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♪ It seems todaythat all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:08,140
♪ Is violence in moviesand sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:11,743
♪ But where are thosegood old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,746
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
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♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,536
♪ Lucky there's a manwho positively can do ♪
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♪ All the thingsthat make us ♪
8
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a...Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Why do you still read
the newspaper?
11
00:00:39,372 --> 00:00:40,772
Nobody does that anymore.
12
00:00:40,841 --> 00:00:42,451
I like to keep up on local news.
13
00:00:42,475 --> 00:00:43,775
Like the police blotter.
14
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:46,611
Huh, most of these arrests
are Cleveland.
15
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,847
And the arresting officer
is Joe Swanson.
16
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:50,281
Can I help you, sir?
17
00:00:50,350 --> 00:00:52,317
I'm doing my mail route, Joe.
18
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:54,319
Maybe you'd be more comfortable
19
00:00:54,387 --> 00:00:56,705
talking about it
down at the station.
20
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:57,856
You're right.
21
00:00:57,924 --> 00:00:59,758
It is more comfortable here.
22
00:00:59,826 --> 00:01:01,137
The police station:
23
00:01:01,161 --> 00:01:02,761
come for the racial profiling,
24
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:04,629
stay for the comfort.
25
00:01:08,351 --> 00:01:09,951
Is that... is that you?
26
00:01:10,020 --> 00:01:12,954
Oh. Yeah.
A friend invited me
to this charity ball.
27
00:01:13,023 --> 00:01:15,290
A friend? She's 100!
28
00:01:15,358 --> 00:01:17,292
What are you up to?
29
00:01:17,360 --> 00:01:18,994
Nothing.
I enjoy her company.
30
00:01:19,063 --> 00:01:21,329
Older women are cultured,
worldly.
31
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I've got nothing
to be defensive about.
32
00:01:23,701 --> 00:01:24,966
Her husband passed away.
33
00:01:25,035 --> 00:01:26,345
She appreciates my friendship.
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I'm providing companionship.
35
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Dogs are known for that.
36
00:01:28,872 --> 00:01:30,171
I don't like it.
37
00:01:38,566 --> 00:01:40,677
Peter, I need you
to mow the lawn.
38
00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:41,911
It's out of control.
39
00:01:41,935 --> 00:01:43,202
I can't mow the lawn, Lois.
40
00:01:43,270 --> 00:01:45,070
The Friends of Distinction
are out there,
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grazing in the grass.
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♪ ♪
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♪ It sure is mellowgrazing in the grass ♪
44
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♪ Grazing in the grassis a gas, baby,can you dig it? ♪
45
00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:59,484
♪ Everything here is so clear,you can see it ♪
46
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:02,938
♪ And everything here isso real, you can feel it ♪
47
00:02:04,758 --> 00:02:06,136
♪ I can dig it,he can dig it, ♪
48
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,703
♪ She can dig it,
we can dig it ♪
49
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:10,395
♪ They can dig it, you candig it, oh, let's dig it ♪
50
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♪ Can you dig it, baby? ♪
51
00:02:13,233 --> 00:02:14,733
Oh, let me get in on that!
52
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:18,637
Where'd they go?
53
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:23,219
Cleveland?
You okay in there?
54
00:02:23,243 --> 00:02:24,323
Cleveland!
55
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:25,643
Wha-Wha-What? What?
56
00:02:25,712 --> 00:02:28,513
Oh. Yeah, yeah. I'm fine.
57
00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:30,882
Mmm, that was
a good toilet dream
58
00:02:30,951 --> 00:02:33,835
about my neighbor and his lawn.
59
00:02:33,904 --> 00:02:35,548
Peter, I don't care
who's grazing.
60
00:02:35,572 --> 00:02:36,852
The lawn looks terrible.
61
00:02:36,907 --> 00:02:38,506
Get out there and mow it.
62
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,535
Why can't Chris mow it?
He's old enough.
63
00:02:40,593 --> 00:02:42,239
Look, I'm all for Chris
mowing the lawn,
64
00:02:42,263 --> 00:02:43,728
but you got to teach him.
65
00:02:43,797 --> 00:02:45,030
Fine, I'll do it tomorrow.
66
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,132
After my weekend job
as a zookeeper
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00:02:47,201 --> 00:02:49,217
with very muscular thighs.
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00:02:49,286 --> 00:02:50,914
"Thigh" there,
nice to see you all.
69
00:02:50,938 --> 00:02:54,172
As you can see right here
and here,
70
00:02:54,241 --> 00:02:56,252
I am qualified
to be a zookeeper.
71
00:02:56,276 --> 00:02:57,742
This is my friend Frederick.
72
00:02:57,811 --> 00:03:00,023
And I'm sure you're all
wondering how much
I can squat.
73
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,225
For that answer, you'll have
to go to my Instagram,
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00:03:02,249 --> 00:03:03,849
YourThighness99.
75
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:06,129
Now, I'd like to open up
the floor for questions.
76
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:08,364
Yes, what food
does the bird...
Not about the bird!
77
00:03:08,388 --> 00:03:10,421
Now, who wants to see me jump
over this fence
78
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:11,857
from a standing start?
79
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:15,660
Let me scooch these shorts up
a little "thigher."
80
00:03:15,729 --> 00:03:17,028
Look out, elephants!
81
00:03:19,266 --> 00:03:22,334
So, everybody happy
they went to the zoo?
82
00:03:22,402 --> 00:03:23,768
No?
83
00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,188
Well, that's the zoo.
84
00:03:35,599 --> 00:03:38,033
Is that a diamond-encrusted
watch fob?
85
00:03:38,102 --> 00:03:39,912
This? Oh, yeah,
I-I've had this.
86
00:03:39,936 --> 00:03:42,604
Nobody's owned one of those
for 80 years!
87
00:03:42,672 --> 00:03:45,040
What are you up to?
88
00:03:45,109 --> 00:03:46,608
You already did this.
89
00:03:46,676 --> 00:03:48,316
I'm not trying
to show skepticism.
90
00:03:48,345 --> 00:03:49,711
My head is too heavy!
91
00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:53,665
I heard the doctor whisper
to Lois, "3,000th percentile."
92
00:03:57,971 --> 00:04:00,283
Okay, Chris, now, if you're
gonna learn how to mow a lawn,
93
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:03,242
the first lesson is that
you always start by 7:00 a.m.,
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00:04:03,310 --> 00:04:06,411
before everyone wakes up,
including roosters.
95
00:04:07,797 --> 00:04:09,431
What the...?
96
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,765
Hey, shut up!
97
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:11,900
You shut up!
98
00:04:11,968 --> 00:04:14,018
Oh, real original.
99
00:04:14,088 --> 00:04:15,454
Now, to start the mower,
100
00:04:15,522 --> 00:04:17,167
you grab this pull cord like so
101
00:04:17,191 --> 00:04:19,257
and give it a nice hard yank.
102
00:04:20,961 --> 00:04:22,394
Can I change my grip?
103
00:04:26,666 --> 00:04:28,433
Wow, much better.
104
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:30,335
It's a more familiar motion.
105
00:04:30,404 --> 00:04:32,003
For the rest, you can just watch
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00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,055
this how-to video on YouTube.
107
00:04:34,141 --> 00:04:36,441
What's going on, guys?
I'm Corey,
108
00:04:36,510 --> 00:04:38,777
here to take your lawn mowing
skills to the next lev.
109
00:04:38,846 --> 00:04:40,890
But, first, make sure
you subscribe to my channel,
110
00:04:40,914 --> 00:04:42,014
Corey's World.
111
00:04:42,082 --> 00:04:43,762
Okay, now let's start
that mower.
112
00:04:43,817 --> 00:04:46,285
Did you know
Corey got recruited by ISIS?
113
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:49,065
He disappeared,
and now there's this guy
doing ISIS videos
114
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:50,933
and they think it's Corey.
115
00:04:50,957 --> 00:04:52,757
Assalamu alaikum, guys!
116
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,293
This is Corey, here to talk
about making a dirty bomb
117
00:04:55,362 --> 00:04:57,545
with stuff you can find
in your kitchen.
118
00:05:07,523 --> 00:05:09,290
Great Caesar's ghost!
119
00:05:09,359 --> 00:05:11,459
Chris and a chubby
little friend?
120
00:05:11,527 --> 00:05:14,296
It's like in my dream!
121
00:05:14,364 --> 00:05:15,797
Hey there, Chris.
122
00:05:15,865 --> 00:05:18,467
You know,
I've been looking for
a muscley-armed young fella
123
00:05:18,535 --> 00:05:19,634
to mow my lawn.
124
00:05:19,703 --> 00:05:20,969
Sorry, Mr. Herbert,
125
00:05:21,037 --> 00:05:23,015
but I don't even want
to mow this lawn.
126
00:05:23,039 --> 00:05:25,524
You could bring your friend
over there to help you.
127
00:05:25,592 --> 00:05:28,259
Come on, Herbert.
Rope this calf.
128
00:05:28,328 --> 00:05:31,129
Would $600 a week
change your mind?
129
00:05:31,197 --> 00:05:33,798
Uh, would it?
You got a deal!
130
00:05:33,867 --> 00:05:35,901
And I can pay you
under the table.
131
00:05:35,969 --> 00:05:38,236
I like to make a little fort
under there.
132
00:05:38,304 --> 00:05:41,039
I call it Fort Dix.
133
00:05:41,107 --> 00:05:42,507
Did you hear that, Dad?
134
00:05:42,576 --> 00:05:44,509
He'll pay us $600!
135
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:47,561
Uh, yeah, did-did you
not hear about Fort Dix?
136
00:05:57,257 --> 00:06:00,691
Oh, Admiral,
you've been so good
to me these past weeks,
137
00:06:00,760 --> 00:06:02,060
with my husband gone
138
00:06:02,129 --> 00:06:04,996
and me alone to tend
to his massive estate.
139
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:07,210
You know, helping you
might have been difficult
140
00:06:07,234 --> 00:06:09,474
were you not
so utterly charming.
141
00:06:09,903 --> 00:06:13,171
Oh...
142
00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,084
Plus, helping you
helps me forget
143
00:06:15,108 --> 00:06:16,319
my own country's troubles
144
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:18,587
and my struggle to save
our national flower,
145
00:06:18,611 --> 00:06:19,773
the Masdevallia orchid.
146
00:06:19,797 --> 00:06:22,363
That's my favorite flower.
147
00:06:22,432 --> 00:06:24,132
And pet charity.
148
00:06:24,201 --> 00:06:25,795
Really?
149
00:06:25,819 --> 00:06:28,436
I've devoted my life
to raising money to save it.
150
00:06:28,505 --> 00:06:30,171
What a coincidence.
151
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,539
You and the count.
152
00:06:31,608 --> 00:06:32,740
The count?
153
00:06:32,809 --> 00:06:34,909
Yes, of Monte Hall.
154
00:06:34,978 --> 00:06:37,218
We like to October in Zurich.
155
00:06:37,280 --> 00:06:39,714
Ah, yes,
the best place to October.
156
00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:42,249
The secret, however,
is to October in Zurich
157
00:06:42,318 --> 00:06:43,551
but in September,
158
00:06:43,620 --> 00:06:45,787
to avoid the obnoxious
Octobering crowds,
159
00:06:45,856 --> 00:06:48,122
saving October for Paris...
Novembering there...
160
00:06:48,191 --> 00:06:50,124
Then Decembering
in Palm Beach in November
161
00:06:50,193 --> 00:06:52,026
and, in December,
Januarying, of course,
162
00:06:52,095 --> 00:06:53,461
as always, in Gstaad.
163
00:06:53,530 --> 00:06:55,563
We December in London.
164
00:06:55,632 --> 00:06:58,399
You, madame,
are a cream-faced loon.
165
00:06:58,468 --> 00:07:01,736
Count, I don't believe
you've met the admiral.
166
00:07:01,805 --> 00:07:03,237
Well, he may be an admiral,
167
00:07:03,306 --> 00:07:06,240
but he's certainly
not admirable.
168
00:07:06,309 --> 00:07:07,575
Panty drop.
169
00:07:07,644 --> 00:07:08,793
Swoon.
170
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:09,862
Commercial.
171
00:07:17,904 --> 00:07:21,105
So, Admiral, you must have had
quite the military career.
172
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,774
Your honors are impressive.
173
00:07:22,843 --> 00:07:23,843
Is that medal
174
00:07:23,911 --> 00:07:25,777
a stretched-out carnival penny?
175
00:07:25,846 --> 00:07:27,356
Thank you for noticing, Count.
176
00:07:27,380 --> 00:07:29,414
It means a lot from a man
whose top hat
177
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:31,227
looks suspiciously
like an Amazon Echo
178
00:07:31,251 --> 00:07:32,517
with a cardboard brim.
179
00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:35,186
Why, wha-wha-what
a preposterous notion!
180
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:36,666
Alexa?
No, don't say that!
181
00:07:38,241 --> 00:07:39,385
What the hell
are you doing here?
182
00:07:39,409 --> 00:07:41,304
This is my scam.
Now butt out.
183
00:07:41,328 --> 00:07:43,028
Now, why would I do that, Brian?
184
00:07:43,096 --> 00:07:44,640
These old bags are going to die.
185
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:46,375
Someone's going to end up
with their money.
186
00:07:46,399 --> 00:07:47,559
Look, all right,
187
00:07:47,583 --> 00:07:49,161
there's no reason
to sabotage each other.
188
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:51,685
There's plenty of Newport
heiresses for the both of us.
189
00:07:51,754 --> 00:07:53,721
Maybe we could even help
each other.
190
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,072
Exactly.
191
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:57,041
Two con men like us
working together?
192
00:07:57,110 --> 00:07:58,176
We'll be set.
193
00:07:58,244 --> 00:08:00,378
Like a passive-aggressive
alarm clock.
194
00:08:00,447 --> 00:08:02,581
Uh, I don't know
if you've noticed,
195
00:08:02,649 --> 00:08:04,483
but the sun's been up
for, like, an hour.
196
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,351
No, no, no, no,
you don't have to get up.
197
00:08:06,419 --> 00:08:07,686
Let your wife do everything.
198
00:08:07,754 --> 00:08:09,821
Just keep sleeping.
You're a good husband.
199
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,390
I'm sure
she doesn't fantasize
about your contractor,
200
00:08:12,459 --> 00:08:14,593
who's already downstairs
working on...
201
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:16,194
Well, I can't really figure out
202
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:17,262
what he's working on.
203
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,748
Oh, I know: your wife.
204
00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,219
Hey there, Chris!
205
00:08:25,288 --> 00:08:26,721
And what's your pal's name?
206
00:08:26,790 --> 00:08:27,889
I'm Peter, sir.
207
00:08:27,958 --> 00:08:30,391
You're big for your age,
ain't ya, Petey?
208
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:33,611
Yeah. Doctor says
I eat too much candy.
209
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,746
Ain't no shame in being chubby.
210
00:08:35,815 --> 00:08:37,348
You're a growing boy.
211
00:08:37,417 --> 00:08:39,050
Why, what's this?
212
00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:41,452
Wow! How'd you do that?
213
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:42,620
It wasn't a trick.
214
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:43,921
It was stuck to your neck.
215
00:08:43,990 --> 00:08:47,108
Oh, yeah. Sometimes
I fall asleep on candy.
216
00:08:54,083 --> 00:08:55,267
There she is.
217
00:08:55,319 --> 00:08:58,569
The wealthiest heiress
in all of Newport.
218
00:08:58,622 --> 00:09:01,589
The Holy Grail
for guys like us.
Who is she?
219
00:09:01,658 --> 00:09:03,636
That's Margaret Woolworth
Carrington Von Schumacher
220
00:09:03,660 --> 00:09:06,127
Chanel Astor Livingston
Compte de Saint-Exupery
221
00:09:06,195 --> 00:09:08,096
Mountbatten Windsor
Armani Roosevelt
222
00:09:08,164 --> 00:09:09,597
Von Trapp Wykenham Hearst
223
00:09:09,666 --> 00:09:11,465
Montgomery Rothchild
Johnson & Johnson
224
00:09:11,534 --> 00:09:13,801
Twillsworth Dolce Gabbana
Von Zweiger
225
00:09:13,870 --> 00:09:16,104
Second Montgomery De LaRoche
Geico Vanderbilt
226
00:09:16,172 --> 00:09:18,372
Lannister Van Buren
Butterworth
How I Met Your Mother
227
00:09:18,441 --> 00:09:20,708
Wrigley Louise-Dreyfuss
Ludwig Morgan Stanley
228
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,810
Dumont Lamborghini
Forbes Higbee Winthrop
229
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:24,779
Chanel Remi Martin
Fitzwilliam Kennedy
230
00:09:24,848 --> 00:09:27,148
Motel Six Fairchild
Brook Pritzker Davenport
231
00:09:27,216 --> 00:09:29,817
Von Stolen Monty Python
Ellisworth Aston Martin
232
00:09:29,886 --> 00:09:31,786
Haverbrook Ziff Lauder
Hilton DuPont
233
00:09:31,855 --> 00:09:34,122
Kincaid Winslow Coors
Oviatt Marlborough
234
00:09:34,190 --> 00:09:36,257
Pembroke Huffington
Bush Mellon Sinclair
235
00:09:36,325 --> 00:09:38,492
Mellencamp Starbucks Van Dyke
Third Montgomery
236
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:40,628
Marriott Barrington Chadsworth
Big League Chew
237
00:09:40,697 --> 00:09:42,296
Chesterfield Kensington
Booth Bishop
238
00:09:42,365 --> 00:09:44,598
Longbottom Nottingham
Meisterburger Burgermeister
239
00:09:44,668 --> 00:09:46,734
Tudor Hapsburg
Rockefeller Onassis.
240
00:09:46,803 --> 00:09:48,736
My God.
241
00:09:48,805 --> 00:09:50,965
You mean the heir
to the Woolworth Carrington
242
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,852
Von Schumacher
Chanel Astor Livingston
243
00:09:52,876 --> 00:09:54,854
Compte de Saint-Exupery
Mountbatten Windsor
244
00:09:54,878 --> 00:09:56,789
Armani Roosevelt
Von Trapp Wykenham Hearst
245
00:09:56,813 --> 00:09:58,658
Montgomery Rothchild
Johnson & Johnson
246
00:09:58,682 --> 00:10:00,660
Twillsworth Dolce Gabbana
Von Zweiger
247
00:10:00,684 --> 00:10:02,662
Second Montgomery De LaRoche
Geico Vanderbilt
248
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,997
Lannister Van Buren
Butterworth
How I Met Your Mother
249
00:10:05,021 --> 00:10:07,232
Wrigley Louise-Dreyfuss
Ludwig Morgan Stanley
250
00:10:07,256 --> 00:10:09,234
Dumont Lamborghini
Forbes Higbee Winthrop
251
00:10:09,258 --> 00:10:11,003
Chanel Remi Martin
Fitzwilliam Kennedy
252
00:10:11,027 --> 00:10:13,205
Motel Six Fairchild
Brook Pritzker Davenport
253
00:10:13,229 --> 00:10:15,708
Von Stolen Monty Python
Ellisworth Aston Martin
254
00:10:15,732 --> 00:10:17,543
Haverbrook Ziff Lauder
Hilton DuPont
255
00:10:17,567 --> 00:10:19,578
Kincaid Winslow Coors
Oviatt Marlborough
256
00:10:19,602 --> 00:10:21,547
Pembroke Huffington
Bush Mellon Sinclair
257
00:10:21,571 --> 00:10:23,771
Mellencamp Starbucks Van Dyke
Third Montgomery
258
00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:25,800
Marriott Barrington Chadsworth
Big League Chew
259
00:10:25,842 --> 00:10:27,486
Chesterfield Kensington
Booth Bishop
260
00:10:27,510 --> 00:10:29,689
Longbottom Nottingham
Meisterburger Burgermeister
261
00:10:29,713 --> 00:10:32,113
Tudor Hapsburg
Rockefeller Onassis fortune?
262
00:10:32,182 --> 00:10:33,247
Exactly.
263
00:10:33,316 --> 00:10:34,316
She goes by "Pip."
264
00:10:34,383 --> 00:10:35,850
Pip?
Pip.
265
00:10:35,919 --> 00:10:38,303
Been trying
to schmooze her for months.
266
00:10:38,371 --> 00:10:40,305
The only catch is
her 95-year-old husband
267
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,373
is still hanging on by a thread.
268
00:10:42,441 --> 00:10:43,908
I can't make a move
until he dies,
269
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:45,543
which, hopefully,
is any day now.
270
00:10:45,612 --> 00:10:48,212
If we can charm her,
we'll be set for life.
271
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,881
No more scraping and scavenging,
272
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:51,732
like a laughing hyena.
273
00:10:51,801 --> 00:10:53,985
I don't sound desperate,
274
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,519
but I'm very desperate.
275
00:10:55,588 --> 00:10:59,023
I'm not a very capable predator.
276
00:10:59,092 --> 00:11:02,827
My family's back
at the den waiting for me.
277
00:11:02,896 --> 00:11:06,530
I think this
is the day I starve to death.
278
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:09,734
Just kidding, I have no family.
279
00:11:09,802 --> 00:11:13,404
But I'm a very involved uncle.
280
00:11:20,564 --> 00:11:22,897
Dad, shouldn't we attach a bag
to the mower?
281
00:11:22,966 --> 00:11:24,777
That's too much work.
Just mow with the blower
282
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:26,834
always pointed
toward Joe's lawn.
283
00:11:31,675 --> 00:11:34,425
Hey, will you put a bag
on that thing?
284
00:11:34,493 --> 00:11:36,794
Just poop into your hand
if you have to.
285
00:11:36,863 --> 00:11:39,848
I'll be down in a minute.
286
00:11:39,916 --> 00:11:44,252
Hey, boys. I've got
some cookies and special
grape juice for you.
287
00:11:44,321 --> 00:11:45,904
Come on and get it, Petey.
288
00:11:45,972 --> 00:11:47,188
Sweet.
289
00:11:50,677 --> 00:11:53,043
But, Mr. Herbert,
you always made the cookies
290
00:11:53,112 --> 00:11:55,596
with the large pill
in the center for me.
291
00:11:55,665 --> 00:11:58,699
Sorry, Chris.
He just got to them first.
292
00:11:58,768 --> 00:12:01,986
I thought I was your favorite.
293
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:12,096
♪ You mustn't thinkyou've failed me ♪
294
00:12:12,165 --> 00:12:15,633
♪ Just becausethere's someone else ♪
295
00:12:15,702 --> 00:12:19,070
♪ You werethe first real love ♪
296
00:12:19,138 --> 00:12:22,206
♪ I ever had ♪
297
00:12:24,194 --> 00:12:27,145
♪ And all the thingsI ever said ♪
298
00:12:27,213 --> 00:12:30,648
♪ I swearthey still are true ♪
299
00:12:30,716 --> 00:12:33,150
♪ For no one else ♪
300
00:12:33,219 --> 00:12:35,920
♪ Can have the part of me ♪
301
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:37,555
♪ I gave to you ♪
302
00:12:40,961 --> 00:12:44,762
♪ Torn between two lovers ♪
303
00:12:44,831 --> 00:12:48,532
♪ Feeling like a fool ♪
304
00:12:49,869 --> 00:12:51,769
♪ Loving both of you ♪
305
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:55,640
♪ Is breaking all the rules ♪
306
00:12:55,709 --> 00:13:00,177
♪ Torn between two lovers ♪
307
00:13:00,246 --> 00:13:03,280
♪ Feeling like a fool ♪
308
00:13:03,349 --> 00:13:04,849
♪ Loving you both ♪
309
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:08,385
♪ Is breaking all the rules. ♪
310
00:13:12,358 --> 00:13:14,892
All right,
now let's kick it up a notch.
311
00:13:14,961 --> 00:13:17,495
♪ Come on, shake your body,baby, do that conga ♪
312
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,664
♪ You know you can'tcontrol yourself any longer. ♪
313
00:13:28,258 --> 00:13:29,456
There she is.
314
00:13:29,525 --> 00:13:31,325
We just got to wait
for our chance to move in.
315
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,743
Brian, look.
316
00:13:38,751 --> 00:13:41,101
You think this might be...
the end?
317
00:13:41,170 --> 00:13:42,803
I don't know,
but now's our chance.
318
00:13:46,209 --> 00:13:48,109
I hate myself for doing this.
319
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:54,398
Is that
a Cats Protective League
pin on your lapel?
320
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:56,112
Why, yes.
321
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,335
It's my favorite charity.
322
00:13:58,404 --> 00:14:00,104
I love cats.
323
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:03,041
I've devoted my life
to helping them.
324
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,676
I like this party.
325
00:14:04,744 --> 00:14:06,410
Pussies.
326
00:14:06,479 --> 00:14:08,496
Cock.
Cock.
327
00:14:08,564 --> 00:14:11,865
I'm sorry, gentlemen,
but my husband is feeling ill
328
00:14:11,934 --> 00:14:13,867
and stepped
into the men's locker room.
329
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:16,704
Would you be so kind
as to check on him?
330
00:14:16,772 --> 00:14:18,973
Well, I'm not sure
if we'll be able to find him.
331
00:14:19,041 --> 00:14:20,874
Don't worry.
I've got a very thick,
332
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:23,244
yellow toenail finder app
on my phone.
333
00:14:27,133 --> 00:14:29,851
Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew. Ew.
334
00:14:29,919 --> 00:14:31,831
Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew,
ew, ew, ew, ew, ew.
335
00:14:31,855 --> 00:14:33,688
Ew!
336
00:14:33,757 --> 00:14:36,197
Got him.
337
00:14:36,259 --> 00:14:37,474
Do you think he's dead?
338
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:41,807
Get the hell out
of my face, Brian.
339
00:14:41,831 --> 00:14:43,264
Wha... Quagmire?
340
00:14:43,333 --> 00:14:45,399
No. Quagmire!
341
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,568
That's what I said.
Oh. Oh, sorry.
342
00:14:47,637 --> 00:14:49,748
I didn't, I didn't hear you,
'cause of the prosthetics.
343
00:14:49,772 --> 00:14:52,140
Hey, just checking to see
if the old man is dead.
344
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:53,274
Oh, hey, guys.
345
00:14:53,343 --> 00:14:55,087
Geez, how many of us
are doing this con?
346
00:14:55,111 --> 00:14:58,246
I've got no chance, have I?
A tertiary character like me.
347
00:14:58,314 --> 00:15:00,781
You most certainly do not.
I don't even think
348
00:15:00,850 --> 00:15:02,730
we're going to give you
the dance you rehearsed.
349
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,495
You're Margaret's husband?
That's right.
350
00:15:14,564 --> 00:15:16,442
Listen, rookie,
you're out of your league.
351
00:15:16,466 --> 00:15:19,010
You think you know
how to bang a woman
who's seen a dodo bird?
352
00:15:19,034 --> 00:15:20,568
Wait, but how
can you be married?
353
00:15:20,636 --> 00:15:21,920
You don't even live together.
354
00:15:21,988 --> 00:15:24,133
She's old. She says,
"You weren't here yesterday."
355
00:15:24,157 --> 00:15:26,068
I say, "Yes, I was."
And that's it.
356
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:28,726
Well, you've clearly invested
a lot of time into this.
357
00:15:28,795 --> 00:15:31,528
And yet two fellows like us
with loose lips
358
00:15:31,598 --> 00:15:33,381
could cause it all
to fall apart.
359
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,233
Who's this trombone?
I'm the guy
360
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:38,419
who enjoyed like hell
shopping for this little ruse.
361
00:15:38,504 --> 00:15:41,339
Look, there's plenty
of money to go around,
362
00:15:41,407 --> 00:15:43,218
and I don't know how much more
of this I can take,
363
00:15:43,242 --> 00:15:44,719
so I'll make a deal
with you guys.
364
00:15:44,743 --> 00:15:46,721
If you can help me
"wrap this up,"
365
00:15:46,745 --> 00:15:48,890
if you know what I mean...
Take her skydiving,
366
00:15:48,914 --> 00:15:51,893
something that might,
you know, overwhelm
her elderly heart...
367
00:15:51,917 --> 00:15:53,662
I'll split the estate
with you two.
368
00:15:53,686 --> 00:15:56,837
But unless you're prepared
to kill her, get the hell out.
369
00:15:56,906 --> 00:15:58,972
All right, I got to run.
It's her birthday.
370
00:15:59,041 --> 00:16:00,641
♪ Happy birthday ♪
371
00:16:00,710 --> 00:16:03,444
♪ Dear Margaret WoolworthCarrington Von Schumacher ♪
372
00:16:03,513 --> 00:16:06,346
♪ Chanel Astor LivingstonCompte de Saint-Exupery... ♪
373
00:16:06,416 --> 00:16:08,694
I'm, uh,
just gonna hang here
for a minute.
374
00:16:08,718 --> 00:16:10,117
♪ Von Trapp Wykenham Hearst ♪
375
00:16:10,185 --> 00:16:12,286
♪ Montgomery RothchildJohnson & Johnson ♪
376
00:16:12,354 --> 00:16:14,522
♪ Twillsworth Dolce GabbanaVon Zweiger ♪
377
00:16:14,590 --> 00:16:17,391
♪ Second Montgomery De LaRocheGeico Vanderbilt ♪
378
00:16:17,460 --> 00:16:18,670
♪ Lannister Van BurenButterworth ♪
379
00:16:18,694 --> 00:16:20,127
♪ How I Met Your Mother ♪
380
00:16:20,195 --> 00:16:22,797
♪ Wrigley Louise-DreyfussLudwig Morgan Stanley ♪
381
00:16:22,865 --> 00:16:25,466
♪ Dumont LamborghiniForbes Higbee Winthrop ♪
382
00:16:25,535 --> 00:16:28,035
♪ Chanel Remi MartinFitzwilliam Kennedy ♪
383
00:16:28,103 --> 00:16:31,071
♪ Motel Six FairchildBrook Pritzker Davenport ♪
384
00:16:31,140 --> 00:16:34,341
♪ Von Stolen Monty PythonEllisworth Aston Martin ♪
385
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:36,877
♪ Haverbrook Ziff LauderHilton DuPont ♪
386
00:16:36,946 --> 00:16:39,647
♪ Kincaid Winslow CoorsOviatt Marlborough ♪
387
00:16:39,715 --> 00:16:42,182
♪ Pembroke HuffingtonBush Mellon Sinclair ♪
388
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,185
♪ Mellencamp StarbucksVan DykeThird Montgomery ♪
389
00:16:45,254 --> 00:16:47,688
♪ Marriott BarringtonChadsworthBig League Chew ♪
390
00:16:47,757 --> 00:16:49,890
♪ Chesterfield KensingtonBooth Bishop ♪
391
00:16:49,959 --> 00:16:52,560
♪ Longbottom NottinghamMeisterburger Burgermeister ♪
392
00:16:52,628 --> 00:16:55,663
♪ Tudor HapsburgRockefeller Onassis... ♪
393
00:16:56,766 --> 00:16:58,031
That's a...
394
00:16:58,100 --> 00:17:00,200
that's a freshly oiled hinge.
395
00:17:10,012 --> 00:17:12,312
Petey, let's play horsey.
396
00:17:15,201 --> 00:17:16,917
That's it!
397
00:17:16,986 --> 00:17:21,439
It's time you did
all the work and I goof off
with Mr. Herbert.
398
00:17:21,508 --> 00:17:23,107
Like hell it is.
399
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,883
Jesse, is this really happening?
400
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,269
You're going down, old man.
401
00:17:35,338 --> 00:17:37,572
I ain't the one going down.
You're going down.
402
00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:40,207
No way.
I'm gonna pound your ass!
403
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:43,110
You're seeming kind of cocky,
and I hate cocky.
404
00:17:43,179 --> 00:17:44,595
Boo, cocky!
405
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:46,547
Oh!
406
00:17:52,121 --> 00:17:54,938
Why are you being
such a jerk, Dad?
407
00:17:55,007 --> 00:17:57,358
D-D-D-D-D-Dad?
408
00:17:57,443 --> 00:17:59,743
Yeah, this is my dad.
409
00:18:05,335 --> 00:18:08,802
Well, he often said he wanted
to explode all over me.
410
00:18:08,872 --> 00:18:10,588
He finally did.
411
00:18:10,657 --> 00:18:12,439
Sorry I got jealous, Dad.
412
00:18:12,508 --> 00:18:14,308
That's all right, Chris.
413
00:18:14,377 --> 00:18:16,988
Hey, did you get
a little aroused
when we were wrestling?
414
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:18,745
No.
Me, neither.
415
00:18:27,473 --> 00:18:31,108
I am Herbert!
416
00:18:33,179 --> 00:18:35,146
I am Herbert.
417
00:18:35,214 --> 00:18:38,248
I am Herbert.
I am Herbert.
418
00:18:42,555 --> 00:18:43,871
Good Quahog, evening.
419
00:18:43,940 --> 00:18:45,717
Uh, let's, uh,
let's do that again.
420
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:48,842
Good evening, Hog-quo,
I'm Tucker Tom. Nope.
421
00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:51,645
Good aftereveningnoon,
HogTom, Quo I'merTuck.
422
00:18:51,714 --> 00:18:53,513
Quo Goodningnoon, TomerTuck,
423
00:18:53,583 --> 00:18:55,849
I'm ningningafterevenQuo,
Noonhog.
424
00:18:55,918 --> 00:18:57,350
Our top story:
425
00:18:57,419 --> 00:18:59,853
Newport's wealthiest heiress,
Margaret Woolworth...
426
00:18:59,922 --> 00:19:01,562
Holy God,
I'm not reading all that...
427
00:19:01,624 --> 00:19:05,042
Was found dead in her home
of an apparent heart attack.
428
00:19:05,110 --> 00:19:07,345
Did you...?
No. Did you?
429
00:19:07,413 --> 00:19:10,148
No. You think Quagmire did?
430
00:19:13,403 --> 00:19:15,970
You, uh...
you guys actually did it.
431
00:19:16,039 --> 00:19:18,472
And made it look
like a heart attack.
432
00:19:19,508 --> 00:19:21,108
Wow. I, uh...
433
00:19:21,177 --> 00:19:22,537
I didn't think
you had it in you.
434
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:25,362
I... I guess you
thought wrong.
435
00:19:25,431 --> 00:19:27,848
Listen, I-I know
there's been some bad blood
between us,
436
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:29,716
but I-I promise,
it won't happen again.
437
00:19:29,785 --> 00:19:31,352
I hope you can forgive me.
438
00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,238
Well...
just watch your step.
439
00:19:34,306 --> 00:19:35,906
Well, a deal's a deal,
440
00:19:35,975 --> 00:19:37,942
so here's your share
of the estate.
441
00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:39,443
Just sign here.
442
00:19:44,099 --> 00:19:45,543
We're rich!
We're rich!
443
00:19:48,403 --> 00:19:49,837
We're rich, Stewie.
444
00:19:49,905 --> 00:19:52,356
And no flip joke
can take that away.
445
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:55,375
Gentlemen, due to
a disastrous investment
446
00:19:55,445 --> 00:19:58,045
in a Mindy Project
amusement park,
447
00:19:58,113 --> 00:20:00,180
Miss Woolworth
etcetera, etcetera,
448
00:20:00,249 --> 00:20:03,183
died owing $18 million,
449
00:20:03,252 --> 00:20:05,453
for which you are now liable.
450
00:20:05,521 --> 00:20:07,020
We owe money?
451
00:20:07,089 --> 00:20:08,756
Look, Stewie,
it-it could be worse.
452
00:20:08,825 --> 00:20:10,424
We could be dead, like Margaret.
453
00:20:10,493 --> 00:20:12,392
You're right. Poor thing.
454
00:20:12,461 --> 00:20:15,712
I guess she just died
of natural causes.
455
00:20:19,118 --> 00:20:20,968
What a couple of rubes.
456
00:20:21,037 --> 00:20:24,271
I'm finally out
from under that crushing debt.
457
00:20:24,340 --> 00:20:27,341
I suppose
I don't need this anymore.
458
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:32,279
Yes, that's right.
It was a Meg story.
459
00:20:43,409 --> 00:20:45,476
♪ Come on, shake your body,baby, do the conga ♪
460
00:20:45,544 --> 00:20:47,556
♪ I know you can't controlyourself any longer ♪
461
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:49,291
♪ Feel the rhythm of the musicgetting stronger ♪
462
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:50,693
♪ Don't you fight ittill you've tried it ♪
463
00:20:50,717 --> 00:20:51,916
♪ Do the conga beat ♪
464
00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:55,686
♪ Everybody,gather 'round now ♪
465
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,489
♪ Let your bodyfeel the heat... ♪
35362
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