All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S03E01 Lies Lies Lies 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band plays]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

- You've got big plans for the day, Slater?
- You know it, pal.

Where are you going?

I'm heading straight for that
Watusi place, the Booze A Go-Go.

There's a little dancer there
named Dolores who's got big eyes for me.

Oh, yes. Is she the one in the cage?

- That's right.
- In a cage?

What kinda place is it
where they keep a person in a cage?

Well, they have to keep her in a cage,
Gomer,

cause when she dances, she gets wild.

Ya gotta see it to believe it, really.

Well, I don't think I'd enjoy that
very much.

It bothers me to see an animal in a cage,
much less a human being.

Yeah, but she's happy in that cage, Gomer!
She's happy!

[hums lively tune]

You wanna try that with your pack on?

Sorry, Sarge.

All right, you guys, listen up.

I thought it wouldn't hurt
to inform you clowns

that the fleet's in, and it's Saturday,

and that means crowds and horsing
and trouble,

which I want you to stay out of.
Is that clear?

- [all] Aye, aye, Sergeant!
- Good. [sniffs]

pfff... It's you!

Slater, you smell like a man
with ambitions to take over the town,

- so maybe you better be extra careful.
- Oh, no, not me, Sarge.

Uh, I got a date, all right,
but no cavorting with a bunch.

Oh, really? [chuckles]

Tell us about it.

Well, it's just a girl.

Just a girl?!

Not for you, Slater! [chuckles]

Well, matter of fact, Sarge,
she is somethin' special.

She's beautiful, really beautiful!

And you know where she works?
In a cage.

Tell the sergeant
about how she works in a cage.

- Gomer...
- Of course she works in a cage!

She also eats and sleeps in a cage!
Because she's a beast!

You guys kill me, you know that?

With your phony stories
about your big dates!

Why can't you just say
you're going into town,

have a couple of beers,
go bowling, and leave it at that?

Oh, no, no, no.

You gotta give each other them snow jobs
about them gorgeous dames!

Sergeant Carter, care to hear
what I'm going to do today?

- No.
- I'm going up to Hollywood.

I'm gonna take one of them bus tours
and see all the movie stars' homes.

That's thrilling, Pyle.
Absolutely thrilling!

I been meaning to do that
for the longest kinda time.

You hear that?
Now, there's a date I can believe.

Him I can believe!

You're welcome to come along,
if you'd care to.

No, Pyle.

But you know what?

I've gotta respect a man
who tells the truth.

Thank you, Sergeant Carter.

It's a real nice thing to say,
it really is.

Because I believe
that's really what you're going to do,

just what you said.

Oh, I am, Sergeant, I am.

Why, is it beginning to sound
good to you now?

- Cause if it is, I'd be proud...
- No. I said, no!

Now, the rest of you guys,

I got just two words for you
for your liberty - "Watch it!"

Shee-ee-eesh!

Hey, Duke,
do you wanna go on that tour with me?

Gomer, have you forgotten?
Dolores in the cage?

See you later, pal.

Oh, don't forget to say hello
to Vera Hruba Ralston and all the gang!

I can always tell
when you're pulling my leg, Duke.

You get that insincere look in your eyes.

Don't go to any of those Hollywood
parties. You can't afford the scandal.

Just look at 'em, just look at your eyes!

How insincere!

We are now on Foothill Road
in fabulous Beverly Hills.

On the left, we see the beautiful home

of that famous piano-playing star
Liberace.

Do you know what I heard?

He has a swimming pool
shaped just like a piano.

And his bed is shaped like a piano, also.

- Really?
- Mm-hm.

You see, his whole life is so involved
in piano and piano-playing.

And on this same street,

we see the home of the very glamorous
and popular young movie star Tina Tracy.

Tina Tracy?
Why, I've seen every one of her pictures.

Excuse me, ma'am. I gotta speak to
the driver. Driver? Driver!

- Would you do me a favor?
- Sorry, no refunds.

Oh, it's not that.
I'm having a wonderful time.

I was just wondering
if you'd stop for a second

while I got a picture
of Tina Tracy's house.

It'd mean a lot to me, it really would.

Yeah, well, okay, you being a serviceman.

- But just a second! I got a schedule!
- Thank you.

[playful music]

[toots horn] Where did he go, anyway?

If he's gonna leave the tour,
he could at least have said goodbye.

Hey, wait for me!

Oh, shoot!

Now I won't get to see
Randolph Scott's house.

Hi, Private!

Hey, ma'am.

I didn't mean to barge in like this,

but the sightseeing bus I was riding on
went off and left me.

I'm awfully sorry.
I hope you'll excuse me.

Oh, that's all right.

- Where are you stationed, Private?
- Camp Henderson.

This sure is a beautiful place.
She sure is a lucky girl.

- Uh, who is?
- The lady you work for. Tina Tracy.

You must be her maid.

Well, no.
At the moment, I'm more like her gardener.

Really and truly?

I don't think I ever met
a professional lady gardener before.

You know, come to think of it,
neither have I.

Well,
it sure has been nice talking to you.

Uh, if you'll excuse me now,
I guess I'd better be going.

I don't know why that bus
didn't wait on me.

Well, what made you get off of it
in the first place?

Well, to take pictures
of my favorite movie star's home.

- Tina Tracy's your favorite movie star?
- Yes, ma'am.

I bet I've seen every one of her pictures.

- Really? Every one?
- I sure have.

Starting with Motorcycle Madness,

What's New, Tomboy?
and I Was A Teenage Kook.

Well, those were some time ago.

Yes, ma'am,
but I've seen her latest picture, too.

The Monster Who Hated Pennsylvania -
I'll bet I've seen that eight times.

Well, you really are a fan, aren't you?

I really am.

Well, I'm very glad to know you.
I'm Tina Tracy.

- You're not!
- Well, I certainly am.

- You're not spoofing me, are you, ma'am?
- No!

Here, I'll prove it to you.

Remember this scene?

"General! General! The monster's
wiped out Pittsburgh and Philadelphia!

You've just gotta stop him
before he reaches Reading.

That's my home town!"

Well, I'll be.

You are Tina Tracy!

Golly!

Well, I don't know why
I didn't recognize you right off,

but you look so different
with that hat and glasses and everything.

Well, you haven't told me your name yet.

Gomer. Gomer Pyle.

Well, Gomer,
now that we've been properly introduced,

would you like to come to the house
and have a nice tall glass of lemonade?

Yes, ma'am. That'd be real nice.

Here you are, Gomer.
Another glass of lemonade.

Thank you, ma'am.
This makes three of 'em already!

Golly!

If the folks back home
could just see me now,

sitting here,
talking to a real movie star.

That reminds me. Did you know
that back home in Mayberry,

they used to call you
the Annie Ruth Collins of Hollywood?

- No, I didn't.
- Well, I'll tell you how it happened.

You remember a movie you was in
called Private Hospital?

Mm-hm.

Remember you was in love with this
married doctor with the three children?

Well, the exact same situation
happened to Annie Ruth back in Mayberry.

Only thing,
he wasn't a doctor, he was a veterinarian.

And she didn't give him up
like you did in the movie.

No, sirree! She married this veterinarian

right after his wife run off
with this traveling salesman.

And now the doctor drinks quite a bit

and Annie Ruth has to take care
of the three children.

Poor thang.

Tell me more, Gomer.

- Of all the miserable...
- [Duke slams locker]

I take it things didn't work out
exactly the way you'd planned, Slater?

[laughs wryly]

It never fails. When you over-anticipate,
you're bound to be disappointed.

Thanks a lot, Hummel.

Didn't you get to see that Watusi dancer?

Oh, yeah! Yeah, I saw her!

Well, what happened?

She invited me home to meet her family.

- Well, that sounds very nice.
- Her husband and two kids?

I don't know why I even bother
going into town.

I could have more fun doing my laundry.

Duke!

Boy, have I got something to tell you.

Wait till you hear this.
Do you know that Hollywood tour I went on?

Well, I had one of the best times
I've ever had in my whole life.

Guess who I spent the afternoon with?
Come on, guess.

- I don't know, Gomer.
- You'll never guess in a million years!

- I give up.
- You'll never guess!

- Gomer, I give up.
- Okay, then, I'll tell you.

I spent the whole afternoon
with Tina Tracy.

What do you think about that?

How long did it take you to think that up?

She is, without a doubt,
one of the nicest, sweetest girls

I ever met in my whole life.

- She offered me this nice tall drink.
- [sighs dismissively]

You mean you don't believe me?

Gomer, I'm not in the mood for jokes.
Can you knock it off?

But this is no joke, Duke, honest.

And I've saved the best part for last.

She told me to come back tomorrow
for a barbecue,

and I could ask a few of my buddies.

Oh, sure, sure! And she'll fill the pool
with champagne for swimming.

You mean you don't believe me?

Gomer, it's just a little far-fetched,
just a little.

Well, I'm surprised at you, Duke.
I really am.

You're supposed to be my best friend.

Have I ever told you a fib
in my whole life?

No, but there's always a first time.

Well, I'll tell you exactly.

I got off of this tour bus
to take a picture of Tina Tracy's house

and there she was!

And she is, without a doubt,
one of the nicest,

- sweetest...
- You really met her?!

I'm surprised at you, Duke.
If I said I did, I did.

Well, I mean, it's just like,

a thing like that happens to a serviceman,
like, once in 1,000 times,

and who'd ever figure you to be so lucky?

Well, I was, and like I said,

- she told me to bring some buddies over.
- I'll go! I'll go!

Then, it's all set. The three of us
will go up to Hollywood tomorrow.

- Three of us? Who's the third?
- Why, Sergeant Carter, of course.

- What do you wanna ask him for?
- Well, he's my buddy, too, isn't he?

I'll go over first thing in the morning
and ask him.

And he won't be like you, he'll believe me
right off, like he always does.

Swear!

But it's the truth, Sergeant.

Pyle, you mean to stand there and tell me
that you spent a whole afternoon

with a sexpot like Tina Tracy?

I did, Sergeant, I really did.

But she ain't what you said she was.
She's a nice, wholesome girl.

Okay, Pyle.
To you, she's a nice, wholesome girl.

But you do believe me, don't you?

Of course! Did I ever doubt you?

Then, you'll come?

Well...

Please say you'll come.

Well...

You clowns may not even know
how to behave.

You probably need someone along

to show you how to behave
in a classy house.

Okay.
But for just one reason - to supervise.

Golly! Thank you, Sergeant.

Okay, who else is coming?

Well, just so far,
it's me and you and Duke,

and the corporal, if he wants to.

Good. No riff-Raff.

[men chatter]

You had to open your big mouth, huh, Pyle?

Look at all them guys!

I had to ask the fellas in my barracks,
Sergeant. I'm sure she won't mind.

Well, well,
so this is how the other half lives.

Shut up, Hummel!
All right, you guys, cool it down.

Now remember, don't do or say anything
that's going to embarrass me.

If you got any doubt about what's
the proper etiquette, check with me.

Don't shake hands with her, whatever
you do! And watch them cigarette butts.

- [all] Aye, aye, sir!
- All right.

Let's go.

Watch it! Hold it! Back! Back!

You sure she's home, Pyle?

She's expecting me to be here, she said.

- Yes?
- Good afternoon, sir.

My buddies and I
are here to see Miss Tracy.

I'm sorry, Miss Tracy is not at home
and is not expected.

But she's expecting us.

I'm afraid that's not likely.
Miss Tracy has been in Europe.

- Good day, gentlemen.
- [door slams]

Okay, Pyle, what's the gag?

Well, I don't know, Sergeant.

What is this, April Fool?
It ain't even April!

Very funny, Pyle, very funny!

But you know what? I don't like
practical jokes, and I don't like you.

And when I get you back to the base,
I've got a few jokes of my own.

Hey, fellas, wait!
There must be some mistake.

I was really here yesterday
and she invited us back...

[engine revs]

Wait a minute, Sergeant!
How am I gonna get back to the base?

Ya made up a movie star, make up a car!

- Sergeant!
- [tires squeal]

Fellas!

[horn toots]

Hey, Miss Tracy!
Boy, am I glad to see you.

I thought you were gonna bring
some of your friends.

I did.

- Well, where are they?
- Well, they left.

They left? Why?

Well, my buddies and I
went up and knocked on the door

and this feller come out
and said that you was in Europe

and he didn't know when you'd be back.

Oh, Gomer, I'm so sorry!

Stevens was just trying to protect me.
I should've told him.

Oh, I feel terrible!

Do you suppose we could call them
and explain?

I don't think that'd do any good,

since they thought I made it up
about meeting you and all, anyway.

Now I'm sure they think
I'm some kind of a liar.

Oh, Gomer, I'm so sorry!

Oh, Miss Tracy?

- Oh, Stevens.
- Is everything all right, Miss Tracy?

Oh, uh, Private Pyle's a friend of mine.

Could you help him with the packages,
please?

I told you I was expected.

Any lucky, Gomer?

I'm trying again.
They should be back by now.

Hello? Corporal Boyle?
Could I speak to Sergeant Carter?

It's Pyle. He wants to talk to you.

Are you kidding? Hang up!

- What is it this time, Baron Munchausen?
- Hang up!

Corporal Boyle,
would you tell Sergeant Carter

that I'm sitting right here
at Miss Tracy's house

and that she feels real bad
about missing you all.

What do you think,
we're a couple of jerks?

How many times do you think
we're gonna fall for that crummy gag?

- Hang up!
- But she's right here in her bathing suit,

getting ready to go for a swim,
and she wants you all to come back.

Here, give me the phone. I'll talk to him.

He says he's with her now
and that she's wearing a bathing suit.

Ask him what he's drinkin'!
Hang up, just hang up!

- Wait a minute. Wait just one minute.
[receiver clicks]

Hello? Hello?

He hung up.

- I guess they still don't believe me.
- Oh, Gomer, I'm so sorry.

Well, look, don't feel so bad. You tried.

I really did. But I can't blame 'em
for not believing me.

Well,
there's nothing you can do about it now.

Look, would you like to take a swim?
There's some extra trunks in the cabana.

Thank you kindly, Miss Tracy,
but I got an idea.

Would it be all right
if I just went back to the camp

and fetched my buddies?

Well, sure, Gomer,
but isn't it a lot of trouble?

I mean, you'd be hours.

Well, yeah, but I just wouldn't
feel comfortable swimming here

while, back at the camp,
they was doubting me.

So I'll just rush on back
and straighten things out,

and we'll see you later.

Oh, Gomer,
you sure are the conscientious one!

Well...

- Is Pyle back yet?
- Not yet, sergeant.

Well, I wanna talk to him.
I wanna talk to him real good.

- And then I wanna talk to you guys!
- Why, what did we do?

Let me tell you something
about characters like Pyle.

When these truthful,
never-tell-a-lie guys like him go,

they go all the way, just like that.

I've seen it happen before.
And you know whose fault it is?

- You guys.
- How come?

- It's psychological, and you're to blame!
- I don't get it.

I think I know
where the sergeant is going.

Shut up, Hummel! Look, every weekend,
Pyle listens to you guys

bulling each other about the big deals
you got cooking in town.

He's getting an inferiority complex.
So, what does he do?

He cooks up a big deal of his own
to impress everybody.

Only, it's all in his head, see?

In other words, he's fantasizing.

- What?
- You think so, Sarge?

You think it's all in his head?

I know it is.

And when I see him, I'm...

Hey, Sergeant Carter!
I'm glad you're here.

- Guess what?
- What Pyle?

It couldn't have been more than
ten seconds when Miss Tracy showed up.

Huh? Huh?

Pyle, listen to me.

You're phantomsizing! phantomsizing!
And it's gotta stop, okay?

But it's the truth. She only went shopping

and she forgot to tell Mr. Stevens
to expect us.

She was sorry as she could be
about the mix-up.

She sent me here
to fetch you back to her house!

You don't believe me neither, Duke?

All right,
I'll tell you what I'm going to do.

Listen to this. I'm going to prove to you
I've been telling the truth.

I'm gonna call and let you talk to her.
She gave me her phone number,

so you and the fellers come on with me
to the day room and I'm gonna call her.

Gomer...

Please, Duke, you just got to believe me.

You above everybody else. You just got to!

Okay. [sighs]

You're gonna be apologizing to me in about
three minutes. You just wait and see!

Curious, very curious!

Now what is it, Gomer?

I'm looking for the piece of paper
with her phone number on it.

Here it is!

[knock at door]

It's open! It's open!

What are you doing here, Pyle?
What do you want?

Sergeant Carter, I know you're mad at me,

- but could I talk to you for a minute?
- No.

- But I've got some good news, Sergeant.
- You're being transferred?

Oh, no, this is good news.

I just talked to Miss Tracy on the phone.

Take it easy, Vince.
Don't let him aggravate you.

You're right, Boyle. Pyle, get outta here!

But listen, Sergeant. She's coming to
pick us all up and take us home with her.

She's coming here to the base.

- Pyle!
- She is! She really is.

Oh...

Oh, then, uh,
maybe I'd better get ready for her.

Oh, one more thing, Sergeant...

Do I have your permission
to bring Miss Tracy on the base?

Of course, Pyle, of course.

Bring her anywhere you want!

Bring her to the barracks.
I'll be there to welcome her.

Thank you, Sergeant.
I'm glad we're buddies again.

- You do believe me?
- Oh, of course.

[Carter chuckles]

He says he's gonna bring her here.

- You think maybe this time...
- Are you nuts, Boyle?

He's caught up in a pack of lies!
He'll come up with another excuse.

You think he's flipped?

I don't know but it's time for the cure!
Come on.

- Where?
- To the barracks.

- What for?
- I don't know what this clown's cooked up,

but when he comes in with his latest
excuse for why she couldn't make it,

we'll be ready for him!

Did you have any trouble
finding the place, Miss Tracy?

Oh, not a bit.
In fact, it was a very nice ride.

I'm glad we're gonna get this whole thing
straightened out, once and for all.

The fellers should be ready now.

They were getting all spiffed up
when I left.

Did they finally believe you?

Well, it took a lot of doing,
but I guess they finally did.

My, my! Don't you look pretty?

Ain't they gonna be surprised!
Well, here we are.

[Carter] Who is it?

It's me - Gomer.

All right to come in?

Oh, sure, Pyle, come on in!

- Eyes, right!
- [men blow raspberry]

[surf music plays]

[laughter]

Could I speak to you men a moment?

Excuse us, ladies. [chuckles]

All right, you guys,
cool it down, will ya?

No raucous laughing.
This ain't a beer joint.

You're in the big time now,
so act accordingly.

No running and no horsing around the pool.

- We're just having fun, Sarge.
- Have all the fun you like,

but use a little decorum, understand?

- I don't wanna be embarrassed.
- Okay, Sarge.

Cool it down on the eats, huh, fellas?
One handful at a time.

You'd think you were starving,
the way you guys are going at it.

[laughter and chatter]

That's so funny, Gomer!

- Hey, Sergeant!
- Pyle

A beautiful party, Miss Tracy.
My compliments.

Well, thank you, Sergeant.

Gomer here was just telling me
how wonderful you've been to him.

Well, I do what I can for all the men,
Miss Tracy.

They're like a bunch of kids, you know.
They need constant looking after!

We're sure lucky to have somebody
like Sergeant Carter.

- There ain't nothing he doesn't know.
- "Isn't nothing," Pyle. Isn't. Not ain't.

See, Miss Tracy?
He's watching us all the time.

Yes. I have to keep my eye on 'em
every minute.

You never can tell when one of 'em's
gonna do something foolish.

[chuckles]