All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E10 Marry Me Marry Me 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton as
as Sergeant Carter.

[music continues]

[soft music plays]

Mm-hmm, mm-mm.

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I was just talking to myself.

- I said, "Mm-mm".
- Oh.

I said that on account
of this here picture,

of "The Beast Eating' The Eiffel Tower".

Well, in the movie he never did eat it.
He just stomped it down.

You know you're right. I never noticed.

They put a lot of things on the posters
that aren't in the movies.

Like this one back here?

See where the Mud Creature's
oozing up the steps

of the Egyptian Embassy?

- That wasn't even in the picture.
- Say, you're right.

Oh, you certainly have a good memory.

Oh, it's not that exactly.
I just seen this picture twice.

Oh, then you like monster movies, too?

I sure do.

And I sure did enjoy
the last one they had here:

"I Was a Teenage Insect."

Did you see that?

- No, I didn't.
- You didn't?

Well, it was a real good one.

You see, this scientist feller

was tampering with things
that are best left alone

and, well, it gets kind of complicated.

And I don't guess you got time
to hear the whole thing.

Well, I am waiting for a bus,

but it isn't due for another half an hour.

We could go across the street
and have a cup of coffee

and you could tell me all about it there.

I'd like that. Do you like sodas?
They're my favorite.

Oh, I love cherry sodas.
They're my favorite.

Cherry sodas? Mine, too!
Well, isn't it a small world?

It sure is.

I mean, well, it's so unusual
to meet somebody

who likes the same things you like.

I'm Alice. Alice Borden.

I'm Gomer Pyle
and I'm pleased to know you.

How do you do?

Well, what this scientist feller done
with his tampering

was to put this teenage girl
into a deep, deep sleep

and when she woke up,

she was crawling up the sugar bowl.

So, this scientist feller falls in love
with the insect that he's created,

but he can't change her back.

- So, guess what?
- What?

He changes himself into an insect

and, at the end of the picture,
they go crawling off together.

My!

I just love pictures
with a happy ending, don't you?

[chuckles] I certainly do.

[romantic music plays]

- [clears throat]
- [Alice laughs]

Hey, Gome.

Hey, Duke!

Hello there!

Uh, this is my buddy, Duke Slater.

This is Miss Alice Borden.

- How do you do?
- Hello.

Won't you sit down and join us, Duke? Huh?

Oh, no, no. I'll move on, you, uh,

you two look like
you want to be left alone.

Oh, go on, Duke.

What?

It was just Duke clowning around.

Would you like another soda?

Well, I think I

Oh, dear, I missed my bus.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's all my fault for rattling on so.

I don't mind, really.
I just enjoy talking to you.

Well, since you do have to wait
on the next bus,

did you ever see the movie
where the giant moth lit on Japan?

- No, I didn't.
- That was another good one.

You see, this scientist feller
was tampering around

with things that are best left alone,

and one day he was experimenting
and so he was there in his house

Where you going, Gome?

- Oh, into town.
- You got a date?

Uh-huh, sorta.

That young lady you met last night.

Yeah. I haven't had a chance
to ask you about her.

Who is she? Where'd you meet her?

At the movies. We got to talking
about monster movies.

She likes 'em, too.

You picked her up at a monster movie?

Well, it wasn't like that, Duke.
We just met.

Well, call it what you want.

Hey, Casanova, way to go there.
Good work. [laughs]

You shouldn't talk like that, Duke.

That poor girl's had a lot of grief.

- Yeah.
- That's right.

She's lost her parents,

and her and her brother
are staying at this motel

and they're working their way to Oregon
to start a new life.

Oh. well, she seems like a very nice girl.

She is. And, we got a lot of common.

We both like cherry sodas, and popcorn,
and monster movies.

You know, I'd try it myself,

find something real cute
like that at a monster movie.

I'm afraid that's what I'd wind up with,
a monster.

You're just cynical, Duke.
Well, I'll see ya.

Hey, Gomer, if she's got a sister
naw, forget it.

- She'd probably be a monster.
- Cynical, cynical, cynical.

[mysterious music plays]

I certainly did enjoy myself
tonight, Gomer.

Well, I'm sure glad, Miss Alice.

Hi, Lloyd.

Oh, hi, sis.

Gomer, this is my brother, Lloyd.

Lloyd, this is Gomer Pyle.

- Pleased to meet you, Lloyd.
- Same here.

Gomer, it's so early.

Why don't we sit on the swing
and talk for a while.

If you'd like.

Well, I guess you two
have things to talk about.

I'll go on inside and read.

Don't let us run you off, Lloyd.

Oh, that's all right.

The light's better inside.

Your brother, Lloyd,
seems like a real nice feller.

Oh, I just knew you two would hit it off.

Just like you and I did.

You know something, Gomer,
you're awfully easy to talk to.

I mean, most fellows, well, with them
it's hard to really say anything.

It's just the same old talk
that you talk to people

that you really don't know how to talk to.

Well, thanks. [chuckles]

I guess it's because
we have so much in common.

That's right. We both like monster movies.

- And cherry sodas.
- Right.

Oh, Gomer, you must think
I'm awfully silly.

Why, no. What makes you say
a thing like that?

Well, because I enjoy talking
to you so much,

and, uh, this is just everyday to you.

Why, it isn't either.

You're not just saying that?

Golly, no.

Oh.

Wouldn't it be wonderful

if we could sit and talk
like this every night?

Forever and ever?

Well that'd be nice.

Oh, Gomer! I accept!

You do?

Lloyd! Oh, Lloyd!

Lloyd, guess what?
Gomer just proposed to me!

He didn't! When?

Just now! Isn't it exciting?

Well, well, well.
Congratulations, brother-in-law.

You're gonna get what?

- Married I think.
- You think?

Pyle, what is this, some kinda gag?

No, Sergeant. It's a surprise to me, too.

I mean, that's my problem.

She said "yes" before I realized
I'd made a proposal.

What's that supposed to mean?

Just means that she
was answering questions

I didn't think I was asking.

Pyle, did you propose to the girl or not?

I didn't mean to, but I guess
she took it that way.

What did you say to her, for Pete's sake?

Well, I told her I liked to talk to her.

You told her you liked to talk to her

and she said, "Yes, I'll marry you"?

I think it was the part
about forever and ever that did it.

Pyle, how long have you known this girl?

Going on three days.

Uh-huh. One of them long engagements.

I mean, she's a real nice girl
and all, Sergeant,

but I just don't want to get married.

You don't?

Well, not now, anyways.

And not to a girl
I've known only three days.

Okay, then, it's simple.

Just call her up and tell her
you don't wanna get married.

But I don't hardly see
how I can do that, Sergeant.

It seemed all kinda settled last night.

Look, Pyle, this girl tricked you
into proposing.

It's a racket and you fell for it.

You mean she don't wanna marry me?

Oh, she'll marry you, all right.
She'll marry you for your paycheck.

My paycheck?

That's right.

The wife of a serviceman
gets a nice monthly allotment.

That's all she wants.

Right after you're married,

she'll disappear with a story
about how some relative is sick

and just send her the check,
in care of general delivery in that city.

- She will?
- Mm-hmm.

And after about six months or a year,

you're suddenly gonna realize
you don't really have a wife

so you stop them checks.

But in the meantime,
she's married maybe four other guys,

who are also sending her checks.

Now, that's 360 bucks a month!
Tax free, huh?

Oh, I can't believe it!

Ah, them girls hunt
for suckers in uniform.

There's a flock of 'em-- like buzzards.

But she seems so nice.

Dump her! Dump her!

But how, Sergeant?

Pyle, take it from me.
The voice of experience.

She'll dump you in a minute
if she finds a better sucker to marry.

It's hard to believe that of AI ice.

All right, I'll prove it to you and get
you off the hook at the same time.

- How?
- Simple.

I'll take her away from you.

What?

Pyle, I told you if a better sucker
came along,

she'd go for him, well, that's me.

- Just give me the girl's address.
- But, Sergeant--

Pyle, aside from the obvious difference
in physical attraction,

she'll be looking at the sleeve.

Since a sergeant makes
more than a private,

she'll dump you and go for me, just watch.

Sergeant, even if she did,
and I don't think she will,

then you'd have to marry her.

Uh-uh. I'd have to dump her.

She dumps you, I dump her.

- I just can't believe it.
- Why? Why can't you believe it?

I just can't believe that of AI ice.

A girl that likes monster movies
and cherry sodas can't be all bad.

[knocking on door]

Yes?

Oh, uh, Miss Borden?

Yes.

I'm Vince Carter.

Gomer Pyle's sergeant.

Oh?

May I come in?

Well, yes, I suppose so.

[chuckles]

Is, um, anything wrong?

Well, Pyle, uh

Gomer told me about the happy occasion,

and since I'm his sergeant, uh

I sort of feel responsible for him,
almost like a father.

So, I thought I'd drop around
and meet the blushing bride.

[laughing] Oh.

Oh, say, this is for you.

- Oh.
- It's champagne.

I know that Gomer on his private's salary

would never be able to afford
a bottle of champagne.

So, it's my little treat.

Now on your wedding night, have one on me.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you very much, Sergeant.

Um, Sergeant, would you
like a cup of coffee?

I'd love one.

And you can call me, Vince.

Oh, Vince, I'm awfully glad I met you.

You're so easy to talk to.

Sure.

A lot easier than some you might know.

Is that supposed to mean something?

Well, if you don't know,
there's no reason for me to tell you.

Oh.

It's like you said.

You and me get along good together.

Well, you are easy to talk to, Vince.

What's the matter, Vince?

You know, I feel kinda like a rat.

I come here to check on a girl
one of my men is gonna marry and

And?

Something's beginning to happen
and I don't like it.

What, Vince? What?

Why don't you make me leave?
Before we're both sorry.

No, Vince, please don't go.

But it just ain't fair, Alice.
It just ain't.

There's Pyle, a nice little
private waiting to marry you,

and here am I, a sergeant, acing him out.

It just ain't fair.

Vince, listen.

Sometimes we just can't help these things.

- We can't?
- Of course not.

If it's got to happen, it's got to happen.

- Why fight it?
- Yeah.

And don't they say,
"All's fair in love and war?"

Oh, they do, Vince, they do.

And don't they say, "Why settle for beans
when you can have steak?"

Oh, Vince, I accept! Lloyd! Lloyd!

- You must be Lloyd.
- Oh, Lloyd, guess what?

Vince just proposed!

- No!
- Who?

Oh, that's right. You two haven't met.

This is my brother, Lloyd.
Lloyd, Vince Carter.

Well, congratulations, brother-in-law!

- You sure are a fast worker.
- Oh, isn't it exciting?

Who would have thought
when I came in tonight

that things would be winding up
like this, huh?

[laughs] Who would have thought?

Oh, say, I hate to bring up a sour note,

but Pyle

What do we do about Pyle?

Oh.

I'll tell you what.

Why don't you write him a letter
tonight and tell him?

I'd rather it came from you.

I'll let him down as gently as possible.

Good.

Well, I've got to be going.

I've got plans to make
and things to do. [laughs]

See you soon.

Nice going, babe.

That was a shrewd move.

Yeah. It's a pain.

Boy, the things I do for you, Lloyd.

How about the things I do for you?

Do you think I like letting other guys
propose to my wife?

Oh, yeah. I bet it bothers you a lot.

Look, stop complaining.

There's nothing more sure than
a serviceman's allotment.

It comes in like clockwork.

Well, maybe you're right, Lloyd.

But sometimes I think
we're too hung up on security.

Did I call it, Pyle, huh? Did I?

Well, it's hard to believe, Sergeant.

Yeah. Well, I had to do it that way
to prove it to you, Pyle.

It's too bad you had to learn.

It's terrible, just terrible.
What kind of people are those?

Leeches, Pyle. Not people, leeches.

Well, you sure knew what to do, Sergeant.

Naturally. Maybe next time
you'll listen to me

and learn from my experience.

I sure will, but how are you going
to get out of marrying Alice?

It's already done.

The minute I got back
on the base last night,

I called her up and said,
"It's been a great engagement, toots,

but I've been thinking it over,
and adios."

Golly!

Ah, when you know, Pyle, you know.

Colonel wants to see you, Sarge.

Right. So, let this be a lesson to you.

You're off the hook, I'm off the hook,
and she's down the drain,

and there's nothing she can do about it.

Just chalk this up
to experience, and a lucky one.

Right, Sergeant,
and it's all thanks to you.

Well

You better hurry up, Sarge.

- The colonel's waiting.
- Right, right. Here I go.

[dramatic music plays]

Come in.

That's him! That's the man!

I want him arrested!

[crying]

Sergeant, would you mind explaining this?

Sir, what have they told you?

Is it true you asked this woman
to marry you?

[Alice] Yes, he did, and he can't deny it!

I think I'd better discuss this
with the sergeant. Alone.

All right, but something's going
to have to be done.

We don't want to make trouble,
but if we have to

[crying continues]

Well?

I can explain this whole thing, sir.

I certainly hope so.

Well, you see, sir,
this girl is a con artist, a phony.

Only one of my men didn't believe it,

so I went out to prove something.

Yes. Did you ask her to marry you?

Well, sir, this man
in my platoon was tricked

into marrying her,
and I was just trying to get him out.

Sergeant, did you ask her to marry you?

Well, it was the only way
I could prove to this man

that she was a con artist, sir.

Dangerous game.

Did she trick you into proposing?

Oh, sir, I wouldn't fall
for that old game. I tricked her!

Then you got your man out of trouble?

That's right, sir.

But, you, Sergeant, are in big trouble.

But, Colonel, I proved that she
was just after a meal ticket,

a serviceman's allotment.

I think you're probably right,

and I admire the fact you wanted
to get your man out of trouble,

but you handled it in the wrong way.

You should have gone
through channels.

These departments set up
for this sort of thing.

Yes, sir.

I don't know what this fellow has in mind
when he says he can make trouble,

but I want this settled, quietly.

- Yes, sir.
- That's all, Sergeant.

Thank you, sir.

Hello, Heartbreaker.

Oh, why don't you stop?

You're not fooling anybody
with that act of yours. What do you want?

We want to see you brought to justice
for breach of promise.

However

Ah. I figured there was a however.

What's your however?

Nothing. It's just
that lawsuits take so long,

and we would like to leave
for Oregon right away.

[Carter] So?

So, the technical term is
"settling out of court."

Oh, I get it. This is a shakedown.

You're nothing but common crooks.

Uh-uh-uh. Bite your tongue, Sergeant.

There are also laws against slander.

Now, do we settle
this like reasonable people,

or do I go in to see the colonel again?

- Uh, wait.
- Yes?

Well, what kind of settling
are you talking about?

Well, I figure we could
patch Alice's heart,

and get to Oregon on 500 bucks.

[loudly] Five

[quietly] hundred bucks!

We're giving you a break
because you're a serviceman.

- Why you
- Uh-uh-uh, Sergeant.

You wouldn't want to add an assault
and battery charge, would you?

That's better.

You can pay us anytime
as long as it's by Friday.

I feel terrible, really terrible.

Just terrible.

Okay, okay, but there's nothing
you can do about it.

Yes, there is. I can pay the $500 for you.

Where are you going to get $500?

Well, I could pay them
two dollars a month.

That's what I put in my savings account.

Pyle!

It don't sound like much, but it adds up.

That's $24 a year.

They're not going
to wait 20 years for the money!

It's closer to 21.

In fact, it's 21 exactly.

Look, let's just say
this is a very expensive lesson,

not to butt into anybody else's business.

- But Sergeant--
- You can't help me, so forget it.

But where are you going to get $500?

I don't know.

I could always sell my car.
It's worth almost $900.

I still owe a thousand on it.

I don't know, Pyle.
I'll think of something.

Just get out of here and leave me alone.

Right, Sergeant.

[laughing]

You got to be kidding. 76 bucks?

But it was all I could
get from my buddies.

Seventy-six dollars down,

and then two dollars a month
till it's all paid off.

Just like the way they do
in department stores.

It's nice you want to help your sergeant,

but we couldn't settle for 76 bucks.

Okay, but it's only fair to warn you,

the weed of crime bears bitter fruit.

I don't believe him.

[knocking on door]

- Pyle, what are you doing here?
- He was just leaving.

- I tried, Sergeant.
- Huh?

- You bring the money?
- Yeah.

- Five hundred?
- Well, closer to 50.

Closer to 40! Why, the private here
was going to do better than that.

What don't you take the $76 and the $40,

and we'll pay you the rest later?

I got $76.

Now wait a minute!
What do you take us for?

We want 500 bucks,
and we're not going to settle for less.

Well, I can't get it this quick.
I need more time.

- How much more time?
- About a year and a half.

[Lloyd] Alice, let's call the lawyer.

Wait a minute. You can't do this
to Sergeant Carter.

Oh, no? We've got a legitimate
breach of promise case.

- Will you stay out of this?
- You going to pay the money or not?

I can't get it this quick, I told you!

Alice, call!

But if this ever gets out,

they'll be saying terrible things about
Sergeant Carter.

- Yeah. Call, Alice!
- Wait a minute.

If anybody's reputation
is going to get abused,

then it ought to be mine,
'cause I asked first.

- What?
- I asked you to marry me first,

so I got first choice in getting sued.

You got 500 bucks?

- No.
- The lawyer, Alice! Call him.

Wait a minute! You can't do that!

- What's going to stop me?
- Well, I'll stop you!

- Oh, really? How?
- I'll marry you!

- Pyle!
- Marry me?

Marry you. You said you'd marry me

before you said you'd
marry Sergeant Carter,

and I can't afford to get sued,

so I guess I'll just have to marry you.

- Pyle, you can't marry her.
- You can't stop me, Sergeant.

- Listen to your sergeant, kid.
- No, I'm going to marry her.

Are you kidding?

I wouldn't marry you
if you were the last guy--

Don't matter now. You promised.

Yeah.

I think maybe it is time Pyle got married.

- Lloyd, I'm not going to--
- Shut up!

Now, look, 500 isn't much
if you split it between the two of you.

Yeah, but I think marriage
would be good for Pyle.

And this is a great day for a wedding.

Yeah. I think it's about time Pyle
settled down and had a few kids.

- [Alice] What?
- Uh, call the chaplain, Pyle.

- Yes, Sergeant.
- Wait a minute! Wait a minute!

Now, look, we're all friends here.

If you're in a bind,
we'll settle for $250.

Not a cent. Pyle's happiness is at stake.

- Call the chaplain.
- Yes, Sergeant.

Wait a minute! Hold it!

Look, Alice don't want to marry the dummy,

and the dummy don't want to marry Alice.

So, fair's fair.

We'll just take the money you got
and forget the whole thing.

And you won't sue Sergeant Carter?

No. We'll let it go.

Sounds fair to me, Sergeant.

Well, not to me.

That's our last offer, jarhead.

Alice don't have to marry him,
and we'll still sue you.

He does have a point there.

He ain't got a point, we got the point.

Go ahead and sue.

You think we won't?
Alice, call the lawyer.

Pyle, call the lawyer.

- You mean the chaplain?
- I mean a lawyer.

But they're calling a lawyer.
We're supposed to call a chaplain.

Not anymore.

If she's suing me for jilting her,

then you're suing her for jilting you!

- What?
- Sergeant's right.

Turnabout's fair play.

Oh, I should have thought of this before.

We got the best end of the deal.

She threw Pyle over to get me.

- Judges don't like that.
- Now, wait a minute, Sergeant

- Pyle, call the lawyer.
- Wait a minute.

Maybe you've got a point.

Alice and me, we'd like to discuss
it for a minute.

Uh, maybe we could work out a settlement.

Come on, Alice.

[laughing]

Sergeant, even if we can sue them more
than they can sue us,

I don't want to, because it's not
a fair and honest way to earn money.

Well, I don't want to sue them, either.

I just want to throw a scare into them
to get them off our back.

That's called diplomacy.

Well, what do you think they'll do?

What if she decides she will marry me?

No, she ain't going to marry you,
she ain't going to marry me,

she ain't going to marry anybody.

They're going to try to weasel
their way out of this is what.

Just watch. They'll come back in here--

- [door shuts]
- [mysterious music plays]

[car engine revving]

[tires screeching]

[laughs]

Looks like my diplomacy worked.

Sure did.

Maybe they'll live
a better life in Oregon.

Uh-uh!

I beg your pardon?

Oh, I was just talking to myself.

Oh.

This picture here, it's not right.

It's not?

No, you see where the giant
caterpillar is spinning a cocoon

around the United Nations building?

Well, in the movie,
he spun it around Grant's Tomb.

- Oh, that's true.
- Guess you think I'm kind of silly,

but I always compare
these publicity pictures with the movies.

Do you ever do that?

Yes, I do.

I was talking to a young lady
just the other evening

about the very same thing, and she--

You like monster movies?

Yes.

Do you like cherry sodas?

Yes.

Bye, ma'am.

[marching band plays]