All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E16 Gomer the Recruiter 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

[music continues]

Come in.

Sergeant Carter reporting as ordered, sir.

At ease.

Sergeant, how fast can you get your
gear packed and be ready to move out?

Move out, sir? Am I being transferred?

Yes. This morning we had
a memo from headquarters

regarding the new recruiting drive.

They want experienced platoon sergeants
to man the recruiting booths.

Yes, sir.

They're out to top
last year's record, Sergeant,

and they feel that a career man
can best reflect the image of the Corps.

Well, I haven't had much experience
in recruiting, sir, but if I'm needed.

You're being assigned to Hollywood,
one of our most vital areas.

Hollywood, sir?
You mean I'll be stationed in Hollywood?

That's right. Does it appeal to you?

Yes, sir.

[upbeat music plays]

And like I was saying, kid,

in the Marines,
we got what we call "esprit de corps."

Now in plain English,
that means "spirit, honor, pride."

So it's not a question of whether
you want to join the Marines or not,

it's if you're good enough.

Okay, Sergeant, sounds good.
Where are those papers?

They're right here.

Just sign your name.

Yeah.

Congratulations, pal,
you're practically on the team.

Now, here. You take this paper,
there's a jeep waiting on the corner,

it'll take you to the federal building
where they give you your physical.

And good luck to you, buddy.

Hey, Navy!

Navy!

That's number five,
and it ain't even noon yet!

[laughs]

Eat your heart out, swab jockey.

Don't give up the ship!

- Surprise, surprise, surprise.
- Pyle!

I just knew you'd be surprised to see me,
Sergeant, I just knew it.

You are surprised, aren't you?
You sure look surprised.

What are you doing here, Pyle?
How did you get here?

If you're worried about me being AWOL,
Sergeant, I got a pass.

Never mind your pass.
What are you doing in Hollywood?

It was fate, Sergeant,
just a stroke of fate.

I was down in Oceanside this morning,

just wandering around
looking for something to do.

They was fixing the street,
and I watched the steamroller for awhile.

Then I decided to go over to the drugstore
and weigh myself.

And I dropped a penny in, and out popped
this card, and guess what it said.

I don't know, Pyle.

"A hundred and seventy-three pounds"
and "You're going to go visit a friend."

And I thought, well,
who in the world could that be?

Then I happened to think of you, Sergeant,
up here recruiting.

So I hopped a bus
and decided to pay you a visit.

It was fate, just like I said.

Yeah, it was fate all right.
Well, you've had your visit, Pyle.

And I know you're anxious to get back, so

I'll be seeing you.

Well, to tell you the truth, Sergeant,
after that two-hour bus ride,

I was kind of planning
on a little longer visit.

Well, do some sightseeing.
Take a walk in the tar pits.

I seen the tar pits, Sergeant.
Remember I sent you that postcard?

Then go to the Hollywood Wax Museum
and talk to the dummies.

Go take a walk on the freeway.
Go do something, just beat it.

If you say so, Sergeant.

I just wish there was something
around here I could do to help you out.

Listen, Pyle,
one of the reasons I took this assignment

was to get away
from knuckleheads like you.

Now beat it.

Oh, good morning, pal.
You interested in joining up?

Well, here, why don't you take
a look at some of our literature?

Thanks, Sergeant. I'm thinking about it.

Well, pal, it's just like the sign says,
"The Marines build men."

Yeah, Sergeant, but I've heard
the training's pretty rugged,

and I'm not much in the muscle department.

Oh, the Marines don't care about that.

When you finish boot camp,
you'll be a new man.

You'll have your chest out,
your shoulders back, your head high.

You'll have muscles
you never even knew you had.

Pyle, what do you think you're doing?

I was just showing him what
the Marines could do for a person.

I used to be skinny myself.

You remember how I looked,
Sergeant, when I showed up?

Boy, I was a mess.

I was round shouldered
and spindly and all out of shape.

But you know what did it for me?

Push-ups.
Hundreds and hundreds of push-ups.

- Pyle
- But don't you worry.

I thought that I was just going
to collapse I had to do so many push-ups.

I thought I'd never make it,
but I did, and I'm glad I did,

and you will be, too.

- Pyle
- And the obstacle course.

Did you ever hear about
the obstacle course?

- It's tough?
- Is it ever.

First time I ever tried it,
I wrenched my shoulders

by just going over the wall.

And then I fell in the water ditch,
and I got my feet all tangled up

in the cargo net I was a sight.

But don't you worry about it.

Excuse us, pal. Pyle, come here.

Pyle, you numbskull, what are you
trying to do, ruin a prospect?

I just wanted to let
that fella know what to expect.

- I was just helping you out, is all.
- Well, don't help out.

Just get out of here now.

- But, Sergeant--
- No buts, just get out of here.

He's gone. Where'd he go?

- He went over there, Sergeant.
- Hmm?

Now, I wonder what made him
want to switch over to the Army?

Yeah, I wonder.

Pyle, you knucklehead,
we're trying to set an enlistment record,

and you just cost us a man.

Sergeant, I'm sorry,
I just thought I was--

Pyle, get out of here.
You understand? Get out of here.

Take a bus, a train,
I don't care, just get out of here.

- I'm ordering you out of the city.
- But, Sergeant--

Pyle, I'm gonna count to ten and you
better be gone. One, two, three, four!

[phone rings]

Downtown recruiting booth.
Sergeant Carter speaking.

Oh, Lieutenant Johnson.

What's that, sir?

How long, sir?

Oh.

Well, uh, what do
I do about the stand, sir?

Right.

Nuts. There goes another hour or more
of valuable recruiting time.

- What are you doing, Sergeant?
- I'm closing up, that's what I'm doing.

Headquarters wants
me to check on a recruit

I signed up this morning.

That's a shame you have to
close up, do you?

That's right, Pyle.

Gee, Sergeant, if nobody's here
and somebody shows up,

we're liable to lose
another man to the Army.

I know, I know, you don't
have to tell me that, Pyle.

Well, that's a shame, Sergeant,

with you trying to break
the recruiting record and all.

There must be something you can do?
Wait a minute, Sergeant.

- I'm not doing anything. How 'bout if I--
- No! No!

- Well, you would--
- No! I said no. N-O! It's out!

No, no, no! Never!

Would you like to think about it?

Pyle, I would have to have rocks
in my head to let you take over here.

Now forget it!

But, Sergeant I'd just be sitting here.

And if anybody come along,

I could just tell them to
wait until you got back.

Please, Sergeant, I feel bad enough,

you know, causing you to
lose that other man and all.

Pyle, I told you!

But I wouldn't say a word, Sergeant.

I'd just sit here
and maybe hand out some literature

and just tell them to
wait until you got back.

That way we won't lose
another man to the Army, Sergeant.

Please?

You'd just tell them to wait?
You won't do any recruiting?

You won't try to sign anybody up?

No, Sergeant, I'll just hand them out
some literature, and that's all.

Yeah, well,

maybe you could just keep the booth open
until I get back.

Wait a minute, let's just be sure.
Repeat this after me, Pyle.

"I'm sorry, you'll have to wait.

Sergeant Carter will be back shortly."
Say that.

I'm sorry, you'll have to wait.
Sergeant Carter will be back shortly.

Again, Pyle.

I'm sorry, you'll have to wait.
Sergeant Carter will be back shortly.

Now do you think you can remember that?

- Sure, Sergeant.
- Good.

Now I'll type it out for you.

[whistles]

Hey, there.

Oh, hi.
Could you give me some information?

I'm sorry, you'll have to wait.
Sergeant Carter will be back shortly.

Yeah, well, I just want to ask you
a few questions about the Marines.

I'm sorry, you'll have to wait.
Sergeant Carter will be back shortly.

What is it, a recording?

- You want to know about the Marines?
- Yeah, I do.

Well, I'm not supposed
to tell you anything, but come here.

Now this is off the record,
but if you want to join the service,

the Marines is about
the best branch there is.

You couldn't go wrong.
But don't tell anybody I told you.

Don't tell anybody?

No, on account of I'm not supposed
to try to recruit you or sign you up.

- You're not?
- No.

But the Marines are the best.

And if I was you, I'd join up.

But, remember, mum's the word. You got it?

Yeah, I got it.

Well, good.

This is Candid Camera, right?

And you're you're what's-his-name.
Hey, where's the camera?

Is that the camera back there?

[bell rings]

What's that?

That's part of the gag, right?

[mysterious music plays]

Well, wait a minute, sir. Fella?

I'm just gonna go take a look.
I'll try to get back to you later.

Well, if you wait, Sergeant Carter
could explain it to you.

Hey, there.

If you're interested in joining
the Marines, you'll have to wait.

Sergeant Carter will be back shortly.

You see, I'm just watching
this place for my sergeant.

And he'll be back in just a few minutes.

If you don't mind waiting.

I don't think I can wait.

Oh, well, please wait, sir.

Sergeant Carter will be right back,
and he'll explain it all to you.

And I'm sure you'll want
to sign up with the Marines.

What happens if I sign up?
What then? Do I move right out?

Oh, yes, sir.

You go right down to the federal building

and have your physical,
and then before you know it,

they ship you right out to
boot camp down in San Diego.

San Diego, huh?
They'll take me right down to San Diego?

Yes, sir. That's the induction depot.

Okay, good.
Give me the papers. I'll sign right up.

Well, I'd love to sign you up,
but I'm not supposed to do that.

Can't you wait?

No, I can't wait.

Look, you don't want me, I'll go right
over there to the Army or the Navy.

Now wait a minute, please don't do that.

I'm not allowed to do this,

but rather than lose you
to the Army or the Navy

well, I will.

Okay, but make it snappy, huh?

Yes, sir.

I guess the best thing to start
out with here would be your name.

Uh, Smith.

John Smith.

Smith.

John Smith.

That's a nice, easy name
for everybody to remember.

Let's see now, John,
if you'll just sign right here,

then they'll fill out
the rest of it for you.

Now you go right down yonder to that jeep,

and they'll take you down
to the federal building.

Well, congratulations, John Smith.

I know your folks
will be real proud of you

when they've heard what you've done.

On behalf of the Marine Corps,
wish you a world of luck.

Hey, Officer.

All those sirens I heard a while back,
what was that all about?

There was a bank robbery
just a few minutes ago.

- A bank robbery?
- Yeah, the National Bank.

- Happened just up the street.
- Well, did they catch the robber?

No, but they will.

Hey, Sergeant. Guess what?
You'll never guess what happened.

Don't tell me you recruited the cop?

No, Sergeant, there was a robbery,
and the robber's still loose.

Yeah, well, what about here?
Did anybody stop by?

Well, as a matter of fact,
there was one customer.

Yeah? Well, where is he?
Did you tell him to wait?

Well, he was in such
a hurry, Sergeant, that--

That what, Pyle? What?

Well, I had to sign him up myself.

You what?

Well, he was going over to the Navy,
and we had already lost one man, Sergeant.

- So
- Give me that!

John Smith?

Did I do the right thing, Sergeant? Did I?

Well, yes and no, Pyle.
You disobeyed an order!

But if it meant losing a recruit,
well, I guess you did do right.

Hey, you know, with this John Smith guy
and the ones I signed up this morning,

I'm doing pretty darn good.

Well, that's wonderful, Sergeant.

Well, it's getting chow time,
so I think I'll go get me a bite to eat.

- Uh, yeah, you do that, Pyle.
- Don't you worry though, Sergeant.

I'll be right back
just as soon as I finish.

You don't have to bother, Pyle!

[man] Big bank holdup! Yeah!
Get your paper here!

Big bank holdup! Hey, extra!

Read all about it! Big bank robbery!

Read all about it!

"Downtown Bank Robbery."

Do you know this happened right near
where I was recruiting,

just down the block?

Yeah? How about that?

Yep. This is it.

"The robbery took place
during the noontime rush hour.

The bank cashier reported that the gunman
was of medium height, wore dark glasses.

He stuffed the money
in a black leather bag,

fled from the bank,
and disappeared in the downtown crowd."

Medium height, dark glasses,
and carried a black bag.

Now, where have I seen that?

[mysterious tone]

Shazam.

Yes, sir. Going real good, sir.
I've signed up eight new recruits so far.

- Sergeant! Sergeant Carter!
- Quiet, Pyle. I'm on the phone.

Oh, thank you, sir.
Well, I was just doing my duty, sir.

Right. Good-bye.

- Sergeant?
- Pyle, what do you want?

- What did you come back for?
- Sergeant, I just had to see you.

Okay. Okay. So you're back.
Well, even you can't spoil this.

That was the captain.

I broke the recruiting record
in this area.

How about that?

That's wonderful, Sergeant.
Congratulations.

And I hate to admit it,
but it was that Smith guy you signed up

that put me over the top!

Well, that's what I had to
see you about, Sergeant.

That John Smith fella

I got my reasons to be
suspicious about him.

Suspicious? What are you talking about?

Well, I may be wrong, Sergeant.
In fact, I hope I am wrong.

But, according
to the afternoon paper here,

the bandit that held up the bank

had a marked resemblance
to that John Smith.

And it happened real close by, Sergeant.

And right after the sirens went off,

this fella came up
real anxious to join up.

What? Give me that.

Where does it say anything
about that Smith character?

- Where? Where? Where?
- Right there.

"The gunman was of medium height,
dark glasses, and carried a black bag."

That's him, Sergeant.

That description fits him to a "T",
the man I recruited.

- No!
- 'Course I have my doubts.

Why would a bank robber
want to join the Marines?

Why? I'll tell you why.

For a hideout, that's why!

The police probably have a dragnet
thrown around the entire city,

and a Marine induction depot

would be the perfect
place for him to hide out.

He'll probably lay low
at the base until the heat's off,

and then he goes AWOL!

AWOL! Then he'll really be in trouble.

No. I'll be the one in trouble
when they find out that my office

recruited a bank robber!

I just feel terrible, Sergeant.

Why didn't I let him join the Navy?

John Smith! When they hear
about this, I'll be the laughingstock.

"Carter the hoodlum recruiter."

"The sergeant
with a pipeline to the Mafia."

But they'll get him.
They're bound to get him sooner or later.

Yeah, Pyle, but the idea is to get him
before he gets sworn in as a Marine

so I won't look like
a dumbbell, you dumbbell!

We'll just have to go
down to the federal building,

and get him before
he finishes taking his physical.

Get him? How?

Well, we'll just walk in
and ask for John Smith, that's all.

That's all?

A guy on the I am, and you just go in
and ask for him by name. Brilliant.

Well, then we'll just have to go--

John Smith was a phony name to begin with.
He's probably changed it again by now.

Well, I'll just have to try
and recognize--

You really have to try, Pyle.
You really have to!

Golly! Would you look at that, Sergeant?

Which one is he, Pyle?
Do you see him? Point him out.

Well, I don't know, Sergeant.

In all that underwear,
that all look alike.

All right, you men, let's keep it moving!

Those of you have had
your eye tests, report for X-ray.

Sergeant, look! Over there!

- That black bag!
- Huh?

That's him, Sergeant. That's him.

I'd know that black bag anywhere.

So it's a black bag.
There's a lot of black bags.

But that's it. That's really it, Sergeant.

- I know for sure. Come on.
- Pyle.

- Shame, shame, shame!
- What?

Thought you was really
being clever, didn't you?

- I don't know what you're talking about.
- Can we see your papers?

Calling yourself John Smith.
I'll bet that's not even your name John.

Well, it isn't. It's Howard Goldsmith.

You were right, Sergeant.
He did change it again.

Goldsmith, what are you doing here?

I'll tell you what
he's doing here, Sergeant.

He's hiding from the police is what.

He's what?

That's right. He's a robber.
A fugitive from justice.

Just look in that black bag
and see what you find.

Just look in there and see what you find.

There's nothing in here but books.

Books?

Advanced Study of Molecular Physics.

Liquid Versus Solid Propellants.

- These are textbooks.
- What is this, Sergeant?

Goldsmith here is
an honor graduate from Caltech.

He's being processed and sent directly
to Officer's Training School.

Officer's Training? Pyle!

Golly, Sergeant, if you ask me,
I think we owe Goldsmith here an apology.

Maybe even a salute.

Sorry, Goldsmith.

Me, too. I'm just as sorry
as I can be, gentlemen.

Oh, come on, Pyle!

It was a terrible mistake, Sergeant,
and I feel just heartsick about it.

Don't talk to me, Pyle.
Just don't talk to me.

Of all the stupid mistakes!

Well, he's got to be in
this building somewhere.

I just know it, Sergeant!

Maybe he's taking one of
those written examinations.

- Why don't we check?
- I'll do the checking. You stay here.

You made enough trouble for one day.

All right, Sergeant. If you feel like
you can do better without me.

I'll just stay here
and keep my eyes peeled.

Yeah! And keep your mouth shut!

[mysterious music plays]

Sergeant Carter! Sergeant Carter!

- I've got him!
- What are you doing?

- Sergeant Carter, come quick!
- What's going on?

Pyle, What are you doing?

- I've got the bandit! Grab his bag!
- Are you out of your mind?

- I got him as he came out the door.
- Help, somebody!

- A stethoscope.
- Stethoscope?

What did you expect to find, you idiot?

I'm Dr. Ferguson of the VA!
I was on my way to surgery!

A doctor?

Of course he's a doctor, Pyle! You

I'm sorry, sir.
You see, he thought you were a fugitive.

A fugitive? You're the only ones
who are fugitives around here!

Now, let me tell you this.

If I ever see either of you again,
I'll have you committed for observation!

I know, Pyle. You're sorry.
You're very sorry.

Well, I don't have time.

The processing officer just told me
that two truckloads of recruits

left earlier for the induction depot,
and I'm going to try to catch them.

You still haven't heard
it from me, Sergeant.

I'm just as sorry as I can be. I--

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Look, Sergeant! Up ahead! Up ahead!

[honking]

What's the big idea, Sergeant?
Are you bucking for an accident?

This is an emergency.
You carrying Marines back there?

- Yeah--
- Then get them out! Every one of them!

Oh, now, listen--

That's an order! Never mind! Let's go!

And watch yourself, too.

One of them might be a fugitive
and try to make a break for it.

- Sergeant, are you--
- Just get them out of the truck!

Okay, in there!
Everybody out of the truck!

And make it on the double!

That means you, John Smith,
or whatever your name is!

All right, all right!
What's going on here?

What's the big idea?

That's what I was trying to tell you,
Sergeant,

it's a detachment of women Marines
just back from assignment.

You satisfied?

You think he's already
at the induction center, Sergeant?

Is that what you think?

No, Pyle, that's not what I was thinking.

'Cause if he is, Sergeant, I'll find him
for you. I'll find him if it kills me.

That's what I was thinking!

[mysterious music plays]

Ten-hut!

All right, you've all
passed your physicals.

You are now ready to be sworn in.

Look, Sergeant,
they're about to take their oaths.

I know, Pyle, I know.

Let's see, now, if I can just spot
somebody with a black bag.

Forget the bags, Pyle.

We've had enough of
you and your black bags.

Now just look for the crook.

- Sergeant?
- Yeah?

Look, there it is.

- There's the black bag.
- Huh?

- Pyle, I told you--
- And, Sergeant, the hat, the hat.

Well, that still doesn't mean--

And the glasses,
Sergeant, the dark glasses.

Huh?

And that I will bear true faith
and allegiance to the Constitution,

and that I will obey the orders of the--

Excuse me, sir.

Sergeant, what's the meaning of this?

At ease, men.

You. I want to see you in my office.

What's the matter, Captain?

What have I done?
In the office, in the office.

All right, go ahead, Sergeant.

Well, if we can just check the bag, sir.

Well, sure.

It's empty, Sergeant.

Empty?

It's empty, Pyle, there's nothing in it.

Now if we can just
get along with the induction.

But, Sergeant,
I just know he's the criminal. I do.

Why don't you admit--

Look, Sergeant, the money.

He had it.

You're right, Pyle, it's him.

It's Private Smith.

My, my, sure enough is.

Guess this is what you call a real
honest-to-goodness shakedown, Sergeant?

[laughs]

Yes, indeed, it was a job well done,

and the fact that the holdup man
is in custody

and scheduled for sentencing
is due directly to your alertness.

Well, thank you, sir.

It was just a simple matter
of tracking him down.

The only thing I regret,
sir, is because of that crook,

Sergeant Carter missed breaking
the recruiting record.

Nevertheless, you did such a fine job
during the time you were up there,

we'd like you to take another crack at it.

You mean I'll be going
back to Hollywood, sir?

Yes, for another week.

Between the two of you,
you should do very well.

The two of us, sir?

Yes. You and Pyle.

Pyle, sir, with me?

You seemed to work so well together,
Headquarters wants to keep you as a team.

Well, isn't that wonderful?
We're a team, Sergeant.

Just think, we'll be in that booth
together for a whole week.

My, my!