All language subtitles for 1951 The Lavender Hill Mob

Ah!

- Is this your first visit to South
America?
- Yes.

I wish I could stay longer.
It's a pleasant place.

Senhor, congratulations.

- A wonderful party.
- Thank you, senhora.

The president himself told my husband
it was the occasion of the year.

Oh, senhora.

I was going to send you this
for your subscription list.

The, uh, victims of the revolution.

Perhaps I may be allowed
to give it to you now.

Thank you, senhor. Always so generous.

The wife of Martin Gallardo,
the frozen meat king.

Very decent couple.

Oh, excuse me. Manuel?

Pity you can't stay till Sunday.

I've got a horse in the Jockey Club
stakes.

You... rode... a very good race.

A very good race.

Racing's not quite straight out here.

Still, I do believe I've helped
to raise the standard a little.

Ah, Chiquita! Chiquita!

I hoped I'd see you. Mm.

You run along and get
yourself that little birthday present.

Oh, but how sweet of you. Thank you!

You seem to have accomplished
quite a lot in one year.

One superb year.

Just when I was beginning
to believe I'd never achieve it.

For 20 years, I've dreamed of a life
like this.

For 19 of those years,
fate denied me the one contact

essential to the success of all my
plans.

Still, I never quite lost sight of the
goal.

Inaccessible as it often seemed to me...

When I was merely a...

Merely a nonentity...

Among all those thousands
who flock every morning into the City.

Most men who long to be rich know
inwardly

that they will never achieve their
ambition.

But I was in the unique position of
having

a fortune literally within my grasp.

For it was my job
to supervise the deliveries of bullion,

from the gold refinery to the bank.

- Lucky I saw that.
- Yes, very lucky.

Mr Richards, with gold
at 240 shillings per fine ounce,

that particle, estimating its value at,
uh, .025,

would entail a loss
of approximately six shillings.

Well, I've got a bit
more out here for you to check.

One hundred gold bars,

weighed to the value of £495,987!

Well, Mr Richards, your deposit

will be returned in the usual way,
as soon as the gold enters the bank.

You are both armed?

I was well aware they all ridiculed me

for the way I fussed and worried.

That was precisely what I
had striven for years to achieve.

Here we go again.

There's a car been following us.

- That one, sir?
- No, of course not.

A black Chrysler, THX-375. It's gone on
ahead.

No sign of it now, sir.

It's probably waiting for us
around the next corner.

Go and have a look...
and leave me your gun, meanwhile.

Nobody could say that my precautions
were not fully justified.

Many a rascal would have
risked his all for half a million,

not realizing that gold, in the form
of bullion,

is useless without a method
of smuggling it abroad.

To find that method was my last
remaining problem.

Come in.

Meanwhile, I gave the bank their gold.

Oh, thanks, Holland.
Everything quite in order?

Yes, sir.

Silly question. Twenty years,
and
nothing's ever been out of order yet.

Er, that will do, Holland.

Why don't you give
that poor old devil a chance?

Surely, after all this time,
he deserves a leg up.

Oh, I'm afraid it wouldn't work, sir.

His one and only virtue is honesty.

He has no imagination, no initiative,
sir.

I was a potential millionaire.

Yet I had to be satisfied with eight
pounds,
fifteen shillings, less
deductions.

A weekly reminder
that the years were passing,

and my problem still unsolved.

Until my ship came home,
I was obliged to live

at the Balmoral private hotel in
Lavender Hill.

Ah, Holland! The man of millions.

What did you get away with today?

Got any spare ingots for an old pal?

You'll be the death of me, Holland!

I sincerely trust so.

Ah, Mr Holland. Always punctual.

- I smell oxtail soup again.
- Oh, dear.

Now, let's see. Where did we get?

Duke Milligan was about to take a gander
at Nicky the Greek's hideout.

Oh, yes. Now, here we are.

"I handed my fedora to a hat-check girl

"with all that Venus de Milo had got,
and then more,

"and I was admiring the more
when I glimpsed something

"in the back of this frail that set my
underwear

"creeping up on me like it had legs."

I know that feeling well.

"A guy had soft-shoed out of the door
from the gaming room

"as quiet as a snake on tip-belly.

"and I didn't need my case history
of smiling Ed Montana

"to know that Sonny Boy was
his
number-one triggerman, Ricci the
Filipino."

I thought it was Little Boy Schultz

who carried the rod for Mr Montana.

It was, Mrs Chalk. But surely you
remember?

Montana found Schultz
taking liberties with that redhead.

Yes, yes. They took him for a ride.

Only last night, wasn't it?

Oh, I must be getting old.
Read on, Mr Holland.

"If ever I felt like putting up
a new high for the mile of the century,

"This was the time.

"And then I thought again
of those 10,000 smackeroos..."

Yes?

Mr Holland, you're not concentrating.

So sorry.

Evesham must be upstairs.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

Tricky business, this moving, isn't it?

- You've got a lot of stuff here.
- Yeah.

Can I give you a hand?

Oh, that's very civil of you.

- My name's Pendlebury. Yeah.
- Holland.

If you wouldn't mind taking
"motherhood"...

Good evening, Mr Pendlebury.
Welcome to Balmoral.

How very nice to see you.

Oh! Mr Pendlebury!

I knew you were
an artistic gentleman, but really!

- Take all this.
- Oh! Thank you.

I thought I'd made myself quite plain
when I phoned, miss Evesham.

I'd... I'd no idea it would mean...

But there's no place to put it all!

- What about the stable?
- I suppose it could go there.

Mind your toes, miss Evesham.

Back shortly, Mrs. Chalk.

Oh, this is capital. Capital!

A ready-made studio!

A thing I wanted all my life.

Why, it's even got a north light, too.

Mr Pendlebury, just one moment.
The terms of my lease...

Oh, I say! Steady, steady, steady.

So sorry. Oh, it's all right.

I had to g... Had to cast her in gilding
metal.

- It's a little delicate, you know?
- Mr Pendlebury...

I did it in my factory.

Interesting process. You must see it one
of these days.

- Mr Pendlebury!
- Ooh, these walls!

Oh, an admirable background
for my canvases.

Mr Pendlebury!
Let me inform you here and now

that no business occupation may be
performed on these premises.

Oh-ho, my dear lady.

This is not my business occupation.
I wish it were.

No, these are my wings.

My escape after the cares of the day are
over.

My business occupation
is something unspeakably hideous.

I'm in the "Presents from" trade.

You know, "Presents from Brighton,"
"Souvenir of Tunbridge Wells."

Yes, if tourists only realized,

they could save themselves
a lot of luggage space

by applying to us direct
for their holiday memories.

And the irony of it, Holland, the irony
is...

I must design them all myself.

I propagate British cultural depravity.

Look at this.

Anne Hathaway's cottage
for keeping string in.

Wouldn't you infinitely prefer
the
comparative purity of an old biscuit
tin?

Southend Pier!

Oh, I... I've thought for years
to cut loose from it all,

but I never had the courage.

"Of all sad words of tongue or pen,

"the saddest are these:

"'It might have been"'.

Forgive me.

Come and see the casting room.

We're busy at present on one
of our export lines. Paperweights.

We ship a thousand a week over to
France.

Here's a little...speciality.

Quite a simple process, really.

Pour the molten lead into
the mould, allow it to harden.

As soon as it's cool,
it's sprayed with gold paint...

And then it's ready to be shipped to
France.

"Slave, I have set my life upon a cast."

Richard Ill.

I believe it's turning into a
self-portrait.

I shall call him "The Slave."

Oh, my dear Holland, I'm so sorry.
You're still feeling bad.

The heat of that place. I always forget.

No, it wasn't the heat.
I'm used to that in my job.

Oh, really?

Your place is very similar to the
refinery.

Really? I had no idea.

We turn gold into bars,
you turn lead into Eiffel Towers.

- That's the only difference.
- Only! If I had gold to deal with...

- Yes?
- Ah, an idle dream.

- Must be a big responsibility.
- No, not really.

If anyone did rob our van,

well, it's virtually impossible to
dispose
of stolen bullion,

in this country, at any rate.

Yes. Oh, yes, I imagine so.

But if it could be smuggled abroad...

- What a hope.
- Well, I wouldn't say
it's out of the question.

Saying one had the means
of melting the stuff down.

In the kitchen stove? What a job.

Oh, of course not.

It would mean taking on a partner.

Ah, Risky. Bringing other people in.

That would be essential, in any case.

No one person could rob our van unaided.

- You mean, he'd need accomplices?
- Precisely.

A gang.

A gang? Not so easy to come by.

Oh, I don't know.

With gold selling on
the continental black market

at two and a half times its standard
price?

I mean, quite a few people

would be willing to chance
an arm for half a million.

Yes, but how...

How would you get your
gold across to the continent?

Well.

Supposing one had the right sort of
partner,

in the form of, uh, shall we say...

Eiffel Tower paperweights?

By Jove, Holland, it's a good job
we are both honest men.

It is indeed, Pendlebury.

Come in.

Oh, there you are, Holland.
Come in and sit down.

Well, Holland, you've been quite
the subject of discussion lately.

Don't look so worried, man.

I've managed to persuade
the chief cashier to give you a leg up.

- A leg up, sir?
- Promotion.

You're going up to foreign exchange.

No more uncomfortable journeys
in that dreary van.

- But, sir...
- Now, now, nonsense,
nonsense, nonsense.

Don't bother to thank me, man.

I told Abercrombie that you can start
with him next Monday.

- But I can't, sir!
- Why not?

Because, um... Because...

I'm too old to change my views now, sir.

Ah, one's never too old to better
oneself.

Think what you can do
with an extra 15 shillings a week!

But sir, I like the bullion office.
It holds all I ever wished for.

The trouble with you, Holland,

if I may speak frankly,
is that you haven't enough ambition.

When a good opportunity comes along,
grab it with both hands!

It may not occur again.

Very good, sir. I'll follow your advice.

- So it's now or never.
- This week. Friday's delivery.

- Three days to go.
- Two desperadoes to find.

- Bait.
- Bait?

I said, bait. Trap 'em!

Mr Pendlebury?

- Hello, Mr Pendlebury!
- Hello!

Why, good evening. Ha!

By Jove, what a bit of luck!
Just the man I wanted to see.

- What's the trouble?
- That safe in my office.

Something's gone wrong with the lock.

- I'll send a man round tomorrow.
- I wish you would.

It worries me a little, leaving the
staff wages
there overnight.

You know the address,
"Gewgaws, Limited."

"Gewgaws, limited."
You know, the back
of Rathbing Place, there.

Fancy leaving all that money there.

Why, anybody could break into the place
tonight, and help themselves!

Come on, number five! You've done it.

Stay there, me beauty, stay there!

One never knows.
Somebody may have been listening.

I suggest we give them till midnight.

- Where are those guns?
- Guns?

Yes. It's essential that we're armed.

- Here they are. Here's yours.
- Is it loaded?

Yes. It's a present from Margate.
It fires a stick of rock.

The safe's in the office, over there.

You squeeze behind that bench,
and surprise anyone making for the safe.

I'm going over here, to prevent
an escape through the packing room.

Ready?

- What's that?
- Cramp.

- What?
- Pins and needles.

Reach for it.

Don't shoot, Guv. Don't shoot.
I won't give no trouble.

Please don't be 'ard on me.

I got a wife and six kids.

I never done nothing like this before.

- Is that true?
- Yes, Guv. I'm on the level.

May I drop dead if I lie.

I been honest all me life.

It was just the temptation.

- This is your first crime?
- Yes, Guv. I swear it.

And I'll never go wrong no more.

Suppose we asked you to do a job for us.

I'd do it. That's all I want.

A chance to turn an honest penny.

Well, supposing it wasn't
exactly an honest penny.

Careful now, careful.

We don't want anyone who's going
straight.

In any case, we need someone far bigger.

Such as me?

- Who are you?
- Who are you?

Oh, take those things away. I'm not
hungry.

Name of Lackery Wood.

Otherwise known as Sawdust Steve,
the Wandsworth boy.

Two convictions for 'ousebreaking,
one for larceny of the person.

Total 18 months only, in 10 years' work.

Here you are...some cuttings,
if you'd like to see 'em.

How long have you been here?

Just long enough to hide
when I heard you comin' in.

Thought I'd been taken for a mug!
Me! What's the job?

Useful.

Never worked nothing else but
single-handed.

Sensible. Very sensible.

Just the same meself.

Kept on me Jack Jones
ever since Nobby Curtis got me done

- for that job at Bellamy's.
- Bellamy's in Bromley?

That's right. Last June, twelve month.

I was casing that joint
the night you got pinched!

Well, what do you know?

- I'm Shorty Fisher.
- Ah, nice to have met ya.

Excuse me, I... I may be slow,
but do I understand

that you two are, in fact,
both professional criminals?

What else do you take us for?
Ruddy snoopers?

- What's the setup?
- Just a moment, Pendlebury.

We require a team,

and if these two gentlemen
insist on working alone...

Wait a minute.

You make it worth our while, cock,

we'll work in with
the band of hope. Eh, Shorty?

- You said it.
- Well, in that case,

if you would both join us in the office,

my friend Mr Holland
will outline what we have in mind.

I must apologize, gentlemen,
for the somewhat informal manner

in which we effected our introduction.

But my colleague and I

have a certain proposition
which we'd like to put to you.

I might almost call it
a "gilt-edged proposition."

Although, paradoxically,
it does entail a measure of risk.

However, when I quote
the anticipated dividend,

I'm sure that you will
both agree with me that the...

Not another one, surely.

Tell him we're suited.

- Everything all right here, sir?
- Yes, thank you, officer.

My, uh, my partner
and I are busy stock-taking.

- Only I saw the window open, you see?
- Oh, yes, yes.

I'll close it. Thank you very much.

- Good night, officer.
- Good night, sir.

And, um, here's the order
for tomorrow's consignment.

Somewhat larger than I expected, 212
bars.

- That won't worry me, sir.
- Dependable to the last.

- I'm going to miss you, Holland.
- You're very kind, sir.

I shall always have the happiest
memories
of the dear old bullion office.

Has Mr Abercrombie spoken
to you about your holiday?

- Yes, sir. I'm going to Paris.
- Paris, eh?

You're stepping out, Holland.

Wonderful, isn't it,
what a little extra money will do.

Yes. It's going to make a big difference
to me.

Oh!

- Have a go out on your own now.
- Thank you, mate.

That's it. And how are you getting on?

No, you must show some sense of
proportion.

Look at that seagull.
It's bigger than the funnel.

Can't I do something else, Guv?
Sell matches, or boot laces?

No, no. Mr Holland specified
a pavement artist,

and a pavement artist it's got to be.

Come on, try again. It's coming slowly.

You're teaching the wrong man.

Well, I had to change them over.
Shorty can't ride a bicycle.

- Doesn't look as if he can, either.
- We're learnin' him.

- Why couldn't you learn Shorty?
- Because Lackery's color-blind.

- What's that got to do with it?
- Oh, my dear Holland,

do use your intelligence,
if a policeman were to come along

and see a green sunset over a purple
sea...

All right, all right. Spare me the
details.

- Is everything else fixed?
- Yes, the map's in the office.

Come along, boys, this is the setup.

Uh, Mr Fisher will be sitting here.

The van will stop in front of him at
4:30.

A minute later, the guard
will appear round this corner,

and you, Pendlebury, will detain
him for at least half a minute.

Ask him for a light, ask him anything,
but keep him there.

We must have those 30 seconds.

- Edgar!
- I beg your pardon?

Isn't one supposed to say
that when one's being briefed?

- On my rare visits to the kinema...
- The word is "Roger."

- Oh, Roger! How silly of me.
- To continue.

As soon as we've captured the van,

Mr Wood and Mr Pendlebury
will proceed straight to the warehouse.

Bit risky, isn't it?

Making Mr Pendlebury go there,
after the guard's seen him?

It's a risk we must take.

We need everyone.
We've more than 200 bars to move,

and I must have my alibi.

You've got to gag me,
bind me, tear my
clothes, roll me in the dust.

We can't afford to waste one second.

Okay. You're the boss.

Yes.

Yes, that's right. I am.

Two hundred and eleven,
two hundred and twelve.

Ah, Mr Richards. Your deposit
will be returned in the usual way

as soon as the gold enters the bank.

Uh, you're both, uh...

Oi! Oi!

- Here, no you don't.
- Don't what?

I saw you pinch it.

Good gracious,
whatever must you think of me.

I think you're the bloke what pinched

my "Monarch of the Glen" last week.

Oh, no, I assure you. Pinch a Landseer,
me?

Well, you better come quiet.

If you'll have five minutes'
patience, I'll explain.

Five minutes?
Oi, Charlie, get on the blower. 999.

No, no, no.

Come on, come along with me.

He's picked a wrong 'un this time.

No, no, no! It's all a ghastly mistake,
officer.

I'm completely innocent.

- Did you see that car?
- Yes, sir. Police car.

What? Nothing to be afraid of there,
sir.
Bloke was a copper.

I... It's some trick.

I'm sure it's the same
car that followed us the other day.

You want me to go
and look round the corner, sir?

It's all a mistake, officer.

You got a flat tire there, mate!

Help! Help!

- Help! Help! Police!
- What's happened?

The van! They've pinched the van!
What's this?

Our van. Stolen. Load of bullion.
Kidnapped the boss.

Oi! Stop, thief!

Oi! Stop, thief!

Hello, M2GW, from one-four. Urgent me...

Urgent message begins. Maroon-colored
van,

LKL638, containing bull...

Containing bullion, value one million
pounds,

believed stolen in the vicinity
of Queen Victoria Street.

Hello, all cars from M2GW.

Message number 48 begins.

Maroon-colored van, LKL638,

containing bullion, value one million
pounds,

stolen from the vicinity
of Queen Victoria Street.

- Cor, what a weight!
- The others will be here soon.

Hoi! Hoi, Shorty.

They got Mr Pendlebury.

- Who has?
- The cops, of course!

I saw a crowd down there.
The driver of the van's there.

There's two cops, and they're holding
him.

Will he grass?

Will he squeal? Will he split?

- No.
- Then it don't matter.

We can deliver the stuff as arranged.

We don't need him. Come on.

Sergeant Wilson, you take your men and

search the east end of the street,
moving down towards the centre.

Sergeant Cripps, you take the west end

and move down here to meet Sergeant
Wilson.

Rose, come with me.

We'd better have a look at those
warehouses.

That's all right. Leave the rest.

- Blimey, guv'nor, why?
- Help my alibi.

Turn it up, Guv. There's 75,000 quid in
there.

- I said, leave it.
- A ruddy waste.

There's many a starving bloke'd
be glad of that lot.

Come on, now.

- Fix me up.
- No, behind you.

Left-hand pocket.

Well, stand still.

What's that?

You turn. It's easier.

Other way. Okay.

Hey! Look!

Hey. Hey!

- Come on! Scram!
- Wait! Wait!

Mess me up! Mr Fisher!

Mr Wood!

Mess me up! It's essential!

Wait! Wait! Wait! Stop!

Wait! You can't leave me like this.

Wait. Wait, stop.

Help!

Help! Help!

Can you see from down there?

Help!

- Sir! Inspector Talbot! Sir!
- I'll get you!

Fight going on over there.

Purely an oversight, officer.
I had something on my mind.

Three pictures in a week I missed from
there.

You can't accuse him of
taking those others, too.

I should think not.

I'm no thief, officer.
My character's an open book.

Well?

Well, you might as well know.

I was lying. I am a thief.

It was madness to attempt it.

We weren't cut out for crime, either of
us.

- We?
- My partner and I.

Your partner?

If you're working with a fence
who's got them other pictures...

Shh. Carry on.

Oh, I make no excuses.

All my life it's been my ambition to
surround
myself with rare and beautiful
things.

Suddenly faced with
this golden opportunity...

Here. You call that picture of mine
rare and beautiful?

Since you will keep on
interrupting me, you ought to know...

It's a charming example of an early
Rochet,

while he was still
under the influence of Corot.

Oh, yeah.

- How much is it worth?
- Ten pounds,

to those who can afford it.

Oh, blimey. I've got it marked up at
five bob.

- Here, what about this charge?
- Let him go.

I've got to get back
before they sell that picture!

Your lucky day, it seems.

All right. Case dismissed. Off you go.

Yes, about five minutes ago. Who, sir?

Oh, yes, we've got him, all right.

He's here now, giving us a statement.

Yes, he's told us quite a lot already.

Go on. Hop it.

Yes.

Yes, you can depend on that, sir.

We'll get all we can out of him.

I see.

Yes, he stood it pretty well.

Yes, we'll look after him all right,
sir.

We're fixing him up
with some dry clothes now.

Yes, I agree, sir. We're up
against some very tough customers.

- Here, what are you doin'?
- They'll have to put a new floor in.

He'll be able to afford it.

Get on with the job.

You make me sick.

What's happened?

- She only just made it.
- Here! I thought you was pinched.

- No, it's Holland they've got.
- Holland?

I was in the police station when they
brought him in, under arrest.

- You sure of that?
- Of course I'm sure!

He was all dripping wet.
There were two policemen holding him.

They must have seen everything.

- We gotta blow.
- Nah, wait a minute.

Can they connect you with him? I don't
know.

We both live at the same house, but...

- What?
- The map!

The map showing the route
from here to the warehouse.

- Holland took it home with him.
- Now we are done for.

No, we're not. You finish the job.

- Come on.
- Where to?

Your place.
If they ain't searched his room yet.

Too late.

- Helmet's in the hall.
- You'll have to go in alone, Guv.

Might be somebody I know.

But they're there already.

There's still a chance
they haven't found it yet.

Go on, get weaving.

But surely you must have some suspicion.

Who work the hoist rackets in this
territory?

Beg pardon, lady?

Oh, really, I can't make myself much
plainer.

Which hoodlums around here
specialize in toby jobs?

- Holland!
- Pendlebury!

Determination, pluck and fortitude
worthy of the highest praise.

Come along, now.
We mustn't keep him waiting.

Star, News or Standard!
Star, News or Standard!

Star, News or Standard!

Now!

- Pretty, isn't it?
- I could watch it all night.

Three pence an ounce up again today.

"Gold is the sovereign of all
sovereigns."
Proverb.

Holland... Holland!

These plain-sided crates are filled with
the
lead towers made by the daytime
staff.

They must never be touched.

This "R" stands for "reserve stock."

These crates will remain in
our Paris warehouse.

I've sent instructions
to our young lady over there,

she's never to use anything

from a crate marked "R"
till I give the authority.

- So, these are the ones I work on.
- Exactly.

Get rid of the contents and refill with,
um...

How long do you think it'll all take?

Oh, I estimate about two weeks here.

And then a week in Paris, to find our
market,

then three months
back here till it all blows over...

That'll bring us to the end of the year,

an excellent time to retire.

Blimey, you're not going to the bank

after the stuff's left the country, are
you?

Certainly. It would look most suspicious

if I gave up my job immediately.

Ah-ha. "Patience is a virtue."
Shakespeare.

Our firstborn.

Oh, yes. That's the man
you describe in your statement

as having a snake tattooed on his wrist.

Uh, yes. Oh, and I should mention that,

uh, one of them had a distinct foreign
accent.

Come on, China! Get weaving!

Scotland Yard are searching
the
Rogues' Gallery in the hunt for the
criminals,

and helping them is the bank clerk hero,
plucky little Holland.

There is no doubt that this robbery
is the work of a mastermind.

The police of every county have
instructions

to leave no stone unturned
in their nationwide search.

Every possible clue is being
investigated,

however small and unimportant
it may appear on the surface.

The yard are confident of ultimate
success,

because anyone who traffics in stolen
gold
will find it's too hot to
handle.

Scientific research reinforces
the man on the beat.

All the big guns are on the side of
the law.

Link by link,
a chain of cast iron evidence is forged.

Men who might be able to assist
the police in their inquiries

are being sought in all likely hideouts.

It is expected that a charge
will be made within 24 hours.

Meanwhile, the yard chiefs

continue to work in calm
and imperturbable harmony.

A spirit of complete confidence
prevails.

The gold has not left the country.

Ach! I hope you're right.

If it has, we'll never see one grain of
it again.

Ports are being watched
as they've never been watched before.

We're counting the matchsticks.

Gewgaws, limited. Souvenir models,
Eiffel Tower in lead...

Okay. As usual.

And in view of rising public anxiety,

can he assure the house
that this very large sum of money

is not irretrievably lost to the nation?

Yes, sir, I think I may give that
assurance.

Measures have been taken
which render it virtually impossible

for any substantial quantity of gold
to be removed from this country.

# This time tomorrow where shall I be

# Not in this old found-a-ry #

Now that it's all over, I suppose I may
dare say

it's been a most remarkable coup.

The biggest job since One-Eyed Dobson
got away with the GI's pay packets.

Two million dollars, Grosvenor Square,
'45.

That was before devaluation,
and this is one million pounds.

Well, that's right. Blimey.

We got the record!

Is that you, Lackery?

- What's the matter?
- Trouble.

- Nothing serious, I hope.
- I can't go.

- Why not?
- The missus won't let me.

Can't-can't you say it's in connection
with an important business deal?

I told her. She won't wear it.

Birmingham, Glasgow, Manchester...
Bob's your bloomin' uncle.

- Paris?
- No.

You know we can't pay
you till we get to Paris?

I'll settle for a half a dozen of these.
I know a safe fence.

- Out of the question!
- Are you mad?

Leave vital evidence
on this side of the channel?

Why, if anything went wrong,

the police would be on to us in no time.

Ah, you can't ask a thing like that,
mate.

I suppose. I'm sorry, Guv. I wasn't
thinking.

I'm a little upset.

Here! I'll tell you what!

I didn't like to say so, but I don't
really fancy goin' to Paris meself.

Why?

A friend of mine, he pinched a couple
of tickets for the test match, see?

I wouldn't half like to see that. Right!

Now, you're both coming straight
back here once you've flogged the stuff.

Okay, just smuggle our money
over inside your socks.

I'll lend you a false-bottom bag!

You mean, you both trust us?

Oh, come off it, Guv.

You're as straight a pair of
gentlemen...

- As I ever worked for.
- Hear, hear!

Well, that seems an excellent solution.

Thank you, boys.

Just let me nail this down
I've got a little surprise for you all.

# For days of Auld Lang Syne

# For Auld Lang Syne, my dears

# For Auld Lang Syne

# We'll take a cup of kindness yet

# For days of Auld Lang Syne #

Work it up to me. Here.

Good. Come on. Shh!

You naughty men.
Waking us all up at this hour.

A thousand pardons.

Wipe your feet.

- A little celebration.
- Already?

Your holidays don't start until
tomorrow.

Today is tomorrow.

"Oh, polished perturbation! Golden care!

"That keep'st the ports
of slumber open wide!"

Henry IV, part two.

Good night, you naughty men.

- Don't forget to switch off!
- Night, miss Evesham.

- Pendlebury?
- Yeah.

- Pendlebury?
- What?

- May I call you Alfred?
- Alfred? Call me Al.

And I'll call you... Henry, isn't it?

A name I never cared for.

No. Mm...

Call me "Dutch."

Dutch. Yes!

Good night, Dutch.

Night night... Al. Mm.

"Ah, gay, sprightly land
of mirth and social ease."

Holland, the world is ours.

Look, you'll lose your hat if you're not
careful.

Our train leaves in 20 minutes!

Thank you. My friend, Mr Holland.

- Ah, monsieur! Enchante.
- How do you do?

How did that get here?

I told you never to use a crate marked
"R".

But that is not an "ah", monsieur,

- it is an "air".
- It's an "R" in English!

How many have you sold from that case?

Six, monsieur. To the little English
girls.

Don't sell any more! I'll be back.

Wait! Stop! Stop! Wait!

Come on!

Stop! Wait!

Wait! Wait, Dutch, wait!

What do we care?

We've still got all the others.

We mustn't let them
get back to England! We'll be traced!

Who's to know they're gold?

We can't afford to take any chances!

Dutch! Wait!

Dutch! Wait for me!

There's nothing to laugh at.

Stop! Wait!

Taxi! Hey! Hey!

No. Come on. It's no good.
The train has gone.

Get the rest out of
the warehouse and disappear with them.

With half the police in the world
looking for us?

- To Calais.
- The warehouse. Calais!

Oh, face the facts, man!
You'll have to change your plan.

Rubbish. It's a perfect plan.

- What's the French for "faster"?
- I'm not gonna tell you.

For heaven's sake.

Do you want to be a hunted man all your
life?

- Yes. Yes.
- Did you all enjoy yourselves?

There they are!

See some friends.

Tickets.

- We'll never do it.
- We must.

- Which way?
- Here. In here.

Dover! Dover! Deux, deux.

- What?
- Passports.

- What?
- Passports!

Thank you. Merci.

- Al. Al!
- I thought I had it.

Got it!

Got it!

- Oh, Pendlebury!
- I'm sorry. I couldn't find it.

Pardon, messieurs.

- Oh! Customs!
- Hey! Hey, hey!

Hey. We've bought nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Nothing.

- Oh! Open.
- Open.

Pyjamas.

Oh!

Eh, eh, eh, eh!

Oh! Sadists! Torturers! Money.

No foreign currency? How much do you
have?

There! Count it!

Bye! Goodbye!

- Yes?
- I'd like to see Mr Holland.

- Mr Holland's in Paris.
- In Paris?

Yes. He's gone there for a fortnight's
holiday.

Oh. He never told me.

- Have you his address?
- I haven't. I'm sorry.

He didn't know where he'd be staying.

I see. All right. Thank you.

Pleased to be of help.

Why, Mr Holland?

What is the meaning of this?

Transport strike in Paris
made things too difficult.

And Mr Pendlebury, is he with you?

He's flying back tomorrow.
He had some
important business to see to.

- You have dined, I hope.
- I'm afraid not.

Oh!

Good evening.

Oh. Good evening, Inspector.

- It's bad luck about your holiday.
- It is, isn't it?

Should have informed us
you were going abroad.

You're our most important witness.

Oh. So sorry. Anything I can do?

We've traced four vans

seen near the warehouse
at the time of the robbery.

It's just possible you may
have got a glimpse of one.

Um, a blue van with the name
"Loveday and Bone" on the side.

No. It all happened so quickly.
They never gave me a chance.

Well, you never know.

A white van. "The Blackheath
Spotless Laundry."

- No, I'm afraid not.
- Another blue one.

"The Spring Song Mattress Company".
No. Uh, as I told you.

A green van.
"Gewgaws, Limited". Does
that ring a bell?

No. It was definitely none of them.

You can't say that for certain
if you didn't see it, can you?

- Ha. Silly of me.
- Thank you very much.

You'll be available now if we want you
again?

- Good night, Mr Holland.
- Good night, Inspector.

John, how lovely to see you.

Dutch! Hello there.
Nice of you to come and meet me.

I took the crates back to the warehouse.

How well you're looking.

- Say nothing. Just smile.
- What did you say?

Nothing like a change I always say.

Smile now. The police may be watching.

- The police?
- They suspect your van was involved.

Oh! I told you it was madness to come
back.

Good thing we did.

This makes it
more important we get hold
of those towers.

Oh, I was a fool to let you persuade me.

You're acting like a fool now.

Suspicions aren't evidence.
Once we get those out of reach...

We've got to get ourselves out of their
reach.

I'm going after those towers.

Are you? Well, I'm going back to Paris.

Very well. But remember,
if I fail, you're for it too.

Did you trace those girls?

Yes. St. Christopher's School, Hendon.

Come on. Don't waste any more time.

# Harrow may be more clever

# Rugby may make more row

# But we'll row, row forever

# Steady from stroke to bow

# And nothing in life shall sever

# The chain that is round us now

# And nothing in life shall sever

# The chain that is round us now

# Twenty years hence this weather

# Will tempt us from office stools

# We may be slow on the feather... #

Shh. Sit down girls.

These gentlemen are from the firm

that makes the Eiffel Tower models

that some of you bought in Paris.

It appears that, by a mistake,

you were sold a new experimental type

which they're anxious to have back.

They'll exchange them for others
equally good.

Also and I consider this most
generous...

They will give ten shillings

to each girl who helps them in this way.

Here you are. And for you.

There's yours. And that's for you. Thank
you.

One, two, three, four, five.

Only five. Who bought the sixth one?

Who bought the sixth?

June Edwards bought one.

You have one, too, have you dear?

Where is it, June? In here?

Now, don't be silly, June, dear.

Wouldn't you like to have ten
shillings...

- Another one just as nice?
- Oh, come, come.

Think of all
the sweeties you could buy with this.

There we are.

Just as pretty, isn't it?

Really, June. Look at them
together and you'll see.

There's no difference, is there?

Now, come on. Tell us. What's the
difference?

That one is mine.

Well, I'm sorry.
I can't force the child to give it up.

- Does the odd one really matter?
- Indeed, it does, madam.

- Were it to fall into the hands of...
- A business rival.

- Yes.
- But that won't happen.

We've kept you too long as it is.
Thank you very much.

But, but I...but...what?

Oh. That's interesting.

I bought a pyramid stud box
in Cairo during the war.

- I suppose that was made here too.
- I expect so.

We send stuff all over the world.

- Just finished, sir.
- Good.

You don't keep a record
of where the van goes?

Anyone takes the blooming thing
when they feel like it.

Away for a week, just recently, it was.

No recollection of who
had it that particular afternoon?

Well...

I've an idea it was the boss.

- Mr Pendlebury.
- Mr Pendlebury.

But I'm not really sure, and I can't ask
him
'cause he's away in Paris.

In Paris? Oh, well. Thanks.

All right. Hendon.

But, Dutch, robbing a child...

It won't be robbing her. It'll simply be
a swap.

If only you had let me talk to that
woman.

I couldn't, Al.
She was getting suspicious as it was.

Look.

- Isn't George here today?
- No. I'm taking his place today.

Your boyfriend's on duty in there.

Exhibition's straight ahead, sir.

Straight ahead for the exhibition, sir.

...on the steering wheel
of a car
stolen last night in Piccadilly...

And abandoned two hours later near
Croydon.

In the west gallery, you will find a
display
from the criminal records
office

containing, for example,

the actual dossier of a man now
serving a sentence for housebreaking.

It contains all his known
aliases and nicknames...

And those of his relatives and friends.

Next door, a fingerprint expert
is ready to take...

- Hello.
- Hello.

Where have you been all this time?

I've been to Paris,
and I brought this back for you.

I say, that is nice of you.
What a beautiful present.

It's a paperweight. Put it on those
papers.

Thank you very much indeed.

- Cheerio.
- Bye-bye.

- Now what do we do?
- Tell him the same story.

- Excuse me.
- One moment, sir.

...a demonstration of police scientists

that work on an actual case...

The recent big gold robbery.

CID officers have taken samples
of dust from four different vans...

- Take your fingerprints, sir?
- No.

We are testing those samples
for gold content.

- Had the van repaired?
- Yes. Completely new floor.

The dust is being placed in nitric acid,

which will dissolve any metal
with the exception of gold.

That's funny. I've just come from the
place
where they make these things.

Pretty, isn't it?

My little girlfriend brought it back
from Paris.

Paris.

- Try this.
- Come on. Let's get out here.

No! The evidence!

- Run, Dutch! Run!
- Stop those men!

- Stop those two!
- Break it up!

- Stop those men!
- Stop that woman!

- Where'd they go?
- There they are!

Stop that woman!

Stop them, Charlie!

Stop him, Charlie! Stop them!

Stop the men! Stop them!
Which way did they go?

Attention, everyone, please.
Attention, everyone, please.

Two dangerous men
are at large in this building.

There he is!

You can assist the police
by keeping the gangways clear.

Now keep calm and avoid crowding.

Do not panic.

Attention, everyone, please.

The men are now believed to be
in the east gallery.

Cut them off that way!

Psst!

Help the police by leaving
the gangways clear.

Keep calm. Avoid crowding. Don't panic.

The public can assist the police
by keeping the gangways clear.

Now keep calm, do not panic
and avoid crowding.

Keep calm. Avoid crowding.

Don't panic. Don't panic!

I-I can't drive.

Hello. M2GW from HPC.
Urgent message begins.

Vicinity of police college.

Two men wanted for questioning
in connection with theft of bullion.

Hello. All cars from M2GW.

Two men wanted in connection
with bullion theft.

Last seen...

Last seen escaping from police college
on foot, but may have stolen car. Over.

Better call them up. Put them on a false
scent.

- What's our number?
- This must be it. "U3".

- Put them on to that one.
- Hello. M2GW from U3.

Men answering your description are
reported

to have stolen gray Vauxhall, DLH436.
Over.

Hello. U3 from M2GW.
Your message received. Over.

Hello. All cars from M2GW.

- Must be somewhere ahead.
- Yes. But why isn't U3 chasing them?

There they are.

Yes, it was a police car all right.

But the driver was wearing a top hat.

No. It was a top hat.

Point duty constable reports peculiar
individual wearing top hat

seen driving wireless car JYN888, sir.

That's U4's number. They must've stolen
that.

Hello. M2GW from U4.
Have apprehended
two men in clerical attire.

Switch it off. That proves it.
They're giving us false description.

Urgent call to all cars. U4's been
stolen.

Hello. All cars from M2GW. Urgent call
begins.

Men wanted in connection with gold theft

have stolen police wireless car U4.

The number of this car is JYN888. Over.

You said this car was U3.

That's right. They've got it all mixed
up.

They haven't. They're onto us.

Step on it.

Oh. That's not the one then.

They've turned off.

Hello. M2GW from U3.
Am in pursuit of stolen police car.

Proceeding west along Portobello Road.
Over.

Let them sort that one out.

Hello. U3 from M2GW.
Your message received. Over.

Both U5 and U6 are in that area.

Tell them to cut them off at Junction
Road.

Hello. U5 from M2GW.

Stolen police car proceeding
west along Portobello Road.

Intercept at Junction Road. Over.

Hello. U6 from M2GW.

Stolen police car proceeding west
along Portobello Road.

Intercept at Junction Road. Over.

Am proceeding east
towards Junction Road. Over.

Am proceeding west
towards Junction Road. Over.

Bring in everything we've got.

Am now proceeding north
towards Junction Road. Over.

Am proceeding south
towards Junction Road. Over.

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on his farm
he had some turkeys E-I-E-I-O

# With quack quack here

# And a quack quack there

# Here a quack, there a quack
everywhere a quack quack

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on this farm
he had some sheep E-I-E-I-O

# With baa-baa here and a baa-baa there

# Here a baa, there a baa
everywhere a baa-baa

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on his farm
He had some turkeys E-I-E-I-O #

Would you mind giving me a lift
to the police box?

They're flashing for me.

# Everywhere a gobble gobble

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O

# And on that farm he had some pigs

Nice to have music when
you're driving, isn't it?

# With a here
There here a there a everywhere a

# Old McDonald had a farm E-I-E-I-O #

We sing that in our choir down at the
station.

Well, thank you very much, sir.

Hello. All cars from M2GW.

- Stolen police car...
- Drive on!

Quick, Al! Out!

Dutch! Dutch! Run!

Run, Dutch! Run!

Stop! Oi! Stop him!

Instead of changing
as usual at Charring Cross,

I came straight on to Rio de Janeiro,

"Gay spritely land of mirth and social
ease."

Pendlebury. Plus six Eiffel Towers.

- How much did they fetch?
- 25,000 pounds.

Enough to keep me for one year

in the style to which I was,
um, unaccustomed.

Hello there. By Jove, that was a party
you gave the other evening.

We should give a few like it
at the embassy, what?

Your Excellency is very kind.

Done a lot for our prestige out here.

Worth a battleship. Jolly good
show. Well done.

- Ready?
- Ready.