All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S05E13 Hit and Write 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle, USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

Sergeant, I don't think you can make it.
It's kind of short.

Oh, yeah? Watch this, Pyle.

I'll show you how it's done.
This is the way an expert does it.

First, you cut it hard, see?

[tires squeal]

And exactly the right moment,
you cut it hard the other way.

- [tires squeak, thud]
- Uh-oh.

- There we are, Pyle.
- Sergeant, you hit the car ahead of us.

- What? I what?
- You hit the car ahead of us. I heard it.

- Your bumper must have got caught on his.
- I didn't hear anything.

You was turned around,
looking in the back. That's probably...

You must be out of your head, Pyle!
I never even touched him.

- Is there any damage, Sergeant?
- No, nothing.

I told you I never touched him.
Come on, let's go, Pyle.

- Well, wait a minute, Sergeant.
- What's the matter?

- There's a scratch here.
- Oh, yeah?

- Where? I didn't see anything.
- Right here.

If you lean over this way,
you can see it from this angle.

Oh, yeah.

But, Sergeant, you're not gonna
just leave, are you?

- Well, why not?
- Well, you damaged this fella's car.

It was an accident, but it was your fault.

Well, what do you expect me
to do about it?

If the guy was here,
I'd tell him I'm sorry,

but it's after six, Pyle,
and I got a date with Bunny for dinner.

But if you leave the scene of an accident,
Sergeant, that's hit and run.

Hit and run?! It's a little scratch!

You take a cloth and some polish
and just rub it out.

Uh-uh, Sergeant, not with this.
To really fix this up,

you've got to sand the paint off,
and then cover it with primer,

and then blend some new paint in.
It's at least a $10 job.

$10?!

Uh-huh, but you've got insurance.
That ought to cover it.

I ain't gonna put in a claim for something
like that. They'll raise my rates!

Look, I gotta go, Pyle. I'm going.

- All right, Sergeant.
- Yeah.

- What are you doing, Pyle?
- Nothing, Sergeant. Just standing here.

- I thought you were going to a movie.
- Well, I am,

but I thought I'd wait on the fella
that owns this car to come back.

You mean you're gonna wait for him and
tell him I put that scratch on his fender?

Well, don't worry, Sergeant. I'll take the
blame since I was the one directing you.

But it's only fair that I tell him that
you was the one behind the wheel.

It's the only honorable thing to do,
Sergeant. Don't you agree?

If more people would own up
to their mistakes,

- there wouldn't be any need to...
- Okay, okay, I'll write the guy a note.

Oh, good, Sergeant! I just know
you're gonna feel better about this!

It's just like Grandma Pyle
used to always say,

"If my conscience ain't right,
I'm up half the night.

But if my conscience is clean,
I sleep till 8:15."

Yeah, yeah. I put down my name
and my phone number

and I told him I'd pay for the damage.
Here, put this on the guy's window.

I sure will, Sergeant. I just know
you're gonna be happy about this.

"If my conscience ain't right,
I'm up half the night.

If my conscience is clean,
I sleep till 8:15."

Company B, Sergeant Carter here.

Who? Whipple?

Well, what can I do for you, Mr...

Oh! Oh, yeah, my note. Yeah, that was me.

Well, thank you very much.

Sure, I know, most guys would,
but, uh, I just ain't built that way.

Right. There's still some of us good guys
left in the world. [chuckles]

Well, what's it gonna cost me,
Mr. Whipple?

Estimates?

What do you need estimates for?
It was just a...

What?

What?!

$235?!

For what? It was just a scratch!

Huh?

What extensive damage?!

Look, mister, I don't know what your
racket is, but you got the wrong guy.

I ain't about to pay you 235 clams!

Well, do anything you like!

Go-Olly, Sergeant.
I find that hard to believe.

Of course you do, Pyle.
As far as you're concerned,

the whole world's
one big Mother Goose story.

- I sure am sorry, Sergeant.
- Oh, sure you're sorry.

You're always sorry. But that don't
keep you from being stupid.

Well, are you gonna have to pay him?

Oh, no, Pyle. I ain't stupid.

But some other dummy
probably would've paid him,

and it all would have been made possible
by you, Pyle.

You, Mr. Nice Guy.

Excuse me.
I'm looking for a Sergeant Carter.

Could you tell me where I might find him?

Yeah, I'm Carter. What can I do for you?

Oh, really?

You're Sergeant Carter, hm?

Well, I'm Harry Whipple.

Oh. So, you're Whipple, huh?

Yes, and I'd like to ask you one question,
Sergeant.

Are you gonna pay me or not?

Come on, you gotta be kidding!

You know, you got a lot of guts
coming out here like this.

- I told you on the phone...
- You mean you refuse to pay?

Because I can take steps.

I was gonna give you one chance
to change your mind before I...

Well, I ain't changing my mind,
get that straight!

You got a nice little racket going
for you, but it won't work with me!

Now look, Sergeant,
I'm sure you don't want any trouble,

and I don't like making trouble
for a serviceman,

but I warn you, I will not hesitate...

Are you trying to scare me?
Because if you are, forget it!

I put one little scratch on your car,

a little scratch about that big,
and you know it!

I only know two things, Sergeant.

I got a note from you

and a badly smashed fender!

- What badly smashed?! I barely touched it!
- Really?

Would you like to step outside
and take a look at my car?

Yeah! Yeah, I'd like to see it!

- Come on, show me your $235 fender!
- Come on.

Pyle, come with me.
I wanna show you something.

Yes, sir.

All right, here it is, Sergeant.
Do you call that a scratch?

Holy smoke! Who did that?!

- You did!
- I didn't!

- Then who did?
- I don't know, but it wasn't me!

Look, would you please keep your voice
down? My wife is in there.

- Huh?
- Come on, Harry!

- How long we gonna fool around here?
- As long as it takes.

- I gotta get to the beauty parlor!
- You're telling me?

Listen to Steve Stunning.
At least I can get help.

Dearest, do me a favor.

Stay out of this and keep your mouth shut.

Gladly!

Go-Olly! That's the worst-looking fender
I ever did see.

And I didn't do it.
Pyle, tell him what happened yesterday.

- From the very beginning?
- That's right, tell him the whole thing.

Well, I was going into town
to see a movie.

It was supposed to be a real good one.

It was about this doctor
experimenting with dead people.

Oh, no, Pyle, not all that!
Just tell him about the accident!

Yes, sir. Well, anyway, Sergeant Carter
was parking the car and...

And his car hit my fender, right?

- Well, yes, sir, it did.
- [Whipple] A-ha! You see?

- He's a witness, Carter!
- No, no.

Uh, Pyle, tell him what happened exactly.

Well, I was trying to, Sergeant,
and he just didn't let me finish.

Anyway, Sergeant Carter hit your fender,
but he never did all of this.

He just made a little bitty scratch.

Okay, Whipple, there you are!
That proves it!

That doesn't prove a thing.
He's in your outfit.

- He's not gonna go against his sergeant.
- Will you come on, Harry?

- It's getting hot in here!
- So fan yourself.

- I haven't got a fan.
- Use your lip!

Carter, if you think that I'm gonna
believe his phony story...

- Are you saying Pyle's lying?
- That's right, he's lying!

Shame, shame, shame! I am not!

If you wanna know the truth, it was Pyle
that talked me into leaving that note.

- Right, Pyle?
- That's right.

Oh, really? That's the way it is, huh?

You were gonna run off
without leaving anything.

That's hit and run, Carter!

No! It just wasn't worth bothering about.

I only know two things. I got a note
from you and a badly smashed car.

Now, I ask you for the last time,
are you going to pay me for it or not?!

And I'm telling you for the last time, no!

Now, my advice is to get in your car
and get out of here before I call the MPs!

All right, Sergeant. All right, I'm going.

But you'll hear from me!
You're in plenty of trouble, understand?

Plenty of trouble!

- [knock at door]
- [Gray] Come in.

Sergeant Carter reporting as ordered, sir.

- At ease.
- I, uh, hope you don't mind, sir,

but I brought Private Pyle along

just in case we need him
for, uh, some collaboration.

Uh, yes. Uh...

This is Sergeant Carter and Private Pyle.

You know one of these gentlemen,
I believe, Mr. Whipple.

- Yes, sir.
- Howdy.

These other gentlemen
are Mr. Goodbody, his attorney,

and Mr. Marshall, his insurance agent.

Pleased to meet you.

You know what this is about, I'm sure.
The accident with Mr. Whipple's car?

- Yes, sir.
- Now, I've seen the car

and the note that you left,
Sergeant Carter.

What I don't understand is why you refuse
to pay for the smashed fender.

Well, it's very simple, Colonel.

- I didn't do it.
- Excuse me, Colonel.

I think Private Pyle
could clear this all up for us.

Exactly, Mr. Whipple.

Now, with the Colonel's permission, sir,
I shall proceed to cross examine

- Private Pyle here.
- Uh, that won't be necessary, Sergeant.

Colonel, if you don't mind, I'd like to
ask Private Pyle a few questions.

Well, this isn't a court of law,
Mr. Goodbody.

Oh, no, sir.
It's perfectly all right with me, sir.

And I'm sure it's perfectly all right
with my witness here, right, Pyle?

- Yes, sir.
- As a matter of fact, Colonel,

the private was a bit reluctant to speak
in front of his sergeant

when I talked to the both of them,
but perhaps here in your office...

Please, Harry, let me handle this now.

Private Pyle, as I understand it,
you witnessed the accident.

Yes, sir. See, I was going into town
to see this movie,

and Sergeant Carter said he'd be
kind enough to take...

Just tell us about the accident, please.

[Goodbody] Now, you were in the car?

Yes, sir, I was. I was directing him
into this awful short space.

"Awful short space." Huh.

Tell us what else happened in this
"awful short space" as you described.

Well, there's not really much to tell.

We was parking
and our car hit the other car.

To tell you the truth, Colonel,
I didn't even know...

Please, Sergeant.
Private Pyle is answering the questions.

Yes, sir. Go right ahead, Pyle.

Private Pyle, you say that
Sergeant Carter's car

definitely hit Mr. Whipple's car?

Oh, sure, there's no doubt about it.
I even heard it.

- You say you heard it?
- Yes, I not only heard it, but I felt it.

- But it wasn't...
- You felt it? How?

Well, you know,
a nice, new car like that,

it... kind of gave me a sickening feeling.

A sickening feeling?

Well, you know how it is
when your car hits something.

It kind of makes you sick right here.

I see.

Thank you, Colonel. I rest my case.

- Colonel, it was just a scratch.
- Sergeant...

[Gray] I'm in a very difficult position
here.

It's Sergeant Carter's word
against the word of this good civilian.

But from all the evidence I've heard,
I think there's only one thing

for the sergeant to do, and that's pay up.

- [Carter gasps]
- And that's what I want you to do.

- That will be all, men.
- Yes, sir.

Thank you, sir. Come on, Pyle.

It was just a little scratch.

A tiny scratch.

Sergeant Carter?

Sergeant Carter?

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about
what happened in the colonel's office.

All I did was tell the truth,
but they just took it wrong.

They put a different meaning
to every single thing I said.

- Okay, Pyle.
- As much as I hate to say so,

I think that Mr. Whipple
might be dishonest.

He could've done
all that damage to his car

and then tried to put all the blame
on you.

But don't you worry about it, Sergeant.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this
if it's the last thing I do.

Well... bye, Sergeant.

[doorbell buzzes]

- Yes?
- Excuse me, Ms. Whipple,

uh, my name is Pyle, Gomer Pyle.
I saw you out at the base yesterday.

Yes, yes, I remember. What do you want?

Well, is your husband at home?

- No, he's at work. Goodbye.
- Uh, Ms. Whipple?

See, the reason I wanted to see him
was to talk about that accident

my sergeant and I had
with Mr. Whipple's car.

I wouldn't know anything about that.
You'll have to talk to him.

And I'm getting dressed to go out
shopping and I'm in a hurry.

Oh, I see. Well, could you tell me
where I could get in touch with him?

I told you, I don't have any time to talk.
Goodbye!

- But Ms. Whipple...
- Goodbye!

[doorbell buzzes]

Are you still here? I told you,
I don't have any time to talk!

- Well, all I wanted was just to ask if...
- And I told you to get out of here.

Now, will you stop bothering me
or I'll call the police!

But, ma'am, I...

[engine starts]

[metal scrapes]

[groans]

[metal scrapes]

[tires screech and metal scrapes]

[groans]

[metal scrape and tires screech]

- Ma'am?
- [gasps]

- Where did you come from?
- Well, from just down the street.

I was just wondering
if I could talk to you for a minute.

I told you, I haven't got any time. Now,
get away, just get away from the car!

All I wanna do is to ask you
a couple of questions, ma'am.

Do you always drive like that?

- What do you mean?
- Well, I seen you hit that tree

and it just kind of gave me a thought.

Were you driving this car
day before yesterday?

I told you to quit bothering me!
Why can't you leave me alone?

Get off this property this minute!
I'm gonna call the police!

Well, all right, ma'am,
if that's what you'd like to do.

Go away!

You did it, didn't you, ma'am?
I mean, smashed that fender.

So when it happened, I panicked.
I just panicked!

- But why?
- It's a brand-new car.

The price sticker
is still on the back window.

I still don't think that's any reason
you can't tell your husband.

He'd never hear me.

He'd take one look at the fender
and then he'd start screaming at me!

You mean this is the first accident
you've ever had?

I've only been driving for two days.

For ten years, we argued about me
getting a license, and I finally won.

And the first thing I did
was prove he was right.

Well, it seems to me that anybody
that's been driving that short a time

is entitled to one mistake.

Don't you understand?
Our life is one long argument!

The only reason I was crying
is because this is the first time

Harry has been a hundred percent right

and he's never gonna let me forget it.

Well, I sure am sorry, Ms. Whipple.

Oh, sorry, sure.
Everybody is always sorry.

Oh, why did you have to interfere
in my life?

Well, I didn't mean to interfere,
but, well, my sergeant's innocent

and he's being made to take the blame
for something he didn't do.

Oh, I know, I know.

I just feel awful about it.

When Harry told me he was going
to the camp to see your colonel,

I tried to stop him,

but he just started screaming again!

Go-Olly.

You just don't know Harry.
He screams! It's terrible.

Yes, ma'am, I know, I've met your husband.

- He's a hollerer all right.
- Yes.

And when he hollers, I can't stand it!

Well, excuse me for asking, ma'am, but
what do you usually do when he hollers?

What can I do? I holler right back!

Just because a person's a hollerer,
don't mean that he ain't nice.

Take my sergeant, for instance.
He's a hollerer,

but down deep,
he's one of the nicest people I ever met.

Sure, so is Harry.

It's pretty deep,
but basically, he's nice.

Well, that's why I think you can stand up
to Mr. Whipple and tell him the truth.

Oh, no. Oh, no, no. No, I couldn't.

Maybe you could if you'd let me help you.

Who left this stupid lawn mower
right in the front walk?

Somebody could fall down
and break their neck!

He's home! He's coming in!

Now, look, you go out the back way.
That way, he'll never see you.

- But ma'am...
- Oh, please, don't you understand?

- He'll be in here in a second!
- But, ma'am, I'll just stay right here

and give you moral support,
and that way, you can face up to him.

No, no. No, I can't do it!
Just forget what I said!

I'll get the money
and I'll pay Sergeant Carter back.

You just get a hold of yourself. There
ain't no reason for you to get all upset.

Alice! I'm home!

I heard!

I mean, uh... hello, Harry.

What's he doing here?

Uh... Harry, uh... you remember Mr. Pyle.

- He's from the...
- Yeah!

- What are you doing here, Pyle?
- Well, I...

Did you bring me a check?
Is that why you're here?

No, I just came to straighten out
what really happened to your car.

- What?
- Well, you see, the truth is,

Sergeant Carter never did that damage
to your car

and, well, I'd like you to know who did.

What is this?

- Uh... Harry?
- Yeah?

Uh... I... He...

Would you like a martini, Harry?

Well, yeah, as a matter of fact, I would.

Good. I've got some all fixed.

Now, you say Carter didn't wreck my car.

Huh? Well, then, who did?

Well, uh...

Well... Well... the truth is...

Here, Harry, drink this.

Hey, I can't drink all that.
I'll get stoned!

It's all right, Harry. Take it.
I think you better.

All right, Pyle.
You got something to say, spill it.

Well... uh...

I don't think I'm the one
that should tell you this.

I think that the person
who should tell you...

- I did it, Harry.
- Come on, now, Pyle, cut the double-talk.

I know Carter did it. He left the note
and then he changed his mind, right?

But I got him dead to rights
and he is gonna pay!

It's my fault, Harry.
I smashed the fender.

I'm the one who wrecked the car.

I had the note from Sergeant Carter
and I let him take the blame.

You want some more martini, Harry?

You did it?

Yes, Harry, I did it, and...

and I'm as sorry as I can be.

You wrecked the car

and let me think someone else did it?

How could you do such a stupid thing?!

I threaten this man Carter, I go out
to the base and talk to the colonel,

I get everybody upset,
and you stand there calmly and coolly

and tell me you did it!

How could you do such a thing like that?
To me?!

It's bad enough you wrecked the car,

then you let me go
and make a jerk out of myself!

Don't you think?
Don't you use your brains at all?

I mean, after all, you're a grown woman!

I mean, you should have some sense!

And why would you be afraid to tell me?
Hm?

What am I? An ogre? A monster?

A raving beast
that you have to be frightened of?

You can tell me anything!
I'm a reasonable person!

You don't have to go beating around
the bush, afraid to open up your mouth!

You're right, Harry.

I'm your husband. You're my wife.

We've been married
for almost 20 years, right?

A human being
is allowed to make a mistake.

We're only human.

Everybody makes mistakes.

- Even I make mistakes.
- You're right, Harry.

You know what our problem is, Alice?
We don't communicate.

But you see?

Once we talk it out, everything is okay.

It's very decent of you to come here
and straighten this out, Mr. Whipple.

- We all appreciate it.
- Thank you.

Of course, I'll take care of all
the damages to the car. It's only fair.

Good!

Oh, well, excuse me, sir,
but, actually, that ain't completely fair.

After all, Sergeant Carter
did do some of the damage.

Oh, I figure about $10 worth.

Oh, no. That isn't necessary.

Well, maybe it ain't necessary, but I just
know Sergeant Carter wouldn't feel right

if you had to pay for all of it.
Isn't that right, Sergeant?

Pyle!

Well, all right, if you insist.
It is very kind of you.

Yes. It's very good of you, Sergeant.
Why don't you just do that?

Just send Mr. Whipple a check for $10.

Well, I'll let you men
get back to your duties. That'll be all.

Uh... Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.

Come on, Pyle.

- Sergeant, I hope you don't think I...
- Shh.

Well, what is it, Sergeant?

Shh.

What is it, Sergeant?

Pyle, you knucklehead.
You nitwit. You nincompoop!

Why did you have to
open your mouth in there?

I was off the hook completely
and now I'm stuck for ten bucks!

Why do you always have to be Mr. Nice Guy?

Couldn't you keep your mouth shut
once in your life?

Don't you ever know
when to leave well enough alone?!

Of all the stupid knuckleheads
I've ever known,

- you are absolutely the worst!
- You're right, Sergeant.