33,034 I can lean-dance into anyone's karaoke song. 276 00:12:33,103 --> 00:12:35,769 ♪ When you were here before ♪ 277 00:12:38,074 --> 00:12:41,142 ♪ Couldn't look you in the eye... ♪ 278 00:12:41,211 --> 00:12:43,111 Yeah! It's a work night! 279 00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,019 Hey, come on. 280 00:12:45,081 --> 00:12:46,114 Get out of here. 281 00:12:46,182 --> 00:12:48,082 You're ruining my birthday party. 282 00:12:48,151 --> 00:12:51,185 ♪ Your skin makes me cry... ♪ 283 00:12:51,254 --> 00:12:52,987 Sing Justin Timberlake! 284 00:12:53,056 --> 00:12:55,689 Come on! I waited an hour and a half for this! 285 00:12:55,758 --> 00:12:58,192 And, hey, get off that bar! 286 00:12:58,261 --> 00:12:59,261 Why? 287 00:12:59,329 --> 00:13:01,262 Because you're at Lowfan O'Reilly's. 288 00:13:04,251 --> 00:13:05,984 All right, where am I on the screen? 289 00:13:06,052 --> 00:13:08,064 Oh. "Float like a feather in a beautiful world." 290 00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,453 Dah, dah, dah, dah. Okay. 291 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,456 ♪ Flippin' special ♪ 292 00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:16,427 ♪ But I'm a creep... ♪ 293 00:13:22,368 --> 00:13:24,568 What? What happened? 294 00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,204 Ah, I knew you'd catch it. 295 00:13:26,273 --> 00:13:28,372 I'm parting my hair on the other side now. 296 00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:30,842 Oh, Peter, thank God you're okay. 297 00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,144 Hello, bosses and not my family. 298 00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,057 You really gave us a scare there. 299 00:13:35,081 --> 00:13:36,081 Oh, what do you mean? 300 00:13:36,148 --> 00:13:37,648 Well, you went into a coma 301 00:13:37,717 --> 00:13:39,394 after you were hit in the head by a fan. 302 00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,185 Oh, it was funny. 303 00:13:41,253 --> 00:13:43,721 And then it wasn't. A coma? 304 00:13:43,790 --> 00:13:46,257 Well, I feel tomato now, beige spots. 305 00:13:46,309 --> 00:13:49,644 And since the company was paying for your medical care anyway, 306 00:13:49,712 --> 00:13:52,313 we fulfilled your letter of medical intent 307 00:13:52,382 --> 00:13:54,665 for your sex reassignment surgery. 308 00:13:54,734 --> 00:13:56,745 What? She's saying that your surgery 309 00:13:56,769 --> 00:13:59,003 to become a woman was a complete success. 310 00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:01,105 It's much easier going that way, believe me. 311 00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:02,457 Just a chop and a mop. 312 00:14:02,525 --> 00:14:04,124 Congratulations, Peter. 313 00:14:04,193 --> 00:14:06,160 You're officially a woman. 314 00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:13,985 No...! 315 00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:16,854 That is one nutty hospital. 316 00:14:22,529 --> 00:14:25,363 Peter, I'm sorry this happened, but it's your own fault. 317 00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:27,565 You should never have pretended to be someone else. 318 00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,400 That's right, but now that it's done, 319 00:14:29,468 --> 00:14:31,246 maybe I can help you with the transition. 320 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:34,049 You know, I've always been a great supporter of the LGBLT... 321 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:35,217 Nope. LGTE. 322 00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,284 No. GED. 323 00:14:36,308 --> 00:14:37,486 Unrelated. L.I.E. 324 00:14:37,510 --> 00:14:39,777 The Long Island Expressway? NKOTB? 325 00:14:39,846 --> 00:14:42,246 The wrong stuff, Brian. WNBA? 326 00:14:42,314 --> 00:14:44,865 Yes. Yes, WNBA. 327 00:14:44,934 --> 00:14:47,267 Mom, you know, our world today is filled 328 00:14:47,337 --> 00:14:49,715 with people like Dad trying to find their identities. 329 00:14:49,739 --> 00:14:52,540 Whether it's cutters or people who cut themselves 330 00:14:52,608 --> 00:14:56,109 or people who drag knives across their thighs to feel something. 331 00:14:56,178 --> 00:14:57,545 You're right, Meg. 332 00:14:57,613 --> 00:14:59,313 I guess we'll just have to deal with this, 333 00:14:59,382 --> 00:15:01,615 like when Chris won that hundred-dollar scratcher 334 00:15:01,684 --> 00:15:03,618 and talked down to everybody. 335 00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:05,820 Your house is so cozy, Joe. 336 00:15:05,889 --> 00:15:08,155 Wish I could get by with just two bathrooms. 337 00:15:08,224 --> 00:15:09,624 Technically, one and a half. 338 00:15:09,692 --> 00:15:11,392 Leave us alone. 339 00:15:11,461 --> 00:15:13,961 I said, "Leave us alone," but, deep down, 340 00:15:14,030 --> 00:15:17,398 I respected and even desired Chris for his success. 341 00:15:17,467 --> 00:15:19,044 It would take another eight years 342 00:15:19,068 --> 00:15:20,535 before I summoned the courage 343 00:15:20,603 --> 00:15:23,003 to kiss him at a backyard barbecue. 344 00:15:23,072 --> 00:15:24,271 And from that moment on... 345 00:15:24,341 --> 00:15:25,990 Bonnie! Bonnie! 346 00:15:27,177 --> 00:15:28,676 I've got poopies. 347 00:15:34,017 --> 00:15:35,783 Thank you for showing me the 90 things 348 00:15:35,852 --> 00:15:37,768 women have to do before going to bed. 349 00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,871 Okay, now quick break to cry for no reason. 350 00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:44,142 Can we do one last judgmental scroll through Facebook first? 351 00:15:44,210 --> 00:15:46,577 Of course. 352 00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,013 Congratulations, you went to a dance club. 353 00:15:49,081 --> 00:15:50,692 You know, Peter, if I didn't know better, 354 00:15:50,716 --> 00:15:52,761 I'd say you'd been a woman for years. 355 00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,597 Now we just drift off to sleep, 356 00:15:54,621 --> 00:15:56,798 thinking about Rick from Midas Muffler. 357 00:15:56,822 --> 00:15:58,066 I probably won't be able to sleep 358 00:15:58,090 --> 00:16:01,125 'cause I had two sips of tea at 3:30 this afternoon. 359 00:16:01,194 --> 00:16:02,527 That's okay, Peter. 360 00:16:02,595 --> 00:16:05,229 You can just read on an impossibly bright iPad 361 00:16:05,298 --> 00:16:07,618 while I toss and turn in a pissy way. 362 00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,720 You almost done with the chapter? 363 00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:19,677 Oh, there's no chapters. It's a Clifford book. 364 00:16:25,151 --> 00:16:26,784 Thank you, young man. 365 00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:27,985 Wait, before we drink these, 366 00:16:28,054 --> 00:16:30,287 we got to get a Boomerang of us cheersing. 367 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,422 What? Why? 368 00:16:31,491 --> 00:16:33,023 So people know I'm not in the house. 369 00:16:33,092 --> 00:16:35,059 Ready? One, two, three. 370 00:16:35,127 --> 00:16:36,772 Cheers! Cheers. 371 00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:38,407 So, anyway, Donna thinks that if... 372 00:16:38,431 --> 00:16:40,509 Wait, wait, it didn't come out. I-I'm gonna put the flash on. 373 00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,413 Okay, one more time. No. 374 00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:44,996 Hey, now that we're all settled at this table, 375 00:16:45,037 --> 00:16:47,438 you guys want to move outside 'cause it's such a nice day? 376 00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,374 Okay, why don't you go save us a table outside 377 00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:50,524 and we'll be there soon? 378 00:16:52,495 --> 00:16:53,560 Taken. Sorry. 379 00:16:57,533 --> 00:16:58,744 You know, it's fun back here. 380 00:16:58,768 --> 00:17:00,512 You don't even know you're in Quahog. 381 00:17:00,536 --> 00:17:02,770 Please don't talk to us. You're too fat. 382 00:17:04,624 --> 00:17:06,635 You want me to start a new tab for you? 383 00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:08,125 No, you can just keep ours going. 384 00:17:08,194 --> 00:17:10,428 Your friends left the minute you came out here, 385 00:17:10,496 --> 00:17:12,816 and they didn't pay their indoor tab. 386 00:17:13,966 --> 00:17:15,966 I feel so alone. 387 00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:18,151 And that bitch stole my hairstyles! 388 00:17:19,889 --> 00:17:21,456 Well, hello. 389 00:17:21,524 --> 00:17:23,364 That's what he said to me! 390 00:17:23,842 --> 00:17:27,829 ♪ ♪ 391 00:17:32,919 --> 00:17:34,196 Peter? 392 00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:36,153 Ida? Come, sit. 393 00:17:37,172 --> 00:17:38,539 Well, look at you. 394 00:17:38,608 --> 00:17:40,374 Yeah, look at me. 395 00:17:40,442 --> 00:17:42,910 What's wrong? It's a long story. 396 00:17:42,979 --> 00:17:44,661 Yeah, I've heard. 397 00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,365 Peter, everything is gonna be okay. 398 00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:48,599 I promise. 399 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:49,867 O-Okay. 400 00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:52,603 Now, I'm going to tell you a story. 401 00:17:52,671 --> 00:17:54,483 When I first met you, Peter, 402 00:17:54,507 --> 00:17:56,785 I was already at the end of a long journey 403 00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,754 to find the courage to become a woman. 404 00:17:58,778 --> 00:18:01,979 But before that, I lived for 61 years 405 00:18:02,048 --> 00:18:04,865 as a miserable, miserable man. 406 00:18:04,934 --> 00:18:07,835 I grew up in the small town of Football, Texas, 407 00:18:07,904 --> 00:18:10,705 and, from the age of eight, I was mercilessly teased 408 00:18:10,773 --> 00:18:14,208 for being different and "dressing funny." 409 00:18:14,276 --> 00:18:17,745 Then, at the age of 14, I had an epiphany. 410 00:18:17,814 --> 00:18:19,180 It was so clear. 411 00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:22,616 I was a girl trapped in a boy's body. 412 00:18:22,685 --> 00:18:25,452 I'm having a hard time focusing without a drink, but go on. 413 00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:30,390 It took me 47 years from that day to officially own who I am. 414 00:18:30,459 --> 00:18:32,243 Is there a waiter or...? 415 00:18:32,311 --> 00:18:36,614 In those 47 years, I became an expert at hiding my secret. 416 00:18:36,682 --> 00:18:39,617 I became a war hero and raised a family, 417 00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,485 but I was dying inside. 418 00:18:41,554 --> 00:18:43,120 And the deeper I buried it, 419 00:18:43,189 --> 00:18:45,055 the more unhappy I became, 420 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:48,592 and, eventually, I even thought of ending my own life. 421 00:18:48,661 --> 00:18:50,489 But I couldn't do that to Glenn. 422 00:18:50,513 --> 00:18:52,513 I had no idea. 423 00:18:52,581 --> 00:18:54,526 It's clear you had no idea. 424 00:18:54,550 --> 00:18:56,295 You know nothing about what it means 425 00:18:56,319 --> 00:18:57,599 to feel this struggle. 426 00:18:58,287 --> 00:18:59,520 Yeah, you're right. 427 00:18:59,589 --> 00:19:01,622 I kind of stumbled into all this, 428 00:19:01,691 --> 00:19:04,258 but you've been dealing with it your whole life. 429 00:19:04,327 --> 00:19:06,227 Yes, I have. 430 00:19:06,295 --> 00:19:08,862 And my story, to one degree or another, 431 00:19:08,931 --> 00:19:11,198 is every transgender person's story, 432 00:19:11,267 --> 00:19:13,867 and all those stories are the price of admission 433 00:19:13,936 --> 00:19:17,003 to finally feeling at peace with who you are... 434 00:19:17,072 --> 00:19:19,056 A price you never paid. 435 00:19:19,125 --> 00:19:21,692 Ah, I'm so sorry, Ida. 436 00:19:21,760 --> 00:19:23,560 I feel really awful, 437 00:19:23,629 --> 00:19:26,130 and I'm a really bad person for what I did. 438 00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:29,082 I deserve what happened to me. 439 00:19:29,151 --> 00:19:31,585 Touching story, other people humans. 440 00:19:31,654 --> 00:19:33,020 Now, could you direct me 441 00:19:33,088 --> 00:19:35,873 to Earth's reserve of other dog butts? 442 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:37,975 That's right, that's right. 443 00:19:38,044 --> 00:19:39,544 Everybody natural. 444 00:19:40,463 --> 00:19:42,062 Peter, listen to me. 445 00:19:42,131 --> 00:19:43,930 You were a bad person. 446 00:19:43,999 --> 00:19:46,400 But now you've taken a journey. 447 00:19:46,469 --> 00:19:49,429 It just took becoming a woman to make you a better man. 448 00:19:49,472 --> 00:19:51,171 But I'll never be that better man. 449 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,340 I can't afford the surgery to go back. 450 00:19:53,409 --> 00:19:56,187 I think I might be able to help you with that, Peter. 451 00:19:56,211 --> 00:19:57,978 Really? Yes. 452 00:19:58,046 --> 00:19:59,046 I've got an idea. 453 00:20:02,551 --> 00:20:04,451 What a day. 454 00:20:08,724 --> 00:20:10,558 Oh, Peter, you started a Kickstarter. 455 00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:11,626 Not exactly. 456 00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:15,212 Oh, that's... that's not a "K." 457 00:20:15,281 --> 00:20:17,125 Look at that. You're up to six inches. 458 00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,727 That's two inches past your goal. 459 00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,685 It's not important what the goal was. 460 00:20:20,753 --> 00:20:23,921 What's important is this community cares. 461 00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,322 Congratulations, Mr. Griffin. 462 00:20:25,391 --> 00:20:27,291 Your surgery was a success. 463 00:20:27,360 --> 00:20:28,640 You're a man again. 464 00:20:29,545 --> 00:20:30,777 Sully was a hero! 465 00:20:36,619 --> 00:20:38,985 Well, I'm glad everything's back to normal. 466 00:20:39,054 --> 00:20:40,086 I'll say. 467 00:20:40,155 --> 00:20:43,223 Dad, you lost a wiener but came out a winner. 468 00:20:44,527 --> 00:20:46,305 Well, that does it for our crossover episode. 469 00:20:46,329 --> 00:20:48,795 Thanks for coming, cast of Bob's Burgers. 470 00:20:48,865 --> 00:20:50,442 We didn't get to do anything. 471 00:20:50,466 --> 00:20:51,698 Show's 22 minutes long. 472 00:20:51,767 --> 00:20:52,911 Not everything makes it to air. 473 00:20:52,935 --> 00:20:54,268 But, hey, you have the floor 474 00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:56,014 if there's something hilarious you want to say. 475 00:20:56,038 --> 00:20:57,604 I'll just sit here and be quiet. 476 00:20:57,673 --> 00:21:00,074 Give us two Emmys' worth of amazing. 477 00:21:00,142 --> 00:21:02,943 Maybe a funny burger name? No? 478 00:21:03,012 --> 00:21:04,478 Girl in the bunny ears? 479 00:21:04,546 --> 00:21:07,181 Boy, I love it when characters are expressed by props. 480 00:21:07,250 --> 00:21:09,516 I kind of feel like this is less of a crossover 481 00:21:09,585 --> 00:21:10,795 and more of a roast. 482 00:21:10,819 --> 00:21:12,519 No, a roast is good-natured. 35820

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