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WWW.MY-SUBS.COM
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Maureen?
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Nigel?
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Hello?
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Fucking hell, Brian!
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- Ronnie?!
- Brian, I'm glad it's you.
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Look, I wanted you
to hear this from me first.
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I'm seeing Maureen.
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Oh!
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00:00:51,196 --> 00:00:53,081
Well, that's really decent of you, RJ.
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I mean, your dick is barely
out of my wife, but I appreciate
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you being straight with me.
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Fucking hell!
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Get out before I call the police,
you dirty little pervert.
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I wasn't perving.
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I thought you were out walking Nigel.
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Usually, I can't get
anywhere near the house
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with the Hound of Hell on the prowl.
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I had to give him a Valium earlier
because he's taken a dislike to RJ.
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Why couldn't you sedate him all
those times he was terrorising me?
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Because I didn't want him
getting addicted to drugs!
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Besides, it's funny, and I hate you.
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Close the door on your
way out, you pervert.
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Oh, Brian?
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Is it all right if I get
a lift to work tomorrow?
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Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.MY-SUBS.com
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Mum!
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At least someone's pleased to see
me. How was your day, sweetheart?
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Good. I got my 11 Plus results back.
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So, how did you do?
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Failed, not even close.
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Rob, it's nothing to be pleased about.
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It is! Now I don't have to go
to Gaylord Grammar School.
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- What?
- Get in the fucking car.
34
00:02:03,100 --> 00:02:05,825
Oh, Sally, leave Mr Lavender alone.
35
00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:08,445
Oh, call me Martin, please. It's OK.
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She likes the smell
of the anaesthetic cream.
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What happened to your feet?
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Oh, second-degree sunburn. Yeah.
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Mad dogs and Englishmen, eh?
40
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- Sorry?
- Er, go out in the midday sun.
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Sensible people, however,
can enjoy sunshine any time
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through one of our UV protected,
double glazed conservatories.
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I think I should put
Sally out in the kitchen.
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Oh honestly, it's not a problem.
I love dogs.
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Argh!
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UHHH!
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Oh!
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Oh!
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Linda.
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Linda.
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Linda! Hello? It's me, Sam.
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Oh, hi, Sam. Sorry.
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Completely in a world of my own, there.
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Yeah, I know that feeling.
Is Patricia celebrating something?
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Oh, this? It's for the Live Aid
party tomorrow.
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Well, you've got enough bunting
there for a street party.
57
00:03:01,074 --> 00:03:03,279
Oh, yeah, well,
it's practically the whole street.
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00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:06,045
- Sorry, you don't know about it, do you?
- No, don't be daft.
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00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:08,725
I've, er, been in Malta for the
past week, so she's probably not had
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- a chance to tell us about it.
- Yeah.
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00:03:10,773 --> 00:03:13,285
I'd better dash, I must get this
cheesecake in the fridge.
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Patricia can't stand
a soggy biscuit bottom.
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00:03:15,574 --> 00:03:17,805
Well, you'd better get your
soggy bottom to Patricia's, then.
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Yeah, I'll see you.
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I know he's dead.
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How convenient.
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Hey, come on.
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I'm not going to let you think
like that.
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00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:31,094
You've got to stay positive, yeah?
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Look, here.
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Head down the Horse,
get us a couple of pints in.
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I'll be right behind you.
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00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:41,164
I just need to have a quick
word with the boss.
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00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,587
Thanks, Brian.
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00:03:44,717 --> 00:03:47,029
I don't know what I would've done
without you this last week.
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All right.
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And Maureen, obviously.
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00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:53,245
But that's mainly on
the physical side of things.
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All right, yeah.
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00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,325
Walshy, just to let you know,
I'm going off to fire RJ.
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00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,705
Blimey, talk about kicking
a man when he's down!
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00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,245
Is this about Maureen?
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00:04:06,280 --> 00:04:08,125
No, no. God, no.
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00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:10,925
No, he deserves a medal
for taking on that lunatic.
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00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:13,405
No, this is purely a business decision.
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Now that his old man's brown bread,
we don't have to worry
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00:04:15,760 --> 00:04:18,485
about any repercussions for sacking
that fucking liability.
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00:04:18,520 --> 00:04:20,205
So you really think Ronnie's dead?
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00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:22,205
About as dead as RJ's career in sales.
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00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:25,165
Well, well. This could be the
best news I've had in ages.
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Do me a favour, hold fire
on sacking RJ, will you?
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Oh, what? Come on!
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You've seen him in action.
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00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:34,765
Yesterday, he told a couple
in harrowing fucking detail
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how their toddler could be baked
alive in one of our conservatories.
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I don't fucking care. He stays.
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What's Live Aid?
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- You really don't know what Live Aid is?
- No.
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Would it help me sell
more windows if I did?
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00:04:45,446 --> 00:04:47,469
You are unbelievable, Vincent.
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You know what? I'm just trying
to figure out why you think
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it's MY fault Pat's
got a bug up her arse.
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It's not a bug. It's a
bloody leaking conservatory,
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which you put there.
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00:04:56,760 --> 00:04:59,405
Anyway, I'm more pissed off
with Robbie at the moment
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for blowing his 11 Plus.
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00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,725
Which is why starting a new life
in Spain is exactly the right thing
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- for us, baby.
- Are you bloody joking?
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It's a big opportunity, Sam.
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You said yourself, what's there
to miss about this place?
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I can't just take
the kids out of school.
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Nat's got her O-levels coming up,
and Robbie deliberately
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failed his 11 Plus by so much,
he's probably going to be
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reclassified as special fucking needs.
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Calm down, baby, all right?
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There's bound to be
good schools in Marbella.
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Really?
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I'll tell you what's bound to be.
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You're bound to screw over
and alienate everyone we meet
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in Spain, just like you have here.
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And as always, muggins here will
be left picking up the pieces.
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Sorry to interrupt.
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Martin was rushed into
Basildon Hospital this morning.
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Huh! Never apologise for bringing
good news, Carol.
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When are you going to grow up, Vincent?
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Yeah, all right, I'll call you back.
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Oh, hiya, Sam.
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Have you heard about Martin?
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00:05:55,157 --> 00:05:57,520
You must be worried sick.
I know you two are close.
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Robbie, darling, go and get in the car.
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You listen to me, Jo.
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I don't know why you never had kids.
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Either you're an ambitious cunt,
or a barren one.
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But don't ever underestimate
how protective a mother
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can be when she finds
her family threatened.
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- What?
- Oh, you heard.
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She knows about us.
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I can assure you, if Sam knew
about us, there'd be no us.
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What's got you so jumpy?
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Doesn't matter.
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What did you want to see me about?
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Run away with me to Spain.
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Ha! Well, shall we at least get
married in Gretna Green first,
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- my love?
- I'm not joking.
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00:06:45,087 --> 00:06:47,665
Well, it sounds wonderful,
but aren't you forgetting one thing?
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00:06:47,701 --> 00:06:49,889
It starts with Sam,
ends in your children.
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00:06:50,902 --> 00:06:53,547
I've been going through the motions
with Sam for the last year.
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00:06:53,840 --> 00:06:55,766
Malta was the final nail in the coffin.
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Why stay here and slug it out
in front of my kids,
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00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:02,045
when I could be in Marbella,
waking up next to your beautiful,
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00:07:02,080 --> 00:07:03,363
tanned body every morning?
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00:07:03,399 --> 00:07:05,391
Well, you might be ready for
early retirement, Vincent,
153
00:07:05,427 --> 00:07:08,307
- but I'm just getting started.
- No-one mentioned retirement.
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What's this?
155
00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:15,285
I've been headhunted by some big
time-share players.
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00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:17,605
The money they're chucking
about makes the returns in
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double glazing look like loose change.
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We're talking five figure bonuses.
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Shit, you're serious?
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Yes, and they would bite my fucking
arm off if I brought someone
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with your sales credentials
along for the ride.
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Come on, baby.
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We'd be the king and
queen of time-share.
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What d'you think?
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King and queen of time-share?
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Well, seeing as this is probably
my last chance of marrying
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00:07:43,877 --> 00:07:46,397
into royalty, I could be persuaded.
168
00:08:05,600 --> 00:08:08,126
Oh! Sam, you're back.
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00:08:08,162 --> 00:08:11,848
Look, Pat, I'm here because
Robbie failed his 11 Plus.
170
00:08:12,480 --> 00:08:14,765
And I'm bloody mortified
to have to do this,
171
00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:17,325
but you did say there could be
other avenues to explore.
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00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,085
Hm, yes, I remember.
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00:08:19,120 --> 00:08:22,885
Unfortunately, those avenues
have now turned into a cul-de-sac.
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00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:25,805
A cul-de-sac where the Swans
are no longer welcome.
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00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,160
So, if that's everything, Sam, goodbye.
176
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,085
It's all moving so fast.
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00:08:38,723 --> 00:08:40,332
Dad's disappearance.
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Falling in love with Maureen.
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You love her?
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00:08:44,586 --> 00:08:48,005
It's moved beyond just
physical lust into something
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I can only describe as...
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...deeply spiritual.
183
00:08:51,988 --> 00:08:53,248
She's my soulmate.
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00:08:53,669 --> 00:08:56,274
I mean, the sex hasn't slowed up.
185
00:08:56,310 --> 00:08:58,324
If anything, it's getting dirtier.
186
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:01,445
The other day, she managed
to get her big toe into my arseh...
187
00:09:01,480 --> 00:09:06,003
Whoa! All right, listen, while I'm
delighted for you two lovebirds,
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00:09:06,039 --> 00:09:07,485
we are still married.
189
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:08,574
So...
190
00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:10,014
...boundaries, yeah?
191
00:09:12,571 --> 00:09:14,991
She asked me to move in
the other day, but I told her no.
192
00:09:16,620 --> 00:09:18,705
Cos you were worried what I might do?
193
00:09:18,840 --> 00:09:20,885
No, I'm not worried about YOU at all.
194
00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,325
Yeah...
195
00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:26,037
Now, if we can just pretend for a second
that my feelings aren't irrelevant,
196
00:09:26,073 --> 00:09:27,835
I think it's a great idea.
197
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,466
You know, it's about time
I moved out the shed.
198
00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:32,383
The only problem is, if I leave,
199
00:09:32,419 --> 00:09:34,239
I'm still on the hook
for half the mortgage,
200
00:09:34,275 --> 00:09:37,245
so if you moved in
and paid rent, problem solved!
201
00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:40,005
Well, it might be a cosy
solution to your problems,
202
00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:42,009
Brian, but it doesn't
solve mine, does it?
203
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,085
No, I think it's better
if I cool things with Maureen
204
00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,400
- for the time being.
- What?
205
00:09:46,436 --> 00:09:47,737
No, no, no. Well...
206
00:09:47,773 --> 00:09:49,135
Look, listen.
207
00:09:49,765 --> 00:09:52,245
I know this business
with your dad is upsetting.
208
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:54,285
It's not Dad, it's the fucking hound.
209
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:55,358
Nigel?
210
00:09:55,394 --> 00:09:57,171
He creeps the shit out of me.
211
00:09:57,485 --> 00:09:59,450
Have you seen that look in its eyes?
212
00:09:59,486 --> 00:10:00,658
Come on!
213
00:10:01,160 --> 00:10:05,565
You can't throw away everything that
you and Maureen have over a dog.
214
00:10:06,016 --> 00:10:09,080
Now, look, I'm guessing that if
the dog was out of the picture,
215
00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:12,320
- then you'd be game on to move in, right?
- Yeah.
216
00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,415
But she's never getting rid of Nigel.
217
00:10:15,486 --> 00:10:16,731
She doesn't have to.
218
00:10:16,767 --> 00:10:20,127
People lose things that they care
about all the time.
219
00:10:22,299 --> 00:10:25,024
I'm not killing Satan
in canine form, Brian.
220
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:26,907
No-one's mentioned killing.
221
00:10:27,550 --> 00:10:29,148
No, this is more of a...
222
00:10:29,920 --> 00:10:31,960
...a relocation programme.
223
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,702
Now, how did you get it to take that
Valium the other day?
224
00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:41,203
Sam.
225
00:10:42,119 --> 00:10:44,804
The opportunity of seeing me
in agony too good to pass up?
226
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:48,055
Well, walking away from everything
isn't going terribly well, is it?
227
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,546
I'm so sorry about what
happened in Malta. I...
228
00:10:52,238 --> 00:10:54,898
I had no business
bringing my crap out there.
229
00:10:54,934 --> 00:10:57,205
I agree. How's the feet?
230
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:59,565
- Oh!
- Er, they're basically fucked.
231
00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:01,415
It's fine, though, because
as long as I don't walk on them,
232
00:11:01,451 --> 00:11:04,536
or wear shoes, or touch
them, then there's no pain.
233
00:11:04,572 --> 00:11:08,502
Well, if it makes you feel any
better, I almost feel sorry for you.
234
00:11:09,222 --> 00:11:12,107
- That can't be why you're here, though.
- No.
235
00:11:12,655 --> 00:11:15,318
Did you mean it, what you said in Malta?
236
00:11:15,354 --> 00:11:16,419
Yeah.
237
00:11:16,653 --> 00:11:17,893
Yeah, every word.
238
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:21,573
I want to spend the rest
of my life with you, Sam.
239
00:11:25,220 --> 00:11:26,420
Right, well...
240
00:11:28,720 --> 00:11:30,249
You know what that means, yeah?
241
00:11:30,285 --> 00:11:34,994
Me, the kids, a fresh start,
our entire lives upside down.
242
00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,233
Yeah. Yeah, whatever it took, Sam.
243
00:11:38,960 --> 00:11:41,285
I lost you once and if I had the chance,
244
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,159
I would never make that mistake again.
245
00:11:49,680 --> 00:11:51,800
At least if you're in a wheelchair
and you change your mind,
246
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,004
you can't run away.
247
00:11:56,040 --> 00:11:57,509
Uh!
248
00:11:58,080 --> 00:11:59,725
Ahh, fuck!
249
00:11:59,760 --> 00:12:01,565
- I'm sorry!
- Fuck!
250
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,571
It's all right.
251
00:12:02,607 --> 00:12:03,892
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
252
00:12:05,407 --> 00:12:07,767
Last night, I lit one
of his cigars indoors.
253
00:12:09,240 --> 00:12:11,114
I just wanted to feel
like he was home again.
254
00:12:11,484 --> 00:12:13,249
Where is he, Vincent?
255
00:12:13,285 --> 00:12:15,250
He'll come home soon, Lizzie.
256
00:12:15,480 --> 00:12:16,640
I know it.
257
00:12:20,800 --> 00:12:24,365
But if events do take a certain turn,
then I would very much want to
258
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:27,565
make sure Cachet carried on in good
hands and help you to realise
259
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,085
the value in the business.
260
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:31,965
Now, obviously, I'm praying
it never comes to that.
261
00:12:32,274 --> 00:12:34,525
I can't think about anything other
than finding Ronnie right
262
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,645
- at this moment, Vincent.
- I understand, Lizzie.
263
00:12:36,680 --> 00:12:39,285
I just wanted you to have peace
of mind that you wouldn't be left
264
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,885
with the headache of a struggling
business that Ronnie's heart
265
00:12:41,920 --> 00:12:42,973
was never in.
266
00:12:44,770 --> 00:12:46,988
I can't believe the front on you lot.
267
00:12:47,024 --> 00:12:48,035
Lot?
268
00:12:48,071 --> 00:12:51,365
Oh, so far, I've had visits
from that big ape from W-Windows,
269
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:53,125
and your Northern colleague.
270
00:12:53,160 --> 00:12:55,045
They both popped in
to show their concern.
271
00:12:55,081 --> 00:12:57,038
- Jo was here?
- Yes!
272
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,525
Tell me, is everyone in double
glazing this bloody callous?
273
00:13:00,560 --> 00:13:03,949
I told the police I had no idea of
anyone who'd have it in for my Ronnie.
274
00:13:03,985 --> 00:13:06,630
I'm starting to wonder what you lot
might be capable of.
275
00:13:06,764 --> 00:13:09,129
You are aware, Lizzie,
this isn't your husband's only
276
00:13:09,165 --> 00:13:11,170
- line of business?
- Of course.
277
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:13,822
I might look the dumb blonde,
but I know exactly
278
00:13:13,858 --> 00:13:15,447
what Ronnie specialises in.
279
00:13:16,754 --> 00:13:18,492
Buying and selling antiques.
280
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,549
I warned him to stick to what he knows.
281
00:13:24,927 --> 00:13:28,247
Hello, can I speak
to Detective Neil, please?
282
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:34,605
Vincent, PC Plod's back.
283
00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:36,898
He's been asking loads
of questions about Ronnie.
284
00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:40,365
Bruce! Long time, no see.
285
00:13:40,400 --> 00:13:42,314
Yes, it has been.
286
00:13:42,708 --> 00:13:43,833
Oh, come on.
287
00:13:43,869 --> 00:13:46,057
We can still shake hands,
at least, can't we?
288
00:13:50,042 --> 00:13:52,505
When you've finished
massaging my knuckles.
289
00:13:52,677 --> 00:13:54,602
Sorry. Old habits die hard.
290
00:13:54,699 --> 00:13:55,904
To what do we owe the honour?
291
00:13:55,940 --> 00:13:59,145
Well, as I'm sure you're aware,
your boss, Mr Farrell, is missing.
292
00:13:59,181 --> 00:14:02,306
Normally, violent criminal goes AWOL
isn't something I'd waste public
293
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:06,347
money investigating,
but in this case, his taxpaying wife
294
00:14:06,383 --> 00:14:08,750
has reason to suspect foul play.
295
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:11,471
Which has brought me
to your door, Mr Swan.
296
00:14:11,507 --> 00:14:13,481
Vincent, please. You know what?
297
00:14:13,517 --> 00:14:16,349
I just remembered, Bruce, did we ever
repair that conservatory of yours?
298
00:14:16,385 --> 00:14:19,485
Carol, book Barry in to have a look
at Detective Neil's conservatory.
299
00:14:19,520 --> 00:14:21,285
Tell him to drop everything immediately.
300
00:14:21,320 --> 00:14:23,565
- I can, but didn't you sack him?
- Thank you, Carol.
301
00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:25,645
- I meant Brendan.
- You sacked him, too.
302
00:14:25,680 --> 00:14:27,045
Don't talk, just do it!
303
00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:28,565
Will that be all, Detective?
304
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:31,525
Oh, no, this is a bit more serious
than your usual rogue dealer antics,
305
00:14:31,560 --> 00:14:32,849
Mr Swan.
306
00:14:32,885 --> 00:14:35,534
No, you're going to accompany me
to the station for questioning
307
00:14:36,040 --> 00:14:39,205
or we can make our conversation
a bit more official
308
00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:40,591
with an arrest warrant.
309
00:14:40,627 --> 00:14:43,232
Bruce, you know I'd do anything
to help out a fellow Mason.
310
00:14:43,268 --> 00:14:45,793
Carol, watch the shop.
I'll be back in an hour.
311
00:14:45,829 --> 00:14:46,969
An hour?
312
00:14:47,005 --> 00:14:48,805
That's very presumptuous.
313
00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:55,120
And for the record,
you are not a fucking Mason.
314
00:14:57,160 --> 00:14:59,965
We're back, folks,
live at Wembley Stadium.
315
00:15:00,000 --> 00:15:03,885
This is Live Aid
and these are The Boomtown Rats.
316
00:15:03,920 --> 00:15:06,360
MUSIC: I Don't Like Mondays
by The Boomtown Rats
317
00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:29,165
♪ The silicone chip inside her head ♪
318
00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:32,967
♪ Gets switched to overload... ♪
319
00:15:33,164 --> 00:15:35,194
You recently travelled to Malta.
320
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:38,605
- What for?
- Sun, sea and a chance of the other.
321
00:15:38,640 --> 00:15:39,908
Oh, it wasn't business, then?
322
00:15:40,019 --> 00:15:42,664
No, I wanted to take Sam
and the kids away for a break.
323
00:15:42,700 --> 00:15:45,105
That's interesting,
because the travel agent said
324
00:15:45,141 --> 00:15:47,650
that the booking was originally
made by Ronnie Farrell
325
00:15:48,462 --> 00:15:51,369
and later amended by a Dr Swan.
326
00:15:51,405 --> 00:15:54,204
Why were you travelling
under an alias, Mr Swan?
327
00:15:54,240 --> 00:15:58,485
Look, I won the tickets for smashing
the sales competition last month.
328
00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,571
Ronnie booked the tickets, obviously.
329
00:16:00,607 --> 00:16:03,932
I decided to try and bullshit my way
into a business class upgrade.
330
00:16:03,968 --> 00:16:06,485
I mean, what numb nuts
uses his own name and the prefix
331
00:16:06,520 --> 00:16:08,068
of Dr as an alias?
332
00:16:08,104 --> 00:16:11,589
Presumably, all this will check out if
I go back through the company books?
333
00:16:11,625 --> 00:16:13,630
- Absolutely, Bruce.
- I've told you...
334
00:16:13,666 --> 00:16:15,867
Sorry, Detective Neil.
335
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,405
Look, let me get this straight.
336
00:16:18,440 --> 00:16:21,440
I'm being persecuted for a crime that
may have not even been committed,
337
00:16:21,476 --> 00:16:23,045
based on the fact I took a holiday
338
00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:24,352
to a Mediterranean shithole?
339
00:16:24,535 --> 00:16:29,353
Now, calling your case wafer thin would
be a slur on the strength of wafers.
340
00:16:30,348 --> 00:16:33,073
- I take it I'm free to leave.
- You are.
341
00:16:33,109 --> 00:16:34,600
Well, I'll see you later, then, mate.
342
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:37,005
Ending interview.
343
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:40,125
Hello, I'm really interested
in a property I've just seen
344
00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:42,725
advertised in this week's
rental section.
345
00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:45,205
♪ All the playing's stopped
in the playground now ♪
346
00:16:45,240 --> 00:16:47,765
♪ She wants to play
with her toys a while ♪
347
00:16:48,212 --> 00:16:51,485
♪ And school's out early
and soon we'll be learning ♪
348
00:16:51,520 --> 00:16:54,205
♪ And the lesson today is how to die ♪
349
00:16:55,055 --> 00:16:57,245
♪ And then the bullhorn crackles ♪
350
00:16:57,280 --> 00:16:59,165
♪ And the captain tackles ♪
351
00:16:59,200 --> 00:17:02,245
♪ With the problems
and the how's and why's ♪
352
00:17:02,280 --> 00:17:04,685
♪ And he can see no reasons ♪
353
00:17:04,720 --> 00:17:06,405
♪ Cos there are no reasons ♪
354
00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:11,045
♪ What reason do you need to die, die ♪
355
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:12,904
♪ Oh, oh, oh... ♪
356
00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:15,876
All right, anywhere around here
should be good.
357
00:17:20,160 --> 00:17:21,445
What's that noise?
358
00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:25,978
I can't hear anything.
359
00:17:28,095 --> 00:17:29,335
There.
360
00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,916
Shit!
361
00:17:33,280 --> 00:17:34,782
How much Valium did you give him?
362
00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:37,365
Just a half to start off with.
363
00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:39,925
To start off with?
It's not a fucking buffet!
364
00:17:39,960 --> 00:17:42,285
You had one job,
put the fucking dog to sleep.
365
00:17:42,320 --> 00:17:43,949
Well, I didn't want to kill him!
366
00:17:44,600 --> 00:17:45,965
Let's just let him out here.
367
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:47,725
He should be nice and relaxed, anyway.
368
00:17:47,760 --> 00:17:49,445
Well, he doesn't sound fucking relaxed!
369
00:17:49,480 --> 00:17:51,205
He's probably got cold turkey.
370
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:52,605
You'd better get him out, quick.
371
00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:54,565
Me? You're his drug dealer. You do it.
372
00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,045
No, this is your idea.
373
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,136
I'm happy enough
not to move in with Maureen.
374
00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:01,005
Oh, fuck!
375
00:18:05,801 --> 00:18:06,995
What are we going to do?
376
00:18:07,378 --> 00:18:09,365
All right, er, here's the plan.
377
00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:10,741
I'm going to open the boot.
378
00:18:10,777 --> 00:18:14,005
As soon as he leaps out,
we jump in and floor it.
379
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:16,045
The plan is to let him out.
380
00:18:16,080 --> 00:18:17,965
Are you fucking mad?
381
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,165
Well, what choice do we have?
382
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,005
You want the police to tell Maureen
that they found Nigel dead
383
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,525
and drugged in your abandoned car?
384
00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:28,212
All right, you ready?
385
00:18:28,497 --> 00:18:29,862
- OK.
- All right.
386
00:18:29,898 --> 00:18:31,458
On three.
387
00:18:32,760 --> 00:18:34,698
One, two...
388
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,393
...three.
389
00:18:36,429 --> 00:18:38,989
Come on, then,
you fucking psycho dickhead.
390
00:18:43,400 --> 00:18:45,805
Just so you know, I'm taking
the cost of repairing this car
391
00:18:45,840 --> 00:18:47,565
off any rent I have to pay you.
392
00:18:47,600 --> 00:18:48,960
Just fucking drive!
393
00:18:55,199 --> 00:18:58,404
Well, well, if it isn't Cachet's
answer to the outlaw, Jesse James.
394
00:18:58,440 --> 00:18:59,972
Can you give us a minute, Carol?
395
00:19:02,560 --> 00:19:04,005
Tell me the truth.
396
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,485
Did you have anything to do
with Ronnie's disappearance?
397
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:07,845
Of course I fucking didn't.
398
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:10,405
I can't even get the man who slept
with my wife sacked from here,
399
00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:11,564
let alone bump off the boss.
400
00:19:11,664 --> 00:19:13,645
OK, so now what?
401
00:19:13,680 --> 00:19:15,965
Well, I don't plan on being on
the wrong end of a wrongful
402
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,140
conviction when the police come
sniffing back around.
403
00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,899
If you're coming to Spain with me,
it's now or never.
404
00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:26,205
Shit, Vincent, this is lousy timing.
405
00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:27,958
I've finally got everything
I've worked for.
406
00:19:27,994 --> 00:19:29,012
Everything?
407
00:19:29,222 --> 00:19:31,333
A failing business in a dying industry?
408
00:19:31,759 --> 00:19:34,364
Take a look around, Jo,
the gold rush is over.
409
00:19:34,400 --> 00:19:36,731
Market saturation, red tape,
410
00:19:36,767 --> 00:19:39,072
national chains squeezing out
independents.
411
00:19:39,119 --> 00:19:42,924
The future is an army of
dickhead vanilla salesmen
412
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,365
doing as they're told.
413
00:19:44,578 --> 00:19:46,023
That's not for us.
414
00:19:46,059 --> 00:19:48,904
Time-share is where
the party's at, baby.
415
00:19:49,080 --> 00:19:50,253
You know it.
416
00:19:51,002 --> 00:19:52,207
That was a good pitch.
417
00:19:52,243 --> 00:19:55,440
I'm selling a good product,
a product you need in your life.
418
00:19:57,378 --> 00:20:00,663
OK, where do I sign?
419
00:20:00,840 --> 00:20:04,064
Go home, grab your passport, pack light.
420
00:20:04,320 --> 00:20:05,925
I'll pick you up in an hour.
421
00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:10,565
I told you to give us a minute, Carol.
422
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:13,045
Would you be so kind as
to pop downstairs, Vincent?
423
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:14,325
I need a word.
424
00:20:14,360 --> 00:20:15,451
Walshy?
425
00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:19,240
I'm sorry, boys,
you must be fucking confused.
426
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:21,565
Have you forgotten you run W-Windows,
427
00:20:21,600 --> 00:20:23,965
Corringham's l-least successful
double glazing business?
428
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:26,525
Yeah, that might even be funny
if I hadn't just acquired
429
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,085
Corringham's most successful
double glazing business.
430
00:20:29,120 --> 00:20:30,063
Bollocks.
431
00:20:30,099 --> 00:20:32,622
With Ronnie, shall we say,
unaccounted for,
432
00:20:32,658 --> 00:20:34,984
RJ and his mum wanted rid of this place,
433
00:20:35,020 --> 00:20:37,496
and guess who stepped in
to take it off their hands?
434
00:20:37,532 --> 00:20:38,843
Which means...
435
00:20:38,879 --> 00:20:42,445
...I'm your boss again,
and what's even f-funnier,
436
00:20:42,480 --> 00:20:45,365
you're f-fucking f-fired!
437
00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:48,285
- Too late, I resigned five minutes ago, mate.
- Bollocks!
438
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,445
- It's true, he did.
- Oh, how convenient.
439
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,005
By the way, you're sacked too, Jo.
440
00:20:52,040 --> 00:20:54,123
Yeah, well, sorry, Tony,
it was a double resignation.
441
00:20:54,159 --> 00:20:55,164
I'm off as well.
442
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:58,205
Hold on, you're not getting
away with this one, Vincent.
443
00:20:58,440 --> 00:21:00,605
Once I let the fraud squad
take a look at these books,
444
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:03,405
I'm sure they're going to find
enough incriminating evidence to get
445
00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:04,925
you banged up for a good few years.
446
00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:07,165
Quick question, Tony,
when you acquired the business,
447
00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,205
did you sign a waiver
exempting the new ownership
448
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:10,645
from any pending legal claim?
449
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,125
...legal claim. Yeah, nice try.
450
00:21:14,160 --> 00:21:16,845
Don't think your
mumbo jumbo legal bollocks
451
00:21:16,880 --> 00:21:18,645
is going to save this smarmy pillock.
452
00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:22,165
No, but in case you weren't aware,
any criminal acts that you had prior
453
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:24,365
knowledge to at the time
of the purchase become
454
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:27,445
the new owner's responsibility,
so unless you signed that
455
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,645
mumbo jumbo legal bollocks, you'll
be sending yourself to jail too.
456
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:31,803
Oh, yeah?
457
00:21:31,839 --> 00:21:33,404
Yeah, we'll see about that.
458
00:21:34,206 --> 00:21:36,091
What, what did you say that clause was?
459
00:21:36,127 --> 00:21:38,419
Always read the small print
on the contract, mate.
460
00:21:39,800 --> 00:21:42,205
Right, well, I'm sacking someone today.
461
00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:43,525
Carol, you're out.
462
00:21:43,560 --> 00:21:45,925
Oh, come on! What am I sacked for?
463
00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,605
I don't fucking care!
464
00:21:48,640 --> 00:21:51,885
Disloyally continuing
to work here after I left.
465
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,325
Having a stupid perm. Take your pick.
466
00:21:54,360 --> 00:21:55,685
That's out of order, Tony.
467
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:59,365
Look, if you do this,
I'll walk out that door with her.
468
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:01,388
- What?
- I said, I'll walk.
469
00:22:01,840 --> 00:22:03,770
Carol's done nothing wrong.
470
00:22:03,806 --> 00:22:06,885
In fact, she's the only person
out of this whole fucking company
471
00:22:06,920 --> 00:22:10,485
that's shown any kind of integrity,
loyalty and honesty
472
00:22:10,520 --> 00:22:12,205
over these past two years.
473
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,641
She deserves a raise, not a P45.
474
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,400
She's an angel.
475
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,285
Are you really going to walk?
476
00:22:19,320 --> 00:22:20,182
Yeah.
477
00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:25,657
All fucking right, then. On balance,
I may have acted hastily.
478
00:22:26,040 --> 00:22:29,282
- Carol, you're not sacked.
- Thanks.
479
00:22:29,600 --> 00:22:32,005
And I'll have you know,
this isn't a bloody perm!
480
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:33,565
It's au naturel.
481
00:22:33,600 --> 00:22:35,645
That didn't sound like
much of an apology.
482
00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,525
Oh, Jesus Christ!
483
00:22:37,560 --> 00:22:39,919
Carol, I'm sorry. All right?
484
00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:44,405
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going upstairs to find something
485
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:46,604
to wipe this fucking egg off my face.
486
00:22:50,360 --> 00:22:51,468
Brian!
487
00:22:51,504 --> 00:22:53,269
That was incredible.
488
00:22:53,379 --> 00:22:55,384
You didn't need to say all that.
489
00:22:55,680 --> 00:22:56,997
Oh, I was just saying the truth.
490
00:22:57,920 --> 00:22:59,240
Thank you.
491
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:04,685
But can we not ever speak
about it again?
492
00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:06,409
Because it's making me feel awkward now.
493
00:23:06,445 --> 00:23:07,495
Yeah.
494
00:23:08,148 --> 00:23:09,388
Speak about what?
495
00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:13,915
Do you want a tea, Brian?
496
00:23:14,325 --> 00:23:15,424
Yeah, go on, then.
497
00:23:16,747 --> 00:23:20,485
And I was wondering if maybe,
later, you wanted to try
498
00:23:20,520 --> 00:23:22,924
another compatibility shag...
499
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:24,669
...with me?
500
00:23:24,705 --> 00:23:26,430
Bloody hell, Carol.
501
00:23:26,539 --> 00:23:30,375
I think this time, we can get the sexual
thermometer above freezing.
502
00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:32,405
Ay-oh!
503
00:23:32,440 --> 00:23:33,965
Ay-oh!
504
00:23:34,000 --> 00:23:35,845
Ay-oh!
505
00:23:35,880 --> 00:23:37,245
Ay-oh!
506
00:23:37,280 --> 00:23:39,605
Ay-oh, ay-oh, ay-oh, ay-oh.
507
00:23:39,640 --> 00:23:41,325
Ay-oh, ay-oh, ay-oh, ay-oh.
508
00:23:41,360 --> 00:23:42,605
Ay-oh!
509
00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:43,645
Ay-oh!
510
00:23:43,680 --> 00:23:44,845
Ay-oh!
511
00:23:44,880 --> 00:23:46,365
Ay-oh!
512
00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:47,965
Wrong day to fuck with me, Pat.
513
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,360
Ayyyyy!
514
00:24:17,406 --> 00:24:19,091
There you go, Patricia.
515
00:24:19,127 --> 00:24:21,506
No more fucking conservatory
to worry about.
516
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,120
MUSIC: Alive And Kicking by Simple Minds
517
00:24:27,560 --> 00:24:29,445
- Mum!
- That was fucking awesome!
518
00:24:29,480 --> 00:24:31,040
- Robbie!
- Robbie!
519
00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:38,968
I think you need to work
on reversing around corners.
520
00:24:39,360 --> 00:24:40,525
Shall we?
521
00:24:40,560 --> 00:24:42,120
♪ Oh-ohh ♪
522
00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:45,880
♪ Uh, uh, uh, uh, uhh ♪
523
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:50,125
♪ Ohh-ohh-ohh, oh ♪
524
00:24:50,160 --> 00:24:53,005
♪ Ohhhh ♪
525
00:24:53,040 --> 00:24:57,485
♪ Alive and kicking ♪
526
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:00,080
♪ Stay until your love is... ♪
527
00:25:02,600 --> 00:25:03,884
Miss me?
528
00:25:03,976 --> 00:25:05,301
Is that really you, Ronnie?
529
00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,992
Well, who else do you know
dresses this well?
530
00:25:09,320 --> 00:25:11,525
You're not reaching out
from the other side?
531
00:25:11,560 --> 00:25:14,405
Contrary to popular, hysterical belief,
532
00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:16,085
I'm not dead, Carol.
533
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,965
So get this, Ronnie,
far from being dead,
534
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:21,521
had been in Marbella partying
like Hugh Hefner all week.
535
00:25:22,013 --> 00:25:24,618
It turned out that was the transfer
fee for agreeing to let me go
536
00:25:24,654 --> 00:25:26,739
and work for the time-share consortium.
537
00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:29,165
♪ Let's go all the way. ♪
538
00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:30,885
RJ's been worried sick.
539
00:25:30,920 --> 00:25:32,125
Couldn't you call?
540
00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,445
Well, I couldn't tell Lizzie, Carol, no.
541
00:25:34,480 --> 00:25:37,591
She thinks Marbella is vulgar
and sleazy for some reason.
542
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,645
But as I say, Tony,
better to beg for forgiveness
543
00:25:40,680 --> 00:25:42,125
than ask for permission.
544
00:25:42,160 --> 00:25:43,832
Yeah... Yeah, good one.
545
00:25:44,400 --> 00:25:47,049
Oh, well, it's great to see you, Ronnie.
546
00:25:47,560 --> 00:25:50,805
Now, you're probably wondering
what I'm doing here.
547
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:52,697
Well, funnily enough, no.
548
00:25:52,733 --> 00:25:55,205
Junior's filled me in on
the events of the past week,
549
00:25:55,240 --> 00:25:57,325
so I'm guessing
congratulations are in order.
550
00:25:57,360 --> 00:25:59,525
You are back where
you rightfully belong.
551
00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:00,465
Oh, thanks.
552
00:26:00,694 --> 00:26:02,776
Blimey, it must have
been a good holiday!
553
00:26:03,640 --> 00:26:05,685
So you're not angry
RJ sold me the business?
554
00:26:05,720 --> 00:26:06,696
Angry?
555
00:26:07,040 --> 00:26:09,447
I'm fucking delighted, my old pal.
556
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:11,485
I told him to.
557
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:13,200
Oh, thank God for that.
558
00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:15,204
Hang on...
559
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:17,405
RJ thought you were dead.
560
00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:18,826
That's why he sold up.
561
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,685
He may have been a touch economical
with the truth but you were too busy
562
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,687
trying to profit from my boy's grief
to care, Tony.
563
00:26:26,663 --> 00:26:28,845
I don't know what you lot
have been teaching him over there,
564
00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:30,714
but you've turned him
into a right devious bugger.
565
00:26:32,560 --> 00:26:34,045
So why did you sell up, then?
566
00:26:34,080 --> 00:26:37,085
Well, to be perfectly honest,
Cachet is probably more broke
567
00:26:37,120 --> 00:26:39,231
than when you sold it to me for a pound.
568
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,005
But nothing a man of your
business acumen couldn't
569
00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:43,525
turn around, eh, Tony?
570
00:26:43,560 --> 00:26:46,415
But still, seemed an ideal
opportunity to cash in.
571
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:49,600
No hard feelings, eh?
572
00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:54,725
No, what I really object to
is that toerag Vincent pissing off
573
00:26:54,760 --> 00:26:56,885
to Spain without my permission.
574
00:26:56,920 --> 00:26:59,645
I thought you told the time-share
people they could have him?
575
00:26:59,680 --> 00:27:02,245
Oh, I did, Carol, but Vincent
didn't know that, did he?
576
00:27:02,280 --> 00:27:03,480
No, this is...
577
00:27:04,579 --> 00:27:06,224
This is unforgivable.
578
00:27:06,814 --> 00:27:09,845
The huge fucking irony of Ronnie not
being murdered was that he was now
579
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:11,910
almost certainly looking to murder me.
580
00:27:12,342 --> 00:27:14,587
Running to Spain had never
seemed so attractive,
581
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:17,245
although starting a new chapter
in life meant finishing
582
00:27:17,280 --> 00:27:18,885
the last one first.
583
00:27:18,920 --> 00:27:21,233
I'm so sorry, Martin.
584
00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,885
I can't deal with the mess
of my life by turning someone
585
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,405
else's upside down.
586
00:27:25,440 --> 00:27:27,685
And it wasn't just Lavender
struggling to come to terms
587
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,629
with losing the one
true love of their life.
588
00:27:30,120 --> 00:27:32,485
Look, I know it's sad,
but as one special friendship
589
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,925
passes, a new one is just beginning.
590
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:36,755
Shut up, you idiot!
591
00:27:37,080 --> 00:27:41,045
Nigel was ten times the man you'll
ever be and he was a fucking dog!
592
00:27:41,080 --> 00:27:42,725
Yeah, think about that!
593
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:46,125
I'm sorry, my darling. I'll try and
think before I open my mouth next time.
594
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,064
And stop selling yourself short.
595
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,485
In fact, stop selling, full stop,
and get back to doing something
596
00:27:51,520 --> 00:27:52,858
that truly makes you happy.
597
00:27:53,280 --> 00:27:54,640
Love, Sam.
598
00:27:57,080 --> 00:27:58,334
Oh, fuck it!
599
00:28:00,960 --> 00:28:02,105
Fuck!
600
00:28:08,080 --> 00:28:09,205
Hello?
601
00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,149
- Hi.
- Where the fuck are you?
602
00:28:11,185 --> 00:28:12,371
I'm at the airport...
603
00:28:12,831 --> 00:28:14,556
...with Sam and the kids.
604
00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:16,719
Babe, I'm sorry,
but it's like you told me.
605
00:28:16,755 --> 00:28:18,273
Winning isn't everything.
606
00:28:18,960 --> 00:28:20,289
It's the only thing.
607
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:21,925
You wanker!
608
00:28:21,960 --> 00:28:23,295
Now, don't be like that.
609
00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:25,107
You'll learn from this.
610
00:28:28,680 --> 00:28:30,045
Shit!
611
00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,840
MUSIC: Let's Go All The Way by Sly Fox
612
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:41,285
Do I want to know?
613
00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:43,560
Just tying up a few loose ends.
614
00:28:44,560 --> 00:28:45,920
Shall we?
615
00:28:47,000 --> 00:28:48,160
Yeah.
616
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,080
♪ Sitting with the thinker ♪
617
00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:05,680
♪ Trying to work it out ♪
618
00:29:05,877 --> 00:29:09,544
Sync & corrections by emeline-whovian
www.MY-SUBS.com
619
00:29:09,600 --> 00:29:13,525
♪ It's a traffic jam of the brain ♪
620
00:29:13,560 --> 00:29:15,720
♪ Makes you want to scream and shout ♪
621
00:29:19,320 --> 00:29:20,880
♪ Let's go all the way ♪
622
00:29:24,040 --> 00:29:25,760
♪ Let's go all the way ♪
623
00:29:27,080 --> 00:29:28,840
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪
47902
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