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♪ It seems todaythat all you see is violencein movies and sex on TV
2
00:00:08,309 --> 00:00:11,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
3
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,880
♪ On which we used to rely?
4
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,317
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
5
00:00:18,386 --> 00:00:21,503
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
6
00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,121
♪ All the things that make us
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00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:24,923
♪ Laugh and cry!
8
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:30,095
♪ He's a family guy! ♪
9
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:37,981
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
thanks for coming in
to see me today.
10
00:00:38,005 --> 00:00:39,237
Is this about Chris?
11
00:00:39,306 --> 00:00:41,306
We know he's been
struggling lately.
12
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:44,109
Well, let me put it this way.
13
00:00:44,177 --> 00:00:45,321
Parents of
a failing student
say what?
14
00:00:45,345 --> 00:00:46,511
What?
No, Peter, wait.
15
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:49,281
Nope, too late; he said it.
I'm marking it.
16
00:00:49,349 --> 00:00:52,117
Didn't get the Woos;
they're very smart. Asian.
17
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,306
Maybe they didn't
understand me.
I don't know.
18
00:00:54,354 --> 00:00:56,599
The point is,
Chris's grades
aren't improving,
19
00:00:56,623 --> 00:00:58,990
and just yesterday,
he caused a little ruckus
20
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,341
in his history class.
21
00:01:00,410 --> 00:01:03,061
♪ Alexander Hamiltonwas white ♪
22
00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:06,114
I just can't understand
why he's doing so poorly.
23
00:01:06,183 --> 00:01:07,844
We here feel that
the best solution
24
00:01:07,868 --> 00:01:11,786
is for Chris
to attend something
called vocational school.
25
00:01:11,856 --> 00:01:13,834
Yeah, you know what?
Chris deserves
a vocation.
26
00:01:13,858 --> 00:01:16,036
He's been working hard,
he's doing great
in school...
27
00:01:16,060 --> 00:01:17,938
No, vocational school is where
28
00:01:17,962 --> 00:01:21,230
less academically capable
students learn a trade.
29
00:01:21,298 --> 00:01:23,899
Don't you have to
be Italian to go to
one of those schools?
30
00:01:23,968 --> 00:01:26,913
Uhp, there will be
plenty of those jokes
later in the episode.
31
00:01:26,937 --> 00:01:30,438
Now, won't vocational school
limit Chris's options
down the road?
32
00:01:30,507 --> 00:01:31,784
Oh, hardly.
33
00:01:31,808 --> 00:01:33,987
He'll have a wide range
of career options,
34
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:35,291
such as the following:
35
00:02:02,973 --> 00:02:04,739
Those are
three terrible options.
36
00:02:04,808 --> 00:02:06,253
Parents
who are okay
with this say what?
37
00:02:06,277 --> 00:02:07,320
What?
Gotcha.
38
00:02:07,344 --> 00:02:08,893
That one's on you, Lois.
39
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:15,400
Why, Meg, don't you
look pretty today.
40
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:16,669
Thanks, Mom.
41
00:02:16,703 --> 00:02:18,064
She's going to
ask you for
something.
42
00:02:18,088 --> 00:02:19,871
So, listen, I was wondering.
43
00:02:19,940 --> 00:02:21,072
Do you think you could
44
00:02:21,142 --> 00:02:22,841
take Stewie to
a birthday party today?
45
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,409
The birthday boy was premature,
46
00:02:24,478 --> 00:02:26,878
so he looks like
a 12-inch-tall Rachel Dratch.
47
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:28,380
Why can't you do it, Mom?
48
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,081
I can't take another party
49
00:02:30,151 --> 00:02:32,734
with that trio of
judgy sitcom moms.
50
00:02:33,871 --> 00:02:35,470
Oh, hi, Lois.
51
00:02:35,538 --> 00:02:38,874
Gosh, I just love how you
always look so comfortable.
52
00:02:38,942 --> 00:02:41,409
I know.
Are those pajamas?
53
00:02:41,478 --> 00:02:44,638
And I'm the black one
for unrealistic
diversity.
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00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:52,603
I can't believe
I have to go
to vocational school.
55
00:02:52,672 --> 00:02:54,339
Does this mean I'm a failure?
56
00:02:54,407 --> 00:02:57,086
No, sweetie.
It means that
we're failures.
57
00:02:57,110 --> 00:02:59,744
You know, I'm always at a loss
for words in these moments.
58
00:02:59,813 --> 00:03:01,757
Fred Sanford, you want
to do the honors?
59
00:03:01,781 --> 00:03:03,715
Go get 'em, you big dummy.
60
00:03:03,783 --> 00:03:06,462
Um, your show
went off the air
40 years ago,
61
00:03:06,486 --> 00:03:08,586
and you died 30 years ago,
62
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:12,407
so that phrase
means very little to me.
63
00:03:12,476 --> 00:03:15,043
I know
it's a big step, honey,
but you can do it.
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00:03:15,112 --> 00:03:16,256
That's right, Chris.
65
00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:17,757
This family's never shied away
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00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:19,792
from a new challenge,
like when I was
the spokesman
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00:03:19,816 --> 00:03:22,633
for that perfume,
Deschanel Number Five.
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00:03:22,702 --> 00:03:24,920
Precious.
Annoying.
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00:03:25,755 --> 00:03:26,921
Twee.
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00:03:27,858 --> 00:03:29,541
Hot, but not worth it.
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00:03:31,561 --> 00:03:33,594
Probably a nightmare in person.
72
00:03:34,782 --> 00:03:37,048
Deschanel.
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00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:40,953
The fragrance for when youwant to smell likea 40-year-old toddler.
74
00:03:42,289 --> 00:03:43,454
Can I help you?
75
00:03:43,523 --> 00:03:46,892
Yes, I'm here for my first day
of vocational school.
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00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,326
Right this way.
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00:03:58,605 --> 00:04:00,005
♪ Well, he walked up to me
78
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:03,008
♪ And he asked me
if I wanted to dance
79
00:04:05,678 --> 00:04:07,012
♪ He looked kind of nice
80
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,814
♪ And so I said
I might take a chance
81
00:04:13,253 --> 00:04:16,321
♪ When he danced,
he held me tight
82
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,157
♪ And when he walked me
home that night... ♪
83
00:04:19,226 --> 00:04:22,627
This notepad and pencil
is from Mr. Tony over there.
84
00:04:22,695 --> 00:04:25,296
♪ And then he kissed me ♪
85
00:04:25,365 --> 00:04:27,682
All right, settle down,
you yucks.
86
00:04:27,768 --> 00:04:29,834
We got a new student,
Chris Griffin.
87
00:04:29,903 --> 00:04:32,003
So everybody
give him an "ayy."
88
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,621
Ayy.
89
00:04:33,691 --> 00:04:37,159
Look at that, your first day,
and you got all A's.
90
00:04:37,227 --> 00:04:38,827
Come here, let me
pinch your cheek.
91
00:04:38,896 --> 00:04:40,195
Got all A's.
92
00:04:40,263 --> 00:04:43,631
You're expressing
affection and dominance.
93
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:46,601
Griffin? Where's the "Ucci"
or "Squalotta" at the end?
94
00:04:46,670 --> 00:04:48,403
You Jewish?
No.
95
00:04:48,471 --> 00:04:50,917
It true, if you're Jewish,
they cut your dong off
with an ax?
96
00:04:50,941 --> 00:04:53,219
My uncle's Jewish.
Friggin' mess,
that guy.
97
00:04:53,243 --> 00:04:56,745
Hey, chip-chop, it's 9:30.
Let's start thinking lunch.
98
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,244
We do a nice
sit-down thing
here.
99
00:05:02,268 --> 00:05:04,168
Little piccata, little veal.
100
00:05:04,237 --> 00:05:06,115
Rocco here learned
to cook in the joint.
101
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:09,006
Okay, everybody
dirty up your hands,
we'll eat in ten.
102
00:05:09,075 --> 00:05:12,121
Wow. This is way better
than that barber school
I went to
103
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,407
where I couldn't stop
pumping the chair.
104
00:05:14,431 --> 00:05:17,198
Just a bit off the top
and shorter on the sides.
105
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:19,767
We're just gonna be
pumping today.
106
00:05:24,074 --> 00:05:25,354
Did you bring the cups?
107
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,874
Um, uh, no.
108
00:05:26,943 --> 00:05:28,876
My mom didn't say
anything about cups.
109
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,385
All right, snack table.
Now, what do we got?
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00:05:37,454 --> 00:05:41,739
Loose Cheerios, Goldfish
crackers, pretzel sticks,
and, ooh,
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00:05:41,808 --> 00:05:45,076
the siren's song of the
unattended: whole grapes.
112
00:05:45,129 --> 00:05:46,995
♪ Come and eat us
113
00:05:47,063 --> 00:05:48,930
♪ We won't choke you
114
00:05:48,999 --> 00:05:52,500
♪ Put us in your cheeks ♪
115
00:05:52,586 --> 00:05:54,586
Oh, okay.
These grapes seem nice enough.
116
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,287
They said they won't choke me.
117
00:06:01,311 --> 00:06:02,694
♪ You should have sliced us
118
00:06:02,763 --> 00:06:05,296
♪ Skinned us, cut us,
now you have no air
119
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:06,598
♪ Ha-ha-ha ♪
120
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:08,667
Oh, my God, Stewie!
121
00:06:08,735 --> 00:06:10,580
You're choking!
122
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:14,322
♪ Soaring through the air ♪
123
00:06:16,159 --> 00:06:18,827
Meg. You saved me.
124
00:06:18,895 --> 00:06:21,229
You're... you're my hero.
125
00:06:21,297 --> 00:06:23,698
I am not letting you
out of my sight again.
126
00:06:28,705 --> 00:06:30,705
♪ Here I lie
127
00:06:30,774 --> 00:06:32,874
♪ On the ground
128
00:06:32,943 --> 00:06:35,209
♪ What of me now?
129
00:06:36,279 --> 00:06:39,781
♪ No bowl, no bunch
130
00:06:39,850 --> 00:06:41,149
♪ No stems
131
00:06:41,217 --> 00:06:45,987
♪ But is here
where I begin again?
132
00:06:49,425 --> 00:06:52,460
♪ Today I begin
133
00:06:52,529 --> 00:06:55,229
♪ The life that
I've dreamed... ♪
134
00:06:55,298 --> 00:06:56,814
Uhp, there's a foot.
135
00:07:03,539 --> 00:07:05,117
Coming this fall, from the
136
00:07:05,141 --> 00:07:08,243
makers of Paranormal Activity
comes Normal Activity.
137
00:07:34,071 --> 00:07:36,382
Did you wash your hands?
138
00:07:36,406 --> 00:07:38,490
Yeah.
139
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:40,659
Meg Griffin, you saved
your brother's life,
140
00:07:40,727 --> 00:07:42,644
so here's your showcase
of prizes.
141
00:07:42,713 --> 00:07:45,814
You'll be the talk of
the town with
your new macaroni necklace.
142
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,016
That's right, you'll be
strutting down Spooner Street
143
00:07:48,085 --> 00:07:49,851
in this dental floss
macaroni necklace
144
00:07:49,920 --> 00:07:52,553
made with Oral-B dental floss
and Pasta Barilla.
145
00:07:52,622 --> 00:07:55,556
Pasta Barilla:
a taste of Italy
right in your home.
146
00:07:55,625 --> 00:07:57,436
All right, time for
Bethenny Frankel,
147
00:07:57,460 --> 00:08:00,395
America's favorite
chattering pirate skeleton.
148
00:08:00,463 --> 00:08:02,741
Dad! Dad, get off me!
149
00:08:02,765 --> 00:08:04,082
Get off me, Dad!
150
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:06,017
Hey, hey!
Get off my sister!
151
00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,419
Go fly a kite, bub.
Ouch.
152
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,888
Wow, that book really worked.
153
00:08:10,957 --> 00:08:14,325
His hat's flying off cause
he's been given a what for.
154
00:08:14,394 --> 00:08:16,105
Peter, leave the baby alone.
155
00:08:16,129 --> 00:08:18,107
Why don't you pick on
someone your own size,
156
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:20,281
like William Howard Taft?
157
00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:23,262
Wow, you're further
in the book than I am.
158
00:08:23,286 --> 00:08:25,886
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'll just go retrieve my hat.
159
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:31,837
And, Meg, why are you
on the couch?
160
00:08:31,861 --> 00:08:35,421
You know you're not
supposed to be
on the furniture.
161
00:08:36,149 --> 00:08:39,083
Look at her. She just
sits there and takes it.
162
00:08:39,152 --> 00:08:41,686
She deserves a better life
than this, Brian.
163
00:08:41,754 --> 00:08:44,055
And you know what?
I'm going to give it to her.
164
00:08:44,123 --> 00:08:45,256
How you gonna do that?
165
00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:47,470
I don't know, but it's
going to be a challenge,
166
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:50,734
like trying to seem sad
while you're
wearing flip-flops.
167
00:08:52,799 --> 00:08:54,744
I'm sorry for your loss.
168
00:08:54,768 --> 00:08:56,048
Sorry for your loss.
169
00:08:56,870 --> 00:08:58,169
Sorry for your loss.
170
00:08:58,805 --> 00:09:00,738
Very sorry.
171
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,818
Let me know
if you need
anything.
172
00:09:02,842 --> 00:09:04,921
Very sorry.
Excuse me.
173
00:09:04,945 --> 00:09:08,613
The owner of a Geo Tracker
with the license
plate "FLP FLP,"
174
00:09:08,681 --> 00:09:10,693
you're blocking
the funeral procession.
175
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,951
Oh.
176
00:09:17,791 --> 00:09:19,057
All right, Chris.
177
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:22,093
A big part of being a mechanic
is being completely shocked
178
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:24,395
when somebody hasn't had
a particular item
179
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,409
on a restaurant menu.
Hey, Chrissie.
180
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:27,944
We're thinking about
going over to Pete's.
181
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,512
You want a bread sandwich?
182
00:09:29,536 --> 00:09:31,514
What's a bread sandwich?
What?
183
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,516
You never had
a bread sandwich
from Pete's?
184
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:36,386
Everyone who's
not currently in
the room, get over here.
185
00:09:36,410 --> 00:09:38,626
Griffin's never had
a Pete's bread sandwich.
186
00:09:38,695 --> 00:09:41,729
Whoa, whoa, what?
You never had a bread
sandwich from Pete's?
187
00:09:41,798 --> 00:09:44,460
We've covered this.
Somebody tell me
what it is.
188
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,545
What do you think it is?
It's three pieces
of bread.
189
00:09:46,569 --> 00:09:49,103
Me, I like a piece
of sourdough on top,
190
00:09:49,172 --> 00:09:50,716
piece of sourdough on bottom,
191
00:09:50,740 --> 00:09:53,141
and a nice piece of wheat
in the middle.
192
00:09:53,209 --> 00:09:55,621
I like to go rye, rye, rye.
193
00:09:55,645 --> 00:09:56,805
I'm a rye guy.
194
00:09:56,829 --> 00:09:58,463
Hey, you guys going to Pete's?
195
00:09:58,531 --> 00:09:59,931
Someone get me a bread sandwich.
196
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:01,043
Griffin's never had one.
197
00:10:01,067 --> 00:10:02,216
What?
198
00:10:02,285 --> 00:10:03,529
What?
Guys.
199
00:10:03,553 --> 00:10:05,798
I just called Pete's.
They're closed forever.
200
00:10:05,822 --> 00:10:07,589
What?
201
00:10:07,657 --> 00:10:09,337
Who answered the phone?
202
00:10:14,231 --> 00:10:16,264
All right, Stewie,
how do we make Meg popular?
203
00:10:16,333 --> 00:10:17,710
I've got it all figured out.
204
00:10:17,734 --> 00:10:20,201
They're posting the cast list
for the school play.
205
00:10:20,270 --> 00:10:21,914
I'll just give Meg
all the parts.
206
00:10:21,938 --> 00:10:24,733
That way, she'll be
the most popular girl
in school.
207
00:10:24,757 --> 00:10:27,492
Good night, good night.
208
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,044
As sweet repose and rest.
209
00:10:30,113 --> 00:10:33,248
Come to thy heart
as that within my breast.
210
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:40,204
O, wilt thou
leave me so unsatisfied?
211
00:10:44,193 --> 00:10:48,730
What
satisfaction canst
thou have tonight?
212
00:10:48,798 --> 00:10:51,299
That son of a bitch.
213
00:10:53,503 --> 00:10:55,570
Th' exchange of thy love's
214
00:10:55,639 --> 00:10:57,872
faithful vow for mine.
215
00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,184
'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.
216
00:10:59,208 --> 00:11:00,341
What's all this, then?
217
00:11:06,950 --> 00:11:08,928
Well, that didn't work.
Don't worry, Brian.
218
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:10,946
We've still got
the spring musical.
219
00:11:12,839 --> 00:11:14,672
♪ One man likes to push a plow
220
00:11:14,741 --> 00:11:16,574
♪ The other likes
to chase a cow
221
00:11:16,643 --> 00:11:19,344
♪ But that's no reason
why they can't be friends
222
00:11:20,647 --> 00:11:22,487
♪ Territory folks should
stick together
223
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,382
♪ Territory folks
should all be pals
224
00:11:24,451 --> 00:11:26,417
♪ Cowboys dance
with farmers' daughters
225
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,453
♪ Farmers dance with
the ranchers' gals ♪
226
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:34,392
'Ello, 'ello, 'ello.
What's all this, then?
227
00:11:42,152 --> 00:11:43,834
She can't be helped.
228
00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,391
Mr. and Mrs. G,
thanks so much for
having us over for dinner.
229
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:51,725
Oh, it's our pleasure.
230
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:54,140
Chris has said
so many nice things
about you.
231
00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:56,025
Ah, maybe one or two
of 'em are true.
232
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,601
Chris, tell your mom
and dad about the
story you wrote.
233
00:12:00,670 --> 00:12:02,103
Oh, I don't know.
234
00:12:02,172 --> 00:12:04,238
Chris, come on, don't be shy.
235
00:12:04,307 --> 00:12:06,740
Okay. It's called
"The Black Duck."
236
00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,443
"The Black Duck."
You ever seen
a black duck?
237
00:12:09,512 --> 00:12:12,814
I seen a brown duck,
a yellow duck, a white duck
with a green head.
238
00:12:12,882 --> 00:12:16,117
Hey, there's all kinds
of ducks. This kid
thinks of a black one.
239
00:12:16,186 --> 00:12:18,286
Come on, it's just
a stupid story, guys.
240
00:12:18,354 --> 00:12:20,454
Hey! If it was such
a stupid story,
241
00:12:20,523 --> 00:12:22,957
why would it have such
a well-rounded protagonist?
242
00:12:23,026 --> 00:12:25,059
Remember what I told you
behind the garage?
243
00:12:25,128 --> 00:12:26,294
That you might be gay?
244
00:12:26,362 --> 00:12:28,296
Wh-What? No, no,
I didn't say that.
245
00:12:28,364 --> 00:12:29,997
The-the imagination on this one.
246
00:12:30,066 --> 00:12:32,099
Black ducks, I'm gay,
what's next?
247
00:12:32,168 --> 00:12:34,635
M-Martians?
L-Little green
Martian people?
248
00:12:34,704 --> 00:12:38,289
Oh, Chris, I'm so happy
you have so many
wonderful new friends.
249
00:12:38,357 --> 00:12:40,658
He was very unpopular
in high school.
250
00:12:40,726 --> 00:12:42,204
Oh, yeah, you know,
he's strong, too.
251
00:12:42,228 --> 00:12:44,339
He takes care
of a lot of
stuff for us.
252
00:12:44,363 --> 00:12:45,729
Stuff?
253
00:12:45,799 --> 00:12:47,860
Yeah, he-he took care
of one of
our competitors.
254
00:12:47,884 --> 00:12:50,251
Mr. Firestone says hello.
255
00:12:50,319 --> 00:12:52,253
Ow. Ow. Ow.
256
00:12:52,321 --> 00:12:54,534
Stop it. Stop it.
257
00:12:54,558 --> 00:12:56,323
Oh, my God, Chris!
258
00:12:56,392 --> 00:12:58,404
That's silly,
but it's still murder!
259
00:12:58,428 --> 00:13:00,706
Relax.
That Michelin Man
had no family.
260
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:03,414
He came from tires, Ma!
261
00:13:07,187 --> 00:13:09,098
All right,
if we can't make
Meg popular,
262
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:11,689
we can at least
find her a boyfriend.
263
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:14,392
Neil, can you come out?
We need to talk to you.
264
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,994
I can't open the door.
It's the Sabbath.
265
00:13:17,063 --> 00:13:19,208
You can come around
the back entrance.
266
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:24,747
Why are all the lights off?
267
00:13:24,771 --> 00:13:27,338
I can't turn them on myself.
It's the Sabbath.
268
00:13:27,406 --> 00:13:29,357
Get the lights for me, will you?
269
00:13:29,426 --> 00:13:32,427
Also, can you
pick up the phone
and order me a pizza?
270
00:13:32,495 --> 00:13:34,529
I can't do it.
It's the Sabbath.
271
00:13:34,598 --> 00:13:36,909
Listen, Neil,
we really wanted
to talk about Meg.
272
00:13:36,933 --> 00:13:39,166
That can wait.
I've just looked
at some porn,
273
00:13:39,236 --> 00:13:42,069
and I need you guys
to give me
some assisted relief.
274
00:13:42,138 --> 00:13:44,905
I can't do it myself.
It's the Sabbath.
275
00:13:44,974 --> 00:13:47,553
Okay, this-this is
starting to sound
a little weird.
276
00:13:47,577 --> 00:13:49,793
It's not weird.
It's Jewish.
277
00:13:53,283 --> 00:13:55,861
I can't believe
we did all that and
he still turned us down.
278
00:13:55,885 --> 00:13:59,153
I know, and al-also,
Brian, it's Thursday.
279
00:14:01,758 --> 00:14:03,802
Well, I am officially
out of ideas.
280
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:05,660
Yes, there's literally
no one in town
281
00:14:05,729 --> 00:14:08,095
sad and desperate enough
to date my sister.
282
00:14:08,164 --> 00:14:11,043
Hey, guys, can you
hold my phone and
point it over this way?
283
00:14:11,067 --> 00:14:12,978
I want to live-stream
my suicide.
284
00:14:13,002 --> 00:14:14,269
Yeah, sure, Kevin.
285
00:14:14,337 --> 00:14:16,415
You know what it is, Stewie?
It's a selfishness.
286
00:14:16,439 --> 00:14:19,907
It's an inability to
look out and see someone
who needs someone.
287
00:14:19,976 --> 00:14:21,387
It's-it's just...
it's a lack of empathy.
288
00:14:21,411 --> 00:14:23,122
Can you make sure
I'm totally
in the frame?
289
00:14:23,146 --> 00:14:24,957
Yeah, I'm not a pro.
You get what you get.
290
00:14:24,981 --> 00:14:26,758
Anyway, what is wrong
with people that they're
291
00:14:26,782 --> 00:14:29,883
so myopic and just preoccupied
with their own little lives?
292
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:31,563
Is it on?
It's whatever it was
293
00:14:31,587 --> 00:14:33,020
when you handed it to me.
294
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:34,733
The point is,
there's someone
out there for everyone
295
00:14:34,757 --> 00:14:37,057
if they're just willing
to open their eyes and look.
296
00:14:37,127 --> 00:14:39,860
Wait a second!
Don't you see, Brian?
297
00:14:39,929 --> 00:14:41,895
Oh, my God, you're right!
298
00:14:41,964 --> 00:14:43,764
Kevin, before you
go through with this,
299
00:14:43,833 --> 00:14:45,933
would you consider
taking Meg out for a date?
300
00:14:46,002 --> 00:14:47,835
Meg? Why?
301
00:14:47,903 --> 00:14:51,271
Look, we know you've
had a hard road ever
since you came home from Iraq.
302
00:14:51,341 --> 00:14:53,741
Well, this could be a chance
for you to help someone else
303
00:14:53,810 --> 00:14:55,943
who maybe feels
as bad inside as you do.
304
00:14:57,881 --> 00:14:59,780
Okay. I'll ask her out.
305
00:14:59,849 --> 00:15:01,382
Great.
Call her tomorrow.
306
00:15:01,450 --> 00:15:02,962
Tonight she's doing
the fall play.
307
00:15:02,986 --> 00:15:05,319
It's a one-woman
performance of Hair.
308
00:15:07,407 --> 00:15:11,309
♪ Let the sunshine
309
00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:14,845
♪ Let the sunshine in
310
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:19,450
♪ Let the sun... shine in ♪
311
00:15:19,518 --> 00:15:21,518
Should've called it
Too Much Hair.
312
00:15:22,755 --> 00:15:24,955
I finished the book.
313
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,976
All right, Brian.
Here comes Meg.
314
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,711
Now, don't let on
that we had
anything to do
315
00:15:35,735 --> 00:15:36,879
with Kevin asking her out.
316
00:15:36,903 --> 00:15:38,536
Relax. I know how
to keep my cool.
317
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:39,771
You guys!
318
00:15:39,839 --> 00:15:41,839
I'm going out
with Kevin Swanson!
319
00:15:41,908 --> 00:15:43,841
Get out of here!
320
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,810
Brian, why are your hands
on your hips?
321
00:15:45,878 --> 00:15:47,056
Turn it down a notch.
322
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,281
Yeah, he asked me out.
Totally out of the blue.
323
00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:52,061
Well, I'll be a monkey's uncle.
324
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:54,485
Get your hand off
your cheek, you mess.
325
00:15:58,241 --> 00:16:00,007
Principal Shepherd,
we came to ask
326
00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:03,210
if there's anything
we can do to get Chris
back in the school.
327
00:16:03,279 --> 00:16:06,063
Mr. and Mrs. Griffin,
I-I'm afraid we can't do that.
328
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,366
Oh, I think you can.
329
00:16:08,434 --> 00:16:11,269
I think you can do that
and a whole lot more.
330
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:13,738
Oh, my God.
331
00:16:13,807 --> 00:16:16,474
That is not what a testicle
is supposed to look like.
332
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:17,825
Has a doctor seen this?
333
00:16:17,894 --> 00:16:20,511
What are you gonna do,
charge me with smoking?
334
00:16:20,563 --> 00:16:23,092
Mr. Griffin,
I'm afraid you have
testicular cancer.
335
00:16:23,116 --> 00:16:24,910
I'm sorry, there's
nothing I can do.
336
00:16:24,934 --> 00:16:27,301
Oh, I think maybe there is.
337
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:31,094
If you keep doing that,
you're gonna pop it.
338
00:16:34,127 --> 00:16:36,593
Stewie,
I still don't understand
why we have to pretend
339
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:37,862
to work at the restaurant.
340
00:16:37,930 --> 00:16:39,441
It's all part of
the plan, Brian.
341
00:16:39,465 --> 00:16:41,777
Meg and Kevin need to
have the perfect date.
342
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:44,279
That's why I gave the rest
of the staff the night off.
343
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:46,481
We have to be
in total control
of the evening.
344
00:16:46,505 --> 00:16:47,938
Two for Swanson.
345
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,418
I'm sorry,
we have nothing
under that name,
346
00:16:50,442 --> 00:16:52,387
and we're all full.
Oh, I...
347
00:16:52,411 --> 00:16:54,444
Uh, actually, I think
a table just opened up.
348
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:55,980
Right this way.
349
00:16:57,517 --> 00:16:59,395
What the hell?
Sorry, I choked.
350
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:01,730
Hi. We're the Hollender
rehearsal dinner.
351
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:03,754
There are 46 of us.
352
00:17:03,823 --> 00:17:06,124
Uh, Stewie,
before you gave
the staff the night off,
353
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:07,825
did you check
the reservation book?
354
00:17:07,894 --> 00:17:09,027
I did not.
355
00:17:09,095 --> 00:17:12,041
And to remind you,
24 of us
selected the salmon,
356
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,698
16 the filet,
and six vegetarian.
357
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:15,811
One vegan.
358
00:17:15,835 --> 00:17:18,385
Five vegetarian, one vegan.
359
00:17:18,455 --> 00:17:20,299
What do we do?
Just keep giving them crayons
360
00:17:20,323 --> 00:17:21,889
until we figure it out.
361
00:17:21,958 --> 00:17:23,357
More appetizer?
362
00:17:23,426 --> 00:17:24,792
No, thanks.
363
00:17:24,861 --> 00:17:27,544
Cauliflower gives me the scoots.
364
00:17:31,651 --> 00:17:33,128
Chris, there's something
your father and I
365
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,985
want to talk to you about.
366
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,488
Uh, Chris? Ch-Chris?
367
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,124
Sorry, I only answer
to "Chrissie" now.
368
00:17:40,192 --> 00:17:42,894
Fine. Chrissie?
Yeah, Ma?
369
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:47,331
Can you stop lifting
your rusty weights
while we talk to you?
370
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,978
Chris, we're worried
about you and
your new friends.
371
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,403
Pa, don't worry about it.
372
00:17:52,472 --> 00:17:54,638
Don't worry about it.
373
00:17:54,707 --> 00:17:57,674
Okay.
No, Peter, it's not okay.
374
00:17:57,743 --> 00:18:00,611
Chris, we don't want you
in the Mafia.
375
00:18:00,679 --> 00:18:03,314
Hey, I'm in waste management.
376
00:18:03,383 --> 00:18:06,483
Chris, you need to be
back in high school
where you belong.
377
00:18:06,552 --> 00:18:08,786
But Principal Shepherd
won't let you back in,
378
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,454
and we don't know what to do.
379
00:18:10,507 --> 00:18:13,774
What do I need school for?
Tony Danza never
went to school,
380
00:18:13,843 --> 00:18:17,645
and he played a guy named Tony
on four different TV shows.
381
00:18:17,714 --> 00:18:19,480
Lois, let me handle this.
382
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:23,150
Chris, I'm gonna say this
in a way an Italian
mechanic would understand.
383
00:18:23,219 --> 00:18:24,897
You're breaking
your mother's heart!
384
00:18:24,921 --> 00:18:28,122
Ma! Why didn't
you say so, Ma?
385
00:18:28,190 --> 00:18:30,240
I'll take care of it.
386
00:18:36,599 --> 00:18:38,599
♪ ♪
387
00:19:20,994 --> 00:19:22,254
What have you got there?
388
00:19:22,278 --> 00:19:24,211
A guy letting me back
into school says what?
389
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:27,481
What? Damn it!
Okay, see you on Monday.
390
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:35,723
Oh, God.
What? What is it?
391
00:19:35,792 --> 00:19:38,570
The Hollender
rehearsal dinner
review on Yelp.
392
00:19:38,594 --> 00:19:40,861
"Undercooked and underwhelmed.
393
00:19:40,930 --> 00:19:42,496
Argumentative staff."
394
00:19:42,565 --> 00:19:45,733
I thought chicken sushi
was wildly inventive.
395
00:19:45,802 --> 00:19:48,313
So, Meg, how was
your night out
with your boyfriend?
396
00:19:48,337 --> 00:19:50,921
Actually, we broke up.
Aw.
397
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,617
Aw, Meg, I'm so sorry.
398
00:19:52,641 --> 00:19:56,194
Well, I guess some people
are just meant
to be alone, you know?
399
00:19:56,262 --> 00:19:58,028
They're so broken inside.
400
00:19:58,097 --> 00:20:00,097
They're just not worth it.
401
00:20:00,166 --> 00:20:02,478
Don't say that, Meg.
You're totally worth it.
402
00:20:02,502 --> 00:20:05,436
I'm not talking about me.
I'm talking about Kevin.
403
00:20:05,505 --> 00:20:07,805
He's a psycho.
I dumped his ass.
404
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:09,940
So...
you're okay with it?
405
00:20:10,009 --> 00:20:13,777
Yeah, it actually felt great
to be empowered for once.
406
00:20:13,846 --> 00:20:16,063
Good night, guys.
407
00:20:16,132 --> 00:20:20,434
You know what, Brian, we
actually did make Meg's
life a little bit better.
408
00:20:20,503 --> 00:20:21,802
She got to dump someone.
409
00:20:21,871 --> 00:20:24,371
Well, you know what
the real lesson
is here, Stewie.
410
00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:26,384
Brian, I'm being told
the show is running long.
411
00:20:26,408 --> 00:20:27,953
We've got to speed this up.
Oh, that's okay.
412
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,122
I'm sure they can fix it
in editing.
What I was saying...
413
00:20:30,146 --> 00:20:32,007
Because it's
all about family
and...
414
00:20:32,031 --> 00:20:33,781
In love. You see,
the thing is...
415
00:20:33,850 --> 00:20:36,467
Love you, Brian.
Tractor guy now!
Who wants a ri...
416
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,553
So, Chris, how was
your first day
back at school?
417
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:47,645
It was fine.
I'll miss the guys
at vocational school,
418
00:20:47,714 --> 00:20:50,281
but it is nice
to be back where I belong.
419
00:20:50,350 --> 00:20:52,216
I'll get it.
420
00:20:53,253 --> 00:20:54,418
That's him.
421
00:20:54,487 --> 00:20:56,031
That's the one who popped me.
422
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,087
Are you sure?
423
00:20:57,156 --> 00:20:58,656
Yes, I'm sure.
424
00:20:58,725 --> 00:21:00,908
Did I not sound sure?
32703
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