All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E29 One of Our Shells is Missing 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

Okay, now if all
you mortar teams are all set up,

base plates secure,
we can get ready to fire.

Now, as some of you men may have heard,

this'll be our last day out here
of practice on the old Iron Farm.

Tomorrow morning,
a construction crew will be here

to start work on a new highway.

Some of the greatest
mortar teams in history

have left their craters out there.

Guys who could put a mortar shell
down a gopher hole blindfolded.

So, for old times' sake,

let's make this last barrage
a day that will go down in...

Pyle, just what do you think you're doing?

Oh, hey, Sergeant.
I was just signing the mortar shells.

- You're what?
- I'm ammo man today,

and I was just signing my shells
like I always do.

Is he kidding me, Slater?

No, Sarge. Gomer thinks it brings us luck.

- Luck, huh?
- Oh, yes, Sergeant.

I saw John Wayne do this very same thing
in Let's Go Leathernecks,

and not only did he capture the enemy,

but he also got the girl.

Well, you're not John Wayne,
and you're not gonna get the girl.

But you're gonna get something else
if you don't start firing, and now!

Oh, that's fine with me, Sergeant.

There's nothing I like better
than firing these mortars.

Putting that shell down the barrel,
and when it comes out going "whoosh!"

And when it hits going "boom!"

Whoosh-boom! Whoosh-boom!

Pyle, in exactly five seconds,

I'm going to give the order to fire,

and if your weapon doesn't go off,

I'm going to have
the next round directed at you!

Now, get ready to fire!

All right, the rest of you men,

commence... fire!

[explosions]

Ah, looks like our guys are doing great
for the last time out.

Most of those shells are right on target.

Yeah.

Well, it's like I always say, Boyle,

you give the men a little pep talk,
the benefit of your experience,

they'll come through for you every time.

It's sort of what you call
giving them confidence, you know?

Who's that?

- What are they doing?
- Probably looking for old shell casings.

They collect them for souvenirs, you know.

Yeah? Well, this ain't a souvenir shop.
They can get hurt down there.

Hey, you kids!

Get away from that truck!
Now, go on, beat it!

Don't come back
until you're old enough to join up!

Beat it! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!

[laughs]

Bradford, three shells.

Let's keep it moving, guys.
We want to be back in time for noon chow.

Dembrowski, three shells.

That's it, Dembrowski, easy does it.

Hey, look, Boyle, they're back again.

Hey, you kids,
this is government property!

Now, clear out of here,
or I'll have you under arrest!

Probably a bunch of dropouts.

All right, let's keep that ammo moving.

Pyle, three shells.

No, Sergeant, just two.

What do you mean, two?

- Where's the other one?
- The other one?

Well, I've only got two.
See? Look for yourself. One, two.

I know, Pyle. I can count.
But you're supposed to have three shells.

- What happened to it?
- I don't know, Sergeant.

Are you sure
I'm supposed to have three shells?

Pyle, every ammo man was given 20 rounds.

We fired 17.

17 from 20 leaves three!

That's right, Sergeant.

Then how come I only got two?

That's what I'm trying to find out, Pyle.
Now where's the missing shell?

Well, I don't know, Sergeant, unless
I left it out there on the mortar range.

But that's not like me,
leaving loose shells around.

Oh, really?
I think it sounds very much like you.

All right, everybody, out on the range!

Come on, Pyle, Boyle,
let's go have a look.

I know we'll find it, Sergeant.
It's just got to be out there somewhere.

All right, Pyle, where it is?
What did you do with it?

Well, I just can't
figure it out, Sergeant.

It's got to be around here somewheres.

Well, it doesn't seem to be around here.

How anybody can be so stupid
as to lose a 12-pound mortar shell?

That's what I'd like to know.
How, Pyle? Huh? How?

I know how upset you are
with me, Sergeant,

and believe me,
if we don't find that shell,

- I'd be more than happy to pay for it.
- Oh, that's real nice of you, Pyle.

And while you're paying for the shell,

maybe you can pay for the bulldozer
that's liable to blow up!

- Bulldozer?
- Yeah.

Or have you forgotten about
that construction unit that's coming in?

If one of their bulldozers
should accidentally run over that shell,

you know what's going to happen?
[imitating explosion]

Oh, that's terrible,
Sergeant, just terrible!

And while you're paying for the bulldozer,

you might as well chip in
for the driver's funeral expenses.

Oh, don't say any more, Sergeant.

And do you know who's to blame
for this stupidness, Pyle?

I am, Sergeant, I am.

No, Pyle, I am.

You may pull a stupid stunt
like losing a mortar shell,

but me, I'm your sergeant,

the one in charge,
the guy who's responsible.

When word of this
gets back to headquarters,

it's me that's going to be called
on the carpet.

Hey, Sarge,
maybe somebody walked off with it.

Walked off with it?
What are you talking about, Boyle?

Who would walk off with a shell?

Well, maybe those kids you chased away.
Could be one of them had sticky fingers.

He saw the loose shell lying around,
picked it up, and took off.

Oh, come on.

What would some kid want
with a live mortar shell?

- Blow up his high school?
- No, Sarge.

They take them into town
and sell them to these war surplus stores.

Huh? War surplus?

Oh, I don't know, Boyle.
It seems like such a long shot.

Please, Sergeant, please?
Let's go downtown and look.

The shell might be down there,

and just think how upset we'd be
if they sold it.

- Please, Sergeant?
- Okay, okay.

I guess anything's worth a try.
Come on, Pyle.

We're probably the only Marines in history

that ever went shopping
for a mortar shell!

[cash register bell dings]

[man] Thank you very much, sir.
Uh, can I help you, boys?

Yeah, listen...

...has anyone been in here
trying to peddle a mortar shell?

Could be, Sergeant.
We carry a complete line of shells,

but we're always in the market for more.
Uh, you've got some for sale?

Oh, well, no, we haven't, but we...

But do you know where you can get
your hands on some, right, huh?

Well, you've come
to the right place. We pay top dollar.

No, look, I'm trying to tell you,
we don't have any shells.

No shells? All right.

I'm always in the market for mess kits,
pup tents, rifles, helmets,

thermal underwear...

Say, uh, you know what I could really use?

A grenade launcher.

A grenade launcher?

Why in the world
would you want one of those?

It's for a special customer of mine,
a big game hunter.

Goes hunting for bear every year.

Uses nothing but grenades.

It's tough on the skins,
but he always gets his quota.

Look, Mister, I'm trying to tell you,
we don't want to sell you anything.

- We're just trying to...
- Oh, I get it.

You're a little shy, right?

But when you do business
with the T & L Surplus Store,

we ask no questions.

Just ask the guy
who came in here a year ago

and sold me a staff car.

A staff car?

An officer's staff car?

Look, where he got it is his business.

He used to come in here every week
with a... with a duffle bag full of parts.

We assembled the whole thing
out in the back yard,

then sold it to a used car dealer
in Pasadena.

Okay, okay.
Look, Mister, we're wasting time.

We're looking for a mortar shell,
and if you don't have it...

Wait a minute. Mortar shells!
Why didn't you say so?

Have you tried our ammo department?

- Ammo department?
- Are you kidding?

Right this way, boys.

Here you go.

Now you boys just browse around,
make yourselves at home.

Help yourself, and don't forget,
we give trading stamps.

Wait a minute, Sergeant. I think I see it.

- Where, Pyle?
- Right here.

Right down at the bottom
of this pile. Here.

[grunts]

Hold that.

[grunts]

Unload these things, get right to it.

[grunting]

Pyle!

Just a couple of more, Sergeant.

Here it is.

Uh-oh.

My mistake. This is from World War I.

Pyle, get out of here!

Well, I'm just trying to help, Sergeant.

Never mind. I'll do the looking.
Just get out of here!

[quiet groan]

Well, I see you found
our military accessory department.

- Anything in particular?
- Well, not really, thank you.

I was just looking.

Say, how about a nice set
of captain's bars?

Really impress the folks back home
when you're on a furlough.

Why, I couldn't do that.
Impersonating an officer?

Why, I'd never dream of such a thing!

You're right. Good boy.
I was just testing your moral character.

Then, do you like war souvenirs?
I got just the thing for you.

- Huh? Look at that.
- Gee, a Japanese sword!

That's more than a sword, pal.
That's a genuine Samurai.

Captured from a famous Japanese general
on the island of Hayakawa.

Feel the heft. Huh?

Look at that. Handcrafted.

Uh, well, it's been in a war.
But, uh, don't worry.

We've got a lot of other things
you'll be nuts about.

Well, thank you. Not today.
Maybe some other time.

Uh, let me show you something back here
that's very interesting.

I guess that's just about it.

It's not here, Pyle,
and that's all there is to it.

Come on, let's get out of here.

Pyle?

Pyle!

Pyle, what are you doing
in that crazy outfit?

Well, he just wanted me
to try it on, Sergeant.

Said there was no obligation.

I'll make him a good deal on it,
too, Sergeant.

Even throw in an Iron Cross.

Get out of that stuff,
and let's get out of here!

Boyle and his war surplus stores!

Some wild-goose chase
this turned out to be.

- Wait a minute, Sergeant!
- Huh?

Look. Look over here
in the pawn shop window.

- What's in the window?
- Right there next to the ukulele.

I think... I think... I think that's it,
Sergeant. I'm sure that's it.

It's the shell. It's the mortar shell!

Yeah, it's a shell, all right, Pyle,
but are you sure it's the right one?

Well, you see those white marks on it?

Those are probably chalk marks.
You know, where I autographed it?

All right, Pyle, all right,
if you're really sure.

But just let me handle it.

The guy probably doesn't even know
it's a live shell.

There's no sense in scaring him.
Now, come on.

Ooh, hi, fellas. What can I do for you?

Well, uh, we saw something in your window.

- That thing that looks like a big bullet.
- A big bullet?

Yeah, it's really a 12-pound,
81-millimeter mortar shell.

Oh, yeah, I know
what you're talking about.

Now, yeah, sure. There you are.

- This what you're talking about?
- Yeah, that's it. How much?

Well, this is sort of a rare item.

You know, not too many stores have this.

I don't blame 'em.
Those things can really be dangerous.

Yeah, I guess maybe
if it falls on your foot.

[laughs]

Well, tell you what.

Being you're servicemen,
I'll let you have it for $5.00.

- We'll take it.
- That's more than fair, Mister.

The government paid a whole lot more
for it than that.

- Here you go, Mister.
- Okay. Now, wait, now wait.

No, thanks. We'll take it just like it is.

- No...
- We're in kind of a hurry.

- But you don't under...
- This is fine. Thanks a lot.

But... but I got...

Boy, we're really lucky, Sergeant.
We are really lucky.

Yeah, it was one chance
in a million, Pyle, and we hit it.

What's this cord doing here?

- A cord?
- Yeah.

What's going on here?

What is this thing?
What did you try to sell us?

Sergeant,
that's what I was trying to tell you,

but you wouldn't give me a chance.

It's nothing without this.

- A lampshade?
- Yeah.

You mean that thing is a lamp?

You don't think
I'd try to sell you a live shell?

I know what you're thinking, Sergeant,

but that might not look too bad
on your desk.

I don't get it. Where could it be?

I mean, a mortar shell
just can't disappear into thin air.

Well, there's only one thing
left for me to do.

I'll have to write a letter
to headquarters.

A letter? What kind of a letter?

"To Colonel Gray, from Sergeant Carter.

Dear Sir, it is my duty to inform you

that because of the stupid carelessness
of one of my stupid men,

there is now a live mortar shell
floating around the base.

I realize, as platoon sergeant,

that I am fully responsible
for this stupid act,

and I stand ready and willing to accept
the stupid consequences."

Please don't send a letter
like that, Sergeant.

You just can't go around taking
the blame for something I did.

Wait a minute, Sarge, I've been thinking.

What if that shell
were still out on the range?

What are you talking about, Boyle?

We searched every inch
of that range this morning.

Well, I know that, but what if somehow

- it got buried out there?
- Buried?

Yeah, it could've accidentally
got covered up.

Well, maybe it got covered up,
but how do we find it now?

By the time we get back out there,
it'll be pitch dark.

We can look for it
first thing in the morning.

The construction crew
will be there in the morning.

- By then, it'll be too late.
- No, wait a minute, Sarge.

You don't have to wait till morning.
I just got an idea.

Do you hear anything yet, Sergeant?

How can I hear anything, Pyle,
with you yakking in my ear?

If you ask me, this whole thing
is just a big waste of time.

Oh, don't say that, Sergeant.

I just know
if that shell's buried out here,

this mine detector will find it.

I'll go over this way and look.

[Gomer] Sergeant! Sergeant!

What's the matter, Pyle, you find it?

No, but I just stepped on a lizard.

A lizard?

I give up.

This is just another one
of Boyle's stupid ideas.

Let's get this stuff back to the jeep
and get back to the base.

Oh, let's don't give up, Sergeant.

Let me try it,
just for a few more minutes.

Well, all right. Here, take this.

Put these on.

I'll look over this way first,
where the ammo truck was parked.

[insects chirping]

I hear something, Sergeant.

Where, Pyle? What did you hear?

I don't know, Sergeant, but it's just
clicking away like crazy right here.

Well, come on, Pyle, let's start digging.

I got it, Sergeant.

You found it, Pyle?

- Good luck, good luck, good luck.
- You found it, Pyle? You found the shell?

No, Sergeant, but I found a horseshoe.

Lucky us.

A horseshoe?

That does it. I've had it.
Come on, let's get back to the base.

Well, can't we look
just a little bit longer, Sergeant?

- I just know we'll come up with something.
- Oh, sure we will.

Like maybe a rusty can of nails
and some other kind of junk.

Come on, let's get back to the jeep.

All right, stow that gear in the jeep
and get in, it's freezing.

What are we going to do now, Sergeant?

I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Pyle.

First thing in the morning,
I'm calling headquarters

and they'll call off those bulldozers.
How does that make you feel, Pyle?

All because of you,
those bulldozers will not roll tomorrow.

Well, I don't know what to say, Sergeant.

If I knew where that shell was,

I'd go over there and kick it
just to blow myself up.

Would you Pyle? Really?

That would be the first sensible thing
you've done all day.

Now, get in.

Whoosh-boom.

Whoosh-boom.

Whoosh-boom.

Gomer, is that you?

Oh, I'm sorry, Duke.
I didn't mean to wake you up.

- What are you doing?
- Well, you remember this morning

I lost one of my shells
out there on the mortar range?

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, what I was doing

is I was reconstructing the whole day,

hoping that way I'd remember
what I did with that shell.

Well, did you figure it out?

No. We've looked everywhere,
the sergeant and me.

I just don't know what to do.

What does the sarge say?

Well, that's what's bothering me.

If that shell don't turn up,
Sergeant Carter will be held responsible.

- He'll have to take the blame.
- Well, fine, let him.

If the sarge is gonna be the goat,
why worry?

I couldn't do that, Duke.

The whole thing's my fault.

Look, Gomer, go to sleep.
We'll take about it in the morning.

But I'm telling you, if the sarge
is willing to take the rap, let him.

You're in the clear.

[loud bang]

Hey, Sarge, what's the matter?

I'm sorry, Boyle. It's that darn shell.

I can't figure out what happened to it,
and it's driving me crazy.

Look, Sarge,
you did everything you can do.

Tomorrow morning,
you'll report it to headquarters.

They'll tell them to hold off
on the bulldozing work, and that's it.

Yeah... that's it.

Well, what's the matter?

Stupid Pyle.

He's going to get the book thrown at him.

Huh?

Look, Boyle, he's goofed up in the past,
but this time it's serious, real serious.

He might even face
a court-martial for this.

Who knows,
he could get thrown in the brig.

- That's true.
- I suppose I should just forget about it

and let him go hang,
'cause he's in trouble,

real trouble, and he knows it, too.

You should've seen him tonight.
He was ready to kill himself.

Well, he's not going to kill himself.

So what do you say, in the meantime,
we get some sleep, huh?

Yeah, I suppose so.

There's nothing more
we can do about it tonight.

[explosion]

Boyle, did you hear that?

- Yeah. What's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.

Somebody just set off a mortar shell!

Huh? How could they do that?

How should I know?
Maybe they ran over it with a jeep.

A jeep!

It's gone! Our jeep, it's gone!

Well, why would anyone take the jeep?

I just got an idea, and I hope I'm wrong.

[Duke] Hey, Sarge, that explosion,
what was it?

Nothing, nothing.

A truck just backfired.

Go back to sleep.

That's what I was afraid of.

It was Pyle.

The somebody that ran over
the mortar with a jeep was Pyle.

How do you know it's him, Sarge?
How can you be sure?

I'll tell you how come, Boyle.
Put two and two together.

The jeep's gone, Pyle's gone.

- But, Sarge...
- He pleaded with me

to let him go back out there.
I said no, but he went anyway.

- He actually went out there.
- But, Sarge, how do you know?

Then where else is he, Boyle, huh, where?

No...

I guess he was determined
to go out there and find it.

Well, he found it, all right.

- Sarge...
- No, he was plenty worried.

He must've realized
he would get a court-martial for this.

Well, what would be so terrible
about a court-martial, huh?

At least he'd be alive.

But Sarge,
you're taking so much for granted.

Why don't we go out there and take a look?

- Huh?
- [Gomer] Sergeant Carter! Sergeant Carter!

Hey, Sergeant Carter.
Boy, am I glad to see you.

- Hi, Corporal Boyle.
- Pyle, are you okay?

Sure, I'm okay, but just wait
till you hear the good news!

- I found the missing shell.
- [Carter] I know, Pyle, I heard.

You're lucky you weren't killed.

What made you go out there
looking all by yourself?

Well, I couldn't let you accept the blame
for something I did.

I mean, how could I live with myself?

Okay, okay, now what happened?
Where was the shell?

- How did it go off? How?
- You'll never guess, Sergeant.

You'll just never guess.

No, games, Pyle.
It's 3:00 in the morning. Where was it?

I was back in the barracks,

and I was reconstructing my whole day
out there on the mortar range.

And there I was firing my mortar,

then suddenly I remembered that one
of my "whoosh-booms" was missing.

Pyle, what are you talking about?

Well, rather than
explain it to you, Sergeant,

if you'll get in the jeep,
I'll show it to you.

So then, I came back over here
to the Weapons Room

to look for my mortar.

And praise be, Sergeant, I found it.

You found the mortar?

No, the shell.

You mean the shell was right here
in the Weapons Room all the time?

No, it was stuck right here in my mortar.

Don't you get it, Sergeant?
One of my "whoosh-booms" was missing

because my shell never fired.

I'll be darned. You had a misfire.

And then, just like the manual says,

I came over here and kicked the mortar
with the heel of my boot and off she went.

You had a misfire.

You see, Sergeant? All this time we was
worrying ourselves sick over nothing.

Makes you feel kind of silly, don't it?

Wait a second.

If you fired this mortar off in here,
that means that...

Pyle!

I know what's going through
your mind, Sergeant,

but I'm sure we can get it fixed
before the rainy season gets here.

Sarge, what makes you think we're going
to find a missing jeep here in town?

Because we looked all over the base,
Boyle, and it wasn't there,

and you know what happened?

Stupid Pyle left it parked somewhere
last night with the keys in it,

and somebody stole it.

- You think so?
- Yeah, I think so.

It didn't drive off
all by itself, you know.

It was stolen, Boyle, stolen!

Hey, you see what I see?

Come on.

How do you like this guy?

- Has he got guts?
- What?

It's our jeep, Boyle.

He gave it a fresh coat of paint
and put this canopy over it.

- Huh?
- Oh, is he gonna hear it from me!

Hello there, Sergeant.

I see you looking her over. Are you
interested? I'll let you have her cheap.

Oh, you will, huh?

And you know
what I'll to let you have, Mister?

- A few years in jail, that's what.
- What?

You're gonna cut out

robbing this government property
once and for all, you crook!

- Police!
- Robbing? Wait a minute.

- Hold him while I get a cop.
- Will you wait a minute?

- Police! Police!
- Sergeant Carter! Sergeant Carter!

I found it, Sergeant.

Guess where it was? At the motor pool.

You see, I parked it in back
of the weapons supply shack

and one of the fellas from A Company
had driven it over there.

See, I told you we'd find it.

It's all right, Sergeant.
A perfectly honest mistake.

And I'm willing
to overlook the whole thing

if you'll do me one little favor.

Can you get your hands on a tank?