All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S04E22 The Carriage Waits 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

Hey, Gomer, a package just came for you.
It's outside the rec hall.

- A package for me?
- Yeah, a real big one.

- You don't say. How big?
- It's about this high and this wide.

Well, if it's that big,
it couldn't be just a friendship gift.

I wonder what in the world it could be.

Well, why don't we go over and open it up,
and then we'll know?

- Yeah, come on.
- Is it really that big?

- There it is.
- Gosh, it is big, ain't it?

You want to use my knife to open it?

What are you doing, Pyle?

I was just checking to see
if I could hear any breathing.

- Breathing?
- Uh-huh.

Last time I heard from Grandma Pyle,

she said she might
send me one of Gertrude's pigs.

Gertrude had a litter of seven,

and she thought I might like
to have one here with me.

That don't look
like a pig package to me, Gomer.

It's such a neat carton.

Well, Grandma would have wrapped it nice.

Outside of the fact that there
are no air holes in this carton,

I think I can safely say
there's no pig in here.

This happens to be
from Belmont's Department Store.

And the last I heard,
they don't have a pig department.

Belmont's Department Store?

Now, what in the world
could they have sent me?

I never even been in that place.

Gomer, will you open this thing?

- Here.
- All right. Be-- be careful there.

- Tipping it.
- Don't break it.

Rip it.

I'll get it.

Goodness sake. It's a baby buggy.

Well, that's what it is, all right.

- How come you got this?
- Well, I don't know. It's a mistake.

Well, it has your name on it.

G. Pyle, Marine Barracks, plain as day.

Well, I tell you, it's a mistake.

That's the only answer there could be.

Hello? Uh, this
is Private First Class Gomer Pyle,

United States Marine Corps.

And I'm stationed out here
at Camp Henderson.

And your store sent me this baby buggy
by mistake and--

Oh. Well, all right.

She's connecting me to Customer Service.

Hello? Uh,
this is Private First Class Gomer Pyle

of the United States Marine Corps,

and I'm stationed out here
at Camp Henderson.

And your store sent me
a baby buggy by mistake,

and I'd like somebody to stop by and--

Oh. Yes, ma'am. I'll hang on.

She's switching me
to the Shipping Department.

Hello?

Uh, this is Private First Class Gomer Pyle
of the United States Marine Corps,

and I'm stationed out here
at Camp Henderson.

And your store sent me
a baby buggy by mistake and--

Oh. Well, okay.

He says I want the Infants Department.

Oh, brother.
You should have made a recording.

Hello?

Uh, this is Private First Class Gomer Pyle
of the United States Marine Corps,

and I'm stationed out here
at Camp Henderson.

And your store sent me
a baby buggy by mistake and--

Adjustment Department.

What'd you do that for?

Because you're not wasting any more time
with those characters.

They'll keep you on the phone all day long

switching you
from one department to another.

If I were you,
I'd just forget the whole thing.

I agree, Pyle. You did your best.

I guess the only thing for me to do
is to take it back down there to them.

Take it back to them? Are you serious?

Well, yeah. Don't you see?

Somewhere there's a mother with a baby
waiting on this baby carriage,

and I'm going to see that she gets it.

Pyle!

Pyle!

What have you got there, Pyle?

Well, it's just a baby carriage.

Well, I know that.
I mean, what are you doing with it?

Well, actually I was
taking it back to town.

Pyle, is there something
you haven't told me?

Something I ought to know?
You can level with me.

That's what sergeants are for.

Golly, Sergeant.
There ain't nothing to tell.

Belmont's Department Store sent me
this baby carriage by mistake,

and I was just taking it back.

- It's not yours?
- Shoot, no.

What would I be doing
with a baby carriage?

It's just a mix up, one of them
strange things that happen now and then.

Yeah. One of them strange things
that could only happen to you.

Look, why don't you call the store
and tell them to pick it up.

Well, I did call them up, Sergeant,

but they kept switching me
from one department to another.

- I never did get no satisfaction.
- Okay.

Then just leave it here and forget it.

- Forget it?
- That's right.

You gave them their chance
and they blew it.

- Let them worry about it.
- But Sergeant--

Pyle, just leave this carriage here
and walk away.

- But Sergeant--
- Walk away, Pyle.

Yes, sir.

And don't look back, Pyle.
Don't look back!

Hut 2, 3, 4. Hut 2, 3, 4.

Ten-halt! Right face!

Dismissed!

Using it for a wood shed.

They ought to be ashamed.

Well, that does it. That just does it.

Uh, excuse me, ma'am.
Could I talk to you for just a minute?

Just a moment.
I'll be with you in a second.

Here is your credit slip, madam.

Now, if you'll just take it
to Adjustment on the fifth floor,

they'll give you your refund.

Yes? Now, what can I do for you?

Well, I'm Private First Class Gomer Pyle,
United States Marine Corps,

and I'm stationed out here
at Camp Henderson.

And your store sent me
this baby buggy by mistake.

Oh, no. Not another return.

Well, yes, ma'am. I guess so.

I did want to return it.

Well, what's the matter?
Doesn't it work?

Oh, no, ma'am. It works fine.

Well, what is it?
You changed your mind?

- You'd like something else, huh?
- Oh, no, ma'am.

I don't want anything else.

- You want credit.
- No, ma'am. I don't want credit neither.

- You just want your money back.
- No, ma'am.

You see, it's like this.

I don't want to exchange it,
and I don't want credit,

and I don't want my money back.

- I just want to return it.
- Uh-huh.

Is something the matter, ma'am?
Do you have a headache?

No. I'm all right.
I just shouldn't have come to work today.

[Gomer] Oh?

It's just one of those days,
nothing is going right,

and the silly part is,
it was right there in black and white

in the paper this morning.

I just didn't have sense enough
to believe it.

I don't understand, ma'am.

I'm Sagittarius.

Work and commerce are poison to me today.
Poison.

If you'll just wait a moment,
I'll get the assistant manager.

The Marine with the buggy.

I'll handle it.

Could I help you, sir?
I'm Mr. Kendall, the assistant manager.

Uh, yes, sir. I'm Private First Class
Gomer Pyle, United States Marine Corps.

Yes, yes, yes. Miss Beckett tells me you'd
like to return this carriage to us.

No refund or exchange or anything.
You just want to return it.

- Well, that's right.
- Yes.

- This carriage has been used.
- What?

Well, look at how dusty the wheels are.

Oh, it's been used.

Well, I had to wheel it a bit
to get it here.

And what's this splotch on the side? Mud?

Oh, that must have happened out in front.

There was this mud puddle, and a truck
passed by, but it's just a speck.

Yeah. Well, we can't accept
merchandise in this condition.

I mean, put yourself in our place.
A baby has to sleep in here.

You do understand, don't you, sir?

Oh, sure. But don't you see?

- I never bought this buggy.
- I don't care who--

I don't care who bought it.
We can't accept filthy merchandise.

Put yourself in our place.

- Well, what am I going to do with it?
- I don't know.

You might take it to a thrift shop,
but even there you'll have to clean it up.

I don't see why they should
accept filthy merchandise.

I'm not going to take it anywhere.
It don't belong to me. Don't you see?

Look, uh, I've got an idea.

Now, this is strictly off the record,

but the carriage was delivered
to you with your address?

- Yes.
- Then why not just keep it.

I mean, a store of this size?

They'll never miss it,
never in a million years.

- You mean steal it?
- I never said that.

I never used that word.

Well, it's the same thing.
If it don't belong to me, and I--

Sir, I didn't say anything of the sort.

- I've been trying-- All I'm trying to do--
- Sir, please keep your voice down.

- Anything wrong here? Any trouble?
- No. No, Mr. Johnson.

I was just trying to help this customer.

This is Mr. Johnson, our department head.

[laughs] Quite a confused situation.

He's trying to return
this filthy carriage.

It's been used,
but he insists we take it back.

- Oh, I see.
- And he says I ought to steal it.

Why, that's not true.
I never said that at all.

But that's what it amounts to.
I didn't buy it. It don't belong to me.

And you said I ought to keep it.
Ain't that stealing?

He said a store this size never
would miss it.

Is that true, Mr. Kendall?
Is that what you told him?

Why, no. Not in so many words.

You think you're going to get ahead
in the department that way, Mr. Kendall?

- No, no. Now, really, I--
- I want to speak to you privately.

Step over here for a moment.

What am I going to do
about this baby carriage?

Adjustments. Take the elevator to five.

Oh, Mr. Johnson, you're not going
to believe that ridiculous story.

- Boy or girl?
- What, ma'am?

Is the baby a boy or a girl?

Oh, I don't have a baby. [laughs]

Oh, just expecting, eh?

You have a lot to look forward to.

Oh, I should say so.

Just remember, don't be afraid
to handle it. They're not that delicate.

You ought to take one of those Red Cross
courses for expectant fathers.

They're very helpful.

Now, wait a minute, ma'am. You see--

Oh, he's embarrassed. Isn't that cute.

Having a baby,
there's nothing to be embarrassed about.

It's a perfectly natural thing.

I'm not embarrassed about that.
You don't understand.

I'm not even married.

[woman] I'm sorry, sir. We can give you
your money back or a credit slip.

But you just cannot leave it here.

Look, all I want to do is to see
that this baby carriage here gets

to the person that ordered it.

Well, we're just not set up for that sort
of thing here at Adjustment.

Why don't you put an ad
in the paper or something.

Well, I guess I might have to. I'm sure
not getting any satisfaction here.

Well, I'm sorry.

Now, would you mind stepping aside
so I can take care of the other people?

If I don't meet my quota of refunds, my
boss is going to start asking questions.

[elevator bell dings]

Uh, one moment there, sir.

You speaking to me?

Yeah, would you step over
to the side here?

Where are you going
with this baby carriage?

Well, I was taking it back
to the barracks.

I see.
Could I see your sales slip, please?

Sales slip? I don't have one.

Oh, well then, you better come
with me, and quietly, please.

No disturbance, eh? All right!
All right, coming through!

I got a shoplifter here. Coming through.

[indistinct chatter]

Now, I want you to understand
it's not our policy to accuse people.

We figure a shoplifter
is innocent until proven guilty.

Shoplifter? I'm not a shoplifter.

Well, you were leaving the store
with a baby carriage and no sales slip.

So, what goes, Mr. Pyle?

I told you, I got that buggy by mistake,
and I was trying to return it.

pfft.

Why didn't you telephone
us and have us pick it up?

I tried that, and they kept switching me
from one department to another.

Nobody wanted to talk to me.

Oh, come now. Belmont's is well known
for its extreme courtesy to its customers.

That's what I mean.
Your... your story just doesn't gel.

I'm telling you the truth.
I'm telling you exactly what happened.

Well, I have to leave for a few minutes.
I have a meeting.

You know how to handle this,
Leonard, right?

You bet, Mr. WELLMAN. Go right ahead.

Leonard will explain
how we dispose of these matters.

You know, Pyle, the only thing I can't
figure is why a baby carriage?

You say you're not married,
you don't have any kids.

- I told you I got that buggy by mistake.
- Yeah.

- You ever have a psychiatric, Pyle?
- A what?

I mean, you ever talk to a shrink?
They do terrific things nowadays.

I mean, you might find out you
really want to get married.

- You want to have kids.
- Now, look, mister--

Were you planning on stealing a doll next?
Make believe that was the kid?

Would you please quit
using that word, steal?

Yeah. We had another
weird one a while back.

A guy took tropical fish.

- Tropical fish?
- Mm-hm. Used a giant baggie.

Got all the good ones too--
angelfish and neons.

Didn't get a drop of water on the floor.

He knew what he was doing, all right,

but he was a sick boy, a very sick boy.

Mr. Leonard, you're talking to me
like I was a thief, and I ain't.

So I'm not going to stand here
and listen to any more of it.

Now, come here. Take it easy, Pyle.
Just don't get excited.

Sit right down there. Look.

All you gotta do is sign this paper
saying you took the carriage,

and we won't even prosecute.

That is, if you never come back
in the store again.

What? Why, I never.

I won't sign any such thing.

Why don't you call Sergeant Carter
out at the base,

and he'll tell you exactly what happened.

What do you want
to drag your sergeant into it for?

All you gotta do is sign this paper,
then go out and get some help.

- You need help.
- I ain't going to sign anything.

Listen, you can get help
most anyplace nowadays.

They got these clinics where you can
just walk in off the street.

- No.
- Okay, okay.

I'll call your sergeant.
You wait right here.

[door locking]

In case you get any ideas
about wandering off.

You're sick, Pyle, and stubborn too.

Hello?

Uh, this is Private First Class
Gomer Pyle, United States Marine Corps,

and I'm stationed out
at Camp Henderson, and--

No. I'm not out at Camp Henderson now.

That's what I'm calling about.

You see, I'm right here in your store,

and I'm upstairs locked up
in one of your offices.

And that's the reason I was calling,
to see if somebody could--

What? You're going
to switch me to Maintenance.

Oh, never mind.

Oh, sir. Sir.

I'm mad at you.

- Sergeant Carter.
- [knock on window]

- Pyle!
- Boy, am I glad to see you.

What's going on? They called
and told me they were holding you.

What did you do?

Nothing. I tried
to return that baby carriage,

and now they think I
was trying to steal it.

Eh? I could have told you.

You try to do something good,
and you get kicked right in the teeth.

Well, I was just trying
to do the right thing.

Yeah, and look what happened.

Well, come on outta there.
This whole thing is ridiculous.

Well, I can't.
That officer told me to stay here.

And besides, I think he locked the door.

Huh?

Boy, have they got their nerve.

Well, climb over.
I'll give you a hand on this side.

- But Sergeant--
- Climb up. Climb up.

They got no right to keep you here.
Now, come on.

Come on. Let's get outta here.

But Sergeant, what about the buggy?

The buggy?

Yeah, the rightful owner
is probably still waiting for it,

and the store don't care.

So I thought I might run an ad.

I don't believe it.

After what's happened,
you still haven't learned?

You're still playing Boy Scout?

Well, I don't feel right
about leaving it here.

Pyle, did it ever creep
into that thick head of yours,

if the people don't get the carriage,

all they gotta do is call up the store
and ask them to send out another one?

I don't know, Sergeant.

As much trouble as I've had,
they'll probably never get it.

Pyle, I don't have time to stand around
here and continue this stupid argument.

If you don't get the message by now,
you'll never get it.

So you can do what you want.
I'm getting outta here.

[elevator bell dings]

Hey!

Pardon me, lady.

- Hey!
- Hey, Sergeant. Wait a minute.

Oh, brother.

Hey, you guys, stop!

Oh, my goodness.
It's Mr. Leonard, the store detective.

Come on, Pyle. Run!

Stop! Stop!

Hey, you guys, stop!

I really don't understand this,
Sergeant Carter.

Leonard called you to come out
to talk to us about Pyle,

and then he catches the two of you running
down the street with the baby carriage.

Yeah, well, the whole thing is ridiculous.

In the first place,
the carriage don't even belong to Pyle.

- Yes, we assumed that.
- Yeah, you don't have to tell us that.

I was just trying to return it.

But Mr. Pyle, you were going in the wrong
direction. You were going out, not in.

- Now, listen. Will you--
- And I suppose you were trying

to help him return it, huh, Carter,
when you were running down the street?

No. I wasn't trying
to help him return it.

You know, Mr. WELLMAN, these fellas
might be part of a Marine gang.

- Have you thought of that?
- A Marine gang?

Listen, you stupid flat-foot, I ought
to punch you right in the nose!

Don't do that, Leonard.

In fact, why don't you just
go back on duty.

- I think I can handle this alone.
- Yeah? You sure, Mr. WELLMAN?

- Yes, positive.
- Well, okay.

I won't be far away.

Nobody's going to punch me in the nose.

That'll be the day
when somebody punches me in the nose.

Don't worry about it.

Well now, gentlemen.
Let's see if we can't straighten this out.

Sure. I'm going to straighten it out.

I'm going to sue this store for false
arrest. That's what I'm going to do.

But nobody's been arrested,
Sergeant Carter.

We're only trying
to find out what happened.

[knock on door]

- [Wellman] Come in.
- Mr. WELLMAN?

[Wellman] Oh, yes, Miss Beckett. Come in.

Hello.

- Um, Mr. WELLMAN, I feel just terrible.
- Why? What's wrong?

Well, I checked on that baby buggy like
you asked, and I found the order form.

And I feel just terrible, Mr. WELLMAN.

- Uh, but it was my mistake.
- [Carter] Uh-huh.

See? See?

It was supposed to go
to a Mrs. G. Peale on Marine Avenue.

And, well, I must have been in a hurry,

and I probably scribbled, and the delivery
department typed it up wrong.

- A Marine gang, huh?
- I see.

Well, thank you, Miss Beckett.
That'll be all.

Oh, wait. Would you leave
that order form with me?

I'll take care of this matter personally.

Of course, Mr. WELLMAN.

I'm so sorry.

Well, I guess I owe you boys an apology.

- Oh, that's all right.
- Now, wait a minute, Pyle.

It's not all right.

I'm still not sure whether I'm going
to sue you guys or not.

Please, Sergeant. Believe me,
I feel terrible about this.

Uh, look. Why don't you select a nice gift
for yourself anywhere in the store.

- Well...
- Please.

I'll feel much better
if you take something.

Wait. Here.

How about this little portable TV?
Just came in this week.

I was trying it out.
It's a great little gadget.

- Aw...
- Oh, it's real cute, Sergeant.

It'll look real nice in the duty hut.

Come on, Sergeant.

- Well, okay.
- Good.

- Just like that?
- Oh, wait.

If you're worried about getting out
of the store without a sales slip,

I'll write you a personal note. Okay?

Now you can watch the fights
without going over to Bunny's.

- Yeah.
- Now, here. You see?

The controls are all right
down the side right here. See?

Oh, yeah. That's great.

Well, come on, Pyle. Let's get outta here.

Pick up the note, will you?

- Goodbye, boys.
- And thank you.

You know, I never have
been in this store before.

But I'll probably do a lot
of shopping from here on in.

- Come on, Pyle.
- Goodbye.

You see, Sergeant?
Everything turned out all right after all.

Yeah. If you call a big mess all right.

Wait a second.
You want to have some fun?

- How you mean?
- Look.

Let's shake the baboon up a little, huh?
Come on.

Well, what are you going to do, Sergeant?

Never mind. Just follow me.

[elevator bell dings]

[coughing]

Hey, you guys.
Where you going with that?

[Carter laughs] Is there something I can do for you?

All right, all right.
Where's the sales slip on this TV?

You hear that, Pyle?
He wants to know where the sales slip is.

What's the matter, Dick Tracy?
Don't you trust us?

The slip. The slip.

Okay, Pyle. Show him the note.

How do you like them apples, wise guy?

This is not a sales slip on a TV.

This is an order form for a baby carriage.

Guys, you're coming with me.

Nice and quiet, huh? No disturbance.

- Pyle, you picked up the wrong paper.
- All right.

Coming through, coming through!
I got a couple of shoplifters here.

Just remember, Pyle. This TV set
don't make up for what happened.

We were pushed around pretty good,
and it just proves my point.

People don't appreciate it
when you try to be a nice guy.

Oh, I think they do, Sergeant.

Do unto others
as you would have them do unto you.

I think more people
should follow the Golden Rule.

Yeah? You saw how they did unto you
in that store, didn't you?

Excuse me, Sergeant,
but this lady is here to see Pyle.

- Oh?
- This is Private Pyle, ma'am.

Oh, thank you.

Private, I'm Mrs. Peale.

- The baby buggy.
- Yes.

I just had to come and thank you
in person for what you did.

You know, when it wasn't delivered,
I could have ordered another one,

but my heart was set
on this particular one.

And this was the only one they had left.

So thank you very much for returning it.

Golly, ma'am.
I'm just happy everything worked out.

Well, it isn't often these days
that people take the time and trouble

to do something nice like this.

And I did want you to know how very,
very much I did appreciate it.

Thank you. That's all.
I just had to tell you.

- A real pleasure meeting you.
- Well, mine too, ma'am.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

And happy wheeling.

Well, wasn't that nice, Sergeant?

She came all the way
out here to thank us.

And did you hear what she said?
She appreciated it.

You see, Sergeant? She appreciated it.

Pyle, why don't you go do something,
like unto others.