All language subtitles for Family Guy - S17E03 - Pal Stewie (Uncensored)

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,568 --> 00:00:05,270 ♪ It seems today that all you see ♪ 2 00:00:05,339 --> 00:00:08,607 ♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪ 3 00:00:08,675 --> 00:00:12,211 ♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪ 4 00:00:12,279 --> 00:00:15,214 ♪ On which we used to rely? ♪ 5 00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:18,717 ♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪ 6 00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:22,104 ♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪ 7 00:00:22,172 --> 00:00:23,689 ♪ All the things that make us ♪ 8 00:00:23,757 --> 00:00:25,090 ♪ Laugh and cry ♪ 9 00:00:25,159 --> 00:00:30,695 ♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪ 10 00:00:42,943 --> 00:00:44,888 At last, I shall exact my vengeance 11 00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,456 and snuff out the miserable flame 12 00:00:46,480 --> 00:00:48,914 that has been your life, vile woman. 13 00:00:48,983 --> 00:00:51,583 ♪ Growing one carrot ♪ 14 00:00:51,651 --> 00:00:54,452 ♪ Taking up time ♪ 15 00:00:54,521 --> 00:00:58,790 ♪ Filling up the day with nonsense ♪ 16 00:00:58,859 --> 00:01:02,261 ♪ Vodka in the bushes ♪ 17 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:09,801 ♪ Making it better, making it bright ♪ 18 00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:11,569 ♪ What a day ♪ 19 00:01:11,638 --> 00:01:13,855 ♪ Think I'll check the mail. ♪ 20 00:01:13,924 --> 00:01:17,359 Time to put you out of your misery. 21 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:21,280 What the deuce? 22 00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:22,814 Sorry I broke your toy. 23 00:01:22,883 --> 00:01:25,083 Toy? This is a drone. 24 00:01:25,152 --> 00:01:27,552 Grown men who have never had sexual relations 25 00:01:27,621 --> 00:01:29,087 fly them over people's houses 26 00:01:29,156 --> 00:01:30,767 to try and see something. I don't know. 27 00:01:30,791 --> 00:01:32,491 Here, want to play with my toy? 28 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:34,893 - What the hell is this? - It's a magic wand. 29 00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:36,628 Watch. Alakazam! 30 00:01:36,697 --> 00:01:38,229 I cast the tickle spell. 31 00:01:39,366 --> 00:01:40,899 Okay, okay, you got me. 32 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,835 But, seriously, cross me again, and I will end you. 33 00:01:43,904 --> 00:01:46,004 You're funny. My name's Hudson. 34 00:01:46,072 --> 00:01:47,673 Want to play "spin in a circle"? 35 00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:49,908 I'm Stewie. Yeah, I don't think I... 36 00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:51,310 What the...? Stop it! 37 00:01:51,378 --> 00:01:53,139 I'm losing track of my surroundings. 38 00:01:53,163 --> 00:01:55,513 Hey, this is kind of fun. 39 00:01:55,582 --> 00:01:56,848 Whee! 40 00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,433 Yes. Whee. 41 00:01:58,502 --> 00:02:00,101 Whee! 42 00:02:01,505 --> 00:02:03,672 Oh, my. Oh, my. 43 00:02:03,741 --> 00:02:05,352 Hudson, time to go. 44 00:02:05,376 --> 00:02:06,675 I got to go home now. 45 00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,309 I'm glad I met you, Stewie. 46 00:02:08,379 --> 00:02:09,811 You're neat. Bye. 47 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,346 Bye, Hudson! 48 00:02:11,414 --> 00:02:12,647 I like him. 49 00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:14,933 He's more fun than an Eddie Murphy bed. 50 00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,501 And check this out. 51 00:02:18,705 --> 00:02:20,605 That's cool. Is it a queen? 52 00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:24,342 Not sure, but people have said it is. 53 00:02:30,017 --> 00:02:32,217 Wait a minute. 54 00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:34,519 This is a self-empowerment seminar. 55 00:02:34,587 --> 00:02:35,821 You lied to me. 56 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:37,600 You said we were going to Baskin-Robbins. 57 00:02:37,624 --> 00:02:40,558 I said we were going to bask in Robbins' glow. 58 00:02:40,627 --> 00:02:42,127 You know what you did. 59 00:02:42,196 --> 00:02:43,494 I do. 60 00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,997 Ladies and gentlemen, 61 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,833 give it up for Tony Robbins. 62 00:02:50,904 --> 00:02:52,904 ♪ ♪ 63 00:02:57,461 --> 00:02:59,461 How the fuck is everyone?! 64 00:02:59,529 --> 00:03:02,564 Ooh, he swore. I trust this guy. 65 00:03:02,633 --> 00:03:05,199 All of you here are capable of greatness. 66 00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:06,713 Yay! 67 00:03:06,737 --> 00:03:08,503 But some will never achieve it. 68 00:03:08,572 --> 00:03:10,015 Oh, no! 69 00:03:10,039 --> 00:03:11,189 You, sir. 70 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,125 Come out here. 71 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:20,365 Sheesh, your head is the size of a picnic watermelon. 72 00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:22,066 Ha! I've been told that. 73 00:03:22,135 --> 00:03:24,146 And you sound like you were lost at sea 74 00:03:24,170 --> 00:03:27,038 and told not to drink seawater but drank seawater. 75 00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:29,107 Peter, will you just listen to him? 76 00:03:29,175 --> 00:03:30,909 Tony, this is why I brought him. 77 00:03:30,977 --> 00:03:33,879 He's never willing to actually confront his issues. 78 00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:36,347 Sounds like you have no self-esteem. 79 00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,116 I don't deserve self-esteem. 80 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:40,251 Peter, I was once a lot like you: 81 00:03:40,320 --> 00:03:42,421 unmotivated, dangerously obese, 82 00:03:42,489 --> 00:03:44,022 always relying on cutaways... 83 00:03:44,090 --> 00:03:45,769 You know, that reminds me of the time... 84 00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,091 No, Peter. No more cutaways. 85 00:03:47,160 --> 00:03:48,805 - Stay in the present. - 'Kay. 86 00:03:48,829 --> 00:03:51,095 Okay. Now tell me what you feel. 87 00:03:51,164 --> 00:03:53,097 Uh, a partial erection. 88 00:03:53,166 --> 00:03:55,033 I don't get touched very often. 89 00:03:55,101 --> 00:03:57,469 You know you deserve a better life, right, Peter? 90 00:03:57,538 --> 00:03:59,871 Yes. Getting hard to breathe in here. 91 00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,907 I want to give you that life, Peter. 92 00:04:01,975 --> 00:04:04,443 Time to seize your personal power. 93 00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:07,924 Yeah, by getting away from you, you weirdo. 94 00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,992 But, first, here's that cutaway I was gonna do 95 00:04:10,016 --> 00:04:11,249 before you made me skip it. 96 00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,151 Only now it'll make no sense. 97 00:04:13,219 --> 00:04:17,388 "Cast of Parks and Rec Peter" away! 98 00:04:21,411 --> 00:04:23,489 I can't believe you dragged me to that fraud. 99 00:04:23,513 --> 00:04:25,558 That man has nothing to offer me. 100 00:04:27,467 --> 00:04:28,967 Tony Robbins. 101 00:04:29,035 --> 00:04:30,535 Listen, I don't have long. 102 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,255 If I get soaked in the rain, I'll be too heavy to move. 103 00:04:33,340 --> 00:04:35,973 Peter, I've seen thousands of people over the years 104 00:04:36,042 --> 00:04:38,109 and helped every single one of them. 105 00:04:38,178 --> 00:04:41,096 I'm not going to let you be my first failure. 106 00:04:41,181 --> 00:04:43,101 I told you, I don't want your help. 107 00:04:47,104 --> 00:04:48,603 Peter, I swear, 108 00:04:48,672 --> 00:04:50,683 I won't stop trying to help you, no matter what. 109 00:04:56,062 --> 00:04:57,629 Oh, my God! Peter, stop the car! 110 00:04:57,698 --> 00:04:59,897 I think he got struck by lightning. 111 00:05:02,319 --> 00:05:04,820 Wait, wh-where is he? 112 00:05:04,888 --> 00:05:06,054 He's gone. 113 00:05:06,122 --> 00:05:08,222 This is freaking me out. 114 00:05:08,291 --> 00:05:10,992 Are... are you carrying a flask now? 115 00:05:11,061 --> 00:05:13,662 This is about you getting better, not me! 116 00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:21,803 Hey, there's Hudson. 117 00:05:23,373 --> 00:05:25,841 Stewie, you're, like, 100 times more advanced than that kid. 118 00:05:25,909 --> 00:05:27,553 Why do you want to hang out with him so badly? 119 00:05:27,577 --> 00:05:29,494 He's just, like, a cool guy. 120 00:05:29,563 --> 00:05:32,013 Hi, Stewie. I'm putting sand on a cat poo. 121 00:05:32,082 --> 00:05:33,482 Cool! 122 00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:36,434 I like you, Stewie. 123 00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,537 Can I come over for a playdate? 124 00:05:38,605 --> 00:05:40,438 Oh, my God. 125 00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:42,251 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 126 00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,491 Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes! 127 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:45,794 Brian, can Hudson come over for a playdate? 128 00:05:45,862 --> 00:05:47,762 Sure, I guess so. 129 00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:49,842 Never heard you ask for a playdate before. 130 00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:52,133 I know, but there's a first time for everything. 131 00:05:52,201 --> 00:05:54,469 Like when I finally built the Leaning Tower of Pisa 132 00:05:54,538 --> 00:05:56,020 out of LEGOs. 133 00:05:58,057 --> 00:05:59,391 I did it! 134 00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:01,776 Mom! Come look! Mom! 135 00:06:01,845 --> 00:06:03,606 Yeah, be right there, Stewie. 136 00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,030 Where's the bush vodka? 137 00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:07,565 Where is it? Where is it?! 138 00:06:07,634 --> 00:06:09,901 Ah, there it is. 139 00:06:09,969 --> 00:06:12,370 Hi, Stewbie. 140 00:06:12,439 --> 00:06:15,206 You playing with your kitty cat? 141 00:06:21,114 --> 00:06:24,215 Ah, the privacy of all glass around me. 142 00:06:24,284 --> 00:06:26,217 Finally, I can pick my nose. 143 00:06:26,286 --> 00:06:28,286 ♪ ♪ 144 00:06:56,516 --> 00:06:58,516 ♪ ♪ 145 00:07:25,378 --> 00:07:27,378 ♪ ♪ 146 00:07:42,312 --> 00:07:44,424 Hey, Peter, next time, use a tissue. 147 00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:47,148 - Who said that? - It's me. Tony Robbins. 148 00:07:47,217 --> 00:07:48,316 Tony Robbins? 149 00:07:48,385 --> 00:07:49,751 That's impossible. You're dead. 150 00:07:49,819 --> 00:07:51,130 That may be true, 151 00:07:51,154 --> 00:07:52,765 but the lightning bolt that killed me 152 00:07:52,789 --> 00:07:55,457 seems to have magically transferred my personal power... 153 00:07:55,525 --> 00:07:57,091 Trademark... into your car. 154 00:07:57,160 --> 00:07:59,894 Peter, I told you I was going to help you, 155 00:07:59,963 --> 00:08:02,731 and I'm not leaving until I make good on my promise. 156 00:08:02,799 --> 00:08:04,332 Suit yourself. 157 00:08:04,401 --> 00:08:06,901 Hey, if you're dead, can you ask Bill Paxton 158 00:08:06,970 --> 00:08:08,715 if he's the same as Bill Pullman? 159 00:08:08,739 --> 00:08:11,273 Sure. Hang on. 160 00:08:11,341 --> 00:08:13,241 He said no, but he winked. 161 00:08:13,310 --> 00:08:15,660 Ah! 162 00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:21,482 Hey, Stewie, let's play cops and robbers. 163 00:08:21,551 --> 00:08:24,085 Bang! Bang! Bang! Got you. 164 00:08:24,154 --> 00:08:25,853 Gun? 165 00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:29,690 Oh, that's-that's not... that's not a gun. 166 00:08:32,696 --> 00:08:34,863 These are guns. 167 00:08:34,931 --> 00:08:36,497 You're welcome, Paul Hogan. 168 00:08:36,566 --> 00:08:39,200 Any time someone says a weapon is not what it is, 169 00:08:39,269 --> 00:08:41,168 Paul Hogan gets a royalty. 170 00:08:41,237 --> 00:08:43,270 Royalty check, Mr. Hogan. 171 00:08:43,339 --> 00:08:45,373 Thanks, Jumpy. 172 00:08:45,442 --> 00:08:48,009 Whoa! What are all these for? 173 00:08:48,077 --> 00:08:49,277 Oh, the yoozh: 174 00:08:49,346 --> 00:08:50,990 destroying enemies, world domination. 175 00:08:51,014 --> 00:08:52,180 Oh, and killing my mother. 176 00:08:52,248 --> 00:08:53,948 You want to hurt your mommy? 177 00:08:54,017 --> 00:08:55,194 Stewie? 178 00:08:55,218 --> 00:08:56,668 Blast! Here she comes. 179 00:08:56,736 --> 00:09:00,504 Well, look at these handsome little boys. 180 00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,707 Come downstairs. I made your favorites: 181 00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:05,726 grilled cheese cut to look like a dinosaur. 182 00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:07,895 Ugh. They never look like a dinosaur. 183 00:09:07,964 --> 00:09:09,230 Your mom seems nice. 184 00:09:09,299 --> 00:09:10,565 She's a slag. 185 00:09:10,633 --> 00:09:12,445 Well, I hope you don't use your guns 186 00:09:12,469 --> 00:09:14,280 to kill your mom or do anything bad. 187 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:15,370 'Cause if you do, 188 00:09:15,439 --> 00:09:17,083 I won't be able to play with you, 189 00:09:17,107 --> 00:09:19,018 and that's my favorite thing now. 190 00:09:19,042 --> 00:09:20,224 It is? 191 00:09:20,293 --> 00:09:22,159 - Uh-huh. - Mine, too. 192 00:09:22,228 --> 00:09:24,929 You know what? I'm going to let her live. 193 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:27,164 I must say, I've been evil so long, 194 00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:28,945 I've forgotten what it's like to be kind. 195 00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,435 And it's all because of our friendship, Hudson. 196 00:09:31,504 --> 00:09:33,871 - You really mean that? - You bet I do. 197 00:09:33,940 --> 00:09:35,607 And I always tell it like it is, 198 00:09:35,675 --> 00:09:38,276 like when I used to write tombstones. 199 00:09:41,298 --> 00:09:43,982 Complained a lot is what she did. 200 00:09:48,438 --> 00:09:50,538 Stewie, what are you doing? 201 00:09:50,607 --> 00:09:52,039 Having a funeral, Bri. 202 00:09:52,108 --> 00:09:54,275 Say goodbye to Evil Stewie. 203 00:09:54,344 --> 00:09:56,344 Did we get a pool? 204 00:09:58,147 --> 00:10:00,414 Is this a pool? 205 00:10:05,621 --> 00:10:07,889 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 206 00:10:07,958 --> 00:10:10,224 Stewie, slow down, slow down. What happened? 207 00:10:10,293 --> 00:10:11,937 We went to the zoo. We saw an ape. 208 00:10:11,961 --> 00:10:13,572 At first, we didn't think we'd see him, 209 00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:15,307 'cause he was, like, hiding back in his house. 210 00:10:15,331 --> 00:10:16,842 But then he came out. We saw him! 211 00:10:16,866 --> 00:10:18,866 We saw the ape! He was big. 212 00:10:18,935 --> 00:10:20,368 And then... and then... and then... 213 00:10:20,437 --> 00:10:21,947 And then... and-and then... And then... 214 00:10:21,971 --> 00:10:23,699 Okay, I get it. You had fun. 215 00:10:23,723 --> 00:10:26,740 Wait, you're not mad I went without you, are you? 216 00:10:26,809 --> 00:10:28,654 No, no, I-I was only going for you. 217 00:10:28,678 --> 00:10:31,712 And maybe to taunt the animals that aren't able to leave. 218 00:10:31,781 --> 00:10:33,281 Which is all of them. 219 00:10:33,349 --> 00:10:34,899 Losers. 220 00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:36,445 All right, you have to take us to lunch, 221 00:10:36,469 --> 00:10:38,803 but, first, we need to take our nap. 222 00:10:43,192 --> 00:10:46,811 Here's your triple bacon burger and your onion rings. 223 00:10:47,747 --> 00:10:48,980 Ah, crap. 224 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,626 There's only nine pieces of bacon. 225 00:10:50,650 --> 00:10:51,749 I paid for 12. 226 00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:53,318 But I don't want to make a fuss. 227 00:10:53,387 --> 00:10:54,964 Peter, listen to yourself. 228 00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,989 No one will respect you until you respect yourself first. 229 00:10:58,058 --> 00:10:59,557 Yeah. But I'm a nobody. 230 00:10:59,626 --> 00:11:01,026 You're not a nobody. 231 00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,728 Your meal is just as important as anyone else. 232 00:11:03,796 --> 00:11:04,996 You're right. 233 00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,498 I'm not a nobody. 234 00:11:06,566 --> 00:11:07,776 Say it again. 235 00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,100 I'm not a nobody! 236 00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,646 That's the spirit, Peter. 237 00:11:10,670 --> 00:11:12,670 Now yell at that nobody in the window. 238 00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:14,906 You there! I demand more bacon! 239 00:11:14,974 --> 00:11:16,894 Oh, I'm sorry. Here's more bacon. 240 00:11:16,943 --> 00:11:18,743 That's not more bacon. 241 00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:20,545 This is more bacon! 242 00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:22,547 Big day, Mr. Hogan. 243 00:11:22,615 --> 00:11:24,615 Keep 'em comin', Jumpy! 244 00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:28,553 Here's your Star Wars kids' meal. 245 00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,255 Which action figures did we get? 246 00:11:30,323 --> 00:11:32,023 I got Kylo Ren. 247 00:11:32,092 --> 00:11:34,625 "I got the role during the two months I was a hot actor, 248 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,061 and now they're stuck with me." 249 00:11:36,129 --> 00:11:37,862 I got Forest Whitaker. 250 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:40,631 Even as a toy, you can't tell where he's looking. 251 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,134 I wish I had the poorly-cast Kylo Ren. 252 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,584 Here, Stewie. You can have mine. 253 00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:48,573 You're giving me the better one? 254 00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,075 Why would you do that? 255 00:11:50,143 --> 00:11:51,576 Because you're my friend. 256 00:11:51,644 --> 00:11:53,611 Yes. 257 00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:55,880 You're my friend. 258 00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,616 You're my best friend. 259 00:11:58,685 --> 00:12:02,286 Let's choke on these... together. 260 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:10,662 That was fun. 261 00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:13,064 Let's switch. 262 00:12:22,558 --> 00:12:24,337 Okay, guys. Time to play "parachute." 263 00:12:24,361 --> 00:12:25,559 Grab an end 264 00:12:25,628 --> 00:12:27,645 and... lift. 265 00:12:27,714 --> 00:12:29,514 You know who loves "parachute"? 266 00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:30,948 My best friend, Hudson. 267 00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:32,861 - You know Hudson? - I know Hudson, too. 268 00:12:32,885 --> 00:12:34,730 Are you going to his birthday party tomorrow? 269 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:36,004 I'm autistic. 270 00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,616 And... lift. 271 00:12:37,640 --> 00:12:38,906 Birthday party? 272 00:12:38,975 --> 00:12:40,686 Yeah, it's at the Family Fun Zone. 273 00:12:40,710 --> 00:12:41,976 Everyone was invited. 274 00:12:42,044 --> 00:12:44,378 I take up a great deal of the teacher's time. 275 00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,104 - Where's the mail? - On the table. 276 00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,836 What's going on? You seem upset. 277 00:12:51,905 --> 00:12:53,849 Oh, you're a... You're a real student 278 00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:55,217 of the human condition, aren't you? 279 00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,241 Yet, somehow, it escapes your writing. 280 00:12:57,310 --> 00:12:59,176 Whoa! Why are you attacking me? 281 00:12:59,245 --> 00:13:00,723 I'm sorry, Brian. 282 00:13:00,747 --> 00:13:03,914 Everyone but me got an invite to Hudson's birthday. 283 00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:05,249 I know why this happened. 284 00:13:05,318 --> 00:13:07,735 I called him my best friend too quickly. 285 00:13:07,821 --> 00:13:09,398 Well, maybe it wasn't meant to be. 286 00:13:09,422 --> 00:13:11,382 But, hey, I'm-I'm still your friend. 287 00:13:12,892 --> 00:13:14,970 Yeah, but Hudson isn't. 288 00:13:14,994 --> 00:13:18,329 And that's just something I have to live with. 289 00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:20,397 ♪ ♪ 290 00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,279 Stewie, it's 2:00 a.m. 291 00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,080 Revenge doesn't sleep. 292 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:37,849 Come on. Come back to bed. 293 00:13:37,918 --> 00:13:39,050 No. 294 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:41,186 There's something I got to do. 295 00:13:41,254 --> 00:13:42,753 Go get 'em, tiger. 296 00:13:42,805 --> 00:13:44,438 Hey. 297 00:13:44,507 --> 00:13:46,524 Shut your fucking mouth. 298 00:13:55,851 --> 00:13:58,052 Victory shall be mine. 299 00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,452 Ha. That's what the baby used to say 300 00:14:03,476 --> 00:14:04,976 when I was your age. 301 00:14:05,044 --> 00:14:06,143 Shut up, Dad. 302 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:08,212 I'm watching Rick and Morty. 303 00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:15,252 So... does Mommy have friends over sometimes at night? 304 00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,254 Sometimes. 305 00:14:17,323 --> 00:14:20,758 It must be weird having only women come over to see Mommy. 306 00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:22,493 No, it's mostly men. 307 00:14:22,562 --> 00:14:24,228 Oh, it is. 308 00:14:24,296 --> 00:14:26,981 And you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge? 309 00:14:33,556 --> 00:14:34,822 Good morning, family. 310 00:14:34,890 --> 00:14:37,258 My, who's this go-getter? 311 00:14:37,327 --> 00:14:39,694 Tony Robbins has helped me become a better person. 312 00:14:39,762 --> 00:14:41,696 In fact, today, I'm gonna ask for... 313 00:14:41,764 --> 00:14:44,264 Nay, demand... a raise. 314 00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:46,066 "Nay"? Wow. 315 00:14:46,135 --> 00:14:48,202 This new you is a bigger surprise 316 00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,748 than when they're making fun of a celebrity 317 00:14:49,772 --> 00:14:51,339 on Saturday Night Live 318 00:14:51,407 --> 00:14:54,425 and the real-life celebrity walks in behind them. 319 00:14:54,494 --> 00:14:57,695 Boy, they're really socking it to this celebrity. 320 00:14:57,764 --> 00:15:00,765 Yeah, can you imagine how mad the celebrity would be? 321 00:15:00,833 --> 00:15:03,012 I mean, wherever they are at this particular moment, 322 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:04,646 if they're watching, they must be... 323 00:15:05,671 --> 00:15:06,983 Oh. 324 00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:08,539 That's the actual celebrity 325 00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:10,074 walking up right behind 'em! 326 00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:12,021 He-He's catching 'em right in the act! 327 00:15:12,045 --> 00:15:13,912 The-the SNL actor doesn't know. 328 00:15:13,980 --> 00:15:15,446 Aw, he's gonna get in trouble. 329 00:15:15,515 --> 00:15:17,815 Look how mad the actual celebrity is. 330 00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:19,595 He's folding his arms and frowning. 331 00:15:19,619 --> 00:15:22,053 He tapped the SNL actor on the shoulder! 332 00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,722 Look how surprised the SNL actor is! 333 00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:26,657 Oh! He's completely busted! 334 00:15:26,726 --> 00:15:29,777 How is this happening?! 335 00:15:31,881 --> 00:15:33,247 Oh, my God! 336 00:15:33,316 --> 00:15:34,381 I can't believe it! 337 00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:38,319 I was watching upstairs on Hulu! 338 00:15:38,387 --> 00:15:40,487 I saw it on my phone! 339 00:15:40,556 --> 00:15:42,790 My plane has Wi-Fi! 340 00:15:47,597 --> 00:15:50,164 Stewie? Stewie? 341 00:15:51,768 --> 00:15:54,451 "Quahog Family Fun Zone"? 342 00:15:57,189 --> 00:15:58,338 Uh-oh. 343 00:15:59,859 --> 00:16:01,959 Stewie's dug up all his weapons. 344 00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:04,112 Oh, my God, I've got to stop him. 345 00:16:04,197 --> 00:16:06,414 Go get 'em, tiger. 346 00:16:06,482 --> 00:16:07,581 Hey. 347 00:16:07,650 --> 00:16:09,867 Shut your fucking mouth. 348 00:16:13,606 --> 00:16:15,250 Tony! You're not gonna believe it. 349 00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:17,394 I demanded a raise just like you told me to 350 00:16:17,443 --> 00:16:18,876 and they gave it to me. 351 00:16:18,944 --> 00:16:19,894 Tony? 352 00:16:19,962 --> 00:16:21,729 Tony? You in there? 353 00:16:21,798 --> 00:16:23,008 Guess who, Peter. 354 00:16:23,032 --> 00:16:24,298 Geena Davis? 355 00:16:24,367 --> 00:16:26,247 No, it's me, Peter. Turn around. 356 00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:28,786 Tony? You're alive? 357 00:16:28,854 --> 00:16:30,254 But... how? 358 00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,134 I saw you get struck by lightning. 359 00:16:32,158 --> 00:16:33,869 I was created by lightning, Peter, 360 00:16:33,893 --> 00:16:35,660 in a lab, like Frankenstein. 361 00:16:35,728 --> 00:16:37,239 And what do you think about fire? 362 00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:40,709 Anyway, after the lightning strike, 363 00:16:40,733 --> 00:16:42,166 I climbed into your trunk 364 00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,046 and that's where I've been living the past week. 365 00:16:44,070 --> 00:16:47,504 So, whenever I heard your voice, that was just you in the trunk? 366 00:16:47,573 --> 00:16:48,772 That's right. 367 00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:50,336 Why would you go to all that trouble? 368 00:16:50,360 --> 00:16:51,859 Peter, I told you, 369 00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:54,995 I wasn't going to let you be my first failure. 370 00:16:55,064 --> 00:16:59,283 Wow. Tony, I don't know how I can possibly thank you. 371 00:16:59,352 --> 00:17:00,996 You don't need to thank me, Peter. 372 00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:03,120 I have hundreds of millions of dollars. 373 00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:04,622 I keep it in my forehead. 374 00:17:04,691 --> 00:17:06,156 Well, I better be going. 375 00:17:06,226 --> 00:17:08,292 You have a Smart car? 376 00:17:08,361 --> 00:17:09,994 I have two. 377 00:17:10,063 --> 00:17:12,429 ♪ ♪ 378 00:17:14,016 --> 00:17:17,485 I'm coming, broken people! 379 00:17:23,460 --> 00:17:24,804 Hey, everybody, 380 00:17:24,828 --> 00:17:26,455 we want to give a special shout-out 381 00:17:26,479 --> 00:17:28,612 to little Hudson on his birthday. 382 00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:43,461 Oh, no. Soda! 383 00:17:43,529 --> 00:17:44,795 Sticky balls! 384 00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,165 ♪ ♪ 385 00:18:11,925 --> 00:18:13,791 Damn you all. 386 00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,205 ♪ ♪ 387 00:18:34,730 --> 00:18:35,796 Stewie? 388 00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:37,798 That's my name. Don't wear it out. 389 00:18:37,866 --> 00:18:39,800 Yeah, let that wash over you. 390 00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:41,902 Learned that from a third grader. 391 00:18:41,970 --> 00:18:43,020 Any last words? 392 00:18:43,072 --> 00:18:44,005 Yeah. 393 00:18:44,073 --> 00:18:45,506 I'm glad to see you. 394 00:18:45,575 --> 00:18:48,175 You never RSVP'd to the invite my mom sent. 395 00:18:48,244 --> 00:18:50,977 You... you invited me? 396 00:18:51,046 --> 00:18:53,030 Yes. He did. 397 00:18:53,099 --> 00:18:54,031 Brian? 398 00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:55,299 What are you doing here? 399 00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:56,795 And how do you know I was invited? 400 00:18:56,819 --> 00:18:58,185 Because... 401 00:18:58,254 --> 00:19:00,037 I threw your invitation away. 402 00:19:00,106 --> 00:19:01,422 You what? 403 00:19:01,491 --> 00:19:02,956 I know. I'm sorry. 404 00:19:03,025 --> 00:19:05,359 I-I just... I saw how you were connecting with Hudson 405 00:19:05,428 --> 00:19:08,295 and I-I was... afraid of losing our friendship. 406 00:19:08,364 --> 00:19:09,797 Friendship? 407 00:19:09,866 --> 00:19:12,049 Brian, you and I have never been friends. 408 00:19:12,118 --> 00:19:13,884 We... we haven't? 409 00:19:13,953 --> 00:19:15,553 No. Friends are people 410 00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:17,232 who come in and out of our lives. 411 00:19:17,256 --> 00:19:19,223 But you and I are family. 412 00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:20,674 That's forever. 413 00:19:27,466 --> 00:19:29,233 Sorry I caused all this trouble. 414 00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,035 I hope you can forgive me. 415 00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:34,071 Ah, that's okay. Nothing could ever come between us. 416 00:19:34,140 --> 00:19:36,857 I'm even going to make a speech at your wedding. 417 00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:38,959 So, Brian and I are down in Mexico, 418 00:19:39,028 --> 00:19:41,328 and, as usual, he doesn't have any cash on him. 419 00:19:41,397 --> 00:19:42,729 That's probably why your parents 420 00:19:42,799 --> 00:19:44,576 are paying for all this, right, Evan? 421 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,211 Wait, hold on. Evan? 422 00:19:46,235 --> 00:19:47,401 Why am I gay in this? 423 00:19:47,469 --> 00:19:48,781 Ah, it's the end of the show. 424 00:19:48,805 --> 00:19:51,222 We sometimes do something silly here. 425 00:19:56,311 --> 00:19:58,812 So, now that you got me back as a friend, 426 00:19:58,881 --> 00:20:01,666 what are all the great things you have planned for us? 427 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:04,602 Uh... we could... go see a movie. 428 00:20:04,671 --> 00:20:07,104 Oh, a movie! That's a great idea. 429 00:20:07,173 --> 00:20:08,884 You know what'll get me out of this funk? 430 00:20:08,908 --> 00:20:10,507 The Equalizer 2. 431 00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:12,387 Okay. All right, fine. 432 00:20:12,411 --> 00:20:13,611 I got... I got nothing. 433 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:14,912 Exactly. 434 00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,525 And you were such a jealous little bitch 435 00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,994 that you had to ruin the one friendship I really cared about. 436 00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:21,118 You're just a big jerk and I hate you, 437 00:20:21,187 --> 00:20:23,265 and there's nothing you can do to make up for it. 438 00:20:23,289 --> 00:20:24,555 Fine. 439 00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:26,451 Maybe I'll just go out and get some ice cream. 440 00:20:26,475 --> 00:20:27,886 Ice cream? 441 00:20:27,910 --> 00:20:29,059 I like ice cream. 442 00:20:29,128 --> 00:20:30,360 Yeah, I don't know. 443 00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,073 I think it's more of a bigger kid thing. 444 00:20:32,097 --> 00:20:34,398 No, no, no! No. I've had ice cream, like, six times. 445 00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:36,099 All right, come on. Let's go. 446 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:39,920 You know, Brian, I'm starting to think 447 00:20:39,989 --> 00:20:42,890 we're going to get through our... Rocky Road. 448 00:20:48,147 --> 00:20:49,747 We had a lot of laughs tonight, 449 00:20:49,816 --> 00:20:51,660 but let's remember the important thing: 450 00:20:51,684 --> 00:20:53,751 you can't put a price on your happiness, 451 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:56,286 which is why I have: it's $6,000. 452 00:20:56,355 --> 00:20:58,856 See you in Fort Myers, probably. 31524

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