Original subtitles

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as Sergeant Carter.

There. That does it.

- Should be nice and sturdy now. - I sure appreciate it, Gomer.

Now, come on over and have some coffee.

Poor Ken's been trying all week to put that thing together, but he's all thumbs.

Well, it's just 'cause he's so excited, what with the new baby coming and all.

Yeah. The closer it gets, the worse he gets.

Aw, let me do that, honey.

Now, you shouldn't be on your feet so much.

- Why don't you sit down? - Okay.

- Is your back bothering you? - Oh, I'm fine.

Uh, can I get you a pillow or something?

- No, thank you. - Well, how's about some soup?

No! Thank you.

I'm really fine, honey, I'm fine.

Now, isn't she wonderful, Gomer? Never complains.

Calm, collected.

If it wasn't for her, I'd be a nervous wreck.

Well, there's no reason to be nervous.

Didn't the doctor say it would be a week yet?

Well, it could happen at any time. You never know.

Ooh, the coffee's awful rich, isn't it?

You're drinking the cream.

Kenny, I really think we ought to be getting on back to camp.

- Well, I still think I should stay here. - Oh, honey, we have been all through that.

Now, I can't get any sleep while you're around.

You keep waking me up every ten minutes to see if I'm all right.

- Well, what if the baby should come and... - I'll phone you!

Oh, please, honey... just for tonight.

It will be better for both of us.

- Well, if you say so. - Mm-hmm.

- You know the phone number, don't you? - I know it.

Well, I wrote it down on a piece of paper, just in case.

- All right? Come on. - Okay.

♪ I won't dance, don't ask me... ♪

[hums]

[knock at door]

Come in.

- Did my wife call yet, Sergeant? - Huh?

You see, his wife's expecting a baby, and she was gonna...

I know, I know. No. She didn't call.

- Are you sure? - I've been here all night.

There weren't any calls.

What are you doing back here anyway, Johnson?

Why aren't you home?

Rosemary decided Ken might as well stay here tonight,

since she could call him if she needs him.

Okay, okay.

When she calls, I'll let you know.

I said I'd let you know!

Okay, Sergeant. Uh, thank you.

Good night.

I'll be right with you.

To tell you the truth, Sergeant,

Rosemary thought he should stay out here tonight

on account of he's so nervous around the house that she can't get no rest.

What's with him, anyway?

You'd think he was the first guy in the world to have a baby!

Well, it is kind of a special thing.

Yeah, well, he better calm down or he'll drive us all buggy.

Oh, he's gonna calm down, Sergeant. I'm gonna see to it. You watch.

- He'll be just fine. - Good.

Now, get out of here.

Sergeant, you gonna be wearing a tuxedo somewheres?

Well, yeah. Why? Don't you think I can wear a tuxedo?

Well, yeah, you'll look real fine in it.

Are you taking Miss Bunny someplace?

Yeah. The cosmetician's union

is having their annual installation of officers tomorrow night,

and Bunny's local is putting her in as vice-president.

Go-o-Olly!

I'll bet that's gonna be some kind of big affair.

Yeah! They're going to have a polka band and everything.

- Well, good night, Pyle. - Good night, Sergeant.

♪ I won't dance, don't ask me

♪ I won't dance... ♪

[phone ringing]

Company B, Sergeant Carter here.

Aw, hi, Bunny.

Yeah. I picked up the whole outfit.

It fits great. Yeah.

I come on a lot like George Raft.

We'll be the best-looking couple there.

[door opens]

I heard the phone, Sergeant. Uh, tell her not to panic. Is she okay?

- I knew I shouldn't have left her alone. - Hold it! Hold it!

- Can I talk to her? - This ain't your wife.

This call's for me!

- For you? - Yeah! For me.

I live here!

Ken? Ken, wake up.

Hmm? Huh?

Listen. Didn't the doctor say that the baby was due

- the third week of this month? - Yeah. Well, what about it?

Well, today is the 15th. That makes it the third week.

You're right. It is the third week!

I suppose if anything was wrong, Rosemary would have called us, right?

Right. If she could call.

But suppose she couldn't call?

Do you think she couldn't call?

I don't know, but I better call her and find out.

Well, the pay phone is at least a mile away.

- Well, what are we gonna do? - [men grumble].

[men] Shh!

We'll use Sergeant Carter's phone.

He'll be asleep and he won't mind. And we'll be real quiet.

[snoring]

[dialing]

[Carter] Huh?

[mumbles]

[snoring]

- Now, dial quietly. - All right. All right.

[phone ringing]

[Carter] All right, all right! I'm coming.

[phone ringing]

Ow, ow!

Hello!

Oh, uh, hi, Bunny.

Uh, no, that's all right.

No, I ain't annoyed.

What time is it anyway?

Eleven thirty?

No, I was half up.

It's just that some joker took my phone and he...

Huh?

You decided against the red dress.

Fine, the green. Okay.

Well, I'll call you in the morning. Good night, honey.

[kissing]

Good evening, sir.

What are you doing out here, Sergeant?

I came out to answer the phone, sir.

You prefer talking outdoors?

Well, uh... it's kind of hard to explain, sir.

You see, I was asleep.

I heard the phone.

And I found it out here.

In the future, if you're going to talk out here,

I suggest you dress in something a little more appropriate.

Yes, sir.

Carry on.

Good evening, sir.

Ow! Ow!

I guess it wasn't Rosemary, or the Sergeant would here by now.

So let's go on back to sleep.

I can't sleep now. I gotta make sure that she's okay.

- Well, uh... - Let's try it again, Gomer.

The sergeant has probably gone back to sleep.

I guess it'll be all right.

I can tell by the sounds he makes whether he's really asleep or not.

[rasping snoring]

It's okay now. He's sound asleep.

Now, are you sure?

When he hits that kind of long gargle, he's sound asleep.

[rasping snoring]

That's a sure sign.

I remember when we used to go on overnight survival camp,

believe me, an earthquake couldn't rouse him now.

[Carter] All right, what's going on?

Stay right where you are!

I sure don't understand that. He must have changed his sleeping habits.

So... you're the two jokers

that have been playing hide and seek with my phone, huh?

I could have figured. Didn't I tell you guys...

Sergeant, it was an emergency, and we just didn't want to disturb you.

Yeah, Gomer figured the whole thing out. And we just know the baby is on its way.

Pyle figured it out?

Yes, sir. You see, I started counting the days, and...

Yeah. Rosemary probably needs me right now.

- So, Sergeant, could I, please? - Yeah, go ahead.

Aw, thank you Sergeant.

Why don't you go down to the gate and get a taxi?

- Good idea. - Hold it!

Oh, I really appreciate this, Sergeant. Thank you.

Ah, yeah.

Rosemary! Ken here. Yeah.

It's time, right?

Uh-huh. Yeah. All right.

Goodbye.

I woke her up.

- Out! - You see, Sergeant...

- Out! - But Sergeant...

Out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out, out!

Why, I...

Now, you got that straight?

You will replace every cracked insulator on every pole

from here to the main gate.

Since you're so clever with telephones, this should be a piece of cake.

Now, you start climbing, Johnson.

And Pyle, you feed him up the parts.

Well, Sergeant, maybe I ought to do the climbing,

since Ken hasn't been too steady lately.

Pyle, you will do as you're told. Him up, you down.

- Now get going. - But Sergeant...

Him up, you down.

Yes, sir. Him up, me down.

Pyle... Pyle...

Pyle...

...Yeats...

Pyle... Yeats.

- That's all, men. - [men grumbling]

Hey, Sarge, you seen Pyle? He wasn't at mail call.

No, I got him and Johnson on special detail.

They're replacing insulators on the telephone poles.

Hey, don't you think that's a job for the wire men?

- That climbing is kind of tricky. - All the better.

It will keep their attention.

They won't have time to think about babies.

- Sergeant? - Oh, hi, Gome. Here's your mail.

Thank you, Duke. Sergeant?

What is it, Pyle?

Well, I thought you ought to know before somebody else told you.

I mean, about the accident.

What accident?

Sergeant, I never have disobeyed one of your orders before, but...

Well, you remember what you said, you wanted him up and me down?

Yeah?

Well, that's the order I disobeyed.

It worked out me up and him down.

I just felt Ken is too nervous to be up there,

so I climbed up the pole.

Come to the point, Pyle.

Well, one of the spikes was loose, and I fell down.

Well, you seem all right.

I'm fine. It's Ken.

But you were the one that fell.

Yes, sir, but I fell on Ken.

Is he okay?

I suppose so. At least, that's what the nurse said.

- Nurse? - The one that took the X-rays.

What X-rays?

Well, on the way over there in the ambulance, the doctor said...

You called an ambulance?

Well, yes, sir, we had to,

on account of Ken couldn't walk to the hospital on that leg.

What leg?

The one he broke.

Johnson's leg is broken?

Yes, sir. So he's going to have to be in the hospital,

and he ain't gonna be able to take care of Rosemary.

And that poor girl is all alone.

What are we gonna do, Sergeant?

Well, Slater?

How do I look?

Fine. Okay.

You still think it's my fault that Johnson broke his leg, don't you?

I didn't say that, Sarge.

Yeah, but I know what you're thinking. The job should have been done by wire men.

Well, it was Pyle and Johnson who goofed,

and nobody is going to make me feel guilty about it.

Whatever you say, Sarge.

Well, Johnson's wife must have relatives to look after her.

They just moved here. There's no one.

Well, she's got to have friends.

No, they haven't been here that long.

- Hey, Duke. - Hi, Gome.

Hey, Sergeant. Can I have an overnight pass?

I'd like to stay over at Ken's, in case Rosemary needs any help.

Ken said he'd feel a whole lot better knowing I was there,

since he's stuck here in the hospital. It's the least I can do.

This... this never should have happened to Ken in the first place.

What's that supposed to mean?

Only that this whole thing's my fault.

Okay. Okay.

Just keep that in mind.

You see? Pyle knows.

Thank you, Sergeant.

My, my! Don't you look nice?

I hope you go out and have the best kind of time.

Just enjoy yourself up to the hilt and have all kinds of fun,

and don't worry one bit about things.

Just tell Miss Bunny Gomer said hey, and congratulations.

Yeah, uh... are you going over there now?

- Yes, sir. - Well, uh... you need a ride?

Well, thank you, Sergeant, but you don't have to bother.

Oh, it's no bother.

It was nice of you to stop by, Sergeant. And I know Ken will appreciate it.

That's okay, Mrs. Johnson.

Gee, it's too bad about Kenny... at a time like this.

Well, to tell you the truth, I'm not really surprised.

He's been so shook up,

he was almost bound to have an accident.

And that's just what it was. An accident.

But he'll have one of those walking casts, so he should be back home by tomorrow.

Oh, you better get going, hadn't you, Sergeant?

Sergeant's got an installation to go to.

Oh, yes. Well, go ahead, Sergeant!

We'll be just fine.

You know, in a way, I feel safer now.

I just couldn't depend on Ken.

But with Gomer, I am in really steady hands.

Yeah. Sure.

Oh, poor Ken. He was going to check the road to the hospital tonight.

- Check the road? - Recommended in maternity cases,

so you know the best route to the hospital.

Sort of a rehearsal.

- I can do that. - [Carter] Uh, wait a minute, Pyle.

- How are you going to get there? - I don't know. Get a taxi, I guess.

It'd be better, though, if we had a car, wouldn't it, Rosemary?

Well, it would be better. But we'll call a cab.

A cab, huh?

Tell you what. I still got time.

I'll run you over. Then you'll be able to tell the cab the way.

- May I use your phone? - Well, of course.

I just want to check with Bunny.

Well, there's no need to bother, Sergeant. We'd be glad to get a cab.

What are you, a millionaire or something? I said I'd run you over.

We'll go through the whole thing.

And that way, you'll know exactly what to do.

Hello, Bunny?

Vince.

No, no problem.

I'm just going to be a little late picking you up.

[quietly] I gotta straighten Pyle out on this whole thing with Mrs. Johnson.

You know how he's always getting into things over his head?

Yeah.

Sixteen minutes door to door. Not bad, huh?

Well, are you sure this is the way we should come in?

What are you talking about?

That's the door, this is the hospital.

What do you want to do, climb in a window? Look, I got to be getting over to Bunny's.

Well, Sergeant, maybe we should ask, just to be sure.

Excuse me, Doc.

A woman is having a baby. We bring her in that door, right?

- Uh, where is she? - Oh, we left her at home.

You left her at home?

- Well, it didn't seem any point... - Uh, this is just a practice run, see?

For later, when the real time comes.

Anyway, this is where we bring her in, right?

No, not exactly.

You don't bring her in here?

Well, not in this entrance. The maternity entrance

is on the other side of the building. This is the emergency entrance.

You mean, you don't think having a baby is an emergency?

Not usually. This is reserved for accident victims and things like that.

Fine thing!

A guy slips on a banana peel, he gets right in.

But a woman having a baby,

she's got to go clear around to the other side of the hospital!

Maybe there's good reason for that, Sergeant.

Why don't you go to the maternity office, and let them explain the procedure to you.

Well, thank you, sir. We'll do that.

A fine way to run a hospital!

Next thing you know,

you'll have a different door for every disease.

Bunny? Vince.

I just got back from a trial run to the hospital.

I thought I'd give you a call before I took off.

Oh, she's fine. She's asleep.

I know, I know. I'm going to get you there on time.

Bunny, will you believe me? You're gonna get installed tonight.

Huh? Gloria's wearing a red dress?

So, all right... you wear a green dress. It's just as good.

- Sergeant, can I use the phone? - Pyle, I'm talking!

Well, when you get through, Sergeant, would you call Dr. Leon?

His number is right here in this book.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We're going now.

- Well, go. - We'll get a cab downstairs.

Will you go?

Huh? Oh, nothing. Just you-know-who.

Anyway, I'm on my way. I got everything under control here.

It's all going to go off as smooth as silk.

Yeah. [chuckles] Goodbye.

Call the doctor?

Wait for me!

Doctor... doctor... what's it...?

Doctor, uh... Leon. Leon.

Bunny? Vince.

At the hospital.

I know it's late, but the baby started coming,

and, well, naturally, I had to handle things.

Huh? Well, believe me...

- You're with Mrs. Johnson? - Well, yes, sir.

She just had a fine baby girl. They're both doing beautifully.

No, really... I did!

Hey, Sergeant, did you hear that?

- It's a baby girl. - What?

The doctor says the baby's here.

- Wait till Ken hears this! - Did you hear that, Bunny?

The baby came! Yeah.

I think he said it was a girl. Yeah. Now, look.

- Here's what we should do. - Hey, Ken, it's a girl!

You grab the camera. I'll meet you there.

How much does she weigh? I'll go find out. Just a minute.

Sergeant, I'm gonna find out how much she weighs.

Huh? Yeah, he's going to find out.

This is Sergeant Carter.

Take it easy, will ya?

No, not you. I got Johnson on the other...

Look, Johnson, relax. She's fine.

Now, look.

You'll make it if you'll stop talking and call a cab.

Sergeant, tell Johnson it's 7 pounds, 8 ounces.

It's 7 pounds, 8 ounces.

Uh, 7 pounds, 8 ounces.

- What color eyes? - I'll go find out.

Look, uh, I'm sorry, honey.

No, not you, Johnson.

This place is a madhouse.

Look, I'm leaving right away.

Oh, boy.

Huh? No, Johnson. I didn't say boy.

It's a girl! Color eyes?

He's gone to find out.

Right! Grab a cab and I'll meet you there.

No, not you, Johnson! You stay right where you are.

Huh? Now, what kind of dress do I really like?

- Blue. - Uh, blue.

Uh, red!

Uh, no.

Rosemary's baby don't have red eyes, they're blue.

Look, Bunny, we're wasting time.

I'll see you there.

Johnson, everything is all right.

Relax!

No, I didn't see her.

Pyle will see the baby and he'll give you a call.

Boy! You should have heard that guy.

I never heard such carrying on!

Well, you know, after all, a baby.

So? A baby!

We were all babies once. There are a million born every day.

That's no reason for a man to go completely out of his head.

Look, uh, I gotta get out of here.

- Hey, Sergeant? - Huh?

They said we could see the baby in a few minutes.

Go! I got an installation to go to.

- Have a good time, Sergeant. - Yeah, yeah.

Are you going to look at the baby after all, Sergeant?

Well, I figured, since I'm Johnson's senior non-commissioned officer,

I should check it out.

Oh, here she comes now.

[Gomer mouths]

Yes, it is!

Go-o-Olly! Ain't she the sweetest thing?

That Ken is going to be the happiest man in this world.

[baby gurgles]

Look at them little fingers.

Ain't they something?

Even got little fingernails!

Hey, look. She smiled at me.

She really did... right at me!

She can barely open her eyes, but she smiled at me.

Didn't you smile at your Uncle Vince?

Sure you did.

Did you see that, Pyle?

Did you see how she smiled at me as soon as she saw me?

Well, to be truthful with you, Sergeant, she can't see yet.

Oh, yeah?

Well, how do you explain the smile?

I don't know.

She probably just had a little gas.

But I'm sure Miss Bunny would understand, Sergeant.

I never showed up. That's what she understands.

But you could just explain to her how time just slipped by,

what with looking at the baby.

It's no use, Pyle.

I've ruined her big night.

Knowing her...

she wouldn't even answer the phone.

Hello, Miss Bunny?

Well, this is Gomer.

I'm calling you up to explain why Sergeant Carter didn't get there.

Pyle, what are you doing? I thought I told you...

- It's Miss Bunny, Sergeant. - Huh?

I told her about everything, and she understands completely.

But I think she'd kind of like to tell you personal-like herself.

Uh... hello?

Oh. Hi, hon.

[chuckles]

Sure. I knew you would, pussycat.

Of course I do!

Look, it's still early.

Twenty minutes?

Lover boy is on his way.

[chuckles]

Sergeant, I know I told you to dress, but this is ridiculous!