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1
00:00:02,544 --> 00:00:04,588
[marching band plays]
2
00:00:09,259 --> 00:00:11,803
[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.
3
00:00:14,806 --> 00:00:17,643
Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.
4
00:00:19,478 --> 00:00:22,564
Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.
5
00:00:33,617 --> 00:00:37,162
Okay, now if all
you mortar teams are all set up,
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00:00:37,162 --> 00:00:39,164
base plates secure,
we can get ready to fire.
7
00:00:39,790 --> 00:00:42,042
Now, as some of you men may have heard,
8
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,921
this'll be our last day out here
of practice on the old Iron Farm.
9
00:00:46,421 --> 00:00:49,091
Tomorrow morning,
a construction crew will be here
10
00:00:49,091 --> 00:00:50,551
to start work on a new highway.
11
00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:53,387
Some of the greatest
mortar teams in history
12
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:55,681
have left their craters out there.
13
00:00:56,348 --> 00:01:01,270
Guys who could put a mortar shell
down a gopher hole blindfolded.
14
00:01:01,270 --> 00:01:03,188
So, for old times' sake,
15
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:07,150
let's make this last barrage
a day that will go down in...
16
00:01:11,780 --> 00:01:13,907
Pyle, just what do you think you're doing?
17
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:17,327
Oh, hey, Sergeant.
I was just signing the mortar shells.
18
00:01:17,327 --> 00:01:19,788
- You're what?
- I'm ammo man today,
19
00:01:19,788 --> 00:01:22,541
and I was just signing my shells
like I always do.
20
00:01:22,541 --> 00:01:23,959
Is he kidding me, Slater?
21
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:25,836
No, Sarge. Gomer thinks it brings us luck.
22
00:01:25,836 --> 00:01:27,796
- Luck, huh?
- Oh, yes, Sergeant.
23
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:31,300
I saw John Wayne do this very same thing
in Let's Go Leathernecks,
24
00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,302
and not only did he capture the enemy,
25
00:01:33,302 --> 00:01:34,803
but he also got the girl.
26
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:38,265
Well, you're not John Wayne,
and you're not gonna get the girl.
27
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But you're gonna get something else
if you don't start firing, and now!
28
00:01:41,643 --> 00:01:43,478
Oh, that's fine with me, Sergeant.
29
00:01:43,478 --> 00:01:46,231
There's nothing I like better
than firing these mortars.
30
00:01:46,231 --> 00:01:49,526
Putting that shell down the barrel,
and when it comes out going "whoosh!"
31
00:01:49,526 --> 00:01:51,320
And when it hits going "boom!"
32
00:01:51,320 --> 00:01:53,155
Whoosh-boom! Whoosh-boom!
33
00:01:53,155 --> 00:01:55,407
Pyle, in exactly five seconds,
34
00:01:55,407 --> 00:01:57,200
I'm going to give the order to fire,
35
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:59,119
and if your weapon doesn't go off,
36
00:01:59,119 --> 00:02:01,163
I'm going to have
the next round directed at you!
37
00:02:01,163 --> 00:02:02,956
Now, get ready to fire!
38
00:02:04,333 --> 00:02:06,543
All right, the rest of you men,
39
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,962
commence... fire!
40
00:02:09,671 --> 00:02:12,424
[explosions]
41
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:25,020
Ah, looks like our guys are doing great
for the last time out.
42
00:02:25,020 --> 00:02:26,980
Most of those shells are right on target.
43
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,106
Yeah.
44
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:30,525
Well, it's like I always say, Boyle,
45
00:02:30,525 --> 00:02:33,987
you give the men a little pep talk,
the benefit of your experience,
46
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:35,781
they'll come through for you every time.
47
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:38,909
It's sort of what you call
giving them confidence, you know?
48
00:02:39,868 --> 00:02:41,161
Who's that?
49
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:45,499
- What are they doing?
- Probably looking for old shell casings.
50
00:02:45,499 --> 00:02:47,292
They collect them for souvenirs, you know.
51
00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:50,921
Yeah? Well, this ain't a souvenir shop.
They can get hurt down there.
52
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:52,881
Hey, you kids!
53
00:02:52,881 --> 00:02:55,884
Get away from that truck!
Now, go on, beat it!
54
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:59,012
Don't come back
until you're old enough to join up!
55
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,391
Beat it! Move! Move! Move! Move! Move!
56
00:03:03,016 --> 00:03:04,226
[laughs]
57
00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,937
Bradford, three shells.
58
00:03:06,937 --> 00:03:10,482
Let's keep it moving, guys.
We want to be back in time for noon chow.
59
00:03:10,482 --> 00:03:12,734
Dembrowski, three shells.
60
00:03:12,734 --> 00:03:14,861
That's it, Dembrowski, easy does it.
61
00:03:16,321 --> 00:03:18,323
Hey, look, Boyle, they're back again.
62
00:03:19,866 --> 00:03:23,286
Hey, you kids,
this is government property!
63
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:25,831
Now, clear out of here,
or I'll have you under arrest!
64
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:28,291
Probably a bunch of dropouts.
65
00:03:28,291 --> 00:03:30,293
All right, let's keep that ammo moving.
66
00:03:31,044 --> 00:03:32,754
Pyle, three shells.
67
00:03:32,754 --> 00:03:34,131
No, Sergeant, just two.
68
00:03:34,131 --> 00:03:35,757
What do you mean, two?
69
00:03:35,757 --> 00:03:37,551
- Where's the other one?
- The other one?
70
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,387
Well, I've only got two.
See? Look for yourself. One, two.
71
00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:43,598
I know, Pyle. I can count.
But you're supposed to have three shells.
72
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,767
- What happened to it?
- I don't know, Sergeant.
73
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:47,769
Are you sure
I'm supposed to have three shells?
74
00:03:47,769 --> 00:03:50,772
Pyle, every ammo man was given 20 rounds.
75
00:03:50,772 --> 00:03:52,232
We fired 17.
76
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:54,276
17 from 20 leaves three!
77
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,694
That's right, Sergeant.
78
00:03:55,694 --> 00:03:57,362
Then how come I only got two?
79
00:03:57,362 --> 00:04:01,408
That's what I'm trying to find out, Pyle.
Now where's the missing shell?
80
00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:04,745
Well, I don't know, Sergeant, unless
I left it out there on the mortar range.
81
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,080
But that's not like me,
leaving loose shells around.
82
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,625
Oh, really?
I think it sounds very much like you.
83
00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:13,545
All right, everybody, out on the range!
84
00:04:13,545 --> 00:04:16,089
Come on, Pyle, Boyle,
let's go have a look.
85
00:04:16,089 --> 00:04:19,468
I know we'll find it, Sergeant.
It's just got to be out there somewhere.
86
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:24,431
All right, Pyle, where it is?
What did you do with it?
87
00:04:24,431 --> 00:04:26,558
Well, I just can't
figure it out, Sergeant.
88
00:04:26,558 --> 00:04:28,435
It's got to be around here somewheres.
89
00:04:28,435 --> 00:04:30,228
Well, it doesn't seem to be around here.
90
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:34,900
How anybody can be so stupid
as to lose a 12-pound mortar shell?
91
00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:38,320
That's what I'd like to know.
How, Pyle? Huh? How?
92
00:04:38,320 --> 00:04:40,864
I know how upset you are
with me, Sergeant,
93
00:04:40,864 --> 00:04:42,699
and believe me,
if we don't find that shell,
94
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:47,996
- I'd be more than happy to pay for it.
- Oh, that's real nice of you, Pyle.
95
00:04:47,996 --> 00:04:49,873
And while you're paying for the shell,
96
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,667
maybe you can pay for the bulldozer
that's liable to blow up!
97
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:55,086
- Bulldozer?
- Yeah.
98
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:58,840
Or have you forgotten about
that construction unit that's coming in?
99
00:04:58,840 --> 00:05:02,219
If one of their bulldozers
should accidentally run over that shell,
100
00:05:02,219 --> 00:05:05,639
you know what's going to happen?
[imitating explosion]
101
00:05:05,639 --> 00:05:07,766
Oh, that's terrible,
Sergeant, just terrible!
102
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,726
And while you're paying for the bulldozer,
103
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:13,188
you might as well chip in
for the driver's funeral expenses.
104
00:05:13,188 --> 00:05:14,773
Oh, don't say any more, Sergeant.
105
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:17,692
And do you know who's to blame
for this stupidness, Pyle?
106
00:05:17,692 --> 00:05:19,069
I am, Sergeant, I am.
107
00:05:19,069 --> 00:05:20,654
No, Pyle, I am.
108
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:23,532
You may pull a stupid stunt
like losing a mortar shell,
109
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,325
but me, I'm your sergeant,
110
00:05:25,325 --> 00:05:27,828
the one in charge,
the guy who's responsible.
111
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:29,830
When word of this
gets back to headquarters,
112
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,998
it's me that's going to be called
on the carpet.
113
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:35,710
Hey, Sarge,
maybe somebody walked off with it.
114
00:05:35,710 --> 00:05:39,422
Walked off with it?
What are you talking about, Boyle?
115
00:05:39,422 --> 00:05:40,841
Who would walk off with a shell?
116
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:44,427
Well, maybe those kids you chased away.
Could be one of them had sticky fingers.
117
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:46,847
He saw the loose shell lying around,
picked it up, and took off.
118
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,265
Oh, come on.
119
00:05:48,265 --> 00:05:51,059
What would some kid want
with a live mortar shell?
120
00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:53,019
- Blow up his high school?
- No, Sarge.
121
00:05:53,019 --> 00:05:56,314
They take them into town
and sell them to these war surplus stores.
122
00:05:56,314 --> 00:05:58,149
Huh? War surplus?
123
00:05:58,149 --> 00:06:01,570
Oh, I don't know, Boyle.
It seems like such a long shot.
124
00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:04,739
Please, Sergeant, please?
Let's go downtown and look.
125
00:06:04,739 --> 00:06:06,157
The shell might be down there,
126
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:08,201
and just think how upset we'd be
if they sold it.
127
00:06:08,201 --> 00:06:09,953
- Please, Sergeant?
- Okay, okay.
128
00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:12,789
I guess anything's worth a try.
Come on, Pyle.
129
00:06:12,789 --> 00:06:15,375
We're probably the only Marines in history
130
00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:17,502
that ever went shopping
for a mortar shell!
131
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,256
[cash register bell dings]
132
00:06:22,090 --> 00:06:24,634
[man] Thank you very much, sir.
Uh, can I help you, boys?
133
00:06:25,343 --> 00:06:26,595
Yeah, listen...
134
00:06:27,929 --> 00:06:30,974
...has anyone been in here
trying to peddle a mortar shell?
135
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:33,768
Could be, Sergeant.
We carry a complete line of shells,
136
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:37,439
but we're always in the market for more.
Uh, you've got some for sale?
137
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:39,065
Oh, well, no, we haven't, but we...
138
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:42,068
But do you know where you can get
your hands on some, right, huh?
139
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,279
Well, you've come
to the right place. We pay top dollar.
140
00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,698
No, look, I'm trying to tell you,
we don't have any shells.
141
00:06:46,698 --> 00:06:48,450
No shells? All right.
142
00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:52,454
I'm always in the market for mess kits,
pup tents, rifles, helmets,
143
00:06:52,454 --> 00:06:54,080
thermal underwear...
144
00:06:54,080 --> 00:06:56,541
Say, uh, you know what I could really use?
145
00:06:56,541 --> 00:06:57,626
A grenade launcher.
146
00:06:57,626 --> 00:06:59,294
A grenade launcher?
147
00:06:59,294 --> 00:07:01,421
Why in the world
would you want one of those?
148
00:07:01,421 --> 00:07:03,715
It's for a special customer of mine,
a big game hunter.
149
00:07:03,715 --> 00:07:06,051
Goes hunting for bear every year.
150
00:07:06,051 --> 00:07:07,636
Uses nothing but grenades.
151
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:10,263
It's tough on the skins,
but he always gets his quota.
152
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:13,516
Look, Mister, I'm trying to tell you,
we don't want to sell you anything.
153
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,393
- We're just trying to...
- Oh, I get it.
154
00:07:15,393 --> 00:07:16,686
You're a little shy, right?
155
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:19,648
But when you do business
with the T & L Surplus Store,
156
00:07:19,648 --> 00:07:21,149
we ask no questions.
157
00:07:21,149 --> 00:07:23,276
Just ask the guy
who came in here a year ago
158
00:07:23,276 --> 00:07:24,694
and sold me a staff car.
159
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,446
A staff car?
160
00:07:26,446 --> 00:07:28,073
An officer's staff car?
161
00:07:28,073 --> 00:07:30,533
Look, where he got it is his business.
162
00:07:30,533 --> 00:07:34,329
He used to come in here every week
with a... with a duffle bag full of parts.
163
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:36,748
We assembled the whole thing
out in the back yard,
164
00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:39,668
then sold it to a used car dealer
in Pasadena.
165
00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,545
Okay, okay.
Look, Mister, we're wasting time.
166
00:07:42,545 --> 00:07:45,173
We're looking for a mortar shell,
and if you don't have it...
167
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:48,176
Wait a minute. Mortar shells!
Why didn't you say so?
168
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,928
Have you tried our ammo department?
169
00:07:49,928 --> 00:07:52,263
- Ammo department?
- Are you kidding?
170
00:07:52,263 --> 00:07:53,264
Right this way, boys.
171
00:07:55,850 --> 00:07:57,060
Here you go.
172
00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:59,896
Now you boys just browse around,
make yourselves at home.
173
00:07:59,896 --> 00:08:02,774
Help yourself, and don't forget,
we give trading stamps.
174
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,282
Wait a minute, Sergeant. I think I see it.
175
00:08:12,033 --> 00:08:13,702
- Where, Pyle?
- Right here.
176
00:08:13,702 --> 00:08:16,287
Right down at the bottom
of this pile. Here.
177
00:08:16,287 --> 00:08:17,455
[grunts]
178
00:08:18,123 --> 00:08:19,457
Hold that.
179
00:08:20,083 --> 00:08:21,292
[grunts]
180
00:08:22,252 --> 00:08:25,088
Unload these things, get right to it.
181
00:08:26,548 --> 00:08:28,425
[grunting]
182
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:31,553
Pyle!
183
00:08:31,553 --> 00:08:33,138
Just a couple of more, Sergeant.
184
00:08:37,350 --> 00:08:38,768
Here it is.
185
00:08:38,768 --> 00:08:40,353
Uh-oh.
186
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:43,189
My mistake. This is from World War I.
187
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,899
Pyle, get out of here!
188
00:08:44,899 --> 00:08:46,985
Well, I'm just trying to help, Sergeant.
189
00:08:46,985 --> 00:08:49,696
Never mind. I'll do the looking.
Just get out of here!
190
00:08:52,532 --> 00:08:53,867
[quiet groan]
191
00:08:58,204 --> 00:09:00,707
Well, I see you found
our military accessory department.
192
00:09:00,707 --> 00:09:03,126
- Anything in particular?
- Well, not really, thank you.
193
00:09:03,126 --> 00:09:04,169
I was just looking.
194
00:09:04,169 --> 00:09:07,213
Say, how about a nice set
of captain's bars?
195
00:09:07,213 --> 00:09:09,758
Really impress the folks back home
when you're on a furlough.
196
00:09:09,758 --> 00:09:12,052
Why, I couldn't do that.
Impersonating an officer?
197
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:14,095
Why, I'd never dream of such a thing!
198
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:17,474
You're right. Good boy.
I was just testing your moral character.
199
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:21,019
Then, do you like war souvenirs?
I got just the thing for you.
200
00:09:21,686 --> 00:09:25,148
- Huh? Look at that.
- Gee, a Japanese sword!
201
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:28,526
That's more than a sword, pal.
That's a genuine Samurai.
202
00:09:28,526 --> 00:09:32,405
Captured from a famous Japanese general
on the island of Hayakawa.
203
00:09:32,405 --> 00:09:34,240
Feel the heft. Huh?
204
00:09:34,240 --> 00:09:35,700
Look at that. Handcrafted.
205
00:09:38,369 --> 00:09:41,915
Uh, well, it's been in a war.
But, uh, don't worry.
206
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:44,125
We've got a lot of other things
you'll be nuts about.
207
00:09:44,125 --> 00:09:46,544
Well, thank you. Not today.
Maybe some other time.
208
00:09:46,544 --> 00:09:49,672
Uh, let me show you something back here
that's very interesting.
209
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:51,216
I guess that's just about it.
210
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,345
It's not here, Pyle,
and that's all there is to it.
211
00:09:55,929 --> 00:09:57,263
Come on, let's get out of here.
212
00:09:58,723 --> 00:09:59,974
Pyle?
213
00:10:04,354 --> 00:10:05,897
Pyle!
214
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:08,858
Pyle, what are you doing
in that crazy outfit?
215
00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:10,985
Well, he just wanted me
to try it on, Sergeant.
216
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,445
Said there was no obligation.
217
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:14,531
I'll make him a good deal on it,
too, Sergeant.
218
00:10:14,531 --> 00:10:16,157
Even throw in an Iron Cross.
219
00:10:16,157 --> 00:10:18,827
Get out of that stuff,
and let's get out of here!
220
00:10:20,245 --> 00:10:22,372
Boyle and his war surplus stores!
221
00:10:22,372 --> 00:10:24,499
Some wild-goose chase
this turned out to be.
222
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,921
- Wait a minute, Sergeant!
- Huh?
223
00:10:29,921 --> 00:10:32,465
Look. Look over here
in the pawn shop window.
224
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:35,135
- What's in the window?
- Right there next to the ukulele.
225
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,763
I think... I think... I think that's it,
Sergeant. I'm sure that's it.
226
00:10:38,763 --> 00:10:40,431
It's the shell. It's the mortar shell!
227
00:10:40,431 --> 00:10:44,269
Yeah, it's a shell, all right, Pyle,
but are you sure it's the right one?
228
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,187
Well, you see those white marks on it?
229
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:49,107
Those are probably chalk marks.
You know, where I autographed it?
230
00:10:49,107 --> 00:10:51,568
All right, Pyle, all right,
if you're really sure.
231
00:10:51,568 --> 00:10:53,403
But just let me handle it.
232
00:10:53,403 --> 00:10:55,905
The guy probably doesn't even know
it's a live shell.
233
00:10:55,905 --> 00:10:58,324
There's no sense in scaring him.
Now, come on.
234
00:11:01,536 --> 00:11:04,497
Ooh, hi, fellas. What can I do for you?
235
00:11:04,497 --> 00:11:07,417
Well, uh, we saw something in your window.
236
00:11:07,417 --> 00:11:11,004
- That thing that looks like a big bullet.
- A big bullet?
237
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:13,715
Yeah, it's really a 12-pound,
81-millimeter mortar shell.
238
00:11:13,715 --> 00:11:15,800
Oh, yeah, I know
what you're talking about.
239
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:18,428
Now, yeah, sure. There you are.
240
00:11:18,428 --> 00:11:20,930
- This what you're talking about?
- Yeah, that's it. How much?
241
00:11:20,930 --> 00:11:22,599
Well, this is sort of a rare item.
242
00:11:22,599 --> 00:11:24,350
You know, not too many stores have this.
243
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:27,270
I don't blame 'em.
Those things can really be dangerous.
244
00:11:27,270 --> 00:11:29,564
Yeah, I guess maybe
if it falls on your foot.
245
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:30,899
[laughs]
246
00:11:30,899 --> 00:11:32,442
Well, tell you what.
247
00:11:32,442 --> 00:11:35,111
Being you're servicemen,
I'll let you have it for $5.00.
248
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:37,363
- We'll take it.
- That's more than fair, Mister.
249
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,490
The government paid a whole lot more
for it than that.
250
00:11:39,490 --> 00:11:41,826
- Here you go, Mister.
- Okay. Now, wait, now wait.
251
00:11:41,826 --> 00:11:43,536
No, thanks. We'll take it just like it is.
252
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:44,913
- No...
- We're in kind of a hurry.
253
00:11:44,913 --> 00:11:46,956
- But you don't under...
- This is fine. Thanks a lot.
254
00:11:46,956 --> 00:11:48,333
But... but I got...
255
00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:51,002
Boy, we're really lucky, Sergeant.
We are really lucky.
256
00:11:51,002 --> 00:11:54,088
Yeah, it was one chance
in a million, Pyle, and we hit it.
257
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:58,009
What's this cord doing here?
258
00:11:58,009 --> 00:12:00,637
- A cord?
- Yeah.
259
00:12:01,179 --> 00:12:03,014
What's going on here?
260
00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,559
What is this thing?
What did you try to sell us?
261
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,603
Sergeant,
that's what I was trying to tell you,
262
00:12:08,603 --> 00:12:10,480
but you wouldn't give me a chance.
263
00:12:10,480 --> 00:12:12,565
It's nothing without this.
264
00:12:12,565 --> 00:12:14,734
- A lampshade?
- Yeah.
265
00:12:16,402 --> 00:12:18,279
You mean that thing is a lamp?
266
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:20,490
You don't think
I'd try to sell you a live shell?
267
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:22,659
I know what you're thinking, Sergeant,
268
00:12:22,659 --> 00:12:25,036
but that might not look too bad
on your desk.
269
00:12:30,500 --> 00:12:32,460
I don't get it. Where could it be?
270
00:12:32,460 --> 00:12:35,213
I mean, a mortar shell
just can't disappear into thin air.
271
00:12:35,213 --> 00:12:37,131
Well, there's only one thing
left for me to do.
272
00:12:37,131 --> 00:12:39,050
I'll have to write a letter
to headquarters.
273
00:12:39,050 --> 00:12:41,094
A letter? What kind of a letter?
274
00:12:41,094 --> 00:12:44,681
"To Colonel Gray, from Sergeant Carter.
275
00:12:44,681 --> 00:12:47,642
Dear Sir, it is my duty to inform you
276
00:12:47,642 --> 00:12:52,313
that because of the stupid carelessness
of one of my stupid men,
277
00:12:52,313 --> 00:12:56,359
there is now a live mortar shell
floating around the base.
278
00:12:56,776 --> 00:12:59,779
I realize, as platoon sergeant,
279
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:03,866
that I am fully responsible
for this stupid act,
280
00:13:03,866 --> 00:13:07,829
and I stand ready and willing to accept
the stupid consequences."
281
00:13:07,829 --> 00:13:09,956
Please don't send a letter
like that, Sergeant.
282
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,583
You just can't go around taking
the blame for something I did.
283
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,752
Wait a minute, Sarge, I've been thinking.
284
00:13:14,752 --> 00:13:16,921
What if that shell
were still out on the range?
285
00:13:16,921 --> 00:13:18,589
What are you talking about, Boyle?
286
00:13:18,589 --> 00:13:20,800
We searched every inch
of that range this morning.
287
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,343
Well, I know that, but what if somehow
288
00:13:22,343 --> 00:13:24,220
- it got buried out there?
- Buried?
289
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:26,222
Yeah, it could've accidentally
got covered up.
290
00:13:26,222 --> 00:13:29,183
Well, maybe it got covered up,
but how do we find it now?
291
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,436
By the time we get back out there,
it'll be pitch dark.
292
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:33,229
We can look for it
first thing in the morning.
293
00:13:33,229 --> 00:13:35,565
The construction crew
will be there in the morning.
294
00:13:35,565 --> 00:13:37,775
- By then, it'll be too late.
- No, wait a minute, Sarge.
295
00:13:37,775 --> 00:13:39,986
You don't have to wait till morning.
I just got an idea.
296
00:13:44,032 --> 00:13:45,950
Do you hear anything yet, Sergeant?
297
00:13:45,950 --> 00:13:49,037
How can I hear anything, Pyle,
with you yakking in my ear?
298
00:13:49,037 --> 00:13:51,748
If you ask me, this whole thing
is just a big waste of time.
299
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,416
Oh, don't say that, Sergeant.
300
00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:55,793
I just know
if that shell's buried out here,
301
00:13:55,793 --> 00:13:57,837
this mine detector will find it.
302
00:13:57,837 --> 00:13:59,589
I'll go over this way and look.
303
00:14:05,762 --> 00:14:07,180
[Gomer] Sergeant! Sergeant!
304
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:08,848
What's the matter, Pyle, you find it?
305
00:14:09,515 --> 00:14:11,559
No, but I just stepped on a lizard.
306
00:14:11,559 --> 00:14:12,727
A lizard?
307
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:14,354
I give up.
308
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:17,565
This is just another one
of Boyle's stupid ideas.
309
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:20,318
Let's get this stuff back to the jeep
and get back to the base.
310
00:14:20,318 --> 00:14:22,028
Oh, let's don't give up, Sergeant.
311
00:14:22,028 --> 00:14:24,197
Let me try it,
just for a few more minutes.
312
00:14:24,655 --> 00:14:27,241
Well, all right. Here, take this.
313
00:14:29,327 --> 00:14:30,578
Put these on.
314
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:36,918
I'll look over this way first,
where the ammo truck was parked.
315
00:14:36,918 --> 00:14:39,045
[insects chirping]
316
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:47,345
I hear something, Sergeant.
317
00:14:48,054 --> 00:14:49,639
Where, Pyle? What did you hear?
318
00:14:49,639 --> 00:14:52,892
I don't know, Sergeant, but it's just
clicking away like crazy right here.
319
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,811
Well, come on, Pyle, let's start digging.
320
00:15:05,154 --> 00:15:06,656
I got it, Sergeant.
321
00:15:06,656 --> 00:15:07,824
You found it, Pyle?
322
00:15:07,824 --> 00:15:11,369
- Good luck, good luck, good luck.
- You found it, Pyle? You found the shell?
323
00:15:11,369 --> 00:15:13,913
No, Sergeant, but I found a horseshoe.
324
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,331
Lucky us.
325
00:15:15,331 --> 00:15:16,874
A horseshoe?
326
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,378
That does it. I've had it.
Come on, let's get back to the base.
327
00:15:20,378 --> 00:15:23,005
Well, can't we look
just a little bit longer, Sergeant?
328
00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,008
- I just know we'll come up with something.
- Oh, sure we will.
329
00:15:26,008 --> 00:15:29,720
Like maybe a rusty can of nails
and some other kind of junk.
330
00:15:29,720 --> 00:15:31,472
Come on, let's get back to the jeep.
331
00:15:32,056 --> 00:15:35,017
All right, stow that gear in the jeep
and get in, it's freezing.
332
00:15:35,017 --> 00:15:36,686
What are we going to do now, Sergeant?
333
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:38,646
I'll tell you what I'm going to do, Pyle.
334
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,857
First thing in the morning,
I'm calling headquarters
335
00:15:40,857 --> 00:15:44,026
and they'll call off those bulldozers.
How does that make you feel, Pyle?
336
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:47,613
All because of you,
those bulldozers will not roll tomorrow.
337
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,532
Well, I don't know what to say, Sergeant.
338
00:15:49,532 --> 00:15:51,033
If I knew where that shell was,
339
00:15:51,033 --> 00:15:53,286
I'd go over there and kick it
just to blow myself up.
340
00:15:53,286 --> 00:15:55,329
Would you Pyle? Really?
341
00:15:55,329 --> 00:15:58,499
That would be the first sensible thing
you've done all day.
342
00:15:58,499 --> 00:15:59,667
Now, get in.
343
00:16:25,359 --> 00:16:26,402
Whoosh-boom.
344
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:29,572
Whoosh-boom.
345
00:16:31,324 --> 00:16:32,742
Whoosh-boom.
346
00:16:34,702 --> 00:16:35,745
Gomer, is that you?
347
00:16:36,704 --> 00:16:39,165
Oh, I'm sorry, Duke.
I didn't mean to wake you up.
348
00:16:39,165 --> 00:16:42,251
- What are you doing?
- Well, you remember this morning
349
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:44,962
I lost one of my shells
out there on the mortar range?
350
00:16:44,962 --> 00:16:46,380
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, what I was doing
351
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:48,090
is I was reconstructing the whole day,
352
00:16:48,090 --> 00:16:50,760
hoping that way I'd remember
what I did with that shell.
353
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:51,969
Well, did you figure it out?
354
00:16:51,969 --> 00:16:54,931
No. We've looked everywhere,
the sergeant and me.
355
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:56,432
I just don't know what to do.
356
00:16:56,432 --> 00:16:57,642
What does the sarge say?
357
00:16:57,642 --> 00:16:58,893
Well, that's what's bothering me.
358
00:16:58,893 --> 00:17:03,022
If that shell don't turn up,
Sergeant Carter will be held responsible.
359
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,316
- He'll have to take the blame.
- Well, fine, let him.
360
00:17:05,316 --> 00:17:07,109
If the sarge is gonna be the goat,
why worry?
361
00:17:07,109 --> 00:17:09,320
I couldn't do that, Duke.
362
00:17:09,320 --> 00:17:10,905
The whole thing's my fault.
363
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:13,866
Look, Gomer, go to sleep.
We'll take about it in the morning.
364
00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:16,619
But I'm telling you, if the sarge
is willing to take the rap, let him.
365
00:17:16,619 --> 00:17:17,954
You're in the clear.
366
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:26,003
[loud bang]
367
00:17:27,547 --> 00:17:29,840
Hey, Sarge, what's the matter?
368
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:33,094
I'm sorry, Boyle. It's that darn shell.
369
00:17:33,094 --> 00:17:36,347
I can't figure out what happened to it,
and it's driving me crazy.
370
00:17:36,347 --> 00:17:38,641
Look, Sarge,
you did everything you can do.
371
00:17:38,641 --> 00:17:40,893
Tomorrow morning,
you'll report it to headquarters.
372
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:43,771
They'll tell them to hold off
on the bulldozing work, and that's it.
373
00:17:43,771 --> 00:17:45,314
Yeah... that's it.
374
00:17:46,023 --> 00:17:47,316
Well, what's the matter?
375
00:17:47,316 --> 00:17:48,693
Stupid Pyle.
376
00:17:49,443 --> 00:17:51,153
He's going to get the book thrown at him.
377
00:17:51,153 --> 00:17:52,446
Huh?
378
00:17:52,446 --> 00:17:56,826
Look, Boyle, he's goofed up in the past,
but this time it's serious, real serious.
379
00:17:56,826 --> 00:17:58,953
He might even face
a court-martial for this.
380
00:17:58,953 --> 00:18:00,705
Who knows,
he could get thrown in the brig.
381
00:18:00,705 --> 00:18:04,083
- That's true.
- I suppose I should just forget about it
382
00:18:04,083 --> 00:18:06,460
and let him go hang,
'cause he's in trouble,
383
00:18:06,460 --> 00:18:08,879
real trouble, and he knows it, too.
384
00:18:08,879 --> 00:18:11,674
You should've seen him tonight.
He was ready to kill himself.
385
00:18:11,674 --> 00:18:13,634
Well, he's not going to kill himself.
386
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:16,554
So what do you say, in the meantime,
we get some sleep, huh?
387
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:19,265
Yeah, I suppose so.
388
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:21,434
There's nothing more
we can do about it tonight.
389
00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,775
[explosion]
390
00:18:32,361 --> 00:18:34,071
Boyle, did you hear that?
391
00:18:34,071 --> 00:18:36,866
- Yeah. What's going on?
- I'll tell you what's going on.
392
00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:38,909
Somebody just set off a mortar shell!
393
00:18:38,909 --> 00:18:40,411
Huh? How could they do that?
394
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:43,331
How should I know?
Maybe they ran over it with a jeep.
395
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:44,498
A jeep!
396
00:18:53,215 --> 00:18:55,301
It's gone! Our jeep, it's gone!
397
00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:57,928
Well, why would anyone take the jeep?
398
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,600
I just got an idea, and I hope I'm wrong.
399
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,608
[Duke] Hey, Sarge, that explosion,
what was it?
400
00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:12,693
Nothing, nothing.
401
00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:14,278
A truck just backfired.
402
00:19:15,029 --> 00:19:16,405
Go back to sleep.
403
00:19:25,122 --> 00:19:26,415
That's what I was afraid of.
404
00:19:27,124 --> 00:19:28,376
It was Pyle.
405
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:31,712
The somebody that ran over
the mortar with a jeep was Pyle.
406
00:19:31,712 --> 00:19:34,256
How do you know it's him, Sarge?
How can you be sure?
407
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:36,676
I'll tell you how come, Boyle.
Put two and two together.
408
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,761
The jeep's gone, Pyle's gone.
409
00:19:38,761 --> 00:19:40,221
- But, Sarge...
- He pleaded with me
410
00:19:40,221 --> 00:19:42,807
to let him go back out there.
I said no, but he went anyway.
411
00:19:42,807 --> 00:19:45,518
- He actually went out there.
- But, Sarge, how do you know?
412
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:47,520
Then where else is he, Boyle, huh, where?
413
00:19:49,271 --> 00:19:50,314
No...
414
00:19:51,273 --> 00:19:53,984
I guess he was determined
to go out there and find it.
415
00:19:55,486 --> 00:19:57,029
Well, he found it, all right.
416
00:19:57,029 --> 00:20:00,074
- Sarge...
- No, he was plenty worried.
417
00:20:00,866 --> 00:20:03,703
He must've realized
he would get a court-martial for this.
418
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:07,623
Well, what would be so terrible
about a court-martial, huh?
419
00:20:07,623 --> 00:20:09,291
At least he'd be alive.
420
00:20:09,291 --> 00:20:11,419
But Sarge,
you're taking so much for granted.
421
00:20:11,419 --> 00:20:13,379
Why don't we go out there and take a look?
422
00:20:14,839 --> 00:20:17,591
- Huh?
- [Gomer] Sergeant Carter! Sergeant Carter!
423
00:20:22,012 --> 00:20:24,265
Hey, Sergeant Carter.
Boy, am I glad to see you.
424
00:20:24,265 --> 00:20:26,308
- Hi, Corporal Boyle.
- Pyle, are you okay?
425
00:20:26,308 --> 00:20:28,769
Sure, I'm okay, but just wait
till you hear the good news!
426
00:20:28,769 --> 00:20:30,980
- I found the missing shell.
- [Carter] I know, Pyle, I heard.
427
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,481
You're lucky you weren't killed.
428
00:20:32,481 --> 00:20:34,567
What made you go out there
looking all by yourself?
429
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:37,111
Well, I couldn't let you accept the blame
for something I did.
430
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:38,612
I mean, how could I live with myself?
431
00:20:38,612 --> 00:20:41,657
Okay, okay, now what happened?
Where was the shell?
432
00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:44,452
- How did it go off? How?
- You'll never guess, Sergeant.
433
00:20:44,452 --> 00:20:45,745
You'll just never guess.
434
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:49,540
No, games, Pyle.
It's 3:00 in the morning. Where was it?
435
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,125
I was back in the barracks,
436
00:20:51,125 --> 00:20:54,295
and I was reconstructing my whole day
out there on the mortar range.
437
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:56,505
And there I was firing my mortar,
438
00:20:56,505 --> 00:20:59,800
then suddenly I remembered that one
of my "whoosh-booms" was missing.
439
00:20:59,800 --> 00:21:01,385
Pyle, what are you talking about?
440
00:21:02,052 --> 00:21:03,971
Well, rather than
explain it to you, Sergeant,
441
00:21:03,971 --> 00:21:06,182
if you'll get in the jeep,
I'll show it to you.
442
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:08,768
So then, I came back over here
to the Weapons Room
443
00:21:08,768 --> 00:21:10,269
to look for my mortar.
444
00:21:10,269 --> 00:21:12,271
And praise be, Sergeant, I found it.
445
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:14,023
You found the mortar?
446
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,524
No, the shell.
447
00:21:16,192 --> 00:21:19,361
You mean the shell was right here
in the Weapons Room all the time?
448
00:21:19,361 --> 00:21:21,155
No, it was stuck right here in my mortar.
449
00:21:21,155 --> 00:21:24,450
Don't you get it, Sergeant?
One of my "whoosh-booms" was missing
450
00:21:24,450 --> 00:21:25,868
because my shell never fired.
451
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:28,621
I'll be darned. You had a misfire.
452
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,790
And then, just like the manual says,
453
00:21:30,790 --> 00:21:34,084
I came over here and kicked the mortar
with the heel of my boot and off she went.
454
00:21:34,710 --> 00:21:36,086
You had a misfire.
455
00:21:36,086 --> 00:21:40,090
You see, Sergeant? All this time we was
worrying ourselves sick over nothing.
456
00:21:40,090 --> 00:21:41,550
Makes you feel kind of silly, don't it?
457
00:21:42,301 --> 00:21:43,511
Wait a second.
458
00:21:43,511 --> 00:21:46,514
If you fired this mortar off in here,
that means that...
459
00:21:51,101 --> 00:21:52,353
Pyle!
460
00:21:53,354 --> 00:21:55,523
I know what's going through
your mind, Sergeant,
461
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:58,776
but I'm sure we can get it fixed
before the rainy season gets here.
462
00:22:06,909 --> 00:22:09,912
Sarge, what makes you think we're going
to find a missing jeep here in town?
463
00:22:09,912 --> 00:22:12,456
Because we looked all over the base,
Boyle, and it wasn't there,
464
00:22:12,456 --> 00:22:13,749
and you know what happened?
465
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:16,836
Stupid Pyle left it parked somewhere
last night with the keys in it,
466
00:22:16,836 --> 00:22:18,337
and somebody stole it.
467
00:22:18,337 --> 00:22:20,464
- You think so?
- Yeah, I think so.
468
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:22,800
It didn't drive off
all by itself, you know.
469
00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:24,677
It was stolen, Boyle, stolen!
470
00:22:27,930 --> 00:22:29,348
Hey, you see what I see?
471
00:22:31,433 --> 00:22:32,476
Come on.
472
00:22:35,479 --> 00:22:37,773
How do you like this guy?
473
00:22:37,773 --> 00:22:40,025
- Has he got guts?
- What?
474
00:22:40,025 --> 00:22:41,735
It's our jeep, Boyle.
475
00:22:41,735 --> 00:22:44,530
He gave it a fresh coat of paint
and put this canopy over it.
476
00:22:44,530 --> 00:22:48,117
- Huh?
- Oh, is he gonna hear it from me!
477
00:22:48,117 --> 00:22:49,618
Hello there, Sergeant.
478
00:22:49,618 --> 00:22:52,705
I see you looking her over. Are you
interested? I'll let you have her cheap.
479
00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,206
Oh, you will, huh?
480
00:22:54,206 --> 00:22:56,375
And you know
what I'll to let you have, Mister?
481
00:22:56,375 --> 00:22:58,335
- A few years in jail, that's what.
- What?
482
00:22:58,335 --> 00:22:59,545
You're gonna cut out
483
00:22:59,545 --> 00:23:02,089
robbing this government property
once and for all, you crook!
484
00:23:02,089 --> 00:23:03,549
- Police!
- Robbing? Wait a minute.
485
00:23:03,549 --> 00:23:05,676
- Hold him while I get a cop.
- Will you wait a minute?
486
00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:08,137
- Police! Police!
- Sergeant Carter! Sergeant Carter!
487
00:23:11,015 --> 00:23:12,516
I found it, Sergeant.
488
00:23:12,516 --> 00:23:14,560
Guess where it was? At the motor pool.
489
00:23:14,560 --> 00:23:17,438
You see, I parked it in back
of the weapons supply shack
490
00:23:17,438 --> 00:23:20,399
and one of the fellas from A Company
had driven it over there.
491
00:23:20,399 --> 00:23:22,151
See, I told you we'd find it.
492
00:23:25,029 --> 00:23:27,656
It's all right, Sergeant.
A perfectly honest mistake.
493
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,700
And I'm willing
to overlook the whole thing
494
00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:31,410
if you'll do me one little favor.
495
00:23:31,410 --> 00:23:33,203
Can you get your hands on a tank?
40436
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