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♪ It seems today
that all you see
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00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,273
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV
3
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:11,877
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,880
♪ On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,948 --> 00:00:18,250
♪ Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,319 --> 00:00:21,503
♪ Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
7
00:00:21,571 --> 00:00:23,154
♪ All the things that make us
8
00:00:23,223 --> 00:00:24,923
♪ Laugh and cry
9
00:00:24,992 --> 00:00:29,928
♪ He's a family guy ♪
10
00:00:36,704 --> 00:00:38,047
Well, Chris, looks
like another day
11
00:00:38,071 --> 00:00:40,105
of nobody joining us for lunch.
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00:00:40,173 --> 00:00:43,875
Yeah, we never should
have let that blind girl
touch our faces.
13
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,812
Attention, students
this is Principal Shepherd
14
00:00:47,882 --> 00:00:49,592
with the lunchtime
announcements.
15
00:00:49,616 --> 00:00:51,862
And, as a special treat,
I thought I'd deliver them
16
00:00:51,886 --> 00:00:55,220
in the rapping styleyou kids are soenthused about.
17
00:00:55,288 --> 00:00:57,723
♪ Later today, you're
gonna have a big thrill
18
00:00:57,791 --> 00:01:00,458
♪ 'Cause shortly after lunch
there'll be a fire drill
19
00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:03,028
♪ And when you go out
to wait for the bus, mmm
20
00:01:03,097 --> 00:01:05,463
♪ Go in orderly fashion
or your hair will get mussed ♪
21
00:01:05,532 --> 00:01:06,631
You suck!
22
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,433
No, you suck.
23
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,213
I can't hear you.
I just presumed
24
00:01:10,237 --> 00:01:11,915
somebody must have yelled,
"You suck!"
25
00:01:11,939 --> 00:01:13,504
Anyway, last announcement.
26
00:01:13,573 --> 00:01:16,608
Don't forget, it's timeto vote for HomecomingKing and Queen.
27
00:01:16,676 --> 00:01:18,844
Nominations are due
by 3:00 p.m. today.
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00:01:18,912 --> 00:01:19,912
Peace out.
29
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:23,164
No, you're a douchebag!
30
00:01:23,233 --> 00:01:26,768
Wow. Can you imagine
if one of us was
Homecoming King?
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00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:28,917
Then people would wanna
sit with us at lunch.
32
00:01:28,973 --> 00:01:31,940
Yeah, you should run.
I'll nominate you.
33
00:01:32,009 --> 00:01:34,109
You know what?
I'll do it.
34
00:01:34,177 --> 00:01:36,011
Maybe I'll surprise everyone.
35
00:01:36,079 --> 00:01:38,113
Like when you find out
a buttoned-up librarian
36
00:01:38,181 --> 00:01:40,449
is actually super-sexy.
37
00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:41,717
Excuse me, ma'am?
38
00:01:46,724 --> 00:01:48,122
♪ Hot blooded ♪
39
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,791
Yes?
40
00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:52,811
There's a dead
homeless man blocking
the card catalog.
41
00:01:56,667 --> 00:01:59,713
Well, last night's
episode of Suits
was bonkers, right?
42
00:01:59,737 --> 00:02:01,503
Joe, none of us
know what that show is.
43
00:02:01,572 --> 00:02:03,115
It was pretty crazy.
44
00:02:03,139 --> 00:02:04,617
There was this
one part where Suits
45
00:02:04,641 --> 00:02:06,720
was getting yelled
at by his lady boss.
46
00:02:06,744 --> 00:02:08,221
And then, she kissed him.
47
00:02:08,245 --> 00:02:11,346
Well, there goes
Jerome loading
the urinal up with ice.
48
00:02:11,415 --> 00:02:14,315
Gonna go play me
my melting game.
49
00:02:14,385 --> 00:02:15,995
Man, I'm starting to get drunk.
50
00:02:16,019 --> 00:02:17,019
Is it even noon yet?
51
00:02:17,087 --> 00:02:18,231
No, it's only 10:40.
52
00:02:18,255 --> 00:02:20,555
10:40? Oh, crap,
we gotta get out of here.
53
00:02:20,624 --> 00:02:21,890
That's when Taco Bell
54
00:02:21,959 --> 00:02:23,703
throws all
the breakfast food
in the dumpster.
55
00:02:23,727 --> 00:02:25,438
Can't let that
raccoon get all of it.
56
00:02:25,462 --> 00:02:26,673
Ooh, man, you're right.
57
00:02:26,697 --> 00:02:27,807
You know, this is great, guys.
58
00:02:27,831 --> 00:02:29,531
Drinking and eating garbage.
59
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,700
I'm glad we all took
a mental health day.
60
00:02:32,936 --> 00:02:34,653
Hey, where'd everybody go?
61
00:02:34,721 --> 00:02:38,001
I don't know where they
went but someone's
gotta pay this check.
62
00:02:38,025 --> 00:02:40,992
Damn it. They left without
me and now I'm
stuck with the bill?
63
00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:43,962
Man, who do those
guys think I am?
Mark Zuckerbrothers?
64
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,875
Seems like they do that a lot.
65
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:48,044
Tell you what, this one's on me.
66
00:02:48,068 --> 00:02:49,535
Thanks, Jerome.
67
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,848
Since there's no one here,
do you mind turning
the TV up?
68
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:54,640
That little Lamisil guy
always makes me laugh.
69
00:02:55,809 --> 00:02:57,142
Yeah.
70
00:03:00,748 --> 00:03:02,581
What do you think he is,
like, a Martian?
71
00:03:02,650 --> 00:03:04,149
Like, a little shoe-Martian?
72
00:03:04,217 --> 00:03:07,318
I don't know.
I just hope he ain't
down there in my shoes.
73
00:03:07,387 --> 00:03:10,923
No, he's loud.
If he were down there,
we'd know it.
74
00:03:10,991 --> 00:03:13,158
I ain't got no toenails nohow.
75
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,065
Hey, everybody, guess what?
76
00:03:20,134 --> 00:03:22,534
I'm running for Homecoming King.
77
00:03:22,602 --> 00:03:23,946
You're what?
Yeah.
78
00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:25,270
Neil nominated me.
79
00:03:25,322 --> 00:03:27,389
Why are you home
from school
and Meg's not?
80
00:03:27,457 --> 00:03:29,241
Has she taken a lover?
81
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:32,344
Well, the voting is tomorrow.
So I've gotta write my speech.
82
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:35,280
Luckily, Chris Griffin
rhymes with Homecoming King.
83
00:03:35,349 --> 00:03:37,332
So, I've got my opening line.
84
00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:41,598
Oh, my God.
Did you see
how excited he is?
85
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:42,732
Yeah, isn't that great?
86
00:03:42,756 --> 00:03:44,389
No, it's not great.
87
00:03:44,458 --> 00:03:46,769
Chris is not
Homecoming King
material.
88
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,705
He doesn't have
a chance of winning.
89
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,139
We gotta be at
that school tomorrow
90
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:52,242
to help pick up
the pieces
when he loses.
91
00:03:52,266 --> 00:03:54,066
Oh! My Hot Pocket!
92
00:03:55,001 --> 00:03:56,335
Ow! It's hot!
93
00:04:02,142 --> 00:04:03,825
Oh, that must be Jerome.
94
00:04:03,894 --> 00:04:05,205
What the hell is
Jerome doing here?
95
00:04:05,229 --> 00:04:06,605
We didn't order any drinks.
96
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:08,296
No, he and I got plans.
97
00:04:08,365 --> 00:04:10,282
We're gonna go down
to Carver High School
98
00:04:10,350 --> 00:04:13,318
and look at that mural
of black achievement.
99
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:16,988
They got a manila
folder taped over
Dr. Cosby's face.
100
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:18,667
What? Cleveland,
you didn't tell us
101
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:19,936
you had plans with Jerome.
102
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,726
Some things are my business.
103
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,195
You don't tell me
when you play
with yourself.
104
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:27,184
Well, if you
checked my Twitter feed,
I wouldn't have to.
105
00:04:36,660 --> 00:04:38,260
And if you elect me,
106
00:04:38,328 --> 00:04:40,907
I will be as gooda Homecoming Kingas a touchdown.
107
00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:45,317
And our final nominee
for Homecoming King
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00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:46,685
is Chris Griffin.
109
00:04:49,789 --> 00:04:52,457
Thank you.
I'm Chris Griffin.
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00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:54,926
Webster's Dictionary
defines smegma
111
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:59,364
as a sebaceous,cheese-like substancearound the head of the penis.
112
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:02,017
But what is a king?
113
00:05:02,086 --> 00:05:04,386
Oh, God, this is
already hard to watch.
114
00:05:04,455 --> 00:05:07,266
Like that Bourne movie
where they couldn't
get Matt Damon.
115
00:05:07,290 --> 00:05:10,186
We're facing
a bio-chemical attack
of untold proportions.
116
00:05:10,210 --> 00:05:12,154
Unfortunately,
Jason Bourne is
not available.
117
00:05:12,178 --> 00:05:13,445
Who have we got?
118
00:05:13,514 --> 00:05:16,047
We have the sixth-billed
guy from The Avengers.
119
00:05:16,116 --> 00:05:17,594
The arrow guy who frowns a lot.
120
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:19,017
Uh, okay.
121
00:05:19,085 --> 00:05:20,196
Does he look like Bourne?
122
00:05:20,220 --> 00:05:21,298
Yeah, yeah.
123
00:05:21,322 --> 00:05:23,366
He sort of looks
like a young Popeye.
124
00:05:23,390 --> 00:05:25,424
Well, sounds like he's
the right guy for this.
125
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:28,193
Yeah. Yeah.
126
00:05:28,261 --> 00:05:30,473
All right, students,the voteshave been tabulated,
127
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,710
so, if you could alllook up from yourphones for a minute,
128
00:05:33,734 --> 00:05:34,861
I'll tell you who won.
129
00:05:36,486 --> 00:05:39,287
Children, a man is talking.
130
00:05:39,356 --> 00:05:40,866
All right,
I better head
down there.
131
00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:42,302
I brought a bag of marshmallows
132
00:05:42,326 --> 00:05:45,154
and a belt for
Chris to bite on
during his meltdown.
133
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:49,113
And this year'sJames Woods HighHomecoming King is
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00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:50,314
Chris Griffin.
135
00:05:50,383 --> 00:05:51,983
Yay!
136
00:05:55,138 --> 00:05:56,304
Holy crap!
137
00:05:56,373 --> 00:05:58,623
I don't believe it.
Chris won.
138
00:05:58,692 --> 00:06:01,192
All right, now it's time
for these four poor kids
139
00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,606
to thank youfor subsidizingtheir lunches.
140
00:06:03,630 --> 00:06:05,229
Thank you.
141
00:06:05,298 --> 00:06:06,765
Mean it.
142
00:06:06,833 --> 00:06:08,399
Thank you.
143
00:06:08,468 --> 00:06:12,028
All right.Time formy car nap.
144
00:06:19,529 --> 00:06:22,030
Hey, there he is, the new king.
145
00:06:22,099 --> 00:06:23,765
I already called
and quit my job.
146
00:06:23,834 --> 00:06:26,579
Peter, he doesn't
get money for being
Homecoming King.
147
00:06:26,603 --> 00:06:28,804
Does he get land?
No, of course not.
148
00:06:28,872 --> 00:06:30,005
Does he get this joke?
149
00:06:30,073 --> 00:06:31,973
Shagadelic, baby!
150
00:06:32,042 --> 00:06:33,608
Ah, Austin Powers.
151
00:06:33,677 --> 00:06:36,344
Oh, very good.
Very good, my liege.
152
00:06:36,413 --> 00:06:38,458
Well, Chris,
since you're
royalty now,
153
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,714
I made your favorites.
154
00:06:39,783 --> 00:06:41,049
Dinner for breakfast?
155
00:06:41,117 --> 00:06:43,929
That's right.
Pork chops and
French onion soup.
156
00:06:43,953 --> 00:06:45,153
Oh, boy!
157
00:06:45,222 --> 00:06:47,922
Well, as King,
I shall eat this
breakfast
158
00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:50,692
on a tray in front
of Wheel of Fortune.
159
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:53,744
I'll get the TV tray,
Your Majesty.
160
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:56,459
How does nobody see
what's going on
with this Chris thing?
161
00:06:56,483 --> 00:06:57,626
What are you talking about?
162
00:06:57,650 --> 00:06:58,883
Well, it's obvious.
163
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,796
The only reason
they elected him King
164
00:07:00,820 --> 00:07:03,215
is because
they're gonna prank
him at Homecoming.
165
00:07:03,239 --> 00:07:04,651
Shut up, Hat.
That's my brother.
166
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:06,052
They're not gonna mess with him.
167
00:07:06,076 --> 00:07:09,144
He's the man.
He's got real Griffin
beef in those trousers.
168
00:07:09,212 --> 00:07:10,778
Meg, how can you be so sure?
169
00:07:10,847 --> 00:07:12,458
Because this kind
of stuff happens
170
00:07:12,482 --> 00:07:14,093
all the time to unpopular kids.
171
00:07:14,117 --> 00:07:16,996
They're just
trying to embarrass him
and make him look stupid.
172
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:19,754
You don't really
think they're going to
pull a prank on Chris, do you?
173
00:07:19,822 --> 00:07:20,900
I don't know.
174
00:07:20,924 --> 00:07:22,235
But if they are,
we gotta get down
175
00:07:22,259 --> 00:07:23,602
to that school and
talk them out of it.
176
00:07:23,626 --> 00:07:25,326
Good idea.
And luckily, I'm great
177
00:07:25,395 --> 00:07:27,028
at connecting
with that generation.
178
00:07:27,097 --> 00:07:29,914
Like when I went on
that campout
with One Direction.
179
00:07:29,983 --> 00:07:32,484
So they checked
into their hotel suite,
180
00:07:32,552 --> 00:07:35,119
but the mini-bar
had no sparkling water,
181
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:36,298
only still!
182
00:07:36,322 --> 00:07:37,522
Ah, stop.
183
00:07:37,591 --> 00:07:38,723
It's too scary.
184
00:07:38,792 --> 00:07:39,824
Oh, but that's not all.
185
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,559
They looked in the wardrobe
186
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:43,260
and discovered that the stylist
187
00:07:43,329 --> 00:07:45,262
had only brought
non-skinny jeans!
188
00:07:45,331 --> 00:07:46,843
Do you mean, like,
189
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,811
a Levi's 513 skinny-straight?
190
00:07:48,835 --> 00:07:51,903
No. Just regular
pants that fit normal!
191
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,172
That's not real, right?
Those aren't real.
192
00:07:54,240 --> 00:07:56,285
Of course not,
Louis,
it's just a story.
193
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,442
Well, I guess that
means these aren't real!
194
00:07:58,512 --> 00:07:59,622
Ah!
195
00:07:59,646 --> 00:08:01,023
Yeah, they're
gonna die in the woods.
196
00:08:01,047 --> 00:08:03,681
Simon, are they tagged?
They're tagged, right?
197
00:08:03,750 --> 00:08:05,461
Oh, they're tagged.
Good.
198
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,062
Simon, did I ever
tell you the one
199
00:08:07,086 --> 00:08:08,920
about the loose-fitting T-shirt?
200
00:08:08,989 --> 00:08:11,139
No, no, no, no, no!
201
00:08:15,479 --> 00:08:16,623
All right, if we want Cleveland
202
00:08:16,647 --> 00:08:18,190
to stop spending all
his time with Jerome,
203
00:08:18,214 --> 00:08:20,114
we gotta remind him
how much fun we are.
204
00:08:20,183 --> 00:08:21,449
So, let's just have fun.
205
00:08:21,518 --> 00:08:23,285
How do we do that?
I don't know.
206
00:08:23,353 --> 00:08:25,320
Little bit of this?
207
00:08:25,389 --> 00:08:28,490
Okay, that seems like fun.
What about one of these?
208
00:08:28,558 --> 00:08:30,158
Yeah, sure,
there's no wrong moves.
209
00:08:30,226 --> 00:08:32,472
What if I brush
my shoulders off?
210
00:08:32,496 --> 00:08:34,896
Original ideas are
preferred, but sure.
211
00:08:34,964 --> 00:08:37,649
Three fun guys, room for four!
212
00:08:37,717 --> 00:08:38,761
I don't know if
it's working, Peter.
213
00:08:38,785 --> 00:08:39,896
I don't know if it's fun.
214
00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:41,886
It's more than fun, it's foon.
215
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:43,688
That's a fun way
to say "fun."
216
00:08:43,757 --> 00:08:46,524
Hey, how foon would it be
if we waved sticks around?
217
00:08:46,593 --> 00:08:48,137
I really don't know
what we're doing.
218
00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,979
It's foon, from
the word before.
I don't see what's... Ah!
219
00:08:52,915 --> 00:08:54,660
All right, first,
let's take your
blood pressure.
220
00:08:54,684 --> 00:08:57,185
'Cause that's,
like, our favorite thing
to do around here.
221
00:09:01,274 --> 00:09:03,886
Okay, we all know
how much Cleveland
loves Tecmo Bowl,
222
00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:04,954
so let's start playing.
223
00:09:04,978 --> 00:09:06,355
I'm the Raiders.
I'm Bo Jackson.
224
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,623
And, hopefully, he'll show up.
225
00:09:07,647 --> 00:09:09,659
That's no fair.
Bo Jackson's too fast.
226
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:12,767
Guys, do we want
Cleveland back
or don't... Here we go.
227
00:09:14,371 --> 00:09:15,371
Bye-bye.
228
00:09:15,438 --> 00:09:16,882
See, Peter? He's too fast.
229
00:09:16,906 --> 00:09:18,984
You gotta tackle me.
It's "B." You gotta press "B."
230
00:09:19,008 --> 00:09:20,941
I'm pressing "B," he's too fast.
231
00:09:21,010 --> 00:09:25,946
Going over here.
Going over here now.
Never get tired.
232
00:09:26,015 --> 00:09:28,683
Change your guy,
Quagmire, change your guy.
233
00:09:28,751 --> 00:09:30,963
I'm trying.
Peter's cheating.
You're cheating, Peter.
234
00:09:30,987 --> 00:09:32,565
I'm not cheating.
I'm following the rules.
235
00:09:32,589 --> 00:09:33,688
I'm just really good.
236
00:09:33,756 --> 00:09:34,800
You're not really good,
237
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:36,591
you just got Bo Jackson.
238
00:09:36,660 --> 00:09:39,180
Bo Jackson
also played
professional baseball.
239
00:09:39,229 --> 00:09:41,262
Shut up,
Joe, everybody knows that.
240
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:43,331
Kansas City. Royals.
241
00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,433
Can't stop. Won't stop.
242
00:09:45,502 --> 00:09:48,403
Bo... Might... Go...
243
00:09:48,471 --> 00:09:50,505
All... The...
244
00:09:50,574 --> 00:09:52,014
Nope, going back the other way.
245
00:09:52,075 --> 00:09:54,119
What?
Are you going backwards?
Just score!
246
00:09:54,143 --> 00:09:55,555
Nah, I'm gonna
run out the quarter.
247
00:09:55,579 --> 00:09:57,456
I'm not playing now.
My controller's down.
248
00:09:57,480 --> 00:10:00,281
Seems like your
controller's been down
the whole time.
249
00:10:00,350 --> 00:10:04,652
Who's Veris?
You gotta switch out Veris.
Get it to Ronnie Lott.
250
00:10:04,721 --> 00:10:07,822
Pretty much anyone but Veris.
251
00:10:07,890 --> 00:10:10,258
Oh, no, I'm all
the way back here now.
252
00:10:10,327 --> 00:10:12,660
I'm in my own end zone.
What am I doing?
253
00:10:12,729 --> 00:10:15,463
Too bad I'm not Bo Jackson.
Wait, I am!
254
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:16,732
Ridiculous.
255
00:10:17,166 --> 00:10:18,833
Oh, yeah.
256
00:10:18,901 --> 00:10:21,336
There you go, Quagmire.
You're about to tackle me.
257
00:10:21,404 --> 00:10:23,444
- But then...
- Damn it!
258
00:10:24,407 --> 00:10:25,607
Less than a minute.
259
00:10:25,642 --> 00:10:27,642
Shut up, Joe!
260
00:10:27,711 --> 00:10:29,831
He's gonna do it.
He might do this.
261
00:10:29,879 --> 00:10:32,057
I don't know.
Lot of football
still to be played here.
262
00:10:32,081 --> 00:10:34,059
I'm hitting reset.
Don't you
dare hit reset.
263
00:10:34,083 --> 00:10:36,016
You hit reset,
you're banned for life.
264
00:10:36,085 --> 00:10:37,485
I hate this.
265
00:10:37,554 --> 00:10:39,432
Joe, do you wanna play?
Nah,
I like being this guy.
266
00:10:39,456 --> 00:10:43,891
A zig, a zag...
A touchdown! Yeah!
267
00:10:45,262 --> 00:10:48,029
I won the game.
And now I'm gonna jump.
268
00:10:48,097 --> 00:10:49,097
Bo Jackson!
269
00:10:51,334 --> 00:10:53,145
All right, if we want
to get Cleveland back,
270
00:10:53,169 --> 00:10:54,913
we should just put
out his favorite snack.
271
00:10:54,937 --> 00:10:56,404
An open can of tuna.
272
00:10:56,473 --> 00:10:59,633
Often, he'll come
running when he hears
a can opening.
273
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,309
Peter, stop.
274
00:11:01,378 --> 00:11:04,145
Yeah, I think it's
time we addressed
the elephant in the room.
275
00:11:04,230 --> 00:11:05,830
There's a simple
reason Cleveland
276
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:08,066
is hanging out with
Jerome and not us.
277
00:11:08,134 --> 00:11:10,434
Jerome is black.
And we're not.
278
00:11:10,503 --> 00:11:11,580
Yeah, I mean,
you can't blame him.
279
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:13,315
It's just a thing
they have in common.
280
00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:14,650
Something they can bond over.
281
00:11:14,674 --> 00:11:16,318
Well, I guess that makes sense.
282
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,754
I suppose people do
wanna be with their
own kind.
283
00:11:18,778 --> 00:11:21,273
Like the audience
at a Decemberists
concert.
284
00:11:21,297 --> 00:11:24,632
Good evening, white guyswho weigh less thantheir girlfriends!
285
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:36,311
God, lot of gym
teacher suicide memorials
in this place.
286
00:11:36,379 --> 00:11:37,823
All right, let's find
the coolest kids here
287
00:11:37,847 --> 00:11:40,093
and see if they know
anything about
a prank on Chris.
288
00:11:40,117 --> 00:11:43,067
Those chicks in
the skirts
look pretty cool.
289
00:11:43,136 --> 00:11:46,570
Hey, there. Brian Rockwell.
This is my friend,
Stewie Goldberg.
290
00:11:46,639 --> 00:11:47,839
What?
291
00:11:47,907 --> 00:11:49,384
I don't know my
way around the school
292
00:11:49,408 --> 00:11:51,687
so I figured I'd get
the deets from
a couple of seniors.
293
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:52,844
Download me.
294
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,256
Brian... It's not Goldberg,
by the way.
295
00:11:54,280 --> 00:11:55,646
We should ask about the prank.
296
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,059
I'm earning their trust.
297
00:11:57,083 --> 00:11:59,784
Hey, I'm new here,
but you know
what'd be crazy?
298
00:11:59,853 --> 00:12:02,954
If me, a guy,
went in the girls'
room with you two.
299
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:05,823
I mean, that would be...
That'd be so wild.
300
00:12:05,892 --> 00:12:07,502
We should...
We should totally
just go in there.
301
00:12:07,526 --> 00:12:08,592
Brian, stop.
302
00:12:08,661 --> 00:12:10,845
That'd be hilarious.
I'm in.
303
00:12:10,914 --> 00:12:12,124
Stewie, go wait in the car.
304
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:13,993
No, we are here to get
information about Chris.
305
00:12:14,017 --> 00:12:17,062
I said,
go wait in the
fucking car!
306
00:12:19,939 --> 00:12:22,340
They had security
guards in the bathroom.
307
00:12:22,409 --> 00:12:24,842
We live in such
a culture of fear now.
308
00:12:30,333 --> 00:12:32,077
Hey, guys,
what are you
doing here?
309
00:12:32,101 --> 00:12:33,779
And why are you
dressed like that?
310
00:12:33,803 --> 00:12:35,903
Well, we realized
you like hanging out
with Jerome
311
00:12:35,972 --> 00:12:37,338
because he's black.
312
00:12:37,407 --> 00:12:39,574
So we wanted you
to know we can be
black guys, too.
313
00:12:39,642 --> 00:12:42,755
Yeah, in fact, we
can even be famous
movie black guys.
314
00:12:42,779 --> 00:12:44,044
I'm Bagger Vance.
315
00:12:44,113 --> 00:12:45,446
I also am Bagger Vance.
316
00:12:45,515 --> 00:12:47,765
I'm Kazaam, from Kazaam.
317
00:12:47,834 --> 00:12:49,945
You really think
I'm only hanging
out with Jerome
318
00:12:49,969 --> 00:12:51,302
'cause he's black?
319
00:12:51,370 --> 00:12:54,405
I hang out with Jerome
because, unlike some people,
320
00:12:54,473 --> 00:12:56,991
he actually takes
an interest in my life.
321
00:12:57,059 --> 00:12:58,904
And he would
never stick me
with the bill
322
00:12:58,928 --> 00:13:02,397
by walking out
on me at The Clam.
323
00:13:02,465 --> 00:13:05,010
Well, we could have
come over and
graciously apologized,
324
00:13:05,034 --> 00:13:06,634
but we took a chance.
325
00:13:06,703 --> 00:13:09,063
That's what I like about us.
326
00:13:13,860 --> 00:13:16,780
Sucks we didn't find
out what kind of prank
they're gonna pull on Chris.
327
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:18,474
I know that book
is The Hunger Games
328
00:13:18,498 --> 00:13:19,808
with the cover taken off.
329
00:13:19,832 --> 00:13:21,499
Oh, look, something on TV.
330
00:13:21,567 --> 00:13:24,568
And finally tonight,a moving storyfrom James Woods High
331
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,015
where the student body has made
332
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,884
their Homecoming a special event
333
00:13:27,908 --> 00:13:29,890
for a very special boy.
334
00:13:29,959 --> 00:13:33,961
And this year'sJames Woods HighHomecoming King is
335
00:13:34,029 --> 00:13:35,029
Chris Griffin.
336
00:13:35,097 --> 00:13:37,064
Yay!
337
00:13:40,002 --> 00:13:41,380
That's right, Chris Griffin,
338
00:13:41,404 --> 00:13:43,471
a tubby spaz with
a heart full of dreams
339
00:13:43,539 --> 00:13:45,373
gets to feel normal for a night,
340
00:13:45,441 --> 00:13:47,775
thanks to the kindness
of his peers.
341
00:13:47,843 --> 00:13:50,411
Oh...
342
00:13:50,479 --> 00:13:53,625
I just see him walkingaround with his handsdown his pants all day,
343
00:13:53,649 --> 00:13:57,151
and he's justso fat and weird,so we feel bad.
344
00:13:57,220 --> 00:14:00,855
Yeah, last year,we did the burnt-up kid,so this was a slam-dunk.
345
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:03,135
Oh, my God. They just
elected him out of pity
346
00:14:03,159 --> 00:14:04,970
because they think
he's mentally
challenged.
347
00:14:04,994 --> 00:14:08,296
Kind of like we did
with George W. Bush, huh?
348
00:14:08,365 --> 00:14:09,430
Right?
349
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:13,078
I guess.
I guess, Brian.
I don't know.
350
00:14:13,102 --> 00:14:15,462
Let's just watch
some commercials.
351
00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:23,928
Well, that explains it.
352
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,930
The only reason
Chris is Homecoming King
353
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:27,877
is that all the other
kids feel sorry for him.
354
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,011
Do you think he knows?
355
00:14:29,035 --> 00:14:30,168
I can't imagine.
356
00:14:30,237 --> 00:14:32,052
And we can't tell him.
It would destroy him.
357
00:14:34,708 --> 00:14:38,609
Look away.
No one may meet
the King's gaze.
358
00:14:38,678 --> 00:14:43,681
So, hey, congratulations
again on that, uh,
Homecoming thing.
359
00:14:43,750 --> 00:14:47,384
Why congratulate me
on a right and
natural turn of events?
360
00:14:47,453 --> 00:14:48,798
Now, if you'll excuse me,
361
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,833
I shall select
three things from
Stewie's room
362
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,802
that I wish to be mine.
363
00:14:52,826 --> 00:14:55,259
There's a book in there
on how to eat healthy.
364
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:57,289
Why don't you take that,
you fat bitch?
365
00:14:57,313 --> 00:14:59,947
Well, he obviously
doesn't know
it's just a pity vote.
366
00:15:00,016 --> 00:15:01,527
In fact, this whole
Homecoming King thing
367
00:15:01,551 --> 00:15:03,717
seems to have just gone
straight to his head.
368
00:15:03,786 --> 00:15:05,897
I know, he's acting
like an arrogant jerk.
369
00:15:05,921 --> 00:15:07,121
Quiet, Rupert,
370
00:15:07,190 --> 00:15:09,624
it is an honor to serve
the King in this manner.
371
00:15:09,692 --> 00:15:12,092
Brian, this can't go on.
Chris is out of control.
372
00:15:12,162 --> 00:15:13,372
He's even more arrogant than
373
00:15:13,396 --> 00:15:15,246
an actor-writer-director.
374
00:15:15,315 --> 00:15:17,960
Well, my script
is brilliant and
I'm a great director.
375
00:15:17,984 --> 00:15:21,144
The question is,
how bad do
I want this part?
376
00:15:23,490 --> 00:15:25,530
Okay, I'll do it.
377
00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:31,912
Well, now we know,
378
00:15:31,981 --> 00:15:33,759
neither of us likes crepes.
379
00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:36,116
See, that's another thing
we got in common.
380
00:15:36,185 --> 00:15:38,352
In fact, you wanna
hear something crazy?
381
00:15:38,421 --> 00:15:39,720
Peter and the fellas think that
382
00:15:39,789 --> 00:15:41,556
you and I only hang out together
383
00:15:41,624 --> 00:15:43,257
because we're both black.
384
00:15:43,325 --> 00:15:45,725
Uh-huh.
But I told them
that's insulting.
385
00:15:45,762 --> 00:15:48,640
Why is that insulting?
People like to
be with their own.
386
00:15:48,664 --> 00:15:50,376
I mean, you don't
think I hang out with you
387
00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:51,810
because of your endless stories
388
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:54,779
about working
your remote control,
or your fat son,
389
00:15:54,803 --> 00:15:57,505
or how you once made a dog
shake it's head "no."
390
00:15:57,574 --> 00:16:00,891
I manipulated
the cheeseburger,
what, like this.
391
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:04,111
You boring, man.
But you black.
So, we cool.
392
00:16:04,180 --> 00:16:06,180
That's racist.
I'm offended.
393
00:16:06,249 --> 00:16:09,800
Whatever. I'll see
you around, Cleveland.
394
00:16:09,869 --> 00:16:13,237
Man, I guess this
whole friendship
was a bad idea.
395
00:16:13,305 --> 00:16:16,374
Just like Goodyear's
advertising strategy.
396
00:16:16,426 --> 00:16:18,759
All right, we have $14
million to play with.
397
00:16:18,828 --> 00:16:21,061
I say we spend it all on blimps.
398
00:16:21,130 --> 00:16:23,063
'Cause who do we
wanna reach? Drivers.
399
00:16:23,132 --> 00:16:25,243
And where are people looking
when they're driving a car?
400
00:16:25,267 --> 00:16:26,267
Straight up.
401
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:33,607
Squire, my chamber
pot needs emptying.
402
00:16:33,676 --> 00:16:34,708
What's he talking about?
403
00:16:34,777 --> 00:16:36,188
He's been pooping
on the waffle iron.
404
00:16:36,212 --> 00:16:38,957
Just plug it in
and close it,
it'll burn off.
405
00:16:38,981 --> 00:16:41,226
Look, Chris, you know,
being Homecoming King
406
00:16:41,250 --> 00:16:43,629
doesn't mean
you can just
start acting crazy.
407
00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:45,253
I can do whatever I want.
408
00:16:45,287 --> 00:16:48,589
I've been acknowledged
by my peers as
their superior.
409
00:16:48,658 --> 00:16:50,825
You're just jealous
'cause you've
never done anything
410
00:16:50,893 --> 00:16:52,844
that deserves
being elected King.
411
00:16:52,912 --> 00:16:54,356
Okay, you wanna know the truth?
412
00:16:54,380 --> 00:16:56,409
They only picked you
because they
felt sorry for you.
413
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,433
Sorry? Why would
they feel sorry for me?
414
00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:02,381
Well, because
they all think you're
a, um... You know...
415
00:17:02,405 --> 00:17:05,739
Groundskeeper-
at-a-public-institution
kind of guy.
416
00:17:05,809 --> 00:17:06,941
A what?
417
00:17:07,009 --> 00:17:09,460
A dope. An idiot.
A waterhead.
418
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,962
You guys don't know
what you're talking about.
419
00:17:12,031 --> 00:17:14,432
Tonight, when they put
that crown on my head,
420
00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,101
it's gonna be
the greatest
night of my life.
421
00:17:17,169 --> 00:17:19,837
Even better than when
I had my first kiss.
422
00:17:44,180 --> 00:17:47,548
I say, we were
a little hard on Chris,
but I'm glad we came.
423
00:17:47,617 --> 00:17:49,457
He's still my brother.
Hey, look.
424
00:17:49,519 --> 00:17:52,319
There's the security guard
that threw me out of
the bathroom earlier.
425
00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:53,932
And he's here with his wife.
426
00:17:53,956 --> 00:17:56,123
This is like a date for them.
427
00:17:56,192 --> 00:17:58,860
Good evening, fingerers,
and fingerees.
428
00:17:58,928 --> 00:18:00,672
Sorry, I hada little rumin the car.
429
00:18:00,696 --> 00:18:02,997
Anyway, please welcome
your Homecoming King,
430
00:18:03,065 --> 00:18:04,131
Chris Griffin.
431
00:18:07,870 --> 00:18:09,537
Good evening, subjects.
432
00:18:09,605 --> 00:18:13,924
The boys' shower shall run red
with the blood of my enemies.
433
00:18:13,993 --> 00:18:16,160
We believe in you!
Good for you, Chris!
434
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:19,229
No one clap too loud.
We don't wanna
frighten him.
435
00:18:19,549 --> 00:18:21,098
Wait a minute.
436
00:18:21,167 --> 00:18:23,867
And now, your Queen,prom nightcar-crash victim,
437
00:18:23,936 --> 00:18:25,419
Kathleen Fitzpatrick.
438
00:18:27,357 --> 00:18:28,389
Aw...
439
00:18:28,458 --> 00:18:29,890
We miss you, Kathleen!
440
00:18:29,959 --> 00:18:31,704
You're heaven's Queen now!
441
00:18:31,728 --> 00:18:33,277
Wow, she was hot.
442
00:18:33,346 --> 00:18:36,981
The Queen is a dead girl?
What does that make me?
443
00:18:37,049 --> 00:18:41,201
Brian and
Stewie were right.
This was a pity vote.
444
00:18:41,270 --> 00:18:42,836
We love you, Chris!
445
00:18:42,905 --> 00:18:45,705
You love me?You don't even knowanything about me.
446
00:18:45,741 --> 00:18:48,592
You just voted for meto makeyourselves feel better.
447
00:18:51,164 --> 00:18:53,898
She was on
PCP that night,
you idiots!
448
00:19:01,257 --> 00:19:03,724
Chris, I'm so sorry.
449
00:19:03,792 --> 00:19:06,538
That's okay.
You guys tried
to warn me.
450
00:19:06,562 --> 00:19:08,373
Sorry I was such a jerk.
451
00:19:08,397 --> 00:19:10,837
Ah, don't worry
about it.
Are you okay?
452
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,434
You know what? I am.
453
00:19:13,502 --> 00:19:16,953
I may not be King,
but I learned
I don't need anyone's pity.
454
00:19:17,023 --> 00:19:18,489
That's the spirit, Chris.
455
00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,892
And, hey, you're not
the Homecoming King,
456
00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,193
but you'll always be my brother.
457
00:19:23,262 --> 00:19:25,741
Thanks, Stewie.
It means a lot
to me to know
458
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:28,677
I've always got
my family looking
out for me.
459
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:32,537
Oh, hey, Chris.
This is Tyler.
460
00:19:32,605 --> 00:19:34,438
Don't make this weird now.
461
00:19:35,642 --> 00:19:37,642
What a gentleman.
462
00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:47,245
Well, Cleveland,
it's good to have
you back, buddy.
463
00:19:47,269 --> 00:19:48,869
It's good to be back.
464
00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:50,337
Hanging with Jerome was fun,
465
00:19:50,406 --> 00:19:53,140
but my best friends
are right here
in this room.
466
00:19:53,209 --> 00:19:54,587
Hey, to celebrate,
how about we play
467
00:19:54,611 --> 00:19:56,421
a little
old-school
Double Dribble?
468
00:19:56,445 --> 00:19:59,080
Okay. But no
stupid-ass shots
from the corner.
469
00:19:59,148 --> 00:20:00,425
Because that's
a glitch in the software.
470
00:20:00,449 --> 00:20:01,582
Game on!
471
00:20:04,220 --> 00:20:06,988
All right,
bring it up the court.
And, corner three!
472
00:20:07,056 --> 00:20:09,256
No, no,
that's what I'm talking about!
473
00:20:09,325 --> 00:20:10,325
Steal.
474
00:20:11,227 --> 00:20:13,193
Up. Corner three!
475
00:20:13,262 --> 00:20:16,463
All right,
here we go.
I got something cooking.
476
00:20:16,532 --> 00:20:18,372
Oh, you dropped something.
477
00:20:18,400 --> 00:20:21,102
Think I'll head
over in this direction.
Corner three!
478
00:20:21,170 --> 00:20:22,715
It's a rout.
It's a blowout.
479
00:20:22,739 --> 00:20:24,538
It's some bullcrap.
480
00:20:24,607 --> 00:20:26,647
Couple of nice
passes there... Hey!
481
00:20:26,676 --> 00:20:28,253
See?
Competitive ball game.
482
00:20:28,277 --> 00:20:30,277
What should I do?
Pass, and then go up...
483
00:20:30,346 --> 00:20:32,579
And, corner three!
484
00:20:32,649 --> 00:20:35,349
All right, enough of this mess.
485
00:20:35,417 --> 00:20:36,962
Shoot it.
Shoot it from there.
486
00:20:36,986 --> 00:20:39,798
The refs are
letting them play.
I do appreciate that.
487
00:20:39,822 --> 00:20:42,801
Yeah, that's
what I'm talking about.
Now, I'm playing for real.
488
00:20:42,825 --> 00:20:44,103
Yeah, you're doing pretty good.
489
00:20:44,127 --> 00:20:46,493
What play should I call now?
Maybe... Corner three!
490
00:20:46,562 --> 00:20:49,697
He's hot. He is hot.
Keep feeding that guy.
491
00:20:49,766 --> 00:20:52,266
Hi, nice to meet you.
Can I have that?
492
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:53,912
Hang out over here for a second.
493
00:20:53,936 --> 00:20:56,381
Corner three!
You gotta get
out there, Cleveland.
494
00:20:56,405 --> 00:20:59,573
I'm trying!
He's taking advantage
of poor technology.
495
00:20:59,642 --> 00:21:01,942
Lot of
dribbling. Swipe.
496
00:21:02,011 --> 00:21:03,911
Here we... Oh,
I hit the wrong button.
497
00:21:03,980 --> 00:21:06,700
I think you all know
I was going for
a corner three.
36280
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