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1
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# Stick a pony in me pocket
2
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# I'll fetch the suitcase from the van
3
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# 'Cause if you want the best 'uns
but you don't ask questions
4
00:00:15,495 --> 00:00:18,248
# Then, brother, I'm your man
5
00:00:19,255 --> 00:00:22,452
# 'Cause where it all comes from is a mystery
6
00:00:22,615 --> 00:00:26,369
# It's like the changing of the seasons
and the tides of the sea
7
00:00:26,535 --> 00:00:29,971
# But here's the one that's driving me berserk
8
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# Why do only fools and horses work? #
9
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(RADIO)... colder and showers turning wintry
almost everywhere by tonight...
10
00:00:49,655 --> 00:00:54,171
Derek! Your breakfast has been
on the table for the last 15 minutes!
11
00:00:55,095 --> 00:00:57,450
- Is that nice?
- Yes, thank you.
12
00:00:57,615 --> 00:01:00,049
I was talking to Damien.
13
00:01:00,215 --> 00:01:02,888
(SQUELCHING)
14
00:01:03,055 --> 00:01:07,606
Next time you do the shopping,
buy the ketchup in a glass bottle.
15
00:01:07,775 --> 00:01:12,610
And please stop boiling your old vests
and pants on our cooker!
16
00:01:13,735 --> 00:01:17,250
This is almost the 21st century
and we have washing machines.
17
00:01:17,415 --> 00:01:21,727
Raquel, why are you angry at me?
I'm not the one coming home late.
18
00:01:21,895 --> 00:01:25,444
- I'm always here in the flat.
- Yes, aren't you just!
19
00:01:28,215 --> 00:01:30,809
- Good morning, Unc. Ah! Ooh!
- Morning.
20
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:33,535
Oh, this bloody tooth! Ooh!
21
00:01:33,695 --> 00:01:36,084
Hello, Champ! Good morning.
22
00:01:36,255 --> 00:01:39,088
How are you this morning? This looks good.
23
00:01:39,255 --> 00:01:44,170
- Raquel's on the warpath.
- She don't frighten me, Albert.
24
00:01:44,335 --> 00:01:46,895
I've handled more violent women than her.
25
00:01:47,055 --> 00:01:48,374
Ooh!
26
00:01:48,535 --> 00:01:52,767
Good morning, sweetheart!
Any calls for me last night, was there?
27
00:01:52,935 --> 00:01:56,610
I went to bed early.
Why don't you get an answering machine?
28
00:01:56,775 --> 00:02:01,451
Good idea, darling. Just what
the business needs is an answer phone.
29
00:02:01,615 --> 00:02:04,971
Especially as you're too exhausted to do it.
30
00:02:05,135 --> 00:02:08,923
Damien's a bit big for that chair.
He'll be starting work soon!
31
00:02:09,095 --> 00:02:12,292
- There's nothing wrong with it.
- Exactly.
32
00:02:12,455 --> 00:02:16,164
It's in very good nick.
I might get a few quid for that.
33
00:02:16,335 --> 00:02:19,133
I'll put an ad in the local newsagent's.
34
00:02:19,295 --> 00:02:24,005
- What time did you get in last night?
- Me? Ooh, about quarter past twelve.
35
00:02:24,175 --> 00:02:27,406
- It was twenty to two!
- Was it?!
36
00:02:27,575 --> 00:02:30,726
The battery's going in this watch.
37
00:02:31,895 --> 00:02:34,932
- So, where were you?
- Hmm? Um...
38
00:02:35,095 --> 00:02:42,285
I went down the Nag's Head, had a swift half,
and then I had to meet someone in the... casino.
39
00:02:42,455 --> 00:02:46,687
That's a relief. I was worried
you might be squandering our money (!)
40
00:02:46,855 --> 00:02:48,811
- How much did you win?
- Shut up!
41
00:02:48,975 --> 00:02:52,888
Don't be silly. Del doesn't know what winning is!
42
00:02:53,055 --> 00:02:58,254
- Eat your breakfast, Del.
- You said this fried stuff was bad for me veins.
43
00:02:58,415 --> 00:03:00,975
Eat your breakfast, Del!
44
00:03:01,895 --> 00:03:06,730
- She's not happy, son.
- Well... she's a woman, isn't she?
45
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,250
It takes me mind off me tooth.
46
00:03:09,415 --> 00:03:13,124
I don't know. What with you and poor Rodney.
47
00:03:13,295 --> 00:03:18,289
- He's starting to look ashen-faced.
- He does look a bit cream-crackered.
48
00:03:18,455 --> 00:03:23,848
Don't worry. I'll have a word with him.
I usually manage to sort out his problems.
49
00:03:24,015 --> 00:03:26,245
(SQUELCHING)
50
00:03:27,375 --> 00:03:30,811
(PHONE RINGS)
51
00:03:33,495 --> 00:03:36,293
- Hello?
- Cassandra, it's Raquel.
52
00:03:36,455 --> 00:03:39,686
- Can you talk? Rodney's not there?
- He's left for work.
53
00:03:39,855 --> 00:03:43,928
- What did the doctor say last night?
- She was ever so nice.
54
00:03:44,095 --> 00:03:49,089
She's got three couples who've been
trying for babies for over a year.
55
00:03:49,255 --> 00:03:51,928
So Rodney and I are almost rookies!
56
00:03:52,095 --> 00:03:55,644
I've got to take my temperature hourly,
keep a chart.
57
00:03:55,815 --> 00:03:58,807
And I've got exercises
that strengthen the muscles.
58
00:03:58,975 --> 00:04:02,684
Have you abandoned that schedule
she worked out for you?
59
00:04:02,855 --> 00:04:08,213
How do you keep up the pace?
It sounded excessive even for Mel Gibson!
60
00:04:08,375 --> 00:04:13,813
I've decided to continue with that.
It hasn't worked, but Rodney's enjoyed trying!
61
00:04:15,455 --> 00:04:19,334
- All right, Rodney?
- Yeah, all right, Mick.
62
00:04:19,495 --> 00:04:23,727
What you been up to?
You look like a vampire's been at you!
63
00:04:23,895 --> 00:04:28,332
- I'm fine, thank you.
- You weren't in that riot, were you?
64
00:04:28,495 --> 00:04:32,204
No, I was not! As if I'd get involved in a riot!
65
00:04:32,375 --> 00:04:36,414
You don't look well.
He looks shagged out, don't he, love?
66
00:04:36,575 --> 00:04:42,286
- You don't look well, dear.
- There's nothing wrong with me, all right?
67
00:04:42,455 --> 00:04:46,289
- You haven't mentioned this to Del?
- Course not.
68
00:04:46,455 --> 00:04:49,845
Rodney wants to choose the right time to tell him.
69
00:04:50,015 --> 00:04:53,052
- I'll leave it to you.
- How are things with you and Del?
70
00:04:53,215 --> 00:04:56,651
The same. He didn't get in till twenty to two.
71
00:04:56,815 --> 00:04:59,329
Ask Rodney to find out what's happening.
72
00:04:59,495 --> 00:05:02,532
I'm frightened of what the answer might be.
73
00:05:02,695 --> 00:05:06,529
The first flush of fatherhood has cooled.
He's back to his old ways.
74
00:05:06,695 --> 00:05:09,255
Down the pub and casino with his mates.
75
00:05:09,415 --> 00:05:12,088
Someone's coming. Talk to you soon. Bye.
76
00:05:14,015 --> 00:05:18,213
- He's dropped beans on the carpet.
- Why don't YOU wipe them up?
77
00:05:18,375 --> 00:05:21,685
Me?! Let the old git wipe 'em up himself!
78
00:05:21,855 --> 00:05:23,971
Oh, Albert.
79
00:05:24,935 --> 00:05:28,530
- Have you spoken to Cassandra recently?
- No.
80
00:05:28,695 --> 00:05:32,608
When you do, find out if anything's wrong
between her and Rodders.
81
00:05:32,775 --> 00:05:35,084
Don't interfere in their lives, Del.
82
00:05:35,255 --> 00:05:40,329
He's my brother. I've got a right to interfere.
If there's a problem, I want to help.
83
00:05:40,495 --> 00:05:43,407
Oh, God! That is the best yet!
84
00:05:44,055 --> 00:05:46,694
Time for your wash.
85
00:05:48,055 --> 00:05:50,250
Not you, Albert!
86
00:05:50,415 --> 00:05:53,805
If you're doing this to annoy me, it's not working.
87
00:05:57,255 --> 00:06:00,213
Makes you wonder if it's all worthwhile.
88
00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:03,048
- If you say so, son.
- I do...
89
00:06:04,215 --> 00:06:07,252
The mucky old sod!
90
00:06:07,415 --> 00:06:10,213
I picked this up at the library yesterday.
91
00:06:10,375 --> 00:06:14,254
- "Relate."
- The new word for Marriage Guidance.
92
00:06:14,415 --> 00:06:17,851
- Is it any good to you?
- Thanks very much, Unc.
93
00:06:18,015 --> 00:06:20,813
It's just the thing I'm looking for.
94
00:06:25,895 --> 00:06:29,490
I'm just going to make a private phone call.
95
00:06:39,255 --> 00:06:41,485
(LIFT BELL DINGS)
96
00:06:52,775 --> 00:06:55,335
(PHONE RINGS)
97
00:06:57,455 --> 00:07:00,765
- Hello?
- Hello. Cassandra?
98
00:07:00,935 --> 00:07:04,007
- It's Del Boy. How are you?
- I'm fine, thanks.
99
00:07:04,175 --> 00:07:09,374
Cushti. Look, Cassandra,
I don't want to interfere or anything like that,
100
00:07:09,535 --> 00:07:12,811
but I'm a little bit worried about young Rodders.
101
00:07:12,975 --> 00:07:17,526
He's not his old self.
I wondered if I could do anything to help.
102
00:07:17,695 --> 00:07:22,371
Look, if you must know, Del,
Rodney and I are trying for a baby.
103
00:07:22,535 --> 00:07:25,447
(SHE PANTS HEAVILY)
104
00:07:30,335 --> 00:07:32,644
I'll get off the phone, then!
105
00:07:34,375 --> 00:07:37,094
No, not right now!
106
00:07:37,855 --> 00:07:41,894
Rodney's not even here! He left half an hour ago.
107
00:07:42,055 --> 00:07:46,014
Blimey! He left half an hour ago
and you're still panting?!
108
00:07:46,815 --> 00:07:49,648
I'm in the middle of my exercises!
109
00:07:50,815 --> 00:07:55,570
Oh, your exercises! I thought that you were...
Never mind what I thought.
110
00:07:55,735 --> 00:08:00,889
But, um... I can't help you
unless you let me know what is happening.
111
00:08:01,055 --> 00:08:02,932
Oh, God!
112
00:08:04,015 --> 00:08:05,767
- All right?
- Yeah.
113
00:08:05,935 --> 00:08:08,813
- Where is everyone?
- Raquel's seeing to the little 'un.
114
00:08:08,975 --> 00:08:12,684
- Del's in the kitchen making a private call.
- Who to?
115
00:08:12,855 --> 00:08:16,245
- I think it's Marriage Guidance.
- They aren't married.
116
00:08:16,415 --> 00:08:20,806
No, but they row, don't they?
I'll make you a new pot of tea, son.
117
00:08:20,975 --> 00:08:22,454
Cheers.
118
00:08:22,615 --> 00:08:29,612
(DEL) You see the thing is, a man -
any man - can, in fact, lose his drive.
119
00:08:32,375 --> 00:08:34,969
Rodney hasn't lost his drive.
120
00:08:35,135 --> 00:08:37,569
No, I'm not saying that IS happening.
121
00:08:37,735 --> 00:08:41,887
All I'm saying is that a man -
you know, any man -
122
00:08:42,055 --> 00:08:46,094
can, well, you know, lose his oomph.
123
00:08:48,255 --> 00:08:52,009
Naturally, the woman becomes
frustrated and disappointed.
124
00:08:52,175 --> 00:08:55,292
But that's not necessarily the man's fault.
125
00:08:57,215 --> 00:09:00,252
- Oh! Morning, Raquel.
- Morning.
126
00:09:00,415 --> 00:09:02,406
- Where's Del?
- On the phone.
127
00:09:02,575 --> 00:09:04,964
- Who to?
- Don't know.
128
00:09:05,135 --> 00:09:07,444
So, how's life treating you?
129
00:09:07,615 --> 00:09:11,767
How's life treating me?
You mean besides him coming in at all hours,
130
00:09:11,935 --> 00:09:15,405
spending his time down the pub
and wasting money in the casino?
131
00:09:15,575 --> 00:09:16,974
Yeah.
132
00:09:17,895 --> 00:09:21,126
I'll give you an example of how life's treating me.
133
00:09:21,295 --> 00:09:24,332
- Have you seen inside my wardrobe?
- No.
134
00:09:24,495 --> 00:09:29,694
Well, the only time my clothes look fashionable
is when I watch UK Gold.
135
00:09:31,335 --> 00:09:36,568
A short while ago, Del mentioned
he had a contact in the rag trade.
136
00:09:36,735 --> 00:09:41,286
This fella could get the very latest
in fashion and top designer labels.
137
00:09:41,455 --> 00:09:46,609
Christmas was approaching.
Del asked me what I'd like. "Anything you want."
138
00:09:46,775 --> 00:09:51,132
So I said I wouldn't mind
a little number by Bruce Oldfield.
139
00:09:56,255 --> 00:09:59,008
He got me "Tubular Bells".
140
00:09:59,175 --> 00:10:01,643
- That's Mike Oldfield.
- I know!
141
00:10:01,815 --> 00:10:06,127
Listen, all you've gotta do,
sweetheart, is just take your time.
142
00:10:06,295 --> 00:10:11,767
Just take your time and you'll have
a lovely, healthy baby just like my Damien.
143
00:10:11,935 --> 00:10:15,086
Nine pounds, he was, you know. Yeah.
144
00:10:15,255 --> 00:10:18,292
I remember the day that he was born.
145
00:10:18,455 --> 00:10:23,734
Me and Raquel haven't given up hope
of doing it again some time.
146
00:10:24,415 --> 00:10:29,933
- What's a baby's weight got to do with it?
- No, it doesn't matter how big it is!
147
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:35,371
- Who are you talking to?
- Cassandra.
148
00:10:38,135 --> 00:10:42,128
- Get off that phone!
- Morning, Rodders.
149
00:10:42,295 --> 00:10:45,765
Cassandra, why are you discussing
our private life with him?
150
00:10:45,935 --> 00:10:48,927
This'll be all over the Nag's Head by dinner time!
151
00:10:49,935 --> 00:10:53,894
- That's the thanks I get.
- I thought you'd be used to it by now!
152
00:11:03,295 --> 00:11:07,971
(DEL) They haven't cleared this place up yet.
(RODNEY) There's no point.
153
00:11:08,135 --> 00:11:11,650
They're expecting another riot.
Anything could set it off.
154
00:11:11,815 --> 00:11:16,093
They're thinking of twinning
this place with Jurassic Park!
155
00:11:17,095 --> 00:11:20,485
- Ow! Bloody 'ell.
- You wanna go somewhere with that.
156
00:11:20,655 --> 00:11:24,773
I go everywhere with it, don't I?
It's stuck in me bloody head.
157
00:11:24,935 --> 00:11:28,132
- I meant the dentist's.
- Yes, I will.
158
00:11:30,695 --> 00:11:34,893
- Can I switch the radio on?
- Yeah, go on, if you like.
159
00:11:35,055 --> 00:11:38,172
(MUSIC: "ONE VOICE")
160
00:11:38,335 --> 00:11:40,212
# That started on its own
161
00:11:40,375 --> 00:11:43,128
# We need just one voice... #
162
00:11:43,295 --> 00:11:46,970
- This is Raquel's most favourite number.
- Yeah?
163
00:11:47,135 --> 00:11:49,695
Can I switch it off?
164
00:11:49,855 --> 00:11:52,210
No! Leave it.
165
00:11:55,695 --> 00:12:00,610
Every time I hear this number,
it always reminds me of my Raquel.
166
00:12:01,495 --> 00:12:03,690
Yeah, switch it off.
167
00:12:06,055 --> 00:12:09,570
There you go, Denzil.
One bowl of piping hot porridge.
168
00:12:09,735 --> 00:12:13,284
- That'll warm you up on a cold morning.
- Cheers, Sid.
169
00:12:13,455 --> 00:12:16,765
- There's a hair in this.
- Give us it here.
170
00:12:18,695 --> 00:12:21,334
There's another one.
171
00:12:22,735 --> 00:12:24,487
Hang on.
172
00:12:25,455 --> 00:12:30,483
That's disgusting. If the health authority saw this,
they'd close you down.
173
00:12:30,655 --> 00:12:34,011
I've been closed down for a lot worse than that!
174
00:12:34,175 --> 00:12:36,530
- I hate politically correct people.
- Yeah.
175
00:12:36,695 --> 00:12:41,086
- What are you having, Trig?
- I'll try some of that porridge.
176
00:12:44,295 --> 00:12:47,492
There's Denzil. Get me a cup of tea, will you?
177
00:12:48,495 --> 00:12:50,326
All right, Denz?
178
00:12:50,495 --> 00:12:53,692
- Two teas, Sid.
- All right, Dave?
179
00:12:54,655 --> 00:12:56,327
Yeah, all right, Trig.
180
00:12:56,495 --> 00:12:59,965
Don't have the porridge, Rodney.
I found hairs in mine.
181
00:13:00,135 --> 00:13:04,128
- It was only two hairs.
- That's enough, isn't it?
182
00:13:05,015 --> 00:13:07,893
Maybe there's a sporran in it!
183
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:11,809
- Got all your Christmas presents?
- No, not yet.
184
00:13:11,975 --> 00:13:15,490
- Damien wants a pet.
- The council don't allow pets.
185
00:13:15,655 --> 00:13:19,409
Only a little one, like a rabbit or a guinea pig.
186
00:13:19,575 --> 00:13:22,806
- How's it going, Del?
- Don't ask, Trig.
187
00:13:22,975 --> 00:13:25,535
- Things the same?
- Still giving me strife.
188
00:13:25,695 --> 00:13:30,166
- It's a bitch, innit?
- That's stronging it a bit, Trig!
189
00:13:30,335 --> 00:13:32,451
You're too soft, Del.
190
00:13:32,615 --> 00:13:35,083
I've been in the same boat as you.
191
00:13:35,255 --> 00:13:41,125
- And I got shot of it.
- It's not as simple as just get shut of it!
192
00:13:41,295 --> 00:13:45,413
Del loves... Well, a strong bond exists, doesn't it?
193
00:13:45,575 --> 00:13:49,773
- We've been together a long time.
- You'll just get more aggro.
194
00:13:49,935 --> 00:13:54,850
I know how you feel.
You become attached to 'em, give 'em pet names.
195
00:13:55,015 --> 00:13:58,485
Take my advice.
Get down the dentist and have it out.
196
00:14:00,455 --> 00:14:02,047
The tooth!
197
00:14:02,215 --> 00:14:07,653
It's best in the long run. Try my dentist.
He's good. I've been going for years.
198
00:14:07,815 --> 00:14:10,693
All right. I might try that, Trig.
199
00:14:10,855 --> 00:14:14,291
We were talking about Del and Raquel.
Are you still rowing?
200
00:14:14,455 --> 00:14:18,289
- He's never there to find out!
- No!
201
00:14:18,455 --> 00:14:21,845
She's still talking to me, unfortunately!
202
00:14:22,015 --> 00:14:25,451
I'll never understand
the workings of a woman's mind.
203
00:14:25,615 --> 00:14:29,494
I suppose that's why I gave up trying in the end.
204
00:14:29,655 --> 00:14:34,331
- Here, who was that bird I used to go out with?
- Which one?
205
00:14:34,495 --> 00:14:37,089
Ooh, what was her name?
206
00:14:38,895 --> 00:14:41,011
- What did she look like?
- Redhead.
207
00:14:41,175 --> 00:14:44,850
- One of the redheads. Pauline?
- No.
208
00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:46,687
- Veronique?
- No.
209
00:14:46,855 --> 00:14:48,811
- Janine?
- Her?!
210
00:14:48,975 --> 00:14:51,409
- Marian?
- Who's Marian?
211
00:14:51,575 --> 00:14:55,966
You met her at Catford dog track.
You bought her a ring.
212
00:14:56,615 --> 00:15:01,928
Oh, yeah! No, not her. The one
I'm thinking about, her dad was a tattooist.
213
00:15:02,095 --> 00:15:08,091
She had this tattoo of a heart
with a dagger going through it on her thigh.
214
00:15:08,255 --> 00:15:12,851
- Don't ring a bell.
- You would have only been about two!
215
00:15:13,015 --> 00:15:17,133
She worked in a betting shop
down Lewisham Grove.
216
00:15:17,295 --> 00:15:19,889
- Betting shop...
- Down Lewisham Grove.
217
00:15:20,055 --> 00:15:22,125
Look, it don't matter.
218
00:15:22,295 --> 00:15:27,050
I went out with her for about...
Must have been a month.
219
00:15:27,215 --> 00:15:32,414
Actually, she was going steady
with another bloke. Made it more exciting.
220
00:15:32,575 --> 00:15:37,251
She was a sporting girl, a good all-rounder.
Know what I mean?
221
00:15:38,855 --> 00:15:42,530
I'd saved up me money to take her on holiday.
222
00:15:42,695 --> 00:15:46,085
It was gonna be exotic, the holiday of a lifetime.
223
00:15:46,255 --> 00:15:50,885
When all of a sudden, right out the blue,
for no reason, she packed me in.
224
00:15:51,055 --> 00:15:53,205
And yet the night before,
225
00:15:53,375 --> 00:15:58,051
I had taken her home to meet my mum and dad
for the first time.
226
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:07,923
So next day I went down
the betting shop to have a chat with her
227
00:16:08,095 --> 00:16:10,245
and they said she weren't there.
228
00:16:10,415 --> 00:16:15,045
But I knew she was because I saw
her crash helmet hanging on the hook.
229
00:16:15,215 --> 00:16:17,729
You know where I found her?
230
00:16:17,895 --> 00:16:21,774
She was hiding on the roof.
She said she was sunbathing.
231
00:16:21,935 --> 00:16:26,725
- Maybe she was sunbathing.
- It was a sloping roof.
232
00:16:26,895 --> 00:16:32,652
There she was with her back against the tiles
and her stilettos jammed in the gutter.
233
00:16:34,935 --> 00:16:37,733
She nearly fell off twice.
234
00:16:37,895 --> 00:16:42,491
Anyway, that was that.
Cor blimey, what was her name?
235
00:16:45,135 --> 00:16:48,411
Did you get your money back on the holiday?
236
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:52,124
No. You know what these caravan sites are like!
237
00:17:15,815 --> 00:17:20,047
- Del Boy.
- Rodders! What are you doing here?
238
00:17:20,215 --> 00:17:24,447
I had a couple of hours to kill,
so I said to Cass I'd pop down and see Del.
239
00:17:24,615 --> 00:17:28,369
'Ere, Miguel. Lager-top, please.
240
00:17:29,375 --> 00:17:35,132
- You're drinking a lot of Scotch these days.
- It's the only thing that dulls the pain.
241
00:17:35,295 --> 00:17:40,449
Talk to her, Del. There's nothing
that can't be sorted by talking it out.
242
00:17:40,615 --> 00:17:43,413
Not Raquel! I mean my bloody tooth!
243
00:17:43,575 --> 00:17:47,011
- Well, go to the dentist.
- I don't like dentists.
244
00:17:47,175 --> 00:17:50,451
- Then get septicaemia!
- Shut up moaning, will ya?
245
00:17:50,615 --> 00:17:53,925
I'm psyching myself up for the game
and you lecture me.
246
00:17:54,095 --> 00:17:57,610
It's like playing poker with Neil Kinnock!
247
00:17:57,775 --> 00:17:59,288
Here you are.
248
00:17:59,455 --> 00:18:03,892
- Del Boy. Rodney.
- How's it going, Boycie?
249
00:18:04,055 --> 00:18:08,048
Life is one long, uphill struggle
at the moment, Derek.
250
00:18:08,215 --> 00:18:13,005
The second-hand car business is
in its biggest slump since... the last one.
251
00:18:13,175 --> 00:18:17,214
Me and Marlene could only afford
one week in Barbados this year.
252
00:18:17,375 --> 00:18:22,972
Oh, that's terrible, innit? Don't go on about it.
You know how easy I cry!
253
00:18:23,135 --> 00:18:27,174
- We'll have to hold a whip for him.
- Can I count the lashes?
254
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:33,933
I happen to believe everyone has the right
to expect a certain standard of living.
255
00:18:34,095 --> 00:18:37,087
It's all right for you
coming from that council estate.
256
00:18:37,255 --> 00:18:40,247
Sometimes I almost envy you.
257
00:18:40,415 --> 00:18:45,364
Not often, I must admit.
Especially with all the problems you've got.
258
00:18:45,535 --> 00:18:49,653
We ain't got no problems. Raquel and I
are just going through a sticky patch.
259
00:18:49,815 --> 00:18:54,013
When I mentioned problems,
I was referring to that riot the other night.
260
00:18:54,175 --> 00:18:59,727
I hear they went through the estate
looking for any half-decent car, then set fire to it.
261
00:18:59,895 --> 00:19:02,887
Your three-wheel van all right, was it?
262
00:19:03,055 --> 00:19:06,252
Yes, thank you. They didn't lay a finger on it.
263
00:19:06,415 --> 00:19:09,009
That's a godsend, at least (!)
264
00:19:09,175 --> 00:19:12,167
Only 'cause I know the leader of the rioters.
265
00:19:12,335 --> 00:19:16,533
Terrible, innit? The way they set fire
to their own people's property
266
00:19:16,695 --> 00:19:19,767
when there's a big car site just up the road.
267
00:19:19,935 --> 00:19:23,894
- That's Boycie's car site, Derek.
- Is it?
268
00:19:24,055 --> 00:19:27,889
Let's hope someone does not suggest
that to the rioters.
269
00:19:28,055 --> 00:19:31,650
Er... Miguel, can you get my friends a drink?
270
00:19:31,815 --> 00:19:34,488
Same again. Put it on my account.
271
00:19:34,655 --> 00:19:37,453
Well, I must be off. Lots of luck!
272
00:19:37,615 --> 00:19:39,765
Cheers, Boycie.
273
00:19:41,335 --> 00:19:42,893
Miguel.
274
00:19:49,095 --> 00:19:52,087
- Cor blimey!
- Eh?
275
00:19:53,855 --> 00:19:57,848
I dunno about my teeth.
I think my eyes need testing.
276
00:20:00,575 --> 00:20:06,013
I turned round a bit quick then and I thought
Right Said Fred had just walked in!
277
00:20:15,495 --> 00:20:16,894
- Good night.
- Good night.
278
00:20:17,055 --> 00:20:21,128
("CRIMEWATCH" THEME TUNE PLAYS)
279
00:20:30,695 --> 00:20:34,449
- Aren't you gonna have a bet?
- No! It's a mug's game!
280
00:20:34,615 --> 00:20:38,164
The only one who wins is the casino owner.
281
00:20:40,135 --> 00:20:43,844
- Sorry, what were you saying?
- So you were lucky.
282
00:20:44,015 --> 00:20:47,530
- You've won. So let's go home.
- No, I'm on a roll.
283
00:20:47,695 --> 00:20:50,050
I'll play the evens.
284
00:20:50,215 --> 00:20:53,685
Will you spare one moment's thought for Raquel?
285
00:20:53,855 --> 00:20:57,973
Who do you think I'm doing this for?
For her and Damien.
286
00:20:58,135 --> 00:21:01,730
I couldn't say before because
I didn't want word to get out.
287
00:21:01,895 --> 00:21:05,285
I'm trying to put down a big deal
with Ronnie Nelson.
288
00:21:05,975 --> 00:21:08,933
So why are you at this club most nights?
289
00:21:09,095 --> 00:21:12,212
He owns it! He don't come in
before one in the morning.
290
00:21:12,375 --> 00:21:18,371
I've gotta hang about to have a word with him.
I can't let this deal slip through my fingers.
291
00:21:18,535 --> 00:21:22,972
Tell you what it is.
It's 650 hand-held camcorders.
292
00:21:24,575 --> 00:21:28,807
- Made in Russia.
- Russian camcorders?!
293
00:21:28,975 --> 00:21:32,968
I didn't think they went in
for all that "You've Been Framed" cobblers.
294
00:21:33,135 --> 00:21:36,252
No, these are ex-military with night-vision.
295
00:21:36,415 --> 00:21:41,170
We're going to buy
650 Russian army camcorders?
296
00:21:41,335 --> 00:21:43,769
Yeah, with a bit of luck.
297
00:21:43,935 --> 00:21:45,607
895 quid.
298
00:21:45,775 --> 00:21:49,290
You're gonna pay P895 for a camera?
299
00:21:49,455 --> 00:21:52,333
No, no, no, no. 895 quid for the lot!
300
00:21:54,055 --> 00:21:58,287
- They sound very classy (!)
- State of the art.
301
00:21:58,455 --> 00:22:00,127
(CROUPIER) 30 red.
302
00:22:01,455 --> 00:22:04,492
- Aren't you gonna have a bet?
- No.
303
00:22:04,655 --> 00:22:07,488
Try and look at it from Raquel's point of view.
304
00:22:07,655 --> 00:22:11,933
She's there night after night
with Horatio and his tales of the sea
305
00:22:12,095 --> 00:22:14,165
and you're here drinking and gambling.
306
00:22:14,335 --> 00:22:17,452
- I know. And does she appreciate it?
- No!
307
00:22:17,615 --> 00:22:20,652
No, she does not.
308
00:22:20,815 --> 00:22:24,967
Honestly! She thinks I'm out
every night enjoying myself.
309
00:22:25,135 --> 00:22:28,411
Excuse me, darling. Same again, please.
310
00:22:28,575 --> 00:22:33,251
That's the trouble with women.
They change and expect you to change, too.
311
00:22:33,415 --> 00:22:36,691
She wanted me to become
a pipe-and-slippers man.
312
00:22:36,855 --> 00:22:40,325
A cup of tea and a biscuit,
watching "Family Fortunes".
313
00:22:40,495 --> 00:22:43,089
Stuff that for a game of toy soldiers!
314
00:22:43,255 --> 00:22:47,089
I'm not averse to a cup of Darjeeling
and an 'Obnob,
315
00:22:47,255 --> 00:22:49,769
but there is a time and place for it.
316
00:22:49,935 --> 00:22:52,813
No, I live life on the tightrope.
317
00:22:53,735 --> 00:22:57,694
I enjoy the company of me mates.
Why should I change just 'cause of Raquel?
318
00:22:57,855 --> 00:23:01,734
Who are your mates, Del?
Boycie, the freemason.
319
00:23:01,895 --> 00:23:05,729
A snob who thinks anyone who's got
a pound less than him is a peasant.
320
00:23:05,895 --> 00:23:09,524
Denzil is a man who eats porridge with a wig in it,
321
00:23:09,695 --> 00:23:14,325
and Trigger, a road sweeper
who gives pet names to his teeth!
322
00:23:16,015 --> 00:23:18,734
They're still me mates.
323
00:23:18,895 --> 00:23:21,204
I'm not like you, Rodders.
324
00:23:21,375 --> 00:23:25,163
- Del Boy is not for turning.
- What's that supposed to mean?
325
00:23:25,335 --> 00:23:28,372
- Marriage ain't changed me.
- It has, Rodney.
326
00:23:28,535 --> 00:23:33,529
Cassandra's into this conservation malarkey
and so is Rodney as well.
327
00:23:33,695 --> 00:23:38,610
I have not changed, Del.
When I make my mind up, nothing can alter it.
328
00:23:38,775 --> 00:23:42,563
- 140 pieces, sir. Thank you.
- We'll stick with evens.
329
00:23:43,655 --> 00:23:46,044
I'm gonna go and get some chips.
330
00:23:57,935 --> 00:24:00,768
Come on! Red, red, red!
331
00:24:01,775 --> 00:24:05,848
Excuse me, Del. I'm afraid
Ronnie won't be in now. I'll leave a message.
332
00:24:06,015 --> 00:24:08,131
Oh, all right. Thanks.
333
00:24:15,095 --> 00:24:19,566
- Come on, Rodney. Let's go home.
- The ball ain't landed yet.
334
00:24:20,655 --> 00:24:22,646
(CROUPIER) 17 Black.
335
00:24:22,815 --> 00:24:24,294
Shit!
336
00:24:24,455 --> 00:24:26,923
Oi! How much did you lose?
337
00:24:27,815 --> 00:24:31,444
- Fifty.
- You plonker!
338
00:24:33,015 --> 00:24:36,690
I wouldn't have gambled
if you hadn't encouraged me.
339
00:24:36,855 --> 00:24:41,645
Don't blame me. What did you come in here for
if you didn't want a flutter?
340
00:24:41,815 --> 00:24:45,171
I'll tell you why. Cassandra suggested I come.
341
00:24:45,335 --> 00:24:48,645
- Why?
- To get you home at a decent hour.
342
00:24:48,815 --> 00:24:52,012
We are trying to save
your relationship with Raquel.
343
00:24:52,175 --> 00:24:56,453
You've been falling in half one,
two in the morning, and it is not on!
344
00:25:02,215 --> 00:25:07,084
It's eight o'clock in the morning!
This is all your fault, dopey!
345
00:25:07,255 --> 00:25:10,247
- Me?!
- Yes, you kept me talking in there!
346
00:25:10,415 --> 00:25:14,044
- Who was it doing all the gambling?
- You did your fair share.
347
00:25:14,215 --> 00:25:19,289
Cor blimey, I could have been home hours ago.
You've dropped me in it!
348
00:25:20,255 --> 00:25:23,133
Look, we've gotta be down the market
in half an hour!
349
00:25:23,295 --> 00:25:26,173
Listen, I know what you're thinking!
350
00:25:26,335 --> 00:25:30,010
You're thinking,
"What do I want with this ski equipment?
351
00:25:30,175 --> 00:25:32,484
"There ain't no mountains in Peckham."
352
00:25:32,655 --> 00:25:37,365
In a few months,
you may decide to take an Alpine holiday.
353
00:25:37,535 --> 00:25:41,323
Due to my unique style of bulk buying,
354
00:25:41,495 --> 00:25:47,730
you can go togged out in the latest fashion
at bargain-basement prices.
355
00:25:47,895 --> 00:25:51,012
I'm gonna show you how stylish this gear is.
356
00:25:51,175 --> 00:25:53,928
It's being modelled by my brother, Rodney.
357
00:25:59,095 --> 00:26:03,373
The jacket is padded in pure fibreglass
358
00:26:03,535 --> 00:26:06,607
and quilted in natural nylon.
359
00:26:06,775 --> 00:26:11,371
This jacket alone would set you back
120 quid at Lilywhites,
360
00:26:11,535 --> 00:26:16,848
but this can be yours for a mere P35
and it comes in all sizes.
361
00:26:17,015 --> 00:26:23,250
All this is manufactured by the one country
that leads the world in Alpine clothing,
362
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:25,326
namely, Fiji.
363
00:26:25,495 --> 00:26:27,645
(MOBILE RINGS)
364
00:26:27,815 --> 00:26:34,050
Just a moment. This is probably the Austrian
Olympic squad wanting to increase their order.
365
00:26:34,215 --> 00:26:38,845
Hello? Trotters Independent Traders plc,
Arctic clothing department.
366
00:26:39,015 --> 00:26:40,767
All right, Dave?
367
00:26:42,655 --> 00:26:45,089
Rodney, it's Cassandra.
368
00:26:47,455 --> 00:26:51,209
Cass? I told you never to phone me at work. I'm...
369
00:26:52,175 --> 00:26:53,574
What?
370
00:26:54,375 --> 00:26:56,366
What, now?
371
00:26:57,575 --> 00:26:59,531
I can't. I'm in the midd...
372
00:27:00,975 --> 00:27:03,648
Yes, all right.
373
00:27:05,575 --> 00:27:08,248
I've gotta shoot off. Cassie needs me.
374
00:27:08,415 --> 00:27:10,087
What for?
375
00:27:11,055 --> 00:27:16,004
- It's probably the right time.
- She'll keep till this evening!
376
00:27:16,175 --> 00:27:18,530
No, it's... You know...
377
00:27:21,055 --> 00:27:24,570
She's most probably at the right temperature.
378
00:27:24,735 --> 00:27:29,570
Stone me, Rodney! What are you two
trying for - a baby or a barbecue?
379
00:27:32,055 --> 00:27:36,367
Go on! Hurry up!
Don't you wanna change your clothes?
380
00:27:38,055 --> 00:27:40,649
Oh! Look at that!
381
00:27:41,935 --> 00:27:43,926
Cass, I'm home!
382
00:27:44,095 --> 00:27:48,088
- I'm in here, Roddy.
- Right. I won't be a minute.
383
00:28:01,255 --> 00:28:04,486
Sorry about that, Raquel. I was... I was hot.
384
00:28:06,655 --> 00:28:08,964
- What are you doing here?
- She's left Del.
385
00:28:09,135 --> 00:28:12,207
- Why?
- Do you know what time he got in?
386
00:28:13,975 --> 00:28:16,535
- No.
- Quarter past eight.
387
00:28:19,215 --> 00:28:20,694
Get away!
388
00:28:20,855 --> 00:28:25,883
He changed and went straight down the market.
Didn't even stop for his tea.
389
00:28:26,055 --> 00:28:29,206
He's not treating me like that any more.
390
00:28:29,375 --> 00:28:34,574
Look at it from his point of view.
There are extenuating circumstances.
391
00:28:34,735 --> 00:28:36,566
Like what?
392
00:28:36,735 --> 00:28:39,010
He's having trouble with his teeth.
393
00:28:39,175 --> 00:28:42,292
- That's no excuse!
- No, but he is in pain.
394
00:28:42,455 --> 00:28:44,366
So am I, Rodney!
395
00:28:44,535 --> 00:28:48,414
- Where are you gonna go?
- I said they could stay here.
396
00:28:48,575 --> 00:28:52,488
- Here? But this is a one-bedroom flat.
- This is a sofa bed.
397
00:28:52,655 --> 00:28:57,285
I won't be here for long.
A couple of nights. Is that OK with you?
398
00:28:57,455 --> 00:28:59,605
Yeah, course.
399
00:28:59,775 --> 00:29:02,573
Good. I'll make us a cup of something.
400
00:29:03,735 --> 00:29:05,930
I'll help.
401
00:29:19,575 --> 00:29:23,090
(SPOOKY MUSIC FROM "THE OMEN")
402
00:29:27,135 --> 00:29:30,332
Here we go, gentlemen. Drinks.
403
00:29:30,495 --> 00:29:33,168
Is that right, Del? Just a lemonade for you?
404
00:29:33,335 --> 00:29:38,409
Yeah. I'm visiting Trig's dentist later.
I don't want to smell of booze.
405
00:29:38,575 --> 00:29:42,045
Are you and Raquel still at pistols drawn?
406
00:29:42,215 --> 00:29:44,854
Yeah. Still involved in a cold war.
407
00:29:45,015 --> 00:29:49,805
I'm gonna live my life the way I wanna live it.
Give her time. She'll learn.
408
00:29:49,975 --> 00:29:53,331
That's exactly the attitude I took with my Corinne.
409
00:29:53,495 --> 00:29:57,124
Even when she left me I refused to change.
410
00:29:57,295 --> 00:30:00,412
Seven years ago, but I haven't changed.
411
00:30:00,575 --> 00:30:03,294
But there is a difference, Denzil.
412
00:30:03,455 --> 00:30:07,494
Raquel would never leave me.
It's the real deep love thing.
413
00:30:07,655 --> 00:30:10,408
Women are a mystery, though.
414
00:30:10,575 --> 00:30:13,408
What? Here's a mystery for you.
415
00:30:13,575 --> 00:30:18,330
Why is it women always wanna know
what time you got in?
416
00:30:18,495 --> 00:30:22,488
They say, "What time did you get in last night?"
You say, "About 12.15."
417
00:30:22,655 --> 00:30:25,772
They say, "No, you didn't! It was twenty to two!"
418
00:30:25,935 --> 00:30:28,574
I'm thinking, "Well, why bloody ask!"
419
00:30:28,735 --> 00:30:33,092
Right, why ask? It's like saying to you,
"What's that on the telly -
420
00:30:33,255 --> 00:30:36,452
"Coronation Street" or "EastEnders"?"
You say, "EastEnders."
421
00:30:36,615 --> 00:30:39,732
They say, "It's"Coronation Street"."
Why ask?
422
00:30:39,895 --> 00:30:42,250
- Why ask?
- Beats me!
423
00:30:42,415 --> 00:30:46,374
I came home one night and my missus said,
"Where are you living now?"
424
00:30:46,535 --> 00:30:50,767
I said, "Here." She said, "You ain't",
and threw me suitcase at me.
425
00:30:50,935 --> 00:30:52,846
(ALL) Why ask?
426
00:30:53,015 --> 00:30:55,210
Why ask?
427
00:30:58,935 --> 00:31:03,725
That's women for you. They're a different breed.
Take my Marlene.
428
00:31:03,895 --> 00:31:07,331
She's always moaning
about how I don't respect her.
429
00:31:07,495 --> 00:31:10,293
Me? Don't respect me own wife?
430
00:31:10,455 --> 00:31:12,764
Daft old mare!
431
00:31:13,615 --> 00:31:20,168
I love her, but sometimes I think getting married
was the worst mistake I ever made.
432
00:31:20,335 --> 00:31:24,374
I sometimes think back
to when we first met in Lewisham Grove.
433
00:31:24,535 --> 00:31:28,574
I wish I'd never, ever walked
into that betting shop now.
434
00:31:29,655 --> 00:31:32,647
(DEL MOUTHS) Marlene!
435
00:31:35,535 --> 00:31:37,844
- So that's who you...
- Trigger!
436
00:31:38,935 --> 00:31:43,053
- What?
- I just remembered something very important.
437
00:31:43,215 --> 00:31:44,887
- What?
- It's gone now.
438
00:31:45,055 --> 00:31:48,684
That's all right. It happens to me all the time.
439
00:31:49,815 --> 00:31:55,048
I was just gonna say something
important to Del and it's gone now.
440
00:31:56,015 --> 00:31:58,768
- So how did it turn out, Mike?
- Eh?
441
00:32:01,255 --> 00:32:04,247
"Coronation Street" or "EastEnders"?
442
00:32:05,375 --> 00:32:09,812
As long as it weren't "El Dorado",
we can all sleep easy!
443
00:32:11,695 --> 00:32:14,528
- All right, Unc? Any messages for me?
- Yeah, er...
444
00:32:14,695 --> 00:32:17,687
That bloke phoned about the video cameras.
445
00:32:17,855 --> 00:32:21,734
Someone come round
moaning about a pair of ski pants.
446
00:32:21,895 --> 00:32:24,045
And Raquel's left you.
447
00:32:27,455 --> 00:32:29,650
I just don't believe it, Rodney!
448
00:32:29,815 --> 00:32:33,694
I have never had a woman
walk out on me like that.
449
00:32:33,855 --> 00:32:35,527
- You have.
- Who?
450
00:32:35,695 --> 00:32:38,129
All of 'em!
451
00:32:38,295 --> 00:32:41,651
Yeah, but they didn't have my child
with them, did they?
452
00:32:43,495 --> 00:32:48,489
Look, Del, I feel a bit embarrassed
about Raquel staying at the flat,
453
00:32:48,655 --> 00:32:51,294
but I couldn't refuse, could I?
454
00:32:51,455 --> 00:32:56,131
Course not, bruv.
You couldn't see 'em turned out on the street.
455
00:32:56,295 --> 00:32:59,014
I'll see you're all right for some money.
456
00:32:59,175 --> 00:33:03,168
- Don't be silly.
- No, I appreciate what you're doing.
457
00:33:03,335 --> 00:33:09,046
I reckon all it would take is one phone call
and you two'd be back together in no time.
458
00:33:09,215 --> 00:33:11,604
It'll just take one word - "Sorry."
459
00:33:17,695 --> 00:33:23,292
You're right. Get her to phone me
and apologise and I'll forget about it.
460
00:33:23,455 --> 00:33:27,004
- I was talking about you!
- Me?! What have I done?
461
00:33:27,175 --> 00:33:31,407
Raquel hardly ever sees you!
You treat that flat like a lodging house.
462
00:33:31,575 --> 00:33:36,774
She told me you walked into the bedroom
and Damien thought you was an intruder!
463
00:33:36,935 --> 00:33:39,654
That is a load of rubbish, that is!
464
00:33:39,815 --> 00:33:44,047
I've been under a lot of stress
with business deals and all that.
465
00:33:44,215 --> 00:33:49,573
I said, "Del's been under a lot of pressure
with business and his teeth going manky."
466
00:33:49,735 --> 00:33:54,286
Exactly. My teeth are not going manky!
They just need looking at.
467
00:33:54,455 --> 00:33:57,015
Well, go and have 'em looked at, then!
468
00:33:57,175 --> 00:34:00,133
- I don't like dentists.
- It's like the Milky Bar kid.
469
00:34:00,295 --> 00:34:05,813
Tell you what, we'll go down to Ronnie Nelson's
and pick up the cameras,
470
00:34:05,975 --> 00:34:08,205
then I'll go to the dentist's.
471
00:34:08,375 --> 00:34:13,688
No. You go to the dentist now
and then we'll pick up the cameras.
472
00:34:13,855 --> 00:34:16,369
Go on, get in there.
473
00:34:20,175 --> 00:34:23,326
Ain't you coming with me?
474
00:34:25,935 --> 00:34:27,368
No.
475
00:34:27,535 --> 00:34:30,333
I'm gonna have a kip in the van.
476
00:34:30,495 --> 00:34:33,487
Oi, Rodney, I'm gonna get you... Ow!
477
00:34:33,655 --> 00:34:34,974
Ooh!
478
00:34:38,975 --> 00:34:44,129
I'm sorry to interrupt.
Mrs Patel just rang to cancel her appointment.
479
00:34:44,295 --> 00:34:46,331
- Thank you, Beverley.
- Aghh!
480
00:34:46,495 --> 00:34:49,328
- That's the one.
- I know that!
481
00:34:49,495 --> 00:34:51,963
Help yourself to the, um...
482
00:34:52,135 --> 00:34:54,729
Mmm? Oh, ta.
483
00:35:00,415 --> 00:35:02,406
Very good.
484
00:35:05,575 --> 00:35:08,533
Do you have regular dental checks?
485
00:35:08,695 --> 00:35:11,971
Yes, Doctor. You can't be too careful
with the choppers.
486
00:35:12,655 --> 00:35:15,169
Who was the last dentist you saw?
487
00:35:15,335 --> 00:35:19,248
That would be Mr Owens -
had a surgery down Gandhi Avenue.
488
00:35:19,415 --> 00:35:25,888
Mr Owens? He died on the night
of the Queen's Silver Jubilee - 1977.
489
00:35:26,055 --> 00:35:28,444
Tragic, wasn't it?
490
00:35:28,615 --> 00:35:32,733
So you have a regular check-up every 16 years?
491
00:35:33,735 --> 00:35:37,967
- I think it's better in the long run, don't you?
- Yes. Yes.
492
00:35:38,775 --> 00:35:42,927
Afraid your tooth is beyond repair.
It'll have to come out.
493
00:35:43,095 --> 00:35:45,973
I'll make an appointment for next week.
494
00:35:46,135 --> 00:35:48,205
- I'll do it now.
- Now?
495
00:35:48,375 --> 00:35:51,094
Don't worry. You won't feel a thing.
496
00:35:52,015 --> 00:35:55,371
This will make one side of your face a bit numb.
497
00:35:55,535 --> 00:35:59,005
You see, the thing is, I'm in a bit of a hurry.
498
00:35:59,175 --> 00:36:01,166
It'll only take five minutes.
499
00:36:01,335 --> 00:36:05,010
- My brother's in the van.
- Just a little prick.
500
00:36:05,175 --> 00:36:07,211
You know him, do you?
501
00:36:20,295 --> 00:36:22,286
Aghhhh!
502
00:36:23,735 --> 00:36:26,203
There we are.
503
00:36:26,375 --> 00:36:31,574
If you'd like to sit in the waiting room
and give the anaesthetic time to work,
504
00:36:31,735 --> 00:36:34,329
I'll call you in five minutes.
505
00:36:34,495 --> 00:36:36,804
Thank you, Doctor.
506
00:36:38,775 --> 00:36:40,606
(BUZZER)
507
00:36:40,775 --> 00:36:43,494
Mrs Marshall. You can go through now.
508
00:36:50,815 --> 00:36:53,568
Gotta wait for this jollop to work.
509
00:36:53,735 --> 00:36:58,490
Doesn't take too long.
We could complete this form while you wait.
510
00:36:58,655 --> 00:37:02,648
It's just for new patients.
I've got most of your details.
511
00:37:02,815 --> 00:37:05,170
Now, let me see...
512
00:37:06,215 --> 00:37:10,572
- Next of kin?
- I'm only having me tooth out!
513
00:37:11,855 --> 00:37:14,608
It's just local health authority procedure.
514
00:37:15,815 --> 00:37:18,204
I ain't got no next of kin.
515
00:37:18,375 --> 00:37:21,572
- No one?
- There's my brother.
516
00:37:21,735 --> 00:37:24,374
- Have you got any dependents?
- My brother.
517
00:37:44,215 --> 00:37:46,729
- Any children?
- Yeah, I've got a son.
518
00:37:46,895 --> 00:37:48,886
That's better.
519
00:37:49,775 --> 00:37:53,165
It's Damien. Damien Derek Trotter.
520
00:37:53,335 --> 00:37:56,133
My daughter's got a little boy called that.
521
00:37:56,295 --> 00:37:58,251
Damien Derek Trotter?
522
00:37:58,415 --> 00:38:01,327
No, just Damien.
523
00:38:01,495 --> 00:38:04,055
You're having me on! You've got a grandson?
524
00:38:04,215 --> 00:38:06,968
- Yeah.
- Never!
525
00:38:07,135 --> 00:38:09,888
You must have had your daughter very young.
526
00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:14,173
I'd put you down as late twenties.
527
00:38:14,335 --> 00:38:16,451
Oh, get off!
528
00:38:16,615 --> 00:38:18,651
Honest. Straight up!
529
00:38:20,295 --> 00:38:23,571
- Is he your husband, is he?
- Mr Ellis?
530
00:38:23,735 --> 00:38:29,014
- No, I just work here.
- I thought it might be a family business.
531
00:38:29,175 --> 00:38:31,450
No, I'm divorced.
532
00:38:32,775 --> 00:38:36,927
- We broke up about nine years ago.
- Oh, really?
533
00:38:37,815 --> 00:38:42,172
'Cause my w..., er, partner, she left me.
534
00:38:42,335 --> 00:38:44,485
Oh, I'm sorry.
535
00:38:45,415 --> 00:38:49,772
People say time's a great healer.
But I'm not so sure.
536
00:38:49,935 --> 00:38:55,567
Even now I sometimes think about those days
and it still hurts, you know?
537
00:38:55,735 --> 00:39:02,288
- I know. I still get little pangs.
- When did your relationship break up?
538
00:39:02,455 --> 00:39:04,685
This morning.
539
00:39:04,855 --> 00:39:07,415
This morning?!
540
00:39:07,575 --> 00:39:12,854
Perhaps we ought to go out with each other
and cry on each other's shoulders.
541
00:39:13,015 --> 00:39:14,971
Del, there is a rat in the van!
542
00:39:16,615 --> 00:39:19,527
- You what?
- In the van! A rat!
543
00:39:19,695 --> 00:39:21,174
- A rat?
- In the van!
544
00:39:21,335 --> 00:39:23,485
What are you on about?
545
00:39:23,655 --> 00:39:27,170
I am trying to inform you
that there is a rat in the van.
546
00:39:27,335 --> 00:39:29,371
It's not a rat!
547
00:39:29,535 --> 00:39:32,288
It's a gerbil.
548
00:39:33,055 --> 00:39:36,206
All right. So there's a gerbil in the van!
549
00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:39,606
- I know. I got it for Christmas.
- For Christmas?!
550
00:39:43,215 --> 00:39:46,844
- For Damien?
- Yes, it's one of his presents!
551
00:39:47,015 --> 00:39:49,290
Gerry the gerbil.
552
00:39:49,455 --> 00:39:53,971
I had it in a cage in the van.
The door must have come open.
553
00:39:54,135 --> 00:39:57,650
- Go and put it back in the cage.
- Eh?
554
00:39:58,655 --> 00:40:02,648
Go and put the gerbil back in the cage!
555
00:40:07,415 --> 00:40:08,768
Right.
556
00:40:11,615 --> 00:40:13,924
Dependents! Huh!
557
00:40:14,095 --> 00:40:17,246
My boy wanted a pet for Christmas,
558
00:40:17,415 --> 00:40:20,134
so I got him Gerry the gerbil.
559
00:40:20,295 --> 00:40:22,934
- So what about it, Beverley?
- Sorry?
560
00:40:23,095 --> 00:40:26,485
You and me having a date.
561
00:40:26,655 --> 00:40:29,806
Well, it's very nice of you, but...
562
00:40:29,975 --> 00:40:36,653
Your relationship's only just broken up.
In a couple of days you could be back together.
563
00:40:36,815 --> 00:40:39,329
No, we won't. It's finished. Caput!
564
00:40:39,495 --> 00:40:42,931
There's no going back. I'm a free agent.
565
00:40:43,095 --> 00:40:46,246
- I go where I want, with whom I want.
- OK, then!
566
00:40:47,775 --> 00:40:51,814
Yeah. Lovely jubbly! You know it makes sense!
567
00:40:54,295 --> 00:40:58,004
Well, what about this evening? Eight o'clock?
568
00:40:58,175 --> 00:41:04,125
Take you out for a slap-up meal.
Steak, onion rings...
569
00:41:04,295 --> 00:41:06,286
Fine!
570
00:41:08,095 --> 00:41:12,805
That's where I live. And my phone number
in case anything goes wrong.
571
00:41:12,975 --> 00:41:16,285
- I'll shee you thish evening.
- What?
572
00:41:17,135 --> 00:41:21,333
Oh, sorry. The antisheptic's beginning to work.
573
00:41:21,495 --> 00:41:24,407
- He'll be with you in a minute.
- Hmm.
574
00:41:29,615 --> 00:41:32,288
I'll just, er, shit here.
575
00:41:50,815 --> 00:41:53,488
Are they the Russian cameras?
576
00:41:53,655 --> 00:41:59,412
No, this is a pair of Chelsea boots
with an elasticated gusset (!) Of course it is!
577
00:41:59,575 --> 00:42:00,974
All right?
578
00:42:01,135 --> 00:42:05,447
- How's your mouth, Del?
- Can't feel a thing. Brilliant dentist.
579
00:42:05,615 --> 00:42:10,325
- These are bigger than I imagined.
- They are a bit on the wide side.
580
00:42:10,495 --> 00:42:14,329
- You said they was hand-held.
- You're holding it in your hand.
581
00:42:14,495 --> 00:42:19,933
Only just. If you carried one round EuroDisney
you'd do your back in!
582
00:42:20,095 --> 00:42:23,929
That's good for you, Rodney.
It'll build your strength up.
583
00:42:24,095 --> 00:42:28,247
Save you a fortune on weights
and rowing machines and stuff.
584
00:42:28,415 --> 00:42:32,454
- I wonder what that writing says?
- "Reject", probably.
585
00:42:33,615 --> 00:42:37,574
These are not rejects. These are top of the range.
586
00:42:37,735 --> 00:42:40,044
Look at 'em. Solid, they are.
587
00:42:40,215 --> 00:42:45,164
No bits of plastic to break off.
The cassette is inside the camera.
588
00:42:45,335 --> 00:42:48,327
Don't muck about with them soppy little things.
589
00:42:48,495 --> 00:42:51,487
This was designed for tank warfare.
590
00:42:51,655 --> 00:42:56,445
Yes, can just see 'em now - "Number One,
fire a shot across his bow!"
591
00:42:57,895 --> 00:42:59,487
- Del?
- Yeah?
592
00:42:59,655 --> 00:43:03,091
They don't fit the machine.
593
00:43:03,255 --> 00:43:06,327
No, I know that. They're a different size.
594
00:43:06,495 --> 00:43:11,205
But that's no problem 'cause Ronnie's
got a consignment of Russian VCRs
595
00:43:11,375 --> 00:43:14,970
coming over next Tuesday from Volvograd.
596
00:43:15,135 --> 00:43:21,210
So if we find a mercenary who wants
to tape a tank battle to show the wife,
597
00:43:21,375 --> 00:43:23,684
he has to buy a Russian VCR and all?
598
00:43:23,855 --> 00:43:29,248
- I can't see 'em queuing for this!
- 95 quid, the set. Can't be bad.
599
00:43:29,415 --> 00:43:32,566
Think about it. We'll make money on this.
600
00:43:32,735 --> 00:43:37,172
All you do is fall on your arse
and Jeremy Beadle will give you a grand.
601
00:43:37,335 --> 00:43:40,566
- Going out, Del?
- Yes, I've got a date.
602
00:43:40,735 --> 00:43:43,044
- A date?
- Uh-huh.
603
00:43:43,215 --> 00:43:48,243
- What do you mean, a date?
- I met this woman down at the dentist's.
604
00:43:48,415 --> 00:43:51,646
- I'm taking her out for dinner.
- I don't believe this!
605
00:43:51,815 --> 00:43:54,249
Well, you surprise me, Del.
606
00:43:54,415 --> 00:43:59,364
Raquel and your baby are round the corner
and you're going out with some young bird.
607
00:43:59,535 --> 00:44:01,526
She's not a young bird.
608
00:44:01,695 --> 00:44:05,404
- She happens to be a grandmother.
- A grandmother?!
609
00:44:05,575 --> 00:44:09,124
Perhaps she'll bring her sister along for him!
610
00:44:11,575 --> 00:44:14,214
She is a very young grandmother.
611
00:44:14,375 --> 00:44:16,969
Tuh! Sister along for...
612
00:44:17,895 --> 00:44:22,764
Don't look at me like that, Rodney!
Raquel was the one who walked out on me.
613
00:44:28,855 --> 00:44:33,883
You don't know what it's like.
I'm not an island, Rodney.
614
00:44:34,055 --> 00:44:36,410
A man gets lonely.
615
00:44:36,575 --> 00:44:39,533
Raquel only left this morning!
616
00:44:40,455 --> 00:44:44,653
She's left you for longer periods
when she's been out shopping!
617
00:44:44,815 --> 00:44:47,170
- It's horrible here now.
- There's Albert.
618
00:44:47,335 --> 00:44:49,371
That's what I mean!
619
00:44:49,535 --> 00:44:53,528
Could you honestly cheat on Raquel?
Two-time the mother of your baby?
620
00:44:53,695 --> 00:44:57,768
Oh, bonnet de douche!
I'm only taking her to a Berni Inn!
621
00:44:57,935 --> 00:45:00,449
That can lead to other things.
622
00:45:00,615 --> 00:45:04,369
Yeah. Next week, I'll take her to a Spud-U-Like!
623
00:45:04,535 --> 00:45:06,844
You know what I mean.
624
00:45:07,015 --> 00:45:11,406
Did you know that Raquel was crying
this afternoon?
625
00:45:12,735 --> 00:45:14,214
- Crying?
- Yeah.
626
00:45:14,375 --> 00:45:17,128
Sat on our sofa
crying her eyes out 'cause of you.
627
00:45:19,215 --> 00:45:21,251
Poor cow!
628
00:45:21,415 --> 00:45:23,406
That's what I thought.
629
00:45:23,575 --> 00:45:27,124
I'll see you later. Do enjoy your steak, Derek.
630
00:45:27,295 --> 00:45:32,323
Rodney! Rodney! All right, all right.
No, you've made your point.
631
00:45:32,495 --> 00:45:36,568
I was only trying to see if I could still pull.
632
00:45:38,415 --> 00:45:41,612
- I'll call her and break off the date.
- Good.
633
00:45:41,775 --> 00:45:44,573
And call Raquel and ask her to come home.
634
00:45:44,735 --> 00:45:47,488
No way, Pedro!
635
00:45:48,695 --> 00:45:51,812
If she wants to come back she's got to call me.
636
00:45:51,975 --> 00:45:55,888
You kill me, Derek. I'll see you tomorrow.
637
00:45:56,055 --> 00:46:00,367
You're doing the right thing, Del.
It was a bad move.
638
00:46:00,535 --> 00:46:03,003
Yeah. I expect you're right.
639
00:46:03,175 --> 00:46:07,134
Pity, really. She fancied
one of these cameras an' all.
640
00:46:08,015 --> 00:46:12,088
(RINGING TONE)
641
00:46:15,215 --> 00:46:17,410
Hi, this is Beverley.
642
00:46:17,575 --> 00:46:24,128
I can't come to the phone right now,
but leave a message and I'll get back to you.
643
00:46:24,295 --> 00:46:27,287
Er, yeah... Hello, Beverley.
644
00:46:27,455 --> 00:46:30,049
This is Del Boy. Um...
645
00:46:30,215 --> 00:46:33,685
Thing is, I can't make our date tonight.
646
00:46:33,855 --> 00:46:38,292
Um... I'm sorry. I'll give you a call another time.
647
00:46:38,455 --> 00:46:41,094
All right? Bonjour!
648
00:46:43,535 --> 00:46:47,653
- I'll pour us a drink, Del.
- I wish I had a dog or a cat.
649
00:46:47,815 --> 00:46:50,090
You've got that gerbil.
650
00:46:50,255 --> 00:46:53,452
I feel like kicking something up the arse!
651
00:46:57,055 --> 00:47:00,525
- He was doing what?!
- Shh! Raquel's in there.
652
00:47:00,695 --> 00:47:04,734
- He was going out with another woman?
- He was threatening to.
653
00:47:04,895 --> 00:47:08,649
He was all dressed up
like a heart-throb out of "Crossroads".
654
00:47:08,815 --> 00:47:13,206
Do you think he's having a mid-life crisis,
trying to attract young girls?
655
00:47:13,375 --> 00:47:18,165
No. If that was the case,
Del's male menopause started when he was 14!
656
00:47:18,335 --> 00:47:21,771
Anyway, she's not a young girl.
She's a grandmother!
657
00:47:21,935 --> 00:47:24,244
- A grandmother?!
- Shh!
658
00:47:24,415 --> 00:47:29,443
He met her at the dentist's.
Not much would have happened on their date.
659
00:47:29,615 --> 00:47:32,493
They'd have sat in a Berni Inn counting her teeth!
660
00:47:32,655 --> 00:47:36,204
Why doesn't he just phone Raquel?
They miss each other.
661
00:47:36,375 --> 00:47:41,085
It's his pride, isn't it? He is the man
and must be seen to be the man.
662
00:47:41,255 --> 00:47:45,043
He's never had a very modern attitude
towards women.
663
00:47:45,215 --> 00:47:50,608
When he was younger, Del's idea of safe sex
was not telling a girl where he lived!
664
00:47:51,295 --> 00:47:55,288
It's funny, but in them days
Del used to be my hero.
665
00:47:55,455 --> 00:47:57,446
Del?! You're joking!
666
00:47:57,615 --> 00:48:01,324
I could tell you things about Del Boy
that would amaze you.
667
00:48:01,495 --> 00:48:03,486
Go on, then. Amaze me!
668
00:48:03,655 --> 00:48:08,126
Well... there was the time he took his O levels.
669
00:48:08,295 --> 00:48:12,413
I was only a sprog, but I remember
the night he brought his results home.
670
00:48:12,575 --> 00:48:16,727
- He got eight A's.
- Eight A's? Del?!
671
00:48:16,895 --> 00:48:20,012
Yep. A for English, A for Maths.
The list went on.
672
00:48:20,175 --> 00:48:24,532
- They were someone else's results?
- No, they were Del's results.
673
00:48:24,695 --> 00:48:27,368
Me mum and dad was all excited.
674
00:48:27,535 --> 00:48:31,494
We had a big family celebration.
Aunties, uncles, the lot.
675
00:48:31,655 --> 00:48:35,364
Del was tossing up where to go -
Oxford or Cambridge.
676
00:48:35,535 --> 00:48:38,652
He phoned up both universities, made enquiries.
677
00:48:38,815 --> 00:48:41,534
What the pubs are like, that sort of thing!
678
00:48:41,695 --> 00:48:45,927
- I can't imagine Del getting eight A's!
- He surprised everyone.
679
00:48:46,095 --> 00:48:50,373
Then, a couple of days later,
we got a letter from the school.
680
00:48:50,535 --> 00:48:53,766
It turned out the A's all stood for "Absent".
681
00:48:53,935 --> 00:48:57,814
- He hadn't turned up for any of the exams?
- Not one!
682
00:48:57,975 --> 00:49:02,685
He'd been down the market
flogging some hooky Tom Jones LPs!
683
00:49:02,855 --> 00:49:05,767
You wouldn't have laughed if you'd been there.
684
00:49:05,935 --> 00:49:10,645
Dad went potty. He was shouting at Del,
calling him names.
685
00:49:10,815 --> 00:49:14,774
Del was ducking round the room trying to escape.
686
00:49:14,935 --> 00:49:19,884
Then it all turned violent
'cause he'd been out drinking, you see.
687
00:49:20,655 --> 00:49:25,809
He took his belt off and started
whacking him, punching him, everything.
688
00:49:25,975 --> 00:49:28,614
That's what he was like.
689
00:49:28,775 --> 00:49:32,768
Mum was screaming, "Don't hit him!"
And I was crying.
690
00:49:33,335 --> 00:49:36,407
God. Poor Rodney!
691
00:49:37,575 --> 00:49:40,533
- Was he hurt?
- Not too bad.
692
00:49:40,695 --> 00:49:45,246
He was in hospital for a couple of days.
Mum took me to visit him.
693
00:49:45,415 --> 00:49:48,168
What happened to your father?
694
00:49:48,335 --> 00:49:52,806
- I'm talking about me father!
- Oh! I thought you meant Del.
695
00:49:52,975 --> 00:49:55,728
No, he was all right.
696
00:49:55,895 --> 00:49:59,968
He was a dirty little fighter.
He used to go in low and grabbing.
697
00:50:00,135 --> 00:50:03,013
I've seen him in so many fights over the years.
698
00:50:03,175 --> 00:50:07,407
I've heard sounds
that only a white hunter could make sense of.
699
00:50:07,575 --> 00:50:13,650
That's why he was my hero. From that day on,
me dad never whacked me again.
700
00:50:13,815 --> 00:50:17,854
He was too frightened
of what Del would do if he found out.
701
00:50:18,015 --> 00:50:20,370
So that's how my life went on.
702
00:50:20,535 --> 00:50:24,210
As long as Del was around,
no one could do me any harm.
703
00:50:24,375 --> 00:50:27,526
Course, he made up for that in later life.
704
00:50:36,655 --> 00:50:40,125
- Is it time again?
- Hmm.
705
00:50:41,655 --> 00:50:44,249
How are you feeling?
706
00:50:44,415 --> 00:50:47,566
Well, you know, I'll give it a go.
707
00:50:50,575 --> 00:50:56,093
(RODNEY) Ooh, that's nice!
Don't bite me - you know how easily I bruise!
708
00:51:02,495 --> 00:51:03,814
Rodney!
709
00:51:03,975 --> 00:51:05,488
Hmm?
710
00:51:12,095 --> 00:51:13,926
It's all right!
711
00:51:14,095 --> 00:51:16,768
He's just wandered in.
712
00:51:16,935 --> 00:51:21,167
Wandered in? Cassandra,
I locked the bedroom door!
713
00:51:21,335 --> 00:51:24,452
(MUSIC: THEME FROM "THE OMEN")
714
00:51:29,375 --> 00:51:32,606
- All right if I come in?
- I didn't lock the door!
715
00:51:32,775 --> 00:51:36,893
- Rodney!
- Mummy's been looking everywhere for you!
716
00:51:37,055 --> 00:51:39,649
- Sorry about this.
- It's all right.
717
00:51:39,815 --> 00:51:43,649
He sleeps all day and only comes alive at night!
718
00:51:45,175 --> 00:51:47,689
Say night-night to Rodney and Cassandra.
719
00:51:47,855 --> 00:51:50,085
- Night!
- Night.
720
00:51:50,255 --> 00:51:52,211
Night, Damien.
721
00:51:54,415 --> 00:51:56,690
What do you think, then?
722
00:51:56,855 --> 00:51:59,972
- Leave it till tomorrow, shall we?
- Yeah.
723
00:52:04,135 --> 00:52:08,572
It's for an endangered species.
Do you realise... Oi, Mike.
724
00:52:08,735 --> 00:52:12,887
Listen, um, Del's been hitting
the sauce a bit heavy lately.
725
00:52:13,055 --> 00:52:16,206
- Keep an eye on him.
- Leave it to me, Rodney.
726
00:52:16,375 --> 00:52:18,684
All I'm asking for is 50p.
727
00:52:18,855 --> 00:52:22,928
What happens when you save these whales?
They'll start breeding.
728
00:52:23,095 --> 00:52:29,170
- I wouldn't be surprised.
- I don't know how anyone could fancy a whale.
729
00:52:29,335 --> 00:52:31,929
No. Big ugly things, aren't they?
730
00:52:32,095 --> 00:52:36,008
You haven't got to breed with 'em!
They can sort that out.
731
00:52:36,175 --> 00:52:40,407
- I know more about the sea than you.
- Oh, God, here we go.
732
00:52:40,575 --> 00:52:43,772
You'd be surprised how quickly whales breed.
733
00:52:43,935 --> 00:52:47,132
- Three.
- And they're not all gentle.
734
00:52:47,295 --> 00:52:50,412
- Two.
- A lot together can be dangerous.
735
00:52:50,575 --> 00:52:52,486
- One.
- During the war...
736
00:52:52,655 --> 00:52:54,850
We have lift-off!
737
00:52:55,015 --> 00:52:58,928
I was in a submarine
and we got attacked by a whale.
738
00:52:59,095 --> 00:53:02,053
It was probably protecting its young.
739
00:53:02,215 --> 00:53:07,005
- No, it wasn't. It fancied us.
- It got the hots for your submarine?
740
00:53:07,175 --> 00:53:09,609
Yeah, it was horrible.
741
00:53:09,775 --> 00:53:14,087
- We were shaking all over the place.
- Like your worst nightmare, innit?
742
00:53:14,255 --> 00:53:19,329
No, my worst nightmare is sitting in a pub
having a conversation with you two!
743
00:53:23,575 --> 00:53:25,725
It went on for about half hour.
744
00:53:25,895 --> 00:53:30,525
Skipper told us to hang on
and don't do anything to annoy it.
745
00:53:30,695 --> 00:53:33,812
- He put the periscope up once.
- Up where?
746
00:53:35,735 --> 00:53:39,045
He looked through the viewfinder and went white.
747
00:53:39,215 --> 00:53:43,413
God knows what he saw,
but that man never ate halibut again.
748
00:53:47,855 --> 00:53:52,724
What did you do when it was over?
Lie back and have a cigarette?
749
00:53:52,895 --> 00:53:55,250
Don't take the mickey, Rodney.
750
00:53:55,415 --> 00:53:59,374
Ever tried to lay an underwater
telephone line in the mating season?
751
00:53:59,535 --> 00:54:03,767
- No, I haven't.
- My advice to you is don't ever attempt it.
752
00:54:05,335 --> 00:54:09,089
Listen to him, Dave.
He knows what he's talking about.
753
00:54:09,255 --> 00:54:11,769
- OK, Rodders?
- Never thought I'd say this,
754
00:54:11,935 --> 00:54:14,051
but here's a man with some intelligence.
755
00:54:14,215 --> 00:54:18,766
- Give a couple of bob for charity?
- Yeah, anything for a good cause.
756
00:54:18,935 --> 00:54:21,495
- What's this?
- He's trying to save whales.
757
00:54:21,655 --> 00:54:27,730
No, they don't get nothing.
Not after the way they beat us at rugby.
758
00:54:29,175 --> 00:54:31,370
Fair enough.
759
00:54:31,535 --> 00:54:34,003
How's Cassandra? Pregnant yet?
760
00:54:34,175 --> 00:54:37,690
She won't be with that little git
at the bottom of the bed.
761
00:54:37,855 --> 00:54:40,164
What little git's that?
762
00:54:41,495 --> 00:54:45,966
Cassandra's got this big teddy bear
she's had since she was a kid.
763
00:54:46,135 --> 00:54:49,730
- It sits on the bed and puts me off.
- Silly mare!
764
00:54:49,895 --> 00:54:53,888
How would she like it if you had
your Meccano set at the bottom of the bed?
765
00:54:54,055 --> 00:54:57,206
Don't go on about it. It's personal.
766
00:55:03,575 --> 00:55:05,964
See you later, Trig.
767
00:55:06,135 --> 00:55:09,366
All right, how's Damien and Raquel?
768
00:55:09,535 --> 00:55:13,528
She's taking Damien up London tomorrow
to show him the sights.
769
00:55:13,695 --> 00:55:16,163
His dad's been too busy to do that.
770
00:55:16,335 --> 00:55:21,568
Yes, too busy earning the poppy
to pay for the grub and the heating.
771
00:55:23,135 --> 00:55:25,171
- Still crying, is she?
- Yes.
772
00:55:25,335 --> 00:55:29,613
All through yesterday afternoon
and then all through teatime.
773
00:55:30,615 --> 00:55:34,528
- Is it getting on your nerves?
- Know what's getting on my nerves?
774
00:55:34,695 --> 00:55:38,529
You are missing Raquel and Damien
and they're missing you.
775
00:55:38,695 --> 00:55:42,654
But nobody has the intelligence
to sort out the problem.
776
00:55:42,815 --> 00:55:47,605
- All she's gotta do is phone me.
- She doesn't know how you feel.
777
00:55:47,775 --> 00:55:52,291
She thinks you want a life of being
with your mates and going to casinos.
778
00:55:52,455 --> 00:55:56,767
She doesn't realise it was just a phase
while you were doing a deal.
779
00:55:56,935 --> 00:56:00,371
Yeah, well, I didn't want word slipping out.
780
00:56:00,535 --> 00:56:04,369
- She don't know that!
- What with that and my tooth.
781
00:56:04,535 --> 00:56:07,925
You've had that out. Del, phone her and tell her.
782
00:56:08,095 --> 00:56:11,326
- What, that I've had my tooth out?
- No!
783
00:56:11,495 --> 00:56:16,410
Phone her and tell her that you...
Oh, tell her what you bloody like.
784
00:56:16,575 --> 00:56:18,964
All right, I'll give her a bell.
785
00:56:19,135 --> 00:56:22,525
- Del, large scotch on the house.
- Oh. Cheers.
786
00:56:22,695 --> 00:56:26,290
Mike, don't give him large scotches on the house!
787
00:56:26,455 --> 00:56:28,923
Sorry, Rodney. I forgot.
788
00:56:29,095 --> 00:56:31,814
Del, that's P1.85, son.
789
00:56:33,255 --> 00:56:36,247
I didn't even ask for it!
790
00:56:38,615 --> 00:56:41,527
Hello, sweetheart. Listen, don't say a word.
791
00:56:41,695 --> 00:56:47,053
Don't say anything. Just listen to me
while I'm in the mood, right?
792
00:56:47,215 --> 00:56:51,094
I'm missing you, darling,
and I want you to come home.
793
00:56:51,255 --> 00:56:54,691
I know I haven't been fair to you in the past, but...
794
00:56:54,855 --> 00:56:59,133
Look, I can explain if you just give me the chance.
795
00:56:59,295 --> 00:57:02,571
I love you and that will never change.
796
00:57:02,735 --> 00:57:06,091
Things will be different in the future.
797
00:57:06,255 --> 00:57:09,372
So what do you say?
798
00:57:09,535 --> 00:57:11,093
Eh?
799
00:57:11,255 --> 00:57:13,644
Oh, sorry, Cassandra.
800
00:57:14,975 --> 00:57:17,569
Yeah. I wanna speak to Raquel.
801
00:57:18,575 --> 00:57:21,567
She's in the where? All right, I'll hang on.
802
00:57:26,095 --> 00:57:27,494
Del Boy!
803
00:57:27,655 --> 00:57:29,566
Hello, Boycie.
804
00:57:41,295 --> 00:57:43,889
- Who was that woman?
- Hmm?
805
00:57:45,055 --> 00:57:48,047
- I didn't see no woman.
- The one that smiled at you.
806
00:57:48,215 --> 00:57:50,490
No one's smiled at me all evening.
807
00:57:50,655 --> 00:57:53,567
Where do I know her face from?
808
00:57:53,735 --> 00:57:59,332
I remember. Bronco, Marlene's brother,
was in hospital. That's where it was.
809
00:57:59,495 --> 00:58:02,453
That's cleared that up. Wait, Bronco?
810
00:58:02,615 --> 00:58:06,164
- Wasn't he in a psychiatric hospital?
- Yeah.
811
00:58:08,575 --> 00:58:12,170
Thanks. Hello? Hello?
812
00:58:13,295 --> 00:58:14,728
Hello?
813
00:58:14,895 --> 00:58:17,455
- Hello?
- Hello?
814
00:58:17,615 --> 00:58:19,492
Hello, Raquel.
815
00:58:19,655 --> 00:58:22,806
- How are you?
- Fine. You?
816
00:58:22,975 --> 00:58:26,650
Yeah. Lovely. I'm missing you, darling.
817
00:58:26,815 --> 00:58:29,534
I'm missing you as well, you rotten sod!
818
00:58:29,695 --> 00:58:32,368
Why don't you come home, eh?
819
00:58:32,535 --> 00:58:37,655
- It's not as simple as that.
- Don't take notice of the last month.
820
00:58:37,815 --> 00:58:41,012
- It's been a one-off.
- And the month before that?
821
00:58:41,175 --> 00:58:45,054
- That was a one-off an' all!
- I didn't like your attitude.
822
00:58:45,215 --> 00:58:50,369
You gambled with our housekeeping money
in some grotty casino.
823
00:58:50,535 --> 00:58:55,689
Look, sweetheart, that's all in the past.
No more casinos, no more pubs.
824
00:58:55,855 --> 00:58:59,006
- Same again, Del?
- All right, Trig...
825
00:58:59,175 --> 00:59:03,248
Yeah, just a lemonade and a lime.
826
00:59:04,935 --> 00:59:10,089
I don't mind you going down the Nag's Head
so long as it's not every night.
827
00:59:10,255 --> 00:59:12,769
When you go, I wouldn't mind going, too.
828
00:59:12,935 --> 00:59:15,927
That's my thoughts entirely. Exactly.
829
00:59:16,095 --> 00:59:19,485
We'll just go down at weekends to be sociable.
830
00:59:19,655 --> 00:59:25,207
If you go out shopping, get me those
chequered slippers and some Hobnobs.
831
00:59:25,375 --> 00:59:27,730
I'm a changed man.
832
00:59:27,895 --> 00:59:32,047
I'll even take little Damien out. No excuses.
833
00:59:33,135 --> 00:59:38,084
- So can I come and pick you up?
- No, Damien's fast asleep.
834
00:59:38,255 --> 00:59:43,329
- First thing in the morning?
- I'm taking him to Madame Tussauds.
835
00:59:43,495 --> 00:59:48,489
- Unless you'd like to come with us?
- I can't. I'm picking up them VCRs.
836
00:59:48,655 --> 00:59:51,328
I'll pick you up tomorrow night, yeah?
837
00:59:51,495 --> 00:59:54,532
- All right, then.
- All right.
838
00:59:54,695 --> 00:59:58,404
- Raquel, say the magic words.
- Don't be silly.
839
00:59:58,575 --> 01:00:03,046
Go on, Raquel. Say the magic words.
840
01:00:05,215 --> 01:00:08,332
- I love you, Trotter.
- Yes!
841
01:00:09,815 --> 01:00:13,524
All right, darling.
I'll pick you up tomorrow. Ta-ta!
842
01:00:15,655 --> 01:00:19,807
That is it, Del Boy. You're now a changed man.
843
01:00:19,975 --> 01:00:23,490
This is the first day of the rest of your life.
844
01:00:23,655 --> 01:00:28,285
Michael, bottle of your finest champagne, please!
845
01:00:34,775 --> 01:00:38,006
(CATS SCREECH)
846
01:00:38,175 --> 01:00:40,814
(DOGS HOWL)
847
01:00:40,975 --> 01:00:42,533
Shh!
848
01:00:57,935 --> 01:01:01,928
# Just one voice
849
01:01:02,095 --> 01:01:07,647
# Singing in the darkness
850
01:01:08,335 --> 01:01:13,887
# All it takes is one voice
851
01:01:14,055 --> 01:01:17,206
# Singing so they hear what's on your mind
852
01:01:17,375 --> 01:01:20,651
# And when you look around you'll find
853
01:01:20,815 --> 01:01:25,809
# There's more than one voice
854
01:01:25,975 --> 01:01:30,969
# Singing in the darkness
855
01:01:31,655 --> 01:01:36,854
# Joining with your one voice
856
01:01:37,615 --> 01:01:41,608
# Each and every note another octave... #
857
01:01:41,775 --> 01:01:47,645
- What's going on down there?
- # If only one voice
858
01:01:47,815 --> 01:01:50,170
# Would start it on its own... #
859
01:01:50,335 --> 01:01:53,452
- What's all the racket?
- It's Trotter. He's drunk again.
860
01:01:53,615 --> 01:01:56,766
Why don't you get home to bed, Derek?
861
01:01:56,935 --> 01:02:01,486
# One voice would never be alone
862
01:02:01,655 --> 01:02:07,969
# It takes that one voice
863
01:02:08,135 --> 01:02:10,695
# Da-da-da
864
01:02:10,855 --> 01:02:15,645
# Ba-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da #
865
01:02:15,815 --> 01:02:18,887
(MAN) # Pack up all your cares and woes
866
01:02:19,055 --> 01:02:22,889
# Here I go, singing low
867
01:02:23,055 --> 01:02:25,967
# Bye-bye black... #
868
01:02:26,135 --> 01:02:30,287
- Shut up, Mick! You're making it worse!
- You want me to shut up?
869
01:02:30,455 --> 01:02:35,768
- Why don't you make me shut up?
- I'll shut that big mouth of yours!
870
01:02:35,935 --> 01:02:39,166
- Downstairs!
- It's a fight you want?
871
01:02:39,335 --> 01:02:44,125
- Right! I'm in for some of that.
- Oh, no. That's all we need (!)
872
01:02:44,295 --> 01:02:46,445
# One voice... #
873
01:02:46,615 --> 01:02:50,972
Del Boy! Del! Come in 'ere!
874
01:02:51,135 --> 01:02:52,693
# Da-da-da... #
875
01:02:52,855 --> 01:02:56,052
(PHONE RINGS)
876
01:03:07,535 --> 01:03:08,854
Hello?
877
01:03:09,655 --> 01:03:11,805
Yeah.
878
01:03:11,975 --> 01:03:14,125
All right. Bye-bye.
879
01:03:23,775 --> 01:03:27,688
- Del Boy's singing in the precinct.
- What?
880
01:03:29,175 --> 01:03:31,848
Del's singing in the precinct.
881
01:03:32,015 --> 01:03:34,575
I can't hear anything.
882
01:03:35,335 --> 01:03:39,089
That was Albert. Del's singing on the estate.
883
01:03:39,935 --> 01:03:43,894
It's quarter past two in the morning
and Del's singing!
884
01:03:44,055 --> 01:03:46,489
- Why?
- I dunno.
885
01:03:46,655 --> 01:03:51,649
- Has he woken anyone up?
- Yeah. You and me, for a start.
886
01:03:53,135 --> 01:03:55,649
Albert, why is Del singing?
887
01:03:56,735 --> 01:03:58,134
Yeah.
888
01:03:58,295 --> 01:03:59,728
Mmm.
889
01:03:59,895 --> 01:04:01,726
Mm-hm.
890
01:04:02,735 --> 01:04:04,293
Right.
891
01:04:04,455 --> 01:04:07,015
No, he don't know either.
892
01:04:08,815 --> 01:04:13,172
What do you mean, "Come round"?
What do you want me to do - harmonise?
893
01:04:13,335 --> 01:04:16,850
There's not a song in the world
Del knows all the words to,
894
01:04:17,015 --> 01:04:19,529
so he'll be finished in a minute.
895
01:04:19,695 --> 01:04:23,768
No, I'm not coming round. I'll see you tomorrow.
896
01:04:23,935 --> 01:04:26,654
I don't believe him!
897
01:04:32,095 --> 01:04:34,893
I'd better go see what's happening.
898
01:04:35,055 --> 01:04:38,934
# Ba-da-da-da-da
899
01:04:39,095 --> 01:04:41,211
# Ba-da-da-da-da
900
01:04:41,375 --> 01:04:47,291
(ORCHESTRA STARTS UP)
# It takes that one voice
901
01:04:47,455 --> 01:04:51,573
# Just one voice
902
01:04:52,335 --> 01:04:57,534
# Singing in the darkness
903
01:04:58,495 --> 01:05:03,523
# All it takes is one voice
904
01:05:03,695 --> 01:05:10,328
# Shout it out and let it ring
905
01:05:11,055 --> 01:05:14,934
# Just one voice
906
01:05:15,455 --> 01:05:22,372
# It takes that one voice
907
01:05:22,815 --> 01:05:27,650
# And everyone
908
01:05:27,815 --> 01:05:34,812
# Will sing! #
909
01:05:34,975 --> 01:05:38,365
(POLICE SIRENS WAIL)
910
01:05:39,815 --> 01:05:43,091
(COMMOTION OUTSIDE)
911
01:05:46,495 --> 01:05:51,853
- What's happening now?
- They're rioting again, that's what's happening.
912
01:05:52,015 --> 01:05:54,370
Have a look for yourself!
913
01:05:54,535 --> 01:05:57,766
You're joking!
I might get a brick through the window.
914
01:05:57,935 --> 01:06:02,611
We're on the 12th floor!
Do you think they've invited Geoff Capes?
915
01:06:03,735 --> 01:06:06,568
Mrs Murphy said they've brought the horses out.
916
01:06:06,735 --> 01:06:10,489
Yeah, they have.
The police have gone to get theirs now!
917
01:06:12,655 --> 01:06:17,570
Oi, can't you turn that telly down?
I'm trying to get some sleep.
918
01:06:17,735 --> 01:06:22,763
I don't believe it! Have a look out that window
and see what's happening.
919
01:06:22,935 --> 01:06:27,963
- What's the matter now?
- It's a full-scale inner-city riot going on!
920
01:06:28,135 --> 01:06:32,287
They're all there - the SPG,
Snatch Squads, looters,
921
01:06:32,455 --> 01:06:36,653
people who want to get on telly
and, unless I'm mistaken, Kate Adie.
922
01:06:39,255 --> 01:06:43,043
Oh. What started them all off again, then?
923
01:06:43,215 --> 01:06:44,534
You!
924
01:06:45,615 --> 01:06:48,368
- Me? What have I done?
- You were singing, Del.
925
01:06:48,535 --> 01:06:51,493
- Singing? Me?
- Don't deny it 'cause I heard you.
926
01:06:51,655 --> 01:06:53,486
Singing?
927
01:06:53,655 --> 01:06:58,775
Oh, I remember now. I was celebrating.
Raquel and Damien are coming home.
928
01:06:58,935 --> 01:07:02,007
That's a good reason for a civil war!
929
01:07:02,615 --> 01:07:08,485
I was feeling euphoric.
It's natural to give vent to your joy with a song.
930
01:07:08,655 --> 01:07:11,727
It was "One Voice Singing In The Darkness".
931
01:07:11,895 --> 01:07:14,853
Hark at 'em now. Bloody thousands of 'em!
932
01:07:15,015 --> 01:07:18,803
All right! OK. I'm sorry.
933
01:07:18,975 --> 01:07:21,330
That's all right, then (!)
934
01:07:21,495 --> 01:07:24,771
What do you want me to do? Tell me and I'll do it.
935
01:07:24,935 --> 01:07:27,574
Why not stand on the balcony
and shout, "Stop it!"
936
01:07:27,735 --> 01:07:31,011
They won't take no notice of that, will they?
937
01:07:31,175 --> 01:07:36,249
Tell you what I'll do.
I'm gonna get dressed and go down there.
938
01:07:36,815 --> 01:07:40,444
What are you gonna do? Talk sense into 'em?
939
01:07:40,615 --> 01:07:44,369
No. I'm gonna flog 'em some of this ski gear!
940
01:07:49,015 --> 01:07:51,734
There we are. Lovely jubbly.
941
01:07:52,495 --> 01:07:54,486
Come on, then. Off we go.
942
01:07:58,495 --> 01:08:00,770
Aren't you gonna check 'em?
943
01:08:00,935 --> 01:08:03,847
I don't have to.
I know it's Russian video recorders.
944
01:08:04,015 --> 01:08:09,772
- Aren't you gonna check they're OK?
- I've had a look at one. Seems kosher.
945
01:08:09,935 --> 01:08:11,926
Get it in there.
946
01:08:20,215 --> 01:08:23,093
Rodney, quick! Look at that woman!
947
01:08:23,255 --> 01:08:24,734
- Who?
- There!
948
01:08:26,695 --> 01:08:32,406
- What's the matter with you?
- Hmm? It don't matter. Forget it.
949
01:08:32,575 --> 01:08:35,567
Hurry up, Rodney.
Let's get this down to the garage.
950
01:08:35,735 --> 01:08:39,523
Then I've gotta go and pick up
Raquel and Damien.
951
01:08:39,695 --> 01:08:42,448
- Are you all right?
- Yes. Come on.
952
01:08:53,295 --> 01:08:57,004
I saw the riot on TV. What started it this time?
953
01:08:57,175 --> 01:09:02,568
I don't know. Seems to be the slightest
little thing starts it all off these days.
954
01:09:03,975 --> 01:09:08,605
Still, it was all nice and quiet
when I left this evening.
955
01:09:14,815 --> 01:09:17,204
(RIOTERS CHANTING)
956
01:10:17,415 --> 01:10:20,851
I thought you said it had all quietened down!
957
01:10:21,015 --> 01:10:24,530
We have to go back to Rodney and Cassandra's.
958
01:10:24,695 --> 01:10:29,610
- But we live here.
- How are we gonna get through in one piece?
959
01:10:31,135 --> 01:10:33,888
Well, I'm not turning round!
960
01:10:34,815 --> 01:10:37,932
(KLAXON-TYPE BLAST)
961
01:10:40,535 --> 01:10:44,210
Hold it, hold it, hold it! It's Del Boy.
962
01:10:48,015 --> 01:10:50,006
Hold up! It's Del Boy!
963
01:10:57,175 --> 01:10:59,484
Come through, Del!
964
01:10:59,655 --> 01:11:02,089
(WESTERN-TYPE MUSIC)
965
01:11:10,975 --> 01:11:14,285
Texo! I've got that VCR
that goes with your camera.
966
01:11:14,455 --> 01:11:16,730
Nice one. Be round tomorrow.
967
01:11:16,895 --> 01:11:21,411
Oi, Alex! Tell your sister
I've got her video recorder.
968
01:11:21,575 --> 01:11:24,931
- I'll tell her when I go for tea.
- Lovely jubbly!
969
01:11:41,415 --> 01:11:44,054
(HORN BLARES OUT)
970
01:12:14,575 --> 01:12:17,567
(VOICES IN LIVING ROOM)
971
01:12:25,015 --> 01:12:27,768
Oh, Del. This is Beverley.
972
01:12:27,935 --> 01:12:33,373
- Beverley, this is my... This is Del.
- Hi.
973
01:12:36,495 --> 01:12:38,053
(DEL) Wotcha!
974
01:12:39,455 --> 01:12:42,811
Beverley's interested in Damien's high chair.
975
01:12:42,975 --> 01:12:47,127
- How'd she find out about that?
- I saw an ad in the newsagent's.
976
01:12:47,295 --> 01:12:50,605
I was out the other night on my own,
nothing to do.
977
01:12:51,615 --> 01:12:54,846
- Yeah?
- It's for my daughter's baby.
978
01:12:55,015 --> 01:12:58,246
- His name's Damien, as well.
- Cushti.
979
01:12:58,415 --> 01:13:01,213
- Could you deliver it later?
- I suppose so.
980
01:13:01,375 --> 01:13:05,493
Beverley can't afford the full amount.
Could we come to an arrangement?
981
01:13:05,655 --> 01:13:08,806
I'll leave that up to you, sweetheart.
982
01:13:08,975 --> 01:13:13,332
I've just remembered,
I've got to go out and meet someone. Yeah.
983
01:13:13,495 --> 01:13:15,770
Nice meeting you.
984
01:13:15,935 --> 01:13:18,893
Yeah. Bye.
985
01:13:19,055 --> 01:13:21,569
He's not usually like that.
986
01:13:21,735 --> 01:13:25,808
- Must be pressure of business.
- Hmm.
987
01:13:28,415 --> 01:13:31,213
Rodney. Rodders, I got a problem.
988
01:13:31,375 --> 01:13:33,684
I got a big problem.
989
01:13:33,855 --> 01:13:36,813
You know that woman we saw in the market?
990
01:13:36,975 --> 01:13:39,364
- The one who wasn't there?
- Yes, that one.
991
01:13:39,535 --> 01:13:43,414
- She's haunting me!
- What d'you mean, haunting you?
992
01:13:43,575 --> 01:13:48,888
She's the one I made a date with
and then gave her the elbow.
993
01:13:49,055 --> 01:13:52,491
Ever since then, she's everywhere that I look!
994
01:13:52,655 --> 01:13:55,294
The other night she was in the pub.
995
01:13:55,455 --> 01:13:58,606
This morning she was standing by a bus stop.
996
01:13:58,775 --> 01:14:01,289
And she was in the market - you saw her!
997
01:14:01,455 --> 01:14:04,253
- No, I didn't.
- See what I mean?
998
01:14:04,415 --> 01:14:09,364
And today, to top it all,
I went home and she's in my flat!
999
01:14:09,535 --> 01:14:13,210
- In your flat?
- She'd come to buy the high chair.
1000
01:14:13,375 --> 01:14:17,209
- If she thinks I believe that!
- How did she know it was for sale?
1001
01:14:17,375 --> 01:14:20,651
She said she saw the ad I placed.
1002
01:14:20,815 --> 01:14:24,524
- That is a bit far-fetched, innit (!)
- Exactly!
1003
01:14:24,695 --> 01:14:28,734
You crack me up! Let's look at the facts, shall we?
1004
01:14:28,895 --> 01:14:33,366
She was in this pub.
Maybe, just maybe, she was having a drink.
1005
01:14:33,535 --> 01:14:38,211
And then you saw her in the market.
She might have been shopping!
1006
01:14:38,375 --> 01:14:43,085
- Bit of a coincidence, though, innit?
- Then you saw her at a bus stop.
1007
01:14:43,255 --> 01:14:49,330
This is just a hunch, but do you reckon
she might have been waiting for a bus?
1008
01:14:49,495 --> 01:14:55,331
I don't know, do I? What I do know is
she is an ex psychiatric patient.
1009
01:14:56,135 --> 01:14:58,695
- So?
- So!
1010
01:14:58,855 --> 01:15:02,370
She is a jealous woman. A woman scorned.
1011
01:15:02,535 --> 01:15:07,165
Jealous women are no problem to me normally.
I can handle all that.
1012
01:15:07,335 --> 01:15:13,285
But this one is a jealous woman
who's an olive short of a pizza!
1013
01:15:13,455 --> 01:15:15,923
And she knows where we live.
1014
01:15:16,095 --> 01:15:19,644
We could wake up and find
we was killed while we was asleep.
1015
01:15:19,815 --> 01:15:25,367
You're letting your imagination run away with you.
Does she seem odd in any way?
1016
01:15:25,535 --> 01:15:28,686
I don't know. You can judge for yourself.
1017
01:15:28,855 --> 01:15:31,210
You've got to deliver the high chair.
1018
01:15:31,375 --> 01:15:35,050
- Why have I got to go?
- Because I've got a wife and kid.
1019
01:15:35,215 --> 01:15:38,730
Yeah, but I've got a wife and... thermometer.
1020
01:15:44,135 --> 01:15:45,807
Raquel?
1021
01:15:45,975 --> 01:15:49,092
Raquel, where are... Raquel?
1022
01:15:59,455 --> 01:16:02,652
(WATER BUBBLES)
1023
01:16:25,855 --> 01:16:28,972
Oh, no! Oh, my God!
1024
01:16:29,135 --> 01:16:31,603
- What's happened?
- Look!
1025
01:16:33,335 --> 01:16:36,088
Albert's boiling his pants again!
1026
01:16:38,575 --> 01:16:42,284
- What's wrong, Del?
- Where's the gerbil?
1027
01:16:42,455 --> 01:16:46,767
In Damien's room.
He's playing with it. What is wrong with you?
1028
01:16:46,935 --> 01:16:50,371
I've got to sort this all out.
I've got to sort it all out
1029
01:16:50,535 --> 01:16:55,006
I've got to go out, darling.
I've got to meet someone.
1030
01:17:08,615 --> 01:17:13,643
Now, you listen to what I've got to say.
You leave me and my family alone.
1031
01:17:13,815 --> 01:17:16,852
- You don't frighten me. I'm not scared.
- (BUZZER)
1032
01:17:17,015 --> 01:17:19,165
Mr James.
1033
01:17:19,335 --> 01:17:23,931
- What's wrong with you, you moron?
- Oh, just a couple of fillings.
1034
01:17:26,535 --> 01:17:30,574
- All right, Del?
- Yeah. See you later, Trig.
1035
01:17:33,175 --> 01:17:36,804
- You were following me.
- I've been following YOU?
1036
01:17:36,975 --> 01:17:39,887
- Yes!
- It's the other way round.
1037
01:17:40,055 --> 01:17:45,129
Everywhere I go I see you. I go in the pub
with my daughter and you're there.
1038
01:17:45,295 --> 01:17:48,332
I'm waiting for a bus and you drive by.
1039
01:17:48,495 --> 01:17:53,523
I do a bit of lunchtime shopping
and surprise, surprise, there you are.
1040
01:17:53,695 --> 01:17:57,574
I went to buy a second-hand high chair
and you walked in!
1041
01:17:57,735 --> 01:18:00,533
- I live there!
- OK, I'll let you off that one.
1042
01:18:00,695 --> 01:18:03,209
- Right!
- Listen!
1043
01:18:03,375 --> 01:18:08,324
I think, Mr Trotter, our wires have become
crossed somewhere along the line.
1044
01:18:08,495 --> 01:18:11,646
- You were in a psychiatric hospital.
- Yes!
1045
01:18:11,815 --> 01:18:18,288
Don't try and deny it! A friend of mine
was visiting a relative there and he saw you!
1046
01:18:18,455 --> 01:18:21,606
Yes! I worked there as a receptionist!
1047
01:18:23,615 --> 01:18:27,164
- Sorry?
- I'm a medical receptionist!
1048
01:18:27,335 --> 01:18:31,169
- It's what I do!
- So you weren't following me?
1049
01:18:31,335 --> 01:18:34,964
- Good God! Do you think I'm hard up?
- Eh?
1050
01:18:35,135 --> 01:18:37,774
Now, understand this, Mr Trotter.
1051
01:18:37,935 --> 01:18:43,328
If you follow me or pester me again,
I'll take out an injunction against you.
1052
01:18:43,495 --> 01:18:47,010
This is the last we'll hear of each other!
1053
01:18:47,175 --> 01:18:50,804
Good. And I suppose I should have
expected as much,
1054
01:18:50,975 --> 01:18:53,364
but that high chair's got a screw loose!
1055
01:18:55,295 --> 01:18:57,809
Well, tighten it!
1056
01:19:06,175 --> 01:19:10,088
There we are, sweetheart. Get that down you!
1057
01:19:11,055 --> 01:19:13,694
That was a lovely dinner, Raquel.
1058
01:19:13,855 --> 01:19:17,928
- Thanks! Another drink, Cassandra?
- Better not. I'm driving.
1059
01:19:18,095 --> 01:19:23,249
Hm? No, no, no. You can stay over.
We've got plenty of room.
1060
01:19:23,415 --> 01:19:25,883
- We can all mix in.
- Shall we?
1061
01:19:26,055 --> 01:19:29,968
- Yeah. Let's enjoy ourselves.
- Yes, that's it!
1062
01:19:30,135 --> 01:19:34,447
You know it makes sense!
Darling, shall I put "Tubular Bells" on?
1063
01:19:34,615 --> 01:19:38,085
- No, not yet, Del.
- All right.
1064
01:19:38,255 --> 01:19:40,689
She loves that "Tubular Bells".
1065
01:19:40,855 --> 01:19:43,653
Come on, Champ. It's bedtime for you!
1066
01:19:43,815 --> 01:19:47,808
Come along, let's go to bed. That's it. Off we go!
1067
01:19:47,975 --> 01:19:50,205
- Night!
- Good night!
1068
01:19:50,375 --> 01:19:52,252
- Night!
- Say good night.
1069
01:19:52,415 --> 01:19:56,567
- Night!
- Isn't he lovely? And he's only ten!
1070
01:19:56,735 --> 01:20:00,284
Here we go! Which is your room, then?
1071
01:20:00,455 --> 01:20:05,370
- What did you get Del for Christmas?
- One of those answering machines.
1072
01:20:05,535 --> 01:20:09,323
That'll save me getting any rollickings
for forgetting messages.
1073
01:20:09,495 --> 01:20:12,328
This is good. How much did it cost?
1074
01:20:12,495 --> 01:20:16,886
Shh! It didn't cost anything!
I swapped it for Damien's high chair.
1075
01:20:17,055 --> 01:20:19,694
I reckon you got a good deal there!
1076
01:20:19,855 --> 01:20:22,449
Does it work?
1077
01:20:23,975 --> 01:20:26,125
Hello, Beverley. This is Del Boy.
1078
01:20:27,335 --> 01:20:31,044
Um, listen, I'm sorry.
I've gotta cancel our date tonight.
1079
01:20:33,815 --> 01:20:37,603
I'll give you a call some time, all right?
1080
01:20:37,775 --> 01:20:39,367
Bonjour!
1081
01:20:40,615 --> 01:20:43,175
# Watch out, Trotter's about!
1082
01:20:43,335 --> 01:20:45,485
# Watch out, Trotter's about!
1083
01:20:48,055 --> 01:20:51,365
# Watch out, now, Trotter's about! #
1084
01:20:51,535 --> 01:20:54,333
Hey! What's the matter with you, eh?
1085
01:20:54,495 --> 01:20:56,565
Come on, smile!
1086
01:20:58,655 --> 01:21:03,331
(DEL) What's wrong, sweetheart?
(RAQUEL) Don't touch me, Trotter!
1087
01:21:03,495 --> 01:21:04,928
(DOOR SLAMS)
1088
01:21:05,095 --> 01:21:09,213
- What have you said to her, Rodney?
- Me? I haven't said anything!
1089
01:21:09,375 --> 01:21:14,495
(CASS) Don't blame Rodney!
(ALBERT) Don't look at me. I'm keeping out of it.
1090
01:21:14,655 --> 01:21:17,692
(DEL) Raquel! Are you feeling better now?
1091
01:21:17,855 --> 01:21:20,244
- (BREAKING GLASS)
- (DEL) That could have hit me!
1092
01:21:20,415 --> 01:21:22,724
(RAQUEL) It was meant to hit you!
1093
01:21:22,895 --> 01:21:29,528
(CHILDREN SING)
# Holy Infant, so tender and mild
1094
01:21:30,295 --> 01:21:37,292
# Sleep in heavenly peace
1095
01:21:38,495 --> 01:21:44,445
# Sleep in heavenly peace #
1096
01:21:47,295 --> 01:21:52,653
(DEL) Will someone tell me what have I done?
What have I done?
1097
01:21:59,535 --> 01:22:02,607
# We got some half-price cracked ice
and miles and miles of carpet tiles
1098
01:22:02,775 --> 01:22:06,006
# TVs, deep freeze and David Bowie LPs
1099
01:22:06,175 --> 01:22:09,008
# Ball games, gold chains,
what's-their-names and at a push
1100
01:22:09,175 --> 01:22:12,167
# Some Trevor Francis tracksuits
from a mush in Shepherd's Bush
1101
01:22:12,335 --> 01:22:14,803
# Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush, Bush
1102
01:22:14,975 --> 01:22:17,728
# No income tax, no VAT
1103
01:22:17,895 --> 01:22:21,012
# No money back, no guarantee
1104
01:22:21,175 --> 01:22:23,973
# Black or white, rich or poor
1105
01:22:24,135 --> 01:22:28,572
# We'll cut prices at a stroke
1106
01:22:29,135 --> 01:22:31,649
# God bless Hooky Street!
1107
01:22:31,815 --> 01:22:34,887
# Viva Hooky Street!
1108
01:22:35,055 --> 01:22:37,615
# Long live Hooky Street!
1109
01:22:37,775 --> 01:22:41,085
# C'est magnifique, Hooky Street!
1110
01:22:41,255 --> 01:22:44,452
# Magnifique, Hooky Street!
1111
01:22:46,055 --> 01:22:47,534
# Hooky Street!
1112
01:22:49,055 --> 01:22:50,932
# Hooky Street!
1113
01:22:52,095 --> 01:22:53,847
# Hooky Street! #
93771
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