All language subtitles for Gomer Pyle U S M C S01E26 Double Date With the Sarge 1080p BluRay FLAC2 0 H 264-BTN_track5_[eng]

[marching band playing]

[male announcer] Gomer Pyle - USMC.

Starring Jim Nabors
as Gomer Pyle.

Also starring Frank Sutton
as Sergeant Carter.

[humming]

- [knock on door]
- [Gomer] Sergeant Carter?

What is it, Pyle?

[in southern accent] Hey,
can I ask you some advice?

Later, Pyle. I'm going into town.

Well, so am I, that's what the advice
is all about, goin' into town.

You want to know
how to get there?

No. More like what you do
after you get there.

What do you mean,
"After you get there"?

Well, I thought that you bein'
a man of the world and all,

maybe you could give me
some tips on what to do.

Well, maybe.

[exclaims]

Mmm-mmm!
That stuff sure smells good!

Just ask them at the PX
for my special brand.

I sure wish I could meet a girl
that smelled like that.

It's a very manly aroma, Pyle.

Must be some very lucky young lady
waitin' on you in town.

Pyle...

Do you really
want to hear something?

Well, yeah,
exceptin' if it's a secret.

I don't want to hear no secret,

because then if it gets out,
it'll look like I told when I didn't,

- so if you don't mind, Sergeant...
- It's not a secret, Pyle!

That's good,
because then if it gets out...

Do you want to
hear this or don't you?

I'm just standin' here waitin'.

Pyle...

I think I finally found
the girl who may be

Miss Right.

Really? What's her first name?

Diane!

Oh, Diane. Say, that's pretty.
And I bet she's pretty, too.

Yeah, comes from a very
wealthy background.

She's probably a debutante.

Well, think of that, a debutante.

Yeah, but she's very
independent, though.

She has a job at a bar.

That's nice.
Hey, if I see y'all in town,

would you kind of walk her past me
so I can say, "Hey"?

I don't think
I ever seen a debutante.

If we run into you, sure.

Now, I'll see you later, Pyle.

Sergeant, you never did tell me.

- Tell you what?
- What to do in town.

Oh.

I don't guess you'd want to tell me
where you meet girls

like the one you met.
That there debutante.

- Don't let this get around, Pyle.
- Yeah?

Well, there's this crazy,
wild group, see,

that plays Chinese checkers
at the USO.

Shazam!

You know that I've been lookin' all over
for a place to play Chinese checkers.

There ain't nothin' more excitin'

than a good game
of Chinese checkers.

Golly, Sergeant, I sure thank you.
Sure do. Chinese checkers.

I don't think I've played that
since I left home.

[horns honking]

$4, $5, $5.50.

$5.50 in tips all day.

- How did you do?
- I didn't even make that.

Boy, Dixie, you know,
we ought to quit this joint.

The tips are terrible,
and the clientele is rotten.

Isn't the clientele rotten?

Look, I always told you
the clientele here is rotten.

But it beats
workin' in the laundry.

Hey.

- Hey.
- Look, don't be fresh.

Oh, I wasn't bein' fresh, ma'am.

I said "Hey" on account
of I thought you said "Hey"

'cause you thought
you knew me.

Back home,
we say "Hey" to everybody,

whether we know 'em or not.
It's real friendly-like.

- So, hey.
- What language is that?

No, when this other lady
said "Hey" to me,

I thought she said "Hey"
to me because she was...

Will you just knock it off?
Will you knock it off?

- Say that again.
- Huh?

What you just said.
Say it again.

Knock it off!

That's it. You know you sound
just like my sergeant.

Like what?

What I mean is,
that's a compliment.

He's such
a nice feller and all,

even though he does
yell a whole lot.

Who's yelling?

No, it's just that, if you wanted
to sound like a feller,

you couldn't think
of a nicer one than...

I'm on my way to the USO.

Are you ladies
on your way to the USO?

What goes on there?

Oh, you're just pullin' my leg.

You know what I think?

I think you two ladies are part
of that wild Chinese checker crowd.

Huh?

Oh, you're just pullin' my leg.

Maybe I'll see you
later on over there.

So, hey for now.

Hey!

What was that?

He's either got
the greatest line I've ever heard,

or he's some kind of a nut.

I'm voting for nut.

You know somethin'?

I think he's kind of cute...

For a Marine.

- But you don't like Marines.
- I know.

Diane, do I really
sound like a sergeant?

Oh, well, you can find out for yourself.
Here comes mine now.

Hey!

[laughing]

That's your rich playboy?

Oh, he says he's only
in the Marines for kicks,

but don't let on you know.

He wants to be
just one of the fellas.

looky, looky, looky,
here comes cookie!

Oh! Not in the street!

For heaven's sakes,
put me down.

Oh, Vince, I'd like you to meet
my very best girlfriend, Dixie.

Dixie, this is
Sergeant Vince Carter.

Hiya, Dix.

Hi.

Ready to roll, babe?

Well, Vince,
you might ask my girlfriend

if we could drop her someplace
or maybe she could come along.

- Yeah.
- I think I'll go to the USO.

- What?
- What?

If you haven't tried it,
don't knock it.

Hey!

- Oh, Vince!
- [laughing]

Not in the public street,
for heaven's sakes!

Let's roll, baby!

[jazz music playing]

Hey.

Oh, hey, ma'am.

You decided to come over here
after all, didn't you?

Say, do you really think
I sound like a sergeant?

Oh, no, ma'am, it's just that
he's always sayin' to me,

"Knock it off, Pyle."

He says that because
that's my name, Gomer Pyle.

You're puttin' me on.

Private Gomer Pyle.
That's my name and title.

What's yours?

Dixie.

Hey, that's real nice, Dixie.

Won't you sit down, Miss Dixie?

I don't sit down with Marines...

Usually.

I sure am glad you come along.
Do you know that I couldn't find

a single Chinese checker player
in this whole place?

Oh, that's a shame.

What is it,
some sort of a Marine game?

I learned to play back home.

Just about everybody in town
back home plays Chinese checkers.

I bet you can't guess
where I'm from.

China.

China?

[laughing] Oh, that's a good one.

China, 'cause I play
Chinese checkers.

No, ma'am.
There ain't no connection.

- I'm from the South.
- No.

Yeah. Honest, I am.

What else
you got goin' for you?

Huh?

What do you do
besides the Chinese checkers?

Oh, well, there are things
that I generally do around town,

but I expect
you've done 'em all, though.

Like what?

Well, like watchin' them turn
the fountain on in the public square.

Really.

And then there's this
free organ recital on

at the First Community Church.

And there's a Godzilla movie on
that's right down the street.

What's a Godzilla?

Oh, he's this monster
that shows up from time to time.

Haven't you ever
seen him before?

I've seem 'em all, Godzilla,

and Son of Godzilla

and The Bride of Godzilla.

You sure
you never have seen one?

See, he's this monster that comes up
from the ocean floor and attacks cities.

And we're gonna do
all these things?

Well, if you'd like to, ma'am.

Okay.

Before we go, though,

do you mind if I asked you
a personal question, ma'am?

Uh-oh, here it comes.

I might have known.

Okay, let's have it.

Are you one of them debutantes?

Well, kind of.

I knew it.

The first time I seen you
on the street down there,

I knew you was
one of them debutantes.

'Cause you sure are
pretty enough to be one.

How long have you
been one, anyway?

[whistling]

[knocking on door]

Come in.

- Hey, Sergeant.
- What do you want, Pyle?

I sure do want to thank you
for that tip you gave me last night

about that there
Chinese checker crowd at the USO.

What?

Well, I didn't exactly find
that there crowd,

but I did meet
a real nice young lady.

At the USO?

Well, not exactly at the USO.
It was kind of on the way there.

- Oh.
- You see, I bumped into her

and she said "Hey."

And so I thought
she was just bein' friendly...

Great, great.
But I'm in a hurry now, Pyle.

I'm going into town.

Well, so am I.

We done all those
real nice things last night

like goin' to the Godzilla movie

and watchin' them turn on the fountain
in the public square.

Crazy.

Tonight she said she'd think
of somethin' for us to do.

I wonder what she'll think of.

Been to the petunia festival?

No, is there one?

Forget it.

You know somethin'?
You sound just like she does.

Wonderful, Pyle.

There's nothing I'd like better
than to hear about this date,

but I've got to go into town,
and I've got to call Diane.

- Diane the debutante?
- Yeah, yeah.

Hey, well, if you're goin' into town
and you want some company,

- I'm going in, too.
- I'm not going in right away.

Oh, I can wait.

Why don't you go ahead, Pyle?
Maybe I'll see you there.

Well, I sure would like
for this young lady to meet you.

You two bein'
so much alike and all.

Swell, swell.

Baby doll?

Lover-boy.

[laughing]

What time tonight, kissin' bug?

A double date?

Well, I know
she's your best girlfriend,

but I thought
maybe you and me could...

Yeah, Diane, yeah.

Sure. Oh, sure.

As long as I'm with you, baby.

Yeah.

As soon as I can get there.

So long, sweet lips.

[laughing romantically]

We were just cleaning the dishes,
and we're going out.

I never believe her anyway,
you know,

'cause she's always
doing something like that.

So I says to her, I says, "Dixie,

you want to double
with two Marines?"

'Cause you know how many times
I've asked her to double with me

when I've had a Marine
who had a friend?

- Hundreds.
- Yeah.

Later, Vince.

So I says to her, I says
"Dixie, what's this guy got,

this guy you went out with?"

And you know
what she tells me? You know?

- Mmm-mmm.
- She tells me,

- "I think he's putting me on."
- Yeah?

So, I just looked at her,
you know, and I said,

"Well, what kind of
a pass did he make?"

Oh, later, Vince.

And you know
what she tells me?

What?

She tells me, "He didn't make a pass.
I think he's putting me on."

Well, this guy I just don't believe.

[both laughing]

Oh, Vince!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

You know, sometimes you don't act
like a rich playboy.

You act just like a Marine.

Well, this guy
you're talking about,

what's his name?
Maybe I know him.

I don't know.
Dixie didn't tell me.

Well, what is-- what is he?

What is he? He's a private.

Look, I'm not gonna spend my whole night
with a knucklehead private!

What are we gonna do?

Oh, Dixie said
he likes to do kooky things.

- If he wasn't putting her on.
- Like what?

Oh, go to monster movies.

But no action, you know,
just eating popcorn.

- What else?
- Oh,

and watching them turn on
the colored lights at the town fountain.

Can you imagine?

- [snickering]
No.

- No, it--it can't be true. No.
- Are you feeling all right?

I've been good to my mother.
I haven't lied too much.

And when I open my eyes,
it'll all go away.

Don't look over that way.
Just stand up.

Maybe we can get out
the back way.

Hey, what's the matter with you?
There's my girlfriend, Dixie!

Hey, Dixie!
Hi, come on over!

Oh, hi, Diane!

Glad you got here!

Well, I thought
we'd never find you.

Why, it's Sergeant Carter!

Hey, this is gonna be fun.

A double date with the Sarge!

Well, I'll be!

Surprise, surprise, surprise!

Sergeant Carter!

Well, if this ain't
the nicest surprise!

- You sure look surprised.
- Yeah.

Yeah, well, sit down.
I guess everybody knows everybody.

We sure do.

You see, I bumped into these ladies
outside the USO,

and Dixie here says "Hey."

And I thought she said "Hey"
'cause she knew me,

so I turned around
and I said "Hey" right back.

Pyle, knock it off.

See how much
he sounds like you?

- Just like I was telling you.
- I sound like him?

What's the matter
with the way I sound?

- [groans]
- [Diane] You know what this proves?

You two bein' buddies?

That it's a small world.

I was just thinkin'
the same thing myself.

It's a small world.
It really is a small world.

Well, everybody always says that,
but this really proves it.

It's a small world.

It really and truly is.

Oh, boy.

I don't think I sound
at all like him.

Well, the person
hisself or herself

is always
the last one to know.

Like this girl back home,
Earlene Pridus.

Everybody in town thought
she looked just like me.

She was real tall and skinny.

Well, she couldn't
see it at all.

And the fellers all kept
takin' her possum-huntin',

and she kept wonderin' why
they never would kiss her,

and all the time,
it was because that she was...

Will you knock it off?

With your eyes closed,

wouldn't you swear
that was Dixie talkin'?

Look, uh, it's been nice
knowin' you kids.

- Come on, Diane.
- Hey, where are you going?

We're having dinner
with my girlfriend and her boyfriend.

And this looks like
a real fine place.

You can't eat here. It's a bar.

Yes, you can. State law.

Law says if you ask
for somethin' to eat,

they got to serve it to you,
even though it's just a slice of bread.

Well, who wants
a slice of bread?

Well, bread can be real good
sometimes,

especially if it's home-baked.

I'll ask the waitress
if they bake their own bread here.

Oh, miss!

Pyle, pipe down!

He yells at me like that
all the time.

I could eat a horse.

Uh, we'll go find
a place to eat.

- Come on, Diane.
- We'll go with you.

No, no, no, no,
you two stay here.

You got lots to talk about,
like home-baked bread.

When we find a place,
we'll call you.

Come on, Diane.

We're not going
to my apartment before we eat.

Diane!

Hey, maybe we could all
go over there later on

and play a game
of Chinese checkers.

It can be real excitin' with four.

Sounds great. We'll call you.

Come on!

Okay, but remember
what I said.

We're not going to
my apartment before we eat.

We eat first. Is that clear?

- Shh. Okay, okay!
- Okay.

That's your buddy?

Oh, he's more than that.
Ever since boot camp,

he's been like a mama
and a daddy to me.

I go to sleep at night
and wake up in the mornin'

just hearin' him yellin' at me.

Well, what do we do now?

Well, we'll just sit here
and wait on his call.

Sergeant said he'd call us

as soon as he found a place
that baked their own bread.

Don't you think
we should call them?

Uh, Dixie and what's-his-name?

Uh, later, baby.

Uh, they can join us for dessert.

- That'll be nice.
- Yeah.

I think he's kind of cute.

[light piano music playing]

I think he's a knucklehead.

I have to look at him all day long.
That's enough.

[Gomer] Hey, Sergeant Carter!

Hey, where you been?

Come on in! Sit down!

A person could starve to death
waiting for you to call.

How could I call you
when you didn't stay there?

Oh, I'd have stayed there all night
if it'd been left up to me.

Then why didn't you?

Because you may be
a mommy and a daddy to him,

but you sound
a little finky to me!

Now, listen, sister...

Now, you listen to me
and don't call me "sister"!

Look, I'm not gonna call you...

[arguing]

Now that we're all here,
let's order.

I don't like the menu.

What's the matter with it?

There are too many choices.

A really fine restaurant,
it specializes.

It's, uh, famous
for maybe one or two dishes.

You know somethin'?
He's right.

Back in our mess hall,
we got the best food you ever tasted,

and they never do
give you no choice.

They just slap it down
and that's it.

So why'd you come here
if the food's no good?

The drinks. Great drinks here.

That's why I want
you two kids to stay here

and have
a couple of drinks on me.

We'll go over
and get a table at Rivelli's.

That's real nice, Sergeant,
but I don't drink.

Fine.

I'll have two.

You're a doll, you know that?

Yeah, well,
so are you, buddy...

Look, sister, I don't want to put up
with you all evening!

Don't you two start up again!
Rivelli's. You can't miss it.

Yeah, well, who's worried
about us missing it?

Have a ball, kids.
Come on, Diane.

He sure is carryin' on
just to make this a real fine double date.

[light jazz music playing]

You know, this place
has a lot of class.

A lot of class.

Look, why don't we just
finish these drinks...

I'm not getting back
in your car with you, Vince,

not until after dinner!

Do you know something, Vince?
You've got no respect.

Shh. Okay, okay.

I respect you, I respect you.

That sure is funny
about Sergeant Carter.

Even though
he wasn't at Rivelli's,

I think we ought to have waited.

Sergeant Carter is a fink.

Do you hear me? He's finky.

He ain't no fink.
You just don't know him like I do.

He's a fink.

We went to Rivelli's, looked all over.
He wasn't there.

Besides, the food's
much better here.

- And he's a fink.
- He ain't no fink.

You ought to be in our platoon
for just one week

and you'd change your mind.

Your platoon's
got enough problems.

He's a fink,
and let's get a table.

Okay. But he ain't no fink.

You do not, Vince!
You do not know what respect is!

I do. I told you.

All right, then, what is it?
What is respect?

I told you...

Besides, you can't respect me
and not respect my girlfriend.

I respect your girlfriend.

I respect the whole world
except that jug-headed,

slanted-jawed excuse for a...

[Gomer] Hey, Sergeant!

He's here! Surprise again!

Yeah.

Didn't you say Rivelli's?

Yeah, but...

You're a fink!
Did I say it? He's a fink!

Now, look, you,
I've had about all I'm gonna take!

Shut up!

[mildly] It'll be four, Captain.

Well...

Here we are,
all together again.

What I think
we ought to do is...

No! The food is great here,

and my girlfriend
and her boyfriend are here,

and we eat!
You got the message? We eat!

Okay, I was just about
to say that.

Are we ready to eat, sir?

Boy, are we!

You're not just kiddin', Charlie.

May I recommend
the fillet mignon steak?

- You sold me.
- Make that two. Medium rare.

Why don't we all
have the fillet?

Hey, he'll order later with me.
We want to look some more.

Very well, sir.

Look at the price
on that fillet mignon.

Don't let that hold you back.

Vince is only a rich playboy
in the Marines for kicks.

Huh? A playboy?

I told you not to tell.

Well, if it's a secret,
I don't want to hear it because...

Why don't we all have
some more drinks?

Yeah, order some more drinks while we go
to the powder room to freshen up.

[people chattering]

Just tell me one thing.

How much money
have you got on you?

$4.08.

To get by without washing dishes,
order the tuna fish sandwich.

I'll order a glass of buttermilk.

When it comes, you say
you're not hungry and offer me half.

But hadn't you rather
have that fillet steak?

- Tuna fish.
- But it's a whole...

- Tuna fish.
- Tuna fish it is.

[exclaiming greedily]

Gosh, that sure looks good.

Mmm, smells good, too.

Ooh, isn't this marvelous?

Thank you.

Will that be all, sir?

Yeah, where are
the vegetables?

The fillet is a ia carte, ma'am.

Oh, you're kidding!

You can't eat without vegetables.
It ain't a meal!

It sure ain't.

I mean, it's just
eating plain meat.

What are we, animals?

Have the asparagus with
the hollandaise sauce, Dixie.

That's fattening,
lots of calories, you know.

I'll have that, too.

Ooh, do you know
what I'd just love?

Do you have a baked potato
with sour cream and chive?

- [waiter] Yes, ma'am.
- [Dixie] Oh, make it two.

And we'll order our dessert
when we have our brandy.

Very good, ma'am.

[laughs]

Semper Fidelis!

Say, I'd bet you was a Marine.

How'd you guess?

Well, it takes one to know one.

[laughs] World War II.

Well, ain't it a small world?

Why don't you pull you up
a chair and sit down?

Well, thank you.

I'll bet you had some
excitin' times back then.

Yes, Gung ho!

[Gomer] I studied all about that.

You fought in the Pacific.

No, I was a cook
in North Carolina,

but we had some times there.

Pyle, they brought
your sandwich.

Oh.

I am not very hungry.

Well, good.
I'll share it with you.

Well, anyhow, there was
this mess sergeant who had it in for me.

You know how sergeants are.
No offense, Sergeant.

And, we had this big argument

over macaroni and cheese
casserole. Well...

I just love these war stories.

[grunts]

The captain turns
to the mess sergeant, and he says,

"Sergeant, this is the best
macaroni and cheese casserole

I ever ate." [laughs]

That sure is a fine story.
And I admire your memory, too.

You remembered
every little detail.

Yeah.

I think we ought to buy him
a drink, Sergeant.

[muttering] Pyle!

Well, uh, wonderful
talkin' to you folks.

Uh, hope I run into you
again sometime.

I sure hope so, too.

You sure we couldn't
buy you a drink?

Pyle!

You know, Diane,
I think I ate too much.

Mmm, not me.

I could start all over again.

What could I have without
making a pig of myself?

Do you have any fresh fruit?

Well, fruit I could eat.

A-A-About this check...

[chuckling] Oh, no!

You think I'd let
two Marines pay the check?

It's on me! Everything's on me.

Huh?

Yes, sir. You're right, boy.
I'm your host.

Only trouble is, Sergeant,
you know, you don't eat enough.

You got to keep up
your strength.

Now, next time,
you order steak, hear?

Bye-bye. Buy bonds.

You know,
I think this is just about

the best double date
I was ever on.

[upbeat jazz music playing]

[sighs]

How are you, Sergeant?

Hello!

[chuckling]

Your first visit?

Yeah, well, the fact is
I don't usually come to the USO.

Tonight, I happen to be
a little broke.

- But no offense.
- Of course.

But now that I'm here,
I'm, uh, sure glad I came.

[chuckling]

Sergeant, do you play
Chinese checkers?

Chinese checkers?

Love the game.

Love the game! Let's go!

Come with me.

Lead the way.

I finally found a man
who loves Chinese checkers.

Have fun.

Sergeant Carter!
Well, if this ain't the nicest surprise!

Surprise, surprise, surprise!